BUILDING THE LIFE YOU WANT

My blog has moved!

2008-02-22T17:48:00.003-07:00

If you're not redirected automatically, please find me at buildingthelifeyouwant.wordpress.com. Don't forget to update your bookmarks!See you there!xx

Step 6 - Forgive myself and others

2008-02-16T09:00:00.002-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be basing my articles on this "12 Steps to Happiness" post.Living a balanced life and finding lasting happiness is not easy. Our world changes so much so rapidly that we can hardly keep up, and I'm not just talking about new technologies. Society's ever-changing take on what constitutes acceptable behaviour, morals or even table manners leave many of us confused

Step 5 - Find my place in the greater scheme of things

2008-02-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be basing my articles on this "12 Steps to Happiness" post.Why are we here? What is our purpose? Are we just brains in a jar in somebody's lab? Are we meant to suffer? What is it all about? Is there a (enter deity of your choice here) with a plan that could add some meaning? Do we have a soul? Do we get second chances? Is there an afterlife? Douglas Adams so kindly

Step 4 - Recognise and question behavioural patterns

2008-02-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be basing my articles on this "12 Steps to Happiness" post.After you've done the exercise of getting to know yourself as described for example in this post, which behaviours do you find yourself regretting most often? Is there something that always gets you angry, upset or sad? Do you have routines or activities that have nothing to do with religious chores or

Step 3 - Stop judging, start loving

2008-01-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be basing my articles on this "12 Steps to Happiness" post.Martin Luther King said, "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."Albert Einstein said, "It is harder to crack a prejudice than an atom."Mark Twain said, "You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus."What

Step 2 - Accept myself

2008-01-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be basing my articles on this "12 Steps to Happiness" post.This step has always been a little tricky for me, because although I see all sorts of shades of gray everywhere, at first glance I'm more comfortable if I can categorise into either black or white. In this case, I need to find the fine line between feeling good in my skin and still being open for

Step 1 - Get to Know Myself

2008-01-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

Over the next few months, I'll be going back to the "12 Steps to Happiness" post from last week. When I wrote this entry, I found that I became a little bit more aware of myself, and I hope you might try this yourself while getting to know me a little bit better, too.My name is Doris, and apparently that means "gift from the seas" in Greek. I prefer it when people call me Dee though. Sounds

12 Steps

2008-01-05T08:57:00.001-07:00

Alcoholics Anonymous (and many other related programmes) have been helping people who suffer from addictions for many years. It has been questioned and criticised for its methods about the same length of time. I'm not here to defend or bash, but I've recently read their famous 12 steps and they got me thinking about how I would re-phrase them to reflect steps I've taken and want to continue to

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

Another year is coming to a close, and we are all another year richer in experience.I know I have learned a lot about myself and my limits, and as I am looking out to a scarlet sunset, I wonder what's still in store.Whatever it is, I look forward to it.Over the past couple of months I've been writing about competences I consider helpful for a happy and balanced, satisfying life. If you got

Self Management

2007-12-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

Self Management is a competence that goes beyond the ability to use your time efficiently. It even goes beyond managing your job or career: the advantages of proper self management will make a difference to your whole life.Prerequisites are the knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses (as discussed here) and the will to work on yourself. It’s about defining your values, your goals, and

Continuous Learning

2007-12-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

Confucius said: I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.Learning comes in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes you imitate, sometimes you discover, then you remember or tap into your own experience. Learning takes place in formal and informal settings and is a process through which you gain knowledge and ability.There’s more to it than storing information: you also need

Communication

2007-12-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

The recently deceased multi-talented Paul Watzlawick coined the phrase: you cannot not communicate.Communication is so much more than learning a language and talking: it works on many different channels using not only words but also non-verbal elements like pictures, music, movement, signs, behaviour and writing, as well as your visual, olfactory, auditory and kinaesthetic senses. You may not

Resilience

2007-11-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Resilience has been described as the competence to overcome obstacles, the will to never give up, the ability to reach one’s goals despite setbacks, the power to learn from mistakes and adapt to change, as well as an important indicator for mental health. Resilience does not mean cold-heartedness, ignorance, absence of or dismissing of emotions. Rather, it is the indicator of how we deal with our

Self Awareness

2007-11-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Carl G. Jung says, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”In today’s colloquial understanding, self-awareness is a term that ties in with self-confidence, self-acceptance and social awareness. Namely, it signifies the knowledge you possess about yourself, your place in the world and your relationships with the people around you. The knowledge

Congruence

2007-11-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take this entry and talk some more about something we touched on in this post a few weeks ago.Allow me to paint you a wee picture. It's holiday season and we're looking through the window into the house at the end of the street. The whole family is there and about to sit down for a nice meal. The table-legs are aching under the weight of the splendid foods offered, there's a fire

Holidays

2007-11-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Are you looking forward to the holidays or is it more a dreading of the pies and the family get-togethers? Well, if the latter, what can you do now to prepare and make this year's festivities great and enjoyable ones?I don't know about you, but I roll my eyes at the Santas adorning the shop shelves in August. That's just way too soon to be thinking about that stuff. But now... we're in November

Empathy vs. Experience

2007-10-27T09:54:00.000-06:00

A week ago I had a poll online that one of you was kind enough to comment on. The question was, what does a Coach need most, empathy or experience? Turns out, the voter chose experience, and he explained it to me in an email.In his opinion, empathy is something a Coach needs, but empathy alone is not enough. He didn't want someone to be able to cry with him and feel sorry for his situation, who

My recent school reunion

2007-10-20T09:09:00.000-06:00

I've just been reading through some of the last posts and found that I still owe you an account of the recent highschool reunion I went to! So, as promised in The Perfect Myth, here goes:I was nervous, but I brought help: a little Dutch courage and a great friend. Of course, the timing of this event was great, too. It was just one week after my Coaching Seminar, in which I had such a great time

The agony of choice

2007-10-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

This week I'd like to elaborate a little on the topic we brushed last week - choices and decision-making.We've all heard the decision-making tips, right? Let's recap for a minute. In simplistic terms, you always (ALWAYS) have at least three options: go forward, go back, or stay the same. There are several ways to choose between these options. According to circumstances, you can: toss a coin, ask

Mind over matter

2007-10-06T09:09:00.000-06:00

In your strive for a balanced, happy life, have you ever come across the difficulty of negotiating between your head and your heart? Rationally you favour one course of action, but your gut tells you something else? It's frustrating at the best of times, and can turn downright annoying, and not to mention paralysing, at the worst. So how have you handled these situations in the past, is there a

Perceptions and feedback

2007-09-29T09:00:00.000-06:00

I am writing to you today from my old hometown in Germany. I´m visiting my family after having taken part in a very interesting Coaching seminar last week. This was the first seminar of the kind I took part in, and let me tell you, spending five 14-hour-days with 21 other Coaches is no mean feat. Imagine a suitcase, if you will, that on the way there is well packed and spacious, but on the way

Values, Beliefs and Fears

2007-09-15T09:00:00.000-06:00

Today I want to take up an idea from the post The Perfect Myth I posted a couple of weeks ago and ask you again what your values and beliefs are. I remember the first time I was asked about my values and what order I would put them in, and it was the hardest thing - of course everything was equally as important, health, love, respect, freedom... but in the end I did come up with a list that made

Growing Pains

2007-09-08T17:32:00.000-06:00

Be good, get good grades, have nice friends, don't take drugs, go to a renowned college, get a well-paid job, find a handsome man, have a family, always be helpful and kind to neighbors and strangers, keep a clean house, keep a cleaner garden, never complain. Do guys get that too or is it just us girls? What did it feel like for you to carry somebody else's expectations on your shoulders?Trying

The Perfect Myth

2007-09-01T08:58:00.000-06:00

What do you consider perfection? The sunset on your honeymoon, van Gogh's brushstrokes on canvass, the way your favourite dress still fits after so many years, your team winning the cup, that night out with your friends...I think there are as many definitions of perfection as there are people on the planet. And I find it hard to get my head around that issue: if we're all individuals with

Building the Life You want

2007-08-25T08:55:00.000-06:00

Before you know where you want to go, it is helpful to be aware of how you got to where you are now. Sometimes we're so wrapped up in feeling disappointed or unhappy with the way things are going at the moment that we ignore the fact that our "now" is the result of our past actions and decisions. Time to accept responsibility and be accountable! Take a look at your life, at your home, at the