Pessimist Incarnate

2017-01-25T08:11:00.000+02:00

IS America still so great?

Perhaps time will tell as we all stand on the precipice and watch if President Trump can change perceptions and opinions

2015-03-23T12:56:00.000+02:00

The Indomitable Trevor Noah

South African Humour

A small glimpse of South African humor from Trevor Noah a rather disturbed gentleman from our sunny shores

Such a fitting tribute to our Madiba

2015-03-23T12:27:00.000+02:00

Madiba Tribute

I keep coming across this flash mob video which was a fitting tribute to Nelson Mandela and so i share it with you in memory of a fallen hero. I know its quite old but nevertheless still as poignant and haunting as ever

Death becomes you

2015-03-18T07:51:00.000+02:00

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

The Jew and the Arab an old love story

2014-10-23T08:44:00.000+02:00

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typically dishonest of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

The Irish Sausage

2014-05-30T08:04:00.001+02:00

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro... Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don't worry - just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said “Now you've lost it. Do you know how
much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!”

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth..”

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!”

Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.”

How the "Olympics" got its name

2014-02-26T15:02:00.000+02:00

Until recently, I didn't know this...

A beautiful young slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece ..

In those days, believe it or not, all the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

"OH!! Limp pricks!"

Over the next two and a half millenniums that morphed into " Olympics".

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.

Three Holy Men and a Bear

2014-02-14T08:02:00.001+02:00

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would

all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert

it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had

various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found

him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So

I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God,

he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give

him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one

arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you

KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And

then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted

nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP

another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him

and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as

a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in

a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors

running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have

been the best way to start”!!!!!.

Overheard in a bar

2014-02-03T07:18:00.004+02:00

Bar Life

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

His buddy says,

"Dude I'm exhausted

My girlfriend and I have sex all the time

I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about my age (72), sitting a couple of
stools down had also over-heard the conversation. He looked
over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years
says,

"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit"

RIP Nelson Mandela go well

2013-12-06T08:00:00.001+02:00

Go well and thank you

A sad day for the world as a great light

& kind spirit goes out

Your time is done old friend

Your time is done

The love you so eagerly spread has taken deep root

Your will to serve the people has never faulted or slipped nor been tarnished

Your deeds and spirit will live to tell the tale of this we will make sure

Rest well old friend for your time is done

Let us rejoice in your memory for it is a treasure

Cry not for that treasure for it is here for all to see

A giant amongst men who spread not fear but love and understanding

Your love and understanding have enriched so many it is now our turn

You have lit the way now let us use your reflection to see the way

Let us in remembrance pay homage by furthering that light

Let all who see say Madiba lives

Rest well old friend for we will now carry the load

Rest in peace old friend

By W. Jubber

The avid rugby supporter

A picture of young Nelson taken in the 40's

On July 18, 1918, Mandela was born along the Mbashe River in the village of Mvezo, in the Umtata district. AllAfrica.com and the BBC both report that Mandela was "born Rolihlahla Dalibhunga." Mandela explains in his 1994 autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom, that he was given the English name "Nelson" by his teacher Miss Mdingane on his first day at school, which he explains was a common practice within white South African institutions, where whites were unable or unwilling to pronounce African names.

In Long Walk to Freedom, Mandela writes that "[a]part from life, a strong constitution, and an abiding connection to the Thembu royal house, the only thing my father bestowed upon me at birth was a name, Rolihlahla. In Xhosa, Rolihlahla literally means 'pulling the branch of a tree,' but its colloquial meaning more accurately would be 'troublemaker.'"

Mandela's father, Gadla Henry Mphakanyiswa, was chief of Mvezo in the Transkeiean territories, and from the African indigenous Thembu royal family line. His mother was Nosekeni Fanny, the third of his father's four wives. Mandela was one of thirteen children and had three older brothers.

That laugh is a national treasure

In 1964, Mandela was arrested, he was convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment. He was incarcerated on Robben Island, near Cape Town, as prisoner 46664 for 18 of his 27 years in prison. Mandela imprisonment became a symbol of black oppression and a world-wide symbol of the resistance to racism. It sparked Pan Africanist responses from the Americas through support of organizations like TransAfrica under the efforts of the African American lawyer Randall Robinson. Mandela gained world-wide support, even from Europe. He was allowed to study for a Bachelor of Laws through a University of London correspondence program.

Mandela may have become the most revered prisoner in modern history. He would indeed be the trouble-maker, using his life to help dismantle apartheid to form a new multiracial democracy. In 1990, Nelson Mandela was released from prison under then leadership of his country's president Frederik Willem de Klerk. By July 1991, he was elected president of the ANC. In 1993, Mandela and de Klerk were both awarded Nobel Peace Prizes.

The most Iconic smile in the world

On May 10, 1994, Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela was elected the first black South African president as a result of its first multiracial elections. He served as president until 1999 before retiring from active politics. He maintained a busy schedule of fund-raising for his Mandela Foundation, which aims to build schools and medical clinics in South Africa’s rural regions. In 2001, he was diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer. June 2004, at age 85, he announced his formal retirement from public life.

'Hamba Kahle, Tata..'

The art of bragging by three ladies

2013-12-03T09:32:00.000+02:00

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other.

The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect thing."

After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Bloemfontein for two weeks."

The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Ford."

No 3 says "Well, I've got a confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one leg."

New use for that old standby "Aspirin"

2013-12-03T08:59:00.002+02:00

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,

"I have a headache."

"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,... it's up to you!"

Boobs and Willies

2013-10-30T15:06:00.001+02:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how Many kinds of willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through
Three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and
Hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.

A funeral a dog and a business opportunity!

2013-09-30T07:53:00.001+02:00

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men..

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in line."

South African schools gone to the dogs

2013-09-20T08:56:00.003+02:00

Watch this fiasco and tell me what would have happened if this teacher had done what you and I would have done namely smack the crap out of this brat. Respect to the teacher for keeping his cool

A teacher at Glenvista High School in Johannesburg has been assaulted by a Grade 8 pupil. The Gauteng education department says they have sent a team to the school to suspend the learner and provide counselling to the educator. The department praised the teacher for remaining calm.
Is this what our young society is becoming? It is shameful to the extreme!

A sad tale of an Irish frog

2013-09-19T12:29:00.000+02:00

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story" said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

"And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "

A Letter From Fred an endless love story

2013-08-29T08:32:00.000+02:00

Such a sweet story of life and love

A Letter From Fred from Green Shoe Studio on Vimeo.

Tool time tip

2013-08-28T10:52:00.000+02:00

Thought you would enjoy this educational moment.

Can you name this strange old tool?

Do you know what it is?

Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit (1750’s – 1810’s)

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke into the rectum.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration.

Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “blowing smoke up your arse.”

As you would expect, this odd tool is still up until today used by all levels of the government.

Finding my "Dads Car" an emotional ride

2013-08-09T10:37:00.002+02:00

Cars and men an eternal fascination and love

It is always amazing how that cars leave an indelible mark on the character of most sons

Be strong darling!

2013-08-02T10:57:00.002+02:00

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

After tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey, I love you!'

His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong, I love you too!'

Cookie Green

2013-07-24T14:44:00.001+02:00

A man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Cookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. 'Father , it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Cookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Cookie Green?'
'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Cookie Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just the reflection from her shoes'.

The Royal Baby first Picture

2013-07-23T07:18:00.000+02:00

He Ha what a boy

Now thats just royal

Happy Birthday Nelson Mandela

2013-07-18T06:38:00.000+02:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MADIBA

The avid rugby supporter

A picture of young Nelson taken in the 40's

That laugh is a national treasure

The most Iconic smile in the world

We wish you smiles hope and love for your

birthday Madiba

Myron and the tax man

2013-07-15T06:51:00.001+02:00

MYRON Greenberg, a wealthy S.A. businessman receives a letter from SARS advising him that he is about to be audited.

This really upsets him, so he calls his Accountant.
MYRON: (pleading): “Why are they doing to me? Why are they doing this to me?”
Accountant (calming); “Myron, don’t worry about it. I’ve got all the receipts, the account is up to date, it’s no problem.But let me give you a bit of advice. When you go to the Audit, make a bad impression.Wear the crummiest, dirtiest clothes you’ve got. Have holes in your shoes, rippedpants and look shabby . I mean really look terrible, because if they have a little
sympathy, they’ll go easy on you.

Then Myron called his Lawyer . His Lawyer said: “MYRON it’s no problem, I’m sure
they got the receipts, I’m sure everything is up to date, you’ve got a great accountant,
Ken Scher, don’t worry about it. Let me give you a tip. When you go to the Audit, it’s
very important that you make a good impression. Wear your best suit, and your shirt
with a silk tie and cuff links and shine your shoes, look like somebody.
Because if you look like a somebody they respect you and will go easy on you.”

And now he’s torn. So he goes to see his RABBI and he told the Rabbi the story.

RABBI: “Myron, it reminds me of sometimes when I perform a wedding. The bride’s
father will tell his daughter that on her wedding night, to wear a nightgown with a
high collar and long sleeves and a full-length robe... cover up, you know, be a little
demure. But the mother says, ‘Don’t be silly. Wear a low cut“negligee” with the cleavage
sticking out --- look a little sexy’

…. and Myron I will say to you just like I say to the Bride on her wedding night,
it makes no difference what you wear, you’re gonna get fucked”….

Sharknado one lame brain dead movie

2013-07-12T10:40:00.004+02:00

This is actually hilarious its so bad.....

Released last week in the states

This trailer is going viral as one of the worst movies ever made and will probably attain cult status for that reason well take a look and decide for yourself

Sharknado - written by a guy called Thunder Levin (that's his real name, apparently) and directed by the guy who did the make-up for Scarecrow Slayer and The Revolting Dead (yes, those two...), is pretty much what you think it's going to be - sharks, caught up in an almighty TORNADO, and then landing on people.