Peter Tips

Hustler Club (Las Vegas, NV)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 20:50:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (8/20): Hustler Las Vegas appears to have dispensed with the pretense that it is a gentlemen’s club and instead gone full-on brothel. Not since the golden days of legal indoor prostitution in Rhode Island have I been propositioned with such unabashed vigor. There is no shame in the game here, and it appears that management is completely on board with it. Every woman I spoke to was openly discussing the fucking and sucking that goes on in the back rooms. That these things are happening isn’t a surprise, of course; everyone knows that. I was simply struck by the routineness with which it was described. So commonplace are the blow jobs that my turning one down elicited stunned laughter and relentless mocking by both the two dancers who were with me, and a third who was called up just so that she could be told the story in a “You’re not gonna believe this shit” narrative.

Having said all of that, one would think that this score should be in the high teens with all the mileage you’ll get, but the truth is that the dances actually kind of suck. Yes, you can touch them and they will touch you. Yes, you will get offers of extras galore. But there will be no intimacy to your dance, no sensuality, no false hope that this woman might actually like you, definitely more than that last guy whose sweat you can still faintly smell despite her ample Juicy Fruit perfume. No, there are no fantasies at Hustler; just the harsh realities of sex-for-fee business transactions. Be forewarned. Not because there is anything wrong with paying for sex, but rather because when you bust your nut and you don’t have the emotional safety net of the illusion, it’s easy to go to a place darker than that jizz-stained corner you just sacrificed your dignity and paycheck in.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10): It’s Vegas and this is a big club, so the women are exactly what you’d expect. Some are so hot that you’ll simultaneously thank God that they exist and curse Him for not giving you just enough musical talent to be a listless skiver in a shitty band so that you might actually have a chance with them. Some is probably an understatement; I actually think most of them meet that description. The talent here is very impressive.

Number of Dancers (10/10): Good lord, they had a shitload of women working here. So many, in fact, that it negatively impacted their Club Atmosphere score. I physically saw no fewer than 50 women on a random Monday night, and those were just the wallflowers in my plain view. I wouldn’t be shocked if well over 100 were working.

Attitude of Dancers (1/10): Aside from Fuzzy Holes, this place is probably the most aptly-named strip club I’ve ever reviewed. These guys hustle harder than Russell Westbrook. They are always closing; every interaction is angled towards the back room, every conversation redirected to the issue of dances and how you’re gonna get them paid. And God forbid you get to the back room without a very clear negotiation and price laid out. I’d rather go to ten time share presentations than one Hustler back room discussion.

Club Setup (5/5): Like every Hustler I’ve ever reviewed, the club setup here is excellent. High ceilings, two bars on opposite sides of the club, multiple poles on a stage that’s visible from anywhere in the room, and plenty of seating of all different types. I’m not sure there’s anything to complain about here.

Club Atmosphere (5/10): I had the opportunity to visit during the club’s weekly “Amateur Night.” The spectacle of non-dancers competing on parallel stages for the $500 cash prize delivered energy and entertainment value, thanks more than anything to their hysterical, rain-making female groupies (looking at you, “Tasty”). The atmosphere rating gets a bump for the event, despite the announcer’s outrageous faux-hardo persona. Another plus is the upstairs VIP section. The relatively luxurious and exclusive setting is what the discerning gentlemen of means might occasionally look for when interested in a more low-key visit. However, the main floor reminded me of closing time at a bar right after the lights come up. Brighter-than-average lighting combined with the mostly empty, large space and a lot of dancers just sitting around with dazed looks was a scene uninspiring enough to kill my buzz so hard that even the waitresses dressed up in Bad Santa’s little helper costumes couldn’t salvage things.

Dance Setup (3.5/5): Dances are given both on the floor (if you feel like wasting a little bit of money) and in a series of rooms upstairs with varying degrees of privacy (if you feel like wasting a lot of money). The primary dance room upstairs is the typical partitioned booth setup, albeit a little bit darker and a little bit more private that what one would normally see. As always, the back corner booth sees the most action, with the dancers bee-lining straight there upon entry. It’s a double-edged sword, naturally. Yes, nobody can see you, but they couldn’t see that last bro either. Or the guy before him, or the guy before him...you get the idea.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5): A bit white girl heavy, but for the most part, all of the standard boxes are ticked, and I can almost guarantee that you’ll find someone who can scratch your itch amongst these women.

Value (2.5/10): As with all Vegas strip clubs, you should never pay a cover if you’re dropped off by a cab, but they fuck you pretty good by requiring you to buy two drink tickets at $20 each. Even at that outrageous price, those tickets will only buy you a standard mixed drink, with something special like a Redbull and Vodka running you another $5 or so on top of your ticket. Dance value is well below average thanks to the neverending hustle and inconsistent pricing schemes from dancers. And stage value appears not to really exist since nobody is tipping outside of the aforementioned friends of the amateurs.

Club Accessibility (4.5/5): Located just west of the Strip on Dean Martin, it’s technically walkable, though you’d have to be very dumb, very drunk, or very brave to make that walk after sundown. Don’t be an idiot, and just take the 5 minute cab ride.

Overall – With the Hustler franchise being of such consistent quality across locations and cities, it is tragic that their Vegas locale falls well short of the standard they’ve set. In a city with dozens of great strip clubs, I’m sorry to report that there’s really no reason to waste your time at the Hustler Las Vegas.

RAW SCORE = 52

Notes on Visions Men's Club (New Orleans, LA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 23 Oct 2016 02:46:00 +0000

Value (8/10) $8 cover with one drink ticket at night ($4 with a drink ticket during the day), , $4 domestics, $6 mixed drinks. Dances are $20 per song in the communal room, $30 in booths

Club Setup (3/10) Huge M shaped bar/stage combo snakes through the room, a few pool tables in the back, fairly large club but a little run down. Bar stools attached to the floor and a little too far from bar so slightly uncomfortable. Nowhere else to sit. A few TVs but too small and/or too far from people who can see them to really watch much (not that you'd want to). I was told standing room only on weekend nights, but maybe a quarter full at prime time on a Sunday during jazz fest.

Atmosphere (7/10) Good mix of music. Mixed but reasonably decent crowd. Male bartenders, but at least they're. Least pushy shot girl ever asked "shot?" while walking by, barely slowing down. Dive bar strip club in the best possible way. Need a dart board to complete the effect though.

Variety (3.5/5) Good mix of black and white, thick and thin but not many/any Asians or Latinas.

Dancer quality (6/10) A few in the 8 to 9 range but mostly 6s and 7s. A few post pregnancy bellies, but No one bad though, and the thick girls are the good kind of thick.

Dances (16/20) I got an excellent grind with over the pants hand action and some mouth teasing. 2 way contact was encouraged and tit groping was tolerated or encouraged, depending on the girl.

Dance setup (7/10) In the communal dance room, a shitty uncomfortable bench surrounds the room. 3 corner seats are poor, everywhere else is unacceptable. For 10 dollars more, you can get your own room with an open door, which is solid because the angles are good, especially in the back 2. Would be a 1 for the $20 option or a 7 for the $30 option, but that's reasonably priced, so I'll go with that. If you want to splash a little more cash, the party rooms are even better. They're $175 for 20 minutes and I was told that "what happens in there stays in there" and that we could "do anything but have sex." I didn't try it out, so I can't comment on whose definition of sex that was referring to.

Attitudes (8/10) chatty, low pressure, the opposite of bourbon street. One girl gave an unsolicited tour. They go person to person around the huge stage and shake it for a buck. Topless. One girl pointed out that I dropped a dollar. Most wait for a new song to start before counting dances.

Number of Dancers (6/10) There were about 3 girls on stage at a time while I was there. Several working crowd but more of a locals place so don't expect quick attention if you aren't one, still over a dozen working a relatively small crowd.

Location (2.5/10) It's not a bad area, but you'll definitely need to drive or pay for a ride to get there. It cost me about $20 for a cab from the French Quarter, and an Uber should be a little cheaper than that.

Overall - This is a great club. Definitely my favorite in New Orleans, and there's plenty of competition for that title.

RAW SCORE = 67

Notes on Wisconsin Dolls (Wisconsin Dells, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sat, 22 Oct 2016 02:29:00 +0000

Dances (12/20) good grind, 2 way not encouraged but tolerated to some extent

Dancers (5/10) decent. 2 pretty hot, a lot decent, none too bad

Club Setup (4.5/10) smallish but clean not a ton of seating but enough. There's 1 pit stage with chairs around. A few tall tables and long bar.

Dance Setup (4/10) You get dances in a back room with several booths. It's not super private but there are some dividers and it's not busy so no one can really see. There's a beaded entryway that people in one corner can see into. A bouncer peeked in once

Attitudes (8/10) very friendly. Sit and chat. One offered to buy me a shot.

Value (6/10) $3 beers for happy hour and only $4 after (sadly, no Spotted Cow), $25 dances, Good nude stage show (one girl offered to "take a dollar off of any part of (my) body" - I handed it to herVIPs start at $120 for 30 min and include 2 drinks. Not bad.

Atmosphere (5.5/10) good local bar vibe mix of music from rock and rap to country

Variety (1/10) size variety and one mixed race dancer plus one Asian but mostly white

Number (4.5/10) Not a ton of dancers but sufficient for a small club. Maybe 10 girls while I was there.

Location (2/5) If you're in the Dells, this is your closest option, but you'll have to drive to get there.

Overall - I liked this place a little better than the nearby Cruisin Chubby's based on my single visit to each place, but Crusin Chubby's had more potential, so it's a tossup between the two if you only have time for one. Either way, you should have a solid but unspectacular time.

RAW SCORE = 52.5

Notes on Cruisin' Chubbys (Wisconsin Dells, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Thu, 20 Oct 2016 02:16:00 +0000

Club Setup (6/10) This place is like a big cabin. Everything is wood inside and there are deer heads on the walls. There's a huge main stage and a ton of seats around it. There a a few bars - a long stand up bar and another shorter stand up bar in the back near another stage. There are 7 tall tables on the main floor and a few more tables in the back. They need more seats away from the stage, but it's still solid. Good lighting effects. There's also a shower stage downstairs, but that seems to be reserved for bachelor parties. They have a bunch of TVs, but unfortunately they were only showing club promotions what I was there. We're already here. What's the point?

Quality of Dancers (7.5) Two were two absolutely smokin and a 3rd was way too skinny for me but still hot and right up some guys' alleys.

Variety (0.5/5) There were some curves but all the girls were white, which isn't terribly surprising given the location.

Number of dancers (2/5) There were only 4 dancers there during my evening visit, and two of those only appeared during their stage shows. Even though the club was dead, that wasn't enough dancers.

Atmosphere (6.5/10) It could be solid with a group despite the less than ideal seating. Good music. Mostly R&B hip hop.

Value (5.5/10) $10 cover, $5.50 Spotted Cow and $4.50 domestics. Lots of specials. 3 for 2 dances on Mondays and Tuesdays. 3 for $80 nude dances. $20 topless dances. Decent stage value with nude shows and a little contact.

Dances (10.5/20) Good grind but lots of "don't touch the dancers" signs. 2 way not encouraged and probably not allowed other than the outsides of their legs, but I didn't push my luck. Only real downer was that, during the 3 for $80 nude dance set, one girl had to stop to take a shit. Can't say I was entirely comfortable with here grinding on my leg for the song and a half that was left after she finished that.

Dance Setup (4/10) nude downstairs in private booths with wooden walls and sheer curtain and comfy leather love seat. Would be 7.5/10, but the topless dance area isn't as good. Top less along back wall. That would earn them a 0.5 so I'll split it.

Attitudes (3/10) I wasn't impressed. They didn't circulate. Two of the 4 stayed in the dressing room. They ask for tips and otherwise ignore guys. 3

Location (4/5) Technically, the location isn't great, but huge props from them offering a free shuttle to local hotels. I wish every club did that.

Overall - This place had a ton of potential, but it seemed like I might have visited them on an off night with only a few dancers in such a large, nice club. I hope to get back to re-evaluate, but that may have to wait for a while.

RAW SCORE = 49.5

Notes on Diamond Jim's Gentleman's Club (Beloit, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Wed, 19 Oct 2016 01:25:00 +0000

Value (5/10) The cover is $7 early in the evening and $10 late but there wasn't a cover when I stopped by for the day shift. $3 Miller Lite and 2 drink min (stupid with cover). Pretty solid beer selection. Nude stage shows with some interaction but not great. $25 topless dances.

Number of Dancers (2/10) Four girls were working but there were none to be seen an hour after opening at 4pm. Not really fair to judge based on day shift, but nearly a dozen customers with 0-2 dancers on the floor at a time was pretty rough.

Variety (1.5/5) Of the four dancers I saw, one was black and three were white, but it can't score too high based on the small number of dancers. There was at least some size variation.

Dancer Quality (6/10) Two of the girls that I saw were very cute. Maybe they sacrifice quantity for quality?

Club Setup (4.5/10) Decent bar near entrance and another in back. 2 decent sized pit stages. Lots of tables and rolly chairs and a few nice reserved couches . Long fairly large club. (Note: My notes are based on how the club was in 2013. According to their website, they've made recent renovations, so it may be nicer now)

Atmosphere (2.5/10) Bad 80s music, depressing in the day. Could be solid at night but still a little diveish.

Attitudes (6.5/10) They sit and chat. Some push lady drinks but not too bad and they seem to be appreciative if you buy them. One returned a few bucks that I'd dropped on the floor. They try to sell you on going to the VIP.

Dances 10.5 Two way contact is allowed but mostly legs and ass though some are ok with touching their tits. Decent grind.

Dance Setup (3/10) There's soft bench seating with big dividers between everyone so you can only see if across or walking by. There are lots of spaces so you shouldn't have anyone looking at you during your dance.

Location (1.5/5) It's about half way between Beloit and Janesville, but not particularly close to either.

Overall - Diamond Jim's was fine for one visit, but I didn't feel any need to go out of my way to return.

RAW SCORE = 43

Notes on Club Bristol (Sun Prairie, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 01:42:00 +0000

Club Setup (3/10) It's a bit of a dump, but there's a decent sized pit main stage and another small (unused) stage near the entrance. A very large bar occupies most of the club and around it there are a few tall tables and four small tables with rolly chairs. There's a weird smoking area that looks like its meant for cattle.

Dancers 5 all ok but one very cute and one pretty rough.

Variety (3/5) There was a mix of black girls from Milwaukee and white girls and a nice mix of sizes.

Number of Dancers (4/10) There were about 8 dancers on the day shift with more than a 1-1 dancer-to-customer ratio. That's still not a lot but is good for small club. The short 2 song sets means that you good to look at a different girls every few minutes, so that's nice.

Atomsphere (3/10) It was too quiet and bright for my tastes. Despite the decent music (mostly hip hop) and the friendly bartendress's best efforts, it was a little depressing.

Attitudes (7/10) Girls were friendly. They sat and chatted for a little or a lot before asking about dances.

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) They were variable but all included a good grind and varying degrees of 2 way contact. Girls told me that some girls there give blow jobs, but none of the girls that I got dances from were offering that, and it seemed unlikely based on the high number of cameras.

Dance Setup (4.5/10) There are comfy chairs in individual boots. People can see in the entrance of some but ones in the corner are pretty good. Bouncer peeks occasionally and demands to see your hands to make sure you aren't touching too much, and there are lots of cameras.

Value (6/10) $4 beer, no cover in day, nude stage show with some naked head stands but just ok though some contact, $20 dances. $7 cover at night.

Location (1.5/5) This place is about twice as far outside of madison as Silk (in the opposite direction), so it's not particularly accessible but isn't a bad drive if you aren't in the mood to drink too much.

Overall - I stopped by this place on the way back to Madison from the Hardware Store in Clyman. I preferred the Hardware Store, but Club Bristol is more accessible (or at least less inaccessible), so I'd probably go here more often if I spent a lot of time in Madison. It's a half-decent club though.

RAW SCORE = 43.5

Notes on the Hardware Store (Clyman, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 21:22:00 +0000

Number (3.5/10) There were two girls when I arrived in the afternoon at first and 2 more eventually showed up. The bartender read the 2 late ones the riot act. I was told that there were usually at least half dozen girls, but I only visited once, so I can't confirm that.

Dancers (3.5/10) There girls weren't awful but one was thicker than most would like and one was way too thin. The two who showed up later were a little hotter but still nothing to write home about (if you're the kind of person who writes home about strippers).

Variety (0.5/5) There was some size variation but all the girls were black chicks from Milwaukee during my visit.

Club Setup (2/10) There's a long simple bar and a narrow pit stage, plus one table in the main room. The other room has a pool table and dart board and a few tables and a small stage a few inches above the floor.

Dance Setup (6/10) There are very dark booths with leather seats in a small room in the back of the club. They're angled so people can only can see you if they're directly across from you and they probably won't be. The bouncer doesn't check on what you're up to.

Dance Quality (15/20) These girls give a great grind and having them put my dick and the pants covering it into their mouths seemed pretty standard. Tit groping and crotch rubbing was encouraged. They all put their tits in my face and one girl put her hand up my shorts to grab my dick briefly, but she was trying to sell the ViP experience for $175 so she didn't try to finish me off, but she implied that everything was available for that price. Some weren't quite as good but they still gave a great grind and full 2-way contact.

Attitudes (4/10) This is a neighborhood place but there's still a tip walk. They're riendly once you talk to them, but they're a little hard on VIP and drink sales. One girl even had the nerve to ask me if I could tip her for her stage show as I walked in the door for the first time.

Atmosphere (4/10) The R&B music felt out of place at such a county style club in the middle of nowhere, but I enjoyed it. It seemed like it could be fun if you went with a group, but it was filled with depressed looking old white guys when I was there during the day shift.

Value (7/10) - There's no cover during the day, beers are $4 beers, and you get some solid stage interaction for a few bucks.

Location (0/5) - To get to the Hardware store, you have to drive to to the middle of nowhere then drive for another half hour.

Overall - If the location were better, it would be one of my regular spot when I'm visiting friend in Wisconsin, but it's just a little to far from anything to be worth visiting often.

RAW SCORE = 45.5

Notes on Tootsie's Cabaret (Miami, FL)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sat, 15 Oct 2016 20:21:00 +0000

I've been going through my old notes over the past few weeks and just realize that I someone never posted my thoughts on Tootsie's Cabaret, which is tragic because it's one of my top 5 clubs anywhere in the world. These are my notes that I took during a few trips in 2013, so it's possible that things have changed since here, but I still feel confident giving it my strong endorsement.

Value (5.5/10) No cover and 1/2 price drinks before 8. Cover from $6-$10 depending on day. Nude stage with very good stage show but not ton of interaction. $6 miller ($3 in day). Seems like $3-400ish for more than dances ($75 to club in day ($100 at night) plus $2-300 to girl). $10 table dances but no real touching though nude.

Club setup (8.5/10) enormous club. Big main stage with 2 25ish foot poles. Another large stage off to side. 2 large bars, dozens of small tables with shitty chairs. Stand up bar tops in back Both have raised stage area with nearly floor level area by rail. Huge Sports bar with pool tables, 3 cage stages and 4 pop a shot machines. Area upstairs for "high rollers". A little too bright and warehouseish but smoke effects and party vibe make it work though a little impersonal.

Dancer quality (9/10) some very young, maybe too many implants but very impressive overall. All 7s+

Variety (3/5) white and Latina nice mix, barely any black, all in good shape but some curves

Number (10/10) 3 on stage in afternoon, dozens walking floor and Upwards of a hundred working

Attitudes (2.5/10) definitely some hustle. A few girls grabbed me while I was walking and said "want to have a seat?", then I realized they meant in the dance room . Relentless upswell. Most rub your dick over pants at tables though so not all bad

Atmosphere (9/10) huge party

Dances (14/20) full 2 way, moderate grinding, promises of extras. Some hands over pants. Some over pants mouth and some Girls reach in to adjust the dick

Dance setup (5.5/10) booths with little wall in front. People walking by can see from some angles but reasonably private. Both dance areas are similar

Location (3/5) Not too far from the city, but you're going to have to drive to get there.

Overall - As mentioned above, Tootsie's Cabaret is among my favorite clubs of all time. I like a lot of South Florida clubs, but this is the best of them.

RAW SCORE - 70

Notes on Crystal City Restaurant (Arlington, VA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 14 Oct 2016 20:07:00 +0000

Club Setup (6/10) Like a restaurant. Tables with table cloth and lots of booths. Separate room enclosed by glass for cigars. Bars at both sides (small one in main area and small one in smoking section) lots of TVs, electronic board with betting odds. Seems like a place bookies would hang out but not sure? Smallish main stage with a few seats and poles at the corners but can't do pole moves on those ones. Horizontal bar at the top but not really utilized.

Atmosphere (6/10) business crowd. Old dudes in business attire. Top 40 type music.

Girls (6/10) Pasties and thongs. Mostly a little older but still hot. None amazing but mostly decent other than one rough one. Pasties small enough to not be bad. Some implants but not too many.

Number (4/10) hardly any sit with customers but one on each stage and short stage sets so get to see a variety but hard to estimate #

Variety. (1.5/5) some size and age variation but mostly white with medium build. A few thin and a few thick and one amazing part Latina/Asian? One blond. A few black.

Attitudes (3/10) tip walk but no pressure. Smile on stage. They take tips in their hands while doing the tip walk and pick them up off the stage so not much interaction. That's why bad score. Not actually unfriendly. Seems like should be great . Can buy dances from waitress. One dancer warned that the rules were too strict and the dance wouldn't be bad. She couldn't understand why I gave her a tip (she thought I accidentally paid twice and tried to give my money back).

Value (5/10). No cover. $5.45 beer after tax. What strip club charges tax?!?!? Stage interaction very weak. Food decent price. $3 something for cheeseburger. $20 for 5 minutes of lapdances (based on time rather than songs)

Dance Setup (7/10) - You get a private room with a stage and a bench. There's only 1 of them so you might have to wait your turn. Nothing happens, but it's nice and private.

Dance Quality (3/20) - You might get some let to leg contact, but that's about it from most of these girls. I was warned that they're "private dances," not "lap dances," because there will be little to no contact made with your lap. One girl apologized for how shitty Northern Virginia dances are and implied that we could have more fun after her shift, but I didn't pursue it.

Location. (2/5) It's beside a 7-11. Street parking is a pain in the ass but there's public transportation.

Overall - Northern Virginia clubs are a waste of time, but this one is slightly less of a waste of time than most. The fact that I once lived within walking distance of this place and still only visited a few times should let you know that it isn't great though. Unless you're desperate for something in the area, save your cash and find time to drive to Baltimore.

RAW SCORE - 43.5

Notes on BT's Executive Club (Dearborn, MI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Thu, 13 Oct 2016 23:13:00 +0000

Value (5/10) $7 valet parking but at least they moved the sign out of the way for my motorbike, $10 cover. $7.75 beer and water. Good stage interaction. $20 for a booth and $25 to the girl.

Club Setup (7/10): ice bar, ton of 2 person tables and lots of booths on one side. Long narrow main stage in center and narrow ledge stage near booths.

Atmosphere (6/10) younger slightly rougher crowd. Loud music. Fair number of female customers

Quality of Dancers (7/10) not bad, bug only a few really hot. Mostly moderately attractive 6s and 7s.

Attitudes (8/10) smile a lot, seem to be having fun. Very nice to talk to and happy to chat

Number (8/10) . 4 on stages at a time and one at most tables

Variety (3.5/5) black and white that are hot. Some thin and some curves. Similar to pantheon but not quite as attractive but more to chose from

Dances (19/20) great grind, they moved my hand to their crotches, their hands rubbing my dick through my pants pants, got some unsolicited offers for bj or hj

Dance Setup (6/10) booths with bench but most don't have curtains. Some do. You want the ones that do. Same price.

Location (2/5) - It isn't far from the Pantheon Club, but isn't particularly close to anywhere else you'd want to be.

Overall - I visited so many clubs during my last trip to Detroit that BT's and a few other clubs run together in my head, but I remember really enjoying my time at this club. I liked the Inkster clubs and Penthouse a little better, but strip club fans in most cities would kill to have a club as good as BT's.

RAW SCORE = 71.5

Notes on Pantheon Club (Dearborn, MI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 21:07:00 +0000

Value (6/10) valet but free for motorcycles, $7 beer, $10 cov. Better than average pole moves

Club setup (7/10) long stage in center with 2 Girls, narrow ledges towards outside with poles and 1 girl each. Decent bar at one side, Ton of chairs lining stages. About 5 small tables and the rest of seating is wavy bench that lines walls (waves make semi-booths). Tall poles

Atmosphere (4/10) good mix of music. older. Crowd but still relaxed. Something was missing though.

Dancers (7.5/10) consistently solid. All attractive. Doesn't have the super thin model types, but I'm ok with that.

Attitudes (8/10) very friendly but seemed to be a regulars place. I struggled to get attention but once I did it was good.

Number (7/10) 4 on stage at a time, several working a fairly dead room at 11pm on a Friday.

Variety (3.5/5) nice mix of attractive black and white, some good curves and some thin. Some beautiful black girls that aren't stick figures

Dances (16/20) not as direct on offers for extras as some other Detroit clubs but still a very good grind with full 2-way contact

Dance Setup (8/10) booth with bench and curtain

Location (1.5/5) You're going to need to drive to get here, as there isn't anything particularly interesting nearby.

Overall - This is far from the best club in the Detroit area, but the score doesn't lie - it's solid all around and definitely worth a visit if you're in the area.

RAW SCORE = 68.5

Notes on Chantilly Lace (Rockford, IL)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 20:25:00 +0000

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated.

Back in 2013, I made a trip to Chantilly Lace in Rockford, Illinois. It isn't a strip club, but knowing my audience, I thought some of you might be interested in it so I checked it out. Here's what I found...

It's on a busy street with the entrance in front. You go inside and then wait for them to open interior door. Girls all come into brightly lit room wearing lingerie. They have lingerie, toys and DVDs in that room I think but I was looking at the girls

One black girl was ok, one super thin white girl looked unhealthy, and one girl was thick/fat but had nice tits and a cute enough face so I took her.

She told me which room to go to and to make myself comfortable - that's code for show me you're not a cop by getting naked. You don't need to, but you won't be getting more than a show if you don't.

A half door covers the bottom of the doorway, then your girl comes in and puts up a curtain or a folding privacy wall so people walking by can't see you

You sit on a couch with a sheet on it, and they have a sink and towels in the room.

Options: You can have her sit on your lap and try on lingerie for $20,

A handjob will run you $40. Blowjob = $60. Sex = $100.

The girl may ask what you want, but you should already have $ by the sink or towels so she knows (and she may not ask, so you're SOL if you don't put out the money). If they ask for more money, it's probably a sign of bad service.

The entrance is too bright and the room is at first too, (awkward if only half door), but they can dim the lights.

Overall, it's shady and dingy but a sure thing. A guy waiting for my girl looked depressed.

This review is based on Chantilly Lace, but Exclusive Lingerie Boutique is diagonally across the street and works the same way, though their girls were slightly rougher on the day I stopped by. You can walk to both before deciding

Notes on Henry the VIII (Inkster, MI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 19:50:00 +0000

Value (7/10) $5 cover, $6.75 beer. $10 to club for wristband plus $20 to dancer per dance

Club Setup (2.5/10). Small club, tiny tables and not many of them have really uncomfortable chairs facing stage. Not set up to hang out. . Dart board. 3 stages at various places across small room. Some stage side seating at two side stage but not the main stage. A few seats at bar. Area in back up a few steps that has seats at rail to watch main stage. Good view but 15 feet away.

Atmosphere (2/10) metal, blue collar, some waitresses hot. No motircycles, no colors, etc.

Quality of Dancers (3/10) some fat, some worn out, se in 6 range but none higher

Attitudes (6/10) sit and chat neighborhood place

Number (4/10). Not many customers but only half dozen-ish dancers. Seemed like more (and hotter) servers than dancers. About a dozen on second visit but not much quality and same after shift change

Variety (2/5) Size variation but mostly white during my visits. A few black. More black at night

Dances (20/20) grind, full two way, offers for more. I can leave whoever I want. Half hour for 80.

Dance Setup (8/10) partitioned booths in separate room but corner booths are fairly private because walls come

In. Very dark with re lighting. Now curtained booths with chair. 8. Can sort of see through if looking, but don't look.

Location (2.5/5) Near airport and Bogart's and Flight Club

Overall - Bogart's is a similar club that does most things better than this place, but it isn't far away so it could be worth checkout out both places.

RAW SCORE = 57

Notes on 2 Honolulu clubs

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 19:28:00 +0000

Note: Before I write a review, I usually try to visit a club at least 3 times - preferably at least 2 evenings in addition to a day shift - so that I can be sure my review will fairly describe the experience that you're likely to receive. The bad thing about that is that, sometimes, I'll visit a club once or twice then never get around to visiting a 3rd time so I'll never turn my notes into full reviews.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to clear out some of my old notes. I'm just posting them as is, so they won't be in full sentences and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that I only made 1 trip to both of these places and it was in late 2013, so you might have a very different experience than I did.

During my last trip to Hawaii, I started off my night by taking a trip to Saigon Passion III, but after an hour of waiting around with no dancers in the building, I headed to Club Femme Nu.

Here are my notes on the place:

Value: Not great. $7 cover with 5 beer credit. $5 miller lite.

$40 dancer drink. $25 dances

Quality of Dances: Nude, but not great. Not much contact in either direction.

Number of Dancers: Lots of girls on stage but mostly sitting around.

Booths all around.

Dance Setup: Weird wooden gate for private booth.

Overall - I'd avoid Saigon Passion III. Club Femme Nu wasn't great either, but with any better clubs a several hour flight away, it's worth visiting if you're in Honolulu for an extended period of time.

Notes on Penthouse Club (Detroit, MI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 19:00:00 +0000

Note: Before I write a review, I usually try to visit a club at least 3 times - preferably at least 2 evenings in addition to a day shift - so that I can be sure my review will fairly describe the experience that you're likely to receive. The bad thing about that is that, sometimes, I'll visit a club once or twice then never get around to visiting a 3rd time so I'll never turn my notes into full reviews.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to clear out some of my old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentences and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated.

Value (2.5/10) Valet 7 cover 10 beer 8.25

Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) so hot. Black girls look like models and white are almost all really hot

Variety (2/5) mostly white all in good shape a few black and Latina but non white are spectacular. Some curves and not too many implants but enough if that's your thing.

Number (10/10). Had to be 50+

Club Setup (7/10). Same as Philly but more crowded. Smoking area upstairs.

Attitudes (7/10) friendly. Good to talk to.

Atmosphere (7/10) classy party. Good mix of regulars and first time visitors. Some hip hop (told owner didn't allow before)

Location (2/5) take the the highway!

Dance Setup (8/10) Private thick curtain booths with couches. No visible camera.

Dances (16/20) good grind full 2 way. Hands over pants. Some extras.

Overall - Great club. Go here.

RAW SCORE = 71

Silk Exotic (Madison, WI)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 17:01:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – Like all Wisconsin establishments, Silk ostensibly operates with the familiar "We can touch you, but you can't touch us," one-way contact rule. Whether that rule is strictly enforced is going to vary substantially from dancer to dancer, with some giving you the go-ahead to creep and others toeing the company line. Regardless, though, you should be pretty pleased with these dances, since most women are aggressive enough with their one way contact that a bunch of you animals are gonna have to pay a dry cleaning premium after just a few dances.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – No heartbreakers and no dealbreakers, just a nice steady stream of women who are too hot for you that you're not willing to admit are too hot for you.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are plenty of women for the crowd and club size, and I actually prefer a club that isn't overflowing with dancers, but numbers are numbers, and Silk still comes up a bit short of the leading clubs in this category (mostly Vegas spots).

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – At the time of this writing, I've spent the last 30 hours in Wisconsin, and nearly everyone falls somewhere in the range from Titanium White to Cadmium Yellow, with the population seemingly dominated by descendants of sausage-pounding Krauts (don't worry, as a piece-of-shit German-American myself, I'm allowed to write that). Given the near-complete lack of diversity in the general population, I'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad to report that there is a good deal of diversity in the clubs. It's not Cheetah's, but nothing is, and this is about as good as you're gonna get in Wisconsin. My only real complaint, and I can't believe I'm actually writing this about a Wisconsin club, is that there weren't enough curvy women for my taste.

Attitude of Dancers (8/10) – You're gonna have to take this one with a slight grain of salt because I'm in Love with a Stripper here and I spent a good deal of my visit in the dance room with her. From what I saw, though, and what I heard from my buddy, the women here are really great. No hard sell, not much hustle, and they were all really easy to talk to.

Value (6/10) – I think we paid an $8 cover on a Friday night (it may have been $10), which seems steep for the Midwest, where I watched someone order a Vodka Red Bull, Vodka Cran, and two Miller Lites for $18 at a downtown Madison bar. Dance value is a little below average in price (but a little above average in quality), at $25/dance with 2 for $40 deals (which includes a priceless Silk Exotic hat) running every so often during the night. $4 Miller Lites are a great deal, of course. We didn't see much action at the stage, and can't give an accurate rating there, so we're just gonna give our best guess and call it average.

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – Silk has a very typical dance room setup: a back room with about 15 partitioned booths along the walls. They're big enough that the women have plenty of room to work and you're never going to cross streams with the guy in the next booth, which is nice. I also appreciated the fact that the lighting is dim enough that you can feel scandalous, but it's not so dark that you can't stop thinking about all the trucker jizz that you're wallowing in (I'm looking at you, back room at Anthony's in South Hadley).

Club Setup (8/10) – Love this club setup. There's a large stage as you enter with plenty of seating, and the club opens up to a floor filled with dozens of chairs and tables. The bar is tucked in the back on the opposite side of the club as the stage. Silk is blessed with a beautiful space to work with, and they maximize it nicely, providing enough seating of various sorts and locations that anyone should find a spot where they're comfortable.

Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – The lighting here is just about perfect, and the music was rock solid. The club's vibe can support several different types of crowds, from rowdy college kids to quickly-aging strip club reviewers. My only real complaint is that the club wasn't particularly busy when we got there (10 PM) or when we left (midnight). A club needn't be busy to be fun, but when you're working with a space as large as Silk's, you'd like to reach a critical mass of customers to maximize everyone's experience.

Club Accessibility (1.5/5) – Located almost 10 miles outside of downtown Madison, Silk is a 20 minute drive from the city with no traffic. With the rise of Uber and Lyft over the last few years, I may need to rethink what it means to be accessible (our ride was only $20), but at a minimum, getting to Silk requires planning and effort, which sucks when you're drunk and tired and just want to pay someone to lie to you about how big your dick is.

Overall – To say I was pleasantly surprised with Silk would be a significant understatement. This is a great club with even greater potential. And although Madison may not be a destination city for strip clubs, you'll definitely want to hit up this spot if you're ever passing through.

RAW SCORE = 64

Email Backup

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 18 Apr 2014 21:22:00 +0000

Hey everybody,

I know a bunch of you have emailed me lately and I haven't answered. I've been out of regular Internet access for some time now. I'll try to get to your questions as soon as possible.

I'd say I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but given what I've been doing for these last few months, I'm totally not sorry at all.

Peter

The Dushku Limit

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 15:35:00 +0000

This is Eliza Dushku:

You may recognize her from the underrated cinematic gem Bring It On (no, I'm not being sarcastic; that movie kicks ass) and the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You might also recognize her from the list of women you're never going to bang. Why not? Because she's too hot for you. But that's okay; it's nothing to be ashamed of. She's too hot for me, and everyone I know, and probably everyone that you and I have ever met. Eliza Dushku is aspirational. She is past the point where working stiffs, degenerates, and even jet-setting strip club reviewers can expect to ever get with her. She has reached a critical mass of hotness. Which brings me to my next point.

This is Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar:

You're not gonna bang him either. Not because he's too hot for you. Because he's dead. Very dead. Chandrasekhar was a 20th century astrophysicist (1910-1995) who made a number of significant contributions to his field, the most famous of which was calculating a value later named the Chandrasekhar limit. The Chandrasekhar limit is the maximum mass of a stable white dwarf star. A white dwarf star with mass greater than the Chandrasekhar limit will eventually collapse and become a neutron star or black hole.

So the Chandrasekhar limit is the point of no return for white dwarfs; the boundary which, if crossed, means certain gravitational collapse. And it doesn't matter how much you exceed the limit by. One percent too big: gravitational collapse. Five times too big: gravitational collapse. There are only two buckets in which a dwarf can fall: those which are doomed and those which are not.

Right now, you're probably asking yourself: Peter, WTF can Eliza Dushku and Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar possibly have in common, besides their piercing stares and silly sounding last names? Allow me to explain.

A while back, I was at Devil's Point in Portland, and looking around at the women, I was having a hard time adequately quantifying their hotness for my review. They were hot, for sure. Ridiculously hot. Stupidly hot. Shockingly hot. But were they 9s, 9.5s, 10s? And what does it even mean to be a 10? Is it ever fair to give out that score? What if a more attractive group of dancers came along? Would that blow up the whole system?

While struggling with those questions, I had a revelation: It didn't matter that someone might be hotter than these women, because they had already passed the point where relative hotness is relevant. Essentially, they're so beautiful that you aren't allowed to ask for anything more.

(Because I spent much of high school obsessing over the cosmos,) I immediately realized that this was a strip club parallel to the Chandrasekhar limit. Like dwarf stars with a weight beyond the Chandrasekhar limit, these women had reached critical mass and thus, functionally, all belonged to the same class of beauty. And that critical mass, that line, will hereby be referred to as the Dushku Limit.

The Dushku Limit: the point at which a woman is so hot that it doesn't matter that women hotter than her exist.

Why the Dushku Limit?

Because Eliza sits right on that line. She is indisputably stunning, but you could totally hear one of your friends saying something absurd like "She's not really my type." Are you serious, bro?! It's Eliza fucking Dushku! She's absolutely your type. There is no room for debate about her attractiveness.

Also, Dushku Limit rolls off the tongue so beautifully. Dushku Limit. Dushku Limit. It's a wonderful sounding phrase.

Please feel free to incorporate this term into your every day conversations. Hat tips appreciated, but not required.

You're welcome.

Paisas Club (Bogota, Colombia)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 09:21:00 +0000

Sorry for the long delay since my last post. If you've followed my twitter account, you know I've been busy traveling around 5 continents over the past few months, but I think I should be settling down soon. I can't make any promises, but I'm going to try to get back to my weekly posting schedule. I have several Detroit and Bogota reviews started and I'm working on some more from other random places, but just need to find the time to finish them off. Now, on to the review of my favorite club in Bogota, Colombia, Paisa Club...

Dances (15/20) - The fully nude extended table dances are very good, but they're not the reason that anyone comes here. Sure, you'll see girls dances at several tables (usually going from guy to guy in a group rather than sticking with one guy for the duration), but pretty much everyone is here to watch the stage show or take a girl upstairs to fuck.

Dancers (8/10) - A lot of people prefer the surgically enhanced ladies at La Piscina, but the ones at Paisa Club are right up my alley. All Latina, all with cute faces, and all with perfectly curvy asses that they know how to shake.

Variety (3/5) - The variety at Paisa is fairly impressive. Every age from about 20 to more than double that is represented, there's a good mix of natural and implanted (both tits and ass) ladies, and there's good size variation as well. As long as you're into Colombianas, there will be several women here who you find to be very attractive.

Number (6.5/10) - This is a large club that can get packed on the weekends, but they have plenty of women to meet the demands of the crowd. Early in the evening, they usually only have a few dancers working, but there are several dozen working by the time it gets busy. A lot of them don't sit and drink, so you may have to either approach them or point out the one you want to a waiter, but you should always be able to get some company fairly quickly if you want it. This score would have been higher, but they unfortunately only have a girl on stage about half the time, even when it's busy.

Attitudes (3.5/10) - These ladies are almost all very friendly once you talk to them (as long as you talk to them in Spanish), but it's unfortunate that most of them just stand around waiting for a guy to take them upstairs for "amor" rather than drinking with customers. That's not uncommon for the Colombian clubs, but it's still a little bit of a bummer.

Value (9/10) - The 4,000 peso beers aren't cheap by Colombian standards, but I can't complain about that since it's only $2 US, there's no cover, stage tipping is pretty much unheard of, and most of the girls will offer to take you to a room for a half hour of sex for around 50,000 pesos ($25 US).

Club Setup (6/10) This is a fairly narrow club, but it's deep and has a ton of seating. Other than late on Friday or Saturday, finding a seat shouldn't be a problem, and there're more seats upstairs overlooking the stage for anyone who's getting bottle service. The stage is only a few feet wide, but runs almost the whole way from the front to the back of the club, so you'll get a chance to see the dancers up close at some point in their sets wherever you're seated. My favorite thing about this place, though, is that the pole goes through a hole in the ceiling to the 2nd floor (where the dressing room is), so girls slide down it like a fireman's pole to start their stage sets.

Dance Setup (0/10) - If you want a lap dance, it's going to be right at your table in the middle of the room. For that, I have to give them the goose egg here, but the private bedrooms upstairs with a bed, shower and sink are fine if you're looking to do more than that.

Atmosphere (6.5/10) - The crowd can be a little rough and you'll stand out if you're not Colombian, but I've never had any problems in here and I really enjoy the party vibe when it's busy.

Location (3.5/5) - A lot of people will warn you about the Santa Fe neighborhood, but I've always felt perfectly comfortable on this block as long as the bars are open. The best thing about the location is that there are several other clubs within a few feet of the front door, so you can easily pop your head in and out of a few of them to see who has the best talent on any given night.

Overall - I highly recommend Paisa Club if seeing hypnotizing Colombian asses shaking sounds like something you'd be interested in. If you don't care about seeing girls strip and are strictly looking to find someone for sex, there are a few other options that might be a little better, but Paisa Club has been my go-to spot while in Bogota for the past two months.

TOTAL SCORE = 60.5

Fuzzy Holes (Johnson City, TN)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (4.5/20) – There’s some one way contact here, but you know the dances aren’t going to be great when you’re told to put your hands on the armrests at the start. That’s not quite as bad as the table dances, though, where you’re technically supposed to put your hands behind you back. That’s fairly uncomfortable since there are small tables between every other chair that get in the way of both your arm and the dancer who is trying to get in the vicinity of your lap, but, considering the cost savings and the uselessness of the regular dances, the table dances are still a much better option.

Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) – I saw two fairly hot dancers and several who were decent, but it’s definitely the kind of place where there are going to be some sloppy bellies and girls you’re probably going to want to avoid. This is the only club I’ve been to in Tennessee, so these ladies may be fairly good for this part of the country if you’re into tatted chicks, but they’re mediocre on the national scale.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – There were only about a half dozen girls working during my Thursday night visit, but that was adequate given the lack of customers. I’ll have to take their word for it that the number of dancers goes up appropriately on Friday and Saturday evenings and when there are races in Bristol.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – I saw thin white ladies, thick white ladies, white ladies with blonde hair and white ladies with brown hair, but I got the impression that you’re out of luck if you’re looking for anything other than white ladies.

Attitudes (7.5/10) – As in most neighborhood clubs like this, you’re going to find dancers who are happy to sit and chat for a little while before trying to sell dances. At Fuzzy Holes, they’re particularly friendly and I didn’t have anyone ask for tips or even ask how much change I wanted when I handed them $40 for a $30 dance – they just gave me a ten-dollar bill back and acted like they assumed I wouldn’t be tipping anything. That, of course, lead to me giving them nice tips, which was probably their plan all along, but it still made for a nice experience.

Value (6.5/10) – The $10 cover charge isn’t bad for a BYOB place (there’s a gas station that sells beer right down the street), $4 Red Bull is reasonable, the stage value is ok, the table dances are a bargain at $10 each, and they have either 2-for-1 table dances or 2-for-1 couch dances for at least a few hours most nights. Unfortunately, the full-priced $30 couch dances are a rip off, but my biggest problem with the value is that you don’t actually get to see any nudity here. I had assumed that a place called Fuzzy Holes would be fully nude, but it turns out that this is a pastie club. Even though the pasties are small, I expect to see bare titties in a tittie bar and Fuzzy Holes unfortunately isn’t legally allowed to live up to that expectation.

Club Setup (3/10) – Fuzzy Holes is a little run down, but it’s a fairly large club with a decent main stage in the center of the room, a tiny caged stage in the corner, a small stage with a couch off to the one side and a weird vampire-themed stage on the other side (apparently all of the dancers dress up as vampires on Friday nights, but I didn’t get to witness that). The real problem with the club, though, is the seating. They have a few tall tables in the back, but everyone else is stuck in uncomfortable chairs lined up in rows facing the main stage, and small tables crammed between every other chair really just get in the way.

Dance Setup (3/10) – Lap dances are provided in the “VIP” room in the back where there are 4 or 5 couches and a small unused stage. There’s no privacy if anyone else is getting a dance while you are and the dj could see you if he wanted to, but I doubt that anyone else will be getting a dance unless you’re there on a 2-for-1 night and I didn’t notice the dj looking, so you’ll have at least some privacy.

Atmosphere (4/10) – For a neighborhood type of place, the atmosphere in here is decent. I don’t think that most places would be able to pull of the mix of hip hop and country music that the dj plays, but they play it at a reasonable volume and they somehow make it work. It was a little depressing when I was there because it was dead, but I think it could be fun if you show up with enough friends and enough beer. Then again, what place wouldn’t be fun if you did that?

Location (2/5) – This place is about a half hour from Bristol Motor Speedway and slightly less far to the amazing Ridgewood Barbecue, but I suspect that most people who aren’t from here won’t have any reason to be much closer to Fuzzy holes than that. If you do find yourself in Johnson City, Tennessee, though, it’s not far at all from downtown.

Overall – I’ve been meaning to visit Fuzzy Holes for years due to its amazing name, but, unfortunately, the name is the highlight of the joint. I haven’t been to any other clubs around here so I can’t compare it to your other options if you’re in the area, but it’s really not a very good strip club. If I were in this area for an extended period of time, I’d make the 3-4 hour drive to one of the many very solid clubs in Atlanta, GA, Lexington, KY, or Columbia, SC, but I won’t be returning to Fuzzy Holes.

RAW SCORE = 42

Chicas Bonitas (North Las Vegas, NV)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (14.5/20) – These are some of the most aggressive lap dances that I’ve gotten in Las Vegas. There’s great grinding, upper and lower body two-way contact is encouraged (my hand was moved straight to one girl’s crotch despite me having neither the intention nor the interest in reaching down there), and the girls that I got dances from were active with their hands and mouths over the pants. Extras would be difficult given the lack of privacy, but I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that some of these girls offer them anyway.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – Sadly, there was nothing bonita about these chicas. Out of the eight dancers who were working when I stopped by, only 2 would have been above a 5 on the 0-10 non-dancer scale, and there would a few who could not have paid me to accept a dance.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – There were nearly as many dancers as customers during my afternoon visit, but I can’t give them too much credit since there were only two attractive ladies in the building. You shouldn’t have to wait too long for attention since the regulars don’t seem to be big spenders, but you’re out of luck if you’re hoping to have a lot of beauties to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s a nice mix of thin and very thick black and Latina dancers, but there are exactly as many white dancers as you would expect from a club called Chicas Bonitas.

Attitudes (6/10) – Despite the fact that this is a neighborhood type of place where everyone is treated well, these ladies had a hard edge to them that prevented me from wanting to get into any long conversations. They’re not unfriendly, but I don’t think you’ll be making any real connections with these dancers.

Value (7/10) – For Vegas, it’s hard to complain about no cover charge, $4.50 drinks and $10 table dances, and even the $25 lap dances in the back aren’t a bad deal. If you’ve blown all your money at the casinos and the more upscale clubs, this might not be a bad place to stretch a buck if you care more about a bargain than you do about your personal safety.

Club Setup (1.5/10) – There’s a brightly lit main stage in the front, a large bar with TVs showing soccer games in the back, and a ton of uncomfortable chairs with wraparound tables attached throughout the club. Those chair/table combos were annoying enough in elementary school, but in a strip club where women should be sitting on your lap, they’re completely inexcusable.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) – Dances are given in a back room that’s mostly separated from the main room by a curtain, but the curtain is somewhat sheer and there’s a big opening in the middle where people can look in, and the bouncer pokes his head in once per song to make sure that you aren’t haven’t too much fun. A soft bench goes around the perimeter of the back room so there are plenty of choices of places to sit, but there’re no dividers or anything else to block the view of other people who are getting dances. Luckily, table dances seem to be a more popular option than real lap dances, so you shouldn’t have too much company in the dance room if you do decide to go back there.

Atmosphere (0/10) – I enjoyed the mix of hip hop and Latin music, but that’s pretty much the only good thing I can say about the atmosphere in here. Seeing a shoving match and a drunk guy passed out in the club without management reacting in any way whatsoever would be bad enough at night, but it’s just ridiculous to witness that during the day shift. If you do go here, I strongly encourage you to do so before the sun goes down, because I got the impression that this is the kind of place where some of the customers could get a little stabby at night.

Location (1.5/5) – It’s right down the street from the Palomino (the only nude Las Vegas club that serves alcohol) and is right across the street from a relatively small casino, but Chicas Bonitas is pretty far out of the way if you’re staying on the Strip or even on Freemont Street.

Overall – Chicas Bonitas is the type of place where, if you’re murdered, no one will feel bad for you. It’s kind of what you expect to have happen when you go to a place called Chicas Bonitas in North Las Vegas. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are many strip clubs that I love so much that I’m willing to visit even if it means that I have to risk dying a death that will bring shame upon my family. It’s just that Chicas Bonitas is not one of them. If you’re in this neighborhood and are desperate to hit a club, go to the Palomino and let me know what you think. I still haven’t been there, but it has to be better than this dump.

RAW SCORE = 39.5

Little Darlings (Las Vegas, NV)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Although there's variation from girl to girl and extras are rarely if ever offered, most of the dances at Little Darlings are among the best I've ever gotten. You just can't beat laying down on your back with a naked girl laying/sitting/grinding on top of you. There are a few girls who try to take you to the couches instead of the "beds," and they're a waste of time, but everyone else that I've experienced has been amazing. Also, some of the girls charge extra to allow you to touch them "anywhere but the pussy," but for the price, it's hard to blame them. The only warning that I should give is that you should probably wear reasonably thick pants if you're squeamish about bodily fluids, because under the black lights on the main floor, my pants looked like evidence from a scene on CSI.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – My most recent visit was a little underwhelming, but I'm going to assume that I just caught them on an off night, because the quality of ladies here has been consistently outstanding over the course of several visits over the past 4 years. Girls have to be old enough to drink to work at a club that serves alcohol in Nevada, so when they turn 21, the hottest ones spread out among the big-money places. Until then, they only have a few choices, and most of the hottest ones end up at Little Darlings. Older women who don't have their shit together know that they can't compete with hot teenagers, so most of the 20-somethings who work here also look great.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – This place doesn't have as many girls as a place like the Rhino or Sapphire, but it doesn't have nearly as many customers either. I've visited several times and never seen worse than a 2-to-1 customer to dancer ratio, and it's usually much better than that. Generally, there are a few dozen girls working.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – You won't find a lot of old girls here, but other than that, the variety is great. Black, white, asian, thick (some would argue a little too thick) and thin dancers are all well represented.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – For years, the dancers here were some of the friendliest I'd ever met, but I've barely been able to get a word out of any of them before they ask if I want a dance and then either take me to the back or walk away during my past few visits. They are at least friendly enough while you're getting your dance, but most of them don't even offer to join you back at your table after your dances these days. For anyone who got used to the way the club was from 2009 until around 2011, the current attitudes are tragic.

Value (6/10) – The $33 cover here is brutal (reduced to $5 before 10pm if you print a pass from their website and don't show up in a cab), but sodas are free, so if you've brought your own liquor, you'll be drinking on the cheap. Also, they give taxi drivers some money for dropping you off, so before you get a ride to Little Darlings, get the cabbie to agree to give you $10-15 each. If you don't feel like dealing with that, you can get the club to send you a limo for free, but since they aren't making money on alcohol, you'll still have to pay the cover. Officially dances are no-contact and cost $20, but almost every girl will allow your hands to roam if you pay $30. That's usually more than I'd be willing to spend, but since there are frequent 2-for-1 specials, it's hard to complain about paying $15 per full contact dance.

Dance Setup (10/10) – The dances are given in booths back in a maze of hallways, and the entrances to the booths are covered with a semi-opaque curtain, so the only people who can even partially see in are dancers and customers who are walking to/from their own dances. There is one booth at the end of the hallway that is completely private, so if a girl takes you there, you know you're in for a good time. The real key to the dance setup here, though, is that most of the booths have "beds," which are basically tables that are horizontal from the waist down and at a 30 degree angle from the waist up. This really is a spectacular dance setup.

Club Setup (5/10) – The tables are a little bit cramped, the chairs aren't terribly comfortable, and there are no private corners, but everyone has a good view of the stage where the pole action is about as good as I've seen.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – Since this is a nude club, they can't serve alcohol or allow customers to bring their own. Because of that, my crew usually makes this our go-to place early in the evening while we're still recovering from the previous night or late in the night once we've already had enough to drink. Also, as long as you aren't too obvious about it, you shouldn't have any problem bringing in your own liquor and mixing it with the free soda. Other than that, the atmosphere is pretty relaxed and you'll probably have a good time here either by yourself or with a group of guys. The music is good, but check their website to see if it's a theme night, because I was ready to stab my eardrums by the end of rock night.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like everywhere else in Vegas, it isn't within walking distance, but they'll send you a limo.

Overall – I'm not quite as high on Little Darlings as I was a few years ago due to the declining attitudes, but it's still an excellent club. If they served alcohol, it would probably be my top choice in Vegas, though, realistically, if they started serving it the young girls would be gone, less attractive girls would move in, and the overall experience would probably decline. The bottom line is that if you only hit one club in Vegas, it should probably be somewhere with alcohol, but if you hit several, Little Darlings should be one of them.

TOTAL SCORE = 69

Las Chavelas (Tijuana, Mexico)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 18:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (18/20) – My dance was excellent with unlimited two-way contact and plenty of grinding, and the only reason that it wasn’t even better was that I told my girl that I just wanted a dance rather than her other services. I was assured, however, that the price would have included a skilled blowjob, and that promise was confirmed by every server who came by winking and making the international miming symbol for a penis pushing up against the inside of a girl's cheek.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – The girls at Las Chavelas are a little older and a little thicker than you'll find elsewhere on Calle Coahuila, but most of them are still pleasant looking and some of them are in the 7-8 range.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – It's hard to get a real good sense of how many girls are working since they're spread throughout the club sitting with customers, but I'd guess that there have been around 2 dozen working during each of my visits. I haven't been here at night because I'm not entirely insane, so maybe the ratio goes down when they're busy, but I've never found a dancer to customer ratio of much worse than 1-to-1.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There's some size variation, but if you're not into 25-35 year old Mexican chicks, you're going to be out of luck.

Attitudes (7/10) – This club works on the girl drink system and the girls sell them hard, but they're the friendliest on the block if you're willing to buy them their $8 beers. I've had girls sit with me for hours without even bringing up the topic of going upstairs, and they're all more than happy to help you practice your Spanish or load up your iTunes with the awesome music that plays in the club.

Value (7/10) – The 2-for-1 $4 beers are a steal and the $8 mini dancer beers aren't too bad for the amount of time that it gets you with the girl, and there's no cover. $48 for dances seems ridiculous at first, but it also gets you an hour in the private VIP room upstairs and probably a BJ or more, so it's hard to complain about that too much. Unfortunately, unless you 're into slow dancing with the girls on stage as many of the locals do, the stage value is usually petty poor. I did get to witness some excitement once when police chased a guy through the club and over the main stage, but I think, or at least I hope, that's not a regular occurrence.

Club Setup (6/10) – The most notable thing about Las Chavelas is the unique Western theme, with pretty much everything being made of wood or stone, lots of cow skulls around the room, and cactus shaped bar stools. Despite the gimmick, this is a reasonably nice place with bars in the front and the back and a ton of booth seating throughout the club. The booths are big enough for two guys to sit comfortably and two girls to snuggle up next to them, which is usually what happens. The main stage is front and center in the club, so everyone should have a good view of it, and the live music stage off to the right side looks pretty solid, though I’ve unfortunately never seen it in use.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Dances are given in private VIP rooms on the second floor of the club. Each room is just for one guy and one girl, but they’re reasonably large, have soft bench seating around the outside, and have a door that closes and thick curtain that closes off the opening to the main part of the club. The nice thing is that, once you’re finished with your dance, you can open the curtain and look out over the club from your private room for the remainder of the hour. It’s easily among my favorite dance setups of all time.

Atmosphere (2/10) – I have to admit upfront that I love this place. The Nortenas music is awesome, cheap beer makes everything better, and you'll almost certainly never see an American unless he's lost, he's one of my readers, or he's me. Having said that, I get the impression that this isn't the safest place in the world at night for white guys. At Hong Kong and Adelita, I think the staff keeps an eye on the Americans to make sure they aren't drawing the wrong kind of attention from any other customers, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Location (0/5) – I can’t give them any credit for the location since you’re going to have to cross the border to get there and it’s not particularly safe, but it’s right between Hong Kong and Adelita, so it’s easy enough to stop by quickly if you’re visiting either of the two more famous clubs on the block.

Overall – Don’t bother going to Las Chavelas on your first trip to Tijuana, but it’s a nice option for 2-for-1 beers in the afternoon if you’ve made several visits to Hong Kong and Adelita and are ready for a more authentic Mexican strip club experience.

RAW SCORE = 62

Cheetahs (Las Vegas, NV)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 23:07:00 +0000

Most recent visit: September, 2016

Quality of Dances (12/20) – The lack of privacy prevents anything too crazy from going on, but most girls provide a good grind and are open to two-way contact. Although there’s still variation from one girl to the next, a “bad” dance at Cheetahs now is comparable to the best dances that I received here a few years ago.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – There’s more variation in quality at Cheetahs than you’ll find at most of the other big name Vegas clubs, with some girls I’d go out of my way to avoid, some stone-cold killers and everything in between, but it’s a fairly impressive workforce overall and I don’t think anyone will have a problem finding several worthy girls on any given visit.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – The number of women varies, but it’s usually perfect for the number of customers. When the club is busy, it’s absolutely teeming with women, and when it’s slow, they still have more than enough women to keep everyone entertained. During each of my visits, virtually every group of patrons has been joined by multiple women, and I’m always approached by one or more within minutes of arriving.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (5/5) – Name your shape, size, race or country; you’ll find it at Cheetahs.

Attitude of Dancers (9/10) – It seems crazy to say that the best dancer attitudes of all time could be at a famous Vegas club, but my group and I interacted with dozens of them over our three most recent visits and all of them were at least friendly if not downright awesome. One girl in particular spent about 4 hours on my lap, only getting up to pour me drinks, before I gave her so much as a dollar. Even when we did go for dances, it was at my request, not hers. Of course, don’t take advantage of that or they’ll become a whole lot less friendly in a hurry, but if you take care of them, they’ll take care of you. These girls really are great.

Value (6.5/10) – The cover is $20 if you arrive by cab, but they’ll waive it if you take their limo or valet park your own car for $20. Most of the other prices aren’t too bad with regular dances being $20, slightly more private dances 3-for-$100, and 30 minutes in the VIP “G-Spot” going for $200, but the $9 beers are pretty rough. Fortunately, at least on Sunday through Wednesday nights, you can get a bucket of 5 beers for a reasonable $31 or a 1L bottle of liquor and 3 mixers for $125, which is a huge bargain.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – As long as they aren’t too busy, most of the girls will take you to rows of benches along the front or back walls, but some of the dances occur right on the crowded main floor, where even the most dexterous dancer will have a hard time doing her thing. Fortunately, if you’re willing to drop a reasonable $200 to go to the “G-Spot” (named for Jack Galardi, the former owner of Cheetahs and Miami’s King of Diamonds, among other clubs), you’ll have a lot more space and won’t be visible to anyone other than the half dozen or so other girls/guys who are giving/receiving dances.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – Cheetahs has the classic strip club setup that one sees in TV shows and movies: a single longish stage in the center of the club, a long bar lining a raised area off to the side, and a bunch of small tables (3-4 seats) all around. Although it’s a little cramped, it has been renovated somewhat over the past few years and has some dark corners where you can sit without all eyes on you, and I really like it overall.

Club Atmosphere (8.5/10) – From the bouncer who offered to allow me to bring my In-N-Out burger into the club, to the girls who latched onto our arms the second we walked in, to the bartender who promised to recommend a “Peter Tips” aka a “Dirty Peter” (redbull with a double shot of whiskey) to anyone who can’t decide what drink to order, to the DJ who played an hour block of hip hop at my request, my group is always treated like VIPs at this place, and I have no reason to believe that everyone doesn’t receive similar treatment. With its tendency to draw large crowds for a small space, Cheetahs could easily have a meat market type atmosphere, but they do a nice job of avoiding that vibe. The low lighting goes a long way to make up for the close quarters and the music keeps the energy up nicely.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like all Vegas clubs, Cheetahs isn’t walkable, but it’s just a short cab or limo ride away from anywhere on the Strip.

Overall – The Spearmint Rhino is a bigger spectacle, the dances are better at Little Darlings, the happy hour is cheaper at Treasures and the setup is better at Hustler, but is there a better all-around club in Las Vegas right now than Cheetahs? Based on the fact that my group ended up here 3 of the 4 nights that we were in town during my most recent trip, I don’t think that there is. Either way, Cheetahs is a great club that has easily earned my Seal of Approval.

RAW SCORE = 68.5

GRADE = A+

Blush (Pittsburgh, PA)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter Tips) — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) - I didn't get the feeling that extras are available, but most of the girls provide a decent grind and two-way contact is encouraged to varying degrees. Most of them welcome some breast groping and some girls have told me I could do whatever I wanted as long as I made sure that the camera didn't have a clear sightline if I wanted to rub their crotches. In the past, I've gotten a lot more teasing than quality dancing at Blush and it's possible that some of the girls still do that, but all of my recent dances here have been fairly good.

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are, for the most part, fairly attractive, but they’re a noticeable step below what you’d find at Cheerleaders. For whatever reason, most of the black dancers that I've seen here haven't done much for me, but most of the paler ladies relatively young, in fairly good shape and in the 6-8 range.

Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – On Friday and Saturday nights, I've seen 15-20 women dancing which sounds fairly good, but it's actually not great considering that the club gets packed with so many customers that you can barely move. I hate to tell a club to raise their cover charge, but they need to do something to thin out the crowd on weekend nights, or they need to hire more dancers, because what they had just wasn’t getting the job done. At non-peak times, I've found about half as many dancers, but since there's usually only a handful of customers, the ratio was much more favorable.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – I’m giving them a 3.5, but the variety at Blush is as about good as you’ll find in western Pennsylvania. Most of the ladies are black or white, but I’ve seen a few Asians and olive skinned ladies as well, and there’s sufficient size variation.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – These girls are nice enough once you talk to them, but like everywhere else in Pittsburgh, there are so many customers at prime time that the ladies don’t mind giving customers attitude, especially if they don’t think those particular customers are likely to be big spenders. Ladies, maybe pissing a guy off won’t cost you anything tonight because you’re busy, but it will cost you tomorrow when the club is dead and the only potential customer is the guy you just pissed off.

Value (4/10) – Everything is slightly more expensive than it should be with a $10 cover, $30 dances (a slightly discounted $79 if you buy 3) and $10 drinks, but nothing is too outlandish. Plus, you certainly get more for your money from the nude stage action than you do from the topless show at Cheerleaders. I was quoted $220 for a half hour upstairs or $360 for a full hour, but I'm not sure what exactly that includes.

Dance Setup (6/10) – The chairs aren’t particularly comfortable, but you get your own booth with an opaque curtain blocking the view from anyone else. I was told that there's a camera in there, but I didn't get the feeling that anyone monitors that too closely. As an added bonus, they have TV screens in each booth that show the stage, so you can watch that if you're bored by the lady you're with. Though, if you're bored by the lady you're with, why did you just give her $30 for a dance?

Club Setup (2/10) – Blush is a small club with a narrow stage along the right side wall, a reasonably long but very narrow square bar in a raised area along the back wall and a small cage-like stage in a back corner, but most of the club is standing room only. That would be awkward but tolerable under normal circumstances, but this place can get so packed that you’ll get more contact from other customers bumping into you than you could hope to get from the dancers.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – This place can be cramped and just generally crazy, but it's actually a fun place to hang out for an hour or two, especially before or after a sporting event. It's too crowded for large groups, but groups of about 4 guys or less should have a good time in here.

Club Accessibility (5/5) – Blush is right downtown and is within easy walking distance of several hotels and the Consol Energy Center and PNC Park. Parking can be a bit of a pain in the ass, but you can usually find street parking nearby, and if not, there's a parking garage right across the street.

Overall - You can get better contact at Silky's in McKees Rocks, the girls are hotter at Cheerleaders and Club Erotica, and the Filly Corral is great if you're willing to drive for a half hour, but the combination of reasonably hot girls, fairly good dances, nude stage action, a full bar and a nice, relaxed vibe, makes Blush my favorite option when I'm in or around downtown Pittsburgh.

RAW SCORE = 52.5