PorkBanana - A Bumbling Blog of Entertainment and Humor

Turtle Shoe Rapist

rswelling — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:26:37 +0000

Police have released this video of the elusive Turtle Shoe Rapist after he was captured for an extended period of time molesting a young hiker who got lost in the woods. He was identified by his signature “victory call of the wild” he emits while performing his insidious acts. While the TSR is extremely horny, he is not very fast, so you should be able to avoid an encounter like this one. If you spot him…please call the police immediately.

Russian Buffoon Predicts Our Demise

rswelling — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:49:24 +0000

So there has been a bit of talk over there in the great cold land of Russia about how we here in the US are headed down the path of civil war and toward a seemingly similar fate suffered there in the largest nation on Earth. Here is a link to the story provided to me by the Laughing Daddy himself who them proclaimed himself to be leading the charge to form our new Republic of Cascadia up here in the Northwest. It does sound pretty sweet, as we will have our own Sasquatch militia which sounds pretty formidable in theory doesn’t it?
I think this asshat may end up disappointed when his absurdist propaganda doesn’t quite pan out as predicted. While I’m not even entirely against the idea of distancing myself from many of the wackos of this great land of ours, you can take that map of yours that shows China ruling the Northwest, and bury it right up your frosty snow hole. This isn’t Russia pal, as much infighting as we have over here…we are still united as a majority in the end. We’ve made mistakes, however in case you didn’t notice, we (unlike Russia) are correcting our own mistakes, and have rallied to elect a leader we feel will bring about positive change. I’ve heard rumors you will be getting your KGB “president” back soon eh? Good luck with that.

The Definition of Cock Block

rswelling — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:03:53 +0000

Continuing on with our chicken themed posting, if you’ve read Watership Down you might think rabbits are pretty bad ass. However there’s a new sheriff in town y’all, and he’s got a posse of one, and he’s packin’ beak. We don’t tolerate none of that there horseplay in our yard.

Hen laying egg…AAHAHHAAAAAAAAAGGHHH

rswelling — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 19:17:02 +0000

Start your day with a fresh egg!

Pumpkin Carving- Proof of evolution

rswelling — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:16:43 +0000

C’mon folks check out these amazing pumpkin carvings for Halloween. You better work on your chops or you will be seriously left behind! This great site has a nice tutorial with examples of the tools used and the methods involved in creating a great carve. There are some seriously mind blowing examples!

Villafane Studios- Pumpkin Gallery

Zombie Pinup Calendar! Wicked hot undead chicks

rswelling — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:54:04 +0000

Hot babes and horror go together like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and my belly. Here is a great calendar filled with scenes that show even zombies can be sexy.

Zombie Pinup Calendar

Presidential Debate Re-Broadcast

rswelling — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 19:13:26 +0000

In case you missed it here is a re-broadcast of the most recent presidential debate…oh wait, sorry this is the ORIGINAL broadcast…It’s like they simply inserted new characters isn’t it!

A tip of the banana to Jeb the Millionaire for this one…

I’m not voting for Sarah Palin

rswelling — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:35:47 +0000

I’m voting for La Pequeña Sarah Palin…

Own your own B9!

rswelling — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:10:20 +0000

“Danger Danger Will Robinson, Dr. Smith approaching!”. Now you can own your very own Lost in Space robot replica thanks to the officially licensed B9 Creations. I have to say, the big guy looks pretty damn good. Sci-Fi nerds rejoice.

B9Creations Lost in Space Robot

Chainsaw Maid! She saws zombies dead

rswelling — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:20:39 +0000

Swiped this off BoingBoing…pretty great little claymation video featuring a mountain of clay gore, and a super chainsaw wielding maid, who would make Bruce Campbell proud.