I hope you can all find inspiration from Heather!

All of my life, I have heard that old adage, “it takes a village to raise a child,” but that saying took on a whole new meaning for me when my daughter Lily was born in August of 2005. We were supported by a village that included my family, my in-laws, and all of our friends. It was one of the happiest times of my life.

After I returned to my full-time job, my life changed completely, though not in a good way. I was constantly tired and even breathless. At first I thought the fatigue was brought on by the stress of being a new mother. As time wore on and I continued to feel sick, I decided to see a doctor.

My physician ran an extensive list of tests. And then, in November of 2005, only a few months after Lily was born, I found out I had mesothelioma cancer. I was diagnosed with the pleural form of the disease, which meant the cancer was in the lining around my lungs. The cause of my illness was exposure to asbestos, a mineral known to cause the cancer. My exposure to the mineral occurred during my childhood, though I did not know it until I got sick 30 years later.

When I was diagnosed, I immediately began to think of my family, especially Lily. According to my doctor, I had only 15 months to live, and I worried about how my family would manage without me. Though my diagnosis was malignant mesothelioma and my chances of survival were slim, I decided to go to Boston to receive treatment from an expert mesothelioma doctor. In an effort to save my life, I had an extrapleural pneumonectomy surgery to remove one lung. It didn’t stop there. I stayed in the hospital in recovery for over two weeks, and then about two months later I started chemotherapy treatment for mesothelioma.

While my husband and I were in Boston, Lily stayed with my parents in South Dakota. They became full-time caretakers to Lily, but they didn’t do it alone. They relied on friends and family to look after our girl while they worked.

My parents sent us pictures from South Dakota. Lily was eating solids, rolling around and looking adorable. I shared the photos with the nurses at the hospital. My constant thoughts of Lily and my pictures of her gave me strength.

During that time, our village embraced us with their support. One thing I learned as I battled cancer was that those who stand by you in your time of need are those that can truly be called friends. Cancer is awful. Everyone knows that, but a lot of good comes from loved ones bonding together.

Today, my family tries to live life to its fullest. We are thankful for each other and for every breath. My battle with cancer has made us all realize how precarious life can be. I am thankful.

“It’s okay, mommy.  I understand.”

“You understand what I do?”

“Yes.  I get sad sometimes that’s why I draw pictures of us.  When I miss you, I can just look at the pictures.  I always think of you when I draw pictures, mommy.”

“Thank you, darling!”

“Mommy, do you think of me when you work?”

“Of course, darling.  Always.”

“You should draw pictures, too.  It makes me feel happy. I’m sure you’ll be happy too.”

I can only smile and give her a kiss.  Why is she so smart?

I’ve been waiting for this for so long.  The kids are now big enough for all of us to enjoy a trip.  Yes, all of us including me.  When you go swimming or go out of town with a 1 y/o and 3y/o our 2 and 4, it was usually more stressful than fun ( atleast for me).  But now, the kids being able to jump and play in the kiddie pool while I sit close by is just a total bliss.  Of course, it also helps that I have a sister that is  crazy about swimming as my kids.  They can stay out in the pool while I relax in the cottage. LOL!

I’m also trying to get the kids to learn how to swim.  Hubby and I loves to swim and used to go swimming often.  Naturally, we want the kids to share the same passion.  Who knows with a little bit more patience, we’ll be able to take them snorkeling or made even scuba diving some day.  Oh, if I’m lucky, we’ll be able to do more outdoor activities (like mountain climbing), too. Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself, now.

Anyway, I feel that this is just a well-deserved break for Hubby and I, who haven’t been able to have fun for a long time.  The Hubby was also very much into the idea of trips lately.  He use to just sleep all day long on weekends and it was hard to convince him to take us out, but lately, he’s actually the one suggesting them and making plans.  We still have a long summer ahead and a lot of friends and relatives visiting from abroad, so I’m sure there’s be more trips to come.   I wonder if we’ll be able to make it up north this year?

But since I’ve changed job in 2011 and again this year, time shouldn’t be an issue anymore. Still not enough posts here and elsewhere (except probably in my clients blogs).  So it got me thinking, why it is so hard to write for my own blog?  What’s causing this writer’s block?

Mike Rose defines writer’s block as “an inability to begin or continue writing for reasons other than lack of basic skill or commitment”

I may not be such a great writer but I think I have enough of the basic skills to get by.  Beginning something is not really much of a problem for me, either.  Continuing? Definitely.  I found over a 100 starter post in my computer and several drafts in my dashboard waiting for me to review and published.  Then there’s my idea notepad that I’m keeping with a lot of topics and references to use.

So, what’s stopping me from publishing any of them?

I tried to recall why I ended up not publishing them and a few reasons that came to mind are: wanting to edit them again, can’t seems to end it or needing to add more to the post.  Then I would end up forgetting about them as I attend to other matter.

There’s also this concern on what I can and can’t write.  I don’t want to offend people or sound judgmental.  I wanted to share my experiences but fear that I don’t have enough to share.  I wanted to speak up but not sure if it’s worth.  I wanted to engage people but I feel my content won’t be able to…

Oh, there’s also the thing about style, format, presentation…Am I doing it correctly?  Probably not…

Even as I write this particular post, the critic in my brain is constantly bugging me telling me to change this and that.  To add something here and there.  That’s I’m not following this tips I read about in this so and so site.  I’m exhausting myself with all this thoughts when all I wanted was to write about this writer’s block in an attempt to break free.

I found this quote while reading about writer’s block,

“There is no such thing as writer’s block for writers whose standards are low enough.” -William Stafford

The article tells how William, through this quote, encourages writer’s to let go and forget judgement, both from others and oneself.  I, for one, is my biggest critic which did nothing for me but discourage me from writing spontaneously and freely.

Yesterday, I did my best to just publish something.  It was a rant but it was a published rant, and on a topic that I never even dare mention in my friends in FB and probably won’t interest anyone.  That’s a start.  Today, I’m talking about my writer’s block.  Tomorrow, who knows…but I’m making  it my mission to let another month past before writing something new.

If you landed here looking for tips on overcoming writer’s block, maybe this article could help.

I have done so many crazy things to my hair but I think I just top them all with this new haircut.

I’m not sure if the heat toasted my brain or I got too cope up with all the new things happening around me.  But whatever it is, I’m definitely sure I wasn’t in my right mind…

You see, I never, in my entire life, had a short hair.  Never!  It was always at the very least below my shoulder and can be tied up.  But a few weeks ago, I decided I’m tired of my hair.  Getting a rebond  or straightening my hair is out of the question (TOO EXPENSIVE and I have no patience with maintaining it), so why not get a really,really short hair.

It was a really short haircut, alright.  People always say I look exactly like my mom and my sister.  But now,  I so look so much like my dad and brothers.

Hubby is not making any comments on the hair because he knew it can trigger more craziness from me — maybe shaving my head???

Anyway,  the cut was great when I was in the salon and after a few days.  But 2 weeks later, it has grown long enough that it’s out of control…not posting any picture of that…just take my word for it.

Now, do I buy all the bandanas I can find or should I have it cut shorter???  I need to google for a solution to this.

Honestly, I kind of think it’s crazy that we’re even worrying about her finals really.  She’s 5, in Kinder, and studying for her finals?  Really, how serious could it be?  And why, oh why is this purposed Montessori-type school more focus on exam and rankings?  My thoughts on Ki’s education will be a whole to topic to explore so let’s move on.  Right now, I’m drill holes in my brain trying to remember all the teaching skills I’m supposed to have acquired back in college when I took all those education subjects are effective…lol!

But back to the subject of Summer, it’s so hot in here that we’ve all been itching to go out of town and spend a day (or two) on the beach.  I actually tried coaxing the Hubby to take us last Saturday, but he’s serious about getting all the renovations done as soon as possible, so the kids have to content swimming in a overly large basic by out terrace.  Poor me, I couldn’t fit in so I just watched as the kids jump and splash in the water. 

“Hubby, can you include a bathtub in your renovation list?”

Anyway, summer is still early so there’s still a lot of opportunity for us.  I’m smiling right now, as I type that last sentence.  A year ago I wouldn’t dare promise the kids that we’re going somewhere and here I am now making plans.  lol!

I was browsing through our pictures from previous summers and our last trip to the beach was 3 years ago.  Ki was only 2 then and I’m still carrying the Little Guy in my womb.  I think I’m just in my first trimester in this picture.

We did have a few travels and pool fun here and there after that.  Thanks to friends and families who love to celebrate special events during the summer.  But an actual planned vacation?  No, we haven’t have that since the Little Guy was born.  We’re too caught up with our work then, plus the kids seems too young that it’s more stressful for me and the Hubby to take them, so the recent summer years have been very uneventful for us.

Here’s a picture of the kids in the pool.

The Little Guy’s first and only pool experience thus far. I really have to make up to him.

I think this is the first time in a long time that I’ve actually noticed summer this early.  It’s probably the tan that I just got from working at our terrace.  Hubby has one too, so everyone’s asking if we actually did take a trip to the beach already. haha!  Lots of sunshine’s also getting in the house so it’s really bright around here.  Hard not to notice how warm (more like hot) the weather has been this past few days.

I need to get started with our summer to do list now.  I’m sure it’ll be busy household once the Princess starts her summer vacation.

The New House

For a 20 something year old house, this place is still pretty much okay. Nothing major to repair though we do need to make some additions to accommodate a total of 15 people, like a new bathroom at the 3rd floor, where me and the whole e-Pamilya crew is staying.

Can you imagine 15 people sharing a single bathroom?  It can be chaotic but fortunately we all have different schedules.  The elders and the school kids are up at dawn for their early school and work; me and the hubby have the bathroom for ourselves on late mornings; and the young adults get to us the bathroom from noon till early evening.  They have graveyard shifts or late work hours, so things are have worked out well.  Of course, a second bathroom would be great, especially for me who stays home most days.

Even if there’s so many people living in this house, privacy is not an issue.  Like I described in my other blog, we live at the top of the house so it’s like having our own house except we have  one common area that connect our houses.  Also, everyone is also almost always away except for my granddad and parents so it’s a really a quiet place.

The New Routine

More than the new house, it’s our new routine that’s a challenge for me.  Life in our old apartment was simply, get the kids ready so my parents can pick them up by 8 in the morning and I can pretty much do whatever.  My parents take care of the kids from 8 to 8 so I only have to worry about myself then — whether it’s going to work or staying home. Now, my parents are still more than welcome to take the kids while I work, but the kids have other things in mind.  Since mommy is around, they want to do so many things with mommy.  Even a simple change of clothes have to be with mommy’s assistance even if grandma is around.  In short, I have my kids tailing me around the house most of the time now.  Not that I’m complaining.  I’ve been longing for this work from home gig for so long.  It’s just that I under estimated what it really means to work at home with the kids…lol!  I’m sure I’ll eventually get in to my new role!

I do have to admit that it was a rocky start for me when we finally moved into our new home.  At first, the kids thinks mom is jobless for the time being, so they try to occupy my time with books to read to them and asking for almost everything every second.  It took some time to explain to a 3 and 5 year old that mommy may be home but she still have work.

Getting everyone into a routine that I can fit into my work schedule was also a challenge at first, until M (my boss) pointed out that having a flexible work schedule means working around my life instead of the other way around.  I guess I was so used to working at a set time in an office that I forgot the things I wanted to do if I get a chance to have a flexible work schedule. LOL!  Now a days, I don’t stress as much that I haven’t check my email as early as I use to.  If I get to it at 7am, good for me, if not, I can do it after the Princess left for school.  If I didn’t get to do my job in the AM because the Little Guy wants mommy to carry him around, it’s okay.  I can work at night.  Wasn’t that the reason why I took on a home-base job?  Oh well, I just have to remind myself about this staff.

The New Job

Working from home is still great.  Yes, I’m still hype after a little over a month. I think it helps that my boss is a woman and someone who also had her share of soul searching after becoming a mom.  No offense to my guy bosses.  Like I said, I still need some adjustments in terms of balancing my new work and and my life at home but all is well and great!

I’m sure there are more challenges to come as we continue with this new life.  I’m just happy that everyone’s adapting well and seems more happy.  Oh, my new office space outside the veranda is not so bad too.  Look what’s around me while I work:

…and still growing strong.

I love you, darling!

So just after Christmas, I made up my mind that I’ll give home-base job a try.  I have several accounts in various online job posting/bidding sites that have been dormant for quite some time now and I thought it’ll be a good I idea to be active again.  But before I can even start bidding, I got a email about my resume in onlinejobs.ph.  Two weeks later and here I am officially a WAHM.

Am I too happy?  Well, I just can’t believe my luck.  Remember, I was ready to be unemployed for the first quarter of the year.  Who would I thought I’ll get found before the New Year’s fireworks would die down.

Oh, this is not gonna be a semi-WAHM gig like last year that ended up being an office job. (Not that I regret that decision.)  This time it’s gonna be a 100% full-time, flexi-hour, home-based job.  The type I’ve always been wishing and writing about here but never had the enough courage or determination to go for.  I think this quote describes my state at that time:

Much as we may wish to make a new beginning, some part of us resists doing so as though we were making the first step toward disaster. – William Throsby Bridges

So how was my first 12 days of 2012?

Literally a new beginning – new job, new schedule, and a new apartment to move into in a couple of days…

I remember just before 2011 started, i took the irreversible step to a new career.  It started with high hope until I lost track of the reason why I was taking on this new path.  The rest of the year was spent pondering how I should move forward.

I must have ponder too long, so faith decided to step in and throw me out of my box.  I was literally pushed to take the step and it sure got me moving.   Once I’ve made up my mind and started moving, that when change started happening.

Is it too early for a celebration?

Who knows.  I’m just happy that I’m actually moving forward now instead of just sitting by the roadside unable to decide which path to take.

Hubby’s comforting words: Don’t worry about the things you can’t control. Just do your best so you’re ready when they come your way.

Here’s to a new beginning!  Here’s to living today with no regrets!

2011 year is a year of change and new beginning for me and my family.  It’s also a year of many first.  Here’s a look into my 2011.

Check out Four Plus An Angel for more year in review and don’t forget to link up.  Happy New Year everyone!