“Apathy is not a result of bad members, it’s a result of uninspired leadership.”

This striking quote has been stuck in my head all last week. It’s also the premise underlying a rocking blog called “The Apathy Myth” by speaker T.J. Sullivan. I’ve grown quite fond of this blog because T.J. addresses college student leaders who want more from their organizations. His posts are wise, funny, practical, and respectful—a pretty rare combination for messages aimed at this audience.

This quote also highlights a broader issue. Leaders often hastily jump to the conclusion that others are inadequate. It’s easy to point fingers, and overlook the possibility that it’s really your fault. But in fact, there’s one element common to all of your challenges: You’re in them. Given that, I propose that “maybe it’s you” is a great starting point anytime something goes awry. Start by asking, “What am I doing that’s contributing to this situation?”

To help reinforce this perspective, I’ve asked some animated friends at xtranormal to act out a scene. The video below is pretty odd…but its oddity makes it more likely to stick with you. So, enjoy:

“Oh, you must work in publishing!” I told him I was a speaker/author, and he insisted that we collaborate on his radio show and theater, etc. Now, my “sketchy sense” was tingling, but as I tried to formulate my response, he said something genius: “I get the sense that you’re busy and that speaking with me for even another 90 seconds would create significant disruption.” How perceptive!

Well, the line worked. I ended up talking to him for 90 minutes across two meetings. Yes, my initial instincts were right, and this was a poor use of time. But when I asked around about Rich, two other bloggers AND my video guy reported having the same lengthy exchanges with him out of nowhere! Wow.

How does this man manage to talk to strangers for long stretches of time? He continually identifies and speaks what his interlocutors are thinking / feeling. He acknowledges the inherent awkwardness and oddity of the situation, and that creates a kind of connection. In other words, he’s a master at calling a spade a spade. He kept it extra real.

This technique plays out in all sorts of interpersonal exchanges. Examples and questions for thought follow.

Telemarketers and street fundraisers

When someone just accosts you and dives into their spiel, don’t you just feel disconnected, overwhelmed, and annoyed? But when they acknowledge the situation, it feels like real humans having real conversation. Hearing something like, “Hey, I’m not really one to talk to strangers either, but if you’ve got two minutes, I think you’ll want to know about _____” feels better. How do you acknowledge the dynamic in your salesy moments?

Working styles

A Partner at a consulting firm once humbly admitted, “I’ve got something of an anxious personality. I’m pretty sure I get that from my mother.” Whew! After hearing him say that, I was so much more comfortable with the project. Before I worried that we might be doing a marginal job and be at risk of disappointing the client—afterwards I realized it’s just that’s how he interacts. What are some watch-outs in your personal work style?

Speaking

Master speaker Tony Robbins does a great job of speaking what the audience is thinking. He says things like, “I know, that seems so simple it’s kind of ridiculous…and I’d love to make it more complicated, but that’s really just how it is.” This combination of self-deprecation and identifying audience thoughts makes people feel like they’re chatting with a buddy. How are your words coming across to others?

Job expectations

When recruiting people, it’s tempting to play up the benefits and glamour that a job may provide. This is a terrible idea. Employees later feel disillusioned, disappointed, and deceived when they experience the hard realities. Volunteers simply disappear or don’t follow-through. You may have had to stifle a giggle when an employer told you something would be a great “professional development opportunity” when they really meant, “this is something way beneath our pay grade, so you need to take care of this.” Leveling with folks (e.g. “This isn’t sexy, but it’s critical.”) usually produces better results. Have you ever felt misled? What’d that do for your working relationship?

Proactively calling a spade a spade can produce surprisingly positive results…but please don’t do it to harass strangers at Subway!

What’s much more interesting than my warm fuzzies, however, is this powerful example of teamwork in which small contributions  aggregate into something fantastic.

It started when Jonny Gibaud over at The Life Thing asked 30 bloggers to answer two questions: 1) What is success? 2) How do you achieve it? We also had the opportunity to make a 500×500 pixel square to artistically communicate this. Individually, I thought my square was nifty, but nothing to write home about. But when you compile them all in a pretty package, the book provides a fascinating set of perspectives that gets the reader thinking down a path: “Indeed, what is success? Which perspectives really moved me? Which ones did I think were lame? Why? What does that say about what I value?” The result can be some cool introspective insights. Check it out!

Selfishly, I also enjoy the good exposure coming from a relatively small investment of time. The contributors are quietly reaping some great little benefits:

• It’s fun to be in good company with people we respect and like to read.
• Because we’re all part of the book, everyone who’s intrigued by the book will be exposed to all 30 contributors. Furthermore, when those who are impressed by the collaboration blog about it, every contributor benefits from the Ebook’s readership.
• On the Ebook we’re all linked back to our respective blogs. Who doesn’t love a good inbound link?
• We now have our names listed in new places which means they can turn up in another favorable place when Googled.  In other words, Googling (Jonny Gibaud, Alec Satin, Alex Unleash Reality, Armen Shirvanian, Ashley Ambirge, Austin Evarts, Brenton Gieser, Brian D. Armstrong, Brian Papa, Bud Hennekes, Carlos Miceli, Cody McKibben, Colin Wright, David Turnbull, Derek Baron, Gordie Rogers, Greg Rollett, Henri Junttila, Jennifer Smith, Jun Loayza, Lisis Blackston, Matt Cheuvront, Oscar Del Ben, Pete Mockaitis, Raam Dev, Scott Young, Sid Savara, or Stephen Mills) might send you here!

Talk about a win-win-win! This teamwork theme of combining tiny tidbits into something much greater also plays out in many other useful ways. A common example is aggregating numerous survey responses to generate insights completely unobtainable from extended interviews with a few people. One of my favorite authors, John C. Maxwell, employed crowdsourcing in writing his forthcoming book. Finally, the book The Wisdom of Crowds has plenty of extra fascinating possibilities. What else comes to mind?

Around election time, we would joke around, highlighting any potentially offensive word someone said and asking, “Is that PC?” (Politically Correct.) Verbal transformations ensued. “Short” became “vertically challenged.” “Fat” became “robust.”

From this silly ritual grew a mindset of being choosy with words. Similarly, it’s often helpful for folks to employ a degree of choosy-ness by practicing a version of PC with their teams. This PC refers to “Perfect Candor.”  I describe Perfect Candor to audiences as a complete disclosure of your thoughts on an issue with a complete respect for the individual who brought it up. (Some readers might note this sounds similar to a few of the principles in Getting to Yes, but in a different context. Very astute of you ; )

Often teammates over- or under-communicate their viewpoints in meetings. Sometimes they hate an idea, and their expression of that concern comes across as an indictment of the idea-generator. Others might shy away from speaking at all, or couch their language so heavily that no one knows how they really feel. In either scenario, the team loses. Whether someone feels dissed or remains silent, the team’s engagement and/or decision quality will suffer.

But, it’s possible to pull a John Mayer and say what you need to say (eight times in a row if need be)…without making people feel dumb. To help separate people from issues, take a gander at the following 2 x 2. It illustrates differing responses to someone who says something “wrong.”

Note: While the diagram highlights word choices, body language and vocal tone are just as important.

A little practice with Perfect Candor and an awareness of who you’re being on the 2 x 2 can go a long way to ensure that people are heard—and never mind hearing each other.

The fun part came when these executives, one-by-one, called my buddy and asked, panic-stricken, “Did you get this voicemail too? Oh crap, what’d we do?!” Yes, three separate individuals approached him with a near-identical response. It turns out, nobody did anything wrong…she was just collecting input on how they should transition in a new team member.

“Isn’t that interesting? Why did they respond this way?” We mused. Historically, the CEO had only made impromptu calls to underlings when something was wrong, or she needed something “ASAP!” Like Pavlovian dogs, the executives had become conditioned to experience a gut-level response associated with a stimulus.

What a powerful lesson! Whether you’re ringing a bell or leaving a voicemail: You condition people how to respond to you.

Now, in some ways that’s a “Duh,” but the implications loom large. Tiny patterns within our historical exchanges—patterns we might not even be aware of—reverberate in the present moment. They can cause teammates to experience major anxiety or stop listening before you even start talking.

The conditioning can happen in numerous contexts. Particularly if you’ve been working with someone for a long time… certain actions or even tones of voice can form deeply-held emotional associations.

For example, I belonged to a college organization whose President had a knack for calling me at exactly my worst moments. He seemed to have a radar, calling after every intense period of personal Pete busy-ness and minimal organizational progress. I would see his name on my phone and think, “Of course, NOW is when he calls to check-in.” He would open with pleasantries, but I always ignored them, knowing there was an unpleasant call-to-task following the “So, how’s it going?” Knowing this, I began ignoring his phone calls…merely responding with an email two days later with the stuff he needed. Not a very healthy communication pattern!

Another friend’s underlings recently informed her that she has a noteworthy vocal tone. The tone crops up only in certain follow-up conversations. The voice sounds friendly…but they’ve grown to associate a distinct, “If this isn’t done, I’m going to choke somebody” meaning to it. When they hear it, they realize “she really means it this time” and upwardly-prioritize her request.

To help uncover any potentially hidden conditioning, try asking yourself—or your teammates—these questions:

• Do I inquire about my people’s progress regularly—or only when I suspect they’re behind?
• Do I regularly offer feedback to develop my teammates—or only when intervening action is needed?
• Do I ask for opinions and input frequently—or only when something seems like it’s going awry?
• Do I deliver positive feedback on a stand-alone basis—or only as a precursor or “sandwich” to unpleasant feedback?

With a little conditioning introspection, your teammates may salivate in joyous expectation upon receiving your voicemails. OK, not likely, but at least you can keep them listening and prevent them from recoiling in voicemail terror.

Okay, so “A.M.” is really “Weird Al”…but he’s onto something! People tend to assume that their ideas are worthwhile and that they’re generally doing a decent job. But tonight, another singer—one far less famed than Mr. Yankovic—will highlight the fallacy of this assumption.

This instructor offers the wisdom that only a tone-deaf singer on American Idol’s season premiere can provide. He will wail about, embarrassing himself in front of a captive nation. If we’re lucky, there will be many of them.

We can’t help but laugh (then feel guilty about laughing) and wonder…“Why didn’t anyone ever tell that guy he can’t sing?!” I often imagine the conversations he has with his friendly audiences back home. After singing for his friends or family, he asks, “How was I?” They respond, “You were… ummm…GREAT!” Or maybe they couch their feedback very carefully, in such a positive way that the singer doesn’t quite understand the real intended meaning. Or maybe his audience lovingly provides constructive feedback that he obstinately refuses to hear.

This imaginary chat is not so distinct from conversations occurring inside organizations. A leader will unveil some grand idea and ask, “So what do you think?” at the meeting. It’s extremely unlikely that an underling will step up and publicly say, “Mr. Leader, I think this is a terrible idea. I believe the masses will wholly reject it, damaging our reputation.”

When it’s the boss standing up, and everyone’s watching, you just can’t go there. What a shame. Perhaps there’s a fearfully-withheld comment behind every idea-flop, from New Coke to the shower belt.

It’s often necessary for leaders to demonstrate to get the truth. Some ideas:

• Admit that you’re wrong. It happens all the time, so just embrace it. Try it past (“I was wrong”), present (“We might need to make some course corrections), or future (“Let’s keep an eye on this in case it blows up in our faces”), or in general (“I’m often wrong”). Try alone at first. Say it aloud. It’s therapeutic—and others will feel more comfortable telling you what’s up.
• Highlight particular areas that need development. No plans emerge fully-baked. Mention what parts still need to be thought through.
• Implement good systems for collecting and using feedback. Try anonymity or other solutions to bring forth the group wisdom.
• Have someone less senior collect the feedback. This way, nobody’s scared that they’re upsetting the almighty leader.

Hopefully Weird Al’s perspective, combined with these tips, will prevent an epic failure or two—but not before we hear another entertaining round of terrible Idol auditions. Enjoy…

“Soooo…where’s my stuff?”

In the moments prior to the conversation, I would sometimes imagine Mark reacting by forcefully shouting, “Hey Pete, I’m on it. And frankly, I resent you ‘casually dropping by’ and interrogating me. So, you think I’m not on top of my stuff? How dare you!”

Maybe, it’s an overly-active imagination, but I know many—Project Managers in particular—who wrestle with the diplomatic art of nagging / follow-up. So, below are several hard-learned suggestions for nagging like a master diplomat, or “diplonagging” if you will:

• Track the people and the timing. What do you really need? Who needs to give it to you? When do they need to give it to you? Having all this information immediately accessible in one centralized reference place makes all the difference. In the GTD system, this the Waiting For list. With it, you can follow-up at a leisurely cadence—instead of a panicked one.

• Bring forward the timing. When you’re setting the timing, go ahead and make the deadlines earlier than you think they need to be. Things will take longer than you expect. Or, you’ll later wish you had the flexibility to incorporate new feedback and iterations on what you receive.

• Clearly agree on deadlines. Some people don’t snap into gear until they’ve already passed a deadline. So, even if you have flexibility, agree on a firm deadline.

• Share context. What you’re doing is important and/or interesting (or maybe you should do something else ; ). Tell people their role in the master plan so they can get excited by it.

• Assume goodwill. Maybe they sent you email to you and your spam filter killed it. Maybe your instructions were ambiguous. There are dozens of reasons why you might not have received what you need. So while you may assume that the person is negligent, malicious, or slacking… DON’T! Instead, graciously share potential excuses for them within follow-up conversation.

• Follow-up quickly on odd silence. If you’re following up on an interim point that seems super-quick to execute (e.g. “make an email introduction), a 30-hour silence often means they forgot. Go ahead and prompt. It is often actually appreciated.

• Establish interim deliverables. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the giant final product usually results in sub-optimality. Use checkpoints instead.

• Be courageous. Much like delivering feedback, sometimes a follow-up requires summoning some internal fortitude. For the record, Mark never did lash out in the horrible ways I had imagined. So, just do it!

• Use different media. I can remember one client went so far as to use CAPITAL RED LETTERS in an email to me. So, I though she was totally furious. But once I dropped by for a face-to-face chat, she was a total sweetheart. Similarly, varying your follow-up approach across media (e.g. email, in-person, snail mail, phone, IM, text message, Skype) can boost your odds of getting through.

• Send thanks. “Thank you” is really the final follow-up. If you only show up when you need something, you’re nothing but a nag—by definition. Make it heartfelt and genuine.

How many times have we, in the moments immediately prior to a meeting, suddenly kicked it into major gear to make sure we’re on top of things? Maybe it’s an attempt to avoid deep-seeded feelings of guilt. Maybe it’s a powerful internal visualization of disapproval upon comrades’ faces. Whatever is going on there, there’s no denying the power of a little accountability.

To tap into this power, the characters in Team Up decided to make their friends their bosses. Each week, they shared with each other their personal goals and progress against committed actions…with dramatic results. But they were no means the first or the last to enter into such arrangements. Pythagoras, Holy Clubs, Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers, Mastermind Groups—all of them tap into the same principles. Each group found that when one converts personal goals into group commitments, the force behind a commitment grows.

In fact, Dr. Gail Matthews, a psych professor at Dominican University, performed some research that quantitatively substantiates this concept (which is encouraging, after Fast Company and Sid Savara resolutely debunked the oft-quoted Harvard written goals study).

In the study, 149 individuals were separated into 5 groups who took their goals to differing levels of commitment. Group 1 merely thought about their goals, while group 5 wrote down their goals, committed to actions associated with them, and shared a weekly progress report on those actions to a friend. The results? The goal-thinkers accomplished 43% of their stated goals, while the accountable-folk accomplished 76% of their goals. Impressive!

Science backs up what we all experience. Just one more reason to team up…

Wow.

I recognize that this certainly isn’t the first blog to comment on Netflix’s policies. Nonetheless, when I encountered their slided manifesto entitled “Reference Guide on our Freedom and Responsibility Culture,” I experienced a mental deluge that felt worthy of sharing.

First, ten striking tidbits from the presentation:

• “There is also no clothing policy at Netflix, but no one has come to work naked lately.”
• Their expense policy is five words long: “Act in Netflix’s best interests.”
• Netflix’s overall approach is to emphasize context (e.g. mission, goals, metrics) instead of control (e.g. policies, process).
• Netflix believes that, with the right people, it’s possible to have a “culture of freedom and responsibility” instead of a culture of process adherence.
• “The real company values…are shown by who gets rewarded, promoted, or let go.”
• Part of Netflix’s courage value is, “You question actions inconsistent with our values,” regardless of the status of the actor.
• “In creative work, the best are 10x better than the average…” so Netflix pays amply in an attempt to get stars in every role.
• “Adequate performance gets a generous severance package.”
• Netflix believes employees should actively ask other employers what they would be paid elsewhere, and managers who want to retain the employees adjust their compensation to that market amount.
• “To avoid surprises, you should periodically ask your manager: ‘If I told you I were leaving, how hard would you work to change my mind to stay at Netflix?”

The slide deck tells a great story that’s definitely worth a look, think, and debate. Netflix’s approach is so different that it becomes fun to imagine its potential implications on you and your organization. To some, the world described might seem like a utopia for teams who trust each other and hold each other accountable to outcomes instead of onerous policies.

To others, the Netflix culture might sound like an unforgiving place that only accommodates superstars and their potential work-a-holism. Would these stars really take fifteen-ish days of vacation a year? Many Americans don’t use all their days—even when they’re explicitly accrued. Would you feel like a slacker if you used fifteen-ish days–worrying and wondering if that’s too much?

It’s rare for a PowerPoint to inspire such questions and imagination, so thanks to Netflix for provoking such thought.

And for the self-employed? I’ll just watch the Christmas classics on Netflix streaming—and try not to keep track of the time I’m not working!