Before CareerMom left for the week, she did everything she could to make things easier for me in her absence. She told me I could go do whatever I wanted while she watched the boys this past weekend–an offer I only temporarily took advantage of. She made sure the boys had plenty of diapers and wipes and clean clothes stocked at daycare so I wasn’t trying to schlepp all that junk around in my truck (or forgetting it and having to drive the 9 miles back home for it). She even had me go ahead and print up pictures of the family for both the boys because they are each in a new class at daycare (MLI is in pre-k now) and their teachers wanted a picture from each child.

But things rarely go as one plans, and so it was as CareerMom dropped off MLE on Monday morning before she left that she found out the teacher had changed the “picture” request into a “poster” request.

A Poster huh?

That would mean like, crafty crap right? Yeah, um…I’m not really good at crafty crap.

Now, you could ping my mom, or any of my brothers or sisters and they would be able to help out with crafty crap, but not me. I have zero artistic ability, and even less creativity.

That said though, if you give me colors, I can match them. I’m even good at decorating, but don’t ask me to actually MAKE anything.

But, since it was up to me and the boys, I was determined to come up with something that wouldn’t make MLE look like he had the worst, uncaring parents in the world; so here’s what I came up with:

Now, as bad as it is, it’s not as crooked as it looks here. That’s just an illusion of the camera. You may be able to click on it and get a larger version.

I’m truly not fishing for compliments here, because though I know it’s not great, for me, it’s actually pretty good. So, I’m not half-disappointed in myself.

And the boys sure didn’t care. I let them both get in on the paint-handprint thing…and then MLE stepped in the green paint and before I could stop him, it was all over the kitchen floor.

CareerMom will undoubtedly want to redo the thing when she returns, but my lil work of art will at least get a few days of life in MLE’s class.

Does that count as 15 minutes of fame?

As I sat on the curb on Sunday, watching the boys run around–MLI on his big wheel and MLE chasing him with a soccer ball waiting on the right moment to throw it at a passing big brother, prompting yelps of glee and spinning around until he collapses–I pondered the summer and I couldn’t help but wish for a nice, cool breeze to lift my flagging summer spirits.

And then I saw this little leaf lying on the ground. Even in 87 degree temps (with 82% humidity) there’s always something to look forward to.

…which, brings me to the current state of affairs!

I just kissed CareerMom goodbye for her whirlwind trip to Colorado–business trip of course, but there are perks to it all (for her I mean).

Which means that I’m already planning my next move from a “What to do with the boys at night so they don’t drive me crazy beating up me, each other, and the furniture.”

So…now taking suggestions.

I have a coupon for cheap bowling, which I’m pretty sure I’m going to use. Then there’s always Chick-Fil-A again, and depending on what Tropical Storm Fay does, we may or may not be able to play outside Wednesday and/or Thursday evening, so further consideration will have to be given as the week progresses.

Any ideas?

Remember back a couple of Friday’s ago…I was looking forward to a nice work from home day and then MLE puked on the way to daycare, only to come home and seem to feel fine the rest of the day.

Well, we made it to 10 a.m. today. I got a call from daycare, “Oh hi. I just wanted to let you know that MLE doesn’t seem to feel well. He’s been…well…just not himself and he keeps pulling on his right ear.”

I know this teacher and she’s not one to overreact, and I know that MLI and I have both been fighting a cold, so I told her I’d come pick him up.

When I arrived, he was standing on top of a bin of toys cackling. On the way home from daycare, he nursed a bottle and made faces at me as I drove.

Since we’ve been home, he’s destroyed the pantry; pulling down everything he could get his hands on. He’s eaten half my lunch Cheeto’s and now he’s playing with his brother’s light saber and making realistic “whonk whonk” noises as he stabs imaginary Sith Lords.

Sick? I don’t think so.

A big fat faker? I’m leaning in that general direction.

Oh, and three days and counting till CareerMom heads out to Colorado for a week. She says she’s not looking forward to it, but lemme see…while in Colorado, you get to stay in a nice hotel and sleep later than you do at home. But, you work during the day, except for the last day when they get free time. There are usually coordinated dinners at night at really nice restaurants (and unlimited good wine) that if you really really wanted to, you could find an excuse to get out of.

vs.

The usual rat race here at home, complete with leftovers from this week that I’ve managed to put away to make life easier for myself next week.

I know what I’d vote for.

With CareerMom out of town visiting her sick brother, the boys and I were left alone last night (and tonight) to fend for ourselves. Of course, I’m completely capable of doing this, but I’ll admit that it’s much more difficult to cook a meal when you are also breaking up fights, getting various beverages, cleaning up emergency spills, mediating over toy usage and other sundry parental duties.

So I did that most venerable of single parent traditions–we went to Chick-Fil-A. The one near us has a fairly small indoor playground, so that even if it’s raining like it was last night, the kids can still get their play on.

But even Chick-Fil-A isn’t without its problems. For one, the boys know the playground is there, so while I’m trying to order dinner and get it all to the table without dropping it, they’re doing their darndest to get to the playground. If it were just MLI, I’d be like, “See ya! Have fun! Don’t fall outta the tunnel or anything!” But since MLE is still really little, I don’t want them in there without me.

But dinner was quasi-finished within minutes, and of course, I finished whatever they didn’t (final tally: 1 grilled chicken sandwich, 1 bowl of fruit, 1 large sweet tea, 2/3 of a small order of waffle fries and about 3 nuggets). Coulda been worse I suppose. And…I wonder why I can’t drop those last five lbs…hmm.

Anyway, while we were playing, another little boy comes running in there, full of energy. He looked pretty young too, so I looked back out to see where his parent(s) were and spied his dad sitting there at a table talking on the phone.

So my boys are up tunneling around and this boy looks up at me and says, “HI!” I replied back and, trying to be polite, asked how old he was. He said he was 3 1/2, and I realized, looking at him, that he had some kind of growth issue. He was very skinny, and short for a 3 1/2 year old and his eyes weren’t quite right. But hey, I look weird in the morning before my coffee, so who am I to judge.

Well, over the course of the next fifteen minutes, this other child proceeded to drive me nuts! Have you ever been around a child who won’t stop talking to you? And they will keep asking you something over and over until you acknowledge their question? Well…this kid…times three! And add to that a strange voice that sounded something like a ventriloquist trying to do ELMO.

I kept looking out at the dad hoping he would see me talking to his kid and maybe wonder what this strange guy is talking about and come see. But nope. This is apparently one of those dads who is perfectly happy not being involved.

I finally got so annoyed, that I grabbed the boys and left.

I just don’t understand parents like this. If you’re not going to be involved with your kids; don’t have ‘em! And if you do take them places, take ownership and don’t leave it up to other parents, who have their own raggamuffins to watch, to do your job for you.

The me of 10 years ago, probably would have walked over to the guy and said something, but the me of today is too afraid of losing his cool in front of his kids and getting in a fight. I can just hear the phone call now, “Hey honey…um…don’t worry, the kids are with your mother. And um, I’m in jail.”

Yeah, that wouldn’t be pretty.

Often, we bloggers are topical. Meaning, we write about what’s going on right then. But later I sometimes find myself wondering, “And then what happened?”

So today’s blog is all about catching up, and about random things I’ve seen lately and mulled over. If you’re new to my blog, tuff! I’ll try to post links back to the original blog so if you’re interested, you can find out what led up to today’s update.

• The lady with the slightly annoying daughter who won’t leave us alone, wants us to go to Disney next spring with her and her daughter to celebrate our kids’ birthdays! Are you friggin’ kidding me? What part of, “We’re a couple, and you’re not” doesn’t she get?
• There’s only one reason to watch women’s beach volleyball. (Hint: “exciting” isn’t it)
• And while we’re on the Olympics; this is the best thing I’ve seen yet:

 
“…there’s no room for relationships, there’s just room to HIT IT!”

• I’m feeling much better about life in general the last couple of days. As I alluded to in a comment about this post, things could be much, much worse.
• I’ve been WFH a lot lately, and CareerMom went to visit her brother in VA, so I’m home even more, and I’ve seen new commercials with Wilford Brimley hawking “dye-uh-beat-us” (thanks Leighton!) supplies. And I’m happy to say that he seems to have found new life. These newer commercials are significantly better and he even walks some! Oh, and also, I’m mesmerized by the new “J.G. Wentworth” commercial that’s done as a Viking Opera. Don’t ask me why…I don’t get it either.

• Daycare is apparently not really enforcing the “Three Strikes” policy on biting. And it’s a darn good thing too. Since I posted this blog, he’s bitten at least three times, though none of them were severe. But still…

That’s probably far enough back to catch y’all up!

My childhood was good, don’t get me wrong. I mean, it wasn’t Huxtable-good, but it was alright. The other day I was thinking about how television has changed since we of the “MTV Generation” were kids, and how big a part of my life TV was when I was growing up.  Do you remember it? Do you remember all of those popular family shows that we all used to watch and how those shows portrayed family life?

For example, one of my favorite shows growing up was Family Ties. Who could forget Alex and Mallory and whatever those other kids’ names were. I think they were the original dual-income family. The mom was some kind of business woman, as was the dad. Did we ever find out what they did for a living? Well, whatever it was, they made enough money to keep the kids in good clothes and to keep whatever out-of-town family member happened to drop by the house in spending cash until they left, usually after making a mess of home life. 

The Huxtables were a favorite too. I think my parents liked the Cosby Show because it had actors from their own era, but I liked the show because they were well-off (AKA rich!)…and lived like it! Isn’t it funny how, 20 years ago we didn’t even think about race when we were watching that show? Seems like we’ve gone backwards a bit since then doesn’t it? 

Who am I missing? Oh, man…Growing Pains! How I could I forget Growing Pains? Now this was the ultimate wasn’t it? Dad was a psychiatrist; mom was a…I don’t know what mom did, but she was hot! They lived in a nice ranch house with a basketball goal in the back. It was perfect.

Now, I knew in my heart that television wasn’t real life; but wasn’t there just a little part of all of us that thought that somewhere, life must be like that? And isn’t that view of family life what we all grew up with in our head?

So is it any surprise to us that we’re often dissatisfied with parenting? For certain, I never saw the Keatons getting up several times a night to comfort an inconsolable baby. Or, I don’t remember the Seavers sitting around the kitchen table stressing over whether or not they could afford to get rid of the 10-year old family car and get a new one.

Instead, according to our 80s television hero’s, life was supposed to be something like this:

• Everyone suddenly shows up downstairs in the kitchen fully dressed and ready for breakfast
• Dad sits at the table with a steaming mug of coffee in his hand and a newspaper in the other
• Mom busily–yet expeditiously–serves everyone a hearty breakfast, while herself looking perfectly made up and coiffed and ready for her busy day as a working mom
• Maybe dad works from home and while he does so, mom often pops in and out of the house and the have engaging, meaningful conversations about the family, work and life in general–all the while harmlessly flirting with one another.
• Whatever dad did for a living, he had a LOT of free time
• The kids would come home in the afternoon and fix themselves something to eat and disappear…off to do whatever they had to do.
• Homework miraculously got done, or barring that, if one of those rascally kids got a “D” on their report card, they were mildly admonished while grinning winningly, knowing the parents would never follow through with any kind of lasting punishment.
• At night, dinner was a family affair. Everyone sat down and ate whatever it was that magically appeared on the table. I don’t think anyone ever ate take-out and they certainly never went out to eat. Beef was good for you!
• And I don’t think anyone ever went to bed, or if they did, it was after the show went off.
• Vacations were European affairs, or at the very least, uber-exciting trips cross-country where everyone got along and traffic never hampered the schedule
• Oh, and nothing ever, ever broke in the house.

Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Too bad it’s about as far from real-life as you can get. Maybe that’s why Roseanne was such a big hit..it was bawdy and rough, but it was a heck of a lot more like MY childhood than anything Silver Spoons ever televised.

I wonder what my kids are going to glom onto growing up? Right now, I can’t think of any television shows that portrays an “ideal” family life. Maybe that’s a good thing though. Maybe it will help them create their own ideal, and in turn maybe that will help me to remain cognizant of the fact that my actions are the only thing countering the cultural norms today that I don’t agree with.

That’s a tall order.

I could really make about a dozen points about this injury report that MLE (cat’s outta the bag…MLE’s name is Aiden) got today at daycare, but…oh, who am I kidding? I’m not noble!

In case you missed them:

• I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur at 9:45 p.m. If so, then we really need to try and pick him up earlier
• “…had got…”  “…had got…” let me say it again, “…had got…”  tsk, tsk, tsk

OK, I only have two real comments here, but still…dang!

And OK, but am I the only person who thinks this is funny?

Or am I just really a bad father?

About every three months or so, I hit a wall; emotionally. Being a guy, perhaps I hold things in. I mean, I don’t cry at movies; I don’t get upset and vent on a box of chocolate covered maraschino cherries (though GOD I’d love to!); and I don’t really talk to anybody other than my wife about anything substantive (yeah, I really have no friends…it’s sad…but who has time…and money to pay babysitters?)

So I guess three months is the “fill line” on my stress-o-meter. I’m nearing it again, I can tell.

Here’s some examples:

• I sort of vented to my boss about a random person in our company who wanted to start “reviewing” a communication piece I routinely publish. Oh, I also bluntly stated to this person, who is a level above me, that I wasn’t going to budge on her “suggestion” and that she could take it up with my boss if she didn’t like it.
• The boys, who have generally been really good lately, have been REALLY getting on my nerves for doing things that one would normally expect of a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old.
• That a-hole teenager at the gym benchpressing as much as me nearly pushed me over the edge!
  I mean…the NERVE! I bet his friggin’ football coach is slipping roids in his gatorade!
• And if I come into the office one more time and find my network cable missing, or that someone has sat at my “cube of heavenly existence” and moved all my “stuff” around, I’m gonna raise some hell!

But the problem here is that I don’t know how to fix it. I do what most “experts” say to do, which is “exercise.” I exercise till every joint in my body hurts. In fact, I probably over do it. So what’s left?

If you’re a parent, you know you can’t just get up and leave. Walking out and going on a weekend getaway by yourself isn’t viable; either familialy (word?) or financially. Punching holes in walls only leads to more work for yourself and Klonopin makes you gain weight, which is the LAST thing I need.

So come on folks. Out with it. Save me $300 on a therapist. Tell me, how do you cope?
Oh, and you lurkers out there…you know who you are…time to get engaged!

Buried among the usual pile of crap-mail this past week, was an unexpected gem. Of course, I didn’t realize what a gem it was at first glance, which is typical of most good things. I mean, whoever found the first crusty diamond all wrapped up in carbon probably thought, “What’s this piece of crap?” right before he smacked it to pieces with a hammer.

And so it was that I almost tossed it aside with the rest of the mail (in the recycle bin of course!) but then I stopped–re-read the notice, “It’s time for our Wildwood Springs Annual Neighborhood Yard Sale” and immediately started running the possibilities in my mind!

I’ve mentioned that I’m not generally a packrat, but I will say that there are a few things I can’t bear to throw out. While CareerMom had the boys tax-free “back to school shopping” on Saturday, (right before she fell ill to the same ailment that caused MLE to puke all over the place), I scrounged around in the basement for items that perhaps I could toss aside, and maybe make a few dollars off of.

Surprisingly, I came up with a pretty good list of crap useful items:

• a pair of Kenwood side speakers (with drops of what appears to be solder on them, giving them a cool, hip, silver splashy look!)
• various cords and cables
• a turkey fryer that I’ve used all of twice, and only once for frying an actual turkey
• two pairs of “his n’ hers” roller blades from mine and CareerMom’s single days. Seriously, we used these maybe all of three times when we were “dating” and haven’t put them back on since.
• two small coolers, cuz my fabulous new cooler that I got for a “Thank You” award at work is clearly superior
• a telephone
• a network bridge
• a serial port a/b switch
• and a few more odds and ends

But then, as I perused the stack of stuff with a buyer’s eye, I wasn’t convinced that there was enough there to justify the $15 fee AND to justify my sitting on my can all day long drinking cheap beer while CareerMom occupied the boys.

But then, hark! What are those bins over there in the dark corner? Could those be “baby clothes” that we apparently have no need for?

Do you realize what we have here? Baby clothes are the “Holy Grail” of Yard Sale beacons. Why, with these, I could fairly hire a teenager to come work my driveway while I went about my business the rest of the weekend!

But then…a thought…

“Will CareerMom be willing to part with them?”

Because despite both of us wailing in moments of despair, “NO MORE CHILDREN!” I secretly suspected that she might capitulate and therefore want to hold onto these clothes on the chance that God saw fit to give us YET another boy!

That evening as we were sitting around having dinner, I casually remarked, “So, I’m thinking about doing the neighborhood Yard Sale thing this year. I mean, I have a lot of junk of my own I can get rid of.”

Without skipping a beat, CareerMom said, “Yeah and all of those old baby clothes down in the basement can go too…”

I nearly fell out of my chair! Even more shocking was the fact that, later that evening, she went down, unprompted, and brought up all the bins and went through them discarding what she didn’t want to keep for sentimental reasons. And it was about 95% of the stuff!

Little did I know then that in less than 10 hours, she’d have her head buried in the toilet and running a fever. So maybe that’s why she was so agreeable. Either way, it’s too late now! I’ve hidden the unwanted bins of clothes and she’s not going to see them again until I put them out for sale in September.

But did you hear that? No more kids! For sure!

Unless we crazy kids get caught up in the moment one day and get lazy!

…come on Lord, I’ve been pretty good lately. I haven’t yelled at the kids unnecessarily; I’ve spent loads of time doing things THEY want to do rather than what I NEED to do. I’ve given CareerMom time off; heck, I even paid for her a facial thingy the other night! I’ve been more social lately and I even attended a “meeting” of Marketing professionals from my company.

I’ve resisted the temptation to open the Wii that I bought the boys for Christmas, despite the coolness of it all and hearing its siren call in my dreams. I haven’t given the dog away even though, thanks to three weeks of prednisone, she’s been peeing and dripping urine all over the house for nigh on the entire time!

I volunteered to go help my mom get the house ready for her husband’s upcoming 2nd hip replacement surgery, despite high gas costs and work that is sure to make my back hurt (more). And speaking of my back…I voluntarily DID NOT refill my pain medication, despite the fact that sitting in my office chair at work, and generally walking, makes it hurt from daylight till dark.

I haven’t spent money unnecessarily.

I’m putting up with “The Wiggles“…AGAIN!

So, I’m just wondering why, on a day I was looking forward to a quiet, work from home day just before what is sure to be an action-packed and exhausting weekend, you let MLE throw up all over the car just before getting to daycare?

Just wondering…and if you wanna get back to me with an answer…I’ll be here at home with MLE.

All day.

Just…waiting…

Amen.