The Truth Never Damages a Cause that is Just.

10 days unemployed? Or should I just count business days?

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Sun, 16 May 2010 06:14:00 +0000

Ms father passed away on April 24th. Evening. LGH hospital. Surrounded by family. The family had him cremated and the service / celebration of his life was yesterday. It was a long period between the death and the service, but it feels "good" to finally have it completed. The family has been understandably stressed and irritable the last couple of weeks.

I was laid off on the 30th of April. (former) Boss (that went away for six inclusive vacations with his family last year and two so far this year) did so with his fakey "I'm trying so hard to look sad" face. That was expected; business was not going so well (but well enough for his vacations!) and he had done a little bit of financial shuffling in the weeks prior. I wouldn't be writing this entry if not for the choker - he emailed me for some information pertaining to my medical plan and I let him know that it would be a while before I could find it as I had a wake service to go to yesterday. Here is his response, verbatim:

"My condolences to both you and (M). It is at times like these that you should reflect on how precious life is and live life it to its fullest. No rush on the info but the coverage is an individual coverage and the info would all be in the envelope provided to you. Take care of yourself and hear from you soon."

Sorry, but I have a hard time swallowing that second sentence, from a guy who just cut off my income and has no idea what we are going through - he has all his parents and in-laws, a guy who doesn't reflect on how "precious life is" and doesn't at all "live life to its fullest". We've been trying to deal with it from the point when Ms father was diagnosed, almost a year ago! The days drew nearer as he went into palliative care a month ago now, wtf wtf wtf!!!! We have been reflecting for it seems like forever!!! Asshole!

Oh, and "live life to its fullest"??? I mean sure, if you want to put self-serving selfish asshole in the category of living life to its fullest, then yes, former boss counts. The guy who says he "loves food" but hates Greek food, doesn't like Japanese food (except for cooked items), Indian food, or Mexican food. The guy who says he loves gaming but can't play shooter games or slasher games because they make him dizzy. The guy who bitches and complains about other peoples bitching and complaining, and says he is "more positive". The person who kept only one person employed at work (ME!) while he was off vacationing, how the fuck am I supposed to live when my longevity is dependant on my work?!?# WTF?!

It just make me happy that I am not working there anymore, even if it means that I may not be financially secure. Fuck, some people make me violent.

Anyways, I am totally having a shitty year, it is one of those "character building" years but hell... like I was telling an incredibly supportive friend, "I wished I could go back to when I was a little kid and my biggest problem was that my brother was being mean to me."

Love.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:11:00 +0000

Feeling emotional at work is never a good thing, but today it is.

Cousin has been feeling emotional - we have this cool ESP thing going on! :) She has been feeling disappointed and emailed me; I happened to be at work early having some breakfast and saw her email as it came in and called her right away.

I love her! I love that we've grown up together and we go through the same things, even if they are at different times!

I wanted to write this entry to document the fact that the things we do for the people we love, the vows and promises and appointments / "dates" we make, the actions we take, we do not only because we love them, but because feeling is mutual and you know they would do the same for you.

This is not only with my cousin, this is with my parents, with M, with my brother and sister, with Ms siblings and parents as well, and friends new and old.

Smile - you are loved. We are loved. I love you!

Fear of the known.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 23:23:00 +0000

We visited Ms father in the hospital twice this weekend. Palliative care.

Before all this I didn't even know what it meant and wished I didn't still.

It is, as M puts it, where people go to die.

I was "fine" / in shock the first afternoon. There was a female patient in the kitchenette area of the palliative care and she was sweet and frail. She had a great smile, but you could tell she was in pain. She would close her eyes and moan softly.

The second day a doctor stopped me and asked me if I was alright.

No, I'm not alright. I really hate hospitals.

That being said, the nurses, doctors and volunteers are incredible. I do not know how they deal with things day in and day out. I thought before this, with MB and his car accident last year, that I hated emergency rooms - no, at least in emergency rooms there is still hope and the unknown.

In palliative care, there is no hope, and everyone knows what is coming.

As I watch M and his family deal with everything I am reminded of how my own father wept at an uncles funeral. The image has stuck with me even after a couple years - I had never seen my father cry until that day. And he was really weeping.

It scared me but as we are so detached...and the immage so foreign to me, I couldn't even reach out to hug him. I fear somedays that my family thinks that I have "gotten hitched" and left them behind. I rarely go out to dinner with them, and when they call to invite me to dinner I've often had to decline because I had plans.

But I love them. I love them so much.

It scares me that what is going on with Ms family, may have to be dealt with in an even more personal level one day.

I cried a lot around my birthday. Not because I am growing older. The fact that everyone I love is growing older ... that is the fear.

Some days are good; some days are overwhelming.

Last night we came home from the hospital and M put Forrest Gump on.

It was funny - I didn't remember that I had been jogging earlier that day and was thinking about a scene from Forrest Gump until I watched it with M. :) ESP is funny.

But yes - watching Forrest Gumps story made me cry. If anything, the movie made me realize that I want to be remembered for my actions and my relationships with people.

And so it continues...

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:55:00 +0000

Had an excellent (but sure as hell busy!) week last week.

M went out to see a hockey game one weekday night, so I dropped by my aunts for din. I hung out with little Nathan and savoured a breezer. It was good to connect and recount dinners and everything. Nathan prodded me to play Wii with him before I was done eating, while Yoshi humped my leg. lol!!! Yes, kind of juxtapositioned, but the dog just kept on humping my leg!

Ms sister invited me to a two-day conference regarding innovation in BC. It was eye opening and although I'd only planned to be there for one awards ceremony, I made it back the next day for a panel and a couple of the presentations from entrepreneurs. Bumped into an old boss there and we chatted for a bit and caught up. It was nice to see her as I hadn't seen her since I'd left (although I'd tried to!) and wanted to see how she was doing.

Had to take a nap as I as already fading. That evening, we went out to Boathouse in Port Moody for Rs birthday. It was surprise, so I didn't know everyone there, but it was good anyways. It was made up of mostly his family / cousins so I was so glad that there was that strong element there. His family is so close! It echoed all the positive feelings I'd had over Christmas and the holidays. :)

I love family.

Saturday, we met up with some Xangans for lunch. It was decidedly better than I would have thought and conversation flowed effortlessly! I have to look at getting back into Xanga again.

As for Saturday night, I met H&Os creation, baby Ethan. He is the cutest thing ever and if you ask M, I've only stopped talking about him when I eat, sleep, or play ps3. He was really the cutest, quietest baby I've met in a long time - the kid slept through me and my bcit alumni playing Wii and mahjong!!! Very cool indeed.

H loved the sweater I knit her baby, even though chances are slim that he'll get a chance to wear it as he has grown a bit. (booo - I *knew* we shouldn't have postponed meeting until the new year!)

Sunday I was pooped. We spent all day in our pjs and took the sin "sloth" to a whole new level. :)

And it was good!!! Here's to another fantastic week!

When Grown Men Cry

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:39:00 +0000

There were a lot of tears this holiday season. It’s taken me a while to think this entry through and finally sit down and type it out. There is a fellow that we see at the s’bux all the time who goes there to work – when the moment comes, it is all he can do to type out whatever is on his mind, or that needs to be done.

I guess this is one of those times.

I hate to be sexist, but as a woman, I cry a lot. It is cleansing and cathartic. It can be selfish but powerful. Men always claim that women aren’t fighting fair when they cry during a fight…perhaps for that reason, when men cry it means that much more.

When I was a little girl, I used to tag along with my brother and aunt (she is only eight years my senior). Of course, being the youngest one, I was always the first to get hurt or get picked on, although my brother was a bit of a bully and made my aunt cry a couple times. ;) Since those two didn’t want to get into trouble, they’d attempt to make me laugh when I started crying, and by the time the adult who heard me crying came along, they’d claim that I was faking it and that I was just playing. You know, as in, oh, she’s laughing so hard that she’s crying. Ahh, memories.
Ms older brother got married at the beginning of the year. It was beautiful – a whirlwind of action as we all only found out on boxing day (December 26) that the wedding was happening on January 2nd. Yes – when family members act, things happen. :)

Ms fathers health has been declining steadily – we were not sure if he would make it to Christmas, but he’s made it into the new year, and more importantly, to see one of his sons get married. And so when the groom made a speech that night in the intimacy of his parents home and broke into tears, his older sister jumped in and saved the moment. Yes, much like my brother and aunts policy of “laughing so that you forget the pain”, L, in the spur of the moment shared an anecdote with potty humour.

It worked – but the thought was still in the room.

M was very upset that night. I have never seen him cry, but he was very emotionally moved by the night and his fathers fraility. All I could do was cry with him…

The past few months have been trying. I illnesses, accidents and general Christmas blues / brights played their role. All I can eternally say is that I am so glad to have my family and friends with me. I told more than one person that I loved them this holiday season; I hugged and was embraced by more than one person as well. The latter surprised me (mom hugging me) and I felt really loved. No, Christmas is not about material possessions, but the memories that the holidays bring, both happy or sad.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am truly lucky and blessed to know you all. Happy New Year.

Making Memories

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:24:00 +0000

I've been so lucky to experience this year. It hasn't been the best news-wise (illnesses, economy, etc.) or a good year stress-wise (accidents, work, etc), but it hasn't been all bad either. Its been a perspective-building year.

I am sincerely grateful for the amazing people around me and am forever indebted for their kindness and generosity. Not only in their time, but their positive energy and their presence in my life. Really, I am so lucky to know all the friends who have been there through the years, and the family that puts up with my insanity day to day. I'm proud to know them and call them my boyfriend / mother / father / brother / sister / aunt / cousin / friend...

I write this because I realize that not everyone has these key supportive people in their life, nor a great relationship - I am writing this to let you know to cherish the relationships that you do have and have built. If you lead by example and show those around you that you love them and appreciate them, they will only do the same. Especially at this time of year, it is not about presents or objects of affection, it is about quality time with those you love and actions and words.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hold your loved ones close! Hug your mom! :)

Thankful, Lucky and Blessed.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:13:00 +0000

Yesterday was not the most productive of days, but it was humbling and profound in many ways. It was sunny but cold and crisp, not bad for December.

I started out the day some quiet time on the computer - I was supposed to do a workout but since M woke up early, I got ready for the day and went down for coffee with him. I spoke to Mar, (MBs girlfriend) and also MBs mother. They both sounded so much more relieved and happy - you could hear less stress in their voice and it made a definite difference.

ML texted me soon after asking if I was going out with her and Izzo to Richmond, so I tagged along and we had some brief "girl time" at Richmond Center. I quizzed six year old N in the car about Chinese school and Michael Jackson (apparently he knows one song by MJ but wouldn't hum or sing the song, even though we waited with baited breath and tried to make a guessing game out of it. After almost an hour at Bath & Body works, we walked around some more and lunched at Shanghai Wonderful (love love LOVE their food! Although it can make you have food coma afterwards!) Izzo had such aforementioned food coma and decided to go home for a nap before going out for Ts birthday dinner that evening.

Mar called me again while me and ML were at Winners at Lansdowne, and thankfully, Izzo and Re were still in the area and doubled back to pick me up. We picked up their other car that was in the shop and Izzo dropped me off at RCH to see MB.

We are so lucky that MB survived the t-boning by the SUV! And we are lucky that he is awake...loopy as hell from morphine drip, but awake and able to move, for the most part. Doctors are still monitoring him and making sure that his body can handle all the small changes. It was heartwarming to see him. It was great to see him and Mar together. They are really lucky to have one another, and I'm glad to see them happy.

I stayed until his dinner came and was sad I had to go. But after MB had his accident last week, I had made a promise to myself that I'd make a point to see friends that I hadn't seen in a while. . .while it was compromising the time with MB, I hadn't seen T in a couple months either! So we made it out to Delta for her birthday. We missed the surprise thanks to me, but it was kind of fascinating to see the kids in their family all grown up and six feet tall.

There were so many hugs and positive energy...the whole day.

We also went back out to Vancouver in the late evening for a soccer fundraiser that Re had organized. Got to see some CILTBs, D and M. It was less overwhelming than the last time I'd seen them at Phnom Penh. Joked around some more, although it was loud in the place and some jokes were lost in translation.

At some point in the day / night, I said to Izzo, "there are things that we do for others, simply because we know they would do it for us." As we grow older, it becomes more and more apparent - there are things you do and tasks you accept without question, because you value the relationship more than your pride, time, or energy, and you know there are those who would do the same for you.

And family and friends? I am lucky and blessed to have them in my life, and extremely thankful for them.

Glad as ever to report that

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:45:00 +0000

MB is more stabilized now. He is still in ICU, he is still sedated, but they are lessening the amount of drugs in his system and he is responding to family. As in, "MB, did you know you were in a car accident?" *shakes head* "can you squeeze my hand?" *squeeze* "Can you open your eyes?" *opens eyes briefly*.

All the prayers and positive thoughts helped, and I'm glad the family and girlfriend were able to leave the hospital with positive thoughts. It was really scary there and I'm sorry that I ignored my phone for an hour... and that I was kind of a shitty friend. I haven't seen him in a while and in a moment, that could have been it...

Do not take anything for granted - not your health, not your youth, not your mobility nor friends and family.

The Miseducation of Yours Truely.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:46:00 +0000

I found myself slightly saddened last night. There was a sense of gloom and perhaps even a tinge of "mid life crisis" mixed in there.

Yes, I know I am not in my mid-life. Not at all.

But it is the same sense of not having achieved everything that I'd wanted to and perhaps being unable to do it all that overwhelmed me.

In any case, it made me sad in ways that I could not express, and made me want to listen to "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" on repeat, just to lull me to sleep.

Maybe it will blow over.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 06:31:00 +0000

Just got back from an incredibly enlightening and heart warming night out with I & ML.

I didn't want it to end!

It's been a while since I've written in this blog, but I guess this was a long time coming?

It felt good to talk, it felt good to listen, it felt good to laugh and cry and to hear truths.

It felt good to feel.

We confirmed what we knew about K - he was homosexual. I & myself were children when K passed away. We had suspicions that he was gay, and that his prolonged death had to do with homosexuality, but we only confirmed it tonight. It felt good to know the truth.

It was also depressing to know how alone he must have felt, to be unable to explain himself and fight for the dignity and rights that he should have been able to receive from his own family.

I remember visiting K when he was living with E. I`d go with my mother when I was young, on weekends. I didn`t have much to say to him, it was scary how pudgy he was when he was well, and how skeletal he looked before he passed away.

I remember one bbq party where ML was jeering me on to try this super-spicy satay sauce. I was five. She reasoned that since I *loved* peanut butter, I'd love the sauce. "It's just like peanut butter!" She exclaimed, while K persuaded me not to - "it doesn't taste good! It's spicy!" They both slapped their knees and laughed when I tried some spicy sauce.

I admit, I'd probably do the same thing if I witnessed it today.

ML revealed some things about Ks personality that made me chuckle and smile. How he may have very well likely agreed to convert to Christianity right before he died just to get the priest off his back, how he was a great guy, how he just wanted to live a normal life.

There are things that people take for granted today that K was not allowed to do back then. In many places of the world, many people are still denied rights that they deserve...

It would have been amazing to see K alive today - I miss having him in my life, even though I barely knew him. I do remember him having sad eyes, and feeling ostracized from those around him.

...

I can't stop thinking about how alone he must have felt.

"I" reminded me of how valuable a person MM is. How, in her infinite randomness, she always makes people think positively and feel good, if only in the long run and if only to her liking. It made me want to go to her house and hug her right then and thank her for being in my life.

I can't imagine how K lived with such a big secret and burden on his shoulders, that he could never show the world who he really was and what he really was, that the people around him would never truly accept him.

This is really a disjointed post.

Although I'm really sad, I feel really moved by the night. It made me feel closer to ML and I. I really love them. It felt good to connect tonight.

I'm a Weiner!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:38:00 +0000

Just got my $25 Chapters Gift Card from Divine.ca: photo here

The question is, what do I use it on?

Knitting patterns? Sewing patterns? Cookbooks?

Or do I go for Chef Jeff Hendersons' autobiography, Cooked?

Who is Chef Jeff, you say? Well perhaps Americans are more well versed in his history, but for Canadians, the first episode of the "Chef Jeff Project" was broadcasted only yesterday.

The series details Chef Jeff taking in six at-risk youth, coaching, teaching and grooming them into cooks and culinary students. If they stick it out through the course of the season, they are each awarded a two-year scholarship for culinary school.

The first episode left me wanting more; let see if the rest of the season is as promising.

As for Chef Jeffs' autobiography, the first couple pages on Amazons' preview served as a great teaser. Maybe I'll stop by Chapters on my way home to see if they have it in stock.

Got back from the Medical Clinic

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 18:03:00 +0000

....because I needed a prescription refill. Man, that place was busier than the Gospel Church on a Sunday!

*cue people dancing in the clinic and chanting "Hallelujah!!"*

*Hallelujah, I got my pill refill and now I can haz SEX!*

haha!

M thinks we should co-write sitcoms together.

No? Well fine, don't be hatin' our glorious love for each other! :p

Have a sunny Sunday.

29 Things I'm going to do while I'm 29...already completed one!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 19:47:00 +0000

As I mentioned before, I'm taking on the task of constructing a list and "scrapbook" (of sorts!) of things I want to do when I'm 29.

In no particular order:

1) I will spend more time with family and friends. I cannot say this enough - I really miss my family. I really miss my friends. Because of time constraints, personal issues, and dissent amongst some friends, we've spent less time together. I want to see them again and have them part of my life.

2) I will go to more live concerts and events. I have two planned already!!! Can't wait!!!

3) I will take better care of myself. This will have to be a combination of eating better, getting enough sleep, and getting regular exercise.

4) I will cook more and blog about it here! I've really enjoyed cooking and posting about it on the food blog, and I plan to make it a regular thing.

5) I will actively promote the food blog. I have monetized the site, and am literally making dimes (hey, you have to start somewhere!). I have printed out business cards and have handed out several to people I know.

6) I will make a snow angel! I take myself too seriously sometimes. I need to relax and find my inner kid again. Where did the little brat go?

7) I will create more. Whether this is scrapbooking, photography, knitting, crocheting - I want to create more!

8) I will grow my own food. I have a couple small seedlings started. Mostly herbs, but I have seeds and plans for broccoli, two types of carrots, and possibly some potatoes, sunflowers, and beans. Looking forwards to it!

9) I will get engaged! Yes, you heard me right. We'll finally be engaged this year, if my plans go right. That's all I'll say for now.

10) I will make money off my food blog. Already am. :)

11) I will start an etsy seller account and sell small items.

12) I will organize the second bedroom! We've been in a rut since moving in. Currently, the second bedroom is a storeroom of sorts. I want to have the space usable, and comfortable to be in.

13) I will travel. Doesn't have to be far. I just want to add some "places I've been" to my list.

14) I will take more, and better photographs. I *heart* my new camera. Although its just a cheapie point and shoot, I really want to improve my photography skills. My flickr account may be found here.

15) I will start researching wedding ideas... tee hee - doesn't hurt to plan ahead right?

16) I will have 1 date night a month. With M of course. haha!!!

17) I will phase fast food out of my diet. It's gotten bad. On the way home, I pass several fast food chains and I tell myself that "I'll only have it today. No more for a week." . . .several times a month. It's not good and I have to stop it.

18) I will institute a "meatless day" once a month. Again, have to start small. Maybe I"ll find a good recipe or two after all of that. ...and I"ll start small. We'd still be able to have eggs and cheese, just no meat. for now.

19) I will find and implement ways of being green! I know...this kind of ties in to many of the other items on this list - eating less meat, growing food...but it envelopes much more. I have visions of worm composting...

20) I will make money aside from the full time job. With the economy floundering as it is, and cuts at work, I want to find ways of making extra cash.

21) I will freecycle. We need to get rid of junk! . . .of course, the way I've set it out, I could always get other stuff too... muhahaah!

22) I will save money.

23) I will learn something new. Or re-learn something.

24) I will stretch!

25) I will finish projects.

26) I will invest in a new computer. It's about time.

27) I will wash my car more often.

28) I will clean out the cupboards / freezer / pantry.

29) I will enjoy being 29!

Completely random. But Photolicious.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:27:00 +0000

Had a good weekend. Slept in a lot (I can now say that I have slept past noon as an adult)! Played a *lot* of Half-Life². Sorted and cleaned and went through some things.

I like it when M sleeps in on the weekends and I have the place "to myself". I feel like I'm a little kid again, and I get to work on little projects and recipes and things that I wouldn't have the dedication or serenity to work on when he is awake. It's kind of like when my mother was out of the house, or busy with housework when I was little. :)

And thus, I worked on sorting through one of those "bargain bags" of one pound buttons. Yes, one pound. :p

I bought them with the goal of using them for doll / amigurumi eyes or other craft embellishments. After sorting them, I can see some potential, and them surprised me by actually having some matching / useful buttons for clothes or such, even!

I decided to string them through thread and utilize some old Christmas cards to keep them organized.

Here's a funny photo of M, taken this weekend. We dropped by a vintage / antique store across the parking lot from the new Walmart Supercenter on Grandview Highway. The place has some old movie / tv show set props, and one of them were these cartoon-y barbells:

I was laughing pretty hard, so it was difficult to get a clear shot, even though I snapped about 10 photos. :)

And in other news, it snowed yesterday afternoon and into today. It has been crazy crazy weather for Vancouver folks! I believe the only other time that it is snowed close to my birthday was probably 20 years ago. Of course, that, coupled with the fact that we had completely forgot about daylight savings time, I was late for work. Good thing bossman is cool about it though! :)

Ooooh, Crafty!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:46:00 +0000

Elisha has a great idea about reflecting about her years accomplishments. I love it and hope to do it, after all, someone has a birthday coming up!

What would I put in mine? . . . I'll reflect on that for a couple days.

Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You....

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 17:37:00 +0000

Not much for content right now, so here's my life in the last little bit in photos.

I've started some herbs from seed. The basil seedlings just took off, with the parsley and oregano sprouting as well. The cilantro and bell pepper appear to be a little dormant!

I've already transplanted and split some of the basil seedlings into jiffy pots, and I'll probably start up another batch of them. I want to make some homemade pesto with homegrown basil!

Saw the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo on my way to work today. I had a feeling the driver didn't want me to get a photo after I slowed down in the fast lane and waited for him to pass me. He didn't. He caught up with me at the next light, though, and I got the above blurry pic.

wooo. life is interesting! :p

Well, I should say that - I've been playing Half Life² non stop for a while. I'm past Nova Prospekt now. I actually spent about two days playing sandtrap - I got stuck at the gunship boss section...as in I thought I had to defeat both of them. When not playing Half Life, I've been knitting. When not knitting, I've been cooking.

Have a good week everyone.

TGIF!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:44:00 +0000

Here's a clip that I wanted to share with everyone, (via twitter) but decided against it - my twitter account is hooked onto facebook, and there are little eyes on facebook!

Looks like it'll be a busy weekend. Girls night out tonight, MBs birthday tomorrow. Soft launch for a restaurant in Yaletown tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be posting some reviews at Yum-O-Rama...if not well, I'll blame it on my camera. :)

Have a good weekend everyone!

RIP Sum Sum.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:40:00 +0000

I thought about how I would write this entry for almost two days now.

The night that Summer passed away, I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Yesterday, I was a mess. My boss actually offered for me to take the rest of the day off and rest a bit. I declined, because I didn't want to go back to the empty apartment.

Summer is Marks cat. We all collectively moved in together in May of last year, but Summer and I got along while me and Mark had been dating, after all, I was over at his house a lot.

But where Summer really grew on me was how human like he could be. He loved cuddling after dinner, and liked being affectionate / being pet all the time. Rarely would he bite or scratch anyone, he was just a friendly cat.

I will admit that it was lonely with Mark working late or being out with his friends. But Summer was always there to snuggle up while I knit or play video games. He even scolded us for making him worry if we got home later than usual, and he prodded me in the morning if I was late getting up.

I have been getting up late since he's been gone.

I miss him watching over me as I get ready for work, or cook in the kitchen. I miss him being annoying while I was doing chores or watching tv. He always knew that I had a soft spot for him, and after falling asleep on Ms side of the bed, he'd always somehow end up on my arm or even on my pillow, because he knew M would never tolerate all the fur that he'd shed on the sheets. He knew that I'd keep him warm and let him snuggle up.

I'd relax and unwind in front of the television, and Summer would leap into my lap and demand to be pet. I'd always talk to him while I pet him.

Summer loved being pet on the forehead, and around the neck and cheeks. He loved human food like sour cream and onion chips, and cheezies. After visiting the pet hospital in the summer last year, his appetite slowly increased and he loved eating bacon, ham, fish, shrimp and even steak one time.

It's hauntingly ironic that the night he passed away, we gave him a piece of sea bass, which he gratefully nibbled on while M noted that Summer was eating lots of new food.

I joked that maybe after the hospital, Summer had decided that he had more insight, "and wanted to sieze every opportunity to live!"

He was in my lap eating the fish at that time, and sat for a little while longer while I pet him. He went to the bedroom when we got up to clear the table.

I was in the kitchen for a while longer cooking some lunch for the next day, and cleaning. M was watching tv and had the volume up. We watched tv for about an hour longer, before M decided to brush his teeth.

We found Summer gone, sprawled on the bedroom floor.

It was kind of a blur what happened the rest of the night. We cried and yelled and screamed. We packed up some of Summers things and transported him and his items to Ms mothers house. We wanted to bury Sum close to his mother. It was cold...at least Summer looked peaceful.

I have the urge to get another cat, but knowing that the new cat would never be like Summer, or could be gone as suddenly as him stings.

My family was never into pets when I was growing up, and so I never understood that pet connection - but I understand it now. Pets are amazing companions. No, you don't always understand them and they don't always understand you, but they try. And they don't judge. They love you and just want love in return. They don't care if you are fat or ugly or smell funny - they just love you.

And they're irreplaceable.

Bye Sum Sum. Love you baby.

Good Friends are Hard to Find...

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 23:56:00 +0000

I spent last evening with some great friends.

TJ was back from Hong Kong, so we took advantage of Boston Pizza' delicious (albeit misleading) $10 for 10 deal and enjoyed Caesar salad and a choice of 10 pizzas or pastas, and added on some drinks and appetizers. R also had a drool-worth fudgey brownie dessert, while I watched from afar.

H has signed up for the sun run; Iz is walking the Sun Run with her work team, and I am sitting on my ass cooking and eating.

.

But good friends change that. Good friends share with you and talk to you and break down some walls that you have been cowering around. They talk to you about work and the economy and how the recession is freaking them out. And they aren't afraid of it. Or they are, but keep talking anyways.

And so that makes you share and talk and break down some walls of your own.

And it helps when your friend pulls you away from the scary lights of the candy machine...

And also when they insist on bowling to burn some calories off...

It felt really good. So good, that it carried over to this morning. I looked up at the sun as I was driving back from sampling, and thought to myself, "man, it's almost nice enough to run." And then I rocked out to Natasha Bedingfield in the car.

If you saw a girl-woman in a fluffy hooded coat doing some crazy car dancing, it was me. I hope it made you smile!

I am in love with this Chain Vest Necklace

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:05:00 +0000

I am in *love* with this Chain Vest Necklace from Free People.

I love how it's tough and rustic, yet girlie and sexy at the same time.

I'm still alive!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:18:00 +0000

And so is my Gong-gong!

He celebrated his 84th birthday this weekend and he looked smashing in his new tie and (20 year old?) suit.

This is a guy who has a fantastic sense of humour, so much so, that one time my aunt deposited a quarter (or loonie or toonie, whatever. I'm behind the times.) in one of those mechanical horse "rides" for kids but (then-) baby Nathan didn't want to ride on it. Guess what! Grandpa hopped on the thing, rode it, and chuckled while everyone snapped photos! (Sadly, those photos are on my old phone that got run over.)

Happy 84th Birthday Gong-Gong!

And then it was Tuesday.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:14:00 +0000

Had a great weekend. Got some gaming done (Blazing Angels II), got some crafting done (amigurimis for my sister), watched Happy Feet & Hancock), had dinner with the family, had dinner at the Keg, did some grocery shopping, did some clothes & antique shopping, and generally hung out with M all weekend.

Still, it seemed a little short.

I hate that time seems to be going faster and faster. I wished I had more time to really ponder things and do everything that I wanted to do.

Anyways, its been an interesting year so far. I started a food-dedicated blog at Yumorama, and also joined Foodbuzz.com. I guess it's kind of like facebook for foodies.

Been thinking about spring, since it has been so cold and wet and foggy as of late. There's actually been some mornings / late evenings where I can barely make out the neighbouring tower in our apartment complex!!! I want an edible garden / food garden come springtime. I want to start up some herbs, repot some of my existing herbs (rosemary, chives, lemon balm), and grow some veggies! Just have to wait for it to get warmer and sunnier though. Oy, this living in winterland. :(

A story.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:37:00 +0000

I was dropping off some goodies for my dad last night, and found that my family was just having dinner. Hot pot night!

In a way, I miss my family. In some ways, I do not.

It was kind of a strange realization last night that I am, in many ways, like my mother. After all, she was the one who spearheaded the way for her family to immigrate to Canada.

She had a job in Hong Kong working as elevator attendant in a prestigious hotel. Using only her limited high-school English, she met and befriended a Canadian-born-Chinese girl (Betty) while Betty was vacationing with her parents and family.

The two kept in touch and were penpals, and although they had only really known each other in the flesh for a short week or two, Betty's parents wound up sponsoring my mothers' work visa to Canada.

You have to appreciate the beauty of this as in the 1970s, airfare was EXPENSIVE, and people just didn't travel as much. Years later, I would find letters from my mother to her parents in HK, or vice versa, written on paper-thin sheets that were sealed and became their own envelopes for mailing - this was how expensive postage, airfare, and airmail was!

You have to also appreciate that this was before email, and even long-distance phone calls.

When I think about this, I wonder how homesick my mother must have been. On one hand, she had the opportunity to live and work and travel to Canada, but on the other hand, she definately missed her parents. She also missed getting to know one of her siblings as my Aunt M had just been born, and missed seeing her three other siblings grow up.

Onwards.

While my mother was here on that short work visa, she stayed with her sponsor family and was polite, clean, and quiet. She obeyed all the house rules and the family actually set her up with my dad!

After a couple months of courtship, my parents got married.

As I said before, airfare, not to mention phone calls, were expensive. My mother got married with none of her family or relatives present. My grandparents hadn't even met my father. (Goong-goong and pou-pou had a separate wedding banquet on the other side of the ocean in lieu of my parents marriage. That was the way things were back then.)

So when I think of me moving in with M and basically "living in sin", I don't feel so bad. We are, of course, "financially married" when we signed the papers for the condo. And no, none of my family was present. His was though.

I guess my mother had to be headstrong for herself and the new life she had here in Canada.

And so the story goes...

Because it is halfway through January,

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:25:00 +0000

I thought I'd do the (not so) obligatory "New Year" post.

So we had a little snow. And then it was a crazy-busy first week back. Then there were some technical difficulties earlier this week that took a while to resolve.

but here I am. And Happy New Year.

And welcome to 2009!

I must say, 2008 was a year of many firsts. First year with M. First condo purchase. First Christmas waking up without the family. First marathon. First New Years' Eve with Ro. First high school reunion....

How did 2008 compare to other years?

Being that 2008 came right after 2007, which I still maintain was one of the most positive years I've had in my adult life, I think 2008s luster waned a little bit in comparison.

I loved 2008 for the relationships that showed themselves and deepened. I moved in with M and we argued, made up, and grew together. MB has been working through the separation from his wife, and together we kind of reclaimed some of the care-free notions that we didn't get to enjoy when we were in our late teens and early twenties (good times. :). My brother also showed that there is something to salvage and work on with us, when he organized a cousin get together and also got us some furniture for my place. And a lot of other relationships deepened, strengthened and grew.

There is, however, this wierd gloom that hangs over me and Es friendship. I'll use that term loosely as I haven't seen her since early in 2008, and we've been in sparse email / text message contact since. She separated from M, and perhaps she is trying to loosen herself of her former life by shedding friends. I don't know what it is.

Admittedly, 2008 was somewhat self-destructive. After running the marathon on May 4th, I haven't been to the gym regularly. I've also over-indulged in my share of vices. Gluttony. Sloth. Alcohol. A certain green herb.

I think this is the most out of shape that I've been in a good five to seven years. This counts back to the days of BCIT where all we did was eat, study, and sleep.

So yes. 2009? 2009 is going to be good. You can only go up when you are this down right?

My 2009 ~~wishlist~~ resolutions?

Knit / crochet / create more.
Regain some sense of shape.
Declutter the home of random stuff. (me and M both have a knack for picking up "free" things we do not need. It is time to let stuff GO.)

Have a good year people. We can make it.

Softie Sushi Bentos!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica604) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 20:37:00 +0000

Aside from loving and making food, I also knit. And am learning my basics with crochet.

Here's some softies / plushies I made for my boss' daughter. I got the idea when the boss' wife was talking about having a hard time finding some sushi / sashimi play toys for her daughter. When she brought that up, in pops that image of the amigurumi and knit sushi toys I'd seen on knitty.com and (the now defunct) magknits. And so after much procrastinating, a lot of trial and error, and some learning on the go, I give you the following two sushi bentos - they made me crave sushi while I made them!

The two completed sushi bentos above!

Below is my favourite of the two. Some of these were just trial and error, and playing around with little balls of yarn that I had in my stash. Clockwise from the bottom left hand corner, the items (supposedly) are:

- inari (like the confetti-coloured "rice"? ...the boy thought it looked like a dumpling. Meh.)
- tuna sushi
- tamago (egg) sushi w/ a band of nori encircling it
- ebi (shrimp) sushi (in the grey area between "fun to make" and "I can't believe I started this".)
- inside out rolls (definately in the "geez. did I *have* to commit to making rolls?" category)
- pickled ginger "flower"
- small ball of wasabi
- a baby cupcake! This was a lot of fun to make. I wished I had more time to complete it, and to embroider it with some seed bead "sprinkles".
- veggie sunomono, complete with baby "heirloom" carrot and two slices of cucumber

Above is the first bento box I worked on. Although I liked working on this, I almost gave up and wanted to gift the littler girl just one box, because I ran out of ideas on items to make! Clockwise from the bottom left hand corner:

- a baby cupcake! (see above) I really enjoyed the amigurumi items in this project as opposed to the knit items, although I am more familiar with knitting, the circular crochet methods made for near-instant gratification.
- lettuce leaf, topped with a gyoza (both were similar circular "doily" items, the gyoza was just worked a couple round less, with HDCs on the outer hem, as opposed to the TC stitches on the lettuce leaf)
- four mini rolls
- ebi sushi
- tuna sushi
- tamago sushi
- small ball of wasabi
- pickled ginger "flower"

For the entire flickr photoset, click here.

Next "cooking" projects, will be the big Christmas feast. The bf has been working on stuffing some turkey wings with sticky rice - we had some of the stuffing for dinner last night and it was so good!

Merry Christmas everyone! Hold your loved ones close. I know I will.