Just for today, identify three things that you’re done with that you could easily let go.

Don’t fret about the stuff that’s still too charged with feelings, they can wait. Today is about freedom, and that includes freedom from shame or guilt.

So find those items and send ‘em packing — either into the recycling bin, off to a resale store or if need be, into the trash.

And then to acknowledge your success, instead of buying another THING (or three), treat yourself to an experience today that you would normally view as extravagant.

Two rules: you can’t create debt to do it (cash/debit/check only), and it shouldn’t hurt you (nothing that will create regret). Otherwise, the experience can be anything — a spot in a garage, a gourmet cup of coffee, something ridiculously delicious, a massage — but something you’d normally deny yourself.

And this is the flip side of shame and guilt — granting yourself permission to actually enjoy life as it happens.

It doesn’t matter whether the expense is fifty cents or $50 — allow yourself to celebrate making different choices and the impact they can have on your life. Because today you took three more steps towards liberation.

ANDREW MELLEN and VIRGOMAN: Creating Order Out of Chaos®
Organizing, Coaching and Design

www.andrewmellen.com and www.virgoman.com

Book: www.unstuffyourlife.net

Blog: http://andrewmellen.blogspot.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/VIrgoManR/116294745526?ref=mf

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/andrewmellen
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/andrewjmellen

O, The Oprah Magazine: http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200809_omag_unclutter

Question:

Dear Nag,

I have three unpleasant tasks: I need to sever an independent contractor relationship, tell another practitioner I don’t want her to work at my center and a third one that I don’t have the space for her I once did. I don’t want to do any of that, mainly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I don’t like confrontation.  Time is running out though! Any advice?

Answer:

Dear Running Out of Time,

Good to know you’re a warm hearted human who’s not a fan of hurting other peoples feelings. I’ll offer thoughts from the ProNagger perspective and perhaps you’ll also get some thoughts form others who have had to deal with a similar situation. I’m not going to tell you to “just do it.” Given the importance of these three tasks, I figure if you could have done them already you would have. It’s hard to “just do” something when it’s scary to do. What’ I’m gong to suggest you do is prepare, gather support and THEN do it.

1. If you’re really feeling uneasy, I would try doing a “brain dump” first. For each issue, spend 30 seconds writing down bullet points of everything that’s bumping around in your head about the situation. Everything, big or small…From “I don’t know what I should wear” to what if they take me to court.” Then…

2. For each brain dump item, find  an action step. Again this should take very little time. Figure out what you can DO in relation to each bulleted point. Like, “spend 15 minutes picking out an outfit” and “find attorneys phone number.” Knowing what you can do will start to quiet the fear and help you move forward.

3. Decide how and when you will do each task.

4. Get very clear about why you have decided to sever the relationship with the independent contractor, and so on. This does not mean you’re the ice person, you can be very empathetic to the other persons feelings, just remain clear about your purpose.

5. Know what you’ll say and even practice it. Even if the conversation does not go as planned you will be warmed-up.

6. Find a trusted friend or group of people that have your back. You can let us know you’re off to do the big scary on The Daily Nag and we’ll be there to cheer you on each step of the way. You can use ProNagger’s Bookending Chat (anonymously if that’s more comfortable) and “bookend” your tasks. Open a bookend by saying your off to have a conversation you have some nerves about. Then go have the conversation. Then come back and close the bookend by saying you did it.

7. Bookend with a friend the same way, call them, say “I’m going in” and as soon as you’re done call them back and de-brief.

8. Ask a Nag for some support. I would gladly be part of your cheering squad! Ask me about my Nano-nagging services which is set-up for your kind of situation.

So…brain dump, action out the brain dump, calendar commit, get clear, practice, get support, get pasts on the back for getting through something not so fun to get through!

I look forward to getting your updates and hearing about your successes.

Would you like to Ask the Nag a question? Ask using the Contact Form, by visiting The Daily Nag or if you prefer, anonymously at Formspring.

If you want a way to log your food consumption LIVESTRONG has a cool tool, “My Plate.” Use it online or on your smartphone.

Today is The Tuesday Toss, or maybe we should just call it Carrie Lee Bouler Day, since she has already cleaned out what sounds like a very scary fridge full of ugly.

So the deal is you toss, recycle or give away 3 items. You might curb 3 things for pickers to snag, toss 3 gum wrappers, or give 3 books away friends, doesn’t matter what it is just lighten your holdings by 3.

So far there have been ripe bananas, old cosmetics, and more frightful refrigerator items being tossed.

If books are your Tuesday Toss items, you may really love BookCrossing.com, I do. It’s a kind of catch and release/gps program for books.

Today’s image is Trash People by artist HA Schult:http://www.haschult.de/trash.html

Question:

Dear Nag,

I am “stuck, stressed, overwhelmed, disorganized, . .” I want a system where things don’t pile up –so I can stop working on an “adrenalin basis.”

The thing is, really I have too much time. . . so “later” is often a valid option. Things pile up, I want to hide I get enough adrenalin energy that I bust through it and return to “too much time.”

I’d like a reliable ‘girl Friday’ kind of a system. I want to be my own able assistant saying, “This is on tap for today.”

…I get all done with a little polish and pizazz . . . I’m just tired of pushing through in a pinch.

Today is somewhat full already. Appointment in an hour, I leave to work with a client in 4 hours then the day is shot.

Thanks!!

love, love, love your work!!

Answer:

Dear girl Friday,

I see a couple things that you might want to try. Not knowing your whole situation I’m going to give you some general ideas and you can let me know what works.

Have you ever heard someone say, “if you want it to get something done, give it to the busiest person?”

When your plate is full (not overflowing) it does seem like you get a great deal more done and in a much more timely fashion. It may simply be because when you’re busy you’re more apt to fit small tasks and chores into the open crevices of a full day. When you have an open canyon of time, you don’t feel the same need to get something done and out of the way. Who knows, if your plate only has a few bites on it, you might be saving them so you don’t have to look at an empty plate.

I think the best answer is for you to get on a healthy diet of activity and find out how it feels. It is really important to be “in action” to know what you want to do more or less of.

Consider trying an experiment. When you get your next deadline start doing a little planning. My mentor, Barbara Sher, introduced me to a backward flow chart and I use it all the time personally and with my clients. Get a calendar. Put the deadline on the due date in pen, as well as anything else, like appointments that you know will be happening. Now, in PENCLE, start plotting backward. Let’s say you have performance on the 15^th of next month. What do you need to do on the 14^th to be ready for the 15^th? Maybe you’ll need to have costumes backstage, and get to a dress rehearsal. What do you need to do on the 13^th to be ready for for the 14^th’s dress rehearsal? Go back and back. Keep tweaking things until the calendar of activities looks doable. You now have your map. Each day is like a mini deadline. This map can go a long way to extinguish vagueness. It will also show you how much time you have left in a day. You might want to consider adding something else into your life, preferably something that really excites and matters to you. Use your same flow chart and plot backwards, in pencil, that other goal. Just a little action everyday on a big dream makes big, big changes in your life, almost from the start.

I look forward to getting an update from you and hearing about your successes.

Would you like to Ask the Nag a question? Ask using the Contact Form, by visiting The Daily Nag or if you prefer, anonymously at Formspring.

This week I’m talking about rethinking how you approach goals to your health and well being. If you want to make your goals matter enough to really reach them you need to take a little time and ask a few very important questions. In just a moment, I will walk you through how to ask yourself these questions and get you on your way to achieving your health goals.

Earlier today, I asked on The Daily Nag, “What health or fitness goals do you have or want to make?”

Here are a couple of the answers I heard:

P: “Keeping my blood sugar on track!”

M: “I would like to play basketball again and get back into shape like I was 10 years ago.”

N: “I want to get back into the habit of regular workouts for strength flexibility and balance. For me variety is the key to keeping enthusiasm: weight training, cycling, walking, yoga.”

These are all great health goals. It is so important to monitor blood sugar, get back into shape and keeping fitness fun with variety.

The following strategy may be just what you need to attain your health and fitness goals.

Finding “Your Motivating Factor.”

Mike, (name and sensitive details altered to honor clients privacy) an author and illustrator of children’s books, came to me to work on some deadline challenges. On his second nag call, he mentioned that he wanted to quit smoking and wondered if nagging could help with that. I said it could. This is what I suggested to Mike and what I will suggest you try if you want to change some health or physical aspect in your life.

Step one :

Ask yourself “WHY do I want this change?”

I asked Mike, “why do you want to quite smoking?”

He answered, “well, it’s bad for me, and I don’t want to die from lung cancer.”

Step Two:

Ask “why” again.

That sounds reasonable, I said to Mike, “why don’t you want to die from lung cancer?”

He was quiet for a few beats, probably wondering what kind of nutter he was working with, then said “I don’t know, I don’t want to die yet.”

Step Three:

Question your answer…

“Why don’t you want to die yet, Mike?”

“I have stuff I still want to do.”

Step Four:

Keep asking!

I asked Mike, “what kinds of stuff do you still want to do?”

We kept peeling the onion until we got to something very interesting. Mike, I learned, has had a life long dream of turning his stories into shorts. He wants to do every aspect of producing short videos of the stories he’s written. He’s especially attracted to claymation for this end. Death is clearly a detriment to dreams.

I suggested that for the next week, each time he felt like smoking, he instead played with some clay, looked at one of the claymation websites I suggested, like  http://library.thinkquest.org/22316/home.html or start a storyboard for his first short.

The experiment worked better than either of us could have guessed. His smoking is down by nearly 3/4^th and he has set a date to stop smoking all together. He said to me that he really loves having this interest take shape without smoke permeating the activity. That the work has been smoke free from the start, Mike said, “I feel really proud of myself.”  My bet is Mike will be an ex-smoker by the time his first short is on its first edit. Go Mike!

Now you give it a try.

Here’s what you get:

30 minute phone consult with me, Rachel Z Cornell, the ProNagger

Follow-up email for you to test drive your new to-do list know-how

An opportunity to have an one on one bookend with me.

This great opportunity is 37.00. Click here to get started. Soon after ProNagger receives your payment you will receive an email to set-up your one on one, personalized list making consultation.  I can often “see” you the very day you sign-up.

Barter Opportunity: If you have a large internet community, marketing skills or other services you believe ProNagger  would be interested in, please don’t hesitate emailing and proposing a barter.

You have heard it before, write it down and you’re more likely to do something. It’s true. It’s simply true.
2) Break each activity down into it’s smaller parts (write down those parts on your list)

Even with a small project, it’s great to break it down into it’s smallest parts. This might sound silly but it builds what I call MO or MOtivation.

3) Cross off items as you do them or review your list at end of day.

Nothing gets your MO on more than starting to cross items off your list. Use an electronic app that lets you check off completed items or write out your list by hand. Ticking items off makes it easier to tick the next thing off, trust me on this one.

4) Pad your list.

If you have lost your MO  then padding your list will help. Put a couple items you KNOW you will do in a day preferably items you know you’ll do early in the day, like “brush teeth.”

5) Put a doable amount of items on your list.

You’re probably not going to change the world in a day, write a whole book today, or keep to a down-to-the-minute plan. Make your list flexible and doable. This is a hard one for lots of people. You may feel like you must create an intensely ambitious list and even get jazzed writing it. But at the close of day two, or even the very first day of such lists, you end up feeling defeated. Keep your list realistic. If you don’t know what that looks like, send me a list and we can talk it over.
6) Make items you might not get to in a day a “bonus” item.

Okay, this is where those ambitious items can go. Simply make them bonus items, things you’ll do if you get the other items for the day completed.

And remember, putting things that are fun to do on your list are as (sometimes more) important as getting the toilets cleaned, or submitting a project proposal.
Do you have any tricks to use your to-do list to set yourself up for success?

Wake, dress, feed family, drive, eat at desk….

Coffee, coffee, paper, surf, coffee….

This image is from http://www.iheartberlin.de

What’s your morning ritual?

Eat up, and up and up and up: Nothing says Independence more than the freedom to shove countless hot dogs into your cake hole just as fast as you can. But what if Takeru Kobayash the six time winner of the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest is a no show?  Competitive feeding seems to be very blog worthy, on sports blogs, on tonic, international food sites, and even a pet food coupon page.

Trivia Question: Three US presidents died on the 4th of July and one was born on the date. Name the four presidents. Here’s a hint …

…Author David McCullough’s John Adams: I love David McCullough’s books and really LOVE his book on John Adams.

A Wiki of Dicks: It wouldn’t be the 4^th of July without our politicians, some have been great like John Adams, some not so great. Some will go down in history as “dicks.” So on a  juvenile note, I present  Dickipedia – A Wiki of Dicks.” Some of their profiles are shamefully entertaining to read.

Speaking of entertaining, amateur and professional fireworks will be going off all across the United States tonight. Some of our pets, however, find all the noise very scary. I have to wonder if a “Thundershirt” could help calm the anxiety for at least our canine friends.

So here’s to suiting-up your anxious pup and enjoy the 4th. But before you grab your blankets and bug spray test your firework knowledge with this fun trivia quiz, then warm up your Ooooo and Ahhhh’s here.

Other Short Attention Span Round-Ups

To all the US visitors to ProNagger.com, have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend!