Long before PreteenMinistry.net existed was a resource site PreteenMin.com, which has some really great resources for those leading preteen ministries. The name of the organization is CDM International. Every time I talk with Clint May, it’s creator, he’s telling me another story of how preteens are making an impact in the community. After each conversation, I am inspired at what God can do in and through preteens!

Clint has put together a really great training program for preteen called Leaders In Training. But more about that in a minute. We recently got a chance to do a Q & A session together and wanted to share it with you:

Tell us a little about yourself and your experience as a preteen leader.

I have been working with preteens and children for the past 22 years. The last ten years of ministry have been quiet amazing as I have witnessed the Lord doing amazing things in the lives of preteens.  I am married and have six children and four grandchildren.

Give us a some background on why and how you started CDM International.

CDM was begun as a result of God’s blessing on the ministry. We started the LIT program in the summer of 2002 working directly with the children of our church. God had bigger plans than we could ever imagine. In 2005 we set up CDM (Children Discipleship Ministries) as a personal business. In 2010 the Lord lead us to establish a non profit organization to better meet the needs of the local church and internationally. We are a non-denominational ministry committed to serve the church internationally.

Tell us about the L.I.T. program.

LIT (Leaders in Training) has two unique aspects. First, preteens develop the spiritual disciplines of daily prayer, worship, Bible study, Lordship to Christ, evangelism, gifts and ministry and living a life of obedience to Christ.

Second, is ministry training. We train and equip preteens for ministry in the church, community and mission field. Preteens can choose and areas to train (puppets, drama, dance, dowel, tech, etc) and the church creatively finds avenues for them to use their training in ministry. The ultimate goal is to equip and empower them in ministry.

What are some other resources you offer preteen leaders?

Coming in February is “The Gift” it is a curriculum written for preteens to teach children the Gospel message. The Gift has been outlined in a way which is perfect for preteens to be able to effectively teach it to their friends and those who have not heard the message of Christ. It is the only curriculum we know of that is written simple enough for children to teach children.

The Journey: Beginning Your Walk With Christ is a new Christian material. It was written as a took to help preteens begin their walk of faith.

Thanks Clint for sharing what you’re doing to equip preteen ministries around the world! If you haven’t yet gotten a chance to check out CDM International, be sure to sometime today - www.preteenmin.com

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I recently came across a new preteen ministry blog, The 5/6 Journal. Nick Bremmer, a student ministry leader new to leading preteens, got the urge to start a blog…and he did! The goal is to journal his weekly experiences, both the highs and lows. If you’re new to preteen ministry, just now launching one or simply curious to read a fellow leader’s journey, check out his blog at http://the56journal.blogspot.com/.

Nick (me) recently got a chance to do a Q & A sessions with Nick (the new guy).

Nick, you’re new to leading a preteen ministry. Tell us about your journey to leading preteens.

I first began working in my church’s children’s ministry when I was only 17. Then I floated onto the youth my sophomore year of college. After a year I was hired on as the middle school youth intern. We had an idea for a 5th and 6th grade ministry floating around for almost 2 years. Unfortunately, it got put on hold till this year. I don’t know the details but my name came up in a staff meeting as a potential director of the new ministry. From then on I’ve been on board!

Why do you think preteen ministry is important?

They are at the age where they are beginning to think more abstractly, critically and are starting to face life’s challenges head on. Most people are saying they are just in-between (“tweeners”) stages of their life but they aren’t. They are simply growing and facing challenges head on and sooner that when we faced them as teens. Because of this, I believe it is important to have a ministry that is built specifically for their energy, maturity and spiritual level.

Tell us about your preteen ministry.

My church’s ministry is brand new, still under development and is scheduled to kick off June 3. This will be a new experience for the church, volunteers, students and myself. As it stands we are only going to jump in by offering a Sunday morning program only. Sunday morning will include games or hands on activities, worship, total group lesson time, small group time and relational hang out time. We also want to make sure that this ministry is fully grounded and underway before we start to add a Wednesday night, Sunday night of monthly event. Luckily, all our ministries are in the growing stage so I see us adding new programming for our students by the end of the summer.

What’s the #1 thing you do really well in your preteen ministry?

That’s a hard question to answer since the ministry won’t kick off till June 3. But I will tell you what we currently do really well in the mid/high school ministry that I am hoping to bring into the 5/6 ministry. We are huge on small groups, worship and being very relational (adult to students and student to students). Because of those things, I believe our ministries will continue to grow and make more disciples for Christ.

What do you anticipate being your biggest challenge?

Another question that is tough to answer. As it stands, our only struggle is space. We will be taking over an adult Sunday school room each Sunday when their class ends. It’s a decent sized room but it can’t be personalized specifically to the students. We will have to wait on that. But I do believe God will do His work no matter what size room we are in. As for improvements, I don’t know yet! We will figure that out soon!

If you haven’t yet checked out The 5/6 Journal, go ahead and visit. Then bookmark it and be sure to follow along on Nick’s new journey of leading a preteen ministry.

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One of the most difficult parts of preteen ministry is keeping your leaders fresh and equipped for the task at hand. We kick-off the year with a huge training event, and we host periodic training events throughout the year. But I always wish we could do more.

When I read a great article or blog on preteen ministry, I want to pass that on to volunteers to encourage them.  When I read a great book that deals directly with the series we’re doing, I want to pass that book to the leaders to equip them.

But how?

This year, we launched The Library. It is basically just a bookshelf in our preteen area, but on it are books, articles, and other pieces that are designed to encourage and equip our preteen leadership team. We look for resources that will help leaders to grow spiritually, help leaders understand preteens, or help leaders develop skills as a leaders/teacher. We don’t require them to use these resources, but we strongly encourage them to check out at least one resource during the year. The resources are there for their use…at their convenience. They can take any resource and keep it for as long as they need to When they’re done with it, they return it and take another resource. They can also add resources to share with other leaders. . If they read a good book or see an interesting article, they know that putting it in The Library is the best way to share it with others.

The Library has been a great help for our ministry. Our goal is not just to fill the volunteer spots that we have in ministry. We want to build up leaders and equip them to serve at church and at home. That’s a really hard task when people are so busy and can’t make it to tons of meetings. These resources in The Library are helping us meet the challenge.

Matt Morgan is the Preteen Pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, AR. You can check out Matt’s preteen ministry blog at www.mattmo.org.Het is passionate about seeing this age group grow in their faith and serve others. He is husband to a wonderful wife, Dana, and father to an amazing little girl, Maggie. Matt is on our writing team here at PreteenMinistry.net. He writes our subscriber content and has authored a couple of our preteen series.

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Most of us realize that parents continue to have the most influence on young people. In fact, research continues to prove the influence of parents trumps the influence of peers, the media and even the church. With big publishers like Orange and D6 being the leading voices in this area, a case for the argument isn’t really needed. Churches are beginning to embrace the idea. The “how” is the big question. And when it comes to preteen ministry, the “how” becomes even more specific.

So, how can the church partner with parents of preteens?

There is no one answer fits all. Every church will answer the question differently. One step we’re taking at Seven San Diego Church is to offer a parenting class. I know, not a very innovative idea. Nothing new under the sun. However, our approach will be a bit different. The class will be video driven. We’re in the process of looking for some materials to use. The real magic won’t be the curriculum  or resource we choose. The magic is simply getting parents together in the same room and talking about the issues they face. What issues are their kids’ facing? What issues are parents dealing with? The power of the class is getting parents together and talking. Sharing their successes and failures. Taking time to listen to and pray for each other. Getting relief from knowing other parents struggle with the same stuff.

One of the best things the church can do is offer an opportunity to collaborate. We don’t need to shove a parenting philosophy down parents’ throats. We simply need to offer a place of community, collaboration and prayer.

When the church offers this kind of opportunity, it makes a statement. The statement is that it wants to partner with parents. Pointing kids to Jesus is not all up to the parent nor is it all up to the church. It’s a joint effort.

Now, I do believe there is a lot of potential to specifically get parents of preteens together. Why? Because, like preteens, parents of preteen face specific issues. Thy ask questions like: How do I begin to let go? How and when do I have the “sex talk”? How do I help my preteen transition into adolescence? What developmental stages to parents need to be aware of – socially, physically, cognitively, spiritually? These are just a few question among many that are preteen specific.

Maybe you offer a preteen specific parenting class. Or maybe you offer parenting class across the board, whth an opportunity for specific affinity small groups based on age (toddlers, pre-K, elementary, preteen, teenage years). Experiment and find out works best for you.

However you partner with parents, the first step is to do something. It doesn’t need to be too groundbreaking  or inovative, just a simple step in the right direction.

How do you partner with parents? Leave a comment and share your thoughts and strategy.

Nick Diliberto is the creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides cool curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He’s also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry Magazine and a Children’s Pastor in San Diego, CA.

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As I dropped off my preteen son to school on Friday, something caught my eye. Ethan was holding his sisters’ mini-beach girl (not a usual thing), and something looked different about it. I looked closer and realized he had given the mini-beach girl a buzz cut (see the above picture). Ha! You got to love the creativity of a preteen.

Preteens, if not given an outlet to their creativity, will find a way to express it. And usually, maybe in the case of my son, it isn’t in the most constructive way. Preteens have a lot to offer in adding some creativity to your programming.

Here are some ways to unleash the creative juices of preteens in your group:

Ask preteens topic ideas of upcoming series. Brainstorm on possible programming elements (skit, video, object lesson, song, etc).

Get together some preteens and have them plan your next relational event.

Work with an interested preteen to create a piece of art that helps illustrate an upcoming lesson.

Give students an opportunity to suggest ways your group can reach out to the community.

Get preteens to come up with the next opening game at a weekend service.

Those are just a few ideas. The goal is to do something. How can you unleash the creative juices of preteens?

Nick Diliberto is the creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides cool curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He’s also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry Magazine and a Children’s Pastor in San Diego, CA.

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I confess that I am a coffee addict. It all started a few years ago when the church I worked at had really good free coffee – all day long, everyday. We even had 3-4 various flavors of creme to choose from. I got hooked pretty quickly. Lately, I’ve been exercising more often and am becoming aware of how little water my body gets. Because I drink coffee & now exercise, I am more aware of my need for water. The older I get, the harder it is for me to distinguish thirst from hunger. As a result, I often eat when I should be drinking water. But it never satisfies and the side effects include a bigger waistline. Only when I drink a few glasses of ice cold water does my body get what it needs. Ahhh!

Preteens are the same way. Their souls thirst for a relationship God. Often, they don’t recognize this thirst for God, so they go to other things. Here are some common things preteens go to instead:

Sports & other activities
Video games
Friends & approval from peers
Popularity
Stuff & the things money can buy
Good looks

Our job as preteen leaders is to point preteens to Jesus. Our goal is to live out and talk about having a thriving ongoing relationship with the creator of the universe. We point out how God gives us purpose and fulfillment. How he can speak to us and guide us in life. We don’t need to bash anything on the above list, but simply communicate that those things will never satisfy. Only Jesus satisfies the longing we have deep in our souls.

Christianity isn’t about rules, religion or rituals. It’s about a personal relationship with Jesus. It’s not even about sin, it’s about Jesus. As we walk with God and choose to follow Him, the Holy Spirit changes us from the inside out.

This is the message preteens need to hear. They need to see that message lived out in the lives of their leaders. They’re mature enough to process this message and are able to walk with God on their own. Only water will satisfy the thirst our body has for it. Only Jesus fulfills the hunger we have for Him. Preteens, deep down, crave God. It’s our job to point them to Him.

Nick Diliberto is the creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides cool curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He’s also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry Magazine and a Children’s Pastor in San Diego, CA.

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5. Say their name. Now you’re forced to interrupt whoever is speaking (you or another kid), which is why this isn’t the intervention of first resort. Simply say their name, with the hope of focusing them. You don’t need to launch into a long lecture; just use their name. If that fails…

6. Combine their name with a positive statement of expectation. Don’t tell them what not to do! That only draws attention to the misbehavior. Point them in the right direction. “I need you to sit up.” “You need to look at whoever’s speaking.” “Can you put that (game/toy/cell phone) in your pocket please?”

7. Separate the preteen temporarily. You’ve been forced to interrupt class entirely. Everyone knows who the offender is, including the offender – you’ve identified them by name. You don’t have time to launch into a longer explanation of what they’re doing wrong. They either know, and they don’t care that it’s disruptive, or they don’t understand what they’re doing wrong and need a fuller explanation. Either way, you can’t read their mind and you don’t have time to ask questions. It’s good to designate another leader to handle things from this point. The goal should be to return the kid to your group as soon as possible…but they have to demonstrate that they recognize what they were doing, and why it was distracting, and how they intend to fix it. Train leaders to ask, “What are you going to do differently?” It’s not an option to just “opt-out” and not return – whether the kid is being separated out of the room or just to a different area of the room. After all, we are teaching with the intention and belief that it’s for the good of kids. So it’s a bad idea to communicate, either verbally or by practice, that “if you don’t want to learn, you can leave.” That smacks of power struggle and won’t correct their behavior in the long run.

Finally, if someone else handles step #7 for you, it’s good to personally reconnect with the preteen when your teaching portion is over. Maybe there was a reason for their behavior that you need to know. In any case, they need to hear from you that you really want them to be a part of your group – but that distracting behavior prevents that. Let them know you’re on their side – but that doesn’t mean you’ll let them get away with anything, either.

You can use escalating response in a small group setting as well as a in a large group. The key is to learn it and practice it consistently, so that it becomes natural to you. Whether in large or small group, I am constantly managing behaviors, without even noticing it. Distractions and disruptions and bound to happen, but they need not sandbag a teaching environment. Skilled leaders can develop this “dual personality,” so they don’t have to choose between teaching and dealing with behaviors – they can do both at once.

Mark Friestad is the preteen pastor at North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad, CA. He’s got the coolest job in the world because he gets to lead a preteen ministry, Surge, full-time. You can reach him at friestad@northcoastcalvary.org.

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My son, Joey, had a his 8 year old birthday party last night. He was given the choice to either have a really cool party or get some good gifts from us. He chose a party. And not just any party, we rented the Game Truck. Simply put, it was the most fun kids had at any birthday party we’ve ever hosted. And with three kids, we’ve had a lot of parties. The bonus factor: it was by far the EASIEST party for my wife and I to host. We just sat back while they played video games for two hours. Easy for parents and fun for kids – a win/win all around!

Game Truck is a nation-wide franchise, with over 50 locations around the U.S. Find out if one is near you. I highly recommend using Game Truck, not just for birthday parties, but also church events. Their niche age group is 8-12 year olds, so if you lead a preteen ministry – game on!

Game Truck is a great choice is you’re looking to host a relational event for your preteens. The units play up to 16 players at a time and will mostly appeal to boys. I recommend making it an option among other things, like: rock wall, inflatable obstacle course, etc.

My son’s reaction after the party was, “That party was better than going to Legoland ten times!”

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I mean, as an adult, do you sit perfectly still in meetings, or never whisper under your breath to a co-worker, or never doodle on the bulletin (or – gasp – send a text) during church? We all do. So the first step in managing distractions is to carefully evaluate, “Does this matter?” From the front of the room, nearly every aberrant behavior is a distraction – to me. And yes, sometimes that’s enough that I should act (because we do want every kid on task). But if the behavior isn’t drawing anyone else off-track, I might consider letting it go.

When there is behavior that threatens to ripple out and pull other preteens into distraction, the best response is to practice what’s called, “escalating response.” The idea of escalating response is that you want to use whatever correction will draw as little attention to itself as possible, so as not to disrupt what’s going on with the whole group. An out-of-proportion response unnecessarily brings your program to a halt while misbehavior is dealt with, breaking up the flow. Escalating response keeps the main thing the main thing.

It begins with eye contact and “escalates” from there, to interventions that are more and more obvious. Here are the intermediate steps I use:

1. Look at them. You’re looking at preteens as you speak to them anyhow, so it’s not unnatural to just shift your focus to another preteen or group of preteens. Your goal is to make eye contact, which silently communicates, “I see what you’re doing; you need to stop.” You don’t interrupt what you’re teaching, you just use an intentional gaze to draw the offender back into the action.

2. Move closer. If looking at them fails to get their attention, sometimes walking near them will, because they can hear you. Again, you’re not saying anything at this point related to their behavior. Your words are still all about the teaching. When you get close to them, they will look up, almost every time. Then you step back to #1, give them “the look”, and the problem is usually solved. But, if not…

3. Use appropriate touch. “Appropriate” touch, in any circumstance, is touch that is purposeful, communicative, and limited in duration. This goes for hugs, pats on the back – or corrective gestures. A light touch on the shoulder (or if sitting on the floor, like in a small group, on their knee) is another nonverbal way of saying, “I’m noticing you – you’re off-track – you need to refocus up here.” If touch doesn’t do it, or if it’s impractical (because the kid is in the middle, 17 rows back)…

4. Pause. Now you’ve moved to the level where everyone is going to notice. As a rule, I don’t like using stony silence as a technique of controlling a group because it makes everyone self-conscious – including the kids who aren’t doing anything wrong. But sometimes a pause is enough break in the action to draw the attention of the kid who’s off-track. Again, this is a non-verbal signal, hopefully prompting the off-track kid to notice that you notice…and by now, so does everyone else.

Read Part 2 of Responding to Preteen Craziness, which gives you the next steps to use.

Mark Friestad is the preteen pastor at North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad, CA. He’s got the coolest job in the world because he gets to lead a preteen ministry, Surge, full-time. You can reach him at friestad@northcoastcalvary.org.

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You’ll never get it all done. It’s really easy for my to-do list to get long. I’m the creative type and come up with new ideas all the time. The truth is that my to-do list will never be complete and neither will yours. You’re in ministry, which means you wear 100 different hats. You’ll never have everything complete. You might even fall into the trap of putting in extra hours to get some long awaited tasks complete. I recommend you don’t. Identify the most important tasks or projects to complete, and stay focused on those things. Ignore the rest. Enjoy getting less done.

Resist the urge to work. A funny thing happens when you cut down your work hours and eliminate things in your life – you get the itch to work when relaxing. You’ve been in productivity mode for so long, that when it’s time to relax, you have the itch to work. How do you resist the urge? Instead of working, do things that relax you. I’ve begun to journal a lot lately. Been very refreshing. I also enjoy to take walks, read and take long baths (my wife makes fun of me). So, when I get the urge to work (on times I’m off the clock), I do those things instead. The more you build balance into your life, the less you’ll have the urge to work. The itch slowly goes away. And when you’re working, you enjoy it more without the sense of stress. You begin to actually experience a sense of enjoyment and fulfillment when working (remember that?)

Simplify your family life. My wife and I decided (only in an effort to survive) to simplify our family life. Our church is 25 minutes away (new church), kids schools went from one to two schools (one of which is 20 minutes away and the other is 15 minutes away in another direction) ,and we went from 2 cars to one family car (and a scooter for me – yippie) a few months ago. So, in the fall when all these changes happened, we also had my two boys in winterball. As a result, we were sick busy. So, we decided to simply our family life. No baseball in the spring. Kids will still be involved in an activity (took a break for a couple of months), but something that meets less often than baseball. We’ve also decided to just relax on the weekends, rather than filing up our calendar with so much activity. I’ve also made the decision to do less church activities. We do less, but are more effective at what we do. So far, so good. How about you, how can you simplify your family life? What can you eliminate?

Ran out of space  to write more about the benefits of doing all this. Maybe I can share that in another post.

Nick Diliberto is the creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides cool curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He’s also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry Magazine and a Children’s Pastor in San Diego, CA.

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