I’m grateful to the high caliber professionals in one of my LinkedIn groups for their recommendations and resources to help people with Asperger’s prepare for college.

In my post next week, I’m going to mention specific colleges that seem to do a good job understanding and supporting students on the autism spectrum.

But this week, I thought I would share some programs that prepare students for the transition from high school to college.  Unfortunately, most of these pre-college programs are in the United States.

If you are reading this from Australia, the UK, or any other part of the world, I welcome your input of other pre-college preparatory programs for individuals on the autism spectrum in your country.

Aspergers (Pre) College Recommendations

Do Your Research

Think College was suggested as a place to begin.  My only reservation is their tagline, College Options for People with Intellectual Disabilities.  I don’t consider Asperger’s an intellectual disability.  However, if you can get past that line, realize that colleges accommodating intellectual disabilities will most likely also be educated about and supportive of students with Aspergers.

Read Some Books

I’m listing the following reading directly from members in my LinkedIn group, along with their feedback:

 Thierfeld Brown, Wolf, King and Bork have a new book out called The Parent’s Guide to College for Students on the Autism Spectrum.  They do not list specific colleges but do have a great chapter titled How to Find the Right College with an extensive form for rating various colleges.

The K&W Guide to Colleges for Students with Learning Disabilities and ADHD is a summary of 300 colleges and their disability programs, which does include programs for students on the Autism Spectrum, though it is not in the title.

Students with Asperger Syndrome: A Guide for College Personnel, by Drs. Lorraine Wolf ( at Boston University) and Jane Thierfeld Brown (at Univ. of Connecticut Law School), though not about specific colleges, give guidelines you can use to judge the appropriateness of a school, the skills a student with Asperger’s needs to succeed, and specific strategies for school personnel to use. I intend to give it to the staff of the school my daughter attends (she’s a junior this year.)

Comprehensive Transition and Post-Secondary Program (CTP)

You may want to consider a Comprehensive Transition and Post-secondary (CTP) program, which seems to be a program that runs alongside regular college life at different colleges.

Here’s an explanation from the U.S. Department of Education

The Model Comprehensive Transition and Postsecondary Programs for Students with Intellectual Disabilities (TPSID) provides grants to institutions of higher education or consortia of institutions of higher education to enable them to create or expand high quality, inclusive model comprehensive transition and postsecondary programs for students with intellectual disabilities.

Here is a list of colleges  that have CTPs approved by the U.S. Department of Education.

“Stepping Stone” Programs To College for People With Aspergers

Here are a couple interesting programs to prepare individuals on the autism spectrum for college.

College Internship Program

The College Internship Program looks similar to the Comprehensive Transition and Post-Secondary program as listed above.  This is a program that prepares students for college life.  The average length of the program is a minimum of 1 year and no longer than 2 years.

You’ll want to go to their website to get more information.  Here’s a link to some of their frequently asked questions.

Locations for the program include Amherst, New York; Long Beach, California; Berkeley, California; Lee, Massachusetts; Melbourne, Florida; and Bloomington, Indiana.

College Living Experience

Here’s a quote directly from their site:

College Living Experience (CLE) is a post-secondary program for students who require additional support with academic, social and independent living skills. CLE provides intensive assistance to students with varying abilities. Students with autism, Asperger’s, learning disabilities, developmental delays and a host of other special needs receive the support they need to pursue post-secondary education and become independent adults.

And here’s a quote from a parent in my LinkedIn group:

I have a 18yo son at CLE in Monterey. It is actually a year-round program that supports students who are going to a local college or vocational training program. At our CLE, the students live in their own apartments with roommates, cook meals for themselves, and take the bus to school. Most of them take kind of a light class load, because they have a lot of CLE sessions to attend too. But I do see it as a real college program. Here in California, it is vendored to the Regional Center system, so since our son is a client of the regional center, we don’t have to pay for it. We do pay his rent and tuition/books. I also highly recommend it.

Thanks for reading!  This is a living document.  I’ll edit this post and add as many quality programs as you suggest to me.  If you know of quality, affordable preparation programs for students with Aspergers in your particular area, please let me know so I can add it to this list.

Who Else Wants These Aspergers (Pre) College Recommendations? is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”

— M. Scott Peck

I remember attending a counseling skills training seminar.

We worked on some role play of effective listening skills.  I found that when I felt the person ‘counseling’ me truly listened, I really felt cared for.

And it reminded me of how important it is for me to listen carefully to my friends, co-workers, bosses, and loved ones.

Yet how many times have we been accused, “You’re not listening to me!”

Children, teens, and adults on the autism spectrum may often encounter this.

Listening is easier said than done.

I’m going to share a quick social skill called Listening Position with you.  It’s taken from Jed E. Baker’s book, Social Skills Training for Children and Adolescents with Asperger Syndrome.

Here are the 4 Steps of Effective Listening Position

1.  Make eye contact.

You may want to read why it’s essential to think with your eyes.

2.  Stay still.

It’s important to explain to children (and to remind ourselves) that we listen with our bodies as well as with our eyes.  In other words, we face the person who is speaking to us with our whole body.  We need to quiet our hands and feet.

3.  Don’t interrupt.  Do not talk while others are talking.

This point is very important.  A lot of kids (and adults) on the autism spectrum may ask “Why” this is so important.  It’s because if we only talk about what’s interesting to us, the person talking will feel upset and angry.  Being quiet and listening to what the other person is saying shows that you care about him/her.  Otherwise, you will be considered rude.  And, if you’re in class, you might even get in trouble.

4.  If you are in class and you want to say something, raise your hand and wait to be called on.

Here are some suggested activities for practicing the listening position.

a) As a parent or teacher, model the correct way and the wrong way to listen.

Don’t tell the student which is right and which is wrong.  Ask the student to tell you what you did right or wrong.

Here are some suggested role-play activities:

• Listening to a story time or lesson in class
• Listening to a parent give instructions
• Listening to another student during ‘show and tell’
• Raising your hand to ask a question about a lesson or to ask permission to go to the bathroom during class time

b) Now reverse roles:

have the child role play listening position in the above scenarios.  (Or, you can make up some other scenarios).

Give the child feedback on correct or incorrect listening positions.

c) Design some fun rewards for appropriate listening position going forward.

• Give generous praise whenever you notice your child or student demonstrating the appropriate listening position.
• Create a listening jar.  Give your child/student a penny every time s/he demonstrates appropriate listening position.  Once the jar is full, you can give the child a special reward (e.g., snack, stickers, and privileges to play a special game or watch a special show.

Encourage Your Child To Practice In Other Situations

At the beginning of the day, ask your child:

Who will you try this listening position with?

When will you practice your listening position today?

At the end of the day, ask your child:

What happened?

How did you do?

I hope you found this brief social skills training exercise helpful for your Aspergers child or student.  Please share it with a friend!

Here’s A Quick Social Skill For Children On The Autism Spectrum is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

The world becomes a better place when we can understand and honor each other’s unique personalities, strengths, and differences.

I’ve been reflecting on lessons I’ve learned from some wonderful individuals on the autism spectrum.

These individuals have been adults with Aspergers.

I learned a lot from them because they’ve had time to live their lives, reflect on those experiences, and share those experiences by way of podcasts, blogs, and books.

Directly and indirectly,  they have blessed me in many ways. And along the way, they’ve helped me increase my Autism Spectrum IQ. They’ve shown me how to better understand individuals on the spectrum.

My autism intelligence quotient is only just developing:

I have a long way to go, but they helped me become a respectable student.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned from my Aspergers clients, commentors, and friends, both online and off.

An Individual Is More Than Their Label

And individual in an autism forum wrote, “I’m more than my autism.”

I agree!

While it’s very helpful to understand conditions that we deal with, our conditions don’t define who we are. Yet sometimes we can attribute almost everything to Aspergers in an individual we know.

As a therapist, I’ve learned from many Aspergers individuals that they’ve felt misunderstood by many professionals who’ve worked with them. These professionals assume they know everything there is to know about that individual.

We professionals need to be humble and have the attitude of a student. Just as an individual with Aspergers struggles to understand a neurotypical world, we must not assume that we know everything about the autism spectrum world. We need to be willing to learn.

Don’t Take an Aspie’s Stress Too Personally

There’s a psychology experiment I heard about. Scientists administered random electric shocks to mice in a cage.

Guess what?

Those mice became increasingly stressed out!  And eventually they gave up jumping off the floor to avoid the shock. They had given up trying.

In the same way, social interactions with NT’s can be so stressful, coupled with sounds/noises/textures/smells that can aggravate communication attempts even further.

Yes, many individuals with Aspergers learn to navigate the social world, but it can be very stressful.
And all of us, under stress, sometimes lash out.

So if you live with a daughter, son, partner, or parent with Asperger’s, this may help you understand where their stress comes from.

Individuals With Aspergers Do Experience Empathy

First of all, individuals with Aspergers are human beings.
Second, they experience all the emotions we do.
Third, they sometimes overly experience everyone else’s emotions!

Earlier this year I read an article (please help me, I can’t remember where it was) that disputed the notion that Aspies don’t have empathy.

On the contrary, this writer argued, Aspies are often  so tuned in to others’ emotions many times that it’s overhwelming. And because it’s overwhelming, they shut down.

Please do share your own personal experiences with me. This may or may not be incorrect.

All I know is that, over time, Aspies can and do learn more and more empathy and success in relating to others as they learn NT mannerisms and culture.   It does take work, like learning a new language, but it can be done.

I remember reading John Elder Robison’s blog. He had been undergoing some neurofeedback or some other type of treatment as part of his extensive autism advocacy work. He reported that, as he learned more and more about himself and the autism spectrum, he developed an increasing capacity for feeling and empathy.

Don’t Be Afraid To Be Different

This is a lesson for Aspies and NT’s alike.

And it’s the title of John Elder Robison’s book, Be Different: Adventures of a Free Range Aspergian.

Aspies are many times blessed with creativity and strong individuality. They see the world on their terms. They are logical. They care little for the social niceties and mannerisms of NT’s (this is part of the NT language they have to learn).

But what I’ve learned is, it’s so important to understand who I am and live that out.

Even if others don’t like it.

Even if it goes against some of the ‘scripts’ I was brought up with.

You know: a boy is supposed to play sports. Or your parents may have thought you were supposed to go into business instead of art. I hope you understand the gist of what I’m getting at.

There are so many Aspies who have forged their own paths and have made the world a better place as they have done so.

A friend of mine once wrote (I’m paraphrasing): Don’t rob the world of one of it’s greatest gifts: You!

If you are a parent, friend, or professional working with individuals on the spectrum, I hope you will given each person this same message.

And I hope you will take this message to heart for yourself as well!

In Conclusion

So, I’ve learned the following autism spectrum facts from my adult friends with Aspergers:

• Don’t label and stereotype me; I’m first and foremost a person.  Aspergers is part of who I am, but not all of who I am.
• I care about human relationships more than you know.  I may not seem empathetic, but I sense and feel a lot.  I just need help to know how to express it in ways that NT’s can understand.
• I get stressed out as an Aspie living in an NT world.  It’s as if I dropped you off in a country without a language guide: you’d be stressed too, wouldn’t you?!  And when I get stressed, I can be irritable, anxious, and even depressed.   I hope you will understand me and treat me with compassion.
• Be Different.  You don’t always have to go along with the status quo.  Take time to know your own personal strengths, weaknesses, passions, and interests.  Live out who your best possible self, because the world needs you!

How Adults With Aspergers Have Increased My Autism Spectrum IQ is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

Education is the best provision for old age.

Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC), from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers

Aristotle’s got a point.

The question becomes,  ”Is college the best option for an individual with Asperger’s?”

We could ask the same question for any individual going to college.

College is helpful for many, but not all.   There are many individuals who have great careers without a college degree. In fact, here’s a list of 100 entrepreneurs who did not go to college!

On the other hand, statistics show that, generally, those with a college degree are paid at a higher salary than those without.

Here are some of my thoughts about Aspergers and College.

Pay Attention to Your Child’s Strengths and Weaknesses

Has your child ever had full neuropsychological testing conducted by someone who knows what Aspergers is?

Neuropsychological tests are helpful in that they measure both cognitive and emotional functioning. These tests can diagnose Attention Deficit Disorder, or a learning disability, or a psychological issue.

It’s so important to uncover these factors before a child gets to college, rather than after. Many times, as a counselor, I’ve met with college kids who are devastated at their performance deficits. They fail, their parents become concerns, and it becomes evident that they had learning conditions all along that were never diagnosed at an earlier age. So these individuals struggled through school, but when they get to college they start sinking.

Know Your Child’s IEP (Individualized Education Plan)

All the reports and testing from school become the data with which to assess areas of both strength and weakness going forward.
Also, a child is entitled to state funded services through the age of 21 in the United States through an IEP.
Often, if neither college nor technical school are viable options for an individual with Aspergers, the IEP team will meet to work on a transition plan to help a young adult identify the best vocational goals and resources available given the young person’s skill level.

Make sure that you share your child’s IEP with him.  He should understand his educational goals, as well as his progress toward meeting those goals.

Start Early

Assess, with your child, whether a college setting or technical school setting will be more helpful to your child’s career goals.

And realize that, sometimes, neither college nor technical school may be the best option. Autism is a spectrum for a reason. Each individual may have more or less talents and abilities. Therefore, it’s important to develop a career plan that stretches each individual within her realm of capabilities, and not unrealistically beyond them.

The best time to get to know colleges and career choices is early on in your child’s academic life.

Starting in high school, it may be helpful for you and your Asperger’s teenager to get to know the social services team at the school informally.

Pick their brains about choosing colleges that are helpful for individuals with special needs.

Listen To Your Child

Sometimes, as parents, it’s hard to separate our hopes and dreams from our child’s. We think we know what’s best for him, but we also need to be sensitive that he may know best what he wants.

Listen carefully to your child. What careers and interests does she have? What are her hopes and dreams? What are her strengths and talents?

Be willing to let her struggle through her own decisions and walk her own path. Don’t be afraid, as a parent, to seek your own professional counseling and support if the letting go process seems overwhelming.

Take Advantage of Career Planning Services

If you are an adult, enroll in just a couple of community college courses, to get your feet wet.

Then, make sure you get to know your career services center! Is there a course on career planning your can take through the center? Can you meet with a counselor for vocational counseling?

These great services are part of your benefit as a resident who is taking classes at a community college. Take advantage of them!

I personally took a couple of community college courses as prerequisites for my graduate program for counseling psychology. I was still somewhat unsure that I wanted to become a counselor, so I stopped by the career services center. For a very low fee, I was able to take a series of career tests that identified what I valued in work, the types of work I was interested in, and a series of other variables that showed me I was heading in the right direction with my choice of counseling psychology.

Aspergers and College: Some Questions To Consider

• How much does the support staff at the college know about Asperger’s and other conditions?
• What kind of academic support services exist at the college?
• Is there a counseling department at the college? Does it offer peer counseling services to help students get and stay connected at school?
• Consider how far away the college is. Depending on the individual, proximity to home may or may not be important.
• What kind of living arrangements will be best for your child?

I remember watching Alex Plank, founder of Wrong Planet, talking about how he moved into a freshman co-ed dorm.

He’s sensitive to noise, as are many on the autism spectrum. So you can imagine the difficulty he had trying to study!

Eventually he got his own room, or I think he may have moved in with some graduate students who were more focused on studying than partying. (I can’t remember the exact details, but it was something like that).

In other words, consider your child’s tolerance for noise and other sensory stimuli when choosing the type of living arrangements.

photo credit: zappowbang

What Everybody Ought To Know About Aspergers and College is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

Thanks to the scientific method, autism spectrum research continues to uncover greater insights about autism, as well as solutions for individuals and families on the autism spectrum.

Why Should We Care About Autism Spectrum Research?

Here are few reasons I thought of:

a) if you yourself are diagnosed with an autism spectrum condition, you’ll greatly benefit from learning all about it.

John Elder Robison, author of Look Me In the Eye, talked about the big difference that self-taught learning about Asperger’s made in his own personal growth and development.  The more you learn, the more you can understand about how to relate to yourself and the world around you in a positive way.

b) if you are a parent to a child on the autism spectrum, you’ll be a great parent if you take the time to become a scholar in the area of autism spectrum conditions.  The more you learn, the better you will be able to empathize with your child.

c) if you are a spouse or partner of someone on the autism spectrum, see b) above

d) if you are a teacher, speech/language pathologist, occupational therapist, psychologist, social worker, or counselor, you have a responsibility to provide competent care based in effective, evidenced-based research.  Staying current on research findings will help you provide competent care.

I recently asked some top notch professionals on LinkedIn for their input to help me compile a list of some of the best autism spectrum research sites.  Thank you to Gregory Lyons, who provided the following suggestions.

For the sake of brevity, I’m going to break this list into a few posts, given the long number of suggestions I received.  These are the suggestions in the order I received them.

Autism Internet Modules

I wrote about this site at length in a recent Psychology Today blog post at Spectrum Solutions.

You can sign up for free at this site to gain access to some great research modules in 37 different domain areas pertaining to autism.

The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders

This Center brings together scientists from the FPG Development Institute, Univeristy of North Carolina at Chaple Hill; the M.I.N.D. Institute, University of Calfiornia at Davis, and the Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin at Madison.

The Center’s mission reads as follows:

“a multi-university center to promote the use of evidence-based practice for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorders”

They focus on four content areas:

Content Development, which involves translating information about evidence-based practices for students with autism spectrum disorders into resources for service providers.

Professional Development: The center accomplishes this by providing training to state professionals.   They translate information about evidence based practices into resources for service providers and establish training cites that model evidence-based practices in participating states.

Technical Assistance: They provide technical assistance to participating states and sites through ongoing training, and by establishing a network of professional development sites, trainess, and professional consultannts.

Evaluation includes collecting follow-up date on the use of evidence-based practices, practitioner skills, and child and family outcomes.

One of my favorite sections of this site is the Presentations and Videos section.  I advise you to stop by and read/view those presentations and videos to stay current on research findings.

The Autism Science Foundation

Here is a quote regarding this organization’s mission with regard to autism research:

The Autism Science Foundation’s mission is to support autism research by providing funding and other assistance to scientists and organizations conducting, facilitating, publicizing and disseminating autism research. The organization also provides information about autism to the general public and serves to increase awareness of autism spectrum disorders and the needs of individuals and families affected by autism.

Our organization adheres to rigorous scientific standards and values. We believe that outstanding research is the greatest gift we can offer our families. Every research dollar counts.

After reviewing this site, I came up with a few pages I’d like to recommend to you.

Quick Facts About Autism This is a quick overview about signs/symptoms of the autism spectrum.

Research Studies by Year   Here you can find a summary of all the research studies undertaken by year.

Interviews With Scientists   What better way to stay current with autism research trends?!

Their Newsletter   This is a way you can stay connected with the autism research foundation’s current research studies and events.

I enjoyed reading how they decide what to research within the autism spectrum.  Their decisions about what studies to do are  guided by their strategic plan, summarized as, “to accelerate and inspire research that will profoundly improve the health and well being of every person on the autism spectrum across the lifespan.”

You can read the complete plan here

So, that was 5 minutes, right?  I hope you’ll take much more than five minutes to read and bookmark the above sites, so that you can continue to deepen your understanding about autism spectrum facts and solutions based on research.

photo credit: Idaho National Laboratory

 Do you have any suggestions of great research sites you’d like me to include?

Give Me 5 Minutes, And I’ll Give You 3 Top Autism Spectrum Research Sites is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

As parents, it is essential, in parenting children with Aspergers, to understand our children’s temperament, conditions, and general “hard-wiring.” This article will go a very long way to help you do just that! I hope you will enjoy this article as much as I did!

Here is a most recent authorized version of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, written by award-winning author and parent, Ellen Notbohm.

This article defines the top ten characteristics of living with autism from the viewpoint of a child.

photo credit: Zaggy J. on Flickr Creative Commons

Some days it seems the only predictable thing about it is the unpredictability. The only consistent attribute — the inconsistency. There is little argument on any level but that autism is baffling, even to those who spend their lives around it. The child who lives with autism may look “normal” but his behavior can be perplexing and downright difficult.

Autism was once thought an “incurable” disorder, but that notion is crumbling in the face knowledge and understanding that is increasing even as you read this. Every day, individuals with autism are showing us that they can overcome, compensate for and otherwise manage many of autism’s most challenging characteristics. Equipping those around our children with simple understanding of autism’s most basic elements has a tremendous impact on their ability to journey towards productive, independent adulthood.

Autism is an extremely complex disorder but for purposes of this one article, we can distill its myriad characteristics into four fundamental areas: sensory processing challenges, speech/language delays and impairments, the elusive social interaction skills and whole child/self-esteem issues. And though these four elements may be common to many children, keep front-of-mind the fact that autism is a spectrum disorder: no two (or ten or twenty) children with autism will be completely alike. Every child will be at a different point on the spectrum. And, just as importantly – every parent, teacher and caregiver will be at a different point on the spectrum. Child or adult, each will have a unique set of needs.

Here are ten things every child with autism wishes you knew:

1. I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily “autistic.” My autism is only one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)? Those may be things that I see first when I meet you, but they are not necessarily what you are all about.

As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don’t think I “can do it,” my natural response will be: Why try?

2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. It his means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a “simple” trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:

My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today’s special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can’t filter all the input and I’m in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn’t quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn’t showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they’re mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia….I can’t sort it all out. I am dangerously nauseated.

Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing — the space seems to be constantly changing. There’s glare from windows, too many items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with “tunnel vision”), moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive senses, and now I can’t even tell where my body is in space.

3. Please remember to distinguish between won’t (I choose not to) and can’t (I am not able to).
Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges for me. It isn’t that I don’t listen to instructions. It’s that I can’t understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: “*&^%$#@, Billy. #$%^*&^%$&*………” Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: “Please put your book in your desk, Billy. It’s time to go to lunch.” This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it is much easier for me to comply.

4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally. It’s very confusing for me when you say, “Hold your horses, cowboy!” when what you really mean is “Please stop running.” Don’t tell me something is a “piece of cake” when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is “this will be easy for you to do.” When you say “It’s pouring cats and dogs,” I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Please just tell me “It’s raining very hard.”

Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions and sarcasm are lost on me.

5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary. It’s hard for me to tell you what I need when I don’t know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong.

Or, there’s a flip side to this: I may sound like a “little professor” or movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits because I know I am expected to respond when spoken to. They may come from books, TV, the speech of other people. It is called “echolalia.” I don’t necessarily understand the context or the terminology I’m using. I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.

6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of consistent repetition helps me learn.

A visual schedule is extremely helpful as I move through my day. Like your day-timer, it relieves me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smooth transition between activities, helps me manage my time and meet your expectations. Here’s a great website for learning more about visual schedules: www.cesa7.k12.wi.us/sped/autism/structure/str11.htm.

I won’t lose the need for a visual schedule as I get older, but my “level of representation” may change. Before I can read, I need a visual schedule with photographs or simple drawings. As I get older, a combination of words and pictures may work, and later still, just words.

7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do. Like any other human, I can’t learn in an environment where I’m constantly made to feel that I’m not good enough and that I need “fixing.” Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however “constructive,” becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one “right” way to do most things.

8. Please help me with social interactions. It may look like I don’t want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it’s just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I’m delighted to be included.

I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end. I don’t know how to “read” facial expressions, body language or the emotions of others, so I appreciate ongoing coaching in proper social responses. For example, if I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it’s not that I think it’s funny. It’s that I don’t know the proper response. Teach me to say “Are you OK?”

9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities. A pattern may emerge.

Try to remember that all behavior is a form of communication. It tells you, when my words cannot, how I perceive something that is happening in my environment.

Parents, keep in mind as well: persistent behavior may have an underlying medical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities, sleep disorders and gastrointestinal problems can all have profound effects on behavior.

10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts like, “If he would just……” and “Why can’t she…..” You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. I did not choose to have autism. But remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you – I am worth it.

And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience. Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. It may be true that I’m not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don’t lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates or pass judgment on other people? Also true that I probably won’t be the next Michael Jordan. But with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.

They had autism too.

P.S.  If you’d like to purchase the book that this article is based on, here it is:

10 Things Your Child With Autism Wants You To Know is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

This article won’t get rid of Aspergers homework problems once and for all.

However, if you apply the parenting homework strategies I’ve outlined in this post, there’s a great chance that your child’s homework problems will become less frequent over time.

Sure, you can love your child when he or she has just brought home a report card with straight “A’s.” It’s a lot harder, though, to show the same love when teachers call you from school to tell you that your child hasn’t handed in any homework since the beginning of the term.
(The Lions Clubs International and the Quest Nation. The Surprising Years, II, ch.3 (1985).)

Aspergers+School+Homework+Kids= …

Sometimes the above ingredients combine beautifully.

But other times, aspergers, school, homework, and kids can be a recipe for disaster!

Don’t get me wrong: many Aspie kids are superstars when it comes to school and homework. And many NT kids have World War III with their parents when it comes to getting homework done.

However, this blog is for kids with Aspergers and their parents.

I hope to share some strategies for parents who want to help their children cope with the Homework Monster.

Homework Strategy for Parents: Open Your Eyes

We live frenetic lives. We’re off to work, off to the next meeting, always pressed for time.

So, when we get that call from school, or the report card in the mail, it’s just another problem in our life.

Let me encourage you to take a deep breath, and take time to examine the big picture.

I once saw a great illustration for kids and their school problems.

Have you ever seen an iceberg?

I don’t know the percentage, but only about 20% of the iceberg is visible from outside of the water. You would have to be a deep sea diver to be able to see that 80% of that massive block of ice lies beneat the surface!

So, in your case, your child’s academic struggles are the tip of the iceberg.

And underneath the surface may lie a lot of other hidden issues.

Here are just a few of the hidden issues that could be lurking:

• depression and anxiety related to social thinking challenges
• a learning disability
• difficulty understanding what a teacher or teachers is/are expecting
• difficulty knowing how to plan projects
• difficulty knowing how to organize all the paperwork from school
• family stress at home

I know: the last thing you want is a lot of other challenges. You want it fixed. Now!

But the best thing you can do is take the time to patiently back up and understand the big picture. You may want to take time to speak directly to your son or daughter. Write down that list I provided. Ask your son or daughter if any of those causes may be contributing.

Be calm. Be non-defensive. You may be surprised at some of the answers your child tells you.

Homework Strategy For Parents: We Must Watch Our Emotions

As I said above, our tendency is to React, rather than Respond. There’s so much wrapped up in our kids’ academic performance. But we can often jump to catastrophic conclusions, leaping way ahead into the future and predicting Doom and Disaster.

Ask yourself, “Will I make things better or worse by getting angry, anxious, and upset? Will I make things better or worse by lecturing or yelling at my child?”

Believe me. I’m human. I’m a parent. I’ve “lost it” many times with my own kids. But things are definitely better when I work on talking myself down from an emotional outburst, breathe deeply, talk to a friend or my spouse, and then deal with the Problem as calmly as possible. Solutions come a lot more quickly when I am Calm.

Homework Strategy For Parents: Take Appropriate Action—Continuously

You could be a Dictator, ground your child for a year, and sit in self imposed detention with him until he finishes all his homework.

Or you could be your child’s Best Friend, and not require her to do anything. After all, she has Aspergers, and she can’t deal with all the difficulties going on in her life.

I’m describing myself at different times in my own parenting life. But the best stance is the Authoritative stance. We expect our children to work to the best of their abilities, and we expect them to learn from their mistakes.

This will take a Decision on our parts as parents. We must decide that it’s worth Short Term Pain of enforcing rules, talking to teachers, learning how to navigate Homework War territory until things get better. We must Decide that we will have the Vision, Character, and Perseverance to stand by our children while they learn to struggle through their difficulties and come out victorious in the end.

Homework Strategy For Parents: Partner With The School

Get To Know Your Child’s IEP

Your child’s individualized education plan is a set of specific goals targeting different academic areas your child may be struggling with.

More specifically, according to About.Com:

The Individual Education Program Plan (IEP) is a written plan/program developed by the schools special education team with input from the parents and specifies the students academic goals and the method to obtain these goals. 

Unfortunately, over the course of a school year, parents and staff get overwhelmed. Make sure you stay on top of the IEP goals. The school staff is responsible to provide the supports and to ensure that your child is making progress toward those goals.

Set Up A Parent Teacher Meeting

Actually, it’s a good idea to get to know the school staff involved with your child at the beginning of the school year. But take time to work together with the school social worker, school counselor, and teachers. Work with them, not against them. You both have the same goal: to see your child succeed!

a) Check with teachers to make sure that your child is accurately recording the homework for each class.

Since your child may be a visual learner, talk to the teachers about possibly writing the homework on the board, or even providing a typed copy of what the assignments are.

b) You may want to consider seeing if there is another kid in the class who won’t mind being a study buddy for your child.

Maybe there is another child struggling with remembering to write things down. Study buddies can help each other pack their backpacks and make sure their assignment books are filled out correctly.

c) Create a “completed work” folder.

Each day, before your child goes to school, sign off on each assignment completed and packed in the backpack.

Homework Strategy For Parents: Routines, Pacing, and Environment

a) Allow Some Wind-Down Time

School can be a confusing place filled with sensory overload during the day.  Give your child time to relax and do his own thing after a day of maxing out his resources.  But after a certain amount of down time, it will be time to start on homework.

b) Design A Specific Place

It may be a desk in her own room.  Or it may be the dining room table.  Make sure all the Screens are off: TV, Video Games, and any other distractions.  Remain nearby so that you can offer help if needed.

c) Build In Some Rest Breaks In Between Stretches of Work

You may want to consider the E.ggtimer Pomodoro online clock.  It sets the timer for 25 minutes, then beeps loudly after 25 minutes and allows for a 5 minute break.  This set period of time may help your Aspergers child focus more effectively.

Homework Strategy For Parents: Parenting Homework Resources

GoalForIt

GoalForIt  is a free online behaviorally based chart that will encourage your child 11 years of age or younger design his own goals and rewards. I can’t go into detail here, but I’ve found it helpful for parents I’ve worked with, and kids respond very well to the positive approach.

If your child is more of a teenager, discuss positive rewards to work toward rather than using a strict behavioral chart. We all need positive rewards to work for, whether it’s homework or our own personal goals such as completing a half marathon or losing a certain amount of weight.

H2O Planner

The H2O Planner is not just an ordinary planner you will buy at your local stationery store. A veteran school psychologist put together a planner that will teach your child how to plan and organize time, tasks, and projects.

Here’s a brief description:

As an acclaimed organizational planner, the H2O / Homework Organizer is the only assignment notebook that provides an organizational system to “step” students through the homework process to completion. Expertly designed by a veteran school psychologist, the H2O / Homework Organizer is engineered for success!

Books and Articles for Your Own Reading Pleasure

How To Do Homework Without Throwing Up (Laugh and Learn), by Trevor Romain.  ( A humorous and effective way for your child to learn about homework strategies)

Same Homework, New Plan: How to Help Your Kid Sit Down and Get it Done, by Sally G. Hoyle

Here’s a series of articles under the category, Homework and Test Help, from ADDitude Magazine online.

Little Known Ways to Conquer Homework (an article I wrote for my Psychology Today Blog)

In conclusion:

1. Look at the big picture.  There may be a lot of possible causes for your child’s homework difficulties.
2. Stay Calm.  Respond versus reacting, yelling, lecturing, punishing.
3. Reach Out.  Reach out to your child, to the school personnel, and to a trusted professional if needed.
4. Commit to Take Action.  Ignoring problems won’t make them go away.
5. Partner with the School.
6. Set Up Home Rules, Routines, Environment, and Pacing for Homework Success
7. Utilize the Parent Resources I’ve shared with you.

Please let me know if and how this article has been helpful to you, as well as other strategies you’ve found helpful!

Get Rid of Aspergers School Homework Problems Once and For All is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

The eyes are the windows of the soul.  –English proverb

Many parents, teachers, and therapists assume that individuals with Aspergers don’t want to communicate.

It’s not true.

What most NT’s (neurotypicals) have hard wired into their brains, Aspies (individuals with Aspergers) don’t:   social cognitive knowledge.

Michelle Garcia Winner, from Social Thinking, has pioneered an aspergers teaching strategy can help: establishing and maintaining eye contact.

Michelle Garcia Winner prefers the term, directed eye-gaze instead of the word eye contact.

The material for this post comes from Chapter Six of Michelle Garcia Winner’s book, Thinking About You, Thinking About Me: Teaching Perspective Taking And Social Thinking To Persons With Social Cognitive Learning Challenges.

Why Is Eye Contact So Important?

John Elder Robison named his best selling autobiograpy Look Me In The Eye.   Many individuals on the autism spectrum, unfortunately, are used to teachers and parents lecturing at them them to “look me in the eye.”

Unfortunately, looking someone in the eye does not always make sense to a person on the autism spectrum.

Ms. Garcia Winner points out that it’s not enough to just teach Aspergers individuals to “look me in the eye.”

Teaching a behavioral skill is one thing: but just like anyone else, individuals on the autism spectrum have to know Why directed eye contact is helpful to them:

Clearly, a person’s difficulties in gaining access to what other people are seeing affects his ability to understand other’s thoughts.  If we teach eye contact before the student has acquired the knowledge to support the skill, are we teaching the most efficient way?

Eyes feed the brain information about the possible thoughts and/or reactions of others.

Directed Eye Gaze Serves The Following Purposes

Per Ms. Garcia Winner, through the use of directed eye gaze we are able to :

a) Monitor the emotional state of our interactive parnter/s.

b) Consider whether the interactive partner is highly interested in the interaction or internally or externally distracted.

c) Monitor our interactive partner’s interest in the topic being discussed.

d) Demonstrate our interest to our partner.

e) Distinguish the facial features of the person that help us recognize him or her in future meetings.

f) Demonstrate our attention to our partner (even if we are secretly thinking about other things!)

g) Synthesize all the above information to develop an appropriate response.

Assess Your Student’s  Social Knowledge About Eye Contact

Ms.  Garcia Winner shares this strategy she uses to assess any student’s social knowledge about eye contact when she meets him/her for the first time.

a) ask the student to follow your eyes and point to or tell you where you are looking
b) Make a guess and tell you what they think you are thinking about

Here Are Aspergers Teaching Tips For Teaching Students To Think With Their Eyes

1.  Eyes Are Like Arrows

Help your student understand that eyes are like arrows: they point toward what people are looking at.

Have your student draw a picture of eyeballs. 

Discuss how the white of the eye and the iris of the eye work together to show us in what direction the eyes are looking.  Draw some eyes on paper, showing different gaze directions.  Have the student then draw arrows to indicate the direction in which the eyhes are pointing.

You can do this next step yourself, or you can have another person be your volunteer.  One person looks at an object in the room for an extended period of time.  Help the student notice the movement of the eye in the socket and then relate that to the direction in which the person is looking with the iris.  According to Michelle Garcia Winner, even students who say that they don’t like looking in people’s eyes can sustain this attention because they know it’s for learning purposes.

2.  Teach That What A Person Is Looking At Is Often What They Are Thinking About

a)  When a student can consistently tell you where you are looking, you can then add the idea that where a person looks is associated with what she is thinking about.

For example,

when I am looking at the clock, I am thinking about time;

when I look at you, I am thinking about you!

b) Teach the student that you can see (understand) her/his thoughts based on where s/he is looking.

Keep this concept very simple.  At first, you just want the student to learn that you can see where s/he is looking.

For example, ‘I can see that you are looking at the candy.’;

‘I can see that you are looking at your friend’

You can make this into a fun game.

Let the student look around the room at different objects and let her know that you can see what she is looking at.  As you guess what the student is looking at, you can then expand this concept to let the student know that you know what she is probably thinking about.

“Since I see you looking aty the ball, I know you are probably thinking about the ball.”

c) Bridge the concept of looking at objects in the room to looking at the teacher.

So, instead of asking the student to look at you in the future, Ms. Garcia Winner recommends you address the student this way:

“I see you are looking at the toys; that means you are thinking about the toys.  What do I expect you to think about right now?”

By prompting your student to think about the connecting between the direction he is looking and the thought associated with the looking, you are reinforcing social thinking with one’s eyes.

3.  Putting It All Together: I Can See What You Think!

a) Use photographs from magazines or books where you can see the eye-gaze direction of the people in the pictures, such as the photograph at the beginning of this blog.  Have the student predict what or who the person is looking at based on where the person’s eyes are looking.

b) Design activities where the student has to make a guess about what you are thinking at that moment.  Constantly reinforce that what your student sees about you will help him make a good guess about what you are thinking.

4.  The Speaker Versus The Listener: Define The Difference In The Use Of Meaningful Eye Contact

As a parent/teacher/therapist, think about different social gatherings you yourself attend in the community.  And think about these concepts while you are interacting in these settings.  You can then use these real life examples to teach these concepts to your Aspergers students.

a) Laser Beams

The Listener needs to use her eyes like laser beams.  Or it may be helpful to think of one’s eyes as x-ray vision beams.   The Listener focuses intently on the face of the speaker, especially in social communication.  The slightest eye movements away from the speaker’s face can indicate a distraction or lack of attention on the part of the listener.  And the speaker will most likely assume that you are not interested in what she has to say.

b) Eyes Wandering While Thinking

It’s generally okay for the Speaker to let her eyes wonder while she is thinking about and speaking her message, especially if what she’s thinking about requires deeper thought or language organization.  Listeners generally don’t think of the Speaker as overly distracted, as long as the Speaker is not gazing in one particular direction for a long time, or as long as the Speaker’s eyes don’t follow a moving target for a long time.

In conclusion, Michelle Garcia Winners’ material on social thinking shines because of her ability to break down difficult concepts into specific, easy to understand steps.  All of us, when learning, need concepts broken down and then put back together into a big picture.  And I believe you’ll find this material will do the same for your Aspergers students.

I hope this Aspergers teaching tip for Thinking With Your Eyes has been helpful to you!  Tell me how you’ll be implementing this for your own students or children!

Here’s An Aspergers Teaching Tip: Think With Your Eyes is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

I am Travis Meeks. I am an artist. I am a Maestro of my craft. I am a human being. I am a lot of things. I am a recovering addict. I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I am a good person. I do get angry and aggravated, I am human, but I work on things everyday. I live a life of both light and dark and  finding the balance between those two… and that reflects in my music and art.

– Travis Meeks

Every so often I like to highlight famous people with Aspergers.

In this article, I’m featuring a musician named Travis Meeks.  Travis Meeks is a lead singer, songwriter, and guitarist.  You can find out more about him at his personal MySpace Website.  And he’s an Aspie.

Background

Travis’ father played with Elvis Presley’s brother-in-law.  So he has music in his genes.  His father, Gary, relocated to Fort Worth, Texas, from Travis’ birth town of Charlestown, Indiana.

Gary, Travis’ father, characterized Travis as an introvert.

Travis was a real introvert.  I always knew he was.  The music was kind of his saving grace.  It was his therapy and his way of communication.

Talents

Musician

As a child, Meeks worked at a music store.  He learned to play the guitar at 9 years old.  Later, he started playing clubs, and received a recording contract.  In 1994, he started a heavy metal band.  In 1995, he moved that band to Louiville, KY, and the band’s name was changed from Dead Reckoning to Days of the New.

Creativity and Commitment to Excellence

Meeks received a lot of attention for his unique use of a blend of acoustic guitar with acoustic rock, post-grunge style.

One can see Meeks’ creativity and commitment to excellence through his self styled title of “maestro.”  He’s morphed his musical style from heavy metal, to acoustic rock and post-grunge, to a more world music sound,   In his most recent productions, he has incorporated classical and ethnic arrangements in addition to his acoustic sounds.

Challenges

Dealing With Fame

Travis reports that being suddenly famous and in front of people was a challenge.  He was offered drugs, he was not aware of people’s ulterior motives, and he was either catered to with his not so great choices with drugs, or he got into fights with other people because of some of his social challenges.

Interpersonal Challenges

Meeks, and his original band members, Matt Taul, Todd Whitener, and Jesse Vest, parted ways over creative differences.  Travis Meeks ended up transforming Days of the New into a solo project, while the other three band members formed their own band.

Some reported that he had fired all three band members.  However, Travis later disagreed with that report, stating that the band members had been jealous that he was writing all the songs and receiving all the royalty checks.

Drug Addiction

Meeks developed addictions to painkillers, alcohol, and methamphetamine from as early as 2000 through 2005.  Meeks reports that he’d been in seven treatment centers, beginning at age 11, on and off throughout his life, until 2005.

Behavior Challenges

According to Wikipedia, Travis developed a reputation for being a ‘behavior problem.’  He often got into fights. He himself writes in his autobiography that he threw chairs at teachers, rebelled against his school, and ended up in special schooling. He wrote that his father moved him to Louisville, Kentucky, because he was close to getting in trouble with the law and facing juvenile detention.

One of the most difficult root causes for these behavior difficulties came from not realizing his diagnosis of Aspergers.

Because he did not understand how he was different, he reports living with a constant sense of shame:

I lived with intense shame and the feeling of extreme inadequacy. Everything I felt I did was
wrong and that I could do nothing right.

I wasn’t diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome until 2005. In the past from 1987 until 2005 I have been misdiagnosed with ADD, bi-polar, manic-depressive, post dramatic syndrome, Paranoia disorder, etc. These misdiagnoses and lack of genuine attention and compassion caused me a lot of pain and suffering, including multiple medications and unnecessary behavioral convictions. I Felt Framed and misplaced… I was treated as a criminal in a one way thinking society. Thanks to my father Gary Meeks, he knew I was different and tried to protect me from the vultures of punishment. I felt severely punished anyway by the way I felt when I was removed from my comfort zones such as putting me in school.

Lessons We Can Learn from This Famous Person With Aspergers

Recognize the Challenges of the Autism Spectrum

Travis reports that being suddenly famous and in front of people was a challenge.  He was offered drugs, he was not aware of people’s ulterior motives, and he was either catered to with his not so great choices with drugs, or he got into fights with other people because of some of his social challenges.

Once he became aware of his diagnosis, he was able to recognize the root causes of his relationship and self-esteem issues.  And he was able to go to work on them, as we read in his autobiography.

Get Help

 I was on my way to a mental institution for good — or prison — and music was the one thing that saved my life. Getting clean and sober was also going to free me of my victimization… the feeling that I could not escape.

The above quote highlights a paradox: getting help can feel difficult, yet can also be liberating.

On the one hand, Travis felt that all the treatment he endured growing up was like a prison.  He refers to it as the prison of psychology that his father put him in to keep him from going to literal real prison.

On the other hand, as we can see from the above quote, it was getting clean and sober, as well as accepting his diagnosis and his strengths, that has Travis  to a solid footing on which he is now able to live and produce music at a higher level than before.

These next lessons come out of quotes from Travis’ own writings:

Reach Out and Stay Connected

 I practice compassion, I practice hugs, and I do the best I can. I live in my own world and I tried to manifest daily of what’s inside of my soul and I continue make progress, and within the two years I have been touring again, I have succeeded and met many achievements

Be Honest With Yourself About Your Diagnosis, Your Gifts, and Your Flaws

Part of what I do is to liberate myself through being honest about my struggles. I have problems with  women due to narcissism and social disorder, which is part of Asperger’s Syndrome. I need no [sympathy], Asperger’s Syndrome is just a way to describe what’s going on with me or identify, not an excuse or reason to devaluate, or separate my humanity from yours

Cultivate and Develop Your Talents and Passions

 My art is my mentor and through my stories of trials and tribulations, it has taught me to stay  grounded in what I believe in. I want to give back to the world my experiences, and influences from what I’ve learned.

I’ve developed a huge amount of respect for Travis Meeks through my research for this article.

References Cited:

Wikipedia article about Travis Meeks

You’re Talking To A Miracle (article from Leo Weekly)

Follow Up Video of Travis Meeks after being on A&E’s show, Interventions.

Travis Meeks’ Autobiography (pdf article)

photo credit: Stinkie Pinkie

What lessons do you most resonate with?  How will you put them into practice today?

Famous People With Aspergers: Travis Meeks is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions

You may or may not agree with me.

There’s nothing wrong with anger alone, but it’s when anger gets out of control, either internally or externally, that we need to take some action.

Coping With Anger Tip #1:  Stop

Perhaps you have never really stopped to think about the toll anger may be taking on you.

If you’re a “nice” person, you may be out of touch with your own personal thoughts, feelings, and rights. Perhaps you grew up making peace with everyone around you so that everyone in your family would stay happy. Well, that may have worked then, but it won’t work in the long run. Because underneath all that anger may be a world of hurt and sadness. And you may feel trapped, because you may not know how to get your needs met.

If you are an internalizer,

I encourage you to start finding ways to express yourself.

Consider journaling, or talking with a professional counselor. Or you may read some books on Assertiveness. Or you may Google the term and find some helpful exercises to help you practice. You may also want to check out some free assertiveness audio programs at your local library.

Maybe you are an externalizer.

You’ve gotten used to “letting it all out.” You yell, scream, berate. Or you may throw things or punch things. It’s just the way you are, and you often feel better. You may even pride yourself on your ability to express yourself.

But maybe this way of dealing with life has caught up to you. Maybe you’ve gotten negative feedback from customers or your boss. Or from a police officer. Or from your partner, who is tired of dealing with your anger outbursts.

Count the cost.

Is it worth holding on to this way of letting your anger out?

Stop!

And add up the price tag of this way of living.

Coping With Anger Tip #2: Look

The first step, Stop, will continue to be helpful in different situations that come up in your life.

You will blow it a few times as you seek to develop healthier ways of diffusing your anger. But remember that new habits take time, just like losing weight, or learning to ride a bike. Just because you go off your diet or fall off the bike does not mean that you give up!

Look means that you start learning what triggers you.

Is it a certain way that your partner looks at you? Are there particular situations that cause you to “lose your cool?” I encourage you to start making an anger log. Write down each incident as it comes up, noting the Situation, your feelings, your thoughts, and how you responded. Over time you will gain greater control of your anger.

Coping With Anger Tip #3: Act

Acting may mean that you choose to walk away from the situation while keeping your mouth shut.

Take some deep breaths and count to 10, or to 20, or to 100!

If you’re an internalizer, however, you may want to have some key scripts or phrases that you have memorized so that you will not be tongue tied in these situations. Like the externalizer, you may need some cool-down time, but make sure that you take the time to express yourself when you’re feeling more calm.

Coping With Anger Tips Summary: Stop! Look! Act!

I hope these three steps to diffusing and managing your anger prove useful to you!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6021718 (I’m the author)

Coping With Anger Resources for Individuals With Aspergers

For Adults With Aspergers

If you’d like a much more comprehensive article resource to help you both understand and cope with anger as an individual on the autism spectrum, I highly recommend that you read this autism facts article regarding aspergers and anger in adults (it also applies to kids and teens).

And here’s a helpful worksheet from Tony Attwood geared toward helping Aspergers adults manage their anger.

For Children With Aspergers

If you’re a parent seeking to better understand your child, you will want to read the articles listed above for a better general understanding of why individuals on the autism spectrum may be prone to anger meltdowns.

Here are 50 Tips for Parents on How To Calm An Asperger’s Child from Mark Hutten’s blog.

And here are two books I highly recommend, having used both of them with my younger clients:

Incredible 5 Point Scale: Assisting Students With Autism Spectrum Disorders in Understanding Social Interactions and Controlling Their Emotional Responses, written by Kari Dunn Buron.

Also, I’ve seen some success using The Angry Monster Workbook, written by Hennie Shore.  It contains a lot of fun exercises that kids will enjoy completing while learning anger coping strategies.

I hope you found this article informative.  What have been your experiences and solutions in coping with Aspergers and anger?

Here Are 3 Tips For Coping With Anger is a post from: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Spectrum Facts and Solutions