Truwords - Personal Development With Attitude

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noreply@blogger.com (Wayne Mansfield) — Sun, 12 Oct 2014 01:34:00 +0000

Can You Spot These 10 Thinking Sins?

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 00:30:00 +0000

by Zen Habits
I wish I had a dime for every time I heard someone making a negative comment about me, about others, about themselves. That last is really the worst. I could retire on those dimes.

The thing is, life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You’ll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

As the Dalai Lama said, “The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.”

Let’s take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges (there are many more, of course) — get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn $X).

Problem: If you think you can’t be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, you’ll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied — we want more.

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn’t have to be some state that we want to get to eventually — it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.
2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

Problem: We’ll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful — in different ways.

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you — there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn’t even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I am a miserable failure — I can’t seem to do anything right.

Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them — keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you’ve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It’s an incredibly positive feeling.

5. I’m going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him succeed — he might beat me.

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can’t also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down.

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

7. You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like Johnny?

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we’d be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

8. Your blog sucks. It’s super lame. You should stop writing, because you’re a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

Problem: I’ve actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment (whether it’s on a blog or anywhere else) but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? There are a million lousy blogs out there — you chose to come to this one, and you are responsible for your own actions and their consequences. In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset, and certainly doesn’t help the blogger. It’s also not a good way to make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way — it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That’s a good thing.

9. Oh yeah? Well up yours too!

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences — for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more — why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them — and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

10. I don’t think I can do this — I don’t have enough discipline. Maybe some other time.

Problem: If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it — motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you’ll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.

SEE MORE: zenhabits.net

Life is an Echo

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 23 Sep 2014 23:55:00 +0000

Life is not being who you are.. Constructive Dissatisfaction!

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 23 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

By MAAHER SAYEED

It is commonly said that we need to be who we truly are. This is of course said in the context that we need not to be what others want us to be or spend a life trying to be someone who we aren’t. But does being who we are good enough? Is that a right goal for an individual living in a fast, progressive and competitive world?

We aren’t perfect people and most of us are far from being what we truly can become. We have several flaws in our habits, choices, behaviours and decisions. Some of us strive to do good and change while many spend a great deal of their lives with the desire to change but without any significant steps taken towards becoming better. A very good friend of mine once pointed out to me that one seizes to progress when they begin to believe that they are right about everything and have the best of opinions. That is absolutely true because one thing that is constant about our lives is “change”. And if we refuse change and accept the fact that we constantly need to keep learning and adapting to the knowledge we gain all through our lives. If we do not keep learning and keep progressing we invariably get clouded with stagnant opinions, old bad habits, repeating out mistakes, addressing the same drudgery and never making any serious gains in our life. In other words we live a reactive life and fall victims to what life throws at us.

But there are those who change the world, do great things within their own little worlds or do great things that leaves a major impact on several others. These are individuals who think beyond being who they are. They are constructively dissatisfied with themselves. They want to do better, change for the better themselves, they want better things in life, better family conditions, better jobs, better earning potentials, and progress. They fight the status quo, they feel the need to go beyond who they are and live to their fullest potential. These are not people who play the blame game. They take responsibility of their own lives and set out to do something with it. For many of them life is not about work, family, rest time, TV time, Beer time, and socializing time. They make time to do things differently. They take the time out of their lives to think, put the hard work required to change, self improve, learn, and progress. Some of them dream bigger, work harder, think smarter, make sacrifices, and move ahead from changing one aspect of their life at a time to another all through tier life.

Life isn’t fair or easy. No one ever has claimed to be so. From the richest to the poorest have their problems and moments of happiness. They each face their set of challenges and shattered dreams. Many feel trapped with unhappy relationships, stagnant careers, hard working conditions, bills and day to day living. But there are those who do things to fix the unhappy relationships with open and constructive discussions, change careers or take on a diploma or other courses to get better jobs, look for easier jobs, manage their finances better, and progress. They do not accept their conditions. They take life by its horns and make the necessary changes. These are the people who make progress and life happier and accomplished lives.

The key to such progress towards a better life begins with constructive dissatisfaction. And this begins with self. Some honest introspection about our choices, character, progress, life and potential often leads to a certain level of realization for self improvement. We often see and judge ourselves by what our potential is, but others see and judge us for what our actions and accomplishments are. Often there is a huge disparity between the two. If we truly are progressive people who love to live a successful and happier life, we need to bring these two sides of our lives closer. We need to bring our potential and dreams to meet with our actions and behaviours. There is always room for improvement, there is always a better way to do things. The need is to do it. We need to take the trouble to make things better from the inside out. Just dreams, desires, wishes and will always get us the same challenges, excuses, and same conditions of living. We need to get off the couch and stop finding reasons and excuses for our troubles and dissatisfactions.

We need to be constantly constructively dissatisfied if we truly desire to change our lives and become better individuals and live a happier and accomplished life. Ask yourself what are you dissatisfied about today and get up and take action towards changing it today. There is no magical Monday to begin a change. There is no “let me start that diet on Monday”. There is no Monday to begin a positive change. Great ideas and inspiration comes at the darkest times and way past mid night. And the action begins that morning or that very moment. There aren’t any magical prayers or miracles that will help change your situation either. If there was one, everyone would be aware of it and will all be having a great life. There is just one thing that will change your situation: the old fashioned and worn out wisdom of simple “hard work”. So stop being who you are and set out to become who you can be!

SOURCE: paradoxicalwisdom.wordpress.com

Quotes by Zig Ziglar

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 23:30:00 +0000

The Heartbreaking Cruelty of Comparing Yourself to Others

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 00:55:00 +0000

By Leo Babauta

We all do it: we look at what others are doing and wish we were doing that too.

Or, alternatively, we scoff at what they’re doing and judge them, and see ourselves as better.

One makes us feel bad, the other makes us feel superior.

Neither makes us happy.

Let’s take a couple of quick examples.

Example 1: Looking at Instagram

I’m not an Instagram user, but family members are, and I see the kinds of things that are posted: people going to parties, to the beach, having a great dinner, traveling, going on a run, doing yoga … generally living an amazing life.

If you were to look at these on a regular basis, it would be easy to compare your boring life (looking at your phone) to the incredible lives of your friends. Why aren’t you doing more? Why aren’t you eating more beautiful food? Why aren’t you traveling or exercising or doing anything other than what you’re doing right now? Why don’t you have a better body?

It’s not a fair comparison, of course. They’re not posting photos of themselves when they’re doing the more mundane things, including sitting around looking at their phones. They’re not posting about their anxieties or boredom, their arguments and procrastination, their insecurities.

But even if you do an apples-to-apples comparison — your highlights to theirs — what use is that? Do the highlights of our lives need to be better than anyone else’s? Why?

Do the highlights determine our happiness? Do they show us what life is about?

No: happiness comes from appreciating what’s in front of you, not wishing you were doing something else. You find out what life is about by paying closer attention to it, not wishing you were living a fantasy.

We don’t need to be better than anyone else: we just need to love where we are and what we’re doing and who we are. That’s what matters.

The comparisons don’t make us happier or appreciate life more — they make us feel horrible about ourselves. And that’s heartbreaking.

Example 2: Judging Someone Else

Let’s say I have worked hard to change my habits, quitting smoking and then taking up regular exercise and eating a lot healthier. I’ve worked hard to make myself into a healthy person, and I’m proud of it.

Then I see someone else who is overweight, who eats junk all the time and smokes and can’t seem to stick to an exercise plan.

One common reaction is to look at this overweight person and judge them: why don’t they stop eating all that junk? Go for a daily walk, eat some vegetables? They have no self-control! They are to blame for their problems.

So we judge them, and in comparison we feel superior for not having those bad habits. But this doesn’t make us happy: judging someone else only makes us dislike them. That’s not happiness — that’s shaking our heads in disgust.

We wish they were more like us, and might even feel some frustration that they don’t take action to do something good for themselves.

This doesn’t make us appreciate life more — it makes us wish it were different, and frustrated that it isn’t.

Instead, we might consider trying to understand the person. Have we ever struggled with habits? Have we ever felt bad about ourselves? Of course we have.

We know what it feels like to go through difficulty, to feel hopeless, to not think we can change. We don’t know what it feels like to be this person, but maybe we can imagine that they’re suffering, and we can wish for their suffering to end.

The Two Habits

In both cases, the comparisons led to feeling really bad about ourselves or others. This is heartbreaking, because we are good people, and so are they. It’s only in comparison that we take what’s wonderful and turn it into something cruel.

I propose two habits to replace comparison:

Appreciate where you are. Instead of looking at the lives of others, see the goodness in front of you. Inside of you. Appreciate each moment, one at a time, and be happy where you are. When you find yourself comparing your life to the lives of others, turn to the moment in front of you and find ways to appreciate it.
Seek to understand, not judge. When you find yourself frustrated with others, or judging them … instead, try to understand them. Are they going through a hard time? Are they frustrated? Sad? Angry? Feeling hopeless? Do you know what that’s like? When we understand a person, we let go of judgment.

With these two strategies, our heart comes to the right place. And we let go of the cruelty of comparisons, as unthinkably unnecessary.

SOURCE: zenhabits.net

Enjoy your Own Life

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 23:49:00 +0000

A Master Plan for Taking Back Control of Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

By Tony Schwartz

Here’s the problem we face, every day of our lives. Nearly everything that generates enduring value requires effort, focus, and even some discomfort along the way. At the same time, we’re deeply wired to avoid pain, which the body reads as mortally dangerous, and to move toward pleasure, the more immediate the better.

We’re also exposed to more temptation than ever. The world is literally at our fingertips, a few keystrokes away. It’s forever beckoning us, like the Sirens singing to Odysseus, who lashed himself to the mast of his ship to resist their call.The sirens sing to us, too: Have the dessert. Skip the workout. Put off the hard work. Surf the web. Check your email. Indulge your whims. Settle for the easy way out.

Thanks to researcher Roy Baumeister and others, the evidence is clear that we have one reservoir of willpower. It’s a highly limited resource, and it gets depleted by every act that requires its use.

So how do we take back control of our lives? What follows are the key moves we can make. It’s not all or none. More is better, but each one will help.

1. Make more of your behaviors automatic.

Because our willpower is so limited, our best defense is to rely on it less. Here’s how the brilliant mathematician Alfred North Whitehead put it: “Civilization advances by extending the number of operations we can perform without thinking about them.” A ritual is a highly precise behavior that you perform over and over, at a specific time, so it becomes automatic and no longer requires much willpower to get it done.

2. Take yourself out of harm’s way.

You can’t easily lash yourself to a mast, but you can selectively avoid temptations. If you want to lose weight, it makes sense to remove your favorite high-calorie foods from the shelves, and to tell the waiter at restaurants not to bring the bread. If you want to get challenging work done, turn off your email entirely for designated periods of time rather than try to resist its Pavlovian ping.

3. Whatever you feel compelled to do, don’t.

The more powerfully driven you are to take instant action, the more likely you shouldn’t. When the pull is intense, it’s likely you’ve activated your fight-or-flight physiology. That’s great when you’re actually facing a life-or-death situation and need to react instantly. In most life circumstances, it serves you better to reflect before you react.

4. Sleep as much as you must to feel fully rested.

For nearly 98% of us, that means at least 7 hours a night. “Fatigue,” said Vince Lombardi, “makes cowards of us all.” Specifically, it undermines our capacity for self-control, and we’re more likely to default to instant gratification. The best sleep ritual is not just to choose a precise bedtime, but also to begin winding down at least 30 minutes before turning out the lights.

5. Do the most important thing first in the morning.

That’s when the vast majority of us have the most energy and the fewest distractions. Our energy reservoir diminishes as the day wears on, which is why it’s so difficult to get to the hardest work late in the day. Conversely, the more focused you are, the higher the quality of work you’ll do, and the more you’ll get done. I often get more important work done during the first 90 minutes of the morning than in the rest of the hours of the day put together.

6. Eat energy rich foods in small doses at frequent intervals.

Food – specifically glucose – literally fuels willpower. Unfortunately, the body can only make use of a limited amount at any given time, so we need to refuel at least every three hours. Sugars and simple carbohydrates provide a surge of energy that doesn’t last, while lean proteins and complex carbohydrates provide a steadier, more enduring source of energy and therefore willpower.

7. Do one thing at a time.

With so much coming at us so relentlessly – emails, texts, people, and information – we assume the only way to get to it all is to juggle multiple tasks at the same time. In fact, moving between tasks creates something called “switching time.” When you shift attention from one focus of attention to another, the average time it takes to finish the first task increases by at least 25%.

8. Work in sprints.

Human beings aren’t meant to operate like computers, at high speeds, continuously. Rather, we’re designed to pulse between spending and renewing energy. The ultradian rhythm refers to a 90-minute cycle inside us, during which we move from a state of higher physiological arousal progressively down towards fatigue. Focus intensely, ideally without interruption, for no more than 90 minutes at a time. Then take a real break, for at least a few minutes, to relax emotionally, give the mind a rest and physically recharge.

***

Above all else, it’s critical to ground yourself in deeply held values. Knowing what you stand for is a uniquely powerful fuel for behavior, especially when the going gets tough, and the temptation is to take the easy route. If you’re clear about who you want to be in any given situation, non-negotiably, the songs of the Sirens aren’t so alluring.

SEE MORE: 99u.com

The Less you Give a Damn, The Happier you will be

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 18 Sep 2014 23:46:00 +0000

The Power of Passion

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 18 Sep 2014 00:29:00 +0000

by Rob White

Coach Benson, my high school track coach, loved to use the word "passion." Before every track meet, he'd begin with the same motivational speech: "Winning runners aren't philosophical, and they're not intellectual. But, damn, they are passionate! And do you know why they're so passionate? Because they're not interested in the 'why' of things, they're interested in the 'how.' Stop asking 'why can't I run faster,' and start asking 'how can I run faster.' Right now, as you're preparing for this track meet today, you contain more passion than you could possibly need to run your race faster than you ever have before. If you're going to win today, if you're going to win in life, you've got to be passionate about what you're doing."

Over the past 55 years, since I received this powerful message, I've seen it prove itself in my life and the lives of others in a thousand and one ways. Passion is the language of triumph. When you feel impassioned about your aspirations, you don't wait for things to happen -- you make them happen. And, you do that by constantly asking, "How can I throw all of my personal power into my aspiration so that I hit the mark?"

The impassioned person wastes no time on trivialities, never blames others for mistakes he makes, and gets excited about experimenting with new methods of achieving his goal. It's a fancy-hearted and fact-finding endeavor to live with passion.

Here are five things to do to help you live passionately, no matter what the conditions or circumstances may be:

Never identify with a setback. No matter how poor the results may be -- you are infinite possibility. Identify with that.

Never agree with a discouraging thought that works against your aim. Chase it out of your consciousness by reminding yourself that things aren't working out right simply because you're not thinking rightly. Now choose a thought that puts you back in command of things. One of my favorites is, "If it is to be it is up to me, and that requires flexibility."

Instead of dwelling on how disappointed you feel because you didn't achieve your desire, look deeper into the failure and demand that it explain itself to you. How can you refine what you're doing so you can achieve better results? Learn to by asking more and more questions. Become a collector of fresh information.

Put progress before pride, and you put your power of eager anticipation to work for you. Expose yourself to novel ways of doing things, even if it makes you feel awkward. Don't tolerate timidity.

Dare to exaggerate. Use more energy than you think is needed, but apply it effectively. Be patient. Remind yourself daily that energy used for "course correction" guarantees that you're heading in the right direction.

Conflicting and unchecked emotions are prime enemies of passion. Adopt even a couple of the above ways of putting passion into your day, and you guarantee progress in any area that you want to succeed.

SOURCE: huffingtonpost.com

Begin with the End in Mind

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 23:53:00 +0000

Things To Do When You Feel Stuck

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 00:10:00 +0000

by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Sometimes when we are trying our best to move forward, something comes along to block us. Here are ten tips to help you keep moving in the right direction.

Get out of the house or office. If you can’t get your mind clear, sometimes stepping outside can give you a new perspective. Getting some fresh air will enliven your senses, and your brain will start to think of new things.
Start writing. Turn on your computer, or get out a pad and paper and write down whatever is in your head. Once you’ve cleared out most of the extemporaneous thoughts, the ones you want will appear.
Work on a different project. If you can’t do what’s immediately in front of you, find something else to occupy your thoughts and energy. It doesn’t really matter what it is; you are taking this action to clear your mind by temporarily putting aside whatever you’re stuck on.
Clean your desk. Sometimes we have so many irons in the fire that we can get bogged down with what to do first. As you clean your desk, not only will you break a pattern of inactivity but you will find things that you’ve already completed and can put away. Doing so will give you some more room to process your thoughts.
Take a deep breath. You would be surprised at how many people hold their breath when they feel tense. When you cut off the oxygen supply from your brain and body, you can’t function as well. Breathing deeply a few times can reenergize you and give you that little extra bit of clarity that you need.
Take a shower. Even if it’s the middle of your day, a shower can change your perspective and help you get going. We all feel better when we get clean, and though it seems like a small step, it may be just the trick you need to get back on a positive path.
Call a good friend. Hearing the voice of someone you care about and spending a few minutes getting involved in his or her world can give you a new outlook on yours. Making this positive emotional connection may be just what you need to get moving again.
Move your body. Dance, get up and walk around the room, pick up your clothes, or do some exercise. Get those endorphins circulating through your brain. Being sedentary retards your ability to come up with new ideas.
Read. Someone else’s words of wisdom can give you some new ideas. Reading can also help you relax and recharge your mental batteries.
Listen to your heart. What is it trying to tell you about where you are and what you are attempting to do? Perhaps there is a missing piece that will help you solve the puzzle.

We all get stuck in our thoughts and actions from time to time. The key is not to let it continue any longer than necessary. The sooner you can free your thoughts, the better you will feel.

SOURCE: psychologytoday.com

When Nothing goes Right... go Left

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 23:37:00 +0000

How to Believe in Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 02:30:00 +0000

By Leo Babauta

There was a long time when the lack of belief in myself was a major factor in my life.

I didn’t pursue an ideal career, or start my own business, because I didn’t think I could. I didn’t stick to habits because I didn’t really believe I had the discipline. I was shy with girls, I had a hard time making new friends, I didn’t assert myself in the workplace. I didn’t push past my comfort zone.

All because I didn’t really believe I could.

While I’m not free of self-doubt these days, I can honestly say I believe in myself like never before. That doesn’t mean I think I’ll never fail or quit: I will. Probably often.

And that’s OK.

The trick is that I learned it’s completely fine to try and fail, to put yourself out there and not be perfect, to say hello to someone and have them not instantly love you, to create something and have people judge you.

Failure, not being perfect, mistakes, not having people agree with me, not being completely accepted: these are not negative things. They’re positive.

How is failure positive? It’s the only way we truly learn. For example: you can read a book on math, but until you try it and fail, you’ll never see where your lack of understanding is. The best way to learn something is to study it a bit, then try it, take practice tests, make mistakes, then learn some more.

How are mistakes positive? They’re little pieces of feedback necessary to grow and learn.

How is being rejected positive? It means I’m growing beyond the absolutely socially acceptable realm. The best people in history were not socially acceptable: truth-tellers like Socrates, Jesus, Gandhi, Proudhon and Bakunin, Martin Luther King Jr., animal rights philosopher Peter Singer, unschooling pioneer John Holt, women’s rights activists, abolitionists, and many more.

These things we’re afraid of — they’re actually desirable. We need to learn to see them that way, and embrace them, letting go of the fear.

When we can get better at this — which takes a lot of practice — we can start to remove the things that hold us back.

So practice:

Push past your discomfort, growing your discomfort method.
Put yourself out there, and be OK with not knowing if people will accept you.
Stick to a habit, not listening to the negative self-talk that normally holds you back.
Stick to it some more, and learn to trust yourself.
Go into situations not knowing, and learn to be OK with that.
Learn through repeated attempts that it’s OK to fail, that you can be OK in failure.
Learn through repeated experiments that you are stronger than you think, that you are more capable and more tolerant of discomfort than you think.

And in this practice, you will find yourself. And realize that you were great all along.

SOURCE: zenhabits.net

Photographs

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 00:03:00 +0000

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 01:00:00 +0000

By Cheryl Conner

For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”

However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

READ MORE: forbes.com

Do What is Right, not What is Easy

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 00:45:00 +0000

Grow Your Gratitude: Six Easy Steps for Smart People

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 00:50:00 +0000

by Michael Feeley

What's the state of your personal gratitude account? Maxed or empty?

How much appreciation and thanks do you have in your mind and heart right now? How conscious and active are you in growing, expressing and maintaining your gratitude?

If you could be 30 percent happier and stronger and you knew working on your own personal gratitude was the answer, would you invest all you could?

In Praise of Gratitude, from the Harvard Mental Health Letter, states:

...gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships...regardless of the inherent or current level of someone's gratitude, it's a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.

Cultivating gratitude is the smart and easy way to enrich your life.

Gratitude benefits
Gratitude is a positive and natural emotion. And...It's also free. It costs you nothing but time and your personal daily commitment.

As hard and challenging as life is with moment to moment tensions, stress, anxieties, the qualities of gratitude are always in you -- thankfulness, giving, kindness and appreciation. You can connect with them instantly and feel better by being grateful.

You'll profit by shifting your attention from the dark of your life to ease and abundance. Expressing gratitude reduces troubles and promotes goodness.

If you have photos you like, a favorite piece of music, spending time with family or friends, whatever you do to have honest pleasure, that's gratitude. It has meaning and powerful effects on you.

Liking things, appreciating what's good increases self-esteem and reduces fears. It builds hope and joy.
When you're thankful you're confident and happier.

Gratitude always increases you. You're more yourself. Not less. Smart people get gratitude. It's a daily part of their healthy life styles. Gratitude is precious stuff and should be vigilantly taken care of in yourself and others.

Ingratitude or courage

What effect do you think ingratitude has on your mind and heart?

Anger, selfishness, resentment, ill will, dishonesty, bitterness, coldness, manipulation, greed.

These negative emotions weaken and drag you down; annihilating your deepest hope for happiness. Gratitude promotes life. It's optimistic. Practical. It takes courage and brains to be grateful. We all suffer at times. I'm not saying ignore sadness or pain but stop and think about gratitude.

Finding one thing you like or can learn from the person causing you grief or the impossible situation you're living through counters your unhappiness -- opposes negativity -- pulls you away from trouble and gives new perspective.

Gratitude clears the way for positive choice and change. It motivates and moves you into a higher place so you feel better. Hopeful. Strong.

When you appreciate things you're kinder. Gratitude boosts you physically and emotionally.

Gratitude makes you rich

When you're hungry, you feel weak. As soon as you eat you feel stronger, more alert and alive.

Nourishing yourself with gratitude does the same thing. It builds up your entire body, mind and spirit.

You have a mammoth gratitude savings account in you to deposit as much good feeling, thanks, and positive emotions as you like. It's your personal reserve for strength and happiness -- open for business 24/7/365.

If I'm stressed, tired, overwhelmed with work or projects, I tap right into my gratitude and write it down:

"I'm grateful for stars at night...grateful for good health...grateful for having true love these past 19 years...blue sky, fresh water, the joy my dog 'Tulla' always shows me and others."

Immediately I get some peace and clarity. Then I move about, get unstuck and breathe more deeply. I'm enhanced and enriched. I'm more than I was. More myself.

Gratitude frees me; relaxes and powers me up with purpose. I think better and I'm happier.

Happens every single time for me and it's not Life Coaching *bibbity bobbity boo* magic. It's scientific.

My life is immensely good because I study, practice and benefit from the emotion of gratitude

Six strategic steps to fill up your gratitude account

1. Call it *intentional gratitude* or *conscious appreciation* but build a new habit of expressing gratitude frequently. It will make you feel fortunate, powerful and kind.

2. Create a specific daily mantra for yourself -- a prayer, wish, vow or commitment --
'I am grateful for_______________'. Have it in your mind. Say it to people. Write it in notes and emails.

3. *Thank you* takes one second to say. Consciously look to express it and do good things often. Don't miss an opportunity to be grateful.

4. Start a Daily Gratitude Journal - Write 3 things you're grateful for every night before bed.

5. How does gratitude live in the world? Look for examples in music, art, literature, daily life, history, people you see and know.

6. Acknowledge negativity and counter it with genuine appreciation and thanks.

"The single greatest thing you can do to change your life today would be to start being grateful for what you have right now. And the more grateful you are, the more you get." -- Oprah

SOURCE: huffingtonpost.com

Be Happy, It Drives People Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 22:32:00 +0000

7 Rules That Keep My Life Simple

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 02:46:00 +0000

By Leo Babauta

I enjoy creating a few simple rules to live by that take away some of the overwhelming decision making we need to make every day.

Pre-think these decisions, formulate them into rules, and then just follow them, freeing your brain for more important decisions.

Why should we need to give so much thought to what we’ll wear and eat, how we’ll exercise and handle email, when these are things we do every single day?

So I’ve been crafting a few rules that keep my life simple, so I don’t need to think about the little things so much.

These rules change, depending on my life circumstances — what I’m working on, where I am, what else is going on, etc.

And I don’t get mad at myself if I need to bend a rule now and then … but try to stick with them as a general principle.

So here are the rules that have been working for me lately:

Clear my email inbox every Friday. I generally keep my email inbox to 5-10 emails (except when I’m traveling) or often fewer, but a handful of them stick around because I don’t want to answer them or there are too many little things I need to do in order to answer the email. So they hang around in my inbox all week, dragging on me mentally. My habit has been to clear out the inbox on Friday — answer the emails I’ve been putting off, take care of the little actions, archive ones I just know I won’t answer. It’s beautiful — a clear inbox is so nice. Then more emails come in almost immediately, and that’s OK … I don’t need a clear inbox all the time, and I purposely leave 2-3 in the inbox all week because I don’t want to obsess over having a clear inbox all the time. Just once a week.
Clear my Instapaper queue every Sunday. I like to read long-form articles online, but I can waste so much of my day reading them that I’ve gotten into the habit of making myself not read them during my peak productivity hours, and instead I just save them to Instapaper for reading later (others like Readability, Pocket, Safari’s read-later feature … they’re all the same). This means I can have 10-20 articles in my queue, which I’ll read when I have spare time (waiting in line or on the train, for example). But they pile up, and I’ve learned that if I leave the articles in the queue, I’ll never read them. So I make a point, every weekend, to clear out my Instapaper queue. I read as many as possible (usually Sundays) and then clear out the ones I don’t think I’ll get to. I leave 2 articles in the queue at the end of every Sunday, so I always have something to read.
Get the important stuff done before anything else. Email, online reading, social media, etc. … these can eat up your entire day if you let them. So I make sure I get to the most important stuff, which can get pushed back and back until you don’t have the time or energy to actually do them. For me, this means meditation and writing, along with some distraction-free reading, before I get to email or the rest.
Wear the same thing every day. I have a handful of clothes I wear: grey or black T-shirts, with my one pair of jeans (or shorts, if I’m at home). I can throw any of the shirts on with my jeans or shorts, so I don’t think about what I wear. Side note: I also don’t worry about my hair, as I shave it weekly. This rule isn’t for everyone, obviously!
Eat the same thing every day. Honestly, I’ve long been a foodie, and I really love food, but I discovered that eating out at delicious restaurants and cooking gourmet meals not only is bad for your waistline and your wallet, but takes up so much time and energy. So I reserve those things for special days, and the rest of the time I just eat the same exact meals almost every day. The specific meals change over time, but I’ll generally eat the same meal for lunch and dinner for about 6 months or longer. This isn’t for everyone, I know. Recently I’ve been eating tempeh with veggies every day, two meals a day (I eat steel-cut oats with berries and flaxseed for breakfast only on strength-training days). Before that it was tempeh. Before that, scrambled tofu, and before that three-bean chili. Lots of veggies means huge health benefits. I don’t eat lots of grains, and snack on fruits. I only eat the sweets or refined grains socially, on those special days, and honestly I don’t miss them at all. The main point isn’t in the specifics — it’s that I cook the food in big batches and eat that food for about 3-4 days.
Put limits on certain things. There are things I really enjoy, but I’ve found that if I overdo them, they’re not so good for me. And because I like them so much, I tend to overdo them. So moderation through limits. Some examples: I limit my online reading to two 30-minute sessions a day, and recently I’ve limited myself to one (1) glass of red wine in the evening, half (1/2) a cup of coffee in the morning, two (2) sweets on the weekends. These might change over time, but right now they’re working brilliantly. I enjoy the things, but don’t overdo them.
Treat an activity like a sacred ritual. This is the part I forget the most, but I’ve been getting better at remembering. Here’s the idea: every single thing we do can be done as an afterthought, like something you’re just getting through to get to something more important … or it can be elevated to something sacred, like performing sacred rites. Washing your hands? Take a moment to realize how much of a miracle this act is (many people don’t have water for basic hygiene), take a breath, and truly pay attention as you go through this sacred hand-washing ritual. Do your dishes the same way: every dish a miracle, every sensation elevated to a new importance, every drop of water a gem worth paying attention to. This applies to every activity: writing, responding to an email, listening to a friend, playing with your child, taking a shower, going for a walk, paying bills. Worthy of your full attention, worthy of joy and appreciation.

In actuality, I forget to follow some of these rules sometimes, but when I remember, things are much simpler. And so I endeavor to remember.

READ MORE: zenhabits.net

The Secret to Creativity is Knowing How to Hide your Sources

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

The World Is Your Reflection!

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 00:54:00 +0000

There is a story they tell of two dogs…

Both at separate times walk into the same room.One comes out wagging his tail while the other comes out growling.
A woman watching this goes into the room to see
what could possibly make one dog so happy and the other so mad.
To her surprise she finds a room filled with mirrors.
The happy dog found a thousand happy dogs looking back at him
while the angry dog found a thousand dogs growling back at him.
What you see in the world around you is a reflection of who you are.

SOURCE: livingggood.com

For Every Minute you're Angry, You Lose 60 Seconds of Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 00:26:00 +0000

We All Need Alone Time: Do You Allow Yourself to Recharge?

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

By Michael Davidson

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the world.” ~Marcus Aurelius

At the end of August I moved to Madison, Wisconsin. This was my second major move in a year.

In both cases, I was separated from almost my entire prior social network. After college, making friends seems like a totally different ball game.

Here in Madison, I wake up before five in the morning to go to work and don’t get back until six or seven on most days of the week. This leaves me feeling exhausted, but it hasn’t stopped me from going out and socializing fairly often.

In many cases, too often.

I’m somewhat of an introvert, and I very much need my alone time. But the “need” to be social and make new friends as quickly as possible seems to be winning out most of the time.

That compulsion to establish and strengthen new friendships makes sense; positive relationships are one of the most surefire ways to increase our happiness. But when it comes at the expense of a good diet, sleep, and (most of all) a chance to recharge our circuits after a long day, it can become a problem.

Acknowledge Your Need To Recharge

Unless you are the most extroverted of extroverts, you need at least some alone time.

But in this age of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), it can be incredibly challenging to “sacrifice” your social time. And for what? To feel lonely?

Well I’ve got news for you: there is a difference between being lonely and being alone.

In fact, many individuals who don’t take the necessary time to recharge end up feeling isolated, despite always being with others. There are many times where I’ve been “out of it” while hanging out with friends because I haven’t taken time to recharge. So what are we to do?

The key is to recognize our need for constant external validation and squash it like a bug. That’s easier said than done, of course. But by getting ourselves on the right path, we can make it drastically easier to build that downtime into our schedules.

Think of it this way: there won’t always be people around for you to hang out with, so you’ll need to learn to be happy by yourself anyways.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not preaching that we should all withdraw ourselves from the rest of the world. What I am saying is that we should minimize our need for external validation so that we can find time to recuperate from the many stressors we experience on a daily basis.

This is time where you make an active effort to get to know yourself and your values. You are alone because you choose to be alone at that moment, and you know that you can enjoy yourself even without company.

How To Be Happy Alone

There are a number of things you can do to optimize your time alone.

1. Let go of your FOMO.

Fear of missing out is an incredibly common problem these days. People only post their greatest moments on Facebook, so you constantly feel like there are amazing things happening that you are not a part of.

Learn to reframe these thoughts, and realize that you can easily have just as much fun as your friends who are going out. Instead of thinking, “I can’t believe I’m missing X”, think “now would be a perfect time for a rejuvenating workout.”

2. Meditate on your values.

When you are alone, spend some time considering whether you are happy and if you are acting congruently with your values. Not only will this increase your overall happiness, but it will also help you use your time better.

Spending so much of your free time with others may be taking too much time away from other things you consider priorities. It’s important to me that I spend time writing, but since my most recent move I haven’t been congruent. Spending so much time going out distracted me from my goals.

Your alone time can help you recognize if the same is true for you—and help you change it.

3. See your alone time as an opportunity to take good care of yourself.

This means exercising, eating right, getting enough sleep, and finding ways to manage your stress. The most common excuse for not taking care of ourselves is that we don’t have enough time. Combine this with your alone time and you will!

This will also have a positive effect on the time you spend with your friends. The better you take care of yourself, the better you’ll be in your relationships with others.

4. Minimize your exposure to negativity.

Reading the news in my alone time, while interesting, is a very easy way to worsen my mood. Limit the amount of time you spend absorbing these negative messages and the time will be a more positive experience.

Some Ideas to Enjoy Your Alone Time

1. Try new hobbies.

Hobbies allow you to develop your skills and to experience the much sought after “flow” state. I recommend writing, but there are a million other things you can try, like cooking. We all have such an intimate relationship with food. Cooking can be an immensely pleasurable experience, and it also allows you to better control what you are putting in your body. Win-win!

2. Spend time outdoors or appreciating beauty.

Take a walk by yourself, watch some clouds drift past, or enjoy someone’s street art. When you are with others, you may feel a need to rush by, but alone you are unencumbered. There is a lot of beauty out there to appreciate, so don’t miss out.

3. Do some people watching.

Observing other peoples’ behavior can be wildly entertaining, but it can also be a cathartic experience. People watching can help give you a better understanding of yourself and of how humans act.

Get More from Your Social Time

Learning to be happy alone is not about becoming a hermit; in fact, properly applied, it will help you appreciate the time you spend socializing even more.

How? Two ways. First is simple economics; make something more scarce, and its value goes up. In other words, you will enjoy being with your friends more if you don’t hang out with them all the time.

But more importantly, when you are alone, you can better get to know yourself and your values. This self-awareness translates into more authentic connections with others.

When you are with other people, cherish that time. Really try to make the most of it and connect with whoever you are with.

But know that at the same time, you would be perfectly content to just sit on your couch and have a cup of tea while watching old X-Files episodes. Allowing yourself to recharge in this way will help you and your relationships to grow.

SOURCE: tinybuddha.com

Don’t Waste a Moment

noreply@blogger.com (KGee) — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 02:34:00 +0000

By Leo Babauta

Lately I’ve been struck with the idea of how limited our lives are, and how little time we have to make something of them.

Imagine if you had a month to live: how would you spend it?

You could spend it with the people you love, soaking up time with them, really paying attention to every word they said. You could go out and have some amazing experiences, explore the world. You could spend it learning as much as you can, in books and by studying life itself.

You could create something. You could make the world better. You could put your stamp on the world by creating art, or making people’s lives better.

Any of those choices, or a combination of them, would be a worthy way to spend that month.

What wouldn’t be worthy, in my opinion: watching crappy TV (a few really good shows during the month might be an exception), constantly being distracted, constantly reading the news and social media, being mean or selfish all the time, shopping, feeling unmotivated and doing nothing with that time, worrying, regretting.

You could argue that any of those latter activities are worthwhile, and that’s fine — the point is to decide what’s worthy of your final month of living.

Make a choice. Decide what you’ll squeeze into those precious few days, because you don’t have many of them.

Each moment is limited, fleeting, precious. Let’s not waste another one.

Let’s live each moment, in love with life.

‘I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.’~Pablo Neruda

SOURCE: zenhabits.net