Portland Wedding Coordinator

Would you do this in real life? {Wedding Planning Philosophies}

2009-11-06T07:00:00-08:00

As Rebecca Mead says in her book One Perfect Day: "How we marry is who we are." (Did I, a wedding planner, really just quote this book? I read it recently -- review to come soon!)

The biggest wedding planning regrets have to do with when we let how-we-marry get too far away from who-we-are.

If wedding option overwhelm is starting to get to you, I propose another simple test, similar to last week's 25-year-plan:

A wedding day should be made up of: you at your best and most authentic, promises to keep for a lifetime, and the first party you'll host (or co-host with family) as spouses. So ask yourself as you make your wedding planning decisions: "Is this something I would do (or enjoy) in real life?"

If you can't answer yes to this question, there's a problem.
Would you or your beau choose to wear a tuxedo in real life? Would you ever Botox or teeth-whiten? Are you a fashion fiend who longs for Christian Louboutin shoes when you shop (or do you already have a few in your closet)? OK, then--if you're incorporating these into your preparations for the wedding day, it makes sense.

But if you would never do these things anyway, then there may not be much of a point in doing them for your wedding. And you can happily skip over or delete whatever messages you're receiving that tell you "You NEED this!"

I'm not advocating a completely reductionist viewpoint -- of course it's easy for others to say, "Why don't you just go down to the county courthouse?" Most of you are planning a wedding with guests and are not considering that. So you are planning an event and an experience. But when the bridal magazines offer 430 favor ideas and 260 wedding cakes, sometimes you do need a bit of a filter.

"Would I enjoy this in real life?"

{From the archives} A downtown Portland wedding at the World Trade Center: Celebrating Stacy & Lou

2009-11-04T06:00:00-08:00

An unexpected thing happened the other day: I ran into past clients Stacy and Lou, at of all places, Chuck E. Cheese's! (yes, I was there with my child!) It is so fun to catch up with clients years later to see how they are doing.

Stacy and Lou were married in 2006, before we had our blog, but we still remember their lovely September wedding in downtown Portland at the World Trade Center. I thought I would share some of these with you. Some of our favorite touches? The ceremony music by Portland Cello Project collaborator Gideon Freudmann, accompanied by Ghanian drummer Chatta Addy; the red-and-gold color theme, and Stacy's classic style, with makeup by Event Cosmetics.

Many thanks to Naim Hasan for sharing the photographs.

What you can and can't learn from a vendor's website

2009-11-02T06:00:00-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/carbonnyc/ / CC BY 2.0

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Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carbonnyc/ / CC BY 2.0

So many of you are planning your weddings long-distance. We talk regularly to couples in L.A., San Francisco, Houston, and other locales. Whether you or your family are Portland-based, or you just wanted a destination wedding in the Pacific Northwest, here you are doing your planning from afar.

Because of this, I get lots of questions about how one should pick a vendor or service provider. Some of my own clients tell me, "Oh, you don't need to help me with X or Y service, I found this great one on the internet." Which can be great, but I wanted to put my two cents in about some things to look for when you're wedding shopping on the web.

1. You CAN see photos. You CAN'T see their personality or how they will execute on the wedding day.

We've seen countless examples of vendors with stellar portfolios who in person are um, a little bit hard to deal with in person. I think back to one officiant an East Coast client chose by virtue of website alone, who came out of left field with an impromptu ethnic slur during the ceremony homily.

2. Are the photos representative of the service provider's work?

As a business person, I know I have to have some kind of "eye candy" on my website, and so I try my best to pick the best photographs from the weddings I have coordinated. However, I did not bake the cake, or arrange the flowers, or take the pictures! So website photos can only go so far in describing what I do or how well I do it. Clients will get the best picture of what we can do if they interview my team in person, check references around town, and find out what kind of experience they and their guests will have when we are working a wedding.

3. Are the photos actually of their work?

The ease of use of many blogging platforms allows pretty much anyone who can use a WYSIWYG editor to create a wedding blog and rehash content from other websites. The savvy consumer will dig deeper, both online, and face to face, to find out if the business is responsible at in any way for any the pretty photos or written content on the website.

4. You're loving photos of the vendor's real work, but it isn't work that will actually apply to your wedding.

For example, a makeup artist or hair stylist who has countless photos of gorgeous editorial and high-fashion features is obviously a skilled individual. But if you are buying makeup, for example, I recommend that you look at the makeup -- not the lighting, photography, visual styling, clothing, or the attractiveness of the models! If you're shopping for wedding makeup...look for wedding makeup.

Similarly, a snappy website design is always pleasing, but unless you are looking at this wedding vendor to design a website for you, it doesn't tell you much about how they will perform at your event.

It's not that websites can't be helpful, it's just that there is so much more to your experience than what you can find on the web. In fact, some wonderful service providers I have worked with have little to no web presence, although this is becoming less and less common. Do your initial research on the web, yes, but there is no substitute for the face-to-face interview, client and vendor references, and other processes relating to your own due diligence.

A Columbia Gorge Wedding: Rebecca and Phil at the View Point Inn

2009-10-30T14:00:00-07:00

While Portland Wedding Coordinator is far from a photoblog, we always appreciate it when we receive links to and discs of photos from photographers of weddings we have worked on. Thanks to Impression Arts / Studio 98 for posting this recent August 2009 wedding where we helped Rebecca and Phil at the View Point Inn in Corbett, OR. This Columbia Gorge wedding was a truly lovely day. Some of our favorite touches? Their chocolate-and-sage color scheme, the mini cheesecakes for each guest, and the chocolate-fabric lounge tents set up for cocktail hour and post-dinner mingling.

You can view the entire blog post and more pictures at this link.

The 25-year rule

2009-10-27T06:00:00-07:00

Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kayugee/CC BY-ND 2.0

As we get into the early part of the wedding planning process for many of our 2010 clients, we hear a lot of "Do I really need to...?" (insert X, Y, or Z element here) This may relate to a a vendor decision (to have a videographer or not?) or a tradition decision (to see each other before the wedding ceremony or not), or maybe a design decision (to rent those chivari chairs or not).

Thing is, no wedding planner or magazine or blog can truly help you answer these dilemmas until you've explored your own feelings. One method I recommend is what I've been calling the "25-year rule". How will you feel about this decision 25 years from now? When you look back at your wedding album, when you celebrate your silver anniversary, will you say to yourself, "I wish I had ____________, after all"?

I believe Suzy Welch on Oprah.com has a version of this she calls "10-10-10", but it's the same principle. What are the consequences of this decision 10 minutes from now, how will you feel 10 months from now, and how will feel 10 years from now?

Another thought, is to check in with yourself and make sure that you and your betrothed are planning with your central relationship vision in mind, rather than starting with external references. Garter Girl's Julianne Smith has a wonderful article about this called "Does Your Wedding Define You or Do You Define Your Wedding?" which I highly recommend reading.

Once you put your wedding day into perspective with your marriage, things become much clearer.

Keeping the wedding timeline flowing. {Part 3 of 3}

2009-09-30T06:00:00-07:00

Last time, I talked about "the nudge" and how it helps me and my vendors stay in communication while still being flexible to the realities of what's going on during the wedding day.

Today, I'll talk about another coordinator's tool, timeline padding. Every good wedding coordinator pads the timeline. It's based on the idea that every transition needs time -- and some transitions need more time than others. So additional minutes are built into the schedule, even if it seems like overkill to allot 45 minutes for the bride to dress, for example. These minutes invariably get used up in other places, like when Aunt Sally visits you in the dressing room and you have a 15-minute conversation, or when your groomsman forgets his dark socks and you wind up driving back to the hotel to pick them up. With the proper amount of padding, by the time the key events roll around, such as walking down the aisle, you're all caught up and feeling great, instead of running behind and feeling flustered.

We even had one client tell us to pad not only the timeline, but to set the invitation time thirty minutes earlier than the actual time of the ceremony. While I wouldn't recommend this for most weddings, they knew their family and friends were habitual "fashionable latecomers" and ultimately things worked out perfectly for them. They did what they needed to do.

Is it fibbing? Perhaps a little bit. As the bride, just think of yourself as the President, your planner as the Secret Service, and everyone else is on a "need-to-know" basis!

This wraps our timeline series. For another great article related to timelines, check out this post by weddings expert Christine Boulton: So What Does A Wedding Planner Do? "Weddings do not come with an infinite time frame." Well said!

Photo courtesy blaineandbethany.com

Keeping the wedding timeline flowing. {Part 2 of 3}

2009-09-29T06:00:00-07:00

Yesterday, I talked about the numerous concurrent events that go on both in the public eye and in the background at a wedding. Also the challenges that can happen if those puzzle pieces don't fit together. That's why I live by "the nudge" - I call it my no-fail technique for getting all of the pieces of the timeline to fit together. "The nudge" allows me and my staff to keep things happening and one event flowing into the next, even if something got a little behind or ahead schedule. Authenticity is really important to me at a wedding, and I loathe the idea of a wedding coordinator being a kind of "time nazi" who is only concerned with making things happen according to that piece of paper.

And it's really as simple as this: about 15 minutes before each key wedding timeline event is about to happen, I casually sidle up to whoever is key to making it happen and "nudge" them to say "How's it going?" Perhaps I'm asking the photographer, "Hey, we're expecting guests in about 15 minutes, do you think we'll be able to wrap it up pretty soon?" Or, to the caterer, "Soooo...cocktail hour is about to end in about 15 minutes, how's that buffet coming?" The trick is to be extremely casual and low-key, (when of course you really are watching like a hawk, keeping track of 15 things happening at once, and evaluating them all). Nobody likes to feel like they are being micromanaged. Sometimes it's the bride and groom who need the nudging, but they should never feel that way!

I know some feel a coordinator should be a taskmaster, but that is just not me. We do our best to befriend our vendors so they'll be happy to work with us again, and be happy to go the extra mile for us and our clients. We also pick vendors whose experience has been tested, set clear expectations, and set them up for success. We are keenly aware of, and constantly handling, the balance between "This is the only time the bride and groom will ever be able to {get this photo/chat with this friend from Japan/get time alone on the dance floor}" and "If we go into overtime, the venue starts to charge them $225/hr".

By staying on top of the timeline, in front of that crazy clock monster instead of chasing behind it, 15-minute slices at a time, nudge by nudge, you too can manage to keep the front and back of the house in perfect harmony at your wedding.

There is one more piece to the wedding timeline and schedule puzzle: timeline padding. We'll talk about that tomorrow in Part 3.

Photo courtesy Fritz Photography. Timeline graphic courtesy All Star Productions.

Keeping the wedding event timeline flowing. {Part 1 of 3}

2009-09-28T06:00:00-07:00

I see a lot of wedding planning websites talking about timelines and the order of events at a wedding. While having a solid idea of the order of events is really important, I think the value of a wedding planner is that we're not just a facilitator of a pre-written plan. A good wedding coordinator is an artful orchestrator of multiple concurrent timelines, some going on in the guest's and client's view (the "front of the house"), and many others in the background ("back of the house" or "backstory") stuff.

The trick is to juggle all of these concurrent timelines and requests while making sure the overall vibe of the wedding stays true to the wishes of our client. For example, one client told us, "Music is the #1 most important thing, please make sure there is absolutely NO dead time and that the music is pumping all night long". We then made it a priority to engineer the sequence of events to allow a seamless transition from cocktail hour trio, to dinner background music, to live band for the rest of the night, and a DJ during their breaks. All while other, just as important sequences and timelines were occurring, related to the food service, additional photos, announcements, and little surprises. Perhaps we would have organized the sequence differently, had that client emphasized food service, or decor instead.

Sometimes though, that "overall vision" may not perfectly match up with that written plan that says that dinner is served right at 6:00 or that the cake will be cut at 8:30. Perhaps the bride and groom got swept up in dinner conversation, or the photographer found a perfect sunset spot and snuck away with them for a few minutes. What do you do then? Something always happens and you have to be ready for it. Tomorrow, in Part 2, we'll talk about "the nudge" and how we use it to get everything to mesh together smoothly.

Photo courtesy Holland Studios.

{ Attire tips } Can I mix ivory and white at my wedding?

2009-08-13T08:00:00-07:00

Today's tip is not just an attire tip, but it also touches on overall wedding design and colors.

I get a lot of clients every year who ask me if they can wear an ivory gown but have white tablecloths, and vice versa. Or if they can use ivory and white on the same surface, for example, white tablecloths and ivory plates. We receive so many inquiries like this that we decided to address it here on the blog at Portland Wedding Coordinator.

Some people seem to think that there is an etiquette or protocol issue at work here, but I have done some initial research at the Peggy Post and Martha Stewart sites, and to date have not yet found anything etiquette-related, except a reminder to guests not to wear white or ivory to a wedding.

So my feeling is that it boils down to your personal style and what you feel comfortable with.

Many people worry that if they wear ivory and have white tablecloths or white chairs, that somehow their dress will look "dirty" or yellow in contrast. I have not found this to be the case, and am sharing a few photos I have gathered from my personal files, and also courtesy of Heather Sharpe at A Sharpe Occasion , that show some examples to set your mind at ease. Yes, there will be contrast, but my opinion is that a tone-on-tone look can be stylish and charming.

Here's a photo of a bride in an ivory dress, amongst a cocktail hour with white tablecloths and chairs:

(Courtesy Holland Studios)

Here's what appears to be the opposite, a bride in white, groomsmen in white shirts, and ivory details at the wedding: (Photographer: Azzura Photography, photo courtesy A Sharpe Occasion)

Finally, here's a photo of white tablecloths and ivory napkins and ivory underlays in a table setting:

(Courtesy bridgewaterbistro.com)

Another question that comes up is if men in tuxes or dark suits should wear ivory shirts if the wedding gown is ivory. I've been told by many formalwear experts that the most sartorially correct choice with black tie is a white shirt. I couldn't find a super formal tux picture, but here's a very happy bride in an ivory gown with a groom in dark suit and white shirt. The difference in shade is almost undiscernable. (Click for a larger image)

(courtesy Rebekah Johnson)

So, to sum it up: Go ahead and mix. You won't look dirty or yellow, you will be beautiful! Don't worry about being super match-y.

That being said, if you just don't feel comfortable mixing it up, don't do it! You should be happy and at ease on your wedding day, not stressed about your style.

{ Attire tips } Can I wear the tux I already own to the wedding?

2009-07-09T08:00:00-07:00

Weddings are all about personalization. And we find that many of the men out there already own their own tuxedo. That's great! If you want to wear your own tuxedo in yours or your friend's wedding, here are some must-do tips for success:

- Check with the groom first to make sure that this is OK! He may already have a look in mind, and if so you should go with his decision.

- Coordinate your accessories with the group for a polished look.

- If you are the groom, you might be able get away with a slightly different style. However, if you're not the groom, your tuxedo style should not be radically different from the rest of the wedding party. No mandarin collars if everyone else is in a notch collar!

- If you are bringing your own accessories (tie, bowtie, vest, etc.) don't forget to pack them in your wedding kit.

- Consider renting or buying the same accessories and shirts for the group for a coordinated look (and also to make sure everyone has them!)

- Don't forget to pack dark socks and the shoes that go with your tux.

Hope you find these tuxedo tips helpful! Next up we'll talk a little bit about ivory vs. white in the wedding colors.

Photo: Melissa Jill