Recently, I was speaking at a legal fraternity’s national pre-law conference. In preparing for the event, I learned about one of the most frequently-asked questions: “If we have an open membership policy, how can I make people do things?” I chuckled because I have asked myself the same question many times—even inside organizations that made people jump through massive hoops to join.

So, I’ll share my response, brought about from years of pondering and research: You can’t make people do things! Human free will and differing motivation make it impossible for one person to make another do anything. However, there’s plenty we can do to influence others to do things. The best book I’ve read on this topic comes from social psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini. It’s called Influence: Science and Practice. (Note: This book’s content is almost identical to Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, but quite different from Influence by the Olson twins.)

In the book, he shares six “weapons of influence.” Below is a quick rundown.

1) Reciprocity

People feel a strong need to reciprocate giving. If you get an unexpected Christmas present, you’ll probably scramble to find something to give back to your gift-giver. This is why nonprofits put little address labels or other tiny gifts in the mail with their solicitations. The same works for favors. I know some folks who have proactively, generously gone above-and-beyond in sharing their time, wisdom, and networks to help my business grow; I leap at whatever opportunity I have to repay the favor. After all, “I owe them.” Cialdini offers a brilliant response to invoke reciprocity whenever someone expresses gratitude. He suggests that you never say, “it’s nothing.” Instead say, “I know you’d do the same for me.” Sneaky, huh?!

2) Commitment / Consistency

Humans want to be consistent with their commitments, words, and others’ expectations of them. Just imagine a child saying, “But you promised!” Indeed, we have all sorts of nasty names for people who don’t live up to their word; nobody wants to be one of those. Recently a friend convinced me against my better judgment to go party with him on a school night. He texted: “A lot of people will be disappointed if you don’t come; it’s not like Petus Maximus to disappoint a crowd.” Brutal!

3) Social Proof

Your mother may have asked you, “If everybody was jumping off a cliff, would you?” Well, if everyone looked like they were having a blast, and emerged at the bottom with all their limbs…you probably would. Indeed, Cialdini’s research highlights that people observe others to determine acceptable behaviors. This is particularly applicable in ambiguous environments. I love observing this with children who haven’t quite developed their humor faculties. When there’s a quality joke on the TV, the children don’t laugh, immediately—but rather look around to see others laugh. Then they deliver a forced, delayed laugh. We’re not that much different.

4) Liking

People like to do things for people they like, and not do things for people they don’t. It’s just that simple. Some salespeople you love and believe they’ve got your best interests at heart; others seem like they only view you as a commission opportunity. The first salesperson will probably get your business. Jeffrey Gitomer says it well: “All things being equal, people want to do business with their friends. All things being not quite so equal, people still want to do business with their friends.”

5) Authority

The spooky Stanley Milgram experiment shows just how powerful authority can be. Indeed, 65% of participants administered a “dangerous” electric shock to another human being merely because the authority figure insisted. Folks can go to great lengths to impress or comply with an authority figure. Earning the authority in the first place is the tough part.

6) Scarcity

When something seems rare, people assume it’s more valuable. Scarcity applies to physical items, opportunities, or an amount of time to take action. The Beanie Baby craze occurred largely due to particular animals’ limited availability. Groupon is also based on this whole principle. The deal is up for only one day. You may not have though you needed that 50%-off massage, but it’s only available today!

Employing these “weapons of influence”—ethically, of course—won’t enable you to make people do things, but they sure can help.

Halloween always seems to sneak up on me. Not this year. This year, I’m packing a premium lycra/spandex Christopher-Reeve-style Superman costume custom-made to my specific measurements. And yes, I promise this post has a point.

Insiders know I’ve sought a quality Superman ensemble since my childhood Superman pajamas fell apart due to excessive wear around town. But the harsh reality is…adults can pay $300 for an off-the-rack Superman costume that doesn’t even include real boots! In early October, my thoughtful mother mailed me a pair of red boots. The die was cast; there was no turning back. Thanks to some web searches, a measuring tape, and the handiwork of bit9007 on ebay, the dream has finally come alive. (See picture.)

The loyal reader cries out “Pete! We don’t subscribe to your blog [great idea, BTW] to hear about your Halloween costume. Give me something meaty to ponder and use!” Okay, here it is: the reason I want to be Superman is I believe we are called to be superheroes. To use our unique talents (“superpowers” if you will) in service to others.

This mortal superhero concept first came to me when I saw Spiderman 2 and was unexpectedly rocked with massive inspiration. Should you care for additional detail from a 20.8-year-old Pete, I’ve pasted in my journal entry from that day. So this Halloween—when you see legends of Marvel and DC scurrying about town—ask yourself what you have to offer humanity.

I just saw Spiderman 2 and I’m just so inspired.  This movie reaffirmed the thoughts I had when I saw the first movie.  Namely, that I want to be a superhero.  I wanted to be a superhero since I was a little boy.  I would always watch Superman and read the Spiderman comic books. And that’s what I want now.

Before I ever danced around this temporary Pittsburgh apartment imagining my first book deal, I used to dance around my living room—fighting imaginary bad guys and saving the day.  My mom caught me once.   I was a bit embarrassed since I was rather old to be pretending to be superhero, but I did so nonetheless.  I had to explain that I was Spiderman, Superman, Daredevil, the Incredible Hulk, or whoever was saving the village from the evil people.  She seemed to be proud.  As a youngster, I would sometimes encourage other children to whack me with large sticks.  I would insist that—due to the large S on my styling Superman T—I was impervious to their blows.  I pretended that it didn’t hurt when they hit me, and impressed them when they would crack large limbs against my frame.  Once, Jeff and I got these Superman shirts and had multiple holes torn in them the first day because we were climbing trees with our invincible selves.

Before I dreamt of joining a top tier strategy consulting firm, I wanted to fly about like Superman. Years prior to reading Unlimited Power, I was mesmerized by Spiderman’s exploits in slimmer volumes at $1.25 a pop.  When I was little I yearned to have their superpowers.  Over time, I had pretty much accepted that they were fictitious characters and that their exploits were impossible.  Then I saw David Copperfield fly around on stage.  I remember trying to fly, thinking I could fly if I only believed in myself enough.  My parents, concerned for my safety, dispelled this potentially perilous belief.  Mr. Copperfield was only performing an illusion, they explained.  When pressed, they were unable to explain how he did it, so I remain convinced that he did do it.  I cried and cried when it sunk in that I couldn’t really fly.  That night I dreamt I was flying and it was glorious.  The next morning I realized it was a dream and wept more.

As I matured, I still craved superpowers, but they took different forms.  I swapped flying for a flawless memory, web-spinning for writing skills, and super-strength for speaking ability.  But I don’t think this dream will ever die.  I want to be a superhero.  And I’ve decided I’m going to be.  Superman remains my inspiration to this day—just 71 days before the age of majority.  Two months before bars and mutual funds open their doors to me, at the age of 20.8, I still want to be Superman.

I realize that I will never be as fast as Superman, or as strong, or look as sexy in that sleek costume.  But I think that a superhero only needs two things: superpowers and a commitment to use them for mankind’s betterment.  Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Pope John Paul II—these people are superheroes.   I’d even say Dale Carnegie and Stephen Covey are superheroes, since they use their knowledge to enrich the lives of so many.

So, I’m going to call a “superpower” something that a person can do better than about 97% of humanity.  Hey, that’s pretty phenomenal, if you ask me.  If a human being fully uses his or her greatest talents for the good of humanity, then that person is a superhero.  Plain and simple. I want to do just that.  Once again, I shall reflect upon the things that I can do best.  Then let us look at causes / avenues to which these things can be applied for mankind’s benefit.  I feel like I’ve done this before, but have not yet become a superhero.  I’m starting a superhero worksheet.

“I’ll take poor assumptions for $800, Alex” is a fabulous line from one of my favorite movies: Finding Forrester. In the movie, Forrester’s (Sean Connery) assumption is that Jamal (Rob Brown) hasn’t heard of a particular author mentioned on Jeopardy because of his youth and upbringing. Jamal sticks it to him.

Here are four other poor assumptions we often make:

Therefore, this person is a jerk.

In conversations, we add meaning, stories, inference, and assumptions to what is said. This concept is diagrammed in spiffy academic style as the Ladder of Inference. The book Difficult Conversations lays it out more simply: “We assume we know the intentions of others when we don’t.” A powerful question to catch ourselves in the act is: What else could this mean?

This person is just like me.

Humans naturally tend to think that others are generally more or less like them. Indeed it’s tougher to imagine someone being the opposite because we have little experience with that. The truth is that people have hard-wired, totally differing ways of running their brain.

He committed to doing it; therefore, it shall be done.

Whenever I haven’t heard from someone over a peculiarly long interval, 91% of the time, their progress is nonexistent or insufficient. Diplomatic nagging is in order.

Success is driven by quality / talent.

Ahhh, if only it were so. Then the best books would be bestsellers, the most talented musicians would rock the stages, and we wouldn’t have to hear from Ke$ha on the radio. Large-scale commercial success more often comes to those who give the masses what they want—and market it to them effectively. NBC’s viewership math tells us plainly: Americans prefer to watch reruns of Minute to Win it to Breakthrough with Tony Robbins. Alas. For a more hopeful take on the masses, check out an interview with The Average American, Bob Burns.

What are some other poor assumptions we that muddle our view of reality or impede our conversations? I’d love to hear your wisdom in the comments.

Recently a reader asked me, “Pete, I dig Team Up and the whole accountability thing, but I’m having trouble holding myself accountable. I often need to focus on computer tasks when no one’s watching and things aren’t especially urgent…and that’s the perfect storm for me getting totally distracted by Facebook / funny links / email / texts / dumb stuff. How do you handle that?”

Indeed, the online distraction problem is rampant. A study in 2008 from The Ohio State University noted that college students who use Facebook have lower GPAs and spend less time studying. A 2009 study from Nucleus Research concluded that companies “effectively lose an average of 1.5% of total office productivity when employees can access Facebook during the workday.” Other fun stats from Nucleus:

• 77% of workers have Facebook accounts
• Almost 2/3s of these workers use Facebook at work
• 87% of Facebookers-at-work are unable to provide a business reason for their use
• Facebookers-at-work spend an average of 15 minutes each day on it

Whew, I’ve been there; self-employment in the home office setting seems particularly susceptible to online distraction. So, here’s a quick personal accountability tip I use to be attention-mastering when I need to buckle-down when the bite-sized online universe tries to sweep me away.

1) Shut it off!

Shut off as much online distraction as possible upfront. If you don’t need any of the Internet for the task, unplug the Ethernet cord and shut off the wireless. If you need the Internet but not email, close the email client or browser window with your messages. If you don’t need Facebook, log all the way out and close the window. Put the phone on silent. For many, giving themselves permission to be inaccessible is the toughest part. Ask: Might anything traumatic happen if the world is unable to reach me for 90 minutes? With a few exceptions (e.g. Medical professionals, Jack Bauer, military personnel, new parents) the answer is usually no. My experiences usually show me that I’m usually not as important and needed as I think I am .

2) Write down your  commitment, covering the phone

On a notecard or a piece of paper, write down (in big letters) what you’re absolutely committed to completing before breaking your focus. It might sound like, “Draft two pages of report.” or “Complete cost analysis on project.” Ideally, this commitment will fit into roughly one attention span (call it 50-100 minutes), so you can achieve a complete victory prior to needing to visit the restroom or do anything else. Also write down the start time of your commitment. Then, place this piece of paper on top of your phone. For me, this sends a strong message to brain: “Hey, this is commitment is more important than other people’s requests during this timeframe. Be Attention Master! Be Dominator of Distraction!”

When it’s finished, write down the finishing time, and pat yourself on the back for that length of continuous focus. During a very distractible day, I might force myself to make multiple cards a day and then feel like a champion when tally up the total minutes. Yes, this process might feel a bit rudimentary and childish…but it sure works for me!

3) Take better breaks

No human can work effectively nonstop. It’s built into our biological circadian rhythms that we’ll do best if we take a moment to strategically disengage every so often. However, many people make Facebook or email or silliness the centerpiece of their breaks. These are often not as deeply refreshing as alternative breaks involving hydrating, snacks, stretching, breathing, the outdoors, taking in some light, speaking to a human, etc. Get up and let your eyeballs fixate on something in the distance! Ahhh.

So, that’s my approach to battle the forces of Facebook and tiny distracting requests upon me. If you’ve got any more tips to be attention masters when you’re alone and distracted, please share them in the comments.

I’ve seen it happen too many times. It’s been a long time coming, but you’ve finally nailed down a specific time and location to catch up with a good friend, and the friend asks, “Can [insert 3^rd party name] come too?”

“Ummm….sure….”

You don’t want them there, but it’s hard to say “no” because you don’t want to be mean, rude, or exclusive. Ugh, what an uncomfortable position. (Hey, at least the 3^rd party didn’t just show up unexpectedly.)

But there’s a real, valid, and true reason to exclude other people from a social setting. It’s not about being mean. The truth is, a 3^rd party’s presence sometimes impedes achieving the objectives of the gathering. You protest: “But Pete…this isn’t some speaking engagement or client meeting! There aren’t ‘objectives’ here; we’re just getting together to have fun and catch up.”

But “having fun” and “catching up” are two very important objectives! They meet fundamental human needs and shouldn’t be ignored. A third party can impair having fun, catching up, and other objectives because his mere presence constrains what gets said. For example:

• You can’t vent about how annoying your girlfriend or roommate has been when they’re right there.
• It’s tough to share the meaty personal stuff when you’re not at that level with the 3^rd party.
• You can’t revel as much in your inside jokes when someone from the outside is present.
• It’s tricky to talk about your mystic revelations when the 3^rd party isn’t down with that spirituality.
• It feels weird to dig into the deep, detailed goodies about an area of shared passion (e.g. entrepreneurship, fitness, technology, books) when the 3^rd party doesn’t share that passion.

Indeed, a forced three-person conversation often gets squeezed into a shallow, narrow box that leaves everyone feeling a little dissatisfied. It’s ironic, but enforcing boundaries often fosters greater intimacy.

So, how do you break this news? It can be as simple as declaring the objective and how the 3^rd party will impede it. For example: “Oh, I actually had some pretty personal stuff I wanted to get your perspective on, and it’d probably feel kinda weird with _____ present since we don’t really know each other well.” Most folks can understand and deal with that. Or, you can recommend the 3^rd party comes just before or after the one-on-one time, so you can cover goods without dissing the other guy.

Exception: There are certainly times when basic kindness suggests subjugating the precious meeting objectives to help a 3^rd party who’s hurting and needs people-contact. But generally, well-adjusted folks can understand a logical rationale behind their exclusion.

Rant complete.

Our consulting team pushed through late night after light night, preparing for the super-secret, super-important meeting with the executive team—including the CEO himself. I was extra excited, with the wide-eyed wonder of a fresh recruit in the first months of his consulting career. This was the first time I got to see a real-live, big-deal CEO up-close-and-personal! When we had incorporated the final hurried PowerPoint edits, I rushed back with the printouts, shook the VIPs’ hands (wow!) and took my seat.

The Manager masterfully paraded through slide after slide filled with robust recommendations, case-cracking insights, zero-defect analysis, and everything a consulting slide deck should have. When we opened it up for questions, the CEO squinted a bit, opened his mouth, then paused. I waited breathlessly, wondering what sort of profundity this titan of industry was about illuminate for us. My head leaned in so as to not miss a syllable of his wisdom. He asked, “So…these labor costs on slide 4 here…do those include the benefits?”

It was a massive letdown. I had expected this dude who had ascended to the heights of business to make brilliant business observations left-and-right. Instead, he asked a totally mundane question.

This phenomenon happens to us all the time. We get all nervous when we’re about to meet a mythic human who is mighty / famous / rich / admired. Afterwards, when folks ask, “How was meeting Mr. Big Deal?!” the surprised response is, “He’s totally just a regular guy!” Remembering that everyone is, in fact, just a regular guy / gal, can go a long way in creating natural back-and-forth conversations that create positive impressions and cover the real issues at hand.

Interestingly, not long after my first CEO experience, I was on the recruiter side of the career fair table for the first time. I heard candidate after candidate say things like, “Hello. I’m looking to apply my interest in finance and accounting to develop myself as a world-class professional through a challenging career in the realm of strategy consulting.”

Are you now?! I couldn’t help but giggle on the inside every time this occurred, thinking, “I’m just one year older than you; we can talk to each other like normal people instead of essay prompts and essay answers.”

Take some wisdom from a classic children’s book: “An elephant makes a big poop…a mouse makes a tiny poop…everyone poops.” Indeed they do. We’re all people, governed by the same biological forces. Even William Wallace reminds his army that he’s just a dude (43-seconds in): Freedom speech.

It’s October, 1994. Today holds a special gym class; we get to go outside to the asphalt playground. We file out the door with great fervor, bouncing up-and-down to ward off the autumn chill. The day’s curriculum is a 5th grade favorite: Kickball. Second only to Capture-the-Flag, Kickball made us squeal in delight. As per normal, the towering Mr. Croy plays the role of pitcher for the whole game. He has a knack for rolling the red rubber ball at us with the speed and precision of a championship bowler.

We split into teams and get down to business. The game hobbles along with the occasional single or double…but no real excitement. Home runs only happen in our imagination. Then Benton steps up to the plate. He timidly addresses our lofty instructor: “Could…could you bounce it a little?”

My eyebrows, fists, and stomach clench in disgust. “WHAT?!” I shout in my head. “This little booger has the audacity to ask the almighty Mr. Croy if he can ‘bounce it a little’?! Are you serious? A bouncy kickball pitch is an unexpected, undeserved grace you are lucky to inherit. Bouncing provides a precious opportunity to get your foot nicely under that ball and send her soaring. That’s like asking the bingo-ball-puller to call your precise numbers. Who does the guy think he is?” Spanning the crowd to see the gaping mouths and wide eyes, I can tell my classmates share my dismay. Then all eyes turn to our colossal educator.

Mr. Croy smirks a little, clearly surprised at Benton’s gumption, then just shrugs. He throws the ball. Sure enough, the pitch is perfectly bouncy—the thing kickball dreams are made of. Benton times his kick just right, getting right under the ball and sending it soaring over the fence and into the nearby parking lot. First home run! He and his comrades sprint around the bases in glory.

The next student steps up to plate. He asks, “So…could you bounce it again?” The precedent has been established; Mr. Croy complies. BOOM! Another home run and set of sprints. The third person steps up to the plate, and now it’s just understood: From here on out, the pitches shall be bouncy. For the rest of the game, we sprint harder, cheer louder, and launch the ball farther than ever before.

Kickball at Holy Family School had been forever transformed from a low-scoring amusement into an epic, high-scoring, scurrying melee…all because Benton summoned the courage to ask: “Could you bounce it a little?” What little thing can you ask your leaders, friends, colleagues, partners, or peers that could make things explosively amazing…or just a little less irritating? Go ahead and ask them. They might just surprise you with their willingness to bounce it a little.

Maybe I’m late to the party, but it seems like there’s been a proliferation of “checking-in” as of late. Whether it’s foursquare, or Yelp mobile or Facebook mobile, more folks seem to be checking-in more often to alert the world of their recent geographic escapades. While these check-ins are likely inconsequential, I dig the mindset of the frequent check-in; it has tremendous transformational power for individuals and organizations.

One of my favorite bloggers, Ramit Sethi, recently posted about New Year’s resolutions: “if you’re not making steady progress at your top resolution right now — September 6th — you haven’t set up systems to maintain ongoing accountability, and chances are you’ll fail again in January.” Amen!

How often do we check-in on the things that matter? For many people’s goals, the answer is once—on New Year’s Day when people ask, “What’s your resolution?” But annually on New Year’s usually won’t cut it! Similarly, I have a friend who was recently dumped. He reported that he noticed similar crappy boyfriend behaviors in himself just prior to his last dumping. His takeaway: Checking-in on how good a boyfriend you’re being once-a-dumping isn’t frequently enough! This time he wrote down his lessons learned and committed to reviewing that stuff regularly in his next relationship.

The frequency of the check-in can make all the difference. Tony Robbins makes a dramatic point on this in his program The Time of Your Life. He suggests the New Year’s resolvers who review their goal and progress once a month are 12 times as likely to achieve their goal as the annual reviewers. Weekly checkers are 52 times more likely to achieve their goal. Daily checkers are 365 times more likely to achieve their goal. I doubt if this relationship is precisely mathematically accurate…but it sure makes a compelling, intuitive point. The more often you check-in on something, the more your focus and energy goes there, and the more likely you’ll be victorious in that pursuit. And it can be as quick as looking at some simple metrics or just asking “Hey, how we doing?”

The old business saying goes, “You get what you measure,” and my consulting experiences proved this out. Whenever we dug in to get the “real” data, and were newly able to report real performance information with frequency and consistency, cool results seemed to magically appear. (I also noticed that the consultants with rockstar reputations tended to check-in weekly with their superiors for extra feedback and coaching. Hmm.…)

What matters to you? When’s the last time you checked-in on that?

There’s nothing quite like a perfect score. A 300 in bowling. An 800 credit score. A 100% compliance rating. While Mathematicians (and Wikipedia) define perfect numbers as “a positive integer that is the sum of its proper positive divisors” (e.g. 6), that doesn’t do much for me. I’m more fascinated by “perfect numbers” that represent an optimal or threshold point for performance. For your random numerical edification, some examples follow.

Perfect salary – $75,000

Getting play lately in the Wall Street Journal and Lifehacker is a study surveying 450,000 people about the relationship between money and happiness. Their conclusion? Dollars beyond $75K do very little to affect your day-to-day experience of well-being…but they do make you feel like a baller.

Perfect temperature – 71.5^o

Most studies highlight a rather narrow temperature range for what makes people work at their optimum levels of productivity—typically between 70 and 73 degrees Fahrenheit. (Maybe that’s why I’ve been a better blogger lately…it wasn’t my fault; it was just the oppressive August heat.)

Perfect organizational size – 153

Robin Dunbar has grown famous for his number (100 to 230) on the limit of people with whom your brain can handle maintaining stable social relationships. After that, you just probably don’t really know them. Tom Peters applies this alongside other research to place optimal organizational size at precisely 153. After this point, absenteeism and other workplace problems accelerate.

Perfect number of Facebook friends – 800

In contrast to Dunbar and Peters, researchers point to a much higher figure on Facebook. Generally, the more friends are better—leading people to conclude that you’re “more popular, attractive and self-confident” than if you had fewer friends. But once you cross the threshold around 800, you are seen as insecure (“Love me! Please?”)

Fascinating! If you’re going to keep score, you may as well know what perfect is. What are some other perfect numbers you’ve encountered in research? Please share the optimality with us in the comments below. (Research links welcome.) I’ve been particularly trying to zero in on:

• The perfect amount of time to wait before prompting a negligent delegatee?
• The perfect number of hours for sleep?
• The perfect number of reps per weight-lifting set to get totally huge / jacked / shredded?

People often ask me for random life advice, expecting this speaker/author to say something fresh and insightful—uniquely tailored to their distinctive situation. Ooops! Unfortunately for them, most of the advice I’ve given since high school can be summarized in three words: Think, Ask, Tell.

Yes, that’s oversimplification (please continue hiring me to deliver fresh content!)…but if you strip away all the noise and unique situational factors, much advice boils down to these three tidbits.

Think

When the pathway forward is genuinely unclear, it’s usually because you (or organizations) don’t truly know what you really want. It’s ideal to take some initial time clarifying the big picture, with questions like:

• What’s the overall objective? (Think globally! Example: Maximize profits. Be happy. Marry the optimal spouse. Become a saint. Retire. Win.)
• Of potentially conflicting objectives, what’s most important? What really takes priority?
• What’s the best possible resolution to advance the overall objective?
• (If stuck): What missing information is needed…and how will you get it?
• What will it really take for that resolution to happen?
• Given all this, what do you need to know or do?
• What’s the very next physical action required to make progress on that?

Going through the process of clarifying what’s important and what isn’t reinforces core values that will expedite future dilemma resolutions as well. Now all that remains is asking and/or telling.

Ask

Once there’s internal clarity on what you really want…it’s often just a matter of summoning the humility to ask. Ask for wisdom, expertise, help, human resources, financial resources—whatever you need. Ask Google, the librarian, all your Facebook friends, your boss, your doctor, your mentor, your lover, your rich uncle, your technologically-gifted friends, even total strangers (it works). Whoever’s got what you need—or might know the guy who’s got what you need—ask them. People like to be asked! Ideally, you’ll do it with a little style…but just be sure to do it.

Tell

With internal clarity and external resources in hand, all that remains is communicating your conclusion. If people get stuck at this stage, it’s usually just a matter of being courageous enough to power through potential conflict. Whether you’re making an impassioned stand against your boss or just telling a friend no, it can be tough to speak up. The conversations many call “awkward” can also be called scary. So just say it! Silence is usually worse, speaking hurts less than you imagine, and peeps will respect your candor.

So, imaginary advice-seeker, that’s my generic wisdom to you all. The rest is technique. Next time you’re stumped when someone asks for advice, feel free to point them here .