Poetic Stillness

My Boo is 9...

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:21:00 +0000

I wrote this yesterday... but with all of the celebrating... this blog post never made it live:

I cannot believe my sweet boy turns 9 today. The time has just flown by! I am one lucky mom to have him for a first son! Boo has an amazing perspective on life. He is full of wonder, committed to learning, excited about his future and kind natured. This has been a great year of growth for him too. Here are some highlights for this past yeare:

* He has continued to work hard in karate and now holds a Blue with Green Stripe Belt.
* Boo loves to ride his bike abd to explore the world with his cousins and friends.
* He loves school, loves science, and loves to read!
* Video games are still his favorite hobby and I am so proud of him because he has been saving his allowance for months so he can purchase a 3 DS. I am quite certain with the help he received from Santa this year and some birthday presents from loved ones he will be achieving his goal today!
* Boo started playing the trumpet this year and loves band.

Most of all Boo has grown as a human being. He is more compassionate, has developed more integrity, and deepened his understanding of a living God. I so love this kid! Happy Birthday Boo!

Self Care

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 18:04:00 +0000

It did not take long for me to become emotionally and physically depleted as a way of life once I began my mothering journey. The early years of caring for small children is depleting by definition, so I found my self care habits made or broke my ability to be the kind of mom my kids need and deserve. Once I had that third child, I needed more time away...while at the same time I had a whole lot less time in general because my older children had begun school and activities. Finding a good balance has been tricky, but I am happy to say, I finally have some balance.

Now that my kids are all old enough, I go out of town about 4 weekends a year to get my creative juices flowing. I've done scrapbooking retreats, spiritual conventions, and a couple of photo weekends. This past December I had a wonderful weekend away, just before Christmas and it was amazing! My sil... really a sister by another mother, is an awesome partner in crime when it comes to these sorts of weekends away! We had tickets to see Tori Amos in concert, so we made a weekend of it. We stayed at the beautiful Biltmore Hotel, walked the streets of LA doing street photography and went to MOCA. By the end of the weekend, I was overflowing with creativity. It has been a long, long time since I have felt an abundance of creative energy, so I am grateful for the inspiration, good times, and plain old simple rest.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:23:00 +0000

Another year has past and my sweet girl turns 7 today. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday she was put in my arms and sometimes it feels like forever. Time is like that with little ones... sometimes it seems to stand still when you'd like it to pass more quickly and then when you would like time to stand still so you can savor it just a bit, it slips by too fast. So enough of me waxing on like the sappy mom I am... on to my sweet girl:

Baby J is this incredible energy in this world. Most of the time her energy is used for good, she is kind, nurturing, extremely intelligent, and intuitive too. She loves math, reading, dancing, bike riding and playing with her American girl dolls. This year she is starting to fix her eye on the art of performance... she wants to be on stage, so I can imagine she is going to go the road of a thespian.

This is one independent and tenacious child. Qualities so strong that she will do well in this world... yet parenting her through the rough patches is quite a ride. She has a gracious heart and a desire to do what is right, so the discipline road has been as helpful to me as it has been for her. Funny how that works.

I just love this little girl. She is amazing and every year I say this, but it's worth saying it over and over again. I am so grateful I get to be the one with the front row center view of this girl's journey through childhood. She helps me love deeper, resolve more firmly, be the type of woman I would love her to be someday. She is my creative partner so much of the time always at my side in the studio and she has a good eye... the crafting bug has been passed down another generation in my mother's, mother's, mother's legacy. Love that! Happy Birthday sweet Big Girl J!

Christmas Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 19:39:00 +0000

I didn't mean to do this but it captured my sweet girls face the moment her Christmas dream was realized. Santa magic is still in full effect in our household and I so love that. And for the record... the three days it took to put that d*** playmobile schoolhouse together, was so worth it in this one moment of a lifetime!

Birthright

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 16:57:00 +0000

...It was taken from me

I won’t it let be taken from you

Voice is your birthright

I have mine back

So I won’t usurp yours

Squeal with delight

Cry out in anguish

Sigh with limitation

Raise up with complaint

You will not meet deaf ear

For I am attuned to your presence sweet one...

I wrote this a bit ago... but today I might need to practice this as mantra. I obviously did not write this when any of my kids were 4. It is so hard to be 4...old enough to verbally express the range of emotion you feel without the maturity to have as much self control as the world is asking of you. That's what I am here for... to help them through big emotions...but it would be really helpful for me to practice a greater level of self control than he does. And that is where grace steps in and boy am I grateful, because 4 year olds can test every last nerve of mine.

Happy Birthday Cousin B... we love you!

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 00:22:00 +0000

There is nothing better than a bouncy slide for a 8 year old's birthday party! Look at that smile!

Nothing but pure joy...

Auntie (not me, I'm officially a 2nd cousin) made this awesome cake... He loved it!

And the hit of the day... lots of gifts, yes... but especially this card. Who knew? I know... the person who picked it out!

Some Crafting fun

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 23:06:00 +0000

It's that time of the year again! I love to celebrate school time and learning! And thanks to Pinterest... I have a whole new dimension of inspiration. So here is a bit of what I am up to these days...

Full Circle

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 04:31:00 +0000

Sometimes you just need to go on a big circular journey, so you can fully understand and then lean into what home gives freely. A safe landing when pride knocks you down. A deep reminder of who you are and a recording of who you were created to be the time before the dream stealing began. A sense that you are fine... exactly as you are...human and all. I am oh so grateful for the full circles in my life.

Operation 'Hang Out Home"

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 20:22:00 +0000

So if you can believe it, my kiddos are 4, 6, and 8 now...crazy but true! And I have felt this transition for a bit now, but we are officially in the space of friends taking a more center stage in the growth and focus of my kids lives. I feel myself squarely in the movement from the center of their universe towards becoming the captain of their cheerleading team. Dh and I are still most definitely the foundation of their world...with some help from the Cornerstone, yet they are beginning to move along on their own paths. Gracefully, I get to journey alongside them!

Now is a time for a huge strategy shift though. I want my kids to grow friendships and learn how to cope in the social world... but I do not want to leave them to fend for themselves. They are already made for relationship and each of them have a strong and secure attachment base... so now it is time to make their home the place for all of the kids to be. I am already a kid person, so this is as natural as breathing for me. A few good (and sometimes nutrious) snacks, fun activities and snap... Operation Hang Out Haven is underway.

I want my home to be a safe zone for my kids and anyone they want to host. I want this to be a space where kindness is required and everyone is safe- mind, body, and soul. I want to know my kids friends. I want to watch my kids interact and see where they are in their understanding of boundaries and kindness, especially when they are less aware of me observing.

Years ago, I was placed in a situation where I needed to make a judgement call for a child's well being. I have carried a deep doubt ever since about whether I chose well for that child and for that family. It was hard to be placed in a space of discerning family dynamics for someone else. Then last year I found myself in a very similar position, only it was my family and I was needing to intervene for myself and mine. And now I understand myself better, because at least I am consistent. I have a passion for helping children stay safe... and even when it is me or mine that needs intervention I will answer that call.

And so, I am so grateful for the gift set I have been given. May some simplicity, honesty, and stillness create in me the space to be a haven for others.

In the little things

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Thu, 26 May 2011 16:39:00 +0000

I have been reminded many times recently how time has marched on without me really even realizing it. My world has changed and things are more settled, because I am more settled. That and my kids are all out of that 0-3 range of unending physical needs. I am a much better mother in this age because their needs are far more emotional and social... and I have done my work and feel prepared to walk this part of the parenting journey with them. And so today I want to give thanks for the little things.

* A quiet home and a warm cup of coffee.
* Music that stirs my soul- today it is Jennifer Knapps newest installment.
* Good poetry.
* The time to work with my creativity. Up today, baby pictures, and hopefully some scrapbooking for my family.
* The birds that are chirping outside my dining room window.

I dreamed this life four years ago, while I was in the mire of diapers to the third degree, sleepless nights, and relational absence. I hoped to one day feel deeply connected to the wonderful people in my life, to have time for quiet, and I dreamed of having a studio and lifestyle that integrated my art with my life in a way that was streamlined and organic.

I now live that life, and I am so grateful, for I deeply respect the grace and hard work that allowed me to find this place of stillness.

The thing about stillness

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Mon, 23 May 2011 21:36:00 +0000

So here's the thing. When I pause long enough to be still, I feel my life in much deeper ways. What is and isn't working comes to the surface in a way that feels very overwhelming at first... but then it starts to become more freeing the more I work within the stillness.

When I was busying myself and creating distraction, I was hoping to avoid a few unpleasant things. I was afraid to acknowledge my past, take responsibility for my mistakes and ultimately I was attempting to restrain my enragement, both self and others directed. Instead of accomplishing that, I merely depleted my internal and external resources, made more bad choices and sacrificed my personal integrity. Yet I learned through it, so in the end, it is what it is and I can rest in the stillness of the postlude of that twisted endeavor. The personal lessons I have gained are priceless and well worth the pain of growth.

1. I am my own best advocate and protector. I can deeply trust my insight and my ability to live my life the way I choose.

2. The illusion of stability, equality, and well adjustment is not nearly as important as actually living within stable, equitable, and kind relationships. I will not need another go around with that truth to internalize that lesson, thank you very much.

3. I have learned to tolerate my own humanity more with each and every day. I respect my human nature in a much deeper way, and have found a deeper grace for others' human nature as well. And out of that I am able to love others more fully.

4. I have learned that when someone shows you their dark side, it is important to respect it and still not fear it. I have learned a huge value in letting go of relationships that feel aggressive, even if the aggression is not immediately detectable. When someone bares their teeth emotionally, that gives me extremely important information. What they do with my feedback about such aggression, tells me all I need to know in order to assess the relationship. And on the flip side of that, I already know the depth of my capability to be aggressive, so when those juices get stirred in me, it is time to stop and pay close attention.

I'm sure there is more that I have learned, but that is a good stopping place for today. I need to go and enjoy the stillness. May you find a moment of stillness too.

Spring Break in the Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:41:00 +0000

...the way a family vacation should be...

Blessing of Stillness

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 14:56:00 +0000

I had the most awesome experience of stillness this weekend, and in the midst of such a scene as a wedding. I was asked to photograph a friend's wedding, just one day before my own 12 anniversary, and that timing is everything. While I was at the reception I was so blessed to sit around the table with some friends that have had a huge significance in my life.

One is a young man who was the ring bearer in my wedding...and one of the greatest young men out there. I walked with this kid through some very difficult times in his childhood and though I left the community where he worshipped, he still felt safe enough to be real with me Saturday... and he has become an amazing guy! Another was the woman I reached out to after I gave birth to my second child and struggled with post partem depression. She helped me step into MOPS and through that decision the Lord has helped piece my heart back together through the women in my MOPS experience.

I also sat with a husband and wife who have always shown me such kindness, love, and true sacrifical living. They give and love oh so well, and they have always been a huge encouragement to me... especially in times when I have struggled through grieving what happened to me through the church community during my own childhood, and then later as I was an adult in that place. And then there is the brother... a man that has always kept me grounded. He loves big and he has always been looking out for me like a little sister. He reminds me not to take myself so seriously, and he has always been a safe place for me.

These friends are like family to me. The bride let me walk along side of her on a very important day, and it became an important day for me too. I am so grateful for that. I was given a huge gift of remembering this weekend.

When I hit crisis in my life I chose to leave a community that meant so much to me. I do not regret that decision, because I needed to do some work that required I did not have to put myself through worshipping amongst several people who abused me in a place that was laced with negative experiences. Yet I grieved being able to see these amazing people on a weekly basis. These friends have let me into their lives, and have been in my life. I know them and they know me and it has always been a good thing. To be known and still be loved is awesome... to know and to love is even better.

Thank you to my Jones family...God has blessed me tremendously through the years because of your presence in my life. And I pray for a rich and full life for the bride and the groom!

An oldie

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 06:01:00 +0000

When I took this picture of my bubbas, I knew I was eternally hooked on the art of photography. I thought this image was corrupted, but just stumbled upon a back up a couple weeks ago. In the picture, Bubbas was just walking and I had just purchased my dslr. This was one of the first pics taken in manual mode. What a sweet gift of stillness this picture brings to me right now.

Along the Road

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 21:08:00 +0000

This space has been around for quite some time and it has been a place of refuge for me as I have journeyed through life in recent years. In this past year however I have avoided it like it was dangerous, and only in the past few weeks have understood that fear.

When I began to blog I named this place of mine "Poetic Chaos" and it was a perfect description of the way I was experiencing the world, relationship, parenting, marriage, and frankly it really captured the experience of residing inside of my own head, heart and soul. Needless to say, I was struggling... with everything. During that time I poured out my perspective of the world and dug out a little niche that made it easier for me to gain the strength to reign in the chaos.

Then about two-ish years ago I moved into a new stage where a better description of my life experience was "Poetic Simplicity". It coincided with a huge internal shift towards letting the light wash over me and my world view. Deep, deep healing had begun and I was seeking the simple in life. Love, joy, beauty, truth. Simple truth is so difficult to actually live in though, so like most times in my life, I wrote about the sort of life I wanted to grow into... not exactly the sort of life that I was mired it presently. That is when I began to back away from this blog. From myself. It is so much easier to pretend that life is simple, than to actually grow up a maturity and discipline to really embrace a simple life.

Out of that season I have wrestled with most everything inside of me and I have found the things I need for my journey into "Poetic Stillness". I am going to state this disclaimer right up front... I do not have the art of stillness mastered, but I want to grow into that discipline. Simplicity seems like an essential ingredient for stillness... and so I am not just re-naming my blog again... I am moving my exploration of the art of simplicity to a Photo Blog. Take a look if you'd like. I am hoping that stillness will draw me back into this space. It is a sort of home for me!

I cannot help but add one of my favorite lyrics to a blog post about journey. I love it and I hope you do too:

Along The Road

Joy at the start
Fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart
Gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road.

Along the road
Your path may wander
A pilgrim’s faith may fail
Absence makes the heart grow stronger
Darkness obscures the trail.

Cursing the quest
Courting disaster
Measureless nights forebode
Moments of rest
Glimpses of laughter
Are treasured along the road.

Along the road
Your steps may tumble
Your thoughts may start to stray
But through it all a heart held humble
Levels and lights your way.

Joy at the start
Fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart
Gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road
Somewhere along the road
Somewhere along the road.

My Idea of a Leisurely Read...

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 16:48:00 +0000

I just finished an excellent book that was recommended to me by my dear friend from childhood... a kindred spirit in my journey of life. The book is titled "When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women From 1960 To The Present" and was written by Gail Collins. Check it Out!

I want to touch on a few issues close to my heart, but the thoughts are still forming. After the read though, I found myself much better educated on the Women's Movement in the 20th century and even more grateful for having lived with many benefits of the progress. I also found myself confident that my daughter already has most of the same opportunities as her brothers... a huge sign of progress.

Culture is making a shift and the history of the Women's Movement has once more become object of slander, folklore, and people speak of it as a done deal. What is frightening to me is that when we don't understand our history, we set ourselves up for repeating it. I have to think about equipping my daughter to be wonderfully feminine in a post Women's Movement Era; much like I have to be mindful of raising up children in a faith with protective absolutes during a Postmodern Era, where truth is relative.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book if you love a woman, or girl. It will be worth the read.

Impromptu Photoshoot

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Fri, 07 May 2010 18:13:00 +0000

When my 5 year old came out of her room in this outfit, wanting me to do a video of her dancing... I raced for my camera. Baby J never wants to take pics for me, so I needed to act fast. This was so much fun!!!

Poetic Stillness

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 17:24:00 +0000

A little bit of poetic bliss...

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 03:41:00 +0000

Calling

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:38:00 +0000

When I was in college attending a christian university, and then later when I chose vocational ministry for my career, a ton of my time was devoted to understanding my calling in this life. I prayed about it, explored it, talked about it, raged against it, denied it, ate, drank and slept it. Just when I really started living in it and trusting God through it, I was called out of the local church and into full time mothering from home.

And to label that next 5 years of desert time maddening, would be quite an understatement. In the midst of the mundane it has been very difficult for me to hold sight of the divine. I have known enough to know that this is my season of desert living. (You know, Moses lived in the desert for decades before leading the exodus of his people out of Egypt... that kind of desert living.) What I have not been able to figure out on my own, is what am I being prepared for? And can I in fact, say no to that next stage of calling if I don't wanna go there.

And in this season, I am seeing every construct I have built to understand, family, wholeness and faith torn down. Obviously my constructs did not align with God's, but in my angst, I asked..."Did all of the constructs I created have to be torn down to the ground... all at the same time?

And for those of you who know me well, the answer I received, will not surprise you in the least. The response I was given has been a resounding..."Yes, my stubborn and tenacious child. You've gotten most everything wrong."

Ouch. But at least in this place of honest living, my heart is open once more to what God has already designed me for. I was reading something my pastor wrote, and I wanted to pass his words along, to those of you that are interested. For those who don't want the whole thing, my take away was this...

"If I am to live into my calling I must remember that I am not what I do. I do what I am."

That's such good news to me right now, because what I do is not even remotely glamorous... and I am reminded of that around every corner in our culture. But I am doing it because I am called to be a nurturer and a healer. And who I was made to be is by design. That makes me so grateful for my creator and I want to give all that I am back to him as a small offering of worship.

Interesting Read

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 06:31:00 +0000

I just stumbled across this article today, and it was interesting to me, so I thought I would share it!

Back Yard O Fun!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 05:02:00 +0000

...and just so I can prove that Bubbas actually does smile (I've had a spell of capturing his pensive look)...

From an engagement shoot

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 05:14:00 +0000

I did an engagement shoot several months ago, and wanted to share this pic!

A recent trip to a local nature center

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 05:20:00 +0000

Resurrection Day

noreply@blogger.com (Poetic Mama) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 21:28:00 +0000