The Photog Nazi {blog}

Grayson's 1st Birthday Party Was a "HOOT"!

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:13:00 +0000

By our standards, Grayson's first birthday part was a rather small, and intimate little party. We celebrated with just family, our little brood of course, aunts, cousins, and {some, but not all} grandparents. I made simple cupcakes, a simple little smash cake, and some not-so-pretty, but oh-my-gosh-SO-DELICIOUS owl cake pops.

The decorations doubled as props for his one year photos! I bought some letters at our local craft store and threw a coat of paint on them, picked up some balloons from Party City, and found the cute banner at Target for just a few bucks. I designed a little print for Grayson and found an awesome frame from the same craft store I purchased the letters. It's now in his room. ^_^

We visited with each other, enjoyed the yummy desserts, then sat back while Grayson destroyed his first birthday cake. After opening presents we called it a day! Doesn't get much more simpler than that.

With it being his first birthday, I wanted it to be special, but didn't feel the need for it to be over-the-top, the way I've done other parties. He isn't going to remember this party! He will know though, that those who loved him most gathered around to celebrate him on his first birthday. And that's all that matters in the end. :)

The Internet Has Turned People Into Ash-holes.

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:43:00 +0000

(No that's not a typo, that's me getting my point across without actually cursing. Even though in real life I would probably say worse...)

I used to love the internets. The webs. But like most relationships, eventually the veil is lifted and you see the other being for what they really are. Only instead of being a pimply mouth breather with a B.O. problem, you realize you're in love with a vile insult slewing machine of HATE.

Don't get me wrong. I still love the webs. (Which is saying something, because I dumped the pimply mouth breather with the quickness.) I'm just not IN love with them anymore. Let me explain why. Perhaps in a way where I can share pros and cons.

Pros vs Cons

You can instantly pay bills online! No more having to buy stamps! Woo-hoo! But then someone might steal your credit card information and run up a bill buying buckets of shelf stable food. (This hasn't actually happened to me, but it could. And shelf stable food is the only thing I'd find somewhat acceptable...you can't blame someone for wanting to be prepped now can you?)

You can SHOP online! Not only can you shop for just about anything from the comfort of your own couch, but you can do so dressed however you want! In society, shopping without any pants on may be frowned upon. But NOT when you're shopping online from home! ^_^ But the downside is that not only do you again run the risk of stolen moneys, often times you have to pay to have it shipped, you can't try things on, and you really don't know the quality of what you're getting until it arrives. It's like playing shopper roulette.

PINTEREST! You can pin any amazing thing you find be it a recipe, a DIY project you'd like to try, outfit ideas, craft tutorials, design inspiration, beautiful art, funny pictures, etc. all in one easy to find and navigate place, and you get to browse what other people find awesome so that you can add to your own awesome finds. I mean, having a giant bulletin board where you can actually pin things is undesirable. For starters, that's a lot of pictures to print, it would have to be a giant board, not to mention that push pins would eventually begin to blister your tender little finger pads. But when you use the lovely website Pinterest you then run the risk of copyright infringement, accidentally clicking on something innocent and then finding your eyes being raped with horrific images, plus, you begin to lose hours of your time falling into a dark abyss if repinning. That's time of your life that you will never get back. There's not really enough delicious dinners and super cute wreaths to make up for that.

Then of course we bring you social networking. Facebook, Twitter, and all the other tons and tons of sites that bring the world together as a community. You see, that's awesome and all in so many ways. I get to interact with family that live hours away. They're able to keep up with what goes on in our little neck of the woods unlike ever before! But the thing is, while it's really cool, and can be super beneficial that we've been able to create a little digital unity, the thing is, is that it's not a nice community.

And that? Well to me that is one of the biggest failures of the webs. What should be webs of
(nice and useful) information, (beneficial and helpful) technology, and (clean and friendly) communication for good, has become very, very bad. And that's OUR failure. As people, as humans, we've totally failed at being decent anymore.

I honest to blog think, that if we step out from behind our computers, laptops, cell phones, tablets, and whatever electronic device we're hiding behind, and interacted with each other the way we did, even just 10 years ago, we would see a difference in the world. What someone may type out on a web page, or send out in a text is most likely very different from what they would be willing to stand up and say were they standing in front of the person they're hateful spews are directed at. I have seen people ripped to shreds by things people have commented on the internets. And while I say that figuratively, I am sure that's exactly what their heart is left feeling like. And I honestly, don't believe for one second, that the people who said some of the most hateful things would be able to look someone in the eyes, humanize them, and then rip then down.

Technology takes humanity and shields it from our eyes. We see people as less human and then we ourselves begin acting less and less human. And when I say human, I'm speaking of the compassion that we were created with, one of the few things that sets us apart from animals.

I hate that part of all things technology.

How do we fix this? I fully believe that it's growing to be irreparable. The only thing that would begin to repair it would be the fall of the webs and technology as we know it. Can you imagine it? A life where we have to spend money just to send in a bill? A life where we can't send our loved ones eleventy-million pictures of our kids enjoying their first ice cream cone? A life where I'm limited to only shopping my local stores? NO PINTEREST?! THE HORROR!!! {I say that in jest, but in all reality it would suck very much. At first.}

I can't help but kind of wish we could go back though. And actually have to CALL someone and hear their voice, even if it's just to tell them one little thing that may be so easily sent in a text! But is the convenience of it all really worth all we're losing?

I'm not so sure anymore.

Am I going to turn off my internet? Do away with my iPhone? Ban Facebook and blogging for all time?????

No.

That won't change anything. So I will continue to (mostly) enjoy the conveniences of our modern world while it's still here. And hope, really hope, that one day, it won't be here anymore.

My Little Hoarder

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:41:00 +0000

{Don't let this super cute face fool you, she will turn your house into a landfill.}

At what point does it cross over from "messy" or "disorganized collector" to full blown "hoarder"??? I'm genuinely afraid that my daughter is just one scrap of paper away from being A&E's newest episode.

Every time my husband and I do a complete clean out if the girls' room I have these visions of visiting my daughter in her home and having to crawl over her mountainous collections of TRASH and... just things.

At 7 years old she is "hoarding" broken things that no longer work, every note ever written or received, notebooks that are filled to the brim with scribbles, paper scraps, artwork, pencils, crayons, markers, both working and dried out, various foods and wrappers, and I can go on. (Although I am sure you're beginning to gather a picture.)

H is responsible for cleaning her room. (Leah is as well, but being 3.5 years younger, not as much is expected from her.) When she is doing her daily clean up her room actually appears to be very tidy! It looks picked up, and relatively clean. Until you look closer.

Open a bin, pull open a drawer, peak under the bed, steal a view of the closet, or even just pull back the window curtain and you will quickly realize H's problem. She doesn't clean, she HIDES.

I have tried everything I can think of to encourage her to purge, organize, and keep her room clean! They've all failed. The frustrating thing is that she she can be SUPER organized! In fact when we had a desk she would organize it just for fun!

Sooooo...anyone have any ideas?! I'm willing to try and do anything at this point. This is my SOS!!

Here's some things we've tried:
Rewards for cleaning, bigger rewards for keeping it clean.
Both short term goals and long term goals.
I've tried plastic bins, cubby systems, drawers, just about every organizational item there is on the market, AND we've tried giving Hailey her own personal trash can for her room.

And I can't count how many times we've helped her get her room in tip top shape, hoping she would be able to at least maintain it, only to have it in shambles less than a week later.

So frustrating. So please, PLEASE, send your ideas, links, comments, or pins! This mama needs help.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 02:41:00 +0000

I have had several friends post about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, which happens to be today, October 15th. Many have shared their personal experiences with loss. Personally, I know so many people that have lost babies. At many different stages and times in pregnancy and even after. To be honest there are often times when I believe that we, as a society, don't talk about our babies enough. I know for some this is hard, like opening a wound. But I also think that just trying to forget or to suffer quietly and alone cannot be good!

I think sometimes it feels like our babies were only real to us, and are only remembered by us. That is why I appreciate this awareness day so much! To me it's saying, our babies, our losses were real!

Why must we suffer alone when so many others have suffered the same way? I believe we should support each other! Share stories, pray together, cry together, and remember together!

There are several babies I think of most when I think of loss. Two are my own. The others are children to people I hold near and dear to my heart.
I don't think of these babies once a year just because it happens to be a day that someone happened to set aside to grow awareness. I think about these lives when their due dates, and what could have been there birthdays, come and go. I think of them when I see children that would be about their age. I think of them on the anniversary of the day they were taken to be with Jesus. I think of them when I hear someone else has lost their baby. I think of them for countless reasons.

The point is, they're never forgotten. And I hate the thought of my friends, both very close, and some not so close, that may think that they're the only ones remembering.

I can honestly say I no longer feel sad when I think of the two precious little ones I know are waiting for me at our Heavenly Father's side. More often than not I feel curious. I never knew if they were boys or girls, and I know one day I get to find out! That's comforting to me! I know that even though they grew inside of me for such a short time that they will know me as their mama. If it were up to me, and we lived in a perfect world, it would be my dream to have 8 babies. But the world we live in is SO the opposite of perfect so I said, okay, 6. I can go with 6. It turns out though that our family here on earth is complete with our 4 children. And I can't help but to think it is because I DID get my 6 babies that I dreamed of! Unfortunately it is just going to be a while before we are complete as a family.

If you have experienced loss, and statistically it is very likely you have, then please join me today in remembering! And not just today! Join me in remembering every day! If the pain is still new, and raw, or fresh enough that things still tend to make pain new and raw, please know that one day it really won't hurt as badly! It may be hard to believe, but one day you will remember your baby or babies with a warm joyous heart rather than an achingly sad heart.

I believe Forrest Gump said it best when he said, "Well, that's all I have to say about that.". I just really wanted to share today. :) Hopefully it will reach someone who needs it.

- please excuse any typos, or funkiness Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hailey's Tea Party Birthday Celebration! {7 Months Late}

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 18:21:00 +0000

Hailey knew months before her birthday came exactly what she wanted to do! She wanted to have a tea party birthday! I set out and began planning right away. I searched thrift stores for tea cups and china, table clothes, frames, and other trinkets and treasures that would beautifully decorate a little girls tea party.

•"Keep calm and have a spot of tea."• I ran paper lunch sacks through the printer, used a decorative punch along the edge, folded it over and tied it off with a ribbin.• I filled an apothecary jar with Hershey kisses that just so happened to coordinate with the pinks, blue, and teals Hailey requested.• I found the 7 which was originally black and spray painted it white to commemorate her seventh birthday! ^_^• I ordered beautiful tea party cake pops from a local baker who makes AMAZING cake pops.• I chose a beautiful bouquet of meadow flowers {artificial of course} to accent the table.•

•I hunted high and low for the perfect table cloth and just never had any luck. While making a trip to Ikea I just so happened to browse the curtains where I found the most PERFECT pattern! Because they were curtains I didn't buy them right away, but at least I now had an idea of exactly what I was looking for. Unfortunately I never could find fabric to use and ended up making a trip back to Ikea for the curtains to use as the table cloth and no one even knew that it was actually a curtain!• I found pink chinese lanters, and a garland of flowers, and made the remaining "puffs".• Hailey's Grandmother has a beautiful little tea pot collection she shared with us. They were in the most adorable shapes; a couch with a cat, a sewing maching, a cupcake, and a little cottage.•

•A tea party wouldn't be complete with cucumber sandwiches These were a request from the birthday girl and a MUST-HAVE. We served them along side deli roll-ups on a 3 tiered tray made from tea cups and saucers.• I found the cutest pink "H" at one of our local craft stores and it accented the table beautifully!• Cream puffs were piled high upon a tray that I had give little makeover just for the party. {A little spray pain and ribbon go a long way.}• Here is a closer look at the beautiful and DELICIOUS cake pops.• Another print I made wishing my Hailey Jo a very happy 7th birthday.•

Normally I wouldn't want to compare my beautiful 7 year old to a popular movie prositiute {HA!} but how Julia Roberts Pretty Woman is this?!?! LOL This is one of my most ♥favorite♥ photos from the special day.

The girls got to chose what part of a tea set they would like to paint and got to create their own little masterpiece.

After painting their little cups, saucers, and tea pots they decorated cupcakes. There were all sorts of shapes, colors, and things to sprinkle over the cupcakes.

And of course we had tea time! A tea party would not be complete without tea. :) {Although very quickly we realized that little girls do NOT love tea. and it turned out to be a "lemonade in tea cups" party.

{Aren't her lashes to DIE for?! People pay good money to have things glued onto them to make them look like they have those lashes right there. And look at that pinky! ^_^}

Hailey's party was so fun, and so special! I loved that we were able to use special family heirlooms and collections mixed with new finds that we love for all time! I never would have thought that a tea party would be so fun to plan. But I loved it. :)

A Very Zombie Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 19:13:00 +0000

Joshua and I began collecting ideas for his 10th birthday about 9 months in advance. Originally he wanted to do a Lego birthday. I thought it was an awesome idea! As his birthday grew closer though he became unsure and was truly undecided as to what kind of party he wanted. I told him that it was completely up to him, but that he needed to let me know soon so that I could begin shopping, and crafting for the big day!

We spent COUNTLESS afternoons on the computer searching birthday websites and blogs for ideas. We tossed around ideas like a Hunger Games birthday, an army birthday, a Lego birthday, a science lab birthday, Star Wars, hunting/camo, Adventure Time, I could seriously go on and on.

Once we found it though, we knew INSTANTLY it was "the one".

ZOMBIES

There's no hiding the fact that my son and I are ~~somewhat~~ insanely zombie obsessed.I knew this was going to be just as fun for me to plan as it was going to be for him to celebrate!

Inspiration was somewhat hard to come by. I couldn't really find any other zombie birthdays. But luckily when it comes to zombies I have all I need to become inspired right at home!

This was Joshua's 10th birthday. DOUBLE DIGITS! So I wanted this to be a big bash.

{Clockwise} I was able to find some awesome bags from Oriental Trading! I bought test tubes from Amazon and filled them with nerds. They were the 'zombie antidote'. I found zombie necklaces, and my favorite, syringe pens! They were the zombie 'vaccine'.

I lucked out and our local Dollar Tree had "CAUTION: ZOMBIES!" tape, and even blood splatter window clings, complete with a bloody smeared hand print. :)

I made good old fashioned Jello dirt cups, and stuck some zombie hand cupcake toppers in them, topped with a gummy worm.

I found an awesome recipe for "swamp" cake and thought it would make a GREAT graveyard cake. After adding some zombie hand cupcake toppers, eyeballs, and various other severed body parts it looked perfectly zombiefied and almost too disgusting to eat!

We had a "Zombie Outbreak Response Team" kit filled with survival gear that you would need to survive the zomie apocolypse. Rope, a canteen, flashlight with batteries, various bandages, a screwdriver, etc. These were the prizes you could pick from if you won a game!

{The "Let's Paint the Town Dead!" table cloth was from BirthdayDirect.com, along with the blood splattered gauze, plates, cups, and zombie hand cupcake picks.}

{Clockwise} We had a "zombify station" where our party guests could get into character. We had make-up, fake blood, bloody bandages, and zombie teeth to help give them the perfect zombie look!

I lucked out because my mom had a brain Jello mold! We made it into a worm filled Jello brain.

"Pin the Brains on the Zombie"! {I would have loved to see the face of whoever printed that out at Staples! lol} We had to have some zombie games and what's more perfect than feeding a zombie some brains? When I first thought of the game I just assumed we would pin the brain to the zombie's head where his brain would go. But after having it printed and hanging it I decided that we should do the obvious and pin the brain to where it SHOULD be. The zombie's mouth!

Okay, so technically these are mummies, and mummies aren't zombies, but they ARE the walking dead. So close enough right? I just called them "walking dead dogs".

A closer look at how the table came together.

{Clockwise} The birthday boy! I think the smile means good things. :)

The zombie walk!! First we had a zombie walk, where each guest did their best zombie impression one by one. Then we did a zombie race! But you couldn't just run, you had to move how a zombie would move.

We used a bandage as a blindfold and the guests got to try their best to get the brain to the zombie's mouth.

A zombie hoard!

{Clockwise} A zombie party wouldn't be complete without Ghoul Aid! I started with a recipe I found online and just added a few things here and there until we ended up with something yummy but completely gross looking!

"DO NOT ENTER: dead inside"

Zombie cake pops! I did my best to make some living dead cake pops. Some zombie had their eyes gouged out, some had nasty zombie teeth, some had mohawks, some were bald. They were as different and unique as real zombies! And they were delicious...

"CAUTION: zombies ahead"

Another shot of the graveyard cake, this time with 10 candles for the birthday boy!

{CLOCKWISE} After "pin the brains on the zombie" our zombie became a target for target practice! Nerf bullets were dipped in fake blood to mark where they hit. {It served to purposes, we knew where the bullets hit, and it created a really cool splatter effect!}

The boys chowing down!

Taking aim at the zombies brain.

This was one of my favorite pictures of the day. Grayson just stood by observing all of the chaos and activities with his little hands behind his back! It was precious. :)

Joshua making a wish and blowing out the candles!

The zombie party was definitely a success! The food was good, the guests had a blast, the activities were fun and prizes were won. When the goodie bags were handed out and everyone headed home we were POOPED.

This was hands down my most favorite party to plan! I hope Joshua will look back and remember this party for the rest of his life!

The Pinterest Project

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 11:00:00 +0000

If you haven't heard of The Pinterest Project you are definitely missing out! Miranda and Jamie are two awesomely funny ladies that set out to create things they've found on Pinterest. I was super lucky when they asked me almost a year ago to do a blog design for them, but even more lucky when they decided that for their one year bloggiversary they wanted to give that said blog a new look and once again came to little old me for help!

They went from this:

To this:

This was honestly one of my most fave blog makeovers! It was super fun, and it turned out super cute! It REALLY makes me want to give my own blog a little makeover!

Seriously head on over and give Miranda and Jamie some love! They share amazing recipes, really cool tutorials, and have awesome giveaways!

Victoria Lee Photography

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 21:20:00 +0000

I haven't shared any design work in some time! This past summer I once again had the pleasure of working with Victoria Lee Photography! Victoria wanted to revamp her logo and blog and I did just that! It was fun getting back "work", Victoria is always a pleasure! ^_^

We also gave her blog a little makeover to go with her new logo!

If you are in the Canton, GA area, you definitely need to look her up! She does amazing work!

Tangaroos and Piles of Poo

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 21:10:00 +0000

Leah: Mom, do you remember the animal on the TV that had the baby? It was a tangaroo, right? Was it a tangaroo?

I was in the midst of a migraine and all I could do was mumble a few, "Uh-huhs" to appease her. I really wasn't quite paying attention to her.

Leah: Mom, you know what I'm talking about, the animals, the animal that had the baby, I think it was tangaroo...

Me: Yes baby I remember...{actually, I was lying, I had no idea what she was talking about and assumed she was talking about Kanga and Roo.}

Leah: Welllllll....the baby looked like a pile of poop.

For obvious reasons, that caught my attention.

Me: What? What looked like a pile of poop?

Leah: {sighing a very exasperating sigh} THE TANGAROO BABY MOM!! Don't you remember?!?! The tangaroo on the TV, it had a baby. The baby really did look like a pile of poop.

Me: Do you mean the llama, Leah? Is that what you're talking about? The llama that had the baby on the TV?

Leah: YES! That's it...I'm sorry, I thought it was a tangaroo, yes, it was a llama. The llama had a baby that looked like a chunk of poop. It was like, "pffffft" and the baby plopped out like poop. Is that how babys look like when they're born? Like a chunk of poop?

Me: No Leah...well...mostly no...

What else could you really say to that?

Creepy Factor

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 11:24:00 +0000

In the past, I have shared with everyone my affliction of sleep walking. It's like sleep walking except you sleep walk your fatass straight to the kitchen and EAT. For the record apparently my iPhone is trying to tell me something because it put "FATASS" in all caps. See? That time I left it just to show you. Perhaps FATASS is an acronym for something? Feeling Awkwardly Terrified About Scary Spirits.

That actually fits because what I am sharing with you next actually leaves me feeling awkwardly terrified. (And later I will share my latest dream about scary spirits.)

NIGHT TERRORS

If my life were a pageant, night terrors would win The Super Ultimate Grand Supreme for "most hated affliction". If you feel bad for my hubby because he used to be woken up by the sound of spoons clanging or wrappers crinkling, you're going to feel super, super more sorry for him now.

Rather consistently, Mel wakes up to blood curdling screams, yelling, thrashing, kicking, and crying. Basically everything victims do in horror movies. Except instead of an 80's slasher flick, this takes place in the confines of our queen sized bed.

Most recently, as of this morning, more precisely 40 minutes ago, I woke yelling, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!". Which is what actually prompted this blog. (Because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 6am on a Saturday yelling like an idiot?!)

It's been a while since I had any "outbursts". A couple of weeks ago though, Mel did tell me about him waking up cold, because I had taken the covers off, only to find me sitting straight up in bed, staring straight ahead. For a long time.

How CREEPY is that?! If it were me to wake up and find Mel that way, I would flip the hell out! Except the poor man has grown USED to waking to scary and creepy things.

So sad.

I tell everyone often that if an axe murder ever does happen to give us a visit we are all going to die if I'm the first to go because everyone will think I am having a nightmare. Mel will just roll over and shush me while I'm being cut into pieces.

I could only hope to have a nightmare at the moment the axe wielding murderer enters my home, and hope that it scares the crap out of them. Maybe they will think they were too late and another AM beat them to the job. (I wonder if axe murdering is a 9-5 thing...obviously it would be a third shift position. Except for the rare first shift that they have to work once a quarter.)

This latest dream was strange. I woke to find an invisible hand showing Leah how to write her name. A notebook lay in the middle if the living room floor with the name, "Leah", appearing over and over. Joshua enters the room wearing a hoodie up over his head and I ask him what is going on. The pencil falls and Joshua looks nervous, like he's been caught. "I don't think you want to know mom...", "tell me Josh!". I am starting to grow somewhat frantic as the conclusion comes together in my head. I gasp, "You've invited them into our house! Haven't you!!!!". I accuse him.

I can suddenly feel them surrounding me. All around me, beside me, even passing me through me. (dun-dun-dunnnnnn) EVIL SPIRITS! (Apparently although evil, they also care enough to teach a three year old how to write her name. Probably so they can earn her trust and raise her in the dark arts!!)

It gets a little blurry because at this point I am pret-ty terrified. I try to yell but my words clog my throat. Trying to come too fast and all at once, they block each other, leaving nothing coming out. Finally a prayer gives me the courage and I began casting the spirits out of my home. I tell them they are not welcome. That this house is filled with the holy spirit and I begin ordering them out on Jesus' name.

It seriously got super "Exorcist" up in here.

Suddenly my words once again stumble over each other, blocking the exit and I am again muted with fear when I began to hear a strange noise coming from my darkened kitchen. The noise could almost be described as the sound of a siren. And before I knew it, instead of coming from my kitchen, the screeching was coming from me. It took all I had to muster the strength for one last bellowing and powerful, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!".

And that's when I awoke. Safe and cozy, yet shaken, in my bed.

In retrospect the "screeching siren" that began in the kitchen before exiting my own vocal chords was most likely me TRYING to scream in my sleep. Heaven knows how awfully terrifying that sounded! lol Luckily it wasn't long before my yelling awoke me.

And that is what my poor hubby has to deal with. All. The. Time.

Of course it's not a cake walk for me either. I mean, I am lucky if I get more than a "SHHHHH!!" from the man. If I am able to get a little pat-pat in my back from him it's a super-de-super lucky day! Plus nightmares just suck in general. These "episodes" just suck in general! Especially when you wake up yelling, and wake up your husband INSISTING that there is a snake under your nightstand. And instead if going into action and saving the day by killing the snake he just tells you to go back to sleep, but you can't because you KNOW there's a snake, you're staring at it right now and if he would just look he would see it too but then he insists he IS looking and that you're nuts and there's nothing there, and you're ready to cry because you just want the snake dead and gone but then you realize maybe he's right and once you realize there's no snake you "wake up", feel like an idiot, and go back to bed. Yup. Sucks.

Anyone else out there suffer from anything similar? Or am I really alone in this and just completely nuts?!?! Come on, what is your Super Ultimate Grand Supreme winner for worst affliction?

90 Day Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:00:00 +0000

June 22, 2012 I began a 90 day challenge. A challenge to change my lifestyle. A challenge to focus on my health and wellness. I have 39 days left to go for this first 90 challenge and so far I have seen amazing results!

Down 15.1 pounds. 6 inches slimmer.

THAT is success. :)

I'm doing a 90 challenge, but really? Really this is a new life for me. I'm not just going to stop once I hit 90 days. I really reached a point where I was done. Done with my fluctuating weight. Done with starving myself for a few weeks while I "dieted" only to break down and binge, packing on every lost pound I worked so hard to lose.

Right now I'm doing a combination. It may be too complicated for some, but it works for me, and the proof is in the pudding! I am drinking two ViSalus shakes a day. Usually for breakfast and lunch, but sometimes I will have them for breakfast and dinner. For my 4 remaining snacks and meals I am doing Weight Watchers. The shakes I make have anywhere from 6-9 points. It varies based on what recipe I make.

I use MyFitnessPal, it's an app for my iPhone, to track everything I eat. It helps me watch my calorie intake, and also helps give me nutritional information to calculate my WW points.

This isn't a race for me. Some may scoff and say that 15.1 pounds in 51 days isn't that impressive. That only averages out to 2.1 pounds a week. For me it was more like, 4 lb's one week, 0 the following week, and 1 lb the next week. Sometimes even going up, then back down. It used to bother me. Now it doesn't. Because it doesn't matter if it takes 6 months. Or 9 months. Or two years even! I am going to get the weight off one pound at a time until I am healthy!

I've learned a lot about food recently. {Thanks to some awesome friends!} And in doing so I've learned how to eat right. I am NEVER hungry. My horrid cravings have ceased. And I'm learning that healthy eating can be absolutely DELICIOUS!

I am really careful to not deprive myself when I do have cravings. If I am craving something sweet I eat fruit, if I want chocolate I will have a chocolate ViSalus shake for one of my meals that day. The shakes really help with a lot of my dessert cravings. And sometimes I will have a slice of pizza or a few french fries. To me it's about moderation and portion control! For me personally it's not realistic for me to completely cut out "bad" foods. I've had to learn how to moderate and control and in doing so I've kept myself on track, and within my goals.

I am also learning to take "bad" things and make them healthy! By making swaps, and preparing foods differently, I've been able to enjoy amazing food and stay within my calorie and weight watchers points goals!

I learned the hard way in the past that when I try and completely cut things out of my diet I end up going crazy, I "cheat", binge and then throw my hands up in the air and say "#$% it I ruined my diet now!". Now I'm learning to moderate what I eat and it's kept that from happening. If I do mess up I don't sweat it. Tomorrow is a new day. There's no "starting over" because I don't give up! I move on!

Do I plan on drinking two ViSalus shakes a day for the rest of my life? No. Could I? YES! I could, and I would want to! They're really that good...But no, once I hit my goal I plan on continuing with the eating healthy meals and snacks and cutting out the shakes. My plan is once I hit my goal to go to just one shake a day, for breakfast, for a while. But then eventually cutting that out too. {Maybe, to be honest, I don't know, I could very well go on to have a ViSalus for breakfast every day for the rest of my life!}

My biggest struggle in all of this is working out. I HAVE to have someone to workout with and I really need to get past that and learn to go to the gym alone! I've got to step it up in that department and I'm sure when I do I will see even greater results!

Anyway, I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome change going on right now! If I can encourage anyone to make healthier changes that would be awesome! If you have any words of advice or encouragement please share!

PS If you're interested in learning more about ViSalus and starting your own 90 Day Challenge {CLICK HERE}!

New Chore System!

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 17:26:00 +0000

We just implemented a new chore system here in the Renwick household!

These are daily chores and they each have an opportunity to earn up to $.34 a day. Blue chores are worth $.02 a day and orange chores are worth $.05 a day. The blue chores are "mandatory" chores like brushing their teeth, making their bed, minding mommy & daddy, etc., all things that should be done regardless, but the system helps make them fun! The orange chores are more traditional chores, things that help around the house like sweeping the floors, wiping the counters, etc. They're age appropriate things that help them learn responsibility and also encourage them to do their part of housework.

We had a sticker chart implemented before that they just grew bored with, and to be honest I got tired of having to print off new sheets every month, buy more stickers, etc. I'm sure they will grow bored with this system at some point, but I will just come up with something new to do. ^_^ {I have a few ideas in my "arsenal".}

I actually got the idea from a Chick Fil A kid's meal bag! It had a summer "bucket list" with summer activities on the clothes pins. I thought it would be neat to do with the chores! I picked up little mini pins and buckets at Hobby Lobby and I think all together I spent maybe $5.

Before bedtime every night they will count out their pins in their bucket and get paid for the day. They all have jars that they keep their money in. Soon I plan on teaching them how to split up their money 3 ways. For spending, saving, and sharing.

Cousins Make the BEST Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 15:14:00 +0000

GJR 1 Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 16:39:00 +0000

Grayson James, it came and went buddy! Your first birthday! You are officially one year old. :) You are growing SO fast and are more like a toddler and less like a baby everyday! It's almost too exciting to be sad, but alas there is still that sadness there that you are growing so very quickly.

You are so brilliant son! You learn several new things EVERY DAY and it just blows me away! Today, after your morning diaper change, you picked up your diaper, and I watched, silently, as you toddled into the kitchen, right up to the trash can, and threw the diaper away! It's so apparent that you watch us and everything we do and learn so much from it.

You are up to SO many words! It's hard to remember them all. Here's a list:
Mama {Sometimes for some reason you call me "Nana".}
Dada
Bubby and Josh {Sounds like "bubba" and "dotch".}
Hailey {Hay-eee}
Leah {Eee-ahh}
Ball {Bow}
Diaper {Bi-pur, you really emphasis the "per", it's darling! ^_^}
Grandpa {Gam-Pa}
Kay Kay {Day Day}
Milk {Mole, this is new, in the past few days you've been saying it along with signing.}
Cracker {Ckr-Ckr, you emphasis the last syllable and go up a pitch with a lot of your words, this is one of them.}
Piggie {You say, buppa, which sounds nothing like "piggie" lol, but we know that's what you mean.}
Bye Bye
Hi
Bad Boy {Ba Boy}
Up {Uh-hh you make this a two syllable word and go up in pitch at the end.}
Down {Doe}

These are words you use all on your own, but you will repeat almost anything back to me. {If you're in the mood.}

{Your dramatic display at Monkey Joes}

Your dramatics are decreasing in some ways. But you're still known to throw yourself to the ground, and/or slam your head into the floor. You also arch and/or go limp when you're going for the full-blown production. You are SO ACTIVE! I have a hard time getting pics of you anymore. :( They're all blurrry. I get one sly smile and then you're off to conquer some new activity. You are into EVERYTHING. I mean everything. The house is in pure mess and chaos, and there's no keeping up with you. You're super fast too. It's a tough combo! One of the funniest things you do? When you have something and are told "no, no Grayson!" you will throw whatever's in your hand in one direction and then run in another direction! It's hilarious!

Random memory: When we say "chicken nugget" you shake your head and hands, and say "aahhh!". It all started with your crazy sister Leah. :) She would go crazy when I said "chicken nugget" funny and make a funny face, and you started copying her. ^_^

{Practicing for the big day!}

You're still nursing, 372 days and counting! There doesn't seem to be an end in sight, not any I'm looking for anyway. Your brother and sisters were so different and weaned themselves yet you show no interest as of yet. Maybe it will sneak up on me one day, I don't know. Right now I'm just trying to cherish these moments with you! You have finally mastered the straw and I have been buying the sippy cups with straws. You don't do as well with normal spouts. You really don't drink much else than your milk though. You're beginning to eat more, and while it's hard to get you to try new things, usually when we can get a bite in you, you realize it's yummy and then will eat more. But if you're stubborn, and we can't get you to try a bite there's no chance of getting you to eat. You love chicken nuggets, really any meat! Chicken, hamburger, bbq, meatballs, you're a little carnivore! You also love watermelon, cooked carrots, goldfish crackers, or any cracker really. You are not the biggest fan of chocolate surprisingly.

You LOVED your little birthday cake! You dove right into that thing with gusto! You weren't timid or shy at all. :) And of course, you made SUCH a mess. ^_^

Random Memory: You pick up Joshua's guns and make machine guns sounds! It's hilarious! We first noticed it maybe a month ago. You blow raspberries basically as you point the gun at random things. We were even able to get a little video of it. You make me laugh so much!

{You love pasta! Well...actually it's the meat sauce you love. ^_^}

You love being outside, reading books, dancing, playing "I'm gonna get you!" with mommy, being tickled, blowing raspberries, your family, sleeping with mama and dada, your milk, snuggling when you're sleepy, running, baths, popsicles, toys, chewing nerf bullets {still}, "jumping" on the trampoline, playing with Joshua, being baby'd by Hailey, riding your zebra {although it's not match for a good leg horse}, loving on "babies {any baby doll or stuffed animal}, "sweeping" lol you have a silly obsession with the broom and walk around with it, and the dustpan, often. I'm also beginning to think you love making a mess. Any kind of mess, any place, any time. :)

{Birthday kisses from bubby and sissy.}

I love you SO, so much!! It's impossible to describe or express! You're SO incredibly sweet! You make my heart melt every single day I see your face. Thank you SO MUCH for making me your mama! ♥

Here's a quick look through your first year! {And also the back of your party invitation! ^_^}

11 Months
10 Months
9 Months
8 Months
7 Months
6 Months
5 Months
4 Months
3 Months
2 Months
1 Month

Gleek

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 15:20:00 +0000

My name is Brianne. And I am a full-blown gleek.

At least...I think I am.

Honestly I don't really know what that term fully means. If it means that im completely in love with, and obsessed with the Fox network's wonderful comedic drama 'Glee' then yes, I am 100% gleek.

I just can't get enough of Rachel Berry, Kirt Hummel, Finn, Mercedes, Santana, Brittanie, Quinn Fabray, Noah Puckerman, Tina, Artie, Mike, Mr. Shuester, Emma, or Sue Sylvester.

I'm about 2 years late to the game. And I'm okay with that. It all began with a Wii game...I have the Glee Karaoke Revolution and while singing my heart out I begin wondering the back story to these clips I was seeing. Then I remembered that I had seen Glee on Netflix but at the time had no interest what-so-ever in watching what I believed at the time, to be a ridiculous show.

But I caved. And so I wouldn't have to do it a lot alone, I forced my husband into sitting down with me and watching the very first episode. I couldn't stop at one, and my husband ended up enduring THREE episodes in a row! {God bless that man.} The next day I couldn't wait to put my hands on my blu ray remote and watch episode 4! I suffered through my morning routine, rushed Leah off to preschool and then raced home to breeze through my chores before nestling into my couch for a Glee marathon!

I'm not going to share how many episodes I watched that day. {May have been 10 or so...I'm really unsure.}

I breezed through season 1 and 2 and was distraught when I saw season 3 was not on Netflix I cried a little bit and then remembered my saving grace! Hulu Plus!!!!!!!!!! Yay!

Okay to make a long story not as long, I am now on season 3 and I seriously just love this show. I don't know why. I just do.

Are there any other Gleeks out there? I seriously am beginning to believe I'm the only person around who loves this show...so make me feel better and share in this love!

Annual Photo Taking Rant

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 14:59:00 +0000

Sometimes I find myself in these kicks where I want to get out there and photograph anything and everything! I really miss doing sessions sometimes.

It doesn't help that I'm a photog nazi. And my kids are super reluctant to get in from of my camera. And if they do they're at the age where I have I threaten their lives or else I get bunny ears and tongues and crossed eyes and funny faces.

My wish? A bag that's safe enough to carry my camera with me everywhere! I don't want just portraits, I just want to capture more of LIFE!

My iPhone is AWESOME for that, but sometimes I just want the comfort of my big 'ol DSLR.

The thing that I DON'T miss and could do without is editing. Hell, not even editing, just getting them from my camera to my computer seems like a chore most days.

I can't help but giggle at the timing of this rant. It's like clockwork. Every year, it seems at this time I'm posting a similar rant. And it's usually then I vow to capture more every day and then I begin documenting our Summer only to fade off and fail a few weeks or even days in.

Now vows this year. Just rants. ;)

Okay. Rant over.

Brinley

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 01:49:00 +0000

I snapped this at Hailey's 7th birthday party, I am putting together an order of prints and had to order this one for the wall.

My niece is gorgeous!

11 Months

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Thu, 31 May 2012 02:01:00 +0000

The countdown has begun baby boy! T-minus 1 MONTH 'til the BIG DAY! That's right...you are just a few weeks shy of 1 YEAR OLD. 11 months. And what an incredible and joyous 11 months they have been!

Some days I look at you and wonder where my baby went! You seem more like a toddler every day. You're a runner and pictures have become next to impossible to capture! The only place I can get good eye contact is if you're in your high chair. :)

You're growing so fast and doing so much that you're running out of "firsts" to share. This month of course you had your first hospital visit. It was sadness for all I must say! You bounced back super quick though.

{You telling Joshua he's a bad boy.}

You're talking more and more! I swear the past week you've said a new word almost every day! You shake your finger and say, "bad boy", which kind of makes me feel bad because obviously I say, "No, no, bad boy..." entirely too often. You're incredibly mischievous so it comes with the territory. I think the funniest is you yelling "Hopper!" Thanks to a Dish Network commercial that daddy and I imitate often. You join in on scolding your siblings. Here are a list of things you've said:

mama
dada
ha-yay {Hailey}
yay-ya {Leah}
bubba {Bubby, Joshua}
day day {Kay Kay}
bye
hi
ba bo {Bad Boy}
hoppo {Hopper! aka Hoppa!}
diaper
cracker {You said that for the first time today! ^_^}

{It looks like you're about to box but you're really signing "milk".}

You're still signing "more" and "milk". We're trying to work on please, thank you, and a few others.

{You being dramatic over a Dorito.}

A couple of months ago I shared of your flair for the dramatics. It's hard to believe, but you've become, if possible, even more dramatic. I am pretty sure you're aiming for an Emmy. You should probably start learning more words so you can prepare an acceptance speech...it's gone more from "sensitive" to "full blown production".

And I love it.

Because I love you!

{I adore that mischievous little grin.}

You're so awesome! You're sweet and funny and your little personality shines brighter every day! I'm learning more and more of who you are, who are you becoming, who you may be one day.

Your diet still consists of mainly breastmilk, we're adding more veggies in, and a few fruits. You mostly eat bits and pieces of what we eat. You attempt drinking from a cup but it's not really your thing. You're a healthy, healthy boy and growing every day! Your clothes are proof!

You're currently between 18 and 24 month sized clothes. 18 months fits rather well but sometimes it fits a little too well, and can look a little small. But 24 months is just a tad too big in some things. In cloth diapers you're still in the middle setting, and same snaps. In fact your size really hasn't changed in over 6 months! In disposables you're in size 3. You're 23 pounds I believe, possible pushing 24. You're a little above average for height but not by a whole lot. I am excited to see your stats at your one year check up next month. :)

You're an incredibly sweet little boy! You smile and laugh often and your dimple just melts me. I can still sneak in a few cuddles before you're off and running. And running is what you're mostly doing! You don't walk anymore, you RUN. Everywhere! Sometimes your head is a little faster than your feet and you fall. Your balance isn't quite caught up with your athletics. And you pay for it. You're covered in bruises and scratches!

{This was one of your worst goose eggs yet!}

{You put everything in your mouth. Even if it's covered in dirt.}

Your hair STILL doesn't know what color it wants to be. So I will just call it strawberry brownde. Because sometimes it's red, sometimes blonde, sometimes brown. It's really come in and is getting thicker every day. Longer too! You're beginning to grow the most adorable curls in the back! And the "wings" above your ears are longer than ever. :) When you get bed head you look like a crazy old man. lol

{Old man hair! Complete with an old man face.}

I'm so excited to celebrate your first year next month, but I just want you to stay a baby for a little longer. :(

One thing is for sure, you are a loved, loved little boy!

{Your first social event!}

Happy 11 months sweet boy! Mommy and Daddy {and Bubby, Hailey, and Leah too} LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!! Thank you for making us your family! ^_^

Happy Post Mother's Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Mon, 14 May 2012 11:14:00 +0000

Yesterday proved just how incredibly blesses I truly I am!

I get to be spoiled and pampered on mother's day! I get to be unapologetically lazy. And stuff myself full of yummy foods and cupcakes if I want to!

Yesterday was a great day to be a mom.

I woke up to a dozen paintings from my babies that said things like, "I love you to the moon and back!", and beautiful flowers, a touching card, delicious mini red velvet cupcakes and even beef jerky. (Because they know their mama.)

It was an awesome, awesome day.

Not a good "First"...

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sat, 12 May 2012 17:55:00 +0000

Grayson had a first last night! His first trip to the emergency room.

Feel free to "boo"!

G man started running a fever Thursday morning, low-grade, I assumed it was just another teething fever. By Friday morning his fever was a little higher, but as I hadn't noticed any other symptoms I was guessing it was still just teething taking him down. He nursed Friday morning and we headed out for errands. I noticed while we were out and about how lethargic he was but figured it was just the fever wearing him down.

When we got home Grayson wouldn't eat lunch but more concerning he wouldn't nurse. I also noticed him drooling which isn't common for him. {I honestly can't ever really remember him drooling, just not a drooler I suppose.} I began to have suspicions at that point that something was wrong and began wondering if his throat was bothering him. Grayson spent the afternoon extremely fussy, nothing seemed to help him, even if I got his fever down he just wasn't himself. The nursing strike continued as well as the drooling and when I noticed him actually gag and start crying I decided to check his throat. It was super hard to see but he did seem to have some white bumps on the back of his throat.

By this time it was early evening just as my doctor's office was closing. I tried calling them but didn't have any luck. I decided that I would take him to urgent care first thing in the morning. That evening things began to get worse. It had now been several hours without any hydration, and he had only two wet diapers all day. It got to the point where he was nearly inconsolable and I doubted he would be able to make it until the morning to go to urgent care. Of course by then urgent care was now closing.

It got to the point where I was debating if he should go to the ER. He had gone so long without nursing and peeing I was worried. I caved and called the on call service around 9:30 to see if they had any tips I could try to get him to nurse. They said a nurse would call back but that the wait time was as long as 2 hours. {Of course! Any other time and they call back right away!} By this time he was crying non-stop. Mel finally got him to sleep but he only slept around 40 minutes before he was up crying again.

I was worried for him! I knew the crying had to hurt his throat. :( I could tell he wanted to nurse but he just couldn't and it killed me. He would latch on for a few seconds and then when it came time to swallow he would just scream. I was a mess over it.

Finally the on-call nurse called back right around the 2 hour mark and Grayson was so inconsolable I had to have Mel take him from the room so she could hear me. She said normally they would tell me to just take him in, in the morning, but because he had gong so long without nursing or peeing that we should get him in to the ER.

I picked up my mom and we headed to uptown to the children's hospital.

It turns out Grayson has "Hand, Foot and Mouth's Disease". He never got any blisters on his hands or feet** but his poor mouth and throat are covered in them. They're very painful which is what caused the nursing strike. :(

They gave him ibuprofen and a dose of lidocaine and FINALLY Grayson nursed. It was sweet, sweet relief on SO many levels! {Apparently Grayson has gained and it was time to up his dose on ibuprofen and Tylenol but I hadn't realized so I wasn't giving him quite enough the whole time! :( }

Finally around 4 we were discharged.

Today he's still having a hard time nursing. I have to wait until it's time for more ibuprofen or Tylenol and then try and usually he's okay.

Luckily the doctor said the pain only lasts 24-48 hours.

Hopefully Grayson will be back to himself in no time!

So there's the story of G's first ER visit. Definitely one of my least favorite firsts.

**G had a couple of blisters pop up on a hand and foot this afternoon. :(

Our Week in iPhone Pics 4/29-5/5

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:51:00 +0000

I was as adament about taking pictures this week so I put many of the weeks photos in one big collage! {I used an awesome app called photoshake, it did it all for me! The pics aren't in any particular order so here's a little rundown from the week pic by pic {left to right}:

1- I came up with a really yummy slow cooker meal all on my own! Chicken teriyaki and stir fry veggies. YUM! 2- I snapped a pic of the clear blue sky coming out of our little country neighborhood. 3-Grayson doesn't love grass at ALL. We visited the park for a playdate and he wasn't enjoying the tall grass. 4- The kids have a crap-ton of Chuck E Cheese tickets! We turned them in for receipts. 5- Leah tries to force love upon her brother. He doesn't appreciate it. 6- I like to have fun with Siri on my iPhone. 7- Grayson chewing his thumb. Teething sucks. :( 8- Nursing 9- Sweet boy. 10- Sweet girl. 11- Ha! Me. With glasses. 12- Grayson went missing and was found sound asleep in the middle of the floor of his sisters' room. 13- Another bedtime pick of my sleepy boy. 14- The playdate at the park! G socialized with his friend Ben. 15- Passed out on one of my bff's couch! 16- Zzzzz 17- Spork! 18- Supporting a friend. 19- He didn't think the stir fry veggies were as awesome as I made them seem. 20- Leah with her beat up nose! 21- Baby legs! 22- Eyeballs 23- Kisses from Hailey 24- Beating the hit with fun in the sprinkler! 25- A very unhappy boy. :(

It was a busier week than usual considering we spend most days being rather lazy. {And my house paid the price. Holy disgustingness!} Besides the normal errands, grocery shopping, bank deposits, preschool, yadda-yadda, this week I helped my mom with some transportation to physical therapy appointments, had a playdate for the kids, a "playdate" for me with one of my bff's, pharmacy runs and prescription drop offs, and an eye doctor appointment for myself. Mel was hardly home at all and I missed him a ton.

Who knows what next week will bring!

I'm linking up with Amy from a good life {blog}!

Depression SUCKS

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Sat, 05 May 2012 14:33:00 +0000

Sh*t is about to get deep up in here. Dark, cavernous abyss deep. (Which is pretty dang deep.) (Now I kind of want to watch The Abyss. Have you seen it? It pretty cool. It has the Mary -insert long hard to spell last name here- chick from Scarface and the guy with the piercing blue eyes and also water butterfly alien type things.) (Okay, enough about movies, this is a post for deep emotional things. And I am WAY off track.)

(Sorry for the long and confusing intro.)

I know my life is awesome. I have an amazing husband who is literally an answer to prayers. 4 gorgeous kids who make me proud and who love me unconditionally. Friends to laugh with or cry to. Family that love me. We are able to pay our bills on time and provide for our family without struggling to make ends meet. I am witness to prayers that are answered in our life time after time.

I don't have a private jet or a mansion but I still know that I "have it all".

I am thankful and grateful.

So why do I have to use every ounce of energy I hold to force myself out of bed each day? Why do I feel so unloved when I KNOW that I am?? Why do thoughts of suicide consume me some days? Why do I feel like I hate my life when I know how much I love it.

Why can't my heart feel what my brain knows?!

Depression is a sadistic mother f*cker.

It's something I have fought literally my entire life. There's not a time in my life where I wasn't battling demons in my head. I've fought long enough to know that it's just a season, that the feelings will pass and that the thoughts are not real, but that they are lies told to me by a disease I have been cursed with.

I know it's a sickness, and that while I feel like I'm not going to make it through the day, that I may wake up the next day and feel okay.

But that doesn't make it any easier.

What really kills me are the days when my brain gives me a one two punch and I'm not only hit down with depression but also attacked with crippling anxiety.

Today? Is one of those days.

Today? I can literally picture what the cool metal barrel of a gun would feel like and taste like in my mouth. I can imagine running my tongue along the groves, before pulling the trigger. I wonder if I would even hear a bang, feel an instant shock or any pain or if it would be instant. Here one second gone the other.

I wonder if I would find myself in heaven or hell or no where at all, just an echo in space. A life vaporized. Just a speck in time.

Luckily I know that I'm sick. And that instead of a cough or fever, I'm having suicidal thoughts. And that like a cough, eventually they will go away.

What's sad are those that take those thoughts too far. Forgetting all that life has to offer, forgetting that tomorrow is a new day and that they may wake up and feel better. What's sadder are those that don't even know that they're sick. Those who don't know that what they're feeling are just lies being told from a sickness they can't control.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Sometimes I wonder if I should take medicine. I feel like I do so well without it and I have a deep seeded fear that if I took medicine to kill the dark thoughts that it would sneak in and kill the funny thoughts or the creative thoughts or other thoughts that I actually WANT to have. I haven't had good experience with head meds.

But it would really be nice to not have days like this.

Depression sucks. And you really only know that if you've dealt with it. Either through yourself or through a loved one.

But depression is part of who I am.

I can't blog about the good without blogging about the bad too. This blog, I feel, has really become an extension of myself. And it couldn't be an accurate extension if I didn't include the f*cked up parts of me too.

That's all.

PS There's also an adorable pet rat, water tube creatures, sadness, and a rekindling of love. I'm talking about the movie again. I don't have pet rats anymore...or water tube creatures.

PPS Blogging from my phone again which relieves me from spelling and grammar duties.

My Personal Chef: A Chicken Teriyaki and Stir Fry Veggie Recipe

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Fri, 04 May 2012 11:00:00 +0000

This evening we enjoyed a highly nutritious and superbly delectable meal provided by our very own personal chef.

That sentence is roughly 90% fact. If you replaced "personal chef" with "crock pot" and "highly nutritious" with "pretty healthy" you'd be dead on.

Seriously though? It was good. :)

I'm all about some crock pot cooking now. For a multitude of reasons! The crock pot is the perfect fit for me because: A) I'm lazy. B) I freeze a crap ton of meat and I suck at remembering to leave it out to thaw. C) It's so easy! You just :::insert cheesy infomercial voice here::: "Set it and forget it!" Der, hur, hur! D) Dinner basically cooks itself.

If you can dump a bunch of food into a pot, you can cook a meal.

Tonight we had chicken teriyaki with stir fry veggies. I can't really call it "stir fry" because I didn't stir fry it. I crock potted it. {Is that a verb? Because I just made it one.}

It was oh-so very, very yummy. If you would like to know how you can enjoy this yummy dinner yourself, keep reading...

Here is what you need:

•Frozen chicken breasts. I used two breasts that looked like they came from a pterodactyl which probably means I just pumped my family full of growth hormones. {Yay for premature puberty!} (I'm just kidding. I'm disgusted with myself.) (And premature puberty.) Anyway, however much chicken it takes to feed your family? Use that much.
•Teriyaki suauce. My fave is Ken's Steak House Marinade & Sauce in the Honey Teriyaki flavor. {YUMMMMMMMMM}
•Stir fry veggies. I used two bags of frozen stir fry veggies. My fave is Birds Eye Steamfresh Chef's Favorite Asian Medley. It has all my fave stir fry veggies, broccoli, carrots, baby corn, and sugar snap peas, with a little hint of Asian seasoning. Most importantly? It DOESN'T have water chestnuts. Water chestnuts are the devil and my husband and I hate them. If you love water chestnuts your sanity is questionable and it's possible that I don't even like you anymore. That's how badly I hate water chestnuts. {There's no flavor! How can you even like something that doesn't have flavor?!} (Also the consistency is horrid. It feels disgusting. Ugh. I'm shivering just imagining the wretched crunch...) (The consistency of water chestnuts makes coconut seem enjoyable.)
•Rice. Any rice at all. I like white. (White rice has really become the red headed step child of the grain world.) I know brown rice is all the rage. But I like good old white rice.
•Water. Do people normally even put that in ingredients? Don't they just add it in later, "add a 1/2 cup of water"? Or is it there on the ingredient list?

Is this even considered an ingredient list and recipe? Because basically you're just throwing stuff into pots.

Oh! And a crock pot! You will definitely need one of those.

Here's what you do:

1. Throw your frozen chicken into the crock pot.
2. Cover the chicken with 3/4 of a bottle of teriyaki sauce.
3. Pour 2 cups of water around the bottom of the crock pot.
4. Cover (Honestly, I would hope that you would know to do that, but you never know with people these days.) Set the crock pot on "high" and leave it for 4 hours.
5. Remove the chicken breasts, cut into pieces, put back into crock pot.
6. Stir in frozen stir fry veggies. (Don't forget to cover it again!)
7. While that cooks, make the rice, stirring the chicken and veggies every once in a while.
8. By the time the rice is done, so should the chicken and veggies! (Well, only if you're using minute rice like me. If you use a rice steamer, I can't really tell you because I have NO idea how long those things take.)
9. Serve the chicken and veggies over the rice, drizzle with a little bit of the remaining teriyaki sauce.
10. Enjoy!

The Big Question of 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Thu, 03 May 2012 13:37:00 +0000

What?! No blog post today? Well this may come as surprise but this IS a blog post. This right here, the thing that you are reading. (And the fact that I had to point that out to you is ridiculous.)

I'm am sitting in my van, windows down, enjoying a gorgeous spring morning while Grayson naps in his car seat, thinking about tomorrow. (I'm thinking about tomorrow, not Grayson. Well he might be too, but honestly how would I know?) (I'm waiting on my mom tiger* out of physical therapy. Sitting in cars for no apparent reason is not something I typically do.) (Unless an awesome song comes on just as I'm exiting. But then I would be sitting listening to music and that would be a reason.) Okay, back to the matter at hand...

Tomorrow is a big day. That may be a vast overstatement. It depends on what scale you're using to decide if a day is "big". On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being your wedding day and/or birth of your child, and 1 being a normal day at home doing nothing then tomorrow rates somewhere around 1.5 MAYBE 2. (It all depends on the turn of events.)

I apologize for the suspense, I know you're dying to know what is occurring tomorrow.

So i will just tell you. I am going to an optometrist for an eye exam! Dun...dun...duuuunnnnn... I know, I couldn't believe it myself.

When I had my physical done last week, they did the normal vision test. You know, the typical big E at the top followed by rows of letters that become smaller the further down you go. It had been probably 12 years or more since my last test, and I remembered how I use to rock that thing reading all the way to the bottom with my eagle eyes. When they asked me to start reading off the letters out loud I almost laughed out loud. Some mischievous nurse had replaced the chart with something else. At first I was concerned that they were really mean nurses and possibly had something wrong with them. But then I decided that they were just trying to be entertaining and were probably normal and maybe really nice. Then finally I realized they weren't playing a trick on me, I just literally couldn't see sh*t.

All I could do was laugh nervously and awkwardly and talk about how it used to be so clear and "Now, haha, it's so fuzzy! Haha...".

I was able to read the E, duh, had to work on the first line, REALLY work on the third and then just guessed for the remaining letters. "Um, it's either an E, an R, a B, or a Koala eating a potato."

Eye charts don't have pictures of koalas eating potatoes.

I knew I was in trouble. And that my days of braggable vision and smug "no I have perfect eyes" when asked if I wore glasses or contacts were most likely over. My fears were confirmed when the doc came in and as he came across the results let out a surprised, "Oh! Wow it looks like we'll be referring you to an eye doctor.". I told him that it was a relieving to know that they wouldn't randomly put a drawing of a koala eating a potato in the middle of an eye chart. He gave me a brief blank stare and then continued with my exam.

To be honest I'm a little nervous. Mostly because I remember them making me look at a little red light and then blowing acidic gas (or possibly just air) into my eyes, startling me and causing me to fear little red lights for the rest my life. And also because I don't want to wear glasses. I want I be able to brag and be smug. Glasses aren't a good look for me. Also I have a big head and they tend to squeeze my head and give me headaches. And I already have headaches all the time. My mother insists they will fit the glasses to my head but that sounds a little sketchy to me. (I don't really find that to be sketchy I just don't want glasses.) She also said that the reason I probably get headaches is because I need glasses. I don't understand her logic.

I'm holding out hope that they will tell me that I'm just getting old and having normal age related vision loss and that there's nothing they can do except give me a magnifying glass and tell me to hope for the best.

I suppose we shall see.

I will be sure to update everyone on the state off my vision as well as the big question of 2012, "Will Brianne have to wear glasses? Or no?".

*My mom is not a tiger, that was my phone toying with autocorrect. But I thought it was funny and would be cool if you thought my mom was a tiger until the end of this post.

Also, I'm typing this entire post with my thumbs on my phone so I apologize for any typos.

Teething Babies Are Sad :(

noreply@blogger.com (Brianne) — Wed, 02 May 2012 11:00:00 +0000

Behold, a teething baby...

Grayson was so pitiful Monday night. :( His teeth were giving him all sorts of fits and he just couldn't settle.

We gave him some Tyelnol and he was finally able to doze off.

Poor nugget.

I can't remember that far back, but I would imagine that jagged bone piercing your soft tender gums would be quite painful.

I wish I wasn't so incredibly terrified of Orajel now. That sh*t used to work SO good. I remember it numbing my finger when I applied it. I remember imagining all the things I could do with it. Mostly things like, numbing my nipples in the beginning weeks of nursing, or numbing my skin before a tattoo. Those types of things. I use the all-natural Orajel now but it doesn't numb my finger when applied so I can't imagine it working as well.

I always say I'm going to cave and bust out the original Orajel during the day when I can watch Grayson, but of course that's not when his teeth are bothering him, and during the day I can use the old wash cloth or bagel in the freezer trick.

Now I'm craving a bagel.

Anyway, teething sucks.