PIRATES ON WEB

How to secure your important documents in your wallet

2012-09-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc., so you will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call to cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed using your name, address, SS#, credit, etc. To limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know. As everyone always advises, cancel your credit cards immediately, but the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one). But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never ever thought to do this) - Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

Top 5 Apps by Retailers Choice for online Shopping

2012-09-16T14:04:00.001-07:00

The power of any online shopping application can be measured on various metrics. Among the key parameters of measurement is how much it can do for the shopper, the retailer and the developer respectively in order of priority. This is in tandem with the new electronic age adage which recognizes customer as king and everyone else comes behind. Internet plays a key role in marketing trends since every item on the shelves of all physical stores in the world has a corresponding review, description or even online marketplace where you can buy it online from the comfort of your home. Billions of dollars are spent every year to make sure consumers get compelled to buy from one manufacturer and/or vendor/brand in the competitive market offered by internet. This is evident from influential ads found on the internet. Be it through youtube videos, eye-catching ads on top-ranking sites and the millions of “Top 10” lists available on the internet.

With increasing competition comes the need to make sure brands, products and services get to consumers at their comfort, whenever they want to have them and how to have these brands, products or services. Numerous apps have been developed to meet this niche that taps from the power of online shopping. The measurements of these apps are based on a number of approaches but the core important ones to consider in this scenario is their capabilities to the online shopper and the vendor/retailer/manufacturer depending on who is providing the services of the online shopping. The applications are used to link the two to implement sale and therefore the application involved is of critical importance. Among the most efficient applications for online shopping to hit the market are:

1. 1. Amazon Price Check

Amazon price check app searches for products by way of scanning barcode; snapping the cover page of a book, DVD, CD, or video game poster; or by a product name query. This app limits the user in that only items listed in Amazon will appear as search results. Only merchants from amazon can sell their items from this app denying the consumer the variety and competitive pricing they would get from vendors outside Amazon marketplace. The 2 million merchants available on Amazon will offer most items online shoppers would like but does not offer the most competitive pricing. Bargain hunters will be happy to know they can benefit from the Deal of the Day offer as well as Lightning Deals offer which can change multiple times a day. The app is available for apple and android devices.

1. 2. Jifiti

Jifiti is a gifting platform that allows user to spot, share and redeem gifts while walking through stores. Friends and family can easily purchase or chip in for a gift on the Jifiti platform. Friends and family can actually buy the user a gift or easily chip in with one click directly on the Jifiti.com website. All they have to do is click on the link sent by user to them, hit buy (or chip in) and user receives a notification directly to their app. Recipient can simply walk into the store and pick it up with the in-app notification. The app is capable of searching items from captured barcodes.
Jifiti adds a social aspect to online shopping. This makes it very easy for friends to spot you that item you have always craved for. Upon receiving a gift you can opt to check out from store. The variety of items and number of vendors provides for competitive pricing of items. Jifiti shoppers can get this app from Apple online store. New 'Friends' button allows you to see your Facebook friends and invite them to join the Jifiti shopping experience. The android version is on the pipeline but not yet released. This app derives high rankings from social engagement as well as variety of items offered from stores which is crucial to customer satisfaction. This app does not promise much to bargain hunters although the competitive prices are very compelling.

1. 3. Goodzer

This app promises to get you what you need in the shortest time possible. You however do not get the benefits of competitive pricing. Goodzer is specifically resourceful in finding goods in the nearest stores. This is achieved through providing results which are mapped out to the closest store near you. It lists products sold at major retailers as well as small stores and boutiques that would have otherwise been ignored by most online shopping apps. You should however make a call to confirm the availability of goods in the stores listed by Goodzer before making a trip to the store as they are out of stock in some instances. Goodzer is available for iPhone but users can still access the services from goodzer.com as well.

4. Google Shopper
Google Shopper can scan the bar-code of almost any product. It also lets you scan the covers of books, CDs, DVD, or video games just by pointing your phone's camera at the product. Users can simply say the name of a product and Google's voice search will find it in Shopper. Once users have found an item within the app, they can find the product at various sellers online, complete with seller ratings. Users can also locate the item at nearby stores, read reviews of the product, and read details about the product, including a description, related products, specifications, and videos. The advantage that comes with this app is its linkage to Google Offers—daily local deals available in select cities—so users can purchase a Google Offer right within Google Shopper. The app can also keep lists of products scanned and be used to create a shopping list. The app is available for iPhone and android devices.

5. Smoopa

Smoopa uses barcodes to compare prices from different stores such as Amazon, Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Sears, Kmart, Office Depot, OfficeMax, CompUSA, TigerDirect, Buy.com, and more. The user scans a product barcode while at a store, enters the price of the item, and selects the store. The app then compares it with other prices in its database. Smoopa shows a green and yellow button, signifying user can save money by price matching (yellow), or it's a good price and the user should buy it (green). Smoopa can also track a product and send alerts to the user if the price drops below a specified amount. Smoopa also rewards people for using the app with giftcards, rebate checks, and donations to charity. The more people use Smoopa, the more rewards they'll earn. This android and iPhone app is especially useful to merchants who would like to keep check on the competitiveness of their prices relative to other stores.

How to download torrents when your P2P/torrents are blocked by web proxy

2012-09-10T09:04:00.004-07:00

Dear ardent readers of my blog,
I have recently delved into migrating this blog and another one that I run at samloffee.webs.com to a self-hosted domain and host. You should check updates on that soon.
Lets now go to the duck of the day. Its pretty well fried I guess. you are probably lost in desperation when your school/college/university/workplace has the "torrents blocked". This is not unusual. Most institutions do that to limit on bandwidth use per host and improve the network performance. This however does not justify the reason why users should be blocked from using this file sharing technology which proves to be next frontier after most file servers face the risk of shutdown due to infringement on copyrights on account of content found in their servers (Story for another day). You are probably asking yourself how to get that file you found out is only available through torrent downloads.
You should take note that most often the admin of the network will have probably blocked you from downloading the torrent file (that small torrent file usually below 200kb that initiates the torrent download of interest). you will thus not be able to have a torrent file unless you use an alternative unrestricted internet connection to download the file. In this case, you will have to depend on a magnetic link to be able to use the method am about to describe below. Go to your preferred website that hold torrent file collection. Find the file of interest within the website. Once spotted, choose tto download the same using magnetic link (This usually opens your torrent client say uTorrent/BitTorrent etc and feeds it with the URI- Its pretty happens very fast you might not probably notice it.). Ensure you have either the torrent file of interest or its URI in your torrent client application.This is how you proceed:
1. On your torrent client, right click the file of interest. Select the option of "Copy Magnetic URI".
2. open web browser. Open the ZBIGZ Website
3. Paste the Magnetic URI on the bar at the top. Then click "Go"
4. Proceed with the steps and Wait for the file to be prepared for direct download.
5. Click download/zip when ready
Enjoy the download experience
Robust speeds and resumable downloads can be attained from premium accounts. More info coming soon.

How to unlock ZTE San Francisco Orange

2012-09-01T04:31:00.004-07:00

This week i have been researching on tricks to unlock ZTE San Francisco locked to orange kenya. The progress is amazing and I will soon be releasing an archive for that, so you can check from my www.4shared.com account for that.
And just as a by-the-way I stumbled upon a commercial (cloud) server that lets you download stuff from the internet at amazing speeds. Free users get to enjoy all the benefits enjoyed by premium users and whats more, they pay users for uploads. interesting? check it out at www.180upload.com

How to unlock Huawei Gaga Orange

2012-09-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

This week i have been researching on tricks to unlock huawei gaga locked to orange kenya. The progress is amazing and I will soon be releasing an archive for that, so you can check from my www.4shared.com account for that.
And just as a by-the-way I stumbled upon a commercial (cloud) server that lets you download stuff from the internet at amazing speeds. Free users get to enjoy all the benefits enjoyed by premium users and whats more, they pay users for uploads. interesting? check it out at www.180upload.com

TIPS TO INCREASE SPEED AND PERFORMANCE OF MOZILLA FIREFOX

2012-05-28T00:43:00.000-07:00

We all know, Firefox is widely used internet explorer and now many popular Add-ons are available for it. But If we install many ad-ons for Firefox, we experienced some slowness in the performance while opening multiple pages at the same time so to increase the performance here are some tips.

Write "about:config" In the address bar of your Firefox browser and press Enter (Some time you can see some security alert so, click "Proceed" Button). Many configurations you will find.
Now After making some change in to pipelining and some for simultaneous connections we can increase the performance of Firefox.
Setting for Pipelining :
Look for the following entries in to the configuration page.
network.http.pipelining

network.http.proxy.pipelining
network.http.pipelining.maxrequests
Now you have to change above entries by just double clicking each entry.
Set network.http.pipelining to TRUE
Set network.http.proxy.pipelining to TRUE
Set network.http.pipelining.maxrequests to number 8 (requests at once).

Now right click anywhere and select New->Integer . Name it as nglayout.initialpaint.delay and set the values 0 .
This value is the amount of time the browser waits before it acts on information it receives. This will again help you to increase the performance of browser.
Now we will do some settings for simultaniously connections.
Settings for Simultaneous Connections:
Look for the following Entries and change the values of each entry.
network.http.max-connections = 96
network.http.max-connections-per-server = 32
network.http.max-persistent-connections-per-proxy = 24
network.http.max-persistent-connections-per-server = 12
You have to follow the same method to change the setting. Double Click on each entry and modify the values for each
Pls. Note that doing the above settings, with some of the pages you can face some loading problem and for those who are using Broadband with Firefox will experience much faster speed from now onwards.

Install Microsoft Security Essentials Without Genuine Validation Check

2012-03-09T23:32:00.000-08:00

Microsoft Security Essentials is the free antivirus developed and provided by Microsoft for free to Windows XP, Vista and 7 users. It has been very good detection against virus and it is light which does not put a lot of load on your computer. However to install Microsoft Security Essentials, the user must go through the genuine validation check first. If the genuine validation passes, the installation continues but if failed, the user cannot proceed with the installation showing the message “This copy of Windows did not pass genuine validation. You might be a victim of software counterfeiting” and will be either asked to close the setup or get a genuine Windows.

If you do not have Windows Genuine Advantage (WGA) installed because you want privacy and does not trust what information is being constantly sent to Microsoft, then here is a method on how to install Microsoft Security Essentials bypassing the genuine validation check.

1. Download Microsoft Security Essentials.

2. Right click on mssefullinstall-x86fre-en-us-xp.exe, go to 7-Zip and click Extract to “mssefullinstall-x86fre-en-us-xp.exe\”

3. Download MSSE Genuine Check Bypass Loader, extract and copy the loader.exe file to the mssefullinstall-x86fre-en-us-xp.exe folder.

4. Run loader.exe and Microsoft Security Essentials setup will launch. Follow the on-screen instructions and when asked validate your Windows, just continue with it. Within a few seconds you will get a message “This copy of Windows passed genuine validation”.

You can now update and use Microsoft Security Essentials as normal. However you will notice that there are some red alert notifications in the program telling you that Windows did not pass genuine validation and you can run another validation check after you get genuine Windows.

This annoying message can be removed by following the steps below.

1. Press WIN+R, type %WINDIR%\system32\drivers\etc and click OK.

2. Open hosts file with a text editor, add the following entries to the file and save it.

127.0.1.1 spynettest.microsoft.com

127.0.1.1 spynet2.microsoft.com

127.0.1.1 mpa.one.microsoft.com

3. Press WIN+R, type "%ALLUSERSPROFILE%\Application Data\Windows Genuine Advantage\Data" (with quotes) and click OK. Delete the data.dat file in the data folder.

The method above only works on Windows XP. We have tried it on Windows 7 and got the error message “Unable to change access to memory region!” when trying to run the loader.exe. Unfortunately every running loader.exe with Windows XP SP3 compatibility mode also won’t work.

Compare Pros and Cons of Villas vs. Hotels vs. Motels

2012-03-08T16:11:00.003-08:00

Compare Pros and Cons of Villas vs. Hotels vs. Motels

When looking for travel destinations most people look at a few factors that determine their choice of accommodation provider to their respective destinations either on the way or at their destination. Motels cater for travelers seeking to sleep over and offers secure parking facilities for motorists before they proceed with their journey. Parking spaces provided by motels are usually if not always at the front of the motel and customers are usually booked rooms where they can see their vehicles from their rooms. Some motels contain kitchen rooms. However, most motels offer bed and breakfast for their customers. The prices charged by most motels is reasonably low and affordable as they do not go the extra mile of providing luxurious facilities and privacy to customer with most being characteristically crowded and poor customer service, while others have dirty rooms and bedbugs. They only offer you the convenience to take a break on your journey when darkness sets in. The environment is less appealing with hooting cars just passing by the road.

Needs of customers seeking a more relaxing environment is catered for by hotels. Most are primarily located in towns or cities and their standards. A conventional hotel room has a bed, two chairs, dressing table, a TV set and telephone, wardrobe, bathroom. For a few extra coins you could in addition get a room with different cable or satellite movie channels instead of an old TV set. High end hotels provide guest with free Wi-Fi internet access in the lobby, work desks, faxing/photocopying services, voicemail and access to conference and board rooms where business clients can host their meetings. The customer can stay in the hotel as long as he wishes as they are billed on a daily basis. Free breakfast is also available at a pocket friendly price but laundry, lunch, dinner, snacks, and drinks would be at an additional fee. Although more expensive than motels facilities such as pools, fitness centers and room service are available for high market end clients. No customized services are readily available and it common for customers to end up in bedbug infested or dirty rooms with poor service in lower class clientele hotels. Also common are delays in room allocations with no privacy at all.

The best rooms are however found in Villas which provide high class services, privacy and flexibility for those with kids. Services offered include multiple utility rooms and bedrooms, private swimming pool, in-house laundry washers and dryers, equipped game rooms, home theater systems and covered lanais, spacious living and dining areas, more informality, more privacy, and more personal service than even the best hotel can provide. Other Villas have electronic entry systems in a gated-community, massages, Wi-Fi internet connection, cars, trained cooks, maids, house boys, spa therapists, laundresses, gardeners, night guards and drivers. However all these come at high rental rates and it is difficult to get a Villa that exactly suits all the client’s needs. At times those who book clients in the Villas are not the owners and therefore not ready to address poor service.

Sytropin

2012-03-08T16:05:00.003-08:00

Most people confess to getting worried over gaining the slightest ounce of body weight. Others worry about the impact it has on their health. There are remedies to such occurrences such as a consistent use of sytropin. Sytropin is amazing because it faces all health problems in your body head on. Sytropin supports healthy weight loss regimens. You do not have to be worried on the weight lost but how fit you will be in the exercise routine. It is so fit that your skin will tone evenly and reduced probability of appearance of wrinkles on your face. Sytropin has proven the test of time by registering millions of success cases both in Asian countries and in other continents. Among the strong points of Sytropin is that it is natural. It has the ability to prevent wrinkles on your face. This is desirable as it conceals any signs of ageing.

Compare toasters before settling on a brand

2011-12-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

Shoppers have been duped for too long to go for certain brands while shopping for a toaster without sampling toaster oven reviews. The stereotype that some manufacturers make better brands of toasters has gained momentum because shoppers do not probe further than what needs are met by these manufacturers. It is not reasonable to conclude that a manufacturer will always produce a good toaster based on the reputation of a preceding product of the same brand. This is not a good presumption as it could make you spend your savings on a toaster that does not deliver on its promise.

It is advisable to compare toasters on the criteria of price, close competitors, toaster size and the power they consume while in operation. Also take note of the time a toaster takes to prepare a slice of bread. Make these vitals comparisons to ensure you arrive at the best quality toaster that meets all your needs.

Buy toasters that have warranty

2011-12-18T22:56:00.001-08:00

Even after sampling numerous home appliances magazines and toaster oven reviews, you will still not get a good product unless you look out for very specific details on a product that will ensure you get value for money. Among the most important things to look out for while shopping for a toaster or oven is the warranty.

The warranty appears as a useless document in the eyes of most shoppers but it proves it worth when your toaster or oven breaks down just a few days after purchasing it. This document provides you with the confidence that a certain product will give you service for not less than the period specified in the document. In case the toaster or oven breaks down before that time, you are justified to take it back to the manufacturer or dealer. The dealer will either replace or make repairs to the item whose warrant has been provided. It is important to take advantage of this important document.

Advantages of buying toasters from recognized dealers

2011-12-18T22:53:00.000-08:00

If you are planning to get your kitchen a good toaster or an oven, I would recommend you look for a number of approved dealers for various toasters and ovens from the toaster oven reviews. It is important to insist on approved dealer as they will be in a position to offer professional advice on various ways of setting up and operating your oven or toaster.

Approved dealers offer after sales services such as undertaking maintenance of your equipment at no extra charge. The dealer derives profits from making sales to customers as well as incentives from manufacturer to undertake such maintenance services of products from the sponsoring manufacturer. The advantage of using dealers to fix you toaster or oven is that they are experienced and will usually diagnose the problems of a toaster or oven very fast. The customer is also confident that the oven or toaster is being repaired by trustworthy people whose intent is to retain the repute of the brand as opposed to extorting you.

A less tedious way to prepare breakfast

2011-12-18T22:46:00.000-08:00

According to most toaster oven reviews, a good toaster should be able to prepare a good toast in less than three minutes. In addition, the toaster you also be able to consistently deliver evenness of the toast and achieve surface temperatures around the specified temperatures over and over again.

If you are seeking to equip your kitchen with a toaster oven for preparing breakfast, then the toaster of choice should be able to deliver quality toasts that are evenly toasted. In addition, the toaster should be able to retain same quality of toasts for a number of required slices of bread. Time taken to toast each slice should be almost the same for all the slices of bread to be toasted. The toaster should also be flexible enough to cater for bagels and frozen foods. This is to ensure that you have a reliable toaster that you can depend on every morning to provide services you require every morning for preparing breakfast. It is essential to maintain this performance to ensure you breakfast preparations go on smoothly.

Rallying through the African wild

2011-12-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

If you are considering to go rallying in African wilderness, you will find a Garmin GPS a worthwhile investment for your sports car just in case you need to find your way out of the bush. The devices come in a variety of model just to fit to your exact requirement.

There are the Garmin GPS for the motor vehicle itself. Alternatively you can opt to get yourself the handheld GPS. The benefits of these gadgets are that they can be transferred from one vehicle to another. This gives you unmatched flexibility and you are at the same time assured of their reliability when it comes to directions. The unique aspect of the African bush is its tendency to look alike everywhere you go exposing you to the risk of getting lost. You will also bear me witness that these bushes are very unsafe if you get stuck with no one to help you find your way.

young entrepreneurs

2010-03-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

This little boy hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.

After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"

The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.

The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.

The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."

The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!

Kids Say The Dandest Things

2010-03-11T21:45:00.000-08:00

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"(and it would be in pounds of course)

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

No curvy mannequins in shop windows

2010-03-02T05:23:00.000-08:00

TEHRAN, TUESDAY

Iranian police warned shopkeepers not to use mannequins without headscarves or which exposed body curves, official news agency IRNA reported.

"Using unusual mannequins exposing the body curves and with the heads without Hijabs (Muslim veil) are prohibited to be used in the shops," Iran’s moral security police in charge of Islamic dress codes said in a statement carried by IRNA.

Iranian police have stepped up a crackdown on women and men, boutiques and small companies which fail to enforce strict religious dress codes since 2005.

The measures are the latest in a countrywide campaign against Western cultural influences in the Islamic Republic.

"Both showing necktie and bow tie behind the windows ... and (the) selling (of) women’s underwear by men are prohibited," said the police statement.

In the past, crackdowns tended to be launched at the start of Iran’s hot summers and petered out soon after. But last year they extended into winter and included a drive against tight women’s trousers and even men with spiky "Western" hairstyles.

Five things a player will never say

2010-03-02T04:29:00.000-08:00

A successful pickup artist is typically endowed with the gift of gab, but thanks to time and experience, he carefully selects what chitchat he makes. To the receptive girl, it always sounds smooth and casual — never forced and never strained, and it will lead almost any woman to relax in mere minutes.

Always remember: Players would never say anything to compromise those aforementioned ideals.

Here are some things a player will never say, much less mean:

• "I love you"

A Don Juan arrives with a bang and sneaks out as quietly as possible

It’s a predictable No. 1, but all the critical women out there should realise that avoiding this heartfelt statement saves you a great deal of stress and pain.

As the player has no enemies — male or female — and he frowns on manipulation and deception, he isn’t about to toy with a woman’s heart just to satisfy his base desires.

• "I don’t care — whatever you want to do"

At no point is a player disinterested in his partner’s hobbies and activities, and at no point does he relinquish all control of the situation. There’s a reason why you typically only hear this statement from married or committed men; men who have already accepted their fate and have lost all interest in the proceedings.

The ladies’ man is always interested in hearing a woman’s suggestions for plans and he’s never a doormat, as he understands the ceaseless female desire for avid communication.

• "This is way too expensive"

He may think it, but he’d never say it. Having money certainly isn’t a prerequisite for all aspiring players (although it helps), but one should never flaunt his lack of funds as it includes far too many negative implications.

Even if she’s aware the man has money, she’ll assume he’s cheap, or if she’s the high-maintenance type, she’ll probably disappear before he can turn around twice.

• "Wanna have sex?"

Despite popular opinion among feminists, the player exhibits a certain amount of class and sophistication at all times. Not only is this ridiculous question crass and adolescent in nature, it also shows nothing in the way of tact and good breeding — both of which are required traits for any legitimate ladies’ man. On top of which, the observational and social talent of the player allows him to accurately assess the situation; if she’s ready to go, he knows it. The transition from discussion to sex should be seamless and even wordless.

• "Sorry, I don’t have a condom"

Yeah, right. The player who hits the night scene without a condom isn’t a player at all. A ladies’ man can snag a woman at any given time. It doesn’t always happen in the standard, traditional locations; it could happen in an elevator, a parked car or a restaurant bathroom. Who knows? The point is, a player is always prepared, and furthermore, he’s always safe. The lifestyle is appealing and exciting , but it can also be dangerous.

Think you are clever?

2010-02-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. You can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil or paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever you really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!

FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

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ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

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ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.

What is the total?

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ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

LAST QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

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ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NO NO! Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.

Infidelity, the order of the day!??????????????

2010-02-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

Growing up,you get the idea that love is this wonderful thing that happens to you. Remember the fairy tales we used to read about the beautiful princess and the handsome prince? Those are books that I have come to absolutely loathe due to the mere fact that they are all lies!

Out here in the real world, people are just dealing with pain, heartache, disappointments, regret, hate, jelousy...this list can go on till tomorrow coz so many emotions come out especially when someone has been betrayed... which happens more times than we would like.

Men today are likened to dogs while their female counterparts...bitches. and all in the name of what?They just can't be satisfied with having one partner. In this day and age infidelity is the order of the day.Men cheating on their wives with that cute secretary from the office, women cheating on their husbands with the houseboy or the milkman...it can be anyone!!

The amazing part is that nobody cares.Whether they get caught or not it doesnt really matter coz at the end of the day they have already had their fun. Which then causes me to ask this question - which by the way I think cannot possibly have a positive answer- Does love really exist?? I mean you see couples get married and think they will live happily ever after only to hear 3years down the line that they are seperated or divorced or one killed the other in the dead of night...and all you can ask yourself is what happened?they seemed so much in love!

Wouldnt it be nice if marriages these days lasted as long as those of our forefathers....but then again isnt that kind of boring? Now try to understand where am coming from...today people have to constantly feel they are being entertained otherwise they get bored and thats one of the reasons why infidelity seems like the next best thing if you are bored in a relationship, once you start, there's no turning back.

I know am diverting abit from what I had set out to discuss but bare with me because you know what, I think love is simply overated. But one thing I wonder is this why is it that we get hurt more than enough times but we still continue to believe that maybe just maybe we will find love with the next guy that takes a second glance at us.

So before you get yourself into another meaningless relationship ask yourself whether the hurt is really worth the effort...coz at the end of the day, chances are that you will be drowning your sorrows alone once you have found out that you were the other woman or man!But remember, at the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants!!

And the humorous guy award goes to...

2010-02-10T05:23:00.000-08:00

I dont know about you but as far as I am concerned, the humorous guy award for the year 2008 should go to one guy called Robert Mugabe. This guy is funnier than anyone I have ever seen or heard. And the reasons are many and diverse.

The one that takes the biscuit is the fact that he gave Morgan Tsvangirai the fisheroes ministry as his cabinet docket. It doesnt sound funny until you look at Zimbabwe and realize it is landlocked and the only two important rivers on it, Zambezi and Limpopo are on the edges of the country. And the big lake on the country is man-made from a hydro-electric power dam!

And that he gave to the guy who they are supposed to be sharing power with. That my friends, qualifies him as mr-funny-guy 2008!

How to pass an interview

2010-02-08T04:51:00.000-08:00

Now that interviewing panels have become like an interrogating squad, here a way of putting them in their place. Apply for a job for the fun of it and answer the questions as follows!

Whats your name?
Hey, am the guest. You first

Where did you go to school?
Am not particularly good with directions but am sure its south of here!

Which is the last place in the world you would want to be right now?
In your seat sir!

Your resume says here that you have vast experience in this specific position. Care to elaborate?
Well if my resume SAYS that much, am sure you can SQUEEZE a little more of that information from it.

Describe yourself in five words?
Aha! Well...! Ummmh! Ummmh! Ummmh!

What new thing do you think you will bring into this company?
(First look at the floor) A new carpet, (face up) and a new interviewing panel.

Where do you see yourself in five years?
Dude! Am not that tall.

What qualities will you be bringing on board?
The highest qualities!

Are you sure you want this job?
Is that a trick question?

Whats your religion?
The law allows people to own a religion? Am buying Islam!

Assuming we give you this job right now, who would you prefer to be the first person to know about it?
Me of course!

How much pay do you expect to be paid?
Double yours. Considering you do something this silly all day!

What is your passion in life?
Life? .... Ending it.

Who would you say is your role model?
The twelveth disciple...

Who is called....
You mean you dont too? That makes two of us!

Assuming your elementary teacher has never seen you since you left elementary school, What do you think she would say if she saw you right now?
Considering she was really mean and she is dead, am sure it would be 'welcome to hell you little brat!'

Given the chance, what one question you would ask this panel?
When do I start?

CAUTION: I will not be responsible for any damages you may (and most probably will) incur during the interview!!!

A father's 10 rules for dating a daughter

2010-02-08T04:37:00.000-08:00

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

It's great to be a guy because ...

2010-02-08T04:32:00.002-08:00

Our last name stays put.
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.

We can be President.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
We don't give a darn if someone doesn't notice our new haircut.
We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work ... more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000; tux rental $100.
People never glance at our chest when we're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
Our pals can be trusted never to trap us with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
We know stuff about tanks and airplanes.

The remote is all ours.
We don't have to pretend we're "freshening up" to use the bathroom.
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Old friends don't care if we've lost or gained weight.
When surfing channels, we don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.

We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
If someone forgets to invite us to something, they can still be our friend.
None of our co-workers have the power to make us cry.
Flowers and duct tape - and we can fix everything.
We can whip our shirt off on a hot day.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We can open all our own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob us blind.
We can go to a public toilet without a support group.
We can leave the motel bed unmade.

We can kill our own food.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Our underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If we're 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on our face stays its original color.

We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
We don't have to clean our apartment if the meter reader is coming.
We don't mooch off someone else's dessert.
We don't have to shave below our neck.

We can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we just might become lifelong friends.
We are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.

Our belly usually hides our big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
We can "do" our nails with a pocket knife.
We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Shitty Situations

2010-02-08T04:32:00.001-08:00

A guy is waiting for his turn in the loo since you are inside. Then you realize after doing a serious load that the toilet cant flush!

You fart coz you are alone in the house and then someone knocks at the door.

You get into a matatu and cant find your wallet. Finally you remember exactly where it is, which is nowhere near the matatu.

You go out with classy people and to show your prowess, you order something you have no freaking idea what it is simply coz you saw the word chicken. You then realize there is very little of chicken and alot of disgusting stuff.

A girl/guy wants to kiss you and you go on panic mode. The person is fly yes. Its your mouth you arent sure of.

For guys, you decide to pee in a bush coz no one is coming on bith sides. On unleashing your Kiogothe, the girl of your dreams appears from the other side.

For girls, you see some guys staring and you decide to swing your booty. But as Karma would have it, you trip and fall on that booty!

You go to a hotel and hold mandazi with a serviette. On you first bite, you accidentally bite off a substancial amount of the serviette.

You sneeze in public and out comes the product we all love to hate. Its normal to sneeze anyway so you dont panic. You reach into your pocket for a handkerchief and all your senses say PANIC. You dont have a handkerchief.

You are going for an nterview and in the lift, you puch some old mzee since he is so clumsy and you in such a hurry. You get to the interview room later and find him sitted there.

Have a lovely week now, wont you?