By Douglas LaBier • April 3, 2021

A recent research review suggests that being playful in your romantic relationship is important for increasing the happiness and longevity of the relationship. Now, by “play around” I don’t mean checking out dating apps or Ashley Madison, unbeknownst to your partner. Nor do I mean “playing games”—which partners often do as a means to manipulate or dominate, and which creates much material for couples therapy.

No, being “playful” with your partner refers to engaging with playful attitudes, communication, and behavior. The research found that playfulness generates positive emotions and stimulates beneficial biological processes, including the activation of certain brain circuits. And that influences how the couple communicates and interacts—which helps deal with stress and tension. That, in turn, enhances the quality and duration of the relationship.

The study was published in Social and Personality Psychology Compass. Interestingly, it’s congruent with some other, unrelated research that shows how you can consciously shift your emotions and behavior around conflict and frustration in your daily life and relationship. 

For example, a study from the University of Miami found that people who can’t let go of small frustrations that occur from time to time—we all experience them—affect their brain activity in ways that lead to more negative emotions and less well-being. Dwelling in your annoyance or bruised ego intensifies negative emotions, which will often be displayed towards your partner in some form. 

The antidote is to expand your consciousness about how you perceive your situation. That is, enlarge your perspective; step outside of your narrow self-focus about those minor frustrations. Let yourself acknowledge that, in the long run, they don’t really matter. This will impact the quality of your relationships, including with your romantic partner. In effect, this research emphasizes the importance of learning to “let go of the small stuff.”

Then there’s this research, from Oregon State University. It found that when people are engaged in an argument—say with their partner—and are intent on reaching a resolution of some kind before the end of the day, the emotional residue of the disagreement is significantly reduced and even erased. This study pointed out the damage that ongoing stress, including that aroused by arguments that remain unresolved, can have on mental and physical health. That includes depression, anxiety, heart disease, a weakened immune system, reproductive difficulties, and gastrointestinal issues.

As the lead author Robert Stawski pointed out, “While people cannot always control what stressors come into their lives—and lack of control is itself a stressor in many cases—they can work on their own emotional response to those stressors. Some people are more reactive than other people, but the extent to which you can tie off the stress so it’s not having this gnawing impact at you over the course of the day or a few days will help minimize the potential long-term impact.”

So—play with your partner, let go of the small stuff, resolve the argument before bedtime… and enjoy your relationship!

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This is no surprise to most anyone who’s worked in corporations, but a recent study documents that narcissists truly do become successful more easily in many organizational settings. And that takes a toll on peers and others in their orbit, from their arrogance, insensitivity, need to control and dominate. This confirms and adds to empirical evidence what we see in workplace and career consulting, as well as in psychotherapy with men and women dealing with the emotional impact of work-related conflicts.

The study, published in The Leadership Quarterly, was described by Carly Cassella in Science Alert. She writes, “People who are fundamentally entitled, self-confident, manipulative, and callous do really well in the modern workplace…(and) those who scored higher in extraversion, overconfidence, self-esteem, dominance, and authoritarianism were more likely to get appointed CEO after a certain amount of time at their firm.”

Moreover, Cassella continues, 

Narcissism is known to be a dark trait, and individuals who are characterized by higher levels of narcissisms are known to procure negative outcomes for the firm, such as financial crime, tax avoidance, less collaborative cultures and more. Some studies have shown, for instance, that narcissistic CEOs are tied to unequal compensation, lower employee satisfaction, and a lack of communication in the workplace. They also appear more willing to commit crimes for the sake of the business.

“Once they’re in power, narcissists consolidate their position by firing everyone who challenges them,” explained psychologist Charles O’Reilly for the Stanford University newsroom in 2020. “In their place rise a plague of toadies, opportunists, and enablers equally guided by self-interest and short on scruples. So you end up with these individualistic cultures with no teamwork and low integrity. We’ve documented this in a bunch of Silicon Valley tech firms.”

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By Douglas LaBier • January 26, 2021

Is it possible to become the person you hope to be as you age? The most positive version of yourself that embraces, yet transcends, the losses and declines that are part of life? Some recent research suggests that it is.

For example, a study from Oregon State found that how you envision the person you want to be as you become older is a good predictor of who you do become. That’s encouraging, though a bit mystifying, because there’s a missing piece: What, in fact, is it that could enable you to actually become that version of yourself? Actually, some answers are hiding in plain sight.

First, take a look at what we already know. How people perceive their lives at age 50 is a good predictor of their health decades later—including their cardiovascular system, their memory, hospitalizations, and even their mortality. And research has found that happier people are also healthier as they age. The question is, what accounts for those associations? And more importantly, what might enable you to consciously create a positive version of yourself over time? 

To explore that, the researchers from Oregon State University looked at what fuels the self-perceptions that become associated with positive aging in people’s later years. They honed in on factors that are more than just your inherited biological tendencies—for example, how you consciously envision your future life to begin with, dimensions of your personality, your overall outlook on life, or your spirit.

Their findings were published in The International Journal of Aging and Human Development. In essence, the research found that If you believe you’re capable of becoming the person you want to be as you become older, that’s who you’re more likely to become. 

Really? That sounds suspiciously like the rising popularity among Gen Z of “manifesting” something you want—like a nice apartment, or a great job. And that’s the current incarnation of “positive thinking,” or creating something by “intent,” as the New York Times recently described.

But in fact, as Shelbie Turner, co-author of the study, explained, “How we think about who we’re going to be in old age is very predictive of exactly how we will be.” And other research concurs. For example, a study from Northwestern University has found that your personality can change and evolve over time. Dimensions of yourself, previously dormant, can emerge and expand. And, as described in Psychological Science, other studies have found that increasing psychological well-being and a positive outlook benefits your physical health.

Two takeaways from those studies: First, we are one integrated organism—mind, body, spirit. All “parts” of ourselves are interrelated; each affects and is affected by the other. Moreover, you can change, grow and evolve with conscious intent, independent of your life situation—including the experience of loss and decline. How do you do that?

Envision who you aspire to be.

The first step is creating a vision of the person you want to become, or become more of, over time. That’s unlike “manifesting,” which is deformed into wanting to get something to possess, that enhances your ego, your adulation of yourself. Rather, a vision to aspire towards embodies the person you want to be: your values, personality traits, and ways of relating to others that you want to display—yes, “manifest”—in your life.

With that picture in mind, you can strive to become more of the person you want to be with conscious efforts and actions. Here are some that, as I wrote at the beginning, are hidden in plain sight; they’re not secret knowledge.

Confront and heal your “demons.”

Open yourself to facing old traumas and fears, and awaken to the emotional defenses you’ve created around them. That may mean therapy, or serious meditation—some form of increasing self-awareness. Actually, getting older can help because old defenses and lies to oneself start to crumble when you’re farther along in life. They don’t work as well as they used to. That gives you a new opportunity to deal with them, heal, and work at growing beyond them in your daily life.

Serve something larger than “me.”

A love affair with your ego keeps you imprisoned, unable to become more of the person you hope to become. We all struggle with ego; it’s part of who we are as humans. But we can work at letting go of self-involvement by engaging and connecting with something larger than ourselves. As soon as you provide service or help in some way to another, or to a situation in need of help, you begin to forget about yourself. Your sense of well-being and balance grows from that.

Empirical studies, such as published in Psychological Bulletin, have found that when you make a conscious effort to do good, in some way—serve something outside of yourself—your mental and physical health improves. A simple illustration: An immediate antidote to feeling depressed is doing something for someone in need; giving of yourself in some way, even if for a moment

Engage your situation with a creative mentality.

This means seeking pathways towards the vision of yourself that you aspire to by means of a fluid, open, experimental attitude and behavior. Possible paths might exist right in your current situation, but you have to “see” them. That is, seeing the same things differently frees you from rigid, fixed thinking. You might find a new solution to a problem, right in front of you. A creative mindset can be especially important in a post-pandemic world. As the After Times emerge, much will be changed in our society. We may be in a permanent state of disequilibrium; there will be no bouncing back to what was before. You’ll benefit from an adaptive, experimental attitude to help you thrive, and not stagnate.

Service your infrastructure.

Keep in mind that we’re one interconnected being. Getting good quality sleep, exercising, and eating more raw fruits and vegetables predict better mental health and well-being, as a University of Otago study and many others have found. For example, a comprehensive study published in Frontiers in Medicine documents the integrated benefits of diets high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and lower in animal products and highly processed foods; daily physical activity; and sufficient sleep, which helps reduce inflammation, immune dysfunction, and other factors associated with chronic disease.

So, if you aim to create the person you want to become, the life you desire, through all the change, disruption—and yes, the likely losses and decline you’ll encounter—embrace these conscious practices that support it. It’s a “whole person” project, after all… because that’s what we are.

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By Douglas LaBier • December 30, 2020

Mental health issues have become highly visible since the arrival of COVID-19, acknowledged by the media, entertainers, sports stars, and even appearing in rap music. It’s good to see increasing openness about seeking help for depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol problems, and just the debilitating stress of isolation and confinement all mount in the reflection of the pandemic’s toll.

Interestingly, some new research points to features of mental health that will be needed for living in “The After Times,” which we’ll be heading into. Those findings link with what some have discovered creates greater emotional resiliency: Re-think what personal values make sense, and reflect on what they’re really living for. That’s one upside to some people’s experiences during “The Plague Year.”

And that’s important for mental health. Life will not return to what it was in “The Before Times.” As vaccines subdue the virus, much will be permanently altered: the physical workplace, attitudes about career pursuits, views about relationship conflicts and compatibility, how to conduct social life. And more broadly—perhaps most relevant to mental health—will be the increased revisiting of personal life goals and why they matter.

Here are a few emerging themes that link research with people’s experiences.

Step Outside Yourself 

For many, the pandemic has awakened a greater sense of impermanence, ephemeralness, about life. It’s no longer just a concept. Suddenly, the lockdown happened, and we were in the midst of changes affecting how we live, work, and socialize.

Moreover, by now nearly everyone knows someone who’s died from COVID-19. Or is just one or two degrees of separation from someone who’s no longer here. Life can change—or end—in a flash. 

Some have responded to this awareness by strengthening their friendships, their family relationships, and by connecting more with others in need, helping with acts of compassion. These actions show an increased awareness that we’re all in this together in this world, in this life. We’re globally interconnected in ways that feel more directly human—our fears, our desires—not just economically or technologically.

One prominent theme emanating here, and underscored by new research, is a link between overall well-being and putting your energies and capacities in the service of something larger than just yourself, larger than just your own needs and desires. Consistent with this is a study from the University of Hong Kong published in Psychological Bulletin. It found that healthy functioning, simply put, grows from doing something good for others. It showed that such “prosocial” behavior, like altruism, compassion, and cooperation, boosts both your physical health and overall well-being.

Another study from the University of Rochester published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that promoting acts of kindness and helping people are good for health and well-being. That is, it found acts of kindness are linked with a sense of personal growth or meaning.

Rethink Your Reason for Being

Of course, many have found that living and working at home puts great stress on their intimate relationship and on how they relate to their children. There’s been speculation if we’re going to see a rise of divorce post-pandemic. One part of this is visible in research from ETH Zurich. It found that interruptions while working intensify stress. And that’s something many people have been living with while having to work and do Zoom conferences with partner and children issues demanding attention. The research was published in Psychoneuroendocrinology 

The upshot for mental health is that many are pausing from the fray to reflect and take stock of what, exactly, they’re doing with their lives, and why. Is it living primarily to increase your financial well-being? Your love relationships? Your legacy on the world? Do they mesh?

In essence, this is a deep reassessment of your values. In my view, that’s a core but largely ignored dimension of mental health. That is, whether your current way of life and the values embedded within it promote, hinder, or distort your sense of why you’re here, in this moment of time, in your short life.  Research from the University of Iowa found that resiliency in the face of change and uncertainty was linked with staying mindful—as mindfulness meditation practice emphasizes—but also related to taking actions that support values that are meaningful to you. “What are they?” you need to ask yourself.

Cultivate Your “Whole Person” Mental Health

Accumulating evidence shows that what we’ve called “mental health” is one interwoven dimension of total health. In fact, “mental health” usually describes mental illness, absent of a clear view of what “health” is. Research shows that all parts of our human organism are shaped by all of our experiences—our emotional history and functioning, certainly, but also our biological inheritance, our diet, exercise, and our values. All are linked.

One example is a study from the University of Otago. It found empirical evidence that getting good-quality sleep, exercising, and eating more raw fruits and vegetables predicts better mental health and well-being. Published in Frontiers in Psychology, that study was focused on young adults but has implications for the life cycle as a whole.

And speaking of the life cycle, a study from Northwestern University found that maintaining positive emotions is linked with less cognitive decline. A nice fringe benefit, one might say.

All of the above indicates the need to rethink and reformulate what true mental health really is, and what supports it in our individual lives and in society, as we gradually enter life in The After Times.

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By Douglas LaBier • October 28, 2020

In these times, couples that work from home and see each other 24/7 recognize the difficulty of staying emotionally and romantically connected, especially if they have children. Your living environment can feel confining and stressful, and the whole situation makes it difficult to give enough continuous attention to your romantic relationship. Many people are speaking about this dilemma in their psychotherapy sessions. Some recent research, however, suggests that a few simple steps can help energize your intimate connection with your partner as we all live through these pandemic days. Knowing how to do that will also benefit your relationship in “normal times,” when, hopefully, they return. Here are some of the steps people can take:

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By Douglas LaBier • September 29, 2020

Some interesting new research finds that people are capable of working consciously to develop or change dimensions of themselves, including personality traits such as empathy. That, in turn, can affect their views of social and political issues. Specifically, this study found that efforts to increase empathy in your relationships or more broadly, towards others — including those of different life experiences and situations — can lead to changes in your political ideology towards more liberal values.

The research from the University of Michigan and the University of Grenada, described here, found that developing greater empathy led to “…changes in their political souls as well, which maybe they weren’t intending. We saw that in these personality changes toward greater empathy, people placed a lot more importance upon more liberal ideologies — like how you should treat other people and take others’ perspectives,” according to lead author William Chopik.

This finding relates to what I’ve written about in a previous essay — what I called an “empathy deficit disorder.” Originally written for the Washington Post and then for Psychology Today, I explained that when you suffer from “EDD” you’re unable to step outside yourself and tune in to what other people experience, especially those who feel, think, and believe differently from yourself. That makes it a source of personal conflicts, of communication breakdown in intimate relationships, and of adversarial attitudes, including hatred, towards groups of people who differ in their beliefs, traditions, or ways of life from your own. I think that “empathy deficit disorder” is increasingly prominent in our society today; more so in this era of polarization of people’s beliefs, perspectives, values, and attitudes about public policy.

Interestingly, the researchers in the new study weren’t aiming to determine if developing personality traits like empathy relate to political party preferences. Rather, they looked at what happens if a person works successfully to change some dimension of themselves: what might that alter in their moral framework and ideological orientation in general. That is, the research looked at changes in one’s moral framework that might result from a conscious effort to make changes in one’s personality traits. 

Chopik pointed out that liberal and progressive people tended to prioritize two of the five moral foundations the researchers investigated: care and fairness. Conservatives, on the other hand, also prioritized loyalty to the ingroup, respect for authority, and observance of purity and sanctity standards.

The study’s findings indicated that when people became empathic, that reflected increased exposure and openness to others’ lives and situations. It expanded one’s perspectives. And that, in turn, carried over to one’s moral framework and ideology: towards more of a liberal ideology, politically.

How the study was conducted is described here; it was published in the Journal of Research in Personality.

A version of this article was also published in Psychology Today.

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By Douglas LaBier • August 20, 2020

Why do some relationships look so promising, yet dissolve over time? And why do others, whose partners seem hopelessly mismatched, grow stronger? Much research has tried to identify the individual characteristics that make for a successful relationship, including how couples deal with conflict or communicate. All shed some light on what may underlie relationship success. But a new study of over 11,000 couples reveals a key ingredient that’s easily overlooked or ignored — and it’s the major predictor of relationship happiness, romantic intimacy, and connection.

It’s not how well two prospective partners matched up on a dating site. It’s not about personality features, personal history, or interests. These do play a role in predicting long-term relationship success, but the study found they play a much smaller role than one might think.

What’s the “Secret?”

Simply put, the research found that strongest predictor is the kind of relationship the partners create together, over time. That is, the quality of the relationship they experience transcends individual traits or characteristics in predicting the couple’s happiness over time.

The study, from Canada’s Western University, was based on a different kind of analysis of information from 43 studies of the 11,000 couples. As lead author Samantha Joel stated, “It suggests that the person we choose is not nearly as important as the relationship we build.” It’s the overall way the partners relate to each other. The research shows, she adds, that “the dynamic that you build with someone — the shared norms, the in-jokes, the shared experiences — is so much more than the separate individuals who make up that relationship.”

The study looked at individual characteristics that you might assume to be the most important predictors of a happy relationship, like the individual partner’s feelings about their life situation, their tendency toward anxiety or depression, their attachment pattern, or whether their parents had a stable marriage or divorce. Those factors can have a negative impact on the relationship, of course. But the research found that they were much less significant for happiness than the actual pattern of the ongoing relationship — that is, how they interact, and how each feels about the interaction. The pleasure and enjoyment of just being together.

That core feature includes, for example:

• A mutual sense of strong commitment to each other; and responsiveness to each other’s needs: “I know he/she has my back.”
• A mutual level of enjoyment with their sex life.
• A sense that their partner was happy with their relationship, and an infrequent, low level of conflict with each other.

All of those findings from the empirical study match what we see clinically, as well, among couples that develop long-term, sustained pleasure in their relationships. The study was published in PNAS, the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

How Couples Build It

What the research can’t show, of course, is how such couples “grow” that kind bond of connection, trust, and pleasure. Here, both empirical and clinical research point to some of what they do to create a positive dynamic.

Overall, the most encompassing is their commitment to ongoing openness and exposure to each other – mutually revealing their hopes, fears, desires, and sense of where they want to go — as two separate individuals joined together in this journey through life. I described here how couples do that through a practice of “Radical Transparency.”

There is some corroborating evidence from empirical research. For example:

• A willingness to forgo personal interests and knowing when to put your partner’s needs ahead of your own. Letting go of self-interest in this way is directly linked to a long-lasting, happy relationship. Staying entrenched in your own ego won’t do it, as I wrote about here, and is reflected in research by John Gottman and others.
• Feeling appreciated and valued by your partner. That tends to strengthen your marriage or committed relationship, and it increases your belief about how enduring your relationship will be over time. This was found in a University of Georgia study that I wrote about here. 
• A different study I cited in this post, conducted at Wake Forest University, found that your relationship is strengthened when your stressed-out partner feels really understood and listened to. It occurs not just through words of support, but through multiple forms of conveying empathy — eye contact, listening, and generally conveying understanding and caring, nonverbally. The key is tuning in to what your partner perceives as helpful. Inquire about that if you’re not sure — and don’t assume that you know.

Of course, knowing the key to couples’ happiness and enjoyment with each other over the long term is one thing, That’s the science part. Really practicing it? That’s the art of the relationship.

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By Douglas LaBier • July 29, 2020

Both men and women often lament their prospects for happiness if they don’t find a partner. I’ve heard this from those who seek to find the “right” person for a relationship that will last and bring joy to their lives, and from others who were in a relationship that ended and really long for another. They dread the prospect of “ending up alone.”

But what do we really know about how being with a partner relates to a happy life? New studies reveal information some about that and point to what does support a “happy” life – more accurately described as one of mental and physical well-being; a sense of growth over time; and a feeling that it’s worth being alive, despite the ups and downs of life and the inevitable transitions and changes we experience.

Let’s look at some recent research into relationships and happiness. A study from Michigan State University assessed the happiness level of over 7000 people – those married, previously married, and those who remained single — from age 18 to 60. The researchers sought to find out, as in the classic Tina Turner song, “What’s love got to do with it?” 

About 80 percent of participants had been consistently married, in one marriage; 13 percent had been in and out of relationships; and 8 percent had been consistently single. The researchers examined how the participants’ ratings of happiness related to the particular group they fell into.

The upshot of the study was that “…staking your happiness on being married isn’t a sure bet,” as co-author William Chopik reported. That is, the lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn’t differ in their level of happiness. Moreover, the lifelong married individuals showed only marginally higher levels of happiness. The research was published in the Journal of Positive Psychology.

What to make of this? The empirical data confirms the obvious: Lifelong happiness – a sense of well-being and fulfillment – is more rooted in your overall life, not just whether you’re in a relationship or not. And even for those in long-term “one marriage” relationships – which is less representative of current demographics – one always finds couples who stay married despite a sense of deadness, flatness, or outright anger toward each other. Clinically, we often see this in the lives of couples who seek therapy. As Chopik pointed out, “People can certainly be in unhappy relationships, and single people derive enjoyment from all sorts of other parts of their lives. If the goal is to find happiness, it seems a little silly that people put so much stock in being partnered.”

No kidding: If you’re not living a life that generates happiness and fulfillment to begin with, then being in a relationship in itself won’t change that. It could even make things worse.

So what does support well-being overall, through life? The answer is complex, and involves several dimensions, including how you think, feel and behave, and the societal context in which you live as well. The latter may condition you to believe in a particular definition of “happiness” that can undermine your health and well-being.

But a few dimensions that relate to how you live your life stand out. One example is cultivating positive emotions such as compassion and generosity. Another is serving something larger than just your own “needs” and ego. All are linked with increased well-being. More broadly, those reflect the link between happiness and a life that’s healthy — both mentally and physically. Recent evidence of that connection is a study showing that if you take steps to enhance your well-being, they could have an impact on your physical health. The study was conducted with 155 adults between ages 25 and 75. It focused on increasing three different sources of happiness. Over a period of 12 weeks, the participants reported increasing levels of well-being. And that “…increasing the psychological well-being even of generally healthy adults can have benefits to their physical health,” according to researcher Kostadin Kushlev.

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By Douglas LaBier • June 29, 2020

Two recent pieces of research caught my eye the other day; and each brought to mind a different memory from our cultural past. Both the memories and the two studies strike me as relevant to the challenge of mentally healthy living in this age of the coronavirus.

One association was to a lyric from an early Beatles song; the other, a famous skit from the old comedy legend Jack Benny. The Beatles lyric was, “I don’t care too much for money / Money can’t buy me love,” from 1964’s “Can’t Buy Me Love” in the soundtrack of their movie, A Hard Day’s Night.

The other was a classic bit in which a robber accosted Jack Benny, pointed a gun at him, and said “Your money or your life!” Benny paused for some length of time, as the robber became more impatient, and made the demand again. Finally, Benny replied, “I’m thinking it over!”

Both struck me as relevant to the upheaval many people experience now: So many of us are hunkered down, working from home, dealing with the blurred separations of work and personal life. And unmoored, as well, by the financial uncertainties all of us face.

Consequently, I see many people rethinking or questioning what they’re living and working for, at this point. They wonder, what’s important to prioritize, given the “new normal” that may continue for some time? How can I best deal with a heightened sense of fear; of awareness of the unpredictability of life; of mortality?

To explain, let’s look at the first study, the one that reminds me of the Beatles’ lyric. It looked at people who identify their self-worth with financial success, and how that plays out in the quality of their relationships — including their connection with, or isolation from, other people in their lives. And, how their priority of financial success affects their sense of control over the course of their lives.

The research, described here, found that people who equate their self-worth with financial success tend to suffer in their relationships. A team from the University at Buffalo and the Harvard Business School conducted the research. As lead researcher Deborah Ward points out, “the pressure to achieve financial goals means we’re putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it’s that lack of time spent with people close to us that’s associated with feeling lonely and disconnected.”

At the same time, spending more time on work than on relationships results in feeling less in control of one’s life. Moreover, the study also found that people whose self-worth is dependent on their financial success are more likely to experience higher anxiety, increased feelings of pressure, and a higher likelihood of unfavorably comparing themselves to others.

The researchers pointed out that social networks and personal relationships are important for good mental health. As Ward described, “Depression and anxiety are tied to isolation, and we’re certainly seeing this now with the difficulties we have connecting with friends during the COVID-19 pandemic. These social connections are important. We need them as humans in order to feel secure, to feel mentally healthy and happy. But much of what’s required to achieve success in the financial domain comes at the expense of spending time with family and friends.”

The upshot, Ward adds, is further evidence that people who base their self-worth on money are likely to feel pressured to achieve financial success, which is tied to the quality of their relationships with others. The study was published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Truly, then, “money can’t buy you love!”

The other research, related to the Jack Benny skit, looked at what people say about their desire for having more money vs. having more time in their lives. This study examined how those different attitudes — and behavior — relate to overall life happiness. 

Conducted by the University of British Columbia and described here, the study was based on 4600 participants. It found that people who said they gave more priority to having time over having more money tended to be happier. That is, valuing your time more than the pursuit of money is linked to greater happiness.

According to lead researcher Ashley Whillans, “People have a stable preference for valuing their time over making more money, and prioritizing time is associated with greater happiness.” That is, the findings were based on various ways of measuring happiness and wellbeing, and the association held even after holding constant many other factors, such as people’s salary, education, hours of work, age, and gender. The researchers also measured people’s materialism and the association between happiness and favoring time over money remained after taking this into account. The research was published in Social Psychology and Personality Science.

So, your money… or your life? Your choice — but do contemplate the long-term consequences!

Taken together, the findings of both studies highlight, I think, a gradual reassessment of people’s life values as they struggle to deal with what might lie ahead — for themselves, the people they care about, and for our society. I’m seeing more thoughtful reflection about this since the pandemic began. Perhaps the ultimate hollowness of material and financial acquisition, in contrast to love and connection, is a rising awareness, spurred by the new realities of life, today. For more about that re-assessment in your life, see my recent essay about ways to enhance your well-being during the pandemic.

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By Douglas LaBier • June 2, 2020

During this time of the pandemic, do you find yourself wanting more physical touch, more contact, more emotional closeness? But confined with your partner, perhaps with children, irritations and minor conflicts may flare up more easily. You might also feel an absence of empathy from your partner — that he or she isn’t tuned in to what you’re feeling inside. How you deal with all of the above could fuel a positive “flow” in the relationship — or stir thoughts of post-pandemic divorce. 

My work with individuals and couples during this “stay at home” period highlights how essential a deep longing for meaningful, positive connection, both physically and emotionally, is to most of us. Recognizing what leaves that desire unfulfilled during “ordinary” times can show what may help in today’s more stressful circumstances.

For example, the two partners’ desire and expectations for physical affection – both giving it and receiving it — may differ. That diminishes the quality of the relationship, if ignored and not dealt with in ways that promote mutual understanding and greater intimacy.

In another part of the relationship, the capacity — or desire — to tune in or “read” each other’s emotional experience may also differ. How each partner engages that dimension of the relationship is crucial to building positive connection, or diminishing it. That’s especially relevant to emotionally charged situations — for example, when one partner feels critical about the other and wants him or her to change some behavior or attitude.

Two recent studies shed light on both of those potential conflicts – non-sexual display of affection and emotionally tuning in to your partner. And they indicate what might help. Like much academic research, the findings are limited in what they indicate about “real life” situations, but they do corroborate what we see clinically with individuals and couples.

One study, from SUNY Binghamton, investigated relationship patterns concerning affection among 184 adult, heterosexual couples. The basic finding was that greater occurrence of physical touch – hugging, touching of one’s arm or hands, and so forth – was linked to more solid, satisfying marriages. There were some differences, as described in this summary, but that major finding held, regardless of the partner’s attachment style – e.g. more anxious or avoidant. People of both orientations felt more satisfied with their partner’s touch when it was more frequent, more routine. As lead researcher Samantha Wagner said, “More is better because they can more easily see that their partner is trying to engage with them.”

That conclusion has even more significance in the pandemic era. As Wagner pointed out, “Couples may want to consider adding more affection to decrease stress — as long as their partners are receptive and willing. There’s plenty of evidence that suggests touch as a way to decrease stress.”

I think these findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, highlight a broader issue about the keys to sustaining a positive, intimate connection over time. The physical connection has to join with a shared vision of life, both as a couple and as individuals. And there are several dimensions to that. See, for example, see my essay  describing some helpful steps.

The other study examined when reading your partner’s emotions can be positive or negative for the relationship — that is, how it affects the quality of the relationship, especially the motivation to change an attitude or behavior that a partner may seek from the other. The upshot of the research is that when partners accurately perceive authentically expressed emotions by the other — about him/herself or about some behavior or attitude of the partner’s – couples tend to have better relationships. But couples that perceive emotions of anger or contempt from each other, especially around a desired change, have less satisfying relationships, and less confidence in their sustainability.

The research, conducted by the University of Rochester and the University of Toronto and described here, found that accurately perceiving such emotions as anger or contempt has a destructive impact on the relationship. That’s whether the perception is on the part of the person requesting the change, or the person receiving the request. 

As lead researcher Bonnie Le notes, “If you accurately perceive threatening displays from your partner, it can shake your confidence in a relationship. If your partner is angry or contemptuous…that signals very different, negative information that may hurt a partner if they accurately perceive it.” And, “In order to really propel your partner to change, you may need to use more direct communication about exactly what kind of change you are hoping for.” The research was published in Psychological Science.

The researchers emphasize that if you accurately read in your partner such emotions as sadness, shame, or embarrassment, you generally enjoy a strong relationship. But I think the researchers are mistaken in labeling such emotions as “soft,“ “appeasement” emotions. That reflects one of the limitations of some academic studies, in laboratory settings, that lack sufficient context of people’s actual experiences or of how adults grow more intimacy over time or fail to do so. Viewed from a broader perspective, the essence of the study’s findings is the importance of authenticity in your emotional life with your partner. Exposure and vulnerability can be frightening. It means working at revealing to each other, with respect and two-way openness, what each feels, desires, fears, and hopes for. I’ve written previously about this, in the form of practices that build “radical transparency” in couples’ lives.

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By Douglas LaBier • May 12, 2020

Recently I came across two new, unrelated studies that together provide new evidence about the impact of mindfulness practice. One looked at the potential impact of being “in the moment” when you’re facing stressful problems or challenges that often arise in daily life—perhaps even more so, now, during the pandemic. Does it really help? Or can it hinder figuring out what you need to do to diminish your stress? The other study also looked at mindfulness, but with a broader focus: how it may affect or impede well-being over time as you deal with change over the years.

Interest in practicing mindfulness has become pretty mainstream in recent years as a way to help you stay focused and centered in the face of distracting emotions and thoughts. Many practice it in their daily lives, and it’s being applied to the workplace and leadership development, as well.

One new study from researchers at North Carolina State University looked specifically at how staying centered and living in the moment helped with daily stress, compared with coping strategies and trying to plan ahead to ward off future sources of stress. Is it more helpful to stay in the moment or better to engage in “proactive coping”?

The researchers found that it’s not either-or. The study consisted of 223 people—half young adults through their late 30s, half between 60 and 90, and they reported their level of mindfulness over time. It found evidence that proactive efforts to reduce the stressful situation were helpful in specific situations—but only when combined with mindfulness. On those days when the participant reported low mindfulness, the proactive strategy lost its apparent usefulness for minimizing the impact of daily stress.

Described in this report, these findings have significance for building resilience and adaptation in the face of disturbing events and emotions. According to one of the researchers, Shevaun Neupert, “Our results show that a combination of proactive coping and high mindfulness results in study participants of all ages being more resilient against daily stressors.” 

Those who are more prone to look down the road at future situations and how to minimize their potential stress that may arise “may be more inclined to think ahead to the future at the expense of remaining in the present.” Of course, a downside there is that looking too much down the road can take your attention away from dealing with stress in the immediate situation. Neupert points out that a greater focus on practicing mindfulness practice may be helpful to people with those tendencies. The study was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

These findings complement, in a way, another recent study that examined several characteristics of mindfulness more broadly: in relation to age and overall well-being. This research, from Flinders University in Australia, defined mindfulness as the ability to be aware of one’s experiences and to pay attention to the present moment in a purposeful, receptive, and non-judgmental way.

The researchers emphasized in this summary that using mindfulness techniques can be instrumental in reducing stress and promoting positive psychological outcomes. Here, they sought to investigate the relationship between aging—from middle age onward—and such capacities as staying attentive to the present moment; being non-judgmental; acceptance of age-related changes; and overall positive emotions.

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By Douglas LaBier • April 7, 2020

Yes, this is a terrifying, frightening time for everyone. COVID-19 is escalating throughout the world, and now the US is the epicenter. Most of us know by now some steps to take that can manage the anxiety it generates—how to best cope with daily reports about the rising number of cases and deaths.

Many helpful articles and guides are out there that list specific actions that can help your mental health and well-being. For example, maintaining connections with friends and family; exercising and following a good diet; being compassionate towards others — as described in this Nature article. Or, from the New York Times, staying grounded in the medical facts and data, because anxiety is fueled by misinformation and rumors; prepare for the worst, by stockpiling what you might need in the weeks ahead. And, ask for help when you need it; as well as offering help to others.

These are all useful guides for keeping daily anxiety and uncertainty at bay. They help you function as best you can in daily life, work, and relationships. But we’re in the midst of an evolving situation that can unleash a deeper kind of unmoored experience of your life; one that can immobilize you, despite taking all the steps that can help, situationally. 

In my view, you can activate a broader set of mental and emotional capacities that help you actually thrive, through the unknown times ahead, during this period of terror; beyond just coping and managing anxieties. I say “thrive” — as strange as that may sound — because you need to have some sense of how to live as fully as you can. This is crucial during any period of terror — whether during a pandemic, in the midst of a war zone, or living in a concentration camp.

I suggest that you reflect on the following. Incorporate them into a daily mindfulness exercise, or mediation — or prayer, if that resonates more with you.

Reflect on the inevitability of death. Our culture has become intoxicated with denying death and aging. And many products and procedures are available for that, to the delight of companies that profit from our denial.

But death is inseparable from life. And focusing on it — letting yourself experience the reality that it’s in store for you and me — perhaps sooner than any of us think — doesn’t have to be a downer to hide from through denial or escapism. Rather, embracing it can unleash new energy and focus, beyond practical steps like doing a will, and having a list of your passwords for someone to access. 

Specifically, focus on what you want your ultimate legacy to be for the people you care about who remain after you’re gone? What contribution will you put into the world through your engagements or activity? What’s your desired, ideal legacy? Money? Objects? An enduring sense of love or being loved? A non-material contribution? Creative work? How does that reflection affect your actions and commitments going forward?

Expand the context of your “usual” stress and problems.  President Eisenhower was known to have advised, in his military leadership during World War II, that if you have trouble dealing with a problem, “enlarge” the problem. By which he meant that if you elevated your view, you could see the many factors and forces feeding into the immediate problem. That enables you to know where to attack and deal with the source of your troubles.

So apply that perspective to the everyday, immediate concerns that have occupied your mind and emotions in previous “normal” times and fueled your stress. Perhaps they included continuous work challenges, issues with your partner or children, financial worries, and so forth. The immediate, pervasive threat of sickness and possible death from COVID-19 can help you “enlarge” the picture in which the problems that have been causing you stress exist. Seeing the larger, more overwhelming concerns that we all face can help diminish the old, daily anxieties and stress: the latter can now seem less onerous; less critical, from the elevated view of what we’re all facing. That perspective can siphon off the stress that your daily concerns had jacked up. It can help you realize that none of those daily concerns are life-threatening. You’ll figure out how to deal with them, somehow. Life continues, one way or another.

Impermanence and continuous change are the “new normal.” Forget about looking forward to the return of “normalcy,” pre-pandemic. Ain’t gonna happen. The world as we have known it will be permanently transformed in many ways, which are yet to be fully made clear.

Until we see what forms that will take — socially, in the workplace, in our political life — we can help ourselves prepare for it. Do that by cultivating this emotional attitude — a mixture of thoughts and feelings — with which you experience your life as always impermanent, in which nothing remains the same, ever. What exists today in your life can change tomorrow, or in an instant. In fact, the nature of life is continuous change, evolution, and unpredictability. And that applies to you. 

The most resilient, adaptable people are those who embrace and work proactively with change and impermanence. Knowing that it can and will occur, they roll with it. If you acknowledge this reality of life, emotionally and mentally, you’ll figure out how and what to do as life changes and evolves; rather than sink into despair, immobilization and stagnation.

Rethink and reassess what really matters, now. Extending from awakening to the “new normal,” it will be wise to now stop and take stock of what you’re really living for — what truly matters in your life — in this new world of no return to the way things “used to be.” 

I’m seeing people reflect more seriously about what they’ve thought they were living for; thought they could always look forward to. For many, that’s focusing them on what they’ve been aiming for, regarding their career aims and financial goals. How much does career promotion matter; and towards what end? How much financial security is “enough?” And at what cost to their longings for a loving connection with someone; with friends who matter to you; to your relationship with your children or surrogate children. Those latter aims are, in essence, about love; not an acquisition of money, possessions; or public prestige, or recognition. All ultimately fade and disappear. What does that reassessment stir up in you?

Learn from the “new” interconnection and interdependence. True, all the major spiritual traditions; the reality of global economic and political interdependence; and rising climate change reveal how interconnected and interdependent all humans, all life, the ecology of the planet — are totally interwoven.

But now, the worldwide pandemic has made that interdependence visible. Even the most truth-denying, narcissistic person is likely to realize that his or her health and life is directly dependent on how others help or don’t help. And vice versa, how his or her own actions directly impact others — for better or for worse.

This pandemic is likely to be transformative in many ways, as I wrote at the beginning of this essay. But perhaps the most positive transformation will be a societal, perhaps global awakening that we’re all in this together. Will collective action and mutual responsibility emerge? Will that open up new actions that promote the common good — across ethnic, national or other boundaries? Stay tuned.

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By Douglas LaBier • September 25, 2019

Couples often ask what it takes to build and maintain happiness—whether in daily life together or for the long term. A new study sheds light on that. Its findings reveal one thing that happy couples do differently from other couples. 

And the findings are consistent with what we see clinically, in couples who work through their issues in therapy and elevate a sustaining sense of happiness and positive connection with each other. But the research also reveals a downside to that “certain something” that happy couples do; and it is also crucial for sustaining a long-term, positive relationship, especially if ignored or swept under the rug.

To explain, the research, conducted by three universities, started out taking as a given that all couples deal with conflict; all will disagree and argue over a range of issues—for example, parenting behavior, financial matters, intimacy desires, and so forth.

To look beyond that, the study observed couples who were in their 30s, as well as those in their 70s—and who described themselves as happily married. Their years of marriage ranged from an average of nine among the younger couples to 42 years among the older ones. (Caveat: the couples were all heterosexual, mostly white, and educated).

For the research, the couples ranked their most and least serious issues. The findings revealed that the happiest couples argued about their issues in a specific way, across their age differences, and regardless of the length of their marriage years.

It was the way they argue that seems to make a difference: That is, they “tend to take a solution-oriented approach to conflict, and this is clear even in the topics that they choose to discuss,” said the study’s lead author Amy Rauer. 

The research, described here, found that the happiest couples focused on issues that enabled clear solutions. For example, how to distribute household labor and how to spend leisure time. For example, “Rebalancing chores may not be easy, but it lends itself to more concrete solutions than other issues,” Rauer said. “One spouse could do more of certain chores to balance the scales.” This suggests that when couples can identify and focus on a specific, possible outcome or solution to a conflict, they seem to feel happier.

But here’s where the findings become more complicated: Such couples rarely chose to argue about issues that are more difficult to resolve. Rauer suggests that this strategic decision may be one of the keys to their marital success: “Focusing on perpetual, more-difficult-to-solve problems may undermine partners’ confidence in the relationship.”

She points out that focusing first on more solvable problems may be an effective way to build up both partners’ sense of security in the relationship. Then, “If couples feel that they can work together to resolve their issues, it may give them the confidence to move on to tackling the more difficult issues.” The study was published in Family Process.

However, in my experience with couples (and their individual partners), those “more difficult” issues are also essential to growing and sustaining a positive, intimate relationship. Those include, as the researchers point out, things like health and physical intimacy. But they also include such issues as life purpose, personal values, whether they feel they’re on the same “wavelength,” and generally, if each partner feels able to reveal his or her inner life, fears, hopes, vulnerabilities—all of which may expose important differences to face and resolve.

Being able to separate out issues that can be resolved through compromise or agreement on what to do, versus those that are more central is an important step—essential, but not sufficient. The challenge is how to go beyond that. I’ve written about these kinds of issues in marriages, and what partners can do to deal with them, in some previous articles here (e.g., what I called the practice of “radical transparency” between partners).

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A version of this article also appeared in Psychology Today

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By Douglas LaBier • August 31, 2019

As we approach Labor Day this weekend, it’s a good time to reflect on some new findings about the negative impact work and career have upon a broad spectrum of workers. The new studies add to a picture that’s been accumulating for some time: You’re likely to experience increasing dissatisfaction, stress and damage — both psychologically and physically — in today’s workplace culture and management. And that’s across all organizations in all sorts of jobs, careers, and workplaces.

Many of the findings shed light on why that is, and what may help; but often do so indirectly, by virtue of what’s missing from them. That is, some are based on extensive surveys, but they tend to ignore two underlying sources for so many people: Psychologically unhealthy management and leadership; and our cultural definition of success.

Both are visible in the following studies — including what is needed in both for positive change.

One example is a new survey from CareerCast. It found that a vast majority of Americans feel very stressed at work; that 78% rated their job stress at seven or higher on a 10-point scale. And that was a jump from the 2017 CareerCast stress survey, which found that 69% scored their job stress seven or higher.

The most common stress factor cited was meeting deadlines (38% of respondents). Keep in mind that the average American between 25 and 54 spends 40.3 hours per week at work, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That’s approximately one-quarter of the entire week; a third of waking time for those who sleep an average of seven hours per night. When you include travel time to and from work, that increases it further.

The survey, described fully here, pointed out that when work occupies so much of life, if work is stressful, then life will be stressful. Why is that? Consider that our culture promotes and normalizes workaholism, and the pursuit position, power, and money above all in life. Many workers feel pride over how little vacation they take; and how many hours they work, whether on the clock or off. The U.S. is the only industrialized nation that mandates no required vacation time.

Put all that together: It generates for many debilitating stress and often an undercurrent of depression; a desire for relief through some form of escapist, short-term pleasure. Of course, people’s career values and pursuits are also shaped in large part, by what their management culture promotes and rewards.

Many organizations house abusive, narcissistic managers, who create debilitating conflicts for employees. Moreover, corporations have been driven to pursue short-term profit. That, in turn, creates a culture of pressure to meet those objectives; regardless of the impact on actual performance, the mental health of the workers — or even the company’s goal of continued success.

Ironically, a new study shows exactly that: Profit-driven managers actually undercut bottom line measures. One reason is that they lose the respect of their employees, who then counter by withholding performance. According to Matthew Quade, the lead researcher of the Baylor University study, “Supervisors who focus only on profits to the exclusion of caring about other important outcomes, such as employee well-being or environmental or ethical concerns, turn out to be detrimental to employees.”

Moreover, “This results in relationships that are marked by distrust, dissatisfaction, and lack of affection for the supervisor. And ultimately, that leads to employees who are less likely to complete tasks at a high level and less likely to go above and beyond the call of duty.”

The research found that even if employees maintain a bottom line mentality themselves, they would prefer for their managers to focus on creating healthier relationships with their employees — in addition to the bottom line. The researchers pointed out that “supervisors may pursue bottom-line outcomes at the exclusion of ethical practices, personal development or building social connections in the workplace. However, in doing so they may have to suffer the consequence of reduced employee respect, loyalty, and even liking.”

The study was based on data from 866 people, including both supervisors and employees, from a range of industries and companies. It is described here in detail and published in the journal Human Relations.

Even more revealing about the link between a positive management culture and business success is a study described in The Economist’s Bartleby column that examined measures of corporate success. It was based on a large-scale, international Gallup poll. A major finding was that employee happiness and business success are linked. The Economist article pointed out that in the positive, healthy workplace — in which business success is more likely to thrive — “workers will be well informed about a company’s plans and consulted about the roles they will play. Staff will feel able to raise problems with managers without fearing for their jobs. Bullying and sexual harassment will not be permitted. Employees may work hard, but they will be allowed sufficient time to recuperate, and enjoy time with their families. In short, staff will be treated as people, not as mere accounting units.”

Does that sound like your workplace? Your own career environment?

Enjoy Labor Day!

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This article was also published in Psychology Today

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By Douglas LaBier • August 12, 2019

Billionaire Richard Branson displays a strong sense of adventure and love of life in his business and orientation to life in general. In a recent interview with Deep Patel in Entrepreneur, he describes 8 keys to happiness and success – which strike me as a great perspective for engaging with life: in your work, relationships, and sense of purpose; of meaning, in your overall life.

Patel points out that, according to Branson, creating such a life is pretty simple: love others, be grateful for all you have, be kind and be mindful. Oh, and “Never say no, just keep going until you succeed.”

Branson’s keys to happiness and success?

1. Don’t measure your success by the amount of money you make.

Too often, people measure their success by how much money they make, but Branson assures us that if we’re having fun and focusing on making the world a better place, the money will come.

In an article posted on his LinkedIn page, Branson wrote: “It’s a common misconception that money is every entrepreneur’s metric for success. It’s not, and nor should it be. I’ve never gone into business to make money.”

No matter what you have achieved in life, you should always feel there is more to be done. Success is a moving target — it’s about striving to continue growing, but also appreciating what you have in the moment.

2. Unplug and focus on face-to-face conversation.

Like most of us, Branson loves technology, but he also sees its limits, especially when it comes between him and those he cares for. Nothing can replace a face-to-face conversation or being in the moment — and for that you have to be willing to put your devices aside, he says.

Branson tries hard to focus his attention on whoever he is with. He works at actively listening and taking notes during meetings, and he makes it a point to put aside his cell phone and keep his attention centered on family during dinner. He also encourages others to put their technology down when they’re in a social setting… at least for a little while. “We can all be more present in our own lives. I really believe that being in the moment is the key to happiness and success — and being constantly glued to your phone can have a big impact on your relationships,” Branson writes.

3. Have fun in everything you do.

If you aren’t having fun, you’re doing it wrong. In everything you do, you should find ways to enjoy and appreciate your life, says Branson. In other words, instead of working to live, you should live to work — because work is fun and enjoyable.

“Fun is one of the most important — and underrated — ingredients in any successful venture,” Branson writes in The Virgin Way: Everything I Know About Leadership.

Branson has said that when he no longer enjoys a project, it’s time to move on. “If you’re not having fun, then it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else,” he says. So stop wasting time doing things you hate or dread, as that will only suck the joy and happiness out of your life.

4. Find a hobby that gets you outside.

A major key to happiness, Branson says, is finding hobbies that encourage you to spend more time outdoors. Being outside can help you deal with stress and anxiety, and has a way of recharging your batteries, he says, noting: “It’s a great way to boost your mood and feel more in control.”

Hiking, biking and windsurfing are some of the ways Branson reenergizes by connecting to nature, but you can also do something as simple as taking your dog for a walk, or even spending time gazing into the night sky.

As Branson recently wrote on his Facebook page: “Get outside and look up. You never know what the stars could inspire next.”

5. Dream big.

Branson once tweeted: “Dream big & you will be presented with the opportunity to lead the world on an incredible adventure.” Branson’s success started with an audacious dream that seemed out of his league. He was in his early 20s when he launched Virgin Records and took on the music industry.

Everyone told him it wouldn’t work, but he didn’t listen. There was no guarantee he would be successful, but his belief in his dream fueled his motivation to keep pushing through. Our dreams are what make us who we are. If you never have the courage to see them through, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.

6. Learn as you go.

Life should be one big learning experience. We should always seek to broaden our minds and increase our wisdom and knowledge. Branson never went to university — in fact, he left high school early — but he never stopped learning. He looks at life as one long university course, and seeks to learn at least one new thing every day.

Branson has launched a wide variety of ventures over the decades, often in areas he’s unfamiliar with. The key is, when you dive into a new area, you need to learn quickly, but you also should be motivated to do so, he says.

According to Branson, if you see a great opportunity, go for it, even if it’s not in an area you are familiar with or specialize in. Focus on learning as you go and embrace the chance to make new connections. Push yourself to make the most of opportunities when they present themselves.

“It’s really important to realize that it doesn’t matter if you don’t know — because you can always find out. Seize opportunities and don’t give in to self-doubt,” Branson writes on his blog.

7. Be fearless in trying new things.

Branson has never been afraid to say yes to new concepts, ideas and pursuits. This is a big reason why the Virgin Group is now an empire of over 200 diverse companies. Branson hasn’t limited himself to one area; he’s branched out and is open to trying new things.

He encourages everyone to push themselves outside of their comfort zone. It’s the only way you’ll truly see how far you can go. “I can honestly say that nothing good in my life has ever happened from the safety of my comfort zone. It’s all those moments where you feel challenged, where you think ‘Oh crap, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea’ and then ponder giving up — if you can get through this stage of doubt and make it out the other side — I promise you, this is where the good stuff happens,” Branson writes.

8. Make happiness a habit.

Take time to find a bit of happiness in each day, in each moment if you can. Happiness isn’t the result of success, but happiness from within can support you in becoming successful, according to Branson.

“I know I’m fortunate to live an extraordinary life, and that most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, have brought me happiness. But they haven’t; in fact, it’s the reverse. I am successful, wealthy and connected because I am happy,” Branson writes on his blog.

Branson encourages us to stop chasing after happiness as if it’s a far-off and hard-to-obtain goal. Happiness is right in front of you; you just need to recognize it and seize it.

“Stop and breathe. Be healthy. Be around your friends and family. Be there for someone, and let someone be there for you. Be bold. Just be for a minute,” he says.

Credit: Entrepreneur

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