Troubled Tourist: “It seems like everyone won big this weekend except me.”
Astute Vegas Resident: “Yes, it sounds that way because only the winners talk. Nobody announces at the dinner table, ‘Man, I lost $3,000!’ But when you ask them in the stillness of the hotel room, they quietly tell you about their losses.”

Indeed, in many arenas, we only hear from the high performers—and often an exaggerated version of their tales. Examples abound:

• During the college admissions process, students tend to tell many about the schools that accept them; they keep rejections more quiet.
• The start-ups that take off get celebrated in the business press. No one hears of the many that perish.
• Legendary speaker Zig Ziglar observes of underwear advertising: “they don’t put Jockey shorts on fat boys.” On the female side, you see the same in magazines chocked full of touched-up photographs of fakely-gorgeous women.
• Our history teachers cite the hard-to-attribute adage: “History is written by the winners.”
• Organizations celebrate, announce, and replicate their successful initiatives…while failures too often remain hidden – even when it’s in the public’s best interest to know of them.

Who cares? Well, this phenomenon has interesting implications for accountability. It’s generally extremely useful to track real performance-related data—the stuff that answers the question, “How are we doing here?” It’s also useful to compare these data against the goal, budget, history, or benchmarks.

However, when comparing a person or an organization to others, there’s a real risk that the Vegas Illusion is skewing the benchmarks. Information cobbled together through hearsay about what’s a “good” vs. a “bad” number from others is likely influenced by this winner bias.

So, if feel like you’re the only loser around, take heart! The other losers probably just aren’t talking. You might be average after all.

“…and these robots will not take kindly to being pushed around by inferior human beings. I mean, have you seen Terminator or The Matrix? It’s not gonna be pretty!” Somehow this charming argument arose repeatedly in my “Memory and the Construction of Identity & Culture” course in college. The class was supposed to be about the human experience, but inevitably, someone would incorporate a masterful segue and move us right back to robots taking over the world.

As a vocal fan of Team Human, I got pretty worked up by the suggestion that robots would overtake us. Some classmates even accused me of having an unfounded bias against robots. Well today, I bring proof humans rule. Below are two pieces of research showing man beating machine in the game of accountability—my favorite.

1) The SLOW sign-holder

I used to chuckle whenever I drove through a road construction site and saw someone holding up the “SLOW” sign. I would concoct fanciful scenarios about how that person ended up getting that job that day. (e.g. “Mike, your baby kept you up all night, and we don’t want you snoozing on the asphalt roller…so you’ve got SLOW duty today.”) I also wondered if that was really an effective use of human resources.

Turns out…it is!

A scintillating report from the Bureau of Transportation Statistics summarizes research results on different measures for speed reduction. It turns out, we motorists respond to the flagging (i.e. the guys with SLOW signs) with a 19% speed reduction, while the digital signing only gets a 7% speed reduction. That’s almost triple the results; take that machines! And it makes sense. Isn’t it harder to ignore a human being looking you in the eye than it is to ignore a sign?

2) Calling on exercisers

The Wall Street Journal recently covered a fascinating study on exercise from Stanford University. In it, just over 200 people established exercise goals and were divided into three groups. The first group received regular phone calls from a human asking about their exercise habits. The second received a pre-recorded phone call. The third group got no communication.

Well, one year later, the exercise results revealed:

• Human-supported group: exercised 2 hours and 58 minutes a week
• Automatically-supported group: exercised 2 hours and 37 minutes a week
• No contact: exercised 1 hour and 58 minutes a week

Updated score… Humans: 2 | Robots: 0.

An extra 21 minutes of exercise a week can really add up over a year and a lifetime. Spreadsheet fun below:

With this research in hand, I’m even more confident that my classmates were mistaken. Bret and Jemaine’s frightening vision will never come to fruition…

Requests for advice/feedback/connections typically result in one of two conversations:

1. A lengthy, joyous exchange of insight, wisdom, and experience
2. 10 minutes of awkward irritation

What makes the difference? Typically, it boils down to the asker following–or flouting–three simple rules of asking etiquette.

1. The asker must cover his bases.

The askee, especially when he’s a stranger, will have several natural questions floating through his head. The asker ought to provide clear, compelling answers to the following:

• Who are you?
• What do you want?
• How can I help?
• Why me?
• Why now?

Additionally, the asker should have answers to anything answerable through 10-minutes with Google or the person’s publications (including websites). A professor once told me, “Nothing makes me angrier than someone consuming my time with questions that could easily be answered by reading my featured papers’ abstracts.” Ouch!

On a positive note, the converse is also true. Recently a young speaker found me on CAMPUSPEAK and emailed me, asking for advice. He got me going! I talked for over an hour and then sent a lengthy follow-up email. Other times, I’m more stingy. The difference was this young man demonstrated he was knowledgeable about the business. He was not some guy with a fleeting interest in speaking as a path to easy money (hint: it’s not). Instead, he clearly showed he was committed to making a difference. I was excited to become a part of that.

2. The asker must make it easy.

Ideally, the askee should do nothing but lean back and pontificate. The asker, as the beneficiary of the askee’s wisdom, does everything else. This rule manifests itself in lots of tiny ways. The asker can help put the askee in a receptive mood by:

• Asking for and accommodating the askee’s preferences for date, time, location, and medium
• Paying for the askee’s coffee/beer/lunch/dinner/whatever
• Directing the conversation with pre-established questions or an agenda (emailing in advance can also be appreciated).
• Following-up with a thank you email and recapping next steps
• Following-up the leads the askee provides—quickly

Again, when done correctly, the askee does almost zero work. She doesn’t even have to trouble her head with remembering next steps; the asker even assumes the “work” of remembering all follow-up actions.

3. The asker must keep it real.

Whenever I got to return to my alma mater for recruiting trips with Bain, I was amused by how many Seniors stopped being people and started becoming jobseekers. They would approach me and open up the conversation with something like, “Hello, I’m looking to combine my interest in accounting and finance with my analytical skill set by pursuing a challenging career track in the field of management consulting wherein I…”

After about 120 of those conversations in a day, I wanted to interrupt them and say, “Hey! I’m just a dude who’s one year older than you. Can we just talk person-to-person instead of this doing weird jobseeker-to-recruiter vibe?”

People are people…and they like helping other real people! Misguided notions of manners or professionalism often impede the honest sharing that really connects people. Askers can begin forming real relationships with askees invested in their success when they reveal real pieces of themselves—their personality, passions, concerns, interests, and gratitude.

Happy asking!

“If something’s not working, shine a light on it.” – Anonymous

When I tell audiences the Team Up story, some listeners are incredulous. They ask, “You just put your personal shortcomings right out there in the open? Aren’t there some things better left alone or kept private?” Perhaps, but my experience has always favored tackling them head on. Avoidance usually amplifies the yuck associated with a bad situation.

When I avoid a problem, I turn one problem (a bad situation) into two problems (a bad situation AND anxious uncertainty as to just how bad it is). It’s usually better to stare directly into the eyes of the beast, which often ends up looking more like a gerbil. I’ll provide three quick illustrations to back this up.

1. Extreme credit card debt

Famed internet marketer John Reese shares a powerful story in an interview with Tony Robbins. John simultaneously acquired 13 credit cards to finance his direct mail businesses. Using these cards, he racked up massive debt in a hurry. Feeling the weight of this debt provoked extreme anxiety in John, bringing him near the brink of suicide. He shoved all his credit card bills in a box, hidden under his bed. The debt compounded by uncertainty took its toll. John reflects, “I let that debt and fear control me for about two years.” One night John declared, “Let me laugh and see how pathetic my life really is…I’m going to calculate to the penny how much in debt I am.” Once he arrived at the whopping total of $107,910, he actually felt a sense of liberation. John wrote that number on a giant piece of paper he could see daily. Facing it every day, he designed and executed a plan to reduce his debt.

The rest is history. John erased his debt and became the first internet marketer to generate $1,000,000 in revenue in a 24-hour period. His debt experience gave rise to one of his mantras, “In order to change your reality, you must face your reality.”

2. The movie Signs

Everyone I’ve spoken to who has seen the movie Signs reports the same experience. At first, they feel a growing panic as the looming threat of spooky alien invaders presses closer and closer. They’re surrounding the humans, oh no! But once we finally get a glimpse of these alien critters—and discover their lame weakness—it feels like, “That’s it?! THAT’s what was freaking us out the whole time?” I often feel similarly about whatever I’ve been avoiding for long stretches. When I buckle down to tackle the beast I’ve been avoiding, I’m surprised by how tame that beast really is.

3. Call center attrition

One of my first Bain clients was a call center organization within an insurance company. These call centers were losing employees at a rapid pace—roughly twice as fast as industry benchmarks. However, because their data systems reported misleading information, their leadership never fully appreciated the gravity of the problem. When our consulting team implemented a new process that unambiguously quantified the situation, things changed in a hurry.

Suddenly the VP was able to call people out and say, “Tina, why is your attrition twice as high as Fred’s?” With real data in place, Tina was no longer able to hide behind the old smokescreen. Suddenly, she had full accountability for her results. By golly, she kicked things into high gear and asked Fred for some tips. Within three months, the client had reduced attrition by 40%.

Reflection

When uncertainty exists, we can clamp up and make sub-optimal blanket judgments. They might sound like:

• “We’re running a deficit right now; we’re not paying for anything else.”
• “I’m totally swamped; I have no time to take on anything new.”
• “We’re behind schedule; bring in all available resources from everywhere.”

But these all-or-nothing declarations rarely represent ideal solutions. The best course of action tends to require a sober reflection on the situation at hand—and produces a more nuanced solution. For example, the right answer to being swamped may sound more like, “This is really a priority, but how can I possibly fit it in? Well, looking at my list…I should delegate that, work late on Thursday, postpone that, get a temp for this, etc.”).

Whether the issue is business or personal, shining a light on it usually helps. Like the aliens in Signs, things usually aren’t as spooky when you finally stare them down.

What started as a simple LinkedIn message forever changed my view of humanity. (Slight exaggeration, but it’s a cool story with some surprising data…so be sure to scroll to the chart.)

One day, out of the blue, I got a simple LinkedIn message from a gentleman named Casey. It read:

Dear Mr. Mockaitis,

I noticed your involvement in the Linkedin directory and I am interested in learning more about a career in consulting. I am currently a teacher here in Chicago, although I graduated in ‘08 with an economics degree, but am looking for a career change. I felt that you would be a great source of advice for someone like me considering entering the field. I was hoping that you could spare some time to meet with me to share your knowledge of the industry. Thanks for your consideration. Let me know what you think!

I accepted the meeting and polished up my memories of good ole Bain & Company. We had a pleasant conversation, but things got interesting when he me asked for additional names of consulting people. I gave him four names and asked whom he’d contacted. Before my very eyes, Casey flipped through page after page in his master notebook. It contained numerous sections, each one an underlined firm’s name–with many names and notations underneath. He had tracked of every piece of correspondence among 233 total strangers. Impressive! I had a deep respect for this tracking approach that ensured accountability and regular follow-up.

Loving a good dataset, I pressed Casey to tell me more about his experience. It turns out that 28% of total strangers he messaged on LinkedIn responded right back, willing to help! I was quite surprised, as I contrasted this giant figure to the alleged “typical” direct mail response rate of 1-3%. The slide below breaks down the figures in additional detail:

Wow! Could it be that the answer to your burning question is just a message to a few strangers away? It’s an intriguing possibility. People often shy away from asking for help, yet these data show many are quite willing to help a perfect stranger. While there may be a sort of fear/rejection factor preventing these reach outs, Casey reported that only two people were jerks—less than 1%!

For additional reading, Casey informed me his secret weapon was an old book called: Job Notes: Networking. I also recommend Never Eat Alone.

P.S. If anyone has a consulting job opening, let me know! Casey’s a sharp guy .

Understandably so. When people are watching your work, it feels like there’s an unspoken pressure and expectation to constantly be making productive, nonstop, linear progress. However, ample research suggests linearity is a loser. Instead, taking regular breaks increases overall efficiency and effectiveness. Much of this great research and practical tips are presented in The Other 90% and The Power of Full Engagement (two of my favorites).

The authors of the latter speak of the power of being “strategically disengaged,” or deliberately choosing not to work in order to work more effectively. I personally love this verbiage and principle, and the science backs it up further. Take a look:

• In 1998, the US Army tested two gunnery crews to see which shooters would land more shells on a target over a three-day window. One group went shooting non-stop. The other group had pre-scheduled, intermittent naps. The nappers actually landed more hits, even though they spent less time shooting. (Plus they got to sleep, which probably irked the other group who stayed up for three straight days. Burn!)
• Long stretches of sitting is linked to diseases such as diabetes, cancer, and heart disease.
• Humans have recurring, physiologically discernible cycles (called circadian and ultradian rhythms) in which our brain-wave activity, heart rates, and hormonal levels vary—making us crave a rest period every 90-120 minutes. It’s what the body naturally needs!
• Students remember more material covered at the beginning and end of study sessions (the primacy and recency effects). Interspersing breaks creates more, shorter sessions to evoke more of these effects.

So walk around, take a nap, breathe, stretch, hydrate, pump some tunes. Tell the over-watching boss you’re going to “strategically disengage” in order to “harness the power of slumber.” That can feel a whole lot more empowering than, “I’m gonna stop working to take a nap.” Just be careful not to take it too far like George Costanza. This sort of behavior could result in your employer strategically disengaging your paycheck:

And to preempt the comments…I’ll tackle the question head-on: “Pete, I suppose you were just ‘strategically disengaged’ during these post-less months of blog absence, then?” Yes. Thanks for asking!

Stay in touch!

“Apathy is not a result of bad members, it’s a result of uninspired leadership.”

This striking quote has been stuck in my head all last week. It’s also the premise underlying a rocking blog called “The Apathy Myth” by speaker T.J. Sullivan. I’ve grown quite fond of this blog because T.J. addresses college student leaders who want more from their organizations. His posts are wise, funny, practical, and respectful—a pretty rare combination for messages aimed at this audience.

This quote also highlights a broader issue. Leaders often hastily jump to the conclusion that others are inadequate. It’s easy to point fingers, and overlook the possibility that it’s really your fault. But in fact, there’s one element common to all of your challenges: You’re in them. Given that, I propose that “maybe it’s you” is a great starting point anytime something goes awry. Start by asking, “What am I doing that’s contributing to this situation?”

To help reinforce this perspective, I’ve asked some animated friends at xtranormal to act out a scene. The video below is pretty odd…but its oddity makes it more likely to stick with you. So, enjoy:

“Oh, you must work in publishing!” I told him I was a speaker/author, and he insisted that we collaborate on his radio show and theater, etc. Now, my “sketchy sense” was tingling, but as I tried to formulate my response, he said something genius: “I get the sense that you’re busy and that speaking with me for even another 90 seconds would create significant disruption.” How perceptive!

Well, the line worked. I ended up talking to him for 90 minutes across two meetings. Yes, my initial instincts were right, and this was a poor use of time. But when I asked around about Rich, two other bloggers AND my video guy reported having the same lengthy exchanges with him out of nowhere! Wow.

How does this man manage to talk to strangers for long stretches of time? He continually identifies and speaks what his interlocutors are thinking / feeling. He acknowledges the inherent awkwardness and oddity of the situation, and that creates a kind of connection. In other words, he’s a master at calling a spade a spade. He kept it extra real.

This technique plays out in all sorts of interpersonal exchanges. Examples and questions for thought follow.

Telemarketers and street fundraisers

When someone just accosts you and dives into their spiel, don’t you just feel disconnected, overwhelmed, and annoyed? But when they acknowledge the situation, it feels like real humans having real conversation. Hearing something like, “Hey, I’m not really one to talk to strangers either, but if you’ve got two minutes, I think you’ll want to know about _____” feels better. How do you acknowledge the dynamic in your salesy moments?

Working styles

A Partner at a consulting firm once humbly admitted, “I’ve got something of an anxious personality. I’m pretty sure I get that from my mother.” Whew! After hearing him say that, I was so much more comfortable with the project. Before I worried that we might be doing a marginal job and be at risk of disappointing the client—afterwards I realized it’s just that’s how he interacts. What are some watch-outs in your personal work style?

Speaking

Master speaker Tony Robbins does a great job of speaking what the audience is thinking. He says things like, “I know, that seems so simple it’s kind of ridiculous…and I’d love to make it more complicated, but that’s really just how it is.” This combination of self-deprecation and identifying audience thoughts makes people feel like they’re chatting with a buddy. How are your words coming across to others?

Job expectations

When recruiting people, it’s tempting to play up the benefits and glamour that a job may provide. This is a terrible idea. Employees later feel disillusioned, disappointed, and deceived when they experience the hard realities. Volunteers simply disappear or don’t follow-through. You may have had to stifle a giggle when an employer told you something would be a great “professional development opportunity” when they really meant, “this is something way beneath our pay grade, so you need to take care of this.” Leveling with folks (e.g. “This isn’t sexy, but it’s critical.”) usually produces better results. Have you ever felt misled? What’d that do for your working relationship?

Proactively calling a spade a spade can produce surprisingly positive results…but please don’t do it to harass strangers at Subway!

What’s much more interesting than my warm fuzzies, however, is this powerful example of teamwork in which small contributions  aggregate into something fantastic.

It started when Jonny Gibaud over at The Life Thing asked 30 bloggers to answer two questions: 1) What is success? 2) How do you achieve it? We also had the opportunity to make a 500×500 pixel square to artistically communicate this. Individually, I thought my square was nifty, but nothing to write home about. But when you compile them all in a pretty package, the book provides a fascinating set of perspectives that gets the reader thinking down a path: “Indeed, what is success? Which perspectives really moved me? Which ones did I think were lame? Why? What does that say about what I value?” The result can be some cool introspective insights. Check it out!

Selfishly, I also enjoy the good exposure coming from a relatively small investment of time. The contributors are quietly reaping some great little benefits:

• It’s fun to be in good company with people we respect and like to read.
• Because we’re all part of the book, everyone who’s intrigued by the book will be exposed to all 30 contributors. Furthermore, when those who are impressed by the collaboration blog about it, every contributor benefits from the Ebook’s readership.
• On the Ebook we’re all linked back to our respective blogs. Who doesn’t love a good inbound link?
• We now have our names listed in new places which means they can turn up in another favorable place when Googled.  In other words, Googling (Jonny Gibaud, Alec Satin, Alex Unleash Reality, Armen Shirvanian, Ashley Ambirge, Austin Evarts, Brenton Gieser, Brian D. Armstrong, Brian Papa, Bud Hennekes, Carlos Miceli, Cody McKibben, Colin Wright, David Turnbull, Derek Baron, Gordie Rogers, Greg Rollett, Henri Junttila, Jennifer Smith, Jun Loayza, Lisis Blackston, Matt Cheuvront, Oscar Del Ben, Pete Mockaitis, Raam Dev, Scott Young, Sid Savara, or Stephen Mills) might send you here!

Talk about a win-win-win! This teamwork theme of combining tiny tidbits into something much greater also plays out in many other useful ways. A common example is aggregating numerous survey responses to generate insights completely unobtainable from extended interviews with a few people. One of my favorite authors, John C. Maxwell, employed crowdsourcing in writing his forthcoming book. Finally, the book The Wisdom of Crowds has plenty of extra fascinating possibilities. What else comes to mind?