Priceless Good Reads: Reviews for Clean Reads

A Take on Marriage Communication Issues and Divorce

2013-04-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ask almost anyone and they will tell you that any relationship is made stronger through good communication skills. They will also tell you that poor communication, if not handled quickly or properly can tear a relationship apart. If this is all true, then I believe the key point to keeping a healthy marriage is to maintain good communication skills. Every relationship is not perfect and couples will often find themselves facing issues of wrong assumptions, fear or not trusting their partners and misunderstanding their partners. With the prevailing technology of today, most couples may find their communication problems exacerbated if they use their gadgets in the wrong way. If these issues are let to fester, this could lead to a couple ending their marriage in a divorce. However, like most things in this world, I believe marriage can be salvaged from even the worst communication problems. By identifying their marital communication problems and sorting them out, couples can avoid divorce and enjoy a happy and healthy marriage.

There are probably three common miscommunication issues couples faces in their marriages. These come in the form of assumptions, fears and misunderstandings(Henry). It is true to say these three common problems are connected in a common thread. When it comes to communication, assumption is defined as a theory, thought or idea that is accepted as true or certain to happen without solid proof or evidence. This most often stems from the second communication problem of fear. Fear originates from the belief that someone, or in this case one's spouse, is likely to do wrong or cause pain. The third issue most couples deal with is misunderstanding, in which one or both partners fail to understand something correctly. Each of these problems deals its own blow to the relationship. It is unhealthy if a spouse develops a great amount of fear of his or her partner. In this case, one partner constantly dreads the future actions of or expects the worst of his or her partner. This leads him or her to the assumption that his partner's actions or words are a certain way when they are not. Instead of helping the problem, one member of the couple does not let each other truly know what is going on or what he or she expect from each other, therefore this is leads to a misunderstanding and eventually several fights. Other factors like technology gadgets or social media are most likely to make this communication problem worse than better, particularly if the one or both partners in the marriage misuse them.

It is thought that the prevalence of technological advancements like cellphones, ipads, iphones combined with the use of social media like Facebook or Twitter are here to make our life easier and our communication better. But is this really true, especially concerning marriage? In their article “Internet and Cellphone Secrecy”, Cindy and Steve wright claim cellphones are reportedly the cause for trust issues in marriage. Spouses may feel their partner is not being loyal enough or probably cheating when he or she begins to lock their cellphone. Social media like Facebook or MySpace are reported as venues for extramarital affairs online. Many couples have faced infidelity issues because a spouse met “someone else” online (Wright). Is it right to assume that these media sites built for communication amplifies issues of assumption, fear and misunderstanding between a couple? Many people are waking up to the fact that technology is controlling individuals and not only them but even their behaviors and how they relate to others. Everything has stopped becoming up close and personal and has become online, distant and public. Instead of paying attention to those around us, we instead pay attention to those who are online by looking at instagram pictures, the latest tweets or facebook posts. For a married couple, this is a really dangerous position to find themselves in. In order for a marriage to survive and thrive there needs to be a large amount of personal contact, face-to-face conversations and special time in which a couple can show consideration for each other. When it comes to helping communication problems, cellphones and social media are more likely to hurt a relationship than help it. Instead of spending quality time with his wife, a husband may be glued to his phone or ipad catching up on his co-worker or buddies tweets or posts.

In one scenario, a wife may feel frustrated because he is late in coming home again. She may assume he's spending too much time with his female co-worker at work. She's been trying to confront him about the situation and instead of talking about it he opts to shut her out through browsing facebook or playing a game online because he claims her worries are ridiculous. Another couple may realize it's important to have date nights to keep their marriage going. However, at the restaurant, instead of talking to each other and sharing their day, a wife may be tweeting to her girlfriend's about the wonderful place she's eating out at or perhaps the new evening dress she finally got to wear, instead of taking the time to talk to her husband who is feeling neglected and unappreciated. In other words, mobile devices with their social apps only disconnect couples from each other and from the emotional commitment they made to stay faithful to each other and be there for one another. This can be seen in Dave Boehi’s article “Are you married to your cellphone?” In one scenario a husband sent the following text to his wife in response to her trying to get him to talk out their problems instead of texting them. ‘I enjoy texting. Speak message. Little emotion. Can get right to point.’” This shows he felt better about texting out their issues rather than taking the time to sit down with his wife and solve the problem.

With all the problems of miscommunication and digital interferences, couple’s need to sit down with each other and come up with a sensible plan to save their marriages. First of all, couples need to get rid of all the distractions these include their gadgets, friends, or even their children. In a quiet a place where they can talk undisturbed, a couple needs to acknowledge that they are having miscommunication problems and are in deep trouble. Each spouse needs to accept that his or her partner is different and therefore see things differently. From there, both need to address each communication problem they are facing. Black Marriages suggests one good way to do this is for each partner to open up and talk honestly. In talking honestly, a husband or wife must be sensitive to their significant other's feelings and try as much as possible to change negative statements to positive statements. The best way to open up a conversation before stating an opinion about a spouse is to acknowledge them. The spouse acknowledges his or hers good points before diving into the negative. Another important point when a couple is establishing communication is to create a two way exchange. This means when one spouse is talking, the other needs to give him or her, his or hers undivided attention and really listen to what's being said, before responding or making their point. By opening up and letting one's partner in, a person can talk about their plans and how they see things differently, thereby avoiding a misunderstanding in the future. These sit down talks done regularly can clear up an assumptions or fears a spouse may have about his or hers “other half”, and thereby prevent miscommunication problems. What happens when a couple can barely stand each other or they always end up cutting in whenever the other is talking? Then it's wise to get a third party to intervene and guide the healing process of the broken communication of a husband and wife.

To conclude, we see when couples do not take time to identify and sort out their communication problems, they end up having a lot of trouble in their relationships. In the present time, technological advancements, mobile devices and social media applications serve to hurt a married couple's marriage rather than help it. Couples should devise rules for no gadgets at the meal table or restaurants. Couples should also devise a way to talk about pressing issues face to face instead of over the phone or internet and do so face-to-face. Married couples in general need to appreciate the bond they have with each other by learning to love each other by making their relationship through good communication their priority. As Bob Herbert said in his article Tweet Less, Kiss More “Try kissing more and tweeting less. And stop talking so much. Listen. Other people [A husband or wife] have something to say, too.” (Herbert,2010). When a couple takes the time to improve communication and watch each other improve in the way they relate to each other, they will reap the benefits and hopefully avoid getting a divorce .

Sources:

Black Love and Marriage.COM (2011)

Miscommunication in Marriage: The Root of Your Problems

http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2011/11/miscommunication-in-marriage-the-root-of-your-problems/

Boehi, Dave (2012)

Are You Married to Your Cell Phone?

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/communication/are-you-married-to-your-cellphone#.UWiYzzfUhwd

Cozzone, Kelly (2011)

Cell Phones can Cause Marriage Problems

http://www.examiner.com/article/cell-phones-can-cause-marriage-problems

Henry

Miscommunication

http://www.articlesalley.com/article.detail.php/281791/53/College-University/Reference-and-Education/6/Miscommunication

Herbert, Bob (2010)

Tweet Less, Kiss More. The New York times, 2010, pA-19

Jordan, Mark (2008)

Marriage Miscommunication – What Are You Saying?

http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/marriage-miscommunicationwhat-are-you-saying-647719.html

Wright, Cindy, Wright, Steve

Internet and Cell Phone Secrecy – Marriage Message #77

http://www.marriagemissions.com/internet-and-cell-phone-secrecy-marriage-message-77/

Mara, Daughter of the Nile by Eloise J McGraw

2012-08-08T18:29:00.001-07:00

Mara, Daughter of the Nile

Eloise Jarvis McGraw

Series/Novella/Standalone: Standalone

PRG Rating: 8.2 – A Really Clean Read

Publisher: Puffin

Date:
October 1985

Book Genre: Ancient Historical Fiction; Mystery; Romance

Audience: 12+ (Tweens, Teens, Adults)

Mara's a slave in Egypt. Though beautiful, she's proud and feisty. In a change of fate, Mara finds herself sold to a new mysterious owner. Her new task as a slave is a messenger and spy to discover who leads the rebellion against Pharaoh. However, everything is not as simple as it seems when Mara finds herself caught in a web because she's working for the rebellion too. Will Mara outsmart these two opposing parties that she serves? Or will she be caught in the web of deceit and betrayal and face the consequences?

As far as they come, this is a really great historical read. Eloise Jarvis weaves this tale elaborately. The twists in the plot are enough to keep the reader on their seats. We had quite a few surprises here and there, but in the end the story was wrapped up nicely. The characters (especially the protagonist) displayed all sorts’ courage, bravery, and loyalty - remarkable traits we can all learn from. Mara is a good heroine. She lies often to get her way but when put to the test she proves that nobility comes from inner strength and not by birth. You'll also meet great characters like the sly Sheftu and the grouchy Nekonkh. If you're into ancient historical reads, love mystery and suspense and love the Egyptian dynasty, then this book is definitely for you! We thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more books by this author.

Nala's thoughts: I have been on the hunt for good ancient historical reads. When I got this one, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised. I went through so many rollercoaster emotions during the entire read. Definitely up there with my favorites.

Jo's thoughts: Rags to riches, Fairytale endings? I am game! This was a delightful read!!

Content Review

Score: 8.2

Themes/Topics Explored:

Violence - (Score 1.5):

A girl is whipped on a few occasions.
A man threatens a woman with death; he says it lightly and later attempts to kill her.
A man kills three men.

Profanity/Swearing - (Score 1.9):

A young woman uses rude language or some sort of ancient swear(Not graphic or Current = Just plain rude)

Sexual Content - (Score 1.5):

A young man flirts with a young woman
About a page’s worth of a romantic kiss scene
Two other kisses in the rest of the book

Alcohol/Drugs - (Score 1.7):

People at a party are described as drunk
Several of the characters drink wine throughout the book

Disrespectfulness/Wrong Attitudes - (Score 1.6):

A girl steals on a few occasions.
A young woman is rude to people

Total Points Out of 10: 8.2

*Special Note: This is an Ancient Fiction based on the Egyptian Dynasty. It has a lot of mentions of Egyptian Deities.

Hope of Refuge by Cindy Woodsmall

2012-08-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hope of Refuge

Cindy Woodsmall

~~Series~~/Standalone/Novella: Ada'sHouseSeries

PRG Rating: 8.6 – A Really Clean Read

Publisher: WaterBrook Press
Date: August 11, 2009

Book Genre: Amish

Audience: 13+ (Teens, Adults)

Cara Moore is a single mother who lives in New York. A dangerous encounter as a foster kid has led Cara to a life on the run. When the situation gets out of hand, Cara and her daughter Lori set out to find refuge in a place Cara isn’t sure even exists - An Amish community. There Cara meets an old childhood friend - Ephraim Mast. Ephraim Mast is a member of good standing in his Amish community yet finds himself drawn to this reserved woman. Ephraim feels compelled to follow the Lord's voice which tells him to 'Be me to her'. He is determined to do it even if it tears him away from his community. Deborah Mast, a young woman in the Amish community deals with heartache and loss as her fiancé leaves the community. In addition, the secrets of Cara's mother ripple beneath the surface. When these come to light, will Cara find the refuge she's been seeking? Is there hope for Cara and Lori to find peace among the disapproving community? Will she find out why her mother left? Will her heart finally start to heal?

We found the Hope of Refuge to be quite a wonderful and refreshing read. The character's conflicts were so realistic; it was like watching a movie. The plot had so many twists in it, we weren't too sure how it would turn out. But it all turned out quite well. Reading this book was eye-opening and we felt we had made some new friends. We're definitely looking forward to finishing the rest of the series. If you are unsure about trying Cindy Woodsmall - we recommend reading her books - this one's a good start too(You could also try Sisters of the Quilt - her first series).You won't regret it.

Nala's thoughts: I had thoroughly enjoyed Sisters of the Quilt series. I wasn't sure how would like Cindy's new series, but wasn't I surprised? I really enjoyed this read - it's definitely one of my favorites. The characters are all so loveable =)

Jo's thoughts: Hope of refuge had some big boots to fill after the Sisters of the Quilt series. Boy, didn’t it fill them. I really felt the characters were well explored and I felt like I knew them. They were like old friends. A keeper? Definitely!

Content Review

Score: 8.6

Themes/Topics Explored:

· The effects of living in foster care

· Dealing with Stalkers

· Marriage for convenience

· Betrayal by loved ones

· Single Motherhood

· Reaching out to those who need support

· Standing up for what's right even though it's considered wrong

· True Friendship

· Rejection

· Excommunication

· Family Secrets/ Problems

Violence - (Score 1.8):

A woman hits a man.

Profanity/Swearing - (Score 2): None

Sexual Content - (Score 1.6):

· 3 kisses in the entire book

· Mentions of harasser trying to "get into a woman's bed"

· Mentions of family planning

· A woman's midriff shows in couple of scenes in the book

· A man caresses a woman's cheek

· A woman in her midriff top dances in front of a man.

· A woman mentions 'inviting her husband into her bed'

Alcohol/Drugs - (Score 1.5):

· A woman often has cravings to smoke

· A woman works at a bar, there are mentions of drinking.

· A mention of a woman using drugs

· A man smokes

Disrespectfulness/Wrong Attitudes - (Score 1.7):

· A Woman often comes off as rude

· A man refuses to listen to authority

· A woman steals on several occasions

Total Points Out of 10: 8.6

*Special Note: This is a Christian Fiction. So there are mentions of Jesus Christ, Prayer, Relying on God, Attending Church and reading the Bible.

Aurelia by Anne Osterlund

2012-08-07T10:23:00.001-07:00

Aurelia
Anne Osterlund

Series/Novella/Standalone: Standalone

PRG Rating:8.7 - A Highly Clean Read

Publisher: Speak

Date: April 2007

Book Genre: Young Adult/Romance

Audience: 12+ (Tweens, Teens, Adults)

This book is really interesting. It's set in the fictious land of Tyralt - A bit of alternate Historical World. Princess Aurelia is heiress to the throne. But not all is well. Someone's out to kill the princess. Amidst all of this is Aurelia's hand in marriage on the line and the return of her childhood friend. Robert is hired to investigate who's behind the attempts to kill Aurelia. As he begins to investigate the threats he finds himself spending more time with the feisty Princess, and soon their relationship becomes more than a friendship. Aurelia soon joins Robert in the search to find the assassin, the secrets they discover will rock both their worlds. Will they manage to stop the assassin in time? Who is the Assassin?

When my sister and I bought this book we weren't too sure what to expect of it. But after reading it's clear that Anne Osterlund definitely has a style and flair of her own. We thoroughly enjoyed every bit. It was clean, the plot was intriguing and the characters were loveable. This is an edgy fun story and the ending leaves you begging for more. However the ending has a really wicked twist that makes it bitter sweet. Overall, a really great read.

Nala's thoughts: I was craving a good princess story and I'm glad to say this one really satisfied it. I just wish there were more books like this out there. I really enjoyed it, and I'd say this one's definitely a keeper! =)

Jo's thoughts: I didn't know what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised. I thoroughly enjoyed this one and would recommend it.

Content Review

Score: 8.7

Themes/Topics Explored:

What it means to be an heiress to the throne
Assissination Threats
Betrayal
Friendship
Moving from friendship to more than just "friends"
Loyalty
What it means to live a threatened life
Blending in with common or rather "normal" people
Political Marriage Arrangements
Marrying for power and not for love
Disobedience to Authority or Parent Figures
Doing what's right even though it's viewed as wrong

Violence/Gore -(Score 1.5):

Many assissination attempts on the princess

Two young men duel intensely with each other and one of them gets hurt

A man is stamped on by horse

A young man throws up

Profanity/Swearing - (Score 2): None
Sexual Content -(Score 1.8):

Two Kisses in the entire book

At a dance a man tries to touch the bodice of a young woman

At a party a young woman flirts with a young man

Alcohol/Drugs (Score - 1.8):

At a dance several men are described as drunk and act so

Disrespectfulness/Wrong Attitudes - (Score 1.6):

A young woman comes off as rude sometimes disrespectful
A young woman disrespects her father's wishes

Total Points Out of 10: 8.7

Hawaiian Dreams by Carole Gift Page

2012-08-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

Hawaiian Dreams - Romancing America
Carole Gift Page

Series/Novella/Standalone: Standalone

PRG Rating: 8.5 - A Really Clean Read

Publisher: Barbour

Date: October 2010

Book Genre: Christian Romance

Audience: Ages 13+ (Teens and Adults)

Hawaiian Dreams is part of the Romancing America line. It's one book that containing three stories set on the beautiful islands of Hawaii.

The first story, By the Beckoning Sea is based on the story of Ashley Bancroft, an editor who's jilted at the altar by her fiance. Amidst her depression Ashley's offered a a new job with bestselling author Anthony Adler.In Hawaii Ashley begins to heal as she helps Adler with his next book. Soon feelings get in the way and both find themselves attracted to the other. However, Anthony seems to be a mysterious individual with a past.He's also deeply grieving his wife's death and feels guilty about it. Ashley on the other hand is fighting her mixed feelings between Anthony and her ex-fiance. To top it all, it seems Anthony is keeping secret. Will this secret destroy the relationship between Ashley and Anthony? Will Ashley get over her ex-fiance?

The second story is To Love A Gentle Stranger. Marnie and Jeff Jordan have been happily married for few months, but a terrible car accident throws everything out of balance. Marnie loses her memory and becomes a different person altogether. Even worse she's forgotten her husband, Jeff. It's up to Jeff to begin courting Marnie again and reminding them of the life they once had. However this proves to be difficult as many challenges between the couple arise. Will Jeff and Marnie ever get back to living happily married again?

The third story - Sweet Joy of My Life - is about artist Kayli Akimo who's moving back to Hawaii with her Aunt. Back in Hawaii Kayli struggles with her fear of fire, she also meets two guys - an architect and a firefighter. Which of these two is really the right one for her? Who will be the one who stands by her or the one who tries to harm her?

We think Carole Gift Page did a good job of writing and bringing her charachters to life. The first two stories are definately the best in the book and display problems many face in the world today.All the women rely on their faith and relationship with God to work their confusing lives out to bring about a happy ending. The description of the surroundings is like taking a tour of Hawaii. The first story was good, but the relationship could have been developed better.

The second story was well researched.Having had an aunt go through a coma, and suffering abit from amnesia it was nice to see this particular topic written about in a book. It wasn't as predictable as we thought, it had an interesting twist to it at the end.

The third story, however, seemed like a bad ending to a good series. The characters were underdeveloped, the relationship rushed, and the villain was overall unnecessary. Over all it was a bearable book with not much of a story, certainly didn't beat the first two. Not much sight seeing in this one.

Overall, We did enjoy the book, and yes we would read it again.

Nala's thoughts: This book is great overall and is good read if you want to read about Hawaii. I was bit disappointed with the third story though - it didn't seem as captivating as the first two.

Jo's thoughts: I enjoyed the first and second books, it's like taking a mind tour of Hawaii. In the second book I found Jeff to be an easy character to love, Marnie was a little irritating and tested my patience.

Content Review:

Score: 8.5

Themes/Topics Explored:

One being jilted at the altar and how one deals with it
Working with a renowned author
How fame affects people
Alcohol Abuse and how it affects one
Suffering from guilt and how to free oneself from it
Learning to forgive oneself in order to move on
Dealing with two love interests at one time
The effects of car/motor accidents
Amnesia and how one responds to those around them
Learning to love again
Suffering from memory loss and how to be functional person again
Dealing with childhood fears and overcoming them.
Arson and why some people to do it.

Violence/Gore -(Score 1.5):

A man roughly handles a woman in anger.
A man and woman are involved in a terrible accident. There's a description about bloody injuries etc.
A woman pushes a man away
A man sets fires deliberately
A young man traps a young woman in a house in which he has set fire to. He roughly handles the woman.

Profanity/Swearing - (Score 2): None

Sexual Content -(Score 1.5):

A couple of kisses in all the stories.
In the first story a woman and man swim in the pool together .
In the second story a wife claims "she's not ready to perform her wifely duties yet".
In third story, there is a bit of an inappropriate scene in which a man forces a woman to kiss him- not really graphic, but does make one feel uncomfortable.

Alcohol/Drugs (Score 1.8):

A man suffers from Alcohol addiction - there mentions of him holding a bottle and acting weird.He also claims to have been drunk sometime in the past.

Disrespectfulness/Wrong Attitudes - (Score 1.7):

A woman is often disrespectful to her spouse and treats him badly
A young man is often disrespectful to his father
A young man has crazy obsession with setting fires on purpose because he wanted to control the fire's power.

Total Points Out of 10: 8.5

*Special Note: This is a Christian Fiction. So there are mentions of Jesus Christ, Prayer, Relying on God, Attending Church and reading the Bible.