Single... Just Like That....

Bad Relationships

2012-09-22T22:46:00.001-04:00

It amazes me that so much of what I hear and read about African-American dating is bad. Is it just me or is there a shortage of good dating experiences? Are we all just naturally inclined to share our bad stories more often than not, or are there really an overabundance of bad experiences?

Now I'm no expert in this area for sure, but speaking from personal experience, I can honestly say that I've never had a bad relationship with a Black woman. Never. And I've probably had about hmmm, lets see, seven or eight since I've been divorced.

Now that doesn’t mean that I won't eventually run into one, however I'm strongly inclined to believe I won't for two simple reasons. Once I determine that I'm attracted to a woman I, number one, ensure that she's well adjusted (reasonable and normal), and number two, I treat her like I want to be treated.

Let me be absolutely clear. This isn’t a perfect science. But I'm convinced that in general it's a formula for success in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. So is there any science to picking a normal mate? Or am I just lucky? Well, I'm not sure, but again in my experiences every Black woman I've dated has made sense to me, for the most part.

They have been great communicators, they've been respectful, passionate, giving, fun, reasonable, etc., etc. And on those occasions when they weren’t all these things, it didn’t really matter in the long run because their pattern of behavior far outweighed the exceptions.

Now I'm not sure if the following helps explain my good experiences or not, but after my divorce I read a few books that helped me understand what went wrong. The first was Woman Thou Art Loosed by T.D. Jakes. And the second was entitled “How to Romance a Woman the Way She Wants To Be Loved”. And without going into detail they both helped me tremendously. Mainly because they helped me see things from a woman's perspective.

I'm not gonna lie and say I perfected the contents of these two books but after having put into practice much of what I learned from them, I've experienced great successes. So at this point I'm convinced that with any normal woman, you'll get out of her what you put into her.

Over the years I developed a saying that I'd pass along to my married friends whenever they complained of problems at home and that is, if you water your garden the flowers will grow.

This means you have to thank your mate for their kindness. Compliment them for their beauty. Connect and engage with them when they talk, etc. And reciprocate as much as you can. It's simply the Golden Rule.

In conclusion, if you're anything like me you're wondering two things. One, am I willing to get re-married or am I a perpetual bachelor. God willing, Yes, I will re-marry when and if I meet Miss Right. I'm not anxious at this point nor can I predict when or if it'll happen so until then ...

And two, you may be wondering why, if I've had such great relationships, have I had so many. Well for a variety of reasons. A few ended because one of us relocated and a few ended because one or both of us came to the conclusion that we wanted something different for the rest of our lives.

In every case separating was not easy. There was either A LOT OF PAIN for me or my friend and sometimes both. But in each case, my disconnections occurred in such a way that I maintain a friendship with each of them, even my ex-wife.

So. There's one Black man with a string of good relationships with Black women and I'm certain there are others. If you've got some I'd like to hear about them. And now that I'm single once again (just like that, bam!) maybe you'd even like to experience a good relationship for yourself. Well, let me know, I'm looking. If it's mutual, and if you're normal (smile) it's on and popping!

Pretty Magnets

2012-08-16T22:26:00.001-04:00

Ever notice how only the unavailable men seem to hit on you? It's like they have a magnet that attracts them to single women. I mean it never fails- you go to the gym & there they are...watching & 'weighting.' They've got their muscle shirts on, just flexing as the ladies walk by them. You meet them in the grocery store or on the job.

You even meet them at Chick-Fil-A as you're standing in line waiting to order on their unofficial Customer Appreciation Day.

     I think many of them forget for a quick second they're "unavailable" because they start up a conversation to get your attention. By the time you realize their friendly conversation is turning into more, you start looking for that left hand. It's kinda hard to tell as some take it off, have lost it or whatever the case may be, but that tan line, especially in the South, is hard to miss.

     So you see the ring or tan-line & now what? Here you've had a 5 minute conversation (which nowadays is all the time you need to determine if there is any real interest there) and you can either bring up what you've discovered or wait to see if he's going to acknowledge his unavailability.

     In my case, I decided to let him bring it up, thinking I'd catch him and have a smart comment or two waiting for him once it's revealed. Instead, this very attractive, educated (as evidenced by his attire, which revealed his line of work), well-spoken, Christian man (remember we're at Chick-Fil-A on their "unofficial" Customer Appreciation Day) continues to converse with me on life, work, and everything under the sun including love and marriage. Yes, he mentioned his wife and kids in a very loving way. He even asked me how the dating scene is and said that he feels bad for us 'singles,' but I should be very cautious when choosing a mate.

     And Just Like That, I forgot all about wanting to tell him off. Just like that, this man managed to reel me in by being empathetic to my "single" status. He showed genuine compassion for me being in the game & relief that he was out the game.

     Thank God for good judgment and faith that, if I do the right thing, blessings will come my way. Otherwise, this story could've taken a turn that would've led to a much more friendlier exchange than, "Have a great day" as I exited the restaurant.

Y'all please pray for me, cuz I'm single...just like that.

Trista

And Just Like that I’ve got a Teenaged Daughter

2012-07-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

I’m a 43 year old man who has been married for 16 years. I have a daughter who is (I know it sounds cliché) the apple of my eye and is talented, loving, intelligent and beautiful, but recently turned thirteen… A teenager…. There lies the site of my anxiety and the reason I’m writing this today. Recently while discussing the future dating prospects with her mother, my lovely wife said these chilling words: “Look for a man like your father.” Now hold on this is not gonna be one of those confessionals where I admit to something and lose everything. Her advice, however well-intentioned and flattering, actually started a retrospective montage in my head that would make Spike Lee proud. I’m literally envisioning myself walking down the street with flashbacks of my many dating mishaps surrounding my head and saying to myself do I really want my daughter to find someone like me. My answer, it depends at what time. I’ll explain. My dating life was varied and eventful. I’ve often wondered what an impartial observer might think of it in total. Clarity and self-reflection has made me realize that the impression, if it were fair, would depend at what period of time they observed. I have been the perfect boyfriend, romantic suitor, the friend with benefits, the attentive and supporting husband and many other positive roles. Conversely if I’m honest there were times when I may have been described as a “dog”, a cheater, a manipulator, an irresponsible child, an inconsiderate husband and shamefully a liar. Writing it out now makes me feel a bit uncomfortable but in my defense believe it or not my intentions were always good and the mistakes I made I blamed on selfish immaturity. Each mistake has made me strive to be a stellar husband to my wife and an exceptional father to my daughter. It is the latter role which gives me restless nights, as I stated before my baby has turned thirteen. Thirteen is a “game-changer” in the over-used vernacular of the 2008 elections. Thirteen is the year that causes grown men to babble into their coffee, previously sane women to throw things at closed doors while yelling “as long as you live under my roof…” And thirteen is when all the stuff your Daddy said that you thought was corny comes pouring out of your mouth like an inevitable volcanic eruption triggered by some Pavlov-ian response imprinted on your psyche. “Cleaning the dishes means cleaning the Whooooole kitchen!”, “that’s your responsibility I shouldn’t have to tell you to do that!” ad infinitum. Thirteen means that a new variable is introduced into the equation that is our life, boys. Thirteen years ago, “13” seemed a lifetime away. When she was first born, we spent the first half-hour of her life just us two. Her in warming bed, me staring into her wondering brown eyes, whispering to her, “Hey beautiful, I’m your Daddy.” Eight years ago when she started school she would run at a full sprint into my arms daily yelling “Daaaadddyyyyyy!!!!” the whole way when I picked her up. Her teacher telling me how impressed she was that my baby recited, verbatim, my lecture to her about integrity. Six years ago she amazed me with her inner strength standing up to bullies at her school for her and others even though I know she was afraid. The first inkling of a boy presence crept in or Daddy-Daughter Paradise about 2^nd grade because this boy was lingering around her during after-care. My fears were allayed because she didn’t seem to even notice him so I contented myself giving him the daddy stare.

Now, although I would rather she not grow up, I’m realistic. She will and there’s nothing I can do. So I know inevitably that my child, my baby girl, will eventually date and chose a mate. And I will experience a reckoning of sorts. There will come a day when some boy will arrive at my door with the determined intent to date my daughter. How do I evaluate him? What do I tell her? “Look for a man like your father”, my wife advised. She really meant well but there were times where I should have been virtually un-dateable. It becomes easy for people like Steve Harvey and other so-called relationship “gurus” to label people, the player, the dog, and etcetera. The truth is much more complicated than that. And to attempt to judge a suitor for my child based on such flat and unimaginative generalizations is neither productive nor intelligent. Short of any that have committed crimes or abandoned children or destroyed their marriages, I have been almost all of the generalizations and therefore none of them. When I entered the dating pool, at 16, I was determined to be a one woman man. By the time I was in college, I wanted to see what was out there and thought that a way to be “successful” with women was to “trick” them. [This approach was cultivated from the same learned scholars that tell you gems like you can’t get pregnant on the first time]. Later I told myself that as long as I was upfront with women whatever happened and if they were hurt was “on them” [basically the “fair exchange ain’t no robbery” theory]. These last two periods of my life were the toxic,”oh hell knaw you can’t date my daughter” stages. The first one would’ve been great except that it was born out of naiveté and therefore the latter two were pre-ordained to appear. Luckily there was not one woman who spanned any of those. My first and second girlfriends during the first period ended amicably because of situations like commitment to activities or school and the knowledge that each of us had other things to do in life. If you dated me during those last two periods, I’m sorry, I was young. Interestingly even during those periods I had times where I seriously thought….thought…thought…I could commit to one woman. Which brings me back to my problem; because I really believed I could so there was no lie. But how could a woman know there wasn’t the responsibility or maturity to stick by my commitment at 20 that I acquired in my late 20’s. Ironically it’s because of these immature and irresponsible stages that I’m settled into the Dad/Husband stage in my life now. Had I not experienced the ebbs and flows of my dating life I’m certain I wouldn’t be here today.

However this doesn’t help me evaluate the boy coming to my door to date my teenaged daughter or help me give her advice on dating. Maybe I’ll use one of those corny sayings from my Dad that in retrospect was probably the wisest dating advice I’d ever been given. When I was thirteen he told me to “Just make friends” and at the time I thought he was telling not to date but to be “friends.” Which as any single young man will tell you is really not where you want to be. Chris Rock called it the friend-zone a dead space for a man in a relationship. Thinking about it now, he meant treat everyone as friends. Men don’t lie to our Homeboys. We don’t trick our homeboys into hanging out with us. If our Boy calls and just wants to hang out we don’t act like its a huge sacrifice. Many times we treat our boys better than we ever treat our mates. Sick right? Strange definitely to think about it this way but it wasn’t until I met my best friend at 25 that I realized that he was right. The timing wasn’t right initially but the fact that we respected each other as friends allowed the timing to synch. Eighteen years later I’m married to her and we have a thirteen year old daughter. So what will I tell her? “ Timing is everything”, and “Just make friends”…. What will I do….Pray!

When you are angry, do you fight fair? Ask yourself these questions...

2012-06-01T14:26:00.000-04:00

http://www.dallasblack.com/entertainment/silfight

For me, I can say that, "Is it the right time?", was one of the biggest lessons ever learned in a relationship. Some time ago, it didn't matter who was around, where we were and what info I knew (or didn't know). I was going to get my point across. More than anything, I believe it caused the person to lose respect for me. These days there is one thing I know for sure. There is a time, and a place, for everything.

Which point hits home for you?

Celebrate the man that you are asking for!

2012-05-24T02:05:00.002-04:00

What has Happened to Dating Over the Years?

2012-05-20T18:30:00.000-04:00

Dating in my 50s is not the same as it was in my teens. Being married at 19, divorced at 37, then just like that, remarried (rebound – more on that in a future post) and now single at 53 – times have changed. Or have they? Have the times changed or have we as women let some things become more acceptable. When did it become OK for females to become so aggressive? When did it become practically expected to sleep with someone on the “third” date? And when did it become common for women to lose their femininity and mystique?

Women have achieved unbelievable goals in the areas of finance, career, and family balance yet have these strengths and achievements impeded our inner womanliness? Are we making dating and mating so easy for the male species that he doesn’t even have to try and up his game? Have any of you been asked out by text message, and for a first date, no less. Have any of you been asked to “call me” by a guy who you have exchanged one or two emails with in online dating. Who plans the date you or the guy? By accepting such behavior, we are allowing men to be lazy and actually impeding their manhood. Research has shown men to be wired with the “hunt” and women to be wired with more domestic tendencies. This doesn’t mean women have to stay at home and cook and clean, but it does mean we have to give the guys a chance to pursue us. Any fisherman will tell you the excitement and challenge of fishing is in the casting, the gentle tug on the line, the fish swimming away, and the back and forth tugs until the catch is reeled in. As women, we need to realize the fun that can be had with the subtle taunt and tease, the anticipation and excitement of the call, and the no-worries he has planned the date aspect.

So ladies, I implore you to use your feminine attributes and insist he call you, he asks you out, and he plans the date. Do not sleep with anyone unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship (which takes at least a few months) and finally relax and enjoy and celebrate the fact you are a women!

Dr. Leta www.biohormonesinc.com

Think Like a Man

2012-04-16T23:03:00.002-04:00

Who is going to check this movie out? I read the book when it first came out a few years ago and enjoyed it. I think it touched upon several good points.
I do think, however, the movie will probably be cheesy but I do plan to go see it.

Old Fashioned Dating Rules... Still Apply?

2012-02-27T09:22:00.003-05:00

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/old-fashioned-dating-rules-that-still-apply-4#1

What do Men Want in a Girlfriend?

2012-01-21T19:12:00.000-05:00

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12865&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=961481

Women - Are you comfortable earning more than your man?

2012-01-17T13:27:00.000-05:00

http://www.essence.com/2012/01/16/real-talk-are-you-comfortable-earning-more-than-your-man/#ixzz1jjSt3cO6

Are Passion and Security Able to Coexist?

2012-01-17T10:15:00.000-05:00

Are Passion and Security Able to Coexist?:

'via Blog this'

Contributors Janelle and Melanie on the Dr Jesse Walker Show

2012-01-11T11:55:00.001-05:00

Thank you so much for your support of the online radio show. We had a blast doing it and if you were able to tune in I hope you found it very insightful. If you didnt get to check it out live, here are the link to the three archive shows.

“Is It A Woman’s Perspective or Are Men Really Picky?"

Part 1: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2011/12/14/tba

Part 2: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2011/12/28/tba

Part 3: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2012/01/11/tba

Also if you want to discuss relationships and are interested in providing solutions, please tune in to Dr Jesse Walker's show every Tuesday at 7pm. www.drjessewalker.com. or call 347 857 1769. Archive Shows are on the Broadcast Page. Follow him on Twitter @drjessewalker and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Jesse-Walker-Sr/100626023103?ref=ts&sk=wall#!/pages/Dr-Jesse-Walker-Sr/100626023103?sk=wall.

Dr Walker is offering Life Coaching. His Super Low Introductory price is of $19.95 (5 Ten Minute Sessions) Monthly for a limited time with no contractual obligation which means you can cancel at anytime. The Regular Fees are $50 initial and $75 per Session (50 Mins). If you are interested, please contact him at 305 625 5939 or 786 399 6111.

Thanks for your support of the Blog! Be sure to check us out on Twitter and Facebook.

Twitter: www.twitter.com/singlejlt

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pray-For-Me-Cause-Im-Single-Just-Like-That/180885418624979?ref=ts

Real Talk.. Single for the Holidays...

2011-11-28T22:36:00.001-05:00

Real Talk... Single for the Holidays..

Have you been dating?
Are you seeing anyone?
When are you getting married?
Do you want children?

How many of you get these questions from your family members around the holidays or at anytime for that matter? I am fortunate to not have to endure this from my family. I do get it from the occasional acquaintance and well meaning friends. Although I sometimes daydream about what the holidays will be like once I am married with children, I am content knowing how fortunate I am to be able to spend the holidays with my family!

How do you feel during this time of the year? Is it more difficult to be single during the holidays? If so, what types of things do you do to make it easier?

Dr. Jesse Walker Show

2011-11-22T23:05:00.000-05:00

Dr. Jesse Walker Show:

'via Blog this'

Single Just Like That blog participants will be on an online radio relationship talk show on Dec 13, Dec 27 and Jan 10. We will be talking about relationships and the lack thereof.

Be sure to tune in and CALL in!

Upcoming Show December 13, 2011 - “Why Are Men So Picky?”

Featured Guests: Ms. Janelle Hazell & Ms. Melanie Brewster

The “Dr. Jesse Walker Show”

Listen LIVE via Internet www.drjessewalker.com or call (347) 857-1769 at 7PM est.

DON'T MISS IT!

Feel free to leave a comment if you have topics you would like to hear discussed.

Today's Strawberry Letter from the Steve Harvey show

2011-08-31T21:07:00.002-04:00

Below is the strawberry letter on today's Steve Harvey show. I thought it was relevant for this blog since it is about a single woman. Shirley Strawberry and the guest hosts had good advice to her. Kirk Franklin was actually scheduled to call in to promote his new album and his show "Sunday's Best" however first addressed the letter and had very inspiring words for this lady. I really hope she gets the help that she needs from the Lord's stength supplemented by counseling as well. We all get frustrated (single, married, divorced) about our relationship status but have to remind ourselves not to let it get to bitterness and depression.

WHY ME?
I am a 36-year-old educated black female with a good job, no kids, and have never been married. I am very attractive, but I'm 5'7, 130 pounds, have chicken legs, no butt, and small breasts. I feel that men aren't attracted to me because of my size, and I am deeply bitter by the idea of not ever getting married or having kids. I have never been in a relationship and hate being alone. I have contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I have also given myself an ultimatum in which I will kill myself on my 40th birthday if I am still childless and not married by then.I quit going to church months ago because I don't understand how I can be happy when I feel the Lord has forgotten about me. I don't go out because of my insecurities, but I have been on numerous dating websites and even craigslist with no luck. I have also tried counseling, but I don't feel it is helpful since I still have to come home to an empty house. Please tell me what else I can do. I just want to be happy.
Sincerely,
Mad at the World

Kitchen Table Topic ~07/13/2011~ What effect is the black church having on black dating, relationships and families?

2011-07-16T10:56:00.000-04:00

FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR COMMENTS BELOW. IF YOU DONT HAVE A GOOGLE ACCOUNT TO SIGN IN WITH, PLEASE POST ANONYMOUSLY.

Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

Its killing them!!! There's a reason why 90 ‎90% of the single people in church are women, 5% are ex-cons or former crackheads.. It kills me how a man and woman can get together and everything is going great then "Pastor" says something or she learns something in bible study and she tears the relationship to shreds because of it. Then wonders why she's single and can't keep a man.

I dont want to put words in your mouth, but are you saying that because spiritual leaders are preaching "Celibacy/Chastity" that it is ruining dating? If so, why must this be a part of dating?

This is a good question and I've pondered it quite often considering all of the "plagues" and immoral activity circulating the globe. There is wisdom in religion and unfortunately not all churches are teaching the truth about the potential moral dangers of dating. I think that is one effect churches have on "dating". If the spiritual leader doesn't push chastity and protecting its "flock" from a scriptural standpoint, what does a parishioner see wrong with it? Especially if our society supports boyfriend/girlfriend relations. Everything we need to know has been written thousands of years ago, what we do with it falls under the "free will" category.

it sounds as if you are saying the preachers aren't preaching it enough.... We certainly do have an issue with how dating/courting is done these days and what comes of it. Is the church the only one to blame though?

Its not the chastity/celibacy piece. Most women say they aren't gonna have sex in the beginning unless that's all they are looking for. I'm saying church tells black women that they are supposed to love white Jesus more than all else. Then the meet this guy and they are comparing his every move against the bogus playbook she's been given by "Pastor". So things are going great but all of a sudden she finds out that they don't believe the same thing religiously (spiritually they are on the same page. notice I said RELIGIOUSLY) and because bible study misinterpeted the scripture "Do not become unevenly yoked" she kills the relationship.

Oh no, the church cannot be the only one to blame. However, the church leaders could do a better job about pinpointing and promoting the spiritual benefits of chastity especially when most people are programmed to follow a "self anointed and appointed" leader. We should never take the religious leaders words or ideologies over God's commands especially if they contradict one another. Hence why I wrote that there are many ancient text that cover protecting your mind, body, and soul against potential ruin. The message should really be pushed hard with the youth. Their world is completely scary.

. I kinda agree. I agree as far as the self-anointed leadership. I disagree that we need to live by "ancient text". What's truer about a matter what you read or what you feel. Surely, the creator still communicates with us and if you believe in Jesus then you believe that we don't need a intermediary. pray about the matter then trust what you feel. You don't need Eddie Long or Creflo Dollar telling you anything

Sorry if I failed to articulate "ancient text" clearly. What I mean is that wise and timeless commandments "love thy neighbor" or any other of the other various texts should be adhered to. They are a recipe for life that we've seen work for centuries.
Unfortunately, man has strayed far away from this wisdom and many have applied innovation to fit "the times". I do believe in Jesus, Noah, Lot, Moses, Adam, Abraham, Jonas, etc. too and I don't remember reading that any of them ever told us to worship them but always steered us to God. So, I believe we both agree with not needing intermediaries.
I also agree with you concerning the "equally yoked" and why should it matter if two people love each other but the flip side of that wreaks of wisdom especially since religious/spiritual beliefs are the core of most beings. It didn't matter to me or my husband when we got married but as time goes on in my 10 year marriage, it's starting to.

I hear you. I just think Too many black women jump at everything they "Pastor" says. well I've got a great DVD and book they should check out. Its called "the Black Man's Guide to the Black woman."

Chauvinistic Freak?

2011-07-13T22:57:00.002-04:00

Ok so my date last Saturday night was cancelled the night before and thank God because I would have wasted my time.

I had met this guy 9 yrs my senior (I’m 33 and he’s 42- divorced no kids) a couple of wks ago and we’ve been talking but hadn’t gone out yet due to conflicts in our schedule. He seemed like a cool guy and a working professional such as myself. There were a 1-2 quirks that I wasn’t feeling at the beginning but I let them roll off my back since I haven’t really officially gone out with him yet. 1) he made a sexual innuendo/joke which I ignored but I let him know that I don’t partake in those conversations when I just meet someone. That’s not the foundation I am trying to set. 2) He did ask me to send him a pic via txt. 2strikes but no I said let me lighten up and still give this guy a chance especially if it happened once. If it happened consistently than it’d be a done deal.

Fast forward. We agreed to meet up in nyc. He recently relocated to the philly area a few mths ago and I live in central jersey. Anyway he calls me on Friday night to finalize plans and we get to talking about our day. We get to talking about something which I cannot remember right now but I had a friendly difference of opinion about it. He goes and asks out of the blue “why do you think you are single?” and that I need to “lighten up” Ok, 1) we were on a different topic than being single and 2) we had already had this conversation when we first met….so clearly he was being sarcastic and asking me a rhetorical question. So I proceeded to ask him to explain himself, why he thinks I need to lighten up on a few things. I admit that I can be a bit high strung at times but it has certainly diminished the last several yrs. He asks me why certain things push my buttons. Well I said it depends on what it is. If I feel strongly about certain things then I will defend them and he should respect that. Just like I would respect him, his personality, his opinion. I wouldn’t ask him why he thinks the way he does in a degrading tone. So anyway that must have been too much convo for him because he goes and says “maybe I’m a little moody because I’m hungry so I can’t have this conversation to eat. I am going to get something to eat and call you back. “ WHO SAYS that?
So we get off the phone annoyed with each other and I get a text from him saying that he doesn’t think we are compatible and that we probably shouldn’t go out. So I said I agree, Then I got to thinking and wanted to explain exactly why he thought we weren’t compatible in his own words. I thought “is it really me??? did I offend dude in some way? I need to know if I am giving the wrong vibe as well. WELL, I am glad I asked because he cleared it up real quick for me and I knew I wasn’t the one with the problem. This jerk says “a man likes a woman to be his best friend, not someone that always appear to be more intellectual or the smartest person in the room…indeed you are a career woman and I am sure you always have your A-game at work, which is fine because we do have to try much harder than white folks, but you should leave that at the door when you come home….” WTH????????????. Just like that?!!!! He had the audacity to say that? I was sooo shocked. So his insecure behind thought I was acting smarter than him? Why- because I disagreed with what he said? I was never rude about it either. Honestly I don’t think a guy has ever told me that before.
For the most part, our conversations were cool and he had a good sense of humor as well but I guess it was a different story when it was something that required thought and possible disagreement with his dumb self? Gee, you would think that I quoted philosophers when we spoke or was acting pompous but I’m far from that….So I tell him my response and here comes the finale: “there’s my point and you validated it again…you can have the last word….it doesn’t matter to me and then you don’t send out any pics, which is a turn off…call me a freak or whatever but I like to see my woman and often, particularly if she resides in another state…” WHAAAAT? Dude, I DON’T KNOW YOU FROM JACK to be sending pic texts….I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN either…I could have gone on and on but didn’t….the many words and tongue lashings that I wanted to give this dude but I didn’t waste my time and energy with his ignorant behind. I cannot believe he brought up my strike #2 above (picture txt)..LOL. He was acting so juvenile to be a supposed grown man. Evidently I AM smarter and I am not going to dummy myself down. Chauvinistic Insecure Freak! I am just glad that I didn’t go away thinking that it was me- NOT!....What an IDIOT!

Women's Wings

2011-06-02T21:59:00.000-04:00

I was on a date with a nice guy. He decided that he wanted to take me out for dinner. It was winter, so the stroll to the restaurant from the parking lot was a brisk and long one. We started at a bar style restaurant; but it didn’t have good looking food or atmosphere, so we went to another place. By this time, I was pretty hungry. Usually I don’t eat too much during the weekend, so after freezing, walking, and starvation..I was TOO HUNGRY. We ordered a few items from the menu, deciding that we would just share everything once it came to the table. Our order consisted of salad, fries, chicken wings, flat bread pizza, spring rolls and of course drinks. I liked that he was willing to share the order and that we could sit, drink, EAT and talk without being too fancy. Just relax in a nice atmosphere. Like I said he was a nice guy, and I was comfortable and thought this may have some potential for another date. We talked and laughed and then the FOOD came to the table. We started eating and I went for a piece of chicken. I grabbed the drummete and just like that it seemed like everything in the restaurant stopped as he said, "You eat those? I thought those parts of the wings were for guys and the flat parts were for women?" I was baffled. Was he telling me that I am not supposed to eat a specific chicken part, because I am a woman? He couldn't be serious. I guess you learn something new everyday, because I had no idea that there is a certain "pecking" order for chicken? I will eat whatever piece of the chicken I damn well please. What a Mess !

Incredible Craps

2011-06-02T21:49:00.001-04:00

I met this man while out with friends, he seemed to be the "life of the party" type. The guy who kind of knows a lot of people and really knows how to enjoy himself. He made me laugh a few times while on the dance floor, so he seemed cool. After the night was over, he came over to me and had a funny conversation while asking me for my number. I gave it to him and instantly from that day on we were seeing each other as much as possible. Going different places and enjoying long talks, and great laughs. He seemed like a very good guy and even a nice prospect. So after a few months, we decided to go to Atlantic City together. I was excited, because I was going on a fun trip with a guy I liked. A nice time was sure to be had. I have never been big on gambling. I mean, I will take ten whole dollars and be highly upset if the slot machine doesn't return it to me. But, we had a plan to go and work as a team and just have a great time. There are also many other things to do while in Atlantic City, so I figured I would fine. We set our plan on the ride, we would start by gambling with fifty dollars. We would then, take the money that we won over the fifty and cash it out. This way, we never lost more than we started with. Sounded simple to me. So, we were all set. We went to the first casino we saw, and started on the craps table. So a few rolls were played and next thing you know, chips and more chips. Chips and drinks accompanied by laughter and trash talking. Great time ! I took the chips to the window, and got the money and came back to the craps table. Had a few more drinks and I was feeling good. Then, all of a sudden I was confronted by a hand and a request. "Can you give me the money?" What was he talking about? He lost all the money? He wanted the winnings? We had a plan. Didn't we? Next thing I know, this man turns into a monster right before my eyes. If the incredible hulk really existed, I would have thought I was in his presence. He actually lost it. Just like that eyes bulging and forehead sweating. Demanding that I give him the money. Needless to say…that was OVER. What A Mess !

The Illegal

2011-06-02T21:34:00.002-04:00

I was having a good time at a small club in the area, when this guy with sparkling eyes and a great smile approached me. When he opened his mouth to talk, I heard an accent over the music blaring in the place. An accent? I thought to myself. Hmmm…exotic. So, I spoke to him a little while longer and we ended up exchanging numbers that night. He was a nice guy and seemed decent. Further into our conversation, I found out he had a job *ahem*AND his own place *double ahem*. No red flags were raised, so I guess I could continue getting to know him. After a few calls and conversations, we decided to go out for a date. He suggested dancing and I thought that would be a nice time, so off we went to dance. I had a great time, dancing the night away. He wasn't someone I would regularly date, but I had fun! So, after more analysis, I thought again to myself, this may work out. If for nothing else, a few nights out for fun. A few more conversations later, we were talking more and more in depth. He told me about his life back in his home country. His siblings, mother, and his stories of childhood. Then, he decided to let me in on a little secret. He was just like that....in this country illegally. What?! This was a new one…No Thanks ! What A Mess !

Kitchen Table Topic ~ 05/26/2011 ~ Ladies - Have you ever had a guy you dated "accidentally" leave something in your car or home? What is that about? If the relationship is over, why is he still marking his territory

2011-05-30T12:05:00.002-04:00

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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

LMAO...one guy tried to do that and I caught him, and did the "you forgot something" look on his face priceless

Lol... I know this is a post for women but I had to laugh at this

Kitchen Table Topic ~ 05/25/2011~ What is a mistake YOU made in a past relationship that you will NEVER make again? What did you learn from it?

2011-05-30T12:05:00.001-04:00

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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

I had a platonic friend. My GF didn't approve of the relationship. I told my GF I wasn't going to stop being friends with the girl just because she was insecure. I expected her to trust me and understand that I wouldn't cheat on her. She didn't and it did irrepairable damage.

I would have to say I reacted to a situation without really knowing what was going on. BIG mistake... and I havent done it since...

Kitchen Table Topic ~ 05/24/2011 ~ Today's question goes out to the fellas. What do you think is the one thing women need to know about men? Or what do you think is the biggest misconception about men

2011-05-30T12:05:00.000-04:00

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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

One thing that women need to know about men is that it is not by age but by knowledge that we acquire maturity. Just because a woman might encounter 1 or more men who still want to play games or the field, does not mean that it is representative of all men. By applying a broad stroke to all of us, can preclude the possibility of meeting someone that is genuine. Many of us, former dogs, do not want to to deal with someone who is holding onto baggage as we have already incurred enough headaches dealing with our own Karma. Yes, it really does come back to haunt U. In life and love, it is a gamble. But u cannot win unless your all in. Well, maybe I got off on the wrong subject. I gues if it is cliff notes for dealing that you are looking for then we like to be treated like we are imporant, want to feel appreciated, want the same consideration that we extend, do not prefer to deal with attitude over petty issues, hate to be nagged, like women that have the ability to handle their basic affairs, and prefer logic/common sense over emotion. The best way to end a conversation with a man is to start crying; especially regarding things that are not deal breakers.

Oh, biggest misconception is that we thing with the smaller head all the time. We DO, but in the end, that is just the beginning of our needs NOT the end.

Biggest misconception... We only want sex. Listen we need to be sexually attracted to you in order to want to know more. You can't expect us to see you as a whole person before we see you as a sexual person. Women need to know that dating is like living on the African plains. Its predator and prey. When you are interested in dating a woman and she starts "playing games" she immediately becomes a gazelle to a hungry lion. Women think they play the game better than men. They don't they just have a different measure of success.

i just think too many women live in a fantasy land where they don't have to do anything but be a woman and dudes are going to fall for them like manna from heaven. I think if a woman is prudish and selfish in the beginning (like everything else) it's only going to become more so later on. That doesn't mean she should be whorish. Just... Just be grown. Oh one other thing I hate (yeah I'm going in on your page) I hate when a woman says she wants to be treated like a Queen. 9 times out of 10 that means she wants to be put on a pedestal by a man. Which ain't bad if she's going to do the same. The only way you can be Queen without a King is to be single

That's real talk. Women make a judgement on a brother from a distance without knowing anything of substance and do not take the time to find out what a man is REALLY about. They go by clothes, shoes, a superficial things that give the appearance of the perfect man. That's why brothers dress the part and treat ladies like GUERRILLAS IN THE MIST...lol

yall are so off topic right now, but since both of you clearly needed to vent, :) here is my two cents. I agree. You should not waste your time taking someone out 5 or 6 times without her showing some type of real interest (and i dont mean giving it up). If you are dealing with a real woman, she will let you know she is not feeling anything. If you are dealing with a woman who is succesful at manipulating men and you are not willing to walk away, you will get burned. On that note, I am going to comment on all of your answers to my original question. Women know that men want sex. It isnt a bad thing or a misconception. We just have to be smart about who we are willing to go there with...and when...

one misconception is that we don't pay attention .....that is not true ...we do.. we just may not move how you may like.. but we do our best to make sure we take care of your needs in one form or another

Man, i hate to play myself like this but Gray does have a point. I have had both the experience where i treated a woman like a queen and got put in the friendzone as well as puting forth no effort and being served breakfast, lunch and dinner. In the end, i think it depends on the level of interest. Men and women should be upfront. sometimes its not what u say but how you say it that counts. I dont believe that it takes 5-6 dates for a woman to know if she wants more. Generally just 1 or two(mixed w/ phone convo etc). Im just sayin' game recognizes game

Oh I guess I am late to responding to this. I think some women should know that they should speak to their man like their best friend (hence why i feel you should be friends before you start a relationship). If you talk to man like he is your child, he will act like a child. And another thing, just because I look at some woman does not mean I want her or that she looks any better than you. If I was looking at women before I met you, why would I stop because you come into my life. We know you are not going to stop looking at guys.

men just wanna come home to a peacful house and feel like he is important.. like he makes a difference

I think these table topics are very interesting and thought provoking as we share and hear about different experiences. Thank you. I often think how effective/productive it would be for young people (beginning in h.s...) to beat up these topics before getting into relationships, getting married, etc. Unfortunately, it does require maturity, mistakes, and other life lessons (that they might not necessarily have at the time) for these discussions too. They can hear us but may not relate. I did not have these discussions to this degree in high school nor college. If everyone (younger and older) put there thoughts/expectations out on the table and was honest with each other and themselves, relationships might last longer. Now many times ppl fall into relationships early on before fully knowing themselves enough to be honest. So you're lucky if you both find yourselves and grow together; otherwise, you separate/break-up/divorce after "finding" yourself. that seems to be the case. Just random thoughts...

Thanks very much for your comments. We definitely are trying to have some "real talk" on a mature level and throw in a little fun every now and then. Unfortunately, many of us havent seen healthy relationships growing up and we certainly arent talking about our expections. Your last statement is PROFOUND. If we can start the convo earlier, we will likely have less divorce and other foolishness. So all of you, please continue to talk and lets not just debate but talk solutions, take action, and pass on what we know to those coming up behind us...

Kitchen Table Topics ~ 05/23/2011 ~ What are your thoughts on a woman proposing to a man?

2011-05-24T09:50:00.000-04:00

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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

Call me old-fashioned but, a marriage proposal should be initiated by a man not a woman. I do understand that we are living in a society where things are constantly changing. I do not frown upon women who takes the lead in terms of proposals but, I would not do it.

Though I'm old fashioned and would have a man propose, I'm not totally against a woman doing it for the right reasons. I think many women do it for the wrong reasons, which is why I don't agree with it. The common reason is because they all... say I can't wait for him so I'm goin for mines. The real question she needs to asks is why hasn't he done it? Why is he taking so long? He may not be ready, or has a reason why he DOESN'T want to get married, its the big elephant a lot of women don't want to see. Most of them are too caught up in the idea of marriage, or maybe even wedding to see it. And also I feel there are some things that should be left to a guy. If he loves you enough to propose, its going to be his pleasure to propose to you right. Don't take that joy away from the man.

Kitchen Table Topic ~ 05/20/2011 ~ Would you date someone 10, 15 or 20 years older or younger than you

2011-05-21T09:30:00.002-04:00

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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

not any more....sometimes people are in a different space than you are.

Age differences are troublesome if so drastic I think. I find older men suspicious--as if they are objectifying the younger woman. I think younger men are way "young" minded mostly because men mature slower. Keep in mind these are SWEEPING generalizations. These are just initial reactions. Pat is 7 years older than me and sometimes, we could tell!

I've always dated older than me. No more than 10 years. It just seemed to happen that way. I guess I thought I related to them better, or maybe it was because they knew what they wanted, and was always upfront and honest. There weren't many games played, but it would never work because I was always the one who wanted to grow and begin a future, and they may have already done that and were too stuck in their ways to change, especially the older they were. I'm now dating in my age bracket, and its so refreshing to be with someone who wants the same things. These are my experienced, there could be older men that are different. Older men tend to have that old gentlemen mentality and tend to know how to treat women like ladies.

Anything older then 10 years age difference in a relationship and the relationship can't be based on love...it's either conveniences like money and security or just plain settling cause you can't find anything else which is sad...that big of an age difference it will be close to impossible to find things in common you can relate to and that puts a major hurting on the communication in the relationship which is the base that keeps it all together....yeah age difference is very key in a successful relationship...unless it's just sex :-)

in 1 now 11 yrs diffrenece

I dont think age matters when it comes to love.