The last pair of sneakers I got weren’t exactly selected by a scientific process… I walked into Dick’s Sporting Goods and picked the prettiest pair of shoes I could find in the clearance section. They felt pretty good, but then, I didn’t really know what I was looking for, so I wasn’t too terribly picky. They’ve served me well for me for the last four years, but the time had come for an upgrade.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago asking for advice on the topic, and several people suggested going to a store where they could do a fitting.

So that’s what I did.

Enter Luke’s Locker – a local store that specializes in helping athletes select shoes that will be best suited for their particular activity. When I walked in, I immediately was greeted by someone who took my name and assigned me to a Luke’s Locker Team Member, Sam. Sam took a few minutes to ask me about my activity level and what kind of workouts I’d be doing in my shoes. I told him I planned to run short distances (1 to 2 miles) several times a week and do Crossfit 3-5 times a week.

Sam wrote all this down and then asked me to take off my current socks and shoes and walk around a little bit so he could watch my feet. It turns out I have a high arch and my right foot tends to point out a little bit. These are things we can worth with, Sam told me.

He brought me several different styles to try. One pair was specifically made for CrossFit. It had almost no sole, and was made to be flexible front to back and side to side. They felt good, but we decided they probably didn’t have the arch support I needed for running.

In the end, these are the pair we decided on – the Nike Free 4.0

Nike Frees

Bonus that they happen to be really cute in addition to feeling great. And, even more importantly, Sam solved a problem for me. I told him that when I run lately, I’ve been experiencing numbness in my toes. He took a look at my foot and was able to diagnose the problem pretty quickly: a bone spur on the top of my foot.

Easy Solution

Notice how there’s a gap in between the laces in the center of the tongue of the shoe. By skipping some of the loops, the pressure over the bone spur is eliminated, thus allowing me to run without getting numb toes. Hooray!

So thank you Sam, and thank you Luke’s Locker!

P.S. This is what I get to come home to every night. What a face.

Dawwwwww....

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

So a few rounds of CrossFit and guess what? My muscles are so achy I can’t sit without wincing in pain. Don’t get me wrong – I sort of love it. I feel strong, and even though they aren’t exactly visible yet, I can tell I’m starting to develop muscles.

Ok, but back to the pain.

So after about the third day of feeling like I’d been body checked by Team Canada and realizing it wasn’t getting any better, I sent out an SOS via Twitter. Thankfully, fellow-Crossfitter Ashley, of Ash & Diz, heard my plea for help and offered a solution: the Rumble Roller. My gosh, that Rumble Roller has most assuredly saved lives.

Ready to Rumble!

Basically, it’s a foam-roller with little nubs all over it. According to my research (the sum of which I have gathered entirely from the pamphlet that came with the rollers) the little nubs are supposed to resemble a masseur’s thumbs, working out the kinks and knots in your muscles. The usage itself is pretty self-explanatory. Well, I should clarify that. Even though you understand what you’re doing (I’m rolling over this thing to try and restore mobility to my otherwise destroyed body, obvs), others may think you’ve lost your mind. All three of my roommates looked at me like I’d grown a third eye when they saw me in the living room.

“Uh… what are you doing?”

“Surviving. Don’t judge me.”

Ok, here’s the only downside. The Rumble Roller ain’t exactly cheap, but I’m sure if you’re a savvy shopper you can find it cheaper than the retail price of $75. (I know, I know). Still, for muscles sore from a grueling workout – I highly recommend this thing.

Love it!

And there is good news. Crossfit, like any workout regimen, gets easier. Well, easier probably isn’t the word. But your body starts to adjust to the punishment. I’m three weeks in, and even though I still wonder whether my coaches are teaching me to exercise or secretly preparing me for a full-contact cage match, I can truthfully say I’m enjoying the challenge.

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

“That’s all I could think,” I told the girls in my Community Group. “What. Intheworld. Ishappening.”

Up until that very moment, when I was standing behind my sister looking into the mirror with her during one of her final dress fittings this weekend, I hadn’t been the least bit bothered by the fact that she was taking the plunge before me.

In fact, I’ve never spent much time worrying about marriage at all, which I fully regard as a blessing. I know for many women my age, singleness is a bitter, painful struggle. While I sympathize deeply with my girlfriends when they express disappointment and frustration over the “relationship void” in their lives, it wasn’t something I could ever personalize.

But my gosh did it hit me hard that day. My younger sister, beautiful and glowing in yards and yards of buttery-white fabric, practicing her walk down the isle, talking about how she’ll do her hair…

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I don’t begrudge her this excitement – she’s my sister, after all. How can I be anything but happy for her? And yet, I can hear the subtle whisper of fear in the back of my mind… “You’re behind. You’ve screwed up royally somewhere along the line, and you can’t fix it.”

Those thoughts had to be dismissed – I couldn’t risk losing that precious time with my family because of selfishness and bitterness. But later, when all was said and done and I was alone, the thoughts came back.

“With a vengeance,” I told the girls. “And I was so frustrated with myself for letting this bother me. I’m fine, right? I’m still a person, with or without a boyfriend or marriage or whatever else.”

I looked up and found a table full of girls, all looking back at me with compassion and knowing half-smiles. Frances put her arm around me and pulled me close. “Welcome to the club, Elle. Would you like one of our T-shirts?” Laughter. They get it. They get me. And we spend the rest of breakfast swapping stories and encouraging each other – none of us is in this alone.

So I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that the Bible Study I’m working through right now is on the book of Joshua, and that what I’m learning about God’s character is exactly the thing to quell my anxiety.

In Joshua, God commands the Israelites to march around the city of Jericho (an enemy they need to defeat) for seven days in complete silence. On the seventh day, seven priests are to loudly blow into ram’s horns while all the people of Israel shout.

I know what the Israelites had to be thinking. Um, this doesn’t exactly seem like a great plan. Or even a good one. Or even one that will work. How does marching around a heavily armed, double walled city in complete silence supposed to guarantee victory? If anything, the people of Jericho will just thing we’re crazy… or very, very lost.

But on the seventh day, as the priests blew into the ram’s horns and the people of Israel shouted, the stone walls of Jericho crumbled to the ground – nothing was left standing. The city was conquered, and Israel’s enemies were destroyed. The story of their victory spread, and no one else in that area dared touch them or get in their way.

It was never Israel’s job to comprehend the mind of God. Their job was only to obey Him. Humbly, faithfully, even when the plan seemed all wrong and they couldn’t begin to fathom a successful outcome, the job was simply to obey.

For every one thing I can find to complain about, I have 10 things to be thankful for. And even when there’s pain I don’t understand or circumstances that don’t seem to make any sense, I am reminded by scriptures that there is nothing new  under the sun. Being close to God has never guaranteed distance from adversity. I was never promised a life full of all the plans and things that I think are best.

Rather, the thing to grasp is joy, which is far better than ephemeral happiness. Joy, which is the product of confidence in God’s unchanging character. So for today, I’ll walk in obedience – being intentionally grateful for the path He has determined for me, because He has promised that it will carve me into the woman he wants me to be.

And where, in all those good things, do I have time for bitterness?

(A friend sent me this post this morning. The girl who wrote it seems to be having a similar experience, and even referenced the same part of scripture! Go figure!)

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

If you’ve been scratching your head trying to figure out what Crossfit is, you aren’t alone.

I wasn’t even sure myself, until I started doing it. I had tried to research it several times, never with much luck. All I knew is that it was some kind of exercise system and it seemed to be pretty expensive.

Ok, so here’s the deal…

All that’s required of you is that you show up. Probably best if you do so with a water bottle in tow.

The gym is little more than a garage, and the equipment is equally basic. Barbells, chin-up bars, floor mats, medicine balls, kettle bells, things like that. You won’t see the “exercise machines” you’re accustomed to seeing in the average gym.

The coaches are men and women who LOVE to exercise. Like, eat it, breathe it, live it, love it. I can only speak for the ones I’ve been around, but they’re a good group of people. Don’t expect sympathy or coddling though. The coaches are there to push you harder than you would push yourself. They’re also there to make sure you are using correct form and using the right muscles for each exercise so you won’t injure yourself. If you’re lucky… you might get a little eye candy out of the deal too. Today, we were instructed to “watch our coach’s legs and butt” while he performed a footwork exercise. Heh heh… just sayin…

Ok, and now for the workouts themselves…

Yeeowzaa. Get ready to feel some pain, because you truly will be performing exercises that require you to get out of your comfort zone. You’ll use muscles you aren’t accustomed to using, and most of the time you’ll be doing things that require your whole body to get involved. Rarely do you work out “just arms” or “just abs.” The workouts are designed to be dynamic and to engage as many muscle groups as possible at a high intensity level. The expectation is that you will complete the task given you to the best of your personal ability, and that you will commit to continuous improvement. This is all done in a group/class setting, so it’s the best of both worlds – you get the personal trainer, and you get the workout community.

Personally, I know I’ve found something that will work. The competitive element is motivating for me, and I appreciate being able to show up and know for certain I’m going to get my butt kicked by people who know what they’re doing.

The cost will vary depending on where you live and what gym you attend. For me, it’s money well spent. The regular gym was great, but I don’t know how to use half the equipment and, even if I did, I know I’ll never make myself work out as hard as I will for a coach/personal trainer. Plus, I don’t have to plan the workout – they do it for me, and that saves me time.

Crossfit isn’t going to be for everyone, and that’s ok. Just know that this is one more option that’s out there for you to try. Most Crossfit gyms (or “boxes,” as they call them) will let you come in and try a session for free to see if it will be a good fit for you and your personal fitness needs/goals.

Got questions? Let me know – I’ll get in there and answer them as best I can. Disclaimer though – I’m not a professional, nor am I an official representative of Crossfit – I just love going!

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

Your body won’t break.

That’s what I keep thinking to myself as I’m looking at the grass below me. The temptation is to think “I’m dying” or “I can’t do this.” The challenge is to let myself actually feel every ounce of anger, frustration, panic, pain, fear – all of those things – and channel them into something else: determination.

This must be the hardest pushup I’ve ever done in my life. That’s because it isn’t really a pushup, it’s a burpee – meaning I have to do a pushup that turns into a jump and then turns into a pushup again. I’m about to lose my Christianity – I am so sore, and everyone else is finishing before me, and here’s the panic again, swelling inside me. But no, I will not let it overwhelm me. I will grit my teeth and focus on getting through just this one burpee… and then the next…

Bodies are capable of doing amazing things, this is a fact. I know it is true because I can see my coaches in front of me, each muscle on their bodies visible and toned. If they can get there, I can too. The same rules of physics that apply to me also apply to them. They had to start somewhere, and I have to start somewhere.

I tighten my core and bring my legs forward, pausing for a second to prepare myself to spring up into the air. EVERYTHING HURTS. EVERYTHING. The coach is coming over to me now.

“Remember, you want to be powerful, not just fast,” he says. His face is intense, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. My legs are shaking so hard I’m having trouble balancing.

“I want you to tighten everything as you come up, let the power start in your calves and come up through your hips.”

I want to punch his ever-loving lights out. Wait. No I don’t. Try to forget the pain and focus on what he’s saying.

That’s the thing about all this. I’m figuring out that my body is capable of so much more than I give it credit for. The reason I’m frustrated is because I’m weak and out of shape, and the reason I’m weak and out of shape is because up until now I’ve let myself skip exercising because it’s uncomfortable. And embarrassing. And hard. But am I proud of that? Am I willing to go through another summer wearing coverups at the swimming pool simply because I’m not willing to make myself a little uncomfortable when I’m working out? Hell no.

I spring forward and let gravity take me down into the next pushup.

Your body won’t break. I think it over and over and over and over again in my head. This is my body. I am in charge of taking care of it, and I am in charge of disciplining it. I can make it whatever I want it to be, and for the first time, I let myself dream about having a real beach body. Just because I’ve never had one… doesn’t mean I can’t.

But first, I have to get through this next burpee.

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

Sweat is dripping in my eyes and my muscles are shaking. I have to stop for a second – just a quick pause – to regain my focus.

“Don’t stop – you got this!” the blonde coach yells at me. He claps a couple times.  “It WILL end, just remember that.”

I suck in my breath and brace myself for 1o more air squats. My glutes are burning, and the girl next to me is grunting about how hard this exercise is. She doesn’t know it, but she’s motivating me. I may not be the first person in the group to finish this round of exercise, but I sure as hell won’t be the last.

Sweat runs down the side of my cheek and puddles on the ground. Keep going.

The lady next to me is counting down her squats too. After this, we have to sprint across a field and then do lunges. But not just any lunges. Lunges where you get into position, jump straight up and switch leg positions (front to back, back to front) in midair, and come back down. And repeat, 20 times over.

This is my first foray into the world of Crossfit, and I love it.

The competition element of it ignites something inside me. With a crowd of people around me all doing the same thing, I’m driven to push myself that much harder. To do the very best I’m able to do at the fitness level I’m at today. But this competition is unique – because it’s also a team. When one person is left trying to finish an exercise, everyone else stops to call out words of encouragement.

Finally, the workout is done. People collapse in the shade, catching their breath, sipping on water bottles. Personally, I take a few deep breaths and try to concentrate on not throwing up. It’s a horrible feeling, but also a good one, because I know I’ve earned the right to be exhausted. Mental note – lunch will henceforth be eaten at my desk postworkout.

Tomorrow will be my second Crossfit workout, followed by two more sessions on Wednesday and Thursday.

I can’t stinking wait.

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

sil·hou·ette/ˌsilo͞oˈet/

I’m the last person up, and it’s late. Too late. The rest of my email will have to wait for tomorrow. I close my laptop and stretch, then gather my heels in my hand and start turning off the lights around me. Another stretch. Wipe the sleep from eyes and pull out the pins holding my hair away from my face. Pad quietly across the living room toward the hallway with the bedrooms.

I turn into the hallway and take a mental photo of the distance from where I am to my bedroom door just before reaching to flip off the last light. And it’s right then that I happen to look up and see a silhouette in the glass of a large frame at the end of the hallway.

My silhouette.

For just a moment, my brain disagrees with my eyes. Not my body. Can’t be, but sure enough, it is. Gentle hourglass like curves hugged by a navy blue high-wasted skirt and keyhole blouse are faintly visible. Upon closer inspection, those curves wouldn’t be nearly as attractive, marred by stretch marks and cellulite and veins and skin that just isn’t as tight it was once upon a time. But here, in the forgiving darkness, those curves are perfect enough.

I’d forgotten, you know. Forgotten what it was like when I didn’t have those curves and didn’t feel very much like a woman. And I smile to myself because I realize that as nice as it is to have them now, there will come a day when I don’t have them anymore. Physical appearance is fleeting after all. Age will take that hourglass away, figuratively as much as literally, and I’ll be left with who I really am.

And who I really am – I’m still figuring that out. But I’m closer now to the answer.

The weight loss was just the beginning. A catalyst, in many ways, because once I figured out that I could tackle weight, that I wasn’t powerless against it, I started discovering other things I could take on too. My attitude. My relationships. My character. What was I living for? What motivated me? What did I really enjoy? Who was I apart from my disordered eating? And what about the whole rest of the world? How can I serve them with my time instead of using it to brood over myself?

And then there’s this other thing. This fear, that I never really named, of men. The truth is, I used to feel a crippling discomfort and shame under their glances. And it was because I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. Not just the size part, but the whole thing. All of me. A million insecurities that all took the form of worry. What if I’m not smart enough? Not stable enough? Funny enough?

See, the weight was just the most obvious problem. The most visible.

But we grow when we overcome difficult things, and if we’re lucky, we learn. We observe our past and our patterns, make changes where it’s necessary and when it is possible, and little by little, we accept.

One more look at the silhouette. Committing it to memory, and turning out the light.

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

Have you ever heard of Crossfit? I hear people rave about it all the time, and I’ve seen some pretty convincing transformations in people I know who have done it.

I’ve looked into it myself a few times, but the price always turns me off of it. It’s definitely more than your average gym membership fees. But then last week, I was walking back to my desk from a meeting when a flyer in the hallway caught my eye…

“FREE CROSSFIT TRIAL”

Aw yeah, baby. The very best time to try something out is when it’s free. The flyer said Crossfit will bring all necessary equipment (barbells and the like) to the premises, and all you have to do is show up in sneakers and workout clothes. It’s during lunch this week on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I’m planning to get in all three days. When the trial is over, they’ll discuss contracts and pricing, and if I like it as much as I think I will, I just might sign up.

One not-so-fun thing I have to deal with after having lost weight is my upper arms. What was once just chubs is now loose skin that would look much better it it was firmed up by some muscle. Same with my legs. And bohiney. And, well… kind of everything. Running has been great, but it doesn’t do much for me in the way of forming and building muscles. Not for my upper body anyway.

What do you think of Crossfit? Have you done it? Do you think it’s worth the $$$?

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

The roasted veggies were getting a little dull – same thing every night. A little olive oil, a little sea salt, a little pepper, a few twigs of rosemary, and into the oven the whole thing goes.

Delicious? Yes, but it was time to spice things up.

So, naturally, I went to a specialty spice store. If you live in Dallas, I can’t recommend it highly enough. The place I went to is called Baked Spice, and it’s kind of a store within a store. The actual  store is called the Lover’s Olive Oil Company (due to it being located on Lover’s Lane).

The ladies who worked there were more than happy to let me try everything and anything. In the end, this is what I purchased. It smells amazing. That’s really the only word I have for you. It gives the vegetables an entirely different flavor profile than the herbs I was using – very robust and savory. Also, when I was telling the ladies how I was cooking my vegetables, they told me that it really isn’t good to heat olive oil more than 350 degrees. That’s a small problem since I roast the veggies at about 475 degrees. Fortunately, there’s an alternative…

Grape seed oil

Grape seed oil, as it turns out, can be heated to any temperature without becoming carcinogenic. Soooo I bought some. It’s really pretty tasteless, and it gets the job done. For extra flavor, I can just start drizzling a little olive oil right when I take the veggies out.

My mixture last night was carrots, Texas sweet onion, squash, zucchini, a portabella mushroom, and asparagus. Really good, and really full of fiber. The leftovers should  be delicious with all those flavors melting together.

Roasted to perfection!

My next project… beans. I’m going to start trying to eat them every day. I bought a package of Garbanzo beans to start with because I’m familiar with them and I know I like them. The only challenge will be figuring when/how to soak them since it takes forever and day. At least, that what it seems like from everything I’ve read. So we’ll see how all that works out…

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.

I’m participating in this season of our office’s Biggest Loser Challenge. Weigh-Ins will be on Thursday.

The accountability factor is great – there’s a giant chart with everyone’s face on it and even though your weight isn’t posted, they do write how much you lost or gained every week for the whole world to see. They used to put a little piggy sticker next to your name if you gained that week – thank goodness we’ve moved away from that. Now they just put a sad face or a cupcake sticker there instead.

If you gain weight, you owe one dollar for each pound you’re up. In the end, there’s a a first, second, and third place winner. First place gets the most money, and the other two get smaller amounts. We’ll see how it goes, but I’ve got high hopes for myself. I’ve won first place twice before, so fingers crossed I can make it happen again.

An update on my SMART goals – I’m doing really well when it comes to taking a lunch to work. I went to Home Goods and bought an insulated lunch box with plenty of room to pack a meal and a couple snacks to get me through the day. The preparation part still wears me out sometimes, but I know if I can do it for at least a month, it’ll just become habit. And no doubt it’s saving me money.

I’ve been running consistently. When I first started doing it again a couple weeks ago, I couldn’t even run all the way to the end of the block. So pathetic. Now I’m almost back up to a mile without stopping. It’s a pretty slow mile, but the progress is encouraging. The body is shockingly resilient. We’ve been blessed with mild temperatures lately, which makes it that much more enjoyable to get outside and burn off a few calories. I do think it may be time to start investigating a new pair of running shoes. If you have a favorite pair or a good recommendation, please leave it in the comments!

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.