Like a baby bird chirping desperately for its mother’s return to the nest to bring the food that will keep it alive, there is a yearning that lives within you, and it calls incessantly. It can be satiated with the smallest of moments, and it has a camel’s resistance to thirst, but if you ignore it too long, it will shrivel and die. Adam Kayce – The Urgent Call

Getting a Ph.D is a worthy goal.

You will be proud to add those precious letters to all your correspondence and business cards.

It is a big deal.

The flip side is that you will probably be thousands of dollars in debt  –

And you will end up with the same YOU.

DO YOU -

* Wake in the morning wondering about your reason   for your being on the planet?

* Worry that time is running out?

* Feel unsure of your choices?

* Don’t know how to start?

You can unleash the passion and purpose that lives in your heart. The magic is already there.

Life purpose facilitators Michelle Vandepas and Leila (ck) Reyes will be your tour guides and cheerleaders as you remove the barriers that prevent you from living a fulfilled life.   I am introducing you to this affiliate program because I know and trust them.

This is a twenty week JOURNEY.  I would compare to a college course.

But the subject you will be studying is YOU –

The REAL YOU will be revealed.  The blocks that hold you back will slip away.

YOU’LL LEARN -

* How to connect with your Life Purpose.

* How to find direction to share your gifts with the world.

* How to trust the choices you make for your life.

It is a much less of a financial investment than a Ph.D.

You can pay it off by the month.  How many colleges or universities will let you do that?

And you can cancel the course if it does not resonate with you within 40 days for a full refund.

YOU KNOW WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING?

ARE YOU READY TO UNVEIL YOUR DIVINE PURPOSE?

Click here for more information.

Picture by Fajer Q8

The Urgent Call by Adam Kayce

This book will give you reading for the whole, dark, dreary winter.  Just curl up with your laptop in your favorite chair and read it a bite at a time.

(OK.  If it is warm where you are – this is a great beach book)

Or get a big stack of paper and print it out. 286 pages, to be exact.  That’s what I did.

Priscilla McIntire has collected  posts from the BEST personal growth authors on the Internet and has assembled them in one place for you to enjoy.

In addition, she has invited all the participants to nominate our own favorites.  I have added mine.

Here we go!

Abu Aremu        Positive Self Talk Guide

Adam Kayce       Monk at Work

Adebola Oni      Naija Motivation

Al Ramsey         7pproductions.com

Alex Shalman     Practical Personal Development

Cheryl Ragsdale That Girl Is Funny

Chris Marshall     Martial Development

CK Reyes           Divine Purpose Unleashed

Cinderella S Kelley Kroh The Krohs Nest

Cindie Wilding   Answers From Within

Corinne Edwards  Personal Growth with Corinne Edwards

Craig Harper     Motivational Speaker – Craig Harper

Daniel Sitter       Idea Sellers

David Rogers     How to Have Great Self Confidence

Dawn Edwards Second Hand Roses

Dawna Jones      Management-Issues

Diane Brandon     Diane Brandon.com and Diane Brandon.net

Dr. Susan R. Meyer, Ed. D.   Life Work Cafe

Dr. Venerina Conti    VenerinaConti.com

Frank Butterfield     Life Unfolding Beautifully and 68 Second Videos and Re/Transformation

Gamy Rachel     Mind Think Success

Gleb Reyes        Personal Development Ideas

Gregory Allen Butler     holistic-personal-development.com

Isabella Mori      MoriTherapy

Jacklyn Ker     Inspiring and Empowing Lives

Jeanette Maw     Good Vibe Coaching

Jeanne May        Goals and Aspirations

Jennifer Mannion   Heal Pain Naturally

Jonathan Fields – Awake At the Wheel

Jonathan Wells  Advanced Life Skills

John Sadler      Bitesize Marketing NLP

Judy Kinney      Dream and Flourish

Judy Martin       The Work/Life Monitor

Justin Wolsey Riggs     Easier Method

Kaya Singer     Awakening Business

Karen Putz     A Deaf Mom Shares Her World

Liz Strauss     Successful Blog

Lorraine Cohen     Powerfull Living

Lyman Reed     Free Personal Development Material

Lynn Solarczyk     Livingloa

Luciano Passuello     Litemind.com

Marelisa Fábrega  Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online

M. Farouk Radwan     2knowmyself

Mel Kaye     Monday Morning Power

Melissa Goerke    Melissa Thinks Out Loud

Meryl K. Evans     Meryl.net

Michele Woodward     Lifeframeworks.com

Michelle Vandepas     Conscious Destiny

Mohammad Shafi’e     Ultimate Secrets of Success

Neil Sattin     NeilSattin.com and Natural Dog Blog

Patricia Singleton     Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker

Phil Gerbyshak     PhilGerbyshak.com

Priscilla McIntire at    Personal Development Demands Success

Rahul Bhambhani    Take-20.com

Robert Higginson    Robert Higginson

Robin Skeen     Robin?s Reflections

Rod Smith Difficult Relationships

Sam Kotadia     MindSportLive.com

Scott Ginsberg     Hello, My Name Is Blog

Scott H Young    http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/

Sharani Robins     Sharani Girl on a Road

Shauna Arthurs     Follow Your Path and Breathing Prosperity

Sherri Joubert  Being The Change I Wish To see

Slade Roberson     Shift Your Spirits

Sonia Simone  Remarkable Communication

Steven Aitchison    Change Your Thoughts

Sugandi Iyer     Life Business Creations

Thea Westra     MyForwardsteps.com and TimeForMyLife.com

Tina Su     Think Simple Now

Todd Goldfarb     We The Change

Vivienne Quek      Versa Creations

Zorka Hereford     Essential Life Skills

Zubli Zainordin     Your Wisdom of Total Happiness

TREAT YOURSELF.

YOU CAN BUY THE BOOK HERE!

Mrs. G was a Hasidic Jewess who weighed about 100 pounds and was seated at a messy desk.

She was wearing a wild, red wig which was balanced crookedly on her head.  I knew it was a requirement for all married women to cover their hair but this wig was obviously too big for her.

My dear sister in law, Evelyn, who was only 45, had advanced MS.  She was almost totally paralyzed.  We could no longer keep her in her home, even with full time help.

Mrs. G’s nursing home was my fifth stop of the day.  So far, I had no success in finding her a place.

She was blunt.

“You will have a difficult time placing her.  Nursing homes do not want a seriously disabled person who is young and is mentally alert.  They require too much care.  I cannot take her.”

She added, “They will tell you they are full but you might as well know the truth.”

Dejected, I gathered all my papers and was preparing to leave, when she said.

“Wait.  I want to ask you a question.

Your sister in law.  She has a Jewish name.

But I am looking at your face.  You look Irish.  Are you Jewish?”

Puzzled.  “No.”

“But you are willing to help her.”

I could not understand what she was saying.  What difference did that make?

There was a silence for what seemed a long time.

Then she said, “I am thinking about this.

I want to tell you a story.”

I was a young girl in the Dachau concentration camp when the Americans liberated us.  The German guards had fled and left behind hundreds of bodies.

They had no option but to gather them up and pile them onto open trucks for burial.  I was one of those bodies.

As the truck was pulling out, an American soldier thought he saw my eyelid blink.  He stopped the truck and pulled me off.

For years, I have searched for the young man.  I wanted to thank him and reward him for saving my life.

All I could find out from the hospital where he took me is that he was young and had an Irish name.

This debt has been with me all these years.  I am finally going to pay it. Because you are Irish and Evelyn is Jewish and you are willing to help her.

I will take Evelyn into my nursing home.

Mrs. G. took tender care of Evelyn for two years.

She placed her bed close to the nurse’s station.

When the “insurance police” came in to advise that a “sitter” we had hired was not allowed, Mrs. G. said she was told it was a devoted relative.

We had bought Evelyn a tiny refrigerator for cold drinks.  Also, not permitted.  Mysteriously, it was covered with a pile of clean linens and not noticed.

I was a frequent visitor and we became friends.  I got to know her whole family.  An unusual occurrence as Hasidic Jews do not usually have relationships outside of their community.

They shared their joy in the upcoming marriage of their beautiful young daughter.  It was an arranged marriage, as was their custom.

The couple had met only once and the rest of the courting was on the telephone.  The bride shyly told me he was “handsome, kind, and a successful partner in his father’s business in Brooklyn.”  Everyone was pleased with the match.

I was honored when Mrs. G invited me to her bridal shower.  I was the only one there without a wig.

After Evelyn’s funeral, I went to the home to pick up her few possessions.

I stopped into Mrs. G’s office to say good bye and to thank her for her extreme kindness.

She was still wearing that terrible red wig.

She got up from her desk and embraced me.  We would probably not be seeing each other often again.

Then, intently, she looked into my eyes.

Her last words were-

“I was glad to repay my debt.”

And then she added her greatest compliment –

“I know you are not Jewish.  But you have a Jewish heart.”

Picture by Pedro Nuno Caetano

An intoduction to Hasidisim

About Dachau

This is more than a book.

This is a grab you by your shirt collar, get in your face and throw you on the wall.

As you struggle to get up, you just might get going and do something.  You will be inspired to rip into the world and CRUSH IT.

I accidently “met” Gary when I happened on a keynote speech he gave over a year ago.

His language was disgraceful, shocking, but he had the audience screaming with laughter and completely involved in about two minutes.

Is he an Obama type orator?

No.  Gary has something we used to call the “IT FACTOR.”

Underneath it all, is a great caring person who is dedicated to serving.

(By the way, since he just had a new baby, he has cleaned up his potty mouth.  I kinda miss it)

He starts off his book with the priorities he teaches.

Love your family

Work superhard

Live your passion.

This is not your Tom Ferris type book, The 4-Hour Workweek. Gary works harder than anyone I have seen yet on the Internet. When I saw his schedule for his book tour on this book, I was so exhausted I had to lie down.  But he does that every day.  Answering every email – and he gets thousands – and fully engaging in Social Media, which is his big thing. His DNA must include the Energizer Bunny.

When I first heard he was writing a series of books, I was surprised.  He talks about how he does not like to write.  He has a video blog.  Then I found out he dictated this book.  That must have been an interesting experience for his publisher, harperstudio.

I believe it because every word in the book is Gary.

What did I learn?

Put off monetizing your blog.  Do it right.  Get the relationships.  Make contacts.  Hire out the tech stuff if you are not good at it and spend some money on your theme so you look professional.  Build up your authority and brand first.

I am a technical disaster so I hired Michelle Vandepas.  She is a super tech and was writing code in the 80’s.  She straightens out all the messes I make.  I concentrate on the content.

Be generous.  Give information away.  People will appreciate it and support your later.

What I did not remember is that Gary pointed out that the Internet is still only 18 years old.  It is just beginning.  There is unlimited potential.  Sometimes, I think people think they are getting in too late.  No way.

There is so much bad advice on some of the blogs to quit your job and follow your passion.  I was glad to read that Gary did not buy that garbage.    You have to continue to support yourself and your family.  Work your passion on the side until it kicks in.

I liked the ending of his book –

If there is any message I want you to take away, it’s that true success – financial – personal, and professional – lies above all in loving your family, working hard and living your passion.  In telling your story.   In authentic, hustle and patience.

In caring about the big and the small stuff.  In valuing legacy, over currency.

THE BIG VALUE IN THIS BOOK IS ENERGY.  You will feel it.

If you still think you have the chops but that fire in your belly is smoldering, this could be the inspiration to get those flames sky high again.

You can buy the book by clicking on this –

CRUSH IT!

Picture by Lechza

Sometimes I feel like a cat – with many lives.

One of them is that I owned a travel agency for 20 years.

Another is that I am an author.  My last book was Reflections from a Woman Alone. What I wanted to call it was A Woman Without A Man but the publisher changed the name.

(Take note of this, you authors out there.  If your name is important, put it in the contract)

What I did have was film rights and decided the book would be a good movie. I soon found out that writing a script was a completely different animal.

Fortunately, my son Paul had graduated from USC Cinema and he knew how to do it.  He offered (read that was coerced) to help me.

As a co-writer, he was merciless.  I can still hear him telling me,

“If you can’t hear it or see it, it is not a movie.  You can’t say what your character is thinking.”

As you can imagine, there was plenty of rewriting.

I was looking at the script today and laughing at one of the scenes which took place in my travel agency.  The travel agent’s names have been changed but the people are real.  And the transactions, which were all going on at the same time, really happened.

I thought you might enjoy it.

INT. TRAVEL AGENCY – MAIN OFFICE– DAY

There is a CLIENT seated at Linda’s desk with a very large, green PARROT perched on his arm.  She is talking to Delta Airlines.

LINDA

The Delta supervisor says you will have to buy him a seat if you want to take him to Florida on the plane.

Linda looks at him sternly.

LINDA (CONT’D)

And he has to be in a cage.

CLIENT

Even if he pays for his own seat?

LINDA

Yes.

CLIENT

Well, it is important that he goes to the funeral.

LINDA

What name should I put on the ticket?

CLIENT

Lucky.

LINDA

Lucky?

CLIENT

Lucky Shapiro.  Just like my cousin.

Linda gets up to pull the tickets off the machine and complete the transaction.  In the meantime, the other women are talking to clients on the telephone.

HARRIET

The room is $75.00.  A nice hotel.  Shelley and I stayed there…

CATHERINE

I can deliver your ticket.  Tell me how to get there making all right hand turns.

SALLY

What do you mean you missed the ship? No, they do not wait for people….

HARRIET

I said to the woman, I want to be up where I can see the river and she said for the river she gets $95.00. And I said no river’s worth it to me…

SALLY

You will have to fly to St. Maarten. They will not pay your airfare.  You are supposed to be there when the ship sails.

The client and the parrot are leaving. The parrot breaks his silence and starts SHRIEKING.

PARROT

HEY! YOU BITCH! JERK! JACKASS!

The women are laughing

ANNIE

The passengers on that flight are in for a surprise.

LINDA

He told me the parrot was his cousin’s “only child,” so I decided to make the effort to get it approved.

SALLY

There are a million stories in this agency every day.

The script still hasn’t sold.  I can’t understand why with all the silly movies out there.

So, if you know anybody, please tell me.

Here is the synopsis of the whole movie.

A pretty widow is hampered in her adjustment as a single woman by the ghost of her husband who refuses to admit he is dead. The comedy includes an unlikely, hypochondriacal angel who has been sent by the other side to fetch him (his first assignment after being a theatrical agent on earth) the relationships of four women in a dysfunctional travel agency, each with a distinct story, a teenage son  – and after a series of “dates from hell” -  a possible new love interest.

The heroine finally finds herself – a whole and complete person, with or without a man.

And, yes, after the ghost learns some metaphysical truths, the angel gets his man to the other side. (But, can they get him to stay?)

The story combines the elements of Ghost, An Unmarried Woman and 9 to 5, It’s funny.  It has heart, a surprise ending -   And most of it is true.

My late husband, Julius, used to tell me I was not operating a business, I was running a zoo.

Maybe he was right.

Special note:  If you are a script reader (warning – 99 pages) you can read the whole thing here.  But only if you promise to get it to Harold Ramis.

A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN

Picture by lynnmarentette

COMPLAINTS.

YES, WE GET COMPLAINTS ON THIS BLOG.

So, in the interest of transparency, I thought I would share them with you.

The original post is over a month old and you might miss my answer.

First, I want to say thanks to Michael and Jerry who took the time to comment. Both remarks were on the review I wrote about Debbie Ford’s movie, The Shadow Effect.

HERE ARE THE COMPLAINTS -

From Michael -

I wasted $23 (DVD, S+H) for a shallow infomercial with almost no information; this was just a commercial for Debbie Ford’s classes. It is not exactly a revelation that we have a “dark side.” Plenty of other new-agy clichés await on the DVD – like you project onto others what you don’t like about yourself – WOW – never thought of that!! And the production was so cheesy; stupid re-enactments and truly overbearing corny music blasting through the entire thing. The music is what made the whole DVD seem somewhat humorous, since every sad story was accompanied by truly corny music, every triumph accompanied be corny triumphant music. The filmmakers knew they had nothing and so they thought they would fool people into thinking they were actually seeing something by putting in really loud self important music. The music attempts to “project” what we are supposed to feel, talk about “projecting! There was nothing to this movie – what a waste, don’t waste your money!

From Jerry -

Michael, I haven’t seen it but I’m not surprised by your experience. New Age/Personal Transformation promoters abound, with a very few being of some value and most just used car sales people without the garish checkered sport coats and mis-matched slacks. In fact the really bad New Age types will dress in robes, usually white, or have a glow from sloppy Photo Shop editing. They mostly have a run of a couple of years where they are IN, then slowly fade like a washed up musician playing ever seedier clubs and bars. Remember Gary Zukav? Once a high flyer, now playing 75 seat auditoriums if he can get that. Caroline Myss? Where did she go to? Wayne Dyer is still spouting the same inane drivel he has done for the last decade…no change there. My advice: save your money or spend it on chocolate or beer. NOBODY is going to sell you the answer to anything of any value for $29.95.

MY ANSWER –

There is no doubt that interest in the self help sector has lagged. Transitions Bookplace, a large personal growth bookstore in Chicago, filed for bankruptcy last year.  Wonderful people.  My heart broke for them. Their author presentations were packed almost every day.

Perhaps, the economy contributed to this.  When people are choosing between the latest self improvement books and improving their credit score by paying down debt, the books lose.

Overall, the publishing business is down.

Or – Are people just done?  Is this phase of self help run its course?  Are we tapped out?

My impression of these commentators is that they are extremely well versed in the whole arena of self improvement.  They have their PhD’s and were probably in on it from the first wave.

For people like them, there was nothing new in Debbie Ford’s movie. I have to agree with them.  Nothing new for me.

Since my job for years was interviewing these authors on TV, I must have read a thousand books on the subject.

But there are still “beginners” out there.  We must not abandon them.  Information in Debbie’s movie about discovering the hidden “shadows” that hold us back could be revolutionary and a revelation.   She did a good job at explaining it.

And hey – what’s wrong with her selling her classes?  I get at least four offers in my email a day that promise if I buy their program, I will be guaranteed millions on the Internet. They want a couple of thousand dollars for the information.

Paying $29. for the movie is chump change.

A few more comments from my experience -

There was a rumor that when Oprah’s people called Gary Zukav for an interview, he hung up on them.  He did not know who Oprah was.

I tried to convince him to come on my TV show and he kept putting me off.  He seemed shy and very uncomfortable with publicity.  He probably just did what was in his publication contract.  I never got him to come on.  We probably will not hear anything much from him unless he has a new book.

Wayne Dyer is another story.  His last book, “Excuses Begone!” hit the top of the best seller list.  Wayne is the real deal and he continues to draw crowds.  I think his success is grounded in his common sense approach.  He is not a “woo-woo” author.

Caroline Myss?  She has just come out with a brand new book that I am eager to read.  It is called Defy Gravity. Fascinating title.  Click here for the full scoop on Caroline.

So, Michael and Jerry – thanks again for weighing in here.  I love people who disagree.  Makes it more interesting.

Chocolate and beer are much better choices for your money. Enjoy!

Personally, I prefer vodka.  It is a quicker fix.

The Shadow Effect – Debbie Ford movie

Picture by Morela

I need some help here.

I wrote an article called When Your Husband Has Died – A survival guide almost two years ago.

Amazingly, it turned out to be a forum for widows.  They range in age from early twenties to eighties.

At first, I answered all the comments – but then the women took over.  They log in as new widows and come back over and over and help the others.  They share their progress and their problems.  They give each other encouragement and advice.  There are now hundreds of posts from them.

Once in a while, I make a comment but it now belongs to them.

A NEW COMMENT CAME IN THIS WEEK.  FROM A YOUNG WOMAN WHO WANTS ADVICE ON HOW SHE CAN HELP – NOT HERSELF – HER BELOVED GRANDMOTHER.

This is what she asks.

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been reading through all of your comments and my heart aches for the loss you have all experienced. I am writing this post because I am looking for help for my beloved grandmother.

My grandfather passed away in January. My grandparents were married for 60 years and were completely in love. They were a unit, a team, functioned as one, and did everything together. In the end my grandmother cared for my grandfather and spent most of her day helping him. When he died it felt like a piece of my grandmother went with him.

She lives alone and I know she is very lonely. She is having trouble sleeping, not eating anything she used to enjoy eating, and I think she is very depressed. I know that this is part of the grieving process but I want to do something to help her.

I try to talk to her about it but it is very hard. I searched on Google and found this site, and am hoping to get some advice on how I could help her. If anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate them.

Thank you!

I read a lot of blogs.  You – the people who comment on this one – are the kindest and most intelligent men and women on the blogosphere.  You have a wealth of experience from your own life.

WILL YOU HELP?

This kind young woman is waiting for your guidance.

HOW CAN SHE HELP HER GRANDMOTHER?

The comment section is below.  Take the time and answer her.

The original article  - WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – A Survival Guide is here.

Picture by Michael Cinque

It was during a break at a large meeting.

And you approached someone you had contacted by email – a long friendly email.  Introduced yourself with a big smile.

So nice to meet you in person.

Silence and a blank stare.

You had not interrupted a conversation.  Expected at least a gracious comment in return – even if they somehow missed the email.

After what seemed like an eternity, the person muttered something and turned away to someone else.

The fog moved in.

You are left there wishing a hole would open in the floor and you could just disappear into it.

The shark is back.  It has a name.

SHAME

Those who have gone through enough pain can tell you.  It is the child you have covered up.  It is you.  It is me.

A lot of books have been written about healing this wounded child.

Dr. Kenneth Moses, a noted psychologist in the field of grieving, says the child can’t be healed.  That little one has to be taken care of.  That’s the best we can do.  That child will always be with us. Ken says we have to put this child in the back seat of our car and make sure he is securely and gently strapped in a car seat.

Then, tell the child, “I know you are hurt and I am sorry.  But I am big and I am doing the driving now.”

John Bradshaw, writer of many books,  tells us we have to champion the child.  He leads a guided imagery back to a memory.  One in which we felt humiliated, unloved and helpless.  Shamed.

He instructs us to view this painful movie in our mind.   Then, walk into the screen, our big selves today, and pick the child up.  Defend him.

He gives an example,  as a small boy, a priest humiliated him in church, painfully twisting his ear.

In his movie, he walks down the aisle of the church, picks up little Johnny and screams at the priest, “You can’t get away with that anymore!”  He walks out of the church carrying the child.

I believe that we have to recognize that this little shamed one exists.

The child is our original face.

Only the original self can forgive the hurt others have done to us.  But it takes time to do this.

We must remind ourselves when we feel bad about ourselves or the way we are treated that there is a core emotion lurking under the feeling.  Pick up that big rock and look under it.  You will find it.

SHAME

Awareness is the first step to healing.

We have to remind ourselves where this has come from when we are  feeling unappreciated or humiliated.

We have to say to ourselves,

“Damn! There it is again!”

The above story at the meeting says more about the rude person making me feel small and unimportant than about me.  It would have been so easy to respond briefly and graciously.

We have to stop making everything so desperately important.

Our authentic self is safe in the world.

And that child self has never been condemned.  The child is sinless.  That child is me.  That child is you.

The shark is in a movie directed by Steven Spielberg.

How do you handle your sharks?

Letting Go of the Past

Picture by RottieLover

Twenty women sat fidgeting on folding chairs as I called their names.  There was one absent.  Her name was listed on the court manifest as Ruby.  I don’t know if that was her real name.

The door opened with a loud bang.  As Ruby burst into the meeting room, she was an intimidating sight.

An African American woman – over six feet – 350 pounds with a wild mop of bleached blond hair, she stomped up to me in the front of the room.  She thrust the papers she was holding angrily into my face.  They read “UNHOOKED AND FREE – A self esteem class for women.”

“Hey, white girl, who are you to f—–g tell me I got no self esteem?”

The room became quiet.  She continued before I could answer…

“Isn’t that what you call this mother-f——g class? What if I refuse to stay?”

“If you leave, I have to mark you absent and the judge will issue a warrant for your arrest. The court mandated you into this program.”

“Okay.  I’ll stay but you’re not getting another word out of me.  Don’t ask me to participate or say one f——g thing.  You and your court got no right to tell me what to do with my own body.  I got all the self esteem I need.”

Ruby noisily pulled a folding chair to the very back of the room and opened a magazine.

This was an actual scene from my program, Unhooked and Free several years ago.  I was a volunteer in conjunction with the Chicago Court system.  It was started by a compassionate judge, Thaddeus Kowalski, who was frustrated with sending them to jail and seeing the same faces in his misdemeanor court.

No wonder Ruby was mad.  She had been arrested over and over and had recently spent 30 days in jail.  The “John,” her customer, was just let go.

He went home to his wife or his life – with no one the wiser.  He could have been an attorney, a construction worker, A CEO or even a policeman.  Only about 25% of the men involved with the women are arrested.

Weren’t they both committing the crime?

If he hadn’t been buying would she have been selling?

The county spends an average of about $125 per day to house an inmate in its facility at Cook County Jail.

RUBY’S LAST STAY IN JAIL COST $3750.

It was not her first.

They are overcrowded and understaffed.  There is little help for the inmates except for access to religious services.   She was just warehoused.    A lot of money spent with nothing to help. There were over 4000 arrests for prostitution in Chicago alone in the past year.  Add it up.

The UNHOOKED AND FREE program was an organized attempt to bring about change in the behavior of the defendants who have been involved in prostitution and who have been arrested and charged in connection with this activity.  Hundreds of participants have been assigned to the program since its inception in 1994. Incarceration had not been proven to be a deterrent to further prostitution activity.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT SOMETHING RADICAL IS CHANGING.

According to the Chicago Tribune, a campaign called END DEMAND is being watched by reform groups throughout the country.  It has the support of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County sheriff’s office and the women’s rights foundation, NoVo,  which is led by Warren Buffet’s son, Peter and his wife, Jennifer.

They also want it to reflect in a state law that a prostituted individual is a victim, said Samir Goswami, policy director for the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation.

I started each class with the same statements.  I told them I am not a cop.  I don’t work for the court. Or the Probation Department.  Or Social Service.  Nobody pays me.  I come here because I want to be here. I also will not try to convince them to give up prostitution.  But I stressed they were playing a losing game. The police are out to get them off the streets.

These women were not high class call girls.  They were street prostitutes.

I went on to say that  nothing that is said in the class will go on their record.  Nothing will be repeated, using their name, out of this room.  And they have the same obligation. There is a requirement on them.  They must agree that they will not repeat anything that is said here out on the street.  Otherwise, nobody will feel safe

This was something new to them – this sisterhood.  I became aware that these young women were not friendly to each other outside.

They were competitors – for the same cars – the same customer.  On the same corner. If anything, they were involved in discrediting each other.  They would scream at a prospective client, “Don’t go with her. She’s a whore! She has AIDS!  Go with me!”  This was definitely not polite society. Nobody played fair here.

Surprisingly, they agree to the terms. As the group progresses, unbelievably, they started to help each other. Someone always has had experience with finding housing, public aid, food stamps or a special person, in a position of authority, who was empathetic.  I think back to what my wise mother used to say.  She told us if you throw people onto their best behavior, they usually rise to the occasion.  She was right.  Even here.

What I didn’t know is that no one had ever listened to them before.  They had never been asked before who they were – what they wanted out of life – what their early dreams had been and what their problems were today. They had never been invited to express themselves. Not ever.

And they were anxious to be heard. As it turned out, I needn’t have worried about the form for this class.  The girls designed the curriculum themselves.  All I had to do was listen.  They laid it out in their conversations.

Here is a snapshot of what the prostitutes told me about themselves:

They hated the work and they hated themselves for doing it. Any illusion that they are nymphomaniacs vanished after hearing them talk. They didn’t even enjoy sex with their boyfriends or husbands.  They said they were turned off from the waist down.

Under that was the good money they earned at this job.  A dangerous job.  Their lives were in jeopardy every minute they were with a “trick.”  They had been bound and gagged, beaten up, knifed, thrown out of moving cars, bones broken.  Prostitutes are found dead in dumpsters all the time.  These crimes are not always reported in the press.

But the job paid well for the hours spent. Oral sex sells for $20 to $30. They do about 10 men a night.  Regular sex is negotiated on a per job basis.  Between $50 and $200 according to how weird a request happens to be.

Here they had “rules” that they prided themselves on.  There were things they would not do. Each woman had a different standard – a feeble, private moral code. It fascinated me that almost every woman ruled out kissing.   They would do almost everything but kiss.  That was too personal.

The next layer was the drugs.  They were addicted to at least one and sometimes several substances. Many of the women lived in an abusive and addictive relationship with a man whom they were also supplying with drugs. These alliances were explosive because the boyfriend  - you can read that “Pimp” – would shift from extreme jealousy of the men who were the customers – to rage if they did not earn enough money to buy the drugs. They had combined habits of $300 to $500 a day.  As one woman said, “I got expenses.”

One day I asked the group which came first – the prostitution or the drugs?  A petite Hispanic woman answered, “The drugs come first.  And then the prostitution.  You need the money to buy the drugs. But you need the drugs to be a prostitute.  Do you know how horrible it is to have a strange man touch your body?  You got to be stoned.”

WHAT IF THAT $125. A DAY JAIL TIME WAS SPENT ON WHAT THEY REALLY NEEDED?

Drug Rehab.  Job Training. Counseling. Safe houses. Health Care.  Parental training.

Because of the frequency of arrests, it is obvious that the current avenue of punishment is not working.  These defendants are overcrowding the already burdened court and the Cook County Jail.  A new approach is necessary.

IT STARTS WITH ARRESTING THE MEN WHO ARE THEIR CUSTOMERS.

If Illinois passes this legislation, can the rest of the country be far behind?

There is constant publicity about sex trafficking in the news from all over the world.

These are our own victims. These sex slaves belong to us.

Will you help to pass legislation in your community?.

ABOUT UNHOOKED AND FREE

Corinne Edwards was the facilitator of the pilot program, Unhooked and Free at Branch 29of the Chicago Court System, for five years.  It was the first of its kind in the country. BBC did a documentary on the program.

It has since been turned over to Genesis House, a drop in center for prostitutes in Chicago.

She is the director of The Miracle Network, an organization which is involved in counseling, media training and support groups in the Personal Growth field.  She is the author of this blog and four books.

For more information on the Unhooked and Free program, click here

Picture by Aluminum Studios

Every word you say, every thought you think is creating your future.

Louise L. Hay

When we have been constantly criticized – and even abused as a child – it definitely carries over to our self esteem in our adult life. Most people don’t love themselves.

There have been thousands of books written to help us overcome this.

Many of them have suggested some worthy and helpful things.

Get out more.  Join groups.  Meet more friends.

Avoid toxic people.

Concentrate on your successes.  Be grateful for what you have.

All good stuff.

Louise L. Hay, in her new movie, takes a different approach.

Since your mind has been poisoned by the actions of others, you have to reprogram it.

She says to talk to yourself.  Cancel out what you have experienced.  Not by dealing with others.  YOU DO IT.

Affirmations are not new.  This is a different twist.

Instead of professing your self worth to the thin air, hoping to get the attention of the Universe –

Louise suggests you talk to yourself, using your own name, in a mirror.

I love you, Jack.

I forgive you, Mary, for all your perceived faults.

You are a successful and worthy person, Paul.

Only good lies before you, Alan.

You have happiness and joy in your life now, Deborah.

Peggy, you are perfect just as you are.

Your body is healing, Jerry.

What’s your problem?  Talk yourself out of it.

I have watched her new movie twice and I have started doing this.  You feel a little silly at first and no great miracles have happened yet – but I am willing to try it.  I does make you feel better.

Louise does not promise immediate results but over time it starts to reverse all the toxic messages that have been imprinted on our brain.

The movie – You Can Heal Your Life includes other major leaders in the self help field.  People you know like Wayne Dyer, Greg Braden, Cheryl Richardson, Doreen Virtue, Christine Northrup,  Gay Hendricks, Leon Nacson , Esther and Jerry Hicks and Mona Lisa Schultz.

They all present their viewpoints so you get it from several directions.  Something you hear is going to stick with you.

Besides the great Louise, Mona Lisa Schultz really got to me.  She is a renowned Psychiatrist and a Neuropsychiatrist.  She says the brain does hear what you are saying and without your conscious knowledge, is absorbing it. She says, “We can rewire the pattern in our brain.”

This affiliate movie, You Can Heal Your Life, is inexpensive.  I recommend you try it.

Click to sample the trailer here.

Decide.

Photo by JCT

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical lecturer and teacher and the best selling author of numerous books, as well as the bimonthly Louise Hay Newsletter. For more than 25years, she has assisted millions of people in discovering and using the full potential of their own creative powers for personal growth and self healing.