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There was a really great article in the Huffington Post  about how men try to deflect their own bad behavior by derailing a woman’s feelings and convincing her that she’s crazy. The proper term for this is called gaslighting. Be sure to check out the article, it’s a good read.

Never Let a Man Tell You that You’re Crazy 

Let me just say right from the very beginning that I do not advocate violence against men, even when they behave badly, but I understand it. If you’ve been dating or in a relationship with a guy and he decides to:

1. Stop calling out of the blue and falls off the face of the earth

2. Flirts, sleeps with or dates one of your friends behind your back

3. Breaks up with you via e-mail, text voicemail, etc…

4. (You fill in the blank here)

He most definitely deserves to have his tires slashed, or at the very least an Oscar-winning dramatic performance at his house or place of employment. I have wanted to do this on more than one occasion in the past but always decided against for many reasons:

1. I don’t want to go to jail
2. I’m better than that
3. 99% of the time I don’t believe violence is the way

The reality is when it comes to truth-telling and integrity, many men are lazy and they don’t consider how their bad behavior affects a woman. I don’t care if he just wasn’t that into you or if his dog just died, the compassionate truth is always the best response.

Own Your Feelings

And ladies, do not be afraid to express and own your emotions, especially if the man in your life has hurt your feelings or treated you badly. You deserve to express yourself. It’s better to express yourself and put your feelings on the table than to hold it in. You are responsible for your behavior, but it is equally important to acknowledge the man’s role in your problem so that you can assign blame and responsibility where it belongs.

Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Have you read The Plus Size Dating Manifesto yet? It’s the best dating advice for plus size women. I’m going to be taking it down this weekend, so be sure to get your F*REE copy at www.plussizeology.com.

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I don’t have any hard and fast rules about first dates. And while I recommend making the first date an active one (a hike, a long walk in the city, etc…), sometimes dinner or chatting over a cup of coffee is best.

One of the biggest issues I see with women who are dating, especially in the early stages of a dating relationship, is that they date on the defense instead of the offense, and we’ve all been there. This is when you become so pre-occupied with the stuff that’s going on in your head that you hardly focus on getting to know the man who is sitting right in front of you. So, instead of listening and paying attention to him and being your most authentic beautiful self, you’re thinking about if your makeup is right, if your jeans are too tight or how your first name sounds with his last name. Like I said, we’ve all been there, but the most important thing is to be present and pay attention.

What is the Goal of a First Date, Anyway?

The main goal of a first date is simple: have fun and get to know the man who’s sitting in front of you, which will help you determine if you want to go on a second date with him. A first date is the time to let your light shine and allow your flirty, sexy side to come out. You are a woman, and while you are a smart, complicated and lovely creature, allow your womanly self to take the lead. This does not mean become something that you are not. If you’re not the type of woman to wear a dress and heels, don’t worry about it, just bring the best of who you are to the date, whatever that means for you. Let’s be real, men are very visual, so you obviously want to look appealing, but you can be beautiful and sexy in your own style and in your own way. Every man isn’t attracted to the same look, so don’t worry about whether or not you look like the woman at the table next to you.

Bring your A game, have a good time, and allow the rest to unfold.

Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Did you get your copy of The Plus Size Dating Manifesto yet? It’s the best dating advice for plus size women. I’m going to be taking it down pretty soon, so get it while you can. You can download it for F*REE at www.plussizeology.com.

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There is nothing I hate worse than a person who doesn’t show another human being compassion. And I really hate it when a woman makes a mistake(s) in relationships with men, and other people pile on the “what I would’ve done”  or “you should’ve done this or that” advice, as though that will make her situation any better.  I was blessed to have really great girlfriends from a really young age, so I didn’t experience a lot of the caddy behavior between women, but we are our own worse critics.

He Was Her Favorite Mistake

When relationships don’t work out, a woman takes care of a man like he’s her child or if a woman is, God forbid, physically abused by a man, and it happens a few times, those experiences will hopefully compel her to examine her ability to discern the difference between a good man and the not so good. But it is equally important to understand and acknowledge the man’s role in your problem.

There is one thing that women are often told that drives me absolutely crazy out of my head, and that is “he took advantage of you because he could and you allowed it” or something to that effect. I’m not a violent person, but I want to smack people in the face every time I hear this stupid comment! I can’t even completely express the ire that is incited in me by this. You know what I call people who take advantage of someone or a situation simple because they can? Manipulators.

If you are a person with any kind of integrity, you don’t take advantage of someone simply because you think you can get away with it. You treat people right because it is the right thing to do. Period. If I have to explain this to you, you clearly have no integrity, plain and simple. I have to give men the side eye when they start talking about not calling a woman back because they just weren’t interested in her, but they would never neglect to call their job if they decided to take a day off.

Ladies, if you have a friend who is going through a hard time in her relationships with men and you can see she’s not making the best choices, be gentle and show some compassion. Because the reality is a woman will stay in a relationship that’s not the best for her until she gets tired, and it really doesn’t matter much what other people say. But it becomes a lot easier when your friends tell you the truth, compassionately and they support you all the way through it.

Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Have you read The Plus Size Dating Manifesto yet? It’s the best dating advice for the plus size woman. Get your F*REE copy at www.plussizeology.com.

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Like most people in the world right now, I’ve got Steve Jobs on the brain, as the world mourns the lose of one of it’s most creative and brilliant minds in history. There’s all sorts of Steve Jobs videos and quotes floating around the internet, but there is one quote in particular that really stood out to me, and I think it applies to plus size women and dating:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” ~ Steve Jobs

Big girls waste so much time worrying about what other people think about them, who others say we can attract and are allowed to date. I’ve read so much commentary about plus size women and dating, most of it negative, and there’s always someone who talks about how plus size women shouldn’t really expect much in a partner, especially in the looks department or how men who are attracted to larger women are the exception and not the rule.

Well, I don’t know every man on the planet, and I most certainly can’t speak for any of them, but I can tell you this, don’t allow yourself to be trapped by the dogma about your size and weight. Free yourself from the boxes and traps other people have set for you as a plus size woman, set yourself free and get out there and live your life. There will be risk involved, you may even hear some harsh words from some ignorant stranger on the street who feels its okay to comment about how fat they think you are, but so what? Don’t let that stop you from living your dream, creating a life you truly want to live and finding the love you desire.

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition”, what a perfect line. Tune into your heart and your deepest desires so that you can get out there and be who you really are.

Steve Jobs changed the world in only 56 years, but just think about how many lives go by wasted because people where too scared to follow their hearts and live their dreams.

Have you been trapped by other people’s dogma about your weight and size? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Did you get your F*REE copy of The Plus Size Dating Manifesto? It’s the best dating advice for plus size women. Get it at www.plussizeology.com.

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Who was your hero?

Your father? First crush? First love? The one who got away? The one who let you go?

The hero is the man upon whom you hang all of your hopes and dreams. He is the father to the little girl who thinks he is a superhero, or the love of a woman’s life, who she believes can do no wrong. The hero is the man who you believe can make everything in your life better, who you believe can make you feel safe and loved like no other.

When the Hero Dies

The hero dies when you are awakened to the reality of who he really is. The man who you have put on a pedestal all this time shows you who he really is, and you begin to see his vulnerabilities and weaknesses. He knows he is incapable of living up to your expectations, but you don’t know that, until he dies.

The hero didn’t necessarily ask for your undying love and devotion or to be put on a pedestal, but nevertheless, that is his place in your life, perched on a pedestal, looking down on you.

Mourning the Death of the Hero

We always want to rush to the healing. All we want is the pain to stop and be over and done with, but the death of a real hero affects too deeply.

I want to encourage you to mourn the death of the hero in your life. Acknowledge the role he played in your life and mourn his passing. That is how you get to the healthy and loving relationship, that is how you get to the healing.

Who was your hero and has he died yet? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Have you read The Plus Size Dating Manifesto yet? It’s the best dating advice for the plus size woman. Download it here at www.plussizeology.com.