Polyamorously Perverse

Goodbye, At Least For Now....

2008-09-12T07:07:00.002-04:00

There is an arc to all things, whether blogs or relationships, and it looks now as though it is time for us to take a rest from blogging.

Some issues have re-surfaced that require the two of us to retire behind the proscenium and rewrite parts of this comedy. As part of that process, the blog has begun to be a drag on our efforts to bring off a successful rewrite. A life lived in the public spotlight isn't always one that can evolve in the right direction.

To all of you who are looking for guidance or a model for your own troubled relationships, I would caution you: no one else can live your life nor offer you advice. Your course must be charted within your individual hearts.

I took a long hiatus from blogging once before while putting efforts into resurrecting with C. the erotic life we had lost to quotidian demands and the years. If this turns out to be a temporary respite like that one, then I know y'all will be patient and understanding, as you are about the best readers in the whole blogosphere: curious, compassionate, sexy and open-minded, rooting for us to make it, if only because it gives hope to those with unconventional takes on love and marriage.

And if this is really goodbye, then we both want to thank you for all your support and enthusiasm, and yes, anger and outrage, questions, joy and tears. Because words that don't elicit strong emotions are dead words. Whatever we've said, we meant it, and can only hope it has prompted some useful thoughts in your respective brains, and maybe even some good wanking, too.

Sugasm 145

2008-09-11T04:02:00.002-04:00

Wow, one last Sugasm and we make the Top Three (complete with great tits adorned by Chinese characters)!

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #146? Submit a link to your best post of the weekby emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom.

This Week’s Picks

Being Civil
“They couldn’t understand what the appeal of a civil union was for us.”

Clandestine Rendezvous
“He turned around to kiss me and I melted.”

Hotel Sex
“The excitement is too much for both of us”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
You Can’t Make This Shit Up, Part 2

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Let’s Pretend…
Masturbaticon I
Our Peculiar Erotica
“Pay No Attention To That Man Behind The Curtain”
Taking Charge of Your Own Pleasure
Tease and Denial: In Defense of Subtlety
Things that make you go Mmmmmm

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Babygate Continues!
Vibrators of the Future

Sex Work
Pillow Humping Cam Pussy

BDSM & Fetish
Arms to the sky
Beads
brock’s Last Task
My surprise for Daddy
Naughty, Naughty…Nice
The New Pet (fiction)
A proper thank you
The Runaround.
Welcome to Kinky Sex Link

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bare back HNT
HNT - Stripping for the Bath Brush - F/m Spanking Pic
Sasha Grey (NewNudeCity)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
8:55 - On My Way…
Asian massage parlors
Awakening
Brains in her cunt
The “Ex-Pat” Love [2nd. Revision]
Fantasy Friday: Lips Like Sugar
Hausfrau
In the Early Morning Darkness
Not Quite Poetry
On the Back of a Motorcycle
Release
Your first time with me

Domination & Submission

2008-09-10T03:38:00.000-04:00

This post by the seductive Madame Dragonfly brings me back to the notion of domination and submission. C. likes me to spank her from time to time, yet we have a flail that stays in the toy box too often. I never think of it, I'm not a great Dom in that respect.

But I am very attuned to the BDSM underpinnings of desire in general and my own sexuality in particular.

Basically, I'm a emotional poly switch.

I want to dominate my lovers, forcing them to my will.

At the same time, I want them to dominate me. I would like nothing better than for C. to take a lover and fuck him without me. It would hurt me. Probably a lot. I adore watching her have sex with lovers of both genders, and she has put behind her the MFMs we used to do together in favor of FMFs with the Strawberry Slut and an open offer for me to have my own GF or two. I have demurred for several reasons, most pointedly of which is that I simply have no erotic trigger on my own.

I like meeting the Slut very much for some hot monkey sex, but we're not going to be a real GF and BF for a variety of reasons. I'm not even going to try to persuade her to go bareback. It's NSA sex from all I can see.

C. has made it plain she finds sex with other men uninteresting and doesn't usually orgasm with them. So one of my favorite pleasures is off the table.

There is another factor at play here: the guilt I feel for insisting on non-monogamy. C. has said that I relentlessly pressured her to change and change quickly; that my threats to leave her if she didn't "compromise" made her angry and resentful. A resentment that occasionally spills over when times are stressful. According to C, the best "revenge" would be for her to sleep with another man and never even tell me about it.

Spoken like the true daughter of Italy she is.

One night she asked me if it just wouldn't be better if she took a lover, since I appear to need it so nakedly. I had no answer, the implications of the question too fraught and weighted with complexity and my own heavy desires. Do I want her to "yield" to my desires? Am I expiating my many sins by having her "hurt" me? I may not want anyone to bite my nipples or paddle my ass, but that doesn't mean I won't respond to a little domination.

The question has no easy answer. I crave her to be sexual, highly sexual, multiply partnered and "dirty." Finding the right compromise is still a challenge for us almost three years later.

The human being is such a complex animal.

Schedules & Polyamory

2008-09-09T08:23:00.002-04:00

One of the things I hear often from polys is the problem of scheduling.

For example, your spouse/lover has a date, so it's nice if you have one, too.
No date? Bummer.

The problem is, the more people involved, the more potential for things NOT to work out. I'm going to be in Florida at a luxury hotel in two weeks, and I asked the Strawberry Slut to accompany me. C. has a business reception to go to for that night somewhere in the Big City, and so I decided I'd had enough of eating and sleeping alone on trips. I had invited C. to go with me, but because she's been there so much lately, it would be "déjà vu all over again" for her, and so she suggested I take the SS. Unfortunately, SS has a work conflict and can't take up my offer. She's seriously bummed about it, but the bottom line for me is I'll be bouncing around in the room alone again.

C. says she doesn't mind if I date someone else "like you so desperately wanted in the beginning." Unfortunately, I'm now not that interested in dating another woman any more. I've not only changed from two years ago when that post was written, but my needs are more about doing things with my "partner in crime." So dating? No. That promotes things away from our relationship.

Fucking, yes.

Long time readers know that I'd much rather C. date someone else alone. I'm the type who wants to wait at home to hear the salacious details, whereas she's just as likely to get no sleep and be agitated by my being out if it was a real relationship date (as opposed to just a fuck date). BITD when we were first married, she would cry all night when I went out with someone else, and I have no desire to put her through that again.

And really, I'm much more interested in focusing on her. Mmmm, a nice MFM with another dude would be just what the relationship doctor ordered for me. I've even asked her to put up an AFF or Ashley-Madison profile, both for the sheer frisson of seeing her on the market, and also to find out what Karma might toss up on our shore. I know getting her to put up a profile for herself will never happen. She's content with just me, happy with our sex life, and averse to the inevitable drama that comes with adding another person to one's life (unless it's just NSA sex, and she's not into that much any longer).

What a conundrum she can be.

But I digress.

What I want now, and what C. wants are often very different. So in this case, schedules suck and I'll be alone in Miami.

Unless I have any sexy volunteers....

Here Comes the Bride!

2008-09-08T07:15:00.002-04:00

I have nothing against marriage - especially if the bride wears white as in the photo above (sent to me by, who else? the Little Witch)....

After all, C. and I have been happily-married, more or less, for a very long time.

Yet I would not wish to re-marry should we break up or if she died. For one thing, I doubt seriously I could find a wife who'd be comfortable in a marriage with a stone pervert like me. Marriage involves a certain notion of exclusivity, and as this blog attests, I have no interest in, nor capacity for sexual exclusivity. At this point, I am not even comfortable with emotional exclusivity. For one thing, it means the other person is dependent on me, and I'm not going to be around forever. So better that C. or anyone else not be left "holding the bag" emotionally should I die suddenly, as several friends and acquaintances have in the past year.

And I wouldn't want non-monogomy just for myself either. Though I have had a few "hall passes" lately - I don't want C. or the Little Witch or the Strawberry Slut or, for that matter, any woman I'm involved with seeing only me. It's not just a matter of allowing them to have the same freedom to fuck as I currently enjoy. No, it's also my preference that the women in my life be sexually available to others, promiscuous and literally "dirty." Used pussy is a good thing in my opinion. Cum-stained underwear is vastly under-appreciated and rare in our world of safe sex and condoms.

Used pussy turns me on. There's a huge rush at the thought that my cock is resting inside a cunt that recently was being fucked by someone else. One of the highs of our MFM trios last year was finishing C. off after he'd had his way with her. I still get short of breath recalling the men who have stripped her naked and fucked her mouth and pussy. I also imagine the softness and wetness he enjoyed in my place just moments or hours or days earlier.

Why would I want to share C. with other men? I have at various times called C. "a great piece of ass," "eminently fuckable," and "a creamy center," meaning not just that she's good in the sack, but also that it's a really amazing experience fucking her, and I enjoy the thought that others would get to fondle her natural tits, caress her lovely ass and, yes, penetrate her in every possible way.

We men love validation, and nothing swells my pride (and my cock) like watching another man's eyes wander over C's cleavage or imagine what that tattoo points to.

Beyond validation, though, is a very strong urge to pass her around.
A gang bang? Hiring someone to seduce her? Having someone force himself on her while I watched? All the above please! For me, nothing it seems is too base or vile. Though I would never follow through on such forced sex, it does percolate up through my sodden brain. It's important, though, to differentiate between desire and reality; I would never deliberately hurt C. in any fashion, and would prefer she simply walked away from me if that came to pass.

I know if you got me on the psychiatrist's couch and did some extensive analysis, you might find all sorts of components to my desires, including latent bisexual instincts (she fucks him as my surrogate), self-esteem issues (I deserve to be "punished" for the bad things I've done in my life), and even BDSM impulses. I've written often how dominance and submission are a key component of sexual and emotional attraction, something the BDSM crowd simply makes manifest in their Theater of Cruelty, but which underpins even most vanilla sex. Don't we all really want our lover to pine for us when we're apart? We wouldn't dream of saying "oh, go fuck anyone while I'm gone," or "it's OK to go out and have a good time in my absense."

After all, isn't desire the postponement of pleasure, and flirting a way of extending out the play aspect of sexuality? We flirt, not just to get someone into bed, but to heighten the anticipation and enhance the achievement of our own erotic goals. I think it's why women are so much better at the dance of desire than men: they enjoy the build-up, knowing that in most cases, its denouement is entirely in their control. A woman doesn't worry whether she's going to get lucky, the outcome is as pre-determined as one of those World Wrestling Federation bouts.

I know, they're real, right?

The flip side of that control inflames my desires, too. Isn't the thought of persuading, even manipulating another person into doing my sexual bidding intoxicating? The Little Witch has fantasized about being my GF if something happened to C. and I've told her flat-out I wouldn't consider it unless she had one of her Fit Lads available for periodic fucking. I don't want the pressure of having to keep her needs met, preferring that sexual gratification now be something mutual and desired, not some chore or requirement arising out of exclusivity. The ads in the swinger sites for "men who can do it all night" make me yawn. Let's enjoy our time together, not turn it into Horizontal Iron Man Triathlon.

But at its primal core, my desire is simply non-verbal and total lust, a reptilian impulse to couple with a totally dirty slut, one who is not above having sex with anything that catches her eye. When I was young, I was too serious and sincere for my own good. A classmate once invited me to a lecture at the Sexual Freedom League, and I chickened out. A wuss? Definitely. A girlfriend in college later threw me over for a former boyfriend who cheated on her and made her feel like dirt.

And at its most primal, our society envies and admires the total slut, seeing her as the personification of a sexual athleticism most of us simply dream about. Porn stars can seemingly fuck for hours, days, with multiple partners, while the average man or woman is lucky to get off with a new lover. Great sex with a first-time partner? Rare in my experience. Yet the media and our own overheated imaginations convince us she exists.

The promiscuous, imperious dirty girl most definitely is not C., who, unfortunately is constitutionally monogamous. So in the Bizarro World inverted logic of lust, her classy nature only fuels the fires of my dirty lust.
Wouldn't it be delicious to see her a prisoner of her own desires for another man, sucking his cock, swallowing his cum whenever he or I wanted her to, acting out the degradation and even enslavement that is a component of my crazy love?

Ours most certainly is a crazy love. We fight hard and sometimes make-up with sex, though as the years have gone by, the making up is more complex. Lately I've thought it would be better if C. had a FWB for after we quarrel. Fucking him would the break the tension, inflame my cock, and hasten the make-up. Or at least ensure it is more interesting for me. She says I'm a "drama queen in drag" who needs Sturm und Drang (storm and stress) to fend off my persistent psychic and sexual boredom.

She would never take my advice for a FWB and put up a profile on AFF. So finding some path through the psychic forest remains a challenge for me. Perhaps I'll get lucky and she'll meet someone like Dieter (from Back In The Day) who'll sweep her off her feet and precipitate the kind of hopeless lust and irresistible desire that would make our own sexuality a dance of cruelty, flirtation, gratification and even pain for me.

C. insists she won't do this, that fucking someone as "punishment" would simply be giving me what I want and not be punishment at all.

Yes and no. Sometimes what we want is a spanking, sometimes what we need is a whipping, sometimes what we get is a deep and stinging wound, whether the flail leaves real marks or psychic ones.

There's Big and Then There's TOO Big....

2008-09-05T07:58:00.000-04:00

As regular readers already know, I'm a "tit man." I like them big. But the above video (sent by the Little Witch, who likes to torment me with what she calls "filth") is waaaay over the line for me. I mean nothing against the young lady with the huge knockers, just saying that's too big for me.

Though I have a friend who insists they can never be too big.

Since this is Labor Day, let anyone who's not out cooking food or watching baseball "labor" at this video.

A Hot Song

2008-09-04T07:07:00.001-04:00

What pervert can resist a song called "This Sex Is On Fire"?

I Don't Get It, But Here Goes....

2008-09-03T07:09:00.000-04:00

I'm in Miami, perhaps enjoying a hall pass (more on that later), so enjoy this post:

I'm not sure how the creators of Web content make money, but there's no denying the Internet has freed a tsunami of creativity which would never find a place on conventional TV or movies. This video is funny and worth watching, not only because a friend of mine had a long-term relationship with a Catholic priest, but because Eden Riegel, the star, is one hot babe. The priest is pretty hot, too, which is the visual punchline. Anyone know anything about this "web series"? Here is Eden and two of her friends:

Sorry, ladies and perverts, she's married. But she did play a lesbian on "All My Children"!

Cheating in Cyberspace

2008-09-02T07:51:00.000-04:00

Photo courtesy of Anthony Koeslag. It perfectly expresses C.'s feelings about computers.

The Little Witch got me to thinking about cybersex and cheating by passing on this post from Violet Blue. Is it really cheating if the sex is only virtual?

Before we embraced non-monogamy, C. was often justifiably jealous of the time I spent trolling the Internet and the "chicas" I became friends with. She rightly observed that I spent a large portion of each day and evening either writing or trolling. I can't summarize what I did very easily since it was a mixture of many impulses: The urge to find others like me so that I did not seem like a total "sex freak." The desire to connect with others interested in sex play. An urge to find sexual things to do like Babeland's Erotic Wine Tasting that the Strawberry Slut has invited us to - would love to watch wine being "tasted" from her beautiful nipples....

But I digress.

The real "issue" with cybersex is not the wanking off that goes on, but the time away from the spouse or SO. And that depends on the arrangement the couple has about sharing time. C. has urged me to have my own GF, but just as I've wished a BF (or at least Friend With Benefits) for her, neither of us is particularly inclined to spend large chunks of time apart with others. It's not the sex, it's the intimacy.

And the secrecy. If you're keeping what you're doing from your lover, then it's crossing a line, at least according to the VB article referenced above.

Now, if C. were inclined to wank off on-line, I'd have no issues with that. None. But then, I have no issues with her having ANY kind of sex or even intimacy if it makes her happy. I am away this weekend in Boston, so if she has intimate moments with Mr. Hitachi or Mr. Right Now, I'm fine with that. In fact, the more often she comes, the better the sex between us. I wish she'd have sex with others just to keep her running for me like a fine machine.

A fucking machine.

(We're away until next week for the Labor Day holiday here in the States. Please come back on Tuesday for more perversity)

Finding Great Tits

2008-08-27T07:16:00.004-04:00

It's time to do another "shout out" to some of our fans. Sadly I'm not REALLY bisexual (just like it when I know C. is fucking another guy, her pussy feels so dirty and slutty around my cock), so I don't have pretty-boy or hunky male fans here showing off their attributes. Forgive me, then, if I spend today looking at the ladies who have posted great tits on their blogs.

kinkerbelle

She's got a great pair AND the pale, lovely and creamy skin of a redhead (see main photo above, as well). Her blog is a slick, teasing foray into BDSM designed to draw in the hardcore blogger AND the casual fan. While not really a candidate for whips, chains and ball gags, I certainly wouldn't mind watching a Dom work her over. And if she's looking for just a good old-fashioned fucking from an older man, well....

La petite dévergondée:

French for "the little slut," la petite dévergondée also means a 20-something bisexual pervert who spends her free time fucking, thinking about fucking, and writing about fucking with verve and panache. She also likes to post provocative photos of her luscious body, including a great pair of tits with the proverbial pearl necklace. She's too smart and worldly not to know the visual pun she created, which is just one of many reasons for checking her blog out.

Roxy

The charming thing about Roxy is she doesn't know how sexy she really is, nor that she's really a D cup. Hard to find a sex blogger who isn't so full of herself that you want to gag (and I don't mean "ball gag" either). Roxy is refreshingly honest and sincere, sort of like a sexy blond schoolgirl who happens to live next door and who leaves her curtains open at night when she disrobes and masturbates with her vibrator.

Ambient Storm

For you ladies who enjoy cock stories, Storm's the hottest I've read next to the old Juno. We talk off-line, and flirt about my coming to Chicago and having lunch or dinner sometime, but I frankly doubt I could keep up with her brigade of young studs. She's the prototypical MILF, and from the side boob photo above, you can see why they line up to bed down this sexually voracious slut.

The pleasurist

Not strictly speaking a sex blogger, The Pleasurist is a blog supporting the venerable sex shop The Pleasure Chest. It has been around since the days of Plato's Retreat in an era before Herpes and AIDS, flogging (if you don't mind the pun) a wide variety of lubes, toys and sex devices. I believe the young lady on the right in the photo above is named Molly, and the picture comes from the Flickr account supporting the blog. Browse those photos, by the way.

Sulpicia

And not to leave out a nice pair of smaller tits attached to a great ass (see photo below), there's Sulpicia. Working her way out of a divorce, we'd love to pick her up on the rebound, since C. has always been more interested in girls with boyish asses, and Sulpicia has one of the best ones I've seen in awhile. She's definitely unicorn material in my estimation, but unfortunately lives in the Great White North. Gak! Nothing against Canadia, but why can't more of y'all be located in the Big City? Oh, yeah, that would mean you'd likely be in the NY Sex Bloggers Mafia. No thanks.

But finally, no posting about lovely tits would be complete without the Little Witch.

If you think you're a candidate for a future "Great Tits" post, please email me a photo and I'll put you in the queue. I'm also open to a post on "Superb Asses" if I get some yummy photos.

We've Been Spanked!

2008-08-25T07:17:00.003-04:00

Well, aside from a psycho letter writer telling me I'm a "bully" and a "git" (precious Brit slang tells me my correspondent lives on the British Isles), we've been awarded the Spanking Blogger Award by Mr. Yu, whose lovely banner is one of the more famous erotic paintings, this one called "Sleep" by Gustave Courbet:

Since we're supposed to "tag" others and give them the award, I nominate the Little Witch, Roxy of the Excellent Tits AND Ass, Madame Dragonfly, la petite dévergondée and Z. I challenge each of you to look them up on my blogroll instead of my coding in the HTML.

I Am NOT Thinking About Sex!!!

2008-08-24T06:51:00.000-04:00

The wicked Luka, asked for a Booby....

The famous "Blue-footed Booby," perhaps from overstimulation due to a foot fetish....

Enough silliness, we'll return to hard-core Angst tomorrow....

Missing in Action

2008-08-22T07:40:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch has a horror that we might just disappear someday.

Apparently it happened with a blogger friend once before. They emailed every day, then one fine morning, he stopped emailing and simply was gone. She's worried that because the three of us are close (someone tagged her as our SO, since she's more than just a friend to us both), we could just leave her flat. I can't forsee it ever happening, since she's a dear friend who sticks up for me and is always there for us.

But I understand her concern. Blogs go suddenly dark, people recoil from the rough-and-tumble of public sex stories, prying stalkers, nasty commenters, or the risk of exposure. Jefferson's recent problems are a good example: one of the more popular (and better-written) sex blogs just disappeared overnight because of his legal problems after his ex-wife discovered him "hiding in plain sight."

I've seen it on a personal basis, too. Ravenous was one of those Internet crushes, a delicious writer with a sexy personality. I thought something might come of it all, but alas, she just stopped emailing one day. I'm sure there's a good reason, whether the demands of real life (she wants to be a lawyer, so that's two full-time jobs in itself), has two marvelous children who are the center of her life, and maybe met someone whose needs preclude flirting with cyber-FWBs.

But that doesn't mean I don't wonder at times. Life is so impermanent, no less so in the blogosphere.

Who Says I Think About Just Sex?

2008-08-21T07:12:00.000-04:00

Hey, I am getting arty with my illustrations. Not just tits and cocks, right?

The bird above is called a New Zealand Shag.

'Nuf said.

Hotel Sex

2008-08-20T07:45:00.000-04:00

There's nothing can compare with hotel sex.

I have imagined this scenario for quite some time: You arrive at my room dressed for the occasion. Perhaps a halter top or light Summer dress over the barest of panties and maybe even no bra? You are shy and hesitant at first, I can understand your hesitation, this is new and in a place you've never been before. I'm glad it's a hotel I know, to keep my own anxieties at bay - always a factor in fucking.

It's a large room, a suite really, so the bed is discretely out-of-sight. I offer you a drink and you flounce onto the couch, your dress riding up enough to reveal your shapely legs. My imagination begins to wonder what you look like without the dress, but I keep my desires in control for now. You take the drink, play with it, and then before either of us is quite prepared, our mouths find one another and we're pulling the other to us.

I kiss well, C. has taught me how; I have no doubts I can arouse your interest. I don't rush things, don't open my mouth too far, and I'm glad to see you don't either. Some lovers won't take any direction, they fumble and overplay their hand. I can feel your desire as your breath becomes more shallow and quicker, and allow my hands to move up to your lovely breasts, gently rubbing them beneath the fabric. C. is my template for seduction, and she always prefers things to go slowly, through the clothing, no rush to disrobe.

We continue our kissing, and now I am pushing your skirt up. A lovely pair of boy shorts, so flattering to your nice ass. I slip one finger beneath the read edge's elastic and run it along the curve of your ass. You wondered if I like a woman with curves, and of course, I do. The kissing reaching a desperate intensity, I allow that same finger to slide into your pussy. It's soaking.

Like an experienced maestro, I bring the orchestra to a crescendo, your body shuddering with powerful orgasms. One, two, then a third, only when they pass do we move into the bedroom. You pull your dress off over your head, your eagerness is so arousing. My cock is pushing against my clothes and I can barely wait for its release. You slide under the covers coquette-like. Women of any age are often shy and demure before sucking a man's hardness, and you are ready to have a go at mine.

But I have no interest in your sucking me, I slip on a sheath and am in you before you can do more than yelp in surprise, my powerful thrusts bringing you to more climaxes. The excitement is too much for both of us, and I quickly come. But we have the room all night, and there will be time for more fucking before my morning meeting and flight home to share the details with my naughty cheerleader who eggs me on.

Polyamorously Adverse

2008-08-19T06:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you who found this recent controversy about underage models as precious and silly as we did, here is the ne plus ultra in satire.

A mirror blog as hilarious as it is spot-on, replete with its own photo controversy (reproduced above). Leave it to the Brits to see the satire in things. Brava, Luka, darling!

Would Someone Please Take C. Into the Back Seat & Fuck Her?

2008-08-18T07:52:00.000-04:00

This photo reminded me of a scenario we never did: meeting some guy in a bar, and then going for a ride with the two of us taking turns fucking C. in the back seat while the other drove.

So many perversions, so little time....

Safe Sex

2008-08-16T00:03:00.001-04:00

One of you suggested a female condom as a way to pretend to have bareback, and I thought this demo video worth sharing. Anyone one of y'all ever tried it? And if you read this, you may be surprised to learn it's more effective than the male condom in preventing the spread of skin-to-skin STIs like Herpes.

Nymphs & Unicorns

2008-08-15T07:05:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite topics for reflection is the absurdity of human relationships.

We all know of couples who are somehow mismatched: he's into BDSM, she like vanilla sex. She is ready to fuck anything that moves, he wants to have sex twice a year. She's in love with him, but he can't stop thinking about another woman he had a fling with in San Francisco three months ago.

A friend of ours was in a relationship with a man living in another city. She identifies as polyamorous, but is still hoping to find a strong primary lover, one who will be as committed to her as she is to him. The long-distance paramour was fairly ardent, but not ready to make any kind of declaration of love. I'm sure you've all heard about similar experiences, even if you're happily, monogamously married.

I raise the point because I often have to stop and consider what I have and what it is I want. C. & I have an easy sexuality that occasionally includes others. The connections are inevitably somewhat shallow and superficial. The "theater" of lust played out in public with new partners fuels great sex between C. and me, but it leaves the build-up sometimes lacking in some undefinable je ne sais quoi. Of course, the polys would likely laugh and say "you need to fall in love." Well, I have.

With C.

Yet even a casual sexual liaison means the mind is engaged with that lover on some level, and accepting the interaction between us involves some re-thinking of priorities. What can you ask of a partner when it's "no strings attached"? Is "fluid bonding" appropriate? One swinger couple we know has decided to go the route of bareback since the women already play without dental dams or precautions, and both have sucked the other man's cock and swallowed the results.

In theory, we have no claim to our partners. But my own desires care nothing for such logic, pushing me into directions I have no rational control over.

Just ask C. about my long-term desire to farm her out to another lover.

Sexual desire is like that: it's why people in happy, stable marriages commit adultery, sometimes with the most inappropriate, mismatched strangers. We look on their actions and say "what were they possibly thinking?" failing to realize that thought had nothing to do with it. If we could control our sexual urges, the world would be free of pedophiles and probably half of the gays and lesbians would turn straight simply to escape the prejudice and persecution many suffer in countries like Saudi Arabia, where a homosexual man risks decapitation.

A more-perfect compromise would be to bring the Little Witch into our bed, but distance keeps that possibility in the realm of fantasy. And so the merry-go-round of lust and longing means that many of us, including myself, must grapple with occasionally dark thoughts and often irrational impulses.

I hope I don't seem intemperate with my words, nor this seem like a complaint. While the birth of this blog was a need to purge my pent-up frustrations, this post is really an exploration of boundaries in the world of non-monogamy. Even married couples have limits with each other, so we're treading somewhat new territory.

Should I be grateful for the lovers we have? Of course, though it just doesn't work that way in matters of the heart and cock. Perhaps someone reading this will be encouraged to reach out and find her own place in our bed?

In the interim, I craft imperfect compromises. Yet at least my compromise with C. is as close to perfection as any man is entitled to be. That realization makes every day a happy one for me, at least on the most profound and satisfying levels.

Still, my demons rage inside me, hoping for an opening to exploit and conquer my equilibrium. I resist with what tools my conscious mind can imperfectly bring to bear.

We Now Return You to Your Regular Filth....

2008-08-14T07:34:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it surprises me how carnal desire can come over humans.

This morning I awoke thinking how much I want to fuck the Strawberry Slut. She's away in another city for two weeks, so we're on our own. But sex with her is delicious, and I craved it with a wild intensity that surprised me. I often go along as the mild-mannered business executive who negotiates deals and writes intelligent things about relationships.

Then I think how superb it would be to come inside her without a condom, then have C. lick the juices from the three of us off my cock. My urges are pure, naked "filth" as the Little Witch could call it (whose big tits I'd like to fondle as I fuck her from behind). I'm almost embarrassed by the abrupt intensity of these cravings, pushing against my rational mind like a hard-on pushing into her pussy after I've brought C. to orgasm first. I like moving between my two lovers, and no condoms would mean I could "switch gears" in moments, instead of peeling off the condom or putting one on. The abrupt outburst of carnality surprised me, almost like when I can't hold back and come quickly after entering. I don't do that often, but sometimes C. likes it when I am "overcome."

But bareback has emotional connotations for the SS, and unfortunately that isn't going to happen. So my outburst of intense sexuality is no more meaningful than any other physical urge. I feel sheepish confessing my desires in public. But that's what this blog has always been about. Perhaps there are other readers who might be interested in more than a virtual connection with us?

Hey, words can be seductive....

Who The Fuck Are YOU?!?! (from a "silly little man")

2008-08-13T07:48:00.004-04:00

One of the interesting things about this controversy was how some readers wanted to "parse" me.

Generally the "discussion" (when there was actually more than personal vitriol) divided itself into two groups: those who agreed with my criticism of another blogger's usage of a questionable photo, and those who said, even if I was right about what I said, that I shouldn't call out another blogger.

Why not?

Where does it say in the "Blogger Constitution" that a writer is required to support other writers' actions, even if they think that person is wrong?

Oh, I forgot, there IS NO BLOGGER CONSTITUTION!!!

One of you wrote (anonymously of course) "you have created a chasm among bloggers now. Are you happy? Do you think you’re king?" Aside from the fact that those are fairly silly sentences all strung together...aside from that... If I have created a "chasm" among bloggers, that's giving me & this small blog waaaay more power than really has.

Actually, this criticism is thrown about often across various blogs, so I'm in good company. We're not some big happy family of writers here, and it would get awfully boring if all we ever did was pat one another on the back. Other bloggers have written about me (positively AND negatively), and I take my lumps with as much grace and understanding as I can. With public expression comes the possibility of criticism. I'm a big boy, and I should be able to take it.

The fact that I write about sex and relationships doesn't mean I would be comfortable supporting any and all sex bloggers. The fact that I have whores for friends doesn't mean I condone all aspects of commercial sex. A blog about whoring in Thailand (where prostitutes are often very under age and the government turns a blind eye to it all) would prompt my condemnation. I have trod the back alleys of Taipei's night market and seen its child prostitutes, so I know what I'm talking about.

Yet I would fight to the death for any blogger's right to say what they want. My belief in the salutary benefits of free speech, though, means I don't have to sit quietly by if someone is doing something I think is wrong. It's easy to have free speech if we only have speech we agree with.

What system of morality do I use? And who am I, as someone practicing an "alternative" lifestyle, to criticize others? I have the same system most people have -- a personal system of values that works for me based on experience and my personal viewpoint. It excludes hurting others and doing things that encourage others to do wrong. That C. and I would be subject to the condemnation of others for the way we live is readily apparent to me, but again, what does that have to do with my questioning another writer's actions?

That same commenter declares: "Did you write your post for increased comments and traffic or because you 'really' felt upset by the image. I’m more inclined to lean toward the former. To me, you’re a silly little man who just can’t find the decency to admit that you stepped over the line."

Pretty moral stuff from someone who hasn't the guts to sign their name, even with a pretend "nom de blog." C. laughed heartily reading the "silly little man" part.

I don't care about comments or traffic. If I did, I'd still be submitting to Sugasm. I don't even manage my links on referral sites like Cunning Linguists. I admit I was dazzled by all the readers we got at first, and I still enjoy it on some "silly" level each time we pass another 100,000 hits. But blog traffic doesn't mean squat to us. We don't get paid by the hit, don't take advertising, don't expect to make anything from this site.

Cyrano Q at least has the guts to sign his name:

This isn't the first time, in my opinion, you've done this, and I don't think it's appropriate. Apart from the questions that will inevitably be asked about your credentials for having such a role (and believe me, in the real world, given your lifestyle, they would be legion), the people you're talking to don't like it. We blog because it's one of the few places some of us can truly express ourselves, and although no-one objects to having to justify their position of something, we're not prepared to stand by and watch what sometimes appears to be a complete character assassination.

Uh, I don't see myself as anything other than another blogger who writes about the things that interest me. But no, this isn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last I'll speak up if something annoys me. My interest in a topic may be positive or negative, and if you like what you read here, then please continue dropping by. If you don't, well, no one is forcing you to come here and read what I have to say. I'm not at all convinced that "the people you're talking to don't like it." We're hearing mostly from the boisterous and the "outraged," who very likely are chasing off anyone who might agree. Taking my side requires a good deal of bravery at this point, lest it invite the same kind of invective and cyber-stalking we've seen here from people who aren't even regular readers. But if the majority "don't like it" as Cyrano insists, then they don't have to come back.

As for a "complete character assassination"? Oh, Cyrano, you need to get some perspective. I objected to another blogger's flogging underage porn. As a few of you "got" when reading my original post, I don't CARE whether the models are, strictly speaking "legal." But dealing with the question of documentation for a moment, I might point out that China insists its tiny women gymnasts are all of legal age, though few in the sports world believe it. Why should we assume that models from foreign sites are really of legal age, especially on a porn site that flaunts its "barely legal, wink, wink" subject matter?

Faking documents is easy enough to do (hence my tongue-in-cheek Osama bin Laden drivers license). Yet even if the models ARE legal, the goal of that photo is to make us think they're not REALLY legal. In other words, the intent is to appeal to the same instincts that inform kiddie porn.

There, I've said it again.

A character assassination would be if I said someone was a bad person or that they behaved immorally. That's very different from saying I think what they're doing crosses a certain line and I object to it. If you're a Bush supporter, I object to that, so does that make my criticism some kind of character assassination? Puh-leeeeze.

So to answer the question in the title: I am simply me, it's my blog, and I can write about whatever I want. And I will continue doing so, whether anyone comes here to read or not. Whatever you think of me or my writing, it's genuine, non-commercial and I hope well-written. It's no accident I chose the nom-de-blog of one of America's revolutionary firebrands. I hope something I say will stimulate you, inspire thought or discussion, and maybe even piss you off enough to engage your mind.

Sadly (since I love a good argument) too many commenters can't tell the difference between a spirited debate and mud wrestling - though I must say the mud wrestler above has a lovely ass reminding me of C. (Would you think about entering a mud wrestling contest, Darling, so I can watch?)

So, for that reason (& that reason ONLY), I have turned off comments for this post, and will delete any comments to other posts that continue in the "your mama wears Army boots" mode.

This is the last word on the matter. And, since it's my blog, I get to have it.

We Should Help Jefferson

2008-08-12T07:29:00.012-04:00

I'm actually coming to the aid of one of Viviane's paramours today: Jefferson.

I know, some of you are convinced I was critical of Viviane because of something personal. Nothing I can say will change that conviction, so I'll just say it's my blog, and I can be inconsistent if I want to....

According to the post cited above (sent to me by the Little Witch), Jefferson's ex-wife is suing him for sole custody of their children because she thinks his penchant for multiple lovers in general and his bisexuality in particular make him an unfit father. Jefferson has written eloquently and warmly about his kids on his blog (now closed to all but invited guests). Apparently the ex discovered it and is using his descriptions about sex with both genders as a weapon to take away his children. I know nothing about how he ended up with custody in the first place, other than his account of how his ex abruptly moved out on the family. He writes sweetly about his love for his children and anyone can see he seems to be a caring and devoted father.

Since I like full disclosure - even if it sometimes muddies the waters - I should point out I have no personal knowledge of the man or his family life, and have never met him. If Viviane and his friends say it's true, I will accept them at their word.

I should also mention I have written about Jefferson before. And the vitriolic defense from his "pussy posse," along with his claim I was "stalking" his blog, surprised and amused both C. and me. He evidently has a certain charisma in the demi-monde of NYC, and his admirers are ready to take up his cause very quickly. Though, like all writers (read: "humans), he has his dissenters: Dacia Ray, herself no prude, writes about an apparent a problem with alcohol, and a general recklessness that allowed Jefferson's ex-wife to learn the details of his sex life from his blog.

Sound familiar?

I am saddened to see that Dacia's post has exposed her to the same kind of gang hysteria we saw here last week. But while her observations are interesting and valid as a personal narrative, they are peripheral to the question of whether the world should or should not come to Jefferson's legal aid. The man may be a personal mess and maybe not even someone C. and I would want to have dinner with, but that doesn't give his ex the right to use his sexual orientation and his blog against him, unless she can prove he's unfit to care for their kids. I doubt greatly that he brings his playmates home for orgies when the children are there. I'm sure there's a clear and clean divide between his "dad time" and his personal time and that his conduct does not expose them to inherent risk. C & I never play at home because our children don't need to know about their parents' alternative sexuality. When they were younger, it would've been disturbing. As teens, it would be just plain gross to them. After all, they don't even want to see us kissing!

And while it may be "creepy" to some that he writes about his love for his kids in a sex blog, maybe he's just more open about his life than we're accustomed to? Yet it's our perception of Jefferson's lifestyle that will count more than its substance. The fact that he's openly bisexual will likely (and unfortunately) hurt him in court, even though it does not put his kids at any risk. Gay parents successfully raise kids all the time, often robustly heterosexual ones, so if, as a society, we're afraid gay parents will "recruit" their children to "play for the other team", then I should point out how studies actually show that the opposite is true. And anyone with teenagers knows that kids tend to go the opposite way of their parents anyway! If a gay or bisexual parent is unfit, then so are single parents. The 1950's-style "nuclear family" is a mythical ideal, but as all those with dysfunctional parents can attest, it's no guarantee of well-adjusted children who grow up to be happy and functional adults.

Whatever you might think of Jefferson or his lifestyle, I urge you to consider sending money to extract him from this current pickle. If you wish to help, go here; make sure your donation is specific to the JEFFERSON LEGAL DEFENSE FUND. Anonymous donations are fine, and are tax-deductible.

I think it's worth letting the world know about this case because exes are only too happy to use whatever leverage they can in divorce and custody disputes. As long as a person's sexuality can deny custody or other extreme legal outcomes, we're all at some kind of risk.

It could be you and your ex tomorrow.

Or your employer denying you work.

Or the government deciding you should be watched or worse.

Pastor Martin Niemoller wrote about the conspiracy of silence in Germany that allowed the Nazis first to take over, then exterminate their enemies:

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for the Communists and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

In 2257 We Trust

2008-08-11T07:39:00.004-04:00

The above bit of visual humor is for those of you who think that 2257 has any reality. And I'll bet every one of you who's screaming about those models being "2257 compliant" probably had AT LEAST one fake ID growing up....

Just as Dr. Johnson tells us that "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel," corporate hacks and their flunkies will insist "we're in full compliance with the law."

Yep. Do you want some chips with that beer?

With regard to the models in Viviane's post

2008-08-10T17:33:00.001-04:00

Although this has been said a number of times, some people need it spelling out to them.

The two models pictured on Viviane's Sugasm post, Mima (or Miriam K) and Luna (Judita A or Lea T) are of legal age.

The shoot in question, from which the picture for the Sugasm was taken, is here and the 2257 Compliance Notes for this shoot are here. Hat-tip to Gracie for linking the shoot into her post.

Comments aren't open on this one - the fact that Mima and Luna are over the legal age of consent is not a debate.

That Sugasm picture

2008-08-08T12:15:00.006-04:00

Seeing as there seems to be a swarm of people who I've never seen comment here, I guess I better first start by introducing myself. I'm known as "little witch" on this blog, Caroline (or Lina) on my blog, and "a porn apologist", "nasty", and a "stupid pro-porny" on the radical feminist / anti pornography blogs. They don't love me much, but then that said I do write stuff like this about them, so I suppose I have it coming (but they started it).

But yeah, if it's legal then I'm all for porn, and, being as I do battle with the radfems pretty regularly, I'm well acquainted with the arguments used against porn. Slavery, rape, 'forced into it', oppressed, "prostituted women"... yeah, I know the arguments, and the absolute doozy they pull out from time to time is the ol' child porn argument: if you support adult pornography you support child pornography. I addressed this months ago on my own blog, and being the stupid pro-porny I am, I've even personally been accused of supporting child pornography a couple of times after defending the "extreme" porn law that was passed in the UK in late Spring (beginners guide here).

So, given that I know how fucking annoying that argument is, why am I defending Tom Paine in this comment thread with regard to a picture used on The Sex Carnival? Well, let's just go through the post and the comments. Firstly though, let me say in the interest of full disclosure, I have already blogged about my discomfort with the picture and the "barely legal" genre on my own blog in one of those really embarrassing "own your privilege" posts feminists do from time to time.

"Do we know these girls are underage? No, we don't, but I think that's beside the point."

Well no, we do know that they aren't underage. I'm familiar with the US Child Protection and Obscenity Act, specifically the 2257 Regulation. I had to get familiar with it to object to Stop Porn Culture! and their slide show that did not conform to 2257. I believe Viviane will be classed as a "secondary producer", which she would mean she is personally responsible for producing proof that these models are 'legal', and so I know she won't have messed up on this. Besides, as I mentioned in the comment thread, Viviane and I had been emailing about this and she mentioned that it was. So, I don't think that there is any doubt that these models are 'legal' and I'm sure Tom will agree with me upon his return.

"If they're not underage, the publisher is trying to make us think they are..."

I think that's possible. I emailed Renegade Evolution about this and she disagreed with me, and in her comment in the post below she explains why. I wouldn't go as far as to say this picture was simulated child pornography, but these models look 'barely legal' and they are supposed to look 'barely legal' in my mind. As for looking under age, well personally I think they do, certainly on first sight, particularly the model on the right. It's not to do with their slim bodies or small breasts. For me, it's to do with the slightly awkward pose and the rounded faces (adult faces seem to go thinner, and obviously this phenomenon doesn't occur on the day of their 18th birthday but can take until a person is in, say, their mid-twenties). Although I think there is a slightly "knowing" look in their eyes that you wouldn't see in a child, there is something about the eyes that is very young. The bare face (clean of make up, I mean) adds to this. Therefore, I do not think it is unreasonable to think that these models are underage, even though we all know for certain that they are not.

"A teenager cannot give informed consent."

As I said in my own post, I agree with this because I've had the kind of life that makes me think that 18-21 year olds are still very young because they are devoid of adult experiences, and that is not intended to be patronising. If I had a different life, maybe I would have had an "old head" on my shoulders at 14 or 15. It, of course, differs from person to person, but it not unreasonable to say that a teenager cannot give informed consent, even though it is a generalisation.

"Regardless, though, of my opinions as a parent or the research I've looked at into the teenage brains, using nude pictures of girls under the age of 18 strikes me as a form of exploitation."

I can't speak for Tom Paine, but actually, having acknowledged that my own life experiences have impacted greatly on my opinions of the 'barely legal' genre, I think actually his experiences of a parent has impacted greatly on his view. That's not to say if he wasn't a parent he'd be all for it, far from it. But this post smacks of a defensive parent to me, and I think that this should be acknowledged. Perhaps the post wouldn't have been so "inflammatory" as someone described it. I strongly believe that his position as a father has impacted massively on his interpretation of the picture and has little to do with his own preferences of porn. But then, however well I may know Tom, I can't speak for him. I would however ask people to keep that in mind until he weighs in on this whenever he comes back online.

"...brushing perilously close to kiddie porn."

By it's very nature it is brushing damn close to child porn, not in legal terms but in visual terms, which of course provokes a moral reaction. What more can I say, I thought that was obvious.

So then, that's the post. Now the comments. And by God the comments Piss. Me. Off. and I ain't referring to Ellie, AAG etc, I'm referring to "Anon"/"Hayley":

"I'm with Tom on this one."

The fucking hell you are. I've already commented against this, but Christ this deserves it's own post.

Do not align yourself with Tom Paine. The way you talked to Furry Girl was a fucking joke. "Opportunistic, desperate", um, why? Cos she's in porn? What, you don't approve?

I've already said it in my comment and in the post, but one more time - you do not speak for Tom Paine. Furthermore, if you agree with what I say about 'barely legal' please don't offer your support to me - my opinion is actually carefully thought out, I acknowledge my inconsistencies and I don't seek to make generalised moral judgements on the whole of the sex industry. Your anti-porn opinion ain't worth shit; it's not informed and it's not thought through (unless you really are that much of a dumb ass). So no, you're not "with Tom Paine" on this. Tom Paine is sex positive for a start, pro-pornography and pro-sex workers rights regardless of his personal reaction to the 'barely legal' genre. Mmmkay?

Well, that's basically all I have to say. I'm sure Tom will acknowledge this when he gets back, but the important thing is we're clear that Viviane did not break any laws. As for the rest, well I think it's important at least to keep in mind to understand the strong reaction Tom Paine had. As for why I'm defending him, well, if you blogged in the circles I did you'd see just exactly what shit is spewed forth by the anti-porn set in their campaign against pornography almost daily (from the same blogs). Tom Paine has no such campaign. I hope that at least is clear.