Talk radio and social media were all a buzz wondering if Whitney Houston‘s death on February 11, 2012 at the age of 48. Was she, many asked, a drug addict?  Many others rushed in with an opinion one way or another.

There also was some concern expressed about how to help someone who is obviously in trouble with drugs and alcohol. This kind of rational compassion has some potential of helping others.

I was really surprised at the ignorance of one radio host – Ed Schultz – on the topic of addiction. He admitted he just didn’t get it.

I forget how confusing the whole topic of addiction and recovery can be to those who don’t experience it. When someone isn’t addicted their common sense says we ought to be able to quit just like they are. What they don’t realize is their common sense is quite different from ours.

Ed seemed to feel that if she had died as a result of drug overdose it somehow meant no one had reached out and tried to help her.


Several callers tried to both reassure him that undoubtedly people had reached out to her and to explain that we don’t get it until we get it. Unfortunately that means some of us die before we are ready or able to do what it takes to get straight.

Gradually the talk show host seemed if not come to understand, at least reach some sort of acceptance with the idea that there aren’t any easy answers.

Lord knows I don’t know if Houston was an addict. I know I love her music and I’m sure she’ll be missed on the planet.

It seems that every so often a celebrity dies and is suspected of addiction. I suspect many of them are addicts. Fortunately some of them do recover, so it’s possible even under the spotlight.

I also know that those of us in recovery need to be patient and understanding of those who find the fact of our addiction confusing and distressful. We can’t expect them to really get what the addiction and the recovery are all about. And they don’t need to, not really.


Some of them, like Ed Schultz, or my now adult children will reach something close to understanding – at least enough to get to acceptance. Meanwhile, we know what we know and can only do our best to share it when the opportunity arrives.

Love, blessings and abundance,

Our 11th Step suggests meditation.

In the beginning of my recovery and sporadically after that I tried over and over again to figure out how to meditate. I read lots of books, and listened to various people who tried, reading more than one book or listening to that teacher.

No matter what I tried, meditation seemed to be totally beyond me. I could rarely sit for five  minutes, let alone the longer periods I heard others were doing.

It turns out I was missing a vital piece of information: it’s totally normal for our minds to drift when we’re meditating.

I thought there was something wrong with me because when I tried to quiet my mind it was only moments before it drifted to the laundry or the shopping or my latest love.

Somehow I had thought I had to clear my mind in order to meditate properly. One person told me my mind should be as blank as a TV that’s turned off.  That may have worked for the person who told me about it, but I suspect I somehow misunderstood what he said.


Finally I was able to hear that it was expected my mind would drift; my job was to bring it back to what many Buddhists call the object of my meditation. Often that is just to be aware of my inhale and exhale, over and over again. 

I’ve been meditating now about seven years – almost daily and usually for about 20 minutes a session. I do this in the morning, shortly after I get up, and after I’ve spent maybe half an hour reading something spiritual.

And my mind still drifts! Which is one of the things our mind is supposed to do – think thoughts. All I have to do is notice when it happens and come back to my breath.


Not only that, when I ask other who have practiced longer than I have, they tell me their minds wander off too.

Whew! What a relief!

It’s okay that my mind drifts; it’s okay that I get bored sitting there; it’s okay that I want to scratch, and probably okay if I do, although it’s interesting to observe what happens when I don’t.

Although some of our literature describes meditation as listening to our Higher Power, I experience it differently. While I sometimes get insights into myself or my current issues, more often I’m just watching my breath, or perhaps counting my breath and nothing much seems to happen.

The reason I keep meditating is because I feel better as a result. Not every day, but more often than not, and better than I felt, or remember feeling before I started meditating. I’m somehow calmer, more grounded.

I notice that it’s easier for me to listen to friends and others. I also notice  more good things like small flowers flowers or a humming bird or, more specifically, the amazing variety of colors on my tabby cat’s coat.

Buddhists refer to this as mindfulness; others talk about being in the present moment or the holy instant.

Now if I could only learn not to be so fretful in traffic! And yes, I can bring mindful breathing even to that; it just takes practice.

Do you have a meditation practice? If not, what keeps you from one?

Love, blessings, and abundance,

Image:  Some rights reserved by Everyspoon

If you would take this short survey about Powerfully Recovered! the book I’d sure appreciate it.

Love, blessings and abundance,

Despite all the research into the causes and nature of addiction, we still don’t know much, not really.

Sure, there are often chemical imbalances, or what we think are imbalances in the brains of those addicted to substances.

And there is some evidence that there are similar imbalances with at least some of the behaviors that have their own 12 Step Program. But brain science still doesn’t have answers for the person who is hoplessly and helplessly trapped in an addictive cycle.

That said, there is at least one thing we do know and that’s true addicts to a substance or a behavior cannot stop the self-destructive behavior on will power alone.

That is, the experience of those who have recovered and those who haven’t make it clear that gritting our teeth or making promises or changing where we live, etc. etc. etc. won’t solve the problem. The true addict will return to the drug or behavior of choice no matter what. If they can’t get the drug or do the behavior they want they will get or do one that’s a close as possible.

Something else has to happen if the addict is to let go of the addiction.

The 12 Step Program is one of the most effective things that can happen to a practicing addict – except it only works if the addict actually works at all 12 Steps.

And how does it happen that an addict will begin to work the Steps?

Another subject we don’t know a whole lot about.

Every recovered addict I know, myself included, can tell the story of what happened that led them into the 12 Step rooms when it ‘took.’ My recovery from alcoholism began with a traffic accident in the parking lot of one of my favorite bars. Yours probably began a different way.

If we poke around at our stories we’ll find some sort of bottom was hit, and maybe something much like spiritual intervention. I had some kind of a realization that I was an alcoholic while driving hung over to the max; I don’t think I was capable of working it out all by myself. Your story will be different, but leads mostly to the same place.

Dictionary.com defines addiction as:

 the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to somethingthat is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Looking back, that’s not a bad definition.

What I knew was in spite of many efforts I couldn’t stop. When I finally reached out for help in the 12 Step rooms I stopped. The same thing was true for me with nicotine – except with that addiction I did it with phone meetings. But it was the same 12 Steps and the same fellowship.

Understanding that we’re trapped and that we can’t stop using by ourselves turns into, if we’re lucky, to Step 1.

How did you understand addiction when you first came to the 12 Steps?

Love, blessings, and abundance,

Image:  Some rights reserved by FeatheredTar

Ethan Persoff has a wonderful site of old comic strips, including this one which he titled: A complete set of the 1968-1974 Alcoholics Anonymous comic strips. 

The strips are a hoot. I was married, had kids, drank a ton. I don’t remember seeing them, but at that point I was good at ignoring anything that might cause me to look at my own drinking.

As the notes on the first page indicate, the familiar AA inside a triangle indicates the strips were conference approved by Alanon. What isn’t clear is where these were printed… perhaps a booklet or maybe in a few newspapers or more around the country. I truly don’t know.

If you know, tell us about it. Otherwise, just enjoy and comment as you choose.

Love and blessings,

Right in the middle of all the year end holidays comes the winter solstice in the northern hemisphere – summer solstice in the southern hemisphere. The official date is in the evening on December 21.

I don’t remember when I first became aware that there was actually a date that signaled the days starting to get longer. While I don’t claim to have SAD (Seasonal affective disorder), I am a whole lot happier with sunshine than I am with clouds and rain.

Even though I live in San Diego which has a whole bunch of sunshine, when we get several days of rain in winter or when the marine layer comes in and gives us June gloom for days, I long for more natural light. So I appreciate solstice.

I also appreciate celebrating it. Oh sure, it’s more or less a pagan idea, but that doesn’t bother me. Often I’ve joined others for a solstice party or ritual, and probably just as often I’ve celebrated by myself, sometimes with just a nod of my head, acknowledging the turning of the year.

I think that’s one of the things I like about it. Even though I’ve learned to be quite content at Christmas, which is my big year-end holiday, it really is quite frantic, or can be if I let it.

On the other hand, acknowledging the turning of the year, making a point of noticing how, about 10 days in I can tell the days are a tiny bit longer, is more quiet and intimate. Where at Christmas I’m busy with family, which now is a joy, it’s not totally without stress. You know how it goes, even when it goes very well.

On the other hand, a quiet cup of special tea and some time spend on my deck watching whatever the sky chooses to show me in that moment. It becomes some sort of meditation, and a chance to take a deep and quiet breath. I usually end up feeling very grateful for my life, this planet and things in general.

Solstice has become part of my spiritual practice. You might want to make it part of yours. Or not.

How are you holding up this holiday season?

Image:  Some rights reserved by Sundials by Carmichael

Most places Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and the other 12 Step organizations have meetings you’ll find the 12 Steps posted on the wall. It’s a good reminder. Even groups with problems other than alcoholism or drug addiction find the easy availability of the Steps an asset.

Until, at least, someone insists they don’t need the Big Book to recover. “After all,” they often say. “There are the Steps. What else do I need?”

The magic of The Big Book is a bit mysterious. Every time I read all or any part of the first 164 pages I learn something new about myself.

This is true even though in some ways the volume seems a bit old fashioned – not surprising considering how long ago it was written.
What stands out, however, is the honesty of the feelings those middle class white men expressed. Many years ago I wrote this:

Of course, I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I have a vision of Bill, in his living room with Lois making coffee for the gang that had showed up that evening. Cigarette smoke would have been thick, and so would the story telling. He reaches behind him and pulls out a handwritten manuscript and passes a part to each man there, expecting, I suspect, that praise would be heaped on his head for his efforts. Instead he was probably greeted with both guffaws of laughter and serious criticism. It must have been difficult for him, but he took in the information and rewrote. This process must have happened over and over again. Finally, some woman typed up a version, using carbon paper so three or four could be made at once. More red pens flew and there were discussions that must have threatened to turn into horrid disagreements. But gradually, the Big Book as we know it, was hammered out. You see, not only was Bill willing to take criticism, but he and the people helping him had actually begun to live a spiritual way of life. That spirit influenced every word, phrase, sentence, paragraph and chapter that eventually became the first 164 pages of Big Book.

I know enough about writing to be pretty sure the manuscript went through uncounted revisions. The work got honed down to it’s bare truth with minimum embellishment.

I think it’s fortunate that Bill and the group got the Alcoholics Anonymous written and published so early in the development of the organization.  The first not quite 5,000 copies were published in 1939, just about five years after Bill got sober. None of them had been sober long enough for major ego problems to redevelop.They were able to capture their experience and put it on paper.

That’s what makes it imperative that we work the Steps in conjunction with the Big Book. There’s just too much there to ignore.

How do you use the Big Book?

Bill W., a co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, wrote the original 12 Steps 1938. He didn’t write them alone but he does deserve much of the credit. The original 12 Steps used ‘he’ as a generic, which was considered proper at the time. As I usually do, I’ve switched to a more neutral usage. For purposes of this page I’ve left the original references to alcohol – there are only two. Obviously if you’ve got another issue, substitute it; you’ll find it awkward at first and then you’ll realize it works.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Sure, our 11th Tradition states Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and film.

That doesn’t mean, as some would have you believe, that’ you’ve got to hide your membership in a 12 Step group from everyone and under all conditions except at meetings.

We’re not supposed to sit quietly by while someone else suffers when, with a quiet mention of our own recovery might make a huge positive difference to them.

The trick, of course, is in how you do it. Keep these things in mind and you’ll do just fine:
Don’t put your recovery in jeopardy. If you’re not pretty solid in your recovery you may want to wait until you are. I remember trying to carry the message to a woman in a hospital. She was uninterested and I found myself wanting to get drunk. That’s not the point and I waited quite awhile before I did more individual 12 Step work.

reak your anonymity to someone at work if it’s going to put your job in jeopardy. This could happen if the person you try to help blabs about your efforts. On the other hand, most employers are fairly knowledgeable about addiction and recovery, at least in a general way.

Don’t put the person you’re trying to help in jeopardy either. Be careful not to cause the person you want to help problems on the job either. Use common sense.

Wait until you and your prospect are alone and will have time to talk a bit. You’re more likely to have success if you talk with your prospect in private, and at a time when they two of you have time to chat a bit. At a coffee break or even over lunch might work. So might right after work, or if you both arrive early, before work.

Keep it simple. Keep your approach simple. Say something like “… it may not be any of my business, but I wondered if I told you I used to (name the addiction) and now I don’t would interest you?”  Leave lots of space for them to respond.
Have no expectations. Just like any 12th Step work, this is more about you being willing to be of service than about your prospect immediately deciding to follow the 12th Step path. Be sure you have no expectations that they will be interested in what you share.

Consider letting your manager know you’re in recovery. Depending on the kind of work you do and the people around you, you may want to let your manager know you’re in recovery and that you’re willing to speak to people individually about your story. I’ve done this and it’s been appreciated.

There is, of course, no requirement that you break your anonymity at work or anyplace else. But carrying the message is one of the best ways to be of service. Consider it carefully and even talk it over with your sponsor before you try talking to someone in your work place. On the other hand, it can be one of the more satisfying experiences in recovery.

How do you carry the message?

Image:  Some rights reserved by bnilsen

As the fog of your addiction to a substance or a behavior you may find it has resulted in chaos and drama around money.

It’s not unusual to hear at a 12 Step recovery meeting that someone is having trouble finding a job or making their current paycheck stretch to essentials like food and rent.

While there are two programs that address money specifically,  (Debtors Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous) most find that they aren’t addicted to spending or charging or have a life-long pattern of underearning.

What’s needed is the rigorous self-honesty about money, just as is required for the rest of life. While it’s not just the addict that is unclear about money, money troubles can cause anguish and, unlaced, can even lead to a slip.

Track income and expense

One of the best ways to begin to sort out exactly what’s going on with you and money is to track every single penny you earn and spend over 30 days or more. Many people are surprised to find they are spending unconsciously, and this 30 days of tracking brings those unconscious expenditures into consciousness. Some call those money leaks.

The classic example of this is the woman who discovered she was spending $37.50 a week on fancy coffee. By the end of four weeks she discovered she was spending $150 each month, which turns out to be almost $2,000 by the time a full year rolled around. She realized her total  got even higher when she treated herself to a cookie or two at the coffee shop.

The goal isn’t to get you to stop spending money, but to get you out of any vagueness you have around the money you do have.  Once you have an understanding of how your money flows in and how it flows out again you’re in a position to make better choices.

One version of the above story has the woman deciding to buy an espresso machine and make her own fancy coffee at home most of the time. She also planned on spending money in the coffee shop once a week when she met there with her friends. She decided she wanted to spend her money differently than she had been.

List your debts

The next step is to list all the debts you have. Along next to each debt record the payment you’re making if you are, and any interest rates and terms. If you can’t find the terms in whatever paper work you’ve got, make some phone calls so you’re clear about what you owe and what it’s costing you.

Recovering alcoholics and other addicts often owe personal debts to co-workers, family members and other people or organizations. Make sure to list those, even if you’re not making payments at the moment.

You may also realize that you’ve got some money amends to make.

Again, the goal here is clarity.

Look at your credit

The third step in getting your finances in order is to pull a credit report on yourself. Again, the goal to get clear on where you are financially, and your credit score is an integral part of your total financial picture.

Often people in early recovery discover they have a low credit score or even no credit score at all. Either is far from the end of the world and both can be repaired over time, but like so much in 12 Step recovery, until you know what’s going on you’re not in a position to do anything about it.

Obviously you won’t get this all done at once. Just tracking the money will take a month and you may find you need to start over several times. This is another case of easy does it but do it.

Get clear on the money that’s coming in, the way your spending money and your credit score. Your recovery will be sounder as a result.

Love, blessings and abundance