Porcelain Starfish

Anger towards sadness

2013-06-14T12:25:00.002-07:00

(Paraphrased quote because I can't quite remember what it was, but you get the gist):

Because you my friend...are rich.

'If you have a home which will always have dinner, an education that does not depend on your ability to pay, a few close loved ones that will support you all the way, freedom to roam and to speak, then you my friend, are rich.'

And have no fucking reason to be sad.

This seems entirely hypocritical of me, especially since I've spent the better part of my blog posts moping and ranting particularly between 2011-2012, but I'm done with it.

I want to stop procrastinating. Over thinking, anxiety, coveting, dread, wondering about what could have been, and not being able to forgive is all procrastination. Where is it getting you? NOWHERE. I've now realised why, when during lows and panic attacks, people in general feel exhausted. It is the anxiety and mental thoughts which can drive you to the limit, torment you and drain you of all your energy.

To be honest, if you're in the right, or the things that happened were completely out of your control and you had no cause in it whatsoever, you don't deserve to be upset. If one of your dearest died? Respect their death. Make them so proud that they wouldn't believe it. And come out stronger than you ever were before. If a friend is in trouble and you're worried? To put it bluntly, it's none of your business. But show them that you're there for them, or find help if they don't have the means to. And if you're in the wrong? Well go and correct your mistake. Now. Do you know what will happen when you do? Release. It doesn't matter the consequences, quit being a pussy and face them. What will fear do for you? Nothing. What will waiting do for you? Nothing. They can only make things worse.

It makes me so sad to see people angry at life, just because those who were close to them, failed them. Or when people give up when they feel no one cares. Learn to accept mistakes, there's only so long you can beat yourself up about it. I'm definitely not trying to say people cannot be upset at all, cause hey, we're humans, and sometimes words do hurt more than sticks and stones. But when that starts to define you? Hell no.

'Oh well, it's easy to say when you've recovered from anorexia and others. But it's not like you understand what it's like to cut yourself or be raped or have your parents die or be constantly bullied in your life.'

One, you can never, ever, recover from anorexia. Once you get into it, it's always there. Which is why, I absolutely hate girls seeking attention by 'dabbling', but that's a whole other argument altogether.

And well, I have cut myself. Once. But afterwards when I came to my senses and realised that if I kept going, there would only be deeper and longer. Much like anorexia, it is something which can easily turn into a vicious cycle and have been caused by much deeper and perhaps more serious problems. And you're right, I am eternally thankful that my parents have not yet died, nor have I been raped, and I don't think I could imagine the after effects of such horrific ordeals. For that I am eternally grateful. And it is understandable, if some people need a period of time to get all the upset and shock out of their system. But there has to come a point when you ask yourself, what next? Do I continue like this? Do I let them win? Am I now defined by this?

Recovery from anything is so hard. That cannot be denied. There will be countless times where you fall, and sometimes you just want go back down the slippery slope. Because after all, it is easier to fall instead of climb. And some times, some days will just seem too dark for any hope. But you can become stronger. It doesn't matter what you've been through. You deserve to be this. Have respect for yourself. Just remember, that once you're through, and you've reached the finishing line, no matter what anyone yes, you've won a bloody gold medal and more.

تبقى قوية

Mantente fuerte

Մնա ուժեղ

强留

kukaa imara

強いままでいる

Blijf sterk

However, instead of sadness, you do have reason to be angry at the world.

To be angry that they wealth of the top 3% in the world is the same as the bottom 97%. That means a couple hundred thousand of people have the same as BILLIONS. To be angry that the truth isn't told. To be angry that some people are killed, disgraced and imprisoned for their race, sexuality and less. To be horrified that concentration camps in North Korea have 'guard dog training', whereby packs of dogs are set on innocent prisoners, usually children, in order to 'train' them, and are rewarded for prolonged pain and tormentation. The children are either left completely savaged with faces ripped off and perhaps missing organs or bleeding to death. To be angry that although this sounds bad, there are probably things much worse that have been hidden, and we just don't know about.

Do you these people chose to be said colour, race or sexuality? No. But don't just sit there with this anger. Do something. Make someone's darkness, beautiful. To realise that you have forever changed someone's life for the better is incredible. It can be anything from donating to give a child an education, or campaigning for an end to trafficking. Put your past into use. Experience is gold.

If you need any more help, maybe this will help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJvEoLPLIg8

But please don't lose yourself because of the past. Don't feel that no one cares about what happens to you. Because I care. Doesn't matter if you know me or not in real life. You have the potential for everything and beyond. You have the potential/already are, someone's world. Don't go destroying that. For any help, feel free to contact me on here or leave a comment.

Song of the Day
Our own Versailles by Galt Aureus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fgWs5mFmoM
Unfortunately I can't seem to find a video for you guys without the introduction, however, I'm acbsolutely loving this band! I found it as it was the backing track on a Photoshop tutorial and I'm loving their music! Some of their videos only have a few thousand views (might just be and the replay button...) but you should definitely check them out. They're definitely gonna be big!

בלייַבן שטאַרק

Μείνετε ισχυρή

꿋꿋

Bleiben Sie stark

Restez forts

rimanere forte

Stay strong.

Youtube extras and features! Yay or nay?

2013-05-29T03:23:00.001-07:00

I was looking for a way to make my blog posts even more helpful and I've decided that I will be adding new Youtube featurettes and extras which might be useful to you! They might be directly targeting the blog post, or they might be a different but with a similar theme. For example, the first pilot video is for the Oliver Bonas shop feauturette I did, and in this featurette I'll be showing you one of my jewellery stands/collections which does have a few of the products in the post. Really hope that you guys enjoy it!

The videos will be embedded directly into the post for easy navigation *crosses fingers that it works* And so, here's the first video! *excitement*

What do you guys think? Leave comments below! Should I do more of these? Do they help? Some feedback would be really appreciated! I've yet to work out a timetable that can juggle blog posts and videos, but now that it's the summer, I'll be able to do lots of these!

Song of the Day:
Player by Naomi King
I found this girl whilst looking at Manic Panic hair dye reviews a few months back, but this still remains one of my favourite songs by her! She's so talented, and seems very genuine as well as being a very cool chick. And hair is amazing! I'd love to be able to dye my hair in such brilliant ways!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=467MA6BI_AY

There is no great flood. These animals need to be freed.

2013-05-19T03:16:00.000-07:00

Many types of zoo now exist, from the petting zoos that encourage the public to get up and close with the animals, to the large ‘safaris’ that provide space for people to roam around within. And most famously the urban zoos such as London Zoo which include elephants, lions and penguins and are usually notable tourist draw cards for the cities concerned.

However these animals are being subjected to being tormented by ogling tourists with their gaggles of screaming children; people who seem to not understand the simple ‘do not feed’ statement present in every zoo; and confinement for the rest of their lives. Often clouded by the nostalgia of childhood reminisces, these cruel institutions are far from so.

They are suffering in zoos just for our own amusement. As well this, it is common for visitors to tease and provoke caged animals. Deprived of their natural habitat, the animals are then thrust into the bitter limelight of forced proximity with humans, an unnatural and destructive scenario. This factor alone has caused many animals to die due to unfamiliar parasites and diseases from humans and the unsuitable climates. Was it really a good idea to have a polar bear in a zoo in Florida? Or in fact, any state or country that simply cannot replicate the original surroundings and climate of the animal?

A study of British zoos found that elephant enclosures were over 1000 times smaller than their natural habitats. They suffer psychological distress, which is often displayed by abnormal or self-destructive behaviour. Aquatic animals such as whales do not have nearly enough water, birds are prevented from flying away by having their wings clipped and being kept in aviaries. Furthermore, the locations of zoos in urban areas leads to incidents like the urban foxes’ attack at London Zoo in 2010 that killed 11 South African and Rockhopper penguins. An esteemed establishment that was London zoo was unable to prevent the destruction caused by these other animals.

No matter how we may try to replicate their habitats in a zoo, we will never achieve the full result. Predators need to hunt and taking from them their ability to do so by taming, caging or drugging them is beyond cruel; depriving them of their natural social structure and companionship. A study by the journal Science in 2008 found that 'Asian elephants in European zoos had a median lifespan of just 18.9 years compared to 41.7 years for wild elephants in an Asian logging camp. We are subjecting them to a much lower quality of life with very little to gain. Territorial fights between animals have also lead to the death of several animals due to cramped conditions especially amongst rare big cats and large mammals; as they become bored, depressed and institutionalized.

Some zoos have also killed their animals purposely because they regard them as 'excess animals'. Excess animals are caused by poor planning in zoos in breeding programmes that produce for more offspring than expected and thus creating surplus animals. In a herd of lions only a few males are required to service the females; this leads often to the sale of the excess males to inappropriate establishments. The two most controversial options are using surplus animals for legitimate medical research and, failing that, culling. It is like having China’s one child policy all over again.

The press have often been criticized for the uproar it causes as it publicizes these failures, however, more talk is being created against the media's way of getting the message across, rather than the actual message itself. And could it really be such a big uproar, that less than a third of zoo-goers do not know what culling even is?

Government funded zoos are often started and continually supported by city tax money. An increase in revenue for services such as better healthcare in hospitals and education in schools could easily be ensued by removing these establishments. Providing a large carnivore such as a tiger with food, shelter, keeper time, and veterinary care during its lifetime can cost a minimum of $25,000, according to Dr. Lewandowski. Primates are also usually more expensive to maintain, he added. This does not include the care of rare animals and require the further cost of a specific trade and care licence (i.e. Pandas from China).

Where animals are rare and hard to breed in captivity (for example, the Giant Panda), removing specimens from the wild to zoos may result in population falling. The procedure of breeding is both costly and unsuccessful. Although conservation programmes generate a lot of good publicity for a zoo, they in fact often do not result in a high success rate – many species are going extinct each week despite the good intentions of some zoos. This is partly because a very small captive community of a species is more prone to inter-breeding and birth defects from the very unvaried gene pool, a problem which the animals would evidently not have in the wild.

Many zoos are unable to keep a large enough number of individuals to provide a sufficiently varied gene pool for the species to breed without problems. As well as this, the benefits to the overall species population do not compensate the individual animals for the negative effects of living in a zoo. Returning successfully bred animals to the wild itself is a difficult procedure, as the animals become dependent on humans and institutionalized, leaving them weaker than if they had been left to thrive for themselves in the wild.

Zoos are said to spread awareness and educate people from an early stage on animals including their behaviour and habits. With this aspect, zoos are not educational as they only teach us how an animal behaves in small, confined spaces, at the mercy of humans. Statistics have also shown that the average zoo-goer knows less about animals than those who claim an interest in animals, like fishermen, and little more than those who claim no interest at all or students who grasp basic knowledge from school lessons. The education lessons obtained from zoos could just as effectively, and more humanely, be presented in the classroom. Animals should be left in their natural surroundings and not used as tools for public entertainment.

Would we accept a human being subjugated to these conditions? With our DNA 96% identical to a chimpanzee; an animal often seen behind the zoo bars, why not us as well? With the human race also deriving as a mutation in genes from chimps, does this mean we would have to be worth less and so treated less? In theory it should. With so little difference genetically and socially, why must they be imprisoned against their will?

As well as this, there is now an increased rate of animals dying from an increased use of medical drugs that are both more complex and stronger than before. Zoo animals are often exposed to chemicals, solvents and other toxic substances. And excessive human involvement by humans has caused major disruption in food chains, interfering with integral ecosystems. Zoos fail to treat animals with the respect that they deserve, and violates the animals' right to live and it treats them as a simple means to achieve some human end, whether it be for profit or ‘education.’

Charities such as the WSPA work towards true conservation and protection of animals as they campaign against poaching, illegal hunting with a slow but steady successes. They have aimed to remove the imminent problem head on without the need for alienating random animals and sending them to cells. However, a higher percentage of funding goes into zoos than all of these charities put together. As we fund into this twisted parody of a utopia that are zoos, is it not just a matter of time before each visitor begins to have more blood on their hands than the hunters and poachers themselves?

Even Noah’s Ark lasted for just 40 days, and it should not happen again.

___________________________________________________________________________________

This was an article written by me as an English assignment when I was 13. I found it whilst cleaning out my computer :) I've got 16 exams in the next 5 days and so I've been so busy with revision! I didn't want to leave you guys without a blog entry this week and I thought that you might find this interesting. What are your opinions on this topic?

Disclaimer: This article may reflect some of my views but not all. It must be remembered that this was an English assignment, something I do for homework. It's not a speech or a campaign but a way for me to practice my argumentative writing skills when I was thirteen.

Song of the Day:

Everything at once by Lenka

Hooked on this song ever since I heard it on the Windows advert. Not sure what I think about the beginning but damn it's a catchy song once it gets into your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfy5CBfjZ8s

Barcelona

2013-05-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

'The great book, always open and which we should make an effort to read, is that of Nature.' -Antoni Gaudí

As some of you will know from reading a few blog posts ago, was that I spent a great week in Barcelona! It was my second time going there and my fifth time going to Spain overall. My first time was on a school trip, and at first I was a little reluctant about having to go to almost all the places I had visited before and pay for them again, but I actually really, really recommend it! The trip passed in a mainly dreamy haze, filled with memories of having fun with my friends but since they were faint, it was still all seemed quite new to me.

If you're planning a trip to Barcelona, here are just a few places you should definitely go and see:

1. La Sagrada Familia

This is probably the most obvious of all venues; first thing most people think about it when going to Barcelona, is the Sagrada Familia. But why have I pointed out such a painfully obvious tourist attraction? It's because most people only go in there, look around the main cathedral, and then leave. No. Don't do this. For any venue of that matter. At the back of the Cathedral is a side door which leads to a small Gaudi exhibition which shows what inspired everything. Those columns? They're tree trunks leading up to a glorious canopy of flower and leaf inspired tops. It's really a lot more interesting than I ever expected and is perfect for budding architects or even the experienced veteran!

Canopy of wow.

If you go down towards the direction of the toilets, there's a door which leads to yet another one of their exhibitions regarding the restoration of Sagrada Familia. There are lots of cool displays with real models which Gaudi used, a room full of paintings of the Sagrada Familia (without all the cranes of course) and an observatory where you can have a look at Gaudi's tomb. The exhibition also contains a lot on Gaudi's life and there is a small cinema where you can watch a 20 minute film about the construction and design of the great church.

2. Parc Guell

The small pathways are often the most scenic
and beautiful

Without a doubt the best park I've visited so far! And you really have to visit when it's sunny, I think part of the Spanish magic are seeing the dry, terracotta tiles and sandy dust around. If you have a time spare, you could really spend the best part of a day strolling around the park. And you can wonder off the beaten path and climb to the top of the many small mountain peaks for some incredible panoramic views and silhouette photos.

There are lots of vendors. A tip to go by, don't buy sunglasses for any more than €4 and always haggle for everything else! The street sellers near the entrance usually have particularly higher rates so wait a bit til you've wandered through. And have no fear about getting lost because when you get there, you'll see that it has been arranged in a way so that all the main paths lead to or surround the main plaza which leads to the main entrance/exit. I loved going through this wonderful park with it's open air tunnels but definitely remember to bring sunscreen and lots of water as there is a lot of climbing to do especially when you're trying to reach the park itself!

Gaudi's house is also available to look at as a museum, however it seemed silly to pay almost €10 to be cooped indoors.

3. The beaches of Barcelona

Are all nude-friendly. I'm not kidding. The beaches are very much a concentration gradient of nudity. The beaches closer to the main stations such as Barceloneta are mainly tourists and so most people are clothed. However when I first visited, a couple beside us decided to give us a show even though we were right at the 'clothed' end and no one seemed to think this was out of the ordinary. However, if you walk along the beach towards the World Trade Center, you just see people wearing less...and less...clothing.

Restaurants are very much a big feature of the beaches. However they're very expensive and very exploitative of tourists. I've heard a few nightmares regarding hidden surcharges and food that isn't really Spanish. And so I highly recommend Restuaurant Carballeira. It's only a 2-3 minute walk from Barceloneta however it's tucked in between houses and so very few tourists go there. You will recognise it as a brown shop front on your left side.

Both times we went to the beach, we went to Restaurant Carballeira. It's a very cool, relaxed atmosphere with a great fish display inside. There is no phoney Spanish music and the waiters are very welcoming and polite, although they were quite surprised to find tourists at their hotel! They do however speak fluent English much to our surprise and delight. I recommend their grilled line-caught hake. The fish is cooked in such a soft and simple way! Plus their sorbets are amazing. The only downfall however was their Crema Catalana dessert which is basically crème brûlée, it was served cold and was of a lot larger size than any two people could take. The crème part of the Crema Catalana really was a bit too thick, however since all their other food tasted sublime, I'll put this down as a fluke.

(A) shows the location of Restaurant Carballeira

If you don't fancy walking all the way back to Barceloneta and you'd prefer something closer to the beach, Casa Pinxo is also a very nice restaurant and it can found on the main port which leads to the beaches. They have free wi-fi as well ^.^ Most of the portions there are big enough so that you can have a meal of tapas. However, it is a bit more expensive than Carballeira as a dinner for two cost us about €60.

WARNING. Do not get henna done for you at the beach. It is overly expensive even if you haggle and they use cheap black henna hair dye to draw on your hand. Most of the salesman are unskilled and use a template to draw on your hand which is ridiculous as the asking price is around €15 for a small part of your hand. Thankfully I did not have an allergic reaction to this procedure. However if you google black henna, you can see all of the nightmarish blisters and reactions people have had and I am so relieved that it did not happen to me otherwise it would have turned a brilliant holiday horrific. Allergic reactions can be anything from blisters that last for weeks to ones that leave permanent scarring and actual organ damage. It is very toxic and not very well managed in coastal areas such as Barcelona. Please research this for yourself and be careful!

4. La Rambla Del Mar

Is this brilliant sprawling port. It's a perfect place to cool down in the early even when it's still warm and there's a slight sea breeze. You can sit on the wooden floor of the port and dangle your feet off the edge. There are lots of bobbing statues as well which seem to change every year. The shopping and food centre at the end of it however is ridiculously expensive, you're much better off going to the main shopping street of Las Ramblas which is directly in front of the port and grabbing a fruity snack from La Boqueria.

La Rambla del Mar

Obviously I haven't even gotten near to talking about all the wonderful sights of Barcelona, however the most important thing is to take your time through each venue. Only then can you actually enjoy them. Go early to the Sagrada Familia (best time is to arrive at about 9.45am or before) and then walk to La Pedrera. By then it will be lunchtime and so the line isn't as long as it usually is (perhaps an hour instead of two). But the best thing to do is before you go, buy the tickets beforehand online at home, and then you can print them out. We didn't mind waiting in line, however. If you buy tickets online you have to book a time and it seemed a little stressful for us to be rushing from place to place to make appointments.

Hope that your trip to Barcelona is sunny and brilliant!

If you'd like for me to do a post on my timetable in Barcelona I'd be more than happy to, leave a comment down below telling me about what you've done in Barcelona! I'd love to hear about all your memories and experiences!

Entrance to La Boqueria

All credit for the Sagrada Familia ceiling picture and La Rambla del Mar goes to their respective owners and publishers. All other photos are my own.

Song of the Day:
La Camisa Negra by Juanes
One of my favourite Spanish songs! It's a bitter song about love, but it's just so dang catchy! The video although a little strange, is quite cool as well. I adore the acoustic guitar; I can't really think of another instrument that sounds so beautifully Spanish. A nice line is 'Hoy me sabe a pura mier-'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRt2sRyup6A

Inside La Boqueria

One of the many street artists you can find on the street of Las Ramblas

Shop feature: Oliver bonas

2013-05-04T12:44:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the Shop Feature series! Every month or so, I plan to do a feature on a shop I have really been liking. It will be a shop I will have purchased regularly from and have high quality items. The requirements for the shop include consistently good customer service, easy buying process and preferably an online website so viewers unable to reach their stores can buy them! Perhaps they were be well-known stores, or sometimes the smaller, but nonetheless brilliant alley shops with hidden treasures. If you have any requests for any stores you'd like me to have a look at, feel free to leave a comment below :)

One shop I've really been loving nowadays is Oliver Bonas. They sell everything from furniture to jewellery, clothing to homewares; however in this segment I will be focusing on their jewellery. Oliver Bonas perfect if you are stuck for gift ideas for that special lady or friend. All the jewellery I have purchased from them is of the highest quality. They are all sturdily made and I have had no complaints. The online website offers international delivery at very reasonable prices so everybody can access them! Here are just a few products which I have bought/received and some which I'm planning to!

These Marcasite Dove Earrings, are among one of my favourite purchases from Oliver Bonas! I spent a while trying to find these in store after after visiting a few shops I finally found the last remaining one at One New Change! They do seem to be readily available however online, which I suppose would have been the easier option...

They're a good size at 1.2cm x 1cm and I've received lots of compliments about them when I wear my hair up! Bigger earrings create a bigger impact and this really stands out against any skin tone! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED <3

The next pair of earrings I have also bought. They are perfect for everyday wear. They come in three colours (pink, purple and turquoise). These birdy studs were smaller than I thought, definitely smaller than the pair above but they're just such sweet earrings! They would make a great gift to perhaps a young girl who has just had her ears freshly pierced! My ears are highly sensitive to metal that isn't properly oxidised or of low quality and these were definitely no problem.

The next earrings I'm hoping to buy...but I always need to check them out in store first. It's always annoying when they online photo looks different from the actual thing, but Oliver Bonas usually have it turn out for the better! Which colour Lina earrings do you think should I get? The green looks like it would be a great pop of colour with a black dress but the grey looks effortlessly cool and vintage. Leave a comment below and I'll buy which one has the most votes!

The Juju Alphabet bracelet is something I normally would not buy for myself. And so I received this as a birthday gift from a friend a couple weeks ago! It's so dainty and small, and they would make great friendship bracelets! However I have been warned, that since the thread is made from silk, frequent contact with water will cause they fibers to break as they are very delicate. Each letter charm is tiny, however it's the little heart at the back which wins me over! Really delicate and handcrafted, it's definitely a sweet gift to show you care.

Available in baby pink or black silk thread- there are more options in store

And where would my blog post be without statement necklaces? I'm a sucker for pendants and so these Ocean Triangle and Bambie necklaces just screamed at me! The extra effort to create a matching chain to the triangle necklace is much appreciated! This is however a very long necklace. I had to shorten it to almost half it's length. Not because it looked bad, I just though it looked better against a little black dress if it was hanging just above the chest. I supposed it's not the most versatile of pieces but it's a great way to make a statement without something being too big or complex.

The Bambie necklace was a dream find! And at only £9, it was a steal! This would probably be a better suited gift to someone in their late teens or younger, but I love these type of necklaces! Gold goes well with so many colours and it can be styled in so many different ways! Modern with a short black dress, vintage with a deep purple evening gown, or rustic with a faded grey/brown jumper.

The next to necklaces I'm hoping to buy. I think this Silver Birds on a Branch necklace would look great against a plain colour top. Trust me to plan my outfits around necklaces and not the other way round! It's a pricier than the other necklaces at . Perhaps a very early birthday gift I could perhaps 'subtly' hint at?

It's sweet and simple. I'd wear this Valentine's Day. It's got the theme of love and companionship without being overly lovey dovey, commercialist or just generally sickening. Hey, I'm all for the season, but I think wearing a red dress with pink polka dot hearts with a rose necklace is a bit much for me thank you very much.

The Mia Long Necklace is even longer than the Ocean Triangle! It's almost a metre length of non-adjustablechain. This is one which I would definitely have to try on in the store as I'm quite wary of overly long necklaces. Always measure before you buy :)

However all the charms on the necklace look carefully made. I've looked around for some internet reviews and I haven't heard anything about them coming off or breaking which is a problem I've had with some long necklaces of purchases past. Can't wait to see it on my next trip to the store!

That's all I have for this week, got my exams in just two weeks! So nervous! Wasn't able to do much revision at all doing this post. Oh well. Hope everyonehas fun over their May bank holiday and stay safe! Like I said before, this store has so much more to offer than just jewellery. If you have one near you I highly recommend it. I remember the first time I visited one of the stores, my first thought was that it was very 'clean.' As you can tell they specialise in modern and simple type items, but it's very easy to find yourself browsing through for hours over their scented candles, affillated make up, jackets, cushions, and then realise with glee that you still haven't even covered half of it! See you until next week!

Here's a YouTube feature I actually did on this!

Song of the Day:
Midnight City by M83
This song just makes me reminisce about Made in Chelsea! It's been their theme tune for three of the five seasons. The others were called 'Punching in a Dream' by The Naked and Famous and 'New France' by Orbital, but I'm not as fond of them, but apparently they grow on some people, so you should check them out as well!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX3k_QDnzHE

Instagram, Twitter and all that is connectivity!

2013-04-14T14:15:00.001-07:00

Just decided to do a post on all my links :) It's a little experiment where I have no specific title for this and barely any ideas. And so this brings in my rambling, and god knows where that'll take us. But may as well get all the business-y stuff and contact details sorted out first. This is just so, that if anyone wants to find out more, and I've failed to put up the appropriate widgets, I can just link whomever is asking to this post!

On the left as you can see are some of my Instagram photos in no particular order, mainly just to show you and perhaps provide some eye pleasers during this post xD My Instagram name is @thispiggyhaswings

I've attempted to organise and set up this blog page a bit more, and so far I've added the 'follow me' widgets for my Twitter and Instagram of the right-hand side of the page. Hopefully it works??! I'm so bad with tech it's ridiculous :')

Next is my Twitter:

@fackinghell

My deviantArt:

www.x-akiyamamio-x.deviantart.com

(If there is anyone wondering what a deviantart is, it is just a site for artists to share their work. I love the site! You get to crtique other people as well as showcasing your own work! It basically introduced to me the world of commisions, art competitions and much more! I've learnt a lot from being on this site, even though my art is nowhere near as good as most of these artists. Anything can be displayed here! From Etsy crafts you wish to sell to digital art, traditional, collages, etc. Plus you can always sell your art to people in the form of various paraphernalia such as calendars, cups etc.)

I used to have a YouTube account, but then I thought it would be getting too much if I started needing to manage regular blog posts and YouTube videos, especially as it gets closer to my exams, and it's just something I do for fun here and there!

Are there any other websites I've missed? I don't think so. If any more do come up, then I'll definitely update this. Thanks to all who have supported me!

Song of the Day:
Fall Out Boy and Alicia Keys cover by Christina Grimmie and Mike Tompkins
Mike Tompkins is well known across YouTube for his ability to replicate what many would assume to be electronic sounds with his own voice and mouth and nothing else. He has a great singing voice as well!

In this video he's recorded and stored some of his 'sounds' and so he can instantly loop and play them back for this song. And this cover of the two combined just sounds incredible! I've really been loving mashups at the moment and this is just one of my favourites.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZXRgRkwkIQ

Favourite Tweet of the Day:

Being ill

2013-04-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

Really sucks.

Until a few days ago, I had been lying in bed almost permanently because it felt like WW3 was being raged in my body. At one point, my fever reached 40.5 degrees Celsius! And this all started on my birthday. My birthday was the last day of the school term, and for it, one of my friends gave me a raging fever by accidentally coughing directly onto my face. This was particularly bad as I'm quite a germphobe, and when she did, a little part of me died inside.

I probably looked a little something like this

But now I am alive. But jittery. You know that post I had about the multitasking and needing to use my time as best as possible to it's 'full efficiency'? Yeah, well imagine a whole week of me having to stay at home, in bed. Because it hurt to look at a screen for more than a few seconds. Because I didn't have the energy to stand up let alone go out. I couldn't even be awake for more than a few hours at a time without needing to go back to sleep, even if the time I was awake, I was just lying in bed. And this has given me really strong, anxious jitters. I had been looking forward to my Easter holidays for so long. I had planned days out, sleepovers, a friend's laser tag party etc. I even planned a proper study schedule as well (every other day). But that all went out the window and I feel like I've just wasted my whole holiday.

I go to Barcelona next week, and then I'm back to school. Words can't describe how angry I feel towards myself at the moment for being so ill. I feel so useless, and even to the point of disgust at myself because I've wasted so much time. I've never really been ill for longer than 2 or 3 days at the most, and so this was quite the shock. Part of me knows that it wasn't really my fault, at least not entirely. Hopefully I can begin to accept that over the next week, and I'm really sorry guys for not being able to post for so long. Best wishes to the health of you and your loved ones :)

Song of the Day:

My Immortal guitar cover by Sungha Jung

He plays the guitar just so well! It starts off sad, but I feel that Sungha Jung ends it well by making sure it isn't depressing but still beautiful. It's hard to explain, so have a listen and decide for yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J4A6kvoYaA

Tweet of the Day:

Multitasking

2013-03-16T09:37:00.001-07:00

Multitasking. Now this is something I do a lot of. Whenever I am on the computer, I am always looking at two things on once. I will adjust half my screen to fit YouTube or 4oD, and on my right side will be one internet window with about 20 tabs, which include all the things I need to do. For example email messages that need replying, Duke of Edinburgh entries that need writing, my Facebook, research for a paper that needs to be done, blog posts that need writing ;) etc. This sort of gives me a sense of urgency whenever I go on the computer. It isn't relaxing for me. It isn't a break really. It's more a long to-do list which is somewhat enjoyable but not really where I can let go.

I, however, am not a balding man .

This is because I can't bare to let myself relax. To give myself up to just under an hour of relaxation everyday. In my mind I have to be using my time to its greatest efficiency. So even if I am watching How I Met Your Mother or a makeup tutorial on Youtube, I have to be something productive in the mean time. I mean, how dare I do something which relies on my mind to be numb for a few minutes. Otherwise I just become a waste of space, right?

To give a sense of how extreme it can get, I'll show you EXACTLY what I'm doing now.

1. Writing a blog
2. Typing
3. Muted the ad for Revenge (great show!!) so that I can
4. Listen to music during it.
5. Eating an orange
6. Getting annoyed at my headphones cause one of the speakers within has come loose so it makes a rattling noise when I move my head D:
7. Get worried at how I have to start homework in 7 minutes

Looking back on this list, I can see how stressful it looks. But this

Ir's been bred into my current environment that knowledge is everything. Life is a competitive and painful thing, and if you slack off, you are going to fail in life. And so every moment, must be used. Combine this with my twisted version of carpe diem, every wasted moment is a failure. I guess it softens my first statement, with the fact that these moments can also be used for moments of pure joy, but it gives extremes. Either extreme happiness or extreme studiousness.

I really need to chill the fuck down.

What sort of things do you guys like to multitask? Perhaps I'm not the only odd, stressed out person :)

Song of the Day
Ho Hey by the Lumineers
The chorus is quite catchy. This is also the song which I was listening to whilst watching Revenge. I guess this is what some people would call 'hipster' but I couldn't really give a crap either way. I listen to music because I like it, not because it falls any particular category. Plus I've heard this song reach #6 on Capital FM Big Top 40, does that mean it's not hipster anymore? Silly earthlings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8311YhEEbU

Tweet of the Day

An amazing achievement <3 I'm so glad this has gone through! Found this on 11.03.13

Hacked account

2013-03-09T03:59:00.000-08:00

I've been on GaiaOnline for 5 years now. You see, since I'm quite young, that's quite a significant chunk of my life. It's true that whilst I was working towards my 11+ exams and a little afterwards, I went on it only few times, especially since my school friends stopped using it as well. But it was still a nice part to log onto it. Just like Wonderland Online, it was a part of my childhood happiness, and like many other pieces I keep trying to keep a hold of. I know I'll have to let go eventually, but it's just quite nice holding onto everything for just that little bit longer. After all, what everyone wants is a little slice of happiness right? :)

But on February 16 it all changed :( I looked on my account, and I saw that I had a few private messages. Strange, because I remembered that I hadn't replied to the ones I had before. But then I realised they were notifications for me selling stuff on the website marketplace. Then I looked at my gold balance. From about 2,600,000g to 932g. Utter shock is the only way I could describe it. Basically, my hacker had sold all my 'higher' items (i.e ones above the value of 100k), sold them VERY cheaply (so a 2mil item would be sold for 200k) in order to generate quick cash. Then they used my account to buy an item (usually 2g) for 3.2 million D:< And this way I wouldn't be able to track who this person was. Sucks.

I've reported it now, now all I can do is wait and see if I can get any of it back :3

I'm just glad I'm not like those 'vendors' on the site. Basically, they like to buy hundreds of one item and then sell them a few weeks, months, or years later when the items value in the user marketplace rises. Most of the time the profits are marginal which is why they have to sell in vast quantities. But sometimes (especially with evolving items), they can receive massive profits. However this often results in a user who is constantly on Gaia buying and selling, keeping a close eye on marketplace changes. Sounds too tiring to me for online money.

Song of the Day
Hall of Fame by The Script ft. Will.I.Am
Can't believe I've never put this song on here before! It's a great motivational song <3 Have a listen, you won't regret it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk48xRzuNvA

Tweet of the Day

Apprehension

2013-02-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

Deep breath. Deeps breaths. Or so I keep telling myself to do. I'm very much nervous for the Easter holidays. Because after Easter, begins the intense, utterly suffocating revising. Every teacher is talking about exams until they become your constant and only thought :// It's a claustrophobic time, and with the ever-growing pressure of this necessity to succeed; it seems that it can only get worse. Girls have a tendency to think ahead more than boys. And so right now I'm thinking that if I don't pass my end of year exams I will not only disapooint my parents, but my teachers as well. And this will be a reflection of my GCSE results. If I fail those I won't get into a good university, I won't have a good job, I won't have any money, no one will love me because I'm such a failure and I won't find happiness in life- because of these exams. Even I can see, that this is a bit of an over-reaction, but this is the poison that fuels my anxiety.

And exams week should be known as Doomsweek in my opinion. This may seem overly dramatic, especially those who are lucky enough not to have this crippling fear. But I'm really. Really. Really. Bad with exams. I fainted during one of my SATs :') I shake and tremble going to the exam room. I can barely speak because my throat is choked up with fear. It's awful.

What was originally a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ, has now
turned into a stretched session of stuffing one's face with chocolate eggs.

And the worst is when I think I do well, but I don't get bountiful grades. To me, a 'B' is awful. When other people get one, I'm fine with it, and if it's the best grade that they achieve in the subject, well good on them for reaching it. But when I think of myself getting a B, the whole ground seems to just swallow me up ._. I think how could I be so stupid? Such a failure? Thankfully I only had one last year, but still :( Having only one kinda makes it even worse in a way though, if you get what I mean?

I'm hoping this year I can manage to stay a little more level-headed, but I'm getting a little jittery already; I cna't really imagine the state of me three months from now.

Song of the Day
Sanssouci by Rufus Wainwright
My sister showed me this song when we went to Berlin to see Sanssouci. Which means without a worry in French. Which is exactly what my sister looked like when she was listening to the song. It was a dream really; we were walking in the Autumn with the golden leaves falling around us on our way there and our parents close behind us. It was quiet, and my sister just looked so relaxed, high eyes closed; relishing the chorus of the song. I wish I could play the day again like I do with this song, just to wipe all the pain from her face nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfXGxyuSJpM

Tweet of the Day

London make-up teens, take heed - beauty?

2013-02-16T09:13:00.002-08:00

On a slightly/very different note from my last few posts, what do you think of this image?:

I personally quite like it. I'm a sucker for bright, primary colours. And for some reason, the first word I thought of when I saw this, was 'peacock', even though the national bird of India is main composed of brilliant teal and green colours instead of this fuschia and red. But I just really like the way it looks! Obviously it wouldn't be a look I'd wear casually or in my day-to-day, but it really stops you in your tracks when you see it, doesn't it? I actually found this image whilst I was Googling 'Beauty', and I'm quite glad that most images were either the above or the below left instead of those of the below right kind.

Why am I glad? Because some girls need a bit of a slap with a tampon (sorry for any males reading this) and just look at what YOU ARE PUTTING ON YOUR FACE. I actually don't see very many orange-faced, scouse-browed teens or even adults around here in London. Just people who like to put extra clumpy mascara and very red, flushed cheeks. Oh and the foundation mask. The awful foundation mask. If you pick a foundation that's too pale, or too dark, at least have the decency to blend it out with the rest of your body! Even a few swishes along your neck would be fine!

And it doesn't help for you to keep piling on the concealer, when you are already breaking out because of it! Let your skin breathe girls. I get very confused about the thought of people who put on make up for school. If there's one place where you can let go cause you're with all your friends who won't judge you, it's school. Plus you'd be clogging up your face at least 5 days a week, and that can just wreck havoc on your face if you're not getting rid of it properly. Maybe it's just because I go to a girl's school, but I would have thought that looks would have mattered even more because if you can't be bitch about guys, there's always looks. Oh well.

The beautiful Rihanna on the other hand, at the 2013v Grammy's:

WOW <3

Obviously there are many, many things I could say about London teens, and I am thinking about doing a little series on here about them (and teens around the world in general), but I thought I'd start with the girls first and with my tendency to Google weird things.

Favourite song of the Day:

Impossible cover by James Arthur

Got to admit, I didn't really like this song when I first heard it. I was too used to the original, but I love this twist on it as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhj15W23IjA

Favourite tweet of the Day

Orientation 2 - 4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

2013-02-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

I looked over my last post...and realised how very....bleghh I was XD I don't really have words to explain it, but I felt a little overbearing and cliché in it.... But I like to finish what I start, so this will just be a brief synopsis of what I was going to say. Comment below if you would like a bit more on any other topic though!

4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

How well do you cope? Imagine something really awful happened to you. A death of someone close. A realisation that your dream will never come true. How would you handle it? People obviously do it in different ways. Some people prefer to channel it through anger. [bad]

Some people channel it into extensive self-starvation and purging with sport (like I used to). [bad as well]

However, some others including myself, like to have a breakdown on the first day, or preferably first moment. [better than it sounds]

Only then do you realise how you really feel about it. Cause sometimes the brain likes to change how you feel. Some people call it self-preservation, but I think it can sometimes be the opposite of that. Thinking that a situation isn't so bad, can lead you to convince and smother your turmoiling feelings. Feelings that need to go somewhere. And often it gets everything out in the open, and you feel a lot 'cleaner' the next day. Go on, try it some day. But just make sure that you don't just bottle everything within you. Now that's unhealthy.

Maybe it could also be a popular trend or course in a river, I try desperately to plunge myself into it. This can be anything from a designer brand everyone in school loves, or that horrible stage in a teenage girl's life where it feels everyone in your year is dieting. I will force myself to follow this trend, paying no heed of my mental state. I'll just keep following it until the trend either dies out, or my mind collapses in on itself. You might see why I hope for the former. As you can see, this is a very unhealthy and bad way of coping with things. Do not do this. I've been getting a lot better recently, however I do have tendencies to go deep sea diving.

6. Sexual orientation

Now this is a topic for a whole series, no, season of blog posts.

8. Pschology Awareness of the objective world in relation to one's self.

(See above)

I never really saw myself as being someone to give advice or motivation at all, but I guess that's what you get from me! :3

P.S. I didn't puposely choose to do just the evens. The particularly interesting topics happened to just be on those numbers. Bet the dictionary-person-writer did it on purpose.

Song of the Day:
Kiss You - cover by Tiffany Alvord
This is so cute! The stop download of this is hilarious! (If you want to know what I'm talking about, plan the video, right click, and press 'Stop download' and then you see the thumbnail for the video). Again another cover I heard before the original song, but I think I like this more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnNyAZ57qLw

The below is my twitter account, but I couldn't find any other's at the moment. Hope you like it! And feel free to follow me @fackinghell if you do ;)

Favourite tweet of the day:

Orientation

2013-01-26T10:59:00.001-08:00

I was searching high and low for a topic. I'd quite like to talk about lots of different subjects, and not just my eating disorder (despite how many times it may or may not flare up). But I really didn't know which topic to talk about, I mean, it's easy when something interesting happens in your life, or you're geared up for a rant like my last one but otherwise it's a toughie. And so I decided to resort to a Random Word Generator. I remember basing art on things, for example, I had to draw a picture that had something to do with 'petals' or even harder was something like 'conscience' or 'comb' without having to directly draw a petal, comb, etc.

And so, the first good word I got, was 'orientation.' I say good, because the first word I actually got was 'Table' and I ain't got nothing on that.

Hopefully I won't get all deep and meaningful like many a countless blog post- you can see how well I plan my posts; but I'll have a crack at it. And since I just tried to find the definition of pharmacogoblivion, we'll see what the definition of orientation is according to Mr Online-Free-Dictionary. I'll talk about a few of the definitions, but not all, partially might be because we'd be here forever and you'd run screaming from such a long blog post, and partially because I may or may not understand some of the definitions themselves; evern though I am perfectly capable of using 'orientation; in a sentence. I think.

2. Location or position relative to the points of the compass

Let's imagine the points of the compass as your goals. Goals, because they're slightly less overdone than friends and family. North - Your ultimate goal. South- That **** that keeps pulling you back! This is something in a physical form, like a demeaning sister, a mean boss, just someone who seems to make a little more difficult and problematic. East and West- Your own personal demons. Can you see which of those have most power on making you stray from your course? Your own personal demons.

For me, my East in the overachieving side that strives for all or nothing, pushes the limits and won't settle for even a millimeter less. My West in the self-punishing side. That when East fails, it hurtles me to the West. Going North is hard, colder climates and harsher living conditions, but once you get there, it's a brilliant view, and often, a once in a life time experience. I could continue with the geography analogies but I'm afraid of boring half my audience ;3

The basics are, set your North properly. You don't want to decide halfway through your journey to the Arctic, that 'hey, why not go to Bangladesh instead?' With that, indecisiveness could be your East. STICK TO YOUR JOURNEY. Especially you're going to tell someone about it. There's nothing worse than hearing someone trying to lose weight one week, and completely giving up and saying weight loss is stupid and saying that girls are beautiful in all sizes. Girls are. But that is not for you to use an excuse cause you couldn't stick to something. Even if your journey to the North seems tough, stick to it. You haven't given something a real try unless you overcome some hurdles with it. Because until you do, only then can you make judgement and declare whether it's worthwhile or not. Emphasis on some, I don't want people to drive themselves pursuing something with all their energy and then realising it's genuinely not for them.

And last of all, cut the south out of your life. Like seriously. If he/she is purposely doing these bad, horrible things, then cut it out. Obviously with some people such as a boss, it's a lot harder and easier said than done. But if you can, find a new job. Of course it's a completely different matter if they're not doing it on purpose. Have a word with them, how can you blame that person if you haven't even told them it's making you feel bad? Remember though, it takes 42 muscles to frown and keep it, but just 4 to bitchslap them.

Confession time: I get very self-conscious and paranoid with composing long pieces of texts. This includes texts, blog posts, etc. everything except essays. And so I really must stop, before I start deleting masses of chunks of this extremely long post D: Until the next post for more definitions....

Song of the Day:

Dance with Me composed by Dario Marianelli (Anna Karenina the movie soundtrack)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kORsK9-T2ps

Wow. Wow. Wow, I love this. Almost a bit too much. It isn't really great if you don't watch the movie, but this is the melody that plays during the ballroom scene between Count Vronsky and Anna Karenina. And if you're like me, you'll find it completely and undeniably intoxicating. Brilliant movie albeit slightly depressing.

Favourite Tweet of the day:

Word Generator from: http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/randomword/randomwordplus.aspx

Definition from: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/orientation

Languages

2013-01-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have just finished a flurry of exams, including my Mandarin GCSE coursework controlled assessments! Mandarin is not my first language, nor is it my second (although everyone assumes so because I'm Chinese). To me, your 'first language' is the first one you had contact with and you are very fluent. Maybe not your most fluent language, but it is the first language you were exposed to and so usually the one you speak and learn in. And so for me it goes:

1. Shanghainese

2. English

3. Mandarin

4. Spanish

(Oh and it can only count as a language if you can go to the country, and see yourself not desperately struggling if you lived there for a week or something xD). Now, some may say 'DAFUQ IS SHANGHAICRAPANESE??!!'

Basically, it is a dialect, that is spoken in Shanghai. To me at least, it is a very casual sort of language. There are some words which are pretty similar to Mandarin, but in general, most words are completely different. More or less ALL Shanghainese speakers speak Mandarin, but this is not the same vice versa. In fact, most Mandarin speakers can't speak Mandarin. And this dialect, like many others, contains phrases, idioms, etc. that cannot be expressed in other languages, and any other possible translations doesn't capture the essence of what it means. At all. Do you really think Chinese people have prosperity and longevity in their normal dialect??!

TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. GREAT, IT'S FULFILLED ALL SAID REQUIREMENTS. AND STILL NOTHING.

Shanghainese and Mandarin are even more different from each other than Spanish and Italian. So I don't see why it doesn't qualify as a language. I must digress though, 99.9% it isn't written. But in some circumstances (I can't think of any), people felt the need to have to write in down. And apparently the Shanghainese peeps were a bit lazy, and so said 'Let's use Mandarin instead,' and so Mandarin words are used to pronounce the characters. (see below, sorry if I made your phone spaz, I know some asian characters do do that to some devices. That's a hint you should GET IT UPGRADED. Just a tip.)

Shanghainese:

‘侬好！侬看到古伊伐？’

Mandarin:

‘你好！你看见过他吗？’

English:

Hello! Have you seen him (around)?'

Anyways, that's my rant over. So if you ever happen to stumble across someone who thinks otherwise, direct them kindly here, or give them a noogie from me. Yes. I actually said noogie.

Song of the Day:

Don't you Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia cover by Freak Morice (I don't like their new band name, so I'll stick with their old one).

I have yet to decide if the original or cover is better. But this is a good twist on the song, and I like how much more stripped down and raw it is in comparison and still sounds good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4t_f-v6Tww

Favourite tweet of the day:

2013!

2013-01-07T09:44:00.001-08:00

First of all, many apologies for my lack of posting! I've spent the last 3 weeks in China, and I had no idea that Blogger would be banned over there! I spent the holiday trying to access it via various proxies but unfortunately none of them would get me past the log in stage! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's, hopefully I can make up the lost posts as soon as possible! Best wishes for what this year has in store for us! Now let's get started on this post~~

Hello there :3 I can't believe another year has passed. I won't try to make a hundred different new year's resolutions where I struggle to keep count of them let alone follow them for 365 days. But I'll say a few of my hopes for the new year. On Decemeber 31st I was going round my normal routine, nothing really exciting to be honest, and it wasn't until about 10.43pm when I realised, 'Fuck. It's 2013 tomorrow.' It came as a bit of a shock really.

I didn't quite know what to do.

If I look back, I can't remember much, but I feel happy about it. It was pretty tough I remember, especially around May and June, which were exam months. But I got through it. And I'm proud of it. My music exams are done, I'm anxious for my big January exams, but I've worked hard and I'll be ready as I'll ever be. I'm eating now as well, which is good. I haven't done anything stupid that has stood out to be which is great as well.

So here's my New Year's Resolution countdown that I'll leave with you, I hope you'll consider it as one of yours as well~

5. When you are saying YES to someone else, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.

4. Life is sorrow. Overcome it. Life is a challenge. Overcome it. Life is an adventure. Dare it.

3. [Myself] Right now, someone is out there having the best day of their lives. Make that person YOU!

2. Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

1. No matter what happens, keep shooting for the moon, because even if you fail, you'll land amongst the stars <3

Happy New Year everyone~

Atychiphobia 2

2012-12-08T03:35:00.000-08:00

'I'm so scared of failure outwardly, that I've just sacrificed everything on the inside.'

That is what I said in one of my messages to a now ex. And I just realised how true it is. I'm so scared of failing these rocket-high standards. Standards set by me. Standards such as 'only a distinction for your piano grades is acceptable' or 'do your grade 5 this term, and in the next few months have your grade 6 more or less done' or, '100lbs.' To me, it's very all or nothing. Sacrificing on the inside can be anything from emotionally hiding away my scars with a smile, or the very real sacrifice of my internal body when I didn't eat.

Why do I keep setting these standards? The thing is, by the off-chance I actually achieve them, it's a rapture that soon ensues. I feel so happy, as if now that I accomplished something so difficult before,and so well to add to that, that this intellectually-fuelled high can last for weeks, and it can sometimes help me to think of it during tougher times. But is it worth the other 2 out of 3 times when I don't quite reach it? When I don't, it really is awful. Everything crashes down. Cue depressing songs and the occasional relapse x.x Anyone else have something similar to this?

Stand up when it's all crashing down

My week is looking pretty bleak at the moment (and this doesn't include any other homework set :'( ):

Friday: Piano exam

Saturday: Intense revision and this blog post :)

Sunday: GCSE/A-Level Mandarin mock exam

Monday: Latin exam on everything we've learnt

Tuesday: Singing exam

Wednesday: Biology exam on everything we've learnt

On a different note, this is the longest Mandarin essay I've written xD I need to memorise it for my mock this Sunday *^* looks titchy on here but that's like almost 400 characters of work :D

当前英国青少年的情况

青少年运动比以前少了。以前有较多时间锻炼身体，如很多维多利亚时期女孩喜欢跳芭蕾舞，她们的饮食健康，身体很好。但现代青少年经常吃汉堡堡等快餐，很多快餐营养不够丰富，还以引起肥胖蛮，对健康不利。他们也玩游戏，对身体很不好。

青少年喜欢参加社交活动，如朋友聚会和旅游-能学习知识并增进友谊。用智能手机进行信息交流。经常上网，可以帮助学习，交流，还能获得工作机会。

以前人们喜欢经典音乐和电影，如今跟喜欢现代音乐和电影，和很多青少年喜欢看电影《哈利波特》等。

我喜欢健康的生活方式。我每天平均锻炼身体两个小时。如跑步，体操和芭蕾舞。妈妈每天都为我做许多既好吃又有营养的饭菜，所以我能获得足够的能力去学习和运动。我也参加了不要少的朋友聚会，结交了好朋友。我喜欢弹钢琴和唱歌-每周都上课。每天连两个小时。我认为选择好的生活方式对青少年的健康成长非常重要。

Song of the day:

Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Unfortunately yes, this is a thinspo video. I caught myself watching a few of these last night when I was feeling particularly low, but instead of just finding the music video of it, I thought I'd continue to be honest and just show what I was watching instead. Sorry guys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzSKhtJgPho&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Atychiphobia

2012-12-01T02:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry, this will be a pause/a break from my Lost in a Wonderland Online; gaming series but I just had to post this today. I'm so sorry on how my posting has turned into once a fortnight, but once exams are all over, I can finally focus on getting everything done. Today I had Young Musician today, a competition run by my school for people to perform in all instruments; piano, wind and brass, strings, singing etc. Each instrument has three subdivisions - Junior (Grades 1-3), Intermediate (Grades 4-6) and Advanced (Grades 7+). Today I was doing Singing Junior and Piano Intermediate. I had told myself not to worry and it was actually working for a bit but then it got to the part where I had to play.

I thought I was doing pretty well, cause I wasn't as nervous as I was last year, but I just stopped listening to the piece. It was almost as if the nervousness stopped me from hearing what I was playing completely. I got the notes right...but maybe not the rhythm/phrasing/texture/dynamics/tonality/derp right xD The singing was just worst. I originally thought that my sining teacher would be playing the accompaniment (we had both made changes to the transcript that would aid me and suit my voice better), but it was a completely different teacher! And on a rusty piano that played pianissimo so that I could hardly hear anything until an important note which made me reailse I was like a whole bar behind :')

But yeah, I can't really blame anyone but myself for messing up. There may have been some other small factors, but I really should be better at this now. It's just made me that much more scared for my piano and singing exams which are exactly one week from now...so yeah :(

I missed the whole day of lessons which was fun I guess. At the end, all the winners of each subdivision (i.e. piano junior 1st, piano intermediate 1st, piano advanced 1st, strings junior 1st...etc.) come together in this great finale. There is a trophy for the overall winner in Junior and Intermediate, one for the overall winner in advanced, and another for an astounding pianist (the person who set up this competition about 30 years ago was a pianist). Watching the finals leaves you speechless. There were some seriously talented people, where it sounds corny to say this, absolutely breathtaking. I wish I could be the musician where when they play, you just can't look at or even think about anything else but their music. And I guess because of that, I see why I didn't get anything this year.

Song of the Day
I dreamed a dreamed - Cover by Rachel Berry in Glee
One of the girls in my category for junior singing sang this song in Young Musician and I loved it :) it is so true and so sad </3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp7ARm2Lwdo&feature=related

Lost in a Wonderland Online; 2

2012-11-24T13:39:00.002-08:00

But then I went afk, which then turned into a hiatus, not for very long, for about 3-4 months. But when I got back, things were wrong. I would be in a conversation with the whole guild, yet some would obviously not respond or converse with each other at all. Many made some very obvious jabs at each other which made each other. I noticed that there were a hell of new people but I didn't mind, they were just new people I could make friends with. But when I asked a close friend, she's almost like an aunt to me, what was actually happening.

She said the guild leader Zuli, had invited a lot of new people, and one including a guy called 'Angelisha' (*names all at least slightly changed for their privacy*) who was apparently changing the way things were run. Zuli was apparently putty in his hands, just eager to please him and do what he wanted to do, even if it was to go against the majority of the guild, the majority of her friends. And so one guy had set up another guild called AaB, and since the majority of my friends were going there, I decided to go as well. Unfortunately, that meant the end of that time and it really just went a bit downhill from there :(

Not a very decent picture, but still, the artists of this game are amazing!
I think this is so beautiful <3

Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, sad and pathetic. But I really do miss them D: Now the new guild AaB is very, very quiet. Hardly anyone goes on, and it has been a long time since I heard anyone talk on it at all. I message a few people, but now what I'm trying to do is talk a lot more on (World) chat so that maybe I can make more friends and be able to find some people who are actually active. I could never bring myself to destroy the game fully, it's like one thing that reminds me of a happier time. It was truly a time where I was 'on top.' There were no exams, no financial problems, no nothing.

But hey, it paid off, I got into all my schools, even scoring a full scholarship at one of the top 5 schools of London :D But I just miss it I guess x3 there probably will be a time where I will delete, just because whenever I go on it and no one's online, I get just that little bit sad xD

Completely unrelated quote of the day to leave you with a lighter note:

''More stuffed than a 12 year old's bra at a One Directions concert.'' -Anon

Song of the Day:
Do you want to date my Avatar - The Guild
I actually youtubed this just for this post but I find it quite funny xD I couldn't bring myself to visually watch the whole thing though, tell me what you think of it? c:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU

Empty hallways;

2012-11-11T13:21:00.002-08:00

This is the bag which I was talking about that I bought from Granada :) If you go there, they're usually about €10 each, but some really rip off places charge up to €30! But you can haggle it lower and the best excuse is 'I only have €8.14...' *sad-face* and usually they'll let you, plus it's a great way to get rid of change ;) These bags are really pretty and can actually hold A LOT of stuff! They have two pockets in the front for your main accessories/stuff you need quick and regular access to (your phone, keys, wallet etc.)

But beware, all the buttons will fall off, so make sure you have a couple handy at home, or just buy some really cheaply at local markets. When you pick your bad though, make you looks for any loose threads or other bad craftsmanship, you don't want your bag to start unravelling! They come in a whole variety of colours, and contain and I've been looking for a nice rucksack in London everywhere! But what I love about this is that when it's dirty, you can just pop it in the wash and all will be okay!

Instead of just ending this as a very short post, I decided to begin my next series of blogs x3 so...prequel time!

This sounds weird, but I used to LOVE this online game called Wonderland Online. I went on it when I was about 10-12 and I loved it so much. But when I was 11, revision for my 11+ exams began (so that I could gain entry into a secondary school). My time online went from everyday, to once a week...once a month....and then once every December (we go to China for Christmas and my computer there used to be the only one that had the program installed). But every time I went on, I was filled with both incredible joy and melancholy. The glorious virtual music would make me feel like as if I was on an adventure, and I get filled with a childish glee when new quests have been added.

But then people started leaving. They left without a trace. Some of the closest unfortunately without any contact details whatsoever. But this story is way too long to explain in one blog post...so I'm really sorry...but I may have to bore you with more of my sequel posts!

'I was in a guild LaF (standing for Lost and Found). It was such a wonderful guild, everyone was so friendly, it was childish of me to say it was almost like a utopia. People were active, they talked regularly on guild chat so you were never lonely, there was always someone to help you in a quest, everyone saw each other as family- we even called each other sisters/brother/mum/uncle/dad etc. I can confidently and seriously say that I was friends with the 60 or so people in that guild. It was a great time :D

One girl I found out was living in England as well! This caused me to rejoice as with the majority of sites and virtual worlds, most of the users were American :3 We added each other on Facebook, she's slightly older than me by 2 years, but we got along really well! And I can't really remember how this came about, but we just started writing letters to each other :) We both loved drawings and we would just send each other pictures, and doodle as well xD

Song of the Day:
Halo (by Beyonce) piano cover by David Sides
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACU7tgqvqbk&feature=relmfu
Most of you will probably know who David Sides is, but for those who don't - where have you been??! He is an amazing pianist on YouTube has recently stopped making videos :'( he still has some of his old ones and this is my favourite one!

P.S. I have an asking forum! Feel free to ask me any questions you have on: http://ask.fm/account/questions

Granada!

2012-10-26T10:40:00.003-07:00

Outside our Spanish school :) Which painfully, decided to situate itself right on top of a hill which we had to hike up every morning :<

Wikipedia photo cred*

Granada was amazing! I was there for 5 days from October 10th til the 15th. It was a little tough, we had about 3 hours of lessons a day (not quite the holiday we were expecting as you can see;) ) It was a total of 15 hours of lessons but it was all really enjoyable. They all really fun and helped us a lot. Plus I learned to roll my r's! :D For the first 14 years of life I could not roll a single r to save my life but now I occasionally can :D My mum does it really really well *-* I'm so jealous! If only it was hereditary!

We went to visit Alhambra, the jewel of Granada, and some say of the whole of Spain. It is an Islamic palace complex built in the Nasrid dynasty (:o I said that before checking on wikipedia! xD Sorry random~). It was constructed during the mid 10th century in Andalus. It's really beautifully crafted, and it makes me think of the lengths people will go for their faith :3 It reminded me a bit of Istanbul really. I wore gold-tinted sunglasses and so it felt as if I was in Indiana Jones or something exploring the left ruins of a temple xD The name 'Alhambra' means 'La roja' in Spanish or the red castle in English :) The picture on the above right shows the Court of the Lions and the photo on the above left is one detail of the arabesques (both photo creds go to Wikipedia, no copyright infringement intended).

The sky in Granada is really beautiful!

I feel that if I try to describe the whole trip it'll never end xD It was a wonderful trip and now we're all planning gifts to give to the Spanish teachers who came, took us and organised this whole amazing trip :) We also visited Córdoba a small town near Granada in Southern Spain. The city is influenced by 3 main cultures, the Romans, the Muslims and the Jewish. I'll post the things which we bought during our shopping time on my next blog post :) Oh and did you know that pomegranates are from Granada? The town was actually named after the fruit! So if you translate Granada directly, it just means pomegranates! I've gotten into the habit of calling them in pomegranadas in England now... But it's like instead of Birmingham and Manchester, we'd have Scones and Earl Grey Tea as cities! Pienso que, mi español ha mejorado! Hasta la vista chicos!

Song of the day:
Skyfall by Adele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HKoqNJtMTQ
At first when I heard this I was like 'whaaa?' but it's one of those songs which you love the more you play it :D

Back!

2012-10-20T11:49:00.003-07:00

x.x I've literally only just come back from Granada a couple of days ago, and with catching up on all schoolwork and unpacking it's been a nightmare! But I made a promise to post today, and I always do my best to keep them. Granada was brilliant, I'll hopefully be able to do a whole synopsis of it later in the week. It was a great trip, but there were definitely some problems which I will mention later on in my next post. But I just say this video, about a girl who was telling her 'If you really knew me story.' And I really felt for her :( it was so moving especially when she was re-read the taunts. You have to and see it, my heart goes out to this girl <3 She's so brave to make this video and so are all the other hundreds of girls who have done the same (link below).

It really makes my problems seem positively miniscule, melodramatic and pointless in comparison.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLolyWnST3w&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Oh and someone lovingly posted 'Are you just posting this to get views? Anas are freaks' Unfortunately these comments cannot help but in response, no I am not posting any of these to get views. I was posting when I had zero views and I'm still posting no matter how many I get. Sure it's nice to see that some people actually might read or listen to what I have to say. I must admit, I get excited when I see weekly regular hits from Germany, America, Russia, China and all over the world. But even if I didn't, I'd still be posting. My regular posts on Saturday help create a routine for me where there sometimes isn't one, and maybe one or two people out there find a regular timetable helpful instead of my previously erratic one where I'd do 3 in a row and then leave a year in between. Blogging's a nice way to vent, everyone does it for different reasons, but mine aren't to get more views.

Song of the day:
Comptine d'un autre été: l'après midi- Yann Tiersen (again I know, sorry!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZJDNSp1QJA
So amazing! I love this song and I can't wait to learn to play it <3 The animation is really sweet as well.

Promise a better post in the next few days! <3

A little help in your recovery

2012-10-06T08:39:00.002-07:00

This may perhaps be the last post I do on my recovery; so that maybe perhaps, it can be put behind :) I do not mind talking about it again in the future (this will most likely include any relapses I experience), but are there any other topics anyone would like me to discuss? It can be anything..from reviews to just general journal entries, DIY to drawings; feel free to leave a comment in the down below! I have a youtube channel as well: http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisPiggyHasWings

But moving on, here is a speech that I recently found. It was by the LIMU founder and CEO. (Here's an interesting fact: Limu is the Hawaiian word for algae! ;)) But I felt the need to share this with you all, no matter what situation you might be in, or if just need a little pick-me-up towards the end of your day:

Life is tough, that's a given.

When you stand up, you're gonna be shoved back down.

When you're down, you're gonna be stepped on.

My advice to you doesn't come with a lot of bells and whistles. It's no secret, you'll fall down, you stumble, you get pushed, you land square on your face. And every time that happens, you get back on your feet.

You get up just as fast as you can, no matter how many times you need to do it.

Remember this, success has been and continues to be defined as getting up one more time than you've been knocked down.

If experience has taught me anything, it's that nothing is free and living ain't easy.

Life is hard, real hard, incredibly hard. You fail more often than you win, nobody is handing you anything.

It's up to you to puff up your chest, stretch your neck and overcome all that is difficult, the nasty, the mean, the unfair.

You want more than what you've now, PROVE IT!

You want beat the very best out there that is, prove it.

Get out there and earn it.

-Gary Raser

I absolutely love this speech! I've changed it a little to suit these circumstances but this is still incredibly inspiring and motivational, I try and remember this speech during gymnastics but it can be used in all sorts of situations.

I hate seeing anyone going through this, but I know there's hundreds of thousands of people going through this right now. Some may be on the edge of becoming what I was, some already well in the clasp of anorexia, and to be honest, this sounds corny but it's really true; if I could stop one person from becoming this or make a current anorexic at least rethink what they're doing, then I'll feel like I've achieved a massive goal. But really, the harsh truth is, no one who has seriously experienced anorexia says starving is good/beneficial. If you do want to find someone who does, I'm afraid the only place you'll find them is at their graves.

Song of the day:

One more by Superchick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBqYvPZWHAs

To tie in with the theme of the speech :) This is one probably the best songs to workout to in my opinion! You. Can. Do. It.

P.S. I won't be able to do a blog post next week, I'll be in Granada on a Spanish school trip! See you again on 20/10/12

Anorexia is fake

2012-09-29T10:38:00.002-07:00

Please watch this video, it hurts because it's so true but you must watch it! I have never seen more truth and honesty in a video than this one. What I really just wanted to do is sum up that video, but with my own story and words.

I have been wanting to be skinny and dieting for as long as I can remember. I can vividly remember when I was in primary school, spending the whole of lunch twirling a hula-hoop because I hoped it would make my waist smaller and I did this for hours on end with no break. I used to sometime skip lunch in Year 5 (10 years old) as well, but then I didn't know what anorexia nervosa or bulimia was. Much later on (around when I was 11), my mum would often make comments saying I was obese, a pig, ate too much and much more. She said I was fat. And I believed her.

I wouldn't say my mother was the sole reason I turned to starving myself. It very rarely is just one singe turning point, but it did contribute. I also had this dream of becoming a model (one which I unfortunately still haven't given up!), I have this pressing need to be seen as perfect. My grades were brilliant, I was popular...now I just needed to have the body and it was all good. I thought size zero was reasonable; and that anyone who couldn't achieve it was just lazy.

I wanted confidence. But all I got was a crippled self-esteem. I wanted popularity. But I just received a permanent scar to my friendships. I wanted to be happy. But I didn't wake up a single day feeling valued or happy. I wanted to starve my emotional pain away. But I just got trapped in a vicious cycle of purging and binging, increasing my sense of worthlessness and pain.And most of all I wanted beauty. That thing people always love, adore but hide these urges inside. That thing which can cause judgement at first glance. At first I did get that. And I'm not gonna lie, but it felt fucking brilliant. But soon after I just got weak, I was unable to do the sports I loved and enjoyed. Ever tried doing gymnastics and doing cartwheels when you haven't eaten for a few days? Not fun. Or running a mini-marathon when the only thing you want to do, is stop the trembling of your muscles? I got constipation, and my hair fell out in massive clumps, one of the few things which I had prided myself with before.

But you just need to remember that;

"You are worth so much more."

So much more. No matter what anyone says, or does or hints. So, just stand up straight, hold your head high, and go about your life like there's a crown on your head; cause you may as well be that princess/prince you dreamed of once upon a time :)

Song of the Day:
Comptine d'Un Autre Été by Yann Tiersen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2-1u8xvk54&feature=related
Not technically a song, but it's so beautiful! Dreaming of being able to play this! It's French name translates as 'The Rhyme of Another Summer'

P.S. If you didn't get this, I am not saying anorexia is not a disease at all. It is such a serious illness and I am just showing the difference between what one who suffers from it may expect, and what they truly get in return.

Pro-ana sites

2012-09-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

When I was in the deeper throes of my anorexia (is it weird that I shiver a bit inside every time I say that?), I would spend hours a day browsing pro-ana sites. Not necessarily everday, but the story is, I spent a significant amount of time on those sites. Diet sites. Weight-loss sites. Starvation sites. I bookmarked each one. I made friends on pro-ana sites, and we were determined to help each other become thin.

These friends felt like my saviours. They understood me in and out. We might be in different situations; one girl was even serious enough to have been an in-patient for a number of weeks, but we understood each other. No one can really understand until they experience what it is like, to have someone understand you inside and out. To understand your main hopes and fears so clearly, because they were experiencing the same (with no better word to put it) disease. This bond was deeper than having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Anonymity allowed me to open up to them a lot more than my actual friends. I have actually aclways been afraid of opening up to my friends for fear of appearing weak. I was often the strong, solid rock which my friends relied on or received support. To them I was strong, both physically and emotionally so I could not be weak in any way. No drama would be caused if I told them about the food I ate. No panic attack from my parents. Plus there was also the benefit of having an outsider giving you advice about some problems you may have at work, home or school.

Trust me, you are :)

But do not get a pro-ana friend. It was only until I could let go of them all (even the ones that had helped me recover), that I myself, would recover. I felt like I had a duty towards them, I would continue my pursuit to a sick 'perfection' even if they were recovering. So eventually I let go of them. It saved me from the shame I would experience of telling them that I had recovered as well (but I know that they too would be pleased. They too wanted to recover so much, but for a while like me, they just couldn't). Delete those sites. Delete the texts. You don't have to delete the numbers but you have to let go of them.

Song of the day:
One More Night - Cover by The Fergies
LOVE the beginning! Definitely a band to watch out for :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c1_yANkGSQ&feature=g-u-u

The end of the beginning - The final conclusion

2012-09-15T02:25:00.002-07:00

Weight: 121 lbs
BMI: I want to dieeee :D

A few days before the meeting, the nurse had 'coincidentally' arranged to have our annual class weigh-in then. This is when they check your height and your weight to find your BMI. They're not supposed to force it on you but hey, guess my school doesn't operate by those things they call human rights now. I was banking on being able to skip it because of this so I freely drank a bottle of water and chilled out whilst my friends were stressing and chattering nervously. You must remember, that before this, although my eating wasn't brilliant, I had not weighed myself in weeks. I had dabbled in recovery but this proved too hard too many times at first. But when my name was finally called, the nurse once again made it clear that I would not leave until I was weighed and told me there was another class that was waiting behind. So I got weighed, saw the number and kinda felt a little sick rise up in my throat. Fun.

*Two days later*

I was so nervous on the day of the meeting. I couldn't concentrate and I was just filled with dread for the whole day. I made sure to add money to my card this whole week so I was eating a 'normal' lunch almost everyday. I told my friends I was going to the toilet so I would be late for tag rugby. The meeting went better than expected, but they had already been talking to my dad for a while before I got there, I guess they wanted to lull me into a false sense of security in the meeting. The meeting consisted of the nurse, our head of year, my dad and myself and it was brought to a close when it was decided I would be bringing pack lunch everyday and that other teachers would be monitoring me. SO MUCH FOR CONFIDENTIALITY.

After tag rugby club, I told my parents that I brought food from outside (there's a lot of Pret a Manger's, Costa's and Boots' outside my school) which was why I didn't buy much from the school. They knew I hated school food so this excuse slid in well. But the meeting did cause them to be angsty for weeks on end. This just stressed me out even more, especially as exams grew closer.

During exam week, I knew I needed more food to be able to function properly, it really wouldn't do me very well if I fainted mid-exam now would it? I probably value grades the same amount I used to value thin at my peak so I began eating more during dinner and breakfast. Lunch stayed more or less the same but it was already making a massive difference. Eventually, the week before exam week I had managed to consume half a sandwich in my lunches. Exams leave me incredibly drained. My heart races for pressure and I sweat like I've just done a workout, with three exams a day, I literally fell asleep as soon as I got home. Wake up at around 9 to eat and then go back to sleep. Then I'd wake up at about 3am, unable to fall asleep again so I'd get up and start revising until school started and then repeat.

And eventually, I grew to love myself. It wasn't easy, and when my concave stomach disappeared, part of me so desperately wanted to go back to the way it was. But the thing is, the rational part of me didn't. The rational part knew that I was sick of feeling horrible about myself, sick of counting, hiding, losing friends. I was sick of being sick.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but it rising every time we fall'' -Confucius

So don't ever give up. There will be days where you want to give up and slip back, hell even weeks and months. But that's so much better then maybe never being able to ever have lived those days just because of it. I still find it hard to say the word anorexic out loud, and I'm far from going out and proclaiming I'm a recovering anorexic. But maybe that's okay, to just move on and keep it under wraps. It will never leave me, it'll probably haunt for ever. But I'm sure as hell not letting it define me.

Song of the day:

Love the Way You Lie- Cover by Ariana Grande

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SawLM-aCgdY&feature=related

I only really like the bit before the chorus, it makes the song seem so much more ethereal as you realise what the lyrics actually are!