tonight, i’m hosting “now and then,” everyone’s favorite girlie, dead-body-less version of “stand by me”!

from this point forward, let’s just pretend like those adult actresses are not part of this movie. because their scenes in this movie totally suck my pants. ok? ok.

i distinctly remember my excitement when i first heard about this movie back in 1995. first of all, it’s about girls! growing up!! just like me! except in the 70s so everything seemed cooler (this is before i realized that i kind of hate hippies, which strangely does not negate brendan fraser’s hotness in this movie, which is a weird thing to write in and of itself but y’all IT’S TRUE. HE IS FINE IN THIS!!!!!!).  second of all, it’s about girls being friends!!! these two themes combined were are like my favorite plot points in film!!! esp. cos there’s usually an awkward crush involved!

and in this case, that awkward crush was my number one reason for TOTALLY SPAZZING about this movie and getting tickets on opening night and then buying the soundtrack and then seeing it again in the theater and then buying it on VHS and watching the shizz out of it.

because do you know who plays the crush in “now and then”? that’s right, DEVON SAWA!

[crickets chirping]

what, you guys don’t remember devon sawa?!!! COME ON! he was totally a late 90s hollywood hottie!

allow me to refresh yr memory with a clip from “casper,” i.e. the movie i also bought on VHS just so i could rewatch the ending over and over again:

look at that angelic face!! those blue eyes!! and hey, it’s my old pal bill pullman!

seriously, y’all, the minute devon whispered, “can i keep you?” my 16-year-old heart was TAKEN. i became totally obsessed with finding out anything and everything i could about this adorable ghostie, and keep in mind that, at this time, the internet was still just a baby! so instead of pulling up IMDB like all of you lazy kids today, i had to do Real Research! newspaper clippings! late night talk shows! multiple issues of BOP magazine! fortunately, i was already a total professional in this arena thanks to my (still lingering! don’t worry!) eternal love for keanu, so i knew exactly where to look and who to ask.

and by who, i mean: WALTER SCOTT!!!

[crickets chirping]

ok, seriously, how did those crickets get in this blog? anyway, you guys, WALTER SCOTT!!! of walter scott’s personality parade!!! you may know it as the inside front cover of the most widely circulated weekly magazine in the world*: PARADE!!!!!

thank you, daniel craig, for the delicious illustration. HUMINAH!

being the intrepid journalist that i am, i immediately sent a letter off to walter scott in order to satiate my thirst for devon sawa knowledge.

AND GUESS WHAT Y’ALL!! GUESSSSSS WHAAAAAAT!!!

on the morning of october 1st, 1995, my mom woke me up with a parade magazine clutched in her hand. i remember it like it was yesterday, because my memory is terrible, and yesterday seems like maybe it happened ten years ago. anyway! she softly patted my shoulder until i opened my eyes (this probably took a while) and then said, “sarah! look! you’re in parade magazine!”

BEHOLD!!!!!!!!!!!

allow me to zoom in to the important section:

that’s right, pantsers!!! walter scott selected my letter out of tens of thousands*!!! and gave me some v. vital information about mr. sawa! and, most importantly, bestowed upon me the fame and fortune that comes from being a published author!!! you may think no one reads parade magazine, but you’d be wrong! old people love it! and so does everyone in my family, apparently, cos i got about a dozen different clippings of my letter sent to me by relatives and friends, all brimming with praise and congratulations.

did i mention i’m the only grandchild on both sides? honestly i’m surprised i don’t have a framed copy of this clipping somewhere in my apartment.

anyway, looking back, the most hilarious aspect of all of this, at least to me, is the fact that the all knowing walter scott FAILED TO MENTION the fact that “now and then,” *featuring* devon sawa (reunited with his casper co-star, christina ricci, awwww!), was coming out a mere FIFTEEN DAYS LATER!!! never mind the fact that “the boy’s club” actually wasn’t released for two more years (because it suuuucked!).

so THANKS FOR NOTHING, WALTER SCOTT! except, you know, publishing my letter. and giving me a taste for fame which may or may not be why i started this blog in the first place (it’s not, but i feel kind of bad for being harsh to mr. scott, so let’s let him believe… WAIT. is walter scott still alive?!!… omg! he died back in 1991! wait WHAT?!!!!!!!!! then WHO ANSWERED MY LETTER?!! you better believe i will get to the bottom of this by writing to personality parade and demanding the truth!).

and that, dear reader, is why devon sawa will always hold a special place in my heart, and why “now and then” always brings back such fond memories for me, even though i never had a top secret method of communicating with my bffs that involved flashlights and walkie talkies (dang it!). because when i watch this movie, i remember what it’s like to be 16 years old, totally crushing on an unattainable boy and looking for answers anywhere i could find them.

*this may be an exaggeration.

Disclaimer: secret dates are not my invention.  A couple of years ago, Erin read a blog about a couple that planned secret dates, and Matt and I stole the idea and have been doing it ever since. And now you can steal the idea from us!

So here’s how it works: every month, we alternate who plans the secret date. I typically keep a list of secret date ideas on my phone, and I’m on several fun Houston e-mail lists to find out when cool stuff is happening in town. We give the other person a little notice, clothes/shoes recommendations if relevant, and then SURPRISE THE PANTS OFF EACH OTHER!

Okay, that one’s not from a secret date. It’s from our honeymoon, which was not a secret as we were both pretty much in on it. But don’t I look surprised?!

Secret dates don’t have to be outrageously expensive or complicated. Previous secret dates have included bowling and a monster movie, an Aeros hockey game, museums, picnics at the park, a wine tasting, a crawfish boil, pub crawls, live music shows, visits to the farmer’s market or lunch at a favorite restaurant. The awesomeness of secret dates is three-fold:

1) Once every two months, I get to be surprised, and once every two months, I get to be sneaky!

2) We always have at least one night (or day) a month that’s all about us and having fun and being cute.

3) Food and booze are invariably included.

January was my month to plan secret date, and I’d read on one of my e-mail lists that Discovery Green, the big, wonderful park downtown, had a giant balloon that you could ride 300 feet into the air for beautiful views of the city. For only $15! Secret date plan: accomplished.

That morning before I work, I packed our oft-used picnic backpack with wine and snacks we had at home (including scones and a heart-shaped raspberry chocolate torte made by the aforementioned Erin, because she loves me and I don’t cook), and on my lunch break I went to HEB and got typical tasty outdoor fare: gourmet cheese, sausage, olives, etc. After work, I met up with Matt and we headed to the park for a delicious picnic!

After which we went up into this giant balloon!

Which was really fun because it was just the two of us up there for about 20 minutes, enjoying the peace and beautiful Houston skyline. (I’d forgotten my camera, so all of these pics were with my phone, thus the suckiness.)

et voila! Secret date festivity: accomplished. It was cheap, cozy, fun, and included food and booze!

Last Sunday was Matt’s turn to plan secret date. (It was also the last day in February, because Matt likes to cut it close.) He kept a close eye on the weather, and when it cooperated, fun commenced! We went to the Houston Zoo, a place I had never been before and had always wanted to visit. The day was lovely and we had a wonderful time, walking around and looking at (and squeeing at, in my case) adorable animals for three whole hours. You guys, look! At the animals!

I don’t know what’s up with this dude, but I like it.

Sleepy kitty!

Hop into my pocket, cutie pie!

Yay, I love you, animals! But my favorite was Toby, the red panda. He was so sleepy in the tree! So sleepy that we couldn’t get a good picture of him, so here’s one I stole from the internet:

I like him because he reminds me of Zelda, my ginger puppy:

Doggy bag!

At the zoo, we ate burgers and fries (food!), and afterwards, we headed to my favorite pretty-weather bar, Volcano, for tasty cocktails (booze!).

And that, my friends, is how you plan a successful secret date. I urge you to try it! Or not, whatever.

well, actually, we flew there to celebrate henri’s friend jen’s 30th birthday, and since i love birthdays about as much as i love tasty business (cos usually they are related! happy family!!!!), i figured that was enough to keep me warm.

HA HA HA. i am totally joking with you cos what really kept me warm was my long underwear! and the fact that the sun came out!! friendship is great but y’all it doesn’t keep you as warm as the fiery flames of the sun.

as jen drove us through the city streets on friday evening, i kept seeing mounds and mounds of totally gross, dirty snow. i mean, LOOK AT THAT:

that’s the first picture i took on our whole trip, as you can see by henri’s enthusiastic expression (usually i wear him down by the 20th photo). but seriously, there was so much snow! i kept having to make “better off dead” references! and then every DC resident i met informed me that the majority of the snow had already melted, so “this really isn’t that bad,” which in posh-speak means NEVER MOVE TO DC.

with that said, the city does have its charms. like most east coast places, everything looks so old and classy, esp. from the perspective of someone from texas, where the “venetian river” (complete with gondola!) at the outlet mall is considered an architectural marvel.

this is where jen and michael live! doesn’t it look stately?

and here is their cat, omar, who immediately fell in love with my suitcase and kept scratching at it with his (non-existent) claws.

heeeeey LOOKS LIKE IT’S TIME FOR AN LOL CAT!

yay!!!!

that night, jen took us to the gibson, which she described as a “fancy speakeasy.” OMG THIS PLACE WAS POSH TO THE MAX!!! first of all, there’s no sign out front, so you feel super extra cool when you go inside (well, at least i did. HOW CAN YOU TELL I’M A TOURIST?!!!). secondly, the bar serves “pre-prohibition style drinks,” with a dimly lit, classy ambiance to match. check out some of these fancy pants drinks!!!!

DUDE I KNOW. i tried the nuez, which was delicious and weird and hit me with, like, three different flavors at the same time. henri got the mary travelar, and see where it says “charred cinnamon”? that means it comes with a cinnamon stick that’s ON FIRE!!!!

these are the kind of drinks that don’t *look* impressive but trust me, they are. ok wait, i take that back. check out KP’s cobbler, modeled by jen:

that’s like, an exotic island… in a cup! check out the ingredients:

i also really love that you can order old fashioned punch. i bet it comes in a super shiny crystal bowl!

of course, no bar could receive the Posh Stamp Of Approval without serving some tasty business, and the gibson was PREPARED. look at these adorable little mini-corndogs!!! with… hold the phone… WASABI MUSTARD!!! MY MOUTH IS BURNING FROM THE AWESOMENESS!!!

our reservation at the gibson ended promptly at 8 PM (it’s like, pre-prohibition levels of etiquette over there!), so we walked down the street and hit up tabaq (i highly recommend clicking on that site if you want to introduce some incredible music into yr day), this mediterranean place with a fantastic view of the city. and BONUS: it turns into a euro-trash dance club after 10 pm!!!! that’s pretty much all henri needed to know to decide that yes, we were most definitely eating there.

unfortunately, i couldn’t get any good pictures of the view (um, it was dark), but here’s my favorite photo from dinner: michael and jen with their matching mussel pots!!! i think jen’s closed eyes add a nice touch to the shot.

after a divine dinner, we decided to leave, since the regularly scheduled douche party had been replaced with a “fundraiser” (no one at the restaurant actually knew what the fundraiser was for, which made it seem way more mysterious and exciting than a fundraiser should be). we ended up at bar pilar, a cozy and extremely crowded bar with one empty chair in the back room! which we claimed! and then used to create a game that henri called, “truth or chair.”

here’s how you play:

1. find a bar that’s really crowded but has one (high) chair left.

2. circle around that chair.

3. ask everyone if they want to sit in the chair but no one does because they feel bad.

4. start a game where the person in the chair has to answer one question from each person in the circle. and then make someone sit in the chair.

5. be sure to include lots of embarrassing, high school-era questions.

6. repeat.

y. oh yeah and laugh A LOT.

y’all this game does NOT GET OLD. it does, however, get v. intense. LOOK AT THOSE FACES!!!

it’s nice to know i have friends that can go from swilling fancy cocktails to exploiting embarrassing moments in middle school for personal amusement.

the next morning, i woke up to gorgeous weather! SUCK ON THIS, SNOW!

henri and i walked around adams morgan and stopped for brunch at this french place, l’enfant, where i enjoyed a delectable nutella crepe with fresh strawberries. LORD I JUST WANT TO SQUISH MY FACE INTO THIS PICTURE RIGHT NOW!!

at the end of our meal, we were met by… guess guess guess!!!! here’s a hint: he’s tiny, he screams like a girl and i love him to pieces. that’s right, the one and only TIM LOTT!!!!!!!!!!!

that’s actually a picture from later in the day; i just didn’t want you to have to go too long without seeing his awesome face.

y’all, there is just no one else on this earth like tim lott, and i was so so SO SO HAPPY to see him! it’s like, there’s this tim lott shaped hole in my heart, and it’s right next to the part that gets all excited about everything, so when we’re together, I GET EVEN MORE EXCITED THAN HUMANLY POSSIBLE ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING. some people might call this “hyperactivity,” but i choose to think of it as the Tim Lott Effect.

we wandered further down adams morgan, where i started to get all nostalgic for the summer i spent in DC (1999 what!!!) because some of my old hangouts were still around! i’m speaking, of course, about the famed club known as heaven and hell:

PSYCHE!!! um, like i would ever go there?!! i mean, a shark tank dance floor is one thing, but come ON. i just remember this club as being extremely trashtastic, and i was telling henri about it, all, “oh man, that bar was terrible! there’s no way it’s still around” when all of a sudden he pointed and said, “you mean, that place right here?” TOUCHÉ, club heaven and hell, touché! i guess you truly are as eternal as yr name suggests.

we sauntered over to dupont circle, which was pretty much my #1 neighborhood in ‘99, and i was happy to see that kramerbooks is still around!

my friend marisa worked there during our summer in DC, and i spent a lot of time chillaxing at kramerbooks cos there was no way i was visiting marisa at home (she lived in a frat house. LONG STORY but pro-tip for the ladies: never live in a frat house. no matter how cheap it is).

we found our way to this pizza place to grab a beer with… EDEN AND WINSTON!!!

oh dang this picture makes me happy, and not just cos we’re matching with our green and black! just look at those faces!!! those are faces that i miss, dearly.

it was definitely an afternoon of rice superstars, because an hour later we met up with mary, who i lived with for a year after college, and her hubby, john!

it should be obvious to you that, by this point, i’d uttered at LEAST five “i love you guys”s.

mary suggested we meet at the passenger, which it turns out is owned by the same people who created the gibson. it’s a cheaper, more laid-back space styled to look kinda like the inside of a train!! and the best part is that there’s no menu. you just tell the bartender what you like, for example, “bourbon and ginger!” or “vodka with a dash of something sweet!” and THEY JUST MAKE UP A DRINK FOR YOU!!! how amazing is that?!!! it’s like a surprise party every time you get a cocktail (customer suggestion: plz make confetti available!).

we spent two v. v. v. wonderful hours in a big booth near the front, catching up and pantsing around.

this always happens with tim and henri are together:

and THIS always happens when tim and sarah are together!!! YAY!!!!!!

after i was exhausted of all squee (ok, technically, that’s actually not possible, but after loving on three of my fave rice people, i was close!), jen, michael, henri and i headed to dinner at firefly, where i ordered, what else, THE MAC & CHEESE SUCKAS!!!

and it was preeeeetty delicious. not quite up to rivaling poshie award winner parkside, but still quite nomworthy.

at the end of the meal, our server brought out a slice of cake for jen so she could officially celebrate her birthday!!! cos you know it’s not a real birthday unless you have some kind of baked good.

the cake was actually totes crappy but don’t worry! we made up for it the next day with a visit to HELLO CUPCAKE!

it’s like the more polite version of austin’s “hey cupcake!” and, thankfully, a lot more tasty!

jen and i both ordered the strawberry lemonade, and HOLY PANTS IT WAS DELICIOUS!! the cake was super soft and flavorful, and the icing was the perfect mix of tart lemon and sweet strawberry.

my heart obvs still belongs to sugar mama’s, but hello cupcake gave my tummy a good run for its money!

soon after cupcaking ourselves, henri and i headed to the airport to fly back to austin. i have to say, i was happy to return to my snow-free homeland, but DC definitely showed me a grand ole time. in fact, considering all of the pantsing and fancy cocktails and tasty business, i’m feeling downright patriotic! MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE, I’LL BEE-EE BACK, DC!*

*not in the winter, ever

LINKS

if you happen to enjoy excellent music, check out the new morning benders album, streaming here. yes i SHALL be seeing them at sxsmas!

OMG YOU GUYS. jimmy kimmel united that 3-year-old crying girl with justin bieber because SHE LOVES HIM! it’s almost as awesome as the bill murray segment in that same video (and worth cringing through the beginning part with jamie foxx and jay leno).

check out this super neat music video from a band called hold yr horses, where they insert themselves into tons of famous paintings. yes but WHERE IS THE THIEBAUD?

speaking of cool videos, ok go’s latest makes me wanna play mousetrap really really bad!

someone said to me, “it’s like we’re inside a snow globe!!” like that would be a good thing, which does not make sense cos if we were actually in a snow globe, we’d be drowning in water. wheee!

ANYWAY!

today i present to you:

Nine Things That Are More Fun To Watch Than Snow!

1. the new “ed hardy boyz” episode, ingeniously titled: “the case of when that hot filipina girl lost her tramp stamp at mini-golf.”
dude, sweet cameos!

2. the warner brothers blooper reel from 1936.
james cagney! humphrey bogart! bette davis! messing up! OH NUTS!

3. new winston video!!!!!!!!
he’s licking himself! in a bowl! truly, this video proves i really can be entertained by winston doing *anything.*

4. new pictures from the wizarding world of harry potter WHAAAAAT!!!!
i know what you’re thinking: you can’t “watch” pictures. AU CONTRAIRE! in harry potter’s world, photos actually DO move, and can therefore be watched. oooh looks like i just learned the spell for OH SNAP.

5. the latest hipster puppy (it’s even better with the caption).
ok, so this isn’t a video either. can you please stop arguing with me and just ENJOY THE IRONIC CUTENESS FOR GOODNESS SAKE?

6. a little boy seeing lobsters for the first time, aka my new favorite youtube video.
caitlin sent me this a while ago, and i can’t seem to stop watching it. i also can’t seem to stop saying, “WOW! WOW!”

7.  mr. pickles, straight outta animals with casts.
HIS NAME IS MR. PICKLES!!!

8. totally unsane scotch tape sculptures.
i bet these people never lose the end of the tape.

9. this picture sally sent me.

so, yeah. FACE HARD, SNOW! now scram before summer gets here and beats the pants out of you.

so, throw some “ace of base” into yr itunes and journey back with me to the Year of Sophomore Sarah!

9/8/94

I think I’ve come to the point where I just don’t care about my grades. Well, I don’t want to make a C or below or anything, but if I got a B in Chemistry or Algebra, I wouldn’t commit suicide. I think the reason for this is that I know I’m not one of the best, so why compete? In English, where I know I’m good, I want to keep my A. I think I’m just tired of working and studying and want to become one of those “entertainment non-reality vegetables” that Mrs. Williams is always warning us about.

Had my first voice lesson with Tina C.!!! I was nervous but mostly embarrassed about my voice. She was talking about how these two girls that she taught were going to try out for “A Chorus Line” and how sensational their voices were (one of them was T., and ok, if she makes it, I won’t be a happy camper) and I felt so ashamed. I know my voice isn’t anything special, and she was probably thinking– oh my gosh, this girl is awful! I hope she doesn’t quit her day job [ed. note: like i had a day job to quit... unless you count high school]! I can’t even begin to teach her! But Mom reminded me that I’ve never had voice lesson and never sang professionally, etc. But still.

I filled out this poll in Yo! [ed. note: YES! yo! magazine still exists! at least i think it does]. I loved doing it. I put Keanu Reeves in for about four answers. I don’t know why I enjoy doing those so much– just because I like thinking of my favorite things or conceit or ? I wonder if they’ll use my name?!

*****we interrupt this dear diary entry to bring you the following breaking news: WE HAVE REACHED THE END OF DIARY #2!!! I KNOW!!! MAJOR MILESTONE!! somebody get me some champers stat! and behold, written on the last page:

Coming soon to a journal near you…

• Homecoming
• Christmas
• School Gossip
• More Facts on Keanu Reeves <–[ed. note: NOT A LIE!]
• And much, much more!

i love that i included a teaser for my next journal. that is awesome. even more awesome? that i included christmas cos SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE Y’ALL! XMAS 4-EVS!!!

and now, let us dive into the first page of diary #3!!!! p.s. where’s my champers?!!!!!

9/11/94

I’m either going to have to write less or buy bigger notebooks– I’m going through these like a cat in a trashcan [ed. note: whaa?]. Hey, if I made it up, it doesn’t have to make sense [ed. note: ah, ok].

I read today that Keanu turned down the offer to do “Without Remorse.” Gee whiz!! The story’s so awesome! And the character would be such a challenge!!! (just think– if it hadn’t been for Keanu, I would probably never have read it). But I understand where he’s coming from– he says he doesn’t want to get stuck in the “action figure pigeonhole.” He wants to keep doing the variety of movies that has been his trademark, and I’m glad. It sets him apart from the rest. Plus, in the book, the guy sleeps with this girl and they fall in love, etc. Which would be bad!!! [ed. note: LOLZ]. So, as you can see, there’s always a good side to everything.

9/12/94

I got a 99 on my Chemistry test [ed note: nice to know the "i don't care about my grades" phase lasted all of four days]!!! Wow!! Can you believe it?! And a 95 in Spanish. I didn’t have math homework, and so I didn’t have much to do. And I’m a Thespian! And 6 more points til my letter jacket!! Whoooeee!!! Now that I wrote all this stuff down, I realize that this was a pretty good day!! Plus, Biography is going to do a show on Gilda Radner on Wednesday, and Andy Garcia’s going to be in a movie tomorrow night!! Just another addition to my awesome tape.

Started “Hiroshima” for English today– probably going to be depressing but interesting. I’ll never forget about that book I read at Ascension about the girl with the glass in her head and the chopsticks and never grew. Scary.

Got a little article on Keanu playing Hamlet– it was on the side of this picture. People from Argentina and Australia have already bought tickets. Can you believe? And I thought I was a devoted fan [ed. note: ooh, little sarah, you are. you definitely are]!! But if I had the money, I’d do that too!! It makes me kind of mad to know that other people like him as much as I do [ed. note: oh shizz, this is starting to get scary]!!! I guess it’s cause I’m selfish. But hey– if nobody else liked him, he wouldn’t be famous, and I’d never know about him [ed. note: whew! psycho killer-ness averted!].

given the shocking nature of this realization, i feel i should ease you into it by starting from the beginning. see, meredith and i decided to launch the cinematic portion of our slumber party with “some kind of wonderful,” the under-appreciated john hughes gem from 1987. meredith had never seen it, and i don’t think i’d watched it since junior high. suffice it to say, we were unprepared for the SUPREME AWESOMENESS that is this movie.

i mean, that picture alone really says everything. OVERSTYLED HAIR! SPLATTER PAINT JEANS! DRUM STICKS!

what’s not to love about this film? first of all, you’ve got watts, arguably the most kickass heroine in any 80s teen movie. second of all, you have watt’s totally fierce red fringed gloves that i NEED IMMEDIATELY!!! and then there’s eric stoltz’s hotness, not to mention elias koteas, the coolest thug EVAH. and last but certainly not least, there’s the amazing, totally huge, wavetastic 80s hair.

and THAT, my friends, is where our mystery begins.

so, meredith and i are chillaxing on the couch, drinking our martinis and enjoying the pants out of the movie (“enjoying” = intermittently exclaiming, “eric stoltz is SO HOT!” and “WATTS, YOU KNOW YOU’RE THE COOLEST!”) when all of a sudden, the scene shifts to the party at hardy jenns’ (preppiest 80s name ever?!!) and… ERIC STOLTZ IS SUDDENLY WEARING A WIG.

I AM NOT EVEN JOKING.

meredith and i did a double take, much like this one:

except, unlike eric stoltz, when i made that whoah face, I WAS NOT WEARING A WIG!!!!!

and this wasn’t just for, say, one second of the shot, when it could’ve been a trick of the light or something. HAAAALE no. mr. stoltz wears this wig for the ENTIRE PARTY SCENE! and the worst part is that it is a HORRIBLE WIG. like, it looks like one of those cheap ones that come in a plastic bag that you buy at halloween and then halfway through the night you realize you’ve been wearing it backwards but then you decide not to worry about it because no one can tell the difference anyway.

yeah, THAT kind of wig.

after meredith and i managed to take a breath from our WTF-ing, i turned to trusty google to help me find the answer my rational brain was so desperately seeking. and you know what i found? NOTHING!!!! when it comes to eric stoltz, “some kind of wonderful” and wig, THE INTERNET IS A BIG FAIL.

i did eventually find a site that mentioned a reshoot, but it says the theory “is reinforced by a couple of points:

• The cars parked in the driveway at the beginning of the scene, are gone when Keith and Amanda leave the house (the original version of this scene has all the guests leaving long before Amanda and Keith do).
• The front door is still on its hinges when Keith and Amanda leave (Duncan’s gang break the door in the movie version).”

UM AND MAYBE POSSIBLY THE PRESENCE OF A HEINOUS WIG?!! i mean, you notice a door on its hinges but not the disappearance of eric stoltz’s beautiful hair?!!!!

after striking out with google, i realized that it was up to ME to address what is surely a growing need on the internet. after all, meredith and i can’t be the only ones who’ve made this disturbing discovery, and by golly, people need THE TRUTH!

and so, allow me to walk you through my investigation into the Harrowing Case of Keith Nelson’s Hair.

if you’d like to experience this mystery for yourself, here’s the scene where The Wig occurs. note the gorgeousness of eric’s hair at the beginning and then the sudden transformation around 1:24.

if you fear the video may be too shocking, i’ll break it down for you with pictoral evidence from the film. let us begin!

exhibit a: eric stoltz’s (natural) beautiful big hair at the beginning of the movie

exhibit b: eric’s still natural pretty red hair at the beginning of the party scene

exhibit c: WIG!!!!!!!!!!!! (taken at the 1:24 mark of the video)

exhibit d: STILL A WIG (and what happened to his sideburns?!).

exhibit e: WIG WIG WIG!! not to mention the fact that eric’s sweet face looks a TAD bit rounder.

exhibit f: REAL HAIR. THANK GOD (taken after eric and lea exit the house).

WIG IDENTIFIED. INVESTIGATION CONCLUDED.

seriously, y’all, WHY IS NO ONE ELSE TALKING ABOUT THIS?! is it a conspiracy to maintain the respectability of the film? because, if so, that’s ridiculous. not even a heinous wig can tarnish my love for “some kind of wonderful.” even in that particular scene, the wig can barely compete with the following distractions:

1. the pure douchebaggery of hardy jenns

i mean, the guy is a CLASSIC 80s teen villain. sure, he’s no james spader, but that hair! that swagger! that FOREHEAD! (trivia: this guy was on “on one tree hill”! which i don’t watch. but hey, i’m glad he got such a steady acting gig! good for you, hardy jenns!).

2. the total badassery of elias koteas as duncan

SWEET FANCY MOSES i love this dude. “this party is about to become a historical fact!” is now a permanent part of my lexicon, as is this INCREDIBLE statement made by keith’s sister to her friends at the mall:

“look, i was hanging with you fungi in a vain effort to cool you out, but all i’m getting is breeze, so C’EST LA VIE!”

which leads me to glaring internet omission #2: WHY IS THAT QUOTE NOT LISTED AS “MEMORABLE” BY IMDB?!! seriously, internet, you’re getting LAZY.

meredith and i did manage to find some fun, non-wig-related trivia, such as the fact that molly ringwald was originally offered the role of amanda jones but refused it, which is really good because while i love me some molly, she wasn’t exactly the drop dead gorgeous necessary for that character (and lea thompson totally brought it). also (and meredith already knew this), howard deutch (the director) and ms. thompson got married after making the movie and are STILL TOGETHER!!!! SUCK IT SUSAN AND TIM!!!!

with your wig curiosity hopefully satisfied, i will leave you with a little bonus i stumbled across in my intense research: youtube comments about the movie! holla!

“wow nice moral…..dont go to college, get ur girlfriend expensive earrings and wate the college money. nice.”

“So how long does it take a guy to figure out what is really good for him. to bad they women fiugrit it out ealry. Also when are women going to find out that not all guys what to go to bed with them. The guys just want to treat them with respect that they really deserve.”

“yay, finally a movie that ends right!!!”

to whoever wrote that last comment, i couldn’t agree more. VIVA WATTS! as for you, bad wig, all i’m getting is breeze so C’EST LA VIE!

as the co-host, plus being the actual girl, i get to help curate the show, which is one of those fancy words i’ve always wanted to apply to myself cos it sounds so artsy and important. but hello, why did no one tell me that curating is actually super hard work?! do y’all REALIZE how many cartoons i have to choose from?!! and not just the cartoons themselves, but the actual episodes?!! who remembers that stuff? ok, well, maybe you do! and if so, smarty pants, perhaps you can help me!

let’s begin with a series that may not seem like an obvious choice: voltron! DUDE! VOLTRON! so good!

some may argue that it’s not v. girlie, but those people are obviously BLIND to the sizzling hot chemistry between keith and allura, as illustrated by this incredible fan video (feat. the emotionally compelling music of dido):

of course, that’s not the only source of sparks on the show! that’s right, i’m talking about the FORBIDDEN LOVE between allura and His Sexy Evilness, lotor!

y’all, i can admit that one of the main reasons i loved voltron as a little sarah pants was cos of the romance, and there’s no shame in that. fan fiction, however, is another story. you guys it is ALL OVER THE PLACE. thanks, but i would rather not tarnish my innocent childhood memories with stories like, “the night keith got allura pregnant with his child*” (*ACTUAL TITLE OF FANFIC STORY, NOT SOMETHING I MADE UP).

anyway! after perusing through the episodes on imdb, i’ve chosen two that i think little sarah pants probably enjoyed the most. in fact, i almost MAYBE actually remember the second one! i’m including the summaries because they are SO AWESOME.

Season 1, Episode 15: Give Me Your Princess
Princess Allura puts the whole team in jeopardy when she tries to pilot the Black Lion without permission. Seeing no way to make it up to her friends, she surrenders herself to Prince Lotor in exchange for the freedom of Planet Arus. Enchanted by her beauty, Lotor accepts. But Keith and the Voltron Force have a plan of their own.

Season 1, Episode 30: The Sleeping Princess
Zarkon decides to have Lotor wed Princess Koral of Demos to unite a similar empire to Doom and she is eager, but Lotor still wants only Allura. Given a sole chance to take what he wishes on his own, he turns to Haggar, who offers him a blade that will put anyone whom it grazes into a coma, mistaken by all others for death. Haggar’s cat scrapes Allura with it, and she instantly falls unconscious for hours before appearing to pass away before her friends’ eyes. Everyone grieves, but Keith realizes that Lotor would not kill Allura so all must not be as it seems. The remaining members of the Voltron Force, knowing that Haggar will be responsible for reawakening her after Allura’s people bid her goodbye, decide to keep this knowledge to themselves as a secret and go ahead with the planned funeral. They try to follow the hearse out, but Haggar causes an accident which makes the driver lose control of the horses. Only Pidge is able to reach it, but Lotor has too by the time the others fly out to help. Pidge is determined to sacrifice himself if he needs to, and that may be the only option left to him thanks to Haggar.

OMGGGGG!!! EPISODE 30 IS DYNAMITE!!!!! i mean, that description alone is, like, better than star wars ep 1-3.

moving on to my favorite cartoon heroine of all time… SHE-RA! PRINCESS OF POWER!

as a kid, i loved this show not for the romance (there really wasn’t much), but for the pure badassery of she-ra herself. FINALLY, i had my OWN action figure to play with when my neighbor cory invited me over to play he-man (he even had the castle grayskull, which was pretty sweet). i cannot tell you how tired i was of always having to play teela and/or random bad guys that were actually action figures from another series which was totally lame!

with that said, there are apparently lots of folks out there who quite enjoyed the romance between she-ra and her main squeeze, bow. check out this fan video (my favorite part is how the song lyrics are all about a girl being swept off of her feet, when, um, obviously she-ra wore the pants in this relationship!):

i also can’t post about she-ra without including this robot chicken spoof which is, yes, totally clichéd but also BRILLIANT:

after hours of intense research, i decided on these two episodes:

Season 1, Episode 21: The Stone in the Sword
When She-Ra breaks the stone in her sword, she must undergo a barrage of dangerous challenges to gain her powers back.

Season 1, Episode 29: The Price of Freedom
Hordak wages war on the villagers of one Etherian town, but He-Man and She-Ra are there to help. Unfortunately, even their might is not enough and the whole party must take refuge in an unstable mine.

yeah, the descriptions aren’t as good as the ones written for voltron, but “the price of freedom” is such an awesomely serious name for a cartoon that features a winged unicorn and goofy witch with eyes in her hat.

and now we come to the most glamorous cartoon ever conceived, with a heroine so glittery and so posh, i had to dress up like her for halloween… obvs i’m talking about JEM!!!

ah, jem, the soap opera of saturday mornings! jem, the doll i secretly pined for while playing with the misfits doll some TOTALLY IGNORANT friend gave me as a birthday present. jem, the show i wish gossip girl was!

y’all, this show lasted way longer than i thought! WOW! after reading through the amazing storylines from three whole seaons (i know!), i settled on these two high drama,

Season 1: The Beginning
Jerrica and Kimber’s father dies and leaves his business to his partner Eric Raymond and his daughter Jerrica. Eric Raymond wants to take over Starlight Music to promote the Misfits. Jerrica discovers Synergy, a high-tech computer made by her father that has the ability to generate holograms. Using Synergy, Jerrica becomes Jem and challenges Eric to a contest: In six months, the Misfits and Jem and the Holograms will compete in a battle of the bands. The winners get Starlight Music, a movie contract and a mansion.

Season 3: The Scandal
The Holograms, the Misfits, and Shawn Harrison (the British teen idol Kimber met in The World Hunger Shindig, and has asked her to write a song for him to perform) are all in Venice Beach. The Holograms are supposed to go on Harriet Horne’s show, which is a famous celebrity gossip show. While the Holograms think they are not much to gossip about, Jetta steals Kimber’s diary and publishes it. Tabloids twist the story, saying Kimber is in love with Shawn and he has no feelings for her. Kimber must be strong and stand up to the scandal to come out of it on top.

name me any other cartoon that features an event called THE WORLD HUNGER SHINDIG!!!! seriously, jem, you were way head of yr time, in fashion AND in global awareness.

now, you KNOW i wasn’t gonna forget about мека мебелmy little pony, right? right!

i’m hoping zack can dig up this episode:

Episode 11: The Impractical Joker
Melody, Bright Eyes and Starlight are told that they are dating with the rockstar Chain Link. It turns out Patch was imitating his voice on the phone and pulling their legs. For her next joke, Patch gets Bon Bon to do a cooking documentary in half an hour, resulting in her cake getting burned. Using this film with some additional tricks, Patch sabotages Bright Eyes’ school class project and turns it into a freak TV show. Bright Eyes is so frustrated that she feels she and friends need to take action against Patch. Their amateur trick doesn’t work on Patch and she continues to pull pranks on her friends. Suddenly Patch spots a flying saucer in the sky and finds some aliens where it lands. As the aliens declare that they want to remove her brain, she panics and backs away falling into a tub of water. This alien scene was set up by the girls with a little help from Teddy.

wait SAY WHAT?!!! IS THIS A REAL EPISODE?!!! my little pony, you so crazy!

this one would also be an excellent choice, cos i love seeing ponies hold microphones and instruments:

Episode 3: The Battle of the Bands
Melody with her Rockin’ Beats band ready themselves for “The Battle of the Bands” competition, but Melody has a big problem. She can’t get a babysitter to take care of her baby sisters Jing-a-Ling and Ting-a-Ling. She is forced to take them with her to the band competition. Melody does her best to keep the twins out of her trouble while the Rockin’ Beats band is struggling to do their job. Then Melody and the twins make an entrance to the stage and the Rockin’ Beats band wins the competition. The song in this episode is called “Sweet Music” and is sung by Melody and her band, The Rockin’ Beats.

and because i’m practically a PhD in this stuff now, here’s the video for “sweet music” so you can enjoy THE ROCKIN’ BEATS!!!!

you know, as an adult, i would look back at my younger self and laugh, remembering how i firmly believed i would ALWAYS want to get up on saturday morning and watch cartoons for four hours. um, suddenly, that doesn’t seem like such a silly idea anymore. which is why I CANNOT WAIT TIL NEXT SATURDAY!!!!!!!

so, pants world, when it comes to girlie cartoons, what did i miss? hopefully there’ll be some rainbow brite involved, i just didn’t have time to delve into it today (as it is, i’ve practically got a dissertation on my hands).

i’ll leave you with the actually incredible fan trailer for the thundercats movie, which I REALLY HOPE WILL HAPPEN SOME DAY. after the live action jem and she-ra remakes, of course.

usually, my fall/winter mix is rather melancholy, cos, duh, that’s just how falling leaves and dark skies at 5 PM make you feel! this year’s edition definitely includes that general mood, but then those sad songs sort of get kicked in the pants by lady gaga and lil wayne. hello, let’s not forget that fall and winter include NEW YEAR’S EVE and there’s no room for any melancholy pants at my dance party! plus i need to move around a lot to stay warm (julian casablancas is practically like a snuggie to me now).

now, before you go hating on any of these songs, keep in mind that i strive to preserve an accurate account of my music experience. in other words, yes, i realize that “tik tok” has been overplayed to the point where i’d almost rather hear a black eyed peas song instead (I KNOW, THAT’S CRAZY), but i DID listen to it a lot in december, so i can’t omit it just cos it kind of annoys me now.

plus, if you don’t like any of the songs, you can delete them! this mix is now yrs to keep, play, dance with and/or heavily edit. so, i hope you enjoy it, and i especially hope that it makes the remainder of winter (PLEASE LET IT END SOON) a little less cold and a lot more pantstastic!

LINKS

jon sent me and meredith this AMAZING ROBOT UNICORN GAME OMGGGG. just wait til you see what happens when you die (hint: IT’S AMAZING).

one minute of “just 3 boyz” has me convinced that “funny or die presents” is gonna be awesome. and also, weird.

if you’re not following the choose yr own adventure series on FYA, you are totally missing out on LIFE CHANGING EXCITEMENT and EARTH SHATTERING DECISIONS. and speaking of earth shattering, check out the peeta vs. gale debate that is currently keeping me up at night because i always thought i was team peeta and now maybe i’m leaning towards team gale and OMG WHAT DO THIS MEAN?

as you all know, the most important television sports event of the year is happening this sunday, and it’s time for us to choose our favorites and place our bets!

i’m talking, of course, about THE MOTHER-CUSSING PUPPY BOWL!!!!!!! HOLD ON TO YR SQUEES!!!!!! (at least, until after the stupid commercial):

OMGGG!! SOMEONE GIMME A POMPOM AND A PUPPY CUDDLE IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

now before you make any picks, sports fans, i recommend that you spend at least several hours analyzing the starting line-up. obvs, this is serious business, so don’t be too hasty with yr decisions! (pro tip: to build a greater base of knowledge and thereby increase the accuracy of your choices, check out the puppy bowl historical highlights compiled by the onion).

as a professional puppy bowl enthusiast, i recommend utilizing the following guidelines when selecting yr star players:

• level of cuteness
• floppiness of ears
• size of head compared to body
• strategic placement of spots
• and, most importantly, SWEETNESS OF PUPPY EYES!!!!!!

after careful research and several calls to coaches, i’m excited to announce that my personal pick for MVP is… COCO!!!!

it’ll be funny to yell “TEAM COCO!” in a context that has nothing to do with late night television. but seriously, look at those eyes! that soft nose! those floppy ears! the oversized paws! coco has the makings of a PUPPYBOWL CHAMPION!!!!

as for the game in general, here are my super professional ESPN level predictions:

• average “AWWW!”s per minute = 45
• adorable puppy collisions = 89
• balls destroyed = 5
• times i really, really wish i owned a puppy = 7,498
• moments when i declare myself to be way more qualified than the ref at handling cuteness = 35
• puppy touchdowns = WHO CARES?

and now it’s yr turn, puppy pantsers! submit your picks & predics in the comments, and then get yr massive foam puppy paws ready for a SHOWDOWN OF SQUEE!

seriously, y’all, what has happened to the oscars? man, i used to LIVE for this shizz, but nowadays, the academy awards show is merely an excuse for me to dress up and make lots of fancy appetizers (then eat them, obvs). and i’m sorry, hollywood, but i have plenty of other reasons to do both of those things on a weekly basis, reasons that do not include teleprompter speeches and those two accountant dudes in tuxes.

seriously, though, oscar excitement, where hast thou gone?

i look at the current nominees, and only a few things really get my pants going:

1. the fact that kathryn bigelow and james cameron used to be MARRIED and holy crap now they’re going head to head in the best director category and DRAMZ!!!!!

2. i LOVED meryl streep in “julie & julia,” esp. cos i experienced that movie through a feast of french food at the alamo, which was divine. oh that reminds me, shouldn’t there be a category for Best Tasty Business in a motion picture?

DONE! you’re welcome, members of the academy.

3. i haven’t seen “an education” (on my list) but that carey mulligan is TOTES ADORBS! i can’t wait to see what she wears on the red carpet.

4. dang i enjoyed the pants out of “inglorious basterds,” so i’m glad to see that it racked up some serious nominations. i saw christoph waltz on TMZ the other day (i was at the gym, and it happened to be on one of the tvs, and “bones” was on a commercial break so DON’T JUDGE ME) and they joked that he grew a beard in the hopes of not terrifying people on the street and that’s actually not a funny joke cos IT’S TRUE. that guy gives me the heebie jeebies (in a good, “i’m so glad this is a movie and not my real life” kind of way).

5. i know she probably won’t win, but i thought anna kendrick was super awesome in “up in the air.” mostly cos she reminded me of a LOT of people i went to college with. ahem.

and… yep, that’s about it.

note that three out of my five points had v. little to do with the actual quality of the movie. what does that tell you? besides the fact that i have v. shallow interests, obvs.

my POINT is that academy awards have pretty much lost their relevance. i know, blah blah blah, lots of people have already said it, but have they said it in a forum i care about, aka this blog? NO THEY HAVE NOT. so i’m putting it out here for pants world discussion!

really, award shows in general seem like so 2001 to me. do the oscars influence the movies i watch? no. do the grammys determine which music i buy? HAHAHAHAHA.

to take it a step further, is there anything the academy awards could do to regain relevancy in my eyes? well, short of letting me take over with a whopping bunch of poshies, maybe nothing. but here’s some ideas anyway:

1. Focus More on the Seating Arrangements

i realize this has v. little to do with increasing the legitimacy of the awards themselves, but actually none of my suggestions will do that, so you’re just gonna have to consider that a lost cause and roll with me here. anyway, how often have you watched the show and seen, say, mickey rourke and anne hathaway sitting together and wondered, “WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE TALKING ABOUT?! are they making fun of renee zellweger’s bobblehead? comparing notes on the after-parties? playing MASH?!!!!” well, let’s find out! purposely seat the strangest combs of celebs together and put some hidden mics up in there! which actually leads me to a greater point…

2. Make It More Like High School

just like the oscars, high school is full of fakery, but the difference is that in high school, you KNOW who the backstabbers really are. so let’s forget about the whole “i’m just honored to be nominated” bullshizz and let those mean girl flags fly! i mean, my favorite moments in the oscars are the v. v. rare times when a nominee looks shocked to lose, so gimme more of that dramz! instead of counting on fancy accountants to verify the ballots, let’s move over to the Student Council System, aka ANYTHING GOES. if sandra bullock gets her motorcycle dude husband to rough up some members of the academy in order to get more votes, SO BE IT. if james cameron bribes people with promises to let them appear in avatar 2, well, that’s a lot more than anything “precious” could do for you. and if the rivalry between two movies leads to a food fight in the awards auditorium, with george clooney yelling, “FIIIIIGHT!” and kate winslet slamming pâté into helen mirren’s face, the resulting winner will be THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

3. Speeches Written By Other People

look, i get that winning an oscar is still, like, all of these celebs’ life goal and OMG I DREAMED OF THIS DAY BUT I NEVER THOUGH TIT WOULD HAPPEN blah blah blah. but do i need to hear yet another actress cry and thank her theater teacher? NAY. i would much, much rather hear a speech crafted by, say, patton oswalt or aziz ansari, and read by the winning actor. LORD I AM A GENIUS. seriously, how great would it be to see meryl streep win an award and then have to read a speech written for her by tina fey? i mean, that single moment in television would deserve its own Best Picture statuette, IN YR FACE AVATAR.

4. An Open Bar at the End of Every Row

well OBVIOUSLY.

i could sit here and try to think of more ideas but honestly, #4 is pretty much the Final Solution, plus now i really want to hit up a happy hour (and, you know, maybe get dressed up a little beforehand. and write a speech to deliver at said happy hour). so i’ll turn it over to you, pants world. do you give a flying pants about the oscars? is there any way to make it better, or is this like the time in high school when i tried to liven up the national honor society induction ceremony (MAJOR FAIL)?