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Vladimir Putin: “I Vill NEVER Give Back Your Super Bowl Ring, Robert Kraft!”

Vladimir Putin — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 08:36:33 +0000

So Robert Kraft, I see you are whining like leetle babooshka to your pathetic American media about how I stole your precious diamond ring from, how you say, the Bowl of Super, ya? Vell listen up, Comrade Crybaby: zees ring, eet is MINE now, und eet vill NEVER defect back to your fat capitalist pig [...]

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Brett Favre: “I Forgive Aaron Rodgers”

Brett Favre — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 07:55:59 +0000

As you probably know, I didn’t exactly leave Green Bay on the greatest of terms. In early 2008, I announced my retirement, then changed my mind during training camp and demanded to be reinstated as the starter. That set off a chain of events during which lots of ugly things were said, many feelings were [...]

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NFL Father’s Day Cards

PFM Staff — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 11:02:57 +0000

Peyton Manning: Eli Manning: Cooper Manning: Michael Vick: Antonio Cromartie: John and Jim Harbaugh:

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Tim Tebow Embraces Pure Evil As Requirement of Patriots Contract

PFM Staff — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 00:09:09 +0000

FOXBOROUGH, MA – As part of his contractual obligation to his new team, just-signed New England Patriots QB Tim Tebow renounced all allegiences to God, His son Jesus Christ, and the Southern Baptist religious faith, and pledged eternal loyalty to Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, as well as High Demonic Priest Bill Belichick, team sources confirmed [...]

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Eli Manning Texts His Dad

PFM Staff — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:43:06 +0000

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Fatty, Pus-Filled Cyst “Thrilled” To Have Tony Romo Surgically Removed From Its Back

PFM Staff — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 08:05:58 +0000

DALLAS, TX – A three-inch wide sebaceous cyst consisting of a fatty, white, semi-solid material as well as assorted fibrous tissues and fluids was reported to be “thrilled and relieved” following successful surgery to remove Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo from its back, sources confirmed early this morning. “Thank god that disgusting growth is [...]

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Amanda Bynes Signs Three-Year Deal With Lions

PFM Staff — Thu, 30 May 2013 08:56:34 +0000

DETROIT- After a number of recent run-ins with the law as well as several displays of antisocial and irrational behavior on social media, troubled actress Amanda Bynes signed a three-year deal with the Detroit Lions early this morning that analysts have dubbed “an obviously perfect fit.” “We’re very excited to welcome Amanda to our [...]

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ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Super Bowl Champion Browns: “Remember That One Time We Almost Moved To Baltimore?”

PFM Staff — Tue, 28 May 2013 07:02:27 +0000

CLEVELAND – Still euphoric from their recent Super Bowl victory over the San Francisco 49ers, players and executives of the world champion Browns gathered together around Cleveland’s downtown statue of Art Modell to raise a toast to their Super Bowl season, and to recall that fateful moment during the 1990s when the team nearly relocated [...]

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Charles Woodson on Raider Deal: “I Thought This Was a 1-Day Contract, Not a 1-YEAR Contract”

Charles Woodson — Wed, 22 May 2013 05:19:51 +0000

Well everyone, it’s time to call it a career. I’ve truly been blessed to play for fifteen seasons in the National Football League. During my time, I’ve been named to eight Pro Bowls, earned a Defensive Player of the Year award, and of course, won a Super Bowl ring with Green Bay in 2011. I [...]

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Ex-Raven Anquan Boldin Keeps Bringing Up Super Bowl To 49ers During OTAs

PFM Staff — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:07:56 +0000

SAN FRANCISCO – As the 49ers began their 2013 offseason training activities (OTA’s) on Monday, recently acquired WR Anquan Boldin has managed to quickly alienate many of his new teammates by constantly and obnoxiously reminding anyone who would listen that they “got their asses kicked” in the Super Bowl against Boldin’s previous team, the Baltimore [...]

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