Postcard from Lagos

Chin-Chin, Puff-Puff, Kuli-Kuli and Double-Double – The Mystery of Repetition

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 31 May 2012 13:45:00 +0000

An English friend asked me in summer 2010, why do Nigerians say things twice? She proceeded to give the following examples: do-do, chin-chin, puff-puff. Her husband who was listening joined in and mentioned moin-moin. This got me thinking and I decided to do a research into this phenomenon. Here are my findings:

Do-do – fried plantain

Chin-chin – fried dough chips

Puff-puff – round fried dough

Kuli-kuli – fried peanut ball

Dun-dun – fried yam chips

Wole-wole – sanitary inspectors

Paja-paja – pins and needles

Maja-maja – highway traffic inspectors

Die-die – little by little

Pata-pata – completely

Laba-laba – butterfly

Pari-pari – the end

Seke-seke - chains

Lopo-lopo – very much

Nla-nla – massive

Kia-kia – quickly

Jedi-jedi – pile

Dogba-dogba – equally

Lai-lai – never

Mago-mago - deception

Gbonmo-gbonmo – kidnappers

Tun-tun – new

Tu-tu – cold

Te-te - quick

Ke-ke – bicycle

Re-re – good

Some are English words which we have domesticated and which may have slightly different meanings such as:

Chop-chop - food or eating

Suffer-suffer - sufferhead

Quick-quick - quickly

Fast-fast - quickly

Now-now – hurry up

Begi-begi - scrounger

Cry-cry – cry baby

Yahoo-yahoo - fraudster

Hurry-hurry - quickly

Holy-holy – self righteous

Sharp-sharp – smart alec

Follow-follow – indecisive

Why we repeat words is beyond me. Has this got to do with our fast pace approach to life? Is it to buttress what we say? Is it to exert fear? Or is it just a Yoruba thing?

Now to my English friend, Helen who brought this to my attention in the first place, English people do have theirs too. What about Pa-pa and Paw-paw.

Finally, one of the most popular songs in Nigeria has the following lyrics:

Eh eh eh, eh, my God is good o

My God is good o, my God is good o

Everything na double, double

Na double, double

Whilst I do not want to visit the meaning and depth of the song for now, I cannot but notice an extra double in the chorus. Double explains itself, there isn't a need to say double-double. However, this is Nigeria, double has to be repeated. PostcardfromLagos

Photo from Avartsy Cooking

The Teeth and The Tongue Market – A Visit to the Backstreet of Onipanu, Lagos

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 20:54:00 +0000

From the cobbled street of old Rome where you can eat the best pizza on the terrace, to the narrow street of Antwerp in The Netherlands; from elegant Paris to avant garde Barcelona, a city sandwiched between the mountains and the sea, and where so many side streets empty into Las Ramblas, I have done and enjoyed visiting the backstreet of a few European cities.

I do like the art galleries and the museums and the beaches and the hotels of any city, however what I enjoy the most is to sample the part of town where the real locals live or congregate. Sometimes, these areas are rundown, often times they are best described as unspoilt and dated, what they lack in aggressive modernity, they compensate for in blissful grace and laidback serenity. The people in these areas usually live a more normal life than those in the other parts of town almost like when you watch a period film.

I once woke up in Barcelona (2003) to the cry of a man hawking calor gas on a large wooden trolley (omolanke), the like of which is rare even in Lagos. That day, I realised that some European countries are only marginally better than Nigeria. I even wept as I thought of what could happen in Nigeria. We only need to sort out electricity and a few other infrastructure and we will compete with Spain or Portugal. Enough of daydreaming, perhaps my love for these areas and the people is a quest for the beauty of what is ordinary.

Now living in Lagos, each time I drove through some parts of Ebute Meta or Mushin, I have threatened to stop and take in the backstreets of what must have been an incredibly beautiful city in the past. I desperately wanted to experience the people, the old houses and hopefully sample the food which I’m sure will be really tasty. However it was either too hot or too busy with both vehicle and human traffic. Besides, I live in the city and there was no need pretending I was a tourist in hurry to take in everything before departing hurriedly for home. Still, I kept on fantasizing. Eventually the opportunity came on Saturday 5^th March 2011. Coming from the extreme end of Lekki Pennisula, we drove past Palmgrove and Onipanu on Ikorodu discussing how we can get some potatoes when the person driving us suggested turning off the main road to the backstreet of Onipanu. I knew my time has come.

The weather was fine, the service lane was sane and it has its own backstreet too. We parked at a comfortable part of the road and made our way to a narrow market with a sign announcing it as ‘Somolu Model Market.’ We saw, live chickens being sold from their cages; there was a woman who sold only animal tongues and heads with grinning teeth. Some sold gari, potatoes and vegetables, all were calling us to have a look at their wares and buy. Eventually, we made our way to the end of the market into the service lane where some traders have taken possession of part of the road. We bought some potatoes and probably some vegetables. Although things are cheaper here than where we usually shop, it was the experience rather than the savings that mattered to us.

I have done it eventually, done the backstreet of Lagos, the feeling was exhilarating, the people, warm as usual. I didn’t see a restaurant where we could have a sit down meal like I would do in Europe. Who cares, there is Yellow Chilli in Victoria Island. My wife loved it, we got back into the car and headed home with a real sense of achievement.

Now a little more than a year after the event, I asked my wife to remind me what we bought on that day. She couldn’t remember much, but she threw me a question, “What on earth were you thinking taking me to that place given that I was heavily pregnant at the time?”

With the exception of the last two paragraphs and half of the preceding one which I just wrote, the rest of this post was originally written in June 2011. PostcardfromLagos

Photo courtesy of realnigeria.org/photos3.asp

Double Barrelled Surnames

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 16:06:00 +0000

I came back ‘fully’ to the country recently after a few months hiatus. I noticed that Channels Television is still churning out the same long and boring news, AIT is absolutely useless and NN24 had been off air for months, so no serious local television to serve 150 million people, hey. Those who can afford it subscribe to cable television from South Africa that dish out recycled programmes from England and the United States at a monthly fee that will cause public outrage in those countries. Given that we don’t have that much option in Nigeria, we faithfully comply with this outrageous monthly subscription, if only to be delivered from the clutches of our below par local TV stations. Only last week, NN24 had a moving text on its screen which read:

“Bayelsa State Former Governor Timipre Sylva arrested by the EFCC for money ‘laundring.’

This week, Channels TV made it money ‘laundry’ for Ibori, another former Governor who is being tried in London. Given that our local TV stations are unable to correctly spell ‘money laundering, you can perfectly understand our problem with communication, and why many opt for overseas television subscription.

Enough said. I will like to share one of the things that I have come to notice recently in Nigeria. This is of no threat to national security, just an interesting trend noticeable for its quaintness. I refer to the increasing number of double barrelled names popularised by newly married young women who adopt both their husbands’ first and last names as their surname. So you often come across names like Mrs Nike Segun-Adeyemo or Mrs Ngozi John-Chukwuma. In the last two weeks, I have come across seven women - all newly minted wives - with double-barrelled names. I can only imagine how proud their respective husbands would be, being so wholeheartedly adopted.

The multiple surname was once a preserve of European aristocracy with some surnames running into triple and quadruple barrelled. An example was the British special envoy to Moscow in 1939, Admiral Sir Reginald Aylmer Ranfurley Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax, whose quadruple barrelled surname must have been a mouthful for his hosts. In recent times however, double barrelled names have been in decline in Europe, particularly in England, mostly because they are seen as a burden in a world where snobbery and anything associated with it is no longer in. As a result, some have dropped their inherited multiple surnames including CNN anchor Piers Morgan (Piers Pughe-Morgan) and the British explorer Sir Ralph Fiennes (Sir Ranulph Twistleton-Wykeham-Fiennes).

Focusing back on Nigeria, double barrelled surnames may not be an entirely new thing; prominent Nigerians who adopted the practice in the past include the Fani-Kayodes, the Olateru-Olagbegis and the Odumegwu Ojukwus who undoubtedly were influenced by the British colonial rulers pre-independence.

For those newly adopting the double barrelled names, the questions on my mind are:

Is the decision to go double barrelled made by the respective wives or their husbands?
If the decision for the wife to adopt her husband’s first and last names as her surname is made by the husbands; What is the reasoning behind it?
What if a woman should ask her husband that they adopt both their respective last names as their married surname?

I may be wrong, but I suspect that the decisions are made by the women. Perhaps it gives a woman the opportunity to claim full ownership of her man. PostcardfromLagos

PS - Just for the record, my children have double barrelled middle names.

Beyond Fuel Subsidy Removal and Occupy Nigeria - Why we must not relent

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 18:37:00 +0000

1. I have spent some time to educate myself on the matter of oil subsidy and its recent removal by the government. I felt it was only right that I have an informed view in order to take a position on the matter. I have read the government's position paper on the intended use of the proceeds of fuel subsidy removal and have listened to many commentators both for and against. I have tried to develop a simple, hopefully logical, analysis of why we are in this trouble, what could be done and why the protest we are witnessing is beyond the removal of oil subsidy.

2. I must first say that, from a purely economic and national development point, the removal of fuel subsidy appears to make sense. We cannot continue to dole out our national treasure to a few people because they import oil on behalf of the government. People in the know believe that the current system allows for extensive and wide reaching corruption and collusion of all shades and colour. If we must develop, and if we must tackle corruption, this arena of corruption has to be tackled quickly. I have noticed also, that many people even the fiercest opponents of the subsidy removal seem to agree about the inevitability of the decision.

3. However, it isn't just the removal of oil subsidy that displeases Nigerians. It is firstly, the wider matter of government corruption and the impunity with which it is carried out. Secondly, Nigerians are unhappy with the insensitivity of government to the plight of the people. This is evident by the fact that there were no attempts to consult widely on the subsidy removal matter before it was implemented. Furthermore, the lack of a clear and effective strategy to alleviate the obvious burden that subsidy removal will place on the people is also an evidence of government insensitivity One could also argue that coming at a period when people are groaning under the bombings by the Boko Haram terrorist sect, the timing of the removal of oil subsidy further shows insensitivity and clear ineptitude on the part of the government.

4. Any observer may wonder why successive governments allowed the issue of corruption in the oil sector to fester without a clear and transparent strategy to contain it. It is also a failure of our government that it is unable to provide refined oil to its people without the meddling of several middlemen and middlewomen - a trail that leads all the way to the heart of the same people in government. Given that the government created the corruption in the oil industry, it should have the courage to sort it out. Surely, the challenge of leadership is to solve difficult problems.

5. I have listened to the arguments of General Buhari and Prof Tam David West - both former petroleum ministers and in the case of General Buhari a former military head of state. Both are of the opinion that the subsidy argument by government is fraudulent. They contend that there is no subsidy in the sector and therefore you can't remove what does not exist. As much as I tried to follow their argument, I found it difficult to understand their point of view. What I suspect they were trying to say is that we won't have to talk about subsidy if we do not have to import refined oil.

6. We certainly would not be in this situation of importing refined oil and having to subsidise it if we had invested in our four refineries so that they function at full capacity, which I understand would be enough to satisfy our domestic demand.

7. The question is why aren't the existing refineries working to capacity? A forensic report by KPMG shows that our refineries were working at between 11% to 25% utilisation rate between 2008 and 2009. This is no doubt due to neglect over the years - a by-product of corrupt government and refinery officials.

8. Can we not prosecute those involved in running aground the refineries and can we not stamp out corruption? The simple answer is that corrupt people cannot deal with corruption. Our current politicians and leaders are neck deep in it and they will rather not tamper with the hornet's nest as they know that the consequences are determined.

9. If the existing refineries cannot be resuscitated, why is the government not building new refineries? I suspect the government’s position is that new refineries will probably be sabotaged just like the existing ones. Our government understandably doesn't trust itself with building and managing refineries. It had instead issued 20 licences to private individuals to do so, but they too have balked because it doesn't pay them to do so in a climate of subsidy, so we are in a stalemate.

10. What then should a responsible government do?

· A responsible government would consult and dialogue with its people on what must be done.

· A responsible government would lay out a credible plan to alleviate the burden that subsidy removal will bring on its people. This would have been done in good time and not as an afterthought a week later. It is laughable that President Jonathan made the launching of 1600 buses his government core strategy to alleviate the burden of subsidy removal. 1600 buses for 150 million people?

· Most States in Nigeria have been unable to implement the 18,000 naira ($115) monthly minimum wage introduced by the government. Many employees in Lagos spend between a third or half of their income on transportation alone. So do the Maths, Mr President, now that petrol has gone up by over 100 percent, how would they find the money to meet the corresponding jack-up in the price of everything?

· A responsible government would publish its strategy to rein in the runaway corruption in the country. It will prosecute those who have defrauded the nation whoever they may be.

· A responsible government will make itself accountable to the people. Surely one of the best ways to tackle corruption is transparency.

· A responsible government would also tackle the excesses in government. Cutting 25 percent off the salary of the executive arm of government is too little too late. Not even a three- year old Nigerian believes that anyone in government live on their salaries. The President would have been more credible if he had tackled the obscene money budgeted for running the government, travel, accommodation, gardening etc. Spending 3 million Naira ($18,000) per day on food at the Presidency is pure, unadulterated corruption.

President Jonathan, it tarnishes your image that such a huge amount of money is spent under your watch when the vast majority of Nigerians will never earn that amount in a lifetime, long or short. Since our politicians like to copy America, you may be interested to know that the White House kitchen operates like an hotel, and the US President receives a bill for his meals on a monthly basis.

11. Nigerians have argued that the only benefit they derive from being citizens of this country is the subsidy on oil. We do not have good roads, or good medical facilities. Our schools are broken so is every other infrastructure. To remove this one thing is not only a slap in the face, it is criminal.

12. The government has been at pains to make Nigerians understand it will use money saved from subsidy removal in building the necessary infrastructure to make life bearable for the masses. Unfortunately no one believes them. There is a trust deficit that the government may not be able to fulfil. How can a wasteful, insensitive government suddenly wake up to its responsibility and become accountable to its citizens. Mr Jonathan, why don't you start now by scrapping security votes and then using the money to build roads, schools and hospitals. Then, we may just start to believe you.

13. Besides, money supposedly saved from the removal of oil subsidy will be divided between national, state and local governments. Who will monitor how the state governors (who are much more distrusted by the people) and local government chairmen spend the money?

14. It is one thing for a government to be corrupt, it is another for it to be corrupt and inept at the same time. The government has mismanaged this issue of subsidy removal, the President and his government have taken Nigerians as fools by having no clear strategy towards the burden their policy would create and the management of any fallback from it. President Jonathan has been insensitive in going forward with this policy at a time when Nigerians are under the Boko Haram siege. He should also have known that Nigerians attach a huge sentimental value to seasons and times, not the least the beginning of a new year, no serious government will ignore such sentiments.

15. For me therefore, the struggle we are currently engaged in is much more than that of the oil subsidy removal, it goes further to the wider problem of corruption.

· We should therefore not relent until Nigeria is delivered from the irresponsible bone-marrow corrupt Governors some of whom have a monthly security allocation of over 100 million Naira that is unaccounted for.

· We should not relent until transparency is at the heart of our government.

· We should not relent until the President explains why it needs millions of naira for newspapers annually.

· We should not relent until all security votes are scrapped or accounted for to the last naira

· We should not relent until corrupt people are properly prosecuted and criminals ejected from the National Assembly

· We should not relent until all Nigerians have the basic necessities of life - good water, electricity, access to healthcare and quality education.

· We should not relent until we educate everyone around us on how to make government accountable. That is what I am also resolved to do.

16. I therefore wholeheartedly support the protest as long as we continue to be peaceful and focused on the wider issue of government excesses, tackling corruption and ensuring transparency in government. We must not allow this struggle to be hijacked by criminals.

17. Final word, Mr President, let's go back to the status quo, and let's dialogue on how to go about the removal of subsidy and how to make it bearable for our people. Nigerian leaders will be mistaken if they assume that the current protest is about subsidy removal alone. The people are fed up of the corruption in government at all levels and they want change. Only when this matter is addressed honestly and credibly will you begin to win the confidence of Nigerians.

LASTMA - The Legality of Traffic Management in Lagos

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 21:35:00 +0000

Like many Lagosians, I welcomed the determination of the Federal High Court in Lagos late September stopping LASTMA - the Lagos State Traffic Management Agency from issuing fines to traffic offenders.

Unlike many Lagosians, I do not question the legitimacy or the need for LASTMA, I will even go further to agree with the Lagos State Governor, Babatunde Fashola who said "LASTMA is a local solution to a unique traffic problem." However, this is where my support for the Governor's statement ends. Although I believe LASTMA can be a force for good in traffic management, it appears that, just like the Nigeria Police 'Force' it has evolved to become a force of oppression and misery for unwary motorists. I have had a few encounters with LASTMA and I have come to the realisation that it is an institutionally corrupt agency with little or no training for its staff to effectively manage traffic in a so-called megacity.

On one occasion, I turned left at a T-junction in Victoria Island and was immediately accosted by a LASTMA team that almost drove into me from the wrong side of the road. They had apparently been waiting to 'catch a prey'. When I questioned why I was stopped, they shouted at me "didn't you see that you should not have turned left at that junction." When I asked for the sign, one of them pointed at a rather small pole. I insisted we walked to check the pole. When we got to the pole, the sign on it had faded, and no one could be reasonably expected to decipher what it says. Little wonder I didn't notice it. I asked again 'Where is the sign and what does it say? When they maintained their position, I whipped out my phone and took a picture of the non-sign. Seeing the handwriting on the wall, one of them just said to me 'Go.' I walked calmly but triumphantly back into my car and drove off with two of them perplexed as to what had happened. I have no doubt they stayed behind to continue the harassment and extortion of other motorists.

The second encounter was even more unjust. I found myself driving behind a waste truck that appeared to have stopped moving;after a few minutes, I proceeded to overtake it only to find out it was queuing for the turn that I also needed to make. I indicated to go back on the lane and incredibly enough, the vehicle beside me gave way. I was back on the lane and we were at least 300 yards away from the turning. A LASTMA official approached me and I explained what had happened, and he waved me away removing the set of nails he had placed before my car tyres. A few seconds later, another LASTMA approached and I wound down the window to explain to him that I had cleared with his colleague. This was a mistake on my part as he dipped his hand into the car, unlocked it and jumped in. He also opened the back door for his colleague to jump in. They then ordered me to drive on. The one seated beside me was reeking of alcohol. It was getting late, I was tired, hungry and looking forward to going home. I was dejected and knew that though I had not contravened any traffic laws, I was at the mercy of these two hoodlums. I drove on but decided I was not going to their destination, I drove past where they asked me to turn, they struggled with the handbrake whilst in motion, pulling it up. I kept pushing it down and refused to stop. It was almost like a thriller and I could not believe I was the lead actor. I drove on until one of them started to talk nicely to me. At this stage, I was near my estate and I knew I was in safe territory, so I stopped. The one in the front passenger seat turned off the ignition, grabbed the key and stormed out of the car. They both soon realised the game was up and gave my key back begging that I gave them money to get back to where they came from. I was not having this and I drove off determined to teach them a lesson.

Coming back to the judgement of the High Court and Governor Fashola's statement. Yes, it is good to use a local challenge to create opportunity for almost 5,000 people, I would rather they are properly trained and monitored to stop them from terrorising motorists. I hope the Governor is not surreptitiously inviting us to applaud him for doing what he was elected and paid to do? I have no doubt that, in the Governor's words, some elements of LASTMA "are working showing dignity of labour, staying in the sun and in the rain working for all of us." I suppose they are not any different from other Lagosians who carry out their work conscientiously. In any event that is not the issue here Governor. So don't pull the wool over our eyes by going on the emotional lark, the High Court judgement is not about whether LASTMA officials are doing their work or not, it is about the legality of issuing fines. I would also add, Is it legal to jump in people's cars because of a traffic offence? I have no doubt that many motorists have had worse encounters with LASTMA staff. It was reported recently that a motorist was beaten to death by LASTMA officials. I have no doubt that If I had gone with the LASTMA officials to their depot, my car tyres would have been deflated and I would be made to part with money for a spurious offence.

So Governor Fashola, please look again into this matter, whatever is what doing at all is worth doing well. The original reason for creating LASTMA is not to create 5000 jobs but to manage traffic well. Well, lets make this happen Governor and stop presenting a dog to us as a monkey. The challenge of leadership is to solve problems. Lets devise a system of enforcing traffic laws rather than jumping in peoples' cars, running after vehicles, beating motorists or setting people up to fail. LASTMA staff need training, they need to be made aware of their boundaries, motorists need to be made aware too of their boundaries. More people will obey the law if they see the government's sincerity.

Last word, I believe in LASTMA, but even the Governor knows that you cannot enforce the law with illegality.

Purple Rain in Lagos

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 13:46:00 +0000

It’s raining again in Lagos this morning. Yesterday, it rained non-stop from 9 in the morning until 9.30 in the evening. It was a continuous symphony of heavy torrential downpour followed by mid-level rainfall that lasted for hours. Although no one measures rainfall levels, this is probably the longest stretch of downpour I have experienced in Lagos. For no reason at all, I can only think of the ‘purple rain’ song by Prince. Not that there is any link that I know between the two.

As much as I love the coolness and the smell of freshness that rain brings, I am also mindful of its destructive impact on the city and the difficulties it brings to commuters and other city residents. Many commercial buses, given their substandard state, wisely stay off the roads when it rains leaving commuters stranded for hours and being ripped-off by the few buses that can brave the downpour. Also, houses are easily flooded due to lack of proper drainage and in some areas, rain-induced erosion may be irreparable. A few days ago, after another downpour which was mild in comparison to what we are currently experiencing, I watched a father gave a gut-wrenching account on television of how two children went to school and only one came back home, the other swept away by the flood.

There are very many reasons why Lagos finds it difficult to cope with heavy rainfall. For a start, drainage infrastructure is non-existent, so even for the most affluent part of the city such as Lekki, Ikoyi and Victoria Island; rain is a curse not a blessing. Added to this are the other issues of poor planning, illegal buildings on drainage paths, and as pointed out by a commentator, many compounds are completely concreted resulting in all rainwater being drained onto the roads rather than naturally into the soil.

I have no firm information on the damage this rainfall has caused, but Lagos State has today closed all schools, and homes and offices in many areas of the city are said to have been flooded too. Typical of the stoic approach to all things in Nigeria, people have made light of the downpour with blackberry broadcast such as this one:

“Rain has reshuffled Lagos, houses are being moved to new locations... Eko Hotel now in Abule Egba; MM2 in Orile; Kirikiri prison now in Oniru; Unilag now in Ikorodu; Alausa Sectariat now in Badagry. Please confirm your office location before setting out today so you won't miss your way.”

The reality is that apart from a statement released by the Lagos State Environment Commissioner, there is not much happening, no statement from the President and no word from the National Emergency Agency. This problem will not go away if not tackled. It can only be solved if we all behave responsibly - Lagosians and government alike. Perhaps as Andrew Onalaja commented, we can begin to solve this problem by “breaking up the concrete in all our compounds compressing it as hardcore and covering the entire area with gravel, that way we can get rid of some of the water that would otherwise flood our roads.”

Importantly, we need responsible governments with the political will (not just in Lagos), to not only enforce planning rules, tackle erosion, but also provide an efficient and affordable refuse disposal system so that Nigerians can stop dumping refuse in the gutters, canals and rivers.

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain, I only wanted to one time see you laughing" are the first three lines of the song 'Purple rain', perhaps there is a link after all with the Lagos rain of the past 24 hours. PostcardfromLagos

Three men and a ram

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 20:34:00 +0000

On my way out sometimes last November, I noticed three men pulling and pushing a ram (male sheep) that appeared not to be co-operating with them. At the time, I had no idea that the Muslim Ileya festival was around the corner. It was possible that the ram had got wind of this too, hence the defiance.

One of the men was pulling the ram with a rope and the other two were pushing from the back with their hands. The ram literally dug in his heels refusing to be moved. I guess the thought running through his mind was “you will have to break sweat, if you must move me.” Thinking about it now, I’m surprised that the ram was that defiant given that sheep, unlike goats are known to be generally docile. Could you blame him? Who wants to die?

Coincidentally, when I attended Sunday service the following day, the title of the sermon was ‘Are you a Sheep?’ Taking his text from Matthew 25 the preacher looked at Jesus’ analogy of how the sheep will be favoured in God’s kingdom and the goats cast out into outer darkness. To drive home his point, he proceeded to give a comparison between goats and sheep. They were revealing to say the least:

· Goats are pushy, self sufficient, headstrong and quarrelsome whilst sheep are generally gentle.

· All goats are horned, not all sheep are. The irony is not lost here as horns are needed to harm other animals.

· Goats do not require supervision or care, they are independent and they can easily retire to their wild condition. Sheep on the other hand require tendering.

· Goat’s tails point up toward the sky. Sheep have theirs hanging down, pointed at the ground

· Unlike sheep, goats do not graze. They browse. They wander around.

· Goats emit a bad odour – it’s like a smell of pride which gets them quick attention. Sheep do not

· Anywhere there is a goat, there is a problem.

I remember that while I was growing up, a few people reared goats in our very large and overpopulated house. All the goats got into one kind of problem or the other, entering people’s rooms to ‘eat’ their stew and even children's homework. One goat owned by my grandmother had to be quickly put down because she ate something that got her fighting for dear life.

Last word - So what got the ram I saw so hardy?

Catherine Middleton and Prince William - My Thoughts on the Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 19:26:00 +0000

Like millions of people around the world, I was glued to the television set for the greater part of Friday 29^th April 2011. By a twin conspiracy of a business engagement and conjunctivitis, I was not meant to watch the event live, however by a more powerful design, the business engagement was shifted without my prompting and the conjunctivitis had cleared by the morning of the wedding. So there I was at 9.00am sitting pretty before the television at the start of an incredible channel hopping exercise that lasted for hours.

I must first confess that I am a fan of the British Royal family; I also love weddings, and good love stories. I like to see dreams come true and I cherish tradition. These are my thoughts on the event:

· Only the Brits could have put up such an impressive performance, unforced, highly entertaining and time conscious. Everything was properly planned to the minutest detail.

· The entire service took all of 75 minutes. That’s not enough time for many Nigerian Pastors to give their sermon. There was no shouting by the priests, no attempt to upstage the couple, no ‘too big for their boots’ moments by any of the ministers. They led, prayed, joined, and preached with dignity, panache and with the focus on the solemnity of the occasion.

· Did you notice that there were no blaring siren; no over the top security men pushing and pulling people out of the way for important dignitaries, no standby generators in the event of power failure, no terrorising area boys, no aso-ebi.

· I also hope that Nigerians will take note that all guests should be seated before the arrival of the bride.

· I was fascinated by the little details, like the men that received and delivered the caps and gloves from Princes William, Harry and other senior members of the royal family at arrival and departure from the Abbey respectively. My wife opined that if it was in Nigeria, a glove might be missing when it was time to deliver them or that one of the keepers would have gone to the lavatory at the crucial time he was needed.

· I doff my hat to the heavily armed police officers lining the procession route and watching the crowd for any acts of terrorism. How about being at the event and also not being there. None of them stole a glance of the event happening behind them. Theirs was the height of professionalism.

· I admire Prince William’s thoughtfulness in mingling with the crowd on the evening before the wedding. Interpersonal skills par excellence I would say.

· After the first kiss, I listened to Piers Morgan, who as the all knowing royal pundit on CNN authoritatively proclaimed William will never do a second kiss because royals are trained not to give more than what is necessary. The word had barely come out of his mouth when the second kiss happened. I could not see Piers Morgan at the time, but I could almost see eggs splashed all over his face. As someone said, the first kiss was duty, the second was definitely romance and it proved that the young man is at ease with himself and not encumbered by the stuffiness of royalty.

· The drive by the couple from Buckingham Palace to Clarence House shortly after the wedding was a crowd winner. The decoration and the ‘L’ plate on the car almost certainly have Prince Harry’s handwriting all over them.

· What about the priest who did the multiple cartwheel display at the Abbey after the ceremony. It was probably his way of breathing a sigh of relief. Perhaps it was his way of praising God for a successful outing. Who said the British are stiff?

· The wedding is a proof that all things are possible. Kate Middleton is not only married to the future King of England, she will be crowned Queen and one of her children will become Queen or King of England. Would she have imagined all these 10 years ago? This reminds me of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians: “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us” Ephesians 3:20.

· It is almost certain that Prince William was only allowed to marry Kate after the royal family were sure there were no skeletons in her past. In other words, the past has a role to play on the present and how you live your present determines your future, so it is advisable not to live a reckless life.

· The sacrifice that women make was fully played out during the ceremony. Wasn’t it ironic that of all the five members of the Middleton family, only Kate’s mum, Carole Middleton did not have any public role at the wedding? Daughter Kate was marrying the future King, daughter Pippa was the celebrated maid of honour, son, James read the Bible passage and husband, Michael accompanied their daughter to Church, led her to the altar and stayed until they were joined together. Carole, the woman who carried Kate in her womb for nine months, and went through the pain of delivery; the mother who fed and nursed her for years was for all intents and purposes a spectator. I have always felt that this is an African thing. I now know it isn’t. Little wonder the Bible prescribes in 1 Peter 3:7 that a husband should love his wife and honour her. Even if you have never thought of this before, think again.

· The wedding unintentionally showed the two parallel worlds that exist in Britain. Those in the Abbey are streets apart from those lining the streets to cheer the couple. The Abbey guests are the Eton-Oxford, land-owning champagne-quaffing pack whose hats for the occasion will pay the entire mortgage of most people for a year. Very occasionally, the footballer who has made good like David Beckham or the world-acclaimed musician like Elton John may be able to cross the carpet from the lower world to the upper class. Otherwise, the two classes are set apart by the family you are born into or which school you attended. That’s why more than half of the current UK cabinet are Ox-Bridge educated and 75% are millionaires including the Prime Minister, his deputy and the Chancellor of the Exchequer. No one should begrudge them about this; it’s just the way things work. You need to be outstanding to enter this new world.

· This leads me to the next point - why parents must plan for the future of their children. Kate’s parents are self-made millionaires who were moneyed enough to have their children publicly educated (this means large fee paying private education in Britain). Kate attended £29,000 fee per year Marlborough College followed by the 600 year-old St Andrews University, one of the four leading universities in the UK where she met Prince William. In other words, Mr and Mrs Middleton made it their business to provide a good foundation for their children. The result is what we have seen. Kate Middleton would probably not have met Prince William if she studied at a pedestrian London university.

· Sadly, many Nigerians living in England only ever see the struggling life and have no serious strategy for their children to move up to the other side. They hardly visit the art galleries, attend theatres or go to the museums which are free. We had better wake up and smell the coffee.

· The ceremony showcased the importance of marriage, and why no one should put asunder what God has joined together. The symbolic use of his sash to bind the hands of William and Catherine by the Archbishop of Canterbury underscores this point. I felt the ceremony will strengthen the marriage institution and will make many opt for it. I also hope that many who may be struggling in theirs will be guided by the words of the vows and find grace and strength for the enduring commitment required.

· Bishop Chartres’ sermon was excellent:

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."
“Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.”
“William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.”
“And in the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to each another.”
“A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves.”
“The more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed.”
“Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner.”
“There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom.”
“In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.”

· What a choice of Bible passage too by the young couple! Romans 12 – “I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable and perfect…. ”

· Sorry, Mr Alistair Campbell, British people still do God. Even atheists Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Leader of the Opposition Ed Milliband had to offer songs of praise to God. Whatever people may say, God is still very much central to the core tradition of the British people.

· The event was rich in both tradition and history. Westminster Abbey is nearly 1000 years old; the Queen got married and was crowned there in 1947 and 1953 respectively. The Queen herself is all of history, tradition and continuity personified – her first Prime Minister Winston Churchill was born in 1874, her current Prime Minister was born in 1966, and she would be 60 years on the throne next year.

· I am fascinated by the rigid pecking order of the royal family which determines everything including sitting arrangements, order of arrival and departure, titles and more. It is curiously interesting that the Princess Royal, Princess Anne, who is the second child of the Queen is way below her two younger brothers, Prince Andrew and Prince Edward and their respective children just because she is female. I think the law of primogeniture should be changed.

· The wedding also revealed the delicate balance between the Church, the Monarch and the Executive. The Queen is highly respected as head of State and she gets the pomp and pageantry, yet, it is the Prime Minister that exercises nearly all the power. He can even arrange for the abolition of the monarchy.

· Does the queen look like someone who turned 85, eight days before the wedding ceremony? How can she die, when millions of people one way or the other daily petition God to keep her safe?

· Just wondering! Should Nigeria decide to adopt a constitutional monarchy style of government, how do we unite our babel tongues? Who would we adopt as King of Nigeria? Would it be the Olowo of Owo, Oba Folagbade Olateru-Olagbegi III or the Oba of Benin, Uku Akpolokpolo, Omo n'Oba N'Edo Erediauwa? Would it be the Sultan of Sokoto, Muhammed Saa’du Abubakar; Alafin of Oyo, iku baba yeye Oba Lamidi Adeyemi; the Obi of Onitsha, Alfred Nnaemeka Achebe or Ooni of Ife, Oba Okunade Sijuwade? The case will probably sit in court forever.

· There is no denying the fact that the couple are in love, they looked at each other’s eyes when they took their vows; they stole glances of each other even when the sermon was being delivered. According to lip readers, he said, ‘you look beautiful’ when she arrived at the altar. ‘Are you happy’ she said when they were entering the coach at the end of the service. How else can fondness be defined?

· The bride had a great smile, an enviable figure and she was elegant and stylishly turned out. The groom has a good personality; his head appears well screwed on. In his hands, the future of the monarchy is assured. I wish them well.

Finally I will like to borrow the first hymn at the wedding which is very powerful and apt for everyday living. This hymn like many others has in-built life and I’m sure many lives would be transformed by it. If like me, you need God to guide you through the minefield of life, then it’s a song to sing.

Guide me, O thou great redeemer,

Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou art mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven
Feed me till I want no more;
Feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
Let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through:
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer;
Be thou still my strength and shield;
Be thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of death, and hell's destruction
Land me safe on Canaan's side:
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee.

Dancing Steps, 'Big English' and a Dearth of Brooms - It's Election 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 18:08:00 +0000

It’s election time in Nigeria. The media – television, newspapers, radio and even Facebook is littered with solicitation for votes from politicians. Their hangers-on in the guise of ‘Concerned Citizens of Nigeria,’ ‘Coalition for a Better Nigeria,’ and many other interesting names also put in a word or two in the newspapers and on Television with their very own personal pictures in tow.

The curious part of this election is that no one knows what any of the parties stand for. The President, Goodluck Jonathan has been criss-crossing the country making a lot of promises to traditional rulers and large crowds of specific things he will do for their community if elected. There is no coherent strategy to these promises and I suspect there will be no coherent strategy to implement them. It appears that there is no coherent strategy to governance either from the President or from his party, PDP, at national, local or state levels. The other major parties - CPC, ACN and ANPP do not fare any better. This contrasts with the elections of 1979 where nearly all the parties campaigned on issues rather than personalities. I can recollect that as school children in those days, we were able to recite without hesitation the ‘4-Cardinal programme’ of the Unity Party of Nigeria UPN. How politics has changed for worse in Nigeria!

To a very large extent, the campaigns have been amusing and sometimes saddening. Here are some of the highlights:

It has been a season of party hopping, politicians camping and decamping from parties they know are unpopular in their region.

The mandatory regional attires worn by Goodluck Jonathan and Namadi Sambo in each of the states and region they visit. Colourful and varied.

The also mandatory dance by politicians at the campaign rallies - from the ridiculous swaying of arms to the ridiculous swaying of the waist. Some of them, I must confess are masters of the art.

Some State Governors are making it difficult for opposition parties to hold campaign rallies in their State in the name of security or by simply ensuring that opposition parties cannot book any venue to hold their rallies. The truth is that Governors hold a tight rein on the affairs of their States in an almost dictatorial way and this is bad for politics and for our national development.

The recent Gadarene rush by Governors to make donations of vehicles and equipment to the Police Force in their respective States is blatantly criminal. How we allow this to happen is beyond me. Obviously these are protection money and inducements to the police come election time. It also means that the police will sabotage any opposition before, during and after the elections.

The stifling heat and the massive, often rented crowds who will shout ACN today and in the next chorus PDP, CPC, LP or ANPP. Who can blame them? After all, ‘they must eat’ and whoever provides the means is the Messiah for the day and he gets the fleeting Hosanna chorus.

The political elite understand that hunger is the key to the heart, mind and presence of a poor man. So they deliberately keep the poor majority in poverty and ignorance.

I am intrigued by the political marriage between Muhammadu Buhari the ‘almost’ fundamentalist Muslim Presidential candidate of CPC and Pastor Tunde Bakare, his ‘almost’ fundamentalist Christian running mate. Wonders never end.

The overwhelming evidence of the ‘ch factor’ problem in Nigeria as politicians shout from the top of their lungs, “give us the ‘shance’ (chance) to ‘shange’ (change) the country.” “I was not born ‘rish’ (rich).” We will ‘ashieve’ (achieve) ….

Imah Nsa Adegoke, a female gubernatorial candidate in Cross Rivers State speaking in impeccable English to a not too impressed audience. Poor lady!

The campaign adverts - the best in my opinion are “Goodluck for me, Goodluck for you, Goodluck for everybody, Goodluck Nigeria” of Goodluck Jonathan. I also like Fashola’s “We no dey see am again”

The unfortunate bombings at some party political rallies, victims of whom in most cases are ordinary poor Nigerians who were probably paid to attend the rallies.

The faces of the victims of the bombing in Suleja, Niger State as they lay helplessly in blood-drenched hospital beds with no bed covers. Ironically the Governor of the State, Babangida Aliyu is an outspoken critic of his fellow Governors. Is it a case of all talk and no action?

Perennial presidential candidate, Reverend Okotie’s strategy to solve the problem of Nigeria with ‘big’ grammar is a major letdown by someone who, though, considers himself a philosopher has shown his inability to grow-up. How do you explain his incomprehensible ‘I am Reverend Kris Okotie advert?’:

"I am Reverend Kris Okotie, I believe we must rise above the mosaic of religion."
"I am Reverend Kris Okotie, gender equality is a prolific attestation to my faith in an egalitarian society."
"I am Reverend Kris Okotie, I believe change derives from a vertical impetus which translates into horizontal movement." (acted by a roast yam seller)
“I am Reverend Kris Okotie, the forces of political monopoly and economic monopsony will only lead to the monotony of failure.”
“I am Reverend Kris Okotie, Nigeria needs a man who can combine intellectual capacity with spiritual profundity…."

Has anyone explained to Reverend Okotie that communication is the ability to transmit meaning? How can you win an election when you do not make sense to the majority of your audience? Or how will a roast yam seller understand the meaning of ‘impetus’ or a professor for that matter the meaning of ‘profundity?’

Broom merchants must be making a kill at this time. ACN’s symbol is the broom and it’s a must-have accessory at rallies. The last I heard is that the United States is about to go to war with Nigeria because their stockpile of brooms have been depleted by Nigerian ACN members.

The stand-off between father and political Godfather Olusola Saraki and his Governor son, Bukola over who the next Governor of Kwara State will be. Olusola wants his daughter Gbemi, (Bukola’s sister) as the next Governor, Bukola says this will only happen over his dead body. Is the alleged feud a stunt?

The reality of election in Nigeria is that the wealthy and many educated people do not vote because they cannot cope with the 'indignity' of queuing hours on end in the sun before a makeshift polling booth. Our wily politicians understand this and also know that their votes mainly come from the downtrodden who can be bribed to do them the honours. So politicians will probably never make voting easy in Nigeria.

Having said this, I am encouraged by the enthusiastic turnout of Nigerians during the voters registration exercise earlier this year. It appears that against all odds, the vast majority of Nigerians recognise that they can no longer watch from the sidelines. If we take this same enthusiasm to the election proper. Who knows what will happen.

Brave the Odds - Register to Vote

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 11:28:00 +0000

Though the laptops may not always work;

Though the batteries may be flat by 3pm;

Though the queue may be long;

Though the mango tree location may not be the most conducive;

Though you may have to make repeat visits to get registered;

Though INEC may get a few things wrong;

Don't get it wrong by not registering.

Brave the odds, register to vote in the upcoming general elections.

We all build our nation by getting involved.

BBC News - Africa's cities to triple in size

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 09:23:00 +0000

BBC News - Africa's cities to triple in size

BBC News - Lagos aims to be Africa's model megacity

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 20:00:00 +0000

BBC News - Lagos aims to be Africa's model megacity

Has Nigeria Changed Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 19:43:00 +0000

Someone asked me the question recently if my wife has changed since our move to Nigeria. I get asked this question fairly frequently only that the question is usually about me not my wife. Has Nigeria changed you? This, I suspect, in many instances is tinged with an expectation of a foreboding answer.

Has Nigeria changed me is certainly not a $64,000 question to answer, I must admit however, that it is one that requires serious thought as I know that the answer I give, even to me, may not be palatable,. I will explain why.

It is, of course expected that if you move to a location, you will imbibe some of the traditions, fad and culture of the land. However, when I moved to Nigeria, I came with the personal mandate, right or wrong, to influence the country and not allow myself to be influenced. This is set as a weekly calendar activity on my phone, a reminder of the great task before me and a personal code of conduct to which I must scrupulously adhere. Did I come with a sense of foreboding? Yes I did. Why then did I come,? you may ask. The same reason why some people volunteer to go to Afghanistan as aid workers and some climb the Everest or walk to the North Pole.

Am I admitting I felt Nigeria could influence me for the bad before I came, I’m afraid, Yes. Is this fair? I hope to write about this another day.

Back to the original point; given the foregoing, you may now understand why answering the question often asked of me – 'Has Nigeria changed you? is, for me, a huge one. If I answer Yes - if I say Nigeria has changed me, I am admitting that I had failed in the original mandate I set for myself and that for me is a serious issue.

Perhaps a further question is this; Is the change for good or for bad? In answering this, let me simply say, I frequently wear buba and soro which I feel suits our weather better. I like the odd slang like ginger-swagger which I came about a week before this article, although it sounds arrogant. I admire some of the talents in music, in the arts and in literature particularly Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie who in my view is one of the most expressive writers I’ve read.

On the other hand, I feel more conscious of what I wear and how I look in Nigeria, a ‘predicament’ I never noticed when I lived in England. For example, although I have been greying since my teens, it had never been an issue for me. Nobody was strongly concerned about it either, or felt the need to refer to me as ‘Sir.' A few people in England did suggest I consider the tint option; this was never part of my script and I had no cause to feel the slightest urge to do so. In Nigeria however, I have thought about this option, not the least because of a new found aggressiveness of the greying process but also because most people I meet erroneously believe I’m older than I am. As a result I get the respect I do not deserve from people who left secondary school whilst I was still languishing in primary school. Many people even believe that I am in my fifties, and my wife in her twenties making me an aristo - a Nigerian slang for older men who prey on very young women. I suppose the issue here is that I feel vainer and it pains.

I have also found that I feel more helpless about the hopelessness around me, a departure from the brimming enthusiasm that I brought from England. This ordinarily would be expected given the many issues we face in Nigeria; however, it appears that I now suffer from the occasional doubt that being on the ground presents. I must say that my optimism for Nigeria has not waned, only that I have moved the goalpost a bit. Call it ‘progressive optimism’, I know Nigeria will be better, I just sometimes doubt whether it will happen within the next five years.

Coming to the question that my friend asked about my wife, the answer I gave was ‘Yes’. She has changed in many ways. She is certainly more at ease with herself, she even eats the occasional white bread, an abomination in England. Could it be that she is being pragmatic or wiser, I still can’t say. What I know is that there are a few things I can’t discuss now that I hope and trust I will be able to write about in the future. Would she get to know of me writing about her? I guess so given that she edits most of my writings. Would she be pleased that I have written about her? It’s a risk worth taking after all I took the risk of moving to Nigeria and some people are still climbing Everest.

Nigeria at 50 - Optimism and Responsibility

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 16:59:00 +0000

We celebrate our 50^th independence anniversary today. We are divided as a nation on the significance of this day and whether to celebrate or not. Americans and Europeans - who are better organised, with good infrastructure etc - are also divided on several issues of importance to them like Wade vs Roe and how to manage the economy. So we are not alone in being a divided nation on issues that are important to us. If anything, the fact that we register our anger, anxiety and frustration is proof of our engagement in the discourse that will ultimately change our nation.

I understand the emotion of those who argue that we have nothing for which to celebrate - no good roads, no electricity, non existent medical care and the collapse of the public school system. Like many other Nigerians, patriotic or not, we do not only suffer from these problems together; we must resolve to solve them together. However, I feel that just talking about the issues has not got us anywhere. We need to do more! That is why I am today advocating the following:

Optimism

If Nigeria must be better, we have to be upbeat about the possibility of making change happen. Nobody has succeeded in making change happen by nursing despair and pessimism. Whilst there may be the odd moments of doubt, for real change and success to happen, these doubt moments must be dwarfed by the consistent wellspring of optimism.

With optimism, I’m not advocating vacuous parties or entertainment-loaded, face-capped celebrations at Abuja’s Eagle Square or Lagos’ Tafawa Balewa Square that only numb the pain of our protracted failures. Such non-events often at the behest of fame-seeking individuals egged on by their huge ego only take advantage of people and have no lasting relief for our national problems. These non-events places us squarely with the analogy articulated by St. James of a man who beholds himself in the mirror, probably thinks he is cool, but forgets what he looks like the moment he walks away.

Proper optimism is not only about keeping hope alive; what it does is to motivate the optimist to do something to make change happen. It is no rocket science that it is much easier to give your all to when you believe in a course. If we despair about Nigeria and join the bandwagon of those who believe that Nigeria will never change, then we defer the moment of change.

Only a fool will argue that the problems our country faces are not formidable. They are! We all know it. But do we stop there and just accept that it is not possible? Do we just accept our police are corrupt and there is nothing we can do about it? Do we just accept that bribery is a way of life and it can’t be changed? If we do, it will be a case of the Yoruba adage which says “when a bird lands on a string, there is no rest for the string and no rest for the bird”. We all will continue to suffer the consequences if we do not accept that it is possible to make a change. A good way to engineer change is through optimism.

Responsibility

Once we nurture optimism, the next level is to be individually responsible. Whilst optimism motivates, responsibility is the beginning of the action that changes society. We accept that our governments are largely irresponsible, but we, the citizens, can become responsible. I say again, we, the people can be responsible!

Through individual responsibility, we can stop throwing litter on the streets and dispose off our refuse properly.

Through individual responsibility, we can treat our staff, subordinates and colleagues with dignity and fairness.

Through individual responsibility, we can drive responsibly and with due care for other road users.

Through individual responsibility, we can force the police to change by not giving bribes, we can make governments – local, state and national to sit up and shape up.

Through individual responsibility, we can begin a revolution devoid of guns, spears and arrows that will go viral and transform our society.

Becoming responsible does come with a cost. It will inconvenience, it may lose you contracts, but these are hardly huge prices to pay for social and national change. People paid with their lives in Britain for the right to vote. Martin Luther King Jnr and many others paid with their lives for the civil rights enjoyed by millions of black Americans today. School children paid with their lives in the Sharpeville massacre of 1960 for today’s black majority rule in South Africa. My point is that, responsibility is not lame. True responsibility is an action thing. It talks, it refuses, and it is often painful.

Community Action

What can make change faster is when we join efforts through community action. This is an extension of individual responsibility. Community action is in effect community responsibility. In Nigeria, we have several community groups such as religious bodies, schools, social clubs, sports clubs, unions, corporate organisations, professional bodies, residents associations that can begin to act as think-tanks and pressure groups.

Let us use these community groups to pressure our local, state and national governments to make change happen. If a significant number of these groups change their tack and become responsible, we will make change quicker and faster.

We can use these organisations and groups to support and fight for members who suffer because they refuse to give bribes. By standing together, it will be easier for individuals to stand up, knowing that they have the backing of others, and then we will be able to slay the Goliaths of bribery, police brutality and government irresponsibility.

So on this, our 50^th independence anniversary, keep optimism alive, be responsible and use your influence to ensure that any organisation or group that you belong engages their community responsibly. The change we all yearn for will be nearer than we first believed.

Happy anniversary.

Neglicide - The Blood-Stained Inferno of 15-08-2010

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:07:00 +0000

There it was on Lagos-Ibadan expressway, just before the area known as Ojodu-Berger, the often talked about and much dreaded accident pile-up that I have read about and seen on television. This was now on my doorstep, I saw it all, not everything but enough to dampen a Sunday afternoon, enough to make you wonder why?

I had left church at about 1230 with other people to visit a family who had christened their child earlier in the day. It was a familiar route. Suddenly we saw vehicles doing a u-turn on one side of the motorway. I made for the nearest exit point which was about 30 metres away to take another route that took us through 7-UP to Agidigbin and under the bridge to Ojodu.

We eventually made the visit, saw the blissfully beautiful baby and after the usual pleasantries made our way back through the back gate of Omole Phase 2 Estate placing us on CMD road, which is parallel to the Lagos Ibadan expressway. Then I saw what can only be expressed as a carnage on a bridge along the expressway not too far from Mobil petrol station. A damaged car was precariously delivered on the bulwark, next to it was a burnt out trailer and several other rumpled and burnt vehicles. I also saw police officers in riot gear, three fire trucks and a sea of onlookers who had climbed the bridge. It was difficult to see everything that had happened because there were so many onlookers. Traffic was heavy and completely stalled.

By late evening when I was finally able to catch the news on television, 20 people had died including all the passengers in a bus, many of whom were roasted alive. The paper the next morning made the number of the dead to be 40.

The accident was allegedly caused by the driver of the trailer who lost control and rammed into other vehicles. Why were so many vehicles involved, apparently police had mounted a road-block to extort money from drivers of commercial vehicles and harass other drivers, as was customary of them, only that this was a sloping section of the road. Survivors of the accident and eye witnesses all agreed that the police checkpoint made vehicles to slow down in turn causing the accident.

There are many issues raised by this unfortunate accident:

Why police checkpoints on motorways?

The location of this particular checkpoint throws up the issue of our inability to think. If you are going to have a checkpoint why have it at a stretch where the road descends into a slope knowing fully well that we also do not have thinking drivers.

Why is it that no one is able to stop the police practice of extorting money from drivers, commercial or otherwise?

The Lagos State police chief came on television the day after the incident, and in impeccable English denied the claim that there was a police checkpoint at that stretch of the road and therefore the accident could not have been caused by the police. His argument was that if the accident was caused by a police checkpoint, some police officers would have died in the inferno. In other words, because no police officers died in the inferno, there was no police checkpoint and therefore it couldn’t have been caused by the police. QED

Why was it difficult for the police or FRSC to direct traffic through other routes rather than allow traffic to mount up for hours on the only route that leads out of Lagos to the rest of Nigeria? Again, our inability to think ruined several peoples’ day. No doubt, the traffic did not move for hours.

The saddest part is that 24 hours after, no newspaper is calling for the Inspector General of Police to be sacked or the FRSC chief, tasked with preserving safety on our roads to go. The President has not yet spoken about the loss of up to 40 of its citizen in an inferno that happened in the nation’s commercial capital. Imagine 40 Americans roasted in a road accident in Washington DC and no word or visit from Barack Obama!

Barely 24 hours after the incident, Ibrahim Babangida and Abubakar Atiku declared their intentions to run for President in 2011. Not a word from either of them about the incident, and they believe they are qualified to preside over this country!

I just read the Presidents’ comment about the accident on his Facebook page. This was in reaction to postings by Nigerians on his page. Apparently he was in Gabon with Ali Bongo for two days to celebrate the country's 50th independence anniversary. What a President! What a Nation we have!

Why do I feel Nigeria leaders be charged with neglicide - the violent and systematic destruction of hundreds of thousands of people through road accidents, lack of medical care, inadequate security and poor sanitation as a result of the deliberate and callous neglect of government.

Scenes from Lagos, Africa's mega-city. (4) - By Will Connors - Slate Magazine

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:12:00 +0000

Scenes from Lagos, Africa's mega-city. (4) - By Will Connors - Slate Magazine

Things I miss about England

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 21:43:00 +0000

I have now lived in Nigeria for over two years. I love Nigeria and I often do not complain. However, I still miss a lot of things about England some of which are as follows:

I miss ready access to anything – books, videos, fantastic TV features, great magazines, good shoes.

I miss the European breaks – the shot hops to the Continent, to Paris in France by Eurostar (you must go First Class to really enjoy it), to Barcelona in Spain with a visit to La Ramblas, to Dublin, (I have done this for £12 return in the past), to Frankfurt, Rome, Brussels, Antwerp, etc.

I miss ice-cream on carrot cake – what can beat home-made carrot cake with ‘Lidl’ Vanilla ice cream? You tell me.

I miss Radio 4, Smooth FM, Classic FM, Trouble Channel, BBC TV’s Newsnight, Panorama, Impressionists Bremner, Bird and Fortune and Question Time.

I miss Wimbledon – the most prestigious tennis tournament in the world. You will understand what I mean if, like me, you’ve seen Nadal and Sharapova live on the green courts of Wimbledon with strawberry and cream to match. It’s Game, Set and Match!

I miss uninterrupted power supply – obviously! Not even the four sources of power supply we have – NEPA, Inverter, petrol-powered generator and diesel-powered generator can remotely compare to the simple uninterrupted supply that England effortlessly offers.

I miss broadband internet - that never breaks and can stream a video without buffering. I mean real broadband internet that delivers your mail before your mouse says go.

I miss not having to wash cutlery and china before usage. You must wash these items with soap and water in Nigeria because you can never tell whether cockroaches have had their own dinner with the cutlery and china before you.

I miss our home in North London – you often run into world-class novelist, Oscar-wining directors and newscasters in the grocery stores and barber shop and with no pretensions too. And the restaurants are better than in the West End.

I miss salad, kiwis, plums, peaches, and nectarines – although bananas, mangoes and pineapples more than compensate in Nigeria. Certainly bananas in Nigeria are a million times better than the rubber-tasting ‘thing’ they call banana in England.

I miss ‘The Sunday Times’ – the best weekly newspaper in the world and the perfect completion to a Sunday afternoon.

I miss the drive to the countryside with their well choreographed green and breathtakingly beautiful scenery.

I miss the incredible politeness and the rather amusing general British stiff-upper-lip mannerism.

I miss simple effective prayer meetings with Christian brethren who are not engaged in a shouting match at God or trying to outdo one another - simple prayer meetings where everyone is equal, where the focus is to see God’s kingdom come rather than calling forth your next 4X4 or fighting off what in many instances are imaginary enemies.

I miss people, friends, colleagues, family - all of whom created the experience of England.

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria Part 5 - The Nigerian Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 18:13:00 +0000

I have always loved weddings. As a young boy, I longed to have a big wedding. I can remember the joy of a couple whose wedding reception I stumbled upon at the University of Ibadan. I watched as the groom was celebrated and the bride danced with panache to the beat of the uninvited gangan drummers.

I enjoy the solemn part of weddings more – the joining at the church when vows are taken and the couple pledge their undying love to each other. I like the bit where they invoke the name of God to confirm in the presence of witnesses that only death could do them part. I love the fact that it is only in marriage that the Christian faith expressly allows two people to become inextricable.

As a licensed registrar and pastor, I usually come into my elements when I conduct weddings, I often invite the couple’s parents to pray for their children, I would do everything possible to make it a special day for the couple. Weddings can make me teary-eyed in a joyful way. I would advise the couple to get the photography and video right and of course the groom to arrange a fantastic honeymoon for his bride.

I’m sure my love for weddings have something to do with the choice of the ‘Nigerian Wedding’ as a wonder of

Nigeria

. Additionally, the choice is influenced by the undeniable fact that Nigerians know how to put on a spectacular wedding celebration. The event usually provides an opportunity for Nigerians to cast all aspersions to the wind and indulge in our greatest and probably only national pastime, the owanbe party celebration.

Nigerians go for broke when it comes to weddings and usually the bride and groom are not the only celebrants. For some parents, it’s an opportunity to be in the limelight, to show off their wealth, who they know and to measure the level of goodwill they enjoy, so they go for broke. The couples themselves are extremely joyful and rightly so, they too go for broke.

The wedding proper is preceded by an engagement party - an understated name for a traditional wedding that is as elaborate as they come – usually on the eve of the wedding proper. The engagement party is an entirely African show with colourful African attires, tradition, songs and sometimes pranks like getting the groom to carry out military exercises or press-ups before he can claim his bride. This is usually at the instigation of the hired representative of the bride’s family (known as alaga ijoko). This 'entity' called alaga ijoko can determine the success of the engagement party. Some really good ones do things in moderation and carry the crowd along. I have also encountered some terribly bad ‘OTT’ ones who have messed up the show.

The Nigerian wedding is not complete without the aso-ebi, sometimes several aso-ebis. Aso-ebi is the uniform for the special day, the parents of the bride will have theirs, so will the groom’s family and sometimes friends of the bride will get theirs separately. The men in the family may wear a different aso-ebi from the women or they may just go for special caps matching the gele (head-tie) for women. The Nigerian wedding is an extremely colourful experience.

Nigerian women usually come up tops at this gathering. They are always pushing the boundary with their innovatively-designed dresses, exquisite jewelry and matching shoes and bag. This is topped with sharply crafted geles that ooze ingenuity and industry.

The Nigerian wedding is a public affair, meaning that literally anyone could attend. No matter how well you plan the day, even with RSVPs, British MI5, EFCC, American FBI and Russian KGB in tow, many of the guests will bring their own uninvited entourage. These guests don’t mind to bring their own food to augment the catering arrangement by the celebrants. Any right thinking planner of a Nigerian wedding will need to cater for at least an extra 200 uninvited guests depending on the social standing of the family.

The wedding day is also an occasion for the chairman of the wedding reception to show off. Many of them go on and on with stories and advice that are stale and cold. My advice to couples is to do without a chairman or read the riot act to them before the day.

The Nigerian wedding is also for area boys who will invade the wedding perimeter in their numbers.

Both the engagement party and the wedding reception are concluded with music and dancing, a live band in the case of high society weddings where the couple, their parents, family members and the musician will be ‘sprayed’ with money. To my knowledge, only the Greek have a similar tradition. I still can’t figure out why we love to publicly ‘spray’ money when you can financially support the celebrants privately

I can’t do justice to the Nigerian wedding without bringing in the Nigerian party. The highlight of any event in

Nigeria

be it naming ceremony, wedding or a funeral is the party. In reality many guests do not give a toss about the event proper; if you get half of your guests at the main event, you will be lucky. Most people come for the party afterwards where they will eat, socialise and dance.

Not forgetting that the celebrant and friends and families of the celebrants dole out gifts to their guests at the party. These gifts can range from unwanted cups, plastic bowls to clocks, notebooks, mobile phones and sometimes very expensive gift items. The one that really got me laughing and intrigued at the same time was the party where the important guests were said to have each received a party gift of live goat tied to their respective seats.

What a party souvenir. What a people.

I have always wondered why Nigerians love partying with a capital ‘L’ and I have come to realise that without the social parties, dancing, and aso ebis, the suicide level in

Nigeria

will probably be astronomical. For an average Nigerian, the weddings and the parties acts as stress relieving opportunities from the vagaries of lack of electricity, bad roads, inept politicians, poor sanitation and other challenges that daily confronts our people.

For its colour, its tradition, its stress relieving power and for the way it adds colour to the lives of Nigerians, the Nigerian wedding is a wonder of

Nigeria

A Tale of Two Countries in May; Why I’m happy for David Cameron, Helen Grant, Chuka Umunna, Chi Onwurah and other Lag-Lon stories

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:41:00 +0000

I was in England a few days after the May General Election that ushered in the Lib-Con coalition, so I witnessed some of the intrigues surrounding which party will form the government. Who will be the next Prime Minister? How will the Cabinet look? Will it be a coalition of losers? Why can’t Cameron force his way to the Queen and demand he be allowed to form the government? All of these were the questions on peoples’ minds fuelled by the anti-Gordon Brown Tory press. The scenario was stuff that I have read in history books and newspaper articles about Britain except that it was much more interesting witnessing it live on TV, on Radio and on the Internet.

A few days before my trip, Nigeria also saw a change of guard with the inauguration of Goodluck Jonathan as substantive President after the death of Umaru Musa Yar’Adua.

Below are some of my thoughts and highlights of my latest ‘Lag-Lon’ trip. They cover politics, religion and social issues. They may reveal my bias for England and why I am unflinching in the belief that the United Kingdom is probably the most decent country in the world.

An image that has repeatedly been on my mind in recent weeks is that of David Cameron and his wife on the steps of 10 Downing Street. The picture shows relief, genuine affection for each other and more importantly it’s a picture that silently cries “we made it at last”. Sky News has been using it as one of its current videos and each time I see it, I feel like tearing up.

I was very happy for David Cameron not necessarily because of his politics but because I love to see people achieve their life aims. For him, it was a gilded climb to the top - Eton, Oxford, a stint in the corporate world, MP in 2001, leader of the Conservative Party four years later and now Prime Minister at 43 - all these attest to this remarkable achievement. For me, it is just gratifying to see someone achieve his goal.

I admit that Cameron, given his background, may never truly understand life for the man on the street, however, it is not always true that justice for the common man is best achieved by leaders who have tasted poverty, after all Tony Blair, just like David Cameron was a public school boy and Oxford graduate.

Talking of Oxford education, it is rather interesting how self-deprecating British politicians and people are, and how on the contrary, Nigerian politicians like to drum up their achievements. British people generally do not always accentuate their personal achievements as we do in Nigeria. For example David Cameron had a First from Oxford. His predecessor; Gordon Brown also had a First (from Edinburgh) plus a PhD. And so do some members of the new and past Cabinets. However, they will rather die than say or admit this in public. It’s almost like they feel ashamed for being brainy. Interestingly, in Nigeria, anyone who has ever attended a course at Harvard proudly parade themselves as ‘Harvard-educated’ and hold alumni meetings even when they’ve only been on a 2-week programme.

The civility with which the party leaders handled the rather difficult days between May 7^th and May 13^th showed political and personal maturity, and also a determination to put country first.

Although I’m not a Brownite, I feel Gordon Brown was more a conviction politician than any of the other party leaders. I also admire people like Mr Brown who are not taken over by power.

I feel it is much easier to plan your political future in England than in Nigeria. David Cameron obviously wanted to be Prime Minister, so much so he was called Prime Minister since his school days. Can the same happen in Nigeria? Well, nothing is impossible. It’s just a little bit more complicated. Many good people who should be in politics cannot see themselves joining any of the corrupt political parties we have. If you can sum up the courage to join a party, you will then be faced with having to grovel before full-time political Godfathers. For example, if it were Nigeria, William Hague will be a Godfather to David Cameron, not serving in his Cabinet. It’s really a challenge. Do I think this will change? Yes, I do.

On the bright side for Nigeria, for the very first time, three British-born Nigerians were elected into Parliament. Like London Buses, you wait a long time for one and get three at once. Chi Onwurah, 45 became the MP for Newcastle Central, Chuka Umunna, 31 was elected MP for Streatham and Helen Grant 48 is the new MP for Maidstone and The Weald. I’m happy for them just as I am for Cameron.

During this trip, I stayed in the leafy part of Streatham surrounded by two parks and one ‘common’. On one occasion, I went for a walk around the parks with my host. Although it was colder than normal at this time of the year and I was initially reluctant to go, I eventually enjoyed the walk. People jogging, some walking, a pub serving meals, a massive house with a large garden that was left by the owner to the community, a man-made fountain, a deep bath that is no longer in use, cleverly shaped shrubs and beautiful rainbow-coloured flowers, mothers with baby in push chairs, a personal trainer and her client who we spoke to, pupils on their way home from school were all part of the sight and sound of the walk. Although, I lived in England for nearly two decades, I was still intrigued by the order, the determination to make life easier for people, the devotion to duty of the people that keep the park. After a while, I felt lighter, hungry and almost feeling faint, so we walked to the local Sainsbury where I bought a prawn sandwich which I devoured as soon as we left the store.

The potholes! Yes, the potholes, I noticed the unusually high number of potholes on London roads in my last trip as well. I’m told this was caused by the ice from the snow of last December to March this year. Na wa o!

I had missed our Church in London, so it was nice to be back and to fellowship with them.

I joined three American friends and my host for a meal at the Café Rouge restaurant in Dulwich Village on one of the evenings. I settled for Chicken Caesar Salad. I never imagined how massive Dulwich College is with its well-manicured fields, impressive buildings and very rich culture. Again, it is almost impossible to beat the English in maintaining tradition and building things to last.

Coming back to Nigeria, it’s interesting how people came out to describe in flowery words the character, the politics, the integrity and adherence to the rule of law of our late President, Umaru Musa Yar’Adua. Two things came to mind,

Firstly, if he was that good, how come the same people blamed Obasanjo for imposing on the country such a very ‘good man’. Shouldn’t we rather have been thanking Obasanjo all along?

Secondly, wasn’t it Yar’Adua that gave us Andoakaa, preserved Maurice Iwu, disgraced and chased away Ribadu whilst protecting Ibori, made Edevbie (Ibori’s corrupt aid) his Private Secretary, drove down EFCC and sat motionless on the country for two and a half years without any education, health or social policy?

And I hold no brief for Obasanjo who in my opinion squandered a great opportunity to turn the country around but who nevertheless is head, shoulder and torso better than Yar’Adua or any other imbecile that has 'ruled' our country.

Fresh Fish on Eko Bridge

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 01 May 2010 12:19:00 +0000

My wife loves fresh food – fresh produce, fresh fish, anything fresh. She particularly likes fresh fish, yet she hardly get to eat fish because the majority of what you see on the market are frozen fish.

Her love affair with fresh fish is so passionate that a few years ago when we visited Nigeria, we opted to travel to Abuja from Ibadan by road mainly because she had been told that the roads in Lokoja were ‘paved’ with assorted fresh fish, and she wanted to sample them. In the event, we neither saw fresh fish nor were we able to sample the roasted ones we saw simply because we were still rather smug and couldn’t handle the flies that accompanied them.

So Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010, we had been to Church, refreshed by the benefits of the sacrifice of Jesus - including the hope of eternity, the brilliance of becoming God’s children, and freedom to live life to the full. Afterwards, we made our way to Terra Kulture in Victoria Island to see a show titled ‘Prisoners Chronicle’. Written by Wole Oguntokun, it’s the story of four prisoners, a warder and his wife and it’s a satire on Nigeria. The actors were very professional and gave an impressive performance although the hall was rather cold from the efforts of four giant air-conditioners bleeding their cool air into the theatre without fear or favour.

Before the show we had a meal at Terra Kulture’s restaurant and I got to speak to a Spanish lady who moved to Nigeria two years ago to sell building tiles. Who says only Nigerians move to Nigeria?

At roughly 5pm, we left Victoria Island via Eko Bridge which in my view is livelier than the long, lonely and boring ‘Third Mainland Bridge’. As we climbed the bridge, we saw a group of men and women displaying all manners of freshly caught fish. We stopped! Some of the fish, still full of life were dancing around the hard tarmac and in the plastic bowls. We bought some Red Snappers, the fishmonger pried open the fish’s heads revealing their red gills - proof that they were freshly caught, proof that we didn't need.

We soon got home, had some of the fish grilled and settled to a nice roast fish dinner with grilled potato and plantain. At last, my wife was able to fulfil her life-long ambition of cooking fresh fish in Lagos. It’s a case of what she was going to ‘Sokoto’ for is in her ‘sokoto’.

Eko Bridge, she will be back. Trust me, she will!

By Order! – suffering from militariatis infection

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 19:45:00 +0000

One of the notices you will definitely come across in Nigeria will say something similar to this:

Do not urinate here. By Order!

Do not park here. By Order

One of the sad relics and certainly a giveaway of our long and unfortunate military-rule past is the tendency to act military by Nigerians. A good example is that no notice is complete without a ‘By Order’ trademark. Nearly all the signs you see even on private properties are marked with those two words. Whose order? You may want to ask.

What is apparent is that living under military rule for a considerable length of time has significantly altered our brains so much so that almost everyone invokes a form of military lingo, and many exhibit military behaviour without giving their actions or words a thought. ‘By Order’ is just one aspect of this militariatis infection. I guess the thinking is that adding ‘By Order’ to any notice will stop a perpetrator from doing No 1 on the nearest wall he sees when he's pressed to go. I’m not sure, it always does.

Wherever you go, in schools, in places of worship and in places of work, people bark out all manners of high-handed warnings and threats. ‘I will deal with you’, ‘I will teach you a lesson’, ‘You will be punished’, are a few of the militarist expressions now rooted in the vocabulary of the average Olu, Chike or Aliyu.

Even, politicians with no military past are not immune to this virus. Rather than say something like this (as it may be said in some other countries)

‘those who commit crime will face the full weight of the law, or face justice’

Our politicians with eyes blazing, face concocted and adopting a thundering voice, for maximum effect, prefer the military lingo:

‘anyone caught will be severely dealt with’.

Although I admire the courage of Dora Akunyili, she however used to irritate me to no end whenever she speaks to the press after the weekly Federal Executive Council meetings in her capacity as ‘Minister of Information’. I’m sure she never realised her presentations were similar in style to that of the head of a military junta imposing a new curfew or announcing the number of people that have just been rounded up for not bowing to the image of the ‘Dear and Revered Leader’.

I must say that I have come to the conclusion that the military has a romantic appeal to Nigerians because of the power they wielded and still wield. I think we like the way a few untrained soldiers forcefully and illegally take over government, keep people under oppression and end up becoming statesmen. It gives the impression that this is an alternative and legitimate way of getting to the top quickly and easily. We think we like their uniform, their 'discipline', their sternness. We think we make this decision independently. In reality, we don’t, we just think we do. It’s the infection.

It’s also the infection that accounts for why it’s impossible for a Nigerian politician to say the name of the President without preceding it with the title ‘Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces’ as if he’s not complete without that title. We like the way soldiers bark out orders so we adopt their style and behave like dictators at home, at work, in the church and in government to the detriment of our family members, employees, congregation and citizens. Who will deliver us from this high fever of militariatis?

Last word - Haven’t you noticed that the ‘Minister of Information’ position is in itself a relic of military rule? It’s a position created to launder the image of illegal governments. We have however imported it into our democracy. Only communist regimes have a similar Ministry. My point exactly!

On this note, please let me have your comments on this article. By Order!

Why do we... - The Whys of Nigeria - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:57:00 +0000

I was at the airport waiting to pick up friends who were arriving from the United States of America when pictures of people bellowing at their driver came to my mind. I began to imagine myself doing the same. Interestingly the scene had not played out. It was just my mind playing on me. Why? It got me really thinking. I guessed I had seen too many of such scenes acted out in Nigeria that I was becoming an unwitting extra in this tragic but common picture.

I decided to pursue other things that happen in Nigeria – the good, the bad and the ugly to find out why they are so. You may call it The Whys of Nigeria’. Let’s start the journey.

Why do people shout at their staff – There are many possibilities why this is so, chief of which is communication problems between employer and employee. An employee may get his wires crossed because of illiteracy or because the employer has not properly communicated what was on his mind. Sometimes the result of poor communication is an expensive mistake on the part of the employee. Given that in Nigeria, employers cannot be wrong, they vent their anger on the poor employee by shouting or sometimes cursing.

Sometimes, certain employers just shout because they could. Or because Nigerians, generally love to shout even when they are not angry. Often it is also because of the way employees behave – their nonchalant attitude to work, wastage and lack of initiative. Whatever the reason may be, it is inhuman to treat another human being to a shouting abuse.

Why do we linger at staring at people – You are at a traffic light and another vehicle came up beside you and stopped. Anywhere else in the world, you steal a quick glance almost by reflex and look away immediately. Not so in Nigeria, here, people stare and continue to stare, even when, as they say, the eyes of both of you become four. It is the same scenario if you enter a bank, go into a shop or a reception area, you are automatically feasted upon by the eyes of everyone present. It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman, it is obviously more helpful if you are interesting i.e. you are properly dressed or appear to have money.

Perhaps, Nigerians look and linger because we are naturally very inquisitive people who will not allow anything to pass our notice. So we linger in order to press out the last detail to complete the picture we are forming in our minds about the person. We also do so to appraise, people, what we call size up in Nigeria. I also feel that because of the huge level of poverty, any little thing becomes a revelation, an opportunity to compare, to dream and hope for the same. So a person who turns out in immaculate attire easily becomes an object of veneration and fantasy and we do not mind even if our eyes become four with the person, the feasting must be completed.

Why do we starch our clothes so stiffly – I can understand why everyone wants to stand out in a crowd; must their clothes also be in a permanent state of military attention to achieve this?

I do use the mild spray starch on some of my clothes, but in Nigeria, I have come to realise that starching your cloth is not a half-hearted matter. I have been intrigued on many occasions when I saw people turned out in desperately starched attires whose sharp edge can effortlessly slice off the head of an elephant. To some people, it does not matter whether it is traditional attire or western, all must be starched and they must be starched stiff.

I really do not understand the reasoning behind this heavy starching and I am not going to give it a try.

Why do we pack too much luggage when travelling – I once sat beside a Scottish gentleman on a flight from London to Lagos. We got talking, and once he felt relaxed with me, he excitedly asked me the question, Why is it that Nigerians almost always pack excess luggage when flying? I responded by saying that I too paid for an excess luggage.

The issue of excess luggage is as Nigerian as Lagos is Nigerian. We pack a lot of things into our luggage because there are just too many people for whom we have to buy gifts given the extended family system and because it is expected. We also like to take the maximum advantage of things, so if the luggage allowance is 32kg, a Nigerian believes, this must not be allowed to pass, therefore, his bag must be exactly 32kg or slightly more. We also find ourselves caught in this matter because we choose not to prepare for our journey in time, do not weigh our luggage, assume that we will be all right, and then find out at the airport that none of the assumptions line up to reality.

At the former hub of British Airways in Heathrow Terminal 4, a special section is reserved for weighing the luggage of passengers traveling to Nigeria. Interesting!

Why do we say 'You are welcome' when welcoming people – Still on the airport thing, have you noticed that whenever you arrive at the airport, everyone you meet - immigration officers, custom officials, cleaners greet people by saying ‘you are welcome’.

In its right usage, ‘You are welcome’ is a phrase which is said in response to someone who had thanked you for something. You may also respond by saying ‘don't mention it’, or ‘no thanks are needed, or ‘my pleasure’, or ‘I was glad to do it’. For example, if I say ‘Thanks for the gift’, the response can be, ‘You are welcome’.

No doubt, wrongly using ‘You are welcome’ as a form of greeting people on their arrival is because people think the phrase could be used interchangeably with the simple ‘welcome’. It is more probable that ‘you are welcome’ as a greeting is a literal translation of the Yoruba ‘e kaabo’.

Why do we like Jollof Rice – A few years ago, I found out that Jollof Rice most likely originated from the Wolof people of The Gambia. There, it is called ‘Benachin’ meaning ‘one pot’ because in their version of Jollof Rice, everything is cooked in the same pot including the meat.

Irrespective of where Jollof Rice originates and never mind that ‘Jollof’ rhymes with ‘Wolof’, Jollof Rice has been claimed by the larger and more aggressive Nigeria as its own.

Given the population of Nigeria, it is not unlikely that more Nigerians eat Jollof Rice in one day than Gambians do in two years. Although, there are several regional meals that defines the different ethnic groups in Nigeria, yet no event is complete without an adequate supply of Jollof Rice. It is the delicacy for children and young people. It is the delicacy at weddings, christening, funeral, Christmas, on all occasions. Nigerians love Jollof Rice, period.

I’m not sure why we do, except for the fact that I know if it is well cooked, Jollof Rice dishes especially when cooked with firewood is mouth-wateringly tasty.

No Light, No Fuel, No President

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:23:00 +0000

It's Christmas Eve. Below are some of the newspaper headlines of the last two weeks in Nigeria. If anything, it should alert all Nigerians, home and abroad to the monumental challenge before us. I hope it does.

"President in Absentia - Day 31"
"Yar'Adua’s absence: Ministers, directors disagree over unspent 2009 allocations."
"Yar'Adua can rule from anywhere says Anodoakaa"
"Money laundering: EFCC, Delta elders reject Ibori’s acquittal."
"Supreme Court clears Soludo for Anambra poll."
"6000 megawatts no longer possible this year - FG"
"Maduekwe spends 2.7 billion Naira on foreign trips"
"70% of Nigerians are poor-African Peer Review Mechanism Report."
"Two more Nigerians ask court to declare Yar'Adua unfit to rule."
"FEC approves 7 billion Naira contract for Vice President's new residence."
"Fuel scarcity takes toll on inter-state travels."
"6000 mega-watts lie."
"Collapsed substation causes blackout in Lagos."
"Police need spiritual cleansing says Osayande"
"Shell to dump Nigeria’s oil fields."
"Tragedy as truck kills 65 persons."
"15bn fraud: I’m relaxed says Bafarawa."
"EFCC arraigns Chikwe over 40million Naira fraud."
"No federal road project completed in 2009 –FG."
"Fuel: govt to investigate missing 90 million litres."
"EFCC traces 11 houses in US to Cecilia Ibru."
"Bankole (House Speaker) promises traditional rulers role in constitution."
"Akingbola is not beyond our control – CBN boss."
"Sanusi (Central Bank Governor) confirms receiving bids for rescued banks."
"Appeal court dismisses Bode George, others’ application."
"Ex- NYSC DG flays calls to scrap scheme."
"El-Rufai sues IG, AGF over arrest warrant."
"Senate, Foreign Affairs Ministry’s face-off deepens."
"NDLEA arrests three suspects with 265 bags of cannabis."
"Bakassi returnees seek S’South governors’ assistance."
"Reps order NNPC, MDAs to remit N460.3bn to treasury."
"Shell shuts down Soku Gas Plant."
"Why 2009 Niger-Delta Ministry budget failed."
"Solid minerals can contribute 20% GDP- FG."
"Kolade advises pupils on leadership."
"Yar’Adua: Aondoakaa under fire over comment."
"Senate summons Akunyili, Muhtar over N8.2bn NTA equipment contract."
"Bafarawa, eight others get bail."
"Ex-militants seize bank in Calabar."
"Nigeria can win Nations Cup"

Merry Christmas to all our readers. PostcardfromLagos

Remembrance Day in Britain and the Four-hour black-out in Brazil

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:15:00 +0000

Two things that got me thinking today

1. Armistice Day – As they have done for several years, Britain stood still again today at the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month. Originally to commemorate the end of World War I, 91 years ago, it is now the day of remembrance for fallen soldiers in all wars. This year’s Remembrance Day is particularly poignant because of the increasing number of casualties from the war in Afghanistan. Only yesterday, six of the fallen heroes were repatriated to Britain fuelling a serious discussion about British involvement in the war.

Another dimension to this year’s event is that for the very first time, there is no survivor from the Great War to witness the 2009 ceremony, the last three men to have fought in the First World War - Bill Stone, Henry Allingham and Harry Patch - have all died since the 2008 Remembrance Day.

I must confess that I admire the way the British honour their war heroes. The ceremony of repatriating bodies of fallen soldiers is soberingly colourful and is usually handled with dignity and respect for the dead and their families. Each fallen soldier is named and remembered in Parliament by the Prime Minister and leaders of the main political parties. Two weeks before Remembrance Day, people start to wear a poppy to remember the fallen dead.

Also, come rain or shine, the Royal Family and leading politicians in the country will unfailingly throng out side by side on Remembrance Sunday (the nearest Sunday to Armistice Day) to pay their respect to the war dead by laying wreaths at the Cenotaph. The Last Post is played and the the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom enjoyed by all are remembered.

Britain is a country that honours its people, dead or alive. No wonder; it needs no re-branding process to make its citizens patriotic. I wish our government in Nigeria will begin to honour our people starting with the living by providing basic health care, good roads, education for children and food and water for the poor. I hope it will honour those who die in war and on our roads by ensuring that the causes are eliminated.

I am optimistic this will happen.

The Four-hour black-out in Brazil that made the news – I was minding my own business in my house, generator blaring and slowly deafening everyone around when I saw on Sky News that a four-hour electricity failure in Brazil had thrown a large section of the country into darkness. The cause of this 'newsworthy' story was a problem with a 14,000 megawatt hydro-electric station that supplies 20% of Brazil’s energy needs. I couldn’t help, but notice this rather ‘important’story that made Sky News simply because of the following:

· Only a few years ago, Brazil was essentially a developing country just like Nigeria, it has now left us in the shade

· Power failure, black-out, power-cut or the more prosaic Nigerian way ‘they have taken the light’ must be a rather uncommon thing in Brazil for it to make Sky News

· Never mind a black-out that covered a large section of Brazil for four hours, 100% of Nigeria i.e 140 million people are permanently thrown into darkness EVERYday.

· Our President has promised 6000 megawatt electricity generation by December this year. Let me make a prediction, come December, the government will accuse anything and everything as the reason why they can not achieve this.

· Sky news will have sufficient news fodder if it only reports on the enduring Nigerian black-out.

I am however optimistic that the day will come when a four-hour black-out in Nigeria will be a newsworthy story across the globe. PostcardfromLagos

An Independence Eve Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:50:00 +0000

On the evening of the 30^th September 2009, I made my way to Ikeja to speak at the Independence Day programme of the Nigerian Conference of Christian Medical and Dental Students. Although the traffic was heavy and tiring, I was more concerned with the way the country was drifting. A few days before, our President had chosen to go to Saudi Arabia ostensibly to attend the opening of a new University of Science and Technology rather than attend the opening of the General Assembly of the United Nations. He was also meant to hold a meeting with the US President and network with a dozen other world leaders. Why did he not go? A commentator suggested 'stage fright'. But jokes apart, it appears that Nigeria has lost its confidence. The leadership mileage that was gained during the Obasanjo era has been completely wiped off in just over two years of this government, leaving the stage for Libya, South Africa and Ghana to determine the pace for Africa.

I was also concerned by the irony of the Saudi trip. There, was Yar’Adua basking in Saudi Arabia’s glory of a new University of Science and Technology - reputedly built in 18 months - yet Nigeria’s universities had been shut for three months due to a strike action by lecturers.

Much as I was concerned about these issues, what was more disconcerting was the steady unwillingness of this government to initiate or implement any policy that will make life easier for Nigerians. It’s like being ruled by a group of psychotic children who can’t govern but want to govern. Sadly, like a drowning man, most Nigerians have resigned to fate.

As you may imagine, these thoughts plagued my mind until I finally arrived at my destination with a few minutes to spare. Once I got there, I delved into the swing of things. Although many Nigerians had understandably concluded there was nothing to celebrate, these Lagos State Teaching Hospital medical students, in their patriotic fervour, had planned the event to celebrate Nigeria’s independence and seek a way forward for the country. Though lecturers were still on strike, they had stayed behind because they receive their lectures at the hospital and apparently because medical students hardly get a holiday let alone be moved by a 'mere' lecturers' strike.

I started by telling the story of my unsuccessful attempts to study medicine and how this quest shaped my teenage years. I then discussed with them how they can be instruments in God’s hands to shape our nation for good. I was impressed by their enthusiasm for the country despite the very challenging situation they face as medical students. They would meet again later that evening for a vigil at midnight 1^st of October to pray for Nigeria. They would visit the hospital wards in the morning to spend time with patients and they have also planned a visit to the Ikoyi Prison on October the 10th.

I was amazed at their resourcefulness. They are young Nigerians with little means and a hectic schedule, yet they are painting a different and may I say 'goodly' picture of the country.

At the end of the programme, their President, Seyi Awhangasi, closed the meeting by asking everyone to rise and sing the second part of our national anthem:

O God of creation

Direct our noble cause

Guide our leaders right

Help our youth the truth to know

In love and honesty to grow

And living just and true

Great lofty heights attain

To build a nation where peace

And justice shall reign

We all chorused those beautiful words hoping that every line of it will come to pass and soon too. With this I departed full of hope for my country and clearly full of joy after an interesting evening.

On this our Independence month, Nigerian or not, please spare a prayer for Nigeria.