Pieces of Amy

Too Much Time on My Hands....

2012-02-14T11:05:00.000-06:00

So, what do you do when you're stuck in bed with strep and Valentine's Day is coming? Well, make cards OF COURSE. What a silly question. Because I made myself laugh (and if you know me, I laugh at myself a lot, it's strange...) I thought I would share my creations for the hubby with you. Enjoy.

Card #1 -

And, in the second installment of my "Creepy Steve" line of greeting cards....

Happy Valentine's Day from the strep bed!

______________________________________________

Linked up today with

What's Your Story?

2012-02-12T18:03:00.001-06:00

I'm a little stuck today. It could be the fever, the too much lying around, the house that LOOKS like Mommy is sick and doing nothing, or it could just be a block in my brain. I feel like I'm in neutral. My motor is running (i.e. I'm looking around and seeing all that needs to be done...), but I'm not going anywhere. This is when I say another "thank you" to the FATHER for what we call in this house - The Big Brown Chair. My present residence.

BUT, it does give me ample to time to study, read and muddle through the Bible study I'm teaching tomorrow night. It's called....drum roll please.....

Don't get too excited....you can't buy this at Lifeway, I made it up! HA. I don't know why I found that funny.

I'm taking a group of college girls through a study of the women of the Bible. We're coming from a perspective of "story". I'm fascinated with "story". I have been since reading the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller about a year ago. It's a book worth spending what little free time you have reading (and it's a quick read, as evidenced by the fact that I actually read it while hanging out at Barnes and Noble) I immersed myself in this idea of story for so long that I'm sure my husband wanted to slap Donald Miller. On a side note, I found this VIDEO when researching for last week's Bible study and found it thought provoking. It's a Ted talk about "story" from Chris Seay.

I plan to immerse myself in it once again when I receive my signed copy that my dear friend Jessica over at SingleRoots is holding hostage. I was a little green with envy when she got to have dinner with Donald Miller, but felt a little better when she told me she had a present. Moving on....

The whole Bible is stories. Correction: The Bible is A story. Front to back it is a story of God's love for His people and his redemption of them. There are hundreds of smaller stories in that ONE larger one, and all were placed there to teach us.

If I want to know how to be the woman God has designed me to be, If I want to teach these young ladies how to be the woman God has designed THEM to be, why wouldn't we dive into the stories God has given us right there in His word?

God's women, right there in the pages, waiting to tell us their story.

So, last week was our introduction and we talked about the difference between these two questions:

1. Who are you?

2. What's your story?

If you ask me who I am - I will give you facts. My name is Amy, I'm married to John, I am the mother of Sadie and Jack, housewife, homeschooler, church member, and on and on.

Would you then KNOW me? I think not. You wouldn't know my story.

If you ask me my story, then we would grow deeper in relationship. If you knew about the (former) abusive relationship, the loneliness, the miscarriage, the infertility, the anger and bitterness, the panic disorder, the medications, the family history of depression that killed my grandmother and separated me from my mother for the first few years of my life - If I told you this story, friendship would grow. Intimacy would grow. Relationship and community would grow.

You would know me.

This is what I want to do with the Biblical women. I want to know their story. I want to dive deep and learn who they are, what they felt, how they lived and who they loved. I want them to come alive in the room as if we could hug them and thank them.

I loved this quote I found from Eugene Peterson,

“Stories are the most prominent biblical way of helping us see ourselves in “the God story,” which always gets around to the story of God making and saving us. Stories, in contrast to abstract statements of truth, tease us into becoming participants in what is being said. We find ourselves involved in the action. We may start as spectators or critics, but if the story is good (and the biblical stories are very good!), we find ourselves no longer just listening to but inhabiting the story.”

Becoming participants in what is being said....
Involved in the action....
No longer listening to but inhabiting the story....

Lord, help us find our story in theirs.

So, I plug away at inhabiting the story of Eve. I can literally say "feverishly" studying the story of Eve. I don't think you can start a biblical womanhood study without studying the first Biblical woman! I'm sure next week you'll hear all about it (like it or not, sorry).

Happy Sunday!

Welcome!

2012-02-11T19:19:00.004-06:00

After a few blog parties this week I have a few new readers out there, so WELCOME! So excited to have you here walking this crazy journey with me! If you blog, I would LOVE to know about is so I can catch up on your journey as well. Leave me a comment with your blog address so I can drop in on you!

Sit back and make yourself at home. Mi casa es su casa. Or something like that.....

For the Singles (or friends of Singles....)

2012-02-10T08:50:00.001-06:00

My dear friend and BFF (yes, I'm 35 and just used the term "BFF") writes for an amazing blog that I feel you should know about. Yes, it's for singles and NO, it's not about dating. They write from a life-perspective of living single. It's encouraging, witty, Spiritual, and worth reading or sharing with your single friends.

Visit them! SingleRoots

They're having a giveaway right now, so it's the perfect time to peek in!

Happy Friday.

Wednesday's PLEA

2012-02-08T09:03:00.000-06:00

So, Monday I shared a prayer. Slow me down. Let me see the beauty in life, the simple things. I told a friend last night that I am tired of ISSUES, tired of all conversation being about some ISSUE and not just everyday happenings. I want to be rainbows and unicorns, just for a while. I know that God uses things to teach us and mold us. That discipline is good and grows us, but..... I don't want to learn anything today. I just want to sit and soak in the sun and love God.

Wednesday's PLEA

HELP!
I need so much help today.
I need help to not be so impatient with my children
They're just acting like children.
Really, do I want them to be quiet and sit and read books and drink tea all day?
They would grow up weird. They have us for parents, so the deck is already stacked against them.

I need help to homeschool well today.
Laundry is not more important than teaching my kid to read.
Dishes will wait until later.
No one is going to take me away to "Mommy Jail" if my kids eat cereal for lunch.

Help me not to let my six hours of sleep
affect my attitude towards EVERYONE.

I need help to get off my booty and get on "the machine".
"The Machine" always make me feel better afterward,
I need this burned into my brain.
I am the leader of a health/weight loss group.
It's sad that I've only lost one pound.
Seriously?

Oh, there is so much more.....

Has anyone else out there ever had a day where your prayer is simply "Help!"? Somehow it feels like I have not "finished" my time with the Lord because today there didn't seem to be any "adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication.....can you tell I'm a Baptist girl?" Today it was just a plea for HELP.

And I believe He will help. The Holy Spirit gives me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It's my choice to use them or put them aside.

God help me.

Linking up today with Raising Homemakers today!

Monday's Prayer

2012-02-06T07:45:00.003-06:00

This was shared by Glennon on Momastery's Facebook page. I LOVE it, I want to live it and breathe it. It will soon be in print and on my wall somewhere where I have to look at it all the time. I thought you might like it too!

(if you want to check out Momastery, it's worth your time!)

Slow Me Down, Lord

by Wilferd A. Peterson

Ease the pounding of my heart by quieting my mind. Steady my hurried pace. Give me, in the confusion of my day, the calmness of the everlasting hills. Break the tension of my nerves and muscles. Help me to know the magical, restoring power of sleep.

Teach me to take minute vacations by slowing down to look at a flower, a cloud, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book. Remind me that the race is not always to the swift, that there is more to life than increasing speed.

Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.

Lord, slow me down. Inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my great destiny.

Clever one, that guy...

2012-02-05T10:55:00.000-06:00

We have a chalkboard over the toilet in our master bathroom. In my imagination it was going to be the special place where my wonderful husband and I leave sweet little love notes to each other. So far, I'm the only one who has written on it. With the exception of the time I wrote a long list of things I love him "more than" and at the end he wrote "except Jesus" and made me feel like a jerk. I have also learned, through experience, not to write anything that I wouldn't want my kids saying.

My dreams have taken a downhill slide lately into things like "Don't forget to get milk" and "I am not a jerk". So romantic. Yesterday this is what I left for him:

Because whoever build our house decided NOT to put a light fixture over the cave of a toilet we have, I know that this is possibly hard to read. It states "please stop putting laundry behind the door". This is a longstanding pet peeve of mine. The age-old "why do you put your laundry NEXT to the basket instead of IN the basket". Pretty sure I've mentioned it before.

This morning, I walk into the bathroom to beautify myself - only to find....

Now, was this supposed to be a FUNNY for his wife? Was he just not paying attention? Is he sitting in church right now giggling at himself for how he got around my request (BTW, I'm not a heathen, I have a sick kiddo today....)?

He's clever, I'll give him that.

A February List

2012-02-01T08:29:00.002-06:00

The older I get, the more I appreciate February. I don't know if it's because I'm becoming more contemplative, or because I have kids and it's fun to really do up the February holidays, or just because I can appreciate that I live in Arkansas now and not Winnipeg (or, Winterpeg as we called it) and I no longer have to check the news in the mornings to see how much skin I can show today after I go unplug my car....but I digress. (For you Winnipegers who read me, I love you dearly.)

Reasons I love February:

Pink and red and chocolate. There have been times in my life when I have not appreciated any of these three things, but that time is over.
The coming end to the Winter. Not that this Winter has even BEEN Winter here in Arkansas. I am just NOT a Winter person and long for Spring and flowers and allergies. I would choose allergies over being cold. Yes, I would. Remind me I said that in April when I feel like poo.
Valentine's Day with a six year old daughter. It's so much fun to get into a holiday like this when you have a little girl who is SO girly and loves all things hearts and pink.
Mardi Gras. I am a native Louisiana girl, and I'll admit that growing up I did not appreciate Mardi Gras the way I should have. It was just something that happened every year. Rah Rah King Cake and parades and beads, whatever. Now, King Cake......enough said.
Lent. I am not Catholic, but I observe Lent. I find this a great time of year to step up my game when it comes to my walk with the Lord. Last year I gave up TV for Lent and it was life-changing. (you can read about it here) I am still praying about what to sacrifice this year. But I would encourage anyone who has never looked into Lent to study up and join me.
A renewed focus on my marriage and amazing husband. February just seems like a natural time to reevaluate my attitudes and actions towards my husband. Reading books, spending more time, praying about what inside of me needs to change to be a better help-mate to him.
And last, but not least, King Cake. Oh, wait, did I already mention that? Shoot. I should have made that it's very own category.

Happy February ladies and gentlemen!

Linking up with "Women Living" Well today. Very encouraging as a Wife, Mother, and Homeschooler. Go check out the other links and find you some new blogs to follow!!!

A small thought for the day

2012-01-31T09:24:00.001-06:00

“Do not have your concert first, and then tune your instrument afterwards. Begin the day with the Word of God and prayer, and get first of all into harmony with Him.”

―Hudson Taylor, Missionary to China

Month One Success!

2012-01-30T08:47:00.003-06:00

Blogging today over at The PHAT Year. So proud of all you guys! Come check it out.

The PHAT Year

An Open Letter to my Son's Doctor and Nurses...

2012-01-25T09:10:00.005-06:00

Dearest Dr. #$@%$ (name withheld...) and Nurse Whoever You Are,

Dearest Dr. #$#@%$,

Maybe it's been a long time since your children were young. Maybe you've just seen SO many sick children that you have grown weary of it all and don't feel like you need to have compassion. Maybe you just need to work on that bedside manner. WHO KNOWS? But, when I bring in my son for a persistent cough that's gone on for over a month (with no other symptoms...) and just want to make sure he doesn't have asthma or allergies, please don't stop the medical analysis of my son as soon as the answer to your "is your child up to date on his vaccines?" question is "no.".

Twenty minutes is way too long to try to convince me of what a bad mother I am because he's behind. Let's not jump straight to "he may have whooping cough" just because he's behind on his vaccinations. Let's not freak out/weary the mother when she is already prone to freak outs and weariness. Oh, and by the way, I am aware of what whooping cough is and know that if I thought it was that I would not have waited a MONTH. I am not THAT BAD of a mother.

Thank you for telling me the CDC is concerned about me. And, I'm sorry for my snottiness when I said to you - 20 minutes after your talk began, when you STILL had not checked my son - "SO, what does all this have to do with why I'm here TODAY?".

Sincerely,

A Weary Mother

Dear Nurse Whatever Your Name Is,

Thank you for the phone call concerning my son's chest x-ray. Thank you for waiting exactly until 5:00 PM (and making sure to tell me I couldn't call you back because the phones were going off when you hung up) to call with his results. Thank you for wording it this way: "Nothing to worry about TONIGHT, but make sure and call me at 9:00 in the morning" so that I was SURE to freak out ALL NIGHT LONG and not sleep at all. Especially when you just told me all was CLEAR. I'm sorry for being snotty to you when I told you never to say that to a mother ever again.

Sincerely,

A mother who is now praying for forgiveness for all her snottiness.

Rebuilding the Wall

2012-01-14T07:56:00.007-06:00

Walls.

Someone tries to get too close, starts to see that part of you that you would like to keep hidden. You've worked hard for that wall, built it over the years brick by brick. The wall keeps you safe, keeps others out and your secrets inside.

We lock our doors and windows at night. Securing our family inside our walls. Keeping out the elements, and the intruders that could harm them.

There are those without walls. Like the van I saw at the library yesterday that has been haunting me ever since. Piled in the back with pillows and blankets, obviously lived in. Knowing that I was at the library to fax things away to keep my comfortable life going, and they were at the library because it was warm and free. No walls to keep them warm or safe.

My hubby and I are going through the McCheyne Bible reading plan this year, and right now it has me planted in Nehemiah. I remember Nehemiah from seminary, but I don't think I've read it since. Jerusalem in ruins, God's chosen people scattered into exile, and a cupbearer to the king has a vision from God to go and rebuild the wall. Nothing in Jerusalem can be restored without a wall. They didn't have locks, or security systems back then - they had walled cities. Walls that kept in the people who were supposed to be there and (hopefully) kept OUT the ones that weren't.

Nehemiah returns, rallies the people and starts to rebuild. Working together, family beside family they each take a part and begin the process. But, the neighbors don't like all that noise. It's disturbing their perfect world. It's making them angry that these silly Jews think they can build a giant wall and keep them out. They broke down that wall, for goodness sake, and they don't want it ever going up again.

So, what do the exiles do? They keep building. With a trowel in one hand and a sword in the other. They do what they know to be right, ready for the battle they know will come.

And then it hits me. I am Jerusalem.

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."

Proverbs 25:28

My new "health kick" has reminded me over and over that I have gone very lax in the self-control area. I skim off my kids plates, I mindlessly eat when I shouldn't, I choose TV over exercise, I CHOOSE to be a broken down wall.

If I have no wall, then the enemy doesn't even have to climb to get to me. I'm RIGHT THERE. Just waiting for attack. No protection, nothing to hide behind.

Now, I have self-control. I have the Spirit of the Most High God living inside of me. A fruit of that Spirit is self-control. Apparently it's not one who's tree I've been cultivating. My black thumb has gotten the best of this tree, it's barely breathing. On life support and waiting for a miracle.

So, with dumbbell in one hand and scripture in the other I start to rebuild. How can I not? What city is effective without a wall? The last thing I want to be is ineffective for the Lord.

Rebuild with me. We can join together, lock arms with our swords and start building.

5 Health Changes to Change Your Life!

2012-01-10T10:20:00.002-06:00

Blogging today over at The PHAT Year! Join me there for a recap of the 5 health changes that could change your life this year!

New Year, New Adventures

2012-01-09T06:59:00.006-06:00

Oh, I've missed you! Did you notice I was gone? Gone from home, gone from blogging, gone from schooling, gone from fixing my hair.....it's been Christmas! We always travel a lot at Christmas and there have been definite years where I have come back needing a vacation, but for some reason this year was not that year. PRAISE THE LORD!

I realized that Christmas was actually refreshing when I got home on Friday and saw that on my little personal dry erase board over the kitchen sink was written "Do the next thing" and instantly remembered the overwhelmed feelings I had before I left. It was such a blessing from God to realize I didn't STILL feel this way!

Now comes the hard part of putting back together my pre-Christmas break life. The house is in shambles, I've not lesson planned so school is behind and the dog needs a bath. BUT, I am strangely at ease with this.

And the hardest part - New Challenges. My sister-in-law and I have started a healthy-living, weight loss accountability group/competition. If you're interested, or just want to check out what we're doing, check out The PHAT Year blog. I have wanted for a long time to:

a. get healthy
b. use the degree I have to help others get healthy

so, here's my chance! You don't have to be in the competition to read the blog, or to participate in the weekly challenges - so if you "follow" me here, go "follow" me there!

I hope you're Christmas was full of Jesus, full of family, and full of down time. Can't wait to catch up!

Need to Breathe

2011-12-18T20:31:00.003-06:00

I have rediscovered a band I forgot I like. Do you ever do that? The lyrics from their ultra-hit song "Something Beautiful" describe my state of mind so well right now that I thought I'd share -

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want
something beautiful To touch me,
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees,
I'm waiting for something beautiful"

Anyone else out there feel like the older you get, the longer you are a Child of the King - the more your realize you don't know ANYTHING?

I mean - I can spit out all kind of Bible stories and facts and interesting quips about all kinds of topics (I went to SEMINARY for goodness sake), but the closer I lean towards HIM, the more I seek HIM the more I am in awe of this fact -

HE IS GOD
I AM HUMAN
WHY DOES HE FOOL WITH THE LIKES OF ME?

Now, I don't mean that in a self-deprecating sort of way, I just mean it simply for what it is.

I am stumped by prayer.

In awe of grace.

Forgetful of his provision.

Begging for mercy, and wondering why it comes.

Fooling around with cheap, imitation joy when true lasting JOY is offered.

"In your ocean I'm ankle deep...."

And here's the funny thing about this strange God-relationship... I hope I never arrive where I want to be. What a paradox.

It reminds me of another lyric from an oldie-but-goodie Casting Crowns song
"How refreshing to know You don't need me.
How amazing to find that You want me."

He wants me. He loves me. He isn't disappointed when I don't "do enough" for Him, he's disappointed when I don't spend time with Him. It's a relationship, not a employer/employee hierarchy.

Can I say that again? HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES YOU!

I forget that on a daily basis.

"Shoot, I woke up too late to read my Bible this morning...hope I get to it later today during nap time, but then I'm so tired during nap time...."

My mental checklist has an empty box needing to be filled.
He has a HEART wanting to LOVE ME.

"I just want something beautiful to touch me, I know that I am in reach...."

Anyone else out there have a heart that is straining for HIM this Christmas season and realizing just how much HE truly loves YOU, and wondering WHY???

Amazing Grace.

For you, so you can beg for something to beautiful to touch you as well...

A little Christmas Happy

2011-12-14T12:53:00.011-06:00

There are special things that make a house a home. I thought today I would share a few of those things from our home as an early "Merry Christmas".

1. My little plague that sits next to my sink. Notice it sits in a broken piece of china (I thought that fitting...)

2. Isn't this a nice Christmas card? I don't know who Ann and Fred are. This was sent to us by accident. What I really love about this card is that the picture on it says it was taken in 2007, but they put it on their 2011 card.

3. We don't have cable. We still watch network tv. Last week John added the crowning piece of the rabbit ears....the tin foil.

4. It's ridiculous how happy this giant map makes me.

5. And finally...nothing says romance in the bedroom like a giant dog kennel piled with books...

I hope you enjoyed a peek into our world. Merry Christmas!

Tales of a Yard Sale

2011-12-11T18:01:00.007-06:00

Once upon a time there was a woman named Amie *names have been changed to protect the stupid* who thought it would be a great idea to have a December yard sale to make a little extra for Christmas.

In the yard sale business there are two separate, yet equally important groups: the people who run the yard sale, and the husbands who bring them coffee.

These are their stories: *bum bum*

- at 6:45 there was a man outside in our yard looking at our empty tables. The signs said 8:00. He wanted to know if we had any knives or skateboards. For his early morning efforts he was rewarded by being guilt tripped into helping my husband move a dresser to the curb. It's still sitting there. No one bought it and we can't move it back.

- at 8:00 AM very nicely dressed Jehovah's Witnesses started coming. I should have anticipated this and NOT put one of my anti-Jehovah's Witnesses video cassettes in the sale pile, but hey.

-After one of the women purchased a scarf from me she asked if she could give me some reading material. I had other people waiting to "check out", so I took the material and smiled. A few minutes later a lady bought an exercise machine and asked if her daughter could come pick it up. She needed me to write my address for her. "Here, this is all I have to write on and I won't read it anyway" as I wrote my address on the back of the "reading material". She replied with "I am also a Jehovah's Witness, let me go to my car and get you something else." Cough, cough, sputter, uhum...

-One woman nearly wept as she hugged and stroked an Adrian Rogers book I had for sale.

- I wondered all day long why I didn't pay more attention in my Spanish classes so I could know if everyone was talking about me....

- One man pulled up to the curb in his truck, rolled down the window and started asking me if I had certain things. He asked in such a low tone of voice that I kept having to get closer and closer. Then I realized he wanted to kidnap me.

- Halfway through the day I went in to go to the bathroom and realized I couldn't feel my legs.

-important yard-sale lesson: kids can make ANYTHING and sell it. People will not turn down children. The kids sold all their cookies and ornaments!

- Another man slowed down and rolled down his window and asked "Do you have any cute brunettes with pigtails?" to which I replied "Only one, but she's taken." before realizing I should have ignored him.

- Yeah, apparently I want to be kidnapped.

- My sweet husband brought me coffee all day long. And he made me an egg sandwich for lunch. Anyone who brings you coffee and egg sandwiches is a keeper.

- At 3:00 we quit, at 4:00 I sat in my chair with a heating pad and lapsed into a coma until 6:00.

- I went to bed at 7:30.

We made a fair amount of money, but I will rethink this December- yard -sale -thing next time.

Those who live with me were great help, but told me (after the sale...) that they felt sorry for me as I sat outside in the 29 degree weather.

That's nice of you, since you were wrapped warmly on the couch in a blanket watching "The Bells of St. Mary".

BUT, you did bring me lots of coffee....

Ad-venting

2011-12-01T12:41:00.003-06:00

I am afraid of our pace. Break-neck, lightning, full-speed and getting nowhere. I look around and notice that everyone is always “busy”, “exhausted”, “stressed” and worn-out. We are led to believe if we can't answer “How are you doing?” with one of the above words, then we must not be accomplishing anything of worth.

What if I answered that questions with “I'm calm, and at peace. I've been spending a lot of time in my chair drinking tea and reading.”? Would you react in your spirit with a “what is wrong with her?” or an “Oh I wish.....” mentality?

Have you seen the 4G cell phone commercials lately? The one with the guys tailgating at the football game and everyone around them has phones slower than theirs. I actually laughed out loud every time I saw it with the part about the guy coming of the RV asking if they knew how to upload videos to facebook, but they had already uploaded the video of him asking.....before he asked.

And then the other one with the ladies in the cafeteria? Someone walks up and asks if they knew so-and-so was quitting, and they already have video of the going away party and ask if he wants some leftover “face” cake?

Okay, I laughed at them for a while. And then I got uneasy with them. Just like the commercial about being able to take the movies you buy anywhere with you, and ends with a kid on a playground holding up an iphone with the cartoon on it. Yeah, I take my kids to the playground so he can watch cartoons too.

Are these a barometer of our own societal pressure?

I was in the ER the other night and it was a packed room. NO LIE, everyone there had a phone in their hand except this little old man that just looked lost. People texting, talking, keeping kids entertained with cartoons. That's when I had this thought...

If aliens came down and zapped our technology, we would all need medication. We wouldn't know how to entertain ourselves, get in touch with others, feed or clothe ourselves. Seriously, complete chaos would ensue.

Would you remember how to write a letter? Would you be able to call any of your friends? Probably not, considering we have all their phone numbers locked in our nice little phones and don't have to remember any of them. Would you remember how to research something without the internet?

No wonder we have a problem with “quiet times”, prayer, waiting on the Lord.

This is advent season. Advent – expectation, waiting. Do any of us ACTUALLY slow down at Christmas? We are supposed to be expectantly awaiting the day that Jesus broke into our hustle/bustle world. Slowly, eagerly anticipating the 25^th, the day we celebrate HIS birth.

I can't help but wonder if Satan is laughing at what we've turned Christmas into. That most of us zoom through the season, fretting over money and gifts and running here and there to party after party and gathering after gathering and rarely pausing to take a breath. Does he laugh? Does he feel proud of himself for all the whispering in our ears that was heeded?

Is our Father happy when we give a cursory 1-2 hours to him in celebration of his birth out of the hundreds of hours of the Christmas season?

Notice I am and not saying “YOU”, I am saying “WE”. I am guilty of this just like all others. I am wondering right now how we'll buy all the presents and make it to all the gatherings, and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I want to change. I have said all this before, but I want my kids to value peace, slowness, quiet time. I don't want to be Amish, or Quakers, but I DO want to be quiet enough to actually HEAR when the Lord speaks to me. Am I? I mean, right now I should be resting in this bed. Am I resting? NO! I am blurry - eyed blogging!

I hope we all find a way to slow down for the Advent season. Intentional holding back. Intentional silence and meditation on what Christmas is. There's nothing wrong with Santa, and parties, and gifts, but shouldn't that be 2% and Jesus be 98%, instead of the other way around?

Celebrate Advent with me. An expectant hush, not a hurried rush.

Regaining a Lost Love

2011-11-28T13:27:00.003-06:00

How did I get to this?

I remember, LONG AGO, when my main interest in life (other than Jesus, of course) was health. I remember loving my college courses, loving my major - Fitness/Wellness Management - pre-physical therapy.

I remember not WANTING french fries simply because I knew they were bad for me.

I had SUCH self control.

Funny thing is, it's still one of my main interests. I still read books no one else wants to read, subscribe to magazines about health and wellness, give advice to others and drink skim milk.

And yet, here I am. 20 pounds staring at me that didn't used to be here.

maybe more....

And I have to talk myself into exercising, even though I know it will make me feel better.

Now my bodily organs are telling me it's time to renew my interest. Specifically my gallbladder. What a gross name for an organ.

I think if I'm going to regain this former love I need to rename my exercise machine. I call it "The Machine". Sounds fun, huh?

Maybe - "Fit into your pre-baby Clothes Machine"

"Avoid gallbladder surgery Machine"

"Steve"

I love to exercise, really. The problem is when I take a break for a while (I broke my toe three weeks ago. PROBABLY could have started again two weeks ago....) I just don't want to go back. I see the beauty of laziness. Coffee in the chair with a good book.

But then I look down from that coffee and see the belly staring up at me that used to be a little more flat.

Maybe alot more flat.

And my gallbladder speaks to me "Come on, you WANT to keep me. You like me, I do good things for you. All you have to do is change a few things and we can still be friends...."

Do I listen? Or do I slap that punk in the face and tell him he's no friend of mine?

Time will tell.

Thanksgiving Family Togetherness

2011-11-18T10:44:00.010-06:00

Mudpies. Leaves blowing. Perfect weather for a front porch afternoon.

Wait, it's a school day. Hmmmm.

You see, Thanksgiving came early to our family. The extended clan all got together last weekend for (one of) our yearly gluttonous holiday. We spent from last Friday to Tuesday at Mamaw's house, we and 17 other people. Mamaw's house is not large. Mamaw's house only has one bathroom. 11 of those 17 (21 including us....) are under 8. If you are in my general vicinity I probably asked you to pray for me before we left.

Mamaw said it well right before everyone else showed up on Friday - her exact quote was "There will be blood". (and there was, quite a bit - me included)

Saturday night my sister-in-law asked me "Do you want to go to Walmart?", to which I replied "Oh, do you need me to go to Walmart?".... and she smilingly said "No, but do you NEED to go to Walmart?" Apparently I was not hiding anything well.

Winner of the happiest baby ever award. Hubby held him alot, I dropped the word "vasectomy" alot.

Auntie brought all the kids silly string. Wasn't that nice....

Absolute glee on the nephew's faces. Not so much on the neices..

So, on Monday everyone but us went home. My family and Mamaw sat on the couch and watched two movies. Without speaking to each other.

Returning at 10:30 Tuesday night after a 4 1/2 hour drive that lasted 6 hours because of rain....

Wednesday I spent the day staring at the wall. Seriously.

Thursday I spent the day making up for all the things I should have done Wednesday while I was staring at the wall.

So, after all that, why do ONE day of school on a Friday when we could spend it sitting on the porch making mudpies?

And in one month..... we get to do it all again.

Housecleaning Madness

2011-11-01T09:32:00.008-05:00

A different kind of recalculating today. Between a retreat over the weekend, sicknesses on Sunday and Halloween ALL day yesterday, our house....our house....Ohhhhhhh our house...

If I had less pride I would take pictures of all the rooms, just so you could see the level of my unease. I am one of those people who cannot think straight when everything is messy. I can't concentrate, can't communicate, can't sleep at night when it's THIS bad. I know people who are blissfully oblivious to the mess and I envy those people sometimes. My husband is this way, bless his heart.

I used to strive for perfection. I wanted every room "just so" and was not happy when someone moved the blanket that I put exactly THERE to look just right, who cares if the blanket is actually for keeping warm. But then I had children, or I got older, not sure which one mellowed me.....a little.

But today I am not mellow - I am frustrated. We just had a "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" day a few short days ago, and now THIS.

But, God has been teaching me about my homeschooling in this area. Am I genuinely preparing them for life if I am drilling spelling, reading, and math, but NOT expecting them to help out on the home team? I am an "it's easier if I just do it" mom. I know, that's terrible. We have charts, we have had chore schedules, rewards and consequences, but somehow when we moved into this house they never resumed. Today that ends. I'm tired. I need help and I will get it from the little people around me!

The only pictures I have to show is my sweet daughter's room. She is a designer, a planner, an artistic soul who cannot stop creating. We have rest time in the afternoon and she spends it quietly playing with her Polly Pockets, reading books and designing clothes for her dolls... and drawing....and sculpting with tin foil (her new favorite)....and making sculptures with her hangers....it's never ending. As a result...

last times "we" cleaned it I took a picture to remind her how great it could look if we kept it up.

How long do you think it lasted?

Sometimes I stand in her doorway and have sweaty/anxious flashes of what kind of wife she will be one day if I don't help her get this under control! I am the one God put in her life to teach her, and I don't feel like I've been doing a good job of it.

I had already decided that today we would set up some new rules, and clean their rooms, and then God helped me with it! Last night she took one of her little friends in her room to see her birds and she told me that her friend said "Man, your room is trashed". It embarrassed her, sweet thing, and now she WANTS to clean it! Thank you JESUS!

So, yet again I declare it CLEAN ALL THE THINGS day. And maybe this time it will stick..... here we go! Wait, maybe I should drink coffee first. Lots of coffee.

Recalculating....

2011-10-30T09:55:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table, Bible open, coffee close by and thinking, thinking, thinking. Three sick ones in the house today, kids and husband all runny noses, coughing and headachy. No church today, just quiet sick days to ponder. And I AM pondering.

This weekend I attended a retreat for homeschooling Mom's with our homeschool group. It was a last minute decision for me, but it was so obviously from the Lord. It was led by Beverly Bradley who runs Family Ministries with her husband, Reb. She has homeschooled for 25 years (I think) and had so much wisdom to share. I went thinking I was going to come away with renewed energy to homeschool and some good practical things to work on. A "to do" list to work hard on and make my day-to-day run smoothly. I like "to do" lists, it gives me something concrete to work on.

But I walked away with abstract, not concrete.

I walked away wondering how to tear down this system I have set up for myself, how to start over from the ground up. Knowing that some of the changes swirling in me will feel like ripping off my own arm, but knowing that arm is diseased and needs to go.

Her main point the whole weekend was that our number one goal is knowing Christ. Not being a good wife, a good mom, a good teacher, but KNOWING HIM. How can we know if we are distracted from the goal if we don't even know the goal? Now, of course I KNEW THAT. Of course I would have told YOU that. But has that been my life?....... honestly no.

Oh, I am a good Christian. I do my quiet time in the mornings and teach the Bible to my kiddos, go to church (most of the time, obviously not today...), do all the "things" I am supposed to do and avoid the things I'm not. If you had asked me if my number one goal in life was to KNOW HIM, I would have said "Yes! Of course!" with a pasted on smile that meant nothing. But does my life reflect that? My every day, day-to-day existence? Nope. If you followed me you would say my number one goal was a clean house, a homeschool to-do list checked off, some quiet time to myself in the afternoons, and a myriad of other things that should be secondary. Good things, but not the BEST thing.

So, this morning, in the quiet house with sleeping family, I sat in my big brown chair - Bible open with a BLANK mind. What do I do, Lord? How do I change this rut? How do I stop quenching the Holy Spirit inside me when it has become an ingrained habit like breathing? How do I go from making sure that Sadie has all her spelling done, to making sure to remember Sadie is a SOUL who you LOVE and are working in and I need to remember to ASK YOU how you are working in her and how can I, as her mom, encourage that? Sounds so common sense, but I forget to do it.

I sit here, Bible open, coffee nearby, with an empty cup. Not a cup full of things to do today, asking YOU to bless my full cup - but an empty cup asking YOU to fill it. What do YOU want my cup to look like today? How do I KNOW YOU in the laundry? How do I KNOW YOU in the runny noses and too much TV?

Makes me think of the Addison Road song I've posted before,

Change in the Making
There’s a better version of me
That I can’t quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I’m a total mess and
Right now I’m completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
Cause you’re not through with me yet

This is redemption’s story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I'm a change in the making

Hopefully soon it will be "recalculating.....updated!"

Ideas Swirling

2011-10-20T19:18:00.006-05:00

I have two book ideas swirling in my head. I ponder writing books all the time. I have ample time to do this (my kids go to bed at 8:30), the problem is that there have been no ideas so inspirational that would keep me up doing anything other than laundry, reading someone else's inspiration, or sleeping. But these two annoy me enough to just MAYBE make me do it. One day. Semi-soon.

Inspiration number one: a book about anxiety from a Christian perspective that does not make a person with this issue feel like a loser. All Christian books (and I say "all" loosely...I have not found many) I have perused on this subject make me feel like I am the WORST Christian in the entire universe. I would like to write a REAL book about REAL Christians who deal with anxiety/panic. People who might even be *gasp* medicated. People who have prayed, have sought the Lord, have tried deep breathing, and then sometimes popped some Ativan.

I'm considering mingling this idea with a ministry perspective book. The push to be "doing" all the time rather than "being" in ministry. I think ministry in this "doing" world leads us to anxiety, so it's possible it will mingle the two ideas together. Who knows. If I write it. When I write it. Soonish.

Inspiration number two: Homeschooling for REAL people. Books, blogs, magazines, Homeschooling networks.....all add up to make you think if you home school you should have it all together. Case in point: today was our Co-op meeting where the Home school network we're part of all get together and offer classes for the kids to take once a week. My two dear friends and I are part of the group, but don't feel "part" of the group most of the time. Why? It seems like they all have perfect lives.

We console ourselves thinking surely they go home and sit in their closets sucking their thumbs and crying.... I digress.

Anyway, as I was leaving today I looked up to see a van load of a family (that I did not know) leaving the parking lot. The Mom was looking in the rear view mirror speaking very harshly to her kids with a look on her face that was TOTAL exasperation, then she looked over - saw me - and flashed a beautiful peaceful smile. I laughed out loud. I think I would have felt better if she had looked over at me and gave me the finger.

It's so easy to make it LOOK like everything is perfect. We only share the good stories, we only share the exciting pictures, we show no fear or weakness. If we show fear or weakness the other mothers might KNOW. They might KNOW that we aren't sure we know what we're doing. KNOW that sometimes we don't like our children all that much..... if you show fear or weakness you get eaten by the herd.

Case in point. Here are some wonderful pictures of a project we did this week.

Now, if all I did was post these pictures, what would you think we were doing this day in our home school? I'm sure you would conjure up ideas of unit studies on castles and knights and damsels in distress. Geography studies of Europe and the feudal system....great ideas.

Here's what really happened. An hour AFTER we were supposed to start school I was shoving a Bible study down their throats while Sadie was whining she wanted to do something FUN and Jack was stacking crayons and refusing to answer Bible questions. I said THE HECK WITH THIS and we decided to destroy the kitchen in search of supplies to build a castle. I took almost complete control of the project, turned down most of their ideas, wouldn't let Sadie paint designs anywhere except on the back of the castle, and then for good measure when it was done I said "Do you know where most castles are in the world, kids? Europe". It took us three hours. Then we watched cartoons. The end.

So, where are the books for people like me?

Maybe there are no people like me. I refuse to believe that. I reject that reality.

So, coming soon to a clearance rack at a Lifeway near you..........

Confession

2011-10-11T12:28:00.006-05:00

Today I lied to my children. It happened before I even could think through what I was doing.

I told them foxes don't have any feeling in their tails. Why, you ask?

Because Samson tied 300 foxes together and set their tails on fire. And once again I was slapped in the face with a question that I have been dealing with for months...how do you teach the old testament to kids without COMPLETELY FREAKING THEM OUT!!?!?!?!?!?

We start our homeschooling day with a Bible story from "Bible Stories to Read" from Rod and Staff Publishers. I love Rod and Staff, they tell it like it is. But sometimes.....well, it's freaking out my children. Every morning starting your day with a Bible story sounds great right? Some recent examples....

...The beautiful story of Abraham and Sarah being blessed in their old age with Issac....the next day God is telling Abraham to take him on a mountain and KILL him......Why did God do that, Mommy?......Well, to be sure Abraham trusted Him(um...yeah....).........

Joseph's brothers didn't like him, so they all decided to KILL him.... threw him in a deep hole and sat down to eat lunch (which Jack noticed and thought was weird)...then sold him instead....

then several days later was JOB, oh my WORD how do you teach Job to children where they will understand? God trying to prove to satan how faithful Job is by KILLING his whole family and striking him with disease......yikes.

THe sweet story of Baby Moses in a basket. Why was he in a basket? Because the Pharaoh was KILLING all the baby boys.

Pharaoh let the people go, they are in the wilderness, Moses up on a mountain getting the 10 commandments and the people make a golden calf to worship. God KILLED them all. The lesson here kids is that if you are disobedient God will kill you.....

The people are sick of the Manna, the whine and complain, God sends snakes to bite them. They DIE. The lesson here kids is don't whine or complain or GOd will kill you....

Achan disobeyed GOd and took what he wanted from Jericho, Achan and his whole family were stoned. "What does stoned mean, mommy?".....

And then today, the poor foxes.

(a coloring page comes with each story....today we were supposed to color the foxes dying. Sadie refused to color it.)

(Oh, and just for fun, here's the coloring page for Job. Notice the sores on his head....)

Now, of couse I'm being a little sarcastic here (a little). I, as a grown-up follower of Christ, who understands that we now have full revelation through the entire Bible, understand why we need to fear the Lord. Of course He is to be feared. But how do you teach the Fear of the Lord to a 6 and 4 year old without them.....fearing Him?

A Friday Manifesto

2011-10-07T09:18:00.003-05:00

Manifesto:
— n , pl -tos , -toes
a public declaration of intent, policy, aims, etc, as issued by a political party, government, or cranky woman on medication.

Today I will drink coffee. Real coffee. Now that I can again, it seems like a super power.

Today I will find a way to remind my children that it's fun to make someone else happy. We will make someone happy today, dang it.

Today I will clean my house, all of it. In two hours or less. yep.

Today I will bathe the stinky dog so that he can become part of the family again.

Today we will spend more time outside than inside (so I better get on that house cleaning thing).

Today I will begin to bake my husband's birthday cake, so that tomorrow I am not spending the entire day on a cake that takes entirely too long to make.

Today I will be fun. I'm not sure how, but it will happen. I am a fun girl. FUN GIRL!

Today I will get on "the machine", I will LOVE it, I will RULE it. And then I will shower.

Today I will teach my children, even though we aren't supposed to do school on Fridays. Thankfully they forget it's Friday unless I tell them.

Today will be a good day. A day to remember! A day that the kids go to bed at night saying "wow, Mom, you are so awesome. I'm so glad I get to have you as a Mommy".

And then I will be exhausted and fall into bed.

The End.