Project- Happily Ever After

Lazy Mornings

2023-06-06T01:33:00.003-07:00

As I inch my way through my 40's, I find myself using measuring tape made out of my mother's timeline. By the time she was my age...did she already have cancer? When did it start growing inside of her...while she mothered us, taught kindergarten, loved my dad...had dreams and hopes for a future with her grandkids, retirement, traveling... 49 has always been my 'scary age' because that's the last number she knew. But really it was 48. She never really 'lived' any of 49...it was just a number for her. But it was years before 48 that she was sick and had no idea.

As my sisters have aged along with me, and they have crossed that bridge to 50...I can't believe how young 50 really is. I long to see 50, 60, 70, and beyond. I want to feel as young as I do now at 43, but I hope I get to be old someday (sans wrinkles, of course). Now that my own husband is 50...it's so real that life is just beginning at this age. We have so much more to accomplish, to see, to do.

Since I became a full-time mama...Ellie has crawled into my bed almost every morning to "snuggle" with me. Mike is typically asleep (probably just home from work and trying to start his REM sleep), so she quietly (now it's quietly...she has learned over time) opens the bedroom door, tiptoes across the carpet, and climbs into my waiting arms. I'm always waiting for her...even when I should have gotten up already...I try to wait. It is the very best way to start any day of the week (especially a school day). Some days she lets me wrap my arms around her until she falls asleep again. Other days it's 30 seconds and she is done.

It's the calm before the storm. It's the break in the wind before the craziness begins. Once we're downstairs...the day is in full swing and there is no telling what's to come. It's also what I need to know I did the right thing...because I still struggle with all of it. Some day Ellie will be gone and my career will be a distant memory, but it will still linger that I left it all on the table. I wouldn't trade this time with them for anything, but I think every day about finishing and where and when that will be. I know I'm where I should be, so it shouldn't be so hard for me, but it is. One thing I can remember about my mom- she was always there. She was always home when we were. Sure, we went to family friends to be watched at times, but for the most part- she was always home. She was always there on holidays, school breaks, summer...she was our constant. And I always felt loved and safe in our home. That's what I'm trying to emulate.

Since summer break started a couple of weeks ago...I've been getting two morning snugglers. Cody has started doing the same exact thing his sister does before going downstairs to start his day. He lets me wrap my arms around him for a minute or two...and then he's off. I never understood how much him growing up would hurt and make me proud at the same time. He is small for his age, so I can still pick him up and carry him, or hug him, or whatever...but as he grows and will soon start puberty...and he'll be hairy and smell like a boy...I'm not entirely sure how much longer he'll want to crawl in next to me and snuggle. I will never take these moments for granted. (My favorite sibling rivalry is when they bicker over who gets to sit closest to me on the couch while we watch TV. It may, honestly, be the only thing they really bicker about consistently.)

I hope our lazy mornings (that begin the very best way) are something they remember when they're grown. Or if I'm gone. The memories I have of my mom are so few it hurts. I'm trying my very best to leave them with core memories they will be able to hold onto when they're grown and have their own families. What will they remember to tell their own kids? What family traditions will they add to their kid's culture project in 2nd grade? What crap do we do as parents that they'll swear they'll never do when they're parents? I hope they call to tell me some day. And we can laugh together. I hope they look back at their childhood as fondly as I look back on mine. I hope I'm lucky enough to be here for all of it. If I'm not, maybe they'll remember these lazy mornings.

The End of an Era

2022-08-01T22:50:00.000-07:00

Before I had my own children, before I had a career, before I was even married the first time...my sister, Regina, found "the beach house" on Imperial Beach in San Diego. The first time I went to the beach house I was a newly wed. It's been so may lifetimes ago (or so it feels) that the details are hazy, but Kyle and I went some time in the Spring of 1999 (we didn't have summer weeks at the beach house back then) with Richelle and Anthony. The four of us were always together...some of the best memories from my entire life are from that time. No kids, Canasta on Friday nights, running to Target, camping all summer, a $75k mortgage...the four of us...I swear those were the good ol' days.

The summer after Kyle died...Richelle and I (with baby Derek) snuck over to the beach house to stay a couple extra days with Regina, Trent, and the girls before our (re: her) week started...I think (these details are unclear). Anyway...Ryan called and said he and Michelle were going to Disneyland for Michelle's birthday (this had to be June 2001)...so we hopped in the car and went to California Adventure for the first time. The new theme park opened earlier that year, so it was very exciting to go! However, the park sucked. The cost was included with a day at Disneyland. I figured they'd close it down real quick like, but they dumped a ton of money into it instead and made it amazing! But that first year...wow. It was terrible. The only cool thing was the roller coaster (that Richelle flirted her way onto a second time without waiting).

The beach house has never been nice. It's never been luxurious, but the location and the price made it our happy place. We always looked for a better place, but we always went back to our place. Everywhere else is 4x the money, nowhere else had a porch on the sand, nowhere else was a guessing game as to what weird furniture changes would and would not be changed by the next summer. Over the years that small little beach town grew by a large Marriott, two breweries, and a few other places to eat and sleep. Most of it was welcomed additions...somewhere to eat besides Subway.

There were many summers I tagged along with Richelle...sometimes I'd snag a bed when Regina only had two littles, but I never needed anything more than a space to sleep. I was always just one. Even after I started working constantly...I still snuck away with Richelle for a week at the beach house. Not every summer...and not every day either, but most summers I snuck away for something.

Then I had kids...a family of my own. And I *finally* had my own reason to need my *own* week at the beach house. Luckily, the owners have multiple properties on Imperial Beach. In 2012 we lucked into renting the Beach Hut the same week as Richelle...so that became our week every year.

The week AFTER July 4th. We mostly rented the Beach Hut, but there were a few years we rented the upstairs 2-bedroom apartment (behind the beach house)...that one was our favorite. It wasn't on the sand, but as long as Richelle was in the beach house we were welcome to use to porch and even keep our beach stuff up there.

This is the beach I taught my babies how to find sand dollars...like my mom did with me. This is the beach we learned how to lick the beaters and eat ice cream cones. The beach we built sand castles at and got buried alive...we learned how to boogie board, fish off the pier, walk to 7-11 every year on 7/11 for a free slurpee. The beach we played games at, stayed up too late, visited the ER for the first time, ate s'mores, played at the neighborhood parks, took naps, went to the local drive-in movies, celebrated Nana's birthday, and got kissed by the sun. The favorite place for giant pizzas that barely fit through the door, the best morning donuts, and running with the grunions. Sydney even got stung by a stingray on this beach.

I have loved watching my nieces and nephews grow up with their week at the beach house. I have loved watching my own kids grow up with our week at the beach house. Every time we 'camped' indoors at the beach we asked ourselves why we kept coming back, but every time we left...we couldn't wait to come back.

So this year we headed back to our happy place. I decided to stay with Richelle at the beach house...and Mike was only planning to come for half the week. I offered my week at the beach hut to Sarah...and she took it! It was perfect! My sisters' kiddos are all so much bigger than my kiddos, so a chance for time at the beach with cousins their age was a perfect match.

When we packed up this year and left...it was for the very last time. The owners decided to make all their rentals long term rental properties to make it easier on them (as they've aged over the last 25+ years too).

It's confusing to love a place and its meaning...and hate it at the same time. It was truly indoor camping, but it was on the beach. And it was our indoor camping on our beach. We made so many amazing memories. It's truly the end of an era...and now we need to find a new place on the beach make ours.

In the Back Seat

2019-11-14T22:18:00.001-07:00

In a nutshell- we got married, did IVF, had two babies from the same batch...three years apart, continued to work full-time, tried like hell to figure out motherhood, got some things diagnosed (something for each of us...like Christmas...only harder), tried to slow our roll, wondered where the days and weeks and months went, and realized there is no having any real control, so from the back seat I'm honestly just trying to enjoy it all. The seasons of this life and all that...the one that you lose friends to people more suited for that season of their life, the one that strains a marriage because having little kids is fetching hard, the one where you realize your family came before your career...and even though that's perfectly okay...it's still hard to be less than you imagined you could be, the one where you wonder where your 30's went, the one where you long to fulfill the dreams you've had all along and now wonder how that will all happen when the days pass so quickly.

I have a beautiful life, one that isn't easy most days, but not hard enough to really complain about. I'm not going to lie and sugarcoat the BS of reality, but there really is a lot of good. We've found an okay rhythm, so that's what we are keeping time with for now. The last year has been my hardest challenge, my marriage's hardest year, my soul's toughest lessons learned. There is no woe is me, it just is what it is. I have missed journaling our life...mostly for my kids in the future when I'm no longer here to tell them our stories. For my own therapy...for my own self-reflection (and for my brain that doesn't seem to hold quite as much for quite as long after two kids stole my brainpower while in utero). I swear it's a real thing.

I am trying to find me again. The me that I was before I became a Mrs. and the me I was before I became a mother. I don't need to be all of her again, but I need to be able to channel the time for myself, a hobby, a smaller waist, possibly washing my hair more often (maybe?), for sure more sleep...ya know the things that are actually missed when your life is filled with two tiny versions of yourself and the hubs.

I'm hopeful to get back into the swing of journaling our adventures as a Party of Four. So stick around for some older entries on our life that deserve to be documented (if I get there), and for what our future holds. We are certainly a work in progress of maintaining Happily Ever After.

Dx: Beautiful Baby Girl

2017-10-15T00:04:00.001-07:00

In the last few days, Ellie was diagnosed with ASD. This diagnosis came very recently and only after an evaluation by a Developmental Pediatrician and after two different tests administered by two different qualified people at SARRC. As you can imagine, we are trying to cope with this news...and it's been very hard- emotionally, physically, mentally, on our marriage, on our son, etc.

I can't speak for Mike, but the last 6 weeks have been some of the hardest in my life. And I honestly don't think we even know hard times yet. The amount of grief I feel is immeasurable. There are many reasons for this, the loss of expectations, dreams, etc and the level of ignorance I feel about what I know and how to help my daughter. But more than what I'm dealing with in my own head and in my own home...the things people have to say are...hurtful.

I can't keep track of how many people have already told us we're wrong, the doctor is wrong, Ellie's behaviors are simply because she's two, she'll grow out of it, the diagnosis isn't valid because she's too young, she's fine, and on and on.

And ya know what? She is just fine.

Ellie is still my beautiful miracle baby...nothing will ever change that. She is still the perfect red headed little girl we brought home from the hospital...stubborn and full of life. She is funny, loving, strong-willed, and loves Minnie Mouse and Cookie Monster. She hugs me and she sometimes looks me in the eye...and I know she was meant to be my daughter. She also flaps (especially in the shower), she has repetitive behaviors, she doesn't play with toys like she should, she plugs her ears when she's had enough...

I've been very shy in my response to these comments because I don't even know how to respond. How do you respond to shit like this when you're already in the darkest place you've been, your daughter is banging her head on the hardest object she can get to as we speak, and THREE different qualified individuals ALL came up with the same answers independently of each other!?

Does anyone out there actually think this is something we WANT? Like we were hoping and praying for this...for our daughter to have a neurological disorder. Like we won a fetching prize with an "at risk for autism" diagnosis (or now with the ASD diagnosis).

Edit:

I never posted what I wrote back in March. Maybe I thought I'd come back and add to it...or maybe I just needed to get my thoughts out. Either way, I wrote the words above months ago. I feel so much more confident now. I feel so much more educated about Autism. I feel so much more at peace with all of it. At the same time, I feel so inept, stupid, clueless...I have no idea how to help my own daughter. I'm just wingin' it...and hoping to learn what I need to know along the way. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent reading, crying, praying...and loving my baby girl. She is my entire world squished in there with her big brother and her daddy. I longed for my sweet family and no stupid diagnosis can change that. Or us.

Mickey's Trick or Treat Party, But Not Really

2017-10-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

Richelle and I decided to skip Mickey's Trick or Treat Party this year. We were irritated at the ticket cost going up (and a couple other things they changed)...thought it might be fun to change it up a bit and go at Christmas time instead. Then Robyn called with her plan: She had a meeting in California in October, so she rented us hotel rooms, bought Sydney and Everett plane tickets to Phoenix...and thought we could all drive over for a Disney weekend before her meeting. I honestly wanted to go (of course), but didn't want to be anywhere near DL on a weekend. In the end, we had a blast! It wasn't the normal Trick or Treat Party, but it was a super fun, exhausting, sugar-filled weekend. I could have slept on a bench on the park...I'm so thankful we had hotel rooms so close.

We drove over on Friday. Richelle thought we should leave super early, so the kids could all swim and run around before our late dinner reservation at Goofy's Kitchen. We arrived in Anaheim around 2pm...the kids all swam and played for a long time before we had to head upstairs to get ready for dinner.

Dinner at Goofy's Kitchen was yummy! The kids all loved the characters (except Everett...he didn't care for them)...especially Ellie. We walked through Downtown Disney and bought our park tickets before heading to bed. Purchasing tickets took FOREVER! We were so glad we took care of it the night before.

The next morning we were up early and headed for Disneyland for the day AND night. The parks were estimated to reach capacity (the reason I don't do DL on weekends), so we knew we couldn't leave for naps. We loaded everything we needed into the stroller and headed for fun.

My kiddos both loved all the rides. Blip was big enough to go on all the rides in DL, so he was lucky enough to run off with Richelle and her boys when Ellie had other needs. It's such a blessing for Blip to be on of the boys...his cousins treat him like he's their brother...in the all the good ways.

I got to ride Splash Mountain with Blip! He rode Space Mountain, Autopia, Buzz Lightyear, and a few others with the boys and Aunt Chelle. Ellie did so well with all the noise and all the people. I was really please with how she handled herself. She wasn't a great napper, but she likes her bed (and I forgot to bring a binki with us to the park). Both kiddos loved the carousel, the rockets, Pirates...I know we went on more, my brain is just tired.

We got back to the hotel LATE, so we all dropped as soon as we got there. Quick showers and pj's...then up a few hours later for another crazy day. Day #2 was spent at California Adventure (until we went over to watch fireworks at DL). We did Cars, Toy Story, the carousel, the Golden Zephyr, the swings (both kids were big enough!), Soarin', the water ride, a bunch of stuff in Bugs Life, and Guardians of the Glalaxy. We LOVED the changes they made when they switched it from Tower of Terror to Guardians...it improved the ride a lot!

Ellie LOVED meeting the characters. She wasn't afraid at all. She was purely thrilled. It was fun to see. She also loved the rides, so she is a thrill seeker just like her brother. It makes me excited for the big roller coasters we can go on someday! (Hope I'm not too old to enjoy that when the time comes!)

We all slept in (until 10am!) on Monday. We then tossed our crap into our suitcases and hauled them downstairs. I loaded the car while breathing in smoke from a nearby wildfire that started a few minutes prior. I felt sick the rest of the day and had voice issues. It took us FOREVER to get home...we left around 11am and didn't get home until about 10pm. We drove around the newly burning fire, stopped for lunch at two places, stopped to use the bathroom/change diapers, stopped at the outlets for under 1 hour, stopped for dinner, and on and on...I was beyond exhausted when we got home.

I'm so glad we made the trip. It was super fun and our kiddos all loved it. I'm not sure Everett likes DL or crowds, but I'm glad he came along for the ride with the rest of us. I was pleased with how well my kiddos behaved and did on (a lot) less sleep than they are used to. Ellie had a rough few days adjusting after we were home, but nothing too ridiculous. I love my sisters! I'm so thankful for them and for the time I get to spend with them. I've always been so spoiled too have them all live nearby, but with Robyn moving across the country it's a lot more important to take every opportunity to be with each other since those opportunities are so much fewer and further between.

We are planning to go back for one day at Christmas time, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can make that happen for some Christmas magic Disney style!

p.s. We opt'd for the Max Pass for our California Adventure day on Sunday. You can buy the pass per day if you do it through the app once inside the park. If you purchase the Max pass at the ticket window, you purchase it for every day you've bought tickets. It's $10 per person per day, so the expense adds up quickly. However, it was REALLY nice not to run around getting fast passes. AND it told us to the minute when we could get our next fast pass, so we got more passes than we typically would have. We thought it was more important for our DCA day because of Cars, Guardians of the Glaxay, and Soarin'. We didn't attempt Scream because my kids are too little anyway...and you can go single rider on that ride no problem. Overall, I think it's "worth the money," but I still think it's a crock. How much money can they get you for before you can't ever go again? With ticket prices at $110 per day, a large drink costing $3.99, churros up to $4.75...I think it's getting closer and closer to that day for my family (like when the baby turns three in a few months and needs a ticket). And we make decent money, both work full time, and I LOVE Disney. Pretty soon I won't be able to justify spending that amount of money for a couple of too busy days...

Jump Start

2017-10-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

The last few months have come and gone in the blink of an eye. I wish I had journaled more, but sleep is elusive and some days are glorious just because we made it.

Mike, Ellie, and I signed up for a class called "JumpStart" through SARRC (Southwest Autism Research and Resource Center). The schedule was impossible, but we made it work. I'm so glad we did! We learned SO much! It was the first time I felt like myself since February. It was a six week class, two classes a week (on Tuesdays and Thursdays). On Tuesdays, Ellie received intensive intervention through ABA Therapy while we learned a lot in a classroom setting. We were also able to watch Ellie work 1-on-1 with a RBT (registered behavior therapist). Thursdays was all parent training. So we worked with the RBT and Ellie implementing ABA ourselves. We loved it.

We learned so much! We didn't want the class to end, but needed the schedule to end. We struggled to keep up with regular life, but we are so glad we attended. We absolutely loved SARRC!

In addition to JumpStart, Ellie has been having Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy (OT), and ABA Therapy for the last several months. She qualified for AzEIP in December 2016, but we added ABA Therapy in June. We are blessed that Mike works second shift...that means Ellie can have therapy in the mornings (when most other families can't make morning therapy work). Ellie needs additional hours of therapy, but we aren't sure how to squeeze them in just yet. She qualified for DDD and ALTCS (long term care), but there is a weird issue because she's under three. I am trying to be patient and let some of the issues work themselves out as her birthday approaches...some things just don't seem worth the fight when "winning" the fight doesn't really feel like a win.

Ellie's Autistic behaviors have definitely started showing more and more. However, I'll take toe walking and flapping over her self-injuring any day. And the days of her smacking her head against the wall seem to have passed (mostly). It isn't a daily occurrence any longer, so I feel pleased with that. I believe her increase in communication has helped with the head-banging. Ellie's words have increased A LOT in the last several months. She isn't speaking where she "should" be, but I'm just thrilled with how far she's come in such a short time.

ASD..??

2017-03-18T23:42:00.001-07:00

Ellie was diagnosed in November with an expressive and receptive language delay. She also had her hearing tested (also in November) at PCH to rule that out as the reason for a) the speech delay and b) she seemed oblivious to sound about 75% (or more) of the time. Her hearing is perfect.

In December our Pediatrician recommended we see a Developmental Pediatrician because of the receptive language delay. I honestly put off making an appointment because I really thought the language issue would resolve itself and Ellie was already getting speech therapy, so everything would be fine.

In January Ellie start self-injuring herself (hitting herself in the face/head with her hands or finding a hard object to strike with her face, or any part of the head/skull).

I could no longer avoid the appointment after she started self injuring. That was a huge red flag. And we couldn't allow her to just continue to hurt herself...she has hit her face so hard on the tile floor she made her mouth bleed. It's awful to see.

We were VERY lucky...our appointment originally scheduled for SEPTEMBER 27th was moved up to February 22nd due to a cancellation! I'm not sure what I expected the outcome of that appointment to be, but our life has been a chaotic tornado ever since. Most of the chaos is self-inflicted because of the devastation, confusion, and the immediate removal all my sanity (or at least it has felt this way...often).

The Developmental Pediatrician who evaluated Ellie saw lots of things we had chalked up to being just Ellie...her not responding to us/her name, poor coordination, balance issues, not playing appropriately with toys for her age, banging her head against objects when she's frustrated, hitting herself, sleeping with her head jammed into the bed rails of her crib, low muscle tone, unable/unwilling to follow one/two step directions, repetitive behaviors (pushing buttons, light switches, buckling buckles, etc), her speech delay, some speech regression.

When you list it all out that way it's a lot easier to see a problem. We honestly just see the most beautiful red-headed little girl we've ever seen...she is so full of life. She LOVES to hug and kiss us, she lights up when her people walk in the room, she just doesn't always hear them, respond to them, walk to them without falling, etc. Her speech is progressing, slowly, but surely.

The Developmental Pediatrician diagnosed Ellie as "at risk for Autism" so we could participate in a research study/have Ellie tested (for free) further before being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

I can't speak for Mike, but my brain is literally so overwhelmed and confused and somewhat in denial that I have felt like puking for almost a month. I have read so many things, and have tried so hard to learn how to get Ellie the help she needs, and the steps we need to take once we have an official diagnosis, which will happen on Tuesday.

Ellie is so social and such a love, I had no real idea someone who hugs and kisses and makes eye contact and is so, so happy (almost) all the time could have autism. When you read the list of "issues" it isn't hard to agree with a diagnosis of ASD, but when you KNOW Ellie, it's pretty unbelievable that we are where we are.

I've read that a lot of girls are not diagnosed correctly with ASD because it presents differently with girls than with boys, so they (the girls) don't receive the intervention they need. We feel very blessed to have a diagnosis this early and know it will improve her quality of life exponentially if we advocate for her the way she deserves.

P.s. Any advice from anyone who has been where we are would be appreciated. We are traveling this very uncharted road for the first time.

P.s.s. We need love and support. We do not need to hear that Ellie is fine, that she does not have Autism, that her behaviors are normal, or anything along those very unsupportive lines. If you need to say anything along those lines, please just don't. I'd rather you hit me in the face and take my Cherry Coke away.

San Fran for Five

2017-02-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

Ask my sisters how much I like birthday parties and they will tell you I hate them. But they will giggle to each other that I will eventually give in, spend the money, and have the stupid birthday parties. Ugh. That is somewhat true...I agree, they need a first birthday party (more for the parents, in my opinion). I also think doing a party every other year isn't a sin...until Blip was going to turn five. And I started pricing parties. And weighing my inner strength to see if I had enough in me to plan and carry out a birthday party at home. I almost immediately decided the at home thing wasn't worth it, but the cost to have it at Jump Street or Pump it Up made my stomach turn.

Southwest Airlines happened to have a sale going on, so I decided to see what it would cost us to take a day trip somewhere in lieu of a (stupid) party. It just so happened that Blip LOVES the Golden Gate Bridge (from a couple movies we have)...and the three of us flying to San Fran for the day cost us less than a party at Pump It Up. So I bought the tickets, rented us a car, found a sitter for Sister, and that was that.

We didn't tell Blip where we were going or what we were doing until we got to the airport. He made a comment that he thought we should fly somewhere some day. We said, "Okay...how about today?!" He was, of course, thrilled with the idea.

Traffic was awful, so we were rushing a bit. I wasn't worried because we can go through the First Class security lines because I have the American Airlines credit card. When we approached the TSA guy he said, "You know this is American, right?" I didn't understand what he meant, but thought he was talking about us being in the First Class line with Southwest tickets, so I said something back to him about having the credit card and it being a perk...he didn't say anything else and sent us through.

When we finally finished with security we had 12-15 minutes to get to our flight. I was starting to panic...and was frantically looking for our gate number. I couldn't find it. I pulled out our tickets and still couldn't figure out where the friggin' gate information was...then I noticed every EVERY flight listed was for American...and every plane at a gate was an American plane.

Crap. That's what the doofus meant. WHY didn't he make himself clear? He just shrugged and sent us through...ugh. We flagged down someone to help us. That person flagged down someone driving one of those shuttle cart thingys...our gate was not only on the other side, but it was at the opposite end of the terminal. The guy drove his cart as fast as he could (like 10 mph) and got us to our gate with about one minute to spare. When we boarded there wasn't more than middle seats available. I finally belted out that I needed someone to please switch with me, so I could sit with my kid.

Silence.

Finally, a really nice man offered his seat and took a middle seat in another row. I was sweating, and nearly in tears that I ruined my son's birthday...he must have seen the desperation on my face. Or he though I would likely have to be escorted off the plane after I went all mama bear on someone... I would rather die than belt out something loud enough for an entire plane full of people to turn and look at me...on purpose. Mike said he was proud of me...and even let me sit next to Blip.

Blip put his hands in the air (like he just did not care) for take off...and landing. He was stoked because I let him order a Sprite (and he's not allowed to drink soda). He now thinks soda is only allowed on planes...which is totally fine with me.

We colored and played some other games during the flight, but he mostly wanted to look out the window and ask questions. He LOVED flying. He was so good...I just knew we were going to have the best day ever. I was SO happy that we took a fun trip instead of wasting all that money on a stupid party.

We still didn't tell him WHERE we were going...and unfortunately the fog was SO thick he couldn't tell when we landed either. Oh well.

We hopped in our rental car and headed for the bridge. The fog was SO thick that when we were ON the bridge Blip had NO clue! Ugh!!! We headed downtown for lunch...hoping the fog would lift. We asked the birthday boy what he wanted for lunch...his reply, "Salmon." Perfect city for that request. So we found him some yummy salmon at a fun place on the Pier.

So we ate lunch, rode the escalator a dozen times up and down (because that's what five year olds really want to do for their birthday, duh!), walked/hiked Lombard Street up and down, searched for a Trolley (with no luck...they were all off line that day/week), got a treat at Ghirardelli's, walked across the Golden Gate after the fog lifted, got our National Park Book stamped, bought some souvenirs, and then headed for the airport. I really wish we had stayed one night, but it was the absolute perfect day...with nothing in the way of celebrating our favorite boy.

He's already been asking where we can fly to next year. I love him.

Her First Birthday

2016-03-10T00:02:00.001-07:00

This red-headed little ball of fire that arrived here a year ago is certainly ours. She fit right in with the crazy that seems to be going on at all times. Her face is flawless and her chunky thighs are to die for. She is long and loves to dance to any music she hears. She signs a few signs...when she feels like it. She slept through the night at about six weeks (like her brother), but decided she'd rather get broken sleep a few months ago when she was sick. It's still not back to normal, but we hope we are getting back there. (OMG PLEASE! SLEEP THROUGH THE DANG NIGHT!) She says a few words, loves to be outside, can't live without her giraffe binki, and likes food a hundred times better than her big brother.

Having a second baby was more stressful in some ways...and less stressful in others. This poor baby girl was definitely ignored more than her brother. Those pictures with the sticker every month...didn't happen. First birthday party planned months in advance...didn't happen. Daily trips to the park to swing and run off the baby weight...didn't happen. Being on a strict schedule (so everyone's happy)...didn't happen. But being a single parent at night 4-6 days a week makes it pretty hard to give both kids the attention I'm sure they deserve/need/want. Luckily, Sister is a good sport...she has been content since her arrival. She is typically happy to just be. She has her hot-headed moments (don't we all), but the majority of the time the best word for her is 'content.'

Her laugh is infectious...it doesn't matter who's making her giggle...it's all pure joy. She has eight teeth...and smiles with all of them when she wants to. Or she scrunches up her nose...which is my favorite. She also has her sullen side...and she can be down right rude to strangers wanting to tell her how pretty she is. If she initiates contact- fine. If stranger initiates contact- she usually wants nothing to do with it. I'm not sure where her stubborn side came from, but dang I wish it wasn't me.

Ellie Dianne, I love you more than words can express. Always know that I wanted you, longed for you, and prayed for you my entire life. I don't understand and can't correctly explain all of the science behind how you came to be, but I am so thankful for it. You and your brother have filled my heart and soul with more joy and more love than I ever imagined. I have so much hope for you.

I hope you are healthy. I hope you will grow tall and strong...and I hope you learn to love and forgive and not judge. I hope you are happy. I hope you understand you can accomplish nothing without your integrity. I hope you hold yourself to a higher standard than most...and I hope you love and respect yourself enough to know you don't need anyone else to make you whole. You are enough. I hope you will take life by the horns and do whatever it is that you want to do. Be a leader...set your goals high enough that you need to jump. I hope you are a hard worker. Know in your heart that you can do anything, but it's okay to lose sometimes. I hope you are humble...learn and grow from your mistakes. Let them make you stronger instead of defining you. Grieve when you need to grieve and then move forward. Never lay in the gutter feeling sorry for yourself and never give up. Fight the good fight until the end. I hope you always stand back up and show the world you are a force to be reckoned with.

But most of all...I hope you know that I would do it all over again for you. There isn't one minute that passes I don't feel blessed you are mine. Happy Birthday, Sister Sue. Black Widow. Ellster. Ellie D. My sweet, beautiful, blue-eyed little girl. Our caboose. Always my baby.

NOT Hand Foot Mouth

2016-02-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Sister has not been well since the beginning of January. I had just gotten over a sinus infection, and pretty much everyone in town was sick with something. Mike took her to Urgent Care on January 3rd to see if she had ear infections...or something that was making her so sick. The doctor told Mike she *might* have a virus, but he really thought she was just teething. I just shook my head...and we moved on. About a week later she was coughing and still full of snot...and not sleeping.

Around that time Blip got a sinus infection. He was fine after a few days of rest and antibiotics. Sister was still sick. So back to the doctor she went...and she was diagnosed with a sinus infection, too. Poor baby.

During that week I got another sinus infection and that same cough. It was diagnosed as an upper respiratory virus. I was down and out for two days...it was awful. The fevers are always really hard on me. Mike had to take off work to care for me and both kiddos. It was really awful.

A week passed and she wasn't any better. That Monday Mike called me at work and said that Sister had a rash. He sent pictures...it was all over her body. He called the doctor to get her in, but the nurse triaged him over the phone and said it was Roseola. Sister's rash looked just like the pictures we found of Roseola...and it didn't seem to be bothering her. She was still sick and full of snot...and still not sleeping.

On Tuesday I was at work when Mike called to tell me Sister's rash was much (much) worse. He was very concerned and was calling the doctor. When he was finally able to get an appointment he called to tell me I would need to be the one to take her. I left work and met Lisa and Sister at the doctor.

A very young doctor we had never seen before walked in and immediately said Sister had Hand Foot Mouth Disease. I wasn't so sure, so I asked a few questions, but could tell the doctor didn't want to be questioned. We were concerned there was something going on with the Amoxicillin, too. I didn't know much about HFM, so I let it go. I pulled up the Mayo Clinic's page on HFM and started reading about it. Sister's rash was AWFUL. It was red, raised, hot, and EVERYWHERE. She looked like a hot mess...although the rash didn't seem to be bothering her. Her rash looked NOTHING like HFM.

I finally sent pictures and a quick story to my cousin Anthony. He agreed it wasn't HFM. He thought it was something called Erythema Multiform. He asked me lots of questions and told me he would consult with another doctor on Wednesday. When he did that, he let me know that's what it was. There was nothing to do except let it run its course. He said it would be better in a fews days to a week. By Friday Sister's skin looked mostly back to normal. She still had some of the rash, but NOTHING like the first few days.

Sister and I are still getting over our cough...and she is still full of snot, so I'm not sure she is really getting better yet. But it will be nice for her to feel better and start sleeping through the night again. We are exhausted.

FOUR

2016-02-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've been dreading Blip's birthday for a while now. I have no good reasons for it...I just didn't want him to turn four. FOUR. How have four whole years passed since I became a mother? The days just seem to fly by without any hope of them slowing down.

Blip had a big party last year, so I had zero intention of having another party this year. I honestly hoped we would take Blip to Disneyland for his fourth birthday, but we just couldn't swing it this year. Having two kids in daycare is expensive...plus formula, diapers, furlough days, loss of holiday pay, etc. Disneyland just wasn't in the cards at the moment. What was worse is that Blip even asked Mike if we could go to Disneyland for his birthday.

He talked about it the entire month of January. It was hard to tell him we had to pick something else to do.

He also talked about having a birthday party with all of his friends for his "Captain America" birthday...so I had to be the one to tell him we weren't having a party this year. Although it was my choice to only have a party every other year...it was a lot harder than I expected to tell Blip we weren't having one. Ugh. In the end I was glad I stuck to my guns, but it sucked.

A few weeks ago I asked Blip what he wanted to do for his birthday with us. Of course he started with going to Disneyland. I told him to pick something else, so he said he wanted to go to the zoo. Mike and I decided it would be fun to drive up to Camp Verde and go to Out of Africa. Neither of us had been there, so we thought it would be a fun day trip. And it was.

We woke up and had breakfast- homemade waffles, eggs, and bacon. I cleaned up the kitchen and we got ready to go. We didn't get there until about 12:30pm...just in time for the Tiger Splash show. After watching the show, Blip was able to feed the tigers. We grabbed cheeseburgers for lunch and then stayed put to watch the Giant Snake Show. Blip was selected to participate, but after the show he went with Mike to touch the large Python. And then I took him over to get a picture of us holding the snake...he was slithering all around us while we took the picture. Blip was very brave! We had a good time doing that together.

We wandered around and looked at more animals, watch them feed the predators, and headed back towards the front of the park. We walked too slowly and missed the tram for a tour of the other part of the park, but since we I was just getting over being sick, Sister was still covered in her rash and getting over being sick...we decided it was a good time to go. It was really warm (79*) in the sun, too.

For his birthday Dave, Amy, Trevor, and Avery gave Blip a gift certificate to buy something in the gift shop. Before we loaded in the car to head to Papa's house for dinner we let him pick out something. He chose a stuffed snake. Perfect.

I asked Blip a few days earlier what he wanted for his birthday dinner. He wanted McDonald's. A cheeseburger from McDonald's. Ugh. Really? We tried to think of some place good to talk him into, but Nana said we should just all get happy meals. If that's what he wants for his birthday dinner, he should have it. As much I did not want McDonald's, I agreed that was the right thing to do. So we sent Mike and Grandpa to McDonald's to get us all Happy Meals...and that's what we had for dinner. It turned out to be perfectly fine...although that's not what I will be choosing for my birthday dinner.

Nana made Blip's special cake that he asked for- a chocolate Captain America cake with whip cream. Nana created a large Captain America shield out of chocolate cake and even made the white part of the shield out of whip cream. It was awesome. He LOVED it.

We opened gifts before heading home. Mike and I got Blip a Baymax flying character thingy and a Captain American bike helmet. I got him a couple other little things too. Grandpa and Grandma got him some money to go to Toys R Us and pick something out. Aunt Chelle and the boys got him some books, some new shoes, and some pieces for his Little People Disneyland. Aunt Robyn gave him some fun super hero clothes for next winter and some puzzles. Nana is going to take Blip to a play (Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day) in a few weeks. I'm sure my brain is forgetting something, but he was spoiled.

I can't believe my baby boy is four. He's getting so big, so smart, and he's just fun to be around (most of the time). He is doing great in preschool, loves his friends, loves to be outside, ride his bike or scooter, play with sidewalk chalk, and he loves to read. He loves his monster trucks, and he, of course, loves to watch his shows.

Blip was the answer to my prayers. He made me a mother...and he is my little miracle. I hope he always knows how much I love him...and that he was longed for, prayed for, and wanted.

Polar Express ~ 2015

2015-12-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

This year Mike and I took the kids up north for a ride on the Polar Express. Every holiday seems to be better and better. As Blip grows, so does his understanding. And excitement. Even the little holidays are fun with little kids. Kicking off Christmas was no different. This year the added benefit was my complete little family...finally. We kicked off our first Christmas as a whole family by taking a train ride to see Santa.

I booked our tickets a little later than I should have, so I chose a Friday night...that way Mike only had to take one day of work off. I paid for the tickets and then booked us a hotel room, bought the kids matching jammies, and waited for the fun to begin.

We drove to Flagstaff hoping for snow and spent the fun afternoon wishing we knew what to do. There was no snow...and not enough time to do a lot, so since we didn't know what to do...we did nothing. Seriously. We hung out at the hotel until it was time to leave for Williams. Neither of us had ever been to Williams, Arizona, so we did not know what was there. Had we known there was a cute little town there we would have spent our time exploring...I guess we will do that next year.

Blip decided he didn't want to wear jammies on the train, so we didn't. We ended up having seats in a train car right smack in the middle (which didn't matter until the ride was over) and our seat in the car were in the last two rows. Oh my goodness it was fun...and I loved watching my kids love it.

We sang songs, drank hot chocolate, ate cookies, listened to the story, and waited for Santa. He boarded the train and met with each child. I loved watching all the kids' faces...the wonder and awe in their eyes. I think it's one of the best things about having kids.

Blip and Sister collected their bell...their first gift of Christmas. And just like that the magic of Christmas began.

P.s. This year wasn't the same without the boys. Blip was sad without them.

From Polar Express 2014 & now 2015

Rocking Chair

2015-10-02T23:56:00.001-07:00

One of my very favorite "splurges" we bought for the nursery was my rocking chair. It's not a wooden rocker, or a glider, but a big, comfortable, regular chair...that rocks. With an ottoman. It was one of my must-haves...and it was a bit pricey, but I can promise my used-to-be, pre-kid savings account that I've rocked every penny outa that chair. And then some.

I rocked Blip in that chair every single night (we spent at home...which was all but a few) since they day we brought him home from the hospital. Mike rocked him often, too. Especially on the nights he was home for bedtime. We have read countless books, sang songs, listened to music, watched videos, played games, Face-timed our favorite people, and said at least a million I Love You's while seated in that chair.

When Blip was getting too big to cradle, I cried. It felt like it happened overnight. But we just changed the way we held him a bit...and continued our routine.

Around his third birthday...just before Sister arrived...Blip was evicted from the nursery. He moved into his newly renovated Big Boy room, but the first thing he wanted in there was his rocking chair. We struggled with Blip at bedtime the first several weeks (months?) and I often wonder if it was the biggest creator of our nightly bedtime woes. Not being rocked to sleep. It was hard for all of us. Especially my little boy.

Once the baby was born things began to become more routine; Blip in his new room and the baby in hers. He never acted jaded or jealous about giving his sister the "baby room" or the "bumble bee room"...he's just cool like that, I guess. Not to mention his replacement room was pretty dang cool, if you ask me.

But one thing he still asks, "Mama, will you rock me?" He doesn't do it too often, so when he does...we sneak into Sister's room after she's asleep, Blip crawls up in my lap, and we rock. He asks for his bedtime music (a playlist we've been listening to since before he was born), snuggles up against me while clutching his blanket...and we rock.

Some nights I'm so exhausted and I have fifteen things to do before I can go to bed...and I haven't eaten dinner...and and and...I always rock him. I know some day he'll stop asking...or I won't be here anymore, so I always want him to know I'm never too busy. Some nights, a lot of nights he asks me to "lay with [him] for one minute, please?" I always do. And then one night this week I told him I would be right back to lay with him. I knew he'd be asleep in about 20 seconds, so I finished putting the baby to bed and then worked on something else, and when I finally made it back he was fast asleep.

He asked me the next day why I didn't come back to lay with him. I felt awful. I promised myself I would never do that again. It's such a little thing...and it's obviously important to him.

I have the fondest memories of my own mother sitting in the hallway outside my bedroom door reading to me (almost) every night. She read book after book after book...Anne of Green Gables, The Boxcar Children, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Secret Garden, and so many more amazing books. She would read a chapter or two...and then we'd sleep and I'm sure she stayed up late finishing her list. But I never remember her being too busy, too stressed, too tired, or any other excuse she could have rightfully used to get out of that 30-60 minutes a night...sitting on the floor in the hallway reading by the hall light.

Sitting outside my kids' bedrooms reading books to them at night is something I look forward to doing some day, so taking five minutes to lay with Blip (or however long it takes to rock him) is just the beginning.

Tonight I was asked, "Mama, will you rock me in Sister's room?" So we quietly snuck in, he climbed up in my lap, asked for his music, and we rocked. And rocked. He fell asleep rather quickly, but I wasn't done yet, so we rocked and listened to music...and I could smell his clean hair as he snuggled up against me.

His sister is a much better sleeper (the going to sleep part...they are both excellent sleepers) because I don't have an hour every night to rock her after I get Blip to bed. By the time we get to bedtime we are all exhausted. She is fed her bottle while we read stories and then in the crib she goes. Lately, I have been making sure to rock my sweet baby girl often...even if I sneak back in and scoop her up, but it isn't as often as I'd like. Blip needs more attention than that at bedtime because of our rocking routine, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I hope I get to be around for many years, but the older I get the more fear I have of dying the way my mother did. It doesn't control my life, but it's definitely a thought in my head. She barely made it to her 49th birthday. I have so many (which feels like so few most of the time) memories of the little things she did to make my life better. It's always the littlest things I remember the most often. I know she loved me. I know she sacrificed a lot for me...for my happiness. I know she did without so that we could do with.

I hope these are the things my children always remember about me. Whether I am here with them or not, I hope they know how loved and how wanted they both were. I longed for them, and I prayed for them. I hope they know how much they changed my life. How deeply I learned I could love the second I felt them move inside of me as they grew, when I heard their voices...and touched their soft skin. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so completely. I hope they will remember that I was never too busy...and I always had time to rock them.

First Swim

2015-08-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

Baby sister went swimming in the pool for the first time! We didn't stay in too long, but she seemed to love being in the water. We are a little slower (and a lot busier) getting her in the water compared to Blip. We took Blip every weekend to a class at Hubbard's Swim school from the time he was three months until we started ISR at six months. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Ellie will get to start ISR this year...otherwise she has to wait until next summer.

Blip has found a love for the water again. The summer started out a bit rough. He got scared the first time he was in the water this year and that lasted for weeks and weeks. And weeks. I bought him a little tube to play with in the pool, so using that he has gained some confidence back. He is having a refresher with ISR in a couple weeks, so I hope that will help him even more.

We are wanting the kids to be in the pool year round from now on. The months and months of being out of the pool just doesn't keep their skills sharp enough if there was an accident. I'm not sure how we will be able to do it working opposite schedules...not sure I am brave enough to take both kids by myself.

School Summer Program 2015

2015-08-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

Blip's school had a end of summer program to send off the kiddos that will be starting kindergarten this year. The kids sang, danced, recited some stuff they've learned, and showed off how smart and well behaved they all are thanks to our beloved Ms. Barbie.

It seems like every program there has been so far we don't sit near where Blip stands. It's comical, but he was at the opposite end most of the program...until he got moved to the middle by Ms. Barbie. I'm wondering what he did (because we couldn't see what he was doing) to get moved...made us laugh. He was dancing around and only half paying attention, so I'm thinking that may have had something to do with it.

We sat with Amy and Dave...so Amy stole the baby and snuggled with her the entire time. Sister is the best baby ever. I always joke that if all babies were as good/easy as she has been...everyone would have 12 kids. She is so easy going and happy...she doesn't really cry unless she needs to eat and feels ignored (while you make a bottle). She lets out a little yelp to let us know she's ready...and if you don't move quick enough she let's out a scream (like a normal baby). It always surprises me to hear her cry because it's so rare!

Anyway...the kids recited the presidents (up to Theodore Roosevelt), the Preamble (that I learned in the 5th grade), several cute songs...including Old Miss Barbie Had a Farm. Each of the kids was asked to make/bring a mask for the animal they chose. We had to make a puppy dog mask. I found an idea I thought I could handle on Pinterest and went to work. Surprisingly enough...I had all the supplies on hand. Like I'm a regular old mom. I was happy about that.

I was pretty happy with how it turned out, too. I think it was perfect and Blip was super cute as a puppy dog.

1 Flavor

2015-07-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

We got extra lucky for a Friday! Mike was asked to change his schedule at work to help with a project (from my unit), so he was home before 7pm. Sister rolls over from her back to her tummy the second you put her down, but then she pukes...almost instantly. She then manages to get puke in her face, mouth, nose, ears, hair, etc. Propping her up seemed to help quite a bit...so we'll have to see if that keeps working.

Because it was the 31st Baskin Robins had a 31 deal. On the 31st they offer a discount of some variety. I thought it was scoops for 31 cents or something, but it was really $1.31 sundaes...or something along those lines. We didn't learn that until we were already there, so we just ordered whatever we wanted. Blip got a scoop of chocolate. Shocker! haha...it's the only flavor they need to offer. He doesn't even want to look around or try any other flavor...he just wants plain chocolate. Easy enough.

The weather was gorgeous! It had just finished raining when we went out to get ice cream, so we were able to really enjoy the beautiful sky.

We sat and ate our treat together...while Blip made a ridiculous mess. He wasn't even trying to be messy, but I think mess just happens all around him without much effort. Dang I love this kid. He's one of a kind for sure. Even if he does like chocolate.

Family Night

2015-07-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Monday nights are my favorite night of the week because we are together as a family...like a normal family. But when I'm on standby...ugh. The night could be interrupted very easily, so I dread those nights. Not the work...just the leaving. Mondays are easy for me to choose because Mike's home, so I have no worries about who will watch the kids, but it is still hard to know I might have to leave...or not come home after work at all. So when someone wants my standby...they can have it. I'd much rather be at home making memories with my family...and putting my kids to bed with help. (Since I only get 2-3 nights with help...it's a really nice break.)

After a friend took my standby because he didn't have any for the month of July, I rushed home to have a fun-filled family night. I made it just in time for Sister's evening cat-nap...it's probably the part of my day I live for most right now. I only get to see my babies between 2-3 hours a day Monday through Thursday, so each moment is important to me. Getting to feed my sweet baby and having her fall asleep in my arms for 30 minutes or so each evening is wonderful. It is starting to happen less and less, so I really look forward to the evenings I can still get it.

I have been buying games for us to play with Blip, so that all of his time isn't spent watching a show. He's a great age for some of the games, so I've been searching for some good ones that we can play as a family. Don't Break the Ice looked super cute...and he thinks it's awesome. He still thinks it's the coolest thing ever then the bear falls through the ice...he doesn't quite get it yet, but it's fun anyways.

Sister had more oatmeal for dinner and even tried some green beans...which she LOVED. She is doing a great job eating. I've been impressed with her thus far. She already leans into the spoon for more. She is making this transition very easy.

Teaching Moment & Matching Cousins

2015-07-26T23:11:00.000-07:00

Before Patrick and Sarah brought the kids over to swim, Blip thought it would be fun to try to teach Sister peek-a-boo. I wish our entire life was somehow on video that we could go back a review for the parts we desperately need/want to keep forever.

In the afternoon, Patrick, Sarah, the kids, plus Pat and Ken came for dinner and swimming. We ate and then Mike took Blip to swim with Molly and Sarah. Patrick kept Tucker inside with Sister and me.

It was a fun afternoon and a late night. The kids did great and played for hours together. Sarah put her kiddos in their jammies before leaving...and we noticed that Tucker was wearing his bug jammies. Blip has the same pair, so I grabbed them and let excitement run wild. They were super excited to match...I love the innocent, small things that make them so happy.

We love when we get together...and I love when the kids get to play and make memories. Cousins are the best. I'm so thankful Blip has one or two on both sides that are close in age. Poor Sister won't have anyone, but hopefully my nieces will have more babies sooner than later so she had SOMEONE to play with.:)

First Solid Food

2015-07-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

I don't remember Blip being this little when we started solids, but he was almost the exact same age. I can't believe it's happening already, but Sister was definitely ready.

The look on her face is priceless. Blip is trying to show her how to play with the highchair toy...and she must think he's crazy!

She tried oatmeal for her first meal...and she loved it. She was pretty much the opposite of Blip. He was a strange eater from the very beginning and he still is. Blip at just about everything I made or bought that was pureed, so I guess his true pickiness didn't start until he started chewing foods.

Sister did great with her oatmeal, so let's hope she continues loving food...even past this stage. Having one regular eater would be a really nice change.

P.s. Mike and I bought that NYPD bib when we were in Vegas celebrating his birth in 2009...two months into trying to get pregnant. We thought we'd conceive so quickly...we had no clue what we were in for. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Our struggle was so good for us. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it made us better...and I think we definitely appreciate each other and our kids more knowing how hard we fought for them.

The Beach: Day 9

2015-07-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

Friday was kind of a bummer day. And it was our last day, too. Ugh. Jake was sick, so Richelle ended up taking him to the ER the night prior. When he wasn't any better several hours later she decided to take him to a children's hospital to get some answers. We started out the day like every other...then I headed to the laundry mat with Sister while Mike and Blip headed to the beach. I was SUPER bummed because Friday was supposed to be my turn to have time with Blip on the beach, but it didn't turn out that way. I was not happy, but oh well. That's life.

Hide and Seek is still one of Blip's most favorite things to do/play. My favorite part is that he still thinks that if he can't see you...you certainly cannot see him. Pillows are a favorite hiding place...and at night during FaceTime with Mike he thinks just covering his eyes will make him invisible to Daddy. It has to be one of the funniest things ever.

After the laundry (mostly puked on everything thanks to our little beauty queen), I packed some of the house. We wandered around the Farmer's Market for a bit because I wanted some lemonade. I ordered a strawberry mojito lemonade...holy moly...it was amazing. I wish I could get one every Friday! We waited in line and for our beverages for at least 30 minutes, but it was so worth it.

Our last night was a bit hectic, but not as much for us as Richelle. She called to tell us they were admitting Jake to the hospital a few minutes before my dad and Ryan arrived from Sacramento/Folsum. Mike and I grabbed some things for Richelle, stopped to get her some food, and headed to the hospital to drop off what she needed. We didn't stay long, but I wanted to stay with them. Life is so different when you have your own kids (and newborn) to worry about. A few years ago I wouldn't have left her side, but now...I pretty much have no choice.

I felt awful leaving them, but I knew we needed to get some sleep so we could be up early to pack our place and hers. Luckily my dad was back, so he and Nana drove to get Richelle's car when we knew Jake wouldn't be released firs thing in the morning. When they got back, everything else was already loaded, so we focused on Richelle's house. Ryan and Michelle kept the kids (including Blip) entertained while we packed/loaded.

I was thankful we had a Yukon XL this trip for sure. Not only do I love that vehicle, but we were able to load Jordan and Derek up and bring them home with us. Carsen road with Grumpaw...and Richelle's vehicle stayed at the hospital for her to drive home in when they got released. (Her vehicle stayed there with fish smell baking in it from Derek's fishing wagon...gross! Of course it wasn't on purpose, but that doesn't make it any less nasty of a smell.)

We made it home safe and sound...and exhausted. Mike ALWAYS wants to wait until the next day to unload the car, but I always refuse. He doesn't have to help (I'm perfectly capable), but I need that crap out of the car (and our meds, bathroom stuff, etc), stuff put away, and laundry started. It's so much more stressful to wait. It's way easier to just get it over with, so luckily we took a few minutes and just did it.

I love our annual beach trip. I am excited to have enough vacation time saved up again (after bed rest, two maternity leaves, and life in general eating it all up) to take more than one week of family vacation a year. Mike doesn't love our beach trip, but it's so cheap and Blip loves to be there...and so do I. We'll have to change it up eventually, but hopefully that just means adding something else we can all do together.

The Beach: Day 8

2015-07-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Thursday we woke up and headed to the water park as early as we could. We left the baby with Nana and Chelle...promising to be back in a few hours (not like Monday night!). We arrived around 11am and headed for the lazy river. Blip likes it as much as I do. We loved the lazy river last year at Wet N Wild, so I knew he'd like it this year too. He sat on my lap and we went around a couple of times before heading to the slides.

I made him wear a life jacket the entire time. There were too many people there...and the water was at least waste high for him, plus coming off the slides too fast...the lifeguards were there, but I didn't want to take a chance. I waited at the bottom of the slides...in the water and Mike helped him get where he was going out of the water. He loved the slides, but after a while we decided to see what else was around. The other slides he was too small to ride, so we ended up in the wave pool.

First, we found hamburgers for lunch. Mike had to walk ALL the way back to the locker to get money. To keep ourselves busy, we built a boat out of legos and then raced it in the water thingy they had set-up. That was fun...probably the first time Blip's ever actually played with Legos. ha! We ordered lunch after that...and ended up inviting some strangers to share our table with us. There was nowhere else to sit and their boys needed to eat, so we crammed around the table we found. They felt the same way about Legoland that we did, so at least we weren't alone.

The wave pool was another thing he loved at Wet N Wild, so he was pretty much in love. The deepest this wave pool got was 5 feet. I liked that. Kids Blip"s height and even a little taller needed life vests for the wave pool, which Legoland provided. However, I'm not sure one other person had the correct size life vest on or had it on correctly. Most of the jackets were above people's heads in the water. There were empty jackets floating around...with nobody near them. And nobody freaking out about the empty life jackets. After a long time, we decided to be done. Blip was not happy, but came with us anyway...on his own. We have been blessed with a good, non-fit throwing child. Even when he's upset, he typically still does what he needs to do.

We changed and headed back to the beach. I wanted Blip to ride a couple rides on our way out, but Mike was done...so we avoided the rides and headed for the car.

Our water park trip only lasted a few hours, so we were back in plenty of time to take a long walk on the beach just before sunset. We went out looking for shells, but found our three favorite fishermen instead (and literally NO decent shells).

We walked as far as we could toward Coronado and then headed back to the pier for ice cream. After our snack we decided we should think about dinner...oops! Mike and Blip walked across the street and ordered pizza while I got the baby ready for bed.

I loved our lazy days and evenings...

The Beach: Day 7

2015-07-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

After another Sesame Street and Curious George filled morning, Mike decided to get a little workout in. Luckily his workout partner/shadow was up for the challenge. I think Mike is super hot...and Blip was adorable trying his hardest to do it all right along side his daddy.

Once they finished working their muscles, they headed to the beach while Sister and I did our thing. Sister found her feet while we were on vacation. She had grabbed them once before (I think) on her changing table at home, but she really found them (toes and all) while we were at the beach. Her thighs are getting chunkier by the minute...she's the cutest thing I've ever seen. And always happy.

I made it to the beach for a bit to get some pictures of Blip getting buried in the sand. He thought it was hysterical...I wouldn't want sand in all my places, so to each their own. ha! He loved playing with his cousins (and his dad) soooo much. His boys are so good to him...they love him and include him like he's their little brother. It means the world to me...and to Blip. He thinks he's just one of the gang.

I loved catching some of the little things Roy and Blip did together all week. I wish Roy lived closer, so they could play often. Hopefully some day they will move home.

We went for a walk at sunset again. This time it was all the kiddos, Aunt Chelle, Mike, and me. The weather is so beautiful...I wish we could walk on the beach every day...or even every week. I love the sounds, the smells, the sand in your toes...I love all of it.

The Grunions were supposed to come, but most of our little group waited patiently out on the beach until at least midnight and they never showed up. I'm sure they were disappointed, but I was super happy that Mike wanted to do that with Blip. It's a fun activity, but it was late and cold...and I was perfectly happy reading on the couch listening to Sister sleep.

The days pass too quickly! Not just on vacation either. It seems like the second I had a baby life started moving forward in hyper-speed! The days and weeks fly by...and all I want is for them to slow down, so I can take it all in and not miss anything.

The Beach: Day 6

2015-07-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was nice slow day spent on the beach. Well...for Blip and Mike. I got to stay in the house with the baby to keep her cool and out of the sun. We also took a walk on the beach, had some of the ice cream from the pier, and I read my book.

Mike and Blip went for a walk one morning while Sister and I slept. They were gone a while and came home with yummy cupcakes from a local place just around the corner. The salted caramel was amazing. I was surprised how much I did not enjoy the red velvet, but I didn't need to eat that much cupcake anyway. Blip stuck with his favorite- chocolate. That's what he gets always...ice cream, shakes, cupcakes, etc. He loves chocolate. Funny that I hate chocolate, but craved it when I was pregnant with him. I did not crave chocolate one time while pregnant with Sister.

I made it out to the beach for a short time while Sister napped in the house with Aunt Chelle. It didn't last long, but it was nice to be close enough to hear Blip play. (I can't remember if this was the time I was actually out on the beach and Blip threw sand in Roy's face. Blip apologized, but poor Roy had sand in his face. Blip didn't mean to hurt him (but he meant to throw the sand...just not understanding the consequences), but that ruined that beach fun for a while.)

Nana and Michelle helped the kids make a fire and s'mores one of the nights too. Blip didn't like eating a s'more at all, but he thought making them was a pretty good time.

I was perfectly happy to NOT be at work, but a beach vacation with an infant isn't exactly relaxing. We made the best of it...or at least I tried to. Mike and Blip spent lots of time on the beach, in the water, playing with the other kids, etc. I read and the baby napped...anything is better than working and being hot, so it was nice to let her do her thing, I read (which I never get to do anymore), and we enjoyed the weather, the smells, the sounds, etc.

The Beach: Day 5

2015-07-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

On Monday we left the baby with Aunt Chelle and took Blip to Legoland. We had never been, but thought it would be a nice change from what we did the last two summers (Sea World & the zoo). I heard that Legoland is really only for little kiddos, so if we didn't take Blip this summer...there would be no reason to ever take him. Well...once we were there and inside the park looking for things to do...we realized there really was no reason to take him there ever. But we were there, so we decided to make the best of it. I wish we had brought our stuff for the water park, but decided not to bring it. We decided that we'd spend one day in the regular park and one day at the water park. Blip ended up with a new swum suit and flip flops out of that mistake, but I'm sure he needed them anyway.

We road a boat around a little lake looking at random lego-made things. The first thing I noticed was that they were all filthy and covered COVERED in spider webs. Gross. I doubt they've been cleaned since the park opened. No joke. After that I couldn't stop looking at all the stuff made from legos and how FILTHY it all was. None of it was clean. And none if it appeared to have ever been cleaned. The spider webs didn't stop there...they also covered the "rollercoaster" tracks. Not sure how you test or maintain the tracks when they are covered in dirt and spider webs...how safe.

Some of the employees told us each different things about height restrictions/requirements, so we were a bit frustrated, but found several rides to ride. I would say most of the rides were more equivalent to a fair, but Blip is little enough that we still had fun. He wanted so badly to go on Thunder Mountain, but he was happy to ride whatever we found for him.

We ended up at a huge water-filled playground type area. It looked really fun, so we bought Blip some new digs and he was on his way. He found a slide that he really liked, but didn't quite understand the waiting on his own. There was a lifeguard to help, but he didn't notice the long line behind her...so he just sat himself down and away he went. He did it a few times before she stopped him...then we grabbed on to him and tried to explain what he needed to do. He would wait a few minutes...then go run around and do something else...then go back (to the end of the line) and wait a few minutes before running off again. He did that a few times before getting frustrated that the line never moved. He had no clue that he was his own problem. We laughed and let him play until he was done.

We wandered around a while longer while he dried (we didn't think to by a towel) and ate some snacks. Then he wanted to go on another ride, but found a big play area next to the dragon coaster. We played there for a long time...then it was time to ride or go home. We rode the dragon coaster, then found a big slide we could all go on together (like the big yellow one at the fair every year!). We did that a few times, rode two more things, and let him pick out a souvenir before heading back to the beach.

Blip was asleep in the car before we left the parking lot. Our drive home took a REALLY long time because we had to stop and pick up the baby's prescription I forgot in our fridge. After at least 25 minutes (probably more) I was sent to another Walgreen's to get it. I ordered it to be there on Monday, but the tech ordered the wrong one, so the Pharmacist found another Walgreen's that carried what we needed. We drove about 30 minutes north (the way we came from) to get it. I was inside that Walgreen's for 15-20 minutes, but finally had her meds. Then the drive home...and getting something to eat. Holy crap...we didn't get back to the house until after 8pm. I felt awful that my family had the baby the ENTIRE day! And I missed her. And what a pain.

Everyone was exhausted, so we headed to bed after that. At that point, we were undecided on going back to use the other half of our tickets for the waterpark. Unfortunately, Blip did not let us forget that we WERE going to the waterpark. He talked about it every day.

The Beach: Day 4

2015-07-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Marie, Randall, Becca, Kristi, Doug, Nick, and Ryan came to visit. And because Doug must really love us...they brought dinner made by Doug. He spent the majority of his time with us cooking. I don't know what's wrong with him, but his food make my belly very (very) happy. Mmmm He is amazing. I would weigh 400 lbs if we lived any closer to Doug & Kristi.

Our mornings mostly consisted of Sesame Street and just hanging out as a family of four. We are so rarely together (ever, but especially in the mornings) that we really tried to soak the time together in and not be in a rush.

Anywho...We mostly sat and visited with each other, ate, enjoyed the weather and each other. I love that Kristi, Doug, and the boys live so much closer! We get to see them much more often since it's just a quick drive to California. And it's always fun to see Richelle's sister-in-law and family.

Mike and Blip flew our Minion kite...Blip thinks that's the coolest thing ever. And they played in the sand to keep busy.

For dessert we made dirt cups...ya know...chocolate pudding with whipped cream, crushed oreos, and gummy worms? Blip, of course, didn't want anything to do with it...until his buddy Nick was having one. I guess Nick talked Blip into trying one because this is what I got called outside to see. I hope someday he will just trust me when I tell him something is delish, but I doubt it.

It was a beautiful, relaxing day...probably one of the best all week.