Playing with Dreams

2010-01-31T01:15:00.000-08:00

Playing with Dreams January 2010

This search for my background does not have a beginning or an end. The daydream that I have built up over many years is crumbling down piece by piece. It is slowly being replaced with another reality. Sometimes it is better than before, sometimes it leaves me breathless and quite often it is painful. What my reality will become is a journey into the unknown and more than slightly intimidating.

This webstory is divided into three parts. The first part discloses what I knew about my birth, my experiences with being adopted throughout my childhood right up until the time that I consciously chose to start the search for my birth mother in June 2004. The second part concentrates on the search itself and continues onwards from that date right up until the present. Part Three connects Part Two to Part One and is the story of my birth parents leading up to my birth. Part Three is still one big question mark and the purpose of this search. I hope to find out answers to questions such as “why was I born”? and “who were my birth parents”? It is hopefully worth waiting for!

From January 2010 I onwards I will add several chapters per month to the webstory. I will begin with Part One but will also start simultaneously with Part Two. Eventually Parts One and Two will be joined up, Part Two will have reached present day and I hope that by then that I have found out enough information to be able to continue on with Part Three.

I have written this basically for myself and for my children but also for those people who can in some way benefit from this journey. Somehow I feel that my story does not fit into my body and that by writing it down it can flow out and fill another place. Although it gives me peace of mind, it is also opening up my eyes to the peculiar series of events, actions, coincidences, choices and results that have and still are taking place.

Although I like to write, I do not consider myself a writer. The grammatical errors are all mine! It is also possible that my English has been influenced by the Dutch language that I have enthusiastically practised over the years! Communication is the key and I hope that this webstory is clear enough to follow and understand.

For those who are interested in want to know more about me, check out the television program www.spoorloos.kro.nl under Season 49, 26 January 2009 and if you are interested in what I do for a living, have a look at the website www.groenetakken.nl.

PART ONE

The birth
Giving birth to a baby in Australia in 1966 was apparently no big deal. No parties, no cards and no congratulations. The pregnant girl became a mother but the mother remained a girl. Any feelings had to be buried. She had to move on. She left. She left me. On purpose.

My adoptive parents-to-be were overjoyed that I was born. They could not have children of their own but had a strong desire to have a family. Three children – that was their dream. I was the oldest. The first born. Their first successful experience with an adoption agency.

to be continued.........

PART TWO

The research results
The appointment was finally made for the clinic at 9am on Monday 21st June 2004. All decisions that I had to make after this date were put on hold. I became numb and the days went by exceedingly slowly. I felt that I was walking through heavy mud. The nights became restless and I began to dream of becoming a half woman with psychological problems, nowhere to stay, no money, no future and eventually a life without my children.
A good friend met me at the clinic on Monday. We were ushered into the office of the elderly research professor. He sat before us with an expression of neutral professional concern on his face. I reached into my bag for the list of questions that I had prepared the evening before. My intuition told me that everything was alright but my uppermost emotions were tumultuous and overpowering. I was dead scared. The professor spoke. One sentence. Bewilderment. Disbelief. I asked him to repeat it. It was true. The hurricane in my stomach was slowly replaced with a wave of warmth. I could live again. There would not be an extra operation and my two daughters were safe for the moment. The disease was not hereditary.

to be continued.......

Eerste blogbericht

2009-12-30T06:16:00.000-08:00

Hier komt mijn eerst weblog bericht

Pip Gilmore

Playing with Dreams

Eerste blogbericht