Positive Parenting 365

Valentine's Day--Empathy Training in Our Homes

2012-02-14T16:03:00.000-05:00

                               Teaching Children Empathy on Valentine’s Day

                                             Reprint From 2010 Blogpost

“One heart is worth it all; one life; one family…touched by the love of Christ expressed through a caring church.”
                            One Heart Disability Ministry

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to focus on empathy. Empathy is taking love one step further. It is feeling how someone else might feel—and acting on that feeling. The “day of love” is the perfect time to focus on empathy—to add this important dimension to the character training of your children.

One of the things that we never allowed our children to do was to make fun of the weak or the disabled. Calling somebody “retarded” or “crippled,” or some such other name was strictly forbidden. However, we didn’t just not let them speak ill of or make fun of those people, we taught them to show love and compassion to them.

From their earliest years, when we saw somebody who was needy, we would explain to the children that we do not know what that person goes through. That we cannot understand that person’s pain and suffering. And that we should lift those people up, not tear them down.

If you read much of what we have written, you will quickly learn that we feel that one of the most valuable parenting tools that we have at our disposal is that of discussion. This is especially true when it comes to empathy training. We have always discussed people’s hurts with our children (at appropriate ages), and even charged them with the duty of making this world a better place through their Christian love and charity.

All four of our grown children are heavily involved in ministry. Joshua (our first born) and Kara (our fourth born) are involved in ministries to homeschooling families through our family ministry and through the Academy of Arts (teaching Christian drama to youth and children). Our second and third kids are both in full time ministry to the needy. Kayla will be joining the ranks of full time missionary, training other missionaries in HIV care and prevention upon her college graduation in May. Cami is our church’s disability ministry director (One Heart Disability Ministry). She and her husband work tirelessly holding services each week for over a hundred individuals in the Fort Wayne area with cognitive disabilities.

Obviously, if our children felt that they were supposed to work full time in vocational careers, we would be proud of them. We have always wanted them to do what God has called them to do. However, the fact that they are so adept at seeing others’ needs and trying to meet them brings us great joy—regardless of whether that is a full time ministry, part time ministry, or just what they do as Christian adults above and beyond their occupations.

Yes, “How do you think that makes that person feel?” is the beginning of empathy training. Teaching our children to see people’s needs with true compassion is the continuation of that empathy training. (And as an aside, we began “How do you think that makes that person feel?” with their siblings. We always told the kids that if they can learn how to get along with/be kind to their siblings, they can work with anybody in this world!)

We are not programmed to be selfless. We are not programmed to automatically think about others. We are born with a sin nature--a selfish nature. As parents, we have to make a conscious effort to get our children’s thoughts off of themselves—and onto those around them.

Many years ago, when the older children were ten through fourteen, we took a trip to Chicago. We spent a long weekend visiting museums, swimming at our motel, and, of course, talking. We had many opportunities to see those with needs and discuss these situations. Before we left that weekend, we had written a song (amateur poet, here) that described what we saw and felt that we still sing today—and that reminds us to look around us and see the hurting people—and try to find ways to help them.

                                                             “I Prayed for You Today”

I prayed for you today, though I didn't know your name,
I saw a hurting look, so I had to stop and pray.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you on the street,
Playing on your trumpet, for everyone you meet.

(Chorus) I know it doesn't seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn't seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

I prayed for you today, when I saw you with your cane,
Your yesterdays have flown right by, and now you're old and lame.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you on your porch,
You looked so sad and lonely, so broken and forlorn.

(Chorus) I know it doesn't seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn't seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

I prayed for you today, when I saw you with your friends,
Trying to be popular, trying to fit in.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you at the zoo,
Being a daddy all alone is difficult to do.

(Chorus) I know it doesn't seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn't seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

Empathy doesn’t just happen. Yes, we can say that one child is more tenderhearted than another. We can see leanings towards empathy—as well as leanings towards selfishness—in our children. But empathy is something that we can teach our children—a learned behavior, if you will—that we can instill in them beginning at very young ages, in our homes.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012---All Twelve Habits Together

2012-02-06T19:02:00.000-05:00

                                    “Twelve Daily Habits for 2012”

                                          (reprint [in part] from 2008)

With the upcoming new year, I want to share a series of posts about daily disciplines. I found out that in order for my children to develop good daily habits, I must first develop them. (Shock, shock!)

In 2008, I wrote an article entitled, “Eight Daily Habits for 2008. Now I want to revisit that with “Twelve Daily Habits for 2012”—twelve things that I try to do most days to have good days in my home, personally, in my work, and with my family. And yes, as I develop discipline and self control to carry out the “dailies” that I know I need to do, my children follow my lead and instruction to carry out theirs much better as well—because my kids’ good character begins with my good character.

P.S. If these habits appeal to you but are far from your grasp, consider adopting one habit per month---by the end of the year you will have developed twelve daily habits that will truly affect how smoothly your day, your family, and your home operate.

                                                      Habit #1: Rise With the Lord
When people used to tell me this, I, of course (being the big thinker that I am), envisioned an hour in the early morning hours, in a prayer closet uninterrupted, worshipping, praying, and reading the Word. Because that could never happen in my life (and I can give you eight good reasons why it never did!), I never truly felt like I was ever "rising with the Lord."

Then, I happened upon some verses that I could really sink my teeth into--meeting God in the night watches (perfect for us insomniacs!); God giving me a song in the night; etc. I might not be up at the crack of dawn, but I was often up throughout the night--those night watches and songs in the night were perfect for me!

Now that I am, well, maturing, I can't stay up quite as late as I used to, but I still pray at night that God will give me a song in the night and that I will wake up with that song. And when I consistently do this, I do wake up with a song in my heart, a song that God gave me in the night. Many days, before I even open my eyes, my mind will start reciting words to a song: "Lord, you are more precious than silver"; "Be thou my vision"; "Cast me not away from your presence, Oh, Lord"; and much more. I am rising with the Lord! He is giving me a song in the night, and I am waking up with His song on my lips.

What does rising with the Lord mean to you? It could mean waking up and reading the Bible or a devotional before you do anything else. It might mean a prayer time before you start your day. However God leads you to rise with Him, make it a daily habit! Do not make it so elaborate (an hour in the Word and an hour in prayer!) that you cannot continue it your entire life, but do make it meaningful enough to have an effect on your day (which should be the result of any encounter with God).

                             Habit #2: Do Not Go to Sleep Without Making a Place for God

"I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids, Until I found out a place for the Lord, an habitation for the mighty God of Jacob" (Psalm 132: 4 & 5).

Many years ago I found myself reciting a certain verse over and over to myself: "I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids, Until I found out a place for the Lord, an habitation for the mighty God of Jacob" (Psalm 132: 4 & 5). I taught it to the children and then made it into a song that my girls and I enjoyed singing for some time (and I still do today!):

“I will not (I will not) close my eyes (close my eyes);

I will not (I will not) slumber (slumber).

Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

For my Lord (for my Lord).

Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

For my Lord.”

Jacob was just a toddler at that time, and he, of course, thought we were singing about him--and often asked for the "Jakie song." However, for me, it became a nightly prayer/song. No matter what my day held; no matter how busy and hectic it was; no matter how I felt about this or that--I was telling the Lord that I would not go to sleep until I had cleared my mind and heart for Him.

I have had different Bible and devotional reading habits through the years, including reading to and with the kids most days, but regardless of my reading routines, this song/verse calms me and reminds me to stop what I am doing and make room for the most important thing—the Lord living within me.

How can you make room for the Lord everyday/every night? Some may feel that they are creating a place for God if they study the Bible before bed. Others might feel that they are clearing a path for him through family prayer or praying with your spouse. Regardless of what you do, do not close your eyes; do not slumber...until you've made a place for the Lord.

                           Habit #3: Start Your Family’s Day With God’s Word

When we start the day out with our children and God's Word, we are telling them that the Bible is the most important book to study and its truths are the most important knowledge to obtain. We decided nearly two dozen years ago that we would not teach academic subjects without teaching the Bible--and that it would be first. If we had time for the other subjects, great. If not, at least we had done the most important subject.

We have taught the Bible and character dozens of ways. There is no one "right way." Ray's favorite way is to open the Bible, read it together, and discuss it. He also enjoys “discipleship teaching”—just teaching while he and the boys are talking. (When the boys were little, they called this “Daddy talks.”) They work together in our print center a lot, so they like to discuss life then—and when he discusses life, it always eventually goes back to living a life for God. He also loves to teach them while we’re driving down the road (what Bible verse does that cloud make you think of?) or while they are doing “driver’s education”---great time to talk about selflessness, attentiveness, etc.!

I personally like using "programs"--reading from creation science books, character based books (like IBLP's Character Sketches), Bible story books for younger children (like our favorite, Family Bible Library), character booklets and other devotional type booklets, etc. Ray has read through “The Picture Bible” with each child when each little one was between the ages of four and six. I read through the entire Family Bible Library with each child around that same time.

We also enjoy reading devotional materials together: discipleship books, names of God books, Bible handbooks, and other "daily devotionals." (One of my many fond memories of teaching “Bible” and “character” to the children is twenty years ago when the three oldest kids would eat breakfast at their “little table” every morning, and I would sit at the end of the table and read to them from our devotional as they ate. Oh, sweet, sweet days!)

If this habit has eluded you in the past, just pick up a devotional or other "daily" type book (even if it is just a few paragraphs in length for each entry), and read it at breakfast every morning. That will get the ball rolling. From that will likely spring discussions and applications galore as you build those truths and principles into your children's lives.

                         Habit #4: Tie Heart Strings With Your Children Each Day

“Our daily input into our three young adult daughters' lives is like a continual healing balm to them.”

We can get so caught up in work, teaching, outside demands, and physical needs (feeding and clothing) that we overlook one of the most important things that we should do each day--tie heart strings with our children. Most parents have their children's attention for eighteen years. Those are years that we can invest in them spiritually and build relationships with them.

It is so easy to get to the end of the day and discover that we have not squeezed our special squeeze, winked our special wink, or hugged our special hug. This is especially true as our children get older and no longer cuddle in our chair with us or have "rockies."

In addition to the physical closeness that our children need, they also need our verbal affirmation and communication. Ray's and my daily input into our three young adult daughters' lives (ages seventeen, twenty, and twenty-one at the time of this original article in 2008) is like a continual healing balm to them. Two of them are heavily involved in demanding ministries--to the disabled and to the Spanish community (no English spoken!). One of them is searching for her place and working hard to prepare for her future. They need to connect with us. They need for us to tell them that we are proud of them and that we support their endeavors. They need for us to hurt with them when they are hurting. They need for us to say, "So, tell me about your day," and "Give me details!"

Tying daily heart strings is more difficult than simply reading a morning devotional or being sure the laundry is done each day. It isn't usually in the schedule. It is needed at the most inopportune times. The more you give, the more they seem to need. But it is essential. Our children need to have their heart strings tied to ours so that when the storms of life roll, they will have a safe haven of love and understanding---"Jesus" with arms and words of encouragement on this earth.

If you find that each day ends with no heart strings tied, try this little tip: In the corner of each day on your planner, put a little square. At the end of each day, write the initials of the child that you connected with that day in that little square. Purpose not to end a day without being able to write one sweet child's initials in a daily square. Each week you can look back over your planner and see who missed out that week. (You know, the squeakiest wheel gets the grease!) Then next week, you will know who needs focused on more.

Or try this tip that I did for years and years when our older children were younger: have a "day" for each child. We milked this day for all it was worth. It was the child's day to help me with dinner (or fix it herself as she got older); it was the child's day to do extra chores; it was the child's day to help teach some of the preschooler’s school. But it was also his day to pick two books for story time, sit in the front seat of the van if we went somewhere, and sit closest to Mom during read alouds. Heart-wise (and often unbeknownst to the child), it was his day to get a longer blessing during blessing time, to have a longer time with Dad at bedtime, and to get extra attention from Mom throughout the day. This is especially helpful for families with several children. Each child needs a day! :)

If you only do two things off my “twelve habits,” do Bible/character with your kids and tie heart strings every day. You can always get more organized, exercise, and work on projects later—your kids will be grown someday and these two things are not going to be on your “to do” list for forever.

         Habit #5: Get Completely Ready for the Day (Even If You’re Not Going Anywhere!)

Years ago, when my older children were younger, I seldom "fancied up" unless I was going somewhere. I often put on sweats, took my walk, then showered and put another pair of sweats on. I figured that if nobody was going to see me except the kids and Ray, I may as well use that time for something else. I hated spending time getting “fixed up” when I could be getting something done off my list (efficiency expert gone wild here!).

Then I became good friends with some gals who always seemed “fixed up.” They always looked great no matter whether I dropped in unexpectedly or saw them at the skating rink. And I decided that my family deserved more than ponytails and sweatpants.

Flylady (a self-help, organizing, cleaning guru online who helps thousands of women get control of their daily lives) sends out a daily email reminder early each morning that reads, "Dress down to your shoes." Her premise is that if you get completely ready for the day (as though you are going somewhere), you will feel more professional and serious about what you do each day. Also, if you do it first thing (or at least right after reading or exercising), you will be more energized to attack the tasks at hand.

Now that Ray and I dance for exercise after work some days, I don't just have to get ready down to my shoes; I actually have to get "dressed up" (well, somewhat dressed up). The studio where we dance has an unwritten "no jeans and no sweats" policy. But you know what? I like it. I have come to enjoy not being dowdy all the time! I don't panic if someone pulls in the driveway. If I have to run a quick, unexpected errand, I don't have to make excuses for my appearance to everyone I see.

Whether you get "fancy" each day or simply get completely ready for your day and presentable, if you are a work-at-home mom, homeschooler, or housewife with littles, I think you will enjoy it too. I feel so much better coming out to teach the kids and manage the home with myself pulled together. Besides my family deserves to have a happy, glowing mommy--and wife! Smile….

                                              Habit #6: Read Aloud to Your Kids

We have read aloud to our kids for years and years. When our older childen were little, they would get read to by me or Ray (through Bible, unit studies, devotions, and story time) three to five hours every day. Now neither of us has time to read aloud that much with the kids (and I admit I use talking books to substitute for me quite often!), but we still enjoy reading to and with the kids every day.

You have heard it all before--if you want to raise readers, you have to read to them. Children who are read to daily are x times more likely to become readers themselves, etc. etc. Guilt trip aside, we have found that reading has built a strong educational foundation--and tied heart strings at the same time. We have so many memories of "Jack, Max, and Axle at the Acme Painting Company" and "Morris learning to count," as well as inspiring devotional materials and awesome creation science books. And, yes, we have raised several readers. Even the ones who do not read lengthy pieces of literature love to read the Bible and inspirational materials. And we all still love gathering with a stack of Christmas books in December for long evenings of reading aloud.

Again, think baby steps. Just read from a Christian adventure chapter book every night towards the end of dinner. Or read two stories to the littles before naptime. Or stick a book of short stories in the van and read aloud while Dad drives. You don't have to read three to five hours a day. And you don't have to read certain books. Just enjoy reading and learning together.

               Habit #7: Do Daily Chores Every Day Even If You Do Not Get to Anything Else

Nearly twenty-five years ago we started the habit of doing the most important chores first thing each day. We might read together; then some will go do devotions while others exercise, but before we "hit the books" for the day, we do the most important daily chores for that day. For us, this means getting something started (or figured out) for the evening meal, doing a load of laundry (and starting another one), unloading and reloading the dishwasher, gathering all of the trash throughout the house and taking it out (and replacing trash bags), being sure the kitchen sink is empty and wiped out, making the beds (okay, well Mom and Dad’s bed anyway—since it is downstairs and doubles as the “den”), putting away anything that is out from the night before, and wiping down the bathrooms/scrubbing toilets.

About twenty years ago, we lived in a home with a full basement, and our schoolroom was downstairs. One morning we went down to do Bible and character reading together, and then I gave everyone assignments to go upstairs and do chores. One of the kids mentioned that it would sure be a lot easier if just did our schoolwork (sessions with Mom) right after Bible then went upstairs and did chores. I almost agreed, but told the kids, "No, we want to come down to do school meetings with a clean upstairs and all of the daily work done."

Well, when we came upstairs to do our jobs, we smelled something burning--and our attic was on fire. We had just moved into that house, a rental, so we didn't have smoke detectors up yet, so if we had stayed downstairs, we might not have discovered the fire until it was too late (especially as long as it took me to get through several elementary children’s school meetings every morning!). We called the fire department and got out of the house before any damage was done to anything except the attic. And I was quick to tell the kids that it pays to do chores first thing in the morning!

One thing about important (i.e. no clothes to wear or dishes to eat on if they are skipped!) “daily” chores that has helped me immensely in raising a large family with several children in homeschool at one time is to think of dishes and laundry the same as brushing my teeth. I never brush my teeth fewer than two times a day...and we never do dishes or laundry fewer than two times a day. Saving dishes for later and accumulating large amounts of laundry always depressed me. I cannot function in school, writing, and other household tasks with undone dishes and undone laundry (that I or someone else will have to face when all of our other work for the day is finished).

If daily chores are keeping you from doing the most important things each day, start with this one: a daily chore time for twenty minutes or so each morning in which each person has a list of tasks in order to conquer those "dailies" that keep getting in your way. If you have two, three, (or in our case, six!) people doing daily chores every morning, those ongoing, never-quite-finished tasks will not seem so big. (Note: If both parents work outside the home and the children go to school, I recommend a "cleaning up dinner chore time" in which everybody pitches in for ten to twenty minutes and does different tasks around the house--some clean the meal; some do laundry; etc.)

                                      Habit #8: Read Something Just for You Every Day

Parents are busy people! And last on the list of “to do’s” in our lives is often anything that is “for us.” However, it might behoove us to look at some of those things that we do “for us” as not being just “for us” after all. Reading for yourself each day could just be one of those things.

I’ve been a big reader all throughout my parenting years—parenting books, homeschooling magazines and catalogs, devotional materials, and discipleship books are staples that I have pored over through the years. However, a few years ago, I realized that I was seldom picking these things up anymore. I would stack them on my headboard or desk, look at them longingly, remember the days of long naps for the kids and my “lunch and reading time,” but not really get to them.

In the past few years, I have gotten better about going back to my own reading. But in 2012, I want to make it even more of a priority. Not just Bible and character in the morning with the kids, not just reading stories to Jakie, not just a chapter book with my guys, not just a family devotional at the dinner table—but my “Trusting God” by Jerry Bridges and my “Grammar Girl Devotional” and my “Writing Handbook” and my “Raising Kids for True Greatness” and on and on. Just for me…because in the long run, reading for me is not really just reading for me.

                                    Habit #9: Exercise a Little Every Day

If you have read Positive Parenting long, you have probably heard me say that I am an “all or nothing type of person.” This mindset can be either really great or absolutely horrible. It is really great when I have the time and energy to put “all” into something and come out with something wonderful because I gave it my all. It’s absolutely horrible when I can’t do “all” of something, so I do nothing. Exercise and I have definitely had that all or nothing relationship through the years.

I either walked 90-120 minutes a day, did “Abs With Denise” every night, and lost eighty pounds. Or I did nothing and gained eighty pounds. Definitely all or nothing.

As I have found with most things in my life, the older I get, the more balance I achieve—and exercise is finally coming into balance for me. No more all or nothing. If I can do ten minutes of arms and stomach a day, I do that. If I can ballroom dance for two hours one day, I do that. If I can take a long walk with one of the kids, I go for it. If we can play basketball in the driveway for thirty minutes, pass me the ball.

With this “new” approach to exercise, I will probably never be a size six again…but I will never be a size twenty-four again either! I am healthier than I have been since my “exercise mania days” (which turned out to be not so healthy when coupled with starvation diets!). And definitely healthier than my size twenty-four days.

So…do you want to join me in the coming year? Exercise a little everyday—ten, twenty, thirty, sixty, or 120 minutes. Because a little bit all the time is better than a lot very infrequently.

                                   Habit #10: Work on a Big Project Every Day

In the last post’s exercise confession, I described how I am an “all or nothing type of person.” This, as I stated earlier, can be a real boon or a real detriment.

I have always believed in the concept of “do a little bit of a big project everyday,” but, as is true with all really good things, it is not enough to believe it, you have to do it. And that’s where I break down a little.

Oh, I’ve had varying degrees of success with it—and have always loved the outcome of that success. Many years ago, I made a commitment to write curriculum a few days each week—a little at a time. And thirty thousand pages later (they are not *all* text; some are student “worktexts” with lines for the kids to fill in), I know that “write most days” really worked.

I learned a dozen years ago that organizing experts say that you can maintain an organizational system in twenty minutes per day of maintenance. We have applied this to most of our home’s organizational systems and kept things flowing despite full time jobs, homeschooling, and starting a business/family ministry. A little every day keeps things moving on bigger projects in the same way that a few “dailies” each day keep things moving on a day-by-day basis.

I even taught my kids to do this. I can remember our third child, who is now a disability ministry director and gets tons done every day, announcing near the beginning of high school, that no matter what her days held, she was going to do ten minutes of each subject every school day. Obviously, most subjects required more than that, but her thinking (and it is great thinking) was that if she got out each subject for ten minutes every day, regardless of whether she was working that day or going on a field trip, etc., she would make her way through everything by the end of the year. And it worked.

Two years ago I set out on a “do a little bit of a big project everyday” as I started Positive Parenting 3*6*5 and committed to write a post every day—365 days in a row, as much as possible. I ended that on December 30th with success—365 parenting blog posts.

I was inspired again to apply this approach to some big projects I am working on right now by the “Git It Done Guy” (http://www.steverrobbins.com/the-book/ and on FB: http://www.facebook.com/GetItDoneGuy?ref=ts&sk=wall ). This internet self-help guru described how he broke down a big project (an upcoming book) into twenty minute increments every day. I am doing the same this year with my outlines and presentation materials, as well as with our parenting blog and our Language Lady blog.

Truly, to “git ‘it done,” you just have to do it….a little bit at a time.

                                            Habit #11: Do Something for Yourself

This habit is definitely a new one for me. However, in the past year, I have lost forty pounds, forty inches, and three sizes—by doing something for myself each day. Exercise, face exercises, skin brushing, moisturizing, “anti-wrinkle” cream application, and more have been added into this busy mamma’s schedule that formerly contained washing my hair, face, and body with the same Suave shampoo that my husband uses. (I’m not a real picky person—with seven children, you either become flexible and don’t freak out over not having everything “just so”—or you make everybody around you miserable—and I have always chosen the former.)

At first, I could barely write the shortened form of my new “something for myself daily habit”—SC—and that doesn’t stand for South Carolina, but rather for “Self Care,” something I decided that I would really try to do over the past several months. It felt so, well, self-focused and self-absorbed. I mean, people are waiting on their new language arts books, my kids need their mom during the fifteen minutes I was standing in front of the mirror attempting to make wrinkles disappear, and I could be writing another book with that time!

However, I succumbed to the SC regiment—and I’m kind of liking it. Oh, I don’t do all of my “Self Care” tasks every day—and some days I fall into bed without even one SC done. But taking the time for these extras is starting to pay off—and I really love the new clothes I am fitting into! 

Habit #12: Kiss Your Spouse for at Least 15 Seconds and Hug for at Least 30 Seconds

“It isn’t, of course, the magic of kissing for fifteen seconds or hugging for thirty seconds that makes this a good daily habit. It is the fact that a fifteen second kiss is more than a peck, and a thirty second hug is more than a passing squeeze. The “time minimums” force us to stick around a little bit, stop what we’re doing, and be close to the one we love.”

This is a new "rule" for us (as of the 2008 original article)! Don't blush...you know that you function better in all areas when you have kissed and hugged enough! My brother-in-law, a much cooler, younger person than Ray or I, came home (along with my sister and their kids) this summer to visit following a marriage retreat that they had attended. When anything got stressful for my sister, he would say (as only Uncle Leonard can), "Come here, honey. You know we didn't have our kissing and hugging yet. That's probably what's wrong." What a sweet husband!

Leonard was just stressing something that all of us married parents need to emphasize: romance, including kissing and hugging, can help alleviate stress! Our kids thought our elevator kissing was unbearable already, without enduring it for a full fifteen seconds! But you know what? They secretly like it. :)

It isn’t, of course, the magic of kissing for fifteen seconds or hugging for thirty seconds that makes this a good daily habit. It is the fact that a fifteen second kiss is more than a peck, and a thirty second hug is more than a passing squeeze. The “time minimums” force us to stick around a little bit, stop what we’re doing, and be close to the one we love. Maybe there won't always be time for romance, hearts, flowers, and rainbows, but our marriage is the most important (and longest!) relationship we have on this earth. We need to protect it, nurture it, and shower it with kisses and hugs.

So….there you have it. Twelve daily habits* that make a huge difference in my home, life, and school. I did want to add that "daily habits," for us, has always meant "more often than not." We do not beat ourselves up trying to achieve perfection. We have found through the years that if we can do those important things four days a week at least (more often than not), we will succeed over the long haul. Of course, hugging and kissing has to be 365 days a year to make me truly successful in life. Smile…

***Parts of this article were written in 2008 under the title “Eight Daily Habits for ’08” and published in Training for Triumph’s homeschooling newsletter (as opposed to the “Twelve Daily Habits of ‘12” in this blog).

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #12: Kiss Your Spouse for at Least 15 Seconds and Hug for at Least 30 Seconds

2012-02-06T18:44:00.001-05:00

Habit #12: Kiss Your Spouse for at Least 15 Seconds and Hug for at Least 30 Seconds

“It isn’t, of course, the magic of kissing for fifteen seconds or hugging for thirty seconds that makes this a good daily habit. It is the fact that a fifteen second kiss is more than a peck, and a thirty second hug is more than a passing squeeze. The “time minimums” force us to stick around a little bit, stop what we’re doing, and be close to the one we love.”

This is a new "rule" for us (as of the 2008 original article)! Don't blush...you know that you function better in all areas when you have kissed and hugged enough! My brother-in-law, a much cooler, younger person than Ray or I, came home (along with my sister and their kids) this summer to visit following a marriage retreat that they had attended. When anything got stressful for my sister, he would say (as only Uncle Leonard can), "Come here, honey. You know we didn't have our kissing and hugging yet. That's probably what's wrong." What a sweet husband!

Leonard was just stressing something that all of us married parents need to emphasize: romance, including kissing and hugging, can help alleviate stress! Our kids thought our elevator kissing was unbearable already, without enduring it for a full fifteen seconds! But you know what? They secretly like it. :)

It isn’t, of course, the magic of kissing for fifteen seconds or hugging for thirty seconds that makes this a good daily habit. It is the fact that a fifteen second kiss is more than a peck, and a thirty second hug is more than a passing squeeze. The “time minimums” force us to stick around a little bit, stop what we’re doing, and be close to the one we love. Maybe there won't always be time for romance, hearts, flowers, and rainbows, but our marriage is the most important (and longest!) relationship we have on this earth. We need to protect it, nurture it, and shower it with kisses and hugs.

So….there you have it. Twelve daily habits* that make a huge difference in my home, life, and school. I did want to add that "daily habits," for us, has always meant "more often than not." We do not beat ourselves up trying to achieve perfection. We have found through the years that if we can do those important things four days a week at least (more often than not), we will succeed over the long haul. Of course, hugging and kissing has to be 365 days a year to make me truly successful in life. Smile…

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #11: Do Something for Yourself

2012-02-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

Habit #11: Do Something for Yourself

This habit is definitely a new one for me. However, in the past year, I have lost forty pounds, forty inches, and three sizes—by doing something for myself each day. Exercise, face exercises, skin brushing, moisturizing, “anti-wrinkle” cream application, and more have been added into this busy mamma’s schedule that formerly contained washing my hair, face, and body with the same Suave shampoo that my husband uses. (I’m not a real picky person—with seven children, you either become flexible and don’t freak out over not having everything “just so”—or you make everybody around you miserable—and I have always chosen the former.)

At first, I could barely write the shortened form of my new “something for myself daily habit”—SC—and that doesn’t stand for South Carolina, but rather for “Self Care,” something I decided that I would really try to do over the past several months. It felt so, well, self-focused and self-absorbed. I mean, people are waiting on their new language arts books, my kids need their mom during the fifteen minutes I was standing in front of the mirror attempting to make wrinkles disappear, and I could be writing another book with that time!

However, I succumbed to the SC regiment—and I’m kind of liking it. Oh, I don’t do all of my “Self Care” tasks every day—and some days I fall into bed without even one SC done. But taking the time for these extras is starting to pay off—and I really love the new clothes I am fitting into! 

Character Training From the Heart Seminar in Decatur, IN, Feb 17-18

2012-02-03T10:46:00.001-05:00

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012---Habit #10: Work on a Big Project Every Day

2012-01-31T21:28:00.000-05:00

Habit #10: Work on a Big Project Every Day

In the last post’s exercise confession, I described how I am an “all or nothing type of person.” This, as I stated earlier, can be a real boon or a real detriment.

I have always believed in the concept of “do a little bit of a big project everyday,” but, as is true with all really good things, it is not enough to believe it, you have to do it. And that’s where I break down a little.

Oh, I’ve had varying degrees of success with it—and have always loved the outcome of that success. Many years ago, I made a commitment to write curriculum a few days each week—a little at a time. And thirty thousand pages later (they are not *all* text; some are student “worktexts” with lines for the kids to fill in), I know that “write most days” really worked.

I learned a dozen years ago that organizing experts say that you can maintain an organizational system in twenty minutes per day of maintenance. We have applied this to most of our home’s organizational systems and kept things flowing despite full time jobs, homeschooling, and starting a business/family ministry. A little every day keeps things moving on bigger projects in the same way that a few “dailies” each day keep things moving on a day-by-day basis.

I even taught my kids to do this. I can remember our third child, who is now a disability ministry director and gets tons done every day, announcing near the beginning of high school, that no matter what her days held, she was going to do ten minutes of each subject every school day. Obviously, most subjects required more than that, but her thinking (and it is great thinking) was that if she got out each subject for ten minutes every day, regardless of whether she was working that day or going on a field trip, etc., she would make her way through everything by the end of the year. And it worked.

Two years ago I set out on a “do a little bit of a big project everyday” as I started Positive Parenting 3*6*5 and committed to write a post every day—365 days in a row, as much as possible. I ended that on December 30th with success—365 parenting blog posts.

I was inspired again to apply this approach to some big projects I am working on right now by the “Git It Done Guy” (http://www.steverrobbins.com/the-book/ and on FB: http://www.facebook.com/GetItDoneGuy?ref=ts&sk=wall ). This internet self-help guru described how he broke down a big project (an upcoming book) into twenty minute increments every day. I am doing the same this year with my outlines and presentation materials, as well as with our parenting blog and our Language Lady blog.

Truly, to “git ‘it done,” you just have to do it….a little bit at a time.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #9: Exercise a Little Every Day

2012-01-30T21:49:00.000-05:00

Habit #9: Exercise a Little Every Day

If you have read Positive Parenting long, you have probably heard me say that I am an “all or nothing type of person.” This mindset can be either really great or absolutely horrible. It is really great when I have the time and energy to put “all” into something and come out with something wonderful because I gave it my all. It’s absolutely horrible when I can’t do “all” of something, so I do nothing. Exercise and I have definitely had that all or nothing relationship through the years.

I either power-walked 90-120 minutes a day, did “Abs With Denise” every night, and lost eighty pounds. Or I did nothing and gained eighty pounds. Definitely all or nothing.

As I have found with most things in my life, the older I get, the more balance I achieve—and exercise is finally coming into balance for me. No more all or nothing. If I can do ten minutes of arms and stomach a day, I do that. If I can ballroom dance for two hours one day, I do that. If I can take a long walk with one of the kids, I go for it. If we can play basketball in the driveway for thirty minutes, pass me the ball.

With this “new” approach to exercise, I will probably never be a size six again…but I will never be a size twenty-four again either! I am healthier than I have been since my “exercise mania days” (which turned out to be not so healthy when coupled with starvation diets!). And definitely healthier than my size twenty-four days.

So…do you want to join me in the coming year? Exercise a little everyday—ten, twenty, thirty, sixty, or 120 minutes. Because a little bit all the time is better than a lot very infrequently.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012---Habit #8: Read Something Just for You Every Day

2012-01-28T15:56:00.000-05:00

Habit #8: Read Something Just for You Every Day

Parents are busy people! And last on the list of “to do’s” in our lives is often anything that is “for us.” However, it might behoove us to look at some of those things that we do “for us” as not being just “for us” after all. Reading for yourself each day could just be one of those things.

I’ve been a big reader all throughout my parenting years—parenting books, homeschooling magazines and catalogs, devotional materials, and discipleship books are staples that I have pored over through the years. However, a few years ago, I realized that I was seldom picking these things up anymore. I would stack them on my headboard or desk, look at them longingly, remember the days of long naps for the kids and my “lunch and reading time,” but not really get to them.

In the past few years, I have gotten better about going back to my own reading. But in 2012, I want to make it even more of a priority. Not just Bible and character in the morning with the kids, not just reading stories to Jakie, not just a chapter book with my guys, not just a family devotional at the dinner table—but my “Trusting God” by Jerry Bridges and my “Grammar Girl Devotional” and my “Writing Handbook” and my “Raising Kids for True Greatness” and on and on. Just for me…because in the long run, reading for me is not really just reading for me.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #7: Do Daily Chores Every Day Even If You Do Not Get to Anything Else

2012-01-26T19:32:00.000-05:00

Habit #7: Do Daily Chores Every Day Even If You Do Not Get to Anything Else

Nearly twenty-five years ago we started the habit of doing the most important chores first thing each day. We might read together; then some will go do devotions while others exercise, but before we "hit the books" for the day, we do the most important daily chores for that day. For us, this means getting something started (or figured out) for the evening meal, doing a load of laundry (and starting another one), unloading and reloading the dishwasher, gathering all of the trash throughout the house and taking it out (and replacing trash bags), being sure the kitchen sink is empty and wiped out, making the beds (okay, well Mom and Dad’s bed anyway—since it is downstairs and doubles as the “den”), putting away anything that is out from the night before, and wiping down the bathrooms/scrubbing toilets.

About twenty years ago, we lived in a home with a full basement, and our schoolroom was downstairs. One morning we went down to do Bible and character reading together, and then I gave everyone assignments to go upstairs and do chores. One of the kids mentioned that it would sure be a lot easier if just did our schoolwork (sessions with Mom) right after Bible then went upstairs and did chores. I almost agreed, but told the kids, "No, we want to come down to do school meetings with a clean upstairs and all of the daily work done."

Well, when we came upstairs to do our jobs, we smelled something burning--and our attic was on fire. We had just moved into that house, a rental, so we didn't have smoke detectors up yet, so if we had stayed downstairs, we might not have discovered the fire until it was too late (especially as long as it took me to get through several elementary children’s school meetings every morning!). We called the fire department and got out of the house before any damage was done to anything except the attic. And I was quick to tell the kids that it pays to do chores first thing in the morning!

One thing about important (i.e. no clothes to wear or dishes to eat on if they are skipped!) “daily” chores that has helped me immensely in raising a large family with several children in homeschool at one time is to think of dishes and laundry the same as brushing my teeth. I never brush my teeth fewer than two times a day...and we never do dishes or laundry fewer than two times a day. Saving dishes for later and accumulating large amounts of laundry always depressed me. I cannot function in school, writing, and other household tasks with undone dishes and undone laundry (that I or someone else will have to face when all of our other work for the day is finished).

If daily chores are keeping you from doing the most important things each day, start with this one: a daily chore time for twenty minutes or so each morning in which each person has a list of tasks in order to conquer those "dailies" that keep getting in your way. If you have two, three, (or in our case, six!) people doing daily chores every morning, those ongoing, never-quite-finished tasks will not seem so big. (Note: If both parents work outside the home and the children go to school, I recommend a "cleaning up dinner chore time" in which everybody pitches in for ten to twenty minutes and does different tasks around the house--some clean the meal; some do laundry; etc.)

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #6: Read Aloud to Your Kids

2012-01-19T23:45:00.000-05:00

Habit #6: Read Aloud to Your Kids

We have read aloud to our kids for years and years. When our older childen were little, they would get read to by me or Ray (through Bible, unit studies, devotions, and story time) three to five hours every day. Now neither of us has time to read aloud that much with the kids (and I admit I use talking books to substitute for me quite often!), but we still enjoy reading to and with the kids every day.

You have heard it all before--if you want to raise readers, you have to read to them. Children who are read to daily are x times more likely to become readers themselves, etc. etc. Guilt trip aside, we have found that reading has built a strong educational foundation--and tied heart strings at the same time. We have so many memories of "Jack, Max, and Axle at the Acme Painting Company" and "Morris learning to count," as well as inspiring devotional materials and awesome creation science books. And, yes, we have raised several readers. Even the ones who do not read lengthy pieces of literature love to read the Bible and inspirational materials. And we all still love gathering with a stack of Christmas books in December for long evenings of reading aloud.

Again, think baby steps. Just read from a Christian adventure chapter book every night towards the end of dinner. Or read two stories to the littles before naptime. Or stick a book of short stories in the van and read aloud while Dad drives. You don't have to read three to five hours a day. And you don't have to read certain books. Just enjoy reading and learning together.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #5: Get Completely Ready for the Day

2012-01-18T19:40:00.000-05:00

Habit #5: Get Completely Ready for the Day (Even If You’re Not Going Anywhere!)

Years ago, when my older children were younger, I seldom "fancied up" unless I was going somewhere. I often put on sweats, took my walk, then showered and put another pair of sweats on. I figured that if nobody was going to see me except the kids and Ray, I may as well use that time for something else. I hated spending time getting “fixed up” when I could be getting something done off my list (efficiency expert gone wild here!).

Then I became good friends with some gals who always seemed “fixed up.” They always looked great no matter whether I dropped in unexpectedly or saw them at the skating rink. And I decided that my family deserved more than ponytails and sweatpants.

Flylady (a self-help, organizing, cleaning guru online who helps thousands of women get control of their daily lives) sends out a daily email reminder early each morning that reads, "Dress down to your shoes." Her premise is that if you get completely ready for the day (as though you are going somewhere), you will feel more professional and serious about what you do each day. Also, if you do it first thing (or at least right after reading or exercising), you will be more energized to attack the tasks at hand.

Now that Ray and I dance for exercise after work some days, I don't just have to get ready down to my shoes; I actually have to get "dressed up" (well, somewhat dressed up). The studio where we dance has an unwritten "no jeans and no sweats" policy. But you know what? I like it. I have come to enjoy not being dowdy all the time! I don't panic if someone pulls in the driveway. If I have to run a quick, unexpected errand, I don't have to make excuses for my appearance to everyone I see.

Whether you get "fancy" each day or simply get completely ready for your day and presentable, if you are a work-at-home mom, homeschooler, or housewife with littles, I think you will enjoy it too. I feel so much better coming out to teach the kids and manage the home with myself pulled together. Besides my family deserves to have a happy, glowing mommy--and wife! Smile….

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #4: Tie Heart Strings With Your Children Each Day

2012-01-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

Habit #4: Tie Heart Strings With Your Children Each Day

“Our daily input into our three young adult daughters' lives is like a continual healing balm to them.”

We can get so caught up in work, teaching, outside demands, and physical needs (feeding and clothing) that we overlook one of the most important things that we should do each day--tie heart strings with our children. Most parents have their children's attention for eighteen years. Those are years that we can invest in them spiritually and build relationships with them.

It is so easy to get to the end of the day and discover that we have not squeezed our special squeeze, winked our special wink, or hugged our special hug. This is especially true as our children get older and no longer cuddle in our chair with us or have "rockies."

In addition to the physical closeness that our children need, they also need our verbal affirmation and communication. Ray's and my daily input into our three young adult daughters' lives (ages seventeen, twenty, and twenty-one at the time of this original article in 2008) is like a continual healing balm to them. Two of them are heavily involved in demanding ministries--to the disabled and to the Spanish community (no English spoken!). One of them is searching for her place and working hard to prepare for her future. They need to connect with us. They need for us to tell them that we are proud of them and that we support their endeavors. They need for us to hurt with them when they are hurting. They need for us to say, "So, tell me about your day," and "Give me details!"

Tying daily heart strings is more difficult than simply reading a morning devotional or being sure the laundry is done each day. It isn't usually in the schedule. It is needed at the most inopportune times. The more you give, the more they seem to need. But it is essential. Our children need to have their heart strings tied to ours so that when the storms of life roll, they will have a safe haven of love and understanding---"Jesus" with arms and words of encouragement on this earth.

If you find that each day ends with no heart strings tied, try this little tip: In the corner of each day on your planner, put a little square. At the end of each day, write the initials of the child that you connected with that day in that little square. Purpose not to end a day without being able to write one sweet child's initials in a daily square. Each week you can look back over your planner and see who missed out that week. (You know, the squeakiest wheel gets the grease!) Then next week, you will know who needs focused on more.

Or try this tip that I did for years and years when our older children were younger: have a "day" for each child. We milked this day for all it was worth. It was the child's day to help me with dinner (or fix it herself as she got older); it was the child's day to do extra chores; it was the child's day to help teach some of the preschooler’s school. But it was also his day to pick two books for story time, sit in the front seat of the van if we went somewhere, and sit closest to Mom during read alouds. Heart-wise (and often unbeknownst to the child), it was his day to get a longer blessing during blessing time, to have a longer time with Dad at bedtime, and to get extra attention from Mom throughout the day. This is especially helpful for families with several children. Each child needs a day! :)

If you only do two things off my “twelve habits,” do Bible/character with your kids and tie heart strings every day. You can always get more organized, exercise, and work on projects later—your kids will be grown someday and these two things are not going to be on your “to do” list for forever.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #3: Start Your Family's Day With God's Word

2012-01-06T10:27:00.000-05:00

Habit #3: Start Your Family’s Day With God’s Word

When we start the day out with our children and God's Word, we are telling them that the Bible is the most important book to study and its truths are the most important knowledge to obtain. We decided nearly two dozen years ago that we would not teach academic subjects without teaching the Bible--and that it would be first. If we had time for the other subjects, great. If not, at least we had done the most important subject.

We have taught the Bible and character dozens of ways. There is no one "right way." Ray's favorite way is to open the Bible, read it together, and discuss it. He also enjoys “discipleship teaching”—just teaching while he and the boys are talking. (When the boys were little, they called this “Daddy talks.”) They work together in our print center a lot, so they like to discuss life then—and when he discusses life, it always eventually goes back to living a life for God. He also loves to teach them while we’re driving down the road (what Bible verse does that cloud make you think of?) or while they are doing “driver’s education”---great time to talk about selflessness, attentiveness, etc.!

I personally like using "programs"--reading from creation science books, character based books (like IBLP's Character Sketches), Bible story books for younger children (like our favorite, Family Bible Library), character booklets and other devotional type booklets, etc. Ray has read through “The Picture Bible” with each child when each little one was between the ages of four and six. I read through the entire Family Bible Library with each child around that same time.

We also enjoy reading devotional materials together: discipleship books, names of God books, Bible handbooks, and other "daily devotionals." (One of my many fond memories of teaching “Bible” and “character” to the children is twenty years ago when the three oldest kids would eat breakfast at their “little table” every morning, and I would sit at the end of the table and read to them from our devotional as they ate. Oh, sweet, sweet days!)

If this habit has eluded you in the past, just pick up a devotional or other "daily" type book (even if it is just a few paragraphs in length for each entry), and read it at breakfast every morning. That will get the ball rolling. From that will likely spring discussions and applications galore as you build those truths and principles into your children's lives.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #2: Do Not Go to Sleep Without Making a Place for God

2012-01-04T20:33:00.000-05:00

Habit #2: Do Not Go to Sleep Without Making a Place for God

"I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids, Until I found out a place for the Lord, an habitation for the mighty God of Jacob" (Psalm 132: 4 & 5).

Many years ago I found myself reciting a certain verse over and over to myself: "I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids, Until I found out a place for the Lord, an habitation for the mighty God of Jacob" (Psalm 132: 4 & 5). I taught it to the children and then made it into a song that my girls and I enjoyed singing for some time (and I still do today!):

“I will not (I will not) close my eyes (close my eyes);

I will not (I will not) slumber (slumber).

Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

For my Lord (for my Lord).

Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

For my Lord.”

Jacob was just a toddler at that time, and he, of course, thought we were singing about him--and often asked for the "Jakie song." However, for me, it became a nightly prayer/song. No matter what my day held; no matter how busy and hectic it was; no matter how I felt about this or that--I was telling the Lord that I would not go to sleep until I had cleared my mind and heart for Him.

I have had different Bible and devotional reading habits through the years, including reading to and with the kids most days, but regardless of my reading routines, this song/verse calms me and reminds me to stop what I am doing and make room for the most important thing—the Lord living within me.

How can you make room for the Lord everyday/every night? Some may feel that they are creating a place for God if they study the Bible before bed. Others might feel that they are clearing a path for him through family prayer or praying with your spouse. Regardless of what you do, do not close your eyes; do not slumber...until you've made a place for the Lord.

Twelve Daily Habits for 2012--Habit #1: Rise With the Lord

2012-01-03T17:36:00.000-05:00

“Twelve Daily Habits for 2012”

(reprint from 2008)

With the upcoming new year, I want to share a series of posts about daily disciplines. I found out that in order for my children to develop good daily habits, I must first develop them. (Shock, shock!)

In 2008, I wrote an article entitled, “Eight Daily Habits for 2008. Now I want to revisit that with “Twelve Daily Habits for 2012”—twelve things that I try to do most days to have good days in my home, personally, in my work, and with my family. And yes, as I develop discipline and self control to carry out the “dailies” that I know I need to do, my children follow my lead and instruction to carry out theirs much better as well—because my kids’ good character begins with my good character.

P.S. If these habits appeal to you but are far from your grasp, consider adopting one habit per month---by the end of the year you will have developed twelve daily habits that will truly affect how smoothly your day, your family, and your home operate.

Habit #1: Rise With the Lord

When people used to tell me this, I, of course (being the big thinker that I am), envisioned an hour in the early morning hours, in a prayer closet uninterrupted, worshipping, praying, and reading the Word. Because that could never happen in my life (and I can give you eight good reasons why it never did!), I never truly felt like I was ever "rising with the Lord."

Then, I happened upon some verses that I could really sink my teeth into--meeting God in the night watches (perfect for us insomniacs!); God giving me a song in the night; etc. I might not be up at the crack of dawn, but I was often up throughout the night--those night watches and songs in the night were perfect for me!

Now that I am, well, maturing, I can't stay up quite as late as I used to, but I still pray at night that God will give me a song in the night and that I will wake up with that song. And when I consistently do this, I do wake up with a song in my heart, a song that God gave me in the night. Many days, before I even open my eyes, my mind will start reciting words to a song: "Lord, you are more precious than silver"; "Be thou my vision"; "Cast me not away from your presence, Oh, Lord"; and much more. I am rising with the Lord! He is giving me a song in the night, and I am waking up with His song on my lips.

What does rising with the Lord mean to you? It could mean waking up and reading the Bible or a devotional before you do anything else. It might mean a prayer time before you start your day. However God leads you to rise with Him, make it a daily habit! Do not make it so elaborate (an hour in the Word and an hour in prayer!) that you cannot continue it your entire life, but do make it meaningful enough to have an effect on your day (which should be the result of any encounter with God).

Watch for Daily Habit #2 coming soon!

Gift of the Magi--Link to a Family Read Aloud

2011-12-19T00:31:00.000-05:00

One Christmas story that we enjoy every year in various forms—an Adventures in Oddysey radio drama “spin-off” of it; short story in our compilation books; audio of it; etc.—is the O’Henry story, “Gift of the Magi.” It is such a poignant short story of sacrificially giving, something that many of us know very little about in today’s society.

I thought I would probably find it online since it is beyond the “copyright” years and is available in so many books. And I was right! So I wanted to share it with our readers, in the hopes that you will have a short read aloud session with your family—with a lively discussion following! “God bless us, everyone!” (Oh, wrong story…) smile…

http://www.online-literature.com/o_henry/1014/

Holiday Musings--All Parts--Reprint From Newsletter 2008

2011-12-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

Two years ago I wrote a “Holiday Musings” article for Training for Triumph’s newsletter. It has a lot of the same ideals that you will find in this blog—in season and out of season! However, I want to share it with you this Christmas. I pray that you will be moved and encouraged by it.

“Holiday Musings”
by Donna Reish

I love Christmas! I love giving gifts to my children; I love lights and beautiful decorations; I love doing family activities over and over again every year; I love baking goodies and giving them away. I even have a verse to substantiate my desire to give good gifts to my kids at Christmas time: “If ye, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your father, which is in heaven, give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:11). I mean, God knows that even we mere mortals love to give good gifts to our kids!

Although all of the things in my “I love” list above are somewhat “unspiritual,” we have found through the years there are some common threads that we try to emphasize/do during the Christmas holiday—some to remember and ponder what Christ has done for us more fully; some to deepen our relationships with each other; some to show Christ’s love to the world. Allow me to give you a list of my holiday musings.

1. Think about, talk about, sing about, and remember the true reason for Christmas as a family throughout the month. We have found many things that help us focus on the birth of Christ more and more throughout December: singing carols together; reading Christmas picture books with the littles in the afternoons; collecting nativity scenes; reading from chapter books that emphasize the birth of Christ, such as Max Lucado’s Cosmic Christmas, Gene Edwards’ The Birth, and Marjorie Holmes’ Two From Galilee; going to community events that point us back to the reason for the season, such as Christmas plays, live nativities, walks through Bethlehem, Christmas cantatas, movies, and plays that emphasize the coming of the Savior.

2. Create family traditions. We have too many holiday traditions to list in just one short article, but research has born out the importance of traditions in building a child’s outlook on many things—and it is so obvious when you hear children talk and repeat that mantra: “We always…” There is something about being able to say that we always, or our family likes to… Two of our favorite traditions are decorating the house together and reading inspirational Christmas stories throughout the month of December.

Our older kids laugh until they cry as they give play-by-plays of each ornament making ordeal we have gone through. (Our tree is decorated with only home made ornaments—another tradition we have is that of making ornaments together.) Anyway, they have a joke of holding up the sample ornament (one that I bought that we were modeling after) and holding up one of ours and chiming, “Sample ornament; Reish ornament” over and over. Then they tell about the time I threw the cinnamon sticks across the room in a fit of Christmas stress as we tried to make the “ornaments in a minute” out of cinnamon sticks. Then we all laugh some more—and I try my best to keep from crying as I think about Christmases gone by—and wonder where the years have gone and long for just a day from a Christmas ten or fifteen years ago.

Traditions do not have to be elaborate or expensive. Some of ours (besides the decorating night and ornament making) are as simple as watching certain Christmas movies while we wrap gifts; eating shrimp alfredo while we watch White Christmas; reading about holiday traditions each morning; learning a new carol together each year (all the verses!); having the kids exchange their gifts with each other on Christmas Eve; reading inspirational stories each night before bed; reading one of the Gospels during the month of December; etc.

3. Think about Jesus’ entire life—his birth, life, death, and resurrection—not just his birth. Linking the Christmas story to the fact that without it we would have no hope of salvation is important, especially with younger children. Two ways that we do this include discussing, reading about, and singing about the names of Christ and what they mean throughout the month; and reading one of the Gospels—not just the Christmas story—during December. This helps us focus on our salvation even more. (Another thing we have done to focus on Jesus’ entire life is to listen to Focus on the Family’s radio theatre “The Luke Reports.” I will put links to some excellent resources throughout December, so check back frequently!)

4. Reach out to those less fortunate—and do so in a way that costs you and your children something. I know that doesn’t sound very “Christmasy”—good cheer and mistletoe and all (btw, I love mistletoe if the right “mistletoe-ee” is around!), but taking a can to a canned food drive or parents buying gifts for the children to leave at the angel tree are not sacrifices for our children—and do not do much to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas—and the true meaning of sacrificial giving.

When I speak of reaching out to those less fortunate, I am talking about giving up time (a few evenings or days?) and money (money with which a child could buy himself something). I’m talking about doing hard things. I’m talking about getting dirty, being inconvenienced, etc. I know that sounds strange, but honestly, what could we possibly do or give that would be too much for our Lord? Find true, meaningful service projects for your children—extensive time spent at a nursing home or group home caroling, making cookies with residents, reading to them, etc.; earning money to be used to give gifts to truly poor or forgotten people (like county home residents or the disabled); going out into the homes of people who never have a Christmas visitor; serving food at a soup kitchen; cleaning mattresses at a rescue mission. Focus on others more than ever before this Christmas—your children will thank you for it eventually. (For the new year, read the stories written by the author of Mandate for Mercy (also the founder of the Mercy Ship ministry) about how his mom made his family squeeze together in the car every week to pick up poor and desperate people to take them to church—and the impact this had on this man causing him to spend his life on the poor and desolate—this is the kind of reaching out we are purporting here.)

5. Reach out to your relatives. Yes, those strangers who are watching television the whole family get together while puffing away on their cigarettes. Teach your children to go to family get togethers to serve—not to judge. Start out teaching your children about this concept of serving relatives with a Bible study (ahead of time) on “being great in God’s kingdom by serving” and “doing for others asking nothing in return” and “being a light by your good works.” Then, if it is true, tell your children that you have been more concerned about yourself than you have of others at past family get togethers. And that you want your entire family to change all of that. That you want to “do your good works that others would glorify your father in heaven.” Discuss ways that you can do this during this holiday season: working harder to make good dishes to the gatherings (no lentil casserole, please—bless these people with fat and sugar!); helping with young cousins; encouraging grandparents; helping to set up and take down; being kind to each other as an example of family unity to those who might not have any idea what that looks like. (Note: Because I always get asked this, I will put a caveat here—I am not talking about reaching out to relatives in any way that would put your children in danger. We recommend that your children never be left with non-Christians and never be put in situations in which they could be harmed.)

6. Really talk to others this holiday season. Your ministry of bringing your relatives to Christ will begin not with your family’s judgment of them, but with your interest and concern for their lives in general. Jeff Myers, leadership specialist and founder of Passing the Baton, gives the following list of things to discuss this year with relatives young and old. Some are one-on-one types of discussions while others would work well for group discussions**:

Express thanks to someone in the room for something they did for you.

"I'm thankful for..." Finish the sentence.

If you could have the attention of the whole world for 30 seconds, what would you say?

One thing I'm thankful for about our country.

What is the key to success in life? Why do you say that?

Tell about a lesson you learned the hard way.

What are some ways life is different now than in the old days?

Tell a story of a decision your ancestors made that changed the direction of their lives-and yours.

Tell about a lesson you learned by watching someone else.

"A person I would like to honor publicly is..."

"Time and money aside, I would rather be..."

Tell about an experience that changed you for the better.

Tell a story about something that started out bad but had a happy ending.

"My first hero was _________."

Tell about a time when you showed courage.

Describe a teacher who had a significant influence on your life.

Tell about an invention that made your life easier.

"The most admired public figure when I was growing up was ____." Tell a story.

Tell about a memorable event in your life.

"A famous person I've met is _____." Tell about the experience.

"I got in so much trouble..." Tell the story!

(www.passingthebaton.readyportal.net/page/68289/;jsessionid=6rj638as0ohf7 )

**Note: These are good to print off and use as dinner discussion for your immediate family, too!

6. Express genuine gratefulness to God and others. December is a month to really display the quality of gratefulness—and to teach your children to do so too. Not just mere ”thank-you’s”—but sincere thanksgiving to God for His Son and for others for everything they do for us. Teaching children to say thank-you, write thank-you notes, etc. is a start. However, gratefulness begins with the realization that everything good we have comes from the hand of God. That we are nothing without Him. And that He knows what we need more than we do. It is deepened when we give up materialism—the idea that we have to have this or that in order to be happy—and focus instead on the good things God has done for us. Thoughts on materialism would require an entire article in itself, but when we have to have things to make us happy, when our mood and outlook change as a result of getting more and more, or when we cannot be happy in whatever situation we are in (materially speaking), we are probably steeped in materialism. Praying through this, sharing with our family the importance of giving up our ideas that we somehow deserve this or that, focusing on gratefulness for all that God has done for us outside the material things we are lacking—these are ways to feel and exhibit true gratefulness.

7. Spend quality time reaching into your children’s hearts. That’s a tough one, huh? I mean, the busiest time of the year, and we have to add another thing to the list. I remember vividly eighteen years ago when I had five kids ten and under. I still had younger siblings at home who would come and spend a lot of Christmas week with us. I made four Christmas dinners in a row for various relatives. I got up early in the morning to make home baked bread and rolls and went to bed late at night to get the overnight breakfast casseroles in the oven. I get tired just thinking about it. I was trying to serve others, but found myself distanced from my kids by the time the holiday week was over. I can remember looking at Joshua, then ten, one evening after the relatives had all left, and calling him over to ”sit in Mommy’s rainbow” (my bent legs as I lay on the sofa)—and he seemed so far away. I had been with him all week—I was usually with my older kids all the time as they did not have any older siblings to take them anywhere like my littles now have! However, I felt so far from him. I had let the busy-ness of Christmas keep me from those I love the most. Now I have to remind myself that one more home made goody or one more shopping day is not worth distancing myself from my children. Stay close. It’s Christmas!

This Christmas I pray that all of us can ”keep Christmas” in a way that glorifies God and teaches our children deep Christmas truths.

*Copyright TFT 2008

Joni and Friends Wheels for the World "Miracle Story" of JAKE

2011-09-14T07:47:00.000-04:00

Had to share this latest devo from Joni and Friends daily devotional. (You may subscribe to receive them in your email inbox or your FB feed at http://www.joniandfriends.org/daily-devotional/ )

There are many times when we can clearly look at a situation, and if we are people of faith, declare the action a complete miracle (as opposed to a "coincidence"). This JAF story is definitely one of those. Read it to your family at dinner tonight! :)

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. --Proverbs 19:21

Our Wheels for the World team arrived in a small town in Poland to distribute 225 wheelchairs and Bibles. Before the day had hardly begun, however, their plans were in shreds. The assigned room was tiny and cramped. But before anyone could come up with a plan B, streams of families with disabled children began pouring through the doors. The place quickly became packed and noisy. Everything was thrown into confusion. "Lord Jesus," the team prayed together, "may your purpose prevail here." Then they went to work greeting families, assessing needs, locating pre-assigned wheelchairs, and sharing the Gospel of Jesus at every opportunity.

The afternoon wore on. A tired father, carrying his little five-year-old disabled boy on his back, finally reached the head of the line. But when he lifted his son into the pre-assigned chair, his shoulders slumped. It didn't fit! "I am so sorry!" our seating specialist exclaimed, "this is the wrong chair." But there were only a few chairs left. Pushing aside several adult chairs, she reached for a child-sized one. But it was highly customized, with side supports-including blue leather backing with "Jake" stitched across the middle. In the end, there was no other choice. It was that chair or nothing. When the father lifted his boy into the new chair, it fit perfectly! An interpreter exclaimed, "It's like it was made for him!"

"By the way, what is your son's name?" someone asked the boy's mother. "Jakob," she replied-and everyone gasped! When an interpreter explained to the boy's mystified parents that "Jake" is the shortened version of Jakob-they, too, cried for joy. The whole family-along with almost sixty others-opened their hearts to receive Jesus that day. The Lord's purpose had prevailed!

Parenting Seminar Near Fort Wayne, IN

2011-09-13T22:29:00.001-04:00

Openings in Our Cottage Classes Near Ossian, Indiana

2011-08-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

I tried to get this as a note on FB at TFT, so I wouldn't need to put it here, but it wouldn't work....so....if you are not from near us or are not a homeschooler who might be interested in cottage classes, just hit delete! :) Thanks for your patience with my lack of savvy with technology!

Anyway, we still have openings in a few of our homeschool cottage classes near Ossian, Indiana to be held on Wednesdays.

Specifically, we have openings in CQLA Level A, CQLA Level B, and Ancient History.

I am going to post the information below about the Ancient History class. It is taught by our son who has an undergraduate degree in history. He is an amazing teacher with detailed handouts and amazing power point presentations each week. If you have a student in sixth grade or above who would like to "audit" this class--just listen to the lectures, receive the handouts, etc, but not do it for high school credit/complete the homework, let us know. Our younger kids often do that with Joshua's classes--they are that enjoyable.

Follow this link for more class information (schedules/prices, etc.): http://www.tfths.com/classes.php

Learn more details about the Ancient History class below:

Week One‐‐Egypt: Deals with the rise of Egypt with a focus on the people who built ancient Egypt into a great nation. These include Narmer, the man who unified Egypt; Snefru, the persistent Pharaoh who build the first pyramids; Hatshepsut, the female Pharaoh; Tuthmosis III, the great conqueror; and the most unusual Pharaoh in Egyptian history, Akhenaten. Other topics covered in this week are the importance of the Nile River, multiple instances of collapse and rise, and the impact of Joseph on Egypt.

Week Two—Egypt: Covers Ramses the Great, who came to power at the height of Egypt’s power. He is known as the Great because of his military accomplishments, including the famous battle of Kadesh, as well as his vast building projects across Egypt. After Ramses, the empire began a long decline that led to Egypt being conquered by a succession of foreign invaders including the Assyrians, the Nubians, the Persians, and Alexander the Great. This class finished by examining the Ptolemies. They were responsible for building the Great Lighthouse and the Library at Alexandria as well as translating the Old Testament into Greek. This class also covers the Exodus.

Week Three‐‐Historiography and Barbarians: This class is divided into two parts. The first deals with historiography—literally the study of history. What kind of evidence do historians have about the ancient world? How can the study of pottery shards and skeletons tell us how people lived thousands of years ago? How do historians use documentary evidence (such as the Bible) to shed light on ancient cultures? The second part of this week deals with the so called Barbarians who invaded established empires from China to Rome. Who were these people and why were they hated and feared by the most powerful nations in the world?

Week Four‐‐The Middle East: This lesson covers the empires of the Fertile Crescent. Sargon built the world’s first true empire. Ur attempted to build a communist style economy and failed miserably. Hammurabi conquered a great empire but is most known for his legal system established in the Code of Hammurabi. The Kassites ruled from Babylon before they were conquered by the greatest empire of the near east: Assyria. The Assyrians were able to conquer and control most of the Middle East using ingenious and brutal tactics including the forced deportation of the ten northern tribes of Israel.

Week Five—Persia: This class begins by looking at the glorious but short lived Babylonians and their greatest king Nebuchadnezzar. Cyrus the Great made Persia a great power by conquering Babylon, Egypt, and Lydia. The Persians were an unusual people to create an empire since they were originally nomadic herders. Cyrus was praised by many of his enemies. Greek accounts remember him as just, kind, and wise. The Old Testament tells the story of Cyrus sending the captive Israelites home. Later rulers struggled with rebellions in Babylon and Egypt, two failed invasions of Greece, and finally, the destruction of the empire by Alexander the Great.

Week Six—India: The kingdoms of ancient India were incredibly wealthy. Beginning with the Indus Valley civilization and whose water and sewage systems were thousands of years ahead of their time. But the civilization disappeared mysteriously. The Mauryan Empire was as large and wealthy as Persia or Assyria and, under Asoka, guaranteed freedom of religion to all of its citizens. India was rarely united but that didn’t stop them from changing the world. They traded all over the known world, invented chess, proved the world was round, invented the decimal system and were the first to use the number zero.

Week 7 – China: China was without a doubt the greatest civilization of the ancient world. In terms of size and technological accomplishments they left the other great empires far behind. This lesson begins by looking at the unifying factors of China such as Confucius and the “Mandate of Heaven” which gave the emperor absolute power as long as he served the people’s interest. We will also look at the vast irrigation and canal networks that allowed China to have a population far larger than other ancient empires. The Chinese invented paper, printing, gunpowder, money, wind power, the iron‐tipped plow, and much more.

Week 8 – China: This class focuses on the fall and rise of China after the Mongol invasion. Despite their technological advances and incredible wealth the Chinese always struggled with nomadic invaders. The Mongols were one of those invaders and ruled China for nearly one hundred years. But they were expelled by a beggar named Zhu Yuanzhang who established the Ming Dynasty. The Ming dynasty continued China’s greatness. One of their greatest achievements was the grand fleet of the early 1400s. The ships of the fleet had watertight compartments like the Titanic—only hundreds of years earlier. The largest could carry between 500 and 1000 men—compared to the 40 carried by Christopher Columbus’s Santa Maria.

Week 9–Africa: Africa is often overlooked by many but has a fascinating history of its own. Ethiopia became a Christian nation shortly after the death of Christ and remained independent for over 1600 years. In West Africa three kingdoms, Ghana, Mali, and Songhai built trading empires that specialized in the gold trade. They were so wealthy that when Mali ruler Mansa Musa took a pilgrimage to Mecca he spent so much that gold lost much of its value throughout the Middle East. But the kingdoms collapsed and the “gold coast” later became known as the “slave coast” because of the slave trade. In the East Swahili city states and cattle kingdoms traded with India and Southeast Asia.

Week 10–America: Pre‐Columbian Americans lived in all types of societies from tribes, to small kingdoms, to grand empires. Meso‐Americans were characterized by healthy populations and long life expectancy thanks to modern agricultural techniques. The Aztecs and Olmecs lived in stratified empires. Both of them were nearly always at war with their neighbors.

Week 11‐‐Rise of Athens: No ancient civilization has as much of an impact on America as Athens. This week covers the birth of democracy and how it was almost destroyed. The lesson begins with the father of democracy, Solon, and his reforms which planted the seed but ultimately failed. After overthrowing a tyranny the Athenians turned to Cleisthenes who built on Solon’s foundation and created the world’s first successful democracy. But the mighty Persian Empire threatened to destroy Athens but the Greeks defeated them at Marathon and later at Salamis.

Week 12‐‐The Fall of Athens: Greek advances during the golden age include some of the first historical works, the birth of scientific medicine, advances in mathematics, art, and architecture. But the Peloponnesian War with Sparta changed that. Early in the conflict a plague broke out which killed the Athenian leader Pericles. But it was the failed invasion of Sicily which crippled Athens.

Week 13‐‐Alexander the Great: The small and rarely united kingdom of Macedon became a world power because of two kings. The first was Phillip who revolutionized the Macedonian military and conquered

all of the Greek city states including Athens. His son Alexander conquered the great Persian Empire. Even though Alexander ruled his entire empire for only three years before dying in Babylon he spread Greek culture throughout the Middle East.

Week 14‐‐Rise of Rome: Rome was established as a small city on the banks of the Tiber. Early in their history the Roman people overthrew the monarchy and fought a series of wars to remain independent and free. They began to unite Italy before running up against the powerful empire of Carthage. In a series of wars the Roman republic conquered Carthage.

Week 15‐‐Republic to Empire: The Roman people hated the idea of having a king. And after conquering Carthage it seemed that the free people of Rome could not be stopped. But as they grew the Senate became more and more corrupt. Pirate raids and slave rebellions led many Romans to consider the unthinkable—a single ruler instead of a republic. The people got their hero in Julius Caesar who was assassinated. But his adopted son Augustus Caesar replaced the republic with and Empire.

Week 16—Israel: This lesson begins with the Old Testament including Joshua’s conquest, and kingdom of Saul, David, and Solomon, the divided monarchy, and the Babylonian captivity. But this lesson will continue the story of Israel with the Maccabean revolt against the Seleucid Empire. The Maccabees established the Hasmonean dynasty which ruled over a kingdom larger than David or Solomon. But they were overcome by Rome who put Herod in charge of the kingdom. Israel wanted independence and rebelled leading to the destruction of Jerusalem.

Back-to-School Study Skills--Textbook Previewing With Your Kids Part I of III

2011-08-17T13:48:00.000-04:00

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.” Robert M Hutchins

I wanted to add some more thoughts to yesterday’s “study skills with textbook previewing.” These are in no certain order or age group—just some things that haven’t really fit in the last couple! (How’s that for organizing and study skills???)

1. Taking the textbook preview further

There are a number of ways that you can take the previewing of textbooks that I discussed yesterday even further with your children for more comprehension of the material:

a. Do his first few assignments out of the book with him, pointing out the things again that you observed in your first preview. This will help him see that those things are not just good things to know, but also helpful for completely homework quicker and more accurately.

b. Help him prepare for his first test with his textbook and you by his side. Show him how he can use the glossary, sidebars, table of contents, etc. to quickly fill in his study guide or quickly determine what the most important aspects of the chapter are in order to prepare for a test.

c. As you are previewing a text (for the first time or an additional time), use a large sticky note to record what you find. Write the title of the text at the top, then make notes about what it contains as far as study and homework helps. Stick this in the front of his textbook and help him refer to it when he is doing homework or test preparation. You could even record a plus and minus system, such as

+++ means something is going to be really helpful---a +++ beside the Table of Contents, for instance

+ beside a word he writes in the front of his book tells him that this might be somewhat helpful—Example: +Some graphs

- No study questions at end of chapter—again, he can make a list in the front of his book (on a large sticky note), etc.

d. Help him “label” different sections of his book with sticky notes along the edges. For example, you could put a yellow one at the beginning of each chapter and a pink one on the page that has definitions for that chapter, etc.

2. Prepare your younger student for textbooks by using user-friendly non-fiction books

Maybe you are not in the textbook stage with your kids; however, you can begin preparing them for those all important study skills that I described yesterday with quality non-fiction books. If kids at ages five, six, eight, and ten, learn to navigate around Dorling Kindersley, Eyewitness, and Usborne books (among many others), they will be heads and shoulders above other children who have only been exposed to fictional stories (more on the benefits of fiction later!).

These outstanding non-fiction books have literally hundreds of topics that interest kids, but they are so colorful and alluring, you do not feel like you are “teaching” at all. Additionally, they have many aspects that your child’s future textbooks will also have: glossaries, Tables of Contents, sidebars, graphs, pictures, inserts, definitions, bold font, italics, etc. Reading these to and with your children when they are younger will provide a natural step into textbooks later on.

Note: We teach our students (in our home, our cottage classes, and in our language arts books) a simple memory device for remembering fiction and non-fiction:

Fiction=fake (both begin with f)

Non-fiction=not fake (both begin with nf)

Back-to-School Study Skills--Textbook Previewing With Your Kids Part I of III

2011-08-16T10:46:00.001-04:00

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.” Robert M Hutchins

Sitting down with your student and his textbooks (maybe one per evening) during the first week will go a long way towards his comprehension and ease of use of those books throughout the school year. Try these specific strategies for previewing textbooks with your student to help him or her get the most out of his or her texts this year:

1. Graphs and charts—Remind your student that charts and graphs usually restate (in another form) what is indicated in the text. He can use these for quick overviews, as well as for reviewing before tests.

2. Enumerations—If his text uses a lot of enumeration, it could be that this subject has a significant number of lists to be learned. Point him to these lists and show him that often what is listed in the margins or sidebars is also expounded upon within the text.

3. Section headings—The more headings a book contains, the easier it is to learn from. The student is constantly reminded, by the headings and subheadings, of what the section is about. Show him how helpful these headings can be as he uses the book during his reading and for test preparation.
4. Pictorial aids—Maps are always in included in history textbooks. If his textbook contains a large assortment of maps, show him how they can help him see the big picture. Maps usually show where something that is discussed in the text occurred.

5. Glossary—Books that contain glossaries give the student an easy way to find definitions that may be more obscure within the text. Teach him to use this for quick finds, but encourage him to use the text itself for most studying since students who learn vocabulary in context retain it better.

6. Tables of Contents—The Table of Contents can be used somewhat like an index to find where information is in a particular chapter. It is especially good for getting a big picture about a whole chapter.

7. Prefaces, introductions, and summaries—If a text has any of these three, some of the work is already done for the student. Show him how advantageous these are for quick previewing of a chapter.

8. Footnotes—If a student is in a class that requires research papers, footnotes can be a real plus. We teach our research paper students to use lengthy works’ footnotes to find other credible sources that they might use in their papers.

9. Appendixes—Appendixes are the “extra credit” of the book. I always like to thin of myself as a prized pupil, so I tend to gravitate to these right at first, since they’re usually for those who want additional information—and I always want to know more! Tell your students that sometimes the appendixes aren’t even used in the actual course, but they are good for learning more, for research-based reports, and for cementing what is found in the text.

10. Indexes—If a book doesn’t have an index, I say send it back and get a new one! Show your student how quickly he can find information with the index. The more specific the index, the better it is for the student.

11. Bibliography—The bibliography gives lists of books, articles, and documents relating to the subjects in the textbook. Like footnotes, we direct our research paper students to these.

12. Pronunciation guides—These guides give the phonetic markings to aid in reading unfamiliar words. Many texts do not have these guides, but they are helpful in a class where a student will be giving presentations so the can pronounce unknown words correctly.

Any signaling or sign posting that a book contains is that much more opportunity for the visual learner, especially, to learn and retain. If you have an auditory learner, you might have to record his vital info on cd or cassette! Smile…More study skills coming soon!!!

Back-to-School Study Skills--Textbook Previewing With Your Kids Part I of III

2011-08-15T09:13:00.000-04:00

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.” Robert M Hutchins

I'm going to go back to "teaching while we sit in our house," but it's back to school time, so I want to re-run a three part article about textbook previewing with your kids to help them start out well with this fall's school success.

I want to touch on specific “how to’s” of study skills without getting so technical that I lose “non-teachers” out there! When I find a good idea or method in learning that seems to work, I have a tendency to get so excited about it. (You didn’t know that my “chores” and “prioritizing posts,” did you??) So I will alternate between practical suggestions (evening routines for studying) and techniques (teaching our kids to “read between the lines” in their books), etc. So bear with me!

Comprehension and study skills are not necessarily as much remembering all of the details that were read as much as knowing how to read for meaning, remembering the most important parts, and being able to locate information as needed. Students’ textbooks in the content areas (science, history, government, health, geography, etc.) lend themselves greatly to comprehending the information they contain.

I recommend that you have your kids bring their textbooks home, one at a time, and follow some of the tips below previewing their books with them. This will help them (and you) determine the signaling systems, layout, study tools, etc. that each book includes.

A student needs to now quickly how to find information in his book, whether there’s a glossary or index for quick vocabulary help, how each section is summarized, and many other tips that can be discovered right when he begins using that text (with some help from Mom or Dad). By previewing his whole text at first, he will know how user friendly it is, how to set up his notes, and even which study strategies will and will not work for that particular text.

Tomorrow I will give a lengthy list of specifics to look for in previewing your students’ textbooks with them. Invite your friends to join us!

Teach Them When You Sit in Your House: Sixteen Cents Buys a Lot of Love! (rerun from Jan 2010)

2011-08-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

“You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” Deuteronomy 6:7

“A penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me.”

We have talked at length over the past year and a half about communicating with our kids. And how communication is a strong form of "teaching when..." The ditty above is a little chant that we used to say to our kids to remind them that we want to talk to them, that they are valuable to us, that we love them "ten million times infinity and beyond." From this saying, a valuable “object lesson” developed and tied the heartstrings of my son and me in a special way some ten to twenty years ago.

The rest of that jingle (after the infamous "penny for your thoughts") goes on to offer not only a penny for what the person is thinking, but also a nickel for a hug and ten cents if he or she says “I love you.”

Sixteen cents… a meager amount of change that elicits warm feelings (and, I admit, a few tears of longing) as I write this. Our oldest son and I used to take the “penny for your thoughts” a little further when he was a little boy—and repeat the rest of the jingle to each other, complete with a big hug and special “I love you.”

As Joshua grew up, we would occasionally remind each other of how much we love to talk—and how much we care for each other by giving each other sixteen cents. When he was in high school and worked part time, I would wake up in the morning to find him off to work—with a penny, a nickel, and a dime lying on my desk. When he would open his lunch box, he would sometimes find sixteen cents taped to the inside of his pail. Not enough money to buy lunch, for sure, but enough money to know that Mom will be waiting on him ready to talk when he gets home from work.

What objects might have special meaning to you and your child? Is there a special item that you can attach unique meaning to for one or more of your children? Is there a trinket, heart, words to a song, picture of the two of you, favorite picture book, etc. that can be utilized as an object “just for the two of you”?

Teach Them Diligently When You Sit in Your House: Techno-Free Zones

2011-08-11T21:19:00.000-04:00

“You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” Deuteronomy 6:7

I have mentioned on here over and over the blessings we have received by not having television stations for at least twenty-eight of our thirty years of marriage. (We tried it a couple of times for a few months.) Now there is so much more to contend with than television programming!

That is why we advocate a techno-free zone for family talking times--a spot or two in which you sit with no technology drawing you away from the people you are supposed to be spending time with! For us, this means gathering in the living room (where we have no computers; we don't have a television, so it's mostly just one of the four computers vying for our attention--besides cell phones, of course!). We put away our cells and just sit and "be." (We also like to gather around the dining room table for games in the evenings and our room (with the laptops closed!) late at night..and don't forget around the fire or the porch!)

If there is one thing I love to do with our kids--it is "being." Today Ray called from work to double check our schedule for the ten days that Kara is home--and he said it once again, "We have to have three or four evenings to just 'be.' We can't book every moment she is home."

Just being...being together...being family...being there for each other...being a sounding board...being whatever our kids need--preferably in a techno-free zone sometimes!