philter\FIL-tur. to love ♥

The LomoKino

2011-11-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

Bought the camera that makes this wonderful stuff today.

*Excited dance*

Opportunities, Risks and Chances

2011-11-13T12:54:00.000-08:00

I thought that I was past the risk and opportunity phase of my life, until recently.

Lately i've been spending many a day thinking tirelessly in my own mind wondering what was wrong within myself, why was life still a struggle and not fulfilling enough even though id earned my career 4 years ago and I was on a successful path? Why do I come home at the end of every week, get in bed, roll up, shed a few tears and not want to face the world all weekend? Why is my life becoming so unrewarding that even speaking is becoming exhausting? A few weeks a go i reached breaking point, and decided to shut myself off from the world.

Some put my behaviour down to 'birthday blues' (not wanting to turn 27 get old), Maybe the pressure of everyone around me getting married and having children might be adding to my loss of fulfillment... all wrong.

The short story is, I'm an artist, and a teacher, I have a million strings to my bow (I've studied non stop, completed 4 different courses, and been in uni for 6 years of my life) and the overall problem is - I'm restricted to be myself in all that i'm doing with my life at the moment, restricted to create. How can i possibly let myself be restricted forever? My teaching job is that full on and that full time, i can't seem to find the time for myself, to be myself, do what i love.

I can't exactly pinpoint when my brain finally started working again and at what precise moment I woke up, but I did and I'm thankful. Over the next year I face major risks and I'm taking life changing chances but I'm bloody looking forward to the awaiting opportunities coming my way. And i've already made some changes...

I've decided to quit teaching, go back to uni yet again and become my own boss. Drastic yes, and right - absolutely.

Not everyone who knows me has been quite so supportive, some haven't even uttered a word or even give me a facebook 'like' since breaking the news via a status. I've heard it all the last few weeks... " Ohhh, every jobs hard, you're giving up too early... you have a very professional job are you sure you can you cope with take a step down and be looked down upon by others... what about the money... what about the holidays... studying again... you don't really want a real job your just biding you time to never work again...What if it doesn't work out..."

But what about if it does?

HOW ABOUT, I'm wasted, i work in a place that i cant practice what i've spent all my life working towards, paying towards and achieving great things in! Why can't i quit my job and bloody earn more rewards and achieve even greater things? Why the hell do i have to stop creating, exploring, dreaming, making just because i now have a 'proper' job, just because you don't agree doesn't mean i have to stop everything i love, everything I'm good at just so i don't offend delusional 'by the book' robots??

I couldn't give a ratssssssssssss asssssssssssssssssss. I'm great at what I do and i'll bloody do it. Maybe if some people took risks and chances they might not be so unfortunate, so boring, so uninspiring, so wrapped up in being negative all the time, and maybe they could have achieved greater things. There's no limit on when to stop. So don't tell me to. Coz i'll just do it anyway.

And I have. Get over it.

Life in education has stripped me of who I am. Teaching owns my life, i don't, it has me tied up and it puts my creativity and personality in a box, right next to me, where i can see it but i can't touch it. If i want to touch it, i have to jeopardize big political uproar. Opening it up to explore and dream, it will come at a price, i can't just have it when i want it, it doesn't come first, i don't come first, and until i become untied i won't ever be able to touch it. So that's why I'm untie-ing myself and I'm grabbing my box and I'm running with it, to a safe place where I'm going to open it again, and I'm going to let it all spill out everywhere. No one should ever pack away what makes them, them, and not be allowed to ever touch it again.

I'm gong back to what i do best and this time I'm gonna blast it right up the bot bot and I'm gonna love every minute until i can't cut, stick, write, draw and photograph any longer... I'l do it til i die.

All will be revealed soon... so watch this space. In the meantime I have a calendar with 30 weeks marked out, thats the amount of time I have until life begins again... and my box will burst open and I can be me again.

Thank you to everyone who believes in me. I owe you the world.

A few quotes to help along the way...

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The 'sure thing' boat never gets far from shore.

Playing safe is probably the most unsafe thing in the world. You cannot stand still. You must go forward.

If you never budge, don't expect a push.

One of the reasons mature people stop learning is that they become less and less willing to risk failure.

It is true that when we take chances, we stand to lose. But it is also true that we will never win anything if we never even enter the game.

Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?

If you play it safe in life, you've decided that you don't want to grow anymore.

No gallant action was ever accomplished without danger.

If you want to achieve a high goal, you're going to have to take some chances.

When you play it too safe, you're taking the biggest risk of your life. Time is the only wealth we're given.

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

2011-11-13T02:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite artist at the moment, her songs are absolutely outstanding. The video to this song is just Beautiful evokes so much beauty in my soul ♥♥

Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga - The Lady Is A Tramp

2011-11-13T02:24:00.000-08:00

Not a big Lady Gaga fan but WOWZERS... unbelievable, just beautiful ❤

Defy expectations, go into the world, be brave, adventurous, embrace change, chance, and risk, just breathe and know what it is like to be free...

2011-10-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

❝ It's impossible getting to the next level of life unless you take risks. Otherwise you're going to be recycling the same outcome...❞

Alice in Waterland.

2011-10-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

What if Alice, after falling and falling inside the Rabbit hole, ended straight to the ocean?

Elena Kalis recreates her version of what might have happened... Check her site here to look at her other amazing underwater delights!

Glogster.

2011-06-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

Recently came across Glogster, another handy teaching tool. Not english, and its a bit pricey to purchase, but i'll use my 30 day free EDU trial to the max... Above is an artist handout i put together, pretty darn visual...

Here's a bit about it...
Glogster is a social network tool that allows users to create free interactive posters, handouts, or glogs as their known. A glog, short for graphical blog, is an interactive multimedia image. It looks like a poster, but readers can interact with the content. Glogster provides an environment to design these interactive posters. The user inserts text, images, photos, audio (MP3), videos, special effects and other elements into their glogs to generate a multimedia online creation. Glogster is based on flash elements. Posters can be shared with other users on the site, embedded in external wikis or blogs, and shared via many social networks such as Facebook and Twitter. Glogs can also be exported and saved to computer-compatible formats.

Glogster EDU for teachers... click here

A Birthday and a cement cake.

2011-06-21T10:26:00.001-07:00

To my beautiful sister, Eloise. Wishing you all the great things in life, hope your 19th birthday will bring you an extra share of all that makes you happiest (including Joelle's cement cake. ) Love you millions x

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

The most important gift of all... My Dad. Words cannot express his gentleness and kindness that helps and guides me through my life through the good times and the bad (and the poverty stricken petrol and food times) You are defo one in a million just wish you didn't have to live so far away so I could hug you more. Love you to ends of the earth dad x

Matthew Brant

2011-06-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

Color photographs that are soaked in the specific lake or reservoir water that they represent. Nice.

Quote for today.

2011-06-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

❝The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.❞

Dennis S. Brown

Life without the Tv.

2011-06-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

Last week the signal in our apartment block vanished for more than a week.

Yes to begin with i admit it was hard, we come in after work, and its the first thing we do, turn on the box, and its the last thing we do before we go to bed, switch it off, yes it was difficult and me and my partner were actually wondering 'what we were going to do' in replacement?! I even brought out a jigsaw first day i was that much in shock.

Downstairs there were notes from other apartments on the communal notice board complaining, moaning, threatening... and hands up on day 2 i did ring up the apartment officer to report it (i wasnt the first), but straight after i did wonder why i was making a fuss and why was i even bothered... i was actually enjoying the peace and quiet and - i should probably enjoy it to!

It didn’t take long to get used to life without the Tv. When talking to family and friends about it, the question arose again... “What are you doing instead?”. It was a similar question to what we were asking ourselves previous... what shall we do? what are we gonna do?...

It made me think more about it a bit more... Yes it’s an easy one to answer, but in many ways, i find it quite sad that i actually have to answer it!! – and i just thought to myself, do we, or do people in general honestly have no life beyond Tv nowadays? and have we got into such a habit of relying on Tv to communicate, or not to communicate?

Like i've outlined before I think excessive internet socialization can have the same negative impact as now i'm having with my Tv — its filling a void.

No Tv show can compete with the stimulating conversation which me and my partner engaged in that week, listening to each other properly, having lengthly conversations about our day, laughing, we cooked together, we read, we went for walks, to the cinema, we relaxed, listened to the radio... are all these becoming past times now? are WE numbers in a culture that is media obsessed?

Anyway, after a week I started to feel that not having a glowing television and white noise beckoning me allows me freedom within myself, to find peace, rest, give myself time to think, become creative... But... I know i, 'AM' to blame, it is my fault to become a number within this world to become glued to the Tv, and it's only me who can break it....

If it was just me, In the words of Phone jacker... I'd sell the 'looka deu tuv' tomorrow but, jointly we've have decided Wednesday is the only NO Tv day.

I will look forward to Wednesdays.

Look at the stars ♫

2011-06-15T12:22:00.001-07:00

Stars are good. I wish I could get some to put in my hair ★

When life gets hard

2011-06-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

❝You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage.❞

Joe Namath

Quote for today.

2011-06-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

❝Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.❞

Jim Rohn

pst... I lost 6lbs since the hypno already! *High five*

Prezi Awesome!

2011-06-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

Before i start... Powerpoint - your death is imminent. Take note.

***Calling all teachers, designers, and anyone who delivers presentations and uses powerpoints on a daily basis!

Prezi, i promise will be your new tool for delivery.***

Prezi is a web-based presentation application and storytelling tool that uses a single canvas instead of traditional slides. You can insert Text, images, videos and other presentation objects and place them on an infinite canvas. The canvas allows you to create non-linear presentations, and you can zoom in and out of this "visual map." You can make pathways through different objects and frames, so you can represent the order of the information to be presented.

Anyway enough selling, follow the link and get creating... you'll be impressed!

P.s. my image is the top one, obvs not as good as the one below, but i haven't finished yet and i'm just a beginner! I'm creating a "mind map" for every art project i do with KS3 and GCSE. It's great because it all in one place, i can upload you tube clips, powerpoints i've already created prior, apply key words, images, task boxes... it's endless! Plus the kids will love the visuals. It is a must for teachers!

Lissy Elle capturing my heart yet again.

2011-06-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

Quote for today.

2011-06-05T05:03:00.001-07:00

❝ You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. ❞

Fay Weldon

Quote for today.

2011-06-05T03:06:00.000-07:00

❝ Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.❞

Aristotle

The Mermaids and the Pirates.

2011-06-04T15:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so squeezing the tear from the mermaids eye wasn't as easy as maybe catching a tear from my eye during this movie. oh dear oh dear. What major disappointment, i nearly cried from all the cheese. Don't say i didn't warn you if you decide to spend £15 of your money on this movie.

Yes undoubtably captain jack once again humored our hearts, but the rest, pretty boring. I realized this possibly about 25 minutes in... and it was a long countdown from there.

But... and it's a small but, i did enjoy the mermaid scene, i don't know if thats because my aspiration as a child was always to become a mermaid or because it was the most ferocious part of the film? either or the rest of it still sucked.

Still want to be a mermaid though.

30 days 30 songs.

2011-06-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

I dont normally do this kind of thing but i felt inspired today...

Oh and i've done them all at once, I'm too impatient to do them for the next 30 days one at a time...

Day 01 - Your favorite song.

Yellow - Coldplay 

Day 02 - Your least favorite song.

Anything Madonna (its time to quit now)

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy. 

Relator - Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson  

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad. 

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone. 

Black & Blue - Miike Snow  

Day 06 - A song that reminds you of somewhere. 

Audacity of Huge - Simian Mobile Disco  

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event. 

Dog Day's - Florence and the machines  

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to. 

Never Ever - All Saints  

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to. 

I got a feeling - Black Eyed Peas  

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep. 

At the River - Groove Armada 

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band.

White Sky - Vampire Weekend  

Day 12 - A song you like from a band you hate. 

Brimful of Asha - Cornershop  

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure. 

Wannabe - Spice Girls  

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love. 

Checking it out - Lil' Chris  

Day 15 - A song that describes you.

The Golden Age - The Asteriods Galaxy Tour  

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate.

Barbie Girl - Aqua  

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio. 

Let's go surfing - The Drums  

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio. 

40 Day Dream - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros  

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album. 

Clarity - John Mayer

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you are angry. 

Blah blah blah - Keisha  

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you are happy. 

Alright – Supergrass

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you are sad. 

Pull my heart away - Jack Penate  

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding. 

Fly me to the moon – Frank Sinatra   

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral. 

Teardrop - Massive Attack  

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh. 

The Salmon Dance - Chemical Brothers  

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument. 

Claire De lune - Debussy  

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play. 

Dance tonight - Paul McCartney  

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty. 

Little Secrets - Passion Pit  

Day 29 - A song from your childhood. 

Ain't no doubt - Jimmy Nail  

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year. 

California Girls - Katy Perry

My virtual gastric band

2011-06-03T02:38:00.000-07:00

Those who are close to me will know about my hypnosis procedure and my endless battle to shift some weight, and those who don't know me so well may have seen my weight rocket somewhat over the past 3 years. Those of you who don't know me at all keep reading...

Last week I went to a hypnotherapist on Harley Street in London to go under the surgeons knife... a virtual surgeons knife. I've spent the last 3 years battling with my weight after putting on a good 3-4 stone, much due to the fact of me not doing any exercise, working hard on my career and becoming well, a bit lazy and opting to stay in rather then staying active. Over the past 3 years food has never been much of a problem, yes I LOVE food and my family and close ones are fascinated by gastronomy and I am lucky to eat at some of the finest restaurants in the country, aside this I have always maintained a healthy diet and I eat very well.

Yes, I eat very good food, I don't have an overly indulgent sweet tooth either, yes I do like chocolate but I wouldn't say I go out of my way to buy it, yes I've tucked in to the odd McDonalds, had the odd weekend of too much booze, over indulged in creamy things and enjoyed a good old cheese board on a sunday. But my habits aren't any different to anyone else in fact I think I eat better than most people I know. I love all vegetables and salads, and they take up the majority of my plate most meal times. So I do wonder sometimes why I bother, when I feel just as bad eating the good stuff than I would if I was to stuff my face with bad stuff?

I've never been a gym bunny, i've never had to be, iv always been very blessed not to go have to go to the gym, that was until I turned about 24 and since then I seemed to overnight put on 4 stone and since then I can't look at myself in the mirror.

I do try to avoid the gym at all costs, as much as I love it when I'm there, I make every excuse to convince myself that I'm genuinely too knackered, which I usually am. Being a teacher isn't the most stress free job on the planet so when I get home I want to take an aspirin, put my pajamas on pass out for the night to have enough energy to fight the next day. I have no desire to go and exercise for a good 2 hours. But I try... for about 4 weeks then I get back in the pajamas routine.

Recently, I have become very low in self esteem, from loving everything about myself to not being able to look in the mirror has been very distressing. I have become someone who I don't really know and someone who my close family cant really understand anymore. All I think about is my weight and how I look, and some days it takes hours to even want to get dressed, as nothing I do makes any difference to how I feel. It has begun to affect my life quite severely. I have gone from a happy go lucky carefree positive soul to a self loathing negative empty soul. It has got to a point now where i am at a dead end, not wanting to go on holiday, avoiding fashion outlets at all cost because nothing i like comes in my size, i have to settle on cheap tat that resemble tent like structures so that all disliked areas are covered and hidden from view... It goes on...

The hypnosis - It was passed on to me by close family who's friend who had been to see a hypnotist and lost 16lbs in 4 weeks, and I couldn't believe it. I immediately booked myself in straight away. I briefly chatted to the hypnotherapist on the phone before hand about my food habits, my lifestyle, and she came to the conclusion that my metabolism had just stopped and needed starting again... we touched on eating every 4 hours, drinking lots of water, not skipping breakfast, stopping eating when I'm full, and not feel sorry for the bit of food iv left on the plate and using myself as a bin instead of letting it go to an actual bin to be disposed of.

The day of the hynosis- The hypno was very strange, no I wasn't looking at a spinning circle and no she wasn't dangling something in front of my eyes! It was very relaxing and very soothing and I felt awake but I was also in a daze and my body felt very heavy, it felt a bit like the daze your in when you're driving and you maybe miss out a few minutes of your journey because your mind was wondering elsewhere. I didn't see everything she talked me through; I had to imagine myself in size 10 dresses, looking at size 10 labels as I went into the shops, picturing myself trying them on in the mirror with a big smile across my face , I couldn't picture this, I felt maybe that because my self esteem has become so low, I still feel I'm trying to avoid looking at myself in a mirror in nice things hypno or no hypno or maybe i feel that deep inside know i am never going to be a size 10 again? On the plus side... I absolutely did feel the virtual surgery, I felt the anesthetic, the surgery lights, and felt my stomach tighten as the band was inserted! My subconscious mind totally believed I had a gastric band fitted!

Successful? I'm only in week 1 of the hypnosis, others around me have noticed my food intake has become less and I don't finish my plate, (then lick it or finish others peoples left overs). I have become very full and feel bloated a lot of the time too, so I literally cant eat another thing or I will burst, but then my stomach isn't bloated at all? I don't feel as hungry either. Only time will tell, I am determined not to miss out on another holiday this year and really want the old confident me back so I can start living again.

Today I'm off to pick up some scales so i can see if i can see the results yet... I will keep you posted...

B x

Elizabeth Taylor

2011-06-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I have only just noticed I saved this post as a draft and didn't publish it for all to see. How sad that it was forgotten to remember such a wonderful woman...

A very late post to remember an icon of such beauty and splendor.

Happy Belated Birthday Norma Jeane

2011-06-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

She's been gone for nearly a half-century, but the bombshell known as Marilyn will forever strike it hot. Happy 85th Birthday for yesterday Marilyn. I bet you would have been still as beautiful yesterday as you were all those years ago.

We miss you. We love you x

One Day

2011-05-14T08:34:00.000-07:00