PostedHopes

Great Expectations

2012-05-25T00:23:00.001-07:00

Not Yet

2012-04-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

Nope, Still Screwed Up

2012-03-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

My Angel

2012-02-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Mess

2012-02-06T15:43:00.001-08:00

I Try, I Promise

2012-02-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

Quid Pro Quo

2012-01-24T15:31:00.000-08:00

I don't even know how to be a normal friend anymore. I always do whatever I can to not accept any favors, except those which I absolutely need and know I can repay, even within my own family. This is what happens when you assume that I am taking advantage of people, and drill such a mantra into my head for years.

Walls

2012-01-24T15:27:00.001-08:00

I feel so exposed.

On Dating and Being the Better Person

2012-01-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

Turn It Off

2012-01-23T11:37:00.000-08:00

When my mind encounters something it doesn't understand, particularly a social situation, it keeps working until it comes to some plausible resolution.This isn't usually so bad, but occasionally I'll run into something that will keep me up at night and have me running through possible scenarios and situations constantly for hours at a time. Last night was one of these times.

But I finally have the solution. And I'm going to give it to him today, and unless he does something illogical (as many people often do), things will go back to normal. This is his decision, but I can help him make the right choice, by doing the right thing myself.

Telling him to date the other girls will probably be considered selfless, but even though the logic backs me up on this decision, I can't help but think that I'm being so entirely selfish and hiding behind logic in order to keep myself protected.

Stop Asking

2012-01-22T22:34:00.000-08:00

We're not friends, since you only remember to talk to me on Sundays, and I don't want to be one of your projects. You asked me three separate times today how I'm doing. Please just stop.

It's interesting how quickly the depression hits sometimes.

And That's Okay

2012-01-21T01:40:00.000-08:00

This week I've been on a craftsy kick, and I've decided that it is perfectly alright to want to have vinyl records on my wall, and words that don't really mean or say anything on my fingernails, and to wear an outfit like the one I'm wearing in that picture up there (that is my roommate's old skirt, pulled up and made into a dress, thank you much!), and to not wear makeup, because IT'S OKAY!!

No lie, this is how I feel today.

2012-01-19T15:21:00.000-08:00

A New Beginning

2012-01-19T02:37:00.000-08:00

Right now, it seems that every aspect of my life has a person or a group of people unwilling to give me any sort of chance to prove myself, regardless of how I've proven myself in the past.

For instance, there have been some nasty rumors flying about me in my ward (or church congregation, for those of you unfamiliar with LDS jargon) to the point where I can't ever persuade people to be my friends. This is fine, since I have little extra time between school and work, but it's also spilling into my dating life. I have no problem being the one to ask a guy on a first date, but I've had a few turn me down flat-out, citing the rumors.

I feel the concept in this picture most keenly, however, with an old friend with whom I used to share secrets and fun times, yet now...this person all but refuses to talk to me. I wish I could have the chance to show this person how I've changed and grown, and how deeply I miss the friendship that we shared.

Old Pieces, Still Relevant

2012-01-19T02:23:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the old Hopes I put together for this blog that are still relevant to me today. There were so many that I wanted to include, but I tried not to choose too many. Enjoy, and hopefully look forward to more. This should be an interesting in-depth analysis of my psyche from here on out. Feel free to jump off the roller coaster at any point.

New Objective

2012-01-19T02:00:00.000-08:00

This blog is now a journal of my thoughts, feelings, and ideas in the same format as was previously used. I think this will be rather therapeutic for me, and a lot less stressful than the old objective of the blog.