Peter Tips

Marilyn Table Dance Bar (Budapest, Hungary)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:23:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (11/20) – There’s not a whole lot of grinding, but a moderate amount of lap-to-lap contact, the fact that they’re fully nude, and the go-ahead that “is ok you touch anywhere but my pussy” makes for an enjoyable experience. Plus you do get two full-length songs for your dance, so you have plenty of time to get into it, though that’s the least that you should expect considering the prices.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – Ladies in Budapest are generally beautiful, and the ones who dance at Marilyn are no exception. A few looked a little worn out, but the rest were all very attractive, and I saw more than one body that I’d rate as a perfect 10 (the faces that went with those bodies were solid as well: 7s or 8s). Of course it can vary from night to night, but overall, I found these to be the most impressive ladies in town.

Number of Dancers (7.5/10) – Every group of guys who wants company will get it from one or more ladies, and there are often several dancers sitting together along the far wall just waiting to make the next customer’s acquaintance. The raw number of girls isn’t huge (maybe around 20), but it’s plenty for this relatively small club.

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – You’re not going to find non-white ladies in Budapest, but there are a nice variety of skin tones and body types among the ladies at Marilyn. Attractive ladies in this place covered the spectrum from waif-thin to athletically thick, so there should be someone here who catches just about every patron’s eye.

Attitudes (3.5/10) – Though most of the ladies are fairly friendly once you spend some cash, you’re going to need to pony up for a lady drink almost immediately, they’ll all ask for tips, and most of them are pretty hard on the sale. Even when I shot them down by saying I was waiting for someone else, several of them tested me by asking what her name was. More often than not, I’d have been busted, but luckily I actually was waiting for someone in particular since I’d met one of the coolest dancers ever here the previous night. Hopefully you’re lucky enough to meet her or someone equally chill if you stop by, but in case you don’t, you should at least be prepared for the hustle.

Value (1.5/10) – There’s no cover, but they more than make up for that by selling small bottles of champagne that you’re expected to buy for the ladies for 9000 HUF (a little under $50 US). That is, sadly, a better than average deal for Budapest. Thankfully, the bottles last for a while, so you should only need to buy about 1 per hour if you want to be constantly accompanied, and it’s no problem if you don’t get them as long as you’re cool with having to turn down the parade of girls who will be trying to sell their time. Customer drinks are more reasonable, at 1500 HUF ($7.50 US) for a 0.5L of mediocre beer, though my signature drink (redbull with a double shot of whiskey) was an outrageous 5500 HUF. Of course, I still had a few of them, but I wasn’t happy about it.

The lap dances are overpriced at 10000 HUF ($50 US), but since they last for 2 long songs, it’s about equivalent to the $20 per song rate that most U.S. clubs have. Though some girls have solid pole move, the stage show is generally pretty tame, with many of the girls keeping their tops on, but you can get a much better show by watching girls give table dances to other groups, or get your own for 5000 HUF. They’re given on wooden tables in front of the customer’s seat, and most girls get fully nude and provide a little contact. Just remember, as in all clubs that have dancer drinks and all clubs outside your home country, pay as you go and never use a credit card. I don’t know that anything bad would happen if you ignore that rule because, even while drunk out of my mind, I wasn’t dumb enough to test it, and you shouldn’t be either.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – There’s a small bar at the entrance and a few tiny stools surrounding the circular stage, but almost everyone sits on the patio furniture-style benches that are set up in groups of three around the table dances tables facing the stage. That makes it excellent for groups of up to six, though the large mirrored pillars between the benches and the stage mean that you won’t even get to see the girl for half of her stage set.

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – Lap dances are given in the basement of the club where there are six separate benches of varying degrees of privacy. If you’re the only one down there or you’re on the back bench, the privacy is pretty solid.

Atmosphere (7.5/10) – If you’re willing to buy the occasional lady drink and ignore all the stone faced Eastern European customers, the atmosphere is excellent, thanks in large part to the greatest strip club dj ever. I don’t know if I’d like hearing the Bee Gees, Billy Idol, the Backstreet Boys and Coolio at a U.S. club, but somehow it worked here. On my second night, at a dancer’s urging, I requested that he play a few more songs like Gangsta’s Paradise. He didn’t respond or react in any way, then he proceeded to play nothing but old school hip hop for the next hour and a half. It was amazing. Overall, there’s just a nice relaxed but fun vibe in here.

Location (4.5/5) – The club is fairly close to the Great Market Hall and the Gellert Thermal Baths.(it’s a shame their hours of operation don’t overlap because it would be amazing to stumble over for a soak to preemptively combat your hangover when the club closes), and should be within walking distance of most places that you’d be staying on the Pest side of town.

Overall – As much as I hate the buy-the-lady-a-drink system for running a strip club, there’s no way to avoid it in Europe, and I actually had a really good time at this place. I made multiple visits during my short stay in Hungary, and I’ll certainly stop by if I’m ever in the area again. Marilyn Table Dance Bar is, by far, the best strip club in Budapest.

RAW SCORE = 55.5

Cabaret Atlas (Prague, Czech Republic)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 02:00:00 +0000

This place is a slightly cheaper, slightly more laid back version of Darling Cabaret, but with significantly less attractive dancers. For me, the tradeoff just isn’t worth it – Darling Cabaret is a much better club, or at least that’s what I wrote down on a napkin while blackout drunk. I hit this place and Darling back-to-back and confirmed on another night that my Darling scores were accurate (I took detailed notes including category scores while in the clubs), but I didn’t revisit Atlas, so there are still a few holes here. Do they offer regular dances? If so, are they any good? Are they given in the same rooms that are used for sex? Did I have sex with one of the strippers? I really couldn’t tell you the answers to any of those questions, but if I had to guess, I’d say yes, pretty good, I hope so, and I hope not, respectively. I’m not going to try to fake it, though, so I’ll just write my unfiltered notes below, but the bottom line is that Darling Cabaret is a better club if you’re looking for sex, and Cabaret Carioca and Goldfingers are better if you’re looking for a relaxing venue to view some beautiful ladies. Atlas isn’t a bad club by any means, but there’s really no reason to go there over some of the other Wenceslas Square options.

Quality of Dances (17/20) – Thought I just paid for more time, but suck and fuck apparently included for 2600 czk.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – Hot. Mostly fit. Noticeable step down from Darling and Goldfingers.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – Lots of girls. Many sitting alone waiting for customers. If you want attention, you got it.

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – Mostly white, but some of the only black girls in Prague. All thin.

Attitudes (1/10) – Drink hustle sucks, but not as bad as at Darling. Decent if you buy drinks.

Value (5/10) – 300 entry, 55 czk draft Budweiser, 2000 czk for 20 minutes, 2600 czk for 30 minutes, about 600czk for dancer drinks, ok stage value

Club Setup (3/10) – Long bar. Several couches, though not facing stage. Small but nice main stage. Two smaller stages in corners. Not great seating for large groups but small groups should be fine.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Private room with closed door. Oversized bed, shower, toilet and sink all inside room.

Atmosphere (6/10) – More chill and less party than Darling, but still pretty good.

Location (5/5) – Right across street from Darling, by Wenceslas Square [and, thankfully, right next to my hotel, because there’s no way that I’d have safely made it far that night].

RAW SCORE = 62.5

Hot Peppers (Prague, Czech Republic)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 23:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (11/20) – There are several dance options at Hot Peppers (starting at 1000 czk for the no-contact version), but I stuck with the 1500 czk (about $75 US), full-contact version, so that’s what I’ll review. There was plenty of tit groping and lap riding and the girl was fully nude for the second half of the dance, but there needs to be lots of grinding (there was none) and the girls needs to stay on me the entire time (there was lots of laying on the floor showing me what I’d rather be feeling) if I’m going to spend the equivalent of $75 for 5 minutes. If they were 500 czk, these dances would be marginally worthwhile, but they’re priced so high that it detracts from your enjoyment unless you get off on burning money.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – In a city of beautiful women, these are above average. They might be a small step below the ladies at Goldfingers or Darling Cabaret, but they’re still very attractive and you should not be disappointed.

Number of Dancers (8/10) – Even with a jam packed room, if you want company at Hot Peppers, you won’t have to wait long to get it. There were easily 30+

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Most of the girls are blonde, an even higher percentage are thin and all of them are white. If you’re looking for variety, Hot Peppers is not your club and Prague is not your city.

Attitudes (1/10) – “You want a dance?” or “You want to buy me a drink?” will be the first words out of almost every girl’s mouth, and spending money on dances won’t win you any goodwill to get the girl to hang out for a bit. They just take your cash, give you 5 mediocre minutes, then move on to the next one. On the bright side, it didn’t seem like anyone was trying to rip me off (though, as always, if you agree to buy a girl a drink, make sure you know which drink you’re buying) – it’s just that they’re all business.

Value (2/10) – There’s no cover, good beer is a reasonable 90 czk and the topless stage show, while somewhat tame, does provide a decent value since the ladies put some nice effort into the presentation. That goodwill, however, is largely undone by the dance prices. Even though it’s pretty standard for the touristy part of Prague, 1000 czk ($50) for less than 5 minutes of non-contact dancing and 1500 czk ($75) for the same amount of full-contact dancing is ridiculous. If you feel like spending even more, 2000 czk will get you and your buddies a short table dance in a separate room in the back of the club, and 3000 will get you a lesbian show. For comparison’s sake, you can bang the ShowPark girls for 20 minutes for that amount of cash. Even if you aren’t interested in going that far, just knowing that it’s available makes this place feel like every bit of the ripoff that it is. At least you can save some cash at several of the other clubs in the area by relaxing and taking in the sights, but here, you’re also going to be pressured into buying lady drinks, and they start at 300 czk but more typically run closer to 1000 czk each.

Club Setup (2/10) – This is a relatively small club that can get absolutely, uncomfortably packed to the point where it’s difficult to move. There are bars at both ends of the room, a raised area with a few tables near the entrance, and a long bench that runs the length of the club along one wall, but most of this place is just jam-packed with tiny tables and moveable chairs. The stage is fairly sizeable, so you’d expect that everyone would have a nice view, but unfortunately there are two large pillars in the way, meaning that much of the crowd is stuck in obstructed view seating. I’ll give it some credit for being clean and modern, but the setup here is far from ideal.

Dance Setup (5/10) – You get individual booths in an area behind the bar where the mob of patrons won’t be able to see you, but the front of the booths are unobstructed, so you’re open to anyone who is walking to or from their own lap dances.

Atmosphere (7/10) – Hot Peppers has a pretty solid party vibe, thanks in part to the fact that its visible location in Wenceslas Square makes it a favorite destination for bachelor partiers, though the foosball table and boxer game in the back don’t hurt either. Even when the other clubs are slow, this place is usually going strong. A ton of loud, drunken Brits and Russians might be annoying if you’re looking to chill, but otherwise, the atmosphere is pretty solid here.

Location (5/5) – Hot Peppers is located right on Wenceslas Square, so it will be walkable from pretty much anywhere that you’d likely be staying in Prague. Plus, there’s great food in the stalls right outside the club and there are at least a half dozen other strip joints within a quarter mile of this place, so you have plenty of other options if you decide that it isn’t where you want to spend your evening.

Overall – Among the Wenceslas Square clubs, the show is better at Goldfingers, the sales pitch is more subdued at Cabaret Carioca and the girls are more “available” at Darling and Atlas, but Hot Peppers is a passable option if your top priority is a party atmosphere. Just don’t party so hard that you forget how expensive these dances are in your home currency, because that would be a good way to go completely broke.

RAW SCORE = 49.5

ShowPark Showbar (Prague, Czech Republic)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:58:00 +0000

ShowPark is an adult entertainment complex in the Holesovice section of Prague. Upstairs is a maze of hallways that’s basically a miniature red light district, and I have the full review of that here. This review is focused on the downstairs, which is a small strip club.

Quality of Dances (16.5/20) – Czech girls don’t seem to be trained in the art of the grinding lapdance, but you’ll be happy if you’re looking for either more of less than that. If you go with the cheaper option, you get full two way contact with a nude dancer on a bed. They won’t try to finish you off, but that’s not because they’re morally or personally opposed to it – they just want to get another 500 czk out of your wallet. If they succeed in doing that you can get whatever you want up to and including sex.

Quality of Dancers (6/10) – There are usually a few very attractive ladies working here, but the majority are a little worn out and are on the low end of what I’ve seen in Prague. If anything, the ladies are slightly hotter upstairs in the red light windows.

Number of Dancers (2/10) – I don’t expect too much from such a small club, but they need more than three or four dancers if those three or four dancers are going to be content to sit with the same groups of guys for 30 minutes or longer at a time. It meant that I was stuck waiting for the majority of my visit, and the stage was frequently empty, so I didn’t even have anything to look at to pass the time.

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – What little variety you’ll find at ShowPark, you’ll find upstairs, because the ladies in the strip club are thin, white, and slightly boring if you hang out for a while.

Attitudes (6/10) – Most of these ladies are willing to sit and chat even if you aren’t buying them frequent drinks, which is a fairly rare and very welcomed deviation from the usual situation in Prague. They don’t push the sale too hard, probably because the prices are low enough that they don’t need to, and they’re just generally pretty friendly.

Value (7.5/10) – There’s no cover for the strip club, beers are a reasonable 100 crowns (about $5 US) and you’re not going to do any better than 1000 crowns for a lap dance or 1500 crowns for sex in a Prague strip club. My only complaint is that the stage shows are generally a little tame except for the bachelor dance, which involved the bachelor’s dick coming out just before I decided it was time to leave the club.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – As you can see, this is a small club with a tiny stage, some counter seating and a nice bar in the back. They also have a door with an unobstructed window to the outside world, through which I took the above picture before they opened for the evening.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Since most people who purchase the dancers’ services will be fucking, they make sure that the rooms are setup accordingly, Even though I wasn’t going that far, it just doesn’t get any better than a private room with a bed fed for a lap dance.

Atmosphere (2/10) – The club does everything that it can to make for a party atmospheres, but they just can’t overcome the depressed, creepy vibes given off by the majority of the discount-sex-purchasing crowd. Basically, I wouldn’t chose to hang out here for an extended period of time, but it’s good enough if you’re just looking for reasonably priced dances or a place to recharge between girls upstairs.

Location (4/5) – ShowPark is walkable from the Hilton, but since it’s only open at night, you’re probably better off cabbing there for about 200 czk from wherever you happen to be in Prague. More importantly, it’s just a flight of stairs away from the ShowPark red light windows.

Overall – ShowPark Stripbar is a decent club if you’re looking for lapdances, but I wouldn’t even consider going through the hassle of getting there unless you’re looking for more than that. Even then the upstairs portion of the ShowPark complex is the real draw, but it’s probably worth stopping by the club if you find yourself in the area during its limited hours of operation.

RAW SCORE = 57.5

ShowPark (Prague, Czech Republic)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:08:00 +0000

ShowPark is an adult entertainment complex in the Holesovice section of Prague. Downstairs is a small strip club, and upstairs is a maze of hallways that's basically a miniature red light district. You can read my review of the strip club here, but this review is focused on the upstairs.

To get to ShowPark, one option is to walk across the bridge by the Hilton and then head east for about a half mile along the river. You can't see it from the road, but you just go in the entrance after the one by the McDonalds and head to the right. It's a fairly long walk from anywhere other than the Hilton, though, so you might want to consider taking a cab for around 200 crowns (roughly $10 US). The first ShowPark entrance is for the strip club, but just a few feet beyond that you'll find the entrance that leads to the upstairs. The 190 crown cover charge that you'll pay upon arrival is good for unlimited sessions and unlimited entries for 24 hours, so plan accordingly if you want to visit two days in a row.

To the right of the front desk is a small bar/cafe area where you can have some soda or beer. The 100 crown price for beer isn't terrible, but their selection is. In one of the world's great beer producing countries, you're going to offer me Heineken or Corona? I don't need any obscure Bohemian microbrews, but if the sausage vendors on the street can sell Pilsner Urquell, there's no excuse for this place not to. Unless they're trying to prevent whiskey dick by offering mediocre beer, in which case maybe it's for the best. Either way, the real draw of the cafe is that they have free wifi so you can play on the internet while you recharge between sessions. Alternately, if it's open, you can go downstairs to the strip club and take in the sights until you're ready to go again, but the club is only open at night a few days per week, so I wouldn't count on having that option.

Once you walk through the bar area, you'll come to a figure-8 shaped area of hallways lined with booths, and there's another set of hallways back through the bar area on the opposite side of the front desk. If the door is closed and the little light above the door is off, the room is empty. In the afternoon, many of the 58 rooms will be, but at night most of the closed doors will have right lights above them to indicate that a girl is inside entertaining a customer. Of course, if the door is open, there will be a girl inside, usually in lingerie, waiting to show you a good time. They usually have around 50 girls working, but for a real-time count, you can check their website.

Among the dozens of girls, you should be able to find at least a few who turn you on, even though most of the real stunners prefer to work in the New Town clubs, where they can get paid significantly more per session while dealing with slightly less sketchy guys. The only real advantage to ShowPark from their perspective are that the guys are less likely to be hammered and they don't have to waste time or energy giving a sales pitch. That's enough to usually get one or two 9's working, but the majority of the workforce is made up of girls in the 5-8 range. As you'd expect, they're mostly 20-something Eastern European white girls, but the mix of body types and nationalities is enough to keep things interesting, and I've always found a few black girls working, which is fairly rare in Prague. You might not find your dream girl, but, overall, there's enough variety and quality that I wouldn't think twice about paying the relatively cheap cover to take a look.

Assuming that you do find a girl you like, you should negotiate the price and services so that you don't get upsold, but it should be 1000 crowns (about $50 US) for 20 minutes of a blowjob and sex (both with a condom). Some girls will offer extra services and you can always negotiate a price for more time, but the 1000 crown option seems to be the de facto choice. Some of the girls are a little rough around the edges and, of course, some are friendlier than others, but you shouldn't have any terrible sessions as long as you act like you know what you're doing.

As for the rooms, they're similar to what you'd find in Amsterdams red light district, but slightly nicer. They all have multiple mirrors on the walls and the beds are fairly large, so you can really get comfortable while viewing your girl from a variety of angles. There's also a shower inside each room. Many girls will expect you to wash up before your session, but the real benefit is that you can wash up afterwards so that you're more comfortable when you've had enough of ShowPark and want to hit the town.

Overall, I wouldn't come to ShowPark expecting to find stunners like you'd see at the German FKKs or even ladies as hot as those at K5 Relax, Atlas or Darling in New Town Prague, but, if you're looking for sex from fairly attractive ladies at bargain basement prices, you'll probably be glad you stopped by.

Keystone Cafe (Bridgeport, CT)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:00:00 +0000

The Keystone Cafe (also known as Shaker's) was the temporary home to many of the Pleasant Moments girls for much of 2011, but now that Pleasant Moments is open again, the Keystone Cafe has gone downhill drastically.

Quality of Dances (15/20) - You'll get full two-way contact and plenty of grinding during these lapdances, but if you're looking for more than a dance, it's no longer available since they've shut down the private rooms. Several girls initiated discussions about meeting outside the club for a relatively small fee and I wouldn't be surprised if they reopen the private rooms eventually, but I won't be re-visiting this club any time soon to find out. The bottom line is that, even though the dances are decent, the girls are so unattractive that you shouldn't bother with them whether or not you can find girls who are willing to do more than that.

Quality of Dancers (0/10) – I don't think I've ever given a club a goose egg for dancer quality, but when I'm wishing that the girls were giving airdances just because I'd rather that they not touch me, that's a bad sign. I haven't seen a single girl that I'd rate above a 3 since Pleasant Moments reopened.

Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – Even without many customers, it's unacceptable to only have one dancer working, as they did during one of my recent visits. And when they do have more dancers, it still doesn't help matters too much since none of them are attractive.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – The was a decent mix of black and Latina dancers here when Pleasant Moments was temporarily closed, but most of the Latinas have migrated back there now that it's reopened, so this is almost exclusively a black club now. When it's done right (as it is in Atlanta), I love black clubs, but this one certainly isn't done right.

Attitudes (4/10) – A lot of these ladies are desperate, so they'll act really friendly for a while, but they don't take "no" for an answer once they start the sales pitch. I've ended up feeling bad for them and buying pity dances, but you'd be better off avoiding the situation altogether by not coming to the Keystone Cafe.

Value (8.5/10) – There's no cover, bottles of Heineken are only $2.75 and dances are a solid value at $20 each. There's usually no stage show, but I can overlook that since beers are no more expensive than they'd be at a regular bar.

Club Setup (1/10) – This place is a dump. The bar takes up most of the main room, leaving little room for a stage in the back. There’s a much larger stage is a spacious second room that I assume is used when they’re busy, but I've never seen anyone over there.

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – The barely converted bathroom that was being used as a private lap dance room is no longer in use, so you now get lap dances in a small curtained off area in a brightly lit corner of the club. There are two chairs and a couch in there, so you'll have no privacy if there's more than one person getting dances at a time, but that usually won't be the case. so you should be alone.

Atmosphere (0/10) – If the girls don’t feed the jukebox, the music doesn’t play, so you might end up awkwardly sitting around watching whatever weird TV show the bouncer feels like putting on. It actually doesn’t seem too dangerous by Bridgeport standards, but you'll probably get some suspicious looks from the regulars upon arrival and I can’t imagine ever wanting to hang out here, especially late at night.

Location (0.5/5) – The Keystone Cafe is in downtown Bridgeport, but you’re on full display to a busy street when you walk in the door and I was less than confident that my car would be waiting for me when I left.

Overall – The Keystone Cafe aka Shaker’s is a shitty club that you shouldn’t even consider visiting. While their private room was open and Pleasant Moments was closed, it was maybe worth a considering if you were looking discounted brothel services in a strip club setting, but it's not even an option for that anymore. I can't imagine that this place will stay in business for long because they really have nothing to offer at this point.

RAW SCORE = 37

Goldfingers (Prague, Czech Republic)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:45:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – In Prague, you generally won’t get an extras-free lap dance with lots of grinding – it’s either a full service place, or it’s a nude, two-way contact, grindless dance. At Goldfingers, it’s the nude, two-way contact, grindless version. I found it to be fairly enjoyable overall, but I really do wish there was some sort of middle ground for customers like me who want to stop just short of fucking for money.

Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) – The ladies at Goldfingers are among the finest that I’ve ever seen. A few too many implants and an average age that’s slightly higher than at most of the other clubs in the area prevent them from maxing out this score, but even factoring that in, these ladies are pretty close to perfection.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – There are usually plenty of ladies in the building and most of the stage shows include multiple (up to 4) girls, but it looks less impressive because they don’t work the room all that much, and they disappear to the dressing room if customers aren’t buying them dancer drinks that start at 600 crowns (about $30 US). Still, since this is primarily a sight-seeing club, it’s nice to be able to see the sights on stage for an extended period of time without seeing any repeat performers.

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – I don’t have anything against thin white girls, but I like to see a little more variation than Goldfingers offers, because the look can get a little boring when it’s shared by every lady in the place. Or at least it would get boring if the ladies weren’t quite this stunningly attractive.

Attitudes (2.5/10) – Normally I’d be frustrated by girls who don’t circulate through the crowd, but since this place relies on selling dancer drinks, it’s actually kindof nice to not have girls constantly approaching. When the ladies do finally stop by, they’re actually very friendly and don’t give much attitude if you decline to buy them a drink. They do, of course, leave instantly, but they do that at every club I’ve ever been to in Europe if you’re not buying marked up beverages. These ladies do generally ask for tips, but, overall, the attitudes aren’t too bad.

Value (3/10) – You can usually get entry and 5 beers for 300 crowns (about $15 US), which is an amazing deal, but they charged me 450 crowns during my second visit with no drinks included, so I’m not sure what’s going on. To be safe, you could find one of the guys in the square who get paid to bring people to the club and get them to get you the deal. Once you’ve used up your ticket, additional beers are a reasonable 90 crowns, and you can take in the excellent stage show for free. Most of the shows are choreographed and some of them even include lesbian action. During my first visit, I wrote down that there was a double sided dildo show, but after downing my 5 beers here, my 5 beers across the square at Cabaret Carioca, lots of absinth and some Becherovka, I have no recollection of that. Maybe it actually happened, but it definitely didn’t during my second trip here. Either way, just know that the stage shows alone make this place worth visiting. The actual lap dances are a little overpriced though, with non-contact dances going for 1000 crowns, full-contact dances for 1500 crowns, something called the “pussy galore” (no idea what that is) for 4000 crowns or the champagne room for 8000 crowns (about $400 US).

Club Setup (7/10) – This is a very classy club spread over two floors, though the upstairs is basically just an empty balcony that overlooks the main stage. Downstairs, there’s a very nice, large stage in a sunken part of the room, and it’s surrounded by small tables and moveable chairs that have a great view and are perfect for solo customers or groups.

Dance Setup (5/10) – People in the main part of the club are separated from the dance area by a curtain and there are dividers between each dance bench, but there’s nothing blocking the view of anyone who’s walking by.

Atmosphere (8/10) – This place has a great party vibe and really feels like it should be in Vegas. Whether you’re part of a bachelor party or looking to relax and take in the stage show, the atmosphere at Goldfingers is just about perfect.

Location (5/5) – Goldfingers is beneath the Hotel Ambassador right on Wenceslas Square in central Prague. It’s within walking distance of most of the hotels in the city, and it’s just seconds away from several other strip clubs.

Overall –You might ultimately prefer Cabaret Carioca among the sightseeing clubs, but the girls are so hot and the stage shows so impressive, you should plan to stop by Goldfingers at least once during your visit to Prague unless you’re strictly interested in clubs where the girls are willing to fuck.

RAW SCORE = 56

Jumbo's Clown Room (Los Angeles, CA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:16:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (1/20) – The girls rub up against you a fair amount, but all that you really need to know is that the clothes stay on and your hands have to stay at your sides. The bottom line is that these dances are a waste of time and money, though the classic rock that’s frequently playing does at least mean that you’ll get a fairly long stretch of clothed awkwardness for your $20.

Quality of Dancers (6/10) – Maybe the knowledge that Courtney Love was a dancer here lowered my expectations too much, but I was actually impressed by the ladies that were working. There were one or two young ones and one or two who were probably in their 40’s, but most of them were fit girls in their mid to late 20s with real tits. Unfortunately, I have no idea how they looked with their clothes off, because I never saw any of their wearing less than a bra and thong. I don’t know whether they ever strip down to less than that or not, but they didn’t while I was there.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Jumbo’s had a dozen girls working the evening shift and about half that during the day, which isn’t too bad since the place is tiny and since you shouldn’t be looking for a girl for a lap dance anyway.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There’s some age variation and about an equal number of blondes and brunettes, but if white ladies aren’t your thing, you’ll probably want to go elsewhere.

Attitudes (7/10) – They’re are all happy to sit and chat and seem to enjoy joking around with customers and with each other. For the most part, I got the impression that these ladies really do work here because they enjoy it rather than because they feel like they need to, and the positive vibes are noticeable.

Value (4/10) – The lack of a cover charge is a good deal, $5 beers aren’t bad and $20 dances would usually be acceptable, but I need better bargains than that to consider it to be a good value in a bikini club. Plus the stage show is pretty lame even if you can ignore the fact that the ladies are wearing as much clothing as the average beach-goer, and tipping at the stage doesn’t seem to get them to step their game up. Regardless of what you do, they just do their thing… which isn’t much.

Club Setup (2/10) – Jumbo’s is the smallest club that I’ve ever been to. There’s a bar in the back of the club, several seats at the medium sized stage, five small round tables and a few stools by a tall bench, but even with the mirrored wall to make things seem bigger than they really are, this place still feels tiny.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There’s only one seat for lap dances and the a light above it shines on you like a spotlight. There’s a divider between the lap dance seat and the bench beside it, but it doesn’t really block anyone’s view. Though I guess no one will be catching you in a compromising position anyway.

Atmosphere (7/10) – If there’s any reason to visit Jumbo’s (and I’d argue that there isn’t), it’s the atmosphere. They play lots of solid classic rock, there’s little to no hustle, and it’s so non-threatening that the Zagat raters got to it before I did, so it’s the perfect place to take a girlfriend or a buddy who doesn’t normally visit strip clubs.

Location (5/5) – The club is in Thai Town in East Hollywood and is only about half a block from the Anthony Bourdain-recommended Sapp Coffee Shop. If you’re getting dinner in the area anyway, and I’m glad that I did, the location could not possibly be more convenient.

Overall – If you’re fine with going to bikini clubs then you might like it because it has a good atmosphere and relatively attractive, friendly dancers. For me, though, a titty bar needs to include some titties. I won’t be back.

RAW SCORE = 36.5

North Hollywood Deja Vu (North Hollywood, CA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 02:38:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (13.5/20) – The narrow booths mean that you won’t be able to spread your legs to the optimal grind-inducing angle, but, otherwise, these dances are very good with full two-way contact often encouraged and almost always tolerated. Several of the ladies implied that extra services would be available during the VIP sessions, but I got the feeling that this was more of a sales pitch than a promise, at least from most of them.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – Most of the ladies are fairly young and attractive, and I was surprised to see that there were less implants in the room during my visit than at most of the other clubs in southern California. And you should particularly enjoy the sights if you’re into the porn star look, because several of these ladies are in the industry. Though hearing about how a girl just finished shooting a blow bang scene didn’t really make her more attractive in my eyes.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were about twenty women working on the Sunday night of my visit, and since the club was dead, that should have been more than enough. Unfortunately, only one or two women were working the sparse crowd for most of the evening since everyone else was doing who-knows-what in the dressing room. Still, the total number meant that patient customers had plenty of women to chose from.

Variety of Dancers (4.5/5) – They lose half a point because almost all of the ladies were on the thin side, but the variety was otherwise perfect. Black, white, Latina and Asian ladies were all well represented.

Attitudes (2/10) – A few of these ladies were nice, but overall, I was less than impressed. My biggest issue is that most of them were content to stay in the dressing room, presumably waiting for their regulars to show up, rather than cultivating new business. I could see if one or two girls were in bad moods and were doing that, but it was easily three-quarters of the workforce. The worst were the girls who would line up on the stage for the dance specials, then walk straight to the dressing room without even giving customers a chance to give them some money. If you don’t want my money, I’m fine with hanging onto it, but why even show up if that’s your attitude?

Plus, when some of the ladies did mingle, I kindof wished that they hadn’t. One in particular had a real attitude when I turned down her offer for a dance, saying, “Oh, so you’re just hanging out taking in the free show?” No, I’ve spent a few hundred dollars on other girls over the last hour while you were busy sitting in the dressing room.

Value (6/10) – Dances are a solid value, and since they have the dance counting machines, you can’t be ripped off. If you’re not familiar with those machines, you insert your money before the dance, then it counts down the time until the end of the dance, when a red light goes on, alerting you that your dance is over unless you add more cash. The regular dances are $20 for about 3 minutes, dances in the couch area are $60 for three songs and the normal VIP price is $150. The cover charge is a steep $20, but that’s understandable since this is an alcohol-free club and you can get free sodas throughout your visit. Plus you can save half of the cover charge by printing out this free admission coupon – and, no, that’s sadly not a typo. They claim that of the $20 fee to get in, $10 is for admission (that’s waived with the coupon) and $10 is for an “entertainment fee” that you still have to pay. As long as you consider that money to be going toward the sodas that you’ll drink, it’s doesn’t seem like too much of a rip off.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a fairly large club, with a ton of small tables with rolly chairs spread throughout the room. The crowd area is a little brighter than I’d like, but the lighting on stage is tastefully bright, and everyone has a nice view of the ladies. The stage itself is fairly nice and they even have a rain making machine that can be a fun way to waste $20. The way it works is that you put a $20 bill into the machine, and it will either give you 19 ones back or you can press a button so that it will rain 19 ones down on the stage. It’s gimmicky, but I did it once to try it, and the girl came over afterwards and seemed to be genuinely appreciative to get her money that way rather than through the normal tipping routine. And, since a happy dancer makes for a happy customer, it ended up being $20 well spent.

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance booths are tiny, but that has it’s pluses and minuses. On the bright side, it means that you have a good bit of privacy, especially since they’re angled in a way that really prevents anyone from getting a direct view of what you’re up to. The drawback, however, is that larger customers might feel a little cramped and your legs aren’t going to be able to spread wide enough to allow for maximum access. Besides that, the only thing that’s noteworthy about the dance setup is the aforementioned dance counting machines, which really do add to the experience by eliminating the need to divert some of your attention from the girl to counting to make sure that you aren’t being ripped off. I really wish every club had those machines.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Maybe it was the lack of alcohol combined with the lack of a bar within walking distance, or maybe it was the long stretches of empty stage, or maybe it was the slightly rough looking crowd, but, whatever it was, the bottom line is that I didn’t particularly enjoy hanging out at this club. It wasn’t bad enough to keep me away and I wouldn’t mind sticking around if a girl caught my eye, but I would never plan on spending my evening here.

Location (3/5) – The club is in an industrial part of North Hollywood beside the railroad tracks. I don’t really know the neighborhood so I’m not sure whether it’s a safe area, but you can valet park your car in a garage inside the building for a few bucks, so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Overall – The North Hollywood Deja Vu is a nice club and is worth a visit if you’re in the area, but the fact that most of the girls hang out in the dressing room the majority of the time makes it frustrating to the point that I can’t recommend going too far out of your way to get there. If you’re going to travel to get to a Deja Vu, just go to the one in the City of Industry, because it’s a significantly better club.

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Oasis Gentlemen's Club (Smithtown, NY)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 20:05:00 +0000

Quality of dances (8.5/20) – Dances are unremarkable. One-way contact with a relatively skilled grind. Customer-to-dancer contact isn’t actively encouraged, but it’s not totally shut down either. I was dead sober during my dance and thus didn’t really test anyone’s boundaries; I strongly suspect the line is drawn shy of full upper hemisphere contact.

Quality of dancers (7/10) – Given that Oasis looks like a recluse’s murder shed from the outside, I was shocked by the quality of dancers, notwithstanding the fact that the hoochie factor was disappointingly low, much like it was at Café Royale in Farmingdale. Almost without exception (one dancer was well past her prime), these women were beautiful. Knockouts? No, but pretty nonetheless. I think you’ll be plenty satisfied.

Oh, I almost forgot. This is a pastie club. They’ve managed to minimize the impact by placing the tiniest possible covers on their nipples, but they still obscure one of the most beautiful parts of a woman’s body. For that, I’m docking them half a point on dancer quality.

Number of dancers (6.5/10) – Oasis has one of the highest dancer to club size ratios I’ve ever seen. At least a dozen women were working the Friday after Thanksgiving in a shoe-box sized club (see more about this below). In absolute terms, though, the number of dancers isn’t particularly impressive, so the club can only score so high here.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (4/5) – Once you’ve spent some time in New York strip clubs, you start to assume that any new club you visit will be largely populated by the standard mix of women from former Soviet republics. That’s really par for the course. But kudos to Oasis for bucking this trend. The two Belarusians working that night were the exception and not the rule. Looking across the floor, there were two black women, an Asian, and a crop of white girls of varying shapes and sizes. Throw me a couple of Latinas next time and this score is going straight to 5.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Most of the dancers were tied up with their regulars when I was there, so I only got to interact with a few, all of whom were pleasant and fun. Based on my people watching, it looked like most of the occupied customers were having a good time, so I feel confident that attitudes are strong across the board. This also makes sense given the club’s small size. You can’t afford to be an asshole when you’re gonna have to walk by the customer you just alienated like 20 more times that night.

Quick note: The bouncers at this place were great. Total class acts, really nice guys. I was impressed.

Value (4.5/10) – There’s never a cover, which is awesome, but at $7, Bud Lights (no Miller Lite; shame on them) are at least $2 too expensive. Dances are $30, but your average dance cost should always be less than that. I was too dumb to take advantage of this, but it’s apparently buy two dances and get a third free. And if I’m remembering correctly, you can get 15 minutes worth of VIP dances (no different than regular dances, from what I can tell) for $100 or 30 minutes for $175. What’s really sweet is that if you purchase 15 minutes in the VIP, you get unlimited free drinks during that time. I can’t wait for my next visit when I’m not the designated driver and can go to town on that deal.

Dance Setup (3/10) – Dances occur in one of two areas: the dance room or the VIP area. From what I can tell, there’s no difference between the two, expect for their location. Both are curtained/walled off parts of the club that contain a few small leather loveseats. So far, so good, except that there are no dividers between the loveseats, which readers of this blog will recognize as totally unacceptable. The privacy of a walled-off room is an illusion if some goober can sit close enough to me that I could reach over and give him a happy ending. At least it’s dark in the rooms, and the VIP doesn’t have a bouncer sitting outside watching your every move.

Club Setup (3/10) – This club is small. And when I say small, I mean really, really, really small. Of the nearly 200 clubs I’ve visited, there are maybe two that are tinier. That said, they do a nice job with the space they have. When you walk in, the stage is directly in front of you against the right wall. It’s maybe 15 feet long with a single ~7 foot pole. The VIP room is to the right and the dance room and one-person bathroom (which I’m still undecided about) are to the left. On the far side, running the length of the back wall, sits the bar. The rest of the space is filled by maybe eight low-tops and two or three high-tops. All told, the space is used as efficiently as it can be without making the floor impossible to navigate. Be that as it may, the setup still leaves much to be desired.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – I like the vibe here. In a culture where musical tastes range from headache-producing to suicide-inducing, Oasis somehow filters all of the garbage and comes out with a strong playlist. I’d dim the lighting slightly and take down some of the kitschier accessories, but those are small improvements. The big problem here is that it’s impossible to get lost in the crowd and just mind your business. If you go there, you’re going to be seen. And watched. By pretty much everyone. So be prepared.

Club Accessibility (1/5) – Oasis is right on Route 25, directly across the street from an anatomically correct statue of Whisper, the bull Richard Smith was said to have ridden when establishing the town’s boundaries in the 1600’s. If you live in Smithtown, that’s a highly accessible location. If you don’t, you’re shit out of luck. I’m certain that most of you fall into the latter category.

Overall – I’ve got a few close friends who grew up in Smithtown, and they say that this club has been the subject of local lore for most of their lives, particularly amongst the high school students, most of whom had to pass right by it on the way to school every day. Most of them have never been inside, expecting it to be the shadiest place they could imagine. I’m happy to report that their expectations are wrong. I wouldn’t go out of my way to stop by Oasis, but if I ever find myself in Smithtown again, I’ll definitely swing in for a beer.

TOTAL SCORE = 49.5

Satin Dolls (Lodi, NJ)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 02:27:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (5/20) – The grinding can be very nice, but there are two things that prevent this score from being any higher: 1) other than a little hand-to-leg touching, the contact goes only in one direction; and, 2) the bikinis stay on. As if I needed something else to hate about New Jersey, the no nudity in a club that serves alcohol rule is brutal.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – I’ve been told that the quality can be seriously lacking when the club is slow, but it’s been amazing during my late night visits. They’ve almost all be young, fresh and in good shape.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Like the dancer quality, I’ve heard that the number of dancers can vary wildly, but there have been more than enough girls working every time I’ve been there. In addition to the two girls on the stage, there have been several girls doing the tip walk and several more working the crowd.

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There are a ton of Russians on the evening shift, and everyone else is white or Italian, or possibly Latinas who could pass for Italians. I really couldn’t tell but then again, I’ve perfected judging topless women and these bikinis threw me off my game.

Attitudes (1/10) – Dancer: “ Wannadance?” Me: “No thanks.” Dancer: “Wanna give me a tip?” And repeat, over and over and over again from every Russian in the building. The only extended interaction that I witnessed was a girl talking about how bad one customer smelled. That wouldn’t be too unusual, except that she was talking to him about it. And by “talking,” I mean saying things like, “you’re making me sick.” In her defense, he did smell like he’d just bathed in gasoline, but that’s still shockingly bad customer service.

Value (4/10) – The pole work is fairly impressive, but I’ve seen much better acrobatics at Cirque de Soleil. You might think that’s an unfair comparison, but since these ladies wear just as much clothing as the circus performers, I think it’s justified. Similarly, the $5 beers are decent for a strip club but not so good for a tittiless establishment. And this place is tittiless.

Club Setup (3/10) – If you’re a Sopranos fan, you already know how the club is designed because this is where all of the Bada Bing scenes were filmed. There’s a pool table off to the side, but the main area is a decent sized high ceilinged room that’s mostly filled by the large square bar. There’s a stage a few feet away from customers in the middle of the bar, so you’ll have to ball up your ones and throw them if you want to tip during the dance. If not, don’t worry, you’ll still get your chance to fork over some cash during the constant tip walks.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – You can’t see the dance area from the main club area, but that’s the only good thing that I have to say about it. It’s a long narrow corral that’s lined on both sides with rolly chairs, so you’ll be staring right at another guy when it’s busy.

Atmosphere (5.5/10) – Despite the constant interruptions from the tip walk crew, this is a fairly fun place to hang out. There’s a party vibe in the evenings and crowd is decent, so it’s not a bad option if you want the Hooters experience without having to pay for shitty chicken wings.

Location (3.5/5) – You can see Satin Dolls from I-80, but there’s really no easy way to get there. The entrance is off of Route 17S and it’s a real pain in the ass to get to if you drive past, so slow down and start looking to your right after you pass under I-80. Once you get there, though, there is at least plenty of parking.

Overall – If this place were topless, I’d say that it’s worth a visit as long as you’re capable of fighting off the Russian hustle. The girls are hot, the beers are reasonably price, the vibe is good and the dances are decent, but the bikinis really kill it for me. I’ll reluctantly stumble to a bikini bar during a drunken night out in Atlantic City, but I’m not navigating the maze of highways in northern Jersey to get to this place. It might be worth a visit if you’re a die hard Sopranos fan, but, otherwise, save your cash or drive the 10 minutes to a state where you can enjoy some partial nudity with your beer.

RAW SCORE = 39

Deja Vu (City of Industry, CA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 00:11:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Just like at the other big City of Industry clubs, the lap dances are very nice with full two-way contact and enough of a grind to help the girls segue into their VIP sales pitch. Back there, different girls have different limits (one was apologetic for only offering to lend a helping hand even though I hadn’t indicated that I wanted anything more than a lap dance), but you should be able to find someone who is willing to do whatever it is that you’re looking to have done. It won’t be cheap and there will be some upsell if you agree to go to the VIP before you clearly agree to specific services for a specific amount of money, but that’s true everyone and isn’t nearly as bad here as it is at the Spearmint Rhino.

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – A lot of these ladies are a little rough around the edges. Most of them are passable but unspectacular and a few are just sloppy, but I’ve seen at least one stunner and a few pretty good girls during each of my visits. As long as you’re patient, you shouldn’t have a major problem finding a few girls who are more than worthy of your dance money.

Number of Dancers (8/10) – For a fairly small club, they have a ton of dancers, with more than two dozen lining up for the 2-4-1 cattle calls. Unfortunately, that’s the only time that you’ll see them all since a large percentage of them is either in the dressing room or off giving dances, but there are still more than enough to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – I couldn’t ask for any more from a club. During my first night there I saw Asian chicks, white chicks, black chicks, Latina chicks, young chicks, old chicks, skinny chicks, chubby chicks and possibly even a chick who was born with a dick. I can’t confirm that last one though.

Attitudes (4/10) – The girls rarely sit with guys to chat and the “wannadance?” routine can get old quickly, but most of them are pretty friendly once you do get dances. Plus, the attitudes are significantly less important here than they are at any other club (other than a few other CA Deja Vu location), because they have no way to rip you off during the dances. For the dances, you have to insert your money into a machine that counts down until the money is gone, then the light changes red and your dance is over. If it’s a 2-4-1 or some other kind of special, the machine calculates that, so the girls couldn’t miscount dances if they tried. Of course, they could still give shitty dances or not deliver on promised services, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.

Value (8/10) – The $20 cover is steep, but sodas are free, no one tries to get you to buy sodas for girls and the stage value is excellent. Shelby, in particular, put on the best stage show I’ve ever seen, with a nice mix of pole acrobatics, floor work and crowd interaction. Even the pole cleaning routine is turned into a fun little production with the waitresses wearing sexy maid outfits and parading around while wiping it down. More importantly, though, dances are an excellent value. The topless version is only $10 each, but since I only had $20s, I just put them into the machine and it calculated the time for me. If you’re looking for nude dances they’re $40 for some amount of time that’s longer than one song, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone about how long they are. VIP sessions are $150 for a half hour plus whatever you negotiate with the girls for specific services. At those rates, everything is a decent deal anyway, but it’s even better if you wait for specials and/or go on the right night, since VIPs are only $100 on Thursdays, dances are 10% longer on Sundays and topless dances are frequently discounted to 3-for-$20.

Club Setup (4/10) – The club is nice enough, but the circle of chairs lined up around the room is a little awkward. There are at least a few benches in the back of the club, but there still aren’t enough seats for weekend nights. The stage does allow for some good shows, though, since the two tall poles are able to rotate, allowing some of the more skilled girls to do some very impressive tricks. The other thing that I like about the club is that they have a rain making machine that will rain down 19 ones over the stage for every $20 that you enter. It’s gimmicky, but it’s a fun gimmick, and the girl gets the same out of money that she’d get if you got your ones at the bar since you’d tip a dollar for that anyway. Unfortunately, the machine was out of order when I was there, but hopefully that was just a temporary problem. If you’re really curious to try it, the one at the North Hollywood Deja Vu was working, though it’s honestly not cool enough to justify the drive.

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – You’ll get your own booth for the topless dances, but you should know that these are much smaller than the average lap dance booth. That’s both a good and a bad thing though. On the bright side, the walls of the booth are so close to you that no one can really see what you’re up to, but the downside is that big guys might be uncomfortable and no guys will be able to spread their legs to the optimal angle for a proper grind. The VIP area is much more private, especially in the last room, since the only opening to the large cubicle areas can be blocked with moveable fake trees. The couches desperately need to be replaced, but they’re comfortable enough for whatever activities you want to do back there. The dance counting machines are in the VIP area as well as the regular lap dance area, so you can monitor the countdown timer. It’s based on dollars and cents rather than minutes, but it doesn’t take long to figure out roughly how much time you have left.

Atmosphere (4/10) – This is another California club that decided that bottomless ladies add more to a strip club experience than booze. I can’t say that I agree, but there is at least a bar next door where you can down a few beers before heading into the club. As for the club itself, the seating arrangement makes it less than ideal for large groups and the crowd can be a little rough, but the music is a decent mix of rap and dubstep and, even though he’s incomprehensible, the DJ isn’t too obnoxious. Overall, but this is a fairly comfortable place to hang out and has as much of a party vibe as an alcohol-free club can have.

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive. Deja Vu is only a few minutes away from the very nice Spearmint Rhino and the solid Synn, so the location is perfect for making a night out of hitting the clubs.

Overall - The City of Industry Deja Vu is my favorite of the clubs that I've been to in California and my favorite of the half dozen Deja Vu clubs that I've been to. The girls aren't as consistently hot as at the Spearmint Rhino or Synn, but this would be my first stop of the night to see if you can find a girl to your liking for less money than you'd spend at the other places.

RAW SCORE = 61

Synn (City of Industry, CA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:32:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (15/20) - Just like at the other two big City of Industry clubs (Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino), two way contact is expected and tit groping is encouraged. Some of the ladies even directed my hand to the bikini zone, and even though that's not something that I'm looking to do in a club, it just shows what good sports these ladies are. There is some grinding and over the pants rubbing with their hand, but that's more to wake up junior to help with the VIP sales pitch than to actually get you near the edge.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – The high end of talent is comparable to the best of the Rhino and the low end is comparable to the worse of Deja Vu. That’s to say that there’s a huge variation in talent at Synn, but they do a pretty solid job of keeping the best of the best on stage. The drawback of that is that the lesser girls are the ones who are free to work the crowd.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have more than enough dancers, at least on weekend evenings, but I have two complaints here. First, a large percentage of the girls are hanging out in the dressing room at any given time, so you only see the full lineup when they do their pre-special parades. Second, there are too many unattractive dancers. Since the hottest girls are the ones who are usually in the dressing room, you’ll have a parade of nasties asking if you want a dance a few times every song. They’d be better off trimming the workforce a little because it’s hard to relax the way it is now.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – No matter your type, you’ll find it here. Thin, thick, tall, short, young, old, black, white, Asian, Latina, tattooed, implanted, all natural – it’s all here.

Attitudes (2/10) – This is one of the big things that drops Synn below Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino in my book. The girls do chat with customers a little bit and seem decent enough, but I had a very tough time getting a straight answer on dance prices and half the girls wouldn’t volunteer that there are $20 topless dances in addition to the more expensive nude version. The worst part, though, is that several girls tried to get away with charging full song prices for half a song. That’s bad anyway, but was particularly frustrating coming from Deja Vu, where the dance counting machines make it impossible for a girl to rip you off.

Value (3.5/10) – The $20 cover is rough and only covers one soda. Sodas are only $2 after that and you probably aren’t trying to load up on Coke anyway, but it’s the principle of the matter. Dances aren’t bad at $20 for topless or 2-4-$40 for nude, but their specials aren’t as good as at the other local clubs (where you can get 3 for $40) and their VIP prices are ridiculous. I didn’t try to negotiate, but I kept hearing $250-300 without any promises of what that would get me. I’m assuming that anything that justifies a trip to the City of Industry would be upsold from there. The nude stage show is at least solid and not many people tip, so you can stretch your cash if you can manage to fight off the stream of girls who offer you dances.

Club Setup (4/10) – The stage is both the best and the worst thing about the setup at Synn. It’s probably the best looking stage I’ve ever seen, with a large marble fountain behind it that is pretty sweet even though it doesn’t work. The stage lighting is very good too, with the color changing with each song. The problem is that it’s almost too nice for this place, and it makes the dancer seem to be in a different world. There are seats at the stage, but they don’t seem to be very popular. The other seating isn’t anything fancy, but it’s sufficient. There are a few benches and tiny stools on the main level and there are some tables down a few steps to the level that has the stage, and everyone has a nice view of the stage. Overall, it isn’t a bad setup, but it does contribute to the less than stellar atmosphere, plus the fact that you have to walk through a porn store to leave is just odd.

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance area is a long narrow hallways that’s up a few stairs from the main level of the club. You’ll get your own reasonably large booth that prevents anyone from seeing you unless they’re walking by, and they’ll only be walking by if they’re on their way to or from their own dances.

Atmosphere (2.5/10) – It’s hard to explain, but there’s a very cold, impersonal vibe in this place despite the constantly approaching ladies. I think maybe the stage is too far from the bulk of the crowd and the lack of alcohol doesn’t help matters, but there’s more to it than that. It’s just not a place that I could see myself hanging out, either with friends or while flying solo.

Location (3/5) – Synn is practically within walking distance of the Spearmint Rhino and isn’t too far from Deja Vu, but you’re going to have to travel to get there since there aren’t many nearby hotels and no one lives in the area.

Overall – Synn is a pretty solid club that’s a distant 3^rd in what is essentially a three-club town. It’s worth a visit if you strike out at the other Industry clubs, but the cold atmosphere and the constant sales pitches from unattractive dancers mean that it would never be my intended destination for a night out.

RAW SCORE = 53.5

Adelita Bar (Tijuana, Mexico)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (0/20) – There are no lapdances at Adelita The thought is that no one would want to get a dance from a girl when they could just as easily bang them in the motel upstairs and, for the most part, they’re probably right. Having said that, there are plenty of guys who love dances but draw the line somewhere short of fucking a Tijuana hooker and there are other guys who would be willing to pay $20 as a warmup for the real action, so I was disappointed by this. A lot of the ladies rub your crotch, some hop on your lap for the sales pitch and one even offered to dance for me if I paid her the going rate for fucking, but I’m not counting any of that as lapdances.

If you’re looking for sex, though, you’re in luck. Once you find a girl you like, you offer her $60 and she’ll take you to the motel upstairs for a bj and sex (both with a condom). You can probably negotiate anal or a bareback blowjob with some of the girls if you’re willing to drop some extra cash, but I can’t imagine coming here so often that you’re bored by the straightforward options. They aren’t allowed to have the rooms right in the club, so you have to take a few steps outside of the front door of the club, then you go right up the stairs to a room with a bed, a shower and a toilet. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s good enough for what you need, and it’s surprisingly clean. The half hour time limit is strictly enforced by the motel employees, so you shouldn’t waste too much time getting down to business if you’ve got some stamina, but the actual sex if going to be as good as the girl you chose. If you invest some time into looking around the club and finding a girl who you have at least a little chemistry with, you should not be disappointed.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There are some stunning Mexican dancers at Adelita, but I found them to be a noticeable step down from what I saw at Hong Kong. There were a few more implants and the average age was a little older here, but it would still take a very demanding customer to not be impressed by the overall talent level and in awe of a few of the ladies.

Number of Dancers (9/10) – There were about 4 ladies dancing at a time while I was there, and the room was filled with ladies working the crowd. The place was packed with customers, but there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – The ages range from barely legal to late 30’s, there are plenty of natural and fake tits, they’ve got dark skinned and light skinned ladies and several of the dancers have dyed blond hair, but if you don’t like Mexicans, you’re SOL. Fortunately for me, I love Mexicans.

Attitudes (4.5/10) – There can be a bit of a language barrier here if you don’t speak Spanish, but I did find that it seemed to be less of an issue at Adelita than at Hong Kong. That could have just been the luck of the draw with the ladies that I talked to, but I think it had more to do with their ages – more of the Adelita dancers have been around since back when Americans regularly came down to Tijuana to party. The early 20’s crowd has never had that, so they’ve never had a real reason to pick up English. If you can manage to understand them, they’re all very friendly and make lots of generous promises that I’m sure most of them keep.

Value (10/10) – There’s no cover, ice cold Sol is $3.25 and you can basically do whatever you want at the stage for a buck. Want to show appreciation for the show? A dollar. Grab a tit? A dollar. Insert a finger? A dollar. Lick some puss? A dollar, though you might want to save your cash for some antibiotics if eating out a Tijuana prostitute sounds like a good idea to you. If you’re looking to actually bang these ladies, the going rate is $60 to the girl plus an additional total of around $15 for the room, the robe for the girl to cover up while you take the two steps to the motel, and the guys who straighten up the sheets when you’re done.

Club Setup (7/10) – There’s just one large room to Adelita. There’s a long bar off to the right when you walk in, several stages throughout the room, booths around the outer walls and some additional tables and chairs closer to the stages. The lighting is good and it’s just generally a nice setup to check out the ladies whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them.

Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup.

Atmosphere (6/10) – The fact that I felt relaxed in Adelita even though I was constantly on the lookout for kidnappers tells you just how solid the vibe is. It’s a little more laidback than the party over at Hong Kong, but it’s still clear that everyone is here to have a good time. The safety factor is really the only reason that this score isn’t a 9.

Location (0/5) – Park in the duty free store lot on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Adelita for $5. The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider. Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money. It’s not particularly safe though, as evidenced by the fact that I was the only person in the U.S. passport holders line on the way back to the U.S. during my most recent visit. You should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off, particularly if you keep your visit to daylight hours, but this is still the worst location of any strip club I’ve ever been to.

TOTAL SCORE = 46.5

Overall = Adelita is a good but not great strip club. It can’t hurt to peek your head in if you’re at Hong Kong anyway, but it’s really not worth putting yourself in danger of being kidnapped for Adelita if you’re truly just looking to do some sightseeing. Having said that, it’s an excellent brothel, so it’s worth the effort to get here as long as you’re not going to be so freaked out by the danger that you fail to fully enjoy the girls.

Centerfolds Cafe (Berlin, CT)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:47:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (14/20) – There's some variation from girl to girl, but you'll almost always get at least a solid grind and some skilled knee action, and most of the girls allow varying degrees of 2-way contact. Several of the girls will position their boobs on your face and it isn't uncommon for them to encourage you to take a handfull. Some of the girls give some over-the-pants hand action, and though extras are not available, there are a few girls who will gladly do everything in their power to leave the customer feeling satisfied.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are fairly attractive overall. I've seen a few older ladies once or twice each, but the regular dancers are almost all in their 20's or early 30's and look good. The majority of ladies are all natural, but make sure you do a careful inspection of the Brazilians while on stage before buying a dance if you hate fake tits as much as I do. Those Brazilian doctors are lightyears ahead of American plastic surgeons and somehow manage to make it very difficult to weed out the implants. That's a good thing if you're just looking, but it can lead to disappointment if you grab ahold during a dance expecting the real thing.

Number of Dancers (5.5/10) – I've found a solid dancer-to-customer ratio during off-peak hours, but that's been more due to a lack of customers than it has been due to an abundance of dancers. The ratio goes down when it gets busier, but there are still plenty of ladies to prevent anyone from waiting too long for some attention. And even when they have plenty of girls working, they almost always only have one girl working the stage at a time.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Centerfolds has mostly white dancers with a fair number of Latinas mixed in, but I've also seen a few Asians on occasion and some of the white girls are eastern European, which keeps things interesting. My only complaint is that there seem to be very few black ladies, but there's enough other variety to prevent that from being too big of a problem.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The girls here are very friendly and good to talk to, and they all seem to be genuinely grateful for tips. My biggest complaint is that a lot of the girls focus on the regulars at the expense of visitors, but that isn't usually a major problem unless they're busy. Also, if you come here often, there are a few girls who can get way too clingy (especially one of the Russians), so you need to lay out the ground rules before anyone starts to expect that you're going to spend your entire visit with them.

Value (6/10) – The $5-8 cover and $4 draft beers are about average, and the topless stage action is adequate, though nothing special. Twenty dollar is fairly steep for what usually passes for a dance in New England, but at least here they're good enough that you feel like you're getting something for your money. Even when the girls make real efforts to get the job done, I haven't found any of them requesting any extra cash.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – Dances are given in a bright area in the back of the club where several fairly uncomfortable chairs are lined up next to each other. There are no dividers between most of the chairs and people could see you from the stage, but you're at least somewhat obscured from the bar and the bouncers rarely check up on you. The two slightly better seats in the back right corner go quickly, so you may want to wait until one is available before requesting a dance.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – This is a fairly nice club with a large bar and a fairly large stage, but it's way too bright and there aren't any tables to sit at. There's a second stage between the bar and the dance area, but it's never in use, even when the club is packed.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Centerfolds is a decent place to hang out for a while and have a few beers, and the fact that most of the bartendresses look and dress like dancers doesn't hurt the situation at all. Having tables would make it much better for groups, but it's still easy to have a good time here.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – Centerfolds is along a fairly empty stretch of the Berlin Turnpike south of New Britain. It about halfway between Hartford and New Haven, so you don't have any choice but to drive to get here. My biggest problem with the location is that there's really no discreet way to get inside the club. You can park your car behind the building, but you'll have to walk in the well lit entrance that's in clear view of anyone who happens to be driving by on the Berlin Turnpike.

Overall - Centerfolds isn't great at anything, but it's an all-around solid club that's near the top of my Connecticut rotation. The only other club within 20 minutes of here that's worth considering is the Crazy Horse in New Haven, but I definitely like Centerfolds more. The dances are comparable, but the girls are hotter here and the overall vibe is a lot better.

TOTAL SCORE = 54.5

Deja Vu Showgirls (Cincinnati, OH)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (3/20) - These dances aren't bad by Ohio standards, but dances are generally a waste of time throughout the state and the Deja Vu is not the exception to the rule. The dancers make some limited contact with customers if they keep their tops on or give topless airdances, but either experience is wholly unsatisfying.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies had better be attractive, because there isn’t a whole lot else to draw customers to an alcohol-free club with shitty lap dances. Luckily, these ladies are well above average., thought I found most of them to be cute in a girl-next-door way more than hot in an I’m-willing-to-hang-out-in-this-drinkless-club way.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – I’ve only been here once, so you may want to take this score with a grain of salt, but there were more than enough ladies working during my visit. The half-dozen dancers outnumbered the customers when I arrived in the late afternoon, and the number of dancers increased appropriately as time went by. I’m not sure whether that was a good thing or not, since it really just sped up the “wannadance?” rotation, but there were at least plenty of ladies to look at.

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Every girl that I saw at Déjà Vu Cincinnati could have easily passed for being the sister of any other girl in the place. Young, white and within 15 pounds of their ideal weight isn’t a bad thing by any means and you should be thrilled if that look is in your wheelhouse, but you’re out of luck if you’re tastes run a little more exotic.

Attitudes (2/10) – It’s always frustrating when the first and only words out of a dancer’s mouth are, “want a dance?” On a busy night, though, I understand that they can’t afford to waste time with a nonspender when there are so many other wallets in the building. Of course, a lot of the guys who don’t “wannadance” might have proven to be big spenders if the girl had invested some time in chatting them up, but I at least can see where the girls are coming from. But when the club is dead and the only alternative to cultivating business is sitting and chatting with other dancers and the dj, there’s really no excuse for that. Sadly, that’s what happened over and over again during my visit.

Value (8.5/10) – It’s hard to beat a $10 cover that gets you free sodas and a view of the nude stage action (well, at least nude until midnight, thanks to politicians with seriously misplaced priorities). The pole work isn’t as impressive as at the other Déjà Vu locations I’ve visited (Vegas, Lexington and several in California), but it still isn’t too bad. The dances are a waste of time at any price, but at least it won’t be a costly mistake at two for $25 or 15 minutes of VIP dances for $75.

Club Setup (4/10) – After walking down a long hallway at the entrance, you’ll reach a small shitty room with a shitty stage filling half of it. This isn’t the main room, but it’s odd that it’s the first part of the club that you see. Thankfully, the room off to the right is much nicer, with mirrored walls, a nice juice bar and a lot of small tables with plenty of chairs. This room is also surrounded by the aforementioned lap dance booths, so you can discreetly check out a dancer’s lap dance moves before spending your own cash.

Dance Setup (2/10) – I got my dances in a partially exposed area of the club that’s off to the left when you walk in. There’s a long bench in there with small spaces to separate you from other dance recipients, but there’s nothing to block the view of anyone who is back there or the dj. There are also booths surrounding the main area of the club, but they open right out to the crowd, so the privacy is no better there. One nice touch, though, is the small stage in each of those booths so that the girls can give you a little preview while the previous song plays out.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Unfriendly dancers and a lack of alcohol are always a bad combination, and nothing about this place makes up for that fact. It seems to be safe though, so you at least won’t have to risk life or limb to have a boring time.

Location (2.5/5) – The club is several miles from downtown Cincinnati, but since there’s no alcohol, driving to get there isn’t a problem and they do have plenty of parking.

Overall – Déjà Vu Cincinnati isn't a great club and ordinarily I’d tell you to avoid it, but your options are fairly limited in Ohio, so it could be worth a visit if you’re desperate to see some attractive naked ladies and don’t have the time to drive down to the vastly superior clubs in Lexington, Kentucky. Personally, though, I’d save my cash.

RAW SCORE = 39

Artemis (Berlin, Germany)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I'm not even going to attempt to review Artemis because I'm not a brothel or FKK expert, but I can say this - the ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen. Anywhere. Ever. If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.

To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros. The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.

Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables. You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.

Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet. You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her. After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker. There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl. No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.

At this point, you're ready to see the girls. The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within. There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side. That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover. Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge. You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them. There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range. Just absolutely stunning. Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans. They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types. Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls. And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.

The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either. One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier. €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each. That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances. If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee. A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.

You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist. As for the service itself, I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part. That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience. When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her. After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.

Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself. If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.

Spearmint Rhino (City of Industry, CA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000

This club was personally recommended to me by the Strip Club Hound. If you haven't checked out his site yet, make sure that you do, because it's a great read. From the clubs that he's reviewed that I've been to, I can say he's dead on, but his inside perspective as a former club manager is the real reason to visit his site.

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Like at many of the City of Industry clubs, you will get excellent lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino. Full two-way contact is encouraged, and if you’re shy about it, some of the ladies will move your hands to where they know you want them to be. The grinding is decent, especially during the nude dances, but the ladies are very careful to keep a little bit of a tease going to try to sell the VIP dances. Different girls have different limits back there, but your wallet is going to be the biggest limiting factor, because you shouldn’t have a had time finding a girl to give you a good time if you’re willing to give her a few hundred dollars.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – The girls at the Rhino are beautiful. As with every Rhino that I’ve been to, there are more implants than I’d like to see, but with faces and bodies like these, I’ll happily overlook that.

Number of Dancers (7.5/10) – You only get the full experience when they do the 2-4-1 parade since a lot of these ladies hang out in the dressing room except when their regulars stop by, but there are still plenty of ladies to keep all of the customers occupied.

Variety of Dancers (3.5/5) – They’ve got white, Latina and Asian dancers and a wide range of ages, but you aren’t going to find many black or thicker dancers at this Spearmint Rhino. Or any Spearmint Rhino, for that matter.

Attitudes (6.5/10) – These ladies are hustlers, but it’s the good kind of hustling where they really seem genuine while pumping up your ego. It was so impressive that I even decided to test them by talking about something that I knew they wouldn't be interested in just to see if they could keep up, and they did with flying colors. If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought these ladies were genuinely interested in how many points Jarome Iginla is going to score for the Calgary Flames this year. Most if not all of the ego boosting is obviously bullshit, but that’s what customer service is all about, and the ladies know that it’s also the best way to empty your wallet. What I really appreciate, though, it that the wallet emptying is done honorably, with very few girls asking for tips after dancers, just about everyone offering to get change for you if you overpay for dances, and one girl even suggesting that we wait for the 2-4-1 that she knew was coming even after I’d agreed to get a dance. That should be a lesson for dancers everywhere – you might get the first hundred faster if you rip off a customer, but you’ll only get that 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th hundred if you make sure that he feels like his money is spent honestly.

Value (2/10) – The $20 cover is rough, the sodas are a ridiculous $5 each, the waitresses are constantly trying to get you to buy drinks for dancers and the dances are overpriced at $20 for topless and $40 for nude since they’re only about two and a half minutes long. If you want a VIP room, that’s 4 songs for $160 plus whatever you negotiate with the dancer, or you can pay something around $500 for some time in a private room. The dance value is slightly increased if you wait for the frequent specials, but the two-for-ones definitely seemed to have shorter songs, and the dances during the “logo dances” couldn’t have been more than about a minute each. The “logo dances” are supposed to be 4 dances and a t-shirt for $40, but I’m fairly certain that it didn’t last for more than 5 minutes, and who really wants a strip club t-shirt anyway? I mean, if this guy who writes a strip club review blog and travels around the world to visit clubs would be too embarrassed to wear one, how shameless do you have to be to rock a Spearmint Rhino shirt in the real world?

Club Setup (6/10) – The first thing that I noticed about the room was that the framed porn posters around the walls are much more graphic than I’m used to seeing in other Spearmint Rhinos, with some showing cocks and one even having cum dribbling down the girl’s face. Despite that, this is a fairly classy club overall with a fireplace off to the side and a nice, medium sized stage in the center of the room. Even though I’ve only seen one girl dancing at a time, they have two poles and a little leather ottoman up there for the girl to work with. I usually like to see a larger bar than they have here and I’m not a fan of the way that the chairs are lined up in rows to face the stage as if you were at a play, but I guess there’s no reason to have the place set up for hanging out since it’s an alcohol-free club. They know that you’re there to see women, so the whole setup is designed around that. Unfortunately, the stage is so dark that you might not even be sure what you’re looking at half the time.

Dance Setup (3/10) – The topless dance areas are little alcoves off of the back of the main area of the club. There’s no privacy within them, but people in the other room can’t see you, and, since there are a few of those dance areas, you’ll usually be the only one in there unless they’re running a dance special. The nude dance area is a little more private, but you’re going to want to go to the VIP area if you’ve got the cash for it, since they have nice couches back there and curtains that prevent anyone from seeing what you’re up to.

Atmosphere (3.5/10) – There are a lot of states that have the topless-with-alcohol or nude-but-no-alcohol rules for strip clubs, but everywhere else that I’ve been, the better clubs chose the topless option. I don’t know what it is about California that changes the equation, but out here, most of the good clubs are nude but don't serve alchohol. Thankfully, the atmosphere is more similar to Little Darlings in Las Vegas than to the depressing juice bars that I’ve been to in New England, but I still feel like I’m missing half the experience if I’m not sipping a beer or my signature cocktail (as named by the bartendress at the Free Spirit Cafe, a “Peter Tips” is a redbull with a double shot of whiskey – try it, it’s delicious) while ogling titties. The bar across the parking lot is at least some consolation, but since you can’t bring your drinks into the club, it’s still less than ideal.

Lack of booze aside, this place is a little too loud so it can be tough to talk to the girls and it’s a little bit stuffy, but the crowd is decent and you should feel perfectly comfortable spending an hour or two here.

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive for a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive. If it were just the Spearmint Rhino, it might be a tougher decision, but with Synn right down the street and the best Déjà Vu I’ve ever been to just a few minutes away, it’s not bad to make an evening of hitting these clubs.

Overall – The City of Industry Spearmint Rhino is an excellent club regardless of your budget, but it can be amazing if you’re looking for the VIP experience and have the cash to make it happen. That’s a little too rich for me, at least on a regular basis, but I’ll definitely be stopping by any time that I’m in the area. Even if it is only as a warmup to/backup plan for the City of Industry Déjà Vu, which I like even more.

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Kamal's 21 (Atlanta, GA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (7/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next at Kamal's. One girl gave the best dance that I've had in Atlanta, another gave what amounted to little more than an airdance and other girls were all over the spectrum in between. Once nice thing here is that some of the girls offer $20 lap dances as opposed to the usual $10 table dances that you find everywhere else. The girls who offered the lap dances seemed to be the ones who gave the best dances, with full upper body two way contact and plenty of over the pants stick shifting. Unfortunately, it's a relatively small percentage of girls who mention the lap dances, and grindless friction seems to be the much more typical dance style. Still, these are some of the best dances that you'll find at any of the decent black clubs, with only Strokers out in Clarkston having the slight advantage.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – As long as you aren't expecting Magic City or Onyx quality women, you shouldn't have any major complaints. Most of the ladies would rate around a 7, but there were also several 8s and 9s and one of the hottest dancers I've even seen working the night that I stopped by.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – I'm not sure that I believe their claims of having 50+ ladies on the weekends, but they do have a ton of ladies for such a modestly sized club. Of course, by the time things really get going, the room gets packed wall to wall with customers too, so the ratio ends up being merely acceptable. You can't beat it early in the evening though, when they seem to have about two dancers for every customer.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is a black club, so don't bother stopping by if black girls don't do anything for you. They have a nice mix of dark skinned and light skinned beauties though, and there's plenty of size variation to keep just about anybody interested. I only saw one white dancer, but I almost wished that she hadn't been there, because it made things a little awkward when she approached me for a dance. She was hot and friendly so I accepted her offer, but it just didn't feel right as the only white guy in the club to be getting a dance from the only white girl in the club. I'm sure everyone who saw me at that moment wondered why I even bothered to come to Kamal's, but I think I dropped enough cash by the end of the night that no one doubted my appreciation for the ebony ladies.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies at Kamal's are about as friendly as any that I've encountered in Atlanta. It has the feel of a local bar, and the women treat you accordingly. Most of them are happy to sit and chat, and a lot of them even go out of their way to introduce you to other dancers who they think you'd like.

Value (5.5/10) – The $10 cover, $5 beers and $10 table dances are all standard for Atlanta, so the value really depends on whether or not you're planning to make it rain. People shower the girls with stack of cash, but you can manage to have a good time even if you don't have a rapper's budget as long as you don't get too close to the stage, because this place gets crowded enough that no one will notice whether you're spending money as long as you're buying drinks and getting occasional dances.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The tables dances are given right out in the open, and you'll be lucky to even be seated if you're there when it's busy unless you're getting bottle service. Earlier in the evening, you'll get to sit on a bench or a bar stool, but those options are pretty bad too. The "lap dances" are really just table dances with more contact, so the setup is no different, though some of the ladies will make a little extra effort to find a seat for you since you're paying twice as much per song.

Club Setup (3/10) – Kamal's 21 is a fairly small club that's divided into three areas. Off to the right is a bar area that's so bright that it almost looks like a juice bar. There's also a small stage and some stools in there, but it would be my last choice of places to hang out. The main bar area is in the middle and has another fairly small bar and very limited bench seating for bottle service. Finally, off to the left side and down a few steps is a medium sized stage, a few more seats and another tiny bar. It not overly classy and there's not nearly enough seating, but they do about as well as they can given their space constraints. If they did try to pack more seats in, there would be less standing room, and things would feel even more cramped when they're busy.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place isn't as glamorous as some of the other clubs in Atlanta, but it has a nice relaxed atmosphere and still can turn into a wild party when they have a special event, which seems to be just about every night. I've never been there for their bitch slap Wednesdays or their baby oil shows, but I assume that both can get pretty crazy. The crowd is almost exclusively black, but I felt perfectly welcome the whole time that I was there and safety wasn't a concern at all. Or, maybe I should say that it wasn't a concern after I saw the security guys at the entrance. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that they were Falcons linebackers trying to pick up some extra cash in their free time, because they were the biggest, most muscular guys I've ever seen.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – There's plenty of parking and it isn't hard to get to from downtown Atlanta or Buckhead, and it's borderline walkable from Onyx. Even if you don't want to make it your primary destination for the evening, the location makes it convenient for a short visit.

Overall – If you only want to go to one black club in Atlanta, you should make it either Magic City or Onyx. They're to black clubs in Atlanta what the Spearmint Rhino is to all clubs in Vegas - mediocre in many ways, but teeming with women so beautiful they have to be seen to be believed. Unlike those places, Kamal's 21 won't be on anyone's strip club bucket list. Having said that, this is the best all-around black club in the city, and with its friendly women, relaxed atmosphere and decent dances, it would probably be my most frequent choice of the black clubs if I lived in Atlanta.

RAW SCORE = 48.5

Platinum Plus (Columbia, SC)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (17/20) – These are great lap dances. Breast touching is encouraged and the girls are very active over the pants with their hands. Most of the girls don't grind a whole lot, but the move where they plant their mouth on the crotch of your pants and vibrate more than makes up for that. I don't think that you'll be whipping it out due to the lack of privacy, but wearing loose fitting cargo shorts might not be a terrible decision, particularly when the club is less busy.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – There are lots of 7's and 8's and a few who were higher than that, but there were also a few too many ladies who were either too old or a little on the sloppy side. One dancer volunteered that she's 38, and she wasn't even close to being the oldest one there. She actually was pretty hot, but the woman who looked like she could have been the 38 year old's mother... not so much. Still, as long as you aren't uncomfortable shooting down the ladies that you don't like, you should be able to find plenty of ladies worth getting a dance from.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Platinum Plus is usually packed with ladies whether or not they're busy. Of course, the ratio is a lot better when things are slow, but it's always acceptable. They only have one woman on stage a lot of the time, but with two song sets and not too much repetition, I don't have any problem with that.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is mostly a white club, but I saw a few black dancers and had some very enjoyable dances from a Filippina, plus there's more than enough variation in body types to keep most customers interested.

Attitude of Dancers (1/10) – Most of these ladies are very friendly and are happy to sit and chat while draped across your lap and maybe doing some occasional stick shifting. One particularly friendly girl was nice enough to ask if I had to answer to anyone that night because there was glitter in her lip gloss and she didn't want to get me into trouble by getting it on my crotch. Unfortunately, the price structure for the dances undoes all of that good will. Because the clubs allows each girl to set her own prices, you have to ask every single girl what her prices are before you get a dance, and, if you don't, most of them will say it's $30 per song. That may not seem like too big of an issue, but it completely kills the mood to have to discuss prices at that point. My other big complaint is that some of the girls can be pretty pushy about the champagne room if they get even the slightest hint that you may be interested. I made the mistake of accepting one girl's offer to take me on a tour of the champagne room, then she was on me like a leech until I was forced to tell her to get lost.

Value (6/10) – It's hard to find a better deal if you show up before 8pm or on a Monday, with a $3 cover and $2.50 beers (even cheaper on Monday). The cover goes up to $6 and the beers go up to $4.50 in the evening, but even that isn't bad at all, and the stage value is always fairly solid. The club gives change in $2 bills, so you might end up tipping a little more than you otherwise would, but you usually get a nice, personal show if you sit stage side or stand at the stairs to the stage and wait. Some of the girls even volunteer to tip the other dancers for you (with your money, of course), then slide the bills into their panties so that the girl on stage can come over and give a light lesbian show to pick it up. The dances are where the real variation is, though. Most of the girls offer dances for $25 or 2 for $40, but some of the girls hold firm to their offers of $30 dances. A lot (maybe all) of those girls will come down to 2 for $50 if you ask in advance, but you're at their mercy if you don't ask, and that's never a good position to be in. The champagne rooms are just ridiculous though, with the price for the room starting at $275 (up to five grand if you want good champagne) and the price for the girls running anywhere from two to five hundred dollars. No matter what you get to do back there, that's a rip off.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) – The dance area is out of view of the main club and dances are given on reasonably comfortable bench/couch hybrids. There are arm-height dividers for you to rest your keys and drink, but it isn't enough to keep anyone from seeing what you're up to. Since they have two of these bench areas, it's fairly solid if no more than one other person is getting a dance, but that almost never happens, and, when it's crowded, you'll be right beside somebody and right across from somebody else. The good news about the mirrored walls is that they make it easy to get a good view of what you're grabbing onto. The bad news about them is that they make it easy for anyone else to watch what you're grabbing onto too. They probably have better things to look at though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

The champagne room setup is ok, but it's not the apartment that you should be getting for your $275 room fee. It's just a room off of a back corner of the club with few large couces all lined up parallel to each other. The couches are at least big enough that no one can really see what you're up to, particularly if you get the couch in the back.

Club Setup (9.5/10) – I love the setup at this place. There's a stand up bar in the back of the club, a smaller bar in the front and a large projection TV near the stage so that you can try to keep one eye on the game. The club is deliciously dark, allowing girls to get somewhat physical at your table if you sit in one of the corners. The disco ball strobe effects provide the perfect amount of lighting throughout the club, and the bar area is nice and bright so that you can see what you're spending your money on in advance. Most of the club is filled with small tables for 2-4 people, and the chairs can roll around to accomodate groups of varying sizes. The main stage isn't huge, but it's fairly nice with two poles, and there are two small cage-style stages in the back. All of the Plantum Plus clubs have these things and they're great. The "cage" portion of the stage is made by poles that surround it, and the girls use them to perform some unique moves. Even though the club is really just one room, the way that the back area is a few steps up from the half of the club with the stage creates some separation and ensures that everyone has a good view of the stage show. This really is a beautifully designed club.

Club Atmosphere (9/10) – Whether you're coming here for a cheap beer after work or for a wild night out, you'll almost certainly have a good time at Platinum Plus Columbia. The crowd skews a little older than I'm used to, but the music is good (I heard everything from the Beatles to Rick Ross to dubstep playing during my first half hour there) and the vibe is upscale casual. I'm knocking them down from a perfect 10 because the music can be loud to the point that it makes it difficult to chat, but that's my only complaint.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – The club is a few miles outside of downtown Columbia and I doubt that there's much in the way of public transportation, but the Embassy Suites is within walking distance and was perfect for me to take advantage of the cheap drinks and still make it safely to bed.

Overall – The girls are attractive, the dances are great and it's just an all-around good time. If they'd just do away with the variable dance prices, it would probably be one of my three favorite clubs in the world. Even with that annoyance, though, it's still a great club and is worth a visit if you're ever anywhere near Columbia.

RAW SCORE = 64

Divas (Lexington, KY)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (14/20) – These are probably the best lap dances in Lexington. Two way contact is usually encouraged and most of the girls provide a solid grind, especially if you go for the nude dances. I wasn't directly offered any extras, but the enthusiastic over-the-pants mouth bobbing made me assume that they'd be available from at least some of the girls. And when I say "enthusiastic," I really mean it. I even had to force one of the girls to stop because her saliva was starting to soak through my pants.

Quality of Dancers (2.5/10) – These ladies are a step up from what you'd find at Camelot West, but they're several steps down from what you'd find at most of the other local clubs. You might be more impressed than I was if you're into ink, but, even then, there was only one really hot dancer working while I was there. Other than her, there were a few girls who would come out toward the middle of the civilian scale, but most of these dancers were just plain sloppy.

Number of Dancers (2/10) – I saw around a half dozen dancers working at prime club time on a Saturday night. That would be pretty bad anyway, but since the quality is so low, you're really going to have to be patient if you want the attention of an attractive dancer.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) - Like most other Lexington clubs, there are one or two black dancers mixed in with the primarily white workforce. The real variety comes from the size of the girls, but they don't get much credit for that since the larger girls weren't the good kind of thick. Chubby chasers are in luck though.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – The few girls who don't spend most of their time in the dressing room work the crowd so hard that it can be tough to get away from them. The self-described queen of the place (a large African American dancer who brags about her porn films) is particularly aggressive. She basically won't leave you alone until you either buys some dances or leave. I think the problem may be that they get a lot of cheap customers, so they keep their defences up until you prove that you have a few dollars to spend. A customer shouldn't need to prove themselves in a service establishment, but at least you know that the girl will likely be friendly once you buy a dance if you can deal with the pre-dance attitudes for long enough to get to that point.

Value (6.5/10) – If you're looking to stretch your dollars, Divas is a good place to do it. The cover and beers are a bargain at $5 and $3.75, respectively, and dances are a solid value. I don't think that you can buy a single dance, but the two topless dances will run you $30 and two nude dances go for $50. I rarely pay a premium for nude dances, but it's totally worth it here because it allows you to get an infinitely better dance setup.

Dance Setup (7.5/10) – Since nude dances are reasonably priced, I'm going to base this score on the nude dance setup, which is very solid. You get your own booth with a comfortable couch and a mirror so that you can check out both sides of your dancer, and a curtain ensures that no one else will be able to see what you're up to. If you stick to the topless dances, though, the setup wouldn't deserve more than a point or two. Those dances are given on four shitty couches in a dingy room in the back of the club where there's no privacy from other dancers and dancees, but at least people on the main floor of the club can't see you.

Club Setup (1.5/10) – Divas is not a nice club. There are plenty of small tables and rolly chairs throughout the room and there's a fairly large bar off to the side, but there's a lot of unused space that makes the place feel empty. Plus it's unusually smokey and just generally smells bad. The stage is medium sized and has two poles on it, but only one girl dances at a time except during the bachelor party shows, which are really just an excuse for the dj to act even more obnoxious than usual.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – Divas seems to be relatively safe for such a run down club, but it's a fairly depressing place to hang out. The stage action is mediocre except when a bachelor gets called up for a show, the cashier at the door asks for tips and the waitress just angrily glared at customers the entire time that I was there, but the worst part, by far, is the dj. His constant yapping would have been annoying even in a busy club, but it just seemed pathetic since Divas was dead while I was there. Strip club djs are kind of like referees in that, if you notice them, they're doing something wrong. And this guy made Bennett Salvatore seem inconspicuous.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Divas has plenty of parking and is right down the street from Cowboys and Deja Vu, so there's no need to commit to spending your whole evening there.

Overall – Extras are more likely at Camelot West, but the lap dances at Divas are the most consistently good dances that you'll find in the area. That isn't enough to make up for its other shortcomings, but it does mean that it could be worth keeping in mind if it's starting to get late and you aren't finding the kind of lap dances that you're looking for elsewhere.

RAW SCORE = 42.5

Hong Kong (Tijuana, Mexico)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 00:57:00 +0000

Some people say that Hong Kong and the neighboring Adelita Bar are strip clubs. Other people say that they’re whorehouses. The truth is, they’re whatever you want them to be. If you want to down a few beers while looking at some of the most beautiful women in the world, they’re strip clubs to you. If you want to grab a girl, negotiate a deal and then fuck, they’re brothels. And if you want to take in the sights, have a few beers, find your favorite girl and then take her upstairs, they’re pretty much heaven. I’m a strip club expert, so that’s what my scores are based on, but just know that these places have even more to offer than the scores would suggest.

Quality of Dances (18/20) – The ladies don’t want to do anything for $20 that’s going to prevent you from dropping $70 for sex, but short of trying to finish you off, these dances are as good as they could possibly be. The girls get naked and provide full upper and lower body two-way contact. And if you're left wanting more, that can be easily arranged.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – I admit that I have a thing for Mexicans, but these are some of the hottest that I've seen. Some look a little worn out and there are more implants than I’d like to see, but a substantial portion of this workforce could pass for models or actresses. Young, in good shape and willing makes for a very nice experience.

Number of Dancers (10/10) – It doesn’t get much better than a dozen girls dancing at a time. And when I say “dancing,” I don’t mean working the crowd; I mean stripping naked on a stage or a bar. Since a lot of the girls disappear to the motel upstairs for a half hour at a time, it’s tough to get an accurate count of how many girls are actually working, but it’s among the most that I’ve ever seen at a club. You might have to wait a while if you have your heart set on a particular girl, but you’ll never be at a want for attention from some true beauties.

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s some size variation and a mix of natural and enhanced ladies, but you’re out of luck if you don’t like Mexicans. Luckily, that’s not an issue for me. At all.

Attitudes (3.5/10) – The language barrier is expected since the club is in Mexico, but since I’m writing this from an American strip club goer’s perspective, I’m going to have to dock them a few points because it really does make communication difficult with some of the ladies. Still, hand gestures and dollar bills are universal enough that you won’t have any problem getting what you want, just don’t count on having any meaningful conversation unless your Spanish is at least passable. Having said that, most of the girls are really friendly if you do manage to understand each other, and their enthusiasm for putting on a stunning stage show is admirable.

Value (10/10) – There’s technically no cover, but you’re expected to buy a $4 Sol and to hand out dollar tips to various employees throughout your visit. That’s a very small price to pay, though, for the best stage show that I’ve ever seen. You really can’t look any direction without seeing a naked dime, but the real action is in the raised area of the club in the back. That’s where the lesbian action goes on, both in a bubble bath and on a shaving cream covered stage, and most of the ladies don’t seem to have any problem with guys inserting a finger or getting a taste at the stage for a dollar. Whether eating out a Tijuana prostitute is a good idea is up to you, but it’s hard to knock the value that the opportunity presents. And even if you don’t want to leave your seat, a dollar will be plenty to get you a feel or a mini table dance. Real lap dances are a reasonable $21, but they aren’t terribly popular since it’s not as great of a deal as the half hour sessions in the motel upstairs. That will run you somewhere around $90, with $70 going to the girl, $16 going to the motel, $1 going to the club for a robe so that the girl can take the two steps down the street to the motel without getting dressed, and another buck or two to the guys who will clean up the room after your half hour romp. All told, the price for sex will be about $15 more here than at Adelita Bar, but either way, you’re banging a model-quality girl for less than a Benjamin, so I wouldn’t sweat it.

Club Setup (9/10) – Hong Kong is a great looking club. The perfect lighting and numerous stages throughout the room ensure that everyone will have a good view of something worth viewing, and there are enough places to sit that you should be able to find a seat that’s perfect for your mood. There are a few bars, there are plenty of places to sit or stand in the middle of the action, there are small booths around the outside where you can chat up a girl or relax while taking in the sights, and there’s even an upstairs balcony area where you can look down at some of the stages, although that’s a little too far from the action to be ideal once the novelty of the unique vantage point wears off. My favorite place is probably the booths near the back of the club where you have a great view of the shaving cream and bubble bath shows, but there really isn’t a bad seat in the house.

Dance Setup (8/10) – Dances are given up on the balcony level of the club in individual closed booths. The doors to the booths let in some light, but it’s very private since no one can see in, and the guy who keeps track of the time has the courtesy to knock on the door when your time’s up rather than opening the door and seeing what you’re up to.

If you’re looking to get more intimate with a lady, that action technically takes place outside of the club, though it’s really just a few steps from the club’s door to the motel’s door. The rooms are simple but relatively clean, and they each have a shower and a toilet so you can clean up before or after your “date.”

Atmosphere (7/10) – Since I made sure to be headed towards the border by the time the sun went down, I can only imagine how amazing the vibe is at night, but the party atmosphere on a Saturday evening was as good as I’ve ever seen in a club. Clubs that are filled with girls who fuck for money can be depressing if the atmosphere isn’t perfect, but there was an energy at Hong Kong like I’ve only seen at some of the Vegas clubs. Guys just come here looking for a party, and the girls are more than willing to provide it. Even if you aren’t looking to get your dick wet, the hot girls, the cold beer, and the jaw dropping stage show make this a perfect place for a night out with the boys. Or at least it would be if you didn’t have to worry about kidnappers. That part is kindof a buzzkill.

Location (0/5) – Park in the duty free store lot on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Hong Kong for $5. The driver may try to convince you that other clubs are better (those clubs pay a better kickback), but stick to your guns – Hong Kong and Adelita are the only clubs you should consider. Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money. Unfortunately, it's not particularly safe, as evidenced by the fact that I was the only person in the U.S. passport holders line on the way back to the U.S. during my most recent visit. You should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off, particularly if you keep your visit to daylight hours, but this is still about as bad of a location as you can get.

RAW SCORE = 75.5

Overall – Hong Kong is one of, if not the, best brothels in North America. More importantly for my purposes, it is one of, if not the, best strip clubs I’ve ever been to. If it were located 200 yards to the north, it would be pretty much perfect. Of course, if it were located 200 yards to the north, the San Diego Police Department would have it shut down immediately.

If you’ve never been there before, I’m sure that your real question is whether it’s worth the risk to go, but you’ll have to answer that question for yourself. For me, though, it’s a no brainer – any time that I find myself in Southern California, I’ll be making a trip to Hong Kong.

Follies (Atlanta, GA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 02:44:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (12/20) – These are the best table dances in Atlanta, with a decent grind and hands on the hips ok with just about everyone. Full 2-way contact is rare during the table dances, but that's more because of the out-in-the-open setup than it is because of the girls. I usually refuse to do VIP rooms, but if you find a girl who provides a good table dance here, VIP dances can be well worth your while and isn't actually all that expensive. At $142 dollars for a half hour, that works out to under $15 per three minute song, and full two way contact is not only tolerated, but encouraged. One girl even gave me some shit for refusing to suck on her nipples (it was the end of the night and I wasn't drunk enough to ignore the probable number of mouths that had beaten me to them). I'd have given them a 9/20 for the tables dances or a 17/20 for the reasonably priced VIP, so I'll just split the difference and give them a 13. Either way though, you should shouldn't have any major complaints about the dances at Follies.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – These ladies aren't bad whenever you arrive, but I've been decidedly more impressed with the ladies that I've seen during the day shift. There seem to always be a few really hot girls, a few not so hot girls, and the rest of the ladies are fairly attractive but not stunningly so. It's just that the percentage of hot girls is much higher during the day, and at night, the hottest girls are more likely to get snatched up by some of the other couple hundred customers in the place before you even get a chance to see them.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – There are usually more dancers than customers at Follies during the day. Things are less impressive at night, though, because the number of girls goes way up as the evening goes on, but the number of customers goes up even more drastically. It's not that you'll have trouble getting a girl for a dance, even on a Friday or Saturday night, but you're going to be waiting for a while if you refuse to settle for one of the 6's or 7's.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - You should be able to find something for every member of your group here. Even though the majority of these girls are white, Follies manages to have a more racially diverse workforce than all but a few of the other Atlanta clubs. There are usually several black dancers working, I've gotten dances from Asians of varying thicknesses, and I've even seen the occasional Latina.

Attitude of Dancers (8/10) – I've been really impressed by the girls that I've talked to during each of my visits to Follies. They're just really friendly and seem to enjoy their jobs. On one visit, I arrived after just eating an unhealthy amount of steak at the Brazilian barbecue, so I told the dancers that I wouldn't be getting any dances for quite some time. Rather than move on to other customers or retreat to the dressing room, they just sat around and shot the shit for a solid hour, and these were two of the hottest girls in the club. The less attractive girls make even more of an effort.

Value (8/10) – There's no cover during the day, but at night, they've got the standard Atlanta prices: $10 cover, $10 dances, $5 beers and decent nude stage action. The dances really make the value though, and you really can't beat a half hour in the VIP room with the right girl for $142. Why $142 instead of a round number? I have no idea, but most of the girls won't sweat the extra two bucks.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The table dances are right out in the open, which is bad if you're at one of the tall tables against the wall, terrible if you're at one of the regular tables, and unacceptable if you're stuck standing. The VIP setup is much better though, with 4 comfortable couches in a fairly dark room off the back side of the club. People in that general area can see in and other people in the VIP have an unobstructed view, but no one seems to care too much about what you're up to.

Club Setup (4/10) – This is a medium sized club with a large bar in the center of the room, a strange narrow stage that snakes its way across the club, and a decent number of tables that provide plenty of seating during the day. The seats aren't sufficient during the evening and the tall tables against the walls go quickly even during the day, but they are fairly limited in what they can do due to the size constraints. Overall, the setup is acceptable, but just barely.

Club Atmosphere (7/10) – I really like the vibe at Follies. Early in the day, it's good for grabbing a beer by yourself or with a buddy or two, and, at night, it's a good place for pounding some Yuenglings and letting loose. It doesn't quite have the bachelor party type of feel like Oasis though, so I'd probably skip it for something like that.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – Follies isn't terribly convenient to get to from downtown since it's in the northeast all the way out toward I-285, but it's reasonably close to Oasis and can be reached in a cab from the Turner Field area for under $30. Better yet, since days are the best time to go anyway, just drive there and park in their free (during the day) lot.

Overall – Follies is my favorite strip club in Atlanta, and if you're interested in quality dances, it will probably be your favorite club too. The girls aren't as hot as at The Cheetah, the Pink Pony or even Oasis, and it certainly isn't somewhere that you're going to try to wine and dine a client like you might at The Cheetah, but it's hard to imagine having a better time at a club in this city. There's a reason why my number of visits to this club exceeds my number of visits to Atlanta, and, even if I make more trips to this city, it will most likely stay that way.

RAW SCORE = 58

Harry O's (Stamford, CT)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 15:41:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (19/20) – The dances at Harry O's are among the best that I've ever received. I was careful to tell every approaching lady that I just wanted a regular dance because there's no surer way for a relatively young white guy to draw suspicion at an urban club than to wait for a girl to offer extra services before shooting her down, but I got the feeling that my sense of decency was the only thing holding the action in check. I especially appreciate that most of these ladies have the skill and put in the effort to make things fun even if you're opting for less than the full range of services. My favorite thing about these dances, though, is the way that the ladies deal with the partial song that's playing before your song starts. You stand with your back to a wall outside of the lap dance area and the dancer backs up in front of you, then alternates between a standing grind and some over the pants hand action to get your full attention before the real dance starts

Quality of Dancers (3.5/10) – It's rare to find a club with more variable dancer quality than at Harry O's. During my first visit (afternoon), most of the crew was made up of bronze skinned beauties. During my second visit (night), it was mostly overweight streetwalker types. During my third visit, it started with a decent mix, but the percentage of nasties went up as the night went on. Most of the girls make their money then leave, so the earlier the better if you're hoping to find a girl that anyone else would want to spend money on.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – They've averaged about a half dozen dancers during my visits, with a little more than that in the afternoon and a little less at night. The ratio isn't always great because the place can get packed with customers, but most of them aren't spending money, so it can be easy to get a girl's attention by tipping a few bucks at the stage. And when I say "a few," I mean a very few. For five bucks, you can be a god.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Despite the name and the clover on the wall, Harry O's is not an Irish establishment. They've got Latinas and black girls and more than enough size variation for most men's tastes, but you're shit out of out of luck if you're looking for white meat.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The pre-dance fluffing is enough to win me over, but even discounting that, these ladies are exceptionally friendly. I don't know how they put up with guys randomly smacking their asses as they walk by without losing their cool, but somehow they do it. My only real complaint is that the constant questions about whether I'm a cop can get old, but the fact that they're asking means that they're up for a party, so I won't complain to much.

Value (3.5/10) – $2.50 happy hour domestics are solid, but $6 beers the rest of the time and $25 dances are steep for a dive like this. The stage value is solid, though, with girls putting on a nice show and being particularly appreciative if you don't think that your buck entitles you to slip in a finger.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – This isn't the worst dance setup that I've seen, but it's by far the worst that I've seen in a place where the girls give "dances" like this. There're just four shitty chairs facing each other in a small, brightly lit room where you can't help but see what everyone else is up to. The people in the main room can't see you, but there's a mirror positioned so that the bouncer can keep an eye on things. You'd have to be completely shameless to try to go beyond a regular dance, but from what I've caught in my peripheral vision, there's no shortage of shameless guys in this place.

Club Setup (1/10) – Harry O's is a shithole. It smells bad, it's falling apart, and I'm dry heaving just thinking about the red mystery substance that was all over the toilet seat during one of my visits. Why did I even go into the bathroom stall in a place like this you ask? Well, I was going to the urinal, but there's no stall here - just a shitter and a urinal in a room that can't be locked.

As for the rest of the place, it's a small club with a long bar, a pool table in the back and a medium sized horseshoe shaped stage in the main area. The bar fills up quickly and you'll probably think the stage seats are filled when you see guys standing three deep at the front of the stage, but they're just cheap bastards who avoid tipping by not going directly to the rail. So, as long as you're willing to drop a buck or two per song, a seat should always be waiting for you.

Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – If you're ever found yourself sitting at King Arthur's in Chelsea thinking, this place is a little too upscale for my tastes," then Harry O's is the joint for you. The crowd is rough and you'll draw lots of unwanted attention if English is your first language, but here's all that you really need to know: I was checked for a wire. I'm not talking about a I-think-they-were-feeling-for-a-wire-during-that-pat-down situation either. I'm talking about after the pat down when the bouncer made me lift my shirt and spin around. So, yeah. Shadiest. Club. Ever.

Club Accessibility (0/5) – It isn't far from downtown Stamford, but I have to give them a goose egg based on the parking situation. You're going to want to park in their lot since this isn't a great neighborhood, but the lot is comically undersized, so cars park 3 or 4 deep. That means that every five minutes or so, the bouncer announces something like, "black Nissan, ya gotta move. Black Nissan, ya gotta move!" So if you're in the back, you'll have to go out to the lot to let other people leave, and if you're in the front, you'll have to rely on other people to let you out.

Overall – If you're willing to risk the possibility that there won't be an attractive lady in the house and you value quality lap dances more than you value your safety, give it a chance for a daytime visit. If not, Harry O's isn't the place for you.

RAW SCORE = 39.5

Devil's Point (Portland, OR)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 00:32:00 +0000

Quality of dances (6/20) – Proving that, contrary to my earlier beliefs, not all dances in Portland are created equal, Devil’s Point lags slightly behind its Rose City peers in this category. I got some one-way contact, but nothing particularly aggressive, and reciprocity was not in the cards. This was definitely the type of dance that focused on the emotional impact of sensual movement, not the physical stimulation produced by a good old-fashioned dirty grind.

Quality of dancers (9/10) – In association with my original review of this club (where I rated the dancers as a perfect 10), I wrote this:

Until March 20th, 2011, I didn’t know that God made women this hot. And keep in mind that I’ve been to every strip club in Montreal and Vegas, and have spent substantial time in New York City. Really, I thought girls like this were reserved for the imagination, sometimes captured in art, but never in reality. They’re aspirational; their images should be on posters, and in movies, and filling your daydreams and fantasies. But they’re not. Well, maybe they are, but they’re also here. In real life. In Portland. In all of their inked, pierced and dyed glory. To give you a visual, this dancer was the third hottest girl working that night (from my perspective, of course; several of my friends had her at #1 with a bullet). Even Pussy Control, notorious for her picky tastes, was sitting with her mouth agape and talking like a dog in heat: “I’ve never said this before, but I would definitely pay these girls to make out with me. I just wanna pay them.”

They are a type, for sure, so if you’re into fake tits, symmetrical haircuts or anyone with a skin tone darker than an undercooked sugar cookie, they may not blow your mind (although I hope you’d still appreciate them). For me, though, they’re as good as it gets. If aliens came to Earth today, and asked us to prove our worth as a society or face extinction, I’d show them two things: an iPad 2 and the Devil’s Point girls.

I’m afraid I have to take a small step back from that original evaluation. My decision is based on a combination of factors. First, I wrote that piece about 12 hours after my first visit to stripparaoke, and I’m sure my head was still spinning from the performance, which was something special, even for a grizzled strip club vet like myself. Second, I now have a larger sample size and the newest additions, while still hot, don’t scrape the stratosphere like their peers. And third, I’ve since been to Union Jack’s (also in Portland), which I think has hotter dancers, so I need to ensure that there’s some scoring separation between the women there and at Devil’s Point.

A couple of closing thoughts before I finish this ludicrously long category. In the end, it doesn’t really matter if these women are 9’s or 10’s, because they’re already so fucking hot that you’re not allowed to ask for anything more unless your name is Leo or Brad. I’m currently working on a theory to describe this concept. It will likely parallel the Chandrasekhar limit for white dwarf stars. More to come next time I knock back a few glasses of wine and can reason out the details.

Lastly, it’s still true that the standard Sunday night cast at Devil’s Point is the finest shift I’ve ever seen. Brody (whose omission from the last review was an oversight of near-unforgiveable breadth), Rocket, Berlin and Piper are the ’27 Yankees of strip club lineups. Management, don’t fuck that shit up.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – This is a very tricky category. Devil’s Point is very small, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to staff the place with a crew of 20+ dancers. However, the crowds they get (as many as 100 people, it seems) suggest that perhaps a larger dancing staff is justified. I don’t really know. On both of my Sunday night visits, the crowd was massive, but the dance crew was limited to the four above-mentioned stunners. It’s clear that working the crowd and giving private dances isn’t the thrust of the business model here, but the rating system is the rating system, so I have no choice but to sting them.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2/5) – Plenty of variety in body type here, from Onyx, the rail-thin stunner who looks like Joan Jett wished she could, to Berlin, the fire-haired vixen with curves so perfectly rich that Paula Dean could cook with them. Sadly, as implied above, there is absolutely no ethnic diversity. The color wheel maxes out at tope and everyone is as American as apple pie, even if they don’t want to be.

Attitude of dancers (10/10) – These women enjoy their work so much that you’d think they had a profit-sharing interest in the club. Every single dancer was working her ass off on stage, flirting with the rail and entertaining the crowd to perfection. The customer-to-dancer ratio makes it almost impossible for the girls to personally interact with any meaningful percentage of the customers, but when they did, they were great. The aforementioned Berlin spent her smoke break in front of the club shooting the breeze with whoever was around, even going out of her way to thank a few departing couples for coming in.

Also, the way dancers interacted with staff and with each other really gave the sense that everyone was working together towards a shared goal. That’s so rare to see in a club. Usually, you’ve got a bunch of girls running individual game (or maybe paired hustles) as they fight for their piece of the financial pie. They view dancing as a zero-sum game (get ready for it, game theory nerds) with a fixed amount of money available: if Justice hooks that guy for three dances, that’s money out of Serenity’s pocket.

But that’s not the case at all. The money input is variable, meaning that most people don’t go to a club and say “I’m going to spend X dollars tonight, no matter what.” The more fun they’re having, the longer they’re going to stay, and the more money they will spend. A great club can change the size of the pie. Indeed, on my most recent trip, Devil’s Point did exactly that. I was there with a handful of women who have never spent more than a few bucks at any club, but that night, several of them spent three consecutive hours at the rack tipping dancers. The girls and management at Devil’s Point seem to understand this concept, so everyone goes out of their way to help each other if it means keeping the customers happy.

Value (10/10) – There’s never a cover (except when bands play on Saturday nights) and the pole action is at least equal to the best I’ve ever seen. PBR’s are $2 ($7 for a pitcher), microbrews are $4, and stiff mixed drinks are $5. Also, I swear I saw someone order two Red Bull and vodkas and only get charged $6 (disclaimer: I was very drunk at the time and may have been distracted by the super hot bartender, so no guarantees that this is accurate).

The only downside to the value is the dances, but I’m scoring Devil’s perfect anyway because with the amount of money that you save on booze and the cover, you aren’t gonna care that your $20 doesn’t get you the mileage it would elsewhere.

Dance Setup (6/10) – Dances occur on a partially padded bench in a tiny room that is curtained off from the rest of the club. Only one dance can happen at a time and the curtain is opaque, so nobody is going to see inside unless they really want to, but it’s so small, so close to the rest of the club, and so lacking in comfort, that it really can’t crush this score despite the significant privacy. For readers that frequent this club and have been to Lamplighter II in MA, which I imagine is nobody, consider this a poor man’s version of that setup.

Club Setup (5.5/10) – Devil’s Point is small. Very small. Despite being handcuffed by that limitation, they do well with what they’ve got. Upon walking in, you’re greeted by a 6-stool bar with a TV on one side and a row of video poker machines on the other. On the far side of the club is a small stage with an ~8-foot pole in the center and a chain on each of the two front vertices. The chains are a nice touch, giving the stage a sexy and rugged look while providing the dancers with two extra props on which to work. About ten seats line the stage and a small handful of low-tops and high-tops fill the floor.

[From my original review]
To the far right of the stage and the tables is an outcropping with a pool table and a padded bench along the wall. I’m still undecided about the value of the pool table. On the one hand, pool tables are fucking awesome and every dive bar should probably have one. On the other, this place is seriously lacking seating capacity, and that table is stealing some much needed space for a few more low-tops. I guess I’m currently indifferent. If you own or work at this club and read this review (an unlikely parlay indeed), chime in and sway my opinion.

[My thoughts now]
Since I first visited Devil’s Point, they’ve removed the pool table, and now that I’ve seen the space without it, I couldn’t agree more with the decision. The removal did wonders to open up the club, turning a near-functionless corner into the perfect spot for a large group and providing some refuge for the curious wallflowers amongst the crowd. And without customers milling about with pool cues, a rookie roller girl who drank and smoked too much can pass out in peace while her teammates create a ruckus on the other side of the club.

Club Atmosphere (8/10) – The club has a completely different atmosphere depending on the time. During the dayshift, it’s the definition of a dive bar, with the dim red lighting, cheap beer, and Erotic Photo Hunt machine. It reminds me of my favorite hangouts in Boston, where the sickos go to get rid of the shakes at noon. The only difference I noticed was the music, which was dancer’s choice, making it considerably better and more upbeat than you’d find in a typical dive.

At night, it’s still divey, of course, but gets packed with people of all shapes, sizes and ages. It was pretty great to see 60 year old couples sharing the floor with the local scenesters and other curious yuppies. For the most part, everyone was chill and the d-bag factor was minimal. Also, it was probably the best-looking crowd I’ve ever seen at a strip club, including a large number of hotties who would be the best-looking girl in the room at any number of bars across America (brutally, I managed to strike out with all of them). As I wrote before, the staff goes out of their way to make sure the crowd is having a good time, and there is definitely a drinking/partying feel at night.

I’ve only been there on Sundays for stripparaoke (an idea I was skeptical of, but now think is beyond genius), so I can’t guarantee that it’s the same every day. Nevertheless, I strongly suspect that the place stays hot during the week for two reasons. First, they have different themes for every night (fire-breathing, industry night, 80’s night, etc.), which keeps everything fresh and should draw different crowds. And second, people don’t appear to work in Portland, at least not that much, so they’re free to go out on whatever nights they want.

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Devil’s point is located in an off-the-beaten path neighborhood in the southeast quadrant of Portland, not accessible by the MAX, but only about a $20 cab ride from downtown. Normally, this would rate something like a 3.5, but my experiences with Portland cabs necessitate a lower mark. Twice, at completely different times of day, I waited 90 minutes for a cab to arrive. Thinking that I may have just been unlucky, I asked a friend who grew up in Portland about the taxi scene. Her answer: “Oh, they’re awful. There are like ten of them. For the whole city.” Next time, I’ll act like a true Portlander and ride a bike.

Overall – This summer, I learned two irrefutable truths. One, Fast and the Furious movies are always better with Vin Diesel. And two, Devil’s Point will never disappoint me.

If you like badass women and dive bars, then Devil’s Point just might be your nirvana. This place is chill, female-friendly (an underrated club quality), and awesomely entertaining. If I lived in Portland, I would probably hang out there two or three days a week. No joke. Just remember that you’re there for the dancing and dancers, not the dances, and adjust your expectations accordingly. If you do that, I cannot imagine a way to have a bad time.

TOTAL SCORE = 62