Practical OH Mommy

Some great phrases to remember

2012-10-11T20:41:00.001-04:00

I've been busy and in a crafting jag, but I saw this post today and just had to share!
http://abundantlifechildren.com/2012/10/05/phrases-that-nurture-respect-confidence-and-community/

Some great phrases to use if you are aiming for a more gentle way.

Keeping Gentle Focus

2012-06-29T12:33:00.005-04:00

http://www.parentinggently.com/2012/06/keeping-gentle-focus/

Check out my guest post on parenting gently today!

The hardest part of Gentle Discipline is...

2012-06-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

I saw this as an idea thread from Paige and thought I’d run with it and start a little discussion. For me the hardest part about gentle discipline is that it doesn’t come naturally. I was raised in a sometimes very loving, sometimes very dysfunctional home, with one super loving, caring parent and the other who ended up in jail on domestic violence charges. I guess that should have been the first clue that what comes naturally for me, isn’t necessarily the right choice to make. As a coach, I know that you spend a lifetime developing habits and patterns that cause you to react in certain situations like you do, without even thinking about it. So, when I became a parent, I was amazed at how patterns of control snuck right up on me.

I need to say here that my Mom did a great job raising me under not so great circumstances. She is now a parttime care provider to my girls and does a great job following the gentle discipline concepts we've talked about. So, absolutely no judgement about good or bad in the past, it just "is". And now, we have more information about how brains work and more tools available to us. They also didn't have child seats when I was a baby, so of course my Mom didn't use those either.

So, the hardest part for me is learning to consciously parent. To me that means moving parenting from the depths of my brain where I just react in a way programmed by my 35 years of experience, taking a breath and making a conscious decision to parent in a different way. When I do this, I take a breath and ask myself, is what I am about to do going to build or damage the relationship with my child and is it worth it? There are definitely days were I fall into routines, but as I tell my clients, the new patterns will eventually become habits too and I won’t have to work or think as hard at it someday. And the biggest payoff for me is that, when my kids are parents, their habits will be gentle ones. They can react from that unconscious place in a gentle and loving way. I can tell you, I’d rather do that work for them now let them build upon this foundation. I have a friend whose parents following the "Love and Logic" model, which seems like it was a pre-curser to GD. She does a lot of the same things I do, but they just come naturally to her.

What’s the hardest part of GD for you?

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting. We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis. We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week. Please stop by and enter to win! This year's beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

Save Time-Outs for the Soccor Field

2012-06-27T07:00:00.000-04:00

Children are not born with the ability to resolve conflict. They look to their parents and those around them to see how to approach the world. So, when they get old enough to do “bad” things, we introduce punishment, to teach them how to tell right from wrong.

Imagine you are in pre-school and enjoying playing with one of your friends. His Mom comes to pick him up from the playground and you need to go potty anyway, so you follow the Mom and your friend to your classroom, go potty, then come back to the playground. Here the teachers are waiting to pounce on you, scolding you for “wandering off” and scaring them so badly. Then, they tell you that you must go to time out now so you will learn never to do that again. Now, I’d be a little confused by this myself. Am I not supposed to go potty? Not supposed to come back? Now, I’m overwhelmed with a yucky feeling in my tummy and I start to cry because I’m now scared of my teacher who has been standing over me wagging her finger in my face. I don’t think I’ll talk to her much anymore, because she’s the "angry one". And now I have to go sit away from everyone else while I cry, confused, lonely and scared. I didn’t learn anything other than that I don’t like how the teacher makes me feel. (I actually saw this exact scene play out at my child's daycare a few weeks ago. We are now at a new daycare.)

Is it any wonder that time-outs don’t really work? I’ve spoken to several daycare and elementary school teachers who’ve told me that only those who can’t deal with their students resort to time-outs. So, what do you do instead?

Redirection is a common approach, especially for toddlers and those just learning to play with others. It involves taking the child’s mind off of the situation that is causing them distress. I think this makes a lot of sense up until about age 3 and in several cases beyond that. My 20^th month old would not understand if I start describing to her what it means to share a toy, or force her to be polite. But if she and a buddy both want the same dolly, and I distract her with her favorite shape sorting toy, the problem is quickly resolved. This may seem like it won’t teach your kids how to resolve their own conflict, but there will be plenty of time for that when their verbal skills have developed further.

Another fairly easy technique to implement is to validate the child’s feelings. This is great, when you are on the brink of a full blown meltdown for whatever reason. It may seem trivial to you, but remember, your kids are just starting to understand and name their emotions. And they feel really strong and strange to a little kid, so at times, they are just overwhelming. To help with this, we got one of those magnets for the fridge with all the faces showing different emotions like this one. It also has a little frame you put around how you feel that day.

I’ll never forget the day that Samantha had a full blown meltdown, kicking and screaming, fists pounding the floor all over the fact that we wouldn’t let her have a lollypop for breakfast (we've had this arguement more than once in our house). Once the screaming had subsided a bit, I simply said, “I can tell you are mad that we won’t let you eat a lollypop for breakfast.” To which I got a sobbing, “uh huh” and a nod. Then, I asked her if she’d like to go pick the face on the fridge that matched how she was feeling. She got right up, wiped her tears and picked the angry face. Then, she came over and proceeded to eat her healthy breakfast without incident. I think we even had a chat about how I get angry sometimes too and it’s hard to control that anger. We use this one a lot in our house and if we catch an incident early we can avoid the major meltdowns. Amazing how using Gentle Discipline made the terrible twos and threes disappear.

The feelings magnet comes into play at unexpected times as well. One week-end, my husband was out of town and I did lots of fun, "just us girls" things with my two daughters. Samantha (4yrs old) went right along and had lots of fun. All of a sudden she went to the fridge and circled one of the sad faces. I asked her how she was feeling and she said, "I'm lonely for Daddy right now. I'm having fun with you, but I miss him too." So we hugged, I told her I was lonely for Daddy too, we talked about all the things we'd tell Daddy when he got home and then moved on to the next thing in our day. What a connection moment!

Speaking of teaching problem solving…

Let’s talk about a “time in”. We phased these in with Samantha at around age three. We had to put things in simple language and built on some work we were doing helping her name her feelings. “Time ins” are ideal when a conflict or behavior has gotten to the point that it feels out of control (many times on both of your parts) and a break from the action is needed.

The first thing I’ll do together with my daughter is to help her (and I) calm down. The best thing for us to do is sit on the stairs or on a chair somewhere with me holding her in my lap. If there are tears involved, I validate that feeling, “You are sad because your friend took your toy and you wanted to play with it.” I’ll stroke her back and just allow her to have whatever feeling she is having. Once the emotion starts to ebb a bit I’ll suggest we take some deep breaths to calm down a bit. I’ll say “Breathe in through your nose and blow like you are blowing bubbles” That usually works pretty well and after a few deep breaths she’s calmed down a bit and ready to talk. Then, we go into problem solving.

That’s where the art of the question comes in really handy. I’ll ask some questions to get the full situation out on the table as she (and the other person if someone else is involved). Then, I’ll ask, “What are some ideas about how to solve this problem?” We’ll list off several alternatives, some that won’t work or would end up hurting someone else’s feelings, but we don't judge then, just lay them all out. Once they are all out on the table, we weigh them, and pick one. Here’s a good example, and honestly I don’t have very many to draw from, because it rarely gets to that point:

Samantha and her sister were playing a game, running around the house, being silly. Then, the game took an aggressive turn and Samantha pushed down her sister, who bonked her head and started crying. I first calmed Lexi down, got her a lovie, got her distracted with a favorite toy, then turned my attention to Samantha. Samantha started crying when Lexi did and was saying “I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it.” I put her on my lap and calmed her down. I asked if she was hurt too, and she said no. Then, I asked her what happened with the game. She told me how it was called the “push down” game. You have to run and then she gets to push you down. I asked if she would like that game if she was the one getting pushed down, and she said no she wouldn’t it. We also talked about how much littler Lexi is than her and how scary that must have been for her when her big sissy pushed her down. And we talked about how it's always good to tell the truth when something happens so we can figure out the right way to fix it. I asked Samantha if there was a nicer game she could play with her sister. She thought for a minute and said she could teach her how to play hokey pokey. I told her I thought that would be a great game. So, she hopped up off my lap and went to find Lexi, but before she started playing, gave Lexi a squeeze and said, “I’m sorry I scared you, Lexi. I love you. Now, let’s Pokey!”

So, you're thinking of trying a different way?

2012-06-26T07:00:00.000-04:00

When I made the decision to try something different in our home for discipline, the first thing I did was talk to the hubs. He agreed that things weren’t exactly going swimmingly and if we could figure something else out, that would be great. I’m not sure he bought into the whole concept (I think he pictured me going full granola… hairy armpits and all!)

I started with the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, bought a couple more books and started blog hopping feverishly. I can honestly say I don’t totally agree with everything I read, am not 100% bought into to everything that goes along with attachment parenting, and frankly some stuff just wouldn’t fit our lifestyle. But I thought I’d put together my basic top three list that could be used as a starting point for those just thinking about starting gentle discipline in their homes. None of these things are particularly hard to do, or way out there. I bet if you try them, you'll want to investigate and try some more things.

1. Listen to your child. And I don’t mean just hear the words they are saying, listen with your whole self and really try to understand where they are coming from. I work with many adults whose greatest challenge in life is not listening to other people. I’ll give you a hint, if you are thinking of your grocery list, thinking of the next question you are going to ask, forming an opinion about what the other person just said, you are not listening.

Here are some tips to start with for this one. When your child has something to tell you, get on their level. Either bring them up to you, or you get down on your knees so you are eye to eye and neither one of you has a more dominant physical presence over the other. (Imagine living in a world where everyone was 3 feet taller than you!) Try to clear away the thoughts racing through your brain, and then tell your child you are listening. Use some good active listening techniques. Repeat back what you just heard them say, ask questions so you can understand things a bit more clearly, maybe even ask how what happened made them feel. I've never used parroting (repeating back exactly what you just heard) much with adults, but for my 4 year old it really keeps the conversation going. You’d be amazed at how much more kids are willing to share when someone is listening.

2. Play with your child. Children experience the world through play. It’s how they learn, how they express emotions, how they bond with other people. When I started my GD journey, I took stock of how much “fun time” I had with my kids and realized about 90% of my time with them was spend herding them out the door, nagging them to pick up toys or eat their dinner, or scolding them for running around and being silly. In contrast, a big portion of my husband’s time with the kids was spent playing and being fully in the moment with the kids. And his relationship was stronger with the kids too!

This is hard for me, because I’m a planner. I know how many things are on my to do list and just how much time there is to do them. And I work 40-50 hours a week outside of the home, want to feed them nutritious meals, keep things neat and tidy, spend quality time with my husband, etc. So, I had to add “playtime” to the top of my to do list every day. Selfishly, I find that when we get in a few good giggles together, it’s not so difficult when I do have to herd out the door, etc. And I can certainly tell by the behavior I get back from my kids if they’ve had their quota of funtime with Mom and Dad that week or not. Recently, I found this great post about games to build the connection with your kids: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/connection/play-child-emotional-intelligence

3. Empathize with your child. To empathize means to try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand what they are going through. How would you feel if you were happily ensconced in a riveting game of angry birds, almost ready to crack the next level, when someone came and told you you have to brush your teeth, go potty, comb your hair, put on shoes and socks and get in the car. You might whine a little bit too. And if nobody listened to your protests, you might squeal in frustration, because now you have no say in what’s going on and nobody is listening to how you feel about it.

I made a few changes when I started looking at things this way. I tried to schedule a few extra minutes into our routine, so that I could look for natural breaks in play. I’d sit with my four year old while she finished a puzzle, and then softly let her know that it’ll be time to get in the car soon and we both have some things to do to get ready. We also got a big timer, kind of like a kid’s version of a kitchen timer. I’d let Samantha know that in 10 minutes it’ll be time to go to bed. She soon learned the art of negotiating and would ask for 2 more minutes for this or 5 more minutes for this. With the timer we can stick to our agreements. She’d keep it near her so she knew how many ticks she had left. If you think about it kids have very little control over their own schedule, so by being more conscious about their feelings in the equation, transitions can be a lot smoother.

That’s really it that we started with. Nothing earth shattering, took some retraining on our part and a bit more patience (mostly with ourselves), but right away we started seeing results. We also banned time-outs from our house (more about the alternative later this week) and other “punishments”. So, if you are looking to try something different hopefully, these ideas will get you started on the right foot.

Looking for a better way?

2012-06-25T07:00:00.000-04:00

I’ll paint the scene for you. I was 34 years old and had just delivered my second child, a very laid back little girl named Lexi. Her older sister, Samantha, was almost 3 and still firmly entrenched in the "terrible twos" (or so I thought).

For her that meant not wanted to do pretty much whatever we wanted her to do. I vividly remember a 45 minute temper tantrum over the fact that we would not allow her to have a lollypop for breakfast.

I was attempting to deal with the situation by becoming the firm disciplinarian. We implemented time outs and I will admit a couple of times to being so frustrated I swatted her on the butt. My husband has much more patience than I do, but even he got hard core a couple of times and either put her in time out or spanked her. During the transition to the toddler bed, to make room for the new baby, she refused to stay in bed for more than 30 seconds. We talked with some friends who suggested we flip the lock on the bedroom door and lock her in so she could get out of bed, but would have to stay in there (unlocking the door before we went to bed of course, for safety). We did this, but gave up after a few nights because of the blood curdling screams that resulted, not to mention the months of not being able to shut her bedroom door because we traumatized her so much.

So, here I am, home on maternity leave with a new baby, trying to have better luck with breastfeeding the second time around, with an almost 3 year old that drove me batty. I worked out a deal with my Mom, Mother-in-law and Grandmother that they would each take her one day a week while I was home so I could have some bonding time with Lexi. The real truth of the matter was, I didn’t know how to handle her and the new baby at the same time, and I needed the break.

I should say, from Samantha’s perspective, she didn’t really like me and told me that in just about every way she could. She always preferred to spend time with her Daddy. I would watch as he gave her undivided attention and played whatever she wanted. I was jealous and thought if I just didn’t have so many darn things to get done, I could do that too.

At the end of one of the days I had Samantha with me, I sighed and thought what a good day it had been. I only had to put her in time out 3 times and deal with major tantrums. And now Daddy was home and they were giggling happily as he was tucking her in. Something clicked for me and I realized that wasn’t really a good day. I was tired of being “mean Mommy”. That’s what Samantha called me sometimes and that’s how I felt. I guess I had a vision of my children’s teenage years filled with anger and frustration and just couldn’t bear the thought of that.

I thought of two things. One was my training as an executive coach. At our last training session they talked to us about children and how all they really want is to be seen and appreciated for who they are. And if they aren’t seen in that way by their parents the result is narcissistic wounding (a term I still don’t really get, but it sounds scary!).

The other thing I thought of was my good (and crunchy) friend Paige, who had talked many a time about attachment parenting and gentle discipline at our monthly working Mommies lunch. I’d always tried not to judge the alternate style, but secretly rolled my eyes and figured she was just letting her daughter get away with anything.

Well, I thought, it’s time to try something different. I e-mailed Paige and asked her where I should start looking into this stuff. She recommended the book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I ordered it right away and read it as soon as it showed up on my doorstep. About 10 pages in I realized I’d been so dense! I’d been ignoring all the things I’d learned about how to communicate to people as a counselor, as a coach, in my training on various personality instruments. I guess I thought you had to do something different for kids. Duh! Kids are people too. I make my living teaching leaders how to have emotional intelligence in the workplace, but I had been doing nothing to teach my child how to appropriately handle her own emotions.

So, it is now my goal to raise two wonderful kids with a highly developed sense of emotional intelligence, who feel like their parents see them for who they really are, and to never, ever let “Mean Mommy” out of her cage again!

Ways to connect with your child and teach them emotional intelligence through play

2012-06-01T15:44:00.001-04:00

I stumbled across this great post from one of my favorite parenting blogs, ahaparenting, and it just seemed really relevant for our family this week. I love the ideas for connecting with your kids through play. I know one of my goals is to teach my kids emotional intelligence now so my job becomes obsolete in the future (I currently teach leaders how to lead with emotional intelligence). Enjoy these great practical suggestions!

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/connection/play-child-emotional-intelligence

My 4 year old can problem solve!

2012-04-30T21:00:00.001-04:00

First, let me start with the fact that my connection with Samantha has been a little off these last few weeks. So, this last week-end, she and I spent a day together doing some fun things and a day just home as a family enjoying each other. It's amazing how much a little attention and a few opportunities to pick what she wanted to do (even if it just meant lounging on the couch in her jammies watching Casper) can turn a funk around.

So, tonight, Samantha helped me get dinner, got in her bath with no problems, helped me with her baby sister, helped me put away toys, and then we did a puzzle together and snuggled watching cartoons. Then, we got to talking about school and she told me about the boy who chases her with a gun he's made out of legos.

My instinct is to talk to his Mom and ask him to stop. I've already mentioned it to the teacher, but clearly it's still happening. But, instead, I ask her what she says to him when he does that. To which she says:

"Joe, I don't like playing that game. Can you please stop shooting me, please?"

Wow! I'm impressed. Then she goes on...

"Or, I say, No thank you. I don't like to play that game. How about we play something else instead?"

But wait there's more...

"We could play in the house corner. You like to cook!"

OK, I'm thinking, I'm going to see if she can take it a step further. So, I ask her what she would do if that didn't work. And she says...

"If I did all that, and it didn't work, I'd just turn and walk away and play with someone else."

I told her what great options all of those were and that I bet if she tried some of them, Joe would stop scaring her with the guns. And if none of that worked, she could always go to the teacher and ask her to have him stop.

My husband overheard this and I could tell he was about to interject about a dozen times. He later told me he wanted to tell her to make a magic wand out of Legos and turn the kid into a frog! Nice!

Anyway, the moral of the story is, I think we've tried to help Samantha become independent and figure things out for herself. When there has been conflict, instead of time outs, we use time-ins. In a time-in, I sit with her and we talk about the problem and brainstorm other ways of resolving it. A great example is when she and her cousin were arguing over a toy. I validated her feelings, talked about how hard it is to share your toys with someone else when you aren't used to it, then asked her if she could think of any ways that both she and her cousin could enjoy the toy. She at first said, she would just play with it. So, I said that that was one option, but how would Margie feel. Samantha got that Margie would be sad and came up with an idea that they could take turns. We both thought that would work, asked her cousin what she thought and it was agreed. Problem solved.

I think it's this kind of modeling and talking through the process that led to our wonderful moment tonight led purely by the great thought process of my 4 year old. See, she had that in her the whole time, just needed the opportunity to discover it on her own rather than me punishing her into submission during arguements over toys.

I also give a lot of credit to her preschool teachers who have taught the kids to use their words and talk through issues.

I just can't believe how incredibly proud I am of Samantha in this moment and how wholeheartedly I believe in the parenting path we've chosen.

Premature Adrenarche: Or our 6 month journey to investigate stinky pits

2012-04-05T20:24:00.000-04:00

Around November of 2011, I noticed an extremely foul odor coming from our 4 year old daughter's armpits. This was like, construction worker after a day in the sun kind of stink. Now, she doesn't get a bath everyday, usually every other day in the winter, and this was right before her bath, so it was two days worth of stink. So, I dismissed it as a fluke, until later that week I smelled it again. And a couple of times the next week, the stink was back.

So, like any modern mama, I started doing some google searches. I didn't find much, other than some well meaning blog posts and chat threads from parents noticing the same thing. Many of their doctors had told them to just use deodorant and not worry about it. Others tracked it down further and it was diagnosed as precocious puberty.

Many articles and parents mentioned switching to hormone free dairy and meats and the issue clearing up. I already did hormone free milk, but I switched to an organic, low temp pasteurized, non-homogenized local dairy, Hartzlers. Which is the best milk ever and our kids started drinking way more milk. An added benefit. I hadn't even done organic meat, but I started transitioning to that and even ordered a half a pig and quarter cow from an Amish, organic butcher (soon to be ready, yum!).

Samantha's check up was in January, so I talked with the doctor about it. I haven't really liked our pediatrician's attitude for some time. Nothing is ever a big deal with her, until it turns into a really big deal. So, I actual expected her to just say "use deodorant". And guess what she said?

"It's no big deal, just use deodorant."

To which I said, "I'm not satisfied with that answer. I'd like to have her seen by and endocrinologist to make sure it's nothing more serious."

She was somewhat taken aback by this, but said that was my right and she'd give me a referral if I needed one for my insurance. Good, plan in place.

In talking about this at work, I discovered a co-workers grand-daughter who actually has precocious puberty and is on a hormone therapy to prevent puberty, which also triggers a halt in growth. So, I got connected with the child's mother and got a good referral for a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic. Check... appointment made.

Fast forward to March and I took a whole day off of work to take Samantha to her appointment. I tried to prepare her for the fact that it might take us a while and they might run some tests, including a needle stick to look at her blood. She did amazingly well. The doctor talked with me, checked her growth, felt her glands, etc. I was asked lots of questions about oily skin, acne, pubic hair, breast growth... all of which has not appeared at all. The doctor said it was probably a condition called Premature Adrenarche, but she wanted to run some tests to make sure that's all it is.

Premature Adrenarche is when the adrenal glands kick in a bit early and produce a hormone that leads to BO, acne, oily skin before puberty. Normally, this process happens at the same time as puberty, but it's actually not a related process. There are no harmful side effects to this happening other than the cosmetic inconvenience.

The thing I likes is that the doctor wanted to do tests to ensure the puberty processes weren't also happening. So, we did an x-ray of her arm to measure her bone age. The doctor said if her bone age is assessed as advanced, that is a sure sign that puberty is starting early. They also did a blood draw to measure various thyroid and hormone levels.

(As a side note, the blood draw was extremely traumatizing. After the draw, the tech asked if the doctor used the numbing cream on her. She hadn't. I asked what that was. Apparently, the doctor can use a prescription topical cream that in about 20 minutes numbs the arm so it doesn't hurt when they do a blood draw. Why in the hell they didn't give my 4 year old that cream is beyond me, but I don't think I'll be getting her back for a blood draw anytime soon! If you ever have to do that, be sure to ask for the numbing cream!)

So, as a treat after the 3 hours spent getting all these tests, we had a Mommy Samantha day and went to the zoo. Samantha's favorite part of the day was spending it with me, her least favorite part was the poke.

We got the results back and everything is normal, so we will just need to watch for any other symptoms and monitor her growth every 6 months. Not sure if that means another blood draw, but I guess we'll find out and we will use the magic cream for sure.

And guess what we are back to? Using deodorant to manage the stinky pits. We don't use anti-perspirant, just an all natural, mineral deodorant spray. It works fine and prevents the "stinky kid" teasing I was afraid would mark her childhood.

The other result is, I decided to "break-up" with our pediatrician. We are just too far out of sync for my liking. I'm trying a new DO next month so keep you fingers crossed. And don't assume a little BO is nothing. Trust your Mommytuituon!

So unconditional love is a good idea, but how do you really do it?

2012-03-20T16:37:00.000-04:00

I read something recently from a friend about unconditional love and thought, "Yeah, I should do that. Crap, how do I do that? What am I doing now that isn't unconditional love?" and the thoughts went on and on. My friend suggested I read this by Scott Noelle on unconditional love:

http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/unconditional.htm

I've read it a couple of times now and I do get it, somewhat, but I'm still struggling to know how to shift my mindset. I love the idea of choosing to be joyful and "unconditional" but sometimes I can't let the kids play because I have to get to work.

Any thoughts out there on what unconditional looks like for you?

Gentle Discipline Ain't for Sissies!

2012-02-06T22:17:00.000-05:00

When I tell people that we don't do time outs, or really punishment of any kind, and that our kids are really well behaved, I get the usual raised eyebrow and sceptical look. I often get comments, like it must be easy to always give into your kids.

To that I say, oh nay, nay!

I don't give in to my kids, we have reasonable boundaries and stick too them in a gentle way.

Tonight was probably the hardest night my husband and I had and we tag teamed the discipline. Here's how it went down. You tell me if it sounds easy!

The hubs is the one who usually does the bedtime routine with our 4 year old, Samantha. Tonight we were a tad late (about 20 minutes) getting her up to bed because she was finishing a movie. No biggie. She was happy and silly going up to bed, but I could tell she was way too awake to go down without a fight. The hubs is usually pretty lenient at bedtime, reads her a story, does the whole teeth brushing, pottying, blankets just right, all the right stuffed animal friends, etc. So, this went on for about another 30 minutes or so, when I hear the crying and begging for a cup of hot chocolate before bed.

We have two boundaries for bedtime. One is the time. Bedtime is 8 pm, give or take, but after 8:30 is serious, get in bed now time. We have this rule, because if she goes to bed any later than this she is a big grump in the morning. So, at 8:50 we were far past this and didn't have time for another stall tactic.

The other rule is no drinks at bedtime. Samantha is very well potty trained but if she has a drink at bedtime about 50% of the time I get a visitor with wet pants, wet sheets, etc. at about 2 am. Samantha knows these rules but hasn't gotten used to no milk at bedtime.

Tonight she was sobbing and begging for hot chocolate (our word for warm milk with ovaltine). I was so proud of the hubs who is really trying to get the hang of this alternative, new age parenting stuff. I heard things like, "I can tell you are sad that you can't have what you want and that's OK. You can cry on my shoulder for a minute." and "It's hard when you don't get what you want isn't it?" Yeah, hubby! (He told me later it was like when ur dog wakes up at 5 am and howls to go out and just keeps howling, and howling, and howling.)

But after about 10 minutes, I thought I'd relieve him and come in with a fresh set of tools. The hubs stood outside the door to listen to me work, probably thinking there was no way I could "hippie talk" my way out of this one. I tried all the tricks in the books:

1. I validated her feelings by telling her I could tell she was very sad and it's OK to cry when we are sad.
2. I reinforced what the two rules are and why we have them in terms she understands. (She tried to win me over by telling me she would only drink a little bit and all the pee pees would go in the potty. Sweet but sorry, kid.)
3. I tried to grant her wish in "dreamland". I offered her my hand shaped like a cup with magic hot chocolate that won't make her have to go pee pee. She didn't want it and kept crying.
4. I tried to engage her in conversation about what she likes about hot chocolate. I asked her how it tastes to her? What the color was? How it felt going down into her tummy? She was kind of intrigued and the crying slowed down a bit.
5. I offered a compromise. I offered to make her hot chocolate in the morning and bring it to her when she woke up. No, she wanted it now.
6. I went back to the fantasy thing and asked her if she thought she would dream about hot chocolate tonight and she said no, she was going to dream about her frog...

And right then the tears dried up! Who knew the frog was the clue all along. I asked her all kinds of questions about her frog. Turns out her magic red-eyed tree frog wears a tutu and likes to dance in her dreams. She has sticky hands and lives in a tree and eats leaves. I asked Samantha is she would send her Ballerina Dancer frog twirling into my dream so I could see her. Samantha agreed and I kissed her goodnight. She got up one more time to go potty - guess some of those pee pees did need to go into the potty after all. Then, she got right back in bed and closed her eyes tight, promising to send me dreams of her dancing frog.

So, no, it was not easy. But I was quite proud that both the hubs and I maintained our boundaries and deepened our connection with our daughter tonight. Samantha learned that we will remain firm about our rule, while still loving and "seeing" her. In times past I would have just said no and let her go to bed crying thinking she'd fall asleep eventually. But wow, who wants the last thing on their kids mind to be feelings of anger and resentment towards them? Not me!

This hippy-dippy, new age, gentle discipline stuff ain't for everyone, but man does it work for us!

So glad it wasn't something I did wrong... just ignorance

2012-01-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

I made cupcakes last night for Samantha's class party for her birthday. It was a great Mommy daughter activity and we had a blast. I let them cool, iced them and went to taste one, just to make sure they were "fit to eat" as my granny used to say... and they weren't! Totally burnt on the bottom. So, I sent the hubs to the store this morning to save the day, but I'm irked because I have all this free cake mix and icing I got with my coupons, but can't seem to make a decent cupcake. Then I found this website. I'm going to try it the next time and hopefully it works. Anyone else have this experience?

Cupcake Conundrum!

Before you throw it out, try homemade laundry soap!

2012-01-10T07:09:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the January 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Experiments in Natural Family Living
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have reported on weeklong trials to make their lives a little greener. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***

My family lives in the sticks! We have a well and a septic system and our water is very “rusty”. Even with a super powered water softener, the floor in the shower is slowly turning orange and there are orange rings around every drain.

Add that to the fact that the hubs and both of my girls have sensitive skin that is prone to breakouts and rashes.

These two facts make it very hard to clean our clothes effectively. I’ve been experimenting with different recipes for homemade laundry soap for a while now thinking there has to be a better way than buying the expensive “free” detergents that don’t really work. I think I have my formula down, so I decided to put it to the test.

The hubs and I were going through our closet to purge things we no longer wear. Many (like a dozen or more) of his dress shirts for work looked nice except for these horrible, crusty bits under the armpits, left after repeated washings that didn’t remove all the deodorant (I know, I know, I need to try all natural, but we are sweataholics in this family. We would be known as the “Pits” if we did that!) and then I ironed it in, making it even worse.

Since I’ve been using my new formulation, I have noticed way less residue in his pitage area, so I wondered if it would take out past stains that were really set in. So, here’s where we started:

Then, I washed a whole load of shirts just like this. I didn’t put stain remover stick on the pits, just washed in my normal formula and dried them in the dryer like normal. Here is the result!

The nasty, shirt-destroying stains are gone and a dozen shirts headed for the donation bin are back in the closet. Saving us time to shop for more shirts, money to pay for them, and making us feel better about the amount of use we get from things before getting rid of them.

So, what’s my magic formula you ask? Here it is:

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap

4 Cups - hot tap water
1/2 Fels-Naptha^TM soap bar

1 - Kirk’s Original Hard Water Castille Soap^TM bar

1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda^TM

½ Cup Borax^TM

- Grate bars of soap (I actually use my food processor for this!) and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted. Stay close to it. If it boils over, it’s very soapy!

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket (I use a paint bucket with a lid) half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken. It’ll be almost like the consistency of jello.

-Stir up your mix. Fill some kind of jug (I use old juice or iced tea jugs or old laundry soap jugs) about 1/3 full or water. Then fill the rest of the way with your soap mixture. (If you put the soap in first, then the water, it gets really foamy and hard to fill so put the water in first.) It will separate, so leave a little space at the top and shake well before dispensing

*Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil. I don’t do this because of skin issues in my house, but I might try it next time. The Fels-Naptha has a slightly orangey scent, so it’s enough to make things smell good.

-I have a top loading High Efficiency machine, so this recipe is pretty concentrated. I use ½ cup per load. You might need to adjust the concentration and the amount depending on the kind of machine you use.

-This makes about 7.5 gallons of laundry soap and the total cost to purchase all the ingredients is less than $10. And you still have the washing soda and Borax for the next time!

DON’T FORGET THIS PART! – The other thing that makes this work really, really well is the “fabric softener” I use. In my fabric softener dispenser for each load, I add ½ cup of white vinegar. I get this by the gallon at the bulk store for $1.50 and one jug lasts about a month. I think this is the most important step for getting out the residue normally left in our clothes from all the minerals in our water.

Gallon of Vinegar (fabric softener) on the left and the finished laundry soap on the right

I hope this works as well for you. It’s a very easy thing to do and I figure I save at least $200 a year on laundry soap and fabric softener. Let me know the results you’ve had. Happy washing!

*NOTE: ™ = Trademark. All trademarks are property of their respective owners.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Make your own moisturizer! — Megan at boho mama whips up a winter skin-friendly moisturizer.
Cold Water Only — Brittany at The Pistachio Project talks about how you do not need hot water to wash laundry.
Family Cloth... Really?? — After lots of forethought and consideration, Momma Jorje finally decides to take the plunge with family cloth.
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle : 5-5-5 Things A Day — Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about decluttering her home in an attempt to create a gentler living space. She takes on a new project where she sets a goal of reducing, reusing and recycling every day.
Pros and cons of family cloth — Lauren at Hobo Mama would love to continue replacing paper products with family cloth … if she could only get over how damp she feels.
Craftily Parenting — Kellie at Our Mindful Life finds that crafting makes her a better parent.
Changes — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen couldn't choose just one area to experiment with, so she wrote a long post about all the fun changes initiated in her life!
Life without Internet: Not all it's Cracked up to Be — Adrienne at Mommying My Way tries to go a week without the Internet, only to realize a healthy dose of Internet usage really helps keep this stay-at-home mom connected.
My Progression to Raw Milk — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her natural parenting progression all the way to trying raw milk.
mama's new little friend. — Sarah at Bitty Bird tries a menstrual cup to "green her period," and is pleasantly surprised when she falls in love with the product!
Before you throw it out, try homemade laundry soap! — Jennifer at Practical OH Mommy shows visual proof that homemade laundry soap is cheaper, easier, and works better than the store-bought chemicals!
Oil, Oil, No Toil, No Trouble — K from Very Simple Secret talks about her foray into the oil-cleansing method.
I Need a Hobby — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro couldn't decide which experiment to run, so she did them all.
7 days of macrobiotics for a balanced family — The Stones make a [successful] attempt to release the "holiday junking" with 7 days of macrobiotic meals to balance their bodies and souls. Elisabeth at Manic Mrs. Stone includes an explanation of macrobiotics.
Chemical Free Beauty Challenge — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction turned to natural alternatives for her daily beauty and cleaning routine, with great results.
Greening my Armpits!? My Green Resolution — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about how she decided to give up her traditional antiperspirant and make the switch over to crystal deodorants and definitely isn't looking back!
Going Raw (for a while) — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares her family's experience with raw food.
Do we get to eat gluten today? — Sheila at A Gift Universe has been trying to figure out if her son does better with or without gluten in his diet … but it's really hard to tell for sure.
Hippies Can Smell and Look Fabulous Too! — Arpita of Up, Down And Natural details her experience of going shampoo-free and overhauling her cosmetics to find the balance between feeling beautifully fabulous and honoring her inner hippie.
Our cupboards are full...but there's nothing to eat — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud takes on the challenge of chomping through the contents of her storecupboard rather than going shopping — but there's something that she just can't bring herself to do …
Elimination Experiment 3.0 — MudpieMama recounts the messy adventures of her baby daughter trying to be diaper free.
Family Cloth Trial — Amyables at Toddler in Tow talks about making and using family cloth wipes in the bathroom for the first time.
Taking a Hiatus — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares how her experience of much less internet interaction affected her family and how it will change her approach in the future.
Trying Out the Menstrual Cup — Lindsey at an unschooling adventure ditches the tampons and gives menstrual cups a try.
Managing Food Waste in Our Home — Tired of the holiday waste, Robbie at Going Green Mama takes a weeklong focus on reducing food waste in her home, and learns some lessons that can take her through the new year.
Going Offline, Cloth Tissues, and Simplicity — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama muses over her time away from blogging and social networking. In addition, she shares her newfound love of cloth tissues and simplicity.
The Oil Cleansing Method — Erica at ChildOrganics explores an easy, organic and natural way to tackle skin care.
Experiments in Natural Family Living - Natural Toys! — Lani at Boobie Time enjoys the silence of natural toys and being more present with her son.
Discovering a New City and Organic Foods — Amy at A Secure Base describes her family's switch to and search for organic foods for one week.
My Experiment in Homemade Bread — Crunchy Con Mommy tried — and loved — baking her own homemade bread.
Menu Planning: Stop the Excuses — Gaby at Tmuffin stopped the excuses and started planning her weekly meals, drastically cutting her grocery budget and stress level and improving the quality of foods she fed her family.
My First Menstrual Cup — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children was pleasantly surprised with her first experience using a menstrual cup.
My Natural Beauty Regime — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares the results of banishing cleanser and soaps from her bathroom, as well as a couple of natural homemade recipes that have worked well on her skin.
Unplugging and Creating a Rhythm: Our Experiment in Natural Family Living — Dionna at Code Name: Mama focused less on gadgets and spent more time with her family to create a healthy rhythm for the new year.
Experiments in Natural Family Living: 5 First Steps Toward Preparing for a Natural Birth — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama discusses how she tackled the pressing matter of how to begin preparing for a natural birth.
All you need is...vinegar! — Kristen at My Semi-Crunchy Life learns that one household product can replace all the cleaners in her cabinet.
Nope Nada Ixnay Negative Pass Decline — Zoie at TouchstoneZ finds out what shakes loose if she says, "YES!!" to anything anyone asks of her over the space of 10 days.
Reducing our exposure to toxins found in plastics — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins throws out the melamine and BPA plastics which have been hanging around the kitchen for too long.
Duh! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how she began the process of helping her 2-year-old son stop physically acting out.
Experiments in Natural Parenting: Starting, Stopping, and Gaining Perspective — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings explains how pregnancy brain interfered with her attempts to complete an experiment, but how she gained some interesting perspective as she started and stopped several.
From Experiment to Lifestyle — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares her experience avoiding processed foods for a month, and deciding to make it a permanent lifestyle change.
From Disposable Paper to Reusable Cloth – AGAIN! — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops flushing trees down the toilet and switches to the softest ever butt-wiping material: cloth.
Extra! Extra! Water Heater Turned Down, Mom Doesn't Notice! — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis finds an energy-saving experiment that's so easy she didn't even realize it was happening.
Worm Tea — CatholicMommy isn't sure how successful her worm bin will be, but she's having fun anyway.
Miles to Go ... — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns that when it comes to sleep debt, she's in real deep.
My Month With Water Kefir — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries experiments with a new fermented probiotic drink homemade in her own kitchen.
OMG Mom is Home... All Day Everyday: A Week-Long Experiment in Connecting — What a difference a week makes! Ana at Pandamoly is afforded a week off from work and takes the chance to reconnect and reattach with her 16-month-old son through an experiment in simply being there.
Creating Healthy Family Recipes — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares her experiment with healthy, gluten-free recipes and a chocolate muffin recipe that was created during the experiment.
Adventures in Alternative Haircare: No 'Poo — This guest post at Natural Parents Network from Amy at Anktangle chronicles a months-long journey into the world of no 'poo.
My Experiment in Natural Family Living: Natural Family Planning — Birth control options are seriously limited for those of us trying to live a little closer to the earth, so Mama Psalmist experiments with natural family planning.

Are you living your life in accordance with your values?

2011-12-30T12:16:00.000-05:00

Many of us like to "take stock" at the start of each new year. I find this is a good tool to help me do that. I used this assessment once with a development program for emerging leaders and it was extremely powerful. I feel that this might be a better way to start the new year and get your life in better balance. There are a few steps, so bear with me. I think you'll have some profound results. You can print this here.

Think of a typical week and make a list of how you spend your time. Divide this however you wish, but think about time on sustaining the basics (eating, sleeping, exercising), time spent in service of relationships (with a spiritual power, your spouse, kids, friends, family), time spend in service of a career, serving others, etc. Make a pretty exhaustive list:
Now rate your values. The list on the worksheet is a good start, but feel free to add more. Rate yourself 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest importance to you.
The next step is to go through the list and pick your top 10 most important values. Highlight these.
From those top 10, circle the 5 most important values in your life. It's sometimes hard to get down this far, but most of us can only really focus on 5 core things at any given time, so try.
Now, here’s the hard part. Compare your list of how you spend your time with what your top 5 values are in life and answer the following:
·         Are you spending your time in service of your most important values?

·         If not, is there anything you can minimize or eliminate to make space for the really important things in your life?

·         If you are, what support and commitment do you need to sustain this connection to your core values?

·         Who do you need to elicit support from to get on a track towards alignment with your values (friend or family member you can share this commitment with who can “call you out” if they see you starting to stray)

This might be very eye opening and powerful for you. I hope it is. Consider this my New Years present for you. It is my hope that you can spend 2012 on the things that really matter to you.

Another favorite... the top 10 posts on Positive Parenting for 2011

2011-12-30T10:12:00.000-05:00

I especially like #2, #5 and #10 (that one made me cry)!

My Top 10 Posts of 2011

10 Things Not To Do To An Upset Child and A Couple of Things You Can Do

2011-12-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

More good advice from Authentic Parenting... some ways to help our kids learn to manage their emotions while still feeling supported and building your connection with them.

10 Things Not To Do To An Upset Child and A Couple of Things You Can Do

A great reminder about what cooperation really means...

2011-12-29T16:40:00.000-05:00

Compliance vs. Cooperation: 5 Ways to Talk To Your Children That Will Get You Nowhere!

Homemade Vapor Rub

2011-12-27T10:06:00.000-05:00

Check out this easy way to make Vapor Rub. I made some bath salts with Eucalyptus too with just some epsom salts, sea salt and Eucalyptus essential oil. Good combo!

http://networkedblogs.com/s4mcQ

THE EASIEST, YUMMIEST, CHRISTMAS GOODY EVER!!!!

2011-12-23T10:45:00.000-05:00

Thanks to one of my co-workers, my hubs and daughter made the yummiest Christmas treat ever in like 5 minutes last night!

Chocolate Caramel Pretzel sandwiches!

You need:

Square pretzels
Caramel Hershey's Kisses

Lay the pretzels out on a cookie sheet covered in wax paper. Put the kiddies to unwrapping the kisses and top each pretzel with a kiss. Bake in a 150 degree oven for like 2 minutes (just to soften the kiss). Pull out of the oven, then smush the kiss down with a second pretzel. The caramel might break out of the chocolate a bit making them a tad gooey. Put them in the fridge or freezer for about 30 minutes to get the chocolate to harden back up a tad.

OMG, these are perfect! The perfect ratio of pretzel to chocolate with a tad of ooey gooey caramel! What could be better! I think they are Santa's new favorite treat at our house. Samantha will have to put them out every year for the big guy for sure!

*I would add a picture, but there aren't any left to take a picture of!

Superfun Homemade Christmas Gift Ideas

2011-12-23T10:37:00.000-05:00

I kind of got on to this homemade Christmas gift thing late, but I wanted to archive some fun things I'm seeing now so I don't forget for next year. These were great teacher and office mate gifts. And I had lots of extra made in case I forgot anyone. Here's what I did make this year:

Brown Sugar Chocolate Sugar Scrub, Green Tea Cucumber Lotion Bars, and some homemade facial scrub

Lotion Soap Bars

2 oz beeswax pellets
2 oz coconut oil
2 oz avacado oil
1 oz shea butter
a few drops of essential oil

In a double boiler, melt the beeswax pellets, then add the coconut oil and shea butter and let it melt, stirring together. Once that is all melted, add the avacado oil and stir. Take it off the heat, then add a few drops of essential oil. Then poor about 1/2-3/4 inch deep in a muffin tin. I found this really cute Wilton Christmas cookie tray that made the fun litte shapes. Let it cool, then turn it over and pop them out. I packaged mine in little plastic bags with a tag stapled on top.

*I made several batches with different combos of oils, essential oils, etc. and they all turned out fine. The more beeswax, the harder it will be, the less beeswax, it would be more of a massage oil bar.

Sugar scrub
1 part Epsom salts
3 parts sugar ( I mixed in some brown sugar on one if the batches)
a touch of castor oil
Olive oil, Avacado oil, sunflower oil, or any other carrier oil
Essential oil
soap coloring (optional)

Mix the dry ingredients together, add a touch of castor oil, then add whatever combo of other oils you want to make it "stick" together. This works great on hands, feet, elbows, etc. I made some pretty many smelling with pepermint and chocolate. The hubs tried it and gave it a thumbs up.

Bath salts

1 part epsom salt
1 part Course Sea Salt
Essential oil
soap coloring (optional)

Just mix it all together and put it in a pretty bottle. I made a nice batch with eucalyptus essential oil and called it my "cold remedy bath soak".

OCM Starter Kits
I also made some Oil Cleansing Method Starter kits for a couple of friends who want to try it. I got some travel bottles with squirt tops and mixed my favorite blend

40% Olive Oil
40% Avacado Oil
20% Castor Oil

I also added a container of the all natural facial scrub I use once a week:

1 part raw almonds
1 part oatmeal

Grind both in the blender, food processor, or magic bullet. Then, mix together. To use, put a teaspoonful in your palm and add a couple of drops of OCM mix. Mix together into a grainy paste and scrub away.

Here's what I want to try next year:

Homemade Hot Drink Mixes and for sure this Homemade Vanilla Chai Tea Mix.

Homemade Hot Chocolate Card Kit

Spice Rubs for Grilling - awesome for the dudes... the rest of these things are pretty girly!

If I get some spare time (and that's a big if!) I know my work peeps would love to get a homemade ornament from me. Here's a really neet one, Snowflake Ornament!

For my daughter's 4th birthday coming up I'm going to make some Homemade Soap Crayons for the goody bags. And maybe some pretty Melted Crayons.

So, my plan is to hit the after Christmas sales and see if I can get deals on:

plastic bags for the drink mixes
pretty Christmas papers or large labels to label the homemade goodies
small tins for the spice rubs
trays or tins for cookies
a Silicone candy tray for the soap and regular crayons

?The best part about all of this, is you can spend less money and make gifts that are more meaningful to people than things you buy. Merry Christmas!

New Year's Self Improvement that lasts... starting now

2011-12-13T09:37:00.000-05:00

This year, I'll be sharing some nuggets of insight about improving the things that really matter in life, rather than making silly new year's resolutions. This post really hit me as making sense. People don't often understand why I have not spoken to my father for 14 years. And the #1 item on this list just about sums it up. Yes, blood is thicker than water, but sometimes there is a force in your life that is so dark and evil and sucks the joy and happiness from your life, that the best gift you can give yourself is to let go of it and move on.

Enjoy the read:

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

How the Oil Cleansing Method has changed my life, well, at least my skin!

2011-11-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

When my wonderfully crunchy friend, Paige over at Baby Dust Diaries told me that she was using oil to cleanse her face, I thought she'd gone over the edge. But then I starting reading more about it. This website gave me the basics of the Oil Cleansing Method. So, I thought, hey the science makes sense so I'll try it.

Wow oh wow! Why in the world isn't everyone doing this? I'm so excited that my two girls will not struggle with oily skin like I did all through junior high and high school because I have found the solution. And Mama's skin is pretty smokin' hot now too! Woot Woot!

I've done this for a whole 10 days now and can pretty much guarantee I'll never go back. I've done a bit of experimentation and think I've found my elixer recipe and routine. Here's what I use:

I washed out a small dish soap bottle really well with a sports bottle type lid. In the bottle I put:
45% Olive oil (considered a carrier oil or filler to dillute the stronger properties of the other oils)
45% Avacado oil (I added this because the other oils were drying my skin and I read that this one is good for dry skin and to prevent wrinkles)
10% Castor Oil (this is the one that actually cleanses your skin and I found for like $1.50 in the grocery store)

I use this mix every other night (every night was actually drying out my skin too much), put a quarter sized amount in my palm and massage into my skin using upward circular motions. I put it all over my face and neck. Then, I get a washcloth wet with hot water and lay it on my face to "steam" open my pores. Once it cools, I get it hot again and steam it again, then gently wipe off the oil. I leave a bit and massage it in for extra moisturizer.

The other nights I just wash with warm water and that's what I do in the shower in the morning too. I can probably get by with this because I wear Bare Minerals makeup, which is fine even if you sleep in it.

So, why is this so great you ask? At no time during the day is my skin oily. It used to be a nice oil slick by the time I'd come home from work and the first thing I would do is go and wash the gunk off my face. My makeup also stays in place perfectly all day, since there is no oil to wash it away. I've had zero blemishes and my skin tone seems more even. Maybe I'll even give up foundation soon. Also, the creases at the side of my nose and on my chin were always rough, probably from blackheads. They are dramatically smoother. Not 100% there yet, but getting close.

Awesome, huh?

As an added perk, I use the Avacado oil on my arms, where I suffer from those annoying red bumps called Keratosis Pilaris. I've used the Avacado oil for two days and they are 100% gone. WTF! I've used prescription creams, tried using Head and Shoulders as Body wash, everything anyone has ever suggested. I guess all I needed to do was rub some Avacado Oil on my arms. I've ordered some Coconut oil which is supposed to do the same thing and help with dry winter skin. Gonna try that on me and the kids since everything else "oily" has been so awesome.

So, bottom line... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?!

Shhhh...

2011-11-21T09:05:00.000-05:00

Family Picture Stress… aauugghhh!

We have this package with a wonderful local photographer to do a panel of pictures at 3, 6, 9 and 12 months for our kids. We usually do a picture around each of their birthdays and a family picture once a year with them as well. So, Saturday was the 12 month for Lexi, 4 year for Samantha and family picture day all rolled into one (even though we just did family pictures at another studio with the in-laws and school pictures were a couple of weeks ago as well).

The stress started with Samantha deciding to cut her on hair on Thursday because it was in her face. One thing I am very proud of is that when I asked her about it she told me the whole story and didn’t lie once or seem afraid to tell me what happened. So, I stayed pretty calm and explained why we don’t cut our own hair (or our sister’s hair) and we leave it to the stylist or mommy to cut out hair. And oh, by the way, I’m very proud of you for telling the truth. If you always tell the truth we can figure anything out even if Mommy isn’t happy with what happened at first.

OK, got through that. Now, fast forward to Saturday morning. We started off well, got up in time to paint our nails. But then, she started biting her nails and messing up the polish, so we had to start over. OK, still doing ok. Then, Terry and I start talking about the carpet we want to get for the back porch and I realize none of us have showered yet and it’s going to be hard to get it all done in time. We hop in the shower (Samantha and I) while Terry gives Lexi a bath. We are frantically all getting ready and we get to the point where I’m trying to do Samantha’s hair. I’ve figured out a way to curl it in ringlets and pull the hacked off side back with a gigantic flower to hide the new do, but she won’t sit still, wants to run away and be chased, be silly, etc. I must admit, I was yelling and scolding more than I like. Then I said, “Fine, you can just stay home and I’ll just take Lexi to get her pictures!” Samantha didn’t bat and eye and said, “Good, I don’t want to go anyway, you are yelling a lot today.”

Ouch!

I don’t know what made me do it, but something just clicked and said to whisper instead. So, I whispered that I was sorry I was yelling. It wasn’t her fault we were running late. And that I’d really like to have a picture of our whole family and a special one of her. She asked why I was whispering. And I told her, I didn’t want to yell anymore either, so let’s both whisper. So, she whispered me a story (while I finished her hair!) and then I sent her downstairs to tell Daddy to get the diaper bag ready while I did my hair. We got out the door in time and took the pictures (not sure how they turned out, but this photographer always gets amazing shots when you least expect them).

That one little shift from yelling to whispering totally changed the vibe, took away the anger, and she had to be still and quiet to hear what I was saying. And she enjoyed being part of the secret too. I found the effort and focus it took for me to just whisper made me feel much calmer inside too.

So, next time you feel like yelling, try whispering instead. Maybe your kids will hear you!

The Money Saving Mom's Budget

2011-11-15T10:14:00.000-05:00

Crystal over at Money Saving Mom has compiled a list of her best advice for simplifying your life and cutting your spending. The tips on her blog are very helpful and we've implemented several of them. I can't wait to read the whole book and see how to put it all together. We all need it in times like this, right! I also love how she combines Once a Month Cooking with couponing to feed her family easily and inexpensively. That's what I'm trying to do too! Check it out!

Pre-order the book here

Another OAMC Cheap yummy recipe

2011-11-07T19:18:00.000-05:00

I had a fabulous cooking day yesterday and got 33 dinners frozen. They are all new recipes so as we try them and they are good, I'll post them. Tonight we had Chicken Noodle Casserole and I'll definitely make it again. It tasted great and used a lot of the cheap things I get from couponing. I modified a recipe from http://www.allrecipes.com/. Here it goes:

Chicken Noodle Casserole I (with modifications by Jennifer)

1 bag of frozen chicken breasts = 3 lbs (got it on sale for $4.99)
1 bag of no yolks noodles (got on sale with coupons for $.40)
1 can cream of celery coup (got with a coupon for $.50)
2 cans of cream of chicken soup (again $.50 each)
1 cup of sour cream (big tub on sale this week for $1.50 - only used half)
a generous amount of McCormick Seasoned Pepper (it's a bit pricey, but whenever I have a McCormick coupon I get 3 of them because it's super yummy and adds a lot)
salt to taste
2 bags of mixed frozen veggies (got these free with coupons)
3 shredded carrots ( I read on one blog that she adds shredded carrots to everything because you barely taste then and they add color and some "sneaky" veggies)
one sleeve of Ritz crackers
one stick of butter

Poach Chicken in a large pot of water for about 15 minutes or until no longer pink, let it cool, then trim off fat and cube. Use the leftover chicken stock to cook noodles (I left mine a bit al dente so when they freeze and thaw they won't get too mushy). Strain the noodles.

In a separate bowl mix soups, sour cream, shredded carrots, salt and pepper. Add the chicken and noodle mixture to the creamy mixture. Then stir in the frozen veggies.

Separate into baking dishes. Crush Ritz crackers and add to melted butter. Sprinkle the cracker mixture on top of each casserole. This made 5 servings for us (two adults and two little kids who don't eat much) which I put in round aluminum pans and cover with foil to freeze. Freeze.

When ready to eat, thaw in fridge for a day or two, then cook at 350 degrees for 30 minutes covered, then uncover for 5 minutes more to crisp up the topping.

I figure for about $10 I made 5 yummy dinners for a family of 4 that are easy to make by throwing in the oven when I get home from work!