Pessimist Incarnate

Happy Valentines Day Everybody

2012-02-14T08:47:00.002+02:00

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity.

He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine".

Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Over time, February 14 has become the date for exchanging love messages and a celebration of St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers. The date is marked by sending poems and simple gifts, such as flowers, to loved ones and secret loves. By far, Valentine's Day Flowers are the most popular gift today.

Well that brings us to today oh boy have things changed!

Today its all about how to get that leg over you have been scheming about for so long and oh boy are we men or woman "Don't forget woman are emancipated now" really at our most cunning when we want a little Noomfies.

So all be told and said tonight some of the corniest and most well designed elaborate schemes are going into effect and most are designed to get that special person in your life naked and screaming your name.

You may ask how and why well most cases it involves alcohol and lots of it at that. Then large amounts of chocolate or gifts and flowers that melt the heart and make it impossible to say NO

However you are planning to rock the boat tonight enjoy the experience it is one of those days that swells the heart "amongst other organs" and makes us human, for love in all its guises is the most human and beautiful expressions of mankind, so my friends enjoy this day and do be naughty as that's what this day is all about!

Whitney Houston Dead 1963-2012

2012-02-13T08:07:00.000+02:00

A life and talent well squandered - Paul Gambaccini

Ms Houston died on the eve of the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. She had been due to attend a pre-awards party in the Beverly Hilton Hotel organised by her long-time mentor and record industry executive Clive Davis on Saturday evening.

He went ahead with the party, holding a minute's silence and telling the audience he was "personally devastated by the loss of someone who has meant so much to me for so many years".

Jazz legend Herbie Hancock, who was attending the event, said: "It's difficult not to be sad about it because it's a great loss. Her soul, her spirit, lives within all of us."

The hotel was already teeming with reporters and celebrities when police received an emergency call from hotel security at 15.43 local time (23:43 GMT), Beverly Hills police spokesman Mark Rosen told the BBC.

Police were dispatched, but paramedics who were already at the hotel because of the party attempted to resuscitate her, without success. She was pronounced dead at 15:55.

Mr Rosen said Ms Houston's entourage - comprising family members, friends and co-workers - had taken over much of the fourth floor of the hotel.

"There were a number of people on scene who were able to positively identify Ms Houston for us," he said, adding that her next of kin have been informed of her death.

Police investigators inspected the scene before Ms Houston's body was moved from the hotel to the coroner's office for an autopsy.

While the cause of death is unclear, Mr Rosen said there were "no obvious signs of criminal intent".

An autopsy is likely to be held within the next two days. However, if drugs or alcohol are involved, it will take between six and eight weeks for toxicology tests to be completed.

The US celebrity website TMZ.com reported that Ms Houston had been partying heavily on both Thursday and Friday nights.

I think we will choose to remember the good times the rich powerful voice and the beautiful movies like the bodyguard and others. Another example of how money and power can destroy how drugs and alchoal pull you down into depravity and sadness. We can only pray that you find peace now Whitney........ "We will always love you"

Results are in sex can help to reduce weight

2012-02-10T09:37:00.000+02:00

Get a look at various calorie options

The Antwoord what they all about take a look!!

2012-02-09T12:29:00.002+02:00

Well now take a look at this video and find out!

STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S PIEL from Die Antwoord on Vimeo.

If you South African you will shake your head and laugh and if you from anywhere else you going to say WTF but ether way being Zef or just plain disturbed makes money

A short love story involving a short marriage

2012-02-09T10:38:00.000+02:00

Short But Classic Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, But who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet
to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"'Good", she replied "Get your own blanket."

After a moment of silence,
he farted.

The End

Jonathan Jansen speaks passionately about education in South Africa

2012-02-09T09:05:00.000+02:00

The bones of the teachers lie buried less than 100m from the school in a hot, dry corner of the northern Free State. But inside the half-renovated school there is an energy among the living nuns that belies their age and vocation.

A young girl appears at the door of the basic staff room where we are about to start a short meeting; the child is out of breath and excited, but does not say a word.

The old nun leaps from her seat, grabs the girl's hand, crouches slightly and she sets her sights on the distance, and together they sprint along the brightly polished corridor to where the child wants them to go.

More than 100 years ago, the sisters of Notre Dame made their way from England to this bleak part of central South Africa to minister and later start a school out of which was born St Peter Claver High School.
Here, the children of railway workers and the offspring of destitute parents could receive high-quality education from dedicated teachers, who earned little, if anything, as part of their sacrificial commitments.

The school survived the vicissitudes of 20th century South Africa, closing and reopening, and withstanding the apartheid legacy. The site was once handed over to the South African military for training defence force personnel, and reopened again recently.

The nuns came to teach, grew old, and many were buried where they served.
You can literally smell a good school. The fresh paint of the walls, the red polish on the floors, the fresh curtains in the main hall, the neat carpets on the stage, and the immaculately dressed boys and girls.

Coming to the school last week for their reopening, I took a wrong turn into the town with the largest potholes in South Africa.

I saw children from other schools already drifting through town before 11am.
They looked ragged, aimless, and without any identification, other than various kinds of bags to suggest they might have had school that day. I wave to some of the children, and they return faint smiles in my direction. There's not much to be happy about on this side of town.

"It is not fair," I say to myself.
How can one group of disadvantaged children in a half-renovated school receive such warm attention and strict pedagogy under the guidance of a group of selfless teachers and yet, less than five minutes away, another group of disadvantaged children are under-served and neglected?

The difference, of course, is not money but values.
At St Peter Claver High you notice two firm values quickly: love and discipline. I notice the way the principal and the teachers talk about the children, how they hold their hands and lift their spirits.

The children are not only loved, they are respected. But I also notice the unwritten rules for behaviour, the ways in which soft discipline is everywhere - from basic but clean, ironed clothing to neat seating patterns, to carefully crafted singing routines. Nothing is out of place. "This is the way, walk ye in it" - the old scriptures come to mind.

My mind wonders as I await my turn to speak.
What if one could capture those two values of love and discipline in a bottle and transport it across the main road into Maokeng township where the other schools are?

What if the selflessness of the nuns could be injected into teachers from the other schools who would, at the slightest provocation, abandon their duty - the children - in a quest for better salaries?

Of course, educational change is much more complex than my questions allow. But what St Peter Claver reminds you of is that the children on both sides of town are the same children - black, poor, and filled with limitless potential.

How they learn and behave depends on what we as adults do.
How often do I hear teachers try to mislead with these words, "It is much more difficult to teach today than when you were a teacher", or "If only the parents would play more of a role", and so on and so on.
Actually, the children are the same from one generation to the next. They respond the same way as children anywhere when faced with those compelling values of love and discipline.

The mind tests me with one more question. What if I could persuade the teachers in the other schools to also agree to be buried where they taught?

--------

Jonathan is so correct about education in South Africa it has become a job for many and not a calling as in the old days.
In my day "giving away age here" teachers were respected and had the same esteem or standing as Doctors in society.
How did we go so far wrong that teachers strike every year and abandon children for higher wages?
How did we get to the point where most teachers cant pass the self same exams that are given to their pupils?
It is our stupid education system with its ever lower standards it is the praising of mediocrity in South Africa that is killing the future of our nation and children!

-------

Original Post http://www.timeslive.co.za/opinion/beacon-for-education

A beautiful woman and a bottle of Merlot

2012-02-03T18:35:00.001+02:00

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'..... And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.

He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana .

There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back......

Men's helpline letter of the month

2012-02-03T08:28:00.000+02:00

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs:
if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.

I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someones car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

Such sensitivity is really witnessed in the male species a stark reminder of the fact that men have feelings

Call me racist but this is funny you have to agree

2012-01-27T09:16:00.003+02:00

Was watching amazing race and rememberd this you have to love the look on Tracy Morgans face

That's Funny

Costa Concordia the lighter side

2012-01-26T10:15:00.005+02:00

With apologies to all those of Italian origin and to those who contemplate a cruise in the Med.

# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course." So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more than can be said for his ship.

# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.

Cape Town suffers a heatwave

2012-01-25T08:20:00.004+02:00

Boy oh boy and was it hot temperatures soared to 41 deg centigrade or 105 deg Fahrenheit

So now you understand how hot it was!

Beautiful you say so then why am I divorced?

2012-01-24T09:59:00.000+02:00

Why I Am now Divorced

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
he barely said good morning,
let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....   Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..

So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my handsome Boss Rick, said,
'Good Morning, lady,
and by the way
Happy Birthday! '

It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Rick knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go!'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We?'

I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
he came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my husband
my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....
  On the couch....
Naked.

New meaning to a dog is a man's best friend

2012-01-18T14:21:00.000+02:00

Tell me that the below picture is not moving?

Honesty is the best policy

2012-01-18T10:23:00.003+02:00

Sometimes honesty is just a mouthful

German Grandpa's have some stories

2012-01-17T13:03:00.001+02:00

Politically incorrect i know

but oh hell still funny

Herman talks to he's German

grandpa Klaus

Oops that was a bugger up!

Grandpa you still a Nazi bastard

Nice one gramps

George the Great Dane a giant amongst dog's

2012-01-16T14:22:00.001+02:00

Standing at nearly 1.09 Meters tall from paw to shoulder and weighing a staggering 111kg could this be the world's new tallest dog?

Pictured here in the parks of Tuscon, Arizona, George, a four-year-old blue great Dane, looks more like a Pony than a dog.

The gentle giant, who measures 2.22 meters from nose to tail, could be a prime contender to take the title from the former record holder, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane who passed away from cancer last August.
Now George's owners, David and Christine Nasser, are awaiting confirmation from Guinness World Records to see if he has achieved the lofty heights.

According to David, George consumes 50kg of food every month, and sleeps alone in his own Queen Size Bed.

David and Christine raised George from when he was 7 weeks old, but never expected him to grow so big.

The couple eventually had to move their aptly named dog out of their king sized bed, when he grew too large for the three of them to share the same sheets.

Dr. William Wallace of the Buena Pet Clinic in Tucson, who witnessed the documentation necessary for the Guinness record, said: 'In my 45 years of experience working with giant breed dogs, without question, George is the tallest dog I have ever seen.'

David is currently rushing to get that necessary documentation into Guinness as other dog owners are coming forth claiming the record.

As they wait for the results to come through, George is busy occupying himself with his new found stardom and even has a Facebook fan page and Twitter accounts for his adorning fans.

It appears as though the sky's the limit for this mammoth hound.

Paws for thought: George's giant feet dwarf his owner Dave Nassar's hand. Last August the worldís tallest dog, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane, passed away from cancer

Is nature programmable?

2012-01-13T07:20:00.001+02:00

Well using the prime motivator for all species and that being food it sure as hell is!

Life ends..when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends..when you stop Believing,
Love ends.. when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends.. when you stop Sharing!
Here endeth today's lesson

Why men should not be agony aunts

2012-01-12T09:17:00.004+02:00

We just not tuned into the sensitive side of life we far to practical

Great advice if you ask me!

Tattoo's not my thing but i will make this exception

2012-01-10T08:19:00.001+02:00

Not to shabby hidden most of the time except when

being naughty

Nice very nice

Throw away babies the depravity of Africa

2012-01-09T08:04:00.000+02:00

A picture in our local Zululand paper this past week is

so disturbing and heart breaking

This little child covered in human feces was saved out of a long drop or outside toilet where it had been discarded by its mother! What is wrong in South Africa how do you do this? It is quite a common occurrence in South Africa believe it or not!

The Paper reported the following

Discarded like a piece of rubbish into an eSikhawini pit latrine by her mother last week Tuesday, a perfectly formed, 2.5kg, full term baby girl was saved from certain death. It is believed that when the mother’s labour pains started, she simply went to the toilet, gave birth, and tossed her baby to die amongst human excrement. One of the baby’s saviours recounted the events. ‘Some time in the afternoon, the lady who owns the house heard a baby crying, and went to look for the noise. ‘She saw the baby in the toilet and called people to come help her. ‘So we took the baby out and called the police, and they took the baby to the clinic. ‘This is a terrible thing.’

According to community members, the mother was renting a room from the home owner in order to be near her boyfriend, and has since disappeared. Once members of the eSikhawini SAP arrived, the baby was immediately transported to the Thokozani Clinic, and then taken to the Lower Umfolozi District War Memorial Hospital in Empangeni. Hospital spokesperson Mvelo Nzuza says the baby girl is recovering well and is in a good condition. ‘She will remain here until a relative can be found. ‘If no relative can be found, she will be transported to a place of safety when she is old enough, and be entered into the South Africa’s social welfare system.

Original Report in the http://www.zululandobserver.co.za/

After the Mc-D's guide dog scandal a little smile

2012-01-04T09:07:00.001+02:00

Why guide dogs are invaluable and should be allowed into the holiest sanctums

Heheee naughty

A little golf a hooker and what a marriage

2012-01-04T08:47:00.000+02:00

Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carolyn to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Carolyn was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carolyn to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Carolyn took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

To all my friends and family a Christmas story

2011-12-24T15:33:00.000+02:00

The "W" in Christmas

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations -- extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snow caps upon their heads. Those in the front row -- center stage -- held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love." The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down -- totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And, I believe, He still is.
Amazed in His presence ... humbled by His love.
Again, HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS SEASON!

Twilight & Breaking Dawn the verdict is in!

2011-12-15T09:02:00.001+02:00

Purely a mans perspective as the

woman think its the best thing since sliced bread

Oh that cracks me up

Chinese are about as humane as Hitler was a saint

2011-12-14T09:39:00.000+02:00

Johannesburg - The sisters of Janice Linden, the South African woman executed in China for drug smuggling, were only allowed to talk to her through a glass partition during their last prison visit, according to a report on Wednesday.

"All we wanted to do, was to hold her," Priscilla Mthalane told the Afrikaans-language Beeld newspaper.

"But we had to talk to her through a glass partition and realised we would not be allowed to get any closer to her."

Mthalane said Linden cried when she saw them.

"She was so excited to see us. We were not allowed to tell her that our mother had died four months ago.

"About 30 policemen watched us and we were not allowed to talk in Zulu, our mother tongue."

Mthalane said it seemed like Linden had been tied up in some kind of wheelchair.

"Her arms and legs were tied up."

The visit by Mthalane and Linden's other sister, Nomalwazi Mhlope, lasted about 45 minutes and took place on the day before her execution.

Linden, 35, was only told an hour before her execution on Monday that she would be executed by lethal injection.

"It was all so unnecessary," said Mthalane.

The department of international relations said her ashes had been given to a South African diplomat and would be handed over to her family.

She was arrested in Guangzhou in November 2008 after she was caught with 3kg of crystal methamphetamine (tik) in her luggage. She was convicted of drug smuggling in 2009

Original Link http://www.news24.com/We-just-wanted-to-hold-her--sister-20111214