Private Victory [dot] com

Why People Don't Trust You

2012-02-05T12:16:42-06:00

Watch what is happening to the Susan G. Koman Foundation right now for a great example of why you may be losing credibility with people.

To summarize... Koman cut off funding to Planned Parenthood, some people got pissed, Koman reinstated funding to keep those people happy, and now almost everybody is pissed.

Comments the organization's Facebook wall:

"When I heard you dropped Planned Parenthood.....I made a donation to the Koman charity......and today I called visa and had it canceled.....what a fraud organization you are......on the national Susan G Koman website you have women wearing pink t-shirts which read....we celebrate life but then you monitarily support abortion which kills life.....unbelievable!!!!!"

"I applauded you for defunding PP. Now that you have caved in, you are to be pitied for lacking the spine to confront baby killers."

"I will never give this organization a dime! Planned Parenthood is primarily an abortion factory!"

"Do you realize next year all this controversy will return? READ THE PRESS RELEASES. The only thing Komen changed their stance on is the policy to not fund orgs under investigation. They will honor this year which they said from go...next year PP will be "eligible" for a new grant...this is just a back pedal to save a little face...I ain't biting this slimy hook!"

"If I didn't think SGK would change their mind again I would write them a check. Ill just send it straight to planned parenthood."

"Susan Korman-You are spineless and never again will I donate to your cause. You are just as bad as the baby killers of Planned Parenthood!"

Remember this...

You cannot please everybody.

Try to do that, which is what Susan G. Koman is attempting, and you'll end up right where they are. Everybody will be skeptical of you and nobody will be happy.

You're much better off taking a stand, isolating some people, and giving those that are left exactly what they want.

15 Years Ago...

2012-01-27T20:38:01-06:00

15 year ago today, while living in Columbus, OH, I took a job in the sales department of a well-established, 75-year-old company. It seemed like a good idea at the time, as I had been dating a woman I'd met while in college, thought we'd get married, and wanted to show her I had some stability. Plus, I thought the money I could make could help grow my almost 2-year-old business.

I was miserable.

And the "stability" I wanted didn't happen...

In the end, I think it was a good experience, because I got very clear about what I didn't want, but what was the cost?

lots of frustration
weekly trips to see a psychologist
a failed relationship with my girlfriend
generally pissing everybody off, because I was pissed and acting like an asshole

Was it worth it? Hell yes. I wouldn't want to do it again, but I survived and I'm better because of it.

In the end, I just walked away... I had a few vacation days, so I told everybody I was going on holiday. What had really happened though was that I had made the decison to move back to Nashville and go balls out with my music business. I bought a house sight unseen, packed up my stuff, and left both Columbus and working for other people for good.

This Will Kill Your Business

2012-01-23T09:45:58-06:00

Finishing up on my new book as well as a fairly large project where the only place my name will appear is on the checks I receive for being involved. The book has taken me almost a year to get this far and the other project has taken several months.

I am close. In fact, I'm so close that I've found myself saying, "It's good enough."

It's easy to do that when you're comfortable.

Comfort is the enemy of excellence.

If you're going to do the work, you might as well do it right. You don't have to, but you'll miss out on the money, the impact, and the satisfaction that comes with a job well done.

God Hates Procrastinators

2012-01-12T20:56:52-06:00

Or is it procrastination itself? You know, love the sinner, hate the sin...

Regardless, I've been working on new book for the last year. I'm really close to being done, with maybe 10,000 words to go, but as I get closer, I find that I'm running into more resistance.

In short, it's getting harder and harder to write.

Have been working with a business coach for the last year and talked to him about this earlier today. His solution was something called a "punitive nudge."

So I've just written out several $250 checks to Westboro Baptist Church and sent them to him. If I miss a day of writing, he mails one.

And I'm not going to let that happen...

Don't Die On This Hill

2012-01-11T22:06:44-06:00

Today is my father's birthday and I've been thinking about the lessons he's taught me over the years. Here is one of them...

About 10 years ago, I had a federal lawsuit filed against me. I had one opinion about the situation and the guy suing me had another. My attorney thought we could fight it.

As you can imagine, something like this is pretty scary. I was talking it over with my father and he told me, "Don't die on this hill."

That doesn't necessarily mean that you should roll over and stop the fight, but even if you can win, realize that there is a price you'll have to pay. You'll use money, time, energy, and other resources that might be better used elsewhere.

In short, don't get caught up in "the priciple" and lose sight of the big picture. Sometimes it's better to walk away and use your energy and resources to create something brand new.

Your Wife...In Bed With Another Man

2012-01-10T18:55:38-06:00

After everything that's gone done in the last couple of weeks, I've gotten a few emails and comments which have basically said, "I want to pick your brain about some of the things you do to stay centered and grounded."

When it comes to being relaxed under pressure, I have one goal...

I want to be the guy who can walk in on his wife in bed with another man and keep cool.

Think about it. This is a situation that has allowed people to get away with murder. The defense? "He saw his wife in bed with another man and went crazy!!"

But it's not really worth going crazy over, is it? Maybe your wife is a bitch and you're better off without her. Or maybe it's something where you should jump in and join the action! There are a million options when something like this happens and most of them have nothing to do with losing your cool.

The bottom line is, even when something "bad" happens, life goes on and you're going to be ok. So why sweat it?

So how to do get to this point? Here are some things that I've found helpful...

Quiet Time Every Morning - Personally, I do pranayama for about 30 minutes. Your version of this may be prayer or meditation, reading inspirational material, taking a warm bath, or going for a walk. I feel the most important aspect isn't what you do, but having an activity that is free of distractions, such as mobile phones, news, computers, kids, or other people.
Physical Exercise Each Day - Exercise has been proven to improve mood, boost energy, and decrease depression. All of these things help when you come under stress.
No Meat (and Very Limited Animal Products) - I stopped eating meat in 1997. I feel better and more "balanced" because of it. Your results may vary.
No Alcohol - Alcohol is one way of dealing with the stresses of life, but the downside far outweighs the positive, in my opinion. Not hear to preach, so I'll leave it at that.
A Good Friend - It's nice to be able to bounce things you're dealing with off a third party. A good friend, who knows where you're coming from, can help you to see aspects of situations that may not be obvious when you're directly involved.

Best wishes in your quest to keep cool under pressure!

I'm Back, Bitches!

2012-01-04T21:57:24-06:00

One week ago, a major income stream for my company was cut off.

Today, everything is back to normal. Almost.

My "money" stuff is back to normal, but during the past few days, I've been implementing a plan to make sure a situation like this never happens again. I still plan to go through with it, so that's going to change a few things.

In short, the plan is:

Renew my focus to ship quality goods.
Diversity income streams, so losing one product, retail outlet, or distributor is painless.

I am very dedicated to this. Funny how one experience and just a few days can jumpstart such massive action.

The timeline of everything went down...

Wednesday: Got notice our distribution contract had been terminated. Immediately called The Big Boss and we composed an email in an attempt to find out more details and get back in.

Thursday: Composed a second email, backing up the previous one with documentation that we're a good partner for this company and want to continue to work with them. Felt like crap all day.

Friday: As we hadn't received a response, we started working on a plan to "go around" the problem. New distribution, revised products, formation of a new company, etc. Felt a little better. Got a massage.

Saturday: As it was both the weekend and New Year's Eve, we didn't expect to hear anything back...and didn't. Physically, I was back to normal. Did a yoga class and went for a hike.

Sunday: Still nothing... Hit the gym.

Monday: Checked out what I'd have to do in order to form a new company, which was part of my plan to diversity things. Would have set everything up that day, but, as the government was observing New Year's Day, I wasn't able to.

Tuesday: Formed new company. Filed with state, got new Tax ID, etc.

Wednesday: Got email from distribution company that "After reviewing your response, we have reinstated your account."

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking, "The sitation sounds really simple." Perhaps on one level, but on another, there were a thousand little things that went into it becuase of what I've experienced since starting my business 1995.

Even the similar distribution situation that happend just a week earlier, and my response to it, affected how I handed this one. What would have happened to "the big one" had I not had the smaller deal fall through?

If you're going through a similar experience, my advice is to trust that you'll use the lessons you've learned so far and, even if things don't "work out" for you, know that you're at least developing skills that will be useful in the future. In addition, I think it's important that you force yourself to "step away" from the situation. For me, this usually involves doing something physical, like hitting the gym; something that will help me get out of my head and more into my body.

Overall, this situation was a good experience. Nothing wakes your ass up more than having a part of your income zeroed out. Thanks to this, I'm much more focused for the new year and everybody involved in my business, from the distribution company to the end customers, will benefit.

I am very, very grateful.

It's Just Money, Right?

2011-12-29T12:43:18-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, after seeing the numbers for November, I was feeling pretty good. We'd been through some good times, some great times, and a few bumps over that last few years, but things were moving along well and everything was consistent. Even "bad" months were still pretty good.

Last week, I got an email from one of our distributors. Apparently, there was a problem regarding the rights to something we were selling through them. We weren't in violation of any laws or doing anything unethical, but there was some contractual stuff with another company, who claimed rights on a similar product, that they didn't feel like disputing.

The bottom line is that the other, larger company won that argument and we lost distribution. One day we were making money, the next day we weren't.

I didn't lose any sleep. Easy come, easy go. There are some things you fight for and other times when your energy is better spent elsewhere.

Yesterday, I got an email from another distributor we deal with notifying me they were terminating our relationship. Still sorting out why. All I can say for sure is that this one was responsible for 10x as much business...

But it's just money, right?

Sure, on one hand. On the other though, it's about people. It's about the well-being of those who work for me and they're counting on me to make decisions and take actions with that in mind.

So what now? That's where I am today.

I've already written about the entrepreneur death spiral and given thoughts on how to deal with it. The "recovery" plan I mentioned is something that I have to go through every time something like this happens...and sometimes multiple times. I've already put that into place.

It's a bitch to get back up when you get kicked in the stomach. That's what I physically feel like right now. I didn't sleep well last night, I'm not hungry, and my mind is so active with processing everything that it feels like I'm going crazy.

It would be extremely easy to blame "big business." That's not fair though.

And I could blame myself for doing these deals, which were ambitious, in the first place. That's not fair either though, because I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing.

The real question... Who is responsible?

It's me. Always.

This isn't over yet. I'm fighting like hell to get it back on track and salvage any aspects of the deal that I can. Beyond that though, I'm keeping in mind that I've experienced a lot worse and there has always been an unexpected silver lining that launched me into the next phase in a big way.

In addition, I'm looking at the positive aspects of what's happening. Something like this, if you let it, can be a great wake up call and help to mold you into an even better person, if by nothing more than shining an light on weaknesses that may not have previously been clear and increasing your capacity to deal with problems.

Fuck the Florida Family Association

2011-12-15T21:59:29-06:00

A quick post to give a FUCK YOU to the Florida Family Association for their 20+ years of telling people how to live their lives and companies how to conduct business.

If you don't like a television show, don't watch it.

If you don't like abortion, don't have one.

If you don't like homosexuals, don't go to Disney World on "Gay Day " or support companies, like Southwest Airlines, that have benefits for homosexuals in domestic partnerships.

If you don't like strip clubs, don't visit them.

If you don't like pornography, don't buy pornographic material.

Vote with your wallet, like everybody else. Stop trying to get other people involved with your propaganda and fear mongering.

And FUCK YOU to all the companies who listen to loudmouths like this, cave in, and call it something else. If you believe in the same "family values" agenda, fine, but if not, don't let them bully you.

You're Going to Piss Some People Off...

2011-12-09T16:30:36-06:00

Went to a live broadcast yesterday and, after the show, was talking to the main talent. One of the subjects that came up was how, no matter what you do, you're doing to piss some people off.

She told me a story about how a woman came up to her after a show and was very frustrated about a new part of the act.

"I just don't know if I'll be able to listen to you anymore," the lady said.

So I asked, "But you left it in the act, right?"

"Of course," she said.

Doing something like this isn't posturing; it's simply acknowledging the fact that not everything you do is going to work for everybody. Beyond that, some of the things you do are going to make people uncomfortable.

This doesn't just apply to people on stage; it applies to everybody. It's the reason that so many people never seem to make a decision or take a stand. It's the reason so many people hesitate to do anything...and end up going nowhere.

When you put yourself out there, whether it be through letting people know your goals or letting them know how you feel about something, you're opening yourself up to criticism. You're vulnerable.

But don't let that stop you...

People don't trust a guy who is waffling. They may not like what you have to say or agree with you, but at least you'll have their respect. More importantly, by speaking your truth, even though you'll frustrate some people, you'll keep from frustrating yourself.