plooptionary

Guaranteed weight loss, shed those pounds today! No exercise or brain needed

ploop — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:01:02 +0000

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Rejoice fruit, rejoice - today is YOUR day!

ploop — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:50:05 +0000

It’s a big day folks. After what feels like centuries forcing ourselves to eat perfectly-shaped fruit, the EU have finally backtracked and allowed to fruit to express itself. From today, life just gets better. Fruit, is fruit and bananas just don’t have to try and impress anymore.

As I say it’s a big day!

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Procrastination and its effect on internet traffic

ploop — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 11:22:30 +0000

A marvellous guest graph (that I’m sure you’ll agree both makes the grade and it (panfully true!) from a lady you really should be following over on twitter - AM-Dolores. I’ve re-written what she sent as she had neat handwriting and I know, from the feedback you give, that you prefer to really struggle with my dreadful handwriting.

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Smiling, jumpers and flamingoes - they’re all linked politically

ploop — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:43:55 +0000

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You couldn’t make it up!

ploop — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:58:33 +0000

Well I couldn’t have got my predictions more wrong yesterday (here). In mitigation I really didn’t think it possible that the cosy club would actually vote in a member of the opposition purely because he was disliked so much by his own party. Oscar Wilde would be proud of such a plot line.

Anyway, lot’s to cover today - not least, Bercow settling down into his big green chair as we, as tapayers, decide we’ll dig deep to find up to £9.6 million for Stephen Hester, the gaffer at RBS.

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The Speaker of the House and the rigours of transparent politics

ploop — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:53:07 +0000

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Lovely hot weather for the UK

ploop — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:11:16 +0000

It means only one thing - wheel out the girls look better in summer graph!

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Does branded clothing make you swear?

ploop — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:22:35 +0000

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Red card politicians and we might get answers AND a bit of a pantomime

ploop — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:39:45 +0000

I thing it became clear to me that my career at the BBC had reached its ultimate conclusion when I found myself insisting that the programme I was looking after had a card system for politicians. I wanted politicians to answer questions and not repeat themselves so I wanted to introduce a football style card system (eg: one repetition or none-answer gets a yellow - two and it’s a red).

OK, the Beeb were quite up for it. But I went over the top when I suggested that a red card meant the politicians were ceremoniously marched from the studio. That would have meant every interview with David Cameron or Tessa Jowell would have been over in 2 minutes - leaving us a big hole to fill! My suggestions that each politician was allowed to play one ‘joker’ when they didn’t want to answer a question was dismissed as ‘pantomime-style’ … with hindsight I tend to agree but it would have made great radio!

Then I had the unswerving misery of watching Gordon Brown react to the vote on the bail-out in the US. He was asked four different questions on Sky and, this is no word of a lie, he said exactly the same in answer to all four of them. He could have been told that David Cameron was suggesting all the cabinet should take up face painting and the same answer would have been trotted out. And then it struck me:

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Conservative Policy - sorted for the time starved

ploop — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 09:14:20 +0000

I know, you’re too busy tweeting, updating your myspace account and poking people on Facebook, to give flying toss about the Conservative Pary Conference. And why should you when the plooptionary has a very simple graph to bring you bang up-to-date.

The next time you are face down in a gutter after too many alcopops and someone wants to discuss David Cameron’s view on the Bradford and Bingley toxic debt simply refer to the below.

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