Project Child Murdering Robot

Kim Kardashian decided to get a divorce after a session with "psychic" John Edward

2012-01-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

Kim Kardashian, who should know better, sunk to brand new depths when she invited psychic pscumbag John Edward to appear on one of her ten (?) television programs. Apparently, he helped her realize that the phoneybaloney marriage she concocted for publicity purposes was breaking her heart. Apparently, I was irritated enough to draw a cartoon about it.

The great Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close whitewash conspiracy

2012-01-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

I have written extensively about the plague of the ampersand. In general, its presence in a title is a big squiggly warning that the work in question is not worth your time. In the case of the new film Extremely Loud Ampersand Incredibly Close, this is doubly true. This might very well be the worst film ever made. It is a precious, cloying slog through treacle, designed by cynics to appeal to

It's not "Liberalism" that's hurting comic book sales -- it's lack of imagination

2012-01-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

Over at Bleeding Cool, someone called Darin Wagner thinks he has hit upon the primary reason that comic book sales have been steadily declining. And as it turns out, he has actually hit upon the primary reason that comic book sales have been steadily declining, and he stumbles into it in the second paragraph of his essay: You pick up a superhero comic book featuring a childhood favorite of yours,

PCMR Hero of the Month for January 2012: Sydney Spies

2012-01-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

Sydney Spies is a high school senior from Colorado who is fighting a campaign to express herself through the use of her senior picture. She is being thwarted in this by a group of mewling, timid, bluenosing quislings who "edit" said yearbook. Durango High School senior who had her yearbook photo yanked has her peers and not the administration to blame, the yearbook’s student editors said Thursday

The best movie of 2011: "Attack the Block"

2012-01-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

Over at the Thrill Fiction blog, A.Jaye already wrote a very good article about why this movie works so well. Here is a small sample: In August a police death squad shot and killed Mark Douglas12. Two days later rioting began and spread throughout England. The media response was more savage than the prior student protests13. 12 Since 1969 British police have killed an average one black person

Explaining the enduring popularity of those "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" books and movies

2011-12-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

Although it is impossible to ruin that which is already AWESOME, this post does contain information about the plots to the three Swedish "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" films. So if you don't want to know what happens in those films, don't read this. This past weekend at the American box office, the number one and number two films each featured stars of the famous Swedish "The Girl with the

Briefly Noted with Poodle Bitch: Should Poodle Bitch start listening to P!nk?; the power of Craigslist; Newt Gingrich's magnanimity; infernal cats

2011-12-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

Poodle Bitch was deeply touched to read of the generosity displayed by the musical performer P!nk, who paid $5,000 to provide surgery and other medical care to a shockingly mistreated canine.Sources tell TMZ ... P!nk was surfing the Internet recently, when she stumbled upon a story about a puppy that had been thrown off an L.A. overpass ... and suffered 3 broken legs when it landed in the L.A.

Poodle Bitch presents her new Christmas poem: The Merry Caniche de Noël

2011-12-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

The Merry Caniche de NoëlShe travels for peace and goodwill's sake,Leaving chicken breast and tomato slices in her wake.All good boys and girls know so wellThat beloved and sweet Caniche de Noël.One Christmas Eve night I filled up with eggnog,And attained a warm glowing feeling, my senses agog.I stumbled out of the pub and into the snow,With no care for direction, for I'd nowhere to go.There met

The politics of Bane's unintelligible dialogue in the upcoming Batman film

2011-12-20T16:37:00.000-08:00

A new trailer for the upcoming Christopher Nolan-directed Batman film, "The Dark Knight Rises," has just been released to much fanfare and excitement. You thought that was just anticipation over the "holiday season," that you were feeling, but no-- it was the trailer hitting the web on Monday: That's a bunch of stuff happening in there. Including, apparently, some political stuff. According to

New Stumpy Claus film "Play With Me!" available online. The greatest Christmas film of all time? Or the greatest holiday film of all time? It's both!

2011-12-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

I have finished a new animated short, just in time for the holiday season. "Play With Me!" features the mysterious and heroic Stumpy Claus in a tale of child selling, cruelty, fear, and healing regression. It also has two songs I wrote. It is the perfect salve for what ails you during this troubling time of year. Stumpy Claus in Play with Me from Ricky Sprague on Vimeo.

The best Christmas movies ever? You're kidding, right?

2011-12-16T07:31:00.000-08:00

Someone at Forbes called Mark Hughes (who writes "about films, especially superhero films, & Hollywood") has produced a list of the "Top Ten Best Christmas Movies of All Time," which based on that tautological headline might be hyperbolic, or possibly tongue in cheek; or maybe the author had nothing to do with the headline and the person who wrote the headline became enthusiastic and wanted to

Disturbing google image search of the day: Paula Deen nude

2011-12-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, someone found my blog by doing a google image search for Food Network celebrity Paula Deen nude. I was so scandalized, I took a screenshot of it from my statcounter: My blog is about many and varied subjects, so it's not unusual for people to stumble upon it while looking for shall we say esoteric things. But Paula Deen nude? Of course I am more than happy to give people what

Poodle Bitch is sad to note the passing of Pusuke

2011-12-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Pusuke, described in the Mail Online as a "male cross breed," passed away. Pusuke's passing is notable because the authoritative collector of human "records," the Guinness Book, last December certified him as the oldest living dog on the planet.Here is how the Mail Online story begins:The world's oldest living dog has died in Japan at the age of 26 - the equivalent to more than 125

"Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs," and the baffling chef Alex Guarnaschelli

2011-11-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

Alex Guarnaschelli is an unpleasant, scowling, foul, sour, insulting, annoying, repellent woman who for some reason continues to appear on programs airing on the Food Network. Considering this is the cable channel that has inflicted upon us Guy Fieri, Duff Goldman, Rachael Ray, Paula Deen, Sandra Lee, Robert Irvine, Troy Johnson, and Bobby Flay, you might think it would be difficult to decide

Home improvement terms from DIY Network and HGTV that sound kind of naughty

2011-11-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

Someone famous wrote a book about how you become an expert at something after having spent 10,000 hours doing it. Well, I have watched about 10,000 hours of HGTV and DIY network, so I feel I am an expert on home improvement. One thing that I've noticed, as I've become a home improvement expert, is that some of the terms that we home improvement experts use sound kind of -- well, "a bit rude,"

Why do people question the miracle that is the McRib sandwich?

2011-11-14T20:39:00.000-08:00

The McRib is a miracle sandwich. It's something delicious that is made from a bunch of seemingly non-delicious ingredients. This apparently bothers some people. I'm sure there was someone there to criticize Jesus Christ when he turned water into wine, too.

On Sasha Grey reading to elementary school kids, and the true insidious purpose behind Read Across America

2011-11-12T10:46:00.000-08:00

Sasha Grey, a former pornographic film performer and my choice to play Cheetah in any upcoming Wonder Woman film or television adaptation, apparently read to some school kids last week. According to TMZ, some parents complained about this. Porn legend Sasha Grey says she will NOT back out of a national elementary school reading program -- despite pressure from parents -- claiming she will "not

Poodle Bitch wonders if humans have lost the ability to express true affection

2011-11-09T05:51:00.001-08:00

Poodle Bitch has noted with no small amount of concern the rise of ironic detachment in human culture. She sees the ascendancy of post modernism and deconstruction as a way for people to avoid dealing with genuine emotion. The artists of today, those people who are supposed to shine a light upon the human condition and thereby illuminate the experiences which all human beings share, seem instead

Writing a novel in one month is for wimps. I wrote a novel in one day. Actually, I wrote a novel in like 20 minutes

2011-11-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

November is, for some reason, National Novel Writing Month, or, if you prefer, nanowrimo for short. The object is to write a novel in one month. Actually, that's not true, if this particular post is to be believed: The basic premise is that you take 30 days to write a draft of a 50,000 word novel, which averages about 1,667 words per day. You are allowed to outline and plan beforehand, but the

Excerpts from the Zombie Kama Sutra -- Halloween exclusive

2011-10-31T06:44:00.000-07:00

In honor of Halloween, below is an excerpt from the Zombie Kama Sutra, which is sort of like the regular Kama Sutra that we living people all know and love, except that it's aimed at the Undead. This excerpt features some highly disturbing and erotic images of zombie sexual positions. Please stop reading if the thought of such matter disturbs you. IN the beginning, the Lord of Beings created men

Actually, no, profanity is not "making a splash in book titles"

2011-10-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

USAToday has fearlessly reported on the alleged use of profanity in book titles. Sort of. Actually, USAToday isn't sure exactly what it's reporting on, since it did one of those the-headline-and-first-paragraph-say-one-thing-which-is-then-directly-contradicted-by-the-very-next-paragraph things that most "journalists" seem to thrive on. Here is the headline: Profanity is making a splash in book

The first chapter of the second Arsole Fantüme novel, Underwhere

2011-10-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

The first Arsole Fantüme novel, Arsole Fantüme, Gentleman Immoralist, has done so well that I'm often asked, "When will you be getting around to publishing a sequel?" And when I say "often," I actually mean "occasionally." Actually, the novel has done surprisingly well-- well enough that I've been working on the translation of the second in the series, Underwhere, for awhile now. I've got the

My response to Madison's email to me and me alone

2011-10-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

Recently I was excited to get an email from Madison, who is apparently a long-lost acquaintance of mine, or something. For some reason, this email went directly to my spam email folder. This makes no sense, since, as I've already stated, she is apparently a long-lost acquaintance of mine. Or something. She seems to know a lot about me, anyway. I thought I would take this opportunity to compose a

PCMR C*nt of the Month for October 2011: Psychic Pscumbag Theresa Caputo

2011-10-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of each episode of the reprehensible new TLC program "Long Island Medium," the c*nt Theresa Caputo voice overs, "I'm Theresa Caputo. I like to think of myself as a typical Long Island mom. But, I have a very special gift. I talk to the dead. No matter where I go, spirits come to me and I am compelled to help. This not just my job. This is my life." During this voice over we see

The fantastic lyrics of Paul McCartney

2011-10-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Steve Allen, one of the creators and the original host of the late-night talk show "The Tonight Show," used to have a bit in which he would recite lyrics from popular songs. Here he is giving this treatment to the song "Be-Bop-A-Lula": More recently, in England, late-night chat show host Jonathan Ross "borrowed" the idea, and had American actor Christopher Walken recite lyrics from Lady GaGa's