1) Sleep

Each one of us knows how much time we need to sleep.  On average, a person can get sufficient rest with 7 to 8 hours of sleep.  Based on your sleeping history, this can change.  Individuals experiencing depression may notice a change in their sleeping habits.

The drastic increase or decrease of sleep is one of the symptoms of depression.  The change in sleep is manifested either with Insomnia or hypersomnia. Insomnia is the inability to staying asleep or difficulty falling asleep.  On contrast, hypersomnia is the excessive amount of sleep.

2) Interest (loss of)

Another symptom of depression is anhedonia.  The definition of anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure from activities formerly found enjoyable. The key point here is to understand that the person used to enjoy such activities and now they don’t.  Examples of those activities may include going out with friends, sex, or hobbies.

3) Guilt (worthless)

Depressed individuals may feel a self of rational or irrational blame.  The self blame is usually based on worthlessness.  For example, a depressed person goes out with friends.  Their friends expressed that they are not enjoying themselves as much as planned.  The depressed individual may start blaming themselves for that circumstance.  This self-blame can be generalized to many petty situations.

4) Energy (lack of)

During your day, we can all feel tired at some point or another.  With depression the feeling is beyond what we experience.  It is best described as a constant state of fatigue.  The lack of energy can affect their daily routine.  Chores become difficult and are postponed.  The energy and interest in maintaining good hygiene may be affected.  In tandem with anhedonia, their libido may decrease.

5) Concentration

Being able to concentrate is the ability to cognitively focus on a task.  With depression, individuals may have a hard time concentrating.  They may lack the ability to focus and maintain a conversation.  If you speak to them, you may need to repeat yourself a few times.  Watching television or reading may be impossible or unpleasing due to the inability to follow the flow of information.

6) Appetite (weight Loss)

Another sign of depression is the unintended weight loss or weight gain.  With depression, people may try to cope with food.  Their coping behaviors may lead to an increase in food consumption.  Which, consequently, those actions will lead to weight gain.  In contrast, their lack of energy or interest may lead to a decrease in eating.  This will also lead to weight loss.

The most important sign is the unplanned/unintended change of weight in a short period of time.

7) Psychomotor

The final sign is psychomotor movement.  The movement in question is the person’s movement or speech.  A depressed person may move slower than their regular speed.  Additionally, they may speak at a slower rate.  This lethargic tone is due to the lack of concentration and energy.  This sign is best described as numbness in emotion and movement.

Bonus Tip: Suicide

I know I said 7 warning signs, but this is the most dangerous symptom.  Suicidal thoughts are at times associated with major depressive disorders. While it may be hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, there is always a solution to any problem.  It is important to separate and distance thoughts from action.  Avoid alcohol or drugs.  Most importantly do not keep these thoughts to yourself.  Talking to someone will help you find hope and help you release any undue pressure placed on yourself.

So What Now?

Go over the early warning signs again to help determine if you or someone you love may be experiencing depression. The best way to remember these warning signs is by using the mnemonic SIGECAPS.  (S)leep; (I)nterest; (G)uilt; (E)nergy; (C)oncentration; (A)ppetite; (P)sychomotor; (S) suicide.  [By the way if you need more tips to improve your memory, listen to episode 2 of the Psychbits podcast.]

If anything seems to describe yourself or someone you love, seek professional help immediately. Remember, take the necessary steps to start living the life you were meant to live – a healthy and happy one!

First, let me give you some background information.  I have never been too thrilled about heights.  I love to travel, but I do not enjoy turbulence while flying (But who does?).  Nevertheless, I was not the roller coaster type of person.  I used to go to parks like Six Flags or Disney but I never rode.  If you ever go to the park and see someone holding their friends’ stuff while their friends were riding, then you will know that was me.  I didn’t mind.  Once in a while, I used to ride small roller coasters, but nothing big.  As a matter of fact, I always enjoyed water rides.

In contrast, my wife, my daughter and my best friend are thrill junkies.  All three of them love riding roller coasters.  At least once a year, we plan a trip to Universal Orlando, Walt Disney or other amusement parks.  So now you can begin to see the picture of all of them riding, while I am holding all their stuff.  They were always encouraging me to ride with them.  Which at times I hated the pressure.  If you are scared or have ever been in this position, you know exactly what I am talking about.  At times, I would cave in to peer pressure but only for smaller rides (Nothing with loops or big drops).

Before I continue with my story, it is important to understand the psychology behind the fear of roller coasters.  There are two main elements behind such fear, one is acrophobia and the other one is illygnophobia.  Acrophobia is the fear of heights, while illygnophobia is the fear of vertigo.  While there multiple variables that play a role into roller coaster fear, acrophobia is one that applies the most in my case.

My approach to problem solving has always been linear and practical.  For me, this was the approach that I needed to take to overcoming this fear.  Besides, I wanted to enjoy the park as much as my family and friends.

Visualization

So my first step was visualization.  I started imagining how it would feel to ride the roller coaster.  I also started self-monitoring my reaction to the visualization.  It is amazing the power of the mind and its control on the body.  Just by thinking of a stressful situation, your autonomic nervous system kicks in. But that is the purpose of visualization, think of the stressful situation and learn to manage your reaction.

But that was not enough.  I took this exercise to the next level.  A quick search in YouTube of specific rides yields plenty of videos.  Because I knew what parks we were going next, I started searching of videos for specific rides.  I suggest watching videos that shows a first person view.  Those videos are the ones that provide you the closest feeling to riding without being on a roller coaster.

Exposure

The next step was for me to actually be exposed to the actual ride.  There are two approaches that you can take: in vivo exposure (gradual) or flooding.  The gradual approach is basically you riding coasters from small to large.  With each ride, you increase the level of exposure.  With the second approach, flooding, you are exposed to the highest/biggest ride first.  Afterwards, any other ride will not seem as threatening.

Want to guess what approach I took?  Well, no need to show my bravado; I took the gradual approach.  Flooding would have been too intense for me.  So, as I entered the park with my new found courage, I started riding medium size rides.  Keep in mind, that I was still getting scared.  But something interesting started to happen.  I started enjoying the feeling of not being in control, the feeling of being scared.

From there on, I repeated the process with the other rides.  I am glad to share now that I do not practice the visualization process any longer.  Currently, not knowing is part of the experience.  With that said, I still get nervous, but I have learned to enjoy the experience.

Lessons Learned

My suggestions to you are the following:

• Start Small – Don’t try to climb the biggest mountain.  Learn to understand what goes on your mind and how you react.  Also, learn what types or rides you like.  You do not have to like all of them. 

• Have a Riding Partner – find someone that truly cares and understands what you are experiencing.  I was lucky to have my wife learn the type of coasters I liked.  She would ride them the let me know if I would like them (I don’t like the ones that rattle too much).  With that said, I want to thank her for being the catalyst that led me to confront my fear of roller coasters.

• Association of feeling – This was my breakthrough moment.  The anxiety and fear of riding was reframed into a fun feeling.  I think you will always be anxious, but now it’s part of the thrill.  Part of the fun is knowing that you will experience, at times, something scary but there will be no harm done.

• Finally Enjoy it! – That is the whole purpose of riding coasters and going to the park, to have a great time!  In the last 8 months, my family and I have visited three different parks.  We have enjoyed every single second of it.  For me that is what matters. 

I hope my little disclosure served to help you overcome your fear.

What about you?  Do you have a fear of roller coasters?

Do you think that this approach is applicable to other fears?

My challenge to you is to act on each of the words mentioned below.  You can start by acting on one word a day. In some words, I am including a task that you can use to help your relationship.

• Acknowledge – learn to show and express recognition to your partner.  At times we fail to express how important they are in our life.  Task: Let them know today!

• Bond – The definition of bond is something that binds, fastens, confines, or holds together.  When it comes to your relationship, always maintain that unity. Always look for ways to reinforce the bond.

• Commitment – your relationship is a covenant.  Great relationships are ALL-IN.  Like in life, there is no success if you are halfway in and halfway out.  There is no hedge, “in case this does not work” thinking, etc.  Either you are in a relationship or you are not.  Don’t try to fool yourself.

• Date – Do you have a date night with your loved one?  During the early stages of a new relationship, dating is a staple of their activities.  As the relationship matures the formal dating fizzles out.  Guess what? So does the relationship.  Maintain that spark, by courting your loved one like in the old days.  Task: Schedule a date night for this week.

• Encouragement – Be a facilitator, help your loved one achieve something they have always wanted to do.  There is no greater pleasure than being able to help your loved one achieve a personal goal.  Task: Do a selfless act that will help your partner.

• Friendship – I could have wrote the word “Fun”, but that is what a good friendship is, fun!  When you develop an “even yoke” friendship, there is no resentment.  Great relationships learn to appreciate each other’s company and ultimately their friendship.  If your partner prefers to be with someone else, then beware.

• Gratefulness – All the great things your loved one does for you, it’s because they love you.  In great relationships, partners are grateful of their actions.  Task: Be grateful of all the things your loved one does for you.  Thank them for everything they do.  No matter how menial it may seem to you, a simple and honest “Thank You” goes a long way.  Do it all week long.

• Humbleness – As with the previous one, it is humbling when your loved one genuinely cares for you. Great relationships have no sense of entitlement.

• Intimacy – It is estimated that 15% of U.S. marriages tend to have little to no intimacy.  These “sexless” marriages may be intimate once every 6 to 12 months.  Research has reported that sexless marriages are less happy and have considered divorce more often than other marriages.  Enough said, do you really need a task for this one?

• Joke Around– Life is too short to be serious all the time.  Be goofy, be joyful.  Task: Make your partner laugh.

• Kiss – Like intimacy, kissing creates a physiological but also a psychological bond.  The act of kissing plays an important bonding factor and an act of courtship.  Task:  Passionately kiss your partner.

• Learn – Life is about learning and applying your newly found knowledge.  When it comes to relationships, learn what your loved one’s likes and dislikes are.  How do they like their coffee?  What is their favorite movie?  Show interest in your partner by learning about them.

• Maturity – Emotional maturity plays a key role in the success of a relationship.  This type of maturity requires each partner to be in control of their emotions instead of their emotions being in control of them.  In simple words: No Drama.

• Nurture – Every relationship needs caring and protection.  The fostering of the relationship only leads to a stronger bond.  Think of someone you know that has a great relationship, and notice how protective they are of their relationship.

• Openness – The ability to share and communicate openly and without reproach is the keystone of a healthy relationship.  When you engage in deceit, it’s just an irritant that will erode your relationship over time.

• Plan – Those that play together, stay together.  When was the last time the two of you worked on a project together?  Task: Together, Plan a project/vacation/activity for next month.

• Quality – How do you describe the quality of your interactions with your loved one?  Is it a positive one or a negative one?  Between work, kids and other responsibilities, time for the relationship becomes limited.  Now, if those interactions are negative, superficial or robotic, the quality will suffer.  Next time you are with your partner, be there. Disregard all the peripheral noise and give your partner your full attention.

• Resolve – learn to resolve your issues together.  Individuals that only care about winning arguments with their loved one all the time are being short sighted.  They may win now, but ultimately they will lose the relationship.  Remove the “you” and the “I” from your arguments and replace them with “we”.  Example: Change “You need to spend less money” to “We need to spend less money”.

• Share – A relationship is a journey of two individuals.  Learn to share your daily experiences with your partner. Share your opinions and struggles.  Learn to be more than just you.

• Trust – As I stated in one of my previous articles, Trust with a loved one is a relationship of reliance. It’s a one-time agreement between you and your loved one. In good relationships, their trust is seen as full disclosure.  There is no conditional trust between them. It is there, it is tangible and in a good relationship, it is protected.

• Understanding – Seeing things your way does not mean that is the right way.  There will be a time that you will need to be understanding and show empathy.  Understanding is the intellectual identification of feelings and thoughts.

• Vent – Say how you feel.  It is no use to keep it all inside.  We can all vent, and still be respectful and non-accusatory.  Venting can provide a cathartic experience.

• Wonder – Explore your surroundings, together.  Develop a sense of inquiry about the world.  Task: Visit a place that both of you have never been to.

• X (as in a variable) – Life is all about math.  You need to add the things that improve your relationship and subtract those things that do not contribute to the relationship. 

• Yearn – Great relationships yearn for time together.  They yearn for each other.  Maintain that strong desire by reminding yourself about the reason you got together in the first place.

• Zzzz – Sleep together.  There is nothing better than waking up every morning with the person that you love the most.

What other words do you think we should add?  Let see those creative minds!

We are always thinking that we have absolute control over the physical world. Most times, we try to make sense of what happens around us and attempt to predict it. For example, have you ever felt like something bad is going to happen and it does? When events happen in our lives, we tend to find a causation or correlation based on what events preluded to the event. Athletes engage in the process of following a similar routine in order to have a good performance.

These routines become superstitions because it is believed those preceding events have a direct influence with the results. In clinical terms, magical thinking is the ideas, like the ones described above, of finding casual correlations, causations or granting power to symbols (see Law of Contagion).

In an attempt to control the physical world, we try to pair meaningless events together. Carl Jung coined the term synchronitity to the attribution of meaning to two or more events which occur at the same time. That is how superstition was born and sustained in folklore. The human mind has a tendency to search for information in a way that confirms one’s perception while ignoring contradicting information. In psychology, we call it “Confirmation Bias“.

It seems the greater the stress or the worse the situation on the individual, the more magical thinking tends to occur. What’s interesting is that we still inherit superstitious beliefs without a rational assessment. From generations to generations, superstitions are passed on. Superstitions are held by cultures as well as single individuals. The reality is that without developing ideas that match our world-view (magical thinking), the alternative explanation may be more troublesome to us.

As a treat for you below is a list of common superstitions:

* A rabbit’s foot brings good luck.

* To open an umbrella in the house is to bring bad luck.

* You must get out of bed on the same side you got in on or you will have bad luck.

* If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck.

* Walking underneath a ladder is bad luck.

* Spilling salt is bad luck, throw a pinch over your shoulder to undo the bad luck.

* The number 13 is bad.

* A hat on a bed will bring bad luck.

* Knocking on wood to avoid bad events.

I want to hear from you: What are your thoughts on superstition? What are some superstitions you have heard or believe in?

As I’ve seen the news in the past about shoppers the day after Thanksgiving, I wonder why people act so carelessly. There is plenty of footage showing people camping overnight at the stores or trampling people just to get inside the store.

Have you ever wondered why these great savings are only during the Friday after Thanksgiving?

One of the oldest techniques in advertisement, is the “limited resources” effect. We tend to value things by the level of availability. For example, the more scarce the commodity, the more valuable it is. That is why retailers use the “deadline technique“.

This technique states that an item can be purchased only during a specific time for a specific price. Afterward, the price will go up. We tend to place a sense of urgency when things are scarce or limited. With the deadline technique, customers tend to do extreme things just to get that “unique” sale.

One of the things that always bothers me about these selling techniques is how the stores encourage people’s careless behavior when it comes to shopping. Now, I’m not saying that they are overtly saying to trample people, but they have been slow to deter people from doing so. I always say, “not being vocal against it, is being silently for it“.

Many stores open the doors and let people run like wild bulls around the store. We all have seen the videos where people fall and others continue to run over the fallen person. As the years pass by, it gets worse. Just look at the Wal-mart worker who died on one of those stampedes some time ago.

Now there are two elements that come into effect, one is the deadline technique and the other is diffusion of responsibility. As stated before, if stores do not label the sales as a scarce thing, people will take their time looking for better deals. The other factor comes into play from the consumer point of view.

In the cases where people get trampled, NOBODY and I mean NOBODY stopped to help the injured person. People elected to get a good deal than prevent an injury or even the death of a person.

It is interesting the length that we are willing to go for us to acquire things that bring temporary pleasure. You never see that kind of patience for things that remove discomfort, but that is a topic we will discuss in the future.

For me, Black Friday does not represent an economic term. Black Friday represents one of the darkest times in consumer behavior.

What about you? What do you think about Black Friday? Do you shop until you drop?

If you are into blogging or would like to know how to get started, I invite you to visit weblogbetter.com.  During the month of May, my friend Keisha is having a guest contest with many interesting articles.  So this is a “can’t miss”.

So what is change?

Something that challenge our current reality for a new reality. In other words, what you know to will change to something you don’t know.

During this episode we discuss:

• Definition of change
• Understanding change
• Our Reaction to change
• Tips Dealing with Change

Recommended Books

• Who Moved My Cheese? By Spencer Johnson
• Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst

Birthdays are celebrated everyday and everywhere. From China to North America, birthdays are milestones that are celebrated in everyone’s life. While the festivities are different, the events and reasons to celebrate them are the same across all cultures. A birthday carries many unspoken societal norms.

For example, in the U.S. when you turn 18, there is an expectation to start living on your own or go to college. In contrast, in Hispanic cultures 18th birthdays are not a big deal. If you are a Hispanic female at 15, you celebrate “Quinceanera”, and in the U.S. you have to wait one more year to celebrate your “Sweet Sixteen”.

Birthdays are the beginning and the end of personal rights and privileges. As you get older you gain the right to vote, to enlist in the military, to consume alcohol or to smoke. But as we continue to age, we start losing opportunities as well.

IN THE PUBLIC EYE

Birthdays are a public declaration of a new phase in your life. From childhood to adulthood, every time we reach one of the milestones, the expected behavior from that individual changes. With age comes new roles and norms. These changes include how to behave in public, how to dress, and  how to talk.  How many times have you heard someone say, “Isn’t she is too old to wear that?”

Our birthdays are a validation of identity and existence.  Directly or indirectly, we evaluate ourselves against our life plan.  How many times have you said to yourself, “At this age I will be married” or “at this age I will be ready for retirement”.  Birthdays make us think, who are we? and where am I in my life?

We only have a limited number of birthdays and we always celebrate them to the fullest so my question is:

Why you think we celebrate birthdays?
By the way if today is your birthday, Happy Birthday!

You may think that those questions are redundant and their answers are obvious. Not quite! First of all, we need to differentiate the terms sex and gender. Many people confuse the two of them and the truth is that they are very different. Sex is the anatomical and physical differences between males and females determined by genetic factors. In contrast, gender is the attributes and behaviors associated with the person’s sex.

As you can see there is a big difference between the two of them. So I ask the question again, have you ever stopped to think how important is your gender? You may genetically be a male or female, but the attributes and behaviors you embrace (gender) helps define the most archaic concept of your “self” (Self-Concept). Don’t assume that because someone is born with a female sex, they will embrace the feminist gender (Not necessarily).

Development of Gender

Gender is a concept that we acquire in different stages of our lives. When we are born, we do not have a self-concept of gender per se. It is not until between the ages of 2 and 4 where children start categorizing males and females as boys or girls. Additionally, at this stage they start assigning to others and themselves a gender.

Around the age of 5, gender becomes a clear concept to children and they start applying gender stereotypes. Not until adolescence do we start adopting strict sex/gender stereotypes. Keep in mind that even though gender stereotypes are applied, it does not imply the acceptance of a gender.

Gender Stereotypes

Gender stereotypes are cognitive frameworks used to process information regarding a gender. In other words, we have a set of attributes and norms associated with the term “male” or “female”. Think about it, who wears pants? The most common answer is males. While this is a crude and inaccurate statement, it does trigger a raw gender stereotype.

It is important to understand the influence of the gender stereotypes. Using this framework generates a covert set of social norms. Gender stereotypes dictate how genetic males and females should act, behave, talk, walk, or socialize. When someone rejects these norms, (we all reject some of those norms at some point or another) it creates a conflict with those who maintain the stereotypes (society).

Social Roles based on Gender

The acceptance of gender stereotypes leads to a set of acceptable roles. These characteristics become more consistent with age. As we get older, we then  determine what is gender appropriate and what is not. The acceptance of gender roles is more noticeable in two areas, home and work.  Psychologist Sandra Bem developed an inventory of gender characteristics. By reading some of those characteristics you can associate them to gender roles and specific areas (ie. at home or at work)

• Acts as a leader
• Aggressive
• Affectionate
• Compassionate
• Shy
• Strong personality

As you can see, we all associate the list mentioned above to a gender. From the moment we are born until the day we die, gender will influence who we are.

So how important is gender, ask yourself what is the first thing people ask about a newborn? Do you think there is any stereotype applied to newborns from the moment their sex is known?

What other stereotypes can you think of?

Do you notice how people feel uncomfortable if you are talking to them within a certain close distance? Now take a step back and notice how cumbersome it is if you have the same conversation from a greater distance. The space between us and the environment changes by situation, relation and culture. The rules are referred to as social norms.

Social norms are a set of rules of acceptable behaviors followed by a group. These rules can be implicit or explicit. In our case, we are referring to boundary norms. We all have boundaries. We protect them or relinquish them. When people are in love , they allow their partner to enter their personal space at will (get closer or farther). When we do not know people, we tend to be protective of our boundaries. In a professional environment, we protect our boundaries and make an effort not to intentionally break the other people’s space.

Next time you are at a party or ATM, notice the space between people.

Psychology has always been interested in how colors stimulate us. Colors have a way of eliciting a psychological or physiological reaction from us. Every color has a different meaning and interaction with each of us. Today, we are focusing in the psychology of the color red.

Now, stop for a minute and think what things you have associated with the color red. We all have paired some meaning of the color with responses and feelings. For example, we see a red octagon and we think of a stop sign. Think of all the feelings we associate with red: love, warning or danger.

THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND THE COLOR

Our responses to colors are simple heuretics or mental shortcuts. These shortcuts allow us to process the information without spending too much mental energy. Alliot et al. (2007) stated that “from infancy onward, persons encounter both explicit and subtle pairings between colors and particular messages, concepts, and experiences in particular situations.”

In other words, we learn to think, react and behave a certain way when we see a specific color. For example, if you go to the market to buy fresh apples and as you are walking by the aisles you see a basket of apples.  As you approach, you notice something peculiar in the basket, all of the apples are blue!

How likely are you to eat a blue apple? The whole concept challenges our encoded information about apples.

THE DOUBLE MEANING OF COLOR

Psychologically, the associations with colors are diverse and at some times contradictory. While red can mean danger, it can also bring pleasure or sexual arousal. Just think of the “Scarlet Letter” by Nathaniel Hawthorne, Valentine’s Day, or red roses.

Elliot et al. (2008) stated that “red leads men to view women as more attractive and more sexually desirable. Red is hypothesized to serve as an aphrodisiac for men because it carries the meaning of sex and romance in the context of heterosexual interaction.” Based on the study, the color red invokes passion, lust and love.  Think of the term red lips.

Red also invokes action; just take a look at cars in the highway.  Red cars are one of the most popular among consumers and also thieves.

The meaning of colors also serves as a self-preservation tool.  Many insects and animals learn to avoid certain animals, fruits or flowers based on their color.  We learn to survive based on the meaning of colors.   Colors help us know if a fruit is ripe or spoiled.

What about you?  What does red mean to you?