PolitiFap

Self Deportation: It Could Totally Work

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 06:04:00 +0000

Mitt Romney seemed like a different person in the last Republican debate, landing multiple body blows on the normally nimble Newtie. In fact, the only person who has done better at embarrassing someone in a debate is Rick Perry, and that doesn't really count because the person he embarrassed was himself. Still, while Romney may have shored up Florida by pretending to have a spine, he also committed one of those increasingly common Romney faux pas by uttering the phrase "self deportation."

Dumb policy. Dumb name. Dumb idea to draw attention to your dumb policy by giving it a dumb name.

Zazzle Tee

The concept behind self deportation is that you enforce existing immigration laws so strictly that illegals can't find a job and willingly leave the country. It's no more unrealistic than the most popular Republican idea for dealing with immigration, which is to build a 2,000-mile wall across the border with Mexico (possibly with landmines to blow up pregnant women and their would-be anchor babies). But unlike that standard, mainstream Republican idea, Romney's policy has a name that lends itself well to mockery.

And mock it I shall. This is one of those Republican ideas that aims to destroy the country in order to save it. Enforcement that was strict enough to drive all illegal immigrants out of the United States would necessarily be an unreasonable burden on the rest of us. We'd have a police state that would not only be good at stopping immigration, but promoting emigration.

Of course, that would never happen. What Romney is really trying to accomplish by using the term "self deportation" is to sound tough to the base while reassuring Latinos in Florida that he's not really out to change the status quo. In other words, he's doing what he always tries to do - have it both ways.

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Mormons and Magnets

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:25:00 +0000

Mormons don't just go door to door. They also operate a chat service for people who... well... uh... I don't know who the hell would want to chat with a Mormon missionary on their own time. Oh, now I remember - internet trolls. A couple of years ago trolls started bombarding the chat operators with the question "how do magnets work?" The missionaries got so used to the "Mormons and magnets" joke that they would typically end the session the second the question popped up.

If only Mitt Romney could end his session with Newt Gingrich. Newt has been trolling since before the internet was invented, and I can't think of anyone in American politics who is better at it. Newt has found numerous ways to get under Romney's thin skin, but my personal favorite is when he points out that the only reason Romney isn't a "career politician" is that he hasn't won more elections (ouch).

As with all trolls, Newt seems to delight in getting a reaction from his opponent - and the easily rattled Romney has obliged. Of course, the best defense against a troll is to ignore him. But now that Newt has won South Carolina, that might be hard for Romney to do.

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Good News, Ladies: Callista Gingrich Willing to Share

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:19:00 +0000

Newt Gingrich doesn't strike me as a serial adulterer. In fact, with his lilting voice and over-sized baby face, he could pass for a eunuch. And yet here is more shocking news of Newt's decidedly un-eunuch-like behavior - his second wife has revealed that he asked her for an open marriage, using soon-to-be third wife Callista as leverage.

But this is not really shocking, is it? Something like this would be a bombshell for any other candidate still in the race, but nothing - and I mean nothing - should shock us about Newt Gingrich anymore. If you still support this guy, you are either a believer in the power of redemption, or a victim of the power of cognitive dissonance. Either way, another skeleton or two in the closet isn't going to jar you out of your trance.

The only reason this is noteworthy is that we now know that Newt and Callista Gingrich are, or at least were, very likely in an open marriage (though by "open" we're probably talking about Callista agreeing to turn her creepy gaze the other way while Newt got his jollies, and not a true coequal partnership). And that gives us another opportunity to point out the hypocrisy of people who use the "sanctity of marriage" as an excuse to deprive gay people of their rights, while at the same time making alternative arraignments for themselves.

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Rick Perry: One Last Oops, For the Road

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:29:00 +0000

Rick Perry has finally put himself out of his misery, dropping out of the GOP race just in time to avoid another debate and more potential humiliation. The Texas governor attained hotshot status by talking about secession in the early days of the Obama presidency, rode his notoriety into a slam-bang entry into the race, and proceeded to conduct the most brutal presidential campaign ever.

I could recap all of Perry's mistakes, but to be honest, I get a little squirmy just thinking about them. As much as I despise Perry's politics, I can't help but empathize with him for all those public embarrassments, which were replayed endlessly on the news networks. Besides, nobody who's been paying attention needs a blow-by-blow. Perry's whole campaign can be summed up in one word:

Oops.

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Will the Mitt Hit the Fan Over Romney's Tax Returns?

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 04:46:00 +0000

Mitt Romney finally did the right thing and promised to release his tax returns (after his political sensor determined that the issue was starting to hurt him). Normally stories about a presidential candidate's taxes are about as dull and insider-ish as it gets. But then, normally the candidates aren't as rich as Mitt Romney and normally voters aren't as focused on the issue of income inequality - or, as Mitt Romney likes to put it, the politics of envy.

Some pundits and politicians are arguing that Mitt should just make his returns public so he can get the issue out of the way. But I think Rombot's sensors are correct in telling him that this particular story is likely to continue through the general election. He and his campaign were probably hoping to put it off for as long as possible, delaying the start of a running story until putting it off started to become damaging in itself.

Zazzle Tee

I really doubt there's anything illegal in those returns - he's been running for office for six years, for Heaven's Sake. However, they will provide confirmation that he pays a lower rate than his secretary. Not to mention his chauffeur, chef, butler, maids, food taster, pillow fluffer, and chair holder.

Add to this the fact that Romney's tax plan is designed to benefit people like himself, and you have some populist red meat of the rarest variety. It's sort of like when Congress votes to raise its own pay. Besides the fact that Congress hasn't done shit to deserve a raise, I think the public simply finds it distasteful when the people in power seem to be changing the rules in their favor.

Or maybe they're just envious.

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The Romney Family: You Can't Get More Republican Than This

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:20:00 +0000

OK, the Romneys can't help that they're rich, white, and overwhelmingly male - in short, the very model of Republican-ness. But what I do hold them accountable for is their creepy conformity. Do they really have to coordinate outfits? Who's the black sheep in this family? The one who has his reversible belt turned to the brown side?

Tagg Romney - presumably one of the men pictured here, though I'll be damned if I can pick him out - is the most perfect of the clones. He's even followed his dad's footsteps into the honorable profession of ~~venture capitalist~~ job creator. A veritable Mitt off the old block, to use a corny gag that Mitt Romney himself would probably appreciate. Of course, Mitt also followed in his dad George's footsteps, from business into politics. In other words, the Romney assembly line has been in operation for a long time.

Some would say I'm being too harsh. After all, since when is being clean cut considered a bad thing?

Well, probably when your family starts to resemble a cult. Most of us don't enjoy looking and acting like our relatives. Hell, many of us don't want to be associated with them at all. But then most people's families look more like...

... than the Romney family picture. My own family isn't the most colorful, but I can definitely relate to the Gallaghers a lot more than I can relate to the Romneys. To be honest, that Romney family picture terrifies me.

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Republican Rhetoric About "the Politics of Envy" has Lincoln Spinning in his Grave

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:38:00 +0000

Mitt Romney is clearly taking his queues from Paul Ryan. First he embraced Ryan's plan to end Medicare (yes, I said end Medicare). Now he's adopted some of the Congressman's rhetoric, accusing President Obama of practicing the "politics of envy."

I think both moves are foolish - the first for obvious reasons, the second because it inflames the other side more than it helps your own cause. There are a lot of people in this country who are genuinely concerned about wealth inequality, and this line questions their motives in bulk. In my mind, it translates as: "You're just jealous." Coming from a rich guy like Romney, that sounds pretty dickish.

It also sounds like a pitiful defense of the status quo, coming from someone in a position of power. The point of today's picture isn't to compare Obama to Lincoln. It's to point out the feebleness of an argument that could be used in defense of any oppressive system.

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Layoff Mitt - He Was Only Kidding

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:23:00 +0000

Mitt Romney likes to fire people, and for years at Bain Capital, he got to do what he likes. Now he's running for president at a time when a lot of voters have experienced the pain of a layoff first-hand. It's an awkward situation, and when you put an awkward dude in an awkward situation, you can probably figure out what you get (hint: the awkwards don't cancel each other out).

But don't worry, Romney didn't really mean it. His actual quote was that he "likes to be able to fire people," and it was clearly in reference to choosing your own services - not firing individuals from their jobs. It's hard to read androids sometimes, but it appears that Romney's choice of words was supposed to be a joke.

A joke about firing people. Much better.

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Santorum's Frothy Problem isn't Going Away on its Own

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:33:00 +0000

Frothy jokes never seem to get old. It's not like the icky meaning of "Santorum" arose yesterday, or even during the 2012 campaign. Dan Savage coined the neologism in 2003 in response to Senator Santorum's remarks comparing homosexuality to incest and bestiality. If you don't believe me, go ahead and Google it.

Now, with Santorum in the final three, frothy metaphors have taken on a life of their own. They were out in full force when Santorum finished number two in Iowa. But they also seem particularly apt whenever Santorum slips back into anti-gay rhetoric, as he did recently when confronted by some New Hampshire college students. Pressed on the issue of gay marriage, Santorum, who seems genuinely mystified by the concept of homosexuality, started yammering on about polygamy. Maybe this was a devious swipe at Mitt Romney's family tree? Bizarre.

Santorum's Google problem is only going to get worse if he continues to resemble a contender in the hapless 2012 Republican field. Maybe it's time for Santorum to embrace it and get in on the gag with a little self-deprecating humor (the image above is one suggestion). Rick Perry did exactly that when he cut a campaign ad making fun of himself for his "three departments" brain fart.

Then again, how's that working out for him? Maybe a better option for Santorum would be to stop pissing off gay people.

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The Pol Calling the Kettle Blah

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:39:00 +0000

I try not to waste my energy attacking candidates whose chances of winning the GOP nomination are almost wholly theoretical. Political commentary has a short enough shelf life without hitching your wagon to someone who could go the way of Herman Cain at any moment. Besides, the gimlet-eyed strategist in me can't help but think it's counterproductive to drag down an unelectable candidate like Rick Santorum, whose nomination would be a great gift for Democrats. Yeah, it's highly unlikely to happen, but why rip up that lottery ticket - especially when you could be ripping Mitt Romney?

Unfortunately, this year's Republican field is so full of comedy that the also-rans are hard to ignore. These guys are truly special - so special that they can even turn a racist remark into cause for (derisive) laughter.

Appearing on John King USA on Wednesday evening, Rick Santorum denied he said he didn’t want to make "black people’s lives better" during a pre-caucus campaign event Sunday in Sioux City, Iowa. "I’ve looked at that quote, in fact I looked at the video," Santorum argued. "In fact, I’m pretty confident I didn’t say black. What I think - I started to say a word and then sort of changed and it sort of - blah - mumbled it and sort of changed my thought."

What the hell does Rick Santorum have against blah people? Are they now to be added to his Christian fundamentalist jihad, along with abortion doctors, gays, and welfare recipients? I would have thought someone rocking a sweater vest would know all about blah. Maybe there's some sublimated self-hatred going on here?

Rick Santorum, you should learn to love yourself (don't worry, I'm not referring to masturbation). Embrace the blah. Own it. Say it loud. Be blah and be proud.

Blah People Make Me Very Uncomfortable

Blah is Beautiful

Skinny Jeans Can't Fix Mitt Romney

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 17:24:00 +0000

Mitt Romney is weird. This is, perhaps, the only thing about him that I can relate to - and naturally, his campaign handlers are trying to snuff it out. A man who looks like he was born in a three-piece suit is suddenly sporting skinny jeans all over the place. However, as I can attest from personal experience, there's no makeover that can turn an odd duck into a swan. Here are a few things those skinny jeans can't fix:

Being Mormon, and all that comes with it (including Mormon underwear)
The story about driving to Canada with his dog strapped to the roof of the family car
Weird personal interactions, like telling outdated jokes and trying to guess people's nationalities

Zazzle Tee

This guy is going to be the Republican nominee. I'll be thrilled if I'm wrong, because with anybody else, Obama's chances of reelection skyrocket. But just because Romney is the best the Republicans can do this year doesn't mean he's a formidable opponent. Like John Kerry, he has an awkwardness problem that could be fatal.

Think about the standard litmus test for a presidential candidate: Would you like to have a beer with him? Now consider this Mitt Romney quote:

I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager, and never did it again.

This from a man who went to college during the 60s. Our last two presidents have admitted to substance abuse. Somehow, I think Americans are going to be less forgiving of Mitt's admission of non-substance abuse.

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Michele Bachmann is Crazy... for God

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:17:00 +0000

When Ron Paul is in the race and you're known as the crazy one, you know you've accomplished a special feat. To her credit, Michele Bachmann kept her insanity in check during her presidential run, avoiding (for the most part) the crazy quotes that have garnered attention for an otherwise unexceptional representative from Minnesota. It certainly wasn't the crazy that lost her the nomination - in fact, without the crazy, no one would have known who she was in the first place.

That said, Michele Bachmann's concession speech was pretty crazy. Rarely has a politician sounded so much like a preacher. Bachmann seemed hellbent on setting some sort of record for shoutouts to God in a concession speech.

Republicans always try to out-holy (and out-military and out-free market) each other, but with Bachmann on her way out, it's safe to assume that politics had nothing to do with her choice of words. Perhaps the religious tone was amplified a bit by the emotions of the moment, but probably not much given what we know about Bachmann's ultra-religious background. It's pretty clear that she, even moreso than Rick Santorum, was the true holy roller in the race. In other words, Michele Bachmann is not only a nut, but a religious nut. And now we know she will not be president.

All I can say is, thank God.

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Mitt Romney on Abortion: Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, or Pro-Chart?

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 15:34:00 +0000

Making the case that Mitt Romney is a phony flip-flopper doesn't require a lot of work. All you have to do is point to his stance on abortion. When running for Senate and later Governor in liberal Massachusetts, Romney was pro-choice. As a candidate for the Republican Presidential nomination, Romney is oh-so-conveniently pro-life. Most people don't change their minds on divisive issues like abortion, at least not as adults. But then, most people don't base their opinions on polling data:

According to Scott, Romney revealed that polling from Richard Wirthlin, Ronald Reagan's former pollster whom Romney had hired for the '94 campaign, showed it would be impossible for a pro-life candidate to win statewide office in Massachusetts. In light of that, Romney decided to run as a pro-choice candidate, pledging to support Roe v. Wade, while remaining personally pro-life.

This is going to be an ongoing story in the General Election if Romney gets that far. It's useful for Dems because it drives a wedge between Romney and the rabidly pro-life Republican base. But more importantly, it supports the go-to anti-Romney meme - that the guy is a robot who doesn't believe in anything, except of course for himself and his ambition to be President.

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The Scott Walker Prank Call: Proof of Douchery

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:29:00 +0000

Scott Walker is a douchebag. That's not just my opinion - it's also the opinion of the thousands of people who have clicked the little thumb on the "Scott Walker is a Douchebag" Facebook page, not to mention all the folks who have signed the recall petition to oust the Wisconsin governor. And finally, it also has to be the opinion of any reasonable person who remembers the infamous Scott Walker prank call incident.

To refresh your memory, this happened during last year's protests over Walker's union-busting bill. Protesters had descended on the Wisconsin State Capitol and Walker was desperate for ideas on how to fend them off. That's when he took a call from someone he thought was David Koch, one half of the billionaire Koch brothers. What he didn't realize was that he was the victim of a prank call orchestrated by Ian Murphy, editor of the Buffalo Beast. Walker managed to come across as both stupid and devious - stupid for falling for the prank, devious for revealing to the fake Koch various underhanded schemes he was considering to thwart the protesters and get his bill passed.

But the truly disturbing thing was that Walker was so forthcoming in the first place. This elected official revealed intimate details of his strategy to someone he thought was a campaign donor. If this is normal behavior in American politics, we are all fucked even more than we thought.

I'm sure Walker has been in touch with the Koch brothers since this incident, probably to hit them up for some cash to fund his anti-recall efforts. But I doubt any amount of money can repair the damage done by that prank call. Without it, we would still have known Scott Walker was a douchebag. We just wouldn't have known how much of a douchebag.

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Santorum's Google Problem: A Godsend to Headline Writers Everywhere

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:03:00 +0000

Everyone else has had a turn as the not-Romney, so it's only natural that Republicans give ultra-conservative, anti-gay Rick Santorum a whirl. You have to wonder how many of his new Iowa supporters are aware of Santorum's Google problem (you know, the one where the candidate's last name has been equated with fecal matter). With Santorum poised to do well in Iowa, snarky headline writers are licking their chops. The double entendres practically write themselves:

Santorum Surges
Santorum Comes From Behind
Santorum Running From Behind
Santorum on Romney's Tail
Santorum is Number Two (if he finishes second)
Santorum Circling the Drain (if he does poorly)
Santorum Comes Out on Bottom (if he finishes last)

Personally, I hope Santorum keeps running (see, it happens on its own!). With Herman Cain out of the race and Michele Bachmann soon to follow him out of the clown car, the amount of comedy in this race is much diminished. It would be a shame to lose Rick Santorum and his Google problem too.

But maybe I'm just being greedy. With this Republican field, there will always be plenty to make fun of.

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Mitt Romney's Chair Holder

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 16:28:00 +0000

When it comes to job creation, Mitt Romney doesn't have a leg to stand on. But he does have this chair, along with the distinction of creating a new job type - chair holder. Kinda reminds me of how Fred and Wilma used dinosaurs to accomplish the tasks of ordinary appliances on the Flintstones. As one of those dinosaurs would always say, "It's a living."

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Boxers or Briefs? Or Magical Mormon Underwear?

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:25:00 +0000

If you don't get the "Mormon underoos" thing, relax - it doesn't mean you suck. It just means you haven't been introduced to some of the more offbeat practices of Mormonism (Mormonism: 5% Nuttier Than Regular Religion). You will soon enough. As Mitt Romney marches toward the Republican nomination, I suspect his underpants will be aired. So to speak.

Here's the poop on the underwear:

A Temple garment (also referred to as garments, or Mormon underwear) is a type of underwear worn by members of some denominations of the Latter Day Saint movement, after they have taken part in the Endowment ceremony. Garments are worn both day and night and are required for any previously endowed adult to enter a church temple. The undergarments are viewed as a symbolic reminder of the covenants made in temple ceremonies, and are viewed as either a symbolic or literal source of protection from the evils of the world.

Zazzle Tee

These undergarments have various symbols on them that are supposed to protect the wearer from moral turpitude. This much is true, as it's been verified that the underpants ward off sexual desire in anyone who views them. However, some Mormons also believe the underpants protect them from physical danger. So, in the parlance of Dungeons & Dragons, they would be something like Magical Underpants of Protection +1.

Some might argue that the subject of Romney's religion (never mind his skivvies) should be off-limits. Me, I'd like to know if a candidate for the most powerful position in the world really believes in the power of magical underpants, or that he might become god of his own planet someday. But I'm funny that way.

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PolitiFact is Dead

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 21:44:00 +0000

Fact-checking is a pain in the ass. No matter what you say, you're guaranteed to piss someone off. Besides, getting to the truth is often hard. That's probably why news organizations have moved away from reporting truth, and toward reporting different people's versions of the truth. That's also why nonpartisan fact-checking websites like PolitiFact are so useful.

Or were so useful, anyway. Conservatives got dinged so many times by fact-checking sites that they started accusing them of being biased (bringing to mind Colbert's quip "reality has a well-known liberal bias"). PolitiFact and others responded by bending over backward to find liberal lies - no matter how small - to present alongside conservative whoppers. And now, we've apparently come to the point where a truth is not only declared a lie, but declared the Lie of the Year.

This so-called "lie" is the Democratic claim that House Republicans voted to end Medicare. PolitiFact says this is false because the bill Republicans voted for would actually turn Medicare into a voucher program. In other words, the bill would basically change the program from a single-payer system to Obamacare for Seniors. But because at the end of the day there would still be a program in place called "Medicare," you can't say the Republicans voted to end it.

Presumably, if the House had passed a bill replacing Medicare with a health insurance program for lobbyists, PolitiFact would have ruled the same - provided the new program was called "Medicare." And on the other hand, if the bill the Republicans actually passed had named the very same voucher program something besides "Medicare," PolitiFact would have ruled differently.

See where I'm going with this? The Democratic claim has more truth in it than PolitiFact's expose of it. Republicans included this technicality in the legislation in order to cover their asses on an extremely unpopular bill. They probably never dreamed that PolitiFact would actually do the dirty work of defending it.

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What Happens in Your Uterus, Stays in Your Uterus

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Ron Paul is pro-life, which has to be a real bummer for the true libertarians among his supporters. It's a little tricky trying to explain how a political philosophy based on individual liberty can be compatible with a belief that the state should force women to carry a zygote to term.

What you usually hear is that Dr. Paul is in favor of letting the states decide (sound familiar?). In other words, in Paul-topia only half to two-thirds of the country would outlaw reproductive rights. That's bad enough, but what you won't hear is that, regardless his opinion on the federal government's role, Paul wants to make abortion illegal in all the states. This contrasts sharply with his laissez-faire attitude toward drug use, which he doesn't seem to favor banning at either the federal or state level.

Paul explains this by saying that fetuses have the same rights as people, and one of those obviously includes the right to live. However, he also says that abortion doctors - and not the women voluntarily seeking abortions - should be charged as murderers. Seems like an admission that fetuses are not full-fledged human beings, no? Otherwise why does it make sense to throw the book at the hitman, while letting the hitman's client off easy?

Fortunately, Paul's position isn't based solely on sketchy logic. He also has an emotional story to tell from his days as a medical resident:

One day I walked into an operating room, to just be an observant, which we would do generally, as a medical resident. They were performing this hysterectomy, which was a caesarean section. And they lifted out a fetus that weighted approximately 2 pounds, and it was breathing and crying. And it was put in a bucket and set in the corner of the room, and everybody in the room just pretended that they didn't hear it. And the baby died. And I walked out of that room a different person.

Stomach-turning, to be sure. But then, so are the inevitable horrors of libertarianism. Presumably Dr. Paul has never witnessed someone dying for lack of medical care, or from exposure due to homelessness, or because of carcinogens in the environment. If he had, he might not have wound up a libertarian at all.

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Pot. Kettle. Fat.

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:00:00 +0000

Sometimes it's impossible to satirize Republicans because they do the job themselves. Case in point: Representative Jim Sensenbrenner. Why do I always want to type Sensenburger when referring to this guy? Because the man is fat. How fat is he?

Jim Sensenbrenner is so fat, he sells shade in summer.

Jim Sensenbrenner is so fat, he bleeds milkshakes.

Jim Sensenbrenner is so fat, he wakes up in sections.

Why do I feel so justified in using old school "yo mamma" jokes against this Congressman? Because he was just overheard referring to Michelle Obama's "big butt." Apparently he was outraged by Michelle's campaign against childhood obesity: "she lectures us on eating right while she has a large posterior herself."

In addition to being morbidly obese, this Representative is representative of the dark side of the Republican Party. He's racist and he (probably) doesn't even know it. The First Lady is leading a public awareness campaign against childhood obesity - a worthy cause, and certainly in line with what other (white) First Ladies have done in the recent past. If you take offense at something that would have been uncontroversial when undertaken by other (white) First Ladies and then lash out with a racial stereotype... well, you just might be a racist.

Apparently Sensenbrenner has sent Michelle Obama a note of apology. I think she should tell him to shove it up his (fat) ass. But since the First Lady is more classy than me or pretty much anyone in the Republican Party, she'll probably accept.

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States Rights

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:00:00 +0000

If I had a nickle for every liberal I've heard expressing admiration for Ron Paul, I'd have enough money to start my own libertarian fiefdom. Liberals have a thing for idealism, and Paul is the rare politician whose positions seem to be based on principle rather than pragmatism. There's also the fact that he opposed a lot of laws that are unpopular on the left, such as the Patriot Act, NDAA, and SOPA.

Of course, he opposes almost everything the federal government tries to do, so he's bound to pick up some props from liberals here and there. But even that support may be unwarranted. While Paul doesn't support federal efforts to curtail individual rights, he also doesn't want the federal government to step in to protect people's rights from the states. He's stated that he would not have voted for the Civil Rights Act of 1964. He would let the states pollute, ban abortion, openly discriminate against minorities, or do whatever else they damn well please. In fact, he's so radical on the states rights issue, he still holds a grudge against Abe Lincoln.

Now, none of this will shock actual libertarians, because the positions are consistent with their ideology. When you bring up the fact that if Paul had his druthers, states could re-institute Jim Crow laws, the typical reaction from a libertarian is: "Aw, c'mon! Nobody would do that!"

Nobody would do that? So the actions of the federal government are assumed to be tyrannical and wrongheaded by default, but we're supposed to trust Mississippi to do the right thing? Somehow, I'm not convinced.

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Shittiest. Christmas Present. Ever.

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:46:00 +0000

How fucked up is Congress? It can't agree on simple things like nominee confirmations, debt ceiling increases, or budgets, but when it comes to truly outrageous pieces of legislation that would trample on the rights of Americans, Democrats and Republicans manage to get 'er done. First it was the NDAA, which makes it possible to detain American citizens indefinitely - now the law of the land. Next up is the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), a bill that uses such draconian measures to stop copyright infringement that sites like Daily Kos and Reddit say they will have to shut down if it becomes law. Regardless of its intention, SOPA will stifle free speech on the internet.

Fortunately, news just came that debate on SOPA has been delayed until next year. So this shitty present, if it comes, will be belated. Hopefully that will provide enough time for word about this heinous bill to spread on the social net, while the social net still exists.

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Rombot 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 03:07:00 +0000

In a lot of ways, Mitt Romney is the perfect candidate. He looks Presidential. There's no hint of scandal in his personal life. And best of all, he's ideologically flexible, able to adapt his views to whatever the politics of the moment call for without batting an eyelash. If you were going to build a political android, it might turn out a lot like Mitt Romney.

So why hasn't Romney had more success in politics? Because generally people like to vote for human beings. His interactions with people on his campaign stops range from wooden to awkward. Then there's the story about the dog. More seriously, there's his tenure as head of Bain Capital, in a corporate world where sociopathy is practically a job requirement. Taken together, it makes you wonder if there's a control panel in the back of Romney's head - and if so, whether someone forgot to activate his humanity chip.

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Dr. No

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:58:00 +0000

The Republican Party is "anti-" by nature, especially when a Democrat occupies the White House. That's why this figures to be Ron Paul's best shot at getting the Republican nomination. Known as "Dr. No," the medical doctor-turned-Representative votes against just about every new federal law. Many young people like him because he's principled, anti-war, and would legalize drugs if he had his druthers. Many conservatives like him because his libertarian policies would destroy the social safety net and the empower red states to revert to the good ole days of back alley abortions and Jim Crow.

Much like an Ayn Rand novel, it's all a fantasy. If Paul somehow got elected President, he would face broad opposition on almost all of these radical ideas. Even people who disagree with the direction the country has taken in the last 100 years don't necessarily want to find out what happens when you try to push the reset button. I know I don't.

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Pray Away the Gay

noreply@blogger.com (Oscar) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 00:58:00 +0000

This is, perhaps, stale humor. After all, Michelle Bachmann's time as the not-Romney has come and gone. Still, the case of her husband Marcus is too interesting to let go. On the one hand, it's wrong to speculate about someone's sexuality - that's none of nobody's business. On the other hand, the "pray the gay away" philosophy that Marcus subscribes to seems to be a dead giveaway. And besides, those beliefs are fucking evil, and make it easy to rationalize just about any attack against the ~~gay~~ guy. But obviously, resorting to homophobic slurs is wrong.

Here's one thing I don't feel as conflicted about: Regardless of whether Marcus is actually gay, he ought to have more sympathy for those who are. Someone that effeminate must have been called names growing up.

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