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Family before true love?

2012-01-03T21:05:00.001-08:00

It’s been a few days since I have blogged and thought it about time to write another. I’ve had a tough time coming up with a topic though. It seems my mind is cluttered with images of the recent past. A seemingly unbreakable barrier is blocking the flow in my brain. I’m riddled with questions which have no answer. My brain is a ticking time bomb and it’s payload is increasing ever so rapidly with each question left unanswered.

To start, a notable saying, “If at first you don’t succeed… try, try again.” How can a person argue with this statement? It seems impossible to even begin a rebuttal. Yet, here I am, plagued by it’s inconceivable inaccuracies. Should a person really try again every time they fail? And if they should, when does it end? How many attempts at the same thing must a person try before they render it an unequivocal failure.

Now that I have your attention and before you get too lost, I’m going to throw out the topic now. I’m still in love with my ex-fiancée. Close the page now if you wish. It won’t bother me one bit. I’m not writing this for that type of person anyway. You know what they say… “Don’t let the door hit you…” And while this may be more of a personal blog, you may miss out on information or answers that you were looking for. It may help you, it may not. It’s not going to hurt you though, that I’m sure of.

So why am I still in love with her? I could go on about that for days. So I’m not going to even begin to explain. Not only that, there will always be someone who would say that the relationship is based on lust not love no matter what answer I was to give them. It’s easy for them to say, they weren’t in the relationship. And they would say it no matter what as long as it were a relationship involving sex. Because there is no possible way that a relationship can be love if there is sex involved. Saying so does not make it true nor does it make anything better so just shut up with all of that nonsense.

Ok I got just a bit distracted there… sorry. I’ll get back to it.

Why am I still in love with her? She’s cheated on me several times. We’ve tried and tried again. Not once or twice, but several times. I’ve personally been accused of lying, manipulating and even cheating on her. Honestly, I’ve done none of those things. Had I thought about it? It’s possible. Would I ever act upon it? Not a chance. I’ve been there. I know how it feels. It absolutely sucks and I would never wish that on ANYONE, and I especially wouldn’t inflict it on anyway. Believe me or don’t. I don’t care. I know the truth. I’m not here to convince you of my integrity. But ask yourself this, why would I lie to you? I don’t know you.

No, she’s not a bad person so don’t judge her. They say “There are 3 sides to every story; your story, my story, and the right story.” It’s just human nature for both parties involved to sugar coat things or leave certain things out so that they may uphold a good standing reputation. We’re all guilty of this. You can lie and say that you’re not one of these people, just remember, you’re really just lying to yourself. We don’t do this to intentionally hurt the other person, but sometimes that’s how it ends up. Ok maybe some of you do, like an ex of mine before the one I’m discussing here. We won’t get into that.

I’m trying to keep this short, but it’s a complicated subject. Please just bare with me. Still there? Ok, good!

We’ve been apart for 3 months now. I know that that’s not long enough to truly be over someone, but for the life of me, I cannot stop thinking about her. It seems like she is in every single thought that I have every single day. I ask myself everyday why I’m so in love with her but I can’t seem to answer it. Logic dictates that if you love someone, you should be able to tell someone why. But in my opinion, love is way beyond all logic and reason. Yes, be reasonable to an extent, but don’t let reason stand in the way of greater things.

My family hates her and refuses to accept her for things that she has done. This is the worst part about the whole thing. I tell myself that a family should be accepting of most anything that a person chooses or wishes in their life. It’s impossible though, to persuade my family to accept my wishes. And this caused one of the biggest problems in my relationship. I was stuck in the middle. Trapped, with nothing but a tiny infinitesimal spec of light portraying what little hope I had. I was going to lose one no matter what I did. Who in the world should be forced to lose someone they love under circumstances created solely by the ones that they love. You might as well just throw me straight to the demons that inhabit hell.

As an example I’ll say this. Imagine you’re a single parent of two children and someone forced you with the decision of which child you would lose. Impossible. But I was basically asked to give up on my true love for my family, or give up on my family for my true love. Life without either leaves no reason to live it. You’re basically putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. Even that would pale in comparison to the misery a person suffers when they’re forced to lose either.

But I digress. I sit here and wait everyday hoping to hear from her. Once in awhile she does. Not often, but when she does she seems to make it a point to ensure that she really is in love with me. She claims that she tells her daughter that if she had a choice of anyone, it would be me. I believe her. I don’t know why I do. But I can’t help but wonder why, if this were the case, is she not with me then. I’ve told her over and over again that I would still marry her. She seems to bring up the fact that we barely talk. That’s why she won’t marry me. Truth be known, I don’t talk to her much anymore because when I do try, she always ignores me or has some convenient reason to not talk. She’s “busy”. So instead of enduring frustration every time I send her a text that gets ignored, I wait for her to contact me because that way I know she’s ready to talk.

Maybe I should attempt to talk to her more. It doesn’t seem right though as she knows how much it frustrates me to be ignored. Yet she does it every single time. I’m guessing now that you all have formed your own opinion on this relationship. That is just barely scratching the surface though.

Anyway, I wrote all this to get your perspective on things. It always helps to have an outside, unbiased opinion. And as you well know by now, I am already aware of how my family would respond. Comment please!

Stupid People

2011-12-22T23:50:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion, after reading my last post (which wasn't all that long ago... lol) that there really aren't that many stupid people in the world. Most people know these things I refer to as stupid actions. It's just that they choose not to accept the facts, which I myself am guilty of at times.

There is probably a legitimate reason for this. Mostly, I think it's some form of denial. Anger, frustration, sadness, happiness. Most of it is emotional. It's all a mindset that can be controlled. The problem is that most of us get caught up in our emotions. We become overpowered by them and in the midst of that we lose our logic and reasoning. This is why I refer to it as ignorance and not stupidity. If I offended you I apologize. What I mean to say is that this ignorance is just a for of temporary insanity and let's face it, insanity is defined by those who are defines as sane. Who's to say our definition of sanity isn't backwards?

Let's get to what my point is before I bore you with my incredulous banter. My point is that we need to fix this state of mind we are in at our moments of temporary ignorance. We need to stop and breathe; give ourselves time to think before we react. Instead or reacting before we have time to catch our breath. I think this would go a long way towards redeeming our humanity.

I'm not saying that this will fix all of our problems, but I do believe that it may help to put an end to our "backwardsness." Yes I realize that's not a word but you get the picture. Humanity has plummeted into a phase of "backwardsness" where the end seems nowhere in sight. Let's fix this!

Thought's and feelings, please. I'd love to hear your opinions!

The Exception pt. 1

2011-12-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

First blog, might as well be controversial if even just a little. Enjoy the first part!

Thought I'd at least get this off my chest and get your opinions. Even negative ones! At least it's constructive. And it probably hurts your feelings more than it hurts mine. :p

There are those that claim that the age old saying “nice guys finish last” is an illogical and false statement. Someone once told me that they used to be the person who would see a nice person as someone weird. She then went on to explain that she had made the mistake of misjudging but that she had learned from her mistakes. She learned to look beyond the cover and into the pages. To me, this essentially meant that anyone who is or may claim to be an “exception” is inexorably one who settles for anything short of love, especially that which is “at first sight.”

Many may argue that this is complete bullshit, but those that do have never been there before. These are the people that may claim to have been there, and they may very well have, for a very brief time. They will never understand, or feel anything comparable to this. So if you’re one of these people, just shut the fuck up. Opening your mouth does nothing but pollute the world with your own ignorance. There’s enough of it now that it appears to be contagious.

I’ve been there. I’ve got enough experience in it now to know that anything you say does not change the facts. You can tell me there are exceptions. Your full of shit and it’s not making me feel any better so why waste your breath? You’re not going to make me feel better by telling me there are more fish in the sea, or that I need to lower my standards, or that I’m looking in the wrong places. This is just once again adding to the ignorance that is plaguing this world. I’m completely certain that there is nothing a person can say that we have neither heard nor thought about. In fact, I can promise you that we’ve had much more time to think about this and many other things that you haven’t in your inconvenient existence.

Truthfully, what you need to do is just shut up and continue to read. It’s probably about that time in your life where you need to learn something. I’m also positive that you might need to change things up a little in your obnoxiously predictable life.

That brings me to my first point. Predictability. Women crave spontaneity. Stop lying to yourself. I can hear your internal arguments right now as you read. Yes, life is so much easier when things are planned ahead of time. Things go so smoothly. There’s no chaos, no failure, and no disappointment. Routine is relentlessly boring. There is no excitement. Without that, there is no happiness, and then there is no point in being in a relationship with this person.

Bad boys? Extremely predictable. Almost anyone can tell you what’s going to happen judging by their actions and never even knowing their name. If you can’t, then once again your ignorance is a plague that desperately needs a cure. Maybe it’s not severe. Maybe this person doesn’t physically abuse, rape, pillage, and murder. But I bet they fight, yell, cuss, scream, treat you like shit, the list goes on. Anything to feel big about themselves, even at the cost of making you feel 2 feet tall. And you love them for it. Guess who that proves is the proud owner of their own stupidity? One day you’ll claim your own Darwin award.

All that is your own fault. Guess who you call? The one guy that has been nice. You know why? Because you know that no matter what, he’ll always be there for you. He’s the guy that actually does care. But guess what? You’ve deemed your relationship with him to be “just friends” because you “don’t want to lose that.” Here’s a little note for you, when you tell him that, all you’re doing is hurting him and pushing him away. You’re a friend. You’re not supposed to hurt him. You’re supposed to help him. You’re also not supposed to lie to him. Don’t tell him you don’t want to ruin the friendship. Tell him the truth, which is that you’re just not attracted to him and stop being a lying bitch.

The nice guy is infinitely less predictable then the “bad boy.” Just because he comes running every time you call doesn’t make him predictable. All it means is that he cares about you probably more than anyone else will. This guy will even suffer through listening to you complain about this asshole you’re with, knowing that he could treat you so much better and never hurt you this way. He’ll sit there and hurt so incredibly much listening to you, because he doesn’t care more about himself than you. What he cares about is that he helps you through this, even if that means telling you that you should be with the “asshole” if that’s what you truly want, sacrificing his own desires for yours. That in itself, is something that not a single person, alive or dead, could ever predict.

But that is just an infinitesimal scratch on the surface on an immeasurable sphere of unpredictability that such a person possesses.

These are the guys who are romantic. Imagine how creative a person can be in a romantic setting. These people spend time thinking about this. They use the deepest parts of their imagination and perform feats that no one else could even dream of to accomplish perfect romance, if only to see something as small as a smile on your face. They don’t want to take you out to a bar every night, get you drunk, then take you home and take advantage of you when you’re too drunk to even know what’s going on. No, they want to take you out to random places. They want to help you enjoy life. They want to see you smile. They do everything within their power just to make you happy. And in return, you hurt them every time you end up with some other asshole, and then run to them whining about how you wish you could find a good guy. Open your eyes!

Somehow, humanity has gotten this flipped. This is why stupidity pisses me off. It’s as if no one has common sense anymore. The definition of predictability is really simple and is not one that is open for interpretation. Ok, maybe these people aren’t stupid. Maybe they just don’t want to see things how they really are. They want to believe in perfection. But to completely ignore reality is to contribute to the obliteration of both humanity, and adversely… love.

Is this really the type of person that you want to be? See, the thing is, the one thing that no one on this earth can take away from us is our ability to choose. A person may choose you, but they can’t have you unless you also choose them. You choose to suffer through your agony rather than fight it. You choose to ignore the good and stick with the bad and then later complain about it. It’s your choice, so why the hell are you making us feel miserable about it? It is true that you shouldn’t suffer in silence. That I agree with. But I have a better solution, quit suffering! Choose to fix it. Get out, get away. It’s obvious that if you’re that miserable now, that you’re always going to be miserable and unhappy.

What is really in your dreams? I know, you probably don’t remember your dreams. If you don’t, then take a second here. Close your eyes. Relax and breathe in and out deeply and slowly. Imagine you’re breathing in the good, and exhaling the bad. Let your mind wander. See where it takes you. I bet one of two things happen; you either journey through paths in your mind of things that frustrate or anger you that you wish you could change in your life, or you follow another path which leads you to things that both your heart and mind desire.

Do yourself a favor, throw your priorities out the window because they are obviously completely fucked up. You have no idea what you really want, because if you did, you’d have it and you’d be happy. Kick that arrogant prick that treats you like shit to the curb. And open you fucking eyes!!! Start looking at the people who right in front of you, that are closes to you, a little different. Instead of calling your “best friend” friend up to whine about your miserable life, try imagining how he feels seeing the girl he’s so in love with hurt because she can’t see what’s in front of her. Instead of crying on his shoulder, ask him out, just once. It can’t hurt anything. Tell him to use his imagination and show you how a date should be. I can almost guarantee that you’ll be impressed and blown away.

Most of all, try to have a little respect for our feelings as we have the utmost respect for yours. Don’t mark us off as weird or “just friends” only because we’re nice, because chances are you’re more likely to lose us as friends when you can’t respect us enough to give us a chance than if you would. Don’t complain to us how miserable you are with your “asshole” when you know damn good and well that it was your choice to be or stay with him and that it hurts us in many more ways than one. Don’t lie to your friends. They don’t lie to you. When they tell you that they love you, they probably mean it unlike others. It’s not weird to love someone. You’re ignorant if you think it is. They probably know you better than “whatthefuckshisname” you’re with. They’ve probably even known you much longer. So the weird one is really “whatthefuckshisname.”

The point is, start using your brain! You think men are bad about thinking with the “wrong brain”? Take a look in the mirror baby. I bet the resemblance is uncanny. In fact I’m willing to bet that it’s worse. Even guys give nice girls a chance. If you’ve been reading this thinking “he’s not talking about me. I’m not this type of person.” Read above. Refer to the first paragraph. Note yourself as the exception. Congratulations. Now not only are you lying to us, but you’re lying to yourself. Otherwise, heed my advice! Lord knows even I do sometimes, and damn it, I will!