Continue reading]]> I just had my 55th birthday. I’ve maintained my weight loss for going on a decade now. What I think about the most often is how grateful I am that I am not dealing with a weight problem at my age. I think about the state of my health when I was 44 and I can’t imagine what my life would be today if I had not lost weight. I would probably be full-blown diabetic (I had become pre-diabetic and was on medication). My asthma and night wheezing might have advanced to sleep apnea (which will either kill you or doom you to sleeping with an air hose clamped to your face). The joint pain in my knees and hip that was limiting my mobility might have narrowed my life down to a few select confines and extensive compensation for taking care of even basic errands and tasks.

When I was over 300 pounds, I simply never felt good. I never had any energy; I was always tired and uncomfortable. I can remember even feeling uncomfortable when I laid down. I remember reaching the ultimate level of lethargy when I wouldn’t even walk downstairs to the grocery store in my building for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I would take my car to the grocery store that is about one-tenth of a mile down the street.

I was on seven prescriptions for asthma, joint pain, blood sugar, blood pressure, blood triglycerides, and hormones thrown out of whack by the amount of adipose tissue I carried. Losing weight would clear up everything. And it did.

In my early 40s. I had trouble getting around and my health was on the verge of going to hell in a handbasket. On greased rails. With the lid off.

There was never a time in my life when I was willing to “accept” being fat. It always represented an obstacle to be conquered and as I got older, I developed a sense of desperation to relieve myself of the burden of my fat body. There is NOTHING to like about being fat. NOTHING. It limits your life and your abilities and makes you feel like shit. For a lot of years I was “healthy” by the numbers. I had a normal blood pressure but I could not climb the stairs at a Chicago EL train station without turning purple-faced and gasping by the time I reached the platform. My blood sugar was in a normal range throughout my twenties and thirties but I could not spend a few hours wandering among the galleries of the Art Institute of Chicago. I wouldn’t get an asthma attack unless I caught a respiratory infection but I live on Lake Michigan and I could not stroll the fabulous lake shore park that stretches the length of the city even though it is literally right out my back door. If I couldn’t drive somewhere, I didn’t go.

I can understand why people want to reject being shamed for their body size. I didn’t want to be judged either. But I did not pretend that I was proud of my fat body. The fat body that was forcing more limitations on my life year after year, the fat body that would start to break down when decades of overweight had taken its toll.

I look at the blogs of “body positive” activists and for them, it’s all about aesthetics and politics and insisting that a fat body isn’t an unhealthy body. That’s real easy to go along with when you’re 25 or even 35 and your biggest concerns are finding the clothes you’d like to wear and bitching about fat haters who really are extremely horrible people. Sure, I get that.

But I often wonder if certain people have started experiencing the effects of long-term weight and know they have to keep it a secret. People like Marilyn Wann, Fall Ferguson, Charlotte Cooper, Marianne Kirby. Do they keep walking when their joints ache and their ankles are swollen to prove how much they love their bodies just as they are? Do they arrange to get blood pressure and diabetes medications through the mail? Do they avoid stairs so they’re not seen gasping for breath? Do they carefully arrange their lives around their limitations so the status of their political positions are not challenged?

Fat acceptance is for young women. Because while they’re young, they can still love the body that will eventually betray them. It may take decades but it will happen. The chances are very small that they possess the truly superior genes necessary to escape the effects of 20 years or more of lugging around more fat than the human body is intended to endure.

I did not want to be judged by my body size. No one deserves to be treated that way. I knew my body size indicated nothing about my character. I never hated myself; I hated feeling physically limited and weakened by my size. If fat acceptance activists really did believe that body size did not define them, they wouldn’t wrap up their identity in it.

Continue reading]]> Update to this post: May 2017, Karma kicks Katie Hopkins to the curb. Hopkins is leaving a London-based national radio station after just a year. Specific reasons have not been made public but everyone is generally thrilled to see her go. LBC staff broke into ‘massive cheers and applause’ when controversial radio presenter fired
A now-former LBC colleague described Hopkins as “a monstrous self-publicist” who “employs the most vile of thoughts and language in a desperate attempt to stay relevant and get noticed”. Yeah that sums her up…

Katie Hopkins is a British pseudo-celebrity, one of those people who seem to become known for no apparent good reason. Hopkins had been on a British version of The Apprentice and other reality shows. She’s written a column for the UK’s worst tabloid newspaper and is generally despised as a “Professional Troll.” In short, she has made a career out of being a bitch and one of her favorite targets is fat people. In her latest publicity stunt, Katie Hopkins gets fat and blames fat people for “making” her do it.

Hopkins’ viciously hateful remarks about obesity have prompted her to want to “prove” that fat people are lazy and “need a kick up the ass.” To this end, she risked her health in a thoroughly pointless exercise. Hopkins ate a daily diet of some 6000 calories to pack on the pounds for the sole purpose of proving how easily she’d be able to lose the weight. As if that would prove anything about obesity or anyone’s propensity to gain or lose weight but her own.

Various trainers have attempted to attract publicity for themselves by making a public show of gaining weight and then losing it but it proves nothing. Hopkins actually proved the futility of it shortly after starting her “experiment.” During a doctor’s visit taped for a television show, Hopkins is told she’s underweight with just 15% bodyfat. Her ribs protrude severely; she has no waist or visible breasts. She admits that gaining weight will simply bring her to a normal level before she can be considered overweight. But Hopkins should have learned the most valuable lesson two weeks after she stopped her daily runs and started her calorie-dense diet. On a follow up visit to the doctor, she gets on the scale and has gained…NOTHING. Not a pound. She shocks her body with daily gorging and abruptly turning sedentary for two whole weeks and she doesn’t gain any weight. I think I would have put on at least five pounds, probably more.

Hopkins does not see that she proves the obvious: Different bodies function differently. If she has trouble gaining weight, she should be able to realize that she’ll have counterparts at the other end of the Bell Curve who gain weight easily. Reports are that she’s already lost the weight. I’m not surprised in the least. In fact, I’m sure it came off easily. Unfortunately, she’s likely to assume everyone’s experience should be just like hers. Just as likely, Hopkins will still be considered one the most despised women in Great Britain.

Continue reading]]> TLC has debuted the first of a nine-episode reality series “My Big Fat Fabulous Life,” featuring Whitney Way Thore, a young woman who became a YouTube sensation last year with her video, “Fat Girl Dancing.” Besides using the “my big fat” cliche AGAIN (does Nia Vardalos get royalties for these?), the show relies on stereotypes and well-worn reality show conventions for an abysmal, cringe-inducing full hour of embarrassment.

First off, anyone who thinks Ms. Thore is “embracing fat” will be missing what she makes quite clear. She has a very serious case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and she’s trying to make the best of dealing with it. She asserts frequently through the show that she would like to to lose weight (if that’s even possible for her) and admits that before she developed PCOS, “Looking back to when I was thin, I can’t believe how much I took it for granted.” In a conversation with a nurse practitioner, by way of setting up the back story for the viewer, Whitney explains that in college she began to gain an extreme amount of weight at a rapid pace. Today she also deals with the other horrific symptoms of PCOS including excessive body and facial hair (she says she shaves her face) and hair loss (she describes her hair as a weave). It also looks like she may be dealing with acne. My Big Fat Fabulous Life is not about a woman embracing life in a large body; it’s about a young person struggling to deal with the symptoms of a serious and incurable medical condition. The show does not celebrate being “fat and fabulous” but rather how PCOS and its impact on her body has robbed Whitney Thore of a normal life and how she’s trying to compensate.

The show’s confession cam depicts Whitney in a chair from an angle that accentuates the arc of her stomach.

Whitney Thore is 30 and has moved back in with her affluent parents in their large, television-ready home. She previously worked as an on-air producer for a morning radio show in her hometown of Greensboro, North Carolina. Did she quit her job and move home to create a contrived environment for the reality show? Her parents are portrayed as Southern eccentrics with her father a frequent foil expressing concern at his daughter’s weight. Whitney’s mother is named Babs. Really, Babs.

It should be no surprise Whitney has the reality show standard issue sassy gay best friend and even the strictly friend-zone straight guy buddy who brings her pizza. An hour of Whitney became grating; she is depicted as the typical big personality, big mouth, big appetite fat girl. She brings up sex frequently, even in conversations with her mother, and behaves as if she aspires to be outright promiscuous. She attempts to persuade everyone it’s a good thing that she’s found a man online who “appreciates” large women. Was she really completely ignorant of BBW fetishists? As Whitney prepares to meet the man for their first date, she makes it clear there’s a possibility she could bring him home. Babs worries that her father could “hear noises in the house.” We’re supposed to be shocked when the date expresses eager interest that Whitney gain more weight. She naively dismisses him as “not the one” as if he’d actually been in contention.

My Big Fat Fabulous Life is just another reality show exploiting a fat person with a sympathetic back story. Stacy Bias’ “Good Fatty Archetypes” would call Whitney Thore a “No-Fault Fatty” who can’t be held responsible for her weight. Whitney is currently 380lbs and likely to keep putting on the pounds due to her condition. Will TLC still be interested if she can’t dance anymore?

Continue reading]]> If you’ve been reading me for awhile, you know I’m a big fan of the BodyBugg/BodyMedia device. It was the original, invented by Astro Teller, grandson of physicist Edward Teller. The BodyMedia armband uses galvanic skin response to monitor skin temperature, skin moisture, and emitted gases. Calorie expenditure was tested to be within 10% accuracy of clinical methods. Before introducing a consumer product, BodyMedia originally provided metabolic assessment services to the healthcare research market.

The BodyMedia armband was originally called a “sensewear device” but the market is now exploding as wearable “activity trackers.” Fitbit, Garmin Vivofit, and the Jawbone UP are easy to wear wristbands or clip-ons. They use the technology introduced in game devices like the Wii; they see your movements in space and apply algorithms.

Activity trackers are projected to be one of the hottest gifts this holiday season. I just picked up a Fitbit “Charge” and I’m pulling out the BodyMedia armband to make a side-by-side activity tracker comparison. I’ll be wearing them both over the next couple of weeks to see how the daily stats compare. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to find out which one is actually closest to clinical results but it will be interesting to see how close the stats are.

Fitbit Charge and BodyMedia armband

The BodyMedia armband tracks calorie burn, steps, and minutes of activity, measured in METs (metabolic equivalents. Click to see my blog post about METs here.) The Fitbit Charge tracks calorie burn, steps, and activity minutes in METs as well but also monitors your sleep and will (sorta) log stairs by number of floors climbed.

Both devices come with their glitches. The BodyMedia counts steps as a heel-toe stride. It has trouble tracking real stairs but does log my stepper. I’ve already observed a quirk of the Fitbit. Yesterday, it credited me with two floors of stairclimbing when I took the escalator to an EL train platform. The Fitbit measures atmospheric pressure to determine a change in elevation. It assumes that average floors are 10′ in height. I don’t see a lot of value in logging floors climbed. I’d rather see steps. I have observed that the Fitbit will log a real stairstep as a step but has trouble with stepper/Stairmaster steps.

Both devices will log every step throughout the day and they can really add up but it takes an increase in energy expenditure to log METs and get credit for “Activity” minutes. The Fitbit Dashboard for checking your stats is well-laid out. You can check it online or your phone. The BodyMedia offers similar dashboards but charges a subscription fee. The fee has prompted a programmer to offer a “FreeBugg” hack so users can stop paying the monthly fees. The BodyMedia has one feature that’s actually my favorite and the Fitbit has a similar function. I set a “Trip” feature to check my stats for a specific time period, great for seeing how many steps and calories I logged for a particular activity.It will show calorie burn per minute which I really like. It’s just the way I like to crunch the numbers. By holding down a button on the Fitbit, it will go into a “stopwatch” mode and show your stats for just that time period. It does not record these stats to the dashboard and does not show calorie burn per minute. The BodyMedia lets you see your day’s stats and “trip” stats; the Fitbit has to be switched back to regular mode.

The Fitbit’s sleep monitoring seems to be a bit buggy. There are a lot of complaints about it on the Fitbit help forum. I’ve slept with the Fitbit for the last three days and it gave me stats on my last two nights. It seems to think I rocked an all-nighter last night. I found no data when I got up this morning.

Both devices will sync and upload stats with a cable or wirelessly. For wireless transmission, the Fitbit uses this USB thingee that will definitely challenge my record of not losing stuff.

Fitbit Charge wireless USB connector

I’ll be blogging and tweeting my stats in the coming days so check back for my updates on how each of the devices are performing in daily use!

Continue reading]]> Photographer Haley Morris-Cafiero says her images of herself in public depict people who are “visibly troubled that I am in front of them” because she is fat. Ms.Morris-Cafiero first published her project last year with a series of photos of herself in various city settings. The photos appear to show strangers around her casting glances of debatable intention. She has expanded on her project with images she describes as herself engaged in “self-improvement acts.” Morris-Cafiero insist the images prove she is being judged by passers-by, “I am still looked at with critical glances when I try to ‘improve’ myself towards society’s standards.”

Since seeing the first series of photos last year, I have questioned the validity of this project. Consider this image from the new series:

Photo: Haley Morris-Cafiero

This photo looks to me like a women exercising in the middle of the sidewalk, dressed in a 1980s style. She looks ridiculous. I’d look at her and be confused as well. Consider also that Morris-Cafiero puts her camera in full view so that everyone sees she is photographing herself. She sometimes uses an assistant. If I saw her, I’d wonder what this person was doing taking photos of herself acting like an idiot in a Blondie tee shirt and if she did that in Chicago? She’d incite shouts of hey lady, get out of the middle of the sidewalk why don’t you.

In many of her photos, she appears to be behaving in a manner that would likely draw quizzical looks. Consider this image:

Photo: Haley Morris-Cafiero

I would be concerned why an adult was sitting alone on a child’s swing in a playground, looking sullen and sad. I would be concerned she was depressed. But when I noticed that she was shooting photos of herself doing it, I’d wonder why she was posing like that and figure it was probably an art school thing.

In many of Morris-Cafiero’s photos, the clothing she is wearing appears to be ill-fitting and unflattering. She is often looking sullen and even despondent. And she has a camera pointed at her. Morris-Cafiero also admits that she sets her camera up to take hundreds of photos. From so many, she is able to choose the images where people happen to be looking in her direction but why are they looking? Perhaps because a woman appears to be posing in an odd manner for a camera. I would definitely look at her and wonder what was going on.

I live in Chicago. On many occasions I have caught people shooting nasty glances at a fat person. It’s very common on crowded buses or trains when someone is taking up more than one seat. When I was over 300 lbs, I used to see women casting looks of disgust in the mirror as I walked into a ladies room. I’m certain that fat people are gawked at all the time but do Haley Morris-Cafiero’s photos actually illustrate that? I do not agree that these images are exposing some kind of shocking and blatant fat hate.  I think the images are misleading and Morris-Cafiero is attempting to manufacture a self-serving sense of victimhood.

Continue reading]]> I was recently contacted by a former Biggest Loser contestant about helping him to write a book about his experiences with the show. The project didn’t move forward but while we were discussing things, he’d talk quite freely about what went on behind the scenes. There are plenty of Biggest Loser secrets alright. A lot of it was not surprising; some of it was even worse than I’d imagined.

There are few realities to keep in mind.

• Ratings are what’s important. Not anybody’s health, not “changing lives.” Ratings, pitching sponsors, and selling the Biggest Loser brand are what matter. Biggest Loser is the most merchandised television show of all time.
• Drama gets ratings. Producers want conflict and intensity between the contestants. Anyone can be sacrificed for network ratings.
• Everything is planned; nothing is left to chance. There’s nothing real about reality shows.
• Extreme weight loss and “big numbers” are what producers want. Viewers want to see the most dramatic, unbelievable transformation. Health doesn’t factor in.
• Contestants are ultimately motivated by big cash prizes and getting their 15 minutes of reality show fame while avoiding being seen as a failure on national television.

When applicants are being interviewed for the show, producers want to find people who have some kind of tragedy or misfortune in their past. They’re looking for what they can use to make it sound like a person has some “reason” why they made themselves fat. The ideal contestant has something they can overcome, something broken that will be “fixed” when they lose weight and become whole again with all credit going to the trainers. The producers choose a combination of people they can pit against each other; contestants will start to compete among themselves for who has the worst tragedy to overcome. While contestants are on the Ranch, cameras are EVERYWHERE of course. Each person is watched constantly by psychologists who determine how they will be manipulated. Trainers are told what to say to contestants to provoke the desired response. Contestants who don’t respond how the producers want are considered a problem and targeted for more intense manipulation.

Producers pick favorites who they will want to win. Contestants are given extensive DNA testing to determine who has the greatest potential to lose a lot of weight. Producers choose a favorite and tell that person they think they could win if they work hard enough. No pressure there! They’ve wanted women to win because the viewership is largely female and women spend the most money on weight loss products and services. They’ve also wanted a Black grand prize winner and in a recent season tried to groom a particular contestant but the weigh ins didn’t work out.

Before they are flown out to Los Angeles, contestants are told to take pictures and make videos of themselves eating their favorite foods, preferably in some gluttonous, face-stuffing manner while mugging for the camera.

Contestants are not allowed to tell their employers why they want time off. This is to prevent the media from finding out who the contestants are before NBC introduces them on the show. Revealing anything to anybody about the show can get a contestant kicked off before they even leave home. A lot of alternates are chosen and are also brought to California in case a first-string contestant is dropped. All those extra people are sent home once production begins.

Contestants are sequestered from each other when they’re brought out to California and before production starts. While they’re being transported wherever they need to go, it’s not unusual that they’ll be taken to a fast food restaurant and encouraged to eat. They’re all out there for a few weeks before the show actually begins. Like inmates in a prison, they devise secret ways of communicating with each other.

Contestants are paid a stipend for being on the show so their basic expenses back home can be covered.

Deliberately trying to get the contestants to throw up or generally break down during the first work out of a new season has become a show staple. Because people love to see fatties getting their asses kicked. It’s a fan favorite!

The Biggest Loser gym is a production set. There isn’t even any running water. Contestants have to leave the set to go use a bathroom at another location.

Dolvett Quince was a wannabe actor who had some celebrity training clients prior to joining the show. He’s most often used as the dramatic foil to break down contestants and get them crying.

The weigh ins are deceptive in many ways. It’s become a badly-kept secret that the weigh ins are rarely one week apart. The amount of time between “official” weigh ins can vary but the show is carefully edited to make it appear that just one week has passed. What you see on TV is all an act. The contestants are weighed under extremely controlled conditions off camera. Most people choose to be weighed completely naked. If a quarter million dollars is on the line, they’re not going to risk the ounce a pair of undies might add. They are tested for their level of hydration to be sure no one is attempting to cheat by dehydrating themselves. If dehydration is suspected, a contestant will be required to drink water before getting on the scale. Conversely, there’s no accounting for women in menstruation. Female contestants can be at a great disadvantage but there’s nothing in place to account for the possible effects of their monthly periods. I’d expect it’s very possible after a couple of months, many women on Biggest Loser aren’t menstruating normally anyway.

Show doctor Robert Huizenga, former team physician for the Los Angeles Raiders, told contestants that the extreme and rapid weight loss they experience during the show can cause their brains to shrink. Oh great.

The contestants are allowed to cover their bodies as a reward as the season progresses. Initially, they’re required to remove their tee shirts for weigh ins so that their fat rolls can be on display while they’re at their heaviest.

Medical emergencies are only shown when it looks like the contestant is suffering from the weaknesses and poor health of their fat body. There’s a story that when a contestant experienced a medical issue during the night when only a skeleton crew is on the set, show personnel refused to call an ambulance because media trucks were outside. Fellow contestants helped the person out.

The show has featured celebrities from entertainment and sports. A sports figure contestant was allowed to leave the Ranch for visits with his wife. There’s a story that he was caught eating candy bars and junk food when he was away and given the choice of leaving the show on his own or being exposed for what he ate.

After the show ends, producers have their favorites they stay in touch with and include in future shows and Biggest Loser events. Some people never get a call. It’s been my personal observation that local Chicago grand prize winner Michael Ventrella has been ignored by the show for unknown reasons. Despite having been the heaviest contestant to win, he was never featured on any follow up shows.

Former contestants have a private Facebook group. There are about 300 alums by now. When someone stops participating in the group, it’s generally assumed that person has started gaining weight back.

I tried researching as many former Biggest Loser contestants as I could find online. Many try to use their Biggest Loser notoriety in some way by writing books, offering fitness and weight loss consulting, or just using their name to promote some kind of business venture. There are lot of dormant websites, aging blog posts, and dead links out there. Several former contestants start some kind of non-profit organization; I couldn’t find one that’s lasted.

Season 5 winner Ali Vincent was the first woman to win and the show’s favorite daughter. She has gone on to have her own television show on the Live Well Network.

One of the more successful former contestants I found was Pete Thomas, at home winner of season two. Pete has established himself in corporate wellness, wisely focusing on the trucking industry. His website indicates he continues to maintain a full schedule of speaking and public appearances.

Tara Costa of season seven was an interesting case. She won EVERY challenge on the show only to lose the grand prize to the then-oldest ever winner. After the show, she started doing the rounds of IronMan competitions and races. She landed back in the news when she was sued by a sponsor who claimed she’d gained weight in breach of their contract. She’s now a teacher and moderately active on social media. In current photos, she looks quite trim.

While the former contestant who contacted me doesn’t live in Chicago, we’ve got our share of winners and former contestants. Season 14 winner Danni Allen recently opened a yoga studio and shills for Larabar. Jerry and Estella Hayes, the oldest couple to appear on the show, are reportedly working as trainers at the Biggest Loser Resort out in the Chicago suburbs. Dan Evans of nearby Frankfort IL used his Biggest Loser fame to release a country music album and continues to tour. He’s a frequent participant at Biggest Loser Run/Walk events.

Other Chicagoans have gone back to the careers they had before they took a detour into reality television. Attorney Bobby Saleem got headlines for coming out on the show, prompting trainer Bob Harper to admit what everyone already knew. Teacher and at-home winner Bernie Salazar completed his Masters in Education and published a children’s book. He got some press for a kid’s fitness company that didn’t seem to get off the ground. Tanya Winfield was the COO of a Chicago fried chicken chain and now heads up her own consulting firm.

Biggest Loser may be dying a slow death as NBC attempts to hang on to the centerpiece of the show’s merchandising empire. As of this season’s move to Thursday nights, the show is consistently the big ratings loser with Shonda Rhimes dramas on ABC running neck and neck to football on CBS. It’s a general consensus that the bizarre season 13 mutiny broke the show for good. The current “Glory Days” season stretches the idea of “former athletes” with many contestants having just high school backgrounds in athletics or cheerleading. The most recognizable name was eliminated on the first week but two NFL players are still in the running.

As for the former Biggest Loser who contacted me? If he can figure out how to parlay a few forgettable reality show episodes into his 15 minutes, good luck to him.

Continue reading]]> I happened upon a HuffPoLive interview with women who talked about what they considered the benefits of being fat. I will admit right away that I have a tough time wrapping my head around it but I want to understand this perspective. I’ve always remembered many years ago when my weight loss was still fairly recent, that a woman asked me if I felt diminutive and weakened. She explained that she felt her size gave her a sense of power and presence. My take on it was completely the opposite. I had felt physically limited when I was fat. After losing weight, I had greatly improved my physical ability and no longer harbored a dread of certain situations like finding myself faced with a flight of stairs or a room full of narrow chairs with arms. I used to experience anxiety over whether I’d have to stand or walk longer than I’d be comfortable or even able. After I lost weight, those limitations and worries were completely gone. The woman perceived physical size as the source of power; I see physical ability as power.

Women in the HuffPo interview expressed similar attitudes. One spoke of feeling like being big meant being larger than life. She was a big woman with a big personality. She felt that being big amplified everything about her including her emotions and passions. Another expressed the corollary, that losing weight and becoming smaller made her feel less significant.

A commonly-shared belief was that being fat confers a sense of invisibility and safety. I am familiar with the idea that some women believe that being fat will protect them from unwanted attention and that women who’ve suffered violence may deliberately gain weight to construct a literal barrier to the world. But women in the interview spoke of a kind of convenient invisibility, expressing an appreciation for being able to go about their business in public with a feeling that no one is paying them any mind. They laughed about being on the train in sweats with messy hair and no makeup and liking the freedom to be completely comfortable. I honestly don’t get this at all. I can go out in sweats and messy hair (I usually cover it with a cap) and no one pays me any mind. When I was fat, I was very mindful of when I’d get those looks. If I were sloppily dressed, I’d expect that strangers seeing me would think that I was the stereotype of the fat slob. The unfortunate truth is when you are fat, you get noticed more by fat haters who want to look down on you. When you are an average weight, you can blend into the scenery without sticking out.

Photo credit: Dane Brian via Creative Commons

I notice now when fat people are getting those looks on the bus or train. I will catch plenty of rolling eyes and looks of disgust from strap hangers when a fat person is taking up more than one seat. I will also notice that, almost invariably, that person will not make eye contact with anyone. I will look around at the stares of disdain being directed at the fat person and I will think of my past life when I would have been grateful to have a seat and not have had to stand for a half hour or more on a rush hour bus. I would have kept my eyes down too.

It isn’t fair, it isn’t rational but being fat means you will be judged all the time by lots of people and not always by just those we think of as the most biased, shallow, and hateful. When you are fat, our culture does not let you forget it. I had to lose weight to be able to speak for myself and stop my fat speaking for me.

Continue reading]]> A prominent fat activist, not just any fat activist but the chairman of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, has passed at the age of 46. He died of pneumonia which can strike young, healthy people and kill them within days but the “Fitspiration” crowd is too busy gloating and crowing to get the facts. It’s all quite offensive but as is popular to say in the media now, the optics don’t look good.

Defining my own position on what is unfortunately labeled “fat acceptance” is problematic for me. I vehemently oppose character judgment. It’s never justified to make character assumptions against a person based on their appearance. There’s simply no viable argument that can be made, still, I started an entrepreneurship class this week and a guest speaker was discussing what she as a Human Resources executive likes to see on resumes. Sports activities. Participation in endurance activities such as IronMan and marathon running are considered to communicate that you are disciplined. OK, a lot of personal interests would say positive things about someone. Volunteerism. Musical performance. Bilingualism. Arts & Crafts. Writing. Going back to school. Maybe you devote all your time to your children and family. Maybe you’re already perfect for the job and your personal interests are irrelevant.

Bottom line, bias based on appearance is just irrational, illogical, ignorant, WRONG. Everyone should agree on that. but where does that leave us with the other aspects of “fat acceptance”? It’s a term that emerged from the sixties and it’s ambiguous today. Is it legal or personal? Is it about laws against discrimination or is it about individuals accepting themselves as fat? Does one require the other? I say no. I know from my personal experience that I never wanted assumptions made about me when I was over 300 lbs. But I wasn’t 300 lbs because I wanted to be and I spent decades trying to change. It was never about hating myself but I was never comfortable or happy to be very fat and as I got older I worried about my health a lot. Someone once described her slimmed down body to me as “convenient” and I think that’s the perfect term to use. It’s MUCH more convenient to fit in chairs, fit in clothes, and to be able to stand and walk and run as much as I need or want to. As for my health, I feel good every day.

I admit to a kind of bias because of my own past. If someone is genuinely content and happy and comfortable at whatever their size, that’s for them to decide. Where I’m conflicted is to say I hope it isn’t about surrender. I hope they’re not making that decision because they think it’s impossible for them to improve their health even though it can seem impossible. For long periods of my life, I couldn’t even envision myself at a lower weight or being able to do what I’m physically able to do now. At 54 years old, I’m grateful every day that I’m not 340 lbs anymore but I know what a monumental struggle it was to get here and what it will continue to take to stay here. No one EVER deserves to be judged for what they do or don’t do. We can never know what someone else deals with.

I will also admit a personal view that I’m sure will garner me criticism. I always hope no one is using their body to make a political statement. You can say and write and speak out and stand up for anything you want, any time regardless of what you weigh. Losing weight does not mean you don’t care anymore. A fat activist wrote that losing weight allows someone to “opt out of the struggle.” I have one thing to say to that. I don’t have to be a minority to oppose racism.

Being fat did not kill the chairman of the NAAFA but no matter how he lost his life, gloating over his loss and ridiculing him is viciously offensive.

Continue reading]]> When you have to get something done, do you go “all out”? If you have a project to complete, are you highly focused until it’s finished? When you undertake to learn something new, do you soon become an expert? I believe that what can make you a disciplined person can also contribute to making your weight difficult to manage. My view is just the opposite of the all too widely-held opinion that a lack of discipline and self-control are what makes you fat but I think I have a theory and I believe a lot of people would prove it’s true.

When it comes to weight, our culture wants us to believe that we are driven by negative subconscious forces—we’re stressed, we hate ourselves, we’re in pain, food is just a substitute for something else. We deeply invest food and eating with symbolism and vague meaning of questionable interpretation. I believe it’s more about our habits and routines. We stay fat or fail to lose weight because of what we do the most consistently. The real key is in closely examining the patterns that overlay our days, weeks, and months.

There’s no big secret lurking in the recesses of our minds! I believe some of us are simply better at establishing habits and routines than others and once we get into a pattern, it’s not easily broken. We’ll be resistant to trying to deviate from something we do naturally. We do this so innately, we may not even be aware how entrenched we are in certain behaviors and how often we do them. The nature and definition of “habit” is to do something with less than deliberate, conscious action. We’re on autopilot and we repeat ourselves again and again. But it’s the mechanics that underlie habit building that I believe reveal the truth about some of us. Consider that project or assignment you want to complete. If you’re the type of person who will quickly start doing whatever needs to be done and you work at it consistently and conscientiously until you’re finished, at the root are your innate abilities to build habits and put routines to work.

If you are a natural habit and routine builder, it stands to reason that you could adopt negative behaviors just as easily as you can fall into productive ones but acknowledging this will give you the tools to make changes that can finally work. When we go on a diet, we attempt to depart from our usual routines that fit the most naturally for our daily lives. We can’t sustain the dramatic change and soon we’re off another diet and feeling like failures. Instead of trying to figure out what’s the vague subconscious “reason why,” simply start looking carefully at what you do every day. Acknowledge and accept what’s natural for you and then make adaptations that will be a good fit.

In the last few years, I’ve heard from so many people who say they’re very disciplined, hard-working, even highly perfectionistic so struggling with their weight brought a lot of anxiety into their lives. They tend to be well-organized “planners” so they’d try launching into some detailed and specific diet or exercise program, in many cases over and over again, only to keep feeling beaten down by repeated failure. If something is going to work, it has to work for you. It’s got to leverage your own unique set of tendencies and preferences. Even what you’d call a “lifestyle change” still has to fit your lifestyle. Carefully and fearlessly analyze your own habits and routines. Acknowledge who are you and what you do without shame or judgment and then work within the framework of your own daily life. Stop believing everything “means” something and just start making changes for yourself.

Continue reading]]> Back in 2011, the hot news in obesity research was Adipotide. This peptide would target adipose tissue and destroy the blood supply, essentially KILLING fat cells. Not like those stupid scam ads, this stuff was intended to be a fat Terminator and KILL FAT CELLS for real! It sounded like a Holy Grail for weight loss and there was a lot of excitement when it was cleared for human trials in early 2012 by the FDA. But then something odd happened. Adipotide seemed to fall off the radar.

I went looking for an update and found that the Adipotide page on the website for its developer, Arrowhead Research, had not been updated since those Phase I Clinical Trials were announced. That doesn’t look good. Since Arrowhead is publicly traded, the real place to look for information would be in finance news. No updates on Adipotide. If there was good news, they’d definitely want to be publicizing it to drive investor interest especially since Arrowhead’s stock price has taken a beating in the last couple of years, dropping below $2 a share. Back when biotechs were all the daytrading rage in the late 90s, Arrowhead had actually traded over $120 by early 2000. Checking the press releases for the past year, Arrowhead is grabbing headlines with a treatment for liver disease and a drug for Hepatitis B that’s in Phase II clinical trials. The news seems to be promising as the stock price is on the rise and analysts are recommending the Texas-based research firm as a buy.

So what of Adipotide? Peptides are simple proteins. They function in the body as neurotransmitters, sending signals and influencing hormonal response. As I understand it, they are fairly easy to synthesize. For that reason, peptides are popular for body building supplementation. Adipotide is turning up on websites that sell injectable supplements, the kind that would be banned in professional competition.

I found a couple of blogs where individuals described their personal experiences with trying Adipotide. Both report experiencing severe pain and lumps developing under the skin at the injection site. Kidney damage is a side effect but it’s supposed to be reversible after stopping the injections. As if that’s reassuring! One person who injected himself with Adipotide experienced serious pain, hypoglycemia, extreme thirst, nausea, insomnia, cloudy urine, and what he called “chronic toxicity after two weeks of dosing.” Yeah, let’s not go there.

Another blogger excitedly announced how he planned to give himself a 28-day trial of Adipotide. He only wrote for the first five days and admitted to eating cookies and chips. So much for that guy.

With no updates on the clinical trials to be found, they must not have turned out well. It’s not the first time a highly-hyped obesity wonder drug failed miserably. Millions were spent to research a drug that would have increased sensitivity to Leptin, a hormone that suppresses appetite. You might remember when Phen-Fen was pulled from the market for causing heart valve damage. We can’t know what Arrowhead Research is doing with Adipotide unless they release a statement but if some other drug trial is giving their stock price a boost, I wouldn’t count on any news.