Pretend Wizards: A D&D Podcast

Episode 270 – Happily Ever After

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 07:19:14 +0000

The story draws to a close, and before our heroes lies a choice. The end of one story, but the start of a hundred thousand more. Maybe our heroes choices made the world better, maybe they only left it a little more broken. But regardless, the greatest thing is that you came with us on the journey.

Episode 269 – Teen Boy

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 07:18:07 +0000

It’s the final conflict, a battle royale between our heroes, Crim, Moira, and wherever Shira’s anger filled loyalties currently lie! Who will win, and who will last?

Episode 268 – Furry Awakening

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 07:16:24 +0000

The battle continues in the endless fields of illusion. Blood and mud, can our heroes conquer the next step of the gauntlet?

Episode 267 – Fall to the Bottom

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Nov 2020 15:35:07 +0000

Just when the crew thinks they’re on top, they fall to the bottom.

Episode 266 – Rise to The Top

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 01 Mar 2020 18:06:53 +0000

At the top of a city, the top of a tower, the world is going to change. All you have to do is get there to see it.

Episode 265 – Burn Him, Burn Him!

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 13:49:54 +0000

What happens when you see the smallest on windows to actually win? To take the big bad, the force ruining the world? What would you do?

Extra Life 2019 Announcement!

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 14:44:26 +0000

Another charity stream! If you missed the last one where we ate half raw eggs, lemons, and screamed at eachother while dying of fatigue, come hang out with us!

Episode 264 – Final Save Point

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 14:43:22 +0000

What’s past the door? What’s at the top of the tower? Is it simply a posh funeral, or apex of this mystery? Or just more and more mysteries because that’s how we do things here!

Episode 263 – Party Schmoozin

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 17 Nov 2019 05:36:11 +0000

Finally a party! Get your drinks, tiny crackers, and let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on!

Episode 262 – Socialist Baguette

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 12:10:38 +0000

When a fight looks too dire, when the odds are stacked against you and defeat looks inevitable, sometimes the only real thing you need are friends . . . and violent, body spasming sickness.

Episode 261 – Roasting Johncast

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 05 Sep 2019 12:16:38 +0000

Trapped with a wall of death in front of them, and a wall of enemies in front, our heroes desperately bring their talents to the surface, in the hopes to get just that much closer to the top of Central Atla.

Episode 260 – Remember To Breathe

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 12:13:07 +0000

Our heroes can only be patient for so long. As the black vehicle begins to burn, so does the situation heat up.

Episode 259: Black Palanquin

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 19 Jul 2019 13:05:03 +0000

The heroes of Morty decide to start calling upon their allies, and the dates begin. Can the power of love help our player’s up another level?

Episode 258 – Red Gums

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 16:35:57 +0000

Slowly mingling with the strange crowd at the funeral, things grow quickly more and more grotesque.

Episode 257 – Daisy Chaining Death

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 14 Jun 2019 18:44:14 +0000

A gift from a forgotten god to their newest acolytes, writhing and powerful.

Episode 256 – The Rot

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 20:05:37 +0000

A dark corridor, a strange moss that swallows what it touches, and a strange party. Things are getting stranger, but when our heroes find aid, is the price too high?

Episode 255 – Almost A Joke

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 31 May 2019 12:36:11 +0000

We’re Morty’s Boys, and we like to party. But it wouldn’t be an Atla party without a completely contrived puzzle mechanic!

Episode 254 – Baguette Inhalation

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Tue, 14 May 2019 12:44:55 +0000

Warm up the grill at Sizzler, it’s time for these classy adventurers to get romantic!

Episode 253 – Tactical Dates

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 03:06:29 +0000

Before any big fight, you need weapons, power, and a fancy costume change. But more then anything, you need the power of the friends you made along the way! Our heroes go out into the city, and seek allies for Robespierre’s Funeral.

Episode 252 – Perfectly Suitable

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 17 Apr 2019 14:48:10 +0000

Everyone meets back up to confront Mortimer Crim, but before they can Shira must wake from a dream made of the memories and secrets of her family, and Sapphire Melody has to pick up Mezzo from the “Doctor”

Episode 251 – Pourover Lore

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Apr 2019 04:38:44 +0000

Pia returns home to The Wall, and we get our first, though quiet glimpse, at it’s citizens. But against the quiet of the city, Dweezil and Ragna battle against a strange invader.

Episode 250 – Yo Mustard Time

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 28 Mar 2019 13:36:37 +0000

Time to get paid! Screw glory, altruism, and adventure. What really matters is that money!

Episode 249 – Infestation of BS

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 03:57:07 +0000

Underneath a dying sky, Atla lies silent. Is it the silence of the grave, or the quiet before the storm?

Episode 248 – Crispy Chicken Status Update

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Sun, 10 Mar 2019 01:38:42 +0000

Face to face with their monochromatic adversary, our heroes are finally confronted by Nundinday. Or are they actually an ally? Or something else entirely? Does it even matter if our heroes simply die in a small,cramped elevator shaft, far beneath the planets surface?

Episode 247 – Level 6 Emoji

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 19:24:13 +0000

And so our heroes journey back to the surface, leaving the now cold, bright depths of Hadestown behind them. But can they make it safely back to the land of sunlight?

Episode 246 – Good Job Janet

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 21 Feb 2019 01:09:53 +0000

Having direct conversations with a fairy is never easy, and adding the vague poetry of divinity on top of that means our heroes will probably kill the DM by the end of this conversation!

Episode 245 – Shopping Sermon

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 21:21:11 +0000

Pia might not be able to tell the difference between a chipmunk and a tree, but thankfully being a proper druid isn’t important here! What we really need is to bring that fire from the pulpit!

Episode 244 – Self Made Grave

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 20:32:18 +0000

The fight with the Carillion draws to a close, but will it also close the chapter on a hero’s life? Our players are being slowly whittled down to nothing!

Episode 243 – Tetris Magic

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 23 Jan 2019 17:25:25 +0000

Corral the carillion! Our adventurers need to get the ravenous bells up to their proper place, hopefully without being consumed at the same time, and maybe with a little less attacking eachother.

Episode 242 – Wave Of Bells

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 18:01:37 +0000

Are we supposed to herd this mass of angry, ravenous, toothed metal, or fight for our lives? Both?

Episode 241 – Mystery Wrangling Live

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 01:19:34 +0000

Contrary to the title, it’s time to get things done! To traverse a dark space of memory and loss, to shake the lost people of Hades town from their purgatories of painful nostalgia. And do it live! We recorded this episode during our charity stream, so it’s gonna sound pretty different.

Episode 240 – Baking Bread

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 00:13:09 +0000

In a world of only memories, surely all you have to do is just remember where you need to be, and you’ll be there! This should be the easiest puzzle yet!

Episode 239 – Grandmaster Artists

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 02 Nov 2018 18:15:32 +0000

When reality is little more then a fragmented quilt of memories, dreams, and loss, does it make something more or less real if you yourself create it? Especially if you really suck at painting.

Episode 238 – TB Awareness Day

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 25 Oct 2018 13:02:40 +0000

In a small, quiet studio, a man coughs, and dreams of something else. In a long, dark expanse, a woodcutter works forever, satisfied and happy.

Episode 237 – Refuse Survival

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 18 Oct 2018 18:19:22 +0000

In an adventure defined by unreality and illusion, our heroes puncture through the solid rock wall of the earth into an idyllic field, dotted with a single, massive tree. This is definitely completely and totally real you guys.

Episode 236 – Carry Me X2

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 22:02:08 +0000

Halfway between the past and present, lost in memory, Shay is nonetheless under attack. Can our heroes keep them safe under the assault of art monsters?

Episode 235 – Mod Dreams

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 17:46:02 +0000

They say art has power, but this is probably not what they meant. Is there a truth to be found about Shay’s father, and Hadestown itself, beyond to point of a sharpened, living paintbrush? Is it worth it? Can our team survive long enough to find out?

Episode 234 – Cryholes

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 26 Sep 2018 21:21:02 +0000

Somewhere in the forest is hidden Shay’s father, and Sapphire Melody is determined to find him, regardless of who she has to electrocute to get there. Can the rest of the group get to her before then, or will they be distracted by even more strange occurrences?

Episode 233 – She Started It

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 19:27:42 +0000

Player infighting take two! Can Sapphire escape into the forest? Can Shira keep the group together for just a little bit longer, or will the wily robot slip away?

Episode 232 – Versus

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 17:25:16 +0000

Bloody combat! A battle on the edge of reason, from which only one can leave! Abandon your hopes, and make your bets!

Episode 231 – That’s Too Long

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 16:53:19 +0000

Holding a strange grabby pickaxe, with the original denizens dropping like flies around them, the group leave the newly active Hadestown and heads for the chamber of the god.

Episode 230 – Medical Professional

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 18:53:00 +0000

Why is the town suddenly filled with normal people? Are they real? More real then the original townsfolk? Clearly the only way to find out is to check their insides with knives and sharp implements, like any other good doctor!

Episode 229 – Bong Prison

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 14:47:02 +0000

Time to burn down massive impressive structures of incomparable architectural achievement! Just make sure you don’t immolate any children at the same time!

Episode 228 – Meteor

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 14:52:11 +0000

Change of plans! Instead of heading up to seee what’s hidden at the top of the tower, let’s run very very fast away. No faster, we wouldn’t want the half dead, smoldering death automaton to catch up!

Episode 227 – Terrifying Thighhighs

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 18:28:45 +0000

What, a fight?! And not just any fight, but a terrifying construct of bugs, limbs and screaming face. Not to mention what ever emerges from the rain of glass containing objects that seem to have slowly transformed into some kind of new life.

Episode 226 – Too Many Snakes

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 17:58:40 +0000

I’m sure a fight with a giant, insect wing vomitting human face is gonna go totally okay! What could possibly go wrong?

Episode 225 – Market Prices

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 12 Jul 2018 13:17:21 +0000

Just when you think you have a handle on everything, a festival spawns out of thin air and drops a bunch of really old people in your lap. Time to deal with this, attack the spire, and figure everything out in the rubble.

Episode 224 – Reverse Defenestration

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 05 Jul 2018 20:10:33 +0000

Our heroes stumble into a giant strange party! Can they get some good snacks, while also convincing everyone they totally aren’t racist?

Episode 223 – It’s Not About Being Alive

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 27 Jun 2018 18:54:41 +0000

It’s that day of the week again, where another member of the Day’s of Week come to ruin our heroes day! Can they fight them off? Or will the real challenge and threat come from their own destructive actions?

Episode 222 – The Dwarf Government

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 16:48:44 +0000

It’s time to battle! Small service professionals, inanimate objects! Only the most intimidating villains for our heroes!

Episode 221 – Ribcage Pinata

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 13 Jun 2018 18:13:39 +0000

Our players decide they’ve spent enough time not cutting people open! The only way to find the truth is in meat, like some kind of murderous seer.

Episode 220 – Sacrificial Gnome

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 17:21:44 +0000

What’s the connection between the 4 paintings? What was the Tot Tit Tot doing here? Can our team find the answers on the streets of Hades town, in the shadow of the spire? And what, or who, will they have to sacrifice to find the truth?

Episode 219 – Link Painting

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 30 May 2018 17:43:56 +0000

A bare room, four innocuous paintings. The Tom Tit Tot was here, but why? What truth does the stroke of a brush hold?

Episode 218 – Gardening Tools

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 May 2018 16:03:56 +0000

A modest Tom Tit Tot branch? Where’s the gold, the fine cuisine, the tailored suits??? This is by far the most suspicious thing in the furniture hell that is Hadestown.

Episode 217 – The Grand and The Little

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 May 2018 18:18:23 +0000

Hidden behind an old wall, up a dusty stair, past a forgotten room, lies a secret. Perched at the top of Hadestown, is this the key to unlocking the truth of “reality” in this underground dream?

Episode 216 – Delicate Mechanism

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 May 2018 15:36:11 +0000

If the Hadestown Belltower is a mirror of the forest church tower, does that not mean similar secrets exist hidden in it’s walls? Truths and spaces stolen from sight, unspoken events weighing on Lord Bell’s heart.

Episode 215 – Allegedly Real

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 20:46:03 +0000

With all their fumblings, our heroes have yet to devise a way to determine whether or not the people around them are “real” or not. Are they filled with with feathers? Stone? Does that term have any meaning anymore???

Episode 214 – Garden Party Fractal

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 18:24:35 +0000

Our heroes are lost in the unforgiving wilderness of the Tartan Wastes, that somehow also exist miles below the worlds surface? Something isn’t right here.

Episode 213 – Tell Me What You Want

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 16:46:40 +0000

Questions, questions, questions. But if don’t know what you’re looking for, what use are answers? Time to throw something a the wall and see what happens.

Episode 212- Speak To Me

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Apr 2018 21:20:38 +0000

They’ve spoken to kings, ancient magical beings, murderers and monsters. But what do you say to a god? Especially if you’d really like to avoid getting another curse laid on the pile?

Episode 211 – A Difference In Perspective

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 Mar 2018 16:45:58 +0000

Finally, our heroes have an audience with Campana, the mysterious leader of the forest settlement, brimming to the top with questions and accusations.

Episode 210 – Grabby Claw

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Mar 2018 16:18:32 +0000

Our heroes begin the search of the forest Churchtower in earnest, each one stumbling upon another hidden piece of the puzzle, including the mysterious Campana.

Episode 209 – Trout Bomb

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 16:12:46 +0000

Are we even still underground? A twin of the Hadestown churchtower stands before us, in the midst of an idyllic countryside. Surely, inside is Campana, and answers.

Episode 208 – Brutal Pruning

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 17:13:40 +0000

Our heroes fight to escape a web of lies! Or are they? It’s easier to simply fight their way to Campana, their one hope for finding the truth. Or is it?!

Episode 207 – Trust No One

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 18:27:24 +0000

As they settle the townspeople into safe fortifications, the slow degradation of Hadestown makes them wonder what quests they should or shouldn’t pursue.

Episode 206 – The Hero’s Burden

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 22:29:45 +0000

Oh no, our heroes are actually forced to be heroes! Some of the Hadestown residents are cornered, protected only by the weary and bloodied Jeffe.

Episode 205 – Magical Momentum

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 17:43:17 +0000

Trapped atop the city of Hadestown, our heroes see little reason to not brave the dangers of the forest. How could they possibly be worse then the city itself? All they have to do, is make it to gates alive.

Episode 204 – The Deadly Parade

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 19:15:14 +0000

The walls of Hadestown fall, and the nightmare of the forest becomes the waking life of the city.

Episode 203 – Bat Cavalry

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Jan 2018 17:33:16 +0000

Night falls over Hadestown. Surely here, at the bottom of the planet, surrounded by unknowable dangers and mortal threats, the players can sleep soundly and without interuption. Right?

Episode 202 – Check Your Textbook

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Jan 2018 17:06:06 +0000

Surely our heroes can’t make the wrong decision again in their traversal of the dangerous forest of Hadestown. They can’t have chosen wrong again, that would just be unlikely!

Episode 201 -A Shotgun and a Rocket Launcher

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 19:47:50 +0000

Our heroes are positive that a small rustic village shouldn’t be resting in the middle of this deadly forest. But for a few, other things seem to be of greater import: lost friends and old dreams.

Pretend Adventures 2 – Fiasco Part Two

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 16 Nov 2017 18:52:11 +0000

Bonus One Shot! Fiasco is a freeform storytelling game, designed so that all scenarios eventually fall apart.

Pretend Adventures 2 – Fiasco Part One

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 16 Nov 2017 18:50:09 +0000

Bonus One Shot! Fiasco is a freeform storytelling game, designed so that all scenarios eventually fall apart. (tw: Miscarriage at 1:12:00)

Episode 200 – Energy Drink Poison

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 17:42:52 +0000

A conversation with Bell leads the players to believe something is happening out in the forest. Maybe be following a squad of a soldiers into the unknown, they can pull back the curtains.

Episode 199 – The Devil’s Banjo

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Nov 2017 17:37:49 +0000

Lost in the forest of Hadestown, Ragna and Pegasus follow their companion through the strange, grave dotted landscapes. Are they risking their lives for the right reasons? What will they find?

Episode 198 – Grave Goods

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Oct 2017 16:29:40 +0000

Still wary that it might be a worthless excursion, our heroes journey out into the forest of Hadestown, hoping they find more then death in the pink forest.

Episode 197 – The Coldest Squirrel

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 18:23:06 +0000

Slowly, our heroes are feeling more and more like they haven’t prepared properly for the mystery that awaits them in Hadestown. What is blarneystone? Why is no one sweating? Is any of this real food?

Episode 196 – The Perfect Disguise

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 15:51:53 +0000

So what if the old, decrepit mining elevator began spitting up bits of people, I’m sure it’s totally safe. I’m sure nothing bad with happen down in the confining, suffocating dark.

Episode 195 – Throat of Hades

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 16:43:32 +0000

So what if old, decrepit mining elevator began spitting up bits of people, I’m sure it’s totally safe. I’m sure nothing bad with happen down in the confining, suffocating dark.

Episode 194 – The Shaft

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Oct 2017 23:18:44 +0000

There was a main story?! Our heroes get back to their actually job that they actually get paid for, and journey to Mafic Road, seeking passge to the bottom of it’s massive quarry.

Episode 193 – Nick Cage

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 16:30:19 +0000

Who knew the door to the sewer could close! Only Ragna and Sapphire Melody can get out in time, and so it’s up to them to forgo saving themselves and find a way to rescue everyone.

Episode 192 – Bottomdweller

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 Sep 2017 18:00:50 +0000

Time to run! But there might be more in the sewers waiting for them. Someone, something, or maybe just a whole lot of someones, ready to pummel them into the sludge.

Episode 191 – I See You

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 16:27:18 +0000

Dash for the exit, but don’t forget Shira! Our heroes have almost escaped their pursuers when Shira gets knocked out. Can they rescue her and escape without taking further casualties?

Episode 190 – A Fair Deal

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Tue, 05 Sep 2017 17:09:30 +0000

Our heroes finish working on their sly trap, but only feet outside, their enemies stalk the streets looking for them. It’s just a bunch of flunkies tho, surely nothing can go wrong!

Episode 189 – Sink Forever

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Aug 2017 16:52:30 +0000

Something is watching Smugglers Cove. Something know our heroes would be here eventually, and it’s been waiting. Can they make it to Morgan without alerting anyone?

Episode 188 – Dadventure

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 23:57:24 +0000

The storm rages in Not-Loggerspoole. With a newly created exit only feet away, the players need only fight their way through the torrential downpour long enough to escape, hopefully with both themselves and Robespierre intact.

Episode 187 – Actual Old Man

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 Aug 2017 18:06:30 +0000

How can anyone be expected to solve a puzzle in a world that doesn’t follow the same rules as our own? What is logic in an ever shifting alien roomscape? Better figure it out, only moments are left!

Episode 186 – Death By Cream

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 31 Jul 2017 18:03:25 +0000

Trapped in a strangely isolated HQ, our players search for someway to escape a gross watery grave, as the Days of Week watch on silently, passively.

Episode 185 – Laundry Day

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 24 Jul 2017 17:40:45 +0000

When Robespierre wakes, what will he have to say? Will he divulge his secrets willingly, or will he require some of Shira Snow’s gentle “encouragement”?

Episode 184 – Preorder Bodyparts

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 18:23:06 +0000

A pile of corndogs can only lie around so long. Eventually, they need to be put to use. The team decides to finally assemble the antidote, collecting the final ingredients quickly.

Episode 183 – The Price of Nepotism

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 18:06:43 +0000

As the dust settles, it’s time for the battles that aren’t sung about. Plans to take care of those bereft of hearth and home, and reunions with hard-hearted family.

Episode 182 – Oontz Wizard

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 19:26:20 +0000

It’s time to fight the main behind the burning curtain. But Hickory hasn’t stopped his assault, and the damage begins to mount. Can our heroes survive, let alone end the fight in time?

Episode 181 – Almost Disaster

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 19:20:44 +0000

The clock is ticking down on Hickory’s life, and our heroes begin to despair at what seems like a hopeless fight. Can they find the path to rescue him?

Episode 180 – Hickory Spiced

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 18:04:34 +0000

Oh painful, obvious, irony-of-ironies. Our heroes have found their friend, but the field of battle is no place to rescue an ally.

Episode 179 – Bathroom Confessional

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 18:56:41 +0000

The riddle looms over battle and blood. Will a simple turn of phrase spell doom for the heroes? Have they conquered everything in their path so far only to fall to some well thrown bottles and an annoying noble?F

Episode 178 – Riddlebots

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Jun 2017 17:35:07 +0000

Blood, pain, fury. Combat rages, but soon our heroes most feared opponent rears it’s head: Riddles!

Episode 177 – Asset Investment

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 May 2017 17:42:11 +0000

A battle for blood and life rages on, but on the outskirts the rest of the crew tries to see if they can’t make a quick buck. It’s not like the next opponent will have anything dangerous they should be planning for, right?

Episode 176 – Beard Beer

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 May 2017 17:13:32 +0000

The Pit calls for blood of warforged, but the only thing spilled so far is wizard blood and dwarven alcohol. Can our heroes keep winning, or will their next mysterious opponent take them out.

Episode 175 – Late Title Card

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 May 2017 15:51:35 +0000

Blood and music, sweat and dreams. All can be found in the chaos of the pit. The only question is if our heroes will find the truth there too, as they walk into the arena and prepare to fight.

Episode 174 – In The Club

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 May 2017 16:09:00 +0000

While Dweezil and Shira deposit some much needed money for the new orphanage, the rest of the crew descends into a pit of blood, alcohol and money to find the trail The Trolleyman has left behind.

Episode 420 – Professional Podcasters

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 17:24:21 +0000

Our heroes press deeper into the Lower Bailey, pursuing the smallest of threads towards looming mysteries. Who knows to what depths it could lead them, or even what familiar faces.

Episode 172 – The Perfect Heist

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 17 Apr 2017 15:45:30 +0000

Revelations about their enemies, discoveries of strange new magics, none of this matters in the face of maybe getting paid!

Episode 171 – Powdered Children

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 15:06:59 +0000

Something is hiding between the walls. The children of the Happy Sunshine Orphanage knew something was watching, by what and why?

Episode 170 – Whispers of the Lost

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 16:34:46 +0000

Our heroes accept a new job, but before they get to work, they take a small detour to Central Atla, seeking out the lost trolley man.

Episode 169 – Fleeting Wealth

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 16:15:22 +0000

Finally, The morning is here. The danger of the night falls away, and all that’s left is level ups, magical rewards, and fantastic wealth. Just ignore your missing friends and enjoy yourself!

Episode 168 – Doing My Dot Best

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 16:26:20 +0000

While some are woke in the middle of the night, alone against the shadows, at Pegasus Place our heroes spot something hiding in the forest. But it should be fine, after all how dangerous could someones backyard even be?

Episode 167 – Just Silently Die

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 16:46:04 +0000

Oh no! Something strikes in the middle of the night! How could anyone have known? Can Shira and Sapphire conquer what lurks in the night?

Episode 166 – False Alarm

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 17:02:07 +0000

The chase is over, and our heroes go about setting up the orphans in the giant fey manor of Pegasus. Or, at least they will if Pegasus and Shira manage to escape their own assailants.

Episode 165 – Horsesplosion

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Feb 2017 18:15:34 +0000

Keep running and don’t stop running! Unless maybe you’re Shira and Pegasus, in which case, stop running and fight 20 men all on your own.

Episode 164 – Clear Man-guage

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Feb 2017 16:38:35 +0000

Trapped between a 200 foot drop, and 20 soldiers that want their heads. The end of the gauntlet to save the children is here, and unfortunately there’s a guillotine waiting to cut our heroes heads off.

Episode 163 – Final Stretch

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 16:48:04 +0000

Only a few more stories of rickety wooden walkway stand between our heroes and safety. Who will make it to end alive? How many children can survive the onslaught of attacks? How many punches can Pegasus take to his soft face?

Episode 162 – Too Many Punches

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 18:13:34 +0000

An escape that has been rough, but doable, suddenly begins taking a turn for the worse, as the regiment of TTT soldiers can no longer be held back, and Dweezil and Shira find themselves playing a delicate game at the edge of death’s door.

Episode 161 – Lucky Thirteen

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 16:46:01 +0000

Shira and Dweezil stand against a small battalion of unknown assailants, are they’re skills enough to keep them alive as the orphans escape? Are Sapphire’s skills enough to keep her from dying between the space in the walls?

Episode 160 – Whistle Song

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Jan 2017 16:48:39 +0000

Two hundred feet. Can our heroes make it two hundred feet up a wall, assaulted by magic and assassins every step of the way? Esp without Sapphire Melody, as she take’s a step into something hidden, alone in the dark.

Episode 159 – Wrong Answer

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 16:41:18 +0000

It’s go time! Can our heroes get the orphans out of their prison? Can they convince Waltz to help without violence? How badly are they gonna beat up Benny?!

Episode 158 – King of the Bus

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 16:47:36 +0000

Our heroes seek to make a deal with the fairies before confronting the Happy Sunshine Orphanage, and their deadly owners, directly.

Episode 157 – Orphan Flow

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Jan 2017 22:50:14 +0000

Finishing up the battle against the hit squad sent against them by Waltz, the team takes her criticism to heart and decides on a plan, vowing to end the Happy Sunshine Orphanage now matter what it takes.

Episode 156 – Glute Thirst

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 16:57:07 +0000

Fire! Blood! The HQ is on fire, and assaulted from all sides by armed thugs. With two newborns inside, can our heroes prevail?

Episode 155 – Papoos

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Dec 2016 16:42:23 +0000

Our heroes head back home, know that more than likely, each of their footsteps is followed by others, hidden deadly trackers waiting to make them dead.

Episode 154 – Minisode

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:58:56 +0000

The gang learns why aerial combat is dangerous! Or do they stop for a second to try and convince Waltz that they can help her clean up the orphanage and save the children?

Episode 153 – Coffee Stink

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 16:42:52 +0000

Our heroes head to meet Waltz at the battleground of destiny: a tiny gelato place in the suburbs.

Episode 152 – Childsafe

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 Nov 2016 16:30:15 +0000

Having finished committing terrible acts against what they now half-believe is an ally, how can our heroes contact the double agent working among the Happy Sunshine Orphanage? And how difficult can it be to create a new person out of thin air and a mason jar?

Episode 151 – Here’s Their Card

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 16:18:54 +0000

Our team gathers together and meets in the dark confines of The Crow’s temporary HQ, to find out what they can learn from the captured kidnapper that Pegasus has brought them.

Episode 150 – Chatbag Live

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 16:43:06 +0000

The gang finishes dealing with Mcguffin, and hurries to meet up with Pegasus. Can they reach him before he ends up dead in an alleyway? We recorded this episode during an Extra Life 24 hour stream!

Episode 149 – Quad BBBB

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 31 Oct 2016 15:47:08 +0000

The team heads off to talk to the police, trying to find a new ally in Detective McGuffin. Meanwhile, hidden in a dark ally, Pegasus faces down against three dangerous kidnappers.

Episode 148 – Free Samples

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 24 Oct 2016 15:53:56 +0000

With secrets in hand from Benny’s home, our heroes quickly hurry to stake out the Happy Sunshine Orphanage, hoping that at least for a little while that it won’t be bussiness as usual at the dark establishment.

Episode 147 – Gutter Disaster

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 15:23:19 +0000

The building collapses! There’s only moments to make a decision, only heartbeats to find a way to escape before everyone finds themselves crushed and drowned in the garbage river.

Episode 146 – Pretty Sailors

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 15:15:34 +0000

Having placed unknowingly placed herself in the belly of the beast, can Shira fight her way out successfully from the hidden market? And what will our heroes find hidden at Mr. Benny’s totally normal home?

Episode 145 – The Perfect Dance

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 15:07:08 +0000

Our heroes try again to talk directly to Hugo Hans about the mysterious clothing hidden in the shadows of his store, while Shira attempts to infiltrate the dark market beneath the Tower of Commerce.

Episode 144 – Important Paperwork

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 17:22:24 +0000

Finishing their business at the importer’s, our heroes remember a slew of old events they left hanging at the wayside. Though some might only lead to a dangerous, bloody end.

Episode 143 – Natural Born Nerd

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:52:28 +0000

The group investigates the mysterious past of an orphanage manager, convinced that there’s something hidden there, a buried truth.

Episode 142 – Shots

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 15:39:31 +0000

Our heroes decide the most prudent course of action is to purchase copious amounts of unidentifiable medication from a previously unreliable source! And immediately use it!

Episode 141 – Formal Garbagewear

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 15:59:15 +0000

Are there more secrets to be found in Derek Murphy’s house, or just in his mouth? And will Dweezil’s delicate sensibilities survive another trip down to the bottom of The Basin?

Episode 140 – Corkboard of Ideas

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Aug 2016 16:14:09 +0000

Having earned at least a small bit of The Crow’s trust, our heroes discuss how to stop the Happy Sunshine Orphanage, and no idea is too bad.

Episode 139 – Bad Birds

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 15:17:53 +0000

The crew decides to don their spy clothes to undercover the mystery of the Happy Sunshine Orphanage. Can they steal any real information from under the watchful eyes of the workers? And what secrets does the nearby skin merchant hide?

Episode 138 – Leather Daddy Dimension

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 15:12:13 +0000

Shira meets her families old friend face to face, but can she convince Brekt to help? And will the rest of the crew be able to rescue the children of the Happy Sunshine Orphanage?

Episode 137 – Orphan Viewing

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 15:11:18 +0000

Shira stalks into the cellar of Brekt’s tower, looking for it’s hidden owner. Meanwhile, the others decide it’s finally time to save the children.

Episode 136 – Bird Smoke

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:57:55 +0000

The remaining members of the crew break into Brekt’s tower to rescue Sapphire and Shira from the police. It might be a little more difficult then just fixing a gutter though.

Episode 135 – Muscle Cavalry

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 15:29:28 +0000

Undeterred, Shira and Sapphire infiltrate the mysterious brass tower that should hold a clue to her family, as the rest of the team rolls up to provide support.

Episode 134 – Several Pomeranians

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 Jul 2016 15:46:53 +0000

Can Shira survive the dangers of her own curse, and the deadly magic of her own comrade Sapphire melody? Can Pegasus find the proper lie to explain why they’re standing in a dead man’s private room breaking his stuff???

Episode 133 – Free Love

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 15:26:37 +0000

Our team continues to butt their heads against the mystery of the golden accounts room, while Shira and Sapphire melody ride into soggy Little Occam, looking for answers.

Episode 132 – Get Danced On

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Jun 2016 15:22:11 +0000

Our heroes stumble on something mysterious, and search for what’s hidden beneath the surface. Meanwhile, Sapphire Melody goes on her own adventure through Shira’s belongings.

Episode 131 – Kerfuffle

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 16:03:33 +0000

Our heroes in the secret dock prepare to cause a ruckus and widespread chaos, as Shira carefully peels back the envelope on an old, lost letter.

Episode 130 – Inventory Management

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 14:59:02 +0000

Can the players infiltrate the secret dock without instantly and immediately alerting every single murderer to their presence? And is doing that easier or harder than granting new life to a many eyed new friend?!

Episode 129 – Claw Debate

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 15:10:31 +0000

The players engage in a one on one fight with giant construction equipment over a definitely lethal drop. Also, shopping!

Episode 128 – Dancing Shoes

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 May 2016 15:14:06 +0000

Our heroes decide to investigate the hidden room of the Tower of Commerce, rather than burn it down immediately. After all, it’s not like there’s any real danger there is there? Meanwhile, Shira and Sapphire Melody attempt to enter to the mysterious marked door in Wintershome, hopefully without also destroying everything.

Episode 127 – Piece-ified

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 May 2016 10:32:22 +0000

It’s time to break walls and break necks! Time to shatter stone and the daily commission rate of textile salesman. Time to harvest toothpaste and consider harvesting bones.

Episode 126 – The Big Shady

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 May 2016 15:48:34 +0000

Determined to take the fight to their enemies a little bit, the team splits up. One group heads back to infiltrate the Benbow Inn, while the other head the investigate the Tower of Commerce. Can they find the secrets of the tower with pure stubborness?

Episode 125 – Fishdogs

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 May 2016 15:03:43 +0000

Their business complete, and their names forever etched into the halls of athletic competition, our heroes prepare to leave the smuggler’s tavern when something unexpected stops them dead in their tracks.

Episode 124 – Lords of the Board

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 May 2016 15:28:11 +0000

The whole team meets back up, and decide how best to use their stolen prize. Use it to destroy their enemies? Sell it for an exorbitant fee? Crush it into dust and have Beans eat it? Endless choices. One thing is sure though, something is going on in Smuggler’s Cove.

Episode 123 – Don’t Eat That

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 15:24:15 +0000

Pegasus is forced to make a decision, can he save Sapphire Melody while avoiding getting killed by a squad of heavily muscled thugs and Melody herself? Meanwhile, the rest of the crew steps foot into Smuggler’s Cove for the first time in awhile, and find much has changed.

Episode 122 – Improper Window Use

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 16:31:05 +0000

Prize in hand, our heroes look back on the warped inn and wonder what powerful magic they might just be handing over. Is the money worth what might happen?

Episode 121 – Tiny Bed

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 Apr 2016 15:43:04 +0000

It was supposed to be an easy job. A quick buck. But now our heroes are staring down an infinite stretch of empty hotel halls, and it looks likes they’re gonna have to work for their paycheck.

Episode 120 – Hollowed Halls

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 16:02:39 +0000

When Lolani left, she didn’t just leave behind friends and good memories, but also dark, unfinished mysteries. What lurks inside the once warm Benbow Inn? Can the players get a quick payday and survive?

Episode 119 – Shop Lyfe

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 15:20:17 +0000

Our heroes are between missions, and that can only mean one thing! A calm and complete inventory of the current state of Atla politics and recent events, with a focus on linking previously acquired errant facts into one cohesive answer. Or we could totally just go shopping!

Episode 118 – Scorched Rock

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 15:37:34 +0000

Our heroes had plans. They had shopping to do, side quests to manage, tasks to get done. But that was before this morning, and now the only thing that matters is figuring out what happened.

Episode 117 – The Other Side

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 16:49:11 +0000

Only half the crew got to see what was waiting for them as they woke in the morning, so that means we still have more to see! And no matter how much some of them, and us, might just want things to go back to way they were, the world seems changed forever.

Episode 116 – Highfive

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 Mar 2016 16:16:31 +0000

A carriage bounces through the streets of Little Occam, battered and torn by the storm in the night. Where is it taking Sapphire Melody? And will the morning bring relative safety and comfort to our heroes?

Episode 115 – Shovel Nap

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:16:55 +0000

Another adventure complete! Time to divy out the treasure, and head home for a round of relaxation and rest. Home is where you lie your head, where nothing hides in the corners of your eyes, waiting for them to close. That would be ridiculous!

Episode 114 – Hope Beyond Hope

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 15:54:16 +0000

Explosives ready, and finger hovering over the button, it looks like Pegasus and Sapphire have run out of time! How can they possibly keep the house from being turned to splinters?!

Episode 113 – Mad Dash

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:29:08 +0000

Never not be running! The team rushes to plant the bombs, but the constant assaults on them have begun to take it’s tole. Meanwhile, Pegasus needs to make a decision, exactly what is he willing to risk to do the right thing? What is he willing to do?

Episode 112 – Desk Chucking

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:28:15 +0000

Pegasus and Sapphire drag their employer into the haunted house, hoping beyond hope that they can find a way to fix everything. But can they find a solution before the others finish traversing the hellscape of the cellar, and set the house to blow?!

Episode 111 – A Better Way

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 16:23:48 +0000

Our players head quickly back to the haunted manor, armed with explosives and determination, ready to end this nightmare once and for all. But Pegasus just can’t accept these dire circumstances, and tries to find another solution.

Episode 110 – Ghost Science

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 Jan 2016 16:07:59 +0000

The debate rages; will our heroes destroy this ancient elven manor to rescue it’s new inhabitants, or preserve it? What black market dealings, what shady methods will they have to turn to, just to do the right thing?

Episode 109 – RiddleTown

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:43:32 +0000

Dweezil is taught some important lessons about respecting others during courtship, and our heroes attempt to ask questions from the worst fantasy source: a magical beast that talks only in riddles.

Episode 108 – Retroactive Blindness

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 19:30:53 +0000

Shira Snow has only few moments to question the head bursar before her crew bursts in and stomps all over everything (including the head bursar), and inform her that they actually have a plan.

Episode 107 – RMPSCD

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 04 Jan 2016 16:16:13 +0000

The lightning fast minds of the new Dream Team scramble to find the most effective way to salvage their heist, as the others attempt to find the best way to squeeze a librarian for information.

Episode 106 – Fleshy Gelato

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 16:15:41 +0000

The realization that events are beginning to move away from their control hits the players, and they scramble to form some kind of concrete plan. Will this desperation lead to success or just more petty vandalism and theft?

Episode 105 – Sheila

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 17:19:57 +0000

And so our heroes venture forth to the north and south, to thwart their rivals from entering Sielle Manor and to be very rude in a private library.

Episode 104 – Flavour Vandalism

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Dec 2015 16:44:26 +0000

In true, altruistic, heroic fashion (and not because they’re terminally afraid of contracts and paper) the players turn down Sveaskog’s form, and begin an investigation. Because if there’s one thing they love, it’s solving puzzles and finding the truth!

Episode 103 – Ghost of Alcoholism

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 16:04:21 +0000

The confrontation with Lord Sveaskog is on! But can our player’s suss out the truth under the ever present gaze of the much-more-virtuous Dawn’s Knights? Or will they be forced to murder random completely innocent employee’s of the estate?

Episode 102 – Die Please

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 17:14:14 +0000

Leaving the strange, quiet, gross halls of Sielle Manor, our players exit back into the normal world. Will they work together with their rivals to accomplish good deeds, or will their own inability to not bend and break the law be their undoing?

Episode 101 – Angry Man-Dogs

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:04:52 +0000

What’s in the basment forest? A strange portal? More monsters? Friendly faces? Perhaps even the truth, and with it even more questions. Hopefully they don’t just light a basement filled with wood on fire.

Episode 100 – Shooby Doo Wop

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Nov 2015 15:57:30 +0000

Our heroes push further into the nightmarish heart of what was once a proud manor, and attempt to decipher the means needed to access a secret room deep within an old fire pit. Someone is waiting for them down there in the dark.

Episode 99 – The Man-Offening

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Nov 2015 16:11:12 +0000

Once again. two burly men square off, bulging and scowling. Will Ragna maintain his man-streak, or will Uncle Morty break the chain? No matter what happens, there’s gonna be a lot of unintelligible screaming and roaring.

Episode 98 – Finger Lickin

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Nov 2015 16:17:44 +0000

It’s time for experiments! Time to play with severed fingers, shifting columns of meat, living barriers, and a single page of names.

Episode 97 – Recommending Myself

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:57:24 +0000

Our heroes reunite even deeper within the strange confines of the Sielle Manor, and slowly the mystery of it’s previous inhabitants begins to unravel. But what about it’s current guests?

Episode 96 – Dead Ghosts

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Oct 2015 15:11:16 +0000

Except for one or two moments of sheer, unrelenting terror, or players have managed to proceed in a mostly calm manner. But what happens when some people are determined to punch dogs in the face, come what what? Can the re-united dream team last longer that 10 minutes without imploding?

Episode 95 – The Void

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 15:21:33 +0000

Our heroes retreat from the forest into the adjacent rooms, but find they contain more than hints of a dark past. While they may appear to be mundane bedrooms, they each contain something strange. And of course the best reaction to something strange is to stick your face in it!

Episode 94 – Under The Bed

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 15:25:55 +0000

The adventure moves out into the strange forest, a noisey, secretive place of dark pockets and low animal murmurs. How long will the quiet tension hold, before the wild looses it’s dangers on the players?

Episode 93 – Wet Paint

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 Sep 2015 14:59:00 +0000

And so the players meet their new rivals, and rush to complete the job before they can be stopped. Visits from grandma, very large locks, and copious amounts of semi-congealed fat await them in the hills of adventure!

Episode 92 – Chicken Soup

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Sep 2015 15:06:03 +0000

The “heroes” decide to head home and call their vacation off before they destroy another hospital, electing instead to choose another job and head out to meet their employer.

Episode 91 – Non-Lethal

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 14:59:42 +0000

The stonemover is mere feet from a paper-thin hospital filled with mind-controlled, injured innocents who battle our heroes alongside a shadowy assassin who appears invincible! Maybe next time the players will take the day off at the beach instead.

Episode 90 – Try Pushing Buttons

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 15:11:19 +0000

Bringing a semi-king back to life is difficult, as the player’s quickly realize talking to the medic of Mafic Road! The ingredients to nullify the poison are both rare and questionable, and powerful foes stand between them and their goal.

Episode 89 – Pun Workshop

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 15:07:08 +0000

Extended falling sequences, battles with Days of the Week, and dealing with irate ER doctors. Today really isn’t turning out to be a relaxing day off for our heroes.

Episode 88 – Jump to Your Death

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 14:59:56 +0000

Our players decide a semi-dead gnome lord is too pressing a problem to ignore any longer, and journey to Mafic Road in search of truth.

Episode 87 – Treat People with Respect

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 15:00:19 +0000

No matter how far we come, we’ll never forget our roots. And those roots are shopping. The players need to buy some specialty equipment, and maybe even return to a quiet old building by the lake.

Episode 86 – Garbageman

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:25:59 +0000

Our heroes decide their to-do list might be building up little bit. Better take a quick break from proper jobs for a little torture.

Episode 85 – Instant Heat

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Jul 2015 15:08:27 +0000

The player’s gather at HQ to select their next adventure, but before they can get to work Crim asks them to run a quick errand. What, or maybe who, is waiting for them?

Episode 84 – No Gurls Allowed

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Jul 2015 15:01:47 +0000

Ragna finishes dealing with an over-zealous Shira in the night, before a new dawn breaks, and our players set out for another day’s labor.

Episode 83 – Midnight Train

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 15:41:34 +0000

Crispin thinks he can go home and get some sleep, but he’ll soon learn that in Atla the night is for secret magics, debauchery, whispered truths, and quiet adventure.

Episode 82 – Home Sweet Home

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 15:10:52 +0000

Finally, the question of the Copperpot family is (mostly) answered, and it’s time for the player’s to return home to their entirely not-threatening homes to rest peacefully for the night.

Episode 81 – Gettin Paid

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Jun 2015 15:02:51 +0000

Our heroes despair, how can they save those changelings left? The problem of children without bodies seems an impossible one, and the players decide to seek counsel from Pal on what to do next.

Episode 80 – We’ve Gone Too Far

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 15:04:52 +0000

Before our heroes can reap their reward, they need to act on what they know. Who’s a changeling? Who isn’t? The only sure thing is that once the players make a choice, there’s no going back.

Episode 79 – Save The Dress

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Jun 2015 15:13:15 +0000

Our heroes realize it might not have been the best idea to enter a magically sealed building that’s filled with only fire, monsters and civilians who require rescuing. Can they get out unscathed? Will they rescue the Copperpots? Will Shira’s only dress survive?!

Episode 78 – Abandon Ship

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 08 Jun 2015 15:08:26 +0000

Amidst the smokey green void that was once a family home, our heroes are faced suddenly with the true danger of this disaster. Can they make it out alive and intact, and still rescue the Copperpot family? Or is that too much to hope for in the midst of such a situation?

Episode 77 – Flamingo Guitar

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:17:52 +0000

The Coppershine Estate burns under the dusk with the Copperpot family inside. Can the players make it to them safely in time, or will a shadowy figure in the crowd doom them all?

Episode 76 – Mann Trouble

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 May 2015 15:01:42 +0000

Having narrowly escaped death and paperwork, the team meets to infiltrate the nigh-impregnable home of Derek Murphy. Maybe they’ll find themselves one step closer to the truth, though the fateful hour of the party looms nearer than they’d like.

Episode 75 – Safety Net

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 May 2015 15:01:38 +0000

The new and improved Dream Team head into the Eye of The Basin. Can they the secrets inside, or will they be destroyed by their own hatred of puzzles? And can Dweezil solve the puzzle that is the Happy Sunshine Orphanage?

Episode 74 – Tapas Break

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 May 2015 15:52:29 +0000

Our heroes search The Basin for Senjer’s secret lab, but nothing’s ever that simple. No one seems to have heard of “The Eye”, they’re being followed by a mysterious cloaked figure, and Dweezil just can’t find a good tapas place anywhere.

Episode 73 – Healing Potion

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 04 May 2015 15:28:53 +0000

Our heroes head for The Basin, the darkened shadow of the Lower Bailey. Will even their first moment among it’s folds change them irreparably?

Episode 72 – Doctor Doctor

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 15:34:39 +0000

Our heroes decide to go deeper. While one team deals with the Night Machine, the others look deeper into Robespierre’s murder and Lord Copperpots charity. But can so many mysteries be solved at once, and what will it cost them to find the truth?

Episode 71 – Stab Friends Everyday

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Apr 2015 15:25:48 +0000

While the main group of our heroes decides on their action, Shira and Lee Bronne hear something strange and go investigate. Can they get along for just enough time to search the house?

Pretend Adventures 1 – Everyone Is John

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 15:15:54 +0000

Bonus One Shot! In this episode, we try out the free-form roleplaying game Everyone Is John, in which the players make up the obsessive myriad personalities of an insane narcoleptic.

Episode 70 – Home Renovation

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 15:13:56 +0000

Is lighting a building on fire enough? Of course not! There’re far more ways to ruin a home than just fire, let’s have the player’s demonstrate on Ragna’s home!

Episode 69 – Click

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 15:23:04 +0000

It’s time to get naked! The players assure me it’s for purely tactical reasons, that it’s all bussiness. What truth may come to light, when it’s all laid bare?

Episode 68 – Secret Victory

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 15:04:14 +0000

Our heroes decide to go have a “chat” with Lord Copperpot, while the Dream Team heads back to Little Occam, just to make sure everything’s okay. What could possibly go wrong?

Episode 67 – Pork and Clams

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 15:29:47 +0000

Everyone finally meets up and they’re all carrying bodies! Some living, some dead, some maybe soon to be dead? Will heroism win out in the end, or will the players plunge further into the depths of villainy.

Episode 66 – Kill The Dead

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 15:39:24 +0000

With the comatose body of Robespierre in tow, four of our heroes head towards HQ. But Lee Bronne and Melody have other plans. Dark plans.

Episode 65 – The Crow’s Nest

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 15:30:21 +0000

The group splits up, each pursuing a different mystery. The Night Machine, Robespierre’s Death, and the titular Crow’s Nest. What will they find?!

Episode 64 – Shellfish Allergy

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 16:29:05 +0000

Our remaining heroes awaken groggily to the morning, but the ghosts of the past refuse to disappear. Old questions yield new answers, and with them, new problems.

Episode 63 – Melontini

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 16:08:23 +0000

The players wake from their not-so-peaceful slumber to the next day, but Lee Bronne and Melody continue their hunt for their elusive and deadly prey.

Episode 62 – Blood Adventure

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 16:27:37 +0000

Our heroes head home, tired after a long day of troubleshooting. But the day isn’t over yet, as Lee Bronne and Sapphire Melody head out into the night, hunting for their rivals.

Episode 61 – War Bongos

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 13:35:39 +0000

And so the players have been caught in Jackers trap. Will they make it out? Can they make it out?! Or will they lie trapped in the sub-basement until their peaches and pickles run out?

Episode 60 – Bug Out

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 17:24:16 +0000

The players try to end their fight with The Midwife without getting turned to meat chunks. But perhaps it’s not the monster they should fear, but something else entirely!

Episode 59 – Midwife Wrestling

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 16:25:42 +0000

With a few final questions for Moorchild, and some theorizing as to the nature of the mangrove mystery, our heroes set out to do battle with the terrifying monster that lurks so very close. Can they be victorious?!

Episode 58 – Second Hand Revelation

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 16:06:46 +0000

Amidst the floating mangrove islands, the truth will be found. What are the dolls? What’s that bird thing? Who are the crab people?!

Episode 57 – Jar Of Peaches

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 16:31:49 +0000

Underneath the Coppershine Estate lies a wonderland, but is this a happy place, or does danger lurk just barely under it’s brightly coloured exterior?

Episode 56 – Darktime

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 16:40:23 +0000

Our heroes attempt to corner their prey, and then, it’s time to discover what secrets this house truly holds. What truths will our players learn in the depths of night?

Episode 55 – So Graceful

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 16:37:38 +0000

Get that sniper! The heroes chase after their unknown assailant, bring axe and magical fire to bear down on the villian. Meanwhile, Melody attempts to babysit Cyprus.

Episode 54 – Slumber Party

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 16:47:50 +0000

Crispin journey’s into the heart of his once rivals, Pals and friends, seeking new power, as the others prepare themselves for night. Things heat up a little faster than they expect though.

Episode 53 – Locally Grown Mugging

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:39:29 +0000

The group splits up after deciding on a plan, and each hero journeys out into the city seeking something important. They seek revenge, friends, the truth, and even hope for the future.

Episode 52 – Babby Sitting

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 08 Dec 2014 16:38:31 +0000

Lee Bronne rushes out into Mayfield, convinced he’s hot on on his rivals trail, while the the others continue the torture of the poor John Copperpot, convinced they’re hot on the trail of the truth.

Episode 51 – Itchy Itchy Pants

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 16:44:55 +0000

Obsessed with revenge, Lee Bronne turns on Shira and hatches a dastardly plan for escape, while the rest of the party has their first encounter with the law of Mayfield.

Episode 50 – Bucket Quest

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 16:49:23 +0000

Lee Bronne and Shira give chase through the dark depths of the earth, while the rest of the party attempts to figure out just how well you can put out a massive house fire by beating it with swords and axes.

Episode 49 – What We Do In The Basement

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 17:13:26 +0000

Dweezil and Lee head down in the darkness of the coppershine basement, and find something a little more than pickled cucumbers. Something . . . alive.

Episode 48 – The Grand Great Council Hall

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 16:49:45 +0000

A struggle ensues over the mystery of the Rowan Box! What could be inside, and what will our heroes do to find out? Destroy private property, kill innocents, light a building on fire?!

Episode 47 – New Friends Old Hate

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:37:34 +0000

Our heroes journey to the quiet, unassuming home of the man they murdered deep in the forest, desperate to learn the truth. Does the quaint little home hold a secret? Can they lay down their suspicions of their new team member long enough to find out?

Episode 46 – Skin Armor

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 15:42:28 +0000

The descent into sin continues! Gambling, grand theft auto, assault. Will Roxanne’s new character help curb their behavior, or drive them further into darkness?

Episode 45 – Moral Compass

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 20 Oct 2014 15:40:49 +0000

You can’t be hero all the time, sometimes you just need to give into those murderous impulses, that thirst for alcohol, and the allure of pop-themed montages.

Episode 44 – Batter Up

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 13 Oct 2014 15:53:27 +0000

You can’t be an adventurer, battling the hordes of evil every moment of the day, so let’s take a golf break! But is it really a break, and not simply an battle on the green, with golf clubs as their swords and balls as their magic?

Episode 43 – Gang Stalkers

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 06 Oct 2014 15:31:16 +0000

Our heroes begin investigating the members of the Copperpot family, but they’re not the only ones out there with a job to do. Their rivalry with the other troubleshooting group begins to heat up, and a familiar third party makes itself visible.

Episode 42 – Clipboard Magic

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 15:51:32 +0000

The players go to meet their new employer, but find it strangely difficult to reach him. But don’t worry, with enough manure, ribbon candy, and wizard posters, anything is possible!

Episode 41 – Wicker Basket

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:46:25 +0000

It’s finally time for our heroes to decide what quest they spend the next 60 years trying to beat! Will it be a story of familial love, a task of public service, or some aid for the youth of tomorrow?

Episode 40 – Corn Maze

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 16:02:51 +0000

The dark of the night falls away, taking it’s horrors with it. Our heroes wake and ready for another harrowing day of troubleshooting. Where will the new dawn take them?

Episode 39 – Wake Up Dad

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 08 Sep 2014 15:43:05 +0000

Day 2 finally ends, and our heroes are rewarded with baths, beds and delicious vegetarian dishes. Now all they need is a long period of completely unbroken and totally uneventful sleep.

Episode 38 – Teacher’s Pet

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 01 Sep 2014 15:45:55 +0000

In what is most likely to become a theme, our heroes stare down the long arm of the law. Can they convince the cops that they had nothing to do with this mangled body they’re standing over?

Episode 37 – Booze Hatchet

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 15:41:28 +0000

The final battle with Pal commences, and uncertainty hangs in the air. Will they save Robespierre? Will Pal be conquered with words or with violence? Will Lee Bronne ever tell the party what he saw under the tower?! Will Ragna ever get to hear that song he likes?!

Episode 36 – Back 2 Back

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 18 Aug 2014 15:59:43 +0000

Our heroes get their act together and quickly conquer their foes before heading into the Tom Tit Tot. But what horrors await within it’s dark confines? And will Shira survive alone against Pal, having finally broken through the dome?

Episode 35 – Not An Episode

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 11 Aug 2014 16:26:20 +0000

Climbing further up the tower, the players attempt to defeat the next group of Pal’s friends, but dissension begins to fray the team. Can our heroes regain their teamwork in time to defeat Carl and Not Carl?!

Episode 34 – Secret Sights

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 04 Aug 2014 16:05:04 +0000

Our heroes race to find Pal, as discover a disaster waiting to happen. But everything is not as it seems. Who will discover the truth, and will they share their knowledge?

Episode 33 – Fake Names

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 15:42:00 +0000

Escaping Pal’s illusion, the players waltz right into another. But is this another trick, or something more? And what do Pal and Friends have planned?

Episode 32 – Going Home

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 15:49:18 +0000

With our heroes victorious it’s time for the triumphant return home, to money, baths, and rest. Wait, what do you mean they have to figure out a way out? And who’s that?!

Episode 31 – Whale Explosion

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 16:12:34 +0000

The finale of Smuggler’s Cove, but can our heroes finish in one piece? Vertical wind tunnels, angry kings, explosions, and way too many fish stand between our heroes and victory!

Episode 30 – Final Answer

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 15:29:34 +0000

It’s time to decide what’s really going on. Our heroes visit the various people they’ve encountered on their desperate adventure, and discuss what they think is happening. After all, you need to be confident before you blow something up!

Episode 29 – Signing is Hard

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 15:35:04 +0000

After a vicious fight with the remaining water striders, the mystery of the tower begins looming over the team. Will their pokes and prods yield the answer, or will it mangle them, violently and horribly?

Episode 28 – Too Spooky

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Fri, 27 Jun 2014 15:44:18 +0000

The source of the blue is discovered, as is it’s guardians. Can our heroes win, or will they be too creeped out to swing their swords?

Episode 27 – Dental Work

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:24:48 +0000

What mysteries lie in the depths and heights of the church tower? What are the partygoers, what happens when you stab them a whole bunch, and what’s that guy’s full name? Can the heroes figure it out without lighting Lee Bronne on fire?

Episode 26 – Boatcheeks

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 16:07:26 +0000

It’s time to right the ship! What will happen as the winches are triggered? And what might happen if, just if, someone rolled a 1 during it? And while whatever catastrophe that might be rages, Lee Bronne and Shira begin their assault on the church tower.

Episode 25 – Meat Klub

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 09 Jun 2014 15:38:40 +0000

Odette’s in trouble! Will they, can they, rescue her from certain doom at the hands of screaming monsters, or will they take the strait shot to the church now that the way is clear?

Episode 24 – Joint Hugging Rights

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 16:24:07 +0000

The mining ship explodes with kelpie! Can the players escape to the apothecary with their fantasy C4 without grievously injuring eachother? Gosh I hope not!

Episode 23 – Battle Swaddle

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 26 May 2014 17:35:58 +0000

After taking council from a crazed, semi-lucid conspiracy theorist, the players finally make a concrete plan, and begin searching the various shipwrecks for tools to aid them.

Episode 22 – Super Salt

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 19 May 2014 17:04:07 +0000

Those who escape mount a rescue for those captured, and try to figure out what to do next in the face of impossible odds. It’s not all plans and strategy though, experiments are conducted, new characters are met, and a great betrayal takes place.

Episode 21 – Diplomacy Magic

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:31:20 +0000

When trying to communicate with a strange, unseen, but seemingly all-powerful force, you should probably not start throwing money in it’s face or peeing on it. Just a friendly tip should you find yourself in a similar situation as our heroes.

Episode 20 – Emergency Baptism

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:30:04 +0000

When presented with strange cultists born from blood, trapped in an indefensible tavern, and moments from being overwhelmed by a army of crazed, screaming enemies, it’s important to keep your priorities strait. Because the most important thing in that moment is pouring a keg of beer over your bro’s head.

Episode 19 – MURDERPARTY

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:28:34 +0000

Who knows what awaits the player’s in the darkness of the sewers? Who knows where the quest to find blue water will lead them? What darkness, what horrors, await them in Smuggler’s Cove?! Oh wait, it’s just a party! That’s a relief! Ignore the episode title, everything is going to be fine!

Episode 18 – Adventure Game Logic

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:27:35 +0000

A short meeting with the illustrious Robespierre` nets our Heroes access to the sewers, along with some unwelcome accompaniment. Can they ditch their chaperones long enough to find out the truth under the city? Can Lee Bronne really eat that much spaghetti? Will Crispin ever get a drink?!

Episode 17 – #BootyClub

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:26:08 +0000

Before our heroes can journey into the depths of the sewers, they need to journey to The Tower of Commerce, and seek an audience with the illustrious Prefect Robespierre. And they might as well stop and buy some tea while they’re at it.

Episode 16 – Bird Charming

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:25:08 +0000

Escaping from the magical doll house, the heroes continue on to their employer. The quest to find out why water is blue will be a treacherous one, filled with strange otherworldly rivals, talking birds, magical bags, and crabs!

Episode 15 – Revenge of The Toy Store

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:23:56 +0000

A rift is created in the group on how to deal with the surprise marionette, and Shira storms out in anger. While the rest of the group decides what their first paying job is gonna be, she visits the Loggerspoole toy store, and attempts to figure out what sinister secrets lurk there. Unfortunately, she just might find them.

Episode 14 – I’m Not Crazy

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:21:53 +0000

The battle over, Lee Bronne and Ragna try to discover the nature of their attackers, and clean some of the mess. The players wake and ready for their first day of real work, though not everyone reacts well to their nightly adventures. Lord Zappa in particular seems a little on edge.

Episode 13 – Horror Birds

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:20:46 +0000

While Ragna and Lee Bronne fight for their lives, the rest of our party relaxes in their homes, secure in their beds. Or are they?! One by one, the party experiences strange nighttime phenomena, unsure if they’re dreaming or not.

Episode 12 – Free Actions

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:18:48 +0000

Lee Bronne finds himself all alone against a group of intruders! With the rest of the group out partying and resting, only his own cunning and ingenuity can save him now, but will it be enough? Or is this the end of this young hero’s story?

Episode 11 – What’s His Name?

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:17:37 +0000

The task finally complete, our hero’s return the urn triumphantly to it’s “owner”. Questions still remain, mysteries lie unanswered, but there are more things to tackle than strange rings and strange manors. Like tidying up and getting crunk!

Episode 10 – Oh My

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:16:32 +0000

After deadly traps, deadly killers, and deadly fire, our heroes are almost home free! Just one more step, and it’s over! But Jack Honey and Sweets certainly aren’t going to make it easy on them. Did it just get really hot in here, or is it just me?

Episode 9 – We Need Water

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:15:10 +0000

Well we got 9 episodes in before lighting everything on fire! That sounds like a success to me, though hopefully Shira doesn’t end up being a part of that “everything. With the group all together again, can they punch a fire into submission? Well they certainly will try!

Episode 8 – Man-Off

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:13:46 +0000

And the action just keeps getting hotter! The players may have reached the urn, but things just get worse and worse. Can they figure out how to safely remove their treasure, all while dodging multiple traps, a violent psychopath, and an overeager young bard? Does Shira think it all belongs in a museum? And how many foreign objects can Ragna collect in his meat? Find out on tonight’s exciting episode!

Episode 7 – You Should Turn Around

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:12:09 +0000

The action explodes, all at once! Angry landlords, violent lumber, robot fashion police! Can our heroes stay in one piece long enough to repo some pottery?

Episode 6 – A Strange Manor

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:10:19 +0000

Lee Bronne meets up with the rest of the crew, and makes sure to make the best first impression that he can. Bolstered by the addition of their obviously competent new bard, the team heads out to complete a small inconsequential task so that they might complete their first small, inconsequential task. It may or may not involve kneecaps.

Episode 5 – Jack Honey and Sweets

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:08:38 +0000

The players come up with a plan to pay the rent that may or may not involve ransacking their bosses home, Lolani goes on a rampage in a toy store, and a new hero joins the fray!

Episode 4 – Fantasy Fine Print

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:06:07 +0000

Finally, Mortimer Crim stands before our players, and a life of adventure and heroics awaits! But first, there’s a little matter of a contract. And then, after all that hemming and hawwing over possibly signing themselves into a life of slavery, the players are given their first noble quest!

Episode 3 – Roll For Doorknobs

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:04:44 +0000

If only it was that simple! Having dealt with the crowd, the other players’ patience runs out when Dweezil Zappa walks through the door without waiting. Each of them hatch their own plan to get inside Crim’s office.

Episode 2 – Two Hundred Ball Bearings

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 17:01:57 +0000

It seems like the players aren’t the only people looking for work. But just because there’s a massive and ever growing horde of violent sociopaths getting in their way, does that stop our heroes? Of course not! But do they have the chutzpah, and the tools, to get the job?

Episode 1 – Breakfast Meal

pretendwizards@gmail.com (Pretend Wizards D&D) — Mon, 12 May 2014 16:36:05 +0000

The adventure begins! We meet the players and their characters, who are surely destined to become the best of friends! Introducing Lolani the city guide, Dweezil Zappa the effete dwarvish noble, fantasy-Batman Shira Snow, the orc with a white picket fence Ragna, and the Worlds Greatest Sculptor Crispin Ascalon.