Pondering The Archers

Bleak Times courtesy of David and Tony 12.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:14:06 PST

The Archers Sunday 12th February 2012

Tracey is a dirty stop out … at her dad’s
Phew – Tony had a spare shackle link
Interesting NFU initiative
Pip’s 19 on Friday
Tony and David have a (morose) swift one
The New Zealand system
Kim Kardashian

Tracey is a dirty stop out … at her dad’s

Aye, think Tracey missed the point there.

Tracey was out with her mate Marlene, who had been chucked out by her bloke because she’d trashed his fishing gear.

[Neil] “Well I’m not surprised!”

[Tracey] “She only did it because he wasn’t really going fishing, he was seeing this slapper from the tanning salon”

So TLC turned into cocktails, and Tracey crashed with Marlene at Bert’s. leaving her kids at Susan and Neil’s.

Well, she did text. Though Susan had to miss church because of having to sit Tracey’s kids.

[Tracey] “Won’t hurt once in a while”

You wouldn’t spot that Tracey is a Horrobin, would you?

Phew – Tony had a spare shackle link

Thank goodness for that.

Though why either he or Pat were grateful to Tom for helping Tony fix the trailer is beyond me.

Tom broke it in the first place.

And he only fixed what he broke in the first place was because of Helen telling him to go easy on Tony.

Interesting NFU initiative

Is to get more seasonal fruit and veg into the local markets, so says David (to Pat and Tony).

Pat seems quite enthusiastic.

[Pat] “We need to break down this idea that you’ve got to have everything all year round”

Doom and gloom Tony thinks folks will never catch on what seasonal means.

But Tom is a bit more positive, he reckons that folks will respond to have a break from things (so they enjoy them more when they can get them again), and Pat points out that seasonal means better quality.

Pip’s 19 on Friday

Blimey.

Tony and David have a (morose) swift one

They’re going down the pub …

… but it doesn’t lift their spirits. They’re both feeling a bit “challenged”.

[Tony] “Challenging? Isn’t that was they say when they mean disaster”

[David] “It’s an unmitigated challenge”

The New Zealand system

Is what David is now pondering.

Something about outdoor lambing.

Ruth will be pleased … it has nowt to do with cows.

Though I did learn today that mixed farming does not mean breeding cows with lambs.

That’s not possible, so it seems.

Kim Kardashian

Who?

Tracey reckons she was distracted when this Kim Kardashian come on the telly – Tracey then didn't hear what Susan was saying about Kylie coming back down.

In fact, Tracey seemed a bit over keen to get in touch with Kylie.

Why is that then?

Will no one think of Tony? 10.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:08:32 PST

The Archers Friday 10th February 2012

Tom made the trailer sag
Brian’s missing the point
Jennifer doesn’t want kids
What’s wrong with seeing the pigs?
Helen knows her dad

Tom made the trailer sag

And didn’t seem very apologetic about it, or willing to put it right anytime soon.

Tony is (quite rightly) angry with him.

So Tom does the only reasonable thing – blame someone else.

He now reckons “he can’t do right for doing wrong”.

[Tom] “Maybe I should just change my name to Rich. Perhaps that might please him … I need to do the milking, I don’t want to give him any more proof of how second rate I am, do I!”

Brian’s missing the point

Actually, the whole of the BL board are missing the point.

Brian’s come back to Neil to say that the BL Board is happy to talk to the Parish Council. But only the Parish Council. They don’t want a public meeting until the Planning permission has been considered.

[Neil] “It does feel as though it might be leaving it too late … the longer you leave it, honestly Brian, people are going to think you’re just trying to hide something”

Brian reckons he has already been open, so won’t achieve anything with a public meeting at this stage.

Still don’t understand this U-turn. I think his instinct to talk to people, and hear their views, was a good one.

But then again, Brian hasn’t provide very good at the listening bit …

Jennifer doesn’t want kids

For Chris and Alice.

Or she at least didn’t sound too keen when Susan mentioned the prospect of Alice and Chris having kids (that they can’t really at the moment as they’re saving).

I suppose Jennifer is hoping they’ll split up before they have a chance to breed, leaving Alice to find her a blue blooded bull.

What’s wrong with seeing the pigs?

Susan was telling a (rather keen to escape) Jennifer that she also fancies bidding on Eddie’s water feature in the Promise Auction.

(ach – I’ll stop saying it – but Eddie only said he’d install one!).

Susan reckons it’d create a nice focal point at the end of her garden. She asked Jennifer what she thought.

[Jennifer] “Yes, I suppose, I mean providing the pigs aren’t in view … I’m sure it’d look lovely Susan”

What a witch that woman can be!

And what’s wrong with seeing pigs?

Especially when they’re weaners. Cute!

Helen knows her dad

And takes the time to actually talk to him.

Everyone else just seems to be ignoring poor Tony at the moment, while expecting him to do all the hands on graft.

Tony is upset. Especially since Rich has been abruptly back into their life because of Kylie’s letter.

[Tony] “It’s just hard … there’s nothing we can do anyway, and for you mum’s sake … you know how distressed she gets, how low … we've just got to find someway of moving on”

Tony has been brooding about Rich. He can’t get the fact that Rich likes things like cricket lout of his mind.

[Tony] “It makes him all the more John’s boy for me …There’s so much I’d like him to know Helen, about his dad … he’d barely started his life, and now that we know about Rich, it feels as if …”

Tony starts crying.

[Tony on Rich] “I just wish he knew we’d have been there for him”

Oh Tony. You poor, neglected wee man.

Tony is also careful to make sure Helen knows that his feelings for Rich (and John) doesn’t mean he loves the rest of his family any less. Especially Henry.

[Tony] “I promise you love, he brings me happiness everyday”

Helen later corners Tom.

She tells him she now realises how much Rich means to Tony.

Tom starts to tell Helen that he has a mind to write to Kylie to tell her what hassle and stress she’s created, but:

[Helen] “Please listen … I don’t think we’ve appreciated how hard it’s hit dad …He was the one that found John, and there’s this lively lad, smiling at him … he’s trying so hard to bury his feelings. Who has he got to talk to … he was so lonely … just try to go a little bit easy on him”

Tom softens, and agrees to try and not get into any more arguments.

But that’s as far as he gets. Tom is still adamant that they must get on with business (literally)

[Tom] “I’ll do my best to be there for him, but dad’s going to have to be there for us too”

Tom is such an odious little twerp! Tony deserves better (thank goodness for Helen).

Joe drives a hard bargain 09.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:40:22 PST

The Archers Thursday 9th February 2012

Lemon cake works wonders for Joe
Pat made The Echo
Alistair puts business before Topper
Why isn’t Joe Grundy a millionaire?
Ed on a badger course in June
Eddie isn’t donating a water feature (by the way)
The theme for Britain in Bloom

Lemon cake works wonders for Joe

Joe reckons he has a chill on his chest, so has been stopping in.

But Jim tempts Joe over to his house with lemon cake. And Joe also gets his request for a drop of booze to liven up his tea … Jim must be after something!

Pat made The Echo

With a seemingly great picture of herself and Shelly Brazil at the Ambridge Organics launch.

Pat having good press contacts will come in handy when Pat tackles the Super Dairy through the front pages.

Alistair puts business before Topper

Shula tells Alistair that she wants to buy Topper.

She’d buy him through the business, and use him for teaching and the like.

[Shula] “It wouldn’t be a waste of money .. I’m worried for Freddie”

But Alistair reckons they can’t afford it.

[Shula] “It’s not as is we’re really badly off, we’re lucky compared to some”

[Alistair] “I don’t mean to be brutal, but at the end of the day it has to be a business decision. It just doesn’t make sense”

Oh dear.

Business Vs emotional attachment.

My money is on Shula winning this one.

Why isn’t Joe Grundy a millionaire?

With his talents at haggling, one would have thought he’d have made a fortune years ago.

Jim’s new plan for trying to work out fair allocation of the cider made from the community orchard apples is to start off with trying to find out what percentage the Grundys want.

So he asks Joe if they’ll take 10%.

Joe nearly chokes on his tea.

[Joe] “That cider is part of our livelihood, that is!”

[Jim] “What would you say to 20%?”

[Joe] “I’d tell you, pull your head down from them clouds … 20%, you don’t live in the real world … There wouldn’t be on orchard without us Grundys … I’m sorry prof, I don’t mind telling you, you’re hard my feelings …ancient knowledge that is … would have thought a man such as yourself would appreciate that”

[Jim] “Alright, let’s be generous then, how about 40?”

[Joe] “For a whole family heritage?”

Which is a fair point.

They wouldn’t have the cider without the Grundys having nurtured Grange Farm’s orchard when they worked it. And it is the Grundys know how that will make the cider. Plus Joe has been the community orchard’s consultant …

…so, 90%, according to Joe Grundy, would be fair.

After back and forth, they settle on 80%. Joe reckons the bumper harvest they have had will mean 20% is still more than enough cider for everyone else.

Hmmm.

Mike, for one, isn’t going to be very happy.

Also quite surprised that Jim wasn’t a better negotiator. Maybe his strengths are indeed purely academic.

[Jim, later on] “Really, why do these things have to be so complicated? I thought we’d just muck in and all get a bit of scrumpy”

[Christine] “You haven’t lived here long enough yet, where the Grundys are concerned, nothing’s that straightforward!”

Ed on a badger course in June

Which Alistair reckons Ed is really excited about.

Ed – badger saviour.

Who’d have thunk it!

Eddie isn’t donating a water feature (by the way)

Folks seem to be getting excited about Eddie’s Promise Auction offer.

BUT.

What I heard him say was that he’d install it. Not that he’d pay for the whole thing.

Oh dear. Someone’s going to be disappointed.

The theme for Britain in Bloom

Has to be chosen by the Britain in Bloom committee.

Ideas for far include the Olympic and the Diamond Jubilee.

Not very imaginative, but I suppose they’re at least topical.

[Lynda] “Having said that, it does rather depend on us finding a sponsor”

Jim tells her about Brian trying to offer him BL sponsorship.

[Jim] “It’s obvious that they’re trying to portray themselves as a caring sharing philanthropic company”

While they do need the money, BL is being too obvious, and the Super Dairy is too hot a topic, for them to consider.

[Lynda] “I think we’ll have to say no. This is something we want the whole village behind”

A letter from Kylie 08.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 12:49:21 PST

The Archers Wednesday 8th February 2012

Neil missed the planting
Pat harasses Lynda
Bloomin’ pork cobbler!
Kylie’s letter
Scruff listens to Neil
Consternation in the village? Organise a meeting!
Business cards and Facebook
Tom’s angry

Neil missed the planting

Of the Jubilee oak tree.

Which is a shame, as he was part of organising it.

But he had work to do at Bert’s.

Poor Neil.

Still, Lynda says it’s been planted in the perfect spot.

Pat harasses Lynda

Over the village website. Pat had even sent Lynda an email!

[Pat] “I really don’t think the village website should be doing BL’s job for them … I couldn’t believe it when Ruth showed me. It’s so misleading …The website should be a forum for the village, not BL’s propaganda!”

Lynda thinks the article was reasonable, though she doesn’t agree with the Super Dairy, and says that Pat can also do her own article for the website, with a link to her online petition.

[Lynda] “You must know I wouldn’t approve, but I can’t stop Jennifer posting”

Bloomin’ pork cobbler!

Which Tony reckoned was only “just fine”.

Tom’s away on his trips again (this time to “lock down” his recipes, including the infamous pork cobbler), so once again leaves Tony to do the milking himself. Again.

Kylie’s letter

Pat and Tony got a letter from Kylie today. She’d heard that they’d met Rich, was glad they had and:

[Kylie’s letter] Mum doesn’t usually like talking about her past … she’s started to open up … I just wanted you to know I think it’s great …

Kylie also wanted to tell them that she as happy memories of Ambridge – remembers Pat and Tony from them, and that they were kind to her.

Pat’s over the moon.

[Pat] “It’s still a link though. We don’t know what’s going to happen down the line”

[Tony] “Please don’t Pat, It’s just a kind gesture from a kind girl. We mustn’t expect any more than that”

But Pat doesn’t want to let it go again.

She wants to Facebook Kylie to say thank you for her letter.

[Tony] “I’m not sure. We really don’t want to push it”

But Pat’s adamant that now she has an in to Rich, she wants to keep the channel with Kylie open/

[Tony] “Well, as long as it’s just a quick thank you”

And Tony also insists they tell Helen and Tom about the letter. He doesn’t want a repetition of last time.

Scruff listens to Neil

Lynda’s scruff was just all over Neil, which he didn’t mind too much about.

But when Neil had had enough, he told Scruff to sit down. Which he immediately did.

Wonder if Neil could have the same impact on Lynda?

Consternation in the village? Organise a meeting!

Lynda suggests to Neil that the Parish Council is duty bound to host a public meeting about the Super Dairy. He agrees it’d be a good idea to openly discuss both sides, and Lynda tasks Neil with inviting Brian.

Which Neil does.

But surprisingly – Brian sounds reticent.

[Brian] “I’m not quite sure when we’d hold it, as you can imagine we’re all very busy”

[Neil] “People are still going to have questions and criticisms, it’d probably be worth your while listening to them”

Brian says to Neil that he’ll discuss it with the Board. When he’s rung off from Neil:

[Brian] “Perfect. That’s all I need!”

Eh?

I thought Brian wanted open discussions. He’d already suggested they hold a public meeting (but that PR chap Rufus said it was too early to do so). And the Board wanted Brian to be open and listen.

So here’s his chance.

Why doesn’t he want it?

Business cards and Facebook

Is Tom (the cards) and Brenda’s (Facebook page) contributions to the anti-Super Dairy campaign.

At least it is turning out to be a family effort.

Tom’s angry

After being told by Pat and Tony about Kylie’s letter.

He reckons they promised him that it was over and done with.

[Tom] “But no, they’ve started something they can’t stop”

And now Pat will be watching the letterbox.

[Tom] “I’m not upset Brenda, I just wished they’d forget it and get on with important stuff … there’s nothing we can do but just hope it goes away”

Little chance of that, matey.

The Bull is neutral 07.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 09:00:33 PST

The Archers Tuesday 7th February 2012

Ambridge’s Jubilee Royal Oak
Harry’s irritating Jazzer even when he’s not around
Lent ahoy …
Trouble for Topper
Say no to the Ambridge Mega Dairy
Jazzer comes before the cows
Battling BL Propaganda

Ambridge’s Jubilee Royal Oak

Has been planted by Alan and the kids.

[Jill] “It came in a beautiful hessian bag with red white and blue tissue”

Though they don’t know exactly what Royal estate the acorn originally came from.

Jill shocks Shula by saying that she’ll not be around to see the tree go – though she may see it if she gets to her hundreds:

[Jill] “and get my own royal seal of approval”

Harry’s irritating Jazzer even when he’s not around

Poor Jazzer.

We still haven’t heard Harry utter a sound in an age – but he’s still managing to annoy Jazzer.
Jazzer’s in The Bull for a few pints, and was asking Fallon how many women are bidding for Harry in the Promise Auction.

Quite a few, it would seem.

Not that Jazzer is jealous …

[Jazzer] “Just interested to hear how many deluded women there are in the world”

Though he does seem a tad ‘disappointed’ that Fallon is also bidding. As is more or less every women in the village.

[Fallon] “Reckon I’m going to have a fight on my hand”

[Jazzer] “I just don’t want ye to make fools of yourselves … You’ve gone wet in the heid!”

[Fallon] “Or weak in the knees”

Jazzer’s disgust is palpable. Fallon suggests if he cares so much, may he should offer his services for the promise Auction as well.

[Jazzer] “Joking ain’t ye? I’m no a piece of meat, you know!”

Ruth comes into The Bull, so Fallon asks her if she’s going to bid for Harry.

[Fallon] “Fancy letting him dig over your flower beds?”

[Ruth] “Well I wouldn’t say no!”

[Jazzer] “In the name of the wee man, are you all on heat or something?!?”

Poor Jazzer. In Harry’s shadow when he’s not even around to cast it.

Lent ahoy …

[Jill] “Not bread and cheese again I hope. I missed my Sunday roasts”

[Alan] “I thought with so much austerity about, rather than asking people to give something up I’d suggest that they do something instead… so that it’s not quite so negative”

Thank goodness for that.

I don’t think I could have coped with another Eddie and Joe Grundy scam/farce …

But the twist is that Alan’s not saying (yet) what the “something” he wants folks to so will be.

Trouble for Topper

(Nigel’s horse, which they’d sold (much to Freddie’s pain), though was at least stabled at Shula’s)

Shula gat a call from the chap who’d bought Topper (sounded like a Mr Stevis). He says his wife is ill, and he can no longer afford the livery.

Shula is very upset about it. It’ll mean they’ll have to find someone else to buy Topper, which will likely mean he’ll not longer be stabled with her. And she sees Topper as being part of the family.

She also knows Freddie will be devastated. Even though he has his own pony, he still spends time with Topper when he’s at the stables.

[Shula] “Topper’s still Nigel’s’ horse, mum. Freddie hasn’t just forgotten about him … he likes knowing he’s there. This will just break his heart all over again”

Ach come on – Elizabeth’s loaded! Just buy Topper back, and all will be well.

Say no to the Ambridge Mega Dairy

Is what Ruth (and Pat’s) posters say – encouraging folks to sign their online petition.

Fallon had said yes to Ruth putting the posters up in The Bull, but Jolene asks Ruth to take them back down.

[Jolene] “No offense Ruth, but I don’t want to annoy anyone”

Ruth’s fine about it, though Fallon reckons it’s a shame. She thinks The Bull is the ideal place – as it’s where folks “talk about everything anyway”.

But, Jolene already has rules about what can and can’t go up in The Bull.

[Jolene] “I just don’t want the pub getting involved”

Jazzer comes before the cows

Jazzer isn’t really for or against the Super Dairy.

[Jazzer] “Fuss ower nothing if you ask me. If it’s a choice between trudging roon in the mud and rain like I have to, or working in a nice warm shed … Everyone’s so concerned about the poor cows. What about us ordinary folks?”

He also reckons he couldn’t afford milk if he didn’t get it for nothing at work.

(eh? But he can afford pints of beer!)

Ruth’s shocked. He works at Grange Farm, which has an ethos completely opposite to the Super Dairy. But Jazzer agrees with Mike that the Super Dairy will be going after a different market, so his job should be safe enough.

Typical Jazzer indeed. As long as he’s fine, nothing else really scrapes a mention.

Battling BL Propaganda

Jolene tells Ruth that while she can’t put the ‘No’ Super Dairy posters up, Ruth could obviously try the old phone box and also the village website … though Ruth hadn’t been aware that there was already a Super Dairy article up on it.

When Ruth sees the article, she’s furious. It’s hardly a balanced article (making much of the onsite vets, but makes no mention that higher numbers of cows go lame and get mastitis). Ruth reckons the website article is just like the BL leaflets and “flashy” website.

[Ruth] “They’ve got so many resources. Are you sure I can’t just put up a poster? Otherwise we’ll get drowned by BL propaganda”

[Jolene, still saying no the posters, but …] “Seems to me the village website should be a bit like the pub. It’s biased, isn’t it? It should at least show your side of the argument too”

Quite right Jolene.

Jennifer should have known better.

Ruth and Pat gang up 06.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:50:20 PST

The Archers Monday 6th February 2012

Super Dairy means everything has to be big
Eddie will still milk Brookfield
Tony can’t feel his fingers
Jim and Christine doing the crossword
An online petition … steady!
Eddie’s water feature
“Honestly, this task is becoming positively Sisyphean!”

Super Dairy means everything has to be big

So reckons Eddie.

Specifically, more big tankers trundling through the village.

Lovely.

He says it in front of Ruth, so starts off on a rant about the negative environmental impact of the Super Dairy.

[Eddie] “At the end of the day, it’s more jobs … can you see anyone else hiring round here? Clarrie, poor love, still can’t find anything”

At that, Ruth calms down. She apologies.

Eddie will still milk Brookfield

[Ruth] “If it weren’t for the milk price, there wouldn’t be so much farms going under”

At which Eddie promises that he will “still be around to milk the Brookfield herd”. He won’t be off to the Super Dairy if they have new jobs.

Oh Eddie. You might have to do that anyway.

Tony can’t feel his fingers

Seriously, can someone help Tony out with the work at Bridge Farm before he collapses?

Jim and Christine doing the crossword

Lovely.

I like those two together. Very calming and warm.

Even when they talk about the Super Dairy.

[Christine] “I must say, I appreciate the way they’ve tried to keep the village informed … I thought the leaflet was very persuasive, didn’t you?”

[Jim] “To be honest, I could have done without the hard sell”

They also then have a chat about the Jubilee oak getting planted at St Stephen’s tomorrow.

Though Jim reckons he has ironing to do instead …

[Jim] “Religion and royalty on their own are one thing Christine, both together is more than I can bear”

[Christine] “Oh don’t be such a wet blanket!”

Which Jim doesn’t mind Christine saying, as she helped him realise that the answer to their crossword clue was “blanket”.

Hurrah!

An online petition … steady!

Ruth calls round to Pat’s to talk Super Dairy.

With Pat’s recent burst of energy, and Ruth’s fury over the possible loss of Brookfield’s herd, they will be a force to shudder at the mention.

So, over lunch, they make an online petition.

And are going to make posters to promote the petition. And email them out to all of the folks they know.

The online petition says that the Super Dairy:

Undermines more sustainable and environmentally friendly forms of dairy faming

[Pat] “BL have got a fight on their hands!”

[Ruth] “They certainly have, they’d better watch out!”

Scary stuff …

… especially when Tony had to get his own soup with pat too busy …

(not that the woman has to get the man his soup – Pat had already sorted herself and Ruth)

Eddie’s water feature

Will be his promise Auction item.

But only after Christine persuaded him with a mention of how good it would be for promotion of his patio business.

Did you spot possible trouble ahoy?

Eddie said he’d fit it for free. Christine seemed to think it was the whole thing.

“Honestly, this task is becoming positively Sisyphean!”

Is what Jim reckons the recording of hours for Community Orchard work is becoming.

Aye, he’s no wrong there.

I feel the same just writing about it …. (dull, dull, dull)

Jennifer takes advantage of the Village website 05.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:24:00 PST

The Archers Sunday 5th February 2012

Brian can’t even light a fire
Brian just wants to be Brian
Chris is nearly in business
Even Alice wants Harry!
Jennifer is naughty

Brian can’t even light a fire

Well, only when it comes to setting local opinion alight!

He just wants to light his living room fire so that he can settle down in front of it to watch the rugby (Ireland Vs Wales - not Scotland Vs England. Thankfully …).

But poor man had to head out and get something (he didn’t say what, but one assumes fire lighters) to get the fire going.

That’s not very (butch) Brian.

Brian just wants to be Brian

Brian is still upset that folks think he is ‘high-handed’.

[Brian] “I don’t know what I’m supposed to Jenny, I’ve tried to be open and reasonable”

[Jennifer] “I know it’s been hard but it’s not going to help if you start getting, well, paranoid about it …”

[Brian] “I can’t stop being me!”

When Alice later pops round, and Jennifer tells her what Brian’s upset about, Alice can’t help laughing.

[Alice] “Dad honestly didn’t realise he can be pompous sometimes? Has he heard himself?”

But Alice does appreciate that Brian is having a hard time trying to get the facts over about the Super Dairy. So, she suggests to Jennifer that she could out the facts up on the village website …

Chris is nearly in business

Only a matter of months now.

He’s got a fixed rate loan (double the interest, but safer). But Chris is also worried about the responsibility.

While being excited about being his own boss.

The boy (and Alice) have done well. Amazing they’ve managed to save and convince the bank to give them a loan!

Even Alice wants Harry!

Alice tells Chris that she also wants to put a bid on Harry during the Promise Auction for the Britain in Bloom auction.

Chris sounds annoyed. But only about the money …

[Alice] “It’s not as if we’re going to do much for Valentine’s next week, I could do with something to perk me up, handsome harry in the garden would do the trick, all this fragile living isn’t good for a girl, we have needs”

But Chris reckons he has plans for Valentine’s. And that not everything needs to cost a fortune …

Jennifer is naughty

She’s taken Alice’s advice, and spent two hours putting together an article about the Super Dairy on the village website.

In fact, she’s also put on an article about the Green Burial. Making sure of mentions about Brian donating the land for it (and that it’s next to the Millennium Wood, also donated by Brian).

[Brian] “Thank you darling, I really appreciate it”

Not sure the rest of the village (especially those opposed to the Super Dairy) will be as appreciative of Jennifer misusing the might of the Village website!

Brian can’t believe he’s “high-handed” 03.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:53:40 PST

The Archers Friday 3rd February 2012

Ruth discovers before she’s told
Tony is still in a huff
Even the Farming magazines have turned against Brian
Pat’s geed up
Brian has to face the truth

Ruth discovers before she’s told

Oliver calls David to check he’s okay when Ruth walks in. David rings off, and I thought she’d start to think David was up to no good with Oliver (imagine that!), but she has other matters on her mind.
She’s found something on the printer. She’s guessed it relates to what David wanted to talk to her about later on, and she is far from amused about it.

[Ruth] “You wanted to present me with a fait accompli!”

David reckons he was just gathering information so that he and Ruth could have an informed, discussion. Though why he couldn’t gather than information with Ruth, I don’t know.

David reckons getting info to inform their discussion

[Ruth] “So you’ve given up on the herd basically!”

[David] “No”

[Ruth] “Well that’s what it looks like it to me. You’ve made up your mind”

[David] “We cannot go on day after day, week after week … hoping for some miracle …. So what’s your solution?”

David thinks that even if they could get a bank loan, they couldn’t pay it back. Any anyway, it’d be spending money on something that won’t generate profit.

David wants a long term, sustainable business. And it does sound as if he doesn’t think that can happen with a dairy herd. Even on their (fairly new) pasture system.

[Ruth] “I can’t believe you’ve lost faith in it”

[David] “I believe in the principle, but the maths …”

Ruth is also furious that David has already started speaking to other people about possibly selling the herd.

[David] “Everyone’s going to know our business, when we go bust …. You look at the figures and tell me how you can justify keeping them?”

[Ruth] “I’m not selling them! … We’re keeping the cows”

[David] “Well, there you are then, stalemate”

Oops.

It’ll be Ruth and Josh Vs David and Pip.

And Phil turning in his grave …

Tony is still in a huff

The launch yesterday made £600 and they’ve had phone calls all day from new customers.

But, the yard scraper isn’t scraping.

And Tony’s back is hurting.

[Tony] “It’s all well saying ‘be careful’ Pat, but is there anyone around to do it? … I’m left picking up the slack”

I think Tony has a fair point.

All fine and good to do the marketing and sales – but you also need to create product.

Which seems to be just Tony by himself at the moment.

Tony does cheer up a wee bit later on when Pat reminds him that the Ambridge Organics name was his idea.

But he’ll be back to moaning once the cold kicks in again.

Even the Farming magazines have turned against Brian

There’s an article in one of the Farming magazines on the Super Dairy.

It doesn’t exactly present any information about the pros and cons.

[Brian] “It’s about what they see as the sexier side of the story, the divisions it’s caused”

One could almost feel sorry for Brian.

If he hadn’t brought it on himself.

Pat’s geed up

Pat really does seem to have got her second wind.

The brand launch went well.

They’re making sales again.

And she’s got the Super Dairy to get angry about.

After being falsely accused by Brian of being behind the anti-Super Dairy website, Pat’s decided that she should get herself organised to properly oppose. She reckons the internet is indeed the way to do.

Uh oh.

Brian really should be scared this time.

Once Aunty pat stirs, she can’t be easily put out again.

Brian has to face the truth

Brian’s been told off.

By Annabelle.

On behalf of a BL Board that’s “twitching” about how Brian is handling objections to the Super Dairy.

[Brian] “She said I’m being high handed with people … high handed … in future, I’ve got to talk less and listen more … high handed, am I really like that Jenny?”

[Jennifer] “Well … “

[Brian] “I am then! “

[Jennifer] “I suppose you be seen as being a bit, well, patronising. And as for Adam … well I suppose high handed is one way to describe how you’ve handed him. I’m so sorry darling, I hate having to say this to you … and you’d rather I told you the truth than what I think you want to hear …”

[Brian] “I can face it. But it’s not easy to take”

Ha!

Bout time someone brought a mirror to Bully-boy Brian’s face.

The launch of Ambridge Organics 02.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:19:48 PST

The Archers Thursday 2nd February 2012

Sabrina agrees with the Super Dairy
It’s website war!
Pat launches
Lynda’s Surprise
Lilian and Jennifer on a “right ding dong”

Sabrina agrees with the Super Dairy

Well, job done then for Brian. What with Sabrina being such an influencer …

Brian chatted to Sabrina as she was jogging on one of Home Farm’s footpaths (course, all he was interested in was talking to her about the Super Dairy … nothing to do with her in sportswear …).

Seems Sabrina had got the BL leaflet about the Dairy, and was very impressed.

[Brian] “She was going on and on about how clean and airy it looked, said it had made her much happier about the whole thing … Richard agrees with her, and he’s on the Parish Council”

But two Thwaites do not make a village (opinion).

It’s website war!

Brian was a bit disappointed that the Echo didn’t make mention of his attendance at the Green Burial site opened day. Positive bit of PR, that would have been.

But Jennifer has bad news for him.

She’s found a website, after Googling “Ambridge New Dairy”. And it’s not a website that Brian’s PR chap Rufus has made.

It shows, amongst other things, cows in appallingly bad conditions. It says that the numbers Brian intends to have at his Super Dairy are far higher than they actually are.

In fact, it’s complete rubbish (so say Brian and Jennifer).

[Brian] “We’re in danger of losing the arguments because people won’t hear the facts … emotional twaddle, irrational nonsense!”

A furious Brian storms off to Bridge Farm to confront who he thinks is the likely brains behind the website. Pat Archer.

[Brian] “I suppose you think you’re clever!!!”

[Pat] “Me? Create a website … I haven’t had a chance to look at a website let alone create one!”
Brian shows her the website. Pat agrees it is indeed rubbish and full of inaccuracies.

[Pat] “Frankly Brian, there are plenty of valid arguments against your diary without having to rely on distortion of the facts. I’m insulted you’d think I’d produce anything so ill informed”

She reckons it’s probably been done by someone with “an animal rights bias”.

(who do we think that is? Animal rights. Knows about websites. Pip? Josh? Kirsty? Helen? Tom???)

Pat also thinks that Brian should expect more of this. So he “better take sit up and notice”.

[Brian] “We are taking notice, we are perfectly happy to engage in reasoned debate with people”

[Pat] “You? Don’t make me laugh!”

Blimey.

If Brian wants to get the village onside,. Shouting at Pat won’t help him one bit at all.

Lilian and Jennifer on a “right ding dong”

Lilian’s words, not mine.

She’s “chumming” Jennifer to the Ambridge Organics launch. Brian refused to, but Jennifer is (in her own way) trying to make amends with Pat and Tony. Jennifer is actually looking forward to it.

[Lilian] “So am I. With you as my chauffeur, I can have a drink!”

Aha! Where there is drink, there is Lilian.

Good lass.

Jennifer lasts until the speeches, but then wants to leave:

[Jennifer] “Look Lillian, I don’t want to stay any longer, if you don’t mind … it’s so awkward… Tony is ignoring me”

[Lilian] “If it’s any consolation, darling, he doesn’t seem to be talking much to anyone …Who’ve you go to rush home to anyway? Bear with a sore head Brian?”

Pat launches

Ambridge Organics.

Seems it all went very well.

Lots of people. Two councillors. No Doug Somerville.

[Helen] “Horrid man. Fancy not letting us know until today!”

Helen mingles while she leaves Bust Brenda to serve drinks. Helen then makes a speech – she’s been running Ambridge Organics (the shop) for 12 years (blimey!).

Pat’s turn. She makes sure everyone is aware that Tony and she have been running an organic business for 30 years (double blimey!), and manages to make it sounds like the new brand is just them making sense of the two brands Bridge Farm (the food) and Ambridge Organics (the shop).

Nothing to do with E. Coli then …

Anyhoo, back to the Ambridge Organics new brand:

[Pat] “That’s the brand we’d like you to ask for by name wherever you do your shopping”

So that’s that then. Ambridge Organics (the brand and the shop) lives.

But Tony still sounds pissed off …

Lynda’s Surprise

Sounds a bit scary,

[Jennifer] “She thought it’d be novel”

[Lilian] “ … when she comes to Feng Shui your vegetable patch!”

Lynda has entered herself as a Promise in the auction to raise money for Britain in Bloom funds. But, she won’t tell anyone what they’d win.

That’s a bit concerning.

Bert’s offered something to do with helping folks and their borders. Ed and George will be on slug patrol (ah, that’s a sweet one).

[Lilian] “the best bargain has got to be 4 hours of Harry. I’m definitely bidding on that!”

Jennifer points out that Lilian has a gardener, but Lilian reckons she should also bid. And get Ian to bid on Harry for Adam.

I though Harry was a bit attractive, but didn’t realise he was that attractive!

David wants to sell the herd 01.02.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:45:46 PST

The Archers Wednesday 1st February 2012

Neil’s reaction to Joe and Bert’s DIY?
Darrell Speaks
“I’m looking into selling the herd”
Shelly Brazil and Tom
Harry and every female in the village

Neil’s reaction to Joe and Bert’s DIY?

[Neil] “Oh my …”

We next hear of him in The Bull, in much need of a pint.

Then, he’s taken Mike and Darrell back to take a look at the devastation.

[Mike] “You mean this eyesore is someone trying to help!?!”

They can all still smell the cider. Bert and Joe must have been properly sloshed.

Neil is incandescent. He needs to finish up the tiling by Friday so that the electrician can get his bit done. Joe and Bert’s ‘help’ will mean the whole thing has to be redone. Which will mean Neil won’t be able to let the electrician in. And that means waiting for longer to get the electrician back in (we all know how hard it is to get an appointment out of an electrician). Which means waiting longer for Tracey (and brood) to move out.

Joe and Bert do not realise the harm they’ve done.

But not to fear. Darrell is here.

He offers to help Neil. Not for money, just as a neighbour.

Good bloke.

Which brings me onto …

Darrell Speaks

And sounds like a nice enough chap.

Darrell (Elona’s husband) is having a pint with Mike at The Bull after having done some work with him. Darrell has also got a bit of work at Grey Gables. Seems Peggy has put in a word.

He’s getting bit and bobs of work, but one of his daughters, Rosa, can’t find anything.

[Darrell] “I don’t think she thinks she’ll ever find a job”

He and Mike concur that it’s a terrible world for young ‘uns. No jobs, and no hope of jobs.

Well, that’s until Mike later on decides to offer Rosa a job at his dairy.

Darrell helping out Neil has impressed Mike and paid dividends (for Rosa).

“I’m looking into selling the herd”

It’s a day of blokes drinking.

Mike and Darrell. Neil. And when David goes round to see Oliver, they talk over beer.

Stressful times indeed.

David cuts to the chase (in telling Oliver something he can’t quite talk to Ruth about)

[David] “I’m looking into selling the herd”

[Oliver] “Of everything possible I thought it might be, this never came into my head”

[David] “I never thought I’d see the day would come when I’d entertain it as a serious possibility … I am sorry to dump this on you Oliver, but Ruth is so passionate … God Oliver, I still never thought it would come to this”

With milk yields low, and the slurry problem (plus cost to fix), David can’t see what else to do. So he wants a clear objective view from Oliver.

It’s a relief for David to be able to talk to someone about his dilemma. He’s started putting out feelers about prices and the like, but he’s carrying a lot of weight by himself. Part of him also wants someone just to tell him what to do.

(well, Ruth will do that for him!)

David is guilt ridden.

[David] “I promised him I’d keep Brookfield a mixed family farm”

[Oliver] “But Phil wouldn’t want you to drive yourself into the ground to keep a promise you made over 10 years ago … he wouldn’t, times change”

And Oliver tells David that he must (must!) talk to Ruth about this soon. They’re in together.

Shelly Brazil and Tom

Tom seems to be very hung-up on Shelly.

She’s a local celebrity chef, and writes for Borchester Life. She already did one event at Ambridge Organics a while back – Tom is obsessed that she also appears at the new Ambridge Organics brand launch on Thursday.

But Shelly has gone silent on him. So he keeps calling. Stalking …

Brenda later checks Tom’s texts for him while he’s driving. There is one from Shelly.

Brenda tells him that Shelly can’t come.

But it was just a jest:

[Brenda] “Actually, she says she can … I just wanted to see how much you cared!”

(funny sense of humour, that Brenda)

Shelly can come AND she’s taking a Borchester Life photographer with her. So the launch will get into the social pages … Borchester’s Bashes.

[Brenda] “I can see it now – celebrity chef, Shelly Brazil, sample sausage King Tom Archer’s Wares!”

Ew!

Would rather not see that. Not at all!

Harry and every female in the village

Brenda is also bidding for Harry’s Britain in Bloom Promise Auction.

[Brenda] “There is loads of us lining up to have him dig our garden”

Brenda, Kirsty – and also Hilary Noakes and Vicky (so it seems).

Harry is a popular chap.

Wonder if he’ll speak again anytime soon.

Two drunk old(er) blokes in a bathroom 31.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 15:08:09 PST

The Archers Tuesday 31st January 2012

Bill goes for Hassle
Bert and Joe have a night in
David talks to Oliver than Ruth
Neil and Susan have a night in

Bill goes for Hassle

Bill has something to do with Hassett Lamb – and he’s seemingly given the go ahead for Pip’s celebrity lamb.

They’re also going to give her some money to get it up and running.

Well done Pip.

Still not convinced giving lamb a personality will help it sell.

Isn’t it more a case of lamb being too cute to market?

Bert and Joe have a night in

(Bert Horrbin, rather than Bert Fry that is)

They bump into each other at The Bull and Joe suggests that as Bert is home alone for the night, he might as well come over and they share some of his cider.

Bert does readily concur.

They get a bit merry.

So, of course, decide to help Neil out with the tiling …

… when they finish, all seems well.

Just a small bit of grout oozing through.

Only one cracked tile. That they managed to stick back together and get it onto the wall.

And most of the border tiles are on the right way round.

[Joe] “Near enough!”

[Bert] “Ah. Job done, as the young ‘uns say”

Neil will be pleased …

David talks to Oliver than Ruth

David calls Oliver. He says he needs a word with him, and it’s something he can’t discuss with Ruth.

Oh dear.

Neil and Susan have a night in

We eavesdrop in just as Neil and Susan are finishing their bottle.

We don’t hear much about the promised chilli (and Tracey’s kids are there asleep, so no swinging off of chandeliers!), but Susan has a surprise for Neil.

After telling Neil how lucky she is to have met him (comparing her lot to Tracey – who, though had everything she wanted when she was a child, has struggled to find her place in the “real world”, including a decent man), she takes him upstairs to show him something …

… the doll house.

Though Susan has cleaned it up, Neil still reckons Emma won’t let Keira play with it. It’s still not in a good enough “state”.

A door is off of its hinges. The lino is coming up. It’s a sad wee sight.

Though Neil has plenty on at the moment, he offers to work on it – especially as they both agree Susan isn’t good at “fiddly” (*snort*).

[Neil] “It’ll be a nice little project, once I’ve finished at your dads … the end is in sight”

Ah – spoke too early there Neil.

The Green Burial site open day 30.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:47:39 PST

The Archers Monday 30th January 2012

Mike’s loyal to his team
Sabrina is on the display team
Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy
The Grundys’ latest caper
The Orchard saga continues
Joe won’t be bought

Mike’s loyal to his team

He’s demanding “extra-large goody bags” for Harry and Jazzer in return for them handing out Ambridge Organics leaflets on their rounds.

Good man.

Sabrina is on the display team

Of the Village Shop.

Imagine … all the local husbands must pack the pavement out when she’s in the window.

Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy

Brian’s PR agency (led by that chap Rufus) have done a leaflet for the Super Dairy that Brian is exceedingly proud of. It includes an artists’ impression of the cows’ accommodation, which makes it look quite luxurious (according to Jennifer).

But there’s a twist.

[Jennifer] “AND a very handsome cow man looking after them. He’s rather a dish … can you make sure you get someone just like him when you recruit please?!?”

[Brian] “Jenny, you’re not meant to be ogling the herdsmen”

But Jennifer has spotted something that may attract ladies like Sabrina and Hilary Noakes to Brian’s side.

[Brian, on Holiday Noakes] “What? Brad Pitt couldn’t get her to pipe down!”

The Grundys’ latest caper

(sigh)

Eddie’s at the Green Burial open day.

Which is fair do, as he will be the gravedigger (does one need qualifications for doing that?). But, he is in a suit.

Suspicious.

All becomes a bit clearer when Joe also arrives. He (a) hasn’t been invited (it’s an invitation only, don’t you know) and (b) he’s with Bartleby. Who seems to be wearing a “red Indian headdress”.

[Jim] “What have you done? Why has Bartleby got badly dyed pheasant feathers on his head?”

Joe’s joined the Ambridge craze for leaflets (not very green of anyone …) and hands Jim one.

[Jim] “You claim here you’re offering a bespoke transportation service for your loved ones … the ecologically friendly way of ensuring the departed arrives at their final resting place in the style that they wish!”

Though Joe is chuffed with himself – he even made the leaflet at Ed’s, and is now in awe of the spellcheck – Jim is far from amused.

[Jim] “It is not the occasion for heartless commercial activity!”

And makes Joe go away.

The rest of the open day seemed to go well enough.

[Brian] “Tragically enough, they didn’t have many takes for the compost toilet”

Funny that!

And as Kenton put it, after he’d heard it from one of the undertakers:

[Kenton] “All they need now is a body!”

The Orchard saga continues

To recap: the Community Orchard is on Oliver’s land. Jim has organised the cider club to help grow and pick the apples, to be made into cider using the Grundys’ equipment. So that everyone gets a fair share of the cider, Jim has been working on a system that will record who puts in what hours.

Though Jim thought he’d sorted it, Mike’s not happy that Jim has been rounding times up and down to the half hour. It could mean that he could miss out on “gallons” of cider.

Jim explains that it’s been impossible trying to get everyone to complete their timesheets, but Mike isn’t hearing him. He just wants what’s fair.

[Mike] “What you need here is a bit of discipline, Jim”

Oh give Jim a break! At least he’s trying.

Joe won’t be bought

Not one to give up easily, Joe crashed the Green Burial site post-open day at The Bull.

When Kenton won’t serve him a pint on the Green Burial site tab, he gets offended.

Well, until Brian steps him to buy Joe a pint of Shires … that somehow (miraculously) turns into a large whisky, on Joe’s say so.

Joe’s worked Brian out, though, and tells Brian that he can’t be bought.

[Joe] “I’m me own man!”

And so he is.

Joe then starts giving out his leaflets again (while wheezing and coughing as he had to climb the stairs up to the Bull’s function room):

[Joe] “You wouldn’t throw an old man out, would you?”

Susan and Neil plan a quiet night in 29.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:12:19 PST

The Archers Sunday 29th January 2012

Tracey’s patches and cracked balls
Brian’s avoiding Adam
Rush on at Bridge Farm
Saucy over chilli
Jennifer begs Brian
Brian can’t even leave the dead in peace

Tracey’s patches and cracked balls

Neil’s not entirely impressed with Tracey’s decorating. Her painting is a bit patchy, which she claims was due to her going off to talk on her phone to a mate. She forgot where she’d been painting.

Neil is also a bit confused about the cracked balls Tracey is planning to have on the end of the poles her voile curtains.

(did Tracey says ‘voile’? sounded a bit more like ‘voliad’)

Tracey reckons the balls are fashionable, not just broken.

And she’s also roped Neil into fitting it for her. Even though he has a day job.

She later on tries to be his “lovely assistant” while he’s working on the bathroom, but only manages to annoy him and spill stuff. She really is quite an irritating woman.

[Tracey] “Grouting? Who thought that word up … sounds horrible, like something your pigs would do!”

[Neil] “I wish you’d stop going on about pigs”

[Tracey] “You’re so in love with them. Susan always said you were, but I never realised you had it this bad”

Brian’s avoiding Adam

And seems happy enough to do so, despite it tearing apart Jennifer. He doesn’t even want to sit down to lunch if Adam is there.

[Brian] “It would have been ghastly, each of us asking you to pass the salt”

He’s really digging his heels in.

[Brian] “Adam may have got Debbie to feel sorry for him, I don’t”

Rush on at Bridge Farm

Pat even has Susan in. On a Sunday!

They’re all working overtime to get everything ready for the launch on Thursday.

Tom’s getting posters and flyers out and about.

(really? Would have thought Brenda would have got him sorted with those weeks ago)

But Tony isn’t impressed. He reckons the family is missing the point – that the farm won’t manage to take care of itself. And without the farm, they’ll have little to sell under their lovely new brand.

But no one seems to be listening to him.

Poor man even has to try and hunt his lunch down by himself. Not that anyone else should have to get it for him – he does just seem to be the only one doing any of the hard graft.

Saucy over chilli

With Neil working all hours (between his real work and doing Bert’s house), Susan feels like she has barely seen him over the last while.

So she demands some of his time. Tuesday night. When Tracey is off out.

Actually, and quite disturbingly, Susan sounds like she’s suggesting some of an adult nature.

[Susan] “I’ll cook you a chilli”

[Neil] “Will you?”

[Susan] “Yeah”

[Neil, sounding like Homer Simpson] “Chilli …”

[Susan, sounding seductive … I kid you not] “Nice and hot. So, is it a date then?”

Blimey!

Nice that Susan appreciates her man. But disturbing, none-the-less.

Jennifer begs Brian

After failing to get Brian to eat lunch with Adam, Jennifer is now trying to get Brian to accompany her to the Ambridge Organic brand launch.

[Jennifer] “We’ve got to keep the channels of communication open … I want to go with you? You can’t go on alienating everyone in the family!”

But, after what sounded like a very cold and angry stare from Brian, Jennifer dropped it.

Brian the Bully?

Indeed.

Brian can’t even leave the dead in peace

Brian was really on a roll today. He seemed determined to scoff at every plan Jennifer has made.
She was talking about going to the Green Burial site open day tomorrow. Brian takes the Michael.

But, Brian finds an interest in going when Jennifer mentions that the press will be there.

As Jennifer pointed out, Home Farm gifted the land for the Green Burial site. She thinks that it would be good for Brian to be thanked in public. He does indeed concur (though farm more about getting any positive press, than his claims for “giving something back” and “corporate social responsibility”).

[Jennifer] “Brian, you musn't go and hijack the whole thing!”

[Brian] “Of course I won’t. Jenny, I’m going to do a bit of networking, that’s all”

Hmmm.

Blood is stronger for Debbie and Adam 27.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:48:35 PST

The Archers Friday 27th January 2012

Adam’s shaken
Itineraries and Excel spreadsheets
Debbie and Adam fall out. Then fall in again

Adam’s shaken

After being ranted at by Brian.

And he has the added guilt of Jennifer being caught between them. Though at least doesn’t think it’s his fault.

[Adam] “We’ve had some set to in the past, but this … he was incredibly hostile … heavens knows we’ve been poles apart on this, the debate has been about our farming philosophes, this was personal”

So Adam is also now thinking that he and Brian can’t work together.

(how would that work? Would Adam have to leave Home Farm with nothing?)

[Ian] “He was angry. You’ll find a way through this, you’ll have to. For you mother’s sake if nothing else”

Jennifer later calls round to see Ian, as she’s very worried about Adam. She and Ian have a bit of a love-in (not literally, obviously) about how good a partner Ian is to Adam.

Ah well. At least part of the family is making nice.

Itineraries and Excel spreadsheets

Jim and Joe certainly have interesting (!) conversations.

Jim’s been researching local single cider varieties for possible trees to start growing in the community orchard. Jim thinks it’s been dull having to work his way through the internet. Joe reckons he should be tasting them first.

[Joe] “Have an itinerary”

[Jim] “Or pub crawl, as it’s more commonly known”

Jim then tells Joe he’s finding it impossible to work out the equivalents for folks working on the community orchard, and getting their fair share of cider made from it.

[Joe] “You don’t need no fancy spreadsheets to tell you some folks is taking advantage … we ain't dishing out our cider on them figures, I can tell you that now”

So Joe offers to sort them out.

Hmmm.

Dodgy dealings afoot?

Debbie and Adam fall out. The fall in again

On Ian’s advice, Adam calls Debbie to make sure she knows his side of the story.

Surprisingly, she hadn’t even heard about the radio of the newspaper article (that’s not like Brian not to get on the phone to her immediately).

Debbie calls Adam stupid.

Seems he did speak to the Echo as well. Some old school pal is a journalist there, and had called Adam just to clarify. Off the record. To get it straight.

Aye right! I agree with Debbie – Adam has been stupid (or, as Ian thinks, is trying to get his voice heard without even realising what he’s doing).

[Debbie] “You know how controversial these big dairies are, throw in a nice juicy family fall out, grrr, Adam, what have you done?”

BUT, Debbie calls back later on to apologise for being “a bit hard” on him.

She still thinks Adam has been an idiot, but can also see that he’s in an impossible situation.

[Debbie] “I know you’d never deliberately set out to hurt the family”

So, that’s Debbie and Adam sorted.

But will Brian ever forgive?

Brian shouts at Adam 26.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:29:26 PST

The Archers Thursday 26th January 2012

Tom’s sausages make Tony furious
Open heart surgery in the dairy
Brian did want a higher profile …
Brian has a word with Adam

Tom’s sausages make Tony furious

Tom is still away.

So when Kenton called to get yet more sausages (Farmhouse Breakfast Week must be massive at Jaxx!), it was Tony who had to take them over.

As if he didn’t have enough to do …

When Tom does get back, it seems his pork ready meals are a goer.

Infact, he’s off to see an “upmarket café” in Felpersham for his launch.

Which means he can’t do the milking.

Again.

If I was him, I’d start charging Tom for my time!

Open heart surgery in the dairy

Is what Pat reckons the inspectors could do. If the fancy took them. It’s that clean.

And her faith in her and Clarrie’s cleaning proves to be right – they got a 5 star rating.

Pat’s world is truly on the up,

Brian did want a higher profile …

Jennifer was agreeing with Brian that he does need to be seen around the village, talking to folks, dispelling myths about the Super Dairy (and the like), when Brian opened the Echo.

He’s not a happy bunny.

Seems there’s yet another article about the Super Dairy. Not remotely positive, 2 whole columns AND a picture of Adam.

[Brian] “Read it yourself Jenny. Read it and weep!”

Brian has a word with Adam

[Brian] “Adam, can I have a word? You could have kept your mouth shut …”

Seems the newspaper article went along the lines of:

Mega Dairy causes Mega row – Home not so sweet at Home farm. Family feud, father and son at loggerheads

And Adam was quoted as saying:

I think this is completely the wrong direction to take and I’ve told my father so

Adam claims he didn’t say that. They must have added to the radio interview.

[Brian] “How could you be so stupid!”

And there’s more – someone (not names) from Brian’s “extended family” said:

We’re all against it, Brian’s on his own with this one

Course – Brian has already guessed it’s Tony or Pat. He reckons probably Pat, for sure.

Back onto shouting at Adam:

[Brian] “You should never have said anything at all. How could you be so naive!”

[Adam, sounding truly apologetic] “I’m sorry … I never meant for this to happen …”

[Brian] “Why couldn’t you just keep your stupid opinions to yourself?”

[Adam, now angry] “Because they’re not stupid, and I’m not the only one who thinks like this! … People who are very knowledgeable about farming don’t like your plans, and you’re going to have to deal with it!”

[Brian] “I can and I will … you’re the only one on the Home farm team who does, I can deal with outside opposition, but being stabbed in the back by a member of my own family, that’s a different matter altogether”

Ouch.

Later on, to Jennifer:

[Brian] “All it proves he’s a dangerously loose cannon … he’s entitled to his opinion, but if that opinion is so important to him he’s going to express it without thinking through the consequences for his family and this farm, well, quite frankly, I don’t know where that leaves us … I don’t know how we can go on working together … he keeps undermining every single thing I do … it's impossible, and please don’t tell me I don’t mean that. I can’t cope with you defending Adam to me Jenny, not at the moment. Can we just not talk it, please”

Husband or son?

The badgers are to be vaccinated 25.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:01:01 PST

The Archers Wednesday 25th January 2011

Jolene’s being tactful
To kill or cure the badgers?
Jolene jealous of Jaxx?
Jim doesn’t see Harry’s sex appeal
Even 5 pints doesn’t buy Brian friends

Jolene’s being tactful

[Jolene] “What’s said in the pub, stays in the pub”

She’s saying that to Brian who, after hearing from Jennifer that folks think he’s hiding, has made a point of coming in for a pint.

He’s asking Jolene what folks have been saying about the Super Dairy, but Jolene has her landlady code.

To kill or cure the badgers?

The NFU, chaired by David, arte having their meeting at The Bull upstairs to discuss badgers.

Mike already sets his stall out.

He doesn’t want to vaccinate. He reckons he had to get out of dairying because of badgers.

Oliver, on the other hand, has been to see another area who has been vaccinating. Seems that it has been a success – fourfold reduction in badgers testing positive.

To vaccinate – they need to put down traps, which are hidden from sight, numbered and recorded, unlocked and left with peanuts in. When the badger is in there, it gets vaccinated, stock marked, recorded and released. Which comes at a £7,911 year cost annualised, per hectare £51 to £38 pounds, and £62 per field per hour.

Even after hearing the numbers – and it’d be them, the farmers, having to get up early to check the traps – they all vote to start vaccinating.

Blimey!

Oliver must have been very persuasive.

Though Mike still isn’t convinced.

And David is saying nothing. Seems he can’t, as NFU Chair … he must have drawn blood biting his lip!

So next step is to get a dozen landowners to share the cost (good luck, Brian reckons), and Ed will go on a course.

The badgers will be happy.

Jolene jealous of Jaxx?

It’s only the first time Jaxx has done Farmhouse Breakfast Week – and they’re doing a storm!

Although someone else a few days ago said The Bull was also busy with Farmhouse Breakfasts, sounds like Jolene thinks Jaxx is doing better.

Uh-oh.

Trouble for the young lovers?

Jim doesn’t see Harry’s sex appeal

Jim is still on the hunt for Promises for the Britain in Bloom fundraising.

He’s a bit annoyed that he’s getting non-specific Promises from folks.

Like Harry.

Seems he’s said he’ll do four hours of gardening. Jim doesn’t feel that’s detailed enough.

[Jim] “He’s a nice enough young chap, but it’s not as if he had anything special to offer”

[Jolene] “Well, I wouldn’t say that”

[Harry] “Has he hidden talents that I don’t know about?”

[Jolene] “He wouldn’t appeal to you, but I think he’ll attract a lot of bidders. Kirsty is already saving …”

[Jim] “Kirsty? But she’s in the wildlife trust, she can’t possibly need any help in her garden”

As, bless Jim. He may be The Prof, but he doesn’t spot a woman in heat!

Wonder if Kirsty is buying Harry for Fallon?

Hard to tell. Though we have heard from Fallon over Christmas time, Kirsty has been quiet of late, and Harry hasn’t been heard of since he bagged Zofia (though Zofia went back home ages ago).

Even 5 pints doesn’t buy Brian friends

Brian was at part of the badger meeting, but left before the end to get the pints in for ‘the lads’. Well, he’d only stumbled over the meeting anyway. And didn’t exactly find it riveting:

[Brian] “It livened up when someone suggested should just be able to shoot!”

Though Brian was in to show face and canvass ‘neutral’, he ends up with a Jim Vs Brian round 2 while the meeting was finishing:

[Jim] “I’m surprised you’re even taking an interest. Those cows in your dairy won’t even get to see the light of day, let alone a badger … the highest standards of an internment camp … prisoners are well fed, but they can still go mad when they’re locked up 24 hours a day.”

[Brian] “This is illogical. We’re not cows!”

[Jim] “Indeed we’re not. We have the gift of intelligence … what you’re proposing is philosophically untenable, the end justifies the means have never been the logical argument”

When David, Ed and Oliver come down from the meeting, they leave Brian to go and talk badger.
Brian starts talking to Mike – who seems to be in favour of the Super Dairy.

But then Mike does off to play darts with Darrell.

Leaving Brian alone.

[Brian] “They took their drinks and ran. I seem to be having that effect on people this evening … art least I can tell Jenny I tried. One for, one against”

Maybe if Brian was a bit more subtle, and less of a bore droning on about the Super Dairy, maybe folks would stop to talk to him.

Thoughts still of Alan Titchmarsh 24.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 15:31:17 PST

The Archers Tuesday 24th January 2012

Susan has no empathy
Keira cries when she sees Emma
They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)
Tracey has Neil wrapped
When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie
The Cider Club isn’t working
Susan has no tact

Susan has no empathy

I know we know that (at times – she can also be quite sweet).

But did she really need to go on at Clarrie about how busy they are in the dairy?

Poor Clarrie lost her job. And hasn’t yet found another. And her job seekers allowance stops in March.

[Susan] “They’re not pressuring you, are they? They do hear stories”

Clarrie reckons no so. Her adviser is “nice”, and she might even retake her food and hygiene certificate – and also a catering certificate. Which she can do online.

Really?

I didn’t think Clarrie was the online type of gal.

Keira cries when she sees Emma

Seems no one believes Clarrie when she says that Keira isn’t a grumbling, moaning wee Minnie when she’s looking after her.

[Clarrie] “She’ll be good as gold all day with me, then the minute she sees her mum she starts crying”

[Susan] “Temper … makes her mum realise she left her and she’s cross”

Is Keira just bad tempered?

Or can Keira just not stand her mum?

She would be the first to react that way to Emma.

They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)

I really can’t write again about the thieves. Who took all that cable. And in broad daylight, pretending they were workmen. And that it was shocking, And that Jim was a star. Blah, blah, blah indeed. I’ll leave it to Jim.

[Jim] “To be fair, That wasn’t a problem with the technology, human nature doesn’t change so quickly”

Tracey has Neil wrapped

Neil is in such a desperation to get Tracey and her brood out of his and Susan’s house that Tracey can get him to do anything she pleases.

And it pleases her to get him rushing over to her. She’s got a painting disaster.

The paint she’s putting onto her room is turning out muddy, not lilac.

Neil tells her the original paint was too dark for her to paint onto to. That she should have out an undercoat on.

He even offers her a tin of white emulsion paint, rather than her having to buy it.

Which Tracey gratefully accepts.

Then it pleases her that Neil has to go there and then to fetch it.

Which he does, albeit grudgingly.

Then (!), when Neil gets back, Tracey claims he must show her how to put the paint on. So that she doesn’t get it wrong again.

Which he does.

That man is never going to get peace ever again, whether she lives with him or not.

When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie

Jim’s looking for Promises to sell off for the Britain in Bloom fundraising efforts.

Susan reckons Clarrie’s encyclopaedic knowledge of Flowering Plants would be perfect.

[Susan] “When Alan Titchmarsh came to the village, he particularly praised Clarrie's lilies”

[Jim] “Good heavens! We’d be honoured then!”

Ah, that’s nice.

It’ll be good for Clarrie to get something positive in her life.

The Cider Club isn’t working

Quite literally.

The deal was that the cider club would help out at the Community orchard, in return for a share of the cider Eddie and Joe would then make.

Jim’s been trying to work out how much cider everyone is due – but seems the cider club hasn’t been doing much at all. It’s mainly just been Jim rushing about.

[Susan] “Sounds like Joe and Eddie owe you a couple of flagons already”

Susan has no tact

Which is a surprise, when she displays utter tactlessness to Jennifer. She wants to be ‘close; to the Aldridges, but I suppose she can’t help her nature.

First she tells Jennifer that the shop got ever such good publicity from the radio reports about the Super Dairy. Susan had made sure the radio chaps name checked.

Then:

[Susan] “But they interviewed Adam, didn’t he tell you?”

[Jennifer, trying to change the subject] “He didn’t think he use his bit …”

[Susan, not noticing, or caring?] “They were bound to. Someone from Home Farm against the dairy … still, it’s a tricky time for you, so many people against it”

[Jennifer] “And so many people for it … that’s your impression for you, that there are more people against than for it?”

[Susan] “ … I wouldn’t like to say …”

(aye, right then)

Susan then mentions what they’re saying at The Bull. Especially that Brian is too scared to show his face.

Jennifer is horrified at the thought that people think Brian is staying away. Far more horrified that he’s seen to be scared and hiding, than at people possibly hating him for his plans …

Ah, Brian and Jennifer. The perfect match.

Brian Vs Pat 23.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:39:56 PST

The Archers Monday 23rd January 2012

Ian’s too deep for David
Brian just wanted his shopping
Rufus is fast at websites
Brian wants Adam to shut up
Pip’s Celebrity Lamb gets the go ahead

Ian’s too deep for David

They’re chatting about Adam being on the radio, damning the Super Dairy.

Ian reckons Adam reckoned that he didn’t say much, he didn’t realise that may folks listened to local radio and that he wouldn’t be recognised.

But Ian also reckons that Adam subconsciously knew all of that. He just wanted Brian to actually hear him.

That’s what David found too deep.

Later on, David's talking to Adam.

Adam seems fairly unrepentant. He felt it needed saying.

[Adam] “Brian’s framed this debate in such a way, my quite legitimate objections keep being read as disloyalty to the family, and they’re not”

David reckons he sympathises with both sides.

(eh?)

But that Ruth is well and truly on Adam’s side.

(sorry – just to go back to what David said. He has sympathy for Brian’s plans? What what what?)

[David] “You can be sure of her support. She loves her cows …It’s very difficult when your head says one thing and your heart says another”

Ah!

Is David starting to think that his only option is to get out of dairy?

Brian just wanted his shopping

Brian had a shopping list from Jennifer, so he need to go into Ambridge Organics. He met Pat at the door, and wished her well for the new brand launch.

But that’s where the niceties stopped.

[Pat] “Our little enterprise must seem old fashioned and small scale in the light of all your new plans”

[Brian] “There’s a place for everyone in farming Pat”

[Pat] “Do you think so? isn’t this mega diary rather going to give a lie to that? It’s going to put all other dairy farmers at risk”

[Brian] “Not at all. There’ll be plenty of room for the kind of niche farming you do”

[Pat] “Niche farming? Is that what I’m doing? I’d prefer to call it proper farming!”

[Brian] “*Huff*, well that’s debateable”

[Pat] “Not to me. I’d rather run a niche farm than a factory!”

[Brian] “What we are planning is not factory farming, that’s grossly inaccurate!”

Though Pat did wangle out of Brian that while the Super Dairy will have ‘only’ 1,500 cows at first, they’ll increase that as soon as they get the chance. But:

[Brian] “We’re not going to be keeping them like battery hens, if that’s what you’re suggesting”

[Pat] “Cows are herd animals who chew the cud, they should be outside with other cows eating grass”

[Brian] “Come on Pat, this is 2012, not 1912!”

[Pat] “The cows haven’t changed”

[Brian] “Well everything else has!”

[Pat] “No it hasn’t”

[Brian] “Okay I agree, there is one thing that hasn’t, farming is a business and it always was, businesses have to change to survive, what else is your rebranding is about”

[Pat] “It’s hardly equivalent, but that doesn’t matter does it, as long as you can feel you’ve scored a cheap point .. we’re all entitles to our opinions, but you seem to think yours is the only one that counts, you can just railroad this through without any meaningful consultation with the local community at all”

Pat goes on to say that they all only found out about the Super Dairy because the Echo broke the story. Brian reckons he was about to do a consultation anyway. Pat reckons that’s nonsense. He’d have only done a consultation when it was too late. Pat goes on to say that the Echo has done a superb job in bringing the Super Dairy to everyone’s attention.

[Brian] “Oh, you’re praising the Echo now, are you … I seem to remember you felt rather differently about our local press in the summer … you’re not so keen on the Echo’s investigative journalism When they’re investigating you!”

[Pat] “Maybe I’m not, what possible relevance does that have to what we’re talking about. If you can’t debate your case without restoring to smear tactics …”

Phew!

I reckon Pat won that round.

But would seem Brian still went ahead and shopped at Ambridge Organics. Jennifer late thanked him for getting everything she wanted.

Rufus is fast at websites

He’s already got BL’s Super Dairy one up and running (though Brian did say “at last!”. He really does expect miracles!)

[Jennifer] “Makes the new housing sound like a five start hotel !”

But Jennifer is less impressed to hear about Brian’s run in with Pat,

[Jennifer] “On Brian, we’d agreed, we were trying to build bridges between Pat and Tony!”

But Brian wins Jennifer round (as per) with talk of how Pat is difficult, illogical, dogmatic. Jennifer can only concur.

He reckons it’s a complete waste of time trying to win round people like Pat. They need to go for “neutrals”.

Brian wants Adam to shut up

Though Jennifer claims Adam was not trying to cause trouble for him.

It sounds like neither Jennifer nor Brian actually heard Adam on the radio – just third hand.

And Brian seems to be taking it okay. He just seems more irritated than furious.

So, if Adam could kindly put a sock in it, Brian will be happy enough.

Pip’s Celebrity Lamb gets the go ahead

Pip was presenting to Hassett Hill today.

While they didn’t like the name of her Celebrity lamb – Hassle (!) – they loved the rest of her ideas.
So, can we expect Pip’s live to go viral soon? Or, will it just be like Tom’s pigs playing footie … no-where to be seen …

Enthused by the enthusiasm of Hassett Hill, Pip now also wants to do lamb recipes (in addition to the Hassett Hill lamb mint burgers).

Now Pip wants to do another lamb receipt (as well as the Hassett Hill mint burgers),

(doesn’t she sound just like Tom Archer … god help us all!)

BUT David reckons developing a new product takes money. Which Pip doesn’t want to hear, considering the amount they’re just about to spend on a slurry tank for the dairy side of the business.

[Pip] “£22,000 just to stay in the same place. Ugh, it just doesn’t make sense!”

From what David was saying earlier on, he’s starting to think the same.

Mind you – maybe he’ll change his mind when he talks to Ruth.

I think she’d choose her cows over David any day.

Neil’s skip runneth over 22.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:04:03 PST

The Archers Sunday 22nd January 2012

Pat’s placards
Mind the hunks of cheese get put out
Tony still doing Tom’s work
Who filled Neil’s skip?
Another gloryhole!
Susan’s prince is a pigman digging a trench
Susan can cope

Pat’s placards

Pat was saying today that she was just nervous, and doubtful, about doing the speech at the Ambridge Organics brand launch.

She’s also preoccupied by the forthcoming HEF inspection (for obvious reasons).

But – our Pat is most definitely back.

She’s having a right good go about the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “It’s got to be stopped!”

[Tom] “Dusting off your placards mum?”

[Helen] “Stocking up on spray paint?”

[Pat] “Someone’s got to do something about it!”

[Tony] “Yes love, but not this week, eh?”

(that would be all Tony needs – Tom away, Helen with a baby, Pat off on a march …)

Mind the hunks of cheese get put out

Or else the launch of the Ambridge Organics brand won’t mean much to anyone!

Tony still doing Tom’s work

Tom’s away next week for three whole days. Which means Tony has the joy of doing his work. Again.

Tony’s infuriated to also hear that Jazzer will get a bonus if he manages to do his work.

Jazzer gets a reward for just doing what he’s supposed to do. Tony gets extra work for nothing (not even a thanks).

Poor Tony can’t even hear that Brenda had a great time on her snowboard lesson without thinking it’ll mean he has to burden the load yet again if she and Tom head off on holiday.

And to top it all – Tom can’t even do his milking shift this afternoon. Kenton needs more bacon and sausages, due to overwhelming demand for Jaxx’z farmhouse Breakfast Week.

I tell you – heart attack or family split is ahead.

Who filled Neil’s skip?

The skip that Neil has set in the front garden of Bert and Gary’s (and soon to be Tracey’s plus brood) is full. Neil has even begun to start filling it with his stuff.

[Neil] “You don’t think the neighbours have been putting stuff in?”

It could have been a mystery to keep us all occupied for months – but it was Tracey. She’s been going through the house finding ‘rubbish’ to dump.

[Neil] “MY skip. You can’t just fill it up with rubbish!”

[Tracey] “Why? What were you planning to do with it?”

Fair point indeed.

But Tracey could have asked.

Another gloryhole!

Does anyone in Ambridge know what that term is now common parlance for?

I hope not.

Otherwise, they’re really taking the Michael out of us eavesdroppers.

Tracey was complaining that the family has been using her and Susan’s old room as a “gloryhole”.

Good lord – I hope not!

Susan’s prince is a pigman digging a trench

Jackie and Bunty

Ah – remember those?

Susan and Tracey are going through their old room. They’re merrily binning old copies of Bunty:

[Tracey] “The Four Marys … what a bunch of losers!”(oh – bit harsh!)

But they both seem to melt when they find copies of Jackie. Susan, because she loved reading them so much – Tracey, because they might be worth some money. (Susan reckons not, they’re tattered after being read so much)

Tracey also finds what sound like a massive collection of Valentine’s cards.

[Susan] “Keep ‘em, you flaunted them!”

[Tracey] “All these nice lads, and I had to choose Den”

[Susan] “I didn’t think anyone was going to choose me … I thought I was going to sit in me bedroom, reading all of these stories about romance and never have one of me own. I wrote to Kathy and Claire about it once … ‘don’t give up Susy, one day your prince will come’ …”

[Tracey] “Oh. Well he did!”

[Susan] “Huh, that’s not what you said about him at the time”

[Tracey] “I wasn’t to know he was a prince disguised as a pigman!”

[Susan] “Yeh, he was. Just like in the stories”

[Tracey] “Your prince came, and he’s in the garden filling in a drainage trench”

Susan can cope

Neil and Tracey were a bit shocked to see Susan carting off the family’s rather old and tatty dolls house back home.

She reckons it will be a family heirloom for Keira.

[Susan] “God heavens, if you and Tracey can renovate number 6, I'm sure I can decorate a doll’s house!”

I’m sure you can, Susan.

Brian Vs Jim 20.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:48:10 PST

The Archers Friday 20th January 2012

Tom is beyond selfish
Ambridge is back online
Phoebe lives!
Brian is not really a ‘grassroots’ type of chap
Well done Jim
Glee at Bridge Farm
The main event: Jim Vs Brian
Scones do the trick

Tom is beyond selfish

We all know he’s smug. And righteous. And a bit of a bore.

But Tom is now taking being selfish to new heights.

He’s got an order from that local food supplier – Octagon. Though he claims he also took in the Ambridge Organics brand to sell to them, he somehow only came out with an order for Tom Archer’s. And a sizeable one at that.

He’s also saying all of this in front of Tony. Who, as well as having to stomach Tom after he took his part of the business and ran when the e- coli hit the fan, is also doing extra work because Tom is gallivanting round, getting sizeable orders for Tom Archer’s.

[Tony] “Can’t say I’m enjoying doing your milking as well as your own!”

But worse is yet to come for Tony. Tom’s away next week. “opening up new markets”.

[Tony] “Do you have to do so much work off the farm … to be honest Tom. It’s really getting me down!”

But Tom isn’t listening. Or caring.

This will either end up with Tom being forced off the farm for not pulling his weight (unlikely), or Tony having a heart attack (possible?).

Ambridge is back online

Phew!

Though if one more person uttered that the thieves had stolen 200 metres of cable, I might have had to switch over.

(just jesting!)

Phoebe lives!

Apart from Roy mentioning that he’d missed her over Christmas, we’ve had no evidence that she’s still alive out there in South Africa.

But Jennifer saw her on Skype when she was talking to Nolly on her birthday. Jennifer reckoned Phoebe was looking very grown up.

Brian is not really a ‘grassroots’ type of chap
Anything but.

Brian doesn’t seem to recognise that. he seems to think he has the common touch.

[Brian] “Me operating as BL’s man on the ground, listening to people’s concerns”

Ha!

Well done Jim

With everything back to normal, even Bob Pullen called Jim to thank him for everything he’d done to make sure the vulnerable and older folk were okay without being able to summon for emergency help.

In celebration, Christine asks Jim to tea and scones.

The main event: Jim Vs Brian

After being given shirt thrift by Jill, Brian’s visiting Jim to try his luck.

[Brian] “BL’s always looking for good local causes that might need a bit of sponsorship”

[Jim] “Yes I’m sure they are, especially at the moment. I’m always pleased to make links with local businesses, Brian, but in this case., frankly, I think BL is a bit of a hot potato at the moment. I think we’d rather wait before linking up with you for Britain in Bloom”

[Brian] “Why?”

[Jim] “A lot of questions will be asked about the merits of this new dairy idea. Brian, it would taint the event and make it too political”

With his Britain in Bloom hat off, Jim also lets rip about what he personally thinks about the Super Dairy.

[Jim] “I think I’d take some persuading about that, It seems to go against nature … an animal which is naturally bred to be out in the air, grazing at will, must surely suffer from being packed in a shed with concrete under its hooves”

[Brian] “The animals are housed on sand!”

[Jim] “But the principle is the same isn’t it? I’m keeping an open mind, of course, but it certainly seems an unnatural method of farming to me”

Brian’s now 2-nil down.

You’d think he’d work out that folks don’t want to touch BL’s money. Especially as he’s openly saying that “any venture” will do. Hardly suggests he and BL care for anything more than a few positive column inches in the Echo.

Glee at Bridge Farm

Pat and Tony were overjoyed that Adam’s interview on Borchester Radio has been aired.

[Pat] “Susan had the radio on in the shop. She said she was gobsmacked when she heard him”

[Tony] “Good for Adam!”

[pat] “That should set the cat amongst the pigeons”

[Tony] “Well, what did they expect!”

Tony’s cup overflowed with joy later on when the Echo calls to ask him what he thinks about the Super Dairy!

[Tony] “I said most people were against it. Including members of Brian Aldridge’s own family”

Pat starts cackling at that.

Ah, payment time for when Brian and Jennifer wouldn’t help Bridge Farm.

Scones do the trick

Round at Christine’s, Jim’s a bit wound up about his argument with Brian.

[Jim] “I couldn’t believe it Christine. He was trying to steam roller me into agreeing with him”

But, he finds Christine’s scones “very restorative”.

As they turn their attention back to why they’re celebrating with scones, they feel content at the way the village rallied round when they had no phones or internet.

[Jim] “It did seem to bring out the best in people”

Christine remembers there being no water supply in the 60s. And Jim remembers the electricity winter of discontent.

But they reckoned neither were “such a catastrophe” for them and their generation, as the recent communications blackout had been recently.

[Jim] “People have actually got out and talked to people this week. Quite a novelty in itself”

Ach well.

Back indoors now (at least while it’s still winter).

Adam, the radio star 19.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:10:02 PST

The Archers Thursday 19th January 2012

David’s accosting Police
The drain covers may have gone in Penny Hassett …
Emma’s turning into Patsy
“Lower Loxley, where the phone lines run free”
Caroline’s excitable
That’s fighting talk, Adam
Brian sooks up to Jill
Adam speaks up

David’s accosting Police

Demanding to know what they’re doing about these 200 metre cable thieves.

He tells Jill the Police said that they were optimistic about catching them. Although there’s an epidemic of such cable being stolen, the Police are also putting a stop to it by using snitches and making sure dealers know that they know.

Later on, he’s having a chat with Adam:

[Adam] “We’re programmed aren’t we, make coffee, sit at computer, go online check the worlds still there”

[David] “It’s a great excuse not to start in on any real work, all that online chatter”

I resent that remark! Not all of us can have outside jobs. And the internet is, for some, a key tool for their “real” work.

It’s just all those Twitterers and bloggers that don’t know what real work is like … ;)

The drain covers may have gone in Penny Hassett …

…(stolen) … but at least, over in Ambridge, they have each other.

Though it would seem Borchestershire is experiencing a high level of rural crime, Ambridge’s home fires are keeping everyone warm and safe.

[Jill] “At least we seem to be rising to the occasion in the village”

Jim’s rota has done its job in helping to keep the more vulnerable of the village safe while they’re incommunicado.

[Jill] “He’s got a real sense of what needs to be done”

As well as Chris and Alice collecting old mobile phones, and the village shop taking a collection for sim cards, Pip and Spencer have also been round checking on folks.

[Jill] “It’s lovely that everyone’s looking after each other, isn’t it!”

Yes it is, Jill.

And that’s why we all like to visit Ambridge almost every evening.

Emma’s turning into Patsy

(the other cleaner Ruth had in while Emma was off having Keira. Patsy also cleaned for Jennifer, but put terrors into Ruth, who cleaned before her cleaner turned up!)

[David] “Emma started stomping around the place, huffing and puffing about Josh leaving stuff on the floor and how there were never any clean dusters … Ruth thought she was going to hand in her notice … she sat Emma down and asked what she’d done to upset her … Emma was just miffed because Will and Nic are changing the name of the cottage, seems to be a big deal for her … she said it would confuse George, and they were being insensitive!”

[Jill] “I bet Ruth beat a hasty retreat”

Oh ho!

Emma really just wanted Will to still be darkly brooding, alone, about her leaving him for Ed.

Nae luck there then, Emma.

Even Jill agrees that Greenwood Cottage is far more tasteful than Casa Nueva.

“Lower Loxley, where the phone lines run free”

Brian really isn’t coping without his internet .

It’s a good thing Lower Loxley does still have communications. It means Jennifer can Skype Nolly on her birthday.

Caroline’s excitable

And far less stressed.

They’ve found their card reader! Caroline is over the moon.

[Oliver] “Now you want have to decipher my hand writing … and all we’ve got to deal with now is the daily lottery of who is going to turn up at the hotel!”

[Caroline, sounding quite fruity] “Exciting!”

When Grey Gables has another “hiccup” later on (some boy gets locked in a toilet), Caroline is giggling like a schoolgirl.

Oliver is her hero.

[Caroline] “You’ve been brilliant. Keep calm and carry on … you’ve got the Dunkirk spirit in bucket loads!”

Each to their own …

That’s fighting talk, Adam

Talking to David about the Super Dairy, Adam feels that Brian and Debbie first wrong-footed him and are now trying to ram their Super Dairy through.

[Adam] “They don’t seem to care if they upset the whole village in the process …So as far as I’m concerned David, they deserve everything they’ve got coming to them”

Oo-er!

Brian sooks up to Jill

Brian pops over to Jill’s, She’s clearing up leaves to see if the snowdrops are trying to poke through.
Brian reckons it’s too early for snowdrops.

(it’s not. they were pout here already)

And he starts buttering her up with how good her garden is, that Jennifer is a great admirer (blah blah blah).

Then Brian asks Jill if the Britain in Bloom committee are looking for sponsors … from BL

[Jill, sniffing his ploy a mile off] “Oh. Really …”

She sends Brian off with a “you have to ask Jim”

Jill later forewarns Jim.

[Jill] “He realised he wasn’t getting any change out of me … he was very obvious. I was quite shocked”

Not very subtle, Mr Aldridge.

You’re acting like the Squire who treats his villagers like there’s more than one idiot.

Adam speaks up

Borchester Radio are outside the shop, asking folks for their comments about the Super Dairy, when Adam walks by.

They ask him for his comments.

He agrees.

[Adam] “Okay, right, basically I think it’s bad for the village, bad for farming and bad for the cows!”

Oh Brian will be pleased when he hears that!

Brian turns to a PR Bunny 18.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 13:27:24 PST

The Archers Wednesday 18th January 2012

They still can’t find 200 metres of cable
Image problem with the Super Dairy? PR it!
Tony is cold and irritable
Our Pat’s back
Thankful for Elona and Darrell

They still can’t find 200 metres of cable

200 metres was a lot of cable to steal, but surely it can’t be that hard for the powers that be to find more?

But it would seem so.

There’s still no internet or phones.

So everyone is having to travel to Felpersham (or Lower Loxley) to get online. They’re also furious that the thieves were so brazen in kicking off this blackout.

[Annabelle] “Apparently, the thieves posed as workmen, took their time”

Image problem with the Super Dairy? PR it!

[Brian] “Everyone’s in PR these days … can’t afford not to”

Annabelle and Brian are calling on the dark arts of a chap called Rufus, of Moynahan and Parker.

They explain their slight … problem …

[Brian] “It’s become a very ... What you might call, emotive issue in Ambridge”

[Rufus] “Big is instantly equated with bad, I imagine”

Rufus advises Brian not to call a community meeting. Brian thinks it would dispel myths, but Rufus reckons it would turn into a lecture than help Brian to “engage” with the villagers. He reckons they need to “communicate … on own terms”.

So, Rufus asks Brian and Annabelle to come up with bullet points about what’s positive about the Super Dairy:

Good for jobs
Good for the economy, local and national
High welfare standards … happy cows

But Brian can’t keep to sound bites for very long.

[Brian] “It’ll have very green credentials; slurry into energy and fertiliser … local residents won’t be inconvenienced in any way shape or form”

After a bit of brainstorming, Rufus decides that giving leaflets to individuals are the way forward.
(did he do the same marketing course as Brenda?)

[Rufus] “So we can dispel the imagine of some sort of Frankenstein monster squatting on their doorstep”

Annabelle reckons they can use recent research from the Farms Animal Welfare Council on the leaflet – saying that they’re aren’t disadvantages to keeping cows in large herds as long husbandry and stock and such are of high standards.

Rufus shifts up a gear.

He wants to build a website. It’ll address the truth, allay fears, and stop misunderstandings. And also
use the bullet points in a newspaper advert.

Rufus also tried to convince Brian that it’s nothing personal, on either side of the argument (or the press).

[Rufus] “Never try to drown them out with a lot of noise … after all, when all's said and done, it’s a business scheme”

Brian and Annabelle are certainly impressed by Rufus’ chat. They’ve bought his ideas, his approach, his hourly rate …

So the plan of attack is now to begin:

[Annabelle] “Waging an informal, personal campaign in the village”

Part of which will be be sponsoring local societies and events. Like the village hall. Or the church …

[Brian] “If listening to local people’s concerns is what it takes Annabelle, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do”

Aye, I think you missed the point there, Brian. Buying your way through is not “listening”.

I don’t suppose he gives a hoot, as ;long as it gets the job done.

Tony is cold and irritable

The wind is cutting right through him, even with his clothes of many layers.

And he’s irritated.

With Tom.

Where Pat sees and loves Tom’s enthusiasm, Tony just sees Tom not pulling his weight on the proper work. He just wants Tom to do his fair share on the farm, rather than making up recipes for pork ready meals.

Our Pat’s back

Pat is sounding chirpier and chirpier every day.

She’s even decided to do the speech at the brand launch.

[Pat] “ …not a chore, would like to do it …”

Which seems to make everyone else very pleased indeed.

Did I miss something? Why is Pat making the speech such a big deal?

Something to do with Pat as the head of the family, finally reclaiming her throne (her voice)?!?

Anyhoo – Pat reckons it was her birthday that “really bucked” her up and stopped her “dithering”.

[Pat] “I suddenly wanted to be the Pat I saw in the photos again. I know I can’t look like her, but I wanted to her enthusiasm for things”

Hurrah! Pat’s back!

While she does want to do the speech at the launch, she’s also adamant that everyone is aware of all the hard work and commitment that she and Tony put into getting their business (their family) to this point. (some would argue that it was Pat and Tony that also nearly ruined Bridge Farm … but it was theirs to ruin in the first place, I reckon).

Thankful for Elona and Darrell

I can’t remember who said – but someone had a good point today in saying that Elona and Darrell are indeed good for Peggy. Them helping her out has given her back her independence.

(remember when Lilian was doing Peggy’s ironing … *shudder*)

Maybe I shouldn’t be suspicious of them after all?

There’s still no phone nor internet 17.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:47:39 PST

The Archers Tuesday 17th January 2012

Christine’s birds look like they’re in for a treat
Stolen cabling AND floods
Scrap metal? Who was after that a wee while ago?
Caroline’s disturbing her guests
That’s why Ambridge is a nice place to live
Is Ruth going to sack Emma?
Gary’s useless once more
Facebook withdrawal
Ducks have it made?
Lower Loxley bucks the trend

Christine’s birds look like they’re in for a treat

So says Jim.

Stolen cabling AND floods

Ambridge really isn’t having any luck

Seems it was a large amount of cable that was stolen.

(though why the size of it means it’ll take longer to fix, I don’t know. Surely the Council just buys a larger length?)

And flooding has slowed down the repairs.

Scrap metal? Who was after that a wee while ago?

[Jim] “It’s appalling that the thieves are willing to create havoc like this, and all for a bit of scrap metal”

And who do we know was trying to steal scrap metal a wee while back …

Neil was also saying that ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) are putting measures into place to stop dealers buying stolen scrap metal.

That’ll be Clive and his dodgy mate Bernie might be up the swanny without armbands.

Caroline’s disturbing her guests

Caroline really isn’t having a good time at the moment.

Though they have brought the pen and paper out in swathes to try and keep track of who is supposed to be where, they still can’t take payment.

She can’t even find her old ‘clunk clunk’ card readers.

And to top that, she’s starting barging in on guests.

[Caroline] “Luckily when I opened the door there was nothing untoward going on, but the woman looked pretty shocked when the door flew open”

Caroline has misread Oliver’s writing – saw a 17 to be an 11 – and tried to show someone in a room that was already being used.

And Caroline sounded quite upset about it.

Maybe this will give Caroline the push to get another manager, and finally retire properly.

That’s why Ambridge is a nice place to live

People actually give a hoot for each other.

Jim’s in the shop, where they can’t open the Post office bit.

[Jim] “Not being able to give people their pensions is very unfortunate. We’ve seen some distress today”

Bob Pullen is (we are told) very upset that he has no phone, and that his personal alarm (which he wears around his neck) can’t be used.

(don’t those things have batteries? Why an internet connection?)

So Jim decides to do something about it.

He has a chat to Neil and Chris about getting a rota together to go round checking on vulnerable folks, especially as they have no means of raising the alarm.

They’re more than happy to help out, and get others to also do so.

And Chris has the idea of rounding up old mobiles, get some sims and get a collection together to put some money on them. AND he and Alice will help folks of the 3rd generation to use them.

None of that would have happened in a city.

Or in a village where folks don’t like each other.

Is Ruth going to sack Emma?

She was in asking about what ‘cleaner for hire; cards were up in the shop. When Jim pointed out that she has Emma, she didn’t exactly utter any words of denial or that Emma was doing her grand.

Interesting.

Gary’s useless once more

Neil’s made a start on redoing Bert’s house. He’s called in Christopher to help.

Seems Gary is well and truly back to being a chocolate fireguard.

[Neil] “He’s being worse than useless. I think he’s doing it deliberately … if you get reputation for being rubbish,. No-one makes you do anything, do they ?”

Ah – is that’s Gary’s secret!

Anyhoo – Neil is also annoyed that Bert and Gary sat there watching the telly while he grafted – then had the cheek to ask him to keep the noise down as they couldn’t hear their programmes.

Facebook withdrawal

[Ruth] “Josh is having Facebook withdrawal symptoms”

And he wants to go round Freddie and Lily’s to be able to get onto Facebook, to talk to friends he’s just been at school with all day.

[Caroline] “Maybe he’ll read a book instead”

Aye, Ruth’s not hopeful of that.

Ducks have it made?

Ruth’s taking time out to:

[Ruth] “watch how the ducks go about things”

[Caroline, also trying to take a timeout] “Look a rather enviable life, doesn’t it, on the surface anyway …”

[Ruth] “Of course they’re paddling like mad underneath”

Which, as Caroline says, is just what she and Ruth are doing.

(I think we understood that without Caroline spelling it out)

Lower Loxley bucks the trend

It’s on a different exchange, so has internet and phones.

Elizabeth called up Caroline to see how they were coping – but the way Caroline retold the call, it sounded like Elizabeth was ever slightly crowing …

Seems she has lots of people turning up with their laptops to get online. She’s been giving them complimentary coffee. A “roaring trade”.

Caroline really needs to tell Elizabeth to stuff herself. It’s been a year. She doesn’t need to be nice to her anymore.

Communications blackout 16.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:19:01 PST

The Archers Monday 16th January 2012

Caroline’s glitch
Lynda still has flu
The server is also down at Home Farm
Jennifer ran a gauntlet
Using a phone takes twice as long?
Job for Tracey?
The new packaging has arrived
Google declares E. coli over
Shelly Brazil has cancelled!
Thief! Clive???
Brian can’t live in the moment?

Caroline’s glitch

Turns out to be an Ambridge wide glitch.

Without broadband, Caroline can’t check anyone out of Grey Gables. Or check new bookings. Or respond to requests.

She has to resort to pen and paper. And asking Ian (the chef) to call the IT bloke.

Lynda still has flu

I’m starting to worry now.

As Caroline said, it takes a lot to floor our Lynda.

The server is also down at Home Farm

Ah, the plot thickens …

Jennifer ran a gauntlet

When she took Peggy to church.

That Brian’s got a lot to answer for.

It’s hardly ladylike behaviour, having to run a gauntlet.

Jennifer will have to get used to it if the Super Dairy plans continue.

Using a phone takes twice as long?

According to Ian, when placing a food order.

Funny thing. I always think not having email speeds up work something grand. You actually get the work done, rather than feeling you’ve got the work done by sending an email.

Job for Tracey?

When Caroline mentioned that she’d need to bring in extra help to cope without any broadband, I thought Tracey would have a shoe in.

But it was good ol’ Oliver that came in.

He did do a grand job. He even dealt (what sounded like) a very grumpy customer who, even after Oliver gave him a free upgrade in apology, still sounded like Grey Gables has torched his house.

The new packaging has arrived

Be still our collective beating heart!

Tim’s very excited.

It’s the new Ambridge Organics packaging, which both he and Helen do approve of.

Helen does have to ask Tom to tone down his enthusiasm in front of Tony and Pat.

[Helen] “It’s an end of an era for them”

Aye, as if Tom gives a hoot about that.

It’s all Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom …

Google declares E. coli over

Reckons Tom.

Seems the only mention of Ambridge Organics or Bridge Farm and E. coli is way down on page 6.

Okay.

So I will admit it.

Tom did do a good job online.

Still doesn’t make him a nice person.

Shelly Brazil has cancelled!

Oh the humanity!

And if they can’t persuade Pat to do a speech, surely the whole Ambridge Organics launch will be ruined?!?

Still, on the positive side, it did make Tom calm down. He does need a disappointment once in a while to make him bearable.

Thief! Clive???

Or probably more likely, thieves.

As the day wore on, Susan was frazzled only being able to take cash and cheques at the post office.

Jennifer was concerned about the third generation:

[Jennifer] “And older people are a worry in a situation like this, if they haven’t got a mobile”

But was hopeful that this experience might encourage Peggy to finally get a mobile.

(I’m surprised she hasn’t already – what with her silver surfing)

So with most of Ambridge without internet, and also landlines, what was the cause?

Some bad person has stolen the main cable.

Blimey.

Clive?

Brian can’t live in the moment?

[Brian] “It does feel very last century at the moment, doesn’t it?”

[Jennifer} “In a strange way,. It’s quite comforting. You can feel got at with emails zipping … we can’t see to live in the moment, can we. If it wasn’t for the awful inconvenience, it’d be a relief”

[Brian] “I suppose I’m not really good at living in the moment, am I?”

Sorry?

Was that really Brian talking?

He’s really blown his ability to ever be able to use the old ‘it just happened’ excuse if his trousers happen to go wondering again.

A Celebrity Lamb 15.01.12

noreply@blogger.com (Inga McVicar) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:33:20 PST

The Archers Sunday 15th January 2012

Pip’s overexcited
New Zealand style
Don’t call badgers cute to Ruth
Top 4 Pork Ready meals
Imagine – he had to cut cabbages!
Darrell’s a nice bloke?
Why is Pip staring to roll her Rs?
Pat’s fired up
Will Brenda be too fat for snowboarding?

Pip’s overexcited

She’s on one again.

She’s excited about new outlets she reckons she’s found for Hassett Hills lamb.

Excited about trying to make a commodity out of wool, rather than just dumping it:

[Pip] “Luxury gear, like hats and mittens and such”

And excited about making a star out of a lamb …

[Pip] “What I thought would be great would be to market it through a celebrity lamb”

David and Ruth are almost stunned into silence!

Pip wants to choose the most photogenic lamb, and give it its own Facebook and Twitter account.

[Pip] “There’s always one that stands out from the crowd … it makes personal appearances, virtual one anyway, and I’d blog about its celebrity lifestyle … I think I could make it quite witty, going on about it needing makeovers all the time and demanding load of money to open supermarkets”

Ruth and David agree that it’s got potential, so will ask Bill Oldfield (Chair of Hassett Hills) to let Pip present at their next meeting.

It’s all because of Uni. She claims she wants:

[Pip] “this to work in the real world”

They really shouldn’t encourage her … especially when they later break the news that they might …

New Zealand style

… switch to a New Zealand style of dairy farming.

Which seemingly involves the cows out for longer, calving in Spring (which makes the most of the Spring grass) and although having a lower output, costing less.

The negatives, as far as Pip explains, is that the lower yield also makes for an uneven cashflow they’d have to expand the herd, which would mean more grazing … which would mean Brookfield’s sheep would have to go.

Devastating news for Pip, considering all the work she’s been doing have been to do with the sheep.

[Pip] “Don’t my plans mean anything? ...It as all for Brookfield not just a bunch of theories to impress my tutor!”

And Pip can’t understand why they’re talking about the New Zeeland style again when it was pondered and rejected a while back. AND while sheep prices are buoyant.

Making the dairy herd sustainable is Brookfield’s (current) priority.

Don’t call badgers cute to Ruth

She’ll tear you a new one.

[Pip] “Ben was going on about how cute badgers are, she got really annoyed”

Later on:

[David] “They couldn't have caused more trouble if they tried, could they?”

I suppose not. But I don’t think the badgers were really trying to cause harm, really.

Top 4 Pork Ready meals

After Brenda’s effort today of pork cobbler, Tom and Brenda agree that the winners to go forward are:

- Spicy meat balls red pepper sauce
- Pork cobbler
- Pork lasagne
- Stir-fry

Interesting.

I’m not sure when Busty Brenda become such a culinary expert, and also not sure how such odd pork meals will sell.

And as an aside – I really squirmed when Tom got a bit saucy with Brenda in the kitchen.

[Tom] “Hey you, come here, you just look so gorgeous in an apron!”

Ugh.

Thank goodness Brenda pushed him off. I couldn’t have listened to anymore, and really don’t want that boy procreating. Ever.

But I suppose at least we can give Tom credit for trying (grudgingly given, mind).

Imagine – he had to cut cabbages!

Tom did his milking today.

But moaned that he then had to cut cabbages.

Imagine that! The nerve of Tony asking.

It’s not as if Bridge Farm is a family business …

… oh, hang on …

Darrell’s a nice bloke?

Brenda and Tom seem to think so.

Darrell has also started doing odd jobs for Peggy.

I’m not sure about Darrell and Elona. No evidence of this – but odds on for them ripping off Peggy?

Why is Pip staring to roll her Rs?

Odd.

Pat’s fired up

But still isn’t keen to do the Ambridge Organics brand launch speech. Which seems to be irritating Tom and Brenda no end. (I have no idea why)

[Pat] “The only thing that seems to be firing her up at the moment is the BL dairy”

Which Brenda and Tom are also against.

Seems Lilian and Matt are for it. So no surprises there.

[Tom] “Matt’s always going to be after the main chance, isn’t he?”

[Brenda] “Yeah, never mind what it does to the countryside and the poor cows”

Will Brenda be too fat for snowboarding?

Brenda reckons she’s put on weight.

Tom reckons it’s only a pound, Brenda reckons at least two.

[Tom] “Suits you, anyway”

[Brenda] “Stop there. Next you’ll be saying you like a woman with curves …”

Seems Brenda’s birthday treat is a snowboarding lesson for a day. She wants to do it for real on a proper holiday, but Tom needs to business to get “back on its feet” first.

Hope she doesn’t have to wait too long.

She already has a chest size issue, but added love handles would make it impossible to get salopettes on.