Peter Hone a life through the eyes of an ex-drunk

Procrastination........

2013-05-28T13:08:00.002-07:00

Wow,
great title for the first post on here since last year!!!...apparently it refers to 'the act of replacing more urgent actions with tasks less urgent, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time.' According to Wiki...that is.
If that is what is then yep....Guilty as charged. I some times tend to forget to work 'hard' on the program and take the 'I'll catch up later' attitude, thinking my 24+ years sobriety will keep me hanging in there.....and up to now I have gotten away with it.
Obviously I have been going to meetings...probably never enough and I still sponsor a couple of guys....not 250 as I hear some people can (impossible for me to spread my time so thin over so many people.....apart from that...it's not good for my ego!).....so I am sticking close to the program....so why do I and we procrastinate?
Personally I think it is linked to the pain we suffered being so much....that when we feel a bit decent and happy in ourselves....we like to take it a bit easy and for me it is not a crime or abnormal.....the abnormality comes when we live in that situation for too long?

Like the picture above I took in Whistler recently.....I saw the image for a few minutes only and cannot live in it.....but use the memory and beauty of it to continue working spiritually....similar to feeling good in sobriety when we get sober and get the program in our lives.....we need to keep working and enjoy the good times and not try to live in one particular good moment?
One thing for certain is procrastination is here to stay and I feel certain it will return at times in my life......I need to be on my guard when it appears.....

What stage is AA at now?

2012-11-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

Strange question, but I often wonder where AA is now as regards progress and recovery rates?
Personally I hear all sorts in meetings and meet all sorts of people and have been in many meetings around the globe....and can safely say I have been in more meetings than I have been in bars :-)
I do get slightly concerned that we are veering away from the fundamental reason we are in the fellowship.....recovery from alcoholism?
I can handle the fact people want to talk about gas bills, divorce, nagging wives/husbands, bosses who give to much work etc ...... but I cannot handle the fact that when these issues are selfishly thrown into all sorts of meetings we are denying the real alcoholic a chance to recover?
A newcomer walks in...hears all sorts of chatter about this and that and can walk out and think he has been in the wrong room??
Surely the humility gained from the program tells us to pass the message to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety and not spend the whole meeting talking about ourselves and our own wee issues?
I feel the meetings are awash with therapy talk.....talk of rehab this and rehab that....then they go out and get drunk??? Confusing signals to me at the very least.
Possibly I am seen as a hard liner....yes probably by the wishy washy brigade who want to discuss all their own self obsessive and self absorbed behaviour in the meetings....but it will not stop me passing the message to try and help others...
If you have marital issues....go to a marriage guidance counsellor, if you have money issues.....go to financial advisor or debt counsellor, if the lady / gent had over ten items in the basket in the 10 item queue...so what...call your sponsor and let him/her tell you that humility is the key.....look in , not out.

I do not need to fight for freedom it is freely given if I stop running the show and revert to a higher power. The picture above is a monument for soldiers who fought for our freedom in Corregidor Island in the Phillipines ........
All I need to do is be less selfish and self absorbed.....if that includes just passing the message at meetings and not waffling on about me.....so be it, a small price to pay for freedom!

Labels....

2012-10-10T21:58:00.001-07:00

Labels...What are they, why are they?
I got involved with a message on Twitter where labels were discussed....I will not discuss what was said but only give my views and experiences.
Why do we label people? Is it because we get a sense of being better than them? Is it because we are trying to help them? Can we use it to attack people's character?
Obviously I am an alcoholic so thats a pretty big label on someone's life. Yes it is true to some extent by Alcoholism having a label I was able to associate myself with it and seek to recover but on the other hand I have had people say 'you are just an alky' and others who have said 'That's Peter, he's a recovered alcoholic and he is doing ok'.
So for me,it is ok to have a lable if it is used in a positive manner but where negativity is concerned all labels are a pain in the butt!
I was also for a time a divorcee and that was a label which I must say was not nice as people were using it in a negative manner...as if I was inadequate or was some sort of failure and it can be hard to deal with.
I know several disabled people and they are labeled....does it help them...I am not sure, but surely we should know them as John or Mary and not John who is blind etc???

The photograph above shows street diners in Chinatown, Singapore last week and none of them has a label that I know of so I see them for what and who they are...fellow diners.
If I have a chance to get to know people on a personal level and they have labeled themselves and it is positive for me to use that label in regard to them obviously I must do it.....but if it is detrimental to an relationship or person or derogatory then I should not use it!
I have used labels in a derogatory fashion in sorts of instances but taking part in discussions like this is God's way of teaching me to have a more open mind and to become more spiritually aware!

Inspiration through humility.....

2012-08-22T16:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, a bit deep that thought eh? Inspiration through humility; If you had mentioned words like that to me when I was drinking, I would if I had been listening, thought you were mad or had swallowed a dictionary :-)
I have always looked for signs in others that the program was working as if I looked at me for signs of it working the signals would be mixed to say the least!
They say in AA try and find people you are comfortable with, people who react normally to all sorts of situations and 'stick with the winners', unforunately I do not agree with the last staement as I see all in AA as winners.
Recently I have been drawing lots of strength from humble people in AA who share their experience, strength and hope with sheer humility, with no ego and for the reason of helping others to achieve sobriety.....for me that is the answer, Humility,and as the title says I draw inspiration from it.

I have been given the ability to climb so high in my sobriety and unlike the guy in the picture above I may not use a bike to do it, but for me my highs are different; Today I can be of use to others whether in the fellowship of in normal life and this is from a guy who was the laughing stock of the whole town where I used to live and absolutely of no use to anyone when I was drunk!

Now I am just asked to humbly pass a message and with that after getting sober came ego, so today I have to watch the old ego, as I may believe I am some sort of spiritual giant.....and that would be dangerous for me and others.....in realism I am a recovering alcoholic who has been given a daily reprieve and if I choose to use it unwisely, it is incredibly selfish and will also deny others the chance of success.....

Newcomers at meetings.....how can we help them?

2012-06-10T19:20:00.001-07:00

Newcomers, apart from helping them to stay sober I believe we need to help protect them and guide them as soon as they appear at meetings?
Recently at a meeting I heard a newcomer bearing her soul, talking about being abused as a child, talking about other intensely personal issues she had encountered as a child and a young adult......to be honest I was cringeing inside and was desperate to tell her to stop.....but I made a big mistake.....I said nothing!
The reason I should have stopped her; Not because we need to control what people say but we need to protect people from being attacked verbally and also from being gossipped about and preyed on by the sicker element in AA?
I believe if issues like that are spoken about by newcomers we should stop them immediately and guide them to a sponsor, a trusted group person who can and is willing to listen if they need to share that sort of stuff after the meeting has finished?
I believe we are there to pass the message and that message is about recovery from alcoholism and that can be obtained by working the 12 steps, so this is the message we should pass.
We should have discussion meetings/Topic meetings where other issues can be discussed along side 12 Step and 12 Tradition meetings etc?
I believe if we keep to the message the chances of gossip become less, the chances of divorced/single people (mainly women) being preyed on and stalked become less too and more importantly the chances of remaining sober become higher??

The picture above was taken in Wales at lambing time and new lambs need to be led so they can start to grow and flourish so we need to help the newcomer, nurture them, and allow them to feed of our experiences and walk their own program so that they can be free to pass the message to others as we are doing to them?

If only we could turn back time....

2012-05-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have not written anything for a month as have been incredibly busy with family visiting and working locally into the bargain, so on one hand my travelling has reduced but life seems busier ;-)
The title of these thoughts states 'if only we could turn back time'......first of all would we want to and if so why and how far back??
For me, I am not sure I would like to turn back time.....possibly with a few conditions knowing me!
Some people I have spoken to recently would like to be able to turn the clock back as life now sober seems very complicated...families have not forgiven them for their past mistakes and that I believe is very tough to deal with for an alcoholic. Possibly some family members will never forgive us?
I think most of my family have forgiven me after my 23+ years sober
I like the idea I seem to be learning from my mistakes and not only learning what mistakes I actually make, but now I am actually doing something about them and trying to put a few right...
Obviously I do not drink anymore and am continuing to repair the damage of my past.
I would like to be physically fitter (so would probably just include that bit in turning back my clock)....
This month I am getting married for the second time and hopefully have learnt from my mistakes in the first one.....I would not turn the clock back on that one as I gained a son who I would not swap for anything.
This train of thought came from a photo (Below) I took here in Singapore whilst out on a family day with my family and we had a great day and some 23 years plus sober I am so fortunate to be sober and to be able to enjoy real quality time with my family.....

The rain really came down, lightning and thunder everywhere....and I managed to turn the clock back on this photo by making it black and white......but in all reality I am happy where I am....so possibly I would not like to turn back time.

What should and should not be said at meetings??

2012-03-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

What can be said and what cannot be said at AA meetings??
I have heard this matter discussed so often over the years and I am sure it will continue to be discussed for years to come....
I used to be one of those who went to meetings and waffled on about all sorts of rubbish, yes rubbish as it was really of no use to anyone....
I have come to realize and I speak only for myself, that I need to be of help to others in AA and spouting waffle about people annoying me in a supermarket, cutting me up in the car....etc, is really not helping them....or me!
It took me a long time to realize that I came to AA to get sober as I had a drinking problem and most of my other problems stemmed from that or the lack of growth because I spent my younger days permanently drunk....
Today I try and share on how to recover from alcoholism, how to stop drinking and how to stay stopped.....and after 23 years sobriety I might not be good at a lot of things, but staying sober is one of my greatest assets!
I do sit and listen to the psychobabble and other stories and day to day chat which people think is valid......and that's up to them, but I am within my rights just as they are to say what I feel at a meeting.....especially when I think it might help someone stay sober!

Comments

2012-02-17T19:27:00.000-08:00

A small note to add to the last post;

I will accept constructive criticism if you would be so kind to add your real name as I have had a couple of people 'real sicko's' hiding behind false names and anonymous posts that offer 'constructive criticism' when really it sounds like spite, jealousy, anger or resentment.

I will not feed anyone's sickness by publishing personal attacks on my own experiences and opinions of which I am allowed to write freely unless they add their real name.

If you do not like what I write....Don't read it

Why do we criticize?

2012-02-05T03:40:00.000-08:00

Why do we criticise...or is it criticize ;-)

I have been known to do a fair bit of criticising myself in my life and aimed at all sorts of people, places and things!
Generally I find myself criticising when I am not spirtually comfortable with myself and surroundings....whether I am criticising a person, place or thing.
I am not comfortable when I am in this state of mind as instead of addressing any issues I have at the time.....the habit I got into was to criticise! The easier, softer way...rather than addressing the uncomfortable issues niggling my mind??
Constructive criticism is acceptable in my work role as it helps progress all concerned, even the critic, but the main thing is criticism must me constructive and done face to face and never behind someone's back?

I have been guilty in the past of being jealous of someone and instead of wishing them well and being happy for them....which I now want for everyone..most of the time
;-) ....what I do is criticise them to hide my jealousy or insecurity.....sad eh, wasted efforts and energies, that could be spent in a more positive way!

So unlike the picture above, I try not to have a locked mind and locking the thoughts on others when I should really be looking at myself and helping others....rather than helping myself and looking at others!
The picture above was taken in Seoul, South Korea.....another country visited in a sober state by this old Ex-Drunk....now thats progress!
Constructive criticism will always be published....possibly edited for language!

Mixed News....

2011-12-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

Mixed news

Mixed news….yes, I have been unable to write on the blog for a while as it appears to be banned in China, not personally my blog, but the whole blogger thing….not sure if it is a good idea or not?

Currently I am working in Dalian, North East China….very cold this time of year, Freezing to be precise!

I had the chance to spend my 23rd AA birthday in Singapore on route from Saudi…I managed 2 nights at home and then had to fly here and will be stuck here until 18 January.

The other news is I am going to get married in May….never thought it would happen again and was not sure if I wanted it again after the mess I made of the last one….but I cannot see failure as chance to give up?

I have written before, I have a great relationship with my partner…very open, very honest and no mind games at all. We have had no issues over the course of time we have known each other and have never had a crossed word and as an old mate says 'what is there to fall out about?' and so far that is true for us.

On the other side of the relationship front….we are working in shipyard having been asked to come and help out…but in real terms the project team feel we are here to prove they are no use! To say this is a difficult situation would be an understatement and one of the hardest situations I have had to deal with in my working career!

Truth be known, at times I wanted to give up and go home, as nothing appeared to be working but we kept battling on and it ground to a halt and all the cards were laid on the table and hopefully it is resolved…..watch this space!

Basically all the relationship problems I have seen and been part of and caused boil down to ….INSECURITY! Out of that stems control, manipulation, selfishness etc??

Getting to know yourself is part of the problem, finding out all your defects, insecurities…then getting a belief in something, using the faith to rid yourself of these insecurities? It is bloody hard, but hopefully I have managed to get rid of a few…..

The picture above says it all…..but we need to feel this for everyone on the planet….even those we think we don’t like, those that annoy us, want to control us! That bit is the hardest!

Dealing with Death.....and Divorce!

2011-10-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

Dealing with death and divorce....surely not all in the same sentence and how are they related you may wonder?
Well, I recently lost my Step-father and had to travel to the UK for the funeral etc and shortly after coming back was told my divorce is now complete...so there you have it!
In realism, they are situations we may all have to deal with, especially the death part and many of us will not go through the divorce bit.....but currently I feel rates are higher than ever?
Personally the divorce was my choice, so I am not able to say how I would feel if it was the other way round, but my feelings through this whole saga have never really changed. I should have never gotten married as it was an unhealthy relationship and I thought I knew it all, but in reality was so very insecure....not ideal for relationship building!
Once I started to recover with the program I knew it was just a matter of time before the inevitable happened....and it did and it was my choice as I say....possibly did not handle it 100% correctly, but there is no manual on this eh? I made mistakes and hopefully have learned from them...
As far as the death goes....it was hard, expected at the end, but still a shock and made a touch harder by being asked to say a few words at the funeral....
Death is something we all will have to deal with....some handle it differently from others, but for me I try and focus on the good side of the person who has gone...the good times I had with them etc.....and it seems to work for me....and I am not embarrassed to shed tears...that's nature and I do not worry what people think of me anymore whether I am crying or laughing....

Whilst in the UK....I got to see some other family and took the picture above in Kingston, Surrey.
It got me thinking.....someone see's it as art, others see it as a lot of phone boxes lying on each other......the main thing is we let others have their own views and don't try and control their views with ours??? This principle for me is one I can try to use in all aspects in life....not just art!

Spirituality.....what is it?

2011-09-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking recently about what is meant by spiritual, spirituality etc as over the years I have heard so much and so many differing theories and examples of spiritual living.....
I took the next quote from a site I look at from time to time and for me it says so much;

'Is this perhaps because we spend most of our waking hours concerned with the everyday things of our external world? But the spiritual growth of our inner deeper self also needs attention. This spiritual side to our character is truly amazing but sometimes spiritual living and personal spiritual growth seem to involve just a maze of confusing pathways. This lack of spiritual direction impedes our spiritual life and growth and healing, so we need new guidance and counselling to continue our spiritual journey.'

Wow....for me that statement says so much and the part about confusing pathways is just awesome....as I have been on so many pathways in my life before and after sobriety and the lack of spiritual direction as it states has impeded my own spiritual growth!
I need to learn to look within me and the work outside of me and be of use to others and be grateful for what others do for me...
Last night saw a profound change in my thinking as I waited for a lift to a meeting in Saudi and the guy was late....usually starting my critical thinking when people are late, but this time I was grateful just to get to the meeting.....WOW, where did that come from...Practice I suppose? I am not sure it will work every time though!
The main part of spiritual living for me is to do unto others as I would have them do to me.....so if I am arrogant, selfish etc....obviously I am not fit spiritually and for this alcoholic....they are danger signs!

On a different subject, recently I have been to so many meetings where they are talking about subjects such as divorce, shopping trips, holidays but rarely have I hear issues like...'the thoughts prior to taking the first drink'.....'what is an alcoholic'....so is it wrong of me to think like this? I thought we should go to AA to pass and receive the message, the 12 steps and all other stuff can be discussed with a sponsor or friends after the meeting during the 'fellowship'??
Like the picture above.....AA is a long path and often not as straight as the one in the picture!

How do you become a nice person???

2011-08-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

How do you become a nice person? Strange question?

I have been working in the Gulf of Mexico and arrived in New Orleans and have had the chance to meet so many 'nice' and polite people.....that's why I asked the question...'how do you become a nice person'?

I have met so many polite people here, well mannered, nice people and my curiosity has got the better of me....is it a religious upbringing, is it strict parents,is it freedom or is it in the genes as they say...

I have always wanted to aspire to be a nice person...not a rocket scientist, not a millionaire (although that would be great too!), but after I got sober I just wanted to be a nice person.....

How difficult is it to be a nice person? Why do we fight against it? Why do some peoplefind being nice easier than others??

My own views are that it all depends on the amount of spiritual sickness we are suffering from....so hence the more spiritually sick we are the harder or less naturally nice we are as poeple.

So quite possibly, if we are not corrupted as children by society, materialism, bigotry, narrow-mindedness etc we will have a better chance of possibly becoming 'nice' people?

I need to keep working on my spiritual recovery as I have seen some powerful examples of 'nice' people out here and the planet would be a whole letter better if we all did the same thing?

I can still enjoys the views as in the picture above, on my travels, practicing to become a nicer person....hopefully!

Back to basics.....

2011-07-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

As I come to the end of my trip here in Saudi Arabia (via a two week trip to Kurdistan),I must say I am looking forward to getting to some AA meetings when I get home to Singapore....
I am constantly looking at myself and my sobriety and asking myself, what can I do to keep it....any improvement is great, but keeping sobriety is the first thing!
I have been to meetings in Saudi whilst I have been here and will go again if I come back, but I feel I can do more at home, more in a physical sense. I can meet other members for a coffee or just for a chat if and when required.
Nearly 23 years sober I am also realising getting back to basics is what I need to be doing and by that I mean; Getting to meetings, passing the message,helping others, getting a sponsee....not loads to feed my ego though ;-)....set the room up and maybe take up another bit of service which suits my work schedule......and is fair on the people of AA, so that I don't take on a job I cannot complete regularly.
Hopefully the stressfull times of my impending divorce are coming to an end soon and I can get back to basics with that part of my life too, by just trying to be myself inthe new relationship and not allowing myself to control or be controlled....which leads to resentment......which for us alkies....is a big danger!
So for now I will charge up the old Ipod and listen to some AA stuff on the plane...which I have not done for ages

Then maybe I can spend a bit of time getting back to basics with the new family I have and also hopefully a visit to see my son.....and just watch him skateboarding ....as much as I hate it ;-)
So....back to basics it is then!

Contempt prior to investigation......

2011-06-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

There is a quote from philosopher Herbert Spencer....
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation” and over the last few weeks several people have made comments to me because of a place I was going to work....which this saying applied to!
I was asked to carry out some work in Kurdistan, Northern Iraq and so many people said "what!!"...."why you want to work there"......"where next Helmand or Mosul"
I had no problems in saying yes to going and had a good time when I was there, carried out the work and would definately go back.
Obviously the contemp prior to investigation applies to all walks of life and especially our own 12 step program...many people say "I am not doing that', "i don't need them 12 steps" and mostly before they actually try it!
My own experience is that I had a lot of this contempt prior to investigation due to having a narrow and closed mind, but the more I got into the program, the more my mind opened and the less contempt prior to investigation.....

I much prefer to have the open mind ( not such a closed mind then!)...and be able to see the views above, rather than just dismiss it and not get the chance to see the beauty we are surrounded by! So I intend to keep trying to work the program and eventually open this mind some more....hopefully!

Meetings around the world....same illness, same people........same message??

2011-06-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

As a person who travels regularly (and is forever grateful sobriety allows me to do this!), I am fortunate enough to get meetings in different regions, different countries etc..
Many years ago in Cairo, Egypt, I heard a young Egyptian recovering alcoholic talking about how he thought he was different from his sisters...how they were good looking, his nose was bigger, his ears were not level.....I thought the wee guy had been listening to my story and copying it, it was that similar.
I then woke up and realised how in truth....we are all the same in alcoholism as regards our insecurities and our illness and it does not matter whether we live in Egypt or England!
So if we are all similar in our illness, it makes perfect sense that our recovery should be along the same lines too???

I was recently in Saudi Arabia (where the photo is from) and a guy said something that really grabbed my attention....he said that he was confused by the variation of 'the message' and also confused at different AA groups trying to prove they had the 'best message'.....WOW, it blew me away.
Where are we going wrong? Are our ego's taking over the program? Why are we not concentrating on the message, the simple 12 step message that will help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety by finding a higher power? Why has it got to be the best? Have we moved into an era where we need to sell this program with bells on??
I would love to hear other opinions on this....
It frightens me to think we are over selling the program, over complicating it and the bottom line is.....Alcoholics may die if we continue to do so??

Positive people.....the power of them!

2011-05-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

I have just had a week working in a place that is described generally as negative and dangerous....Nigeria...
Before I left I was concerned about what I had heard and what was the general conception of the country and it's security. Yes, obviously it has its problems and issues, but what country doesn't?
On arrival I met up with some of the guys I was to work alongside and who were there to help me and boy.....their positive attitudes really made the trip enjoyable and one of the better working weeks I have spent anywhere I can safely say!
In AA there is talk of 'sticking with the winners' and the like...keeping away from people who will affect your sobriety and I can see where it comes from and what they mean...but I am hoping they don't mean it literally...to leave the negative people alone!
I have been known and still can be a bit negative, but have dramatically changed over the years, but positive people stuck out their hand for me and helped me....rather than keeping away, so I feel I would like to do the same and cannot be so selfish as to leave them all alone.....in case they affect my sobriety.
What would have happened if the people who so much helped me would hav 'stuck with the winners' and left me alone.....I hate to think where I would be now...

Things generally get back to normal....when we leave them alone!!

2011-05-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

It never suprises me, no matter how long I am sober that if I leave things alone and don't start running the whole show myself.....eventually (in God's time), things will work themselves out!
The result may not be in my time or might not be the result I wanted but inevitably it will be ok....
After a torrid few months in my own life and probably the toughest I can remember for a few years....I now find things are getting back to normal, but only after I let go and stopped trying to hang on in there and run the whole show....
I was in a job that I hated and was actually very miserable for a long time and started to complain so much to the company they got fed up and things came to a head....and even then, when I knew I would be better off away from them....I fought them, trying to prove I was right.....for what????
The more I fought them, the more pain I got...and as soon as I gave up the fight the better I felt.....
There is a difference from standing up for your rights than from being just a pain in the arse!
At the end of the day my financial insecurity drove me to fight them and I can see that now....and I can also see how many days I wasted trying to fight them....!!
Obviously there was other stuff going on, but using the same principles there...things are returning to normal and I can say...in all cases it is not the result I wanted, but I have accepted all the results and moved on....and feel much better for it!

Like the picture above....the sun will always set, sometimes not as we like, but it will always set, but we need to be in fit spiritual condition to see the best in every situation!

We have ceased fighting.....or have we??

2011-04-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

There is a statement in the Big Book of AA states 'we have ceased fighting anyone or anything'.....and it is so important in the search for a peaceful life with a higher power (God) running the show!
I was one of those people who carried the message with so much passion that I got annoyed when people did not want the AA message, the program of recovery until someone told me to remember the bit ' we have ceased fighting....'.
Wow, how much peace we can get from that statement!
Recently I have been going through a messy divorce and disciplinary hearings at work and there have been days that have been so tough....and why...because I forgot the bit that states 'we have ceased fighting......' and let go of the faith and started fighting th whole thing myself and after a few heavy days....I gave up fighting and returned to the way of faith and I can honestly say, it is a much more comfortable way to live! I might be worse off financially, but emotionally and sprititually,giving up the fight is the only way!

The picture above is of Vivienne my girlfriend bottle feeding a blind lamb on a recent trip to Wales and the farmer's instructions were 'don't fight...she will come to you'.....how true he was!
When I apply 'we have ceased fighting...' to my own life then things get much better!

Real friends....what are they, who are they?

2011-04-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

Going through a tough time personally right now gives me thought to write about the meaning of true friends, not to judge, just to highlight my own views...
I was told once by a guy I knew who was a 'lifer', that is he had done life in prison for murdering his own brother in a blackout, that he had learnt that he had different levels of friends and put them in the following categories;
1) People who he would nod at in the street and a knowledge their existence and vice versa.
2) People who he would stop and say 'hello' to and not much else.
3) People who he would stop and say 'hello, the weather is ok, how's your wife?'
4) People who he would stop and have a conversation with about general stuff..
5) People he would be able to discuss many things with, but not tell all so to speak.
6) True friends who he could bare his soul to and they would not judge, but just give an honest view or answer. People who would always be there, through thick and thin and be supportive in whatever way possible, but never just telling us what we want to hear.
I can understand his views and see my own opinions as similar and can safely say I have more people in category 1 than I do in category 6.......many, many times more and can say apart from my family, probably have only one or maybe two in the last category and think I am very lucky to have those and probably the average person will be lucky to get similar over a life time?
Why do we make it so hard for ourselves, why do we not have more friends in category number 6? I think maybe a lack of faith, lack of trust?

Like the photograph above some of us may only ever have a dog as our best friend, so we should really work hard to keep the good one's we have eh? Not that there would anything wrong having this wee fella as a best friend ;-)

Seeking professional help....

2011-03-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

I have heard so much about seeking professional help after we get sober.
In AA there are many peope who think they are doctors, counsellors, debt advisors and marriage guidance counsellors to name just a few....
I personally have been given advice by people on issues related to my marriage, children, jobs and employers and financial matters and I must add probably by people who were ill advised to give advice. Fortunately I knew enough at the time to keep AA for alcoholism and politely ignore any advice that was ill advised.
I have heard people tell others to stop taking anti-depressants without being trained in medicine or psychiatry....dangerous stuff eh?
The reason I write today is I have just had a meeting with a psychiatrist as I felt it necessary to go to see him to get some issues I have resolved.
I felt the issues were too deep for AA and knew a professional would see it clearly and unbiased and tell me the truth.
I have sponsored many people in AA and try never to give advice, only talk about my experiences and the results of my actions, so the sponsee can find similarities.

The picture above is just a lovely flower, but we can all have differing opinions and thoughts on something as simple as a flower, so when we get to more complicated matters like other peopes marriages, financial and family issues....we should keep our opinions to ourselves??
I have found there are certain ways to help people and giving them false information is not one of them.....pass on your experiences where necessary and have the humility to say you have not experienced something when you need to also!

Some of us humans have really f..ked up eh?

2011-03-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have said before I take inspiration from all sorts of people, all sorts of places and all sorts of situations and yesterday someone said something and it gave me so much hope....it was quite amazing,thanks.
The guy said the words that are the title of this particular episode and apologies for the language, but it's written as it came out from the guy.....and is so true.
At this moment in time I am going through a nasty divorce and a troubled time at my workplace (where I spend 6 monthsa year of my life!) and was struggling to find the spirituality within it all.....try and act out the positives, think positive....bloody hard but I battle on...
I was looking for a picture of me and famous football player yesterday to show the person in question, but after looking on my laptop for a while could not see it, but came across the picture of the girl below....and I have posted one on here before of the same tribe.
The picture below is of a Hmong tribe young girl from the mountains in Laos...and I went on to tell the guy that she was so happy, along with the rest of her family and friends...doing simple things and not caught up in 'our materialistic society' and his reply was 'some of us humans have really f..ked up eh?' and I got hope as he knew she had peace and contentment in her heart and many of us do not as we continue to strive for bigger and better and more of everything.....and for what? Sorry I cannot answer that, but wish I could....

Her face is a picture and her smile says it all...
How many of us can say we have the peace and contentment that she has got???
I for one...try and fail as I continually get caught up in this selfish, materialistic society, where we think sending a few quid now and again to the poor people is enough.....well for me it's not and I need to do better.

Is Alcoholism a mental illness...?

2011-03-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Can alcoholism be classed as a mental illness?
I am not a doctor or a medical professional of any sort, but all I can do is give my views on my own experience.
I think it is accepted excess alcohol and drugs can have adverse effects such as depression, paranoia, anxiety and possibly many other long term effects.
From my own experience, anyone who can drink constantly, get drunk, cause harm to themselves and others, steal money to fund their drinking, tell lies constantly to cover up their drinking, suffer from panic attacks.....and then repeat the whole cycle over and over constantly....knowing the consequences, must have some sort of mental illness.....as surely no-one with a healthy mind would continue to live like that???
When I first went to AA and read a bit and listened to people describing alcoholism as a three fold illness; mental, physical and spiritual....I agreed with two of them but not the mental bit.....even though I did not know what any of them meant.....sad and narrow minded eh???
I went on to find out that the mental part was a mental obsession for alcohol, that told my head it was ok to drink, no matter what damage and havoc had been caused previously....so yes I had the mental part of the illness....which then set up the physical allergy and then the spirtual malady, which I will speak about another time.
The reason for my refusal to believe I suffered from alcoholism and also the mental side of the illness......Stigma...what people would think of me and how crazy is that....having an illness that I could get treatment for and recover from and then worry about what people would think of me.....that in itself is a mental illness surely???
I always wanted to be normal.....and having some form of mental illness with stigma attached would not allow me to be 'normal'......then some spiritually well person said to me ' becoming happy with yourself, with who you are is more important than anything' and he followed up by saying 'normal was......a setting on a washing machine!!!' and I would rather be myself today than a setting on a washing machine!!!

So today I know people maybe care for me, but others are not really interested in what I am doing....some maybe nosey, but generally people are too busy going about their business to worry about what I am doing....like the picture above, all going about their daily routine and probably did not even notice I took the picture...so why should I worry what they think about me being an alcoholic....and today I try hard not to and actually love being myself...it's a great life!

What positive actions am I taking today....

2011-03-03T12:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get thoughts that just enter my head and I have no idea why....obviously someone (God) has an idea, but in AA they do say more will be revealed as we get closer to a higher power (God).....
I have accepted that, being myself and being an alcoholic I am not the most positive of people naturally and in fact can be negative and cynical quite a lot of the time....unless I fight against it!
                I have just arrived in Ghana for a work based trip and had an uncomfortable experience at the airport on arrival and was held by customs for 5 hours....not a nice place to be held and definately not after a very long flight!
Did I handle it in a positive manner, were my actions positive? Well I can say honestly I tried my best, although I did call my company and lay the blame at their door....
Did blaming them help? Justified or not I do believe it did not help me at the time, but I felt they needed to understand how I felt.
I did try to diffuse the situation with positive action by asking the Ghanaian customs officers about football and other small talk.....
              I was told I was flying in the morning to the workplace, but then in the morning was told the flight was full and had to take a bus journey for 4+ hours from the capital to the heliport and I fought hard against the negative thoughts of the journey being long and arduous....and WOW how much I loved it, maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but by trying to change my negative thoughts to positive action it turned out to be a very eye opening journey!!
            A bus journey through some poor villages and where a few hours earlier I had been feeling sorry for myself, I got to see people who would have given anything to be in my position.....regardless of my minor issues!!!! God has a plan for me and great sense of timing and today I can see it in action....awesome!

I got the chance to give the little girl in the picture one dollar and the smile on her face just melted my heart and put my issues into context....not a great deal of money to give, but a positive action with no motive and I felt the rewards in my heart and soul.
On arriving at work I was still a bit miffed about the customs episode and the thought came to me 'What positive actions are you taking today Peter'?......and I had to smile as that thought did not come from me!
Positive actions from me give me so many rewards.....why do I not do more!

The really important things in life.....

2011-02-22T03:36:00.000-08:00

I have just listened to someone (an ex hostage) on the TV talk about the really important things in life....which they class as their family and close friends who never gave up on them.
Strange that the important things in life can be so different for so many different people eh?
For and alcoholic (performing), the really important things in life are....'where is the next drink coming from'? Obviously if the family are providing a means to get money then they will be next on the list of important things ;-)
When I was drinking as above, my most important thing in life was the same....where my next drink was coming from regardless of who paid for it....but if you paid for it, you were a friend of mine and if you were easy to cheat or con the you were very high on the list of important things.
For some people, food and water, some things most of us take for granted are the really important things in life and some of us that get to take these for granted do not even realise how lucky we are that we are able to get regular food and water and that the important things for us are not life preservers!
Obviously after I got sober my ideas of the important things in life have changed...several times!
Early in my sobriety, the first few weeks and months the really important things for me were when were the panic attacks going to stop and what was I going to do with my life now I did not drink anymore.......very narrow minded, but they were most important issues to me.
After a few years and taking for granted the fact I could go to sleep in a dry bed and having no panic attacks, the things that became important to me were money and possessions.....sad but true as I though money would make me happy. I had to learn the hard way and felt miserable and sober for many years....
After working hard over the past few years the important things for me have changed again and now the most important thing in my life is my sobriety as without that I have nothing and with sobriety I can appreciate my family who are very important to me and over the years have been used and abused by me.

We start out life as small babies and grow to children and then adults and hopefully when we get to a certain point in our recovery people get to see the real 'us', and hopefully the positive shines through like the flower above in full bloom in the prime of it's life.