I realized that intention can be stopped dead in its tracks when attention isn't given to making the destination a little more concrete.  

So, we are going to try something a little different today.

We are going to walk a day in the shoes of a family that exemplifies what the majority of us would probably see as desirable traits.  Cheerfulness, attentiveness, honor, respect, generosity of spirit, perseverance, diligence, and self-control, are evident in our model family's daily life and their interactions with each other.

We'll call them the Noble Family - pun intended:-)

Rise and Shine

The Nobles are up relatively early, even though each member of the family has their own little routine. Mom is usually up first, has some quiet time (and of course, coffee) before the house comes alive.  Dad is up soon after, gives Mom a cheerful, if drowsy, "Good morning" and gets ready for work.  The kids start to come alive - one by one - and head down for breakfast.  Some are a little more animated than others at this time of day, but everyone respects each other's space.  The morning people are thoughtful enough to refrain from boisterous discussion, and the not-so-morning people are civil enough to greet everyone with a cheerful demeanor.

Homeschool Time

After breakfast is cleaned up, showers are taken, and teeth are brushed, it's time to get cracking on some schoolwork.  Mom has given each of the kids their planner for the week, and she's marked which items are independent work and which require her presence.  

Homeschool time usually starts with a read-aloud that the whole family can enjoy.  Today, it's Professor Mom's new reprint of "Five Little Peppers and How They Grew" (I know, shameless plug, but really - those little Pepper children really make my kids smile!) 

Afterwards, everyone head to different parts of the house to do some independent work, while Mom does some work of her own. No crabbing, no whining.  If someone thinks their math assignment is too long, Mom doesn't yell or nag.  She simply hands them another page.  The Noble kids already know that when they shirk their responsibilities, their mother and father believe they need more practice:-) 

Glitch

Everything is moving along nicely until Mom realizes that she forgot to pick up groceries (I know I can relate) and now she doesn't have anything to make for dinner.  Instead of getting irritable, she reminds herself that, while meal planning isn't her strong suit, she is getting better.  Then, she packs everyone into the car and heads to the grocery store. 

Are you imagining kids whining for snacks and teens rolling their eyes?  Not here.  You see, Mom and Dad trained the kids from a very early age that they don't ask for things at the store unless they make the request before they get there.  If the answer is no, they know better than to ask again.  Mom and Dad Noble hold to the theory that if you whine for something, you must have too much already.  Something else that you enjoy will have to go away until your attitude of gratitude returns.

Dinner Time

We already know that Mom is a little challenged when it comes to dinner prep.  However, when Dad comes home and sees that dinner isn't quite ready, instead of crabbing or hiding in front of the TV, he gives her a kiss and offers to pitch in - either with dinner or with the kids.  Mom tells Dad that she will glady take him up on the offer, as long as he takes a few minutes of peace first so he can process his day and wind down.

When everyone heads to the dinner table, the kids tell Dad about the emergency shopping trip and they all get a good laugh at how the best-laid plans...

Each person takes care of clearing his or her own dishes, and whoever is responsible for that night's kitchen clean-up duty gets to work.  If they need to be reminded more than once, then they get to keep that job for a while.  This helps them to remember that everyone has chores so that the household runs smoothly.

The Evening

It's time to wind down.  Mom and Dad laugh at how, no matter what size house they move into, everyone seems to gravitate together within a six-foot radius.  Some are reading, some are playing with legos, others are listening to music.  Even the cat is in on the act.  As they each go about their own interests, they share little anecdotes or jokes or pop over for a hug.  The TV isn't on (that's only for carefully chosen movies or videos.)  Mom and Dad figured out a long time ago that TV - while useful for many things - really is a big time vacuum.  They also know that most of what is on TV is really undoing all of the good habits and attitudes that they have worked so hard to instill in their children.

As the evening wears on, bedtime rolls around.  Again, everyone knows what is expected, so there is no battle.  When rebellion started as toddlers, Mom and Dad simply let the kids know that if they were fighting bedtime, they must be overtired.  The solution - go to bed even earlier.

Now, though, it's just a nice good night, maybe a story with Dad, and read in bed until lights out.  This way, Mom and Dad get some time to talk over household business or just have some time together.

____________

So, there you have it.  A day in the life of the Noble family.  If you are sitting at your computer reading this and thinking that Professor Mom must have lost her last marble, I can assure you that - while this family certainly isn't the norm - it is definitely doable. 

Did you notice that much of the reason that the day goes smoothly is because of how this family utilizes self-control, appropriate consequences, and other-focused thinking?  Next time, we'll explore those two keys to pleasant family interactions in a little more detail. 

Really, really important.

Bedrock of society.

Foundation of the culture.

Cornerstone of the future.

Have I mentioned really, really important?

Over the last century, the place of family in society has shifted from that of bedrock (or foundation or cornerstone) to something nice to have, kind of like dessert after a meal.  That's a good analogy, really, because we see it as something we should be able to enjoy.  We work hard enough, you know.  And, then there are things that eat up all of our time, like work, the gym and - yes, I'll say it - football.  (Couldn't help it... I live in Packerland;-)  Family stuff is nice, but we need to do all of the important stuff first, right?

Ok, that's a little cold.  But, I know people who feel this way, even if they won't verbalize it quite so cynically.  They are overwhelmed with everything life is throwing at them.  If their families don't put up with this type of prioritizing, they either leave the family or they check out.  I will, however, let you in on a little secret...

Most of them don't really want to live like that.  Most of them want to be anchors for their mates and sages for their children.  They want to frolic and train and teach and guide.  They dream of meaningful discussions, fits of hilarity, and moments spent sitting in front of a fire telling old stories that aren't really funny to anyone but the people in that room.  What they don't realize is that the only thing standing in their way is knowledge (and a little self-sacrifice.)

One of the (many) values that drew Scott and I together was the desire to intentionally create our family.  We had our kids somewhat later than many.  That delay gave us a whole lot of time to watch and learn.  We learned a great deal... of what we didn't want to be.  Snotty passive aggressive spousal interactions made us cringe.  And, whining, ungrateful, selfish, jaded children weren't really at the top of our list either.  We started to get a little bit frightened because we saw so little of what we did want.  Where were the families that we could look up to and learn from?

Gratefully, we did find some.  But, all of that searching made us realize that something is missing as young people shift from single to married with children.  The desire to have a committed, happy and loving family is there.  Unfortunately, the knowledge is not. 

So, over the next month, Professor Mom is going to be talking about what it means to intentionally create your family, with a focus on traits such as commitment, perseverance, self-sacrifice, humor, joy, willingness, honesty and a good work ethic.  We'll take a look at a "day in the life" of that family.  It won't be all roses and happy faces, no family goes through life in a bubble.  But, some families have the tools they need to get through the good and the bad, and that is where we are going to set our sights!

It's that time of year again... December 15th - officially 10 days before Christmas.  Maybe you have all of your shopping done, cookies made, and cards delivered and are currently curling up on the sofa with a nice cup of hot cocoa.  I think most of my readers wish they were you:-) 

If you fall into the categories of "not quite finished", "halfway there", or "how the heck am I ever going to get all of this done?!", look no further than your own kitchen to fill in the gaps.

As many of you know, I am not especially skilled in the culinary arts.  That's why I always appreciate any help I can get from those whose wisdom exceeds my own.  If someone handed me a book containing the secrets to her culinary success, I think I would do a happy dance there on the spot.  Consider spreading some joy this Christmas by sharing a guide to your own kitchen creations by creating a recipe book. 

You can make it fancy using services by Blurb or Lulu for professional-looking layouts and high-end printing.  These sites walk you through each step and will allow you to order the exact number of copies you need. 

For a more frugal approach, Better Homes and Gardens has a quick and easy guide to creating your own handmade recipe book from some decorative papers, chipboard and 4X6 index cards.  By using some of the terrific scrapbooking art on the web, such as the FREE word art from Shabby Princess that I used at the top of this post, you can create a really beautiful, custom book for an itty-bitty, little price.  (You really need to check out her site, by the way, for free papers, fonts, and embellishment collections.  I love them so much I used one set for my Thanksgiving invitations and another for my Christmas cards!)

I hope this makes your Christmas planning a little less hairy and a little more fun.  Off to coop!