I first heard the name Steven Pinker as an 18 year old psychology student at university.  He is a Harvard professor and expert on linguistics and the mind and received a Pulitzer prize nomination for his book, ‘How the mind works’. But now he has caused a stir amongst many social commentators by arguing the exact opposite of what many believe, that violence between humans is actually in decline.

Pinker addresses the question of human within  society. He argues that we have witnessed moral progress in our time.  Statistically he outlines events such as the 8th century An Lushan rebellion in China  which killed 36 million people, the equivalent of 429 million people today and compares it to the Second World War death toll of 73 million people (with far more advanced killing equipment) which by that rationale makes WW2 pale in significance.

Pinker also demonstrates that statistically democracy is one of the major reasons for the decline of violence, whereas those countries without, continue to be more violent than those with, as we can see with the Middle East and Africa currently.    According to the book we are far less likely to be the victim of violence than at any other time in our life.

His findings are mostly from other scientific studies published by other academics:

- There were less than 20 democracies in 1946. Now there are close to 100. Meanwhile, the number of authoritarian countries has dropped from a high of almost 90 in 1976 to about 25 now.

- Murder in European countries has steadily fallen from near 100 per 100,000 people in the 14th and 15th centuries to about 1 per 100,000 people now.

- Murder within families. The U.S. rate of husbands being killed by their wives has dropped from 1.2 per 100,000 in 1976 to just 0.2. For wives killed by their husbands, the rate has slipped from 1.4 to 0.8 over the same time period.

- Rape in the United States is down 80 percent from 1973.

- Discrimination against blacks and gays is down, as is capital punishment and child abuse.

I can see that better media coverage and the advent of CCTV and sophisticated ways of catching and reintegrating criminals as well as everything that comes with a democracy may have contributed to this.  But isn’t Pinker’s work in direct opposition to the western held view that we are in constant danger of being mugged on the streets by youths in hoods?  Yes it is, and so are people who hold notions like ‘it was safer when I was young’ wrong?  Statistically yes they are wrong, although it is more difficult to say for sure at a local level.

I also believe that a news reporting media also helps stop would be criminals from reaching these levels of violence. As violence becomes less common I believe more of a stigma is attached to perpetrators of violent behaviour and therefore it becomes even less socially acceptable. And we are after all getting smarter with average IQs also at their highest according to Steven Pinker.

Some detractors would say it is difficult and problematic to see a reduction of violence purely by percentage values as some people have argued, but to me it seems more difficult to argue against many of Pinker’s assertions that the world is a more peaceful place.   It seems impossible to refute that overt violence has dramatically decreased in human society and that after all is what he is saying.

However with the world population still expanding and our natural resources being consumed at greater levels, perhaps we’ve just turned our violence towards the natural world rather than ourselves?   Or perhaps we are actually working harder together in this globalised world to make this planet a better and more efficient place?  Maybe even social networking creates an even stronger morality norm, a sort of online self-policing ethic created by people being more vocal about what is and what isn’t acceptable, along with the fact that it is much easier to keep tabs on one another, friends and enemies.

I think this is a great book purely because it has this expectation that not only is this world not that bad but in many respects it is getting better.  May all the world live in relative harmony one day, for in the end peace is all many of us really seek.

Marvin Phythian.

Commentators across the world are now raising questions on social networking sites about how this level of disregard for human life can possibly occur.

Several are pointing the finger of blame at Chinese culture, but are other social phenomena at work here?

Pluralistic ignorance describes a situation where a majority of group members privately reject a norm, but incorrectly assume that most others accept it. The fact that so many passers-by ignored a dying child in a relatively busy city market, definitely puts the idea in peoples’ minds that others must have seen her and done nothing – so the norm is to do the same thing. Put another way, to actually intervene would be to act differently to other people in the local environment and after all isn’t it easier to just do as everyone else does? This may seem outrageous to most people, and of course it is, but that doesn’t mean that this collective behavior isn’t a very real thing.

This collective behaviour may be seen in different cultural beliefs such as historical racism or homophobia where many people go along with the general feeling when in fact their initial beliefs may have been quite opposite.

Many will recall the death of Kitty Genovese who was murdered in Queens, New York, in 1964. In a sustained and prolonged attack lasting 35 minutes, her death was allegedly witnessed by 38 people who did nothing to intervene or assist in any way.

More recently, in April 2010, the attack on Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax, again in New York City. After coming to the aid of a woman under siege from a robber he was cruelly stabbed to death. More than 20 people walked around Hugo in the hour it took before emergency services arrived. Many stared at him and one even took a picture, yet no one raised the alarm.

In Brighton, England, Simone Back, posted a suicide note on Facebook which was commented on by several of her friends who lived in close proximity, many others who commented on it failed to call the emergency services and her body was found the next day.

This epitome of public apathy fits into the psychological term of pluralistic ignorance. But there is another factor here: another much used term in psychology – fear.

Many say Chinese state pressures prevent people from assisting because ‘good samaritans’ have in the past been held accountable for such events. But beyond that exists what I believe to be an endemic of people afraid to stand out in society for fear of making mistakes, being ridiculed, being seen to behave abnormally and being judged by our fellow man. In this increasingly congested world, and none more so than China, many people prefer to drift amongst the strangers they pass without making eye contact for fear of conflict.

Our increasing existence attached to technology is creating a stronger dissociation with real life. Perhaps by sharing our thoughts on this subject we can find a way to overcome these fears and ignorance.
Sadly it’s too late for two-year-old Yue Yue. Hopefully she has not died in vain and her death will act as a huge lesson to many of us about standing up for the preservation of our precious lives.

Edited version of this article was first published as Ignorance, fear, and a baby girl on Technorati.

 photo credit: Instant Vantage

An on-going study of more than 600 brains donated by nuns to the University of Minnesota has uncovered some secrets of a healthy mind..

The Sisters of Notre Dame donated their brains back in 1986 giving scientists a unique chance to look at brains unaffected by alcohol, cigarettes, and other drugs.

One of the most interesting findings so far has revealed that some of the brains had many of the physical properties consistent with Alzheimer’s disease and yet the nuns had not displayed any  symptoms of the disease prior to death such as absent mindedness and failing to recognise others.  A further look appeared to show that the same nuns had delayed or prevented the onset of Alzheimer’s symptoms.

But what commonalities did the nuns share that allowed their brains to be healthier for longer?

We know that they remained active throughout their lives, partaking in daily study and regular exercise. In addition, their diet was healthy and free from significant levels of processed foods.

The very nature of the life they chose meant they had a strong belief system.  That optimistic belief and discipline of doing what is right and having faith in a God is seemingly a great cure for worry.

As part of their religious practise they confessed their inner most thoughts to priests, which must be considered one of the earliest forms of counselling. They also devoted periods of time to reflection.

What can we learn from it?

Slowly but surely we are learning more and more about the mind. It may sound like common sense,  but if we are to enjoy a healthy mind free from dementia we should follow a healthy lifestyle and make sure we challenge our brains on a regular basis.

We can do this by:

• Being spontaneous (learn new things, visit new places)
• Keep buying quality newspapers and keep trying to finish those crossword puzzles or Sudoku.
• Practice using positive language and rephrase anything negative you say into a positive equivalent.
• Prioritising a healthy heart and body by exercising regularly.
• Eat a healthy low carb diet.
• Spend plenty of time with the people who make you laugh.
• Repeating new skills until they are highly tuned and memorised.
• Sharing our deepest thoughts for constructive reasons, such as seeing a therapist.

There is no miracle working here and yes most of this is common sense but do it. See which of the above isn’t part of your life and schedule them in.  By making time for them now, you will be rewarded with more time later as a clear thinking and wise old veteran.

 photo credit: AnnieGreenSprings

A study by Sharot, Korn and Dolan, published in Nature Neuroscience, describes how the mind of an optimist is conditioned to maintain optimism even when faced with the worst.   The study discovered how in some people, bad news is taken in such a way that a positive outlook remains.

In the study, when faced with bad news about life threatening illnesses the least optimistic (when observed under brain scan), showed the most brain activity in the brains frontal lobes, the area of the brain relating to processing errors.  Whereas, the most optimistic showed much less activity in this area of mental conflict indicating a much more positive expectation.

We already know optimism is good for your health, one recent US study of approximately 100,000 women showed a much lower risk of dying of heart disease and a longer life for optimists and another Dutch study showed that optimism reduces heart risk in  men. 

But what does being optimistic mean in our day to day lives and how can it aid success?

In my humble opinion, I believe that optimism can help you create a direct focus or perhaps the shortest thinking time between your current predicament and a successful positive outcome.  Conversely, pessimism creates other obstacles, often a dwelling on the worst outcome that could happen.  Whether this pessimism translates itself as gloom,  cynicism, worry or stress, something I’ve observed with my own clients is that this negative thought seems to link itself to other negative thoughts like a neurological spiders web.  As if like some sort of perverse nostalgia their gloomy prediction reminds them of the other negatives in their lives.  It is as if pessimism creates some kind of zig zag pattern of thought as the problem is analysed and cross examined and played over and over to such a degree that thought itself becomes inefficient and may even lead to such a level of procrastination that the problem never gets solved  or may even get bigger.

However, that is not to say that pessimistic people cannot have success in their lives.  For example a pessimist may complement an optimist as a partner and bring them a bit more down to earth.  If there is one potential weakness in the optimist it is that they may be so care free that they fail to consider the risks in their life sufficiently.  As a result they may occasionally become a victim of these risks where the more defensive pessimist may prevail.  But surely pessimism is the enemy of opportunity and certainly of making the most of life.  Isn’t it?

There have been times in my life when I have become pessimistic, it is times like these that I thank myself for taking the effort to read and take inspiration from those successful people who choose to share their wisdom who by no coincidence are all optimists.   And before long I am back to being an optimist, thus proving that either is a choice and not an immovable fact.

As Winston Churchill once said ‘A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty’.  I’d only add to that by saying never accept pessimism, choose optimism,  practice it like any other skill then proudly call yourself an optimist, it’s the healthy side of life.

 photo credit: Andrew Mason

On this level, taking all living things into consideration the odds of being human is said to be 1 in infinity.  But mathematically 1 in infinity is the equivalent to zero.  One estimate says that if we just look at animals and ignore other forms of life then there are 20,000 species of fish, 6,000 species of reptile, 9,000 species of bird, 1,000 species of amphibians, 15,000 species of mammals, 1,000,000 species of insect and an estimate of another 1 million species of animal yet to be discovered.  This gives a sub total of over 2 million species!   And yet if you are reading this you have been given the golden ticket of life, as I see it, of being a human being!  How mind bogglingly amazing is that?

Of all the wild animals on this planet most of them spend their lives in constant fear of being eaten or of not being able to find food to eat and starving to death.  And this is quite possibly their life for nearly every single day they live on this planet.  Humans by comparison are not only at the top of the food chain but have such dominion over it that billions of us live in countries where food is not only plentiful but it goes to waste. 

We are so unique in that our lives aren’t threatened every day, the biggest fear most animals have has been spared for us, how lucky and amazing is that?  That we have the chance to spend most of our attention in doing something truly productive with our lives instead of having to constantly look over our shoulders or spend our time constantly looking for food to prey on is the ultimate of privileges.

But how many of us are truly grateful of this privilege and does being grateful matter?

-How many of us are truly grateful?

As I’ve not surveyed the human population I couldn’t begin to guess on what that answer may be.  But in my experience and in my line of work I do find that there you do find distinct types of people, those who feel life is unfair and those that think life is a golden opportunity and those who fall somewhere in between.   The way I see it if you think life is unfair, if you’re the sort of person who constantly blames others for your circumstances then you don’t understand how lucky you are.  Yes you may have had the misfortune to have negative and unpleasant events in your life of varying magnitudes, but having seen people come from war torn countries or be the victim of horrendous crimes and yet still be optimistic and motivated to succeed I can only conclude that there is no good reason for not being grateful for any healthy human being.

I actually believe that more and more of us are becoming more and more ungrateful.  Is this a sign of increased selfishness, a self -indulgent almost pretentious snobbery that life isn’t good enough for you?  Perhaps, but not always.  Often and certainly for many suffering from depression, I believe a combination of like-minded parentage, a failure to climb the social and economic ladder and a mass media that says that happiness only comes to those who have the latest in human inventions, whilst wearing the clothes of the rich and famous, whilst living in a detached property, with a garage containing some sort of vehicle with a heated backside warmer!  And somehow you’re supposed to have the body of a Hollywood Star despite the fact that this very same media also tells us that this same happiness is reached by frequenting fast ‘food’ joints getting the latest McWhopper bucket meal before we head back to our homes and tuck into any number of processed foods so skilled in the nurturing of obesity.

Although born and raised a Roman Catholic in heavily Irish influenced city of Liverpool, I would no longer say that I was religious, but that’s another story.  However, I without a shadow of a doubt believe that this religion and many others do give people  a certain level of respect and understanding of the value of human life and that life is something to be grateful for.  However, living in England I am seeing the fruits of an ever increasing atheist majority who perhaps appear to be more influenced by television and the mass media than by any level of quality philosophical thought, be it religious or other and unfortunately some of that fruit appears to be rotten or at least tasteless like when you get a peach from a big supermarket store that doesn’t appear to taste of anything.   What I’m trying to explain is that many people who seem down on their luck, depressed or even simply devoid of a love of themselves or the world we live in seem to often lack any sort of gratitude.  So to conclude the question I asked, I think however many people were grateful before I certainly think that unless people are replacing the religious idea of ‘thanks be to god’ with their own philosophical equivalent that they practice in their lives then there is a growing sector of the human race which is gradually losing touch with the sanctity of life, turning into spoiled independents devoid of community, blaming other things in their life and thinking that the world owes them something.

Me?  Do I believe in God? Well I certainly don’t believe in religious institutions that say this is the word of God and if you don’t believe it you will burn in hell.  But I’m certainly not ignorant enough to dismiss religious ideology out of hand and I certainly  believe in good philosophical thought and listening to people who respect life whether that’s Jesus, Plato, Muhammad, Marx, Luther King, Einstein, Chomsky or Dawkins.

Does being grateful matter?

Damn right it does, I challenge you to spend a minute or so thinking about how lucky you really are to be a human being, to have the opportunity to go out there and do an almost infinite amount of things.  When we are not grateful for our existence in life then we are in conflict with it and this conflict creates friction which can only slow us down in achieving the things we really want to achieve, whatever they may be.

For whatever reason, getting to a level when you are sincerely grateful for whatever opportunity you have on this planet seems to create a kind of harmony with one’s self.  It’s as if it lifts a veil of oppressive challenges and doubts about yourself, it removes the heavy and burdensome chip on your shoulder.

The one thing I’d like for people to try is starting the day by realising how lucky they are and feel how grateful they are for the remarkable opportunity to be human, and then see how being grateful seems to fend off all manner of blame and fear, instead allowing you to be productive and a sort of feeling of being at peace with the world.

 photo credit: DonkeyHotey

Drinking too much – men are attracted to the fact that a woman can go from submissive in a social environment to dominant in a private setting.  A woman who is anything beyond tipsy removes that attraction dynamic instantly.

Solution options –

A) Don’t drink, by not drinking you will have a clearer mind than the competition and you will be in a better position to try out your attraction skills.

B) Alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic (soft) drinks.  Not only will this prevent you from getting too drunk but it will leave you fresh for the next day’s mission!

Being loud – men are either intimidated or embarrassed when with a woman with too loud a voice your voice shouldn’t be loud enough to distract other groups in the room.  An over exuberant and wild cackling laugh is a classic trait of an overly loud woman.

Solution – the trick here is to be clear but not loud, project your voice whilst staying in control.   Acting lessons are a great way of doing this.

Interrogate – most men have grown up being interrogated by their mothers and whilst often they expect it from girlfriends they don’t enjoy it and so rapid fire questions about ex-girlfriends, sex, money or any subject will make many men feel insecure.

Solution – allow men to talk as much as they are comfortable with; if you feel a man is a little shy or not forthcoming with information make sure you ask open ended questions such as why? Or how? Rather than yes no questions such as Do you? or Can you?

Complain –  Maybe a woman’s complaining is what stops the world from collapsing in on itself but men are not turned on by women complaining whether it’s aimed at them or not.  Even if you’re complaining about work or other women it all it does is remind men of the much feared annoying side of women.

Solution – Stay positive, whether that’s nice positive, cheeky positive or naughty positive it doesn’t really matter.   If you bring any sort of positive energy to the table it will be appealing to the men on it.

Worry -  Men have probably lived with worrying women since cave women started worrying about the extinction of the woolly mammoth and the subsequent shortage of woolly mammoth fur bikinis.   As in the point above it doesn’t turn a man on to be around a worried woman.  Men are more likely to just get on with things and see the problem as much less in magnitude than from the female’s perspective.

Solution – The only exception to this rule is if you are worrying about something that presents a man with the opportunity to be the hero he always wants to be and help out the damsel in distress.    But unless this is the case and you are going to use it to your advantage again apply the rule that you should bring positivity to the target male’s environment and raise his spirits whether they are already high or not.

Belittle and make fun out of the man – Some women get flirting wrong by thinking they can make fun out of the man they are attracted to.  Making a joke out of him will only hurt his feelings and make him think you are just odd and cruel.

Solution – There is nothing wrong with banter in fact it is a necessity in turning rapport building into attraction building.  But this friendly banter must A)Be friendly  B)Be interlaced with sporadic compliments.  E.g. if you want to make fun of his career, follow it up with a sincere show of respect for it as well or vice versa.

Take offence – Remember if a man makes a tongue in cheek remark about something your wearing or your hair don’t be quick to see it as an insult.  The majority of the time the man is just trying to create some banter and aren’t aware of how sensitive some women can be about their appearance.

Solution -   Instead practice saying “thank you” or “thank you it’s all for you”  depending on the situation.   This is the same as not taking compliments well,  instead of looking uncomfortable, shy or embarrassed practice automatically saying thank you.  It diffuses your emotions very quickly and leaves you with that nice warm glow of happiness that someone noticed instead.

Being an ‘Open Book’ too early –  Men like some mystery in women just as much as women like it in men so don’t go telling him your life story from day one.

Solution – Paint incomplete pictures of stories.  Telling half of a story and saying ‘the rest of the story is for another time’ creates intrigue, an arousal of interest and possibly other things!

Offering yourself on a plate – men, especially attractive men who are almost certainly experienced, like the thrill of the chase, if the pursuit is too easy and the woman hands herself to him too quickly then he feels less pride in himself and less of a sense of achievement.

Solution – Don’t tell him completely how you feel saying things like ‘you’ve probably guessed that I really, really like you’.  Instead use more subtle indicators of attraction such as moving close to him to allow him to feel confident to make his move and each time you meet escalate things a little more but maintain discipline and keep that heart under lock and key for at least a month or so unless he opens his to you and you reciprocate it.

Expecting a man to behave in a certain way – women often set themselves up for disappointment by having too many preconceptions about how their perfect man would behave or how their perfect relationship would unravel.  In a world of imperfect men you are only ever going to be disappointed if you expect perfection.

Solution – Chill out, go with the flow and expect nothing in return.  Be care free, by expecting nothing it not only takes the pressure off you but you will communicate this to those you are with. The by-product of this is that you will make them feel more comfortable about themselves enabling them to get closer to you and enjoy your relaxing influence.

So get your glad rags on, don’t be yourself be your best self and good luck in finding a good man.

 photo credit: gematrium

photo credit: Jezz

Many years ago I made my first exotic dish that most people hadn’t heard of at the time, Thai Green Curry, I was pleased with my efforts and I hadn’t used a ready made sauce.  My childlike pride was soon taken away when a friend chef of mine pointed out that I could’ve made it using fresh lemongrass, ginger, coriander, lime and chilli instead of simply adding a can of coconut milk to some ready made green curry paste!

So where am I going with this, well my confidence with cooking has increased since then, I’ve discovered a love for new and fresh ingredients, many from overseas but most locally produced, I follow the creed of Ramsay, Oliver and Floyd and when I’ve cooked three course dinner parties, I’ve had no choice but to get in the zone just as much as when I’m hanging off the side of a cliff, and the sense of achievement when I deliver 3 courses successfully full of interesting ingredients is just as exhilarating as getting to the top of a climb and usually a lot safer.

So here’s why you should make more effort in the kitchen:

1.  It’s mentally challenging – getting your timings right, understanding your ingredients, attempting good presentation and being a host is great brain training.

2. It saves you money – home cooked food can be just as good if not better than a restaurants with practice and the drink is a lot less too!  In addition preparing your lunch at home saves you a fortune versus buying out each day.

3. It stimulates your creative mind – soon you start to understand what flavours complement others and you can have lots of fun attempting to create artistic looking meals!

4. You can control your health – by avoiding processed foods you can easily eliminate the sugars and refined carbohydrates that are the biggest causes of obesity and diet related poor health.

5. It’s a great stress reliever – the act of preparing food is a great switch off from life’s inevitable stresses and anxieties.

6. Self satisfaction – the feeling of achievement from a well cooked meal, especially when it’s enjoyed by friends is difficult to beat and a great memory maker.

7. To develop as a person – like I always say if you’re not growing as a person you’re wilting, earn the respect of your loved ones by showing them what you’re made of and bring some good food and good memories into their lives.

Women are very much aware what most males find attractive in females; we often think men are mostly attracted to the media’s perception of what is physically attractive – slim, tall women with large breasts and long straight luscious hair- after all, there is a reason why the make-up and cosmetic surgery industry is booming, right? So through experience and observation, we have an idea of what a lot of men (with an exception of a few) find attractive, but what do females find attractive in males? I typed this exact question into Google and got over a hundred million hits!

photo credit: josemanuelerre
Wow, I always assumed men know what women want, but I guess it explains why a lot of men obviously have no clue how to behave around females. Obviously, all females are different and have different tastes, some women like chubby guys, or tall guys, or muscly men, and some women like…well, other women. But generally, we don’t want a man who looks or acts too feminine, and it is safe to say most women wouldn’t kick Brad Pitt or George Clooney out of bed. What do these two gorgeous gentlemen have in common? They all possess characteristically masculine features- Broad shoulders, deep-set eyes and “hard” facial features as opposed to soft, feminine ones- and their bodies’ aint bad either!
According to evolutionists, women are most attracted to men whose physical appearance indicates high levels of testosterone; broad shoulders, tall with a prominent jaw line, toned physique etc. So I decided to put this theory to the test and do a little research; asked a few of my girlfriends what they find attractive in a man, they all had a similar idea of what is attractive. I compiled a list:
Height –We tend to prefer guys taller than us, and most people know this. It works to most guys’ advantage because men are generally larger than females. To the males who lack in the height department, some women also said they would consider a man the same height as them, and a few would consider males SHORTER than them. It is simple though, a tall guy seems stronger and more protective, which is what most women like.
Body – Almost all my friends said they want a guy with at least a 4 pack on his cheat, but we are young females in a sex-crazed world so it is understandable, but with time this requirement is likely to change (I think!). We like a toned and fit male; that doesn’t mean the gym should be your second home- we don’t want vain guys, we want someone who takes CARE of their health AND appearance. After all, if we have to look and smell good to attract a partner, why shouldn’t YOU?
Physical Appearance – oh yes, and this includes your fashion sense. Personally I detest skinny jeans on guys and so do most of my friends- this issue is debatable because some women don’t actually mind skinny jeans on a guy, but it is safer to dress smart and casual- not too vain but not too messy. Keep nails short and neat- we notice!
And just to elaborate, “taking care of your appearance” does not mean visiting the tanning bed, waxing, moisturising, exfoliating and toning the hell out of your skin! It’s good you take care of your hair and skin, but we don’t like narcissistic men, and, (I think most women will agree) metrosexual is NOT attractive.
An important note: it doesn’t matter how gorgeous you are, if you have bad breath and/or body odour your chances of getting a date are…. Well, ZERO. Don’t choke us with strong mints and cologne; a subtle, pleasant smell is nice.

Now that we have gone through the PHYSICAL aspects, let’s look at personality. Remember though, even though physical appearance isn’t EVERYTHING, it still plays a part when you are looking for a partner. Likewise, personality is also important, you can be the most handsome guy in the world but if you have a rotten personality, you should pretty much anticipate a lonely life ahead of you.
Getting to know someone on an emotional level is crucial part when looking for a partner. We look for someone with similar views and attitudes to ourselves, and obviously different women have different views so this is a subjective topic. We like males who have similar views/interests to us, but these aren’t a MUST so don’t lie to try and impress us by pretending to be something you aren’t- it will all end in tears. Today, I saw a guy walking towards me. Good style? Check! confidence? Check! Good looks? Check! Ok, if I was single I may have given this guy a chance. He approached me and after a few words…
“So where you from?” he asked,
“Well, I live in Northampton just here during the holidays”
“Oh, I’m from Northampton…” he says
“Oh really which part?”
“ermm oh, haha, ermmm, err…. St James?” REALLY?!

We can tell when you are lying, just be yourself. If you get away with a lie, you will most likely get caught further down the line as the relationship progresses, and we will question whether the whole relationship is based on lies. Honesty is one of the things we find very attractive in men- of course we want you to tell a few white lies; don’t say her bum looks big in those jeans. When you approach a female, be confident and honest. And importantly, avoid being persistent when she rejects your advances, in my experience, I have met some males who don’t take no for an answer. It’s cute that you like us so much, but bothering someone for a date is a different matter- it is very unattractive. Not to mention, you risk getting yourself known as the neighbourhood creep.

Confidence – This is very important to most women, we don’t want a man who needs reassurance all the time. Lack of confidence= Low self-esteem, Low self-esteem = jealousy, jealousy= controlling behaviour. We don’t want jealous, controlling men who need reassurance all the time. If we are with you, we are with YOU. We may enjoy attention from others but that doesn’t mean we will stray. We also like a man to be confident when he is approaching us, shyness is cute sometimes but not in these situations.

Sense of humour- We like a man that is funny. Most people have this quality but boring people are usually associated with being unfunny- and we don’t want boring men.

Ambition – You don’t have to be rich, but at least have ambitions and dreams. A job is a good start, it shows you aren’t lazy and are organised- which is very attractive. Flashing your cash or pretending to be rich will work- but only in bagging you a gold-digger

Skills – My friends and I included, like a male that can cook. Not all the time, but every now and again to treat us to a nice home-cooked meal.

Romantic – Not a lot of men know how to be romantic but this is where you have to take the hints we often give and find ideas on how to treat us. Aside from being romantic we want a male who will listen and be a good friend too.

Now that you know some of the things females fine attractive in females, you can work on how you will attract your next partner. Remember though, cultural backgrounds and other factors may influence what some females find attractive.

I would also sum up by counter arguing the evolutionist theory from earlier on. The fact is you don’t have to be tall chisel jawed for females to find you physically attractive, if this were the case, Justin Beiber and every other male who doesn’t possess these features would be single. This obviously isn’t the case, so males should not focus too much on their physical appearance unless they want to look vain or conceited.

 photo credit: Karen Eliot

But one thing I do notice is that there are tens of thousands of people sat at home commenting on how terrible this is and who’s to blame and it reminds me of those moderates we’ve seen in the past.

Martin Luther King Jr said the biggest tragedy isn’t the acts of the bad but the silence and inaction of the so called ‘good’. Are you an active positive member of your community? Or do you just hide away in your own selfish world allowing the chaos to grow? Do you make a positive difference or do you just think you don’t make a negative impact?Tribe Definition: A social division in  society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a leader.  With the technology we use, the television we watch and the infrastructure we all use I would argue that we all live in a British Tribe of sorts.

If we were still living in the sustainable tribes of the past then the elders would instruct the men of the tribe to get together and drag the adolescents back to camp to be taught a lesson, to be taught about true values and how without having those values the tribe itself is at risk of collapse.   But where are these men, where are the adults? They’re at home shaking their heads disapprovingly at the state of society.  A society that they don’t seem to realise that they are a part of.  By standing back and watching we are relying on a minority institution of police who I believe largely do a good job to stand up against a mass of disillusioned youngsters who have no idea how important it is to follow real values, the benefits of investing in self education, consideration of others, romance, comedy, honesty and loyalty all the qualities that make life worth living.

One of the reasons I believe the lawless youth are doing this to their own community is because they don’t actually believe they are a part of their community.  In fact so many of us don’t feel a part of the community because half the time there is no community and if we all made a small contribution to our local communities it could make a huge difference.

You may think that working hard for your own self gain, for your own nuclear family is sufficient but when the safety of our loved ones, fellow countrymen and our countries buildings is in jeopardy we must see it as a major WAKE UP call that we must do something NOW!

What can we do?

Firstly be a part of your community.  Whether it’s local charities, a church, a neighbourhood watch group, youth centre, music group or even start your own group, it doesn’t matter.  Just be a part of your local tribe and let’s start putting the tribe of England back in order.  By feeling like a real tribesman, tribeswoman or elder will you feel empowered enough to do something.  If you are already someone who does this brilliant, if not it’s never too late to change the habit of a lifetime.  Be someone your loved ones are even more proud of by taking action now create more of a community by being a part of it.

I have created a list of volunteer links for the UK and International opportunities. Please have a look here.