Compulsive hoarders experience great fear and anxiety at the thought of getting rid of their clutter. They are often wary of inviting people into their house due to fear of judgement, can lose important items (eg. bills), and usually lack insight into the extent of the problem.

People who hoard broken appliances or cars believe they will be able to fix them when they have time. Some people feel it’s impossible to pass up a bargain – if it’s on sale they will buy it whether they need it or not. Some won’t throw out things because they feel sentimental about them (eg. inheriting a household of furniture after parents die and being unable to let them go). Some people hoard pets (eg. the cat lady).

Is there a difference between hoarding and collecting? Yes. A collector will buy or keep their things over time. They will be cared for and displayed with pride. Other people would agree that their items have value, and may admire them. Collectors aren’t usually negatively impacted by their collecting. In contrast, hoarders collect items very few people would see value in. They are often stored rather than displayed. There may be shame attached to people seeing them. Hoarders are significantly impacted by their behaviour – it may stop them participating in life. Also may cause others extreme worry or distress.

It is fairly unclear exactly what causes hoarding, but research suggests there may be several different reasons a person hoards:

1. Maternal deprivation. People who have been deprived of a mother figure eg. foster home, death of a mother
2. Trauma. Can be set off by a trauma – we don’t know why – perhaps hoarding is a coping strategy
3. Environment. If a parent was disorganised or a hoarder, behaviour can be repeated by the child
4. Difficulty with decision making. Please who struggle with decision making are more likely to hoard – an attempt to avoid the distress of having to make the decision of whether to let go of something

Hoarding is notoriously difficult (but not impossible) to treat in therapy. The first step for therapist and client is education on the syndrome and help with basic organisational skills. Gradual exposure allows people to tackle small steps first, to prevent them becoming overwhelmed. For example, don’t aim to de-clutter the entire house, just a corner of a room at a time. Start with 10 minutes a day and gradually increase it.

A person may be diagnosed with BED by a health professional if they experience frequent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterised by both of the following:

1)       eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time and under similar circumstances

2)       a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating)

Researcher Ann Auhagen has found that friendship is has nine mainly stable characteristics:

1.       Friendship is a relationship between two people. But we also have friendship circles where a group gathers as friends, and where there is a one-to-one friendship between each person

2.       Friendship is informal – you don’t need approval from someone to make a friend and there are no requirements, such as a marriage contract. Friends can choose if they feel obligated to each other, there’s no official responsibilities

3.       People in friendships think of themselves by and large as individuals, not one of a pair or couple

4.       The friendship has to be worked on by both parties – one person can’t sustain a friendship by themselves. And the relationship can’t be called a friendship unless both parties see it as such

5.       Friends share similar feelings about the emotional, social and spiritual value related to their friendship. Eg.it may be important for two friends to spend time together over a beer, going for a walk together, phoning each other to catch up etc. And they may equally value the support they give each other, or the time they spend playing tennis together.

6.       Friends choose each other voluntarily – we are free to choose our friends, and also to finish the friendship

7.       Friendships develop over time – they’re not immediate

8.       People need to experience positive emotion in their friendships – the degree to which this occurs varies widely

9.       Friendships are free from overt sexuality. This is controversial because romantic partners can possess many of the characteristics of friends and some relationships don’t fall into either the friendship or sexual attraction category. But by and large, friendships are free from overt sexual attraction.

Friendships evolve and change over time. A person who may have been a close friend in your early 20’s may have little in common with you 20 years later. Friendships need to be perceived of as equal in order to survive over time. If you feel that you do all the giving and your friend does all the taking, this relationship isn’t likely to be satisfying for you. Some people use their friends to unburden on each time they catch up. Incredibly frustrating – it’s almost as if they want to ‘give you’ their problems so they can feel better about themselves. These friends can be draining. Their problems never change and never get solved. You get exhausted trying to help them, but they never ever take your advice. They’re happy to sit around talking about their problems endlessly, but rarely ask what’s going on for you. If you’re feeling like this around a friend, the relationship has become unequal, and you need to think about what to do. Either move the friend to an outer instead of inner circle, or think about how you could change the dynamic. Can you say something to them? Can you be firm around boundaries (eg. it’s not okay to drop in unannounced or to phone late at night).

How do you increase your friendships if you’re feeling lonely? We are social creatures, and most of us need to be around other people. This can be especially hard as we get older and can become isolated. Children that haven’t been taught effective social skills are likely to struggle as teenagers and into adulthood. And social media makes it convenient to develop cyber friends rather than intimate face-to-face friends. Unless you know your cyber friends on a social level, they may not fulfil your  requirements of friendship.

If you want to HAVE a friend, you need to BE a friend. You’ll need to increase your tolerance for rejection – a person you are interested in getting to know better may not feel the same way about you. It’s important if this happens not to retreat and give up. Chalk it up to practice and try again. Getting started can be scary, but you need to connect to how important this is for you and give it a go. Many people feel the same way as you – maybe they’re looking for friends too? Practice and repetition helps for dealing with this anxiety. Have a good think about what groups you can join:

1.       An interest group (eg. book group, underwater basketweaving)

2.       A club or network

3.       Volunteer for an organisation you believe in – volunteers are needed everywhere, and the people you meet are likely to share the same interests

4.       Church

5.       Community activities – check with your local council

6.       Classes – chess, bridge, diving etc

7.       Bars and pubs – sometimes good, sometimes not…

8.       Take a look at your siblings, cousins etc – can you hang out with them?

9.       What are your talents and how can you use them – sport?

Once you make the initial step you’ll need to focus on connecting with people:

1.       Make plans, suggest activities

2.       Join in with others where you can

3.       Practice drawing people out in conversation

i.        Ask them about themselves, and then follow up next time you see them

4.       Look like you’re having fun – pay attention to your expression and body language, make eye contact

5.       Think of some things you can say about your interests

A person’s Emotional Intelligence can predict whether they will do well at education and their career, beyond what can be predicted by their IQ.  For example, a person may be brilliant, but because they have low Emotional Intelligence, they may not do well in life because they think, behave and communicate in a way that upsets others.  The classic example of this is a brilliant doctor – obviously very high IQ, but zero bedside manner.  That’s the low Emotional Intelligence in action. As a patient, we may appreciate the brilliance of the specialist in their field, but we’d rather see a personable doctor who can relate to how we’re feeling and explains things in such a way that everyone understands and feels less anxious.  Doctors with high Emotional Intelligence are loved by their patients.

Emotional Intelligence is thought to be different from IQ in that it isn’t fixed from childhood. Research on IQ suggests that the IQ you have as a child will remain constant during your life.  In contrast, it seems we can continue developing our Emotional Intelligence.  This suggests that someone with little ability to understand the emotions of others and how to react appropriately, can be taught.  For example, if a parent has a low Emotional Intelligence, their children are unlikely to have been developed in this area.  Children learn best from watching their parents in action.  Ideal parenting for developing Emotional Intelligence will demonstrate how to manage feelings, how to have and show empathy, how to tolerate frustration, how to think before you act, how to be assertive (versus passive or aggressive), and how to handle conflict.  People who haven’t had this experience, often struggle as they navigate through life.  We do a lot of this work in therapy, and teachers do a lot at school. If a person has been brought up in a family where problems were solved with violence, yelling, blame or criticism, they may struggle with Emotional Intelligence.  In a family where emotional pain was soothed with chocolate, or alcohol, the children aren’t going to know how to soothe themselves.  You sometimes see in the work place that the bullies (people who don’t have high Emotional Intelligence) are promoted because they get results. But they get those results through fear and intimidation, and are likely to have miserable staff and a high staff turnover.  This is another area where we work a lot with people who have been bullied in the workplace – bullies don’t have high Emotional Intelligence.

Symptoms of ADHD

1. People with ADHD may display symptoms of either inattention OR hyperactivity,OR a combination of both
2. In order to be diagnosed with ADHD, they need to display at least six symptoms of either inattention or hyperactivity, for a least six months to a degree that it affects functioning
3. Symptoms of inattention:
   1. Failure to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
   2. Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks and activities
   3. Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
   4. Even though they understand the instructions, they don’t follow through and fail to finish work, chores or duties
   5. Difficulty with organisation
   6. Avoids or reluctant to start tasks that require sustained effort
   7. Loses necessary items
   8. Easily distracted
   9. Forgetful
4. So remember it’s six of those symptoms of inattention AND/OR six symptoms of hyperactivity
5. Symptoms of hyperactivity or impulsivity:
   1. Frequent fidgeting
   2. Leaving situations where remaining is expected
   3. Runs or climbs excessively and inappropriately – in adults may be overwhelming feelings of restlessness
   4. Difficulty engaging in leisure activities quietly
   5. Often ‘on the go’
   6. Talks excessively
   7. Blurts out answers
   8. Difficulty waiting their turn
   9. Interrupts or intrudes on others
6. In order to diagnose ADHD, a child’s behaviour must be different to most other children of the same age, and it must be occurring across different settings eg. at school AND at home

Psychologists treat ADHD with:

1. Behaviour modification – children and adults
2. Anger management – children and adults
3. Social skills training – children and adults
4. Family counselling
5. Parental education
   1. Help parents to set reasonable limits
   2. Provide the child with structure and routine
   3. Strategies for dealing with outbursts, non-compliance and defiance
   4. Getting teachers on board so structure is followed at home and at school
   5. Educating parents re the dangers of the hungry and tired child – particularly important for these kids
   6. The importance of wind down time
   7. Space to de-stress
   8. Support for parents’ dealing with this stress
6. Of course medication is an option, but it needs to be used in conjunction with psychological support.

People often have more than one phobia, and phobias are twice as common in women than men. Approx. 9% of Australians experience a phobia at some time in their lives. Common phobias include: snakes, spiders, heights, enclosed spaces (eg. lifts), injections, storms, public speaking, germs, illness or death.

Like all anxiety disorders, phobias are more prevalent in families where parents struggle with anxiety or phobias. Environmental factors such as stressful events eg. changing jobs, relationship problems, death or loss of a loved one, experiencing trauma, can trigger phobias. Health issues are also common triggers – presumably because health issues can be so anxiety provoking. And personality factors can also play a part in developing phobias – children who are perfectionists, easily flustered, or want to control everything can struggle with phobias into adulthood.

Phobias in children are common – up to 90% of children between the ages of 12-14 have a least one specific fear, but this is probably not disabling. The sort of fears that are considered ‘normal’ include:

1. For babies to 2 years of age – loud noises, strangers, separation from parents
2. 3-6 years – ghosts, monsters, the dark, sleeping alone
3. 7-16 years – more realistic fears such as injury, school performance, illness, natural disasters, death

People suffering from phobias may experience mild to severe anxiety symptoms when exposed to the fear. Symptoms include: shortness of breath, feeling faint or dizzy, lightheaded, racing heart, chest pain, fear of losing control, numbness/tingling, trembling, sweating and nausea. It can be very difficult to treat yourself, because the fear is overwhelming. So consider getting professional help if the phobia is causing intense and disabling fear, anxiety and panic. The most frequently used treatments for phobia are a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy called Exposure Therapy and Systematic Desensitisation. Working with a Psychologist helps a person change their thinking and the way they react to the feared situation. In conjunction, the underlying reason for the development of the anxiety must be identified and treated. Alternative coping strategies must also be identified and learned.

1. Feeling more comfortable with online friends than in face-to-face relationships
2. Playing games or gambling
3. Online shopping and auctions
4. Compulsively surfing the net
5. Social networking like Facebook, instant messaging, chat rooms
6. Blogging
7. Stock trading
8. Internet pornography and cybersex.

Internet addiction is described as an impulse control disorder, which is similar to pathological gambling. People can become addicted to the internet to alleviate their feelings of loneliness, stress or boredom. Losing yourself online can quickly relieve or distract us from those feelings, and provide an escape from the day-to-day problems we all experience.

Like most addicts, internet addicts are likely to suffer from emotional problems such as depression and anxiety. Over 60% of people seeking treatment for their internet addiction claim they are involved in sexual activities online which they consider inappropriate, such as: internet pornography and/or explicit sexual online conversations. More than half these people are also addicted to alcohol, drugs or tobacco. One of the problems with internet pornography is the effect it has on actual face-to-face relationships: partners feel cheated on, or undervalued, and online relationships tend to be idealised – how can reality match up to internet ‘fantasy’?

Signs that internet use may be a problem include:

1. Losing track of time online – start intending to use for an hour and then finding many hours go by
2. Trouble completing tasks at home and work
3. Becoming isolated from family and friends
4. Feeling defensive or guilty about using your time this way
5. Experiencing a sense of euphoria about your internet use
6. Carpal Tunnel symptoms
7. Eye problems such as dry eyes, or headaches
8. Back and neck pain
9. Weight gain

What Do You Do If You’re Addicted to the Internet? It’s tricky, because many of us have to use the internet for work, so it can be impossible to go ‘cold turkey’.

1. Strengthen your support network – build face-to-face relationships. The more real friendships you have, the less you will need the online ones.
2. Keep track of when you start your internet use and when you finish. Work on a gradual reduction plan – set a timer and get off when you plan to, no matter what
3. Change your routine so you’re busy when you usually use the internet, and don’t replace other things like sleep with internet use. For example, if you usually go online at night, organise something else, and when it’s finished, go straight to bed.