Powodzenia's Blog

Thank You and Good-bye

2010-12-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I tried! I thought Blogspot.com would be such a good idea. Not unlike moving to house that you aren't thrilled with from a home you dearly love, I moved here nonetheless. It's time to return, though, to my happy place.

To find more blogs, please go to http://Powodzenia.wordpress.com/. Thank you for visiting here. I truly appreciate your interest in my writing.

James

Show Business is Not Just Show

2010-11-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Broadway at night

Whether one is attending a show on Broadway, in a regional house such as Music Circus, in a local theatre company like Civic Theatre West, or at a high school, show business remains a business. Like all businesses, during tough economic times, income decreases while expenditures remain the same or increase to produce a show. Contrary to popular belief, theater companies do not make 100% of their income from ticket sales. That would be impossible for most companies who want to produce outstanding theater. Some have a higher percentage of their budgets supported by ticket sales; however, most don't. Most apply for grants and donations from the government, private foundations, corporations, and individuals like you and me. Theaters, after all, are charitable organizations; however, these resources are dwindling every year.

The good news is that according to Giving USA, 75% of all charitable donations are offered by generous private individuals. The challenging part of the news is that charitable giving dropped a total of 3.6% in 2009 to $303.75 billion nationally (Pursuantmedia.com, 2010). Giving to the arts alone dropped 2.4% to $12.4 billion. According to the National Center for Charitable Statistics, the average family in Sacramento County listed on its taxes as having donated $2,865 per year in 2006. This is about $1,400 less than the statewide average, and similar to the giving patterns in Inyo, Nevada, Tuolumne, and Butte Counties (2010).

Music Circus

I received an e-mail today from the largest theatrical organization in Sacramento today requesting money to assist them in making up a shortfall created by our challenging economy. Richard Lewis, the executive director of California Music Theater Company (CMT), the parent organization of Music Circus, the Broadway Series, and Cosmopolitan Cabaret, requested donations from patrons from $100 to $2,500. People simply aren't filling their seats in the way they have in the past. Sadly, CMT is not the only one to have this experience. For different reasons, Artistic Differences just closed up shop, as did Civic Theatre West, formerly Magic Circle Repertory Theatre. Without exception, every theater company needs community support to continue operation.

One might wonder why someone should donate to their favorite theater when there are other pressing financial concerns in front of him or her. One must remember that whether ballet or opera, musical theater or straight plays are your thing, one has to attend the productions and support the business of show business. Otherwise, like all organizations without adequate support, they disappear.

Imagine for a moment those evenings or Sunday afternoons when you saw the best production you'd ever seen. The lights in the house went to half, and you knew that something magical was about to happen. You've seen shows there many times, and this, your favorite theater company, rarely disappoints. The conductor takes her downbeat, and the music swells. Immediately, you are in the show! The characters come to life, the lighting is perfect, the costumes dance, and the sets let you forget for just a moment that your mortgage is upside down and that your son is starting college in the fall.

None of this happens by accident, and none of it is free. You pay your ticket price, of course, and for that, these companies are grateful. They love to see you in the seats, not only because of your pocketbook, but because they are truly joyful to know that you have returned again as a secure patron who knows she will see an amazing production! They are proud of their work.

Tower Theatre, Roseville

Even with a full house, ticket sales account for about 30% to 50% of the money necessary for operation. Imagine if the work you did paid for only 30% of your bills. It wouldn't be pretty. This isn't because of poor business practices that it is set up like this. It is because without these donations, few people could afford to attend shows. I suppose most people wouldn't want to, or couldn't for that matter, pay $60 a ticket to see a local production or $240 per ticket for Music Circus.

What's the other option? If every person who bought a $20 ticket in a 400 seat local theatre donated $25 to $50 a year or more, that would be a huge boon to the company. You, then, become a stronger patron of the arts. You have helped assure that a variety of shows are available in your area, and your thumb print is seen on the stage.

Are you a business owner? Perhaps you could buy an ad in a program for your company? If you own a larger company, you could even sponsor a show, and have your name on the marquee. There are many, many options to support the arts in your area. Call your favorite company to find out what your options are. As with any business, theater is about relationships onstage and off.

You can take a leadership role in supporting the arts in your community. Donate to your favorite theater. Make a few calls. Talk with your friends. Chat with local business owners. It only takes a few minutes of your time, and the benefits to your community are enormous. I know the theater company you choose to support will be extremely grateful. Your name likely will end up in the program, too.

The power to maintain and grow the artistic community is in your hands. For those who actively participate already, thank you. You've made a difference. I, for one, am anxious to see what those who are now contemplating a greater involvement in theater will do.

Woodland Opera House

References:

Pursuantmedia.com (2010, May) Giving USA Executive Summary. Center on Philanthrophy at Indiana State University. Giving USA Foundation. Clearview, Illinois. Retrieved from http://www.pursuantmedia.com/givingusa/0510/

National Center for Charitable Statistics (2010) Charitable Giving by Households that Itemize Deductions (AGI and Itemized Contributions Summary by Zip, 2006), Internal Revenue Service,The Urban Institute, National Center for Charitable Statistics. Retrieved November 24, 2010 from http://nccsdataweb.urban.org/NCCS/V1Pub/index.php

Promotion of Gay Culture?

2010-09-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet as
Mitchell and Cameron on ABC's "Modern Family"

On CNN.com today, there was a video article about the distress some folks feel at seeing more gay characters on the television. Whether the characters are gay themselves or the people playing them are gay in real real, a segment of the population is unhappy that television is, in their words, "promoting homosexuality." It is unfathomable to me how some folk make these ridiculous claims out loud and expect to be taken seriously.

Let us define our terms. According to Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary, "promote" means "1 a: to advance in station, rank, or honor...2 a: to contribute to the growth or prosperity of... b: to help bring (as an enterprise) into being... 3 slang: to get possession of by doubtful means or by ingenuity (Merriam, 1971)." If any part of this definition is appropriate, it is to advance in honor. While this may be challenging for some, others may believe that bringing gay people into a legitimized place in television is timely and important.

The other definition that should be considered is that of "reflect," which reads, "...4: to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline : MIRROR." This seems a more accurate identification of what is happening on television as we see increasing numbers of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in the casts of shows in the mainstream media.

"Will and Grace"
L-R Sean Hayes, Debra Messing, Eric McCormack,
and Megan Mullaly

Most people believe that prior to the title character, Will, and his sidekick, Jack, on NBC's "Will and Grace," that ran from 1998 to 2006, gay people had never appeared as weekly characters in primetime on television. That simply isn't the case. In 1972, Vincent Schiavelli portrayed what is believed to be the first gay character in a recurring role. The show ran for only one year, but it set a milestone nonetheless (Wikipedia.com, 2010). Anyone who watched television in the 1960s couldn't possibly have missed the flaming Uncle Arthur character portrayed by the flaming Paul Lynde on "Bewitched," or Mr. Sulu, portrayed by the elegant George Takei, on "Star Trek."

Paul Lynde as Uncle Arthur
on "Bewitched"

Certainly there were guest appearances by gay characters, but usually they were drag queens, effeminate gay best friends forever, or bar flies. Even "Queer as Folk," the British television series that began in 1999 and was followed by the American version in 2000, was shown only on a premium cable channel, HBO. Network television wanted nothing to do with these folks.

Ellen DeGeneres, followed by Rosie O'Donnell, made huge inroads into the public consciousness when they announced they are gay (Insidesocal.com, 2010). The very famous A-list celebrities broke down walls that continue to make a difference to gay folk everywhere; however, they were not characters in a scripted show.

Although Jack was likely the first principal character on a network television show, any other single character would have increased the number of gay folks on television by 100%. Out of the thousands of characters that populate the small screen, one character accounted for a miniscule percentage of returning characters. Today, gay people are showing up all over network television, including on "Modern Family," "Glee," "GRΣΣK," and "The Office." Based on conservative estimates that 10% of the population identifies as gay, the number of characters on television still does not reflect the actual segment of the population that exists in the United States.

The concept that these characters are promoting homosexuality is like saying BET is promoting being Black, or Turner Classic Movies is promoting living in the past. How does that even happen? A person is who he or she is. He may appreciate another culture, or even emulate that culture, but there is no way to change who one is. If a young man or young woman is straight, watching gay characters on television will not make them gay, any more than watching straight characters since the inception of television in 1930s made any of the gay folk straight. If an individual is gay, these characters may provide an open door to his or her own truth, making it easier to admit that truth to others. This can only be healthy for that person in the long run.

More appropriately, what we are seeing is gay people more accurately reflected, not promoted, in the media. Gay characters are identified as loving individuals and couples, having children through birth or adoption, and living ordinary lives for the most part. What some people are afraid of is that gay people will be viewed as "normal" by the masses. If these characters are promoting anything, it is the truth about the ongoing lives of gay folk that exists in our current society.
_______________________

References:
Daemonstv.com (2009) [Mitch and Cameron]. Modern Family. Photograph. Retrieved from
http://www.daemonstv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/modern-family-500x333.jpg

Insidesoccal.com (2010) [Time cover: Ellen DeGeneres]. "Out in Hollywood". Insidesocal.com. Retrieved from http://www.insidesocal.com/outinhollywood/1101970414_400.jpg

Mediamum.files.wordpress.com (2009) [Will and Grace]. Mediamum files.wordpress.com. Photograph. Retrieved from http://mediamum.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/will-and-grace.jpg

Mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com (2010) [Paul Lynde]. Mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com. Retreived from http://mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/paul-lynde3.jpeg

Thedailyprofaner.com (2009) [Gay Family]. Thedailyprofaner.com. Retrieved from
http://thedailyprofaner.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/gay-family.jpg

(1971) Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary. G. & C. Merrian Co. Chicago, Illinois. p. 682

(1971) Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary. G. & C. Merrian Co. Chicago, Illinois. p. 719
Wikipedia.com (2010) "List of television shows with LGBT characters." Wikipedia.com. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_television_shows_with_LGBT_characters

Thinking Back

2010-09-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a very long time, something told me to look for the earliest entry in my journal for this date. I came across this entry, dated September 8, 1993.

Mary and Dziadzia - September 8, 1993

"I just got back from the hospital where I held Mary Elizabeth for the first time. What an incredible thing! I held my graddaughter. She's so beautiful. I can hardly wait to have her home where we can take care of her. I remember the feeling of being held by my grandfather, my Dziadzia. I don't remember his person, because he died when I was very young, but I remember the unconditional love he gave me and it is that on which I have based my desire to love everyone unconditionally. I also saw my father as a Dziadzia, and the love he gave to my children, and [my brother,] David's children. I have seen my Papa, Grandfather Herrera, and how he loves so simply and completely. These role models are worth emulating. Maybe I can compile these qualities to be the best grandfather that I can be. Maybe not the best ever, but the best I can do. I am really tired, so I think I will stop now, but know that I am peacful and joyful. It is a wonderful thing! She is a wonderful, beautiful child and she has filled me with peace now that she has been in my arms. Big tisses, Mary Lillabits."

After reading this entry, I remembered that I had written a description of her birth from my perspective. She had asked me to do so as a part of an exercise for her classwork a couple of years ago.

"It was a beautiful fall day in River Park. Your Mom and I decided to go for a long walk. Your mother seemed to have a lot of energy at the time, so our walk got longer and longer. Apparently, it was too long, because it wasn’t much later that your mother went into labor.

"Your Mom and Dad were living with me in the home we’d lived in for sixteen years at the time. They had been living in an apartment in the South Area of Sacramento, but the area was not very safe and the closer it got to your birth, the more I felt it was better that they come stay with me. Finally, after a lot of convincing, they agreed.

Raven-of-Strong-Flight

"When your mother said she was feeling labor pains, we took her into the hospital to be checked out by the doctor. The doctor said that Ana was in labor and that she would have to go into the hospital. It was several weeks too early and we were concerned. We knew that when a baby is born too early, the child’s lungs wouldn’t be fully developed and the risk to his or her well-being was very high.

"The doctors said they might have been able to stop the labor, but the amniotic fluid that surrounded you in the womb had broken and was leaking. That put you at risk of infection since you were no longer surrounded by the protection of the sac that held the amniotic fluid. They said you had to be delivered at that point.

"Your mom’s labor began subsiding, but they felt it was necessary to induce the labor again, so they started your mom on pitocin. They kept increasing the medication to such a level that your mother was having one long, painful labor pain without any break in between. Normally, contractions, which is where the muscles flex around the mother’s uterus to get the baby out, go for a few seconds, and then she has a few minutes rest. Well, you and your mom didn’t have that rest. I finally had to insist that the doctors stop the pitocin. When they did, labor went on as normal and your birth went on as would be expected. The problem is that your mother had been in labor for nearly three days by this time. She had been in a lot of pain and she was so very tired. One must remember that your mother was only 17 years old when all of this was happening. It had to be really hard for her to deal with.

"Everyone was there at different times to support your Mom and you. Your Dad were there, of course, and I was there most of the time. Your uncles, J.D., John and Michael and Aunt Rita stayed with your mother for a lot of the time. I must say, your Uncle John wouldn’t leave your mother’s side. Even when everyone was told to get out of the room, John would go and sit outside in the hall. Grandma Barbara and Grandma Florabelle were there quite a bit, also, because they didn’t want to miss your birth. Even Grandpa Tom was in the waiting room. When it was time for you to make your arrival, they wheeled your mother into the birthing suite and there was quite a crowd. Mom and Dad and all four of your grandparents were there, as well as the hospital staff. I was your Mom’s birthing coach, so I took the lead in helping your Mom deliver you.

The Glica Family - 1993
Top: John, James, James David
Bottom: Michael, Mary, Ana, Rita, and Michael (photo)

"A few pushes and you were here. Five pounds, ten ounces of beautiful baby. You cried a little bit, but as I looked over at you, you began turning purple. I knew what that meant immediately. You weren’t breathing very well. Your mother didn’t hear you crying, so she asked what was happening. The doctor said, they were just checking you out. When it was clear that you were having difficulties, they told your mother what was happening. It wasn’t long before they took you to the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NNICU). That is where newborn babies go when there are serious problems with their health.

"Your lungs hadn’t fully developed yet. Your mother wasn’t able to produce enough milk to feed you and so they eventually had to start gavaging you, which meant they put a tube down your throat and made sure you were getting milk.

"You little body was struggling so hard, but it was getting more and more tired. You got down to four pounds, fifteen ounces during your stay, so they could not let us bring you home. You were receiving around the clock oxygen through a respirator since you were not able to breathe on your own.

"By all accounts, it appeared you were dying. We wouldn’t have any part of that, however. We knew from the time when Aunt Rita had cancer as a young baby, that we had to pray.

"Everyone was praying for you, of course, but your mother and I decided to go into the NNICU and pray together with you. Your mother put her right hand on your head and her left hand on your feet, I put my hands on hers and we began praying. We offered your spirit to God and asked that he choose what course your life should go. It was in that moment we had to let go of you into God’s hands. It was also in that moment that you started to get better.

"Soon, you were gaining weight, you came off the respirator and we finally got to hold you. One of my favorite pictures is the photo I have of me holding you for the first time in the NNICU. It was a picture we didn’t know we’d ever be able to take.

L-R David, James, Ray, Ana, and Mary

"Modern medicine and prayer are what brought you back to us. God guided our hands at every step. I really believe that, Mary.

"Everyone responded differently while you were ill. Some people, like your Grandma Barbara tried to keep your Mom’s spirits up. Some left us alone to work on taking care of you. I believe we were all afraid we would lose you and the natural tendency to panic kicked in for some. They didn’t know what to do. We had never faced anything like this before.

"We found out that you had a hole in your heart that they said would correct itself as you got older. Your lungs would grow enough eventually to get you off the respirator and soon they would allow us to take you home. We had gone through a very tough ordeal, but as a family, and through prayer, we got through it together.

"It challenged us and we met the challenge. You showed us just how strong you would be in that time. It was for that reason I also named you in the Native American tradition, Raven of Strong Flight after I found the Raven feather the day before you got off the respirator."

James with seven of his grandchildren,
L-R Nathaniell, Ray, Emily, Jacob, Mary, Justin, and Christian

Grandparenthood started for me when I was very young; 34 to be exact. Of course, this has been the pattern for my birthfamily for at least seven generations. My grandmother became at great-great-grandmother when Mary was born and she was only 70. I must believe that although we've each had our challenges as parents, the fulfillment for them must have been as wonderful as it has been for me.

Since Mary's birth, I've been blessed by 10 grandchildren, all of which came before I was 50. I give thanks to our Divine Creator for blessing me with such an abundance of love from my wonderful grandchildren. I especially remember my Mary Lillabits for starting the ball rolling 17 years ago.

I love you, Mary.

Love,

Dziadzia

Sexuality vs. Love

2010-09-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Author's Note: This blog is reprinted from my previous blogsite published at Powodzenia.wordpress.com on June 3, 2010. With the debate raging about marriage relative to procreation and sex, I was encouraged to rethink our language in this topic.

As we continue having debates regarding rights, freedoms, and full citizenship for people in same-gender relationships, we may want to conserve our energy and make our discussions more efficient and accurately reflective of every type of relationship.

As I watched Current TV, the channel developed by former vice-president Al Gore, and Illinois senator, Al Franken (D), I heard a woman say that these debates, especially those going toward the U.S. Supreme Court, are made more challenging because the word sex is involved. The word to which she was referring was, ”Homosexuality.”

If it’s really an issue, why not use a different word? The Latin word, “homo,” means, “same.” “Hetero,” mean “different.” The Latin root, “amor,” means, “love.”

Homoamorous means two people of the same gender love one another.

Heteroamorous means two people of different genders love one another.

So, why not change the word. It’s not as though we’re using ancient or sacred words to describe our relationships. “Homosexuality” was coined on May 6, 1869 by Karoly Maria Benkert, a 19th Century Hungarian physician, who first broke with traditional thinking when he suggested that people are born homosexual and that it is unchangeable. With that belief as his guide, he fought the Prussian legal code against homosexuality that he described as having ”repressive laws and harsh punishments (Conrad and Angel, 2004).”

One would suspect that Dr. Benkert would appreciate this change in lexicon so that we change our focus in this debate from sex to love. John and Frank are not two people in sex. They are two people in love. Deborah and Sheila are not two women who spend their lives sexing each other, they are two women loving each other. This is especially true because homosexuality has been demedicalized in so many ways.

If we’re going to have to have this debate in the first place, let’s speak accurately about the people involved. We are homoamorous people. We are two people of one gender who are in love. Those in opposite gender relationships are heteroamorous.

How complicated can that be? If I were to approach someone and ask them if they’d like a slice of bread, their first question is likely, “What kind is it?” As a people, we love clarity. Homosexuality and heterosexuality are simply not clear enough terms for the breadth of our relationship. Homoamorosity and heteroamorosity are clear winners when it comes to describing the relationships with which I am most familiar.

Sexuality is an important, if not a terribly time consuming part of most marriage relationships. It helps motivate our interest in a particular person whose gender is consistent with what we prefer; however, that, too, is not always the case.

Is it unthinkable that two people can have a relationship that is purely emotional in form, without sex, who continue to love one another nonetheless? Ask many people who are of a certain age.

Homoamorosity and heteroamorosity are not only options for the terms homosexuality and heterosexuality, they might even be the preferred forms given their more emotionally inclusive qualities.

My mother used to say, when trying to get the direct truth out of me, “Jim, call a spade a spade.” Although I never played bridge, from which this term comes, I knew what she meant. Name something as it is. I now get that message all the more clearly.

Thanks, Mom.
__________________________

References:

2010, Plato.stanford.edu. Retrieved from http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/homosexuality/

Conrad, P., & Angell, A. (2004). Homosexuality and remedicalization. Society, 41(5), 32-39. Retrieved from Academic Search Complete database.

Craigslist as Intermediary Procurer?

2010-09-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I recall washing machines in people's homes that still had to be hand-cranked. Others had electric ones that just needed to be set and forgotten until the bell rang. Automated teller machines came along shortly after microwave ovens as television remotes, the wired kind, developed at about the same time. People are simply creative. Now, in our Electronic Age, we have passive e-pimps such as Craigslist doing what used to be done by fedora-wearing, gold chain emblazoned men on street corners. Perhaps that isn't nearly as damaging as the serious allegations that under-aged children are being sold into sexual service on Craigslist as well.

Seventeen attorneys general from around the country have written to Craigslist CEO Jim Buckmaster, and founder Craig Newmark (see left), to request the removal of the adult services section on Craigslist.  Three attorneys general have added their voices the letter as well. This advertising section, it is alleged, permits people to sell their sexual services to adults seeking sex. The larger problem is that the services of young girls are also trafficked online in this same site.

As long as the internet has been functioning, there have been sexual ads of all types available. Prostitutes in the guise of masseuses and masseures, escorts, fetishists, and dates, have been promoting their services in a huge variety of sites. Pimps have been offering their employees' services in the same way. The difference here is that Craigslist is acting as an intermediary giving tacit approval for these activities through neglect and silence on the matter. They are not placing the ads, but they are providing the unfettered bulletin board.  The greatest concern is that young girls and boys, under the age of consent, are advertised as commodities for adults' pleasure in these ads.

Prostitution is unseemly, illegal in most places in the country, and for some, a sin. With that being said, this particular branch of the service industry is flourishing. Men, who make up what is a lion's share of the customer/john population (why else would they be called, "johns?"), have been using these types of services since time immemorial. As I was doing online genealogical research for information on San Francisco during the 1870s, I found multiple census postings for "brothel owner" and "prostitute" in the space designated for type of employment.  There is a reason it is called the world's oldest profession.

The real question is, how responsible should Craigslist be for these ads? The issue is not whether prostitution ads can be found on Craigslist, it is how we, as a society, stop the selling of young girls and boys into illicit service?

Newmark has previously indicated to the press that Craigslist is very responsible when it comes to ads on their service. They review each ad for appropriateness and remove those that are suspect. It has been alleged that this has not been done, even to a minimal extent (CNN.com, 2010).

It is interesting that thus far, the administration at Craigslist has not invoked their First Amendment right of free speech for their clients. It is likely that this is because they would be defending an illegal activity that is promoted on their site and abhorrant to the general public. If they had reviewed their ads more effectively to ensure young people are not involved, they might have had a leg to stand on; however, as it is, they simply decided to close that section of the ads. The adult services section, previously known as erotic services, now has a placard reading "censored." The censorship, however, is only in the United States since the section is still available in other countries.

Anyone who has ever been on Craigslist knows that they have personal ads, some of which are very graphic. There is little doubt that these sections will soon be filled with the ads for paid sex, using increasingly subtle language to get their message across. "Generous man sought for enjoyable evening of pleasure with young lovely," may be the language du jour. Without a large staff dedicated to review each and every ad, this free service will never see a time without prostitution showing up in amongst their ads. To avoid being closed down all together, they may want to take this issue much more seriously because beyond their business concerns, our children are being sold to profit adults who have no regard for the health and safety of our children. Does Craigslist really want to be painted with this same brush, too?
____________________________

References:

CNN Wire Staff (2010) "Critic praises Craigslist move to censor ads, calls for more info." CNN.com Justice. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/05/craigslist.censored/index.html

Scaryforkids.com (2010) [Frightened teen girl] http://www.scaryforkids.com/. Photograph. Retrieved from http://www.scaryforkids.com/pics/babysitter.jpg

SFGate.com (2010) [Censored Adult Services] sfgate.com. Digital Photograph. Retrieved from http://imgs.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/techchron/2010/09/03/CraigslistCensored.jpg

SFGate.com (2009) [Craig Newmark and Jim Buckmaster in front of Craigslist.org] SFGate.com. Photograph. Retrieved from http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/techchron/2009/03/20/Craigslist_EBay-

After Some Thought on Proposition 8

2010-09-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

It must seem unfathomable that a writer who would be directly impacted by Judge Vaughn Walker's ruling on Proposition 8 in California would wait an entire month to put his thoughts down about the event. Perhaps as it is with the gravity of the ruling itself, the weight of my thoughts required a thoughtful approach to this concern.

On August 4, 2010, Judge Walker ruled in the California's Third District Court of Appeals that there was no reason to allow Proposition 8, the California law that prohibits consenting, unrelated people over the age of majority, gay folk in particular, to stand. The ruling effectively permits all eligible people to marry regardless of their genders. Although the door appeared to be flung wide open, Judge Walker wisely approved a stay of his decision awaiting a decision by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown whether they would appeal the decision in the United States Court of Appeals, Ninth Circuit. When the word was released that neither State official was willing to make that appeal, the defendent-intervenors such as the Pacific Justice Institute approached the Ninth Circuit to request permission to appeal on their own, which is currently awaiting a hearing, most likely transpiring in November 2010.

In November, most likely after the election, a decision will be made whether the defendent-intervenors can appeal. If they cannot, then it is clear they will attempt to take the case to the United States Supreme Court. If the Justices determine that the case will not be heard before them, then Judge Walker's final decision will stand.

Between the cases in Massachusetts regarding the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the Proposition 8 case in California, the country is facing what it believes to be a cultural shift of monumental proportions. It cannot be understated that when we define marriage as a legal contract between two people regardless of gender, it is a significant change in perception. The irony, of course, is that we are behind the rest of the world in this process. As Americans, we are once again under the misapprehension that until we make a decision like this, it hasn't really happened. Our arrogance is unmatched around the globe. The Netherlands has had marriage equality since 2000. We are not breaking new ground.

Why is it that countries as diverse as The Netherlands, South Africa, Iceland, and Argentina, have found their way to recognize full marriage rights for all their citizens and the United States is still behaving as though we are trying to take something away from a specific segment of the population by providing rights to all citizens? Could it be our Puritan background? Not likely since the Puritans were so revolutionary as to believe they had such an innate freedom of religion that they moved across the Atlantic Ocean to build a society in which their personal freedoms were recognized. This was during the 16th and 17th centuries. Now, of course, we have other groups asking for the same freedoms and recognition of their belief systems, and our "as it's always been done" powerbase is attempting to deny those freedoms.

The tide is changing. During the 1960s, when President Lyndon B. Johnson prepared to sign the Civil Rights Act, people began separating themselves from the discriminatory stance they had held for so long because they didn't want to be part of the losing team, members of which included the Ku Klux Klan. Today, centrist Republicans are beginning to choose equality instead of discrimination. Slowly, people are recognizing they will be the losers in a battle of wisdom and awakening. That's not a good place to find oneself, especially if one is facing an upcoming election.

At a personal level, I know that in 100 years, equality in marriage will be as accepted by the majority as equal right for the races is today. Our great-great-grandchildren will wonder what the fuss was all about. Grandpa Tom and his husband, Papa Cal, are like a lot of other people's grandparents. The economy will flourish with extravagent weddings between homoamorous people. They will no longer be called gay weddings, they'll just be weddings. Forms will say, "Spouse 1" and "Spouse 2." In 100 years, we will have settled into our comfort zone about equality, and there will be less room for discrimination against any other people. Perhaps it is my American idealism that leads me to believe in these joyful dreams. If history is any indicator, we will find someone else against whom to focus our disgust and animosity; however, I hope not.
______________________

References:

Advocate.com (2010) [Marriage rings and map of Argentina] Retrieved from http://www.advocate.com/uploadedImages/ARGENTINA_MARRIAGEX390.jpg.

Hoan, Tony (2009) [Defend Equality, Love Unites]. My portfolio.usc.edu. Graphic art. Retrieved from http://myportfolio.usc.edu/tonyhoan/6a00d8341c730253ef010535ee7bfe970b-640wi.jpg.

LaVictoire, Bridgette P. (2010, September 9) "California governor and attorney general not required to appeal Walker ruling." Lezgetreal.com. Retrieved from http://lezgetreal.com/2010/09/californias-governor-and-attorney-general-not-requires-to-appeal-walker-ruling/.

Mintz, Howard (2010) "Federal judge strikes down California's ban on same-sex marriage." San Jose Mercury News, MercuryNews.com. Retrieved on September 5, 2010 from http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_15677407?nclick_check=1.

Rinaldi, Richard (2005) [William and Roy]. http://www.renaldi.com/. Gay and Lesbian Elderly. Photograph, Black & White. Retrieved from http://www.renaldi.com/portfolio/williamandroy.jpg on September 5, 2010.

Clinical Depression in the Busy

2010-09-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

There are many forms and levels of depression. It sometimes affects women differently than men. Everyone from children to the elderly are subject to it. It can have an acute cause and be temporary, or it can be chronic, lasting years and sometimes a lifetime. For some, it seems to come when one is at the busiest times of one's life.

For those of us with mild depression, especially as a component of bipolar disorder, it can be challenging to know what to do to treat it. There are those of us who experience the manic highs and the depressed lows regularly and then there are those who have extended periods of functional living with specific lifts and dips. When one has a mild form of bipolar disorder, the functionality of one's mentation creates an illusion of normalcy. It allows those with the diagnosis to temporarily believe they are cured, or at least strong enough to deal with it on its own.

Sometimes it can be suddenly set off by a stressful event, a physical illness, hormonal changes, or just as a natural part of the cycle between the poles of the disorder. This time, I think my depression has been enhanced by my recent acute respiratory illness and several extremely stressful events over the last year. The feelings of sadness and isolation have no rhyme or reason, especially for one who has the most amazing group of loved ones as I do. And, there's the rub. The depression doesn't make sense. Although there is no specific reason for it to manifest, it does nonetheless. The irony is that it can sometimes appear when one is genuinely happy with the rest of one's life. This is the way it is for me right now.

From past experience, I know that these feelings will pass. I will retreat into my quiet space to recover physically and emotionally. I will do whatever I can to create success around me. I will function at the highest level possible for me right now since there really is no time in business to feel unproductive. I will reach out to those closest to me... eventually... to let them know what's happening. For some reason, shedding light on my polarities seems to make the shadows disappear.

I don't take medications because as an artist those highs and lows make a difference to my creativity; at least, that's the story within which I've been living for many years. I've tried drug, talk, and group therapies. I've tried exercise and meditation. The thing that seems to work the best for me is telling myself the truth of what is happening, and then telling someone I trust.

Often, I wonder if my ego helps bring me out of my blue periods, as I call them. Once I say I am depressed to someone, I suddenly realize I don't want to be perceived that way by anyone, so my social self-preservation chemistry kicks in and I improve. Although as someone who has been an Education Committee chairperson, trained to know that there should be no stigma to mental illness, those tapes from childhood about "crazy people" may work to my advantage. I would never refer to anyone else in those terms, but in the privacy of my own mind, that difficult language pushes me toward recovery.

The truth is, though, that I do get tired of feeling like this. It is exhausting hiding the grey skies in my heart while putting on the sunniest face possible to those I love. I never intend to deceive anyone. I only do this to prevent them from the burden of my challenges. Everyone I know has burdens of their own. They certainly don't need to worry about me in addition. I'm the one to whom most people turn for support and nurture. The loving smile, perceived wisdom, and eloquent language people have reflected they see in me is something on which others count. I can't say the number of times I've heard, "Jim, you're a rock!"

The problem is that this rock has a few cracks. Sometimes I need someone to take my hand and tell me it's going to be o.k. It would be wonderful to have someone find the right words to comfort me so that I can be the one who needs. Most often, though, people become disquieted to think I need emotional support. It's as though some part of their foundation is weakened when I stumble. I know it's not completely true, but in their eyes, I can see there is a grain of truth there.

So, here I sit, trying to remember that the glimmer of light behind this rock is a warming break of dawn and not chilling sunset. I work very hard at imagining a more joyful day coming, trying to look forward to something I have not yet imagined. My faith in the Divine Essence helps a great deal in focusing my self-healing energy. Perhaps that choice more than anything else tends to bring me out of my doldrums, my imagination of what could be possible and my trust that if I dream it, it could come true.

Perhaps it's simpler than that. As the lyrics in Rodgers and Hammerstein's Sound of Music remind me, "I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad."
____________________________

References:

Astressfreeyou.com (2010) [Depressed man]. Astressfreeyou.com. Photograph. Retrieved from http://astressfreeyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/depressed-man.jpg

Chris-Barbara (2009, June) [The rock at dawn]. Travelpod.com. Digital photograph. Australia. Retrieved from http://images.travelpod.com/users/chris-barbara/1.1245891100.the-rock-at-dawn.jpg

Tufts.edu (2007) [Beekers of chemicals]. Ase.tufts.edu. Photograph. Retrieved from http://ase.tufts.edu/premedsociety/Old%20Site/chemistry.jpg

Today is the Day for New Dreams

2010-08-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

As I was thumbing through my AARP, The Magazine, the periodical dedicated to those of us who are more than 50, I stumbled across a sidebar article by Chris Gardner, the subject of the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness (2010, September/October, p72). The article, entitled, "Starting from Scratch at 51," was Gardner's answer to a fellow who felt his identity was put in question because he changed careers after 50. Gardner reminded the reader that Ray Krok started McDonald's restaurants when he was older than that. He went on to quote Martin Luther King, Jr., who said, "You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."

This article synthesized thoughts I'd been having recently about conversations people in Sacramento and Woodland have addressed to me about singing. These folks, some in their 50s and 60s, were contemplating taking singing lessons with me. They were reluctant to begin because they feel that they should have started earlier in their lives. I tried to explain to them that it's never too late to learn. In fact, my tag line for my company, Sacramento Vocal Music, is "Sacramento Vocal Music... Where Everybody Sings!"

The question is, when is it too late to dream? I suggested that the correct answer is, "Never!" One of the qualities that carry us to this point in our lives is our ability to creatively keep ourselves engaged. During our work history, we've had to problem-solve, find our work enjoyable, learn new things, and insist on diversity. If we hadn't done so, our brains would be mush from the sheer boredom of our existence. Even if we work in a job that is repetitive and not as fulfilling as we'd like, we have hobbies and activities that allow for our thought processes and emotional experiences to take flight.

"Fear and creativity cannot coexist!" This is something I've taught every class that has ever been in front of me. If we are afraid to try something new, putting our heart and soul into the experience, we will always wonderful, "What if..?" We will always stand behind those who are in the forefront of the experience, watching, perhaps waiting our turn, and possibly never getting the chance to see if we can succeed. The most difficult part of this scenario is that this way of life can become a pattern for us as we do our jobs, come home and watch television, seeing others do what we've only dreamed of doing.

For those of us over 50, we must think to ourselves, "It's too early for my rocking chair and shawl." The truth is, it must always be too early for those symbols of old age.

My great-uncle Gene is 103 years old. His skin is nearly as smooth as mine. He still speaks with a surprising animation in his voice although his eyesight and hearing are deteriorating. Uncle Gene was the oldest living member of the San Francisco Musician's Union to still be playing when he was in his 90s. Although he didn't play much at that time, he kept his chops up with his trusty tenor saxophone. He'd been playing the sax since the late-1910s, giving concerts to his chums sitting on old tires behind his house after school. Music is his passion. On top of everything else, this amazing man still golfs.

When Uncle Gene talks about playing gigs at the Fairmont and other San Francisco landmarks with Count Basie, Jerry Lester, and Billie Holliday, in the presence of boxing great, Max Baer (see photo at left: (L-R) Gene Herrera, Max Baer, two unidentified men), and others, his eyes sparkle with the memories. Even after the jazz and swing eras ended and gigs dried up for him, and he had to go to work in another field, he continued to play when he could. He never regretted having the history he did.

As I reflected on Uncle Gene's stories, I realized he has stories to tell because he chose to live with a capital "L" for his entire life. I laughed when two things became clear: 1. At 51, I am about half Uncle Gene's age; and 2. I have the genes to live as long as he has. Perhaps it is those genes that inspired me to return to college to finish my degree in Communications at 50.

There are thousands of examples of people living their dreams, started both before and after 50. These are life choices we face throughout our time on this planet. Why do we wait for singing lessons, or golf lessons, or to pick up a paint brush or dance shoes, or even change careers to do what we feel passionate about? Why do we deny ourselves the joy of these experiences? What tapes are playing in our heads that prevent us from hurtling headlong toward a new horizon? Whatever they are, they must be pushed out of the way so that when we are 103, which is increasingly more likely with the developments of modern medicine, we, too, can say, "I've had my version of joy!"
____________________________

References:

Gardner, Chris. (2010). "Starting from scratch at 51." AARP, The Magazine. Nancy Perry Graham, Editor and President, American Association of Retired Persons, Washington, D.C. September/October. p. 74.

Glica-Hernandez, James (2008) [Uncle Gene and Me]. Private collection. Digital Photograph.

Herrera, Eugene (1947) [Eugene Herrera, Max Baer, and Others] Private collection. Photograph.

Sacramento Vocal Music. (2010). SacramentoVocalMusic.com. Retrieved from http://SacramentoVocalMusic.com/

Tim Thumb (2010) [Divergent Roads] Careerjockey.org. Graphic. Retrieved from: http://www.careerjockey.org/wp-content/themes/arthemia/scripts/timthumb.php

Dr. Laura's Broader Message

2010-08-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has a large following of listeners for her radio program. Her devoted fans believe she offers advice that is full of tough love and expressions of vivid opinion. To others, she is also an excellent example of the entitlement and arrogance some Americans have, no matter what their personal histories may include. I have a special interest in Dr. Laura because our paths crossed indirectly many years ago.

Dr. Laura's on-air use of the n-word recently brought to light once again her blind disregard for someone else's feelings as she spoke with an African-American woman who was seeking guidance from this 1974 Columbia University PhD in physiology, not psychology or psychiatry. Considering her doctoral thesis was about insulin, I might trust her more with my blood sugar levels than with my life crises. Her history on the radio has been reflected on the political right as dynamic and outspoken. From the left, she is often described as cruel, racist, and backward.

Her current right-wing values are apparently set in stone to counteract the effects from, as she has described, an unloving, dysfunctional, mixed Jewish-Roman Catholic childhood in Brooklyn, New York. It seems that she has idealized what she perceives as a perfect life, and anything that doesn't reflect that dreamworld is horrible and wrong, including mixed marriages ("If you can't handle it, you shouldn't have married outside your race.") to gays and lesbians (homosexuality is a "biological error."), to uncomfortable personal histories ("A hypocrit is someone who says, 'Do as I say, not as I do.' A teacher is someone who says, "Do as I say, not as I did.'").

With her history of being a participant in an extramarital affair, nude photographs, vitriolic rants, and examples of personal human frailties and dichotomies, one would assume that she would be sensitive to others' challenging life experiences. Rather, it seems she has taken her difficult personal history, criticized herself into a pulp about it, and decided to punish everyone else for their similar shortcomings in the process. She does all this with a marriage and family counseling certificate from California that expires in February 2011. She has avoided lawsuits by calling her radio show a, "moral health program," and not a psychological help program.

That isn't to say Dr. Laura hasn't done wonderful things. She has participated in charity work, been active in important public discussions, and offered support to those who think like she does. Does her message, though, offset all those good works?

In 2001, Dr. Laura received a call from a parent whose child was in my class. She was upset over a choice I had made that removed lyrics from a piece of music that referred to God.

We were doing a holiday concert in December, and one of the songs I had selected was, "Let There Be Peace," words and music by Sy Miller and Jill Jackson. In the arrangement I used, there were words that read, "... with God as our father, brothers all are we." There were also alternate lyrics offered that were not christian-based. As a teacher in a public school, I chose to use the more secular version of the song. The parent called Dr. Laura to express her upset and find out what she should do. The discussion garnered calls from various people demanding that I return to the original lyrics.

I was called into my administrator's office, explained my reasoning, and told him that I would not change it back. He was completely supportive of my arguments of inclusion and non-sectarian lyrics. We used the alternate lyrics in the concert. For one brief and shining moment, I was a topic on Dr. Laura. All I could think at the time, "Is this really all these people have to worry about?" It was, after all, only three months after the attack on the Twin Towers in New York City on 9/11.

There is a division between church and state. All men [people] are created equal. People have free will. People have the freedom of choice in speech, religion, and politics in the United States of America. I wonder if someone will tell Dr. Laura soon. It seems she hasn't heard these pieces of news.

When she was interviewed on Larry King Live on CNN.com, she expressed her apology for using the n-word 11 times to a Black woman on air. She then went on to say people should have a sense of humor and not be so hypersensitive to others' comments. She simply doesn't understand that she lives in a country full of "others." Perhaps, now that she is leaving her radio show to pursue regaining her First Amendment rights, she'll have time to figure it out; but, I doubt it.

______________________________________

References:

(2010) "Laura Schlessinger." Wikipedia. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger

Miller, S.; Johnson, J. (2010) "Let There Be Peace." Choral work. Carl Fischer Publishing. SAB Version. Retrieved from http://g.sheetmusicplus.com/Look-Inside/covers/4386196.jpg

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2010) Getty Images. Retrieved from http://en.terra.com/addon/img/c79d9a-dr-laura-schlessinger-wordp.jpg

To Watch Seven Pass

2010-08-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

In my lifetime, I've seen people from seven generations of my family move on in their journey from this life to the next. From my great-great-grandfather, Lorenzo Herrera, to my grandchild who was lost in a miscarriage, I've had to carry their memories forward as fewer and fewer people were still here to remember them with me. It is sometimes a heavy burden. Most often, though, it is one I carry proudly and with a sense of honor.

Those who remain with me on the planet are my rocks. They anchor me to my present in important ways; however, once in a while, on days like today, my vision moves toward those who are now gone from sight, but never forgotten.

So, to you on the other side of the veil, I send my love and loneliness. To you on this side, I offer my gratitude and joy. As for me, I will continue to straddle the two, hearing the songs on both sides of the window; some only an echoing resonance from years gone by, and others, full of laughter and tomorrows.
_________________________

Photo:

Freeman, O.C. (2009) "Let the veil." The Freeman View. Photograph. Retrieved from http://thefreemanview.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/let_the-veil02.jpg

Hilobrow (2010) "Graveyard." Hilobrow.com Photograph. Retrieved from http://hilobrow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/graveyard_scrn01.jpg

Small Things

2010-08-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

I work very hard, as most people do, to do the right thing. I aspire to do more for others, but often do not reach the expectations I hold for myself. I focus on being grateful for everything I have and believe that if I have two beans, one is for someone else, unless they are very hungry, then she can have the other one, too. Today, though, I am even more deeply humbled by the multiple messages I have received from asynchronous places today.

In Bel Air, where I do my shopping, I picked up a couple of hair products, some batteries, and CDs on which to copy important files from my computer. The grapes looked good, so I selected a bag of those, along with some pork chops and printer paper. As I walked to the check-out stand, I happened across a special commemorative edition of Time magazine dedicated to Mother Teresa, the late head of the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India. In the introduction, Rick Warren (2010), from whom I've heard several disagreeable things, quoted Mother Teresa. These were the words of the woman whose 100th birthday was celebrated on the cover of this magazine:

"God doesn't ask us to do great things. He asks us to do small things with great love."

~ Mother Teresa

When I read these words, I began to cry. I don't know why, quite honestly, but I did. This concept of doing small works with intimate and abiding love overwhelmed my heart in a way that few things have done before. The concept, although heard in many ways before, changed the cells in my body. My mind, heart, and spirit were affected. This woman, born from parents in the same way we all were, who had changed the lives of countless people on the planet, suggested that it is through the seemingly momentary acts of kindness that we succeed in loving another person.

It was merely minutes later, that I was online, preparing to write, that I stopped by Facebook and found an article by a woman named Geri (2010) that proclaimed that 40 billionaires, encouraged by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, had agreed to give away a minimum of half their fortunes to charity. This amount would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $115 billion... that's "billion" with a "b." Cynics commented on the article about the groups to which this money was going, and the motivation behind the gifts. The truth is, I didn't care why they were doing it. As someone who has run a nonprofit organization, I know that $1,000 is $1,000, and it helps. The thought that over $100 billion dollars is going to be distributed to benefit the poor, students, the arts, the environment, international relations, and any other missions of love available is tremendous!

Yet, Mother Teresa's words still resonated as I continued down my Facebook page until I read a posting from the Dalai Lama. It read as follows:

"It is self-evident that a generous heart and wholesome actions lead to greater peace and that their negative counterparts bring undesirable consequences. Happiness arises from virtuous causes. If we truly desire to be happy, there is no other way to proceed but by way of virtue: it is the method by which happiness is achieved. And, we might add, that the basis of virtue, its ground, is ethical discipline." ~ Dalai Lama

These are simple lessons, really. Live ethically. Do for others. Act in small and loving ways. Yet, I was moved to tears because I feel as though I've fallen short in so many ways. As I resolve to do better by remaining conscious of my interactions with others, making that extra step to serve, and by loving unconditionally, remembering that each person is my brother or sister, I hope I can take one small step farther in my journey, and that my path will include, in some small way, the love, generosity, and humility of so many remarkable people.

I have chosen to include quotes that hopefully will resonate in similar ways for others. I offer these quotes out of love for you, and for my wish that you experience true joy, rich abundance, loving companionship, and ebullient health today and always. Blessings to you always.

Lovingly,

James

To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance. ~ Buddha

Happiness is spiritual, born of truth and love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it. ~ Mary Baker Eddy

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~ Lao Tzu

Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. ~ Pope John Paul II

No one has ever become poor by giving. ~ Anne Frank

My life is my message. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

References:

Brainyquotes.com (2010) Retrieved from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/brotherhood_3.html

Dalai Lama (2010) "Virtue." Facebook. Retrieved from http://www.facebook.com/DalaiLama

Dailymail.co.uk (2007, Aug) "Mother Teresa and Child" Daily Mail. Retrieved from http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/08_03/teresaDM2408_468x377.jpg

Geri (2010) "40 Billions Pledge to Give Away Half Their Wealth" goodnewsnetwork.org. Retrieved from http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/most-popular/general/40-billionaires-join-giving-pledge.html

SMH.com.au (2005) "Bill Gates and Warren Buffet" Retrieved from http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/11/07/warrenbuffett_wideweb__470x332,0.jpg

Warren, Rick (2010) "Mother Teresa at 100." Time. Special Commemorative Edition. Fraiman, R. Publisher, Time Home Entertainment, Inc., New York, NY p. 7.

Children's Pain

2010-07-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

In a perfect world, children would not have to experience deep pain. In a perfect world, children would have people surround them in love. In a perfect world, children would recognize the value in themselves.

This is not a perfect world.

I just finished watching MTV's "If You Really Knew Me," a television program about a school-based program called Challenge Day. Challenge Day is a one-day program when students are selected to participate in an event that provides them an opportunity to learn that they are not alone in their pain and concerns. They learn to join together in unity to find healing through loving, healthy, and open relationships with their peers and families. With this knowledge, and advancing wisdom, they learn how to go out into their communities and share that love with others in overt and committed ways. It moved me. It changed me.

On the Challenge Day webpage they have the following information:

Our Vision

Our vision is that every child lives in a world where they feel safe, loved and celebrated.

Our Mission

The Challenge Day mission is to provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.

As someone who has experienced in his own family drug abuse, murder, suicide, alcoholism, sentencing to prison, teenage pregnancy, miscarriages, illness and disability, poverty, and issues surrounding race, sexuality, and culture, I know that most people are aware that these crises exist in our country, communities, and families. Talking about these issues is like bringing sunlight to them, making the shadows of fear and loneliness disappear.

To all the young people, I ask that you watch this program. When you are ready, hopefully sooner than later, take the brave step to talk to someone you trust about your issues. Be honest about your sadness and concerns. Know that you will be believed. Most of all, know that you are not alone.

To all the adults, I know we, as parents, teachers, clergy, medical professionals, and friends, do the best we can to address these issues; however, let there be no mistake that these challenges do exist in ways we can never imagine. For many of us, in our attempt to take the best possible care of our children, we become busy, and things sometimes slip by. In our attempt to appear strong for our children, we do not let them into the intimacy of our lives. Sometimes, in our attempt to avoid facing these dilemmas, we live in denial of important issues. After all, we are people, too. We have fears, histories, and frailties just like anyone else. Know that you, too, are not alone to deal with these issues. In the same way our children can go to those they trust, we, too, must be able to find someone to whom we can be honest about those things that we are facing as well.

As a society, we are so busy trying to appear a certain way in public. We hide so much of our lives so that others will not think less of us. What we tend to forget is that we are all in this together. We are brothers and sisters who must stand together in the face of all adversity. Most importantly, we must assure our children that they have a whole, diverse community prepared to step up and buoy their hearts and spirits when they feel as though they are drowning from the stresses and fears they experience.

Thank you for everything you do for your/our children. You are making a difference. Friendship, family relations, and professional support are all vital to our families, including those of us who are the heads of our families.

I hope you get as much out of this program as I did.

______________________________

References:

Challenge Day. (2010). Challenge Day. Retrieved from http://www.challengeday.org/

Rulings on Two DOMA Cases

2010-07-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Judge Joseph Tauro, a federal judge in the Commonwealth of Massachussets, recently ruled on two cases regarding Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In both instances, it was determined that this section of DOMA was unconstitutional by virtue of violations of not one, but two amendments to the Constitution. In ruling that DOMA was contrary to the due process clause of the Fifth Amendment, equal protection under the law, and the Tenth Amendment, the right of states to make their own laws about marriage, and to have those laws recognized by the federal government, Judge Tauro opened another door toward recognizing inclusive marriage rights for both hetero- and homoamorous couples in the United States. An excellent article on the details of these cases was written by Lisa Keen in Bay Windows, a large, New England periodical that caters to the LGBT community, entitled, "Doma decision released."

Although the response to the Fifth Amendment was vitally important because it recognizes the inequality among citizens of the U.S., the ruling on the Tenth Amendment held the greatest movement forward. By stating that state laws that were not otherwise contraindicated by federal law must be recognized by the federal government, homoamorous couples could be recognized by the federal government as married. Recognizing all marriages as valid at the federal level will provide greater weight to the discussion supporting inclusive marriage.

The U.S. Court of Appeals and the U.S. Supreme Court are still ahead in the battle for marriage equality. There is nothing wrong with due process. One of the best ways to communicate change is to define one's terms. Marriage is... Marriage is not... These blanks must be filled in at the legislative, judiciary, and social levels to be effective.

As California awaits the ruling on Proposition 8 in San Francisco, this timely message comes as yet another ray of hope for those who so deeply desire to marry the person they love. It seems that slowly, the term "gay marriage" is being replaced by "marriage equality" and "inclusive marriage." This is an important delineation because at the legal level, there should only be one "marriage."

The cases before the courts right now relate only to civil marriages. In 2010, every marriage in this country that is found in a state's Bureau of Vital Statistics is a civil marriage. Although it may be performed by a minister and sanctified by a church, the marriage license itself is for a civil marriage, not a religious one. Our nation is beginning to understand this concept. Lawmakers, judges, and voters can no more legislate faith than religious leaders can determine law. Communist countries legislate religious practice. Theocracies allow religious tenets to directly affect law. Although there is a morality to our laws, the United States is a republic that practices democracy. U.S. citizens have the best seat in the house to see that difference at a national level right now, and it looks good.

The Other Privacy Matters of Facebook

2010-07-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

"My father has cancer." "John Doe's relationship status has changed." "I got soooo drunk last night."

In Dunsmuir, where I was reared, there were certain matters people talked about and subjects we simply didn't. If someone was inebriated, one did not share that with the entire town. It was sometimes weeks before our family learned that a couple was having serious difficulties. It was months before we learned of someone's illness. Oh, there was gossip, of course, not unlike Norman Rockwell's print (right); but, most people kept family matters private until they had to address it in a more public forum. Facebook™, and its cousins, Twitter™, MySpace™, and other social networking sites, have changed all that.

What is the right balance of information to share on a public forum? There are several arguments that make sense.

Sharing everything that goes on in one's life provides that individual with a community of people who care for, and support, that person during their most difficult passages. The death of a loved one, accidents, and disappointments are all burdens that may feel a little lighter because of the outpouring of love received from others. There is less awkwardness after a public announcement like that. We know what happened, and the person who posted knows we know what happened, so we can discuss it openly. The same effect is seen during our triumphs. Notes of congratulations and celebration are posted with emoticons and photos of happy puppies. On Facebook™, there are very few secrets anymore. Nearly everything seems available for public consumption.

On the other hand, are there subjects that should remain inside the home? News often affects others, as well as the one posting the information. Has the posting agent consulted with those who might be impacted before announcing whatever news is being presented? Not likely. The delicacy of social interactions is going the way of proper grammar and spelling... down the proverbial tubes.

My mother used to say, "Never write down anything you don't want printed on the front page of the New York Times, and never say anything you don't want shouted from the highest mountain top." There's some wisdom there. Recently, on television, I heard a commentator report that people were getting arrested, and others were losing out on jobs because of their postings on Facebook™ as well as other social media sites. The art of discretion is being lost.

It may be surprising to know that a writer is suggesting there are things that should not be shared.  Someone who writes is encouraged to open their lives, thoughts, and feelings for public consumption in the most intimate ways. There is, however, something to be said for maintaining a certain amount of mystery in public life. So few surprises exist anymore between people familiar with one another. With IPhone™ and Droid™ apps that allow Facebook™ to travel with them wherever they go, some people are recording every moment of their lives in posts. We see examples of this with celebrities all the time; but, they are not alone.

Readers know things about their Facebook™ friends that they may not feel they need to know.  I'm certain people may sometimes feel ambivilent about what I post as well.  Of course, most of what they know about me comes from my blog site and not Facebook™ postings. The majority of my Facebook™ comments are birthday greetings, thinking-of-you notes, and links to new articles on my blog. Certainly, everyone has a different perception about Facebook™. Mine just happens to be that Facebook™ is like seeing an acquaintance on the street. I'm not going to tell them my most intimate stories as we're passing one another, any more than I would expect them to do the same. Those stories are saved for times alone with those closest to me.

With all this being said, I do love my friends. I want to share in their sorrows and their joys. I am interested in how they are doing. I am also thrilled to reconnect with those people with whom I've lost contact many years ago.  Facebook™ simply seems to leave me cool when it comes to intimacy. Perhaps because I am a musician who depends on my aural skills so often, hearing someone's voice means so much more to me. I miss sitting on the phone for an hour with a friend who lives far away, and catching up on all their news. Even private messages and e-mails provide a better avenue for more intimate discussions than public postings on a website, as far as I'm concerned.

The truth is, I miss the embrace of friends upon our greeting and departure. The world is so small that it now fits into 13" screen; yet, it is still so large that many of those I love are too far away for me to hug. Even with those who live closer, we find ourselves with opposing schedules and cannot visit as often as we'd like.

As it stands, I suppose I will have to be satisfied with brief posts to Facebook™ to learn about my friends. I should be grateful for that. Until the day of inexpensive travel or teletransportation arrives, I will just have to live without the physical presence of so many of my beloved friends.

James Chávez Glica-Hernandez misses his friends and wishes they were closer.
__________________________

Photos:

Rockwell, Norman (2010) ["Gossip"] Print by Norman Rockwell. Retrieved from http://mashedmusings.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/gossip-print.jpg

(2010) [Person passing IPhone advertisement]. BBC.co.uk. Retrieved from http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/technology/080415_afp_iphone3.jpg

Burns, Taurus (2010) ["Group hug"] paintDetroit.com. Retrieve from http://www.paintdetroit.com/Home/Ghetto%20of%20Eden/images/Group%20Hug.jpg

English as a First Language

2010-07-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

With all due modesty, in the secret recesses of my mind, I believe I'm a pretty good writer. I have a healthy grasp of the English language and am more than familiar with the structural components thereof; at least, this is what I thought.

As part of my education at University of Phoenix Online, I have to take a writing class for students. Who knew that after 30+ years away from college, I would have forgotten as much as I have. Transitive and intrasitive verbs, comma-splicing, passive and active voices, and many other areas of writing are being received by my musty brain as though they've never been learned before.

When I was in elementary school and high school, I did my best work on speeches and creative writing essays. Book reports were fine, but they required far too much effort, quite honestly. I suppose, in a way, I preferred blogging long before personal computers even existed. Now that I'm expected to write with authority, accuracy, and in abundance, all directed by someone else, it's another matter all together.

What I'm enjoying about the process, though, is that parts of my brain that have been dormant for so many years are dancing with glee in the ballroom that is my cranium, being allowed to sway once again to the music of my education. During my years of teaching, it was so much easier because I gave the assignments, then graded them after the little children cranked out their well-worked prose. Even while I took a turn as a long-term substitute teacher in 10th Grade English, the units I covered were on short stories and poetry. Again, creative writing.

I'm learning, though. Structure, syntax, grammar, punctuation, and style are coming together. It's very exciting; especially considering that I want to write for a living when I'm done with college. [Author's note: That sounds so funny coming from someone who is nearly 51.]

The sad truth is that my work for the last 20 years as a musician is coming to a close. Playing the piano is becoming more and more difficult with each passing year. The arthritis, the carpal tunnel, and the issues following two strokes are more than my hands can handle anymore. One would think that typing would also be a problem; however, it not as much because there isn't as much extension and power as when I play the piano. The irony is that I can no longer write with a pen more than a few minutes at a time, if even that some days, because the act of holding the pen is painful. The same holds true for the baton as I conduct in the pit. Clearly, the Universe is directing me to the act of typing. It's painfree (most of the time), enjoyable, and I'm able to do it at home.

I love my native language. English to me is expressive and direct. I will admit to a certain proclivity for the Italian language for sound and lyricism; but for function and comfort, it's all about English. As a side note, if we add much more colloquial language to our American idiom, we'll soon develop our own distinct language. Perhaps it would be called, "Amuricun."

Hopefully, as I continue blogging, those following my entries will see a growth in my writing, both in style and structure. As with music, I know that learning the foundational components of anything does not detract from the creativity of the work. As my dear friend, Emily, says, it just adds colors to your box of paints.

Wishcraft

2010-07-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

Every so often, when I least expect it, I spontaneously begin a sentence with, "Wouldn't it be nice if..." One can fill in the blank any way one wishes, but if I say these words without thinking about them first, whatever is in that blank seems to come to pass. I can't explain it. It's been happening my whole life. It's like wishcraft. There's nothing evil about it. It just feels like I am heard. I suppose it's all about intention, because let me consciously think about those words before I say them, and more often than not, they end up evaporating like a drop of water in 105 degree weather. Poof!

The Universe has a funny way of hearing our purest heart. If we simply and innocently express a need, the Universe offers a satisfying response to that need. Sometimes, it takes a long, long time to get a response, but one eventually arrives. When our intention is to manipulate and bring benefit to ourselves alone out of greed or malice, the Big U may actually give us what we ask; however, it comes with a very steep price. That price is a lesson about our request.

In his blog on the Psychology Today website, Dr. Steven Diamond, forensic psychologist, quoted St. Thomas Aquinas who said that greed is "a sin against God, just as all mortal sins, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things. (2010)" In most religious and spiritual traditions, this overwhelming need to acquire things, feelings, or experiences for a selfish benefit goes against the nature of abundance and unity in the ethereal world.

There is, of course, a balance in all things. Selflessness to the detriment of one's own health and wellbeing is to ignore what sustains us. If we drive our car without refueling it, it will certainly run out of gas eventually. Then, we are stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting for assistance. No matter how important it is for us to get where we are trying to go, and who needs us to be there, the truth remains that we didn't take care of our own needs so that we can continue being of service to others. A certain amount of introspection about our own needs is necessary.

Gautama Buddha teaches that greed is an expression of desire for worldly material things in the extreme. Buddhists believe that greed, like all human attachment to our physical world, is the root of all suffering. This attachment can be to material goods (Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme), physical pleasures (Tiger Woods and his many mistresses), or relationships with others (the murder of Jennifer Hudson's family by her ex-husband, William Balfour).

An axiom in the religious community has been for many years, "God will provide." There is also a quote from Benjamin Franklin, paraphrased from the wonderful Greek storyteller and moralist, Æsop, "God helps those who help themselves (1736)."

There was a story about a fellow who lived in a house near a river. A flood was approaching and the police came to his door, lights flashing, and said to the man, "Get in my car, sir. A flood is coming."

The man peacefully responded, "Don't worry, God will save me."

As the waters rose and the man was hanging out of his second story window, a rowboat drifted by. The man rowing said, "Get into my boat!"

"God will save me," said the man securely.

The man ended up on the rooftop with a helicopter hovering above. Out of the loudspeaker, the pilot implored the man, "Get into the chopper, sir!"

The man defiantly and faithfully shouted back, "God will save me!"

A short time later, not surprisingly, the man drowned. As he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates, the man inquired, "Why didn't God save me?"

St. Peter said, "We sent you a car, a boat, and a helicopter, for crying out loud!"

This man was both greedy for what he wanted in his way and clearly incapable of recognizing his own needs at the same time. Certainly, it is obvious that if the man had been humble and grateful for the assistance of the first police officer, he would have survived to have many years ahead of him on this planet. It could be reasonably argued, too, that his time was done and perhaps he understood that he had completed his work on Earth.

I recently found out that someone I love very much who has been suffering for a long time is finally getting long-awaited help. This very special person has been generous in time and love, even during physical and monetary suffering. The prayers offered by everyone for this special person didn't go unheeded; simply offered in just the right moment, and after a long journey of work and faith.

The truth is, I don't understand much about the operation of the Universe. What I do know are these things:

My faith tells me that there is something larger than myself that exists. I call that something alternately God or the Universe. Some call it Grandfather, Allah, or one of many other names. It doesn't matter to me, because it is all the same thing;
My faith tells me that I carry a part of the Universe inside my spirit-heart. Everything "out there" is also "in here;"
My faith tells me that in gratitude, love, joy, and faith, all things are possible; and
My faith tells me that only in unity are we fully connected with the Universe. When we are exclusive, we lose some of our rememberance of who we truly are.

Pretty much, that's all I know about the Universal order. So, when I make my wishes... the spontanteous, innocent ones... it is that place from which they come. I'd like to believe that this is the reason wishcraft works so well for me. I'd love to know if that's how it works for others, too.

Happy wishing!
____________________

References:

Diamond, S. (2009) Is greed ever good: the psychology of selfishness. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200903/is-greed-ever-good-the-psychology-selfishness.

Franklin, Benjamin. (1736). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved July 1, 2010, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/benjaminfr379646.html

Photos:

(2010) [Man Daydreaming] Lifecoachinglls.com. Retrieved from http://www.lifecoachinglls.com/site/files/Man%20Daydreaming.jpg

(2010) [Man on roof during flood] amadeo.blog.com. Retrieved from http://amadeo.blog.com/repository/1204084/3264645.jpg
(2010) [Inner self light on heart] 4.bp.blogspot.com Retrieved from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZJtnZZN1xWGoymfv8ETH7UH-bOmcphSnXEDp84EX_enQlEHb84YNeaP4GxzIdJIwg02Ype8KLrVPC0SkptUe2Dv0nwwEN-voerYGc9wjYRh1Be0LZRz-gMBTInw8hgQJx7_5T/s400/innerselflightonheart.jpg

Our Second Hand

2010-06-25T23:17:00.000-07:00

There are days when minutes feel like years and
Years seem like seconds.
There are looks that last a lifetime and
Lifetimes that take only moments.
When will the hands on the clock meet the
Beat of our heart-spirit,
So that everything resonates at the level of
Our soul's second hand?

It is when we breathe in peace, and
Exhale gratitude
With the most vivid passion our lives can muster.

_________________________

Person Life Juggler Clock by Michelle Allen Designs
Photo retrieved from http://www.squidoo.com/MichelleAllenDesigns

A Letter from a Polish Woman

2010-06-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

"Why do you have a Polish word in the title of your blog? I am not sure I like it being associated with some of your views." - Chrissy (June 23, 2010)

I received these two sentences in a comment to my previous blog site. It took me aback. I don't know Chrissy. She clearly does not know me. As she read some of my blogs, she felt compelled to exercise her First Amendment freedom to write me a brief note telling me that my views were not consistent with that which she believed the Polish community would approve. Apparently, as a Polish man, I am supposed to be sensitive to how the Polish community is perceived and censor myself in that light.

I disagree.

This was my response to Chrissy:

"Dear Chrissy,

"Thank you for writing. The reason I have the word, 'Powodzenia,' in my title is because as a Polish man, I love the meaning of the word, which I’m sure you know means good luck. It appears you believe that all Polish people believe the same way you do. I am sorry to inform you that this is not the case. There are liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, Christians and Jews, and many other polarities that can be found in our culture, as in every culture. I am surprised, however, to find someone who feels they can speak for an entire culture as you seem to be attempting to do.

"The other aspect of my concern is that as an American, under the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States, I am freely entitled to express my views and use whatever language I choose. Lech Walensa also fought for those same rights in Poland. As a Polish culture, we have been embattled for centuries with being overrun by Russians, Germans, and many other countries in their futile attempt to cripple or destroy our culture. We were thrown in concentration camps during World War II, not because we were Jewish, but because we were simply Polish. No one person or foreign culture has been able to accomplish that goal. We Poles are too strong.

"It is with this understanding that I invite you to remember our culture, to celebrate the fact that we are free to speak our minds and hearts as both Poles and Americans, and to move toward a more compassionate understanding of others’ views. It is the same appearance of your close-mindedness that incited some of the greatest tragedies in our common Polish history.

"Powodzenia, pani Chrissy,

"James"

Some may suggest that I should have asked her about which views she found so offensive as to inspire her typing these two phrases. I suppose I'm not a very sensitive listener/reader, because I was not at all concerned about that. It could have been my views on politics, equal rights, our military, or my support of Tyreke Evans from the Sacramento Kings as Rookie of the Year. That wasn't the point.

In 2010, some of our citizens still think that we are supposed to have a homogeneous belief system to which everyone must ascribe. These same citizens also believe, as is in evidence from Chrissy's note, that those who do not believe in the same way should be silenced, or at least, not identify themselves as part of the accepted majority. This concept takes me directly to other periods in history when individuals suggested that this would be the best course of action.

What a tiny world in which Chrissy and all the other Chrissys (Chrissies?) must live. My father's entire family is Polish and I know that we represent the spectrum of philosophies and belief systems. We argue about them and laugh about them, but what we do not do is attempt to silence those around us who disagree. We know that this would be ethically criminal.

So, to Chrissy, and those who share her beliefs, I offer no apologies or other explanations for what I write. I only offer my pride in my Polish heritage, my gratitude for my citizenship as an American, and my awe at the freedom I enjoy as a writer.

A House, A History, and Shriveled Beans

2010-06-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

When I moved into my house in 2004, it looked brand new... well, it nearly was. Having been built only in 2000, I was merely the second owner. The previous owner was a contractor, so it had some fun upgrades; nothing fancy, just entertaining ones. After 27 years in my old house, I was ready for a new place in which to entertain my family and friends, while living a gentle life of my choosing. The house is ten years old now and magically, issues are starting to appear.

Tiles are cracking on the corners of counters like brittle finger nails. The water system has mysteriously begun to shut off like bad arteries in a person who doesn't eat right. The pool pump is sucking up water like an uncontrolled diabetic. Light sockets are going out of someone with cataracts. Are you getting a theme here?

My question is, how does a house deteriorate so fast. It's not as though we don't do the routine maintenance. Our house is clean. We mow the lawn. We clean the pool... sometimes. We fix what goes wrong. Perhaps, it has something to do with the quality of the building. Beazer Homes built this section of town called, Gateway West. They are being faced with a huge class action suit by our neighbors. It seems as though all the houses in the area had corners cut, not unlike our counters, that are causing grief for many of the homeowners in the area.

As I drive by the homes in downtown Sacramento, huge Victorian monstrosities, built in the early part of the 20th Century, I see these homes still standing and in beautiful condition. Admittedly, some of them were upgraded over the years to meet contemporary building codes and to withstand earthquakes that are so much more common in California than in many places. As the plaster cracks on the facade of my house and doors settle enough to cause difficulty opening and closing them, I am left harboring some envy of those grand old dames that populate the tree-as-sentry-lined streets of central Sacramento. What is the difference between their homes and mine? The answer is obviously work ethic.

When those homes were built in the 1910s and '20s, they were built to last with outstanding materials, expert craftsmanship, and an attention to detail that, outside of multimillion dollar homes, cannot be found in the newer models today. There is something to be said for valuing one's reputation and others' happiness and security. Those are qualities that must be rebuilt, along with our homes as they fall apart.

Once upon a time, as a nation, we were proud of what we created. Building or producing something that was of poor quality left us feeling embarrassed and newly motivated to change our ways. I don't know if that's the truth any longer. Our goal now is to sell whatever it is we are manufacturing. What happens after the sale seems to be none of our concern. The problem is that it should be our concern.

I am not one who says that we should do everything the way we used to do it. Honestly, I'd rather not live in the a country that has medical practices or the technology of 1910. Leeches and horseback riding for miles wouldn't be my favorite things. There are qualities, though, that would serve us well in 2010, such as integrity, veracity, diligence, and community.

With as creative as it turns out we are, why is it that every time we talk about the subject of personal qualities, we cannot get beyond the cost of quality? What prevents us from putting our ingenuity to work to create low cost, high quality items; even when it comes to manufacturing high end items like homes? It just doesn't make any sense.

Many of us will suggest that it is because people will lose their enormously large bank rolls. The larger the profit margin the happier some people are. Some people value money over everything else.

I wish I were smart enough to figure out how to build an inexpensive home with a very high quality standard. It would be my pleasure to create a sophisticated laptop that costs only $50. A huge thrill for me would be to feed four people in a restaurant for $10. These are wishes that with my knowledge base is not very likely to be my experience; however, someone out there may be able to do it.

Say what you will, Taco Bell is feeding four, with a Beefy Five Layer Burrito, a drink, and chips for about ten dollars. Small notepads are being produced for $200, which is better than the $600 to $1,000 for other "low-end" technology. These dreams are starting to come to fruition which is the good news.

Now, let's take a look at building homes. Could there be more good news around the corner about green technology with regard to building materials and energy saving technologies? We have solar positioning, EnergyStar appliances, natural ventilation, and sandbag and adobe homes already popping up; but we're still paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for these homes.

What does it say about a culture that takes zealous pride in paying a large amount of money for something? What is wrong with a nation that prizes elevated costs, ridiculous extravagance, and strings of zeros after a number to reflect their bank accounts, rather than ensuring everyone has access to health care, children with a solid education, family stability, or fewer of their family members in prisons?

There was a time when more people were grateful when their project became successful and they were rewarded for their hard work and innovation. It seems as though, as a culture, we are developing higher expectations for doing less, and providing less from our work. We are growing an entitled society. As we listen to people judge the poor for asking for help, we are seeing the wealthy do the same thing. The only difference is that the wealthy do not need the help. Those with ample bank accounts implore us to offer them our hard earned money while they provide poorer service, below-standard products, and empty promises.

Greed, although described as one of the seven deadly sins, is not so dramatic as all that. It is a tragic symptom of our group fear of lack. We are so afraid that we will be without what we need that we surround ourselves with things. I say, "we," purposefully because I have art on my walls, a wedding ring with a nice diamond, and expensive books that I purchased before our financial struggles began.

Some of us believe that if we have only two beans, we'll share one of them with our neighbor. If that neighbor is very hungry, we might even give them both beans, hoping that soon, other beans may come.

Beazer Homes does not appear to be that interested in sharing their beans. Although they are in mediation, one would assume in good faith, they continue fighting the lawsuit because, perhaps, they honestly believe the homes they manufactured were the best they could do. How sad for them. Those of us who purchased our homes in good faith for several hundreds of thousands of dollars seem to be stuck with those dried up, dark, and shriveled beans that we always find in the bag of pintos. What we had hoped would be a wonderful soup or plate of refried beans turns out to be nothing more than tooth-chipping stones; and, we continue to find more of those stones the longer we eat.

La Familia Gutierrez Pavia

2010-06-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we celebrated the life of my beloved, late cousin, Joseph Chavez, at Lima Memorial Chapel. It was a time of closure, sadness, joy, and unity. I am so grateful to have been able to go.

After we left the service, we returned to what had been Joe's home for 25 years for a bite to eat and visit with family we hadn't seen for quite some time. As people were leaving, we decided to go to the cemetery where a large number of our family is buried, Santa Clara Mission Cemetery, to pay our respects to our progenitors. It was there we decided to take photographs at the gravesite.

We first visited the mausoleum crypts of Joe's mother's parents, Manuel and Ann (Silveira) Machado. It was then time to visit the grave of our mutual grandmother, Clara "Rayo" Gutierrez Chavez and her father, Sostenes Gutierrez. With us were two of my second cousin's daughters, Charlotte and Sophia, ages 5 and 3 respectively. They are both energetic, beautiful children who are abundantly full of life. As we were there, I decided to take a picture of these wee ones sitting on the grave of their great-great-great grandfather, born in 1845 and great-great grandmother born in 1901.

It wasn't until I got home that I recognized just how deeply poignant that moment was at a variety of levels.

First, here were children, born 160 years after their 3rd great grandfather, visiting him and learning his name for the first time. "Sostenes," I pronounced several times for their benefit. They didn't know he had come from Parral, Chihuahua, Mexico. They couldn't have realized that his wife died in 1908 in El Paso leaving him with eight children, four of whom were still at home. They weren't aware that he had come to Santa Clara in the 1910s via El Paso, Texas. They had no idea about any of it. All they knew was that they were with family. They seemed contented with that security.

Second, I realized that my work with genealogy records dating back to the 18th Century was being shared with little people... our little people... who may see the 22nd Century if we're lucky and modern medicine continues on the path it's going.

Third, the photograph we took of the girls at the gravesite, and recorded on various websites and e-mails, will likely exists for generations to come. When these precious little girls, who were about the same age as my grandmother, Rayo, the little girl standing front and center in the photo to the right, share this visual record with their children or grandchildren, the span of our family will likely reach 200 years by then.

The feelings about the continuity of life are very strong when confronted with little girls sitting on familial concrete. This is especially true when one looks at Sophia's face and recognizes baby Rayo's face in the center front of this sepia photo. Will she carry the traits of her 2nd great grandmother... or her 3rd or 4th great grandmothers, who are also in the center top and middle, respectively.

From the time our senior grandmother was born in approximately 1820 until today is nearly 200 years. Our little Sophia and Charlotte are living proof of our tenacity to survive as a family. They represent our future. In the same way as they know their Grandma Caroline, who was born in the 1920's, and present in the photos from this weekend, the eldest grandmother in the photo likely knew her grandmother from 50 years before in 1770. The Gutierrez-Pavia line, from which these girls descend as part of a much larger tree, lives on in their faces, genes, history, and now memories.

So, as Joe begins his journey home to be with the God in whom he most fervently believed, he also becomes a catalyst for family learning, growth, unity, and love... as usual. What a powerful day to remember how death is a part of life, and that even after someone is gone, they live on in the memories of their families by the grace of God.

Seven generations of love and history.

Señor y Señora Gutierrez (1810s) - Señor y Señora Pavia (circa 1820's)

Sostenes (1844-1933) y Maria Teresa (1856-1908)

Clara "Rayo" (1901-1942) y Angel (1887-1931)

Joaquin and Caroline

Robert and Barbara

Cynthia and Rye

Charlotte and Sophia

Dad

2010-06-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is my tenth Father's Day without my Dad, Floyd Glica (see left). It's unfathomable to think I haven't been able to call him on this day for a decade. I miss him so much, but I think I've learned that when I simply think of him, and perhaps pray for him, I can have him near me in spirit.

My birth father, Robert Arroyo, thankfully, is still living. I value the fact that I can still hear his voice when I call, if only on an answering machine sometimes. As I get older and learn more about him, I am finding that this genuinely good man has passed on some good genes to me for which I am eternally grateful.

There are things I've learned in life and things that came to me naturally. It is in this statement that I find both my fathers. They are equally important to me and, interestingly enough, make it easier to see where each of these qualities originate.

From my Glica dad, I grew to learn professionalism, an ability to be a loving grandfather, to speak my mind, and to love the arts of all kinds. I've learned that patience is incredibly important, especially for one who has had to learn that lesson the hard way.

From my Arroyo dad (see right), I gained the ability to be a vivid storyteller, think logically, have an innate love of family, and stay strong, no matter what I face. I've recognized that my first dad gave me many gifts that I wouldn't have realized came from him had I not been blessed with time to spend with him.

They are both Dads in different ways, certainly, but Dads nonetheless.

In my own fatherhood, I have seen both of my fathers appear. Dad (Floyd) had very high expectations of what my brother, David, and I should accomplish in life. He created an environment in which learning was something to cherish. Living in a manner that included new adventures, open eyes, and awe was something he modeled in a million ways throughout our 40 years together before his death in 1999. I made sure my children were reared with the same love of creation.

Dad (Bob) knew that to respect his sons' freedom of choice and intelligence would give them wings to fly later in life. When I hear him talk to my brothers, Eric, Mark, and Darren, who grew up with him, I can see that they trust themselves partly because they had that freedom assured by my father and their mother. He also lovingly accepted them, and me for that matter, for who we are and as we are, even when his sons made choices that made things more difficult for themselves. From all appearances, my children are flying on their own wings from the generations of genetic trust in our progeny I received from my father of birth.

So, thank you, Fathers, for my life and my Life. You have both contributed so much to make me who I am. From both of you, in your own ways, I have gained the confidence to claim my life, be responsible for that life, and celebrate every moment of it. Without you, I wouldn't be the man I am today. Some days, I'm sure you may question whether I am giving you credit or blame, but I'd like to think it is more credit. God knows I honor you both in my heart and in my spirit for the gifts you've brought to my life.

Zadowolony Ojciec Dzień, Dad. Feliz Día de los Padres, Dad. I love you both very much.

Your son,

James

Got Ignorance? Apparently, I do!

2010-06-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

As much as I'd sometimes like to sit comfortably in my ivory tower, glowering down on mere mortals in vulturous disdain, as I liberally evaluate others' ignorance and mental putridity, I can't. It turns out that I am the one who so wholly lacks self-awareness that when I read the transcript of the Proposition 8 closing remarks to the court trial, I realized just how foolish I've been for the last half-century.

As a child of the 1960s (not the very cool metropolitan hippie, but a traditional boy from the mountains), I was reared with the unspoken, or perhaps, at times, spoken, discrimination toward gay folk. As a gay child in that era, I knew they meant me. My coping mechanisms were fairly sophisticated for someone so young. I learned to adapt to the disrespect, ignore it, and live my life within the boundaries provided. The truth is, I've never given a damn what people think of my homoamorosity. Sure, when I was in fifth grade and my classmates called me queer, homo or sissy, it stung. My tools were to develop a great sense of humor and a caustic tongue with which to come back at my aggressors. As I said, I adapted.

That early training took me a long way in my life. I reared my five children as an openly gay man. I've worked in the office of the State Health Director as an openly gay man. I've taught school as an openly gay man. I had my religious wedding ceremony to my husband in 2006 as an openly gay man. With all of these success, in the recesses of my heart, I had tacitly accepted at some level the fact that I was not afforded the same rights as my heteroamorous friends to marry the man that I love.

Don't get me wrong, I've written blogs about acquiring the right to marry. I written letters to the President of the United States and Governor Schwarzenothing about this very topic. Yet, today, as I was reading this amazing 164-page document, that can be found at the EqualRightsFoundation.org website, I suddenly woke up from a nearly-51 year slumber. My eyes shuttered open to my own words:

"You are asking for permission to do something that most everyone else takes for granted, from people who never had the right to keep it from you in the first place!"

The truth is I was appalled at my lack of insight into my own true feelings about this. I am hurt, and angry, and utterly disturbed by this new light in which I am both basking and baking.

As I read the words on the screen from the defendant-intervenors' (Pro-Prop 8) attorney, Mr. Cooper, I felt as though I had traveled through time to the courtroom of Loving v. The State of Virginia when interracial marriage was being debated, or to the bar where Brown v. The Board of Education was decided. As we look back on those times, most of us realize how hateful those cruel laws had been. In the eras that they originated, however, they made perfect sense to the authors, as Mr. Cooper's words made to him. He began by quoting E. J. Graff, a same-sex advocate, from Brandeis University:

"'If same-sex marriage becomes legal, that venerable institution will ever after stand for sexual choice, for cutting the link between sex and diapers.'

"That really goes to the heart of the concern of many people, that redefining it will -- will effectively divorce the institution of marriage from its historic core procreative purposes.

"The second point, Your Honor, in addition that redefining it would inevitably change it, is that it is not possible to predict with certainty and confidence what that change will beget. It seems simply undeniable that a change that is as profound as this one, I would submit undeniably would be, would have some consequences. (www.equalrightsfoundation.org, 2010, p. 137)"

For a moment, I thought these were the closing arguments of Chicken Little in Little v. The Sky. "Marriage is falling! Marriage is falling!" It makes no sense. My marriage to my husband is strong enough to withstand almost anything that comes along. If someday, God forbid, it ends, it will be because we have chosen for it to end or one of us dies. It will never come to a close because anyone else got married. Others' marriages didn't prevent us from getting married in the first place. It is ludicrous to think that two men or two women getting married will change anything but the legal definition of a powerful word to be more inclusive.

Marriage, in its purest form, is what two people agree it is. Society has general guidelines, but an actual, day-to-day marriage is chosen by two individuals.

When I married my now-former wife, we didn't marry specifically to have children, although we had several. We actually had a daughter before our nuptials. We chose to wait to make sure we were marrying each other for reasons that had to do with the two of us rather than those related to our child. It was a good decision. All together, we were married for 14 years.

It was for similar reasons that my husband, David, and I married. No one dictates what our marriage is but David and me. We do not dictate how others should manage their marriages, although my children may suggest that I've wanted to do otherwise from time to time. The most important factor is that no one prevented us from marrying one another in ceremony. Although it was not sanctioned by the State of California, our spirits were united in love and dedication in full support of our community. Our marriage has amplified the best in both of us and in our connection with our village. We have a domestic partnership and a twelve year history together, but I have to wonder how our lives would be different if we could actually marry in the same way my mother and father did? I know that there would be a new sense of first class citizenship in our state. I know that we would not have to explain what our relationship history has been.

"Well, we registered as domestic partnership in 2005 and had our ceremony in 2006, but we didn't get married when it was available because we wanted to wait until everyone could marry."

Mom and Dad just said, "This is my husband/wife." That's it. Everyone understood. Everyone accepted it as it was. No questions, no explanations. How lovely would that be?

As I sit at my desk, likely closer to death than to birth, I look at the calendar and read, "2010." We have meandered our way through millions of years of history on this clod of soil and water and we are only now wondering if every adult, without exception, should have the right to marry? How is that even possible?

So, to my children and grandchildren, and to those who have looked to me for guidance over the years, I ask forgiveness for my lack of clarity on this particular issue. If I had been a better example, you would have seen me sell my belongings to march in Washington. I would have taken a leadership role in this fight. I would have followed in my valiant father, Floyd Glica's footsteps in addressing this issue.  It's not too late.

To whom do I owe my happiness? To whom do I ultimately answer for my actions?   The answer I taught my children was, "To your God and to your mirror... preferably in that order." We answer to the community for actions only in that we are responsible for behaving in ways that are, at best, loving, and at least, not hurtful. When we take our last breath, however, we are only responsible in those two most important places. We must live and die with our choices.

In the tradition of the Twelve Step Program, I must now make amends to my society by taking appropriate, remedial actions for my failures of the past. I have learned from my path and now my path has changed.

I am making a new choice. I am adding my voice and action to this important movement of change. First, as I've said in a previous essay, I will no longer refer to myself as homosexual. I am homoamorous. This is about who I love, not with whom I have sex. My sex life is none of anyone else's business. Second, my focus will be to ensure an inclusive definition of marriage. I am no longer fighting for my right to legally marry. I am now on a course to remind those in power that I already have that right (see my photo below).  Lawmakers are now obligated to fix the laws to reflect our inalienable right to marry in the pursuit of our happiness.

This is my voice. This is my pride. This is our time.

____________________

References

(2010). Transcript of Closing Arguments. Perry, et al., v. Schwarzenegger, et al. Retrieved from http://www.equalrightsfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Perry-Vol-13-6-16-10. pdf, p. 137

Candito, Nicolas (2006) [Glica-Hernandez Wedding]. Photograph used by permission of photographer.

To Our Young Performers

2010-06-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

The young people with whom I work in the theatre and in the classroom know that I have very high expectations of them, especially when it comes to discipline. I admit to getting frustrated at their insistance on talking after they've been warned. I expect them to learn new skills in that arena; yet, I've realized I have something to learn, too.

When my own children were little, like many others, they went through a phase of asking, "Why?" It became irritating after awhile, but a parent always answers, except when we're busy and then we answer, "Because I said so!"

Young people still want to know why, but their social obligations get in the way of them asking. This is the part I've forgotten:

When young folks don't learn from one or two consequences that have arisen from their actions, it's because they don't know why it's important. You'd think I would have figured that out by now, but I haven't. With this in mind, I offer this humble letter to the wonderful young'ns with whom I am working now, have worked in the past, and will work in the future:

Dear one,

I hope you are enjoying our time together building a show. I know there have been moments of frustration or confusion, but it's all a part of the process. The one thing I know is that our time together is important because we are building something amazing as a team. We have an incredible show that I suspect is going to be phenomenal by opening night. It's going to be phenomenal, though, for reasons different than you may imagine.

As a group, you are ridiculously talented. Your voices, your acting, your intelligence, and your imagination all sparkle when you are focused and working. When you are socializing during rehearsals, that sparkle diminishes a bit because you are not respecting those in process. I'd like to share with you why that's important.

One of the best ways for a person to understand their value is to be valued by those they love and trust. An individual will have a very difficult time learning to appreciate their gifts and talents if they are not heard. As a vocal music teacher and music director, I understand this concept very well. I am now asking you to learn this, too.

As for you, what you need to know is that I hear you. Every night as you sing, dance, and act, I experience the magic that you bring. Don't be confused, my friend, it is magic. From little dots and letters on a page, you manifest beauty and art, elegence and energy. I recognize that it comes from inside you. You've taken what the composers and lyricists have written and added your personal stamp on their work. No one in the world can create this work in exactly the same way you can. You are unique. Not so suddenly, one night during a rehearsal, you've found your rhythm and the heartbeat of your character and this once page-bound individual comes alive. You, alone, have brought all the pieces together to awaken this whole individual for others to see. You see? This truly is magic.

Those who are given gifts in this area must understand something very important.  These gifts come with a critical responsibility. You must also be able to recognize your own value so that when you are working with others, you are able to help them understand their value as well. You must listen and watch them so that you can reach out to them to validate their work that they are trying so hard to create. The leadership you show in this area will impact others' lives in ways you will never imagine. This is part of a great work ethic.

Some of you may be saying, "But, I'm just a kid. Why would I have that responsibility?"

Every time you walk into a theatre, you join a very long history of actors that have tread the planks of the stage. You are doing the same type of work as those who stood in front of Aristophanes, Shakespeare, and August Wilson as they prepared their plays.  Your responsibilities are no less important. A great performer is one who understands their place in history and takes it seriously.

Fear and creativity cannot co-exist.  Those who've worked with me before all know this phrase. In this light, we know that being afraid we are not good enough is going to keep us from achieving everything possible in our creative lives.  Let those fears guide you to the areas that you need to work on most.

If you are afraid you are not loud enough, learn how to use your diaphragmatic support more effectively.

If you are afraid you don't understand the line, go to the director and invite a conversation about it.

If you are afraid you can't remember your vocal line, set up an appointment with the music director to work through that section of music until you're sure of it.

If you are afraid you're not talented enough, talk with the person who cast you so that you can trust their reasoning behind their faith in you.

Once you've overcome the hurdles of your fears, share that newfound understanding with those around you. That's when the leadership begins. That's when your colleagues have an opportunity to share your wisdom in this process.

On a personal level, I recognize your value as individual human beings as well as performers. I cherish the time we spend together because I, too, learn from you. You have moved me and affected my perceptions. When you are at your best, you are so powerful and beautiful to watch!

When I am tough on you, it is because I know you are ready to add feathers to your wings. I know that you are trying to fly, but because of your fears or your youth, you may not feel ready. You are ready, my young doves. You have the skills to create art. You will continue to grow as you develop new skills and techniques, adding to your already radiant talent.

Here are the lessons I offer to you to build on your loving leadership skills:

Listen intimately to others because you may hear their hearts as well as their lyrics.
Watch peacefully as others work because you can learn something.
Speak lovingly because someone may need you to be their touchstone in that moment.
Work diligently because your excellence may bring hope to one person in the audience.
Act respectfully to everyone with whom you are in process because your validation of their work may build enough confidence in them that they may take new risks and reach new heights because of your faith in them.

When you commit to these acts of love and kindness, you become mentors to those who need you. Humble leadership is yet another gift you will have to offer.

You make a difference. Each and every one of you. Let there be no misunderstanding in that.

I love and respect you all and trust that you will take from this letter what you need. Thank you for your willingness to share your gifts with me and with everyone else around you. I am grateful that you've taken the time to read this letter to you. Your generosity has made our lives better.

Love,

James

How Many Prayers?

2010-06-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Miraculously, I found myself writing and editing over 5,000 words yesterday. To some that may not seem like much, but to me, that was a huge amount of work. I reflect on this because yesterday I had several prayers answered in rapid succession.
These last few weeks of school have been challenging since the illness and subsequent death of my cousin, Joe.  He remains in my heart as a primary thought lately. I miss him. In my grief, my mind has slowed to a crawl and during this five week university course, I have found myself behind the eight ball more than once. Add to that the fact that my computer decided to welcome a viral bug into our little home and all the challenges that ensued from that melding have been a bit overwhelming.

My final day of class was yesterday and I was horrifically behind because of my emotional and technological challenges. The exciting part came when I realized as the final editor of the document that my two out of three team mates on the group paper that was due yesterday had primarily quoted research for every part of their sections of the document. I had to rewrite nearly the entire paper to make it original work.

On top of that, I also had my own individual paper due. I hadn't even begun my research.

I was beside myself with worry that I was not going to be able to complete everything I had to get done by the deadline. Our team would have a reduction in our score and I would lose out on both my papers.

With a deadline of midnight last night looming, when 10:30 PM arrived and I was submitting both papers completed, I was elated. My prayers to God were answered.  I had been infused with the energy and focus to get the work done.

The other prayer that had an answer was a very old one; one that's actually more than a decade old. A truth was told that changed everything for the better. I've been asking for this truth for a long time and now that it has arrived I feel 100% better. It's now time to move on more joyfully.  Although it is a confidence that I must keep, suffice it to say I've grown in admiration and respect for the truth-sayer.

I like to joke that God takes care of small animals, little children, and me because none of us can take care of ourselves. The truth is I'm surrounded by people who love me and support me through these tribulations. My faith is my foundation, but my loved ones are the structures of my joy.

Sometimes we get answers. Sometimes we wait. Sometimes we just won't know that our prayers were answered because the answers were different than we expected.  We always learn from everything we experience, though. That's the good news.

________________________

Reference

Glica-Hernandez, James S. Ch., (2008) "Her Prayer in Humble Gratitude." 18"x24" Acrylic on canvas.