Porcuponics

Back from the dead, to eat your head!

2007-06-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

The funniest thing happened to me yesterday: I woke up and realized that we had forgotten to podcast for six months. Oops!

So, um....yeah. What's been going on?

Episode 49

Yes! There IS a new show!

2007-01-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

But I can't get the damn thing up! I swear, every time I try to use this thing, something crashes or refuses to open and I have to ask Tom to spend 2 hours of his free time to get the friggin' thing up!

No wonder I quit podcasting.

Introducing my friend Phineas

2006-12-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to stop by for a second and tell you about my friend Phineas who just started a new blog.

http://phineastouringa.blogspot.com/

Now, back to porcuponics!

6th day of Porcuponics

2006-12-18T07:26:00.000-08:00

Listen to the Christmas themed, seemingly endless, stream of conciousness musical stylings of your favorite porcuponster until she becomes your most hated foe here or do yourself a favor and listen to the link that doesn't work here

Fifth day of Christmas

2006-12-18T05:27:00.000-08:00

Hey, hey hey! It's another day and Porcuponics is back again with episode 5 of our 12 part series. This fine day, we have special co-host Amanda from dottypolkaface.blogspot.com and a special Christmas story from my mom.

Download and enjoy some ear Christmas candyHERE!

Fourth Day of Christmas

2006-12-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

So we didn't get it out yesterday. SUE US! Just download the podcast!

The third day of Porcuponics is like....soooooo cool!

2006-12-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to lose track of what day it is. Third day, Thursday, the 14th, etc. etc. My stars!

Well, at this point in the conversation, you might as well download the Third Day of Porcuponics!

second day of christmas

2006-12-14T05:28:00.000-08:00

Laura and Mommy make an effort to entertain while Daddy takes a flu break.

Check out two turtle dumbs today!

12 Days of Porcuponics: Day One

2006-12-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

Even though you thought we fell in a hole, we're back with twelve days of Porcuponics shows for Christmas!

Egg THIS nog!

Porcuponics Halloween Special!!!

2006-10-31T05:04:00.000-08:00

Hey porcuponsters!!
I couldn't let my favorite holiday pass without a little gory bloodfest.
Click the link below and sink your teeth into:

The Porcuponics 10 minute Halloween special!

The Greatest Forum Post EVAR!1!!!!!!1111!!

2006-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

For months now, the scientists at Porcponics Labs have worked to distill the essence of internet forum posting into one perfect composite nugget of message forum stupidness. We believe we have done it. And so it is with great pride that we present to you

The Greatest Forum Post EVAR!1!!!!!!1111!!

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Posted by DArkLOrdS3phr0th
Jedi Master
Posts: 1556387
Joined Jun 1999

Fri August 25, 2006 1:03 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------
Re: Re: Re: READY THE PITCHFORKS---LUCAS DESTROYING OUR CHILDHOOD AGAIN

You all know me, DArkLOrdS3phr0th, and I figured quite a few of you naves have held off on making a judgement call re: the new OT Star Wars DVD releases until I weighed in on the subject. Well folks, buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.... Am I excited or not about this development? Yes....and no......•sighs• •takes deep breath•

Let me start with a little personal background. I am not an old man by any means. But in my nearly 21 years, I've developed what you might call a sage's perspective on the Star Wars Original Trilogy. There are certain, unalienable tenets of the OT that must be adhered to for the flicks to have any cultural relevancy whatsoever. And most of you agree that I have perhaps the definitive handle on those traits which make SW what it is. Those commandments are as follows:

1.) Han shoots first. End of discussion. This is, and will for ever be the most important point when it comes to comparing the OT with Lucas's bastard offspring SEs. As they have before, my critics will come at me again, tearing down my arguments because I can't "get over the greedo thing" or I need to "get a life". Folks, the entire OT hero construct rests on the fact that Solo is a badass. Period. Haters need to get over the fact that the OT is dark...maybe darker that many of you want to admit. This is a dangerous place, and no amount of preschool-coddling CGI will change that fact. (As an aside, I must admit that this issue really hits home for me in a personal way. In junior high school I was faced with a very similar situation in which I was man enough to strike first at a bully and was generally successful at fending him off for a while. So I think I have a pretty good handle on the Solo character and what makes him tick. Those who know me also say Han and I share a rogue-ish quality considered attractive by ladies)

2.) The SW universe is a dirty place. Lucas and his Photoshop happy CG monkeys have turned what was a gritty and realistic wasteland into Six Flags for cripe's sake. RESPECT THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND WORK OF THE ORIGINAL TECHNICIANS. Do I really need to keep on this? (And while I'm complaining, what's up with Lucas dumping the old laserdisc masters onto a dvd and calling it a day? Surely in his piles of millions he can find a few bucks to scrub the dirt off the transfer and maybe take out a matte line or two. Is that too much to ask? Oh, that's right. I forgot. I have spent my life defending the OT against all attackers but since I am just a "fanboy" my opinion doesn't count. Also, why no 5.1 mix? Laziness and greed, friends.)

3.) Lapti Nek. Ab queck zenick fesi/Jup col im in na hiz jal, ooh. If you don't know what that means, why are you reading this forum?

Look, this isn't rocket science. Give us what we want. The originals, as they appeared in theaters, without your revisionist bullstuff.

That being said, will I be at Wal-Mart at 12:01 to buy the OT DVDs? Yes. Will they be definitive? Until Lucas finally gets off his a$$ and delivers the OT on HD-DVD, I guess. How long do we have to wait for that one, George?

And now, having cleared this up, this discussion is over. I will fade into the background and watch how this thread evolves from here. Hopefully, many of you will read and really THINK about what I am saying here and we can avoid rehashing this issue in the future.

EXCELSIOR!

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A HANDY GUIDE FOR FANBOYS:
ST<--SW<--LOTR
WII<--X360<--PS3<--MY UBER ATHLON RIG!
FIREFLY<--SERENITY<--BUFFY....OLD SKOOL WHEDON FTW!!!!!!!!!!

Porcuponics Video Special: UP and ATOM!

2006-08-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

Check out our radioactive boat trip with Uncle Harry and the gang!

Birthday Girl

2006-08-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Today is Melissa's birthday! Feel free to leave some well wishes!

Episode 47

2006-07-27T19:57:00.000-07:00

Doctor Melissa (grrrrrr...) shares a tale or two (grrrrr...) about akward, naked (bark, bark) workplace encounters (grrrrr...) while Tom scores one for (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...) the home team during a digital (bark, grrrrrrr....) livestock relocation adventure!

Zelda makes a brief cameo.
Download old school summer slam here!

Episode 46

2006-07-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

Happy 3rd of July, muckafos! We finally figured out a way to distract the retarded guard at Ourmedia and then sprinted past him at high speed, diving through the plateglass windows of the Internet Archive and finally landing in a super cool action movie roll-pose to deliver you this two fisted gun barrel of internet mp3 justice.

Download Episode 46 or die in a blaze of hot lead!

p.s. this episode is rated PG-13 for some language and nonstop mild peril.

temporary setback...

2006-07-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends!
We have a piping hot new show to ship to you as soon as our server stops treating us like children. Everytime I try to upload our file, it gives me that silent "I'm not going to say anything for awhile and look pained that you asked me that so you think I'm giving serious thought to your request...that way it doesn't seem completely unreasonable when I say 'no' then suggest you go play with your brother" treatment for about 10 minutes then I get one of the following responses:
"select a valid file"
"an error has occurred"
"clean your room"
"ask your father"

...ugh...at least I don't have to go play hide-and-seek with Captain Poor Sport.

A Special Message

2006-06-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

We had hits from Japan! That's so cool! Now listen to this

We're still alive.

2006-06-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

We've been working on some material for the next show and we'll get it out as soon as possible, or at least as soon as we feel like it. Cheers!

Episode 45 - Do you speak Jazz?

2006-06-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

In this episode we channel a Spanasian talk show, a public radio personality, and exploit Tom's irrefutable knack for creating songs that kill healthy brain tissue.

Grab your noise-canceling headphones, a helmet, a mouth guard, and your dog's seizure medication and plug in to death by garageband

Episode 44: Spelling Sucks!

2006-06-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

Porcuponics is back in the saddle with Episode 44: Spelling Sucks! Why did we call it Spelling Sucks? Cause Spellling Sucks!

Time to get out a marker and write Spelling Sucks on the t-shirt of the dude sitting in front of you!

Or, you could just download Episode 44: Spelling Sucks!

Episode 43 - goin' it solo

2006-05-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a month so y'all deserve a little something special!
I'll let you know when we come up with something.
In the interim, please download my solo attempt at filling the void.
If you don't laugh aloud at the content contained within, you're sure to get a chuckle out of the fact that it took me a full two weeks to put the thing together...and I still had some help from Tom in fixing a few audio issues (special thanks for that by the way, dear).
So here it is:

Download Melissa vs. Garageband> here

Episode 42: The Passion of the Ice

2006-04-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Morty and Stu are having a little easter egg hunt, and you muckafos are invited.

Go suck eggs!

Episode 41: Peach Cobbler Days

2006-04-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna blame the lack of a show last week on Daylight Savings TIme. What a joke that is. Right now I'm reading this crappy little marketing thing we got in the mail from Huggies. It's called the Huggies Cleanteam! Staring me in the face is Freddy the Flamingo, a little pink beaked thing that looks like a cross between a candy cane and a tampon. Apparently, Freddy and his friends are gonna make Laura want to get potty trained. I got news for ya Huggy: it ain't happening. Here are some of Freddy's vitals:

Quote: "Full Clean Ahead!"
Philosophy: All's well that ends well".
Likes: Happy endings. Moisture. Cleanliness.
Vacations in: Bankok

Ok, I made that last one up. Anyway, here's yer show.

Episode 41

Spring Forward Sucks!

episode 40 - murderbunny

2006-03-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

Man, if you like bunnies, stay away from this one!

Sister, message board anomaly, and fellow podcaster joins us to plug her new show dottypolkaface and sing us a special Easter song.
It's "caroling in your underwear" good.

Download your basket of sweet, creamy content here

Episode 39 - WeS <3's AmBeR

2006-03-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

Attention shoppers, we're running a special in our podcasting department tonight....download one show, get 10 sketches and and 17 phone messages free.
Call me right back, okay?

Download Episode 39 here