Project Child Murdering Robot

"Avatar" as Some Kind of "PSA"-- Or Not. You Don't Have to Think About it if You Don't Want To. But if You Don't, We're All Gonna Die

2009-12-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

There is a filmmaker called James Cameron, who made "The Terminator," about a cyborg from the future who goes back in time to perform an abortion, "Terminator 2," about a cyborg from the future who goes back in time to kill a teenager and destroy the planet, and the woman wrongfully imprisoned in a mental hospital who attempts to stop him, and "True Lies," about a secret agent who enforces

The 10 Best Films of 2009

2009-12-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

2009 was a great year for film, and I watched so much film that my head is still spinning from all the greatness. Of course, I didn't hardly make it to the theater-- so most of the films I saw were online, on youtube and blogs and things like that. (Oh I just remembered I saw "The Proposal" on an airplane, but, spoiler alert it did not make it onto my top ten list.) But still, I saw some great

Shaking Your Head and Sighing Over Ignorant Parents

2009-12-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

Some writer at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette shakes his head and sighs over the ignorance of parents who just don't know what's best for their own kids: Just got this press release from Parents magazine. I can only shake my head and sigh: When it comes to TV in 2009, no television show got more attention than Jon & Kate Plus 8. As everyone knows by now, 2009 was the year the Gosselins joined

Jersey Shore Puncher Is New York City Teacher; Also-- Naked Lesbian Teacher Classroom Sex Romp!

2009-12-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

The cast of "Jersey Shore." Why have I not seen this show yet? I have at least one episode of MTV's "Jersey Shore" reality show on my TiVo, although I haven't had a chance to watch it. Which is an insane oversight, given this description: Within the first five minutes of the show's premiere episode, a 28-year-old male who goes by the name "Mike 'The Situation'" because of his chiseled

Comparing Al Gore's Poetry with Sarah Palin's

2009-12-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

Al Gore dives headlong into the poetry breach, following in the footsteps of the influential former Alaska governor Sarah Palin. Al Gore, the former vice president of this country, has published a poem in his new book, Our Choice: A Plan to Solve the Climate Crisis. The poem is called-- actually it's "untitled," as are a lot of the best poems. Sometimes giving title to a poem is detrimental.

It Keeps Getting Worse For Tiger Woods-- False Advertising, No Condoms, and The Tiger Woods Home Pregnancy Test

2009-12-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

For a guy who has, allegedly, at least as many as 8 mistresses, things are surprisingly bad for Tiger Woods. According to TMZ, Gatorade is dropping the drink they created for him. Gatorade is shutting down production of their special brand of Tiger Woods' brew this month -- but the drink giant tells TMZ it has "absolutely no connection" to Tiger's current predicament. I don't drink sports

Stumpy Claus Is Back!

2009-12-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

Due to popular demand that nearly became a popular uprising, I have created another Stumpy Claus video, just in time for the "holiday season." I hope it's at least as enjoyable as the previous Stumpy Claus video.

CNN's Creepy Propaganda Ad Campaign

2009-12-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

The very good website mediaite has been overpowered today by a very creepy ad campaign for the fourth or fifth place news network, CNN. Those ads don't catch the eye-- they assault you. They make the viewer, who just wanted to check out the article about Levi Johnston meeting Andrew Sullivan, feel vaguely as if they've been caught doing something very naughty. The faces of those three

Really? They Have Time for This?

2009-12-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

House lawmakers are gearing up for a vote as soon as next week on a bill aimed at forcing a national college-football playoff. The quote above is from an article in the Wall Street Journal. The "House lawmakers" mentioned are the people elected to "serve" in the House of Representatives in Washington, DC. Those are the people who make federal laws. Apparently, having solved the recession,

Department of Great Timing Dept

2009-12-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

A lot of commentators (commenters?) are suggesting that "Golf Digest," a magazine that-- I kid you not-- is devoted entirely to the game of golf-- might be a bit embarrassed by its latest cover (seen above). This because of Tiger Woods's recent troubles. As someone at slate put it, Golf Digest, which depicts Woods as the president's caddy, argues that Obama might learn from the golfer's

Perhaps Not the Effect They Intended

2009-12-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I had occasion to come upon the following billboard: I've always thought that chewing tobacco was disgusting. Even when I was a kid, I thought so. The carrying it around in your cheek, the brown dribble, the yellowing teeth, the spitting for crying out loud-- all very grotesque. It never would have occurred to me to ever try chewing tobacco. But I have to say, I didn't know they

The Continuing Triumph of "Reality Television Shows" Over Actual "Reality"

2009-12-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

Almost every single story in the news has some kind of "reality show" angle right now. Remember the "White House Gatecrashers"? I wrote about them yesterday in a rather memorable post, so you should. It turns out, they weren't just reality teevee "wannabees," they'd actually already been filmed for a full season of "The Real Housewives of DC," and the "gatecrashing" is intended to be the

Indignation in the "White House Gatecrashers" Incident

2009-12-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

Something exciting actually happened at one of those staid, boring White House state dinners on November 24th. A couple of reality show wannabes apparently "crashed" the party, sans invitations. Appearing on a nationally broadcast morning news show [NBC's Today Show] with his wife, Tareq Salahi said the furor surrounding his and his wife Michaele's attendance at the dinner a week ago has been a

Poodle Bitch is Irritated by the Latest Episode of "Glee"

2009-11-21T09:26:00.001-08:00

"Glee" has become one of Poodle Bitch's favorite shows. Overall it is a well-written, well-acted, and well-sung look at human high school life that is surprisingly sensitive and complex. With some exceptions, of course. Poodle Bitch feels that they have yet to fully explain why Will Schuester would have married the venal, manipulative Terri in the first place (other than the fact that she

I Have Written A Song for Britney Spears

2009-11-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Actually, I have written a first draft of lyrics for a song for Britney Spears. It was inspired by her recent troubles during certain Australian tour dates. Apparently, Ms. Spears lip-syncs during her concerts, and some people don't like that. Britney Spears' lip syncing was causing controversy In Australia even before she arrived for the Pacific leg of her Circus tour and now Spears is

Job Interview Advice

2009-11-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

The economy is rough right now, and for every job that opens up, there are approximately 47 applicants. That's why I've compiled a list of things you should and shouldn't do on a job interview. Follow this advice, you'll get that job every time. If the interviewer asks you if you have any special skills, don't say, "I'm very good at looking busy." Do not tell the interviewer she reminds you

Barack Obama Spits on Japanese Emperor's Shoes

2009-11-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

Recently, president Barack Obama caused a stir during his meeting with the Emperor of Japan. Apparently, there is actually a person who is called "the Emperor" in Japan. He's like a king, or something. Supreme ruler. Well, this is America, buster, and we don't believe in that "emperor" bulls hit. Hence, the stir. Interestingly, the primary complaint seems to be that the president bowed to

My Christmas Gift to the World: Stumpy Claus

2009-11-14T08:38:00.001-08:00

My newest piece of animation, just in time for Christmas/The Holidays.

Greatest Video Title Ever: "Beaver Urinates on CBS "Early Show" Correspondent"

2009-11-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

That's what beavers do, you see. Beavers urinate. No one should be surprised. Via the live feed, who points out that this video isn't nearly as good as the "drunk Ewoks on the Today Show" video. He's right. Please to watch all the way to the end: But why is the "Drunk Ewoks on the Today Show" one of the best films of the year? First of all, the drunk Ewoks themselves are awesome (

Popeye the Sailor Solves Our Recession Problems

2009-11-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

A country deep in debt thanks to a confusing and protracted war, prohibition, and an absurd monetary policy. Depression plagues the citizens, and even the government itself, already bloated, cannot pay all of its employees. What is a leader to do? Well, as Popeye the Sailor points out in these comic strips from November 3-7 1931, if you run a government and you've got a mint, you can print

"Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" by William S. Burroughs Episode 1

2009-11-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

Pasadena. Heat of valley hot as sex, as painful as joyless sex of sex addicted beautiful semi-famous people exposing themselves drawing back the lacy curtains as it were from their depravity on teevee; drug of choice sex, or masturbation these are the characters. Musicians. Actors. Surfer Boys. Models. Porn stars. Director conmen. You know the type you’ve seen them before you’ve LAUGHED

Does Someone at Yahoo Have it in for the New Governor of New Jersey?

2009-11-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

Apparently there were some elections yesterday. Go figure. Republicans won the governorships of two states, Virginia (Bob McDonnell) and New Jersey (Chris Christie). Here's a picture of the two winners from Yahoo's main page, taken just now: Both look like dynamic guys, confident and self-assured in that most political of ways. "I am the man," each of them seem to be saying, "Because I won

Is it Too Early to Start Hating "The Holidays"?

2009-11-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

Santa and Reindeer by ~TroyJunior on deviantART Is it too early to start hating the enforced merriment and jollity of "the holiday season"? Usually, I don't start hating the holidays until the middle of November, but I am in a particularly sour mood this year. Maybe it's because we're in a recession and the unemployment rate is so high. Maybe it's because politicians are actively trying to

Why Can't the Yankees Win One Lousy Game After Their Taxpayer Bailout?

2009-10-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

There is a series of games being played right now between two professional baseball teams, The Philadelphia Phillies, and the New York Yankees. The series is to determine the best team in the world, which is why it's called "The World Series." Tickets are apparently hard to come by; so much so that a woman apparently might have offered to have sex with someone in exchange for them: A 43-

Metaphorical Masturbation and Bestiality in Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven"

2009-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Many people think that a piece of literature, such as a book or a short story, cannot be scary. These people are being stupid, of course. For instance, the book Arsole Fantüme, Gentleman Immoralist, is quite scary. It is the scariest piece of literature ever conceived. That’s just one example; there are others, but I don’t have time to name them now. These same people also think, “Well, a